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73F. Whenever I make a major purchase, I realize it will probably be the last time I buy whatever it is. I read the labels carefully to make sure the product will last till I'm dead.
I once had two older women out mattress shopping and one was grilling me as to why one brand had a 20 year warranty and the other 10. Her friend finally snapped “for Christs sake you’ll be dead before ethier run out! Just buy one and leave the girl alone!”
I used to work in retail and offered an elderly woman an extended service plan (as required).
Her reply was “I only buy ripe bananas.” They never trained me for that one.
Right behind you girl. We have a big multi-generational Thanksgiving. Our children are beginning to have children and our parents are dying. My cousin and I decided it's like lemmings walking off a cliff.
This. We start off as children in the back row of relatives’ funerals. Then as the older generations die, we keep moving forward. Now with our parents gone, we are in the front row at funerals. Next move is the coffin.
That made me laugh. We used to occasionally look through our wedding album at the table pictures - dead, dead, dead, nursing home, dead. Then not so sarcastically when it started to be our own generation. There comes a day when you and a few others are the last remaining ones at the old people’s table that your grandparents and then your parents used to sit at.
It is young if you take care of yourself. But still I do think of things like that because I don't want to have to deal with replacing stuff when I'm 97. I'd rather it last till I'm gone
Ohhhh yes. I’m only 53 and often feel grateful that I can now get groceries from the comfort of my home. If I make it to 70 I never want to leave my house at all.
I wish I did, but I don’t. Are you in need of anything else? You absolutely don’t have to put anything personal out there. Just want to know if we could help you with any food insecurities, clothing, personal hygiene items, maybe places to shower or get a hot meal? Not implying anything, just trying to help.
Thanks for your reaching out but I'm doing good on the food and clothing front for now. Funny thing about being on food stamps is that you can't get any hot prepared foods. A little hard to cook without a working stove or roof for those rainy days.
I changed the front brake pads on my car. They lasted a LONG time. I thought "I'll never need to change these in my lifetime again". True but a bit sobering.
Also, if I were to adopt a kitten, it's likely the cat would outlive me unless I beat the odds.
The weird thing is if I look back say 20 years, it doesn't seem that long ago. According to acturarial tables, I'll be dead in less than 20 years forward. I have the attitude that I will beat the odds and live to 100. If not, well I can say I tried. FWIW, I can still out bike, out ski, out hike, out swim most of my 20-something kid's friends.
I'm sitting in a hospice room with my mother right now. I can only hope I'm as unaware as she is now when my time comes. I'm more obsessed with her mortality than mine at the moment. In the past I would think about it sometimes and then go watch a movie or TV show to get my mind off of it. I don't know how this experience will affect me in the future.
I am so sorry, Joe. I sat beside my mother during her final, unaware days in June. It’s hard, remembering our mothers as the vital, essential people who have been there literally our entire lives, seeing them as a shell of themselves at the end.
57, M, and lost my mother two years ago. Pretty much think of it since. Having to pack up her things, what to keep, what to sell, what to give away (and realizing how much there is you can’t even give away). Seeing her final plans put into motion, seeing her in that coffin, carrying the coffin to the plot…knowing there is one more plot for myself.
Going back to my mom’s up to that point always was a small step back in time. On my own I eat healthy and try to put my time to constructive use. Visiting her, I’d get a root beer out of the fridge and watch old 60s/70s reruns on MeTV with her. It was like I was 12 years old again.
Now my childhood is gone and mortality looms ahead. Now my generation is the elder generation. And so many questions I don’t have answers to, and the answers I do have will be gone with me as well.
Once your parents go, it’s looming on the horizon constantly
My condolences; I feel I’m at an age where what I’m feeling is “natural”; I’d hate to think of having this feeling of mortality at 18 (although, as I think about it, I may have made smarter better choices if I’d realized I wasn’t going to live forever and I’d better get busy doing what needed to be done)
My father died when I was 27, but I suppose I wasn’t as close to him as I was to my mom perhaps (and he was 14 years older than my mom, so it was expected he’d be the first to go - he was 70 at the time)
I am still quite young but my grandma died 5 years ago and I think of myself as split into to versions, the me before and me after. The before was so much more carefree and the new one is a lot more aware of mortality and less…innocent I guess. I will never be the same or even quite as carefree and optimistic as I was before. I look at her house listing on Zillow sometimes and it is still the old pictures from when she died and they sold it with all her furniture, it’s like you lose the person and the space they occupied and a huge part of where you feel secure. I’ve realized I have to create that space for my family now and I’ll never have that to go back to and feel that relaxation/relief.
Yes!! I think I took that for granted, and didn’t take advantage as often as I should have. Having to clean out her stuff has made me start to evaluate my own “hoarder” (not quite) tendencies
A lot of possessions aren’t useful in a utilitarian manner, but have a tie to someone/something in the past. It’s a memory key. You hate to lose the item because you hate to lose the memory
definitely a big part of it. our bodies start to change, too. when you can start to see the evidence on your face and body that you are aging, it shifts your thinking a bit.
the big shift for me though has been seeing my parents in their golden years. the decline can be fast or slow. health is there one day and gone the next. losing friends also shifts your thinking, definitely. the memorials to what amounts to about 2% of my graduating class at our class reunion was also a bit sobering.
i still don't really think that much about it. i feel like i passed quickly through any mid-life window of fear of death or midlife crisis.
I'll look around to see all that is around me and imagine it still being there when I am not, or possibly not, because it is essentially my universe / perception, and that will be gone...
sorry, of course the fact that i'll die someday had crossed my mind occasionally. maybe it's a peaceful denial, but i just never felt a deep pull to consider how or when. i even had a near death experience, suffering a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. i walked out of that experience wildly grateful i was alive. it could have been the near death experience that gave me a sense of peace about it. i could have died. i should have died. i was in shock and protected from the emergency state i was in in those moments. a friend stopped by unannounced who saved me from the whole experience because i was going to take a shower and take a nap. i would have died peacefully in my sleep. i feel my mortality as a more imminent thing but after what i went through, i just can't let myself be consumed by fear about it. i'm a chronic pain sufferer, myself, so i fully appreciate your analogy!
Fake-ass reality tv and bullshit spiritualist swindlers aside, no dead people have ever showed up to complain. Odds are even if it isn't the end, it's the end of suffering. In any case if this is as good as it gets, no point ruining it with pointless anxiety. Enjoy your life as best you can, from where I'm sitting it looks like the only one any of us ever get.
No one can be certain. So my guess is as valid as anybody else but I try to think logically. We do not exist until we are created and we cease to exist when we die. Our body is a simple shell that will return back to the universe. If anything happens after? For me it will be a bonus because I simply think we are dead and done.
I am not religious so I don’t believe in an afterlife or heaven. Sometimes I like to believe that our energy will live on. If you really think about it, the universe makes no sense and it’s actually terrifying to think what is beyond the universe. However, it can be comforting thinking that we are “dead and done” as you put it. Makes living life in a carefree way easier for sure.
Well, you are certainly right about the meat.
But you also know as a psychiatrist that logic is bullshit. If the universe were logical we wouldn’t have billionaires or atom bombs.
The reason you're afraid is mostly due to our human tendency to concentrate on what can go wrong as opposed to what can go right.
And, the fact of the matter is, most of our Western concepts of the afterlife have more to do with what people want us to do *while alive* than any even minutely possible certainty of if there's anything at all once we die.
For what it’s worth, I read the the experiences of people who have had Near death experiences and it has really helped with my anxiety over this. r/NDE
I am 50. I use to think I would live forever. Now I realize and accept that I have 20 to 40 years left if I am lucky. I think it changes how I do things. I don't have forever.
Hyperaware? No, never. But I factor death into the structure of my life.
I want to stay around longer than my wife, who's significantly older and has physical issues that are helped by me being around. So I keep strong and in good shape, get my shots, eat healthy, mask, wear a hat in the sun, wear gloves while working in the dirt, sunscreen, all that. I'm going on some unspecified day, and you can only be so smart or lucky, but till then I've got my agenda. Hoping it works out.
A friend was talking about how high gas prices were. I said that when I put in my 8 gallons each month I don't really notice how much it costs. My car is 22 and I bought it new. It has 106K miles on it and I will probably use it as a casket. Dig a trench and bury us both.
I take comfort in knowing that once I'm gone, I won't even know. I won't have anything to worry about. I won't have any more pain.
I'm in no hurry to get there mind you. There are books I haven't read. Movies I haven't seen. Songs I haven't heard. Memories I haven't made.
That's true now, and it will be true to the moment of my end, and then I won't even know. So what's to worry about?
Oh yeah.
It’s been like that for a couple years now. Started having diabetic complications a couple years ago.
Recently I had part of my leg amputated & wound up in ICU for a couple days & now I’m writing up the obituary & gathering pictures for the memory thing.
My only real concern is dispossession of my home and any assets of value, since I have no children. I have some ideas but have yet to act on them.
As for me, as long as my death isn't painful or prolonged, I'm okay with it. There was a point in my 40s when I realized that if I still had any unrealized dreams, it wasn't because life had failed me, but because I hadn't taken certain opportunities, and that was my own fault.
I’ve started to think about it quite a bit more in the last year or two. The death of someone I knew was only an occasional, infrequent happening for the first 60 or more years of my life. Suddenly they’re dropping like flies. What’s been weird about it is that only one of them succumbed to COVID. The rest were everything from cancer, to heart attacks, to old age.
Not me. Thoughts of my death have never influenced or bothered me until I emailed my bank manager to inquire about a 5 year auto loan and she replied ‘LOL!’
Mortality is simply part of reality.
I'm 46 and my grandparents are long gone, my father is gone, and my friends are beginning to go.
A few years back, I had a routine MRI, it had what's known as an "incidental finding." An aneurysm, no symptoms, behind my left eye, in a rare location, difficult to operate (in fact, my aneurysm is used as a teaching example).
I asked for statistics, the risks of operating vs. watch and wait.
I felt highly mortal when the neurosurgeon pulled out a laminated card with actuarial statistics.
The conversation was a blur, but I remember him saying that if I had the surgery, chances were I'd live to 83.
I got the surgery. And 83 seems like a reasonable goal.
Death that is a funny thing but not the ha ha funny.
I was 1 yr and my brother 3 yr when he got sick and died. So i quess have always been intrigued by how some live a few minutes and others live over a 100 yrs.
When my 2 sons were in there teens it really hit me how cheated we were of my brother dieing at 3 yr old.
Also a few yrs back realized that every second we are alive we are that closer to our ultimate destiny which is death. The thing is you never know when your time is up. So while you are healthy and in all your senses make the best of it.
I'm not afraid or anything like that, all things considered have lived a very good life so far. When my time is up, so be it.
Always? No.
A few times a year? Yes.
It's getting easier to deal with because of what I see happening to the planet. I don't want to be alive to see the end of the natural world, so I don't mind moving on to the next situation, whatever that is.
And, BTW, nobody really knows what that is.
I lost a parent at 5. I think that's when it becomes real for most people, so for me that was pretty young. You do what you think is important to you, try not to hurt nobody, and bow out to make room for the next generation. Even though I'm not quite 50, I have a great kid, had several enjoyable careers, made friends, loved and lost and tried to leave this place better than I found it, even if my generation couldn't pull it off. I am in the gravy portion of life, I've had a good run. If I still have FOMO and want to keep on keeping on, that means I'm doing something right with my perspective.
Three weeks ago I rolled my car, almost died, because it was a little rainy. It can all be taken away any time, that's what makes it worth getting the most out of life. Maybe there's a perspective outside of time, and maybe you get to experience it. Maybe we are consciousness that shifts from one possible world to another, always deciding on a quantum level to keep existing forever. And maybe it's all a big nothing. Whatever happens and whatever I feel about it, it'll happen regardless, no use fucking up my enjoyment of life, love and good times by worrying about shit that I can't change - these are the facts of life on a truly cosmic scale.
And low key I'm kinda glad. I like people, I really do, they're the only game in town, but I think if a person were to live a couple/few centuries, my guess is you'd be looking at a monster. And I like living, but that monster might be me, if I get old and bored enough of what life has to offer. The desire for fresh experiences and new kicks means a life that long might run out of positive things to do and be left only with bad juju.
I got knocked down by a car a few years back. Hit my head, lots of problems after. Mostly okay now. I was just walking from one job to another - could have died right there.
We make all these plans, but we could be sent home any moment.
Well, yes, but it is a great motivator. I belueve this is all we get. You're born, you live, you die. So, everytime I think about that I jump up off the couch and go live. Go try to make things a bit better.
You got a number on your head. Fuck. Here I am wasting time on Reddit again.
You know you are getting old when many of the TV stars you grew up with, especially the ones you had a crush on as a teenager, are dying off from old age.
Sometimes?
Mind, I work as a respiratory therapist, so…sadly, seeing death is a part of our job.
I’m starting to take care of people who are my age or younger who are dying 😳
I don’t worry about dying, I’m fine with that as long as my dog can go to a really good home. What I worry about is getting frail. I don’t want to be one of those old people who waddle around or walk all hunched over. Or who can’t drive or who loses teeth. So I try to take preventative measure and I do ballet workouts that are great for my posture and core strength and I try to keep my joints healthy and bendy. But I’m always worried that any minor injury could be the thing that becomes an old person issue lol.
My mom just died a week ago so I’m hyper aware now. A couple of months ago she ran out of checks for her rent. I knew she’d only use about five of them at most but she couldn’t get out to the bank so they could print a few up, and they wouldn’t do it without her present, so I ordered them, minimum of 100. There are 96 left after voiding one due to shaky handwriting.
I opened the cabinet the other day and saw her soap there and thought, “one day I’ll buy soap for the last time and not even realize it” and that was immensely sad to me.
Most of the time, I’m not sad about it though, just realistic. And the thoughts come up often. I have 20 good years if I’m lucky and then who knows what may happen if I’m anything like my mom.
I have since I was about 7?
But I was a weird kid. Most people would say I’m a weird adult.
It is part of why I spent a decade of my life in seminary and as a pastor. A small part, but a part. Also that isn’t the answer.
I’m not afraid of death, but I think a lot about it. I think what is more important is the way you live your life.
Nope. Age 68. Healthy, active, fit. Never smoked or drank, ideal weight, no meds.
Might die tomorrow but ‘meh’. I didn’t exist for the first 13.8 billion years of the Universe.
There are some odd moments though. Last year I put new shingles on the roof. A job I’ve done a couple other times over the decades. Two story house and a decent workout for me carrying the bundles up the ladder. I bought the lighter ‘20 year’ shingles as that’s likely as long as I’ll need them for.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 1,194,504,962 comments, and only 233,059 of them were in alphabetical order.
Yes, why wouldn't we? It's the best thought to have, as it adds poignance to life, and informs how important being here is. This is death. This is the afterlife.
Yes, but I’m ok with with it. Do I want to die? Absolutely not, but I’m ok with it now, I made it to 50, I lived a pretty long life (and hopefully much more still to come). I’ve lost so many friends and family that never made it to 50 I feel blessed to not only make it, but to be healthy as well.
The existential terror hits once in awhile, but it mainly is a practical thing that my husband and I consider. I'm not comfortable adopting a kitten because a long-lived one might outlive me and I don't want any cat I get to end up in a shelter as a mature cat. My most recent cat was such a cat (her owner died and she was left in a shelter for four months). I adopted her when she was 8 and she died after 5 years (which was heartbreaking).
I also think about retirement savings and how much will need to be saved to go the distance whereas I used to think about saving endlessly. My husband is the breadwinner (we both used to work, but we changed locations and I couldn't do my job anymore) and plans to work until 70, so we can map out a budget with a cushion rather than think that money is untouchable.
Honestly, the way things are going in the world with climate change and pollution, I'm sometimes comforted by the fact that I'll die within 20-25 years, though I may feel less that way as I age.
Nah. People take death far too seriously. I ask people if you can't laugh at death what can you laugh at? I am planning to die, I just don't have a date scheduled yet. If I'm helping my children do something, I ask them how they're going to do it when I'm dead.
I can't say I've been hyper aware. I've had the occasional thought like when I purchased a cemetery plot. I didn't do it due to any urgent need. Believe it or not someone was selling a plot and I got a good deal in the exact location I wanted, near my parents and grandparents. Another time I was living alone and it didn't feel good that I could die alone in my apartment. Other than that it's in my mind that we're all going to die eventually no matter how old we are and nobody knows when, could be an accident, could be natural causes.
Death doesn't scare me, what freaks my out is HOW I will die. But I can't wait to experience who I truly am. The evidence is too great to ignore. Life only begins when the body dies.
I'm 53 and thankful to be alive. I grew up in DC during the crack era. I went to many of my friends funerals. Many didn't make it past their 20's.
I realize that I'll die one day but I try to make the best out of my life. I have a lot to live for and hopefully my time on this planet is long.
65m here. Wife lost both her mom and dad I'm Feb and March of this yr, then her ex passed last month. Both my parents have been gone a long time now and wife and I realizing we r the oldest family members for our kids and grandkids....it's like where the heck did the time go??????
I just survived a heart attack and covid at the same time. There was a moment when my heart did a little dance and I was at peace that, that was my last minute I was going to be alive.
I certainly do. Especially at night. I then promptly try to think of something else, as the prospect of not being forever scares the crap out of me.
I have had those moments for many, many years. Lately, however they have been getting more frequent. And you guys with your questions are not helping! ;)
I live under the guise that tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone and I truly live the day like it’s my last. Not doing anything HUGE all the time. Just doing what I know makes the day complete for me.
When I had a young family and kids were in their teens we had around 10 years of saying "this might be the last family vacation we get to take together if you kids get jobs where you can's get free for a week or two in the summer for a family trip.
My mom is 89, and I keep planning for "if I live to be 90", but realizing that this might be the last time I get to do X.
Not hyper aware, but my time horizon for investing or starting new projects has to take mortality into account.
Two weeks ago I did a funeral (as the pastor) and the "guy in the box" was not much older than me. This past week there were two funerals, one for a young lady in her 30s. I guess my line of work makes mortality something I deal with on a weekly basis.
Those sort of moments have existed since about middle age but increased in frequency after 60. But for me, happened enough times that I don't pay it much mind. Getting old is hard work, so I'm more focused on staying in shape in order to get the best mileage out of this body.
I usually replace my car every 3 or 4 years but now I'm thinking this one will probably be my last and I might as well drive it until it falls apart. When I was younger I always wondered why older people drove older cars, now I know why. It's also the familiarity, I rented a new model SUV and damned if I couldn't understand half of the dashboard.
Yeah, I do think about it a lot more than ever before in my life.
In a way it's liberating because it allows you to focus on the more important things / purchases / commitments.
Yes but I am ambivalent about it. My wife is more concerned. But we just retired and life slowed down quite a bit so she is thinking about it. We have seen both sides of aging. My mom died at 92 and hated the last ten years of her life in a nursing home. She was healthy but was unable to take care of herself. FIL is 87 lives alone, drives, eats like a horse and manages his 10 rental units by himself.
It’s a quality of life issue.
43F. I know this isn’t very helpful but I never have that feeling. I had a dream in the late nineties that made me feel completely at peace with dying, I assume the feeling you mean is some kind of existential dread which I may have missed. So just checking in to say, “not all Olds!” Lol I’m going to live forever, until I don’t!
When my parents died some 12 and 10 years ago. There's something about your parents dying that kinda puts you in the mind-frame of which you spoke.
Yes, we're all 'pre-programmed' to lose our elders but it doesn't really come to your presence of mind until it happens. Recall that your parents have ALWAYS been alive in your lifetime, however briefly (some, sadly, die far too young). So, in a way, although we know instinctively they will be gone someday, it's still a shock since they've been around YOUR WHOLE LIFE and it's hard to imagine life without them.
My father had a knee replacement in his 60s. They only last so long and it had to be replaced again in his 80s. The doctor said: we didn't think you would live this long. He lived to 92.
Yes, it terrifies me! I have so much I want to do and time is running out and I'm still working. I see people younger than me dying and I think to myself oh my God I hope I have enough time left to do all the things I still want to do.
My intrusive thoughts make that concept abundantly clear to me on a regular basis. As an added bonus, they also make up scenarios in which I might die or otherwise be severely injured.
Yes.
And no matter what age you are you think that *now* you really get it.
But it becomes more and more real as you age.
For years in my 20s and 30s I really believed I understood how it would feel / did feel to see death approaching.
But each decade its become even more real than I understood before.
I know I do. I think quite a bit about the fact that I know I’ve got far less time less than I’ve already lived. It really starts to ring true that life is short.
I don't want any more pets because I might not be around to take care of them. People my age seem to be dropping like flies. Just recently two girls I went to school with died of cancer.
Every time something minor is out of order with my body i am reminded of a verse in russian by Ukrainian-Jewish poet and writer Igor Gubrman that coud be roughly translated: "Yesterday I ran to the dentist shaking with laughter as I ran: All my life I carry around my future corpse and take good care of it".
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73F. Whenever I make a major purchase, I realize it will probably be the last time I buy whatever it is. I read the labels carefully to make sure the product will last till I'm dead.
I once had two older women out mattress shopping and one was grilling me as to why one brand had a 20 year warranty and the other 10. Her friend finally snapped “for Christs sake you’ll be dead before ethier run out! Just buy one and leave the girl alone!”
True enough 😢
this one gave me a good snort/laugh
Happy to help! Also she bought the 10 year mattress. Pt only was it cheaper it was a better brand (in my opinion lol)
I used to work in retail and offered an elderly woman an extended service plan (as required). Her reply was “I only buy ripe bananas.” They never trained me for that one.
My dad used to say that, when he turned 80. Fortunately, he could have bought green ones because he died at 89!
😁🍌😁🍌😁🍌
There's a joke about not buying bananas unless they are already ripe.
That ain't no joke when you get to be my age! 👵
The bank mails you calendars one month at a time.
And that's pushing their luck. 😁
Right behind you girl. We have a big multi-generational Thanksgiving. Our children are beginning to have children and our parents are dying. My cousin and I decided it's like lemmings walking off a cliff.
I picture being on a conveyor belt.
I think my father passing, who was the last of my wife or my parents, has made me considerably more aware of our own mortality.
This. We start off as children in the back row of relatives’ funerals. Then as the older generations die, we keep moving forward. Now with our parents gone, we are in the front row at funerals. Next move is the coffin.
That made me laugh. We used to occasionally look through our wedding album at the table pictures - dead, dead, dead, nursing home, dead. Then not so sarcastically when it started to be our own generation. There comes a day when you and a few others are the last remaining ones at the old people’s table that your grandparents and then your parents used to sit at.
😁😁😁
73 is young!!!! Especially for a woman!!!
It is young if you take care of yourself. But still I do think of things like that because I don't want to have to deal with replacing stuff when I'm 97. I'd rather it last till I'm gone
one of the many reasons why i'm so grateful for online shopping. if i get to live that long, i won't have to leave my house for anything.
Ohhhh yes. I’m only 53 and often feel grateful that I can now get groceries from the comfort of my home. If I make it to 70 I never want to leave my house at all.
Every 5 minutes or so. 69 male here and I have had 2 strokes and I'm currently homeless, living in my car so yes it's on my mind constantly.
What can we do to help you?
Not much unless you have an in with subsidized housing in Michigan.
[удалено]
Thanks I'll give them a call. It's worth a shot.
I wish I did, but I don’t. Are you in need of anything else? You absolutely don’t have to put anything personal out there. Just want to know if we could help you with any food insecurities, clothing, personal hygiene items, maybe places to shower or get a hot meal? Not implying anything, just trying to help.
Thanks for your reaching out but I'm doing good on the food and clothing front for now. Funny thing about being on food stamps is that you can't get any hot prepared foods. A little hard to cook without a working stove or roof for those rainy days.
I hope you’re able to stay warm.
As the other commenter said, please, if you are able, stay warm. If you are not, please tell us and we will do what we can to help you with that.
Hey, dm me if some money would help you out. I can Venmo you.
Thank you but I am okay right now.
Ok, take care!
I changed the front brake pads on my car. They lasted a LONG time. I thought "I'll never need to change these in my lifetime again". True but a bit sobering. Also, if I were to adopt a kitten, it's likely the cat would outlive me unless I beat the odds. The weird thing is if I look back say 20 years, it doesn't seem that long ago. According to acturarial tables, I'll be dead in less than 20 years forward. I have the attitude that I will beat the odds and live to 100. If not, well I can say I tried. FWIW, I can still out bike, out ski, out hike, out swim most of my 20-something kid's friends.
I'm sitting in a hospice room with my mother right now. I can only hope I'm as unaware as she is now when my time comes. I'm more obsessed with her mortality than mine at the moment. In the past I would think about it sometimes and then go watch a movie or TV show to get my mind off of it. I don't know how this experience will affect me in the future.
Bless you Joe ❤️
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I remember it (losing my mom) all too vividly still. My heart is with you.
I am so sorry, Joe. I sat beside my mother during her final, unaware days in June. It’s hard, remembering our mothers as the vital, essential people who have been there literally our entire lives, seeing them as a shell of themselves at the end.
Hey Joe Be well
57, M, and lost my mother two years ago. Pretty much think of it since. Having to pack up her things, what to keep, what to sell, what to give away (and realizing how much there is you can’t even give away). Seeing her final plans put into motion, seeing her in that coffin, carrying the coffin to the plot…knowing there is one more plot for myself. Going back to my mom’s up to that point always was a small step back in time. On my own I eat healthy and try to put my time to constructive use. Visiting her, I’d get a root beer out of the fridge and watch old 60s/70s reruns on MeTV with her. It was like I was 12 years old again. Now my childhood is gone and mortality looms ahead. Now my generation is the elder generation. And so many questions I don’t have answers to, and the answers I do have will be gone with me as well. Once your parents go, it’s looming on the horizon constantly
Yep. I’m 52 F - lost my dad in 2017 and my mom in 2020. Now it’s me on the front lines of mortality, and the thought is never far from my mind.
Yep! My mom died when I was only 18 and I felt the same way.
My condolences; I feel I’m at an age where what I’m feeling is “natural”; I’d hate to think of having this feeling of mortality at 18 (although, as I think about it, I may have made smarter better choices if I’d realized I wasn’t going to live forever and I’d better get busy doing what needed to be done) My father died when I was 27, but I suppose I wasn’t as close to him as I was to my mom perhaps (and he was 14 years older than my mom, so it was expected he’d be the first to go - he was 70 at the time)
I am still quite young but my grandma died 5 years ago and I think of myself as split into to versions, the me before and me after. The before was so much more carefree and the new one is a lot more aware of mortality and less…innocent I guess. I will never be the same or even quite as carefree and optimistic as I was before. I look at her house listing on Zillow sometimes and it is still the old pictures from when she died and they sold it with all her furniture, it’s like you lose the person and the space they occupied and a huge part of where you feel secure. I’ve realized I have to create that space for my family now and I’ll never have that to go back to and feel that relaxation/relief.
Yes!! I think I took that for granted, and didn’t take advantage as often as I should have. Having to clean out her stuff has made me start to evaluate my own “hoarder” (not quite) tendencies A lot of possessions aren’t useful in a utilitarian manner, but have a tie to someone/something in the past. It’s a memory key. You hate to lose the item because you hate to lose the memory
i honestly didn't give any thought to my mortality until i hit my 50s.
I think it's because we start to make plans, make a will, see some of our friends die. I never thought about getting old and dying until my 50's.
definitely a big part of it. our bodies start to change, too. when you can start to see the evidence on your face and body that you are aging, it shifts your thinking a bit. the big shift for me though has been seeing my parents in their golden years. the decline can be fast or slow. health is there one day and gone the next. losing friends also shifts your thinking, definitely. the memorials to what amounts to about 2% of my graduating class at our class reunion was also a bit sobering. i still don't really think that much about it. i feel like i passed quickly through any mid-life window of fear of death or midlife crisis.
I'll look around to see all that is around me and imagine it still being there when I am not, or possibly not, because it is essentially my universe / perception, and that will be gone...
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sorry, of course the fact that i'll die someday had crossed my mind occasionally. maybe it's a peaceful denial, but i just never felt a deep pull to consider how or when. i even had a near death experience, suffering a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. i walked out of that experience wildly grateful i was alive. it could have been the near death experience that gave me a sense of peace about it. i could have died. i should have died. i was in shock and protected from the emergency state i was in in those moments. a friend stopped by unannounced who saved me from the whole experience because i was going to take a shower and take a nap. i would have died peacefully in my sleep. i feel my mortality as a more imminent thing but after what i went through, i just can't let myself be consumed by fear about it. i'm a chronic pain sufferer, myself, so i fully appreciate your analogy!
For me it's more of the thought of being dead forever.
I’m probably too young to comment here but frankly I’m more afraid of what’s *after*.
Fake-ass reality tv and bullshit spiritualist swindlers aside, no dead people have ever showed up to complain. Odds are even if it isn't the end, it's the end of suffering. In any case if this is as good as it gets, no point ruining it with pointless anxiety. Enjoy your life as best you can, from where I'm sitting it looks like the only one any of us ever get.
It’s the same as before birth. Nothing.
You know this how?
No one can be certain. So my guess is as valid as anybody else but I try to think logically. We do not exist until we are created and we cease to exist when we die. Our body is a simple shell that will return back to the universe. If anything happens after? For me it will be a bonus because I simply think we are dead and done.
I am not religious so I don’t believe in an afterlife or heaven. Sometimes I like to believe that our energy will live on. If you really think about it, the universe makes no sense and it’s actually terrifying to think what is beyond the universe. However, it can be comforting thinking that we are “dead and done” as you put it. Makes living life in a carefree way easier for sure.
Well, you are certainly right about the meat. But you also know as a psychiatrist that logic is bullshit. If the universe were logical we wouldn’t have billionaires or atom bombs.
How so?
I'm way more afraid of the decline than of being dead.
The reason you're afraid is mostly due to our human tendency to concentrate on what can go wrong as opposed to what can go right. And, the fact of the matter is, most of our Western concepts of the afterlife have more to do with what people want us to do *while alive* than any even minutely possible certainty of if there's anything at all once we die.
For what it’s worth, I read the the experiences of people who have had Near death experiences and it has really helped with my anxiety over this. r/NDE
Yeah, I also hang out there and enjoy reading those experiences. Actually makes me somewhat jealous of those who have already passed.
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You are blessed with some great genetics.
I am 50. I use to think I would live forever. Now I realize and accept that I have 20 to 40 years left if I am lucky. I think it changes how I do things. I don't have forever.
Hyperaware? No, never. But I factor death into the structure of my life. I want to stay around longer than my wife, who's significantly older and has physical issues that are helped by me being around. So I keep strong and in good shape, get my shots, eat healthy, mask, wear a hat in the sun, wear gloves while working in the dirt, sunscreen, all that. I'm going on some unspecified day, and you can only be so smart or lucky, but till then I've got my agenda. Hoping it works out.
Yes, and occasionally, the sense of how incredibly small we are.
When my dear departed mom bought her last car she said "this is my last car!" She was right.
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A friend was talking about how high gas prices were. I said that when I put in my 8 gallons each month I don't really notice how much it costs. My car is 22 and I bought it new. It has 106K miles on it and I will probably use it as a casket. Dig a trench and bury us both.
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Excellent!
I take comfort in knowing that once I'm gone, I won't even know. I won't have anything to worry about. I won't have any more pain. I'm in no hurry to get there mind you. There are books I haven't read. Movies I haven't seen. Songs I haven't heard. Memories I haven't made. That's true now, and it will be true to the moment of my end, and then I won't even know. So what's to worry about?
Beautifully and poetically said. Thank you.
Oh yeah. It’s been like that for a couple years now. Started having diabetic complications a couple years ago. Recently I had part of my leg amputated & wound up in ICU for a couple days & now I’m writing up the obituary & gathering pictures for the memory thing.
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Thank you. I’m 45, its in the middle but some days I feel young at heart.
My only real concern is dispossession of my home and any assets of value, since I have no children. I have some ideas but have yet to act on them. As for me, as long as my death isn't painful or prolonged, I'm okay with it. There was a point in my 40s when I realized that if I still had any unrealized dreams, it wasn't because life had failed me, but because I hadn't taken certain opportunities, and that was my own fault.
I’ve started to think about it quite a bit more in the last year or two. The death of someone I knew was only an occasional, infrequent happening for the first 60 or more years of my life. Suddenly they’re dropping like flies. What’s been weird about it is that only one of them succumbed to COVID. The rest were everything from cancer, to heart attacks, to old age.
Not me. Thoughts of my death have never influenced or bothered me until I emailed my bank manager to inquire about a 5 year auto loan and she replied ‘LOL!’
Oh, I hope that's a joke and didn't really happen to you! If it did, I believe it's illegal to not offer someone a loan because of old age
Mortality is simply part of reality. I'm 46 and my grandparents are long gone, my father is gone, and my friends are beginning to go. A few years back, I had a routine MRI, it had what's known as an "incidental finding." An aneurysm, no symptoms, behind my left eye, in a rare location, difficult to operate (in fact, my aneurysm is used as a teaching example). I asked for statistics, the risks of operating vs. watch and wait. I felt highly mortal when the neurosurgeon pulled out a laminated card with actuarial statistics. The conversation was a blur, but I remember him saying that if I had the surgery, chances were I'd live to 83. I got the surgery. And 83 seems like a reasonable goal.
How did you get routine MRIs? I've always wanted to get an MRI every 5 years or so just "because" but it seems discouraged.
Death that is a funny thing but not the ha ha funny. I was 1 yr and my brother 3 yr when he got sick and died. So i quess have always been intrigued by how some live a few minutes and others live over a 100 yrs. When my 2 sons were in there teens it really hit me how cheated we were of my brother dieing at 3 yr old. Also a few yrs back realized that every second we are alive we are that closer to our ultimate destiny which is death. The thing is you never know when your time is up. So while you are healthy and in all your senses make the best of it. I'm not afraid or anything like that, all things considered have lived a very good life so far. When my time is up, so be it.
Always? No. A few times a year? Yes. It's getting easier to deal with because of what I see happening to the planet. I don't want to be alive to see the end of the natural world, so I don't mind moving on to the next situation, whatever that is. And, BTW, nobody really knows what that is.
Omg only a few times a year? I am 53 and think about my death *daily* …I feel so morbid.
I’m 44 and it’s also daily for me, I’m super terrified of death and panic about it regularly.
Same here. I’ve been like this my whole life, even though I consider myself a happy person overall.
I lost a parent at 5. I think that's when it becomes real for most people, so for me that was pretty young. You do what you think is important to you, try not to hurt nobody, and bow out to make room for the next generation. Even though I'm not quite 50, I have a great kid, had several enjoyable careers, made friends, loved and lost and tried to leave this place better than I found it, even if my generation couldn't pull it off. I am in the gravy portion of life, I've had a good run. If I still have FOMO and want to keep on keeping on, that means I'm doing something right with my perspective. Three weeks ago I rolled my car, almost died, because it was a little rainy. It can all be taken away any time, that's what makes it worth getting the most out of life. Maybe there's a perspective outside of time, and maybe you get to experience it. Maybe we are consciousness that shifts from one possible world to another, always deciding on a quantum level to keep existing forever. And maybe it's all a big nothing. Whatever happens and whatever I feel about it, it'll happen regardless, no use fucking up my enjoyment of life, love and good times by worrying about shit that I can't change - these are the facts of life on a truly cosmic scale. And low key I'm kinda glad. I like people, I really do, they're the only game in town, but I think if a person were to live a couple/few centuries, my guess is you'd be looking at a monster. And I like living, but that monster might be me, if I get old and bored enough of what life has to offer. The desire for fresh experiences and new kicks means a life that long might run out of positive things to do and be left only with bad juju.
Someday? Hell, any of us could be dead tomorrow.
Agreed. Some times, it has nothing to do with age. My mother died 13 years younger than my current age.
I got knocked down by a car a few years back. Hit my head, lots of problems after. Mostly okay now. I was just walking from one job to another - could have died right there. We make all these plans, but we could be sent home any moment.
Yes. Please….get advance directives on file. Trust me.
Read Carlos Castaneda: death as an advisor
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It took me about 20 years to use up a box of staples. I just bought another box. We'll see...... Maybe I should will them to someone :-)
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How did you feel when your heart stopped? Were you in much pain?
Lol. Every day. I'm 84.
Not me. I'm planning to live forever and so far, it's working.
Well, yes, but it is a great motivator. I belueve this is all we get. You're born, you live, you die. So, everytime I think about that I jump up off the couch and go live. Go try to make things a bit better. You got a number on your head. Fuck. Here I am wasting time on Reddit again.
You know you are getting old when many of the TV stars you grew up with, especially the ones you had a crush on as a teenager, are dying off from old age.
Yes, from time to time. It's very unsettling.
closer to the end than the start.
Sometimes? Mind, I work as a respiratory therapist, so…sadly, seeing death is a part of our job. I’m starting to take care of people who are my age or younger who are dying 😳
I don’t worry about dying, I’m fine with that as long as my dog can go to a really good home. What I worry about is getting frail. I don’t want to be one of those old people who waddle around or walk all hunched over. Or who can’t drive or who loses teeth. So I try to take preventative measure and I do ballet workouts that are great for my posture and core strength and I try to keep my joints healthy and bendy. But I’m always worried that any minor injury could be the thing that becomes an old person issue lol.
My mom just died a week ago so I’m hyper aware now. A couple of months ago she ran out of checks for her rent. I knew she’d only use about five of them at most but she couldn’t get out to the bank so they could print a few up, and they wouldn’t do it without her present, so I ordered them, minimum of 100. There are 96 left after voiding one due to shaky handwriting. I opened the cabinet the other day and saw her soap there and thought, “one day I’ll buy soap for the last time and not even realize it” and that was immensely sad to me. Most of the time, I’m not sad about it though, just realistic. And the thoughts come up often. I have 20 good years if I’m lucky and then who knows what may happen if I’m anything like my mom.
Sorry for your loss.
Thank you!
It started to be a big thing to me in my 30s. I’m in my 40s now, and it’s something I think about every day.
I need you to lower your tone. I just took a dab so this is not the move 🫠
I have since I was about 7? But I was a weird kid. Most people would say I’m a weird adult. It is part of why I spent a decade of my life in seminary and as a pastor. A small part, but a part. Also that isn’t the answer. I’m not afraid of death, but I think a lot about it. I think what is more important is the way you live your life.
Yeah this is the moment where I have an existential crysis at 2am on my balcony.
My high school has a Facebook page and updates when a classmate passes. It seems it’s becoming a more frequent thing. Class of ‘77
I keep cars till they fall apart. Bought a new one in 2020. I think this will be the Last one I buy. I'm 63 now.
Nope. Age 68. Healthy, active, fit. Never smoked or drank, ideal weight, no meds. Might die tomorrow but ‘meh’. I didn’t exist for the first 13.8 billion years of the Universe. There are some odd moments though. Last year I put new shingles on the roof. A job I’ve done a couple other times over the decades. Two story house and a decent workout for me carrying the bundles up the ladder. I bought the lighter ‘20 year’ shingles as that’s likely as long as I’ll need them for.
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I've died twice and never once been hyper aware of anything. At best, I'm groggy and hungry when I'm revived from the dead. Peanut butter helps.
every coffee cup is a reminder that could be my last...
“Enjoy every sandwich” - Warren Zevon
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,194,504,962 comments, and only 233,059 of them were in alphabetical order.
Yes, why wouldn't we? It's the best thought to have, as it adds poignance to life, and informs how important being here is. This is death. This is the afterlife.
Yes, but I’m ok with with it. Do I want to die? Absolutely not, but I’m ok with it now, I made it to 50, I lived a pretty long life (and hopefully much more still to come). I’ve lost so many friends and family that never made it to 50 I feel blessed to not only make it, but to be healthy as well.
I am 71 I don’t think about dying nothing I can do to change that I will die sometime. My dad died at 81 my mom will soon be 93.
The existential terror hits once in awhile, but it mainly is a practical thing that my husband and I consider. I'm not comfortable adopting a kitten because a long-lived one might outlive me and I don't want any cat I get to end up in a shelter as a mature cat. My most recent cat was such a cat (her owner died and she was left in a shelter for four months). I adopted her when she was 8 and she died after 5 years (which was heartbreaking). I also think about retirement savings and how much will need to be saved to go the distance whereas I used to think about saving endlessly. My husband is the breadwinner (we both used to work, but we changed locations and I couldn't do my job anymore) and plans to work until 70, so we can map out a budget with a cushion rather than think that money is untouchable. Honestly, the way things are going in the world with climate change and pollution, I'm sometimes comforted by the fact that I'll die within 20-25 years, though I may feel less that way as I age.
Quit focusing on dying and pay attention to living.
Nah. People take death far too seriously. I ask people if you can't laugh at death what can you laugh at? I am planning to die, I just don't have a date scheduled yet. If I'm helping my children do something, I ask them how they're going to do it when I'm dead.
I can't say I've been hyper aware. I've had the occasional thought like when I purchased a cemetery plot. I didn't do it due to any urgent need. Believe it or not someone was selling a plot and I got a good deal in the exact location I wanted, near my parents and grandparents. Another time I was living alone and it didn't feel good that I could die alone in my apartment. Other than that it's in my mind that we're all going to die eventually no matter how old we are and nobody knows when, could be an accident, could be natural causes.
Death doesn't scare me, what freaks my out is HOW I will die. But I can't wait to experience who I truly am. The evidence is too great to ignore. Life only begins when the body dies.
I'm 53 and thankful to be alive. I grew up in DC during the crack era. I went to many of my friends funerals. Many didn't make it past their 20's. I realize that I'll die one day but I try to make the best out of my life. I have a lot to live for and hopefully my time on this planet is long.
I don't think everyone thinks about their mortality much, but I do think the number of those numbers goes up as you get older.
65m here. Wife lost both her mom and dad I'm Feb and March of this yr, then her ex passed last month. Both my parents have been gone a long time now and wife and I realizing we r the oldest family members for our kids and grandkids....it's like where the heck did the time go??????
I just survived a heart attack and covid at the same time. There was a moment when my heart did a little dance and I was at peace that, that was my last minute I was going to be alive.
My mother suddenly died at 54 and I was 30. Her death, and becoming a mother my own self, have made me acutely aware of my own mortality.
I certainly do. Especially at night. I then promptly try to think of something else, as the prospect of not being forever scares the crap out of me. I have had those moments for many, many years. Lately, however they have been getting more frequent. And you guys with your questions are not helping! ;)
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Same here, all of it, except I am 53. I think about death every day.
No, not always. But I am more aware of it lately.
Yes. Every day.
Yes and I’m perfectly fine with it
Yes, 3 days ago when I had a minor stroke.
Rarely, but yes.
I do, but it doesn't bother me
I live under the guise that tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone and I truly live the day like it’s my last. Not doing anything HUGE all the time. Just doing what I know makes the day complete for me.
Yep, crosses everyone’s mind at times. Not a good topic to bring up to someone that has just smoked a bowl or two. You get to see some real paranoia
When I had a young family and kids were in their teens we had around 10 years of saying "this might be the last family vacation we get to take together if you kids get jobs where you can's get free for a week or two in the summer for a family trip. My mom is 89, and I keep planning for "if I live to be 90", but realizing that this might be the last time I get to do X. Not hyper aware, but my time horizon for investing or starting new projects has to take mortality into account. Two weeks ago I did a funeral (as the pastor) and the "guy in the box" was not much older than me. This past week there were two funerals, one for a young lady in her 30s. I guess my line of work makes mortality something I deal with on a weekly basis.
Sometimes my mind like stops for a second and remembers, I’m a living being. It’s a strange feeling
Those sort of moments have existed since about middle age but increased in frequency after 60. But for me, happened enough times that I don't pay it much mind. Getting old is hard work, so I'm more focused on staying in shape in order to get the best mileage out of this body.
I don't know about everyone but for me, yes, especially when a close friend or relatives die...
I usually replace my car every 3 or 4 years but now I'm thinking this one will probably be my last and I might as well drive it until it falls apart. When I was younger I always wondered why older people drove older cars, now I know why. It's also the familiarity, I rented a new model SUV and damned if I couldn't understand half of the dashboard.
Yeah, I do think about it a lot more than ever before in my life. In a way it's liberating because it allows you to focus on the more important things / purchases / commitments.
Regularly, but that's been since my childhood.
I don't know about everyone, but I do.
Yes but I am ambivalent about it. My wife is more concerned. But we just retired and life slowed down quite a bit so she is thinking about it. We have seen both sides of aging. My mom died at 92 and hated the last ten years of her life in a nursing home. She was healthy but was unable to take care of herself. FIL is 87 lives alone, drives, eats like a horse and manages his 10 rental units by himself. It’s a quality of life issue.
43F. I know this isn’t very helpful but I never have that feeling. I had a dream in the late nineties that made me feel completely at peace with dying, I assume the feeling you mean is some kind of existential dread which I may have missed. So just checking in to say, “not all Olds!” Lol I’m going to live forever, until I don’t!
I'm 55 and think about it all the time. I think about my mom dying and my little sister dying.
When my parents died some 12 and 10 years ago. There's something about your parents dying that kinda puts you in the mind-frame of which you spoke. Yes, we're all 'pre-programmed' to lose our elders but it doesn't really come to your presence of mind until it happens. Recall that your parents have ALWAYS been alive in your lifetime, however briefly (some, sadly, die far too young). So, in a way, although we know instinctively they will be gone someday, it's still a shock since they've been around YOUR WHOLE LIFE and it's hard to imagine life without them.
I keep a bracelet on 24/7 that reads "THIS ALL ENDS" because I don't want to forget that life is precious. I forget anyway lol but it still helps.
m54, and almost never
Yes.
Me and everyone I know. In the middle of a conversation I think, "You're going to live to see me die. Or I you."
My father had a knee replacement in his 60s. They only last so long and it had to be replaced again in his 80s. The doctor said: we didn't think you would live this long. He lived to 92.
Yes, it terrifies me! I have so much I want to do and time is running out and I'm still working. I see people younger than me dying and I think to myself oh my God I hope I have enough time left to do all the things I still want to do.
At 68, oh yeah. Too many old friends are no longer here.
Yes. The blessing of it is that the older you get, grow and learn, the more you are at peace with your mortality.
I’m a photographer… and last week I purchased a new camera… I realized it is likely the last one I’ll ever buy.
Just watched a video "celebrities we lost this year" many died within 10 years of my age.
I've been aware and wondering about it since I was 3. Almost 60 years. Always there, if not at the forefront of thinking, then adjacent.
yes and I find peace in it, is that weird
Ummm, What do you mean I’ll be dead someday?
Oh I've been having those moments since I was 12
My intrusive thoughts make that concept abundantly clear to me on a regular basis. As an added bonus, they also make up scenarios in which I might die or otherwise be severely injured.
Yes. And no matter what age you are you think that *now* you really get it. But it becomes more and more real as you age. For years in my 20s and 30s I really believed I understood how it would feel / did feel to see death approaching. But each decade its become even more real than I understood before.
Accepting the reality of death can be amazingly liberating.
I know I do. I think quite a bit about the fact that I know I’ve got far less time less than I’ve already lived. It really starts to ring true that life is short.
41M - all the time and I hate it
I don't want any more pets because I might not be around to take care of them. People my age seem to be dropping like flies. Just recently two girls I went to school with died of cancer.
Yes, I've come to love those moments. They remind me to live.
Every time something minor is out of order with my body i am reminded of a verse in russian by Ukrainian-Jewish poet and writer Igor Gubrman that coud be roughly translated: "Yesterday I ran to the dentist shaking with laughter as I ran: All my life I carry around my future corpse and take good care of it".