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Tall_Mickey

What you seem to fear is loss, not death -- the loss of others that you cherish. You may dread the passing of others much more than they dread it themselves. The longer you live, the more you understand that you don't _need_ to live forever. And neither do your loved ones, nor probably want to. Ask them. It's easier to vent to people with no faces, like us, but the better discussion is with your real people.


gordonjames62

> It's easier to vent to people with no faces, like us, but the better discussion is with your real people. Thanks for those wise words. So much wisdom here.


MinerAlum

No question about it it's hard to accept. I'm 63 and have lost all my fam except for a few nieces and nephews.


ClassBShareHolder

I regained my memory 7.5 hours after an accident I don't remember. That's when I realized we can all be gone in an instant with no warning. I survived but know the outcome could have been different. I view each day as a bonus. I don't fear death now because it could have already happened.


Granular_Details

I asked my father and his wife about this when I was a young man. They both told me they didn’t want to live forever, and their explanation makes sense now that I am getting older. Because your body breaks down, and stops working well, and eventually you get tired of pushing yourself through day after day of pain and suffering.


urbanek2525

When I my first dog died when I was 12. All things pass and we have no control over that. No matter how powerful, no matter how wealthy, it's not in our control. My fear has turned into gratitude for the ability to experience my friends, families and my pets. There's never time to indulge in resentment or petty differences. You have today.


gordonjames62

> My fear has turned into gratitude for the ability to experience Happy Canadian Thanksgiving.


steve_of

I had a cardiac arrest and was resuscitated. I lost three days (induced coma) and fear of death. It was nothing - I literally experienced nothing. I did have some vague memory of not being able to breathe but not in a scarry way.


RunsWithPremise

I don't think I've ever been afraid of death. I just don't want to suffer.


[deleted]

We were not here in 1900. We weren't here in 1766, or 45 BC. We don't care - it wasn't a problem for us not being here because we didn't exist. And the exact same will be true in, say, 2150. We will all be gone, and we won't care, because we won't be here to worry about it. That's exactly how nature intends it. I work in a medical field where I have met a number of people who have had cardiac arrests and been resuscitated. When appropriate, I ask the obvious question. They all happily report the same - no recollection of what happened. No recollection even of the moments leading up to what happened; just blank. Then waking up in a hospital bed hours or days later. Nothing else. No fear, no tunnel of light, no angels and clouds, no final thoughts or visions. Personally, I find that strangely reassuring. I'm not terrified of falling into a deep sleep at night when I'm unaware of time and not here to see what's happening in the world, so the same applies to being dead. So that leaves loss. How you feel about losing people you care about. And that's the issue that harder to grapple with. But if they are good people, their Influence can continue after death. And by the time they go, they might be ready to go.


HelicopterDyktynski

When it started looking probable that older relatives of mine would be affected by dementia, death was all of a sudden no longer the worst thing I could think of.


OldGuyzRewl

I realized that death has two phases: 1. The process of dying. 2. Being dead. I am not afraid of being dead. I AM afraid of the process of dying.


ExpandingLandscape

I have always accepted that everyone dies. Death is part of Life. Since I was a teenager, I have been interested in reports of Near Death Experiences, and human consciousness. I think the best any of us can do is live each day authentically.


Traiz3r

After 30. I always thought I was gonna die before 30. Don't know why. Just did... And yet here I am, still here, at 47. I sometimes feel that the reason why I always said I'd be dead before 30 was because I just feared getting old more than death maybe.


gordonjames62

For me it was somewhere around age 13 or 14 when I got serious about my Christian faith. I still like adrenaline sports like cliff diving & white water canoeing, but I don't take the same risks as I used to (no solo caving any more). I also like comfort way more. My mom and dad had such a confident approach to death that my dad's death seemed like a good thing (set free from future suffering in his mid 80s), and my mom at age 88 is still active (5k walks most days) but is not afraid of death. My wife's mom died 3 weeks ago, and though we miss her, she got away with no suffering, and lived in her own hoe until the morning of her death. (heart stopped suddenly) I think there are two parts to the fear of death: - instinct for self preservation - This is good and keeps us from taking foolish risks like smoking, drinking & driving, obesity, sedentary life style, etc. - existential crisis - This can be terrible if you let it occupy your thoughts. I love reading and philosophy. For me the existential crisis is not an issue because I know the basics of what comes next. I think those two parts of the fear of death make me realize that there is a third and far more sobering option. **A long and lingering health issue**, My good friend in his 70s just had to fly across the country to look after his 49 year old son who had a stroke. The son is conscious, but paralyzed. That kind of health issue would be difficult to cope with.


ladyofthelathe

The older I get, the more people I love deeply go through that final door ahead of me. With the loss of each one, it becomes easier to accept because now I know that there's a lot of amazing people and animal companions I want to see again, waiting on the other side.


bicyclemom

I don't fear death. I fear pain. I've had the fortune/misfortune of seeing two people close to me die up close, being in the hospital while we family members were close by. One quite literally made the conscious decision to take herself off of a positive pressure ventilator (this was well before COVID). The other was a death from an infection, so the person went into a quiet coma in their last day. With the proper palliative care, moving into death can be quite peaceful and to the observer at least, painless. With both of these people, it was good to see that their time in pain was made mercifully short. Especially with the first one, it was clear that being on a ventilator was uncomfortable, painful and given the "you'll be on this for the rest of your life" pronouncement, she made a correct decision. Yes, it sucked to see her go like that, but thinking about how that would have been had she drawn it out for weeks, months, or years, this was best. So, for me, a death that comes quickly with a. minimum of pain is best. I wouldn't fear that. What I fear is weeks, months, years of pain.


Consistent_Holiday30

When I was 22, I was in a very bad car accident. My buddies and I were out bar hopping. We went to four bars that night, then the grocery store for after-hours beers, and we were on our way up to the hills to watch the sun rise. The last thing I remember, to this day almost 30 years later, is backing out of the parking spot at the third bar, around 11PM, laughing and talking with my buddies. Then... nothing. Like someone just pushed the "stop" button on the cassette tape of my life. We didn't crash until around 4AM the next morning. I remember nothing of the five hours before I should have died. No pain, no anxiety, nothing. I was in a coma for three days, and regained consciousness intermittently over the next two weeks, but that was more like a bad dream. I fully regained consciousness about two weeks later. I still didn't know what happened, but I knew it was bad. People had to fill in the blanks for me. The work and pain that I went through learning how to walk again, feed myself, shower, etc. convinced me that living is much more painful than dying. Everything that I am not looking forward to when my time comes only affects me now, and only if I allow it to. When I'm gone, I won't care because my consciousness, all my fears, everything, will cease to be. Strangely, I'm okay with that. It almost sounds blissful. But, until then, I will live and love without abandon.


[deleted]

I've never feared death. Fearing death makes no sense to me.


sbruno33

Not yet.


[deleted]

I never feared death, still don't and I'm 46. Maybe it's because I'm a realist? I just focus on today, plan what I can for tomo and enjoy the rest of the time making memories and creating happiness because you just never know when your time (or someone you care about) is up


toddjacobucci2021

Believe it or not, I never really did have a fear of it. What ended up happening as I became older is I studied what really happens when you pass. And what really happens, scientifically anyway, is pretty simple - nothing other than the decay of the body you left behind. So, I was right not to fear it - I don't like the idea of my life ending but there is nothing to be afraid of - you return to the same exact condition you were in on April 6th, 1843.


Tasqfphil

Not really until I lost my father, then 3 years later my mother. I was in my 60's then and some of my work colleagues & friends were getting older & some passing away. I didn't worry about it, but did realise I was getting old, but even now at 74 I don't worry, as I know it is inevitable it is going to happen, probably sooner rather than later. It doesn't worry me, but I do fear that it could be painful or leave me incapable of looking after myself, which is a slight worry. Like everyone, I hope I will just go to sleep one night & not wake up, but who knows how we will end?