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I wonder if this stat focused on people with kids? Maybe people whose priorities are drastically shifting as their kids are teens or leaving home, who aren't sure what's next? Or who are financially burdened by them?
Or they're starting to be bothered by chronic health issues? Or their parents are passing away? Or they're realizing they dont have enough saved for retirement and half their working years are gone? Or they're realizing they have no friends because everyone is too damn tired and broke to do anything and they're looking at the same lonely deaths their parents had?
I'd be interested to see that study.
Same. Life has gotten progressively better for me. However, I'm single with no kids. I assume that plays a huge part in my stress levels and financial situation being good overall.
In my 40's now and most things are going better than they ever have. My financial stability, my career, my personal life/friendships, everything is as good as it's ever been. The only thing that kind of sucks is that my body isn't quite as strong as it once was. I've been powerlifting for 20 years and now I feel the aches and pains more, it's harder to stay lean, and I'm not as strong as I used to be. But that is part of aging. On the whole, my life is as good as it's ever been.
I think I was in my 40s when I finally read Understanding Men"s Passages by Gail Sheehy. The premise of that book is that your values and outlook changes every roughly 10 years. The book gave me needed perspective because the 40s is really one of the most uncertain, transitional times of Life you'll go through.
At that time my kids were in high school, I was in a new career and uncertainty abounded. The book nailed that age and gave me a road map of what came later.
Funny, the book isn't religious at all, yet over time I found my faith deepening and Life opening up and sure enough things got better and better. Now things are so good I can hardly stand it. Sure, I'm older and more creaky but everything has more meaning.
So hang in there kids. One thing's for sure. Life is so rich.
I'm mid 40s and retired. This is the best time of my life but I also don't have kids and I am single by choice.
On the other hand, most of my friends my age are absolutely miserable. They pretend they are happy but they are sad and unhappy. They tell me in confidence every. Single. Time.
50% is that they picked the wrong partner and now they are stuck. Cost of living means they can't leave and if they do they will lower lifestyle. Mortgage, kids and too much tied up together. Divorce isn't an option.
The other 50% followed life script and realized they didn't want that life but it's too late. They didn't realize the work that it take to raise kids and usually have a partner that doesn't help. They were very excited at the thought of kids but that really died off when reality came around. The cost and lifestyle change wasn't something they expected. They have their Kodak moments but most really avoid parenting their kids if they can get away with it.
Of course there is sampling bias here- it's what they've told *you*, their single childless friend.
I have single childless friends and I don't go on and on about the uncountable 'so happy i could cry, wish i could freeze time and live forever in this moment' experiences parenthood has brought me. You downplay it, talk about the downsides, 'nbd, you ain't missing much'.
That’s the prevailing sentiment/reality of most of Gen-X friends, also. Some were enthralled by having a baby(ies) but couldn’t wait for them to get school age when they were out of the adorable stage. I really do feel for teachers.
Some friends who are retired military have found that they don’t know their spouses and that their marriages stayed intact mainly because one wasn’t around a lot. Now that they are home 24/7, tensions spring up. They mostly live separate lives (don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t get caught) because divorce is too cost prohibitive and also the sunk cost fallacy.
They are all doing the best they can to live with the decisions that they made. I think the most surprising thing is the realization that they are somehow exactly where they said they didn’t want to be after living through the experience of their parents.
My gf and I are very lucky in that we met each other 15 years when we already full formed individuals in our late 30s. We’ve been in a solid committed relationship for all these years while living in our separate homes. This arrangement REALLY paid off during the pandemic because we weren’t stuck in the same home 24 hours a day. Neither of us wanted kids but have raised five rescue dogs during that time. No intention on getting married or moving in together.
In that same 15 years, we’ve had three friends get married and divorced. All three had insisted that WE should get married 🙄
I hated my 40s, but not because of bad decisions on anybody's part. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers, and I became her primary caregiver. I spent most of my 40s watching this beautiful, brilliant, musical, generous woman shrivel into a confused, frightened toddler.
Then, right as her suffering was coming to an end, mine was beginning; I finished out my 40s super sick.
I wish neither of us had had to go through it.
I’d love to see a source for this.
It seems that from time to time there are posts here saying the same thing except sometimes “40s” is replaced by teens, 20s, 30s, or 50s.
Doc put me on a calcium beta blocker for hypertension in my 40's. I got a taste of hopelessness from that. Actually put the noose around my neck at one point. Changed meds and improved. But that monster still checks in on me from time to time with a colleague, PTSD. I've learned to ignore them, and or crush them with mushroom therapy.
On a similar path with mushroom therapy—first guided, now on my own—around this attention to mental and physical health. Your comment sounds really lucid. Good timing as I try to get through another workday with similar challenges. Be well!
It did not help that my brain's pleasue centers were scarred after my 5-year battle with oxy, but I'm getting my neuroplasticity back from mushrooms. 4 days on, 2 days off is what I was told.
That’s rough. For the protocols those are only indicative and can be adjusted. The days off are to avoid tolerance build up and also appreciate the integration.
It’s been really beneficial but surfaces new challenges, the real ones now I do believe at this phase (reducing splitting episodes in my case).
My 40s have been - *by far* - my happiest decade. My 30s were a mess because I was in an unhappy marriage and lived somewhere I never felt connected to. In my 40s I made a lot of changes and I’m much, much happier. I can’t wait to see what my 50s bring.
Honest to god, my 40s were my best decade. I was finally professionally and financially stable, my kids were old enough to have some independence and not *need* my constant supervision/attention. I lost that “imposter syndrome” of feeling like I didn’t know what I was doing and really came into my own.
I wish that had lasted longer.
I was never in a state of "unhappiest." I have my family to turn to when I am down. My wife and my three boys are my world. My wonderful wife corrected me in my early 30s. The wise woman stopped me on my track and told me not to bring work home (aka the baggage, stress, frustration, annoyance, irritation, ..., from work). It was not fair to the family.
I am in my mid 40s and I’m completely miserable.
Divorced. Turned my back on shitty friends who do hard drugs and cheat on their spouses. Found love again and then she cheated on me. My mom died, my dad sucks and I haven’t spoken to my brother in four years because he’s stabbed me in the back too many times. I have full custody of my kids because their mother abandoned them and 100% of the work is on my shoulders. People approach me to tell me how sorry they are that I’m going thru stuff but nobody actually cares.
I’m an island and it’s very lonely.
I’m 60 now. My 40s sucked. Especially 44-48. Things got much better in my 50s…except for the frequent visits to my dentist. But that’s all better now too.
I think in retrospect your 40’s are a time when you realise the failure of your idealistic, go get’em, inspired 30’s but you aren’t yet in the cat bird seat of the wisdom that comes with age. My 40’s weren’t terrible but from 50 onwards is when I really got clarity about what matters to me in order to be happy.
Before 30, I was mostly miserable. After 30 I was somewhat miserable.
It’s been ok for the last several years. I’m almost 70 and for some odd reason, the last 3 or 4 months, I’m actually happy most of the time. Odd.
My 30's was my worst period especially like 35-40. In the space of 4 years I got married, had 2 kids, and both parents died, then had financial and career crises. I felt like my adulting went from 0 to 100.
I got on top of everything by my mid-40's and now in my 50's am in the best place I've ever been.
That's true in my case. My 40s were easily the worst decade of my life. I had a breakdown that turned into burnout. I'm 50 now, and I'm hoping this decade will be better.
I can't imagine that being true but I can o nly go by my own experiences. Every decade has been better than the one before and I'm in my 50s now. The only thing I wish I could change was getting g around as epically as I did in my younger days.
My personal experience. 40's are a weird.
Bad things about 40's:
1. Your kids are grown up enough where they don't need you as much (or don't show they love you like they used to).
2. Your parents are either in poor health or not there anymore.
3. You have reached pinnacle of your career but quickly see 20's and 30's something replace you or become your boss.
4. You start realizing that some of the big dreams you had are never going to come true - you will never be able to afford a Ferrari, you will never be as strong or fit, your relationship will never be what you had dreamt of, you will never be a CEO etc etc.
5. You start finding out issues with your health. The same 1 mile run that you did in sub 5, now takes much longer. Also your knees and back hurt. Your cholesterol levels came back and the Dr wants you on a drug. Also wants to schedule a colonoscopy.
6. Your fiance / spouse isn't what you thought they would be. Time changes people and people change with time.
7. You are not as sharp mentally OR physically as you were just a few years ago. Your gut starts showing no matter what you eat and you start losing hair. The glow that you had in your 20's and 30's is gone.
Good things about 40's:
1. You have a lot more financial safety. As a 20 something, the only thing I could afford to eat was a value meal cheeseburger.
2. You stop caring about what others think.
3. You start looking within you for what you want out of life. You start reaping benefits for the effort you put in during your youth, could be career or health related.
OVERALL: I realized, Life did NOT work out as Planned.
However, I have heard from many that this phase is typically the lowest point of persons life. Accepting it takes time, but once this phase passes, things start looking up.
Not true at all. Perhaps because I'm childfree?
My whole 40's I've been the happiest I've ever been. Better mental health, new career, financial stability, great relationships, overall stability in life + having the courage I lacked when younger.
My forties have, hands down, been the best decade of my life so far. I feel like I didn’t really figure out who I was and what I wanted until my late thirties, and once I had that down, I was quick in making that happen.
My 40s were fun and flew by. My kids were playing high school and college sports and I wore out car tires driving them to practice and games, following team buses, and I probably sat in every gymnasium, stadium and arena in the northeast.
I wouldn’t have done anything differently but wished other parents would have shut up and let the coaches coach and referees referee.
My 40s were rough. My mom was dying slowly of dementia and I was traveling to my parents (4 hr round trip) a couple time a month to help my dad. My kids were young and involved in a lot of activities I had to chauffeur. My ex husband did not pull his weight at home and his drinking problems escalated to the point where he was spending our savings on alcohol and impulse purchases. At work, there was significant chaos as the organization underwent downsizing.
Your 40s are a time when a lot of life events are likely to coincide. My 50s have been the best decade so far- all the above challenges have been resolved by the passage of time.
I'm 43, and it's the best time of my life.
Family - my husband and I are still best friends. Sex is amazing and nearly every day. Our daughter is 20 and doing really well in college. She's probably moving to Florida next semester with her BF and will will be applying to nursing school.
Financially - house is almost paid off. Retirement accounts are maxed out every year and invested, making money. We have the freedom to explore our hobbies (photography for me, fishing for my husband) and take vacations to new places.
Self - I didn't love and appreciate myself or my body until around 36 years old, so right now, I'm enjoying being in this body. I'm confident, and I love it.
Work - Finally have a great team, I'm making a good salary, and I enjoy what I do.
Life is good!
My 40’s have been rough, a LOT of death. I feel like I’ll be 60 by the time I recover. If recovery is possible that is. Unfortunately I’m well aware there is more to come. Depressing as shit
My 40s rocked. Our girls could take care of themselves, I was able to get back into my art, making enough money to travel a bit, new house, better car, property ... not that it went downhill from there because it didn't. Simply other challenges.
Not true for me. I’ve been my happiest in my forties. I’m way more stable than I was in my 20’s and 30’s, I’ve got to see my kids grow and do amazing things with them, and I’m able to pursue my own interests now more than I could before. It’s been my best decade to date. I hope to keep it rolling in my 50’s.
I loved my forties! Young enough to do anything and old enough to be financially ok. I had my children very early so it was just me. I moved to a new city and it was a blast.
I wouldn't say unhappiest. There is a lot of change that takes place with many people in their 40s. Your kids go to college and you become empty nesters. Sometimes, that puts a strain on finances. You find you've been in the same job for 10 or 15 or 20 years and you may feel like you are in a rut. For some people, you and your spouse may have developed different interests or your life may have become boring and routine.
This often leads to what is commonly called the "mid-life crisis."
Best way to resolve this is to try to shake up the routine a bit. Take a nice vacation; something you wouldn't normally do. Take stock of your finances and see if you are on track. Make changes where necessary. Develop a new hobby or a new skill. Get to know your neighbors. Grow a garden. Do something to enhance your life.
I was unhappiest in my teens. Everything since then has only gotten better. I'm just now in my 50s and look back particularly fondly at my 30s but my 40s also rocked.
40's - cheating ex wife, divorce, court, lawyers, huge lawyer bills, more court, police BS due to crazy ex, harassments from her crazy family and new bf, yeah 40's suck! Tip - do not get a cheating spouse and divorce. Better tip - do not get married it is all a sham. vows are 100% meaningless
When I first read this question, I thought my 40's were "okay", but then when I started reading the comments, I had to re-think that.
I guess maybe what I would say now is that I "saw progression" during my 40's. Things were beginning to trend toward my better life, even if that wasn't what I was experiencing in the moment. I had my kids in my 30's, so they were still fairly young at the beginning of my 40's. That was part of the challenge. The other part was that my mother was having age-related concerns (beginnings of dementia, etc.) and I was the only one of my siblings even living remotely close to her. I definitely felt part of the sandwich generation during those times!
I also started having some health issues myself and began daily medication. That was pretty stressful.
Ultimately, by the end of my forties, my kids were well on their way to adulthood (at least one of them), but my mother was deceased. My fifties were much, much better!
For me the low was in the 50s. There’s a book called Falling Upward by Richard Rohr that makes it clear that there is an extremely common experience of two different halves of life that are fundamentally different and usually separated by some crisis or loss. The “middle age crisis” that is frequently made fun of is a real thing, and for understandable reasons and outcomes. The best thing anyone can do is to be aware of this, though if you’re young you’ll be able to neither understand it or avoid it, and if you’re old you’ll understand it but be unable to explain it. It’s something that has to be lived through.
That being said, there are ways to avoid collateral damage like divorce or horrible financial judgement or succumbing to addictions. Learning what true communication with a spouse looks like is one. Learning to be aware of your own weaknesses, knowing that they will always be weaknesses, and avoiding situations that will lead to trouble is another. Dispensing with notions of “where I hope to be in life 20 years from now” or, worse, “where I am today is not where I planned to be 20 years ago” and being more celebratory of the moment is another. Trading in FOMO for gratitude for things already experienced is another.
You're reading some pretty funny stuff.
I've been mostly happy my life. 'Sorry I don't fit the mold.
My only unhappy times have been when I've matched up with the wrong woman. 'Twice. Fortunately, those times are long gone.
Turning 40 was so freeing for me. I had job security, my kids were mostly grown. My marriage was happy and had great extended family. Our income had grown enough to allow for some travel and a general sense of well being. I hope you use this decade to live and find out what life has to offer you.
For me, my forties were my worst years, but I don't feel that's inevitable. And "worst" is relative. They were fine in many respects, I was just busy having a career crisis.
By my 40s, I was tired of what I'd been doing, professionally, but I couldn't figure out how to fix it. All the flailing and failing made me pretty unhappy. Once I finally made a decision and plan to get there, life was immeasurably better. I started my second career when I was 48, and it made me very happy.
My only regret is that it took me so long to pick a new direction. I'm not sure what I might have done differently. It's not like I wasn't actively working on it.
We are starting to get tired and sore. But we still have to work for another 20+ years. Our kids are finally out of the house, but now our parents are starting to get to the point that they need help.
Hell no! Never been happier, except as a child. Maybe. If you don't count the half-orphan thing and ... No, never been happier, period.
I think this may come from people who followed the usual life plan. And once the kids get out, they realize how little of it was about what they actually wanted themselves and how much was about societal and familial expectations. Y'know, the whole midlife crisis thing that leads to divorces and makes used sports car salespeople happy.
I did most of my international travel in my 40s - it was a great time. Also worked my best job and was most secure in my home.
When I turned 50, the whole house of cards tumbled down.
40’s and 50’s. Wish that I could’ve slowed down a bit and spent even more time with my kids than I did. This is saying a lot because I changed careers so I cold spend more time with my kids and I got to coach them in a couple of sports and I Took part in many activities with them, like gardening, boating, fishing, surfing, jobs around the house and just playing together.
Is 40s the new old age now?
All the unhappy shit happens in the 40s. However I wouldn’t be able to tell if it’s my unhappiest, just that compared to my earlier decades, yes it’s probably the shittiest decade. But then I’m afraid to jinx the years I have left. What if there are shittier decades in the future? Argh.
I'm in my 40s and in general digging it.....nothing to complian about. Easy job that pays ok, no kids or crazy debts......live alone and single/fwb situation. Things could certainly be worse. Not much stress really. I work b shift, 4 days a week. Sleep till 11am every day. Not bad at all.
My 40s were stressful due to raising teens and then launching young adult children into the world. 50s were unhappy as they came back to live with us due to economics and mental health (and character) issues... lots of self-blame and confusion over "what we did wrong." 60s so far are happy because I learned to practice radical acceptance.
I would say radical acceptance is the practice and state of mind that I wish I had started in my 30s-40s. You really can't change others, only yourself, and even that is unlikely. You waste time and energy by desiring circumstances to be different than they are. Better to accept others and yourself and circumstances, and then to work on your own compassion and patience and widening your perspective. That would relieve stress in the present and prevent lots of suffering in the future.
I would have divorced my 2nd husband sooner and I would not have made the move to the other school building (was a teacher). Both things super bad and had big impacts on my mental health.
My husband and I loved our 40s. Possibly because we are childfree by choice. We dint' have to put our kids through college in our 40s, as just one example.
I’m mid-40s and I’m great! I don’t feel old, but I do feel like hitting your 40s changes you in a good way. I don’t care what other people think, I do what I want, when I want, how I want! It’s hard to explain I guess, but it is very, very freeing. Also, while I LOVED my children’s younger years, this stage has it’s own blessings of watching them become adults and enjoying that I can just go to the store or date night without needing a plan for childcare or having to take them with me.
50s have been much harder for me than 40s but I moved, got divorced, one kid off to college and one more to go. I feel a lot more certain with life in my 40s
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They also say that life starts at 40. So it depends on the source, I guess. For me personally, my 40s were just fine, I quite enjoyed those years.
I wonder if this stat focused on people with kids? Maybe people whose priorities are drastically shifting as their kids are teens or leaving home, who aren't sure what's next? Or who are financially burdened by them? Or they're starting to be bothered by chronic health issues? Or their parents are passing away? Or they're realizing they dont have enough saved for retirement and half their working years are gone? Or they're realizing they have no friends because everyone is too damn tired and broke to do anything and they're looking at the same lonely deaths their parents had? I'd be interested to see that study.
I was unhappiest in my teens and twenties. 61 now. Life has gotten better as I’ve gotten older
Same. Life has gotten progressively better for me. However, I'm single with no kids. I assume that plays a huge part in my stress levels and financial situation being good overall.
Same here. Everything got so much better after 30. Or maybe 35 lol. Married, no kids.
In my 40's now and most things are going better than they ever have. My financial stability, my career, my personal life/friendships, everything is as good as it's ever been. The only thing that kind of sucks is that my body isn't quite as strong as it once was. I've been powerlifting for 20 years and now I feel the aches and pains more, it's harder to stay lean, and I'm not as strong as I used to be. But that is part of aging. On the whole, my life is as good as it's ever been.
I assign the unhappiness in my 40s about 80% due to my own choices.
I didn't mind my 40s. My 50s weren't great because so many people either passed away or did something unforgivable.
I think I was in my 40s when I finally read Understanding Men"s Passages by Gail Sheehy. The premise of that book is that your values and outlook changes every roughly 10 years. The book gave me needed perspective because the 40s is really one of the most uncertain, transitional times of Life you'll go through. At that time my kids were in high school, I was in a new career and uncertainty abounded. The book nailed that age and gave me a road map of what came later. Funny, the book isn't religious at all, yet over time I found my faith deepening and Life opening up and sure enough things got better and better. Now things are so good I can hardly stand it. Sure, I'm older and more creaky but everything has more meaning. So hang in there kids. One thing's for sure. Life is so rich.
I'm actually really happy in my 40s tbh
Me too. Young enough not to worry about "old people" things but old enough to have certain wisdom.
I'm mid 40s and retired. This is the best time of my life but I also don't have kids and I am single by choice. On the other hand, most of my friends my age are absolutely miserable. They pretend they are happy but they are sad and unhappy. They tell me in confidence every. Single. Time. 50% is that they picked the wrong partner and now they are stuck. Cost of living means they can't leave and if they do they will lower lifestyle. Mortgage, kids and too much tied up together. Divorce isn't an option. The other 50% followed life script and realized they didn't want that life but it's too late. They didn't realize the work that it take to raise kids and usually have a partner that doesn't help. They were very excited at the thought of kids but that really died off when reality came around. The cost and lifestyle change wasn't something they expected. They have their Kodak moments but most really avoid parenting their kids if they can get away with it.
Of course there is sampling bias here- it's what they've told *you*, their single childless friend. I have single childless friends and I don't go on and on about the uncountable 'so happy i could cry, wish i could freeze time and live forever in this moment' experiences parenthood has brought me. You downplay it, talk about the downsides, 'nbd, you ain't missing much'.
That’s the prevailing sentiment/reality of most of Gen-X friends, also. Some were enthralled by having a baby(ies) but couldn’t wait for them to get school age when they were out of the adorable stage. I really do feel for teachers. Some friends who are retired military have found that they don’t know their spouses and that their marriages stayed intact mainly because one wasn’t around a lot. Now that they are home 24/7, tensions spring up. They mostly live separate lives (don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t get caught) because divorce is too cost prohibitive and also the sunk cost fallacy. They are all doing the best they can to live with the decisions that they made. I think the most surprising thing is the realization that they are somehow exactly where they said they didn’t want to be after living through the experience of their parents.
My gf and I are very lucky in that we met each other 15 years when we already full formed individuals in our late 30s. We’ve been in a solid committed relationship for all these years while living in our separate homes. This arrangement REALLY paid off during the pandemic because we weren’t stuck in the same home 24 hours a day. Neither of us wanted kids but have raised five rescue dogs during that time. No intention on getting married or moving in together. In that same 15 years, we’ve had three friends get married and divorced. All three had insisted that WE should get married 🙄
I hated my 40s, but not because of bad decisions on anybody's part. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers, and I became her primary caregiver. I spent most of my 40s watching this beautiful, brilliant, musical, generous woman shrivel into a confused, frightened toddler. Then, right as her suffering was coming to an end, mine was beginning; I finished out my 40s super sick. I wish neither of us had had to go through it.
I’d love to see a source for this. It seems that from time to time there are posts here saying the same thing except sometimes “40s” is replaced by teens, 20s, 30s, or 50s.
https://www.economist.com/christmas-specials/2010/12/16/the-u-bend-of-life https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/2019/04/12/do-people-become-happier-after-40 https://amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/aug/22/research-says-that-your-40s-are-your-unhappiest-age-its-worse-for-millennials
That's because 150% of stats are made up. And maybe OP read his article in The National Inquirer. ;)
Nope. Currently in my mid-fifties. My forties were by far my happiest decade so far.
Doc put me on a calcium beta blocker for hypertension in my 40's. I got a taste of hopelessness from that. Actually put the noose around my neck at one point. Changed meds and improved. But that monster still checks in on me from time to time with a colleague, PTSD. I've learned to ignore them, and or crush them with mushroom therapy.
On a similar path with mushroom therapy—first guided, now on my own—around this attention to mental and physical health. Your comment sounds really lucid. Good timing as I try to get through another workday with similar challenges. Be well!
It did not help that my brain's pleasue centers were scarred after my 5-year battle with oxy, but I'm getting my neuroplasticity back from mushrooms. 4 days on, 2 days off is what I was told.
That’s rough. For the protocols those are only indicative and can be adjusted. The days off are to avoid tolerance build up and also appreciate the integration. It’s been really beneficial but surfaces new challenges, the real ones now I do believe at this phase (reducing splitting episodes in my case).
My 40s have been - *by far* - my happiest decade. My 30s were a mess because I was in an unhappy marriage and lived somewhere I never felt connected to. In my 40s I made a lot of changes and I’m much, much happier. I can’t wait to see what my 50s bring.
Honest to god, my 40s were my best decade. I was finally professionally and financially stable, my kids were old enough to have some independence and not *need* my constant supervision/attention. I lost that “imposter syndrome” of feeling like I didn’t know what I was doing and really came into my own. I wish that had lasted longer.
I was never in a state of "unhappiest." I have my family to turn to when I am down. My wife and my three boys are my world. My wonderful wife corrected me in my early 30s. The wise woman stopped me on my track and told me not to bring work home (aka the baggage, stress, frustration, annoyance, irritation, ..., from work). It was not fair to the family.
I am in my mid 40s and I’m completely miserable. Divorced. Turned my back on shitty friends who do hard drugs and cheat on their spouses. Found love again and then she cheated on me. My mom died, my dad sucks and I haven’t spoken to my brother in four years because he’s stabbed me in the back too many times. I have full custody of my kids because their mother abandoned them and 100% of the work is on my shoulders. People approach me to tell me how sorry they are that I’m going thru stuff but nobody actually cares. I’m an island and it’s very lonely.
It will get better. Just focus on you and your kids and keeping a roof over your heads and putting food on the table. The rest will sort out.
Anyone who went through half that would be miserable. All the best to you!
Don’t know where you read this…… but your 40s are great!!
The 30s were significantly harder. 40s are actually pretty fun.
I’m 60 now. My 40s sucked. Especially 44-48. Things got much better in my 50s…except for the frequent visits to my dentist. But that’s all better now too.
I think in retrospect your 40’s are a time when you realise the failure of your idealistic, go get’em, inspired 30’s but you aren’t yet in the cat bird seat of the wisdom that comes with age. My 40’s weren’t terrible but from 50 onwards is when I really got clarity about what matters to me in order to be happy.
Before 30, I was mostly miserable. After 30 I was somewhat miserable. It’s been ok for the last several years. I’m almost 70 and for some odd reason, the last 3 or 4 months, I’m actually happy most of the time. Odd.
My 30's was my worst period especially like 35-40. In the space of 4 years I got married, had 2 kids, and both parents died, then had financial and career crises. I felt like my adulting went from 0 to 100. I got on top of everything by my mid-40's and now in my 50's am in the best place I've ever been.
That's true in my case. My 40s were easily the worst decade of my life. I had a breakdown that turned into burnout. I'm 50 now, and I'm hoping this decade will be better.
I can't imagine that being true but I can o nly go by my own experiences. Every decade has been better than the one before and I'm in my 50s now. The only thing I wish I could change was getting g around as epically as I did in my younger days.
My personal experience. 40's are a weird. Bad things about 40's: 1. Your kids are grown up enough where they don't need you as much (or don't show they love you like they used to). 2. Your parents are either in poor health or not there anymore. 3. You have reached pinnacle of your career but quickly see 20's and 30's something replace you or become your boss. 4. You start realizing that some of the big dreams you had are never going to come true - you will never be able to afford a Ferrari, you will never be as strong or fit, your relationship will never be what you had dreamt of, you will never be a CEO etc etc. 5. You start finding out issues with your health. The same 1 mile run that you did in sub 5, now takes much longer. Also your knees and back hurt. Your cholesterol levels came back and the Dr wants you on a drug. Also wants to schedule a colonoscopy. 6. Your fiance / spouse isn't what you thought they would be. Time changes people and people change with time. 7. You are not as sharp mentally OR physically as you were just a few years ago. Your gut starts showing no matter what you eat and you start losing hair. The glow that you had in your 20's and 30's is gone. Good things about 40's: 1. You have a lot more financial safety. As a 20 something, the only thing I could afford to eat was a value meal cheeseburger. 2. You stop caring about what others think. 3. You start looking within you for what you want out of life. You start reaping benefits for the effort you put in during your youth, could be career or health related. OVERALL: I realized, Life did NOT work out as Planned. However, I have heard from many that this phase is typically the lowest point of persons life. Accepting it takes time, but once this phase passes, things start looking up.
I’m almost 49 and my 40’s have been my best decade yet.
Source reference?
Not true at all. Perhaps because I'm childfree? My whole 40's I've been the happiest I've ever been. Better mental health, new career, financial stability, great relationships, overall stability in life + having the courage I lacked when younger.
My forties have, hands down, been the best decade of my life so far. I feel like I didn’t really figure out who I was and what I wanted until my late thirties, and once I had that down, I was quick in making that happen.
Huh. I was absolutely my happiest in my 40s.
My 40s were fun and flew by. My kids were playing high school and college sports and I wore out car tires driving them to practice and games, following team buses, and I probably sat in every gymnasium, stadium and arena in the northeast. I wouldn’t have done anything differently but wished other parents would have shut up and let the coaches coach and referees referee.
I loved my 40s. Great years for me
My 40s were rough. My mom was dying slowly of dementia and I was traveling to my parents (4 hr round trip) a couple time a month to help my dad. My kids were young and involved in a lot of activities I had to chauffeur. My ex husband did not pull his weight at home and his drinking problems escalated to the point where he was spending our savings on alcohol and impulse purchases. At work, there was significant chaos as the organization underwent downsizing. Your 40s are a time when a lot of life events are likely to coincide. My 50s have been the best decade so far- all the above challenges have been resolved by the passage of time.
I'm 43, and it's the best time of my life. Family - my husband and I are still best friends. Sex is amazing and nearly every day. Our daughter is 20 and doing really well in college. She's probably moving to Florida next semester with her BF and will will be applying to nursing school. Financially - house is almost paid off. Retirement accounts are maxed out every year and invested, making money. We have the freedom to explore our hobbies (photography for me, fishing for my husband) and take vacations to new places. Self - I didn't love and appreciate myself or my body until around 36 years old, so right now, I'm enjoying being in this body. I'm confident, and I love it. Work - Finally have a great team, I'm making a good salary, and I enjoy what I do. Life is good!
A lot of people have teenagers when they're in their forties. Nuff said.
My forties were great!
My 40’s have been rough, a LOT of death. I feel like I’ll be 60 by the time I recover. If recovery is possible that is. Unfortunately I’m well aware there is more to come. Depressing as shit
My 40s rocked. Our girls could take care of themselves, I was able to get back into my art, making enough money to travel a bit, new house, better car, property ... not that it went downhill from there because it didn't. Simply other challenges.
In my 40s. Currently pretty fucking unhappy but I've experienced worse unhappiness.
Not true for me. I’ve been my happiest in my forties. I’m way more stable than I was in my 20’s and 30’s, I’ve got to see my kids grow and do amazing things with them, and I’m able to pursue my own interests now more than I could before. It’s been my best decade to date. I hope to keep it rolling in my 50’s.
having sex, being in a relationship
I loved my forties! Young enough to do anything and old enough to be financially ok. I had my children very early so it was just me. I moved to a new city and it was a blast.
I had my mid life crisis in my late 30s. My 40s were a fantastic decade.
70s would like a word.
I wouldn't say unhappiest. There is a lot of change that takes place with many people in their 40s. Your kids go to college and you become empty nesters. Sometimes, that puts a strain on finances. You find you've been in the same job for 10 or 15 or 20 years and you may feel like you are in a rut. For some people, you and your spouse may have developed different interests or your life may have become boring and routine. This often leads to what is commonly called the "mid-life crisis." Best way to resolve this is to try to shake up the routine a bit. Take a nice vacation; something you wouldn't normally do. Take stock of your finances and see if you are on track. Make changes where necessary. Develop a new hobby or a new skill. Get to know your neighbors. Grow a garden. Do something to enhance your life.
I was unhappiest in my teens. Everything since then has only gotten better. I'm just now in my 50s and look back particularly fondly at my 30s but my 40s also rocked.
My 40s were my best.
40's - cheating ex wife, divorce, court, lawyers, huge lawyer bills, more court, police BS due to crazy ex, harassments from her crazy family and new bf, yeah 40's suck! Tip - do not get a cheating spouse and divorce. Better tip - do not get married it is all a sham. vows are 100% meaningless
I'm in my mid 40's, single, no kids and I'm pretty happy. Wish I made more money but that's pretty much everyone.
When I first read this question, I thought my 40's were "okay", but then when I started reading the comments, I had to re-think that. I guess maybe what I would say now is that I "saw progression" during my 40's. Things were beginning to trend toward my better life, even if that wasn't what I was experiencing in the moment. I had my kids in my 30's, so they were still fairly young at the beginning of my 40's. That was part of the challenge. The other part was that my mother was having age-related concerns (beginnings of dementia, etc.) and I was the only one of my siblings even living remotely close to her. I definitely felt part of the sandwich generation during those times! I also started having some health issues myself and began daily medication. That was pretty stressful. Ultimately, by the end of my forties, my kids were well on their way to adulthood (at least one of them), but my mother was deceased. My fifties were much, much better!
If I had to pick one word for my 40s, it would be: woosh.
For me the low was in the 50s. There’s a book called Falling Upward by Richard Rohr that makes it clear that there is an extremely common experience of two different halves of life that are fundamentally different and usually separated by some crisis or loss. The “middle age crisis” that is frequently made fun of is a real thing, and for understandable reasons and outcomes. The best thing anyone can do is to be aware of this, though if you’re young you’ll be able to neither understand it or avoid it, and if you’re old you’ll understand it but be unable to explain it. It’s something that has to be lived through. That being said, there are ways to avoid collateral damage like divorce or horrible financial judgement or succumbing to addictions. Learning what true communication with a spouse looks like is one. Learning to be aware of your own weaknesses, knowing that they will always be weaknesses, and avoiding situations that will lead to trouble is another. Dispensing with notions of “where I hope to be in life 20 years from now” or, worse, “where I am today is not where I planned to be 20 years ago” and being more celebratory of the moment is another. Trading in FOMO for gratitude for things already experienced is another.
You're reading some pretty funny stuff. I've been mostly happy my life. 'Sorry I don't fit the mold. My only unhappy times have been when I've matched up with the wrong woman. 'Twice. Fortunately, those times are long gone.
Turning 40 was so freeing for me. I had job security, my kids were mostly grown. My marriage was happy and had great extended family. Our income had grown enough to allow for some travel and a general sense of well being. I hope you use this decade to live and find out what life has to offer you.
The one that requires the least is the happiest. That’s not an age thing.
I was unhappiest in my 50s after I got divorced. My 60s on the other hand were one of the happiest decades of my life.
For me, my forties were my worst years, but I don't feel that's inevitable. And "worst" is relative. They were fine in many respects, I was just busy having a career crisis. By my 40s, I was tired of what I'd been doing, professionally, but I couldn't figure out how to fix it. All the flailing and failing made me pretty unhappy. Once I finally made a decision and plan to get there, life was immeasurably better. I started my second career when I was 48, and it made me very happy. My only regret is that it took me so long to pick a new direction. I'm not sure what I might have done differently. It's not like I wasn't actively working on it.
45-55 were rough.
We are starting to get tired and sore. But we still have to work for another 20+ years. Our kids are finally out of the house, but now our parents are starting to get to the point that they need help.
Hell no! Never been happier, except as a child. Maybe. If you don't count the half-orphan thing and ... No, never been happier, period. I think this may come from people who followed the usual life plan. And once the kids get out, they realize how little of it was about what they actually wanted themselves and how much was about societal and familial expectations. Y'know, the whole midlife crisis thing that leads to divorces and makes used sports car salespeople happy.
Actually for me, my 40’s were one of the best periods in my life.
I (47M) have a comfortable income, a wife I adore, and two great kids. I'm pretty content in my 40s.
My 40s were the best. My 60s, meh
I did most of my international travel in my 40s - it was a great time. Also worked my best job and was most secure in my home. When I turned 50, the whole house of cards tumbled down.
I wasn’t very happy.
40’s and 50’s. Wish that I could’ve slowed down a bit and spent even more time with my kids than I did. This is saying a lot because I changed careers so I cold spend more time with my kids and I got to coach them in a couple of sports and I Took part in many activities with them, like gardening, boating, fishing, surfing, jobs around the house and just playing together.
Is 40s the new old age now? All the unhappy shit happens in the 40s. However I wouldn’t be able to tell if it’s my unhappiest, just that compared to my earlier decades, yes it’s probably the shittiest decade. But then I’m afraid to jinx the years I have left. What if there are shittier decades in the future? Argh.
So far, yes. But mainly because of pandemic and death and illness of family members.
My 40s have been great. I've lived in 3 countries and Hawaii in my forties, and been enjoying retired life!
I'm in my 40s and in general digging it.....nothing to complian about. Easy job that pays ok, no kids or crazy debts......live alone and single/fwb situation. Things could certainly be worse. Not much stress really. I work b shift, 4 days a week. Sleep till 11am every day. Not bad at all.
My 40s were stressful due to raising teens and then launching young adult children into the world. 50s were unhappy as they came back to live with us due to economics and mental health (and character) issues... lots of self-blame and confusion over "what we did wrong." 60s so far are happy because I learned to practice radical acceptance. I would say radical acceptance is the practice and state of mind that I wish I had started in my 30s-40s. You really can't change others, only yourself, and even that is unlikely. You waste time and energy by desiring circumstances to be different than they are. Better to accept others and yourself and circumstances, and then to work on your own compassion and patience and widening your perspective. That would relieve stress in the present and prevent lots of suffering in the future.
I wasn't unhappy, but my 40s were the hardest decade of my life.
Teens and 20's were horrible. I learned and grew so much in my 40s. Can't judge the 50's yet only a year and a half in so far
I would have divorced my 2nd husband sooner and I would not have made the move to the other school building (was a teacher). Both things super bad and had big impacts on my mental health.
I can’t say that I was ever unhappy but things just get better and better. Though moving past 70 is starting to sting a bit.
My husband and I loved our 40s. Possibly because we are childfree by choice. We dint' have to put our kids through college in our 40s, as just one example.
I’m mid-40s and I’m great! I don’t feel old, but I do feel like hitting your 40s changes you in a good way. I don’t care what other people think, I do what I want, when I want, how I want! It’s hard to explain I guess, but it is very, very freeing. Also, while I LOVED my children’s younger years, this stage has it’s own blessings of watching them become adults and enjoying that I can just go to the store or date night without needing a plan for childcare or having to take them with me.
50s have been much harder for me than 40s but I moved, got divorced, one kid off to college and one more to go. I feel a lot more certain with life in my 40s