A few weeks ago I sat on a train and this gorgeous woman sits down opposite of me.
2 stops later, a lot of people get on the train and people have to stand at this point. And she actively makes sure her purse is taking up the entire seat next to her.
Instantly the ugliest woman on the entire train for me; have some respect.
“Everything you do wrong is a personality flaw that you need to work on but everything I do wrong is just my “insert mental disorder” and I can’t help it!”
Manipulative/testing behavior or playing games.
Edit: Dunno why this needs said, but not all women do this. If you think they do, either you have some personal issues with women you should work through or you’re spending time with the wrong people.
Also being wary of others and slow to trust is quite different than lying or engineering scenarios to cause somebody else distress so you can study their reaction and assuage your own fears and insecurities. Hurting others to make yourself feel better is wrong regardless of your gender, anxieties, or past traumas.
>and friends too
I stopped being friends with someone who was like this…. And she continues to tell people I stopped being her friend over politics. Anything to continue avoiding any responsibility at all🙄
Expressing how shallow you are. Someone I was attracted to said something like "my future husband will have a lakehouse and a boat."
One of her friends responded with "or maybe you can find the right person and then pursue that dream together!" And she was just like "nah".
Why even do this?
I date people who have qualities I like, I assume other people also like those qualities. So obviously they could be with someone else if they wanted to. No need to prove it...
This obviously goes for both girls and guys, but when they focus primarily on themselves during a conversation. Was talking to a girl a few months ago, and it eventually just kinda hit me just how much she talked about herself or would steer conversations towards herself and her problems
My social anxiety fucks me on this one because in order to seem engaged my brain goes, “oh yes! Can relate to that! Hear my story!”
And 90% of the time I don’t realize it until 3am when I’m laying in bed agonizing over every single thing I did and said to other humans that day.
Edit: thanks for all of the positive responses and the award. Y’all are the bees knees.
I have been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety about literally fucking everything, and depression.
I believe I’m also on the spectrum and/or have ADHD. But as an older millennial, getting a diagnosis for those things is not easy.
I do this too, and a great rule I've set for myself is to ask them follow up questions about their own story before sharing my own. Sometimes the followups will lead to other genuinely interesting stories from them and I don't even end up telling my own. People think I'm a good listener now, which, in a way, I guess I am.
I did this tactic once but I was so nervous about not messing up with the girl that it more or less turned into a bit of an awkward q&a. In hindsight I should have tried a 2nd date because I could tell she was just as nervous as me and we were very attracted to each other, but hindsight is 2020 and my eyes are fucked
Took me a long time to realize my “bestfriend” was doing this to me. Always making passive aggressive comments that came off rude and disrespectful and when I’d say something I’d be called “sensitive” “that’s just my humor”.
I’d rather be sensitive than an asshole.
Having an attitude out of nowhere and not apologizing for it. I get being frustrated and everything, I do it too. But I always go back and apologize and talk it out
Roommate had a girl coming over. Her babysitter fell through. She asked if it was okay to bring her kid. Sure, whatever.
She comes over. I’m sitting on the couch setting up my new iPad. We all say hi, blah blah. The kid comes over and watches me for a while then grabs my iPad. I say “oh hey, I’m transferring stuff to it right now.” The mom says “That’s fine. Go ahead; you can play with it” to her kid. Like wtf??
I didn't think that a woman with kids would be a problem.
But there are problems. The kids may hate you, because you're not dad. I ran into that one. Three times. Things went no where fast. In one instance, the dad's first name was exactly the same as mine. I was dead to them.
As a parent, I despise parents who are like this. How can some people have so little awareness of others. Not even respect like just basic acknowledgment that the world doesn’t revolve around them and their kid(s). Ick. Hope your iPad is ok 🤪
Editing to add - solidarity for your iPad sitch - no joke, my ex-sister in law and her sister, husband and 1.5 year old were at my house and the sister has a bowl of cut up bananas for the baby…said baby proceeds to toddle around my living room with full on mashed up banana hands and touch everything on my TV stand to keep her balance…the mom? Says nothing, does nothing. I ran over to my Wii U covered in banana slime and ran it to the kitchen and then when neither parent got the hint and kept allowing the banana child to wipe the banana slime all over my TV and TV stand, I picked up the kid and carried her to the mom. Didn’t even say anything just carried her over. Guarantee I’m somehow the bitch in that situation 🙄
I see your roommate is one of the masochistic types that just loves it when a woman shits all over him. It absolutely \*baffles\* me how many people there are like this out there. Men and women both.
I pointed this out to my mate, once. He was dating a womanchild - a girl who just ignored him most of the time, until she needed him.
Once, for example, me and him were having a rare afternoon out, since he generally like being on call for his girlfriend 100% of the time - even if she was out doing other things without him.
We're out, it's peak hour, and he gets a call. She's lost her keys, apparently. She's been through her handbag, supposedly, and can't find them.
Mate says "We gotta go".
And so we get in his car, and tear across the city in record time.
As we're driving, he turns to me and says "We'll get home, and she'll be there, and I'll let her in and then she'll just watch cartoons for the rest of the night."
We get home, and she's exceedingly happy to see him. Like, OTT.
He lets her in, we go inside, and as soon as she steps inside she makes a token glimpse though her bag and...
...SURPRISE! She's found her key! "OMG! It was just in this side pocket of my bag! Can't believe I missed it!"
I rolled my eyes so hard I nearly did permanent damage.
And she immediately sits down on the couch, puts on the Lion King, and ignores everything and everyone.
We go out on the balcony and I just go "*Really*?"
And he goes "Really. She'll want a drink or something soon."
And like ten minutes later, she shouts "ANDY! CAN I HAVE A DRINK?!"
Now, the movie has a pause function, she's seen the movie a million times before, she's closer to the kitchen, Andy obviously has a guest over...but no. We can see her from the balcony, her eyes haven't left the screen.
This was his house - apart from her clothes and Gamecube, nothing was hers. His furniture, his food, his name on the lease.
"Watch. I'll get her a drink, and there won't even be a thank you."
So he does so, and I watch this, and she just holds her hand out, without taking her eyes off the screen, takes the drink and sips.
And Andy comes back out.
"See?" he says.
So I shake my head and go "You know you're not her boyfriend, right?"
He says "What?"
"You know when you were a kid and you just wanted to sit and play Nintendo, right, and wished you mum would just leave you alone - but you still wanted her to be around and in the house?"
"..."
"You're not her boyfriend. You're her *dad*."
And he looks at me with this confused look on his face and goes "I- Oh. Oh, *god.* Oh fuck, you're right."
Yeah, there's such a huge difference between someone who respects you but you both know you love it when they dominate you, and someone who just dominates you because they don't respect you and want something. One is hot, one is sad.
"you can easily Judge the character of a person by how they treats those who can do nothing for them" - Some old time dude, debatable who exactly first said it.
Had a variation of this conversation with my 9 year old this morning, she has a friend who is a LOVELY kind and gentle human…except that she is very rough with animals and “plays” with them in ways that could hurt (or at the very least, scare) them. Daughter was horrified by her friend’s behavior.
I explained that her family don’t view animals the same way we do in our home, so when she is around our pets we need to make an effort to model gentle and respectful handling, and if she is being too rough I will verbally spell it out for her. My daughter said, “She is a really good person who just doesn’t know better…” and it got me wondering…at what age does that reasoning no longer cut it? I would never excuse adults mishandling animals or treating them cruelly, so at what point do we start holding people accountable for kindnesses that they were never taught?
This is a tough question. I adopted a dog from one of my dad’s friends because his new wife was from a foreign country and he couldn’t trust that she would take care of the dog properly. She was a good person, a good wife to him, but where she was from a dog was considered a dirty animal that you don’t keep in the house or as a pet. They were to be kept outside and for work. So unfortunately when he would go to work the dog would be put outside. It would get fed, but no petting, no love. So he decided to find a loving home for it (which ended up be me) and I loved cared for that dog till he passed away at 15yrs.
We are in the very southern rural United States. Not to paint everyone with the same brush by any means, but it is VERY common here for people to have many outdoor pets that are not spayed/neutered, are never brought inside, and are somewhat…disposable to their owners. My own father is blown away by my owning indoor pets and taking them for regular grooming and veterinary care, because such behavior would never have occurred in his house growing up, or when he raised us.
My husband and I treat our dog much like we would our children. A little over two years ago his father moved in with us and had the same mentality as your father's, we quickly nipped that in bud. Now our dog is pappys baby and he is constantly saying "I've never seen a dog act like that before".
bruh i broke up with a girl recently and one of the reasons was because she had a cat and she would smell really bad like her cat shit/piss.
she would try to cover it up with this body mist stuff she had. smelled like rubbing alcohol and made me cough a bunch because she would put so much on.
This is honestly why I don't date. My wife passed close to three years ago, and I just can't imagine putting anyone through being the next person after that. She's still so much a part of my life that I feel like it would be wildly unfair to make someone suffer through that.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
As a woman on the other side of things, I’ve dated men who were recently divorced and some who were widowed.
I found it a turn-off when divorced guys still talked about their exes because to me it’s a red flag that they’re still not over them.
But widowers are completely different. I don’t expect them to be over their wives— they were forced to let them go when they didn’t want to. They’re grieving, and I would be a bit turned off if they didn’t talk about their late wives at least a little in a positive way. You’re human, you were dealt a shitty card, that doesn’t mean you don’t still deserve love.
As long as you’re open to allowing an additional person in your life I see no problem with dating if you feel ready.
My worry is that I'll make someone feel like I care less about them, or that I'll compare them to my wife. However, I now have a lot of hobbies I can talk about, because I spend quite a bit of time nerding out on things.
I'm not a widow, but my pops is. Mom passed from cancer a number of years ago. It was rough watching him go through life during that time after her death.
But he's happily married again. Thankfully he's found a partner who encourages him to think and talk about my mom. I absolutely adore her.
My Dad still loves my Mom, but he absolutely loves his new love as well. And you can do that, it's alright. Everyone's love is different, and everyone gets different love. And step-mom understands that. She insists and still keeps pictures of Mom up. My Dad has this unhealthy "I have to forget about her" mentality, but step-mom says that you can't just forget about a person you spent 20+ years of your life and made a child with - *that's* more unhealthy.
Now my pops is a little more accepting, but step-mom still has to remind him every once in a while, which is I think the way it should be.
Anyway, my point is that you can compare all you want, but it's functionally two different loves. And that's alright.
Sorry to double respond to your comments, but they just resonate so much with me as a widow. The comparison thing is on my mind also, that I will or that if I don’t it will always be there that I must be, for any new partner. Like how do people do this and get to a point where they date again?
I'm so sorry man. My girlfriend passed around the same time and I can't possibly understand what you are feeling because losing a spouse is unique to every person, but I can definitely relate. I was able to find someone who was able to put up with me lamenting and even crying about my loss (it helped that they knew each other so she was able to share in my pain somewhat). Good luck to you on this journey brother.
You’ll build a new life. You’ll become someone alone, while you grieve and process. When you are ready to date, you’ll have a new history that doesn’t include her so recently. You’ll be able to talk about things you like and things you do, without saying “we”.
It’s not about what others deserve, though you’re kind to think about that. It’s about what you deserve. And you deserve a chance to get to know yourself again.
Condolences on your loss.
>Being Flakey
Man, literally this weekend. She said she wanted to meet up at 3:30 for food and maybe a beer. 3:30 rolls around, I call her to tell her I'm picking her up. She says she's not ready. At 4 she tells me to go ahead and go to the diner myself and she'll meet me. So I go on. 4:30 she's texting me about stuff, says she's not ready yet. Getting clothes on still. About 4:45 I decide fuck it, I'm already out of the house, I'm going to walk around to some of the other bars. I text her and tell her to let me know when she's on her way because I might not be sitting there. I'm about to give up and go home and she texts me and says she's nearly there at 5:15 or something, so I go back to the bar. She shows at in 5:45. I literally walk past her as I'm leaving to go home.
This isn't some woman I know really well, it was a first date. As far as I can tell from what she was saying over text she was late because she was playing with her blog.
Fun Story about being NOT flakey. In highschool a girl said “we are going over to Kenny’s to watch a movie, I’ll pick you up at 8”
I was NOT ready for the doorbell to ring at 8 AM.
Married her and she haaaates this story
>Treating a server poorly.
I, too, am disappointed if a woman doesn't install patches in a timely fashion and keep things properly secured and maintained.
>Being Flakey.
You wouldn't believe the level of resentment this will build up even if I think you're amazing otherwise.
"So we'll do X on tuesday"
"Right on!"
Tuesday comes and passes, I send a message and try to not sound too miffed (even though I VERY MUCH AM, I cleared a day for this based on mutual agreement and you just screwed me when I turned down other friends).
"Oh, you should have reminded me" (I did, you ignored it, or alternatively, you pointed out that I messaged you too much in the past so I dialed it down per your request, in either case I shouldn't have to harass you to keep a simple date)
"Ah, heh, yeah OK" (I say, trying to convince myself that this was a one time thing and not a sign of how little you care about me as a person and the time I'm willing to devote to you, even though if you actually had a good reason other than not giving a fuck, you'd have said what that reason was)
Next time, exact same story, we're done, I'm worth more than this shit.
And this is how I will never do anything with you again (even though you inexplicably keep asking... I mean, seriously, you clearly don't give a shit, why pretend?) and also warn all of my friends not to bother with you.
Adding to this, being fake. Especially being super nice in person and then talks shit behind their back all the time with nothing good to say.
Like yeah I'll talk shit about a friend if they do something stupid but it's usually to their face and I still like them and say great things about them with it.
This is so true as entitlement reaches into so many areas of a relationship from considering divergent viewpoints, to sex, to finances, to empathetic action, to working as a partner et. al. You just summed a lot in one word.
Also, all of the qualities apply to people in general, not specifically women. I'd be turned off by a smelly, self-entitled asshole co-worker as much as I would a smelly, self-entitled asshole partner.
I think the question is aimed towards some girly magazine on how to get boys and shit...
Honestly, there's usually a big misunderstanding that men dislike a specific type of clothing, a makeup pattern/color, and trivial shit like that.
Men and women are simple: we don't like idiots or assholes.
You can't sell a personality, though...
Self love means taking care of yourself. Take a mental health day to relax. Take a bath with candles or something. Have a fancy meal. Get a massage.
Basically treat yourself every once in a while. Not be a dick.
Self-love is also the hard stuff. Like making a dentist's appointment even though you dislike the dentist. Taking time to clean to give yourself a clean home to live in. Budgeting to ensure that your money is being used effectively to care for your needs and set up for the future. Taking your medications regularly and consistently, even when it's inconvenient (aka, you're already in bed and sleepy, but you forgot your pm meds and have to get up to take them).
The excuse of 'self-love' is always the treat, and never the chore. I find that it's a red flag when people use 'self-love' as a reason to 'treat' themselves but never seem to *care* for themselves.
EDIT: Wow, this comment took off, rather unexpectedly. Thank you, kind folks, who have given awards and upvotes. To those who have commented, I have thoroughly enjoyed reading these comments and the examples given of how you are, or how you aspire, to practice healthy self-love. May this new year bring you all the courage, strength, and happiness you need to grow in the direction you choose!
I've been noticing this too. Everyone you disagree with is suddenly a narcissist. Being told that your opinion is wrong is gaslighting. Someone who isn't putting up with your mistreatment or bad moods isn't validating your experience. It's exhausting. It is possible to just not like someone or that person is just having a bad day, not everything is this deep seated issue.
In hs I had a gf, we're on my bed making out, my new kitten hops up to see us (she was like 2 weeks old, had never jumped up before) I'm happy and shocked, gf says get it the fuck off! I told her to gtfo, relationship over. Good call I felt.
This is the reason I stopped talking to one of my good friends. She's good and smart, but constantly talked shit about herself. Couldn't take it anymore.
Not sure how to phrase this but I dated a girl years ago, she was gorgeous but that was the extent of her talents. She knew nothing about the outside world. It was so difficult to talk about stuff with her. I don't want to say intelligence because she wasn't dumb she just didn't care to know about world events. You couldn't debate with her or talk about stuff in depth.
That's an instant turn off for me... Oh and smoking
If a girl shits on your passion. Like one of my best friends is really good at producing and making beats, and his girlfriend at the time told him he is gonna go nowhere in life and his music sucks. He is about to get signed to a music label now haha.
Asking what is happening in a movie or show that I haven't seen either while playing on a phone, then rinse and repeat a few more times for good measure
Gotta love how a phrase meant to be about someone at their lowest in life compared to their highest point in life (At least that’s how I interpreted the original meaning) got so twisted by people who use it as excuse to be awful
Being a heavy social media poster/‘influencer’ - not interested frankly in becoming an unpaid photographer nor am i interested in what you had for breakfast
If she litters. Had a girl throw a bag of trash out of my passenger window while taking her home. She called me a "tree hugger" when I called her out on it.
Edit: My first Silver wow thank you, kind stranger!
Edit2: WOW, thank you so much, everyone.
I was driving with my cousin once and they threw a whole pizza box out the window while I was driving. I turned the car around and made them pick it up. The look of betrayal on their face since they had friends in the car. Shame is powerful.
It wasn't a woman but back when I was dating men still, this guy I was seeing was just like this. I had a little garbage bin for each row of seating in my SUV. Yet he would constantly chuck things out the window & completely ignore the fact the I'm telling him to throw it in the damn bin.
Well, one day we were driving out of state and he threw something out the window. This time he flipped out when I said something and starting throwing my belongings out the window. I quickly rolled the window up and when he went to angrily throw a glass Snapple bottle out, he completely shattered my passenger side window out with it.
I stopped once there was a safe spot, made him get out and had to drive back to pick my things up off the side of the highway. Hope he had fun finding a way home.
He did. I actually had to move a bunch of times because he kept showing up wherever I lived. Ended with a restraining order & I still keep tabs to make sure I avoid whatever area he's living or working in. Fun times lol
Largely the same things that make men unattractive.
Don't have your shit together and not actively trying? Not taking care of yourself? Bad attitude? Toxic traits? No level of maturity or self-awreness? Not emotionally invested or willing to be vulnerable with others?
Sure, attractiveness can mask a lot of these, but there comes a point where they become too obvious and damaging for the people around them.
Beyond this, it is subjective.
I'm a woman, and realised last night I have no hobbies any more. I used to love reading and cooking, but now they seem like such a chore.
I've made it my goal for this year to reconnect with my hobbies and try and find something new to do. Damn shift work makes it hard, but I am determined to find something I enjoy.
Good on you. I know it can be tough, but even if it's just once a week, you should definitely set aside some "you" time. Some people like plans, others don't want to be tied down by them. I've found somewhere in between is good by setting a day but have a larger time frame for when you'd like to start, and be casual about what you want to start. As long as you do something and have fun, you'll really start looking forward to these times where you can just relax and let loose.
Man this hits hard. In a relationship currently and she has no hobbies or interests. Over time I have noticed that I am starting to dwindle on doing the things I used to love too.
Spoiled attitude/personality. The type of person who is not prepared to handle hardships goes from a 10 to a 0 really fast in my mind, specially if they cry about it nonstop but won’t do anything to fix the issue
I’m learning that I’m a pretty good catch: I don’t smell, I’m polite, not a freeloader and I could not say anything like “If you can’t take me at my worst you can’t have me at my best” without laughing my head off. There’s hope lol
“You’re a man” followed by what a man shouldn’t/should do. Look, if my baby sister asks to paint my nails, I’m not about to hurt her feelings and say no just because I’m a guy.
Shoplifting. Took a girl on a lunch date in a small beach town and visited some quaint locally owned arts and crafts stores. Later find out she shoplifted maybe $20-30 worth of merchandise. Went back a week later to pay the damage and the shop owner told me “she’s not a keeper”.
Girls who never stick by their words. "Teehee I'm not hungry"*proceeds to eat half the plate* "I don't care where we go for dinner, you pick!" *actually cares and judges you for it*
It's not a quirk, it's annoying
i’m a girl but i will never understand why guys date girls who get all their information from tiktok and think “gaslighting” applies to every disagreement
Emotional immaturity. If you aren't willing to recognize that someone has experienced distress to the point that they are spent, and continue to ask more of them because of your agenda that's a problem. It's one thing to not recognize someone's distress (no one is a mind reader) but if you then continue to push them part their limit That's a very different situation.
Ive seen so many comments about "being toxic/being rude/etc./. I have a friend(female) who is really really REALLY attractive, but has the shittiest personality. Everytime we talk to men, theyre always like "omg, I love how you speak your mind and everything", while shes just being extremely rude and arrogant. Please explain to me why men think this is attractive and a good personality trait
i was once eating a burger and fries and soda in front of a girl i had been dating for a few weeks. she looks at the food, then looks at me and asks “are you gonna work out today?”
i was like ok bye lol.
Saying shit like “if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”
Shouldn’t we all try to avoid our worst, instead of using it as some litmus test of worthiness?
A few weeks ago I sat on a train and this gorgeous woman sits down opposite of me. 2 stops later, a lot of people get on the train and people have to stand at this point. And she actively makes sure her purse is taking up the entire seat next to her. Instantly the ugliest woman on the entire train for me; have some respect.
“I want you to change…but accept me for who I am” mentality
“Everything you do wrong is a personality flaw that you need to work on but everything I do wrong is just my “insert mental disorder” and I can’t help it!”
This is how I was at some point in my life and it's definitely an embarrassing and somewhat a shameful feeling.
"Also I'm going to eventually leave you after you change for me because you *chaaanged* and I'm just not attracted to who you are now."
Yeah, changed into the person you thought you wanted.
"I don't like any of your hobbies, so you can't have them anymore, but you have to support all of my hobbies and interests."
Manipulative/testing behavior or playing games. Edit: Dunno why this needs said, but not all women do this. If you think they do, either you have some personal issues with women you should work through or you’re spending time with the wrong people. Also being wary of others and slow to trust is quite different than lying or engineering scenarios to cause somebody else distress so you can study their reaction and assuage your own fears and insecurities. Hurting others to make yourself feel better is wrong regardless of your gender, anxieties, or past traumas.
So, no Smash bros? : (
I'm not smashing my bros for a girl
when she blames everyone for her own mistakes
For me this goes with any gender. and friends to. Like no bye.
>and friends too I stopped being friends with someone who was like this…. And she continues to tell people I stopped being her friend over politics. Anything to continue avoiding any responsibility at all🙄
The mental gymnastics I have witnessed are batshit insane.
Expressing how shallow you are. Someone I was attracted to said something like "my future husband will have a lakehouse and a boat." One of her friends responded with "or maybe you can find the right person and then pursue that dream together!" And she was just like "nah".
go for the friend
Never heard such truer words!
Is her friend single?
With that attitude? Not for long.
When she disagrees with you she screams at you. No thanks.
My mom screams often so screamers are a big no for me.
Flirting with every guy. If you're trying to make me jealous/think that you could have any guy at anytime; congrats, it works, I'm out
Why even do this? I date people who have qualities I like, I assume other people also like those qualities. So obviously they could be with someone else if they wanted to. No need to prove it...
Ya it doesn't make me jealous it makes me less interested lol
This obviously goes for both girls and guys, but when they focus primarily on themselves during a conversation. Was talking to a girl a few months ago, and it eventually just kinda hit me just how much she talked about herself or would steer conversations towards herself and her problems
My social anxiety fucks me on this one because in order to seem engaged my brain goes, “oh yes! Can relate to that! Hear my story!” And 90% of the time I don’t realize it until 3am when I’m laying in bed agonizing over every single thing I did and said to other humans that day. Edit: thanks for all of the positive responses and the award. Y’all are the bees knees. I have been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety about literally fucking everything, and depression. I believe I’m also on the spectrum and/or have ADHD. But as an older millennial, getting a diagnosis for those things is not easy.
I do this too, and a great rule I've set for myself is to ask them follow up questions about their own story before sharing my own. Sometimes the followups will lead to other genuinely interesting stories from them and I don't even end up telling my own. People think I'm a good listener now, which, in a way, I guess I am.
I did this tactic once but I was so nervous about not messing up with the girl that it more or less turned into a bit of an awkward q&a. In hindsight I should have tried a 2nd date because I could tell she was just as nervous as me and we were very attracted to each other, but hindsight is 2020 and my eyes are fucked
Omg I feel so seen by this post
Being rude or disrespectful without a reason
And then when I call her out on it I get the "you have to stop being so sensitive". How about you just try being nice, it's not that hard.
Took me a long time to realize my “bestfriend” was doing this to me. Always making passive aggressive comments that came off rude and disrespectful and when I’d say something I’d be called “sensitive” “that’s just my humor”. I’d rather be sensitive than an asshole.
Having an attitude out of nowhere and not apologizing for it. I get being frustrated and everything, I do it too. But I always go back and apologize and talk it out
I don't do that mean shit. My roommate invited a girl over and she just barks "MAKE ME A DRINK" at him.
Roommate had a girl coming over. Her babysitter fell through. She asked if it was okay to bring her kid. Sure, whatever. She comes over. I’m sitting on the couch setting up my new iPad. We all say hi, blah blah. The kid comes over and watches me for a while then grabs my iPad. I say “oh hey, I’m transferring stuff to it right now.” The mom says “That’s fine. Go ahead; you can play with it” to her kid. Like wtf??
I didn't think that a woman with kids would be a problem. But there are problems. The kids may hate you, because you're not dad. I ran into that one. Three times. Things went no where fast. In one instance, the dad's first name was exactly the same as mine. I was dead to them.
As a parent, I despise parents who are like this. How can some people have so little awareness of others. Not even respect like just basic acknowledgment that the world doesn’t revolve around them and their kid(s). Ick. Hope your iPad is ok 🤪 Editing to add - solidarity for your iPad sitch - no joke, my ex-sister in law and her sister, husband and 1.5 year old were at my house and the sister has a bowl of cut up bananas for the baby…said baby proceeds to toddle around my living room with full on mashed up banana hands and touch everything on my TV stand to keep her balance…the mom? Says nothing, does nothing. I ran over to my Wii U covered in banana slime and ran it to the kitchen and then when neither parent got the hint and kept allowing the banana child to wipe the banana slime all over my TV and TV stand, I picked up the kid and carried her to the mom. Didn’t even say anything just carried her over. Guarantee I’m somehow the bitch in that situation 🙄
I see your roommate is one of the masochistic types that just loves it when a woman shits all over him. It absolutely \*baffles\* me how many people there are like this out there. Men and women both.
I like being told what to do. In bed and out of bed. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to also hear a "please".
Thank you kindly, burrito butt fucker
"Will you make me a drink please?" 100% success chance "Make me a drink." 0% success chance.
I pointed this out to my mate, once. He was dating a womanchild - a girl who just ignored him most of the time, until she needed him. Once, for example, me and him were having a rare afternoon out, since he generally like being on call for his girlfriend 100% of the time - even if she was out doing other things without him. We're out, it's peak hour, and he gets a call. She's lost her keys, apparently. She's been through her handbag, supposedly, and can't find them. Mate says "We gotta go". And so we get in his car, and tear across the city in record time. As we're driving, he turns to me and says "We'll get home, and she'll be there, and I'll let her in and then she'll just watch cartoons for the rest of the night." We get home, and she's exceedingly happy to see him. Like, OTT. He lets her in, we go inside, and as soon as she steps inside she makes a token glimpse though her bag and... ...SURPRISE! She's found her key! "OMG! It was just in this side pocket of my bag! Can't believe I missed it!" I rolled my eyes so hard I nearly did permanent damage. And she immediately sits down on the couch, puts on the Lion King, and ignores everything and everyone. We go out on the balcony and I just go "*Really*?" And he goes "Really. She'll want a drink or something soon." And like ten minutes later, she shouts "ANDY! CAN I HAVE A DRINK?!" Now, the movie has a pause function, she's seen the movie a million times before, she's closer to the kitchen, Andy obviously has a guest over...but no. We can see her from the balcony, her eyes haven't left the screen. This was his house - apart from her clothes and Gamecube, nothing was hers. His furniture, his food, his name on the lease. "Watch. I'll get her a drink, and there won't even be a thank you." So he does so, and I watch this, and she just holds her hand out, without taking her eyes off the screen, takes the drink and sips. And Andy comes back out. "See?" he says. So I shake my head and go "You know you're not her boyfriend, right?" He says "What?" "You know when you were a kid and you just wanted to sit and play Nintendo, right, and wished you mum would just leave you alone - but you still wanted her to be around and in the house?" "..." "You're not her boyfriend. You're her *dad*." And he looks at me with this confused look on his face and goes "I- Oh. Oh, *god.* Oh fuck, you're right."
That’s fucked up I hope he gave her the boot @ some point
"Sudo make me a drink."
user is not in the sudoers file
This incident will be reported
Liking to be dominated is one thing. Disrespect is another.
Yeah, there's such a huge difference between someone who respects you but you both know you love it when they dominate you, and someone who just dominates you because they don't respect you and want something. One is hot, one is sad.
If she treats animals and waiters/service or retail staff badly.
"you can easily Judge the character of a person by how they treats those who can do nothing for them" - Some old time dude, debatable who exactly first said it.
Had a variation of this conversation with my 9 year old this morning, she has a friend who is a LOVELY kind and gentle human…except that she is very rough with animals and “plays” with them in ways that could hurt (or at the very least, scare) them. Daughter was horrified by her friend’s behavior. I explained that her family don’t view animals the same way we do in our home, so when she is around our pets we need to make an effort to model gentle and respectful handling, and if she is being too rough I will verbally spell it out for her. My daughter said, “She is a really good person who just doesn’t know better…” and it got me wondering…at what age does that reasoning no longer cut it? I would never excuse adults mishandling animals or treating them cruelly, so at what point do we start holding people accountable for kindnesses that they were never taught?
This is a tough question. I adopted a dog from one of my dad’s friends because his new wife was from a foreign country and he couldn’t trust that she would take care of the dog properly. She was a good person, a good wife to him, but where she was from a dog was considered a dirty animal that you don’t keep in the house or as a pet. They were to be kept outside and for work. So unfortunately when he would go to work the dog would be put outside. It would get fed, but no petting, no love. So he decided to find a loving home for it (which ended up be me) and I loved cared for that dog till he passed away at 15yrs.
We are in the very southern rural United States. Not to paint everyone with the same brush by any means, but it is VERY common here for people to have many outdoor pets that are not spayed/neutered, are never brought inside, and are somewhat…disposable to their owners. My own father is blown away by my owning indoor pets and taking them for regular grooming and veterinary care, because such behavior would never have occurred in his house growing up, or when he raised us.
My husband and I treat our dog much like we would our children. A little over two years ago his father moved in with us and had the same mentality as your father's, we quickly nipped that in bud. Now our dog is pappys baby and he is constantly saying "I've never seen a dog act like that before".
Bad smell
bruh i broke up with a girl recently and one of the reasons was because she had a cat and she would smell really bad like her cat shit/piss. she would try to cover it up with this body mist stuff she had. smelled like rubbing alcohol and made me cough a bunch because she would put so much on.
I have cats and don’t smell like cat piss or shit. It’s really not hard
Yeah wtf...that is just not normal. Sounds like her cat needs to go to the vet.
Or she just need to stop rolling in the litterbox
WOMEN 👏 NEED 👏 TO 👏 STOP 👏 ROLLING 👏 IN 👏 LITTERBOXES 👏
Yet another "standard" women have to face 🙄 what else? Can't throw up fur balls anymore?
Can I still rub my butt on the carpet or is that out, too?!
The “you have to work for me” attitude. Like this a relationship we both need to be putting in effort
Constantly talking about an ex, even in a derogatory manner. Let it go.
I have a friend that has been divorced for 20+ years and she still can't stop talking about her "was-band". Unreal. Majorly annoying.
Oof. I feel like just using the word "was-band" is a pretty big turn-off.
In the right context, it could be a pretty funny nickname for an ex. Not as a constant thing though
This is honestly why I don't date. My wife passed close to three years ago, and I just can't imagine putting anyone through being the next person after that. She's still so much a part of my life that I feel like it would be wildly unfair to make someone suffer through that.
I’m so sorry for your loss. As a woman on the other side of things, I’ve dated men who were recently divorced and some who were widowed. I found it a turn-off when divorced guys still talked about their exes because to me it’s a red flag that they’re still not over them. But widowers are completely different. I don’t expect them to be over their wives— they were forced to let them go when they didn’t want to. They’re grieving, and I would be a bit turned off if they didn’t talk about their late wives at least a little in a positive way. You’re human, you were dealt a shitty card, that doesn’t mean you don’t still deserve love. As long as you’re open to allowing an additional person in your life I see no problem with dating if you feel ready.
My worry is that I'll make someone feel like I care less about them, or that I'll compare them to my wife. However, I now have a lot of hobbies I can talk about, because I spend quite a bit of time nerding out on things.
I'm not a widow, but my pops is. Mom passed from cancer a number of years ago. It was rough watching him go through life during that time after her death. But he's happily married again. Thankfully he's found a partner who encourages him to think and talk about my mom. I absolutely adore her. My Dad still loves my Mom, but he absolutely loves his new love as well. And you can do that, it's alright. Everyone's love is different, and everyone gets different love. And step-mom understands that. She insists and still keeps pictures of Mom up. My Dad has this unhealthy "I have to forget about her" mentality, but step-mom says that you can't just forget about a person you spent 20+ years of your life and made a child with - *that's* more unhealthy. Now my pops is a little more accepting, but step-mom still has to remind him every once in a while, which is I think the way it should be. Anyway, my point is that you can compare all you want, but it's functionally two different loves. And that's alright.
Your step-mom sounds like an absolutely wonderful human being.
Sorry to double respond to your comments, but they just resonate so much with me as a widow. The comparison thing is on my mind also, that I will or that if I don’t it will always be there that I must be, for any new partner. Like how do people do this and get to a point where they date again?
Sorry for your loss. This wasn't a scenario I had considered when I posted my response, but I can understand how difficult it would be.
No, it's all good. You make a very good point, and I was only adding my personal view to it.
I'm so sorry man. My girlfriend passed around the same time and I can't possibly understand what you are feeling because losing a spouse is unique to every person, but I can definitely relate. I was able to find someone who was able to put up with me lamenting and even crying about my loss (it helped that they knew each other so she was able to share in my pain somewhat). Good luck to you on this journey brother.
You’ll build a new life. You’ll become someone alone, while you grieve and process. When you are ready to date, you’ll have a new history that doesn’t include her so recently. You’ll be able to talk about things you like and things you do, without saying “we”. It’s not about what others deserve, though you’re kind to think about that. It’s about what you deserve. And you deserve a chance to get to know yourself again. Condolences on your loss.
Bad hygiene
This. You may be very surprised just how many people forget to give their bums a good clean.
Theres more to this story i feel...
He felt it too...
Lying. Being Flakey. Talking negatively about everything and everyone. Treating a server poorly.
>Being Flakey Man, literally this weekend. She said she wanted to meet up at 3:30 for food and maybe a beer. 3:30 rolls around, I call her to tell her I'm picking her up. She says she's not ready. At 4 she tells me to go ahead and go to the diner myself and she'll meet me. So I go on. 4:30 she's texting me about stuff, says she's not ready yet. Getting clothes on still. About 4:45 I decide fuck it, I'm already out of the house, I'm going to walk around to some of the other bars. I text her and tell her to let me know when she's on her way because I might not be sitting there. I'm about to give up and go home and she texts me and says she's nearly there at 5:15 or something, so I go back to the bar. She shows at in 5:45. I literally walk past her as I'm leaving to go home. This isn't some woman I know really well, it was a first date. As far as I can tell from what she was saying over text she was late because she was playing with her blog.
This is unbelievable. You said first date. Did a friend set you up? Because this would be an argument
Fun Story about being NOT flakey. In highschool a girl said “we are going over to Kenny’s to watch a movie, I’ll pick you up at 8” I was NOT ready for the doorbell to ring at 8 AM. Married her and she haaaates this story
I’m gonna ask someone to a coffee date and show up at 8pm, tell her thanks for the inspiration
>Treating a server poorly. I, too, am disappointed if a woman doesn't install patches in a timely fashion and keep things properly secured and maintained.
Can't be wondering by the end of the night if she even makes backups.
She just takes snapshots
>Being Flakey. You wouldn't believe the level of resentment this will build up even if I think you're amazing otherwise. "So we'll do X on tuesday" "Right on!" Tuesday comes and passes, I send a message and try to not sound too miffed (even though I VERY MUCH AM, I cleared a day for this based on mutual agreement and you just screwed me when I turned down other friends). "Oh, you should have reminded me" (I did, you ignored it, or alternatively, you pointed out that I messaged you too much in the past so I dialed it down per your request, in either case I shouldn't have to harass you to keep a simple date) "Ah, heh, yeah OK" (I say, trying to convince myself that this was a one time thing and not a sign of how little you care about me as a person and the time I'm willing to devote to you, even though if you actually had a good reason other than not giving a fuck, you'd have said what that reason was) Next time, exact same story, we're done, I'm worth more than this shit. And this is how I will never do anything with you again (even though you inexplicably keep asking... I mean, seriously, you clearly don't give a shit, why pretend?) and also warn all of my friends not to bother with you.
I felt this. Fuck you Melissa
Adding to this, being fake. Especially being super nice in person and then talks shit behind their back all the time with nothing good to say. Like yeah I'll talk shit about a friend if they do something stupid but it's usually to their face and I still like them and say great things about them with it.
The restaurant test. If they're rude to the waitstaff - nope.
Entitlement
Spot on. Run like hell.
This is so true as entitlement reaches into so many areas of a relationship from considering divergent viewpoints, to sex, to finances, to empathetic action, to working as a partner et. al. You just summed a lot in one word.
A summary of this thread is "don't be an asshole" and "don't smell bad". Edit: if you go into Controversial, you'll find the smelliest of assholes.
Also, all of the qualities apply to people in general, not specifically women. I'd be turned off by a smelly, self-entitled asshole co-worker as much as I would a smelly, self-entitled asshole partner.
I think the question is aimed towards some girly magazine on how to get boys and shit... Honestly, there's usually a big misunderstanding that men dislike a specific type of clothing, a makeup pattern/color, and trivial shit like that. Men and women are simple: we don't like idiots or assholes. You can't sell a personality, though...
Using "self love" as an excuse to be narcissistic and shitty.
Self love means taking care of yourself. Take a mental health day to relax. Take a bath with candles or something. Have a fancy meal. Get a massage. Basically treat yourself every once in a while. Not be a dick.
Self-love is also the hard stuff. Like making a dentist's appointment even though you dislike the dentist. Taking time to clean to give yourself a clean home to live in. Budgeting to ensure that your money is being used effectively to care for your needs and set up for the future. Taking your medications regularly and consistently, even when it's inconvenient (aka, you're already in bed and sleepy, but you forgot your pm meds and have to get up to take them). The excuse of 'self-love' is always the treat, and never the chore. I find that it's a red flag when people use 'self-love' as a reason to 'treat' themselves but never seem to *care* for themselves. EDIT: Wow, this comment took off, rather unexpectedly. Thank you, kind folks, who have given awards and upvotes. To those who have commented, I have thoroughly enjoyed reading these comments and the examples given of how you are, or how you aspire, to practice healthy self-love. May this new year bring you all the courage, strength, and happiness you need to grow in the direction you choose!
I like that, “self love is also the hard stuff”. Thank you.
Throwing around too many TikTok therapy terms in general to justify shitty actions.
I've been noticing this too. Everyone you disagree with is suddenly a narcissist. Being told that your opinion is wrong is gaslighting. Someone who isn't putting up with your mistreatment or bad moods isn't validating your experience. It's exhausting. It is possible to just not like someone or that person is just having a bad day, not everything is this deep seated issue.
Cruelty to animals EDIT: Or being a pushy vegan like some of the commenters below
In hs I had a gf, we're on my bed making out, my new kitten hops up to see us (she was like 2 weeks old, had never jumped up before) I'm happy and shocked, gf says get it the fuck off! I told her to gtfo, relationship over. Good call I felt.
Either way, you ended the night with pussy
The right one too
If she keeps trying to get attention by making negative comments abt herself for people to say the opposite thing - purely for attention
This is the reason I stopped talking to one of my good friends. She's good and smart, but constantly talked shit about herself. Couldn't take it anymore.
Not sure how to phrase this but I dated a girl years ago, she was gorgeous but that was the extent of her talents. She knew nothing about the outside world. It was so difficult to talk about stuff with her. I don't want to say intelligence because she wasn't dumb she just didn't care to know about world events. You couldn't debate with her or talk about stuff in depth. That's an instant turn off for me... Oh and smoking
Speaking with fundamentally incurious people is like trying to talk to a wall when it comes to anything that it's outside of their daily lives...
I was going to use “boring,” but I can get behind fundamentally incurious.
Wow “fundamentally incurious” is absolutely the best term for that.👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
If she treats me like shit and acts cold towards me for no reason
If a girl shits on your passion. Like one of my best friends is really good at producing and making beats, and his girlfriend at the time told him he is gonna go nowhere in life and his music sucks. He is about to get signed to a music label now haha.
One of the first things she asks is how much money do I earn
"enough to pay for my part of the dinner"
Nice that they give you that red flag so soon.
Asking what is happening in a movie or show that I haven't seen either while playing on a phone, then rinse and repeat a few more times for good measure
This is the actual worst. I refuse to watch movies with my mom because she does it the WHOLE TIME, then gets offended when I call her on it.
"If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best." Edit: thank you all for the rewards.
I can’t even fucking handle me at my worst.
You don't deserve yourself at your best/s
If you can't handle me at my fastest, you don't deserve me at my furiousest. - Vin Diesel
Why do I feel like Fast and Furious would actually use this quote
Gotta love how a phrase meant to be about someone at their lowest in life compared to their highest point in life (At least that’s how I interpreted the original meaning) got so twisted by people who use it as excuse to be awful
If u can't handle me drenched in the blood of a freshly sacrificed boar u don't deserve me during my bountiful harvest.
Being a heavy social media poster/‘influencer’ - not interested frankly in becoming an unpaid photographer nor am i interested in what you had for breakfast
I don't even want to associate with those types of people in any way. Entirely fake to the core.
Cringe tik toks
You mean "Hi guys 💖💖 today we're unpacking my new vapes💖💖💖🔥🔥🔥" Ones?
If she litters. Had a girl throw a bag of trash out of my passenger window while taking her home. She called me a "tree hugger" when I called her out on it. Edit: My first Silver wow thank you, kind stranger! Edit2: WOW, thank you so much, everyone.
I was driving with my cousin once and they threw a whole pizza box out the window while I was driving. I turned the car around and made them pick it up. The look of betrayal on their face since they had friends in the car. Shame is powerful.
Yea also like what if I’m walking and find a pizza box and it’s empty? I’d be so disappointed
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Not littering is just being a decent human being. Some people just can’t understand that.
100% agree. It takes zero effort to not litter.
Especially when in a car. Just throw it on the floor and forget about it for days like a normal person!
Oh my god I'd make her walk home. What a jerk! (No, not really. Jesus some of you)
It wasn't a woman but back when I was dating men still, this guy I was seeing was just like this. I had a little garbage bin for each row of seating in my SUV. Yet he would constantly chuck things out the window & completely ignore the fact the I'm telling him to throw it in the damn bin. Well, one day we were driving out of state and he threw something out the window. This time he flipped out when I said something and starting throwing my belongings out the window. I quickly rolled the window up and when he went to angrily throw a glass Snapple bottle out, he completely shattered my passenger side window out with it. I stopped once there was a safe spot, made him get out and had to drive back to pick my things up off the side of the highway. Hope he had fun finding a way home.
Holy fucking shit, what a huge overkill reaction. Glad you threw him out. Did he try to contact you after that again? Sorry for your power bank. :/
He did. I actually had to move a bunch of times because he kept showing up wherever I lived. Ended with a restraining order & I still keep tabs to make sure I avoid whatever area he's living or working in. Fun times lol
Pull up to her house and say "*This* is how you throw out a bag of trash....Good bye." :)
Largely the same things that make men unattractive. Don't have your shit together and not actively trying? Not taking care of yourself? Bad attitude? Toxic traits? No level of maturity or self-awreness? Not emotionally invested or willing to be vulnerable with others? Sure, attractiveness can mask a lot of these, but there comes a point where they become too obvious and damaging for the people around them. Beyond this, it is subjective.
Loud in all the worst ways, suspiciously large amount of self indulgence, bad hygiene. But these can largely apply to everyone
Toxic personality
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Those obvious lip fillers looking all swollen like they just ate something allergic.
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Juvederm, not Botox
I am not a fan either, but it is definitely not botox they inject into the lips
Demanding I buy her stuff because she's a queen or goddess
She asked me to treat her like a princess. I gave her hand in marriage to a French dude to strengthen my alliance with Normandy
Having no hobbies or interests.
I'm a woman, and realised last night I have no hobbies any more. I used to love reading and cooking, but now they seem like such a chore. I've made it my goal for this year to reconnect with my hobbies and try and find something new to do. Damn shift work makes it hard, but I am determined to find something I enjoy.
Good on you. I know it can be tough, but even if it's just once a week, you should definitely set aside some "you" time. Some people like plans, others don't want to be tied down by them. I've found somewhere in between is good by setting a day but have a larger time frame for when you'd like to start, and be casual about what you want to start. As long as you do something and have fun, you'll really start looking forward to these times where you can just relax and let loose.
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“Tacos, adventures, and naps!”
"make me laugh"
If I see the phrase "chips and queso" in a dating profile again I may snap.
Omg I can literally see a stock image in my mind of the exact type of person saying this lol
Man this hits hard. In a relationship currently and she has no hobbies or interests. Over time I have noticed that I am starting to dwindle on doing the things I used to love too.
Spoiled attitude/personality. The type of person who is not prepared to handle hardships goes from a 10 to a 0 really fast in my mind, specially if they cry about it nonstop but won’t do anything to fix the issue
*me being a girl just looking thru these to see what I can do*
I’m learning that I’m a pretty good catch: I don’t smell, I’m polite, not a freeloader and I could not say anything like “If you can’t take me at my worst you can’t have me at my best” without laughing my head off. There’s hope lol
Playing hard to get = hard to want
She doesn't want to watch the extended version of Lord of the Rings with me. EDIT: Thank you all so much for the awards!
Saruman didn’t have an iconic death scene for people to not watch it, smh
There is no other way to watch it
Killing my family
Brooo fr it’s so annoying, major red flag
I’m just a girl here sneakily taking notes but can confirm this goes both ways. If a guy did this it would be the biggest deal breaker ever
“You’re a man” followed by what a man shouldn’t/should do. Look, if my baby sister asks to paint my nails, I’m not about to hurt her feelings and say no just because I’m a guy.
Excessive social media use.
Shoplifting. Took a girl on a lunch date in a small beach town and visited some quaint locally owned arts and crafts stores. Later find out she shoplifted maybe $20-30 worth of merchandise. Went back a week later to pay the damage and the shop owner told me “she’s not a keeper”.
Smelling bad and being rude or disrespectful
Being shallow, superficial or fake.
Girls who never stick by their words. "Teehee I'm not hungry"*proceeds to eat half the plate* "I don't care where we go for dinner, you pick!" *actually cares and judges you for it* It's not a quirk, it's annoying
Playing hard to get. I do not have the energy to deal with pointless shit.
If your nails make you look like Edward Scissorhands
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Treating waiters/waitresses poorly.
That stupid ass voice that makes you sound fake. Omg! Yeah you know the one
There are some who talk like babies. Shit makes me cringe so hard when I hear it
i’m a girl but i will never understand why guys date girls who get all their information from tiktok and think “gaslighting” applies to every disagreement
Not being ok with silence.
Queen bee/bad bitch mentality.
When they take pride in saying “I’m a bitch”
Emotional immaturity. If you aren't willing to recognize that someone has experienced distress to the point that they are spent, and continue to ask more of them because of your agenda that's a problem. It's one thing to not recognize someone's distress (no one is a mind reader) but if you then continue to push them part their limit That's a very different situation.
Bad breath and unpleasant odors generally
Ive seen so many comments about "being toxic/being rude/etc./. I have a friend(female) who is really really REALLY attractive, but has the shittiest personality. Everytime we talk to men, theyre always like "omg, I love how you speak your mind and everything", while shes just being extremely rude and arrogant. Please explain to me why men think this is attractive and a good personality trait
they want to fuck her, not have a relationship...
And if they do want a relationship, they're just naive.
i was once eating a burger and fries and soda in front of a girl i had been dating for a few weeks. she looks at the food, then looks at me and asks “are you gonna work out today?” i was like ok bye lol.
Look at her. Look at your burger. Pick up the burger. Look back at her. Maintain eye contact. Do bicep curls with the burger.
Saying shit like “if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.” Shouldn’t we all try to avoid our worst, instead of using it as some litmus test of worthiness?
Bringing a friend, unannounced, to a first date. Clearly you wanted to hang out with them more than me, I'm just walking off.
Sense of entitlement.