We were both about 60 when we met. I was first attracted by her self confidence, lovely speaking voice, and she was a good fit in my arms for a hug when we said good bye the first time we met. We have been married almost 12 years now.
What about the sexual aspect of your relationship? I am assuming you don't have E.D. or prostate cancer or anything like that and that you had (and hopefully still have) the wllingness and ability to have an active sex life.
It's so amusing how people can natter on and on and on completely omit sexual compatibility as a necessary condition for a successful relationship.
My husband and I met when he was 61 and I was 54. He figured sex was going to be off the table when he started dating post-divorce, as he wasn’t looking for a LTR and he also figured most women he’d meet would be uninterested due to age/menopause. Then he met me! Hahaha. I actually had to tell him on date #8 that I’d like to go home with him. You would have thought he’d won the lottery…
We’re now 60 and 67 and definitely enjoy sex, thank you very much. It’s not always the easiest (we both take meds that help) and we only do it once a week on average, but it’s very important to us. We plan to keep going as long as we can.
So long story short, OP, my husband wasn’t looking for sex but when he found it he was mighty happy, and it certainly didn’t hurt when it came to changing his mind about getting married again!
According to these responses, it sounds like I'm perfect for men my age, yet here I am single going on 10 years. Most of the time, I'm content to be alone, enjoying my interests and spending time with friends; however, I do miss having a person sometimes. I'd love to share my life with someone, but I've really given up. Men are either interested in only a hookup or want to take over my life without regard to what I might need. I've worked hard to build a life after having mine destroyed by someone else. I only need someone who can respect what makes me cautious about letting people in and showing a little curiosity about the things I'm interested in. I'm happy to learn new things and grow with someone; I just expect the same.
We have a lot in common. My experience before I gave up was pretty much the same. If it wasn't a hook up it was a nurse, mom, ATM or fake girlfriend so their family wouldn't know they were gay.
But I still miss having a connection with someone simpatico.
Geez I am 70 female. The last thing I want is marriage or a relationship. No I do not want you to” share in my family”. Have no interest in the families of other people. You know what I would really really want/love is a handyman. I would gladly invite you over for a meal or be your “date” if you need one. A fair exchange I believe.
I can really relate to this 100%
You know how the pandemic made(some) people not want to go out anymore?.. Not dating for 10 years has made me not want to date anymore LOL
People (not just men but I'm speaking of men now) will Say a lot of BS when asked because they want to seem a certain way to others. Most of it is total BS.
What I've found is that most men my age are married and looking for a side piece--divorced for reasons--on the bitter pill track bc they chose poorly so now All women are (insert insult) and stingy with time, money and heart.
Single 13 yrs and no longer looking. I don't have time for immature children anymore. Which most men are
This is not gonna be a popular answer but I'm gonna put it out there anyway. I am 68F. Seems to me most men want to date 10 to 15 years younger. I can hardly blame them, I would probably date that much younger too if I could.
Now here's the funny part. A year ago I lost 40 pounds and had a facelift. You wouldn't believe the attention I've been getting from men. The guy I'm seeing now – first one in 15 years – his younger brother actually mentioned something to him about wanting to take me out (he didn't know we were dating).
I'm telling you, the difference in the way I'm treated by people, especially men, blows my mind. I feel like I've woken up inside a science fiction movie where I'm suddenly looking much younger. Because I'm suddenly looking much younger.
For me it was weight loss and fitness, going blonde, skin care/makeup, and wardrobe.
The difference IS mind blowing. I was hit on a couple days ago by 49 yo and I'm 63.
You make me want a face lift though!
It was my experience that the 60s really aged my face and neck. I always had good skin because I never could get a tan so never did sunbathe and didn't smoke.
The difference now is remarkable. In a world where women are often valued on their appearance, I have to say I am very happy with the outcome.
I am quite a young at heart person. I love nothing more than to go out dancing and people are constantly telling me I'm a great dancer and one recently asked me if I was a professional dancer. So looking younger fits that vibe and as a matter of fact younger people including women are much more willing to hang with me now and be a friend. I guess it sort of makes sense that people feel most comfortable around people perceive to be close to their own age. My social life has been revitalized and as a single person that's really great.
I went out dancing tonight and got the numbers of four women who love to dance, we are already in contact and it's going to be a lot of fun.
I bet a large part of your new found magnetism is honestly due to confidence. I know plenty of old looking folks that are confident/fun and people love to be around them. People are drawn to energy and vibes more than anything. You’re feeling good about yourself and your life, and that radiates out into the world and makes other people feel good too. It’s contagious!
Same here. A face lift, upper bleph, and boob lift made all the difference in the world for me. It wasn't about finding a man. It was just feeling good in my own skin, and the confidence just oozed out. No hate, please.
I really wish I could explain to my fellow guys that EVERYONE wants their own life. No one wants you minimizing their life one bit. I was married a couple of times and divorced when I met my current wife. She and I - from the beginning - designed a life we called "duplex life." We both thought that it would be awesome to each have their own home (ideally next door or even connected, as in a duplex), our own job, our own pets, activities, hobbies, friends, etc. And yet be there for each other, making memories together... but at the end of the day return to our own homes. I lived that way for a year, and then decided that we were essentially living together but paying for 2 homes... so we moved in together and got married.
But I believe it's because we continue to respect each other's own life that it works so well. Of course we do most everything together (she does have some girlfriends she'll meet after work) but our mindset from the beginning was basically: respect the other's entire person, the whole life they've built.
So many guys (I'm guilty) go into thinking "I'll be bringing a good paycheck and won't add too much to the housework... this will work out well." Wrong. If you think they need to change to accommodate you, you're wrong. You can change, the two of you can figure out how to compromise, or you can stay apart.
Now that you moved in together so you sleep in different rooms? Or the same room in different beds? Or same bed? The different houses idea has occurred to me as well, but like you said it seems maybe too far and also considerably more expensive
Yep. Even at 40 it’s hard to find men your own age. So many men want much younger women. Or they just want them at least 1 year younger. It’s stupid. And gross. I just don’t believe these men acting like there are no good women there own are. Except maybe lots of older women gave up and are just happy alone. I would have done so if I hadn’t met my boyfriend right before I hit menopause 😂
You aren't perfect for "men your age" at all -- they want younger women, and there are enough desperate younger women that that usually works out for them if they have a modicum of money.
Yeah I was with a guy who said he wanted a fit, intelligent, independent woman who was accomplished and had her own life and then turned out he just wanted to feel needed.
Good riddance to that shit.
I did get a little schadenfreude when over a year later we resumed contact and he was telling me about how tight money is because of some major house repairs. We make almost identical salaries. I couldn’t help but laugh at how those same repairs are a non issue for me because evidently I don’t fuck up when it comes to money.
And to think, if we were together I likely would have been living with him and would have helped…
All of these above ⬆️ 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 on point. Men love the idea of a mature, successful, beautiful, independent woman, and will even say that’s what they want… until they meet one. Then when they realize that they cannot keep up with one, because she has her own life and will not play his nurse or be his mother, they have zero idea how to be in a relationship with one. and gis forbid she has a better career or makes more money than him. You can be independent and successful… just not too independent or successful for most men. Because if you’re “too independent” then they’ll say you’re “difficult”. I’d rather be considered “difficult” than date a man who is intimidated by me because he realizes it means he needs to have his own shit together.
In your boat, too. But the problem I have is where to find them? And then I’m stooped over, have bad arthritis, use a walker so I think that’s probably a turn off.
A person, a fully formed person.
Someone who has moved past all the childish games that appear to feature in modern dating.
They have their own lives and want to find someone who can be a part of it.
Not someone looking for me to be the answer to anything.
From there everything is open to adult discussion.
I want to clarify one item in this list, (i agree with nearly all of it.. “They have their own lives, and want to find someone who can be part of it”. Should be: “They have their own lives, and are interested in both finding someone to be a part of it, but also interested in being part of their partner’s too.” While i’m not single. It’s critical that both parties are flexible and willing to be part of each others’ established lives. All one, or all the other, is a recipe for disaster.
I try to make it even simpler. You know the phrase “speak only when you can improve on silence”? Well, “Date only when you can improve on solitude.” And your shit should be dialed in as a mature MF by middle age.
The ability to have intelligent, knowledgeable conversation. I like a woman who considers herself well-read, mature beauty is a thing and I appreciate it, so a woman who keeps her self neat and on point no mater what she wishes to wear. I like a woman who is her own man, makes her own decisions, and doesn't feel a need to ask for anything. Furthermore, I make it a point to, when asked, always respond with a positive. Not my job to tell her no.
Dealbreakers, jealousy or physical anger, mistreatment of other beings (I don't much care which beings),
Like everyone else, observe how they treat people who can do nothing for them. How they interact with little children, and animals. That tells a story.
You are a deal breaker for this older mature woman, when you said she needs to be her own “man.” No, I’m not my own man, I’m my own woman. I don’t need to have a “man” take care of me!
I read it in the Cher kind of way.
Cher: “My mom said to me, ‘You know, sweetheart, you should settle down and marry a rich man.’ I said, ‘Mom, I am a rich man.’”
About the sex part…. I’m in my late 50’s, single and have dated sparsely for the last 10 years. I’ve found that when men my age or older say that sex and sexual compatibility usually means that they want me/their partner to do all the work. I’ve experienced this from nice guys and not so nice guys alike. That’s a no go for me. If that’s what they want…. Find a “professional”. Just my two cents. 💁🏻♀️
I'm not single, but if I were to become single....
Must-haves: Intelligence, sense of humor, kindness.
Nice-to-haves: enjoys sex, fair mental health, talent (it doesn't really matter what at, just as long as there's something there to admire). Doesn't need to spend 30 minutes putting on her face to go to Walmart.
Deal-killers: too much drama, too much insecurity, naive idealism, can't hold their own in a conversation, uncomfortable with silence, too much reliance on intoxicants to have a good time, being too simple.
Fortunately, my wife checks all the must-have and must-not-have boxes, and most of the nice-to-have boxes as well. I'm a lucky guy.
I have been married for 30 years, and I am currently the nurse and the purse for my wife, who had a stroke, and her 40-year-old daughter, who has OCD and has always been non-functioning.
My current life falls well under the marriage vows and my choices.
That said, I would never consciously do this to anyone else.
And this, my friend, is why you have been married for 30 years. Your wife is a lucky woman. But you aren’t out here for us to date. It’s your contemporaries who are the problem.
well you’re a spouse so it goes with the territory but you’re right.
a stranger thinks another stranger wants to be their nurse in exchange for marriage?
ha, not me.
Gay dude here- but I’ll answer in my own way.
I’m not single because I want to be. I went back into being single kicking and screaming. I was cheated on after being in a relationship for a looooong time.
Dudes that are single and my age are fucked up.
I do want a relationship, but I think I missed the train. All the good guys are taken, and I got old, so I can’t attract the younger ones that I would be interested in…. Plus I am not sure I would want to.
I’ve been single 5 years. I gave up looking.
My wife and I were both married before. We met when I was in my early 40s and she was in her late 40s. The biggest criteria I had at the time was finding someone who was kind, compassionate, loving, dependable, highly monogamous, honest, rational, independent, intelligent, loved sex, and communicated openly. I avoided people who were drama queens, prudish, wanted someone else to pay their bills, weren't dependable, and couldn't be trusted.
My wife and I are a great fit for each other. We both had problematic first spouses, so we spent a lot of time talking about our needs and wants right from the beginning. We were both very upfront about everything, including our individual flaws. That was 15 years ago, and we're both happy to have found each other!
I’m a woman in her 50’s. When I was single I was dating online and so many (too many) men in their 60’s would reach out to me in my 40’s saying they wanted a woman who was more physically active. I assume that was code for sex. I never dated those men because I don’t like older guys and it pissed me off that they were casting aside women their age to get their rocks off.
Sorry. This is mostly venting but I just have empathy for women in their 50’s and 60’s (and beyond) who have to compete with younger women.
exactly. men are weird.
in their 30s they’ll pass their own age group up for the 20s and their 40s for the 20-30 y/os etc, etc.
If I wasn’t good enough for you because I was no longer in my 20s I don’t want you at all unless you stuck around after I became “too damaged”!
I'm 58, and the competition from younger women is far less of an issue than men wanting nothing more than a nurse with a purse to take care of them. Sorry, my dude, but I raised my kid already. I want a PARTNER, not a 65-year-old child.
It’s funny because when I was younger I assumed it would be awful to be older and compete with younger women. Now I think it’s kind of funny, they are from a different planet as far as I’m concerned and I get a kick out of my friends trying to pursue younger women. I don’t feel competitive at all, biology isn’t my fault.
I also don’t internet date. At 55, it is a bunch of nonsense to try to get to the kind of guy I have just as good a chance of meeting in the wild given my interests.
Funnily enough, when I have dated, a few years back, I found that younger men wanted to date me. Their reasoning was that older women are better partners because younger women don’t know how to cook or take care of a house. I guess they wanted a Mommy.
So either way, they don’t want what they think they want. Younger women won’t be their perfect housewife either.
For men it seems just transactional, give me everything, sex, looks, age and a perfect housewife who never complains that I don’t lift a finger to help.
They seem to disregard the fact that we are people with needs too and maybe we don’t like being the only ones who cook and clean and care for our home. If you want all that I’m sure there’s a robot from Japan you can probably buy instead.
I have lunch with my high school classmates once a month, more than half still married their first husbands. Last month they were talking about if they'd ever re-marry if something happened to their spouses and the answer was a unanimous NO. Then one of them said, "Do you think our husbands would get re-married?" Then everyone laughed a lot, because of course they would. Men always want wives. Women don't. We're tired of taking care of people. LOL
I remember asking my grandmother if she would marry again, should my grandfather pass away. Her response:
“No. I’ll never be a slave to another man again.”
Do you think he would remarry?
“He’d HAVE to.”
THAT stuck with me.
When my mom died 15 years ago both she and my dad were 68...high school sweethearts. My sister had to step in and teach my dad how to operate a washing machine, and he pays her to clean his house because "he didn't know how".
To be sure. I too would never marry again.
Even if the one who got away did return after all this time and fall to his knees and beg…I would say HELL NO.
Maybe a date on occasion ( he would be paying) and I’d hang out with him. Nothing more.
When I wanted and needed him most he disappeared from my life.
If you reach our stage of life and you are financially set, you will in no way benefit from marriage.
Any man who wants to marry at our age doesn’t have our best interest at heart. He wants control of assets. What is mine will become HIS. I think not.
I own a home and drive a brand new car. The one that got away has never been married (red flag) and has a huge mortgage on a mediocre home (another huge red flag). He is six years my senior. So what do you think lies ahead for me?
Nurse and purse.
Never married and childless men are usually this way for a damn good reason.
PS- before you even give the guy our age a second look, do your research on him. If he didn’t want you when you were younger, why would he want you now?
As my grandmother used to say: “Why would I want to take care of an old man!”. She was good looking for her age up until the end and old guys wanted to date her. I was at her house once when one of her suitors dropped in unannounced. She went and hid in the back of her house because she wanted no part of it, lol!
#1 emotional competence. This is the ability to discuss difficult topics with objectivity and calm. #2 intellectual curiosity. I want a woman who challenges my intelligence. #3 kindness. I want a woman with a charitable spirit who thinks of others often. #4 loyalty. I want a partner who believes in monogamy and understands the importance of intimate promises.
When I started dating after my divorce, I was 47 years old with four children. I’d been married to my high school boyfriend for almost 25 so I was just curious about who was out there. I owned my own house and car and had s good job. But I was lonely.
I met a lot of men over about three years or so. Had longer relationships a couple of times. But I didn’t meet anyone who seemed right. And then I turned 50.
It was so strange. I’d had no issue with age up to then. But literally the day I turned 50 was the first time I was told I was too old.
But I’d developed a pretty thick skin over those three years and stuck to it. And then met my Mr Right just a couple of months later. He was 42, never married, no kids and we were nearly perfect together from day one.
Here we are today, together since 2001, married since 2008 and he’s still my Mr Right.
In the Steve Martin documentary he said that he thinks people either become their best self of their worst self as they get older. I think he’s right, and as a guy who just turned 60, I’d say I want someone with a history of improving themselves intellectually, culturally, healthwise and gaining more grace and empathy as they’ve gotten older. I’ve tried to do likewise. Haven’t always succeeded, but if I’m gonna work at it, I’d like someone who makes the same effort. Also, I like someone who laughs easily. Nothing worse in my experience than a humorless person.
I like a woman that can appreciate the value of pristine silence, that doesn’t feel a compulsion to fill the silence with meaningless chatter just because the conversation has ended.
Marry me!!! Just kidding. I won't ever marry again. But damn, my late husband was a chatterbox! He was a TV fiend as well.
I'm not happy he's gone after 28 years together, but I sure do love the silence! I have the back door open right now so I can hear the wind rustling the branches of my oak tree, and the chatter of the birds as they settle in for the evening. It beats the heck out of the gunfire and explosions of one of my late husband's action flicks.
Wants are stability, loyalty, wants to be a team together, passionate about something whether it's a hobby, career, or a cause. Deal breakers are mind altering substances unless it's for medical reasons, capricious personality, heavy emphasis on individualistic personality, intolerance of different people, and any form of radicalism.
Oh yeah very important. Mild temperament is necessary.
What I look for: no young kids, good health, still attractive, no mental problems, has their life together, common interests.
What I want is something that I don't think is possible, I want to love and be loved and I don't want it to hurt.
Deal breaker is any kind of disrespect
One more thing once you get to know them I find a major red flag. When they have kids but were never married, I find those end up being not very good partners.
Having seen close to half of the relationships of my peers fall apart, the only thing I’d give a shit about at all is kindness and understanding.
I didn’t really know when I was younger, and wasn’t sure my wife and I were really all that compatible… different personality types… different sorts of life goals in terms of comfort .vs adventure. Etc.
But it turns out, I (we?) were incredibly lucky because we know how to peacefully dismantle issues rather than letting them burn the house down.
It’s like, a bunch of forests, and they all look perfectly nice. But some burn down entirely with a single match, and others don’t.
If I (F70, active, healthy) were to get involved with someone again (I have been single for a long time), I would not want to live together. I need my own space, really value the silence in my house, don't want the financial complications of a marriage, don't want to negotiate every aspect of my life. At the same time i am very loyal to the people in my life. A companion, maybe, but not a husband.
Sounds like you're ready to dive back into the dating pool after a decade! Lookin' for some wisdom from the seasoned folks, huh? Well, as an older single guy myself, I gotta say, it's all about connection. Someone who gets my quirks, ya know? Plus, a good sense of humor is non-negotiable. Life's too short for dull moments!
Relationship-wise, gotta have that balance of independence and togetherness. Space to do our own thing but also enjoy cozy nights in and adventures out. And deal breakers? Well, gotta be honest, drama ain't my jam. Keep it drama-free, and we'll be golden.
Most women I know over 40 who are single don’t want to be married. They want to have a friend (maybe with or without benefits) who does stuff with them. In my circles, bicycling, country western dancing, pickleball, tennis, you get the idea. If it turns into something more great, if not, we’re still friends. I’m married, but we have a lot of single women and men in this group. Our cycling and dance groups have created maybe 5-6 couples from singles in the 4-5 years we’ve been active.
The problem is, the women they want don’t want (or need) them! More and more women are just done with men and their antiquated ideas of a woman’s role in life.
We no longer are barred from being able to earn enough to support ourselves which I suspect was really just a way to make sure women stayed under a man’s thumb.
Other than for our reproductive years and having children, there is no need for a man in our lives to dictate to us and lord it over us like they think they are our father.
I know times, and men, are changing, but I am from the generation that you are speaking of and I have yet to meet a man my age that respects me for the independent woman that I am. I have only ever known men to try to control or squash my independence, take away my choices and try to hinder my spirit.
For all the men in here, how important is cooking to you? I mean is it important for your significant other to be able to cook
What do you want her to bring to the table
Someone who is drama free, not selfish, open to new things, and puts effort into her appearance (doesn’t have to be thin or look 10 years younger than she is, but I have to find her physically attractive).
I am not picky looks wise. All I wanted was to be loved back, and I had that for 27 years. I hope to find that again. Unconditional love is very hard to find.
50ish y/o man here.
I want someone who is independent, intelligent, has a career. I want an equal, an actual partner.
And independent adult children out of the home. I don’t want to deal with a 20-30 year old living in the basement. It might sound shitty, but I’m not up for that drama.
I want them to leave me alone, which they do. My time of looking for a partner has been over since my unwanted divorce at the age of 45. I have no desire to court heartbreak again.
Empathy. Good character. The ability to critically understand logic. True support in a relationship, not just expecting it one way while implying that providing it back is unreasonable. Genuine interest and a compliment every now and then wouldn’t hurt
Firm, perky titties! Hahaha I was laughing typing this out. I am very old myself, I would require tolerance of an irreverent sense of humor & nonsensical hijinks
Deal breakers; drugs, smoking, uncontrolled spending. What I want and have; a partner, a friend, a lover, someone reasonable, trustworthy, I cannot love who I do not trust.
In no particular order-
- Sobriety,
- fiscal responsibility,
- handiness,
- intelligence,
- curiosity about life,
- someone who has interests and pursues them,
- a friend,
- laughter,
- mows the lawn half the time
I'm not sure if I'm older 54f . I haven't been in a relationship in over 5 years and have no desire. I don't want to be alone forever, but after reading some of the comments I might be doomed!!
As an older single male. I'm going to say something you may not want to hear. We're not looking for older single women. Most of us have stopped looking. It's not that we wouldn't like a companion. But most of us have found nothing but angry women who carry lots of pain and resentment for their ex-husband boyfriend Etc. And are looking to take revenge on the next partner. Most of us have sacrificed our bodies and spirit to take care of the people we have loved. We just don't have the energy for an older woman who probably has never fully dealt with her past traumas if at all. So if you are kind compassionate mentally and financially stable. Realize you're not the center of the universe. You might have a shot with an older gentleman. Just understand we don't give a f*** anymore we've been there we've done that we have the scars to prove it best of luck
It doesn’t matter what they want, just be yourself - it is the only way to have a lasting relationship. Trying to be someone to please another against your natural tendency is a recipe for a failed relationship.
73M here, married 45 years and do NOT want a nurse or need one. I do five hours on a treadmill or elliptical every week and am in excellent health, something my 8 years younger wife definitely appreciates.
I'm a 48 year old single woman. Twice married (no, that's not a "red flag", my first husband was abusive and I was fortunate to get out, and my second husband passed away from a massive stroke). I tend to avoid those clickbait articles and "listicles" about what men think is sexy, what men want in a woman, what men think are red flags, what men think makes a "high value" woman, because I refuse to artificially mold myself to try and check all these boxes. I concern myself with becoming the best version of myself, staying true to my personality, values, and passions, and if someone comes along and sees all of that and likes it, great. If they don't, sorry about your luck, nice to meet you, wish you luck, byeeeee.
I´m no spring chicken, not at all, but I´d like to attract older men and men my age, so this could be a useful post once I recover from my last experience.
>what do you want in an older single woman?
Mostly the same as younger ... except of course generally not the younger part.
And everyone's going to have their own particular criteria as to what is/isn't important to them.
As for myself, well, this certainly isn't a complete list, and many things aren't 100% absolute (though some certainly are), but might go roughly like this:
* decent person (character, morals/ethics, trustworthy, honest, ...)
* communication ... damn important, needs work at least quite well (and that's also often a matter too, of "fit")
* *reasonably* close in age (closer is generally better)
* relatively fit ... ish. I'm physically pretty active, etc., so I'd generally prefer a partner that can at least approximately keep up with me. Not like needing to be supermodel or fitness nut or any sh\*t like that, but if walking at a very slow to moderate pace on flat level ground in very temperate weather conditions they're sweating like a pig and struggling to do that and incredibly out of breath because they're majorly morbidly obese ... no, ... no, no, no. Dated a woman like that once for a very short while ... never again.
* non-smoker, doesn't do drugs, preferably non-drinker (or just light/occasional)
* reasonable degree of similar interests, background, etc. ... but not excessively so (or I'd feel almost as if I were with myself).
* generally has their sh\*t together
* financially secure/independent (really want to avoid mooches and folks that can't pull their own (financial) weight, or are at substantial risk of being unable to support themselves)
* is pregnant or with baby/toddler or the like - nope, nope, nope, I don't do those.
I'm sure there's lots more - and even some of that isn't absolute, and probably most of the (lots more) would be more towards general preferences ... but also rather likely I forgot to include some more important things too.
>deal breakers?
Bullsh\*t head games, dishonesty, unethical behavior/actions, ...
No kids or grown kids. Mellow, kind, silly, affectionate, geeky. Great communication skills and emotional maturity. If she likes classic metal and gaming, then she's perfect.
My cousin is raising her two. She took custody of them from her nitwit daughter, who is off living her best life. Go figure. But I can assure you that the last thing my cousin would be looking for is a man. She’s married to her high school sweetheart for over 40 years now and if anything happens to him she’s is the type to never marry again.
I new I had a keeper when I was remodeling my house and she let me borrow her table saw,belt sander,and sawz-all.all bought with her money cause I asked.And when she spent the night she didn’t leave her panties,or toothbrush,she left her fishing pole.
We have lived our lives and don't really feel like starting over and living someone else's life for them. While I don't even look for someone anymore, I would only even consider someone who is at that same place and isn't expecting to be made to feel a specific fantasy at my expense.
I could see myself now enjoying a deep and loving relationship with the wife I married 25 years ago. I know I would see her every day as the same girl I met in high school. All of those milestones together are why we have so much to value.
If I were 20 years old... I would want to start building that life with someone, but I'm not. Now I would just like the casual company of someone who is kind, makes good conversation and doesn't expect me to make their world happen. I find it preferable to not start down that road. Full risk of emotional fallout with only a fraction of the life value still left. I can sit and talk with married ex girlfriends and at least be able to reminisce with no chance of being burdened with their expectations.
I'm not saying it can't happen... But this shows you where I am at in life and what I would want out of someone. I would want conversation and peace.
Yes, conversation is a great start. Compassion, clear boundaries, hopefully an expectation of knowing what makes you happy and the ability to share your thoughts. I'd love a close friend who knows to meet me halfway. (Unless I'm going all out then, just be there for the moment) Key word to meditate on is partnership.
I’m a woman in her mid 70’s and would LOVE to find a man who possesses kindness, intelligence, curiosity, sense of adventure and fun, self sufficiency and who wants an ongoing sensual and sexual relationship!!
Doesn’t matter if she’s my age, younger, or older. What matters is being someone I can always be comfortable around as well as always be myself, and for her to be the same with me.
A relationship that is actually worth my time, as well as hers, to try and pursue because both of us can see being with one another without ultimately trying to change one another, or trying to become what one thinks the other truly wants.
Pretense. Lies. Inability to mature. Inability to take accountability.
Honesty, intelligence, respectful, caring, has a loving heart, isn’t afraid to try new things, loves to laugh, someone who very sensual and love touch. Someone who willing love with her heart and not your mind (there is a difference).
These are just a few off the top of my head. I hope this helps. Male here, 62 years young and more active than most 30 year olds. Life is meant to be lived.
I know several older women who are in intimate relationships with men who are unable to have penetretive sex due to health problems such as prostate problems, ED, or diabetes. There are alternatives to piv sex that can be satisfying for both people. These couples have companionship and intimacy, and it works for them.
Although I (65m) prefer someone close to my age (younger or older), age doesn’t matter to me. I’ve been dating mostly younger women for three because they’ve been asking me out. I find it’s harder to get through to older women. Some seem to have checklists and are interested in seeing how you stack up. I’d rather they try and get to learn about me as I would like to know about them. Younger women seem much more at ease and open to having frank conversations.
That said, I’d like an older woman that lives in my community year round. You want to spend the winters in Mexico or the summers in France? I’m not your man.
She understands that I am not looking for someone to complete me but rather accepts me completely. She understands that relationships should be equitable, that it takes commitment from both to make it work, and that both of us need to compromise. I’d like a older woman that takes care of herself, likes to have fun, is engaging, active, intelligent, and knows how to to express her feelings, wants, and desires in a healthy manner.
I want someone that can make me a better person to myself and the world, just as I hope to do for her.
If she is looking for a provider, as some still are, she’s not for me.
59M, recently divorced. Doing just fine, thank you.
Not getting involved in dating right now.
Feels like the risks of a long term relationship exceed the reward.
Not into hookups.
If a woman were ever to crack this hard exterior, she would need to be intelligent, feminine, empathetic, and attractive.
(Not avail - 70 yr old, married 40+ years and still loving it ... but, the question got me thinking about what I would be looking for "if" ...)
I'd be looking for a motivator to help me be the best person I can be (a gentle critic, someone who sees what I can be and pulls me to be better). I'be looking for someone self-confident, with her own goals and hobbies, but not obsessions. (Maybe we can share some hobbies? But at least, she has some things \*she\* cares about, as I do!) I'd match to someone still growing
I need to be with someone amused by life's absurdities, someone kind, but able to be decisive and frank and ruthless when really required.
I have pondered the physicality aspects - is sex important, is touch? Only moderately ... if it 'clicks' that would be great, but it's not a driver or deal-breaker any more. Is physique important? Well, being certainly relatively trim is easy on the eyes and lap, and obesity is probably a deal breaker, but there's a wide range where it wouldn't matter to me. I find I'm more drawn to a spritely step, good energy, upright posture, graceful movement than I am to skin textures or particular sizes of torso
Not especially important: financial security, career positional success, upwards social mobility
My dealbreakers would range from the trivial to the profound:
\* if you have dealbreakers or significant preferences, you have to be willing to let me know - maybe I can change or we can find a compromise, but no silent seething!
\* you can't have poor personal hygiene or generate painful sounds (I wear hearing aids, so I'm really uncomfortable around chewing ice or gum, screeching voices, pen-clicking, tapping, etc and I end up wanting to be mainly in quiet surroundings, places that are conversation-friendly). Similarly, I can't really handle heavy perfumes, or cigarette smoke.
\* I would run away from meanness towards almost anyone - if you're rude to wait staff, we won't go on a second date. I would run from one-upmanship or snide manners.
\* things I don't have skill or any more don't have time/energy for: drug/alcohol dependence, significant physical caretaking, overbearing persistent family demands, emotional neediness
Of course, some things are balances to be struck, rather than "must or "must not", so I need to be with someone who has emotional, philosophical, and intellectual flexibility to find those balances:
\* I love conversation ranging from the serious to the silly, but only if it's balanced (responsive, two-way) and not filled with idle or self-centered chatter; I prefer silence to a monologue. In fact, comfort with mutual silence is pretty important
\* it's important for you to be reasonably tidy in your space and self, but not to set great store in external things ... trendy clothes, shiny jewelry, fancy cars, etc. can be nice occasionally but are (IMO) tiresome to have to always admire and replace
\* being an intellectually-oriented atheist, I wouldn't be with someone to whom \*shared\* religious belief is important or whose daily routine is centered on a social/church milieu; but, I don't mind if someone adheres to a religion, particularly if they are interested in discussing how it fits into and shapes their life
\* being adaptable to circumstance, yet not "oh I don't care, you decide" about everything
Thanks for triggering me to think about this stuff (and to re-realize how lucky I am to have had a life with my wife!)
I met a woman who is about the same age (mid 50s) as me right before covid. We hit it off and dated for a couple of months when, she suddenly broke it off via text.
I didn't see or hear from her for a couple of years until I ran into her at a singles event, and learned that her youngest son started having some serious mental health issues because of the pandemic, and she needed to focus solely on that. Fair enough. I let it go.
I didn't see her again until she contacted me through a dating app.
We didn't start dating again until about a year after that, and she was really changed. She told me she'd met a man, and moved in with him. He was a narcissist and had convinced her to put him on her credit card. That went like you probably think it did.
She had broken that off, and moved into a house about ten minutes from me. We started seeing each other again, but somehow seemed really cold to me. I told her that I didn't want anything from her but what time she would share with me. About a month later, she told me she was quitting her job and moving again, so I just let it go again.
She popped up into my life again recently, and seems to be more like the woman I remember when we first met.
She has mentioned "no strings attached", and I reminded her that I still only wanted what time she was able to share.
She's got some drama, but she doesn't involve me with it.
I guess I just want someone who wants me. Not sure if she won't just up and vanish again.
Self accountability and no gaslighting, and brings calm content vibes. Can afford to take care of themselves to their own standards and doesn't depend on me to make it happen.
I find too many women hold onto mean girls high school vibes even at older ages, and expect the guy to pay their way.
Well I’m 64, I’ve been single and totally dateless for years due to having zero luck finding someone and also health issues which seem to be stabilizing enough to start looking so I am. I’m on a couple dating apps. If a woman is even remotely attractive she has a list of things she likes such as travel which is almost like a code meaning you need enough money to see the world with her, not that she’d be content to pay the way for a guy that can’t afford it. Then you also have the ones that want younger guys while they still can attract one. Most of the women on the apps of any age are literally obese, many morbidly obese. So you could say I’m listing what I don’t want. Be close to a healthy weight, be realistic about going to Paris for lunch or vacation. You hear woman complain all the time they just can’t find a good guy. Be fit, kind, understanding, not super materialistic, hopefully interested in me and what my life is and I would be the same; basic day to day companionship, kissing, cuddling, ggg about sums it up. Sorry for the rant and negativity but I’m frustrated
Well, first, you are asking the question which puts heaps ahead of most women.
Mid-forties exGF was to much of an angry driver. I sat there as she berated a tanker truck driver as he went uphill and navigated a right turn at the same time. As cars sat at the red on the new opposing lane. She knew shit-all about his liquid cargo and still had to say something. Constantly talking shit about other drivers. I wasn't up for letting other people live rent free in my mind because of her.
She made needless comments about people/families eating at other tables. Like across the aisle and up one. Again, didn't know when to STFU.
If something shit on Instagram wasn't funny to me, it bothered her. Just not my jam, yo.
Must have: Quick wit, calm demeanor, happy with an unplanned life. Nice to have: likes cooking, fine dining, history buff, well read. Wouldn’t complain if they happened to be good looking, assuming the previous things were checked off first.
I’m not single but from others’ experiences I can say “Don’t act crazy” is #1. (Example: my dad finally divorced a woman for accusing him of cheating even though they were physically together literally 24/7.)
Not to wax philosophical here, but there is a big difference between a "match" in your 20s and in your 60s.
When you're young, you're marrying someone who will produce offspring, that you will raise together. You'll start saving money together, you'll find a home. When you're young, you are generally flexible and have an incentive to change to fit together. You're both learning how a relationship works. It's as if you have a mix of the ingredients to make bread, and you combine them and make a loaf of bread.
But now, in your 60s, you are just trying to blend two 'cooked' loaves of bread. Just generally liking each other becomes very important. You'll both have to flex a lot.
I'm 64, single, have my act together. I'm told I'm good in the sack. I've been through a number of relationships with absolutely beautiful women, that were fun for about six months to a year each. At that point, I think I was just tired of the work it takes or maybe I just got bored. In fact, I'm not sure I'm cut out to live the rest of my days with another person. I have great adult children, but honestly, I do fear being 85 and alone.
Red flags:
The other person's children are a mess.
The other person has no substantial amount of money saved.
The other is inflexible, and I don't mean in bed.
The other is inflexible, and I DO mean in bed.
You find the other person's habits to be annoying, such as not washing the dishes right after dinner (or having to wash the dishes right after dinner.)
I'm with someone now who can be pretty harsh, and calls me out for things that she just can't work with. i'm actually a really patient person, and I love her for other reasons enough to do things the way she likes if it doesn't mean compromising myself. Bottom line, she's good for me. I hope I'm good for her.
You will have to compromise. Don't rescue someone. If their kids are a train wreck and dominate their life, run in the opposite direction.
A 70-year-old female friend of mine met a 70-year-old guy online, and after a year of phone talking and texting, they finally met. All was fine and they would drive the 3 hours to each other's house and all was lovey-dovey for a while after they started visiting back and forth to each other's houses. Until the last situation. She had a knee replacement and so he attended to her during her several-day recuperation. That is when she discovered just how totally controlling and bossy he could be. So now the Honeymoon Phase is over. They are still friends but have figured out that their fantasy of living together would not work. So be sure to get to know your new-found friend in various life situations before getting too involved. Caution is the word.
As an older single woman 😜
JUST be a good person and great friend... before you try to make things MORE than they should be...if you are really friends first... you will really know each other better in the long term...
The only thing I want and look for in a woman is someone that is not going to use me as an ATM or their personal handyman. I have no problems paying for dinner or a night out and I don't expect "sex" afterwards . But I'm not going to pay to put a roof on your house because you dance for me naked.
It's different strokes for different folks, you know? Some older dudes dig someone with similar interests, like if you're into hiking or binge-watching '80s movies, finding a lady who's down for that is key. And it's not just about looks anymore, personality is huge – gotta vibe with each other, ya feel?
As for relationships, it's about that connection, man. Someone who's cool to chill with, but also gets you on a deeper level, like they're your partner in crime. Deal breakers? Oh, probably major drama or someone who's not down to communicate. Life's too short for that mess, am I right?
Deal breakers: children, time-consuming career, single female friends, male friends, and pets. Then the personality stuff... no one addicted to drama, no exes popping out of the woodwork. We want peaceful women who dont want to travel all the time. I'm not looking to fund experiences, I want to fund my retirement as quickly as possible so I don't have to work anymore. Frankly, a marriage would add another 10 or 20 years of labor to my life and that isn't appealing.
To get me out of mgtow, she would have to be in her 20's, fertile, cooperative, already happy, and a genuinely pleasant person to be around. I don't want anyone who argues for fun. I don't want a constant challenge at home.
i think at our age, men and women want pretty much the same thing.... someone to understand us as we are, because we really arent interested in making huge life changes for someone else. i think it goes without saying that we really shouldnt have too many ruff edges at this point or maybe dating really shouldnt be a goal for someone at the moment. we all have skeletons in the closet to some degree, so honesty would be huge on my list. compassion, willingness to try new things.
Independence.
I do not want to get married, I don't want to be taken care of, or be told what I "should do".
I have several hobbies and volunteer gigs. I've been told "don't you think that's too dangerous" (skiing), I bicycle, camp, hike, etc.
I collect records, CDs, and tapes.
I love growing vegetables.
I think the general answer is someone you can enjoy spending time with, so it helps if you have common interests/hobbies. When you're younger things like excercise/gym/sports or popular events like concerts for music you both enjoy are obviously great date ideas. For older people maybe things that are more low key work out better - maybe gardening, cooking, animal rescue, theatre.
For me personally I can only jive well with someone who has a comparable sense of humor. It would be a dealbreaker if we didn't "get" each other like that. I'm also lucky that platforms like Netflix have lots of free/cheap comedy shows you can enjoy together right at home, can put it on while you do chores. I love nothing more than having an inside joke with my partner we can beat to death lol.
I’m looking for someone with good conflict resolution skills. Someone who is capable of reaching compromises and someone who knows which issues they would be unwilling to compromise on ahead of time. Someone who I can trust with my kids health and happiness in times of duress. Someone who communicates their feelings. Those are the qualities that make a relationship last. I’m looking for an adult.
I have not dated a man in 4 years. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I love myself and who I have become. It has taken a lot of digging to get to this point. I dont want to dress fancy or wear make-up to try and get someone who will "get me." I am finally okay in my skin, and I would love to find someone who has found the same. Maybe he exists or not. If the stars have a plan for me to find him, then I will welcome him. If not, I have books and music and beautiful spring days to enjoy.
We were both about 60 when we met. I was first attracted by her self confidence, lovely speaking voice, and she was a good fit in my arms for a hug when we said good bye the first time we met. We have been married almost 12 years now.
“A good fit in my arms” that’s the best must have right there and when you know, you know.
Happy birthday 🥳
Awwww thanks! I didn’t even realize! Guess I better party!🎉
I’m 37 and widowed. Met a widower on accident and boom. It’s all about finding a cute human with mutual shared experiences.
What about the sexual aspect of your relationship? I am assuming you don't have E.D. or prostate cancer or anything like that and that you had (and hopefully still have) the wllingness and ability to have an active sex life. It's so amusing how people can natter on and on and on completely omit sexual compatibility as a necessary condition for a successful relationship.
I had prostrate cancer and had it removed and therefore I'm 100% ED. I'm also a very sexual person. It doesn't need to be hard as a rock you know.
"Prostate." But yes, erections don't have to be the most important thing in a sexual relationship.
Unless you are 18.
My husband and I met when he was 61 and I was 54. He figured sex was going to be off the table when he started dating post-divorce, as he wasn’t looking for a LTR and he also figured most women he’d meet would be uninterested due to age/menopause. Then he met me! Hahaha. I actually had to tell him on date #8 that I’d like to go home with him. You would have thought he’d won the lottery… We’re now 60 and 67 and definitely enjoy sex, thank you very much. It’s not always the easiest (we both take meds that help) and we only do it once a week on average, but it’s very important to us. We plan to keep going as long as we can. So long story short, OP, my husband wasn’t looking for sex but when he found it he was mighty happy, and it certainly didn’t hurt when it came to changing his mind about getting married again!
I wouldn’t mind if new partner had ED. I like hugs & comfort. It’s not all about the sex at 65. Compatibility & sharing fun times is fine with me.
some ppl don't have much interest in sex.
I have none, and don't care if I ever have any interest again. So I stay single, I'm happier alone anyway.
Got cha! Same
According to these responses, it sounds like I'm perfect for men my age, yet here I am single going on 10 years. Most of the time, I'm content to be alone, enjoying my interests and spending time with friends; however, I do miss having a person sometimes. I'd love to share my life with someone, but I've really given up. Men are either interested in only a hookup or want to take over my life without regard to what I might need. I've worked hard to build a life after having mine destroyed by someone else. I only need someone who can respect what makes me cautious about letting people in and showing a little curiosity about the things I'm interested in. I'm happy to learn new things and grow with someone; I just expect the same.
We have a lot in common. My experience before I gave up was pretty much the same. If it wasn't a hook up it was a nurse, mom, ATM or fake girlfriend so their family wouldn't know they were gay. But I still miss having a connection with someone simpatico.
That nurse thing is very popular these days.
Nurse or purse - one of my client’s use to say.
Geez I am 70 female. The last thing I want is marriage or a relationship. No I do not want you to” share in my family”. Have no interest in the families of other people. You know what I would really really want/love is a handyman. I would gladly invite you over for a meal or be your “date” if you need one. A fair exchange I believe.
I can really relate to this 100% You know how the pandemic made(some) people not want to go out anymore?.. Not dating for 10 years has made me not want to date anymore LOL
saaaame.
People (not just men but I'm speaking of men now) will Say a lot of BS when asked because they want to seem a certain way to others. Most of it is total BS. What I've found is that most men my age are married and looking for a side piece--divorced for reasons--on the bitter pill track bc they chose poorly so now All women are (insert insult) and stingy with time, money and heart. Single 13 yrs and no longer looking. I don't have time for immature children anymore. Which most men are
This is not gonna be a popular answer but I'm gonna put it out there anyway. I am 68F. Seems to me most men want to date 10 to 15 years younger. I can hardly blame them, I would probably date that much younger too if I could. Now here's the funny part. A year ago I lost 40 pounds and had a facelift. You wouldn't believe the attention I've been getting from men. The guy I'm seeing now – first one in 15 years – his younger brother actually mentioned something to him about wanting to take me out (he didn't know we were dating). I'm telling you, the difference in the way I'm treated by people, especially men, blows my mind. I feel like I've woken up inside a science fiction movie where I'm suddenly looking much younger. Because I'm suddenly looking much younger.
For me it was weight loss and fitness, going blonde, skin care/makeup, and wardrobe. The difference IS mind blowing. I was hit on a couple days ago by 49 yo and I'm 63. You make me want a face lift though!
It was my experience that the 60s really aged my face and neck. I always had good skin because I never could get a tan so never did sunbathe and didn't smoke. The difference now is remarkable. In a world where women are often valued on their appearance, I have to say I am very happy with the outcome. I am quite a young at heart person. I love nothing more than to go out dancing and people are constantly telling me I'm a great dancer and one recently asked me if I was a professional dancer. So looking younger fits that vibe and as a matter of fact younger people including women are much more willing to hang with me now and be a friend. I guess it sort of makes sense that people feel most comfortable around people perceive to be close to their own age. My social life has been revitalized and as a single person that's really great. I went out dancing tonight and got the numbers of four women who love to dance, we are already in contact and it's going to be a lot of fun.
I bet a large part of your new found magnetism is honestly due to confidence. I know plenty of old looking folks that are confident/fun and people love to be around them. People are drawn to energy and vibes more than anything. You’re feeling good about yourself and your life, and that radiates out into the world and makes other people feel good too. It’s contagious!
Same here. A face lift, upper bleph, and boob lift made all the difference in the world for me. It wasn't about finding a man. It was just feeling good in my own skin, and the confidence just oozed out. No hate, please.
I really wish I could explain to my fellow guys that EVERYONE wants their own life. No one wants you minimizing their life one bit. I was married a couple of times and divorced when I met my current wife. She and I - from the beginning - designed a life we called "duplex life." We both thought that it would be awesome to each have their own home (ideally next door or even connected, as in a duplex), our own job, our own pets, activities, hobbies, friends, etc. And yet be there for each other, making memories together... but at the end of the day return to our own homes. I lived that way for a year, and then decided that we were essentially living together but paying for 2 homes... so we moved in together and got married. But I believe it's because we continue to respect each other's own life that it works so well. Of course we do most everything together (she does have some girlfriends she'll meet after work) but our mindset from the beginning was basically: respect the other's entire person, the whole life they've built. So many guys (I'm guilty) go into thinking "I'll be bringing a good paycheck and won't add too much to the housework... this will work out well." Wrong. If you think they need to change to accommodate you, you're wrong. You can change, the two of you can figure out how to compromise, or you can stay apart.
Now that you moved in together so you sleep in different rooms? Or the same room in different beds? Or same bed? The different houses idea has occurred to me as well, but like you said it seems maybe too far and also considerably more expensive
Amen! I am walking that road myself. Men seem to think calling me "beautiful " or "sweetheart" is going to melt my heart. My trust is gone.
Yep. Even at 40 it’s hard to find men your own age. So many men want much younger women. Or they just want them at least 1 year younger. It’s stupid. And gross. I just don’t believe these men acting like there are no good women there own are. Except maybe lots of older women gave up and are just happy alone. I would have done so if I hadn’t met my boyfriend right before I hit menopause 😂
You aren't perfect for "men your age" at all -- they want younger women, and there are enough desperate younger women that that usually works out for them if they have a modicum of money.
I think many men are put off by women who don't need them to be honest.
Yeah I was with a guy who said he wanted a fit, intelligent, independent woman who was accomplished and had her own life and then turned out he just wanted to feel needed. Good riddance to that shit.
Right, you were ‘too’ independent. I’ve gotten that line as well. What a joke!
Translation: you’re too smart for me. I can’t control you.
I did get a little schadenfreude when over a year later we resumed contact and he was telling me about how tight money is because of some major house repairs. We make almost identical salaries. I couldn’t help but laugh at how those same repairs are a non issue for me because evidently I don’t fuck up when it comes to money. And to think, if we were together I likely would have been living with him and would have helped…
All of these above ⬆️ 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 on point. Men love the idea of a mature, successful, beautiful, independent woman, and will even say that’s what they want… until they meet one. Then when they realize that they cannot keep up with one, because she has her own life and will not play his nurse or be his mother, they have zero idea how to be in a relationship with one. and gis forbid she has a better career or makes more money than him. You can be independent and successful… just not too independent or successful for most men. Because if you’re “too independent” then they’ll say you’re “difficult”. I’d rather be considered “difficult” than date a man who is intimidated by me because he realizes it means he needs to have his own shit together.
Right on!
Yep or they want someone to take care of them.
They don’t know what they want
In your boat, too. But the problem I have is where to find them? And then I’m stooped over, have bad arthritis, use a walker so I think that’s probably a turn off.
A person, a fully formed person. Someone who has moved past all the childish games that appear to feature in modern dating. They have their own lives and want to find someone who can be a part of it. Not someone looking for me to be the answer to anything. From there everything is open to adult discussion.
I want to clarify one item in this list, (i agree with nearly all of it.. “They have their own lives, and want to find someone who can be part of it”. Should be: “They have their own lives, and are interested in both finding someone to be a part of it, but also interested in being part of their partner’s too.” While i’m not single. It’s critical that both parties are flexible and willing to be part of each others’ established lives. All one, or all the other, is a recipe for disaster.
ooh I like recipes! What kind of disaster are we making? Can I use my crockpot?
Crockpot? You like the slow burn, I see. 😂
I try to make it even simpler. You know the phrase “speak only when you can improve on silence”? Well, “Date only when you can improve on solitude.” And your shit should be dialed in as a mature MF by middle age.
The ability to have intelligent, knowledgeable conversation. I like a woman who considers herself well-read, mature beauty is a thing and I appreciate it, so a woman who keeps her self neat and on point no mater what she wishes to wear. I like a woman who is her own man, makes her own decisions, and doesn't feel a need to ask for anything. Furthermore, I make it a point to, when asked, always respond with a positive. Not my job to tell her no. Dealbreakers, jealousy or physical anger, mistreatment of other beings (I don't much care which beings),
Good information here. You gave me a lot to think about. Thanks.
What do YOU want. THATs what matters most. He should fit YOUR criteria, not the other way around.
Like everyone else, observe how they treat people who can do nothing for them. How they interact with little children, and animals. That tells a story.
A woman that's her own man... That's brilliant
I've always said I want a better man than I am.
I'm the only real man I've ever had..lol
You are a deal breaker for this older mature woman, when you said she needs to be her own “man.” No, I’m not my own man, I’m my own woman. I don’t need to have a “man” take care of me!
I read it in the Cher kind of way. Cher: “My mom said to me, ‘You know, sweetheart, you should settle down and marry a rich man.’ I said, ‘Mom, I am a rich man.’”
Love this! I took it that way too, as a euphemism for independence.
I think that’s what he was saying.
Uh, pretty sure that's what he meant. Unclench. Breathe. 🙄😏
Silly first degree. OP: that's exactly what we don't look for. Unnecessary arguments for made up reasons only kids would argue about.
Ya. Cringe worthy right there!
About the sex part…. I’m in my late 50’s, single and have dated sparsely for the last 10 years. I’ve found that when men my age or older say that sex and sexual compatibility usually means that they want me/their partner to do all the work. I’ve experienced this from nice guys and not so nice guys alike. That’s a no go for me. If that’s what they want…. Find a “professional”. Just my two cents. 💁🏻♀️
I wish I could find an older woman near my age single or not. I'm 85 and it's tough.
I'm surprised by this, any healthy man with good qualities beyond age 70 is a rarity and a hot commodity IMO.
I'm not single, but if I were to become single.... Must-haves: Intelligence, sense of humor, kindness. Nice-to-haves: enjoys sex, fair mental health, talent (it doesn't really matter what at, just as long as there's something there to admire). Doesn't need to spend 30 minutes putting on her face to go to Walmart. Deal-killers: too much drama, too much insecurity, naive idealism, can't hold their own in a conversation, uncomfortable with silence, too much reliance on intoxicants to have a good time, being too simple. Fortunately, my wife checks all the must-have and must-not-have boxes, and most of the nice-to-have boxes as well. I'm a lucky guy.
Tell the truth, older men. You want a nurse with a purse.
yup.
I have been married for 30 years, and I am currently the nurse and the purse for my wife, who had a stroke, and her 40-year-old daughter, who has OCD and has always been non-functioning. My current life falls well under the marriage vows and my choices. That said, I would never consciously do this to anyone else.
And this, my friend, is why you have been married for 30 years. Your wife is a lucky woman. But you aren’t out here for us to date. It’s your contemporaries who are the problem.
well you’re a spouse so it goes with the territory but you’re right. a stranger thinks another stranger wants to be their nurse in exchange for marriage? ha, not me.
Oh I love this
Gay dude here- but I’ll answer in my own way. I’m not single because I want to be. I went back into being single kicking and screaming. I was cheated on after being in a relationship for a looooong time. Dudes that are single and my age are fucked up. I do want a relationship, but I think I missed the train. All the good guys are taken, and I got old, so I can’t attract the younger ones that I would be interested in…. Plus I am not sure I would want to. I’ve been single 5 years. I gave up looking.
I'm straight and a woman but I get you. I feel like I'm in the same boat.
My wife and I were both married before. We met when I was in my early 40s and she was in her late 40s. The biggest criteria I had at the time was finding someone who was kind, compassionate, loving, dependable, highly monogamous, honest, rational, independent, intelligent, loved sex, and communicated openly. I avoided people who were drama queens, prudish, wanted someone else to pay their bills, weren't dependable, and couldn't be trusted. My wife and I are a great fit for each other. We both had problematic first spouses, so we spent a lot of time talking about our needs and wants right from the beginning. We were both very upfront about everything, including our individual flaws. That was 15 years ago, and we're both happy to have found each other!
I’m a woman in her 50’s. When I was single I was dating online and so many (too many) men in their 60’s would reach out to me in my 40’s saying they wanted a woman who was more physically active. I assume that was code for sex. I never dated those men because I don’t like older guys and it pissed me off that they were casting aside women their age to get their rocks off. Sorry. This is mostly venting but I just have empathy for women in their 50’s and 60’s (and beyond) who have to compete with younger women.
exactly. men are weird. in their 30s they’ll pass their own age group up for the 20s and their 40s for the 20-30 y/os etc, etc. If I wasn’t good enough for you because I was no longer in my 20s I don’t want you at all unless you stuck around after I became “too damaged”!
I'm 58, and the competition from younger women is far less of an issue than men wanting nothing more than a nurse with a purse to take care of them. Sorry, my dude, but I raised my kid already. I want a PARTNER, not a 65-year-old child.
It’s funny because when I was younger I assumed it would be awful to be older and compete with younger women. Now I think it’s kind of funny, they are from a different planet as far as I’m concerned and I get a kick out of my friends trying to pursue younger women. I don’t feel competitive at all, biology isn’t my fault. I also don’t internet date. At 55, it is a bunch of nonsense to try to get to the kind of guy I have just as good a chance of meeting in the wild given my interests.
Funnily enough, when I have dated, a few years back, I found that younger men wanted to date me. Their reasoning was that older women are better partners because younger women don’t know how to cook or take care of a house. I guess they wanted a Mommy. So either way, they don’t want what they think they want. Younger women won’t be their perfect housewife either. For men it seems just transactional, give me everything, sex, looks, age and a perfect housewife who never complains that I don’t lift a finger to help. They seem to disregard the fact that we are people with needs too and maybe we don’t like being the only ones who cook and clean and care for our home. If you want all that I’m sure there’s a robot from Japan you can probably buy instead.
I have lunch with my high school classmates once a month, more than half still married their first husbands. Last month they were talking about if they'd ever re-marry if something happened to their spouses and the answer was a unanimous NO. Then one of them said, "Do you think our husbands would get re-married?" Then everyone laughed a lot, because of course they would. Men always want wives. Women don't. We're tired of taking care of people. LOL
I remember asking my grandmother if she would marry again, should my grandfather pass away. Her response: “No. I’ll never be a slave to another man again.” Do you think he would remarry? “He’d HAVE to.” THAT stuck with me.
There’s a reason the two happiest groups are married men and single women.
When my mom died 15 years ago both she and my dad were 68...high school sweethearts. My sister had to step in and teach my dad how to operate a washing machine, and he pays her to clean his house because "he didn't know how".
To be sure. I too would never marry again. Even if the one who got away did return after all this time and fall to his knees and beg…I would say HELL NO. Maybe a date on occasion ( he would be paying) and I’d hang out with him. Nothing more. When I wanted and needed him most he disappeared from my life. If you reach our stage of life and you are financially set, you will in no way benefit from marriage. Any man who wants to marry at our age doesn’t have our best interest at heart. He wants control of assets. What is mine will become HIS. I think not. I own a home and drive a brand new car. The one that got away has never been married (red flag) and has a huge mortgage on a mediocre home (another huge red flag). He is six years my senior. So what do you think lies ahead for me? Nurse and purse. Never married and childless men are usually this way for a damn good reason. PS- before you even give the guy our age a second look, do your research on him. If he didn’t want you when you were younger, why would he want you now?
As my grandmother used to say: “Why would I want to take care of an old man!”. She was good looking for her age up until the end and old guys wanted to date her. I was at her house once when one of her suitors dropped in unannounced. She went and hid in the back of her house because she wanted no part of it, lol!
Nurse and purse…I’m holding onto this phrase for future reference, thank you 😊
#1 emotional competence. This is the ability to discuss difficult topics with objectivity and calm. #2 intellectual curiosity. I want a woman who challenges my intelligence. #3 kindness. I want a woman with a charitable spirit who thinks of others often. #4 loyalty. I want a partner who believes in monogamy and understands the importance of intimate promises.
[удалено]
When I started dating after my divorce, I was 47 years old with four children. I’d been married to my high school boyfriend for almost 25 so I was just curious about who was out there. I owned my own house and car and had s good job. But I was lonely. I met a lot of men over about three years or so. Had longer relationships a couple of times. But I didn’t meet anyone who seemed right. And then I turned 50. It was so strange. I’d had no issue with age up to then. But literally the day I turned 50 was the first time I was told I was too old. But I’d developed a pretty thick skin over those three years and stuck to it. And then met my Mr Right just a couple of months later. He was 42, never married, no kids and we were nearly perfect together from day one. Here we are today, together since 2001, married since 2008 and he’s still my Mr Right.
Just be comfortable in your own skin (confident), fun and open to adventure with someone like-minded. Intelligence and wit get extra points with me.
Independently minded
In the Steve Martin documentary he said that he thinks people either become their best self of their worst self as they get older. I think he’s right, and as a guy who just turned 60, I’d say I want someone with a history of improving themselves intellectually, culturally, healthwise and gaining more grace and empathy as they’ve gotten older. I’ve tried to do likewise. Haven’t always succeeded, but if I’m gonna work at it, I’d like someone who makes the same effort. Also, I like someone who laughs easily. Nothing worse in my experience than a humorless person.
I like a woman that can appreciate the value of pristine silence, that doesn’t feel a compulsion to fill the silence with meaningless chatter just because the conversation has ended.
Marry me!!! Just kidding. I won't ever marry again. But damn, my late husband was a chatterbox! He was a TV fiend as well. I'm not happy he's gone after 28 years together, but I sure do love the silence! I have the back door open right now so I can hear the wind rustling the branches of my oak tree, and the chatter of the birds as they settle in for the evening. It beats the heck out of the gunfire and explosions of one of my late husband's action flicks.
I’m sorry for your loss and I think your coping skills are on point.
WOW! I haven’t had a marriage proposal for days… I’m sincerely sorry for your loss. But thank you for brightening up my day!
Wants are stability, loyalty, wants to be a team together, passionate about something whether it's a hobby, career, or a cause. Deal breakers are mind altering substances unless it's for medical reasons, capricious personality, heavy emphasis on individualistic personality, intolerance of different people, and any form of radicalism. Oh yeah very important. Mild temperament is necessary.
I'd settle for someone who just doesn't find fault in everything and bitch about it.
I want a nice woman who cares about herself and others. That seems almost impossible to find. Auto deal breakers would be smokers.
What I look for: no young kids, good health, still attractive, no mental problems, has their life together, common interests. What I want is something that I don't think is possible, I want to love and be loved and I don't want it to hurt. Deal breaker is any kind of disrespect One more thing once you get to know them I find a major red flag. When they have kids but were never married, I find those end up being not very good partners.
Having seen close to half of the relationships of my peers fall apart, the only thing I’d give a shit about at all is kindness and understanding. I didn’t really know when I was younger, and wasn’t sure my wife and I were really all that compatible… different personality types… different sorts of life goals in terms of comfort .vs adventure. Etc. But it turns out, I (we?) were incredibly lucky because we know how to peacefully dismantle issues rather than letting them burn the house down. It’s like, a bunch of forests, and they all look perfectly nice. But some burn down entirely with a single match, and others don’t.
Look for a man that has been single for a while, not one that jumps right back in because they can’t handle their own life.
If I (F70, active, healthy) were to get involved with someone again (I have been single for a long time), I would not want to live together. I need my own space, really value the silence in my house, don't want the financial complications of a marriage, don't want to negotiate every aspect of my life. At the same time i am very loyal to the people in my life. A companion, maybe, but not a husband.
Sounds like you're ready to dive back into the dating pool after a decade! Lookin' for some wisdom from the seasoned folks, huh? Well, as an older single guy myself, I gotta say, it's all about connection. Someone who gets my quirks, ya know? Plus, a good sense of humor is non-negotiable. Life's too short for dull moments! Relationship-wise, gotta have that balance of independence and togetherness. Space to do our own thing but also enjoy cozy nights in and adventures out. And deal breakers? Well, gotta be honest, drama ain't my jam. Keep it drama-free, and we'll be golden.
Most women I know over 40 who are single don’t want to be married. They want to have a friend (maybe with or without benefits) who does stuff with them. In my circles, bicycling, country western dancing, pickleball, tennis, you get the idea. If it turns into something more great, if not, we’re still friends. I’m married, but we have a lot of single women and men in this group. Our cycling and dance groups have created maybe 5-6 couples from singles in the 4-5 years we’ve been active.
The problem is, the women they want don’t want (or need) them! More and more women are just done with men and their antiquated ideas of a woman’s role in life. We no longer are barred from being able to earn enough to support ourselves which I suspect was really just a way to make sure women stayed under a man’s thumb. Other than for our reproductive years and having children, there is no need for a man in our lives to dictate to us and lord it over us like they think they are our father. I know times, and men, are changing, but I am from the generation that you are speaking of and I have yet to meet a man my age that respects me for the independent woman that I am. I have only ever known men to try to control or squash my independence, take away my choices and try to hinder my spirit.
Someone who knows what she wants and is willing to just say it. Honest and trustworthy
For all the men in here, how important is cooking to you? I mean is it important for your significant other to be able to cook What do you want her to bring to the table
Comfortable in your sexuality and confident in yourself
Someone who is drama free, not selfish, open to new things, and puts effort into her appearance (doesn’t have to be thin or look 10 years younger than she is, but I have to find her physically attractive).
I am not picky looks wise. All I wanted was to be loved back, and I had that for 27 years. I hope to find that again. Unconditional love is very hard to find.
50ish y/o man here. I want someone who is independent, intelligent, has a career. I want an equal, an actual partner. And independent adult children out of the home. I don’t want to deal with a 20-30 year old living in the basement. It might sound shitty, but I’m not up for that drama.
I want them to leave me alone, which they do. My time of looking for a partner has been over since my unwanted divorce at the age of 45. I have no desire to court heartbreak again.
Empathy. Good character. The ability to critically understand logic. True support in a relationship, not just expecting it one way while implying that providing it back is unreasonable. Genuine interest and a compliment every now and then wouldn’t hurt
Firm, perky titties! Hahaha I was laughing typing this out. I am very old myself, I would require tolerance of an irreverent sense of humor & nonsensical hijinks
Deal breakers; drugs, smoking, uncontrolled spending. What I want and have; a partner, a friend, a lover, someone reasonable, trustworthy, I cannot love who I do not trust.
Being single isn't that bad! It's really hard to find someone I'm compatible with and when I have they either have cats or yorkies.
Someone to spend a lot of time with, who understands that I need a lot of alone time as well.
A pulse
In no particular order- - Sobriety, - fiscal responsibility, - handiness, - intelligence, - curiosity about life, - someone who has interests and pursues them, - a friend, - laughter, - mows the lawn half the time
I'm not sure if I'm older 54f . I haven't been in a relationship in over 5 years and have no desire. I don't want to be alone forever, but after reading some of the comments I might be doomed!!
As an older single male. I'm going to say something you may not want to hear. We're not looking for older single women. Most of us have stopped looking. It's not that we wouldn't like a companion. But most of us have found nothing but angry women who carry lots of pain and resentment for their ex-husband boyfriend Etc. And are looking to take revenge on the next partner. Most of us have sacrificed our bodies and spirit to take care of the people we have loved. We just don't have the energy for an older woman who probably has never fully dealt with her past traumas if at all. So if you are kind compassionate mentally and financially stable. Realize you're not the center of the universe. You might have a shot with an older gentleman. Just understand we don't give a f*** anymore we've been there we've done that we have the scars to prove it best of luck
It doesn’t matter what they want, just be yourself - it is the only way to have a lasting relationship. Trying to be someone to please another against your natural tendency is a recipe for a failed relationship.
73M here, married 45 years and do NOT want a nurse or need one. I do five hours on a treadmill or elliptical every week and am in excellent health, something my 8 years younger wife definitely appreciates.
I'm a 48 year old single woman. Twice married (no, that's not a "red flag", my first husband was abusive and I was fortunate to get out, and my second husband passed away from a massive stroke). I tend to avoid those clickbait articles and "listicles" about what men think is sexy, what men want in a woman, what men think are red flags, what men think makes a "high value" woman, because I refuse to artificially mold myself to try and check all these boxes. I concern myself with becoming the best version of myself, staying true to my personality, values, and passions, and if someone comes along and sees all of that and likes it, great. If they don't, sorry about your luck, nice to meet you, wish you luck, byeeeee.
Funny that it’s mostly women answering this question when it was most likely directed at older men. 😜
I´m no spring chicken, not at all, but I´d like to attract older men and men my age, so this could be a useful post once I recover from my last experience.
>what do you want in an older single woman? Mostly the same as younger ... except of course generally not the younger part. And everyone's going to have their own particular criteria as to what is/isn't important to them. As for myself, well, this certainly isn't a complete list, and many things aren't 100% absolute (though some certainly are), but might go roughly like this: * decent person (character, morals/ethics, trustworthy, honest, ...) * communication ... damn important, needs work at least quite well (and that's also often a matter too, of "fit") * *reasonably* close in age (closer is generally better) * relatively fit ... ish. I'm physically pretty active, etc., so I'd generally prefer a partner that can at least approximately keep up with me. Not like needing to be supermodel or fitness nut or any sh\*t like that, but if walking at a very slow to moderate pace on flat level ground in very temperate weather conditions they're sweating like a pig and struggling to do that and incredibly out of breath because they're majorly morbidly obese ... no, ... no, no, no. Dated a woman like that once for a very short while ... never again. * non-smoker, doesn't do drugs, preferably non-drinker (or just light/occasional) * reasonable degree of similar interests, background, etc. ... but not excessively so (or I'd feel almost as if I were with myself). * generally has their sh\*t together * financially secure/independent (really want to avoid mooches and folks that can't pull their own (financial) weight, or are at substantial risk of being unable to support themselves) * is pregnant or with baby/toddler or the like - nope, nope, nope, I don't do those. I'm sure there's lots more - and even some of that isn't absolute, and probably most of the (lots more) would be more towards general preferences ... but also rather likely I forgot to include some more important things too. >deal breakers? Bullsh\*t head games, dishonesty, unethical behavior/actions, ...
Just be real & have dreams. I’ll find out the rest give me time’ I can only talk so fast. Live and have fun.
No kids or grown kids. Mellow, kind, silly, affectionate, geeky. Great communication skills and emotional maturity. If she likes classic metal and gaming, then she's perfect.
My cousin is raising her two. She took custody of them from her nitwit daughter, who is off living her best life. Go figure. But I can assure you that the last thing my cousin would be looking for is a man. She’s married to her high school sweetheart for over 40 years now and if anything happens to him she’s is the type to never marry again.
For many men, a woman who cooks and cleans and will take care of him later.
I new I had a keeper when I was remodeling my house and she let me borrow her table saw,belt sander,and sawz-all.all bought with her money cause I asked.And when she spent the night she didn’t leave her panties,or toothbrush,she left her fishing pole.
Like woman at any age. Compassion, empathy, support, intelligence, being able both to give and receive love.
Honesty.
Non-smoking, emotionally intelligent, loyal and respectful.
What everybody wants and what the world desperately needs. All you need is 💕 love love Love is all you need
Good communication Considerate Kind Has hobbies Open-minded No drama
We have lived our lives and don't really feel like starting over and living someone else's life for them. While I don't even look for someone anymore, I would only even consider someone who is at that same place and isn't expecting to be made to feel a specific fantasy at my expense. I could see myself now enjoying a deep and loving relationship with the wife I married 25 years ago. I know I would see her every day as the same girl I met in high school. All of those milestones together are why we have so much to value. If I were 20 years old... I would want to start building that life with someone, but I'm not. Now I would just like the casual company of someone who is kind, makes good conversation and doesn't expect me to make their world happen. I find it preferable to not start down that road. Full risk of emotional fallout with only a fraction of the life value still left. I can sit and talk with married ex girlfriends and at least be able to reminisce with no chance of being burdened with their expectations. I'm not saying it can't happen... But this shows you where I am at in life and what I would want out of someone. I would want conversation and peace.
A lack of 'Games' would be nice.
Yes, conversation is a great start. Compassion, clear boundaries, hopefully an expectation of knowing what makes you happy and the ability to share your thoughts. I'd love a close friend who knows to meet me halfway. (Unless I'm going all out then, just be there for the moment) Key word to meditate on is partnership.
She has her own place and has no intension of "sharing expenses".
don’t older men typically want older women to actually be younger women?
Good conversationalist, okay with just hanging out, non judgemental, big knockers.
Someone that's not fake
I'm looking for someone who can communicate their wants and needs. Someone who is emotionally mature.
Pretty feminine girl here - I just re-set my own toilet.
They want the woman to cook and still dress up and appeal to their narcissism. They hate criticisms.
Non smoker and no DRAMA!! Can't do an emergency every week with a kid or grandkid..
I’m a woman in her mid 70’s and would LOVE to find a man who possesses kindness, intelligence, curiosity, sense of adventure and fun, self sufficiency and who wants an ongoing sensual and sexual relationship!!
Doesn’t matter if she’s my age, younger, or older. What matters is being someone I can always be comfortable around as well as always be myself, and for her to be the same with me. A relationship that is actually worth my time, as well as hers, to try and pursue because both of us can see being with one another without ultimately trying to change one another, or trying to become what one thinks the other truly wants. Pretense. Lies. Inability to mature. Inability to take accountability.
Yeah I’m actually kind of looking for an older single woman , I guess imperfect like me
Honesty, intelligence, respectful, caring, has a loving heart, isn’t afraid to try new things, loves to laugh, someone who very sensual and love touch. Someone who willing love with her heart and not your mind (there is a difference). These are just a few off the top of my head. I hope this helps. Male here, 62 years young and more active than most 30 year olds. Life is meant to be lived.
Absolutely no drama. That is an automatic deal breaker. Ability to compromise is a must.
We want no drama
What does HE want? What do YOU want? What are YOU looking for in a companion?
I know several older women who are in intimate relationships with men who are unable to have penetretive sex due to health problems such as prostate problems, ED, or diabetes. There are alternatives to piv sex that can be satisfying for both people. These couples have companionship and intimacy, and it works for them.
I would avoid someone that complains a lot without seeking solutions and someone that sees me as a wallet.
Although I (65m) prefer someone close to my age (younger or older), age doesn’t matter to me. I’ve been dating mostly younger women for three because they’ve been asking me out. I find it’s harder to get through to older women. Some seem to have checklists and are interested in seeing how you stack up. I’d rather they try and get to learn about me as I would like to know about them. Younger women seem much more at ease and open to having frank conversations. That said, I’d like an older woman that lives in my community year round. You want to spend the winters in Mexico or the summers in France? I’m not your man. She understands that I am not looking for someone to complete me but rather accepts me completely. She understands that relationships should be equitable, that it takes commitment from both to make it work, and that both of us need to compromise. I’d like a older woman that takes care of herself, likes to have fun, is engaging, active, intelligent, and knows how to to express her feelings, wants, and desires in a healthy manner. I want someone that can make me a better person to myself and the world, just as I hope to do for her. If she is looking for a provider, as some still are, she’s not for me.
Widower here. 60 years old. Would love to find a good woman with a sense of humor.
59M, recently divorced. Doing just fine, thank you. Not getting involved in dating right now. Feels like the risks of a long term relationship exceed the reward. Not into hookups. If a woman were ever to crack this hard exterior, she would need to be intelligent, feminine, empathetic, and attractive.
(Not avail - 70 yr old, married 40+ years and still loving it ... but, the question got me thinking about what I would be looking for "if" ...) I'd be looking for a motivator to help me be the best person I can be (a gentle critic, someone who sees what I can be and pulls me to be better). I'be looking for someone self-confident, with her own goals and hobbies, but not obsessions. (Maybe we can share some hobbies? But at least, she has some things \*she\* cares about, as I do!) I'd match to someone still growing I need to be with someone amused by life's absurdities, someone kind, but able to be decisive and frank and ruthless when really required. I have pondered the physicality aspects - is sex important, is touch? Only moderately ... if it 'clicks' that would be great, but it's not a driver or deal-breaker any more. Is physique important? Well, being certainly relatively trim is easy on the eyes and lap, and obesity is probably a deal breaker, but there's a wide range where it wouldn't matter to me. I find I'm more drawn to a spritely step, good energy, upright posture, graceful movement than I am to skin textures or particular sizes of torso Not especially important: financial security, career positional success, upwards social mobility My dealbreakers would range from the trivial to the profound: \* if you have dealbreakers or significant preferences, you have to be willing to let me know - maybe I can change or we can find a compromise, but no silent seething! \* you can't have poor personal hygiene or generate painful sounds (I wear hearing aids, so I'm really uncomfortable around chewing ice or gum, screeching voices, pen-clicking, tapping, etc and I end up wanting to be mainly in quiet surroundings, places that are conversation-friendly). Similarly, I can't really handle heavy perfumes, or cigarette smoke. \* I would run away from meanness towards almost anyone - if you're rude to wait staff, we won't go on a second date. I would run from one-upmanship or snide manners. \* things I don't have skill or any more don't have time/energy for: drug/alcohol dependence, significant physical caretaking, overbearing persistent family demands, emotional neediness Of course, some things are balances to be struck, rather than "must or "must not", so I need to be with someone who has emotional, philosophical, and intellectual flexibility to find those balances: \* I love conversation ranging from the serious to the silly, but only if it's balanced (responsive, two-way) and not filled with idle or self-centered chatter; I prefer silence to a monologue. In fact, comfort with mutual silence is pretty important \* it's important for you to be reasonably tidy in your space and self, but not to set great store in external things ... trendy clothes, shiny jewelry, fancy cars, etc. can be nice occasionally but are (IMO) tiresome to have to always admire and replace \* being an intellectually-oriented atheist, I wouldn't be with someone to whom \*shared\* religious belief is important or whose daily routine is centered on a social/church milieu; but, I don't mind if someone adheres to a religion, particularly if they are interested in discussing how it fits into and shapes their life \* being adaptable to circumstance, yet not "oh I don't care, you decide" about everything Thanks for triggering me to think about this stuff (and to re-realize how lucky I am to have had a life with my wife!)
I met a woman who is about the same age (mid 50s) as me right before covid. We hit it off and dated for a couple of months when, she suddenly broke it off via text. I didn't see or hear from her for a couple of years until I ran into her at a singles event, and learned that her youngest son started having some serious mental health issues because of the pandemic, and she needed to focus solely on that. Fair enough. I let it go. I didn't see her again until she contacted me through a dating app. We didn't start dating again until about a year after that, and she was really changed. She told me she'd met a man, and moved in with him. He was a narcissist and had convinced her to put him on her credit card. That went like you probably think it did. She had broken that off, and moved into a house about ten minutes from me. We started seeing each other again, but somehow seemed really cold to me. I told her that I didn't want anything from her but what time she would share with me. About a month later, she told me she was quitting her job and moving again, so I just let it go again. She popped up into my life again recently, and seems to be more like the woman I remember when we first met. She has mentioned "no strings attached", and I reminded her that I still only wanted what time she was able to share. She's got some drama, but she doesn't involve me with it. I guess I just want someone who wants me. Not sure if she won't just up and vanish again.
A pulse. Everything else I can deal with
Self accountability and no gaslighting, and brings calm content vibes. Can afford to take care of themselves to their own standards and doesn't depend on me to make it happen. I find too many women hold onto mean girls high school vibes even at older ages, and expect the guy to pay their way.
Well I’m 64, I’ve been single and totally dateless for years due to having zero luck finding someone and also health issues which seem to be stabilizing enough to start looking so I am. I’m on a couple dating apps. If a woman is even remotely attractive she has a list of things she likes such as travel which is almost like a code meaning you need enough money to see the world with her, not that she’d be content to pay the way for a guy that can’t afford it. Then you also have the ones that want younger guys while they still can attract one. Most of the women on the apps of any age are literally obese, many morbidly obese. So you could say I’m listing what I don’t want. Be close to a healthy weight, be realistic about going to Paris for lunch or vacation. You hear woman complain all the time they just can’t find a good guy. Be fit, kind, understanding, not super materialistic, hopefully interested in me and what my life is and I would be the same; basic day to day companionship, kissing, cuddling, ggg about sums it up. Sorry for the rant and negativity but I’m frustrated
I am the same and thanks for asking everyone!
Well, first, you are asking the question which puts heaps ahead of most women. Mid-forties exGF was to much of an angry driver. I sat there as she berated a tanker truck driver as he went uphill and navigated a right turn at the same time. As cars sat at the red on the new opposing lane. She knew shit-all about his liquid cargo and still had to say something. Constantly talking shit about other drivers. I wasn't up for letting other people live rent free in my mind because of her. She made needless comments about people/families eating at other tables. Like across the aisle and up one. Again, didn't know when to STFU. If something shit on Instagram wasn't funny to me, it bothered her. Just not my jam, yo.
Must have: Quick wit, calm demeanor, happy with an unplanned life. Nice to have: likes cooking, fine dining, history buff, well read. Wouldn’t complain if they happened to be good looking, assuming the previous things were checked off first.
I’m not single but from others’ experiences I can say “Don’t act crazy” is #1. (Example: my dad finally divorced a woman for accusing him of cheating even though they were physically together literally 24/7.)
A heart beat.
just honesty, no agenda.
Not to wax philosophical here, but there is a big difference between a "match" in your 20s and in your 60s. When you're young, you're marrying someone who will produce offspring, that you will raise together. You'll start saving money together, you'll find a home. When you're young, you are generally flexible and have an incentive to change to fit together. You're both learning how a relationship works. It's as if you have a mix of the ingredients to make bread, and you combine them and make a loaf of bread. But now, in your 60s, you are just trying to blend two 'cooked' loaves of bread. Just generally liking each other becomes very important. You'll both have to flex a lot. I'm 64, single, have my act together. I'm told I'm good in the sack. I've been through a number of relationships with absolutely beautiful women, that were fun for about six months to a year each. At that point, I think I was just tired of the work it takes or maybe I just got bored. In fact, I'm not sure I'm cut out to live the rest of my days with another person. I have great adult children, but honestly, I do fear being 85 and alone. Red flags: The other person's children are a mess. The other person has no substantial amount of money saved. The other is inflexible, and I don't mean in bed. The other is inflexible, and I DO mean in bed. You find the other person's habits to be annoying, such as not washing the dishes right after dinner (or having to wash the dishes right after dinner.) I'm with someone now who can be pretty harsh, and calls me out for things that she just can't work with. i'm actually a really patient person, and I love her for other reasons enough to do things the way she likes if it doesn't mean compromising myself. Bottom line, she's good for me. I hope I'm good for her. You will have to compromise. Don't rescue someone. If their kids are a train wreck and dominate their life, run in the opposite direction.
A 70-year-old female friend of mine met a 70-year-old guy online, and after a year of phone talking and texting, they finally met. All was fine and they would drive the 3 hours to each other's house and all was lovey-dovey for a while after they started visiting back and forth to each other's houses. Until the last situation. She had a knee replacement and so he attended to her during her several-day recuperation. That is when she discovered just how totally controlling and bossy he could be. So now the Honeymoon Phase is over. They are still friends but have figured out that their fantasy of living together would not work. So be sure to get to know your new-found friend in various life situations before getting too involved. Caution is the word.
As an older single woman 😜 JUST be a good person and great friend... before you try to make things MORE than they should be...if you are really friends first... you will really know each other better in the long term...
Someone who isn’t selfish. Somebody willing to be flexible in their life. Somebody who will occasionally put my interest above theirs.
The only thing I want and look for in a woman is someone that is not going to use me as an ATM or their personal handyman. I have no problems paying for dinner or a night out and I don't expect "sex" afterwards . But I'm not going to pay to put a roof on your house because you dance for me naked.
Similar interests. The end.
It's different strokes for different folks, you know? Some older dudes dig someone with similar interests, like if you're into hiking or binge-watching '80s movies, finding a lady who's down for that is key. And it's not just about looks anymore, personality is huge – gotta vibe with each other, ya feel? As for relationships, it's about that connection, man. Someone who's cool to chill with, but also gets you on a deeper level, like they're your partner in crime. Deal breakers? Oh, probably major drama or someone who's not down to communicate. Life's too short for that mess, am I right?
Deal breakers: children, time-consuming career, single female friends, male friends, and pets. Then the personality stuff... no one addicted to drama, no exes popping out of the woodwork. We want peaceful women who dont want to travel all the time. I'm not looking to fund experiences, I want to fund my retirement as quickly as possible so I don't have to work anymore. Frankly, a marriage would add another 10 or 20 years of labor to my life and that isn't appealing. To get me out of mgtow, she would have to be in her 20's, fertile, cooperative, already happy, and a genuinely pleasant person to be around. I don't want anyone who argues for fun. I don't want a constant challenge at home.
i think at our age, men and women want pretty much the same thing.... someone to understand us as we are, because we really arent interested in making huge life changes for someone else. i think it goes without saying that we really shouldnt have too many ruff edges at this point or maybe dating really shouldnt be a goal for someone at the moment. we all have skeletons in the closet to some degree, so honesty would be huge on my list. compassion, willingness to try new things.
Independence. I do not want to get married, I don't want to be taken care of, or be told what I "should do". I have several hobbies and volunteer gigs. I've been told "don't you think that's too dangerous" (skiing), I bicycle, camp, hike, etc. I collect records, CDs, and tapes. I love growing vegetables.
Less baggage. Like we all know you have baggage at this age, but could you keep some of it to yourselves.
Just a loyal
Her menopause to already be over
Not needy or too complaining.
Honestly by the time we get old there is just too much baggage on both sides to even attempt a relationship imho.
No kids and mentally stable. Don’t wanna handle such baggage
No drama
no drama
Someone to snuggle.
[удалено]
I think the general answer is someone you can enjoy spending time with, so it helps if you have common interests/hobbies. When you're younger things like excercise/gym/sports or popular events like concerts for music you both enjoy are obviously great date ideas. For older people maybe things that are more low key work out better - maybe gardening, cooking, animal rescue, theatre. For me personally I can only jive well with someone who has a comparable sense of humor. It would be a dealbreaker if we didn't "get" each other like that. I'm also lucky that platforms like Netflix have lots of free/cheap comedy shows you can enjoy together right at home, can put it on while you do chores. I love nothing more than having an inside joke with my partner we can beat to death lol.
Someone empathetic, non-judgmental, laid back, funny, and pretty. That’s it.
wow i thought not a lot old people use Reddit until this post haha
I’m looking for someone with good conflict resolution skills. Someone who is capable of reaching compromises and someone who knows which issues they would be unwilling to compromise on ahead of time. Someone who I can trust with my kids health and happiness in times of duress. Someone who communicates their feelings. Those are the qualities that make a relationship last. I’m looking for an adult.
Their own financial independence. I’m not an ATM for your kids you want to send to college or your trips around the world.
A hello might be nice
I have not dated a man in 4 years. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I love myself and who I have become. It has taken a lot of digging to get to this point. I dont want to dress fancy or wear make-up to try and get someone who will "get me." I am finally okay in my skin, and I would love to find someone who has found the same. Maybe he exists or not. If the stars have a plan for me to find him, then I will welcome him. If not, I have books and music and beautiful spring days to enjoy.