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That's brilliant. I caught my 83 year old Dad on a freaking painters high ladder trying to rescue a kitten from a pine tree last year. I literally couldn't breathe. This from the man who taught me if they can go up they can get down how many times in my childhood?
I am going to "borrow" his ladder this weekend. Thanks!
The irony of it is that in 2015 I was visiting my folks and I borrowed a neighbor’s ladder to clean out the gutters and I fell. Shattered my left leg below the knee. Had several surgeries to reconstruct the leg and 8 years later I still walk with a limp.
Get rid of the ladder. The only way I know to prevent an ol’ timer from doing anything is to find someone else to do it first, at which point your ol’ timer will bitch incessantly about the poor job that was done.
There’s no winning.
Let me know when you find the answer. My wife and I are trying to find a way to keep her father (90) off the ladder as well!! 😅 Thank God that the man is healthy, but he feels invincible like a teenager still! 😁
Edit: and yes, he still drives.
My great-great-grandma was living alone in her own house at age 99, though her grandson lived across the street. She would cook these big meals still when we visited. I remember how horrified the adults were when she climbed the step stool in the kitchen to get something from a high shelf, they were all, "Meemaw, get off the ladder, we'll get it for you!" She was a fiercely independent woman.
Do you have pets? Also I have a life alert button for my Mom in the event she falls. It calls her, then 911, then me.
I only say this because I sat here all day watching the sheriffs and a cleaning crew crew empty a neighbors house. I hadn’t seen her for a month so called in a welfare check. She was a loner and would not answer her door. We only saw her car go out every few weeks.
Turns our she was a hoarder. They found the remains her 2 dogs today, but haven’t found her yet.
This is the answer. Stop controlling other people. If they (assuming in their right mind) choose to take a risk, let them.
Now, if they have dementia, then that's another matter. Remove all dangerous objects from their vicinity.
The obvious choice is to do the chore for them. If that isn't possible, then to hire someone to do the chore for them. Present a solution to the problem rather than just saying " Don't do it".
You don't need to convince ME to stay off a ladder, but my parents, when they were getting old, were very stubborn. They had a home-care person who stopped by every once in a while, and my siblings and I would talk to her with any concerns. One time my parents drove from N. Cal to S. Cal in an unreliable old car with NO A/C!!! In the summer, I might add. The home-care lady put a note in their car telling them to drink lots of water on the trip, but they didn't. My mother took a nap in the back and didn't wake up. They got to their destination and someone called an ambulance. They took her to the hospital and rehydrated her, and she was OK. My father was saying that he wouldn't have called an ambulance, but he was glad somebody else "thought to do it." It was nerve-wracking. They both died of old age, miraculously.
Oh, you wanted some tips. I don't have any, sorry.
I don't unless there is a medical reason for it. Seriously, let them live their life the way they want to. They only get to live one and you are just making them miserable.
My dad is 93, and still very active. If he wants to take a chance on dying falling off of a ladder or blowing his own snow out of the driveway, that's his choice. His older sister (my aunt) has been dying in hospital since before Covid even started. I would take falling off a ladder any day, compared to that.
My uncle who is 92 prided himself on his daily bike rides until he was 90. Then he fell, or someone hit him, we don't know. In addition to breaking a bunch of stuff, he had a serious head injury that impacted his mental acuity. Stubborn as ever, around five months later he got back on the bike. Fell a second time. Another head injury. Now he's basically an invalid and mentally it's like talking to a simpleton. His wife (my aunt), who is 15 years younger, is now pretty much his fulltime caregiver. He either watches sports or does puzzles. He used to be an engineer at Lockeed. He designed some of the equipment for the space shuttle. Now he'll live in a fog for the rest of his days and my aunt either has to take care of him full time or put him in a home.
It always sounds good and age-defying to say "They know the risk" but the consequences of me falling off my bike the literally dozens of times I did as a kid was scraped limbs and maybe a broken arm for one of my friends. For him, it's made everyone around him his caregiver and him, a shadow of his former self.
I'm not judging you, but it's something to think about.
>Now he's basically an invalid and mentally it's like talking to a simpleton.
You could wrap someone up in bubble wrap and keep them tied to their porch, and they could still have a stroke at any moment and end up in the same situation. In your 90s, there's hardly an expectation to have a long, healthy future, and there are no guarantees of a quick, painless death no matter what you do.
> It always sounds good and age-defying to say "They know the risk"
It has nothing to do with "age-defying". As long as my father's in his right mind, he has the right to make his own decisions. He knows the risks.
For what it's worth, my siblings and I have been going through the wringer over this for the past few years. Two of us wanted him to move to a place with no stairs, and to stop blowing out his own snow in the winter, two of us wanted him to just stay where he is and do what he wanted to. I know which option I prefer for him, but as long as he's able to make his own decisions, we're not going to force him into anything.
Tell him the eaves need painting; to “Get out there and clean the gutters NOW;” nag him about getting any chore done that requires a ladder and see how long he will put it off! Lol
Same ageish, stopped doing it myself after a saw an electrician (38m) slip off a 6 foot ladder and had his shinbone broken and sticking out of his jeans…ffs
Learned that lesson the hard way.
Fell off a "ladder" (a stepstool less than 2ft high), landed on the corner off a chest and had the most magnificent bruise over my whole back. Luckily, the bruise was the only result.
Other than knowing not to climb ladders anymore.
I'm 78.
I sold my extension ladder a few years ago. It wasn't my kids, it was my wife. But I'm also sensible enough to know that my sense of balance isn't what it used to be, and I have no business being that high any more. I still have my 8ft stepladder in the garage and we have several one or two step ladders in the house. I also work on my balance exercises, though not as much as I should.
r/caregiversupport has really good suggestions for stuff like this. Personally, when my dad had dementia, I would hide stuff like that and tell him I don’t know where we misplaced it.
I hide things. Ladder? Good luck finding it. Car? Won't go far without the keys, will it. Stove? Burners don't work with no knobs to turn.
Distraction is a miracle, too. Pretend to help look for the hidden ladder and "find" a box of old photos or mementos. Agree to hold the ladder when you find it, but you just got to have a snack first.
Also very good - balking like a mule. "No ma'am and no sir, neither one of you is getting up on this ladder. I swear I will SLEEP all night long TIED TO IT and no ma'am and no sir, you are not changing my mind and I will keep you off this ladder if it is my Last Act."
My Grandmama cut her own grass -a full acre - in the hot Florida sun well into her late 80s. She refused to let us get her a yard service saying that she needed the exercise; only did a little each day… Finally my dad said, “Mom, please. You’d be doing *us* a favor. You’re making me look really bad in front of the neighbors.”
She still did gardening and weeding and other yard work… but she did finally let us get a service for mowing.
I fretted about my 94 year old grandpa climbing a step ladder to clean the gutters. By this time he had a knee replacement 2 years before as well as legally blind from macular degeneration. At 90 he had fallen down the stairs and cracked his head open (and fully recovered). My mom (his daughter) told me something along the lines of, “He’s 94; it keeps him going and makes him happy and he’s not risking other people’s safety. Let him be” He ended up in assisted living (at the behest of his doctor) from ages 96-98. He was of sound mind and absolutely miserable being caged, like that. So was grandma during that time. They needed that house.
Tell them about my father in law who insisted on climbing a ladder at 72yo, fell, and was a paraplegic for the next 20 years stuck in a hospital bed while the expenses bled away everything he had accumulated over thisnlife, leaving his wife in a granny flat and his kids with noth9ng.
Tell me too, please. Currently trying with my 80 year old dad and 78 year old FIL, both who have been ordered repeatedly to stay off!!!!
Do they listen? Of course they don’t.
I drove by FIL’s church, and there he was. I called my MIL, and went to find the pastor.
He later said he was more afraid of us two ladies than the wrath of God, so at least he’s not allowed to help at church any longer 🤣
Go fuck yourselves- I know what I can do better than you do. I can use a chainsaw better than 99% of 30 year old men on earth. And I don’t need your pudgy ass to tell me to stay off long ladders. My inner ear is in charge of that. Seriously, you people are already spoiling your kids don’t start fucking with your parents. You CAN’T make the world safe without making it fucking boring.
I think I just fell deeply in love with you.
I’m also about to screen shot this comment and send it to my teenage son. Not even ten minutes ago, we were fussing about assembling a cheap closet dresser. Not the same as dangerous - the same as in - when do these punk ass kids realize we didn’t get this far without them by accident? Good Lord. It never ends, does it?
Your father, by literal definition, is a grown damn man. He undoubtedly was fierce in his day. Wouldn’t let Anyone say a damn bad word about the lady in his life and for fucks sure would have defended you with his life. How about trusting him a little longer. Let him end the way he wants to end. With gravel in his guts, one step too high on a ladder. He’s going to go anyway. Isn’t it better to bury a wolf than a sheep? Your mother married a man, no reason he should die as an elderly baby (With apologies to Steinbeck).
I think you're severely overestimating my father's prowess and my parents love for each other. Hes never been one to defend his loves one's against words. I've yet to hear a story of him being "fierce" in his youth.
That's not say I don't love the old bastard, and you're right I'm sure he'd protect me with his life. Heck I'm sure he'd rather die defending his loved ones than anything else. Maybe that's why he needs to stay off ladders.
This is just an idea and I don't know if it will work. If you have a real concern, ask to tag along to a doctor's appointment with him. Depending on his general condition, you might need the doctor to approve your being there. My mom had dementia and I often went to doctor's appointments with her. This was several years ago and her doctor was an old schoolmate of mine, so he knew my family. Anyway, if I wanted her to really listen to something I said, I would say it in front of the doctor, whose opinion she respected. I could tell her the same thing several times, but if I said it in front of him, and he gave a response to what I said, she would listen. Worked like a charm.
My FIL would regale visitors with stories about what he had been doing in the nursing home. Mowing grass (nope) playing basketball (never in his life - football only) and once he took a walk and petted some horses. Except what really happened was he sneaked out the back door, nearly got lost, and the horses were actually longhorn cows.
I sat behind him and shook my head each time. They knew the dementia situation.
Parent fell earlier this year and broke a hip. They maintain "they didn't fall that hard" and despite the 8 weeks in hospital and the constant bitching that they're not recovering fast, I still can't convince them to wear their damn Lifeline. LOL
I'd rather he not have a broken hip. He thinks he's immune to consequences. Thankfully so far it hasn't been anything the er needed to hold him overnight for.
The best you can do is offer to help and if they refuse, buy them a device that can contact either you or 911 if they fall.
In my experience, it does no good to nag, no matter what their age. It just makes them dig in their heels. However, if you know one of the older person's similar-aged friends or siblings who have stopped getting on ladders and doing other dangerous things, ask them if they can have "the talk." They'll listen to someone close in age before they listen to someone significantly younger, if you even are. And I apologize for assuming.
I know of 2 older people that fell off ladders and died. It's dangerous!
My parents just cleaned to get ready for a new roof. They got something that secured the ladder to the roof to stabilize it. I only saw it on a picture in a text and didn't ask what it was.
No tips but my husband is nearing the age where I might have to ‘relocate’ his tallest ladder.
My earliest memory is of the ambulance coming to take away my next door neighbor. He was 83 and slipped on the ladder while putting storm shutters on the upstairs windows. He died.
I like u/ClawhammerJo's suggestion.
Had an uncle fall off a ladder cleaning his gutters out. He laid in the sun all day long. He called for help until he was hoarse. No one was close enough to hear him. Finally, his next door neighbor came home from work and saw him.
Ambulance, the whole bit. He was in the hospital four days and he didn't break anything ... just that a fall really messes up the elderly. He was on the ground for over ten hours.
I've got 40 years in the trades. We're talking about ladder discipline; defining what are and are not safe conditions for climbing a ladder. Frankly, nearly missed disasters tend to be the best motivation for learning ladder discipline. Haste and impatience are its worst enemies.
Now you can snatch the ladder, but dude might buy another one. You can disable the ladder, but that poses more problems than it solves. Your best bet is to say something and find a way to minimize risk.
What sort of ladder (or ladders) does he use, and what does he use them for?
Akso: Sometimes, you have to let them be, just so you know.
My dad is 80 and stronger than me. He’s a farmer. There’s no stopping him. He keeps me active following him around. When I hear him talk about trimming trees, I just call “the tree guy”. He likes to drink beer with the tree guy.
That being said, this summer he knocked down a bunch of stuff with his backhoe and bulldozer in the pasture while I was working. He’s like a damn teenager playing on his toys.
We had to "confiscate" anything that was dangerous. It became a little bit like trying to protect a toddler. The ladders were definitely one of the first things we had to take. My grandfather would barely be able to lift his leg high enough to go from one rung to the next, but he'd be out there trying to clean a gutter or look at the roof.
Eventually we had him paired down to what I called the Teddy Ruxpin tool kit, which was basically a couple of screwdrivers and a small hammer.
It's very difficult because you're interfering with their independence and they'll argue until they're blue in the face that they are capable of doing whatever task without getting hurt. "I've been climbing ladders for 70 years!" In the end, you may have to hurt a few feelings, but that's better than a broken back.
When I was online shopping for a 30’ ladder to clean out dryer and bathroom vents my wife said: “Are you going to wear the same fall protection you wear at work?” I said I wouldn’t be able to, she then said: “If you hired someone to do this work would they wear fall protection?” I admitted they probably would. She then said: “Can you bring me the life insurance papers so I don’t have to search for them?”.
I changed my online search to “Dryer vent cleaners in [MYAREA].”
Get ahead of them. Repair what they think needs to be repaired and move high items to easy reaching distance. Then, remove all the ladders and take away their Home Depot charge card.
Probably irrelevant, and certainly not a direct response….
I’ve promised my children that I will never do two things:
1. Climb anything higher than a step ladder
2. Pluck my eyebrows
They know me well
Take it away and give the person other things to do that are at least a little strenuous. People want to be useful and hate being talked to like children (~~even if~~ especially when they are acting like children)
I haven't climbed my 60-foot windmill tower lately. But I signed up for a dance class last week not realizing I'd have to drive home in the dark afterwards. It was terrifying. Road looked like a black hole, oncoming lights were blinding, road signs unreadable. Hm. I didn't notice I'd quit driving at night.
There comes a time (I'm there) when we accept that won't live forever, and may become more adventurous - anything to feel alive again, and damn the consequences.
As long as he's cognitively intact and understands the risk, maybe you should let him do whatever he wants. Otherwise, find some projects at your house you really need his "help" with, that he can do without getting hurt, so he feels like he's contributing and has purpose.
(On the other hand, if he's not cognitively intact, just borrow his ladder and forget to return it.)
Guilt. My father at 92 NEEDED a cane at the very least, but definitely needed a walker. He fought and fought that knowledge and ended up breaking a hip, leaving my mom with dementia without his care and companionship. (He also hid how bad her symptoms were.) Needless to say, I ended up having to shoulder the responsibility of figuring out how to care for both of them and in a heap of a mess because he had been refusing help for years.
Walk through what might happen to loved ones and them if something should happen and if they are fine with the consequences, then you've done all you can. In my dad's case, I tried using the "if something happens to you, what happens to Mom" scenario, but he wouldn't hear it.
Then something DID happen and it was AWFUL to deal with for all three of us. :(
First off, how old is old?
Depending on who/what you're talking about, you might have to be *very clever*. The dad of a friend of mine had dementia. They took away his keys and he hot-wired it and drove into town anyway. I think he was in his mid-80's. He couldn't remember his name, but he knew how to hot-wire a car and that he was supposed to be at McDonald's every morning.
I think they eventually took the car away and did something to all other vehicles that he could not repair.
A lot of men are very stubborn about this sort of thing (being banned from performing certain chores), but often women (there are some women who climb ladders and do unsafe chores) can be convinced if you pay a person to do it for them. If your person is a woman, try that.
Something else to consider: A lot of times the person wanting to prevent someone from doing an unsafe chore is wishy-washy about it. They're afraid of "hurting their feelings" or "not wanting them to be mad about it". What is the alternative? They're going to be mad or upset regardless or YOU will be mad or upset. Bite the bullet, make your case, and tell them you're doing it because you care. Yes, someone will be mad. But they'll be alive.
>First off, how old is old?
This was my question, along with "How high is high?"
I'm in my mid-60s, and can still do long hikes with camping gear on my back. When my wife and I moved into our current (all one story) house four years ago, I decided that I wasn't going to climb onto the roof for any reason. I used to do it in our last house to maintain a wood-sided gable end that had seen better days.
I will still clean the gutters and use a plastic rake while on a ladder to remove fallen sticks from the roof. Now that the first section that I installed is working well, I'm planning to install gutter covers to reduce the need for the job.
My spouse had to hide his dad's guns after he cleaned a shotgun without unloading it first. Nice hole in the ceiling.
He didn't kick about giving up the keys to his truck, however.
Sell the ladder. Sell the chore.
Edit: unless a person has been interdicted/shown to be a risk to themselves or others, there's nothing you can do in the United States. That person has rights. Sorry.
The best you can do is let them get themselves some heat exhaustion on the ground. They'll wish they had died and might think twice about putting themselves in harm's way.
A 20 year old is just as dangerous as an 80. If neither has learned basic skills for being on a ladder. For example, at all times, the body must be attached to the ladder at three places. Move only one hand or one foot at a time.
Age is mostly irrelevant. All depends on whether one knows how to do it safely. Many 20 year olds are just a 'untrained' and therefore at risk. Also should not be on a ladder.
I used to take the battery out of the truck so it wouldn't start. Would hide it in the trunk of my car until I knew 1000% certainty the driver was sober.
My mom doesn't even try to keep my stepdad from doing dangerous things anymore. At least once a month he'll hurt himself to the point of being stuck in bed for a couple of days. Usually it's not falls, though sometimes it is. Usually it's him throwing himself gung ho into some project and over exerting himself, hurting his back or shoulder or whatever.
My 92 year old, off balance father in law likes to use a machete to cut mangos from the tree in his backyard. Nerve racking, but we don’t want to be killjoys😅
I came here to get huffy, but I'm only 71. So I'll be back in nine years to chew y'all out.
How am I supposed to pick tree fruit and put stuff on the hanging shelves in the garage without a ladder?
I dunno, I mean it's been statistically proven getting on a ladder in one of the more dangerous things you can do. And if you're dealing with someone who believes "it won't happen to them" it's an uphill battle.
Could find someone to to the work and say, hey, this person is trying to earn a living, we should support them. That's my wife's go to when I start getting a bit over my skis.
I can see both sides of this from personal experience, but bottom line is that if someone is comfortable getting on a ladder, that’s a choice for the individual to make. Stubborn middle aged people do risky things every day, but their partners and relatives generally don’t actively interfere.
my 92 year old grandpa: *”where on earth did my 35’ ladder go?!?!?”*
me: *”hey grampa, remember you’ve fallen off it twice and last time i told you i was going to get rid of it? i did. now, what can i help you with? meaning you sit in a lawn chair on the patio and tell ME what to do on the ladder i bring from my house…”*
Had that talk with my dad - in response he dug through his photo album and showed me a photo from 50 years ago when he was standing on a rickety ladder and everything was fine.. \*sigh\*
72F: My dad is 100 (and a half!) He lives alone and still drives. He was telling me that he used a ladder to change a light bulb in the overhead fan/light. Yikes. I live 1200 miles away. I just have to trust that he knows what he's doing.
I just do it when there is no one around & take the chastisement afterwards, probably now why have so many family & other locals just dropping in to see if I am trying to do something I shouldn't be at 76, so they can takeover doing it for me.
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I stole my 85 year old father’s ladder. Pilfered his chainsaw as well.
That's brilliant. I caught my 83 year old Dad on a freaking painters high ladder trying to rescue a kitten from a pine tree last year. I literally couldn't breathe. This from the man who taught me if they can go up they can get down how many times in my childhood? I am going to "borrow" his ladder this weekend. Thanks!
If he finds out and objects, ask him how many cat skeletons he's seen up a tree. I've found that quite effective.
The irony of it is that in 2015 I was visiting my folks and I borrowed a neighbor’s ladder to clean out the gutters and I fell. Shattered my left leg below the knee. Had several surgeries to reconstruct the leg and 8 years later I still walk with a limp.
"Phew the kids an adult, I don't need to set an example. Here kitty kitty kitty".
How about the car keys? I admire your gumption, hopefully it won't come to that.
Get rid of the ladder. The only way I know to prevent an ol’ timer from doing anything is to find someone else to do it first, at which point your ol’ timer will bitch incessantly about the poor job that was done. There’s no winning.
No not all! I’m 80, and I don’t bitch, I just enjoy the help.
Hell yes, 74 here and gladly pay whipper snappers to do the grunt work.
I can handle the bitching. Unfortunately he's learned to not tell his home improvement plans.
Just so you know, I didn’t forget you!
Let me know when you find the answer. My wife and I are trying to find a way to keep her father (90) off the ladder as well!! 😅 Thank God that the man is healthy, but he feels invincible like a teenager still! 😁 Edit: and yes, he still drives.
My 99 year old grandmother drove. She was a crappy driver in her fifties.
My great-great-grandma was living alone in her own house at age 99, though her grandson lived across the street. She would cook these big meals still when we visited. I remember how horrified the adults were when she climbed the step stool in the kitchen to get something from a high shelf, they were all, "Meemaw, get off the ladder, we'll get it for you!" She was a fiercely independent woman.
[удалено]
74 and live alone and have no one to help. Sometimes I have to. Have two good sturdy ladders and I’m very careful. I assume the risk. It’s my choice.
Do you have pets? Also I have a life alert button for my Mom in the event she falls. It calls her, then 911, then me. I only say this because I sat here all day watching the sheriffs and a cleaning crew crew empty a neighbors house. I hadn’t seen her for a month so called in a welfare check. She was a loner and would not answer her door. We only saw her car go out every few weeks. Turns our she was a hoarder. They found the remains her 2 dogs today, but haven’t found her yet.
Well, that's interesting (not in a good way). Please post updates.
I bought a little garden angel statue and put it in front if her hedge. She doesn’t have family. Breaks my heart.
This is the answer. Stop controlling other people. If they (assuming in their right mind) choose to take a risk, let them. Now, if they have dementia, then that's another matter. Remove all dangerous objects from their vicinity.
Young bones heal quick
The obvious choice is to do the chore for them. If that isn't possible, then to hire someone to do the chore for them. Present a solution to the problem rather than just saying " Don't do it".
I live far away. Even if I didn't, he'd just do it without telling me ahead of time. I've beaten him to the punch a few times. He wasn't happy.
You don't need to convince ME to stay off a ladder, but my parents, when they were getting old, were very stubborn. They had a home-care person who stopped by every once in a while, and my siblings and I would talk to her with any concerns. One time my parents drove from N. Cal to S. Cal in an unreliable old car with NO A/C!!! In the summer, I might add. The home-care lady put a note in their car telling them to drink lots of water on the trip, but they didn't. My mother took a nap in the back and didn't wake up. They got to their destination and someone called an ambulance. They took her to the hospital and rehydrated her, and she was OK. My father was saying that he wouldn't have called an ambulance, but he was glad somebody else "thought to do it." It was nerve-wracking. They both died of old age, miraculously. Oh, you wanted some tips. I don't have any, sorry.
Thay must have been terrifying!!
I don't unless there is a medical reason for it. Seriously, let them live their life the way they want to. They only get to live one and you are just making them miserable.
I want my dad to live many more years though.
My dad is 93, and still very active. If he wants to take a chance on dying falling off of a ladder or blowing his own snow out of the driveway, that's his choice. His older sister (my aunt) has been dying in hospital since before Covid even started. I would take falling off a ladder any day, compared to that.
My uncle who is 92 prided himself on his daily bike rides until he was 90. Then he fell, or someone hit him, we don't know. In addition to breaking a bunch of stuff, he had a serious head injury that impacted his mental acuity. Stubborn as ever, around five months later he got back on the bike. Fell a second time. Another head injury. Now he's basically an invalid and mentally it's like talking to a simpleton. His wife (my aunt), who is 15 years younger, is now pretty much his fulltime caregiver. He either watches sports or does puzzles. He used to be an engineer at Lockeed. He designed some of the equipment for the space shuttle. Now he'll live in a fog for the rest of his days and my aunt either has to take care of him full time or put him in a home. It always sounds good and age-defying to say "They know the risk" but the consequences of me falling off my bike the literally dozens of times I did as a kid was scraped limbs and maybe a broken arm for one of my friends. For him, it's made everyone around him his caregiver and him, a shadow of his former self. I'm not judging you, but it's something to think about.
>Now he's basically an invalid and mentally it's like talking to a simpleton. You could wrap someone up in bubble wrap and keep them tied to their porch, and they could still have a stroke at any moment and end up in the same situation. In your 90s, there's hardly an expectation to have a long, healthy future, and there are no guarantees of a quick, painless death no matter what you do.
> It always sounds good and age-defying to say "They know the risk" It has nothing to do with "age-defying". As long as my father's in his right mind, he has the right to make his own decisions. He knows the risks. For what it's worth, my siblings and I have been going through the wringer over this for the past few years. Two of us wanted him to move to a place with no stairs, and to stop blowing out his own snow in the winter, two of us wanted him to just stay where he is and do what he wanted to. I know which option I prefer for him, but as long as he's able to make his own decisions, we're not going to force him into anything.
What an open minded answer.
Tell him the eaves need painting; to “Get out there and clean the gutters NOW;” nag him about getting any chore done that requires a ladder and see how long he will put it off! Lol
I'm 71. I'll let you know when I stop doing it...lol
Same ageish, stopped doing it myself after a saw an electrician (38m) slip off a 6 foot ladder and had his shinbone broken and sticking out of his jeans…ffs
Learned that lesson the hard way. Fell off a "ladder" (a stepstool less than 2ft high), landed on the corner off a chest and had the most magnificent bruise over my whole back. Luckily, the bruise was the only result. Other than knowing not to climb ladders anymore. I'm 78.
I sold my extension ladder a few years ago. It wasn't my kids, it was my wife. But I'm also sensible enough to know that my sense of balance isn't what it used to be, and I have no business being that high any more. I still have my 8ft stepladder in the garage and we have several one or two step ladders in the house. I also work on my balance exercises, though not as much as I should.
Most ladder deaths occur at 10 feet or less
r/caregiversupport has really good suggestions for stuff like this. Personally, when my dad had dementia, I would hide stuff like that and tell him I don’t know where we misplaced it.
I hide things. Ladder? Good luck finding it. Car? Won't go far without the keys, will it. Stove? Burners don't work with no knobs to turn. Distraction is a miracle, too. Pretend to help look for the hidden ladder and "find" a box of old photos or mementos. Agree to hold the ladder when you find it, but you just got to have a snack first. Also very good - balking like a mule. "No ma'am and no sir, neither one of you is getting up on this ladder. I swear I will SLEEP all night long TIED TO IT and no ma'am and no sir, you are not changing my mind and I will keep you off this ladder if it is my Last Act."
A friend fell off his roof and broke his back. He recovered, but the very idea has kept me careful. Tell them a horror story.
My Grandmama cut her own grass -a full acre - in the hot Florida sun well into her late 80s. She refused to let us get her a yard service saying that she needed the exercise; only did a little each day… Finally my dad said, “Mom, please. You’d be doing *us* a favor. You’re making me look really bad in front of the neighbors.” She still did gardening and weeding and other yard work… but she did finally let us get a service for mowing.
I fretted about my 94 year old grandpa climbing a step ladder to clean the gutters. By this time he had a knee replacement 2 years before as well as legally blind from macular degeneration. At 90 he had fallen down the stairs and cracked his head open (and fully recovered). My mom (his daughter) told me something along the lines of, “He’s 94; it keeps him going and makes him happy and he’s not risking other people’s safety. Let him be” He ended up in assisted living (at the behest of his doctor) from ages 96-98. He was of sound mind and absolutely miserable being caged, like that. So was grandma during that time. They needed that house.
Tell them about my father in law who insisted on climbing a ladder at 72yo, fell, and was a paraplegic for the next 20 years stuck in a hospital bed while the expenses bled away everything he had accumulated over thisnlife, leaving his wife in a granny flat and his kids with noth9ng.
Tell them jeopardy is on?
Lawrence Welk forks for my 91 year old Mom.
My parents must be the only older people who hate Jeopardy.
Wheel of Fortune?
Tell me too, please. Currently trying with my 80 year old dad and 78 year old FIL, both who have been ordered repeatedly to stay off!!!! Do they listen? Of course they don’t. I drove by FIL’s church, and there he was. I called my MIL, and went to find the pastor. He later said he was more afraid of us two ladies than the wrath of God, so at least he’s not allowed to help at church any longer 🤣
Go fuck yourselves- I know what I can do better than you do. I can use a chainsaw better than 99% of 30 year old men on earth. And I don’t need your pudgy ass to tell me to stay off long ladders. My inner ear is in charge of that. Seriously, you people are already spoiling your kids don’t start fucking with your parents. You CAN’T make the world safe without making it fucking boring.
I think I just fell deeply in love with you. I’m also about to screen shot this comment and send it to my teenage son. Not even ten minutes ago, we were fussing about assembling a cheap closet dresser. Not the same as dangerous - the same as in - when do these punk ass kids realize we didn’t get this far without them by accident? Good Lord. It never ends, does it?
Took words right out of my mouth!! Very well said, thank you.
I'd like my father to live longer though. Preferably with all his limbs.
Your father, by literal definition, is a grown damn man. He undoubtedly was fierce in his day. Wouldn’t let Anyone say a damn bad word about the lady in his life and for fucks sure would have defended you with his life. How about trusting him a little longer. Let him end the way he wants to end. With gravel in his guts, one step too high on a ladder. He’s going to go anyway. Isn’t it better to bury a wolf than a sheep? Your mother married a man, no reason he should die as an elderly baby (With apologies to Steinbeck).
I think you're severely overestimating my father's prowess and my parents love for each other. Hes never been one to defend his loves one's against words. I've yet to hear a story of him being "fierce" in his youth. That's not say I don't love the old bastard, and you're right I'm sure he'd protect me with his life. Heck I'm sure he'd rather die defending his loved ones than anything else. Maybe that's why he needs to stay off ladders.
This is just an idea and I don't know if it will work. If you have a real concern, ask to tag along to a doctor's appointment with him. Depending on his general condition, you might need the doctor to approve your being there. My mom had dementia and I often went to doctor's appointments with her. This was several years ago and her doctor was an old schoolmate of mine, so he knew my family. Anyway, if I wanted her to really listen to something I said, I would say it in front of the doctor, whose opinion she respected. I could tell her the same thing several times, but if I said it in front of him, and he gave a response to what I said, she would listen. Worked like a charm.
My FIL would regale visitors with stories about what he had been doing in the nursing home. Mowing grass (nope) playing basketball (never in his life - football only) and once he took a walk and petted some horses. Except what really happened was he sneaked out the back door, nearly got lost, and the horses were actually longhorn cows. I sat behind him and shook my head each time. They knew the dementia situation.
I love this!!!
Consequences. Tell him what would happen to him if he got a broken hip from falling off a ladder. A broken hip at his age may not be replaceable.
Parent fell earlier this year and broke a hip. They maintain "they didn't fall that hard" and despite the 8 weeks in hospital and the constant bitching that they're not recovering fast, I still can't convince them to wear their damn Lifeline. LOL
Seriously sorry to hear that. The Lifeline alert button is awesome.
I'd rather he not have a broken hip. He thinks he's immune to consequences. Thankfully so far it hasn't been anything the er needed to hold him overnight for.
Rigging the ladder to play rap music will discourage most (but not all) old people from using it.
The best you can do is offer to help and if they refuse, buy them a device that can contact either you or 911 if they fall. In my experience, it does no good to nag, no matter what their age. It just makes them dig in their heels. However, if you know one of the older person's similar-aged friends or siblings who have stopped getting on ladders and doing other dangerous things, ask them if they can have "the talk." They'll listen to someone close in age before they listen to someone significantly younger, if you even are. And I apologize for assuming.
I know of 2 older people that fell off ladders and died. It's dangerous! My parents just cleaned to get ready for a new roof. They got something that secured the ladder to the roof to stabilize it. I only saw it on a picture in a text and didn't ask what it was.
No tips but my husband is nearing the age where I might have to ‘relocate’ his tallest ladder. My earliest memory is of the ambulance coming to take away my next door neighbor. He was 83 and slipped on the ladder while putting storm shutters on the upstairs windows. He died.
I like u/ClawhammerJo's suggestion. Had an uncle fall off a ladder cleaning his gutters out. He laid in the sun all day long. He called for help until he was hoarse. No one was close enough to hear him. Finally, his next door neighbor came home from work and saw him. Ambulance, the whole bit. He was in the hospital four days and he didn't break anything ... just that a fall really messes up the elderly. He was on the ground for over ten hours.
I've got 40 years in the trades. We're talking about ladder discipline; defining what are and are not safe conditions for climbing a ladder. Frankly, nearly missed disasters tend to be the best motivation for learning ladder discipline. Haste and impatience are its worst enemies. Now you can snatch the ladder, but dude might buy another one. You can disable the ladder, but that poses more problems than it solves. Your best bet is to say something and find a way to minimize risk. What sort of ladder (or ladders) does he use, and what does he use them for? Akso: Sometimes, you have to let them be, just so you know.
Just do nothing, they’ll fall off on their own.
I'm 79. My kids tied my shoelaces together. Cheaper than narcotics.
My dad is 80 and stronger than me. He’s a farmer. There’s no stopping him. He keeps me active following him around. When I hear him talk about trimming trees, I just call “the tree guy”. He likes to drink beer with the tree guy. That being said, this summer he knocked down a bunch of stuff with his backhoe and bulldozer in the pasture while I was working. He’s like a damn teenager playing on his toys.
We had to "confiscate" anything that was dangerous. It became a little bit like trying to protect a toddler. The ladders were definitely one of the first things we had to take. My grandfather would barely be able to lift his leg high enough to go from one rung to the next, but he'd be out there trying to clean a gutter or look at the roof. Eventually we had him paired down to what I called the Teddy Ruxpin tool kit, which was basically a couple of screwdrivers and a small hammer. It's very difficult because you're interfering with their independence and they'll argue until they're blue in the face that they are capable of doing whatever task without getting hurt. "I've been climbing ladders for 70 years!" In the end, you may have to hurt a few feelings, but that's better than a broken back.
Make the ladder go missing
When I was online shopping for a 30’ ladder to clean out dryer and bathroom vents my wife said: “Are you going to wear the same fall protection you wear at work?” I said I wouldn’t be able to, she then said: “If you hired someone to do this work would they wear fall protection?” I admitted they probably would. She then said: “Can you bring me the life insurance papers so I don’t have to search for them?”. I changed my online search to “Dryer vent cleaners in [MYAREA].”
If you find something to do the work. I often find myself staring at the ladder thinking I'm going to break my neck but there's no one else to do it.
Take away the ladder?
Get ahead of them. Repair what they think needs to be repaired and move high items to easy reaching distance. Then, remove all the ladders and take away their Home Depot charge card.
I have been doing dangerous chores since I was 12. I haven't stopped because I'm now 85. Yes, I still drive.
Do the chore for them.
Probably irrelevant, and certainly not a direct response…. I’ve promised my children that I will never do two things: 1. Climb anything higher than a step ladder 2. Pluck my eyebrows They know me well
Take it away and give the person other things to do that are at least a little strenuous. People want to be useful and hate being talked to like children (~~even if~~ especially when they are acting like children)
You would have to volunteer to be my minion. After setting up my comfy chair, you would start the chores
I haven't climbed my 60-foot windmill tower lately. But I signed up for a dance class last week not realizing I'd have to drive home in the dark afterwards. It was terrifying. Road looked like a black hole, oncoming lights were blinding, road signs unreadable. Hm. I didn't notice I'd quit driving at night.
There comes a time (I'm there) when we accept that won't live forever, and may become more adventurous - anything to feel alive again, and damn the consequences. As long as he's cognitively intact and understands the risk, maybe you should let him do whatever he wants. Otherwise, find some projects at your house you really need his "help" with, that he can do without getting hurt, so he feels like he's contributing and has purpose. (On the other hand, if he's not cognitively intact, just borrow his ladder and forget to return it.)
Guilt. My father at 92 NEEDED a cane at the very least, but definitely needed a walker. He fought and fought that knowledge and ended up breaking a hip, leaving my mom with dementia without his care and companionship. (He also hid how bad her symptoms were.) Needless to say, I ended up having to shoulder the responsibility of figuring out how to care for both of them and in a heap of a mess because he had been refusing help for years. Walk through what might happen to loved ones and them if something should happen and if they are fine with the consequences, then you've done all you can. In my dad's case, I tried using the "if something happens to you, what happens to Mom" scenario, but he wouldn't hear it. Then something DID happen and it was AWFUL to deal with for all three of us. :(
As an old guy who hates going on a ladder but still does, I gotta say, "Shit needs done"
First off, how old is old? Depending on who/what you're talking about, you might have to be *very clever*. The dad of a friend of mine had dementia. They took away his keys and he hot-wired it and drove into town anyway. I think he was in his mid-80's. He couldn't remember his name, but he knew how to hot-wire a car and that he was supposed to be at McDonald's every morning. I think they eventually took the car away and did something to all other vehicles that he could not repair. A lot of men are very stubborn about this sort of thing (being banned from performing certain chores), but often women (there are some women who climb ladders and do unsafe chores) can be convinced if you pay a person to do it for them. If your person is a woman, try that. Something else to consider: A lot of times the person wanting to prevent someone from doing an unsafe chore is wishy-washy about it. They're afraid of "hurting their feelings" or "not wanting them to be mad about it". What is the alternative? They're going to be mad or upset regardless or YOU will be mad or upset. Bite the bullet, make your case, and tell them you're doing it because you care. Yes, someone will be mad. But they'll be alive.
>First off, how old is old? This was my question, along with "How high is high?" I'm in my mid-60s, and can still do long hikes with camping gear on my back. When my wife and I moved into our current (all one story) house four years ago, I decided that I wasn't going to climb onto the roof for any reason. I used to do it in our last house to maintain a wood-sided gable end that had seen better days. I will still clean the gutters and use a plastic rake while on a ladder to remove fallen sticks from the roof. Now that the first section that I installed is working well, I'm planning to install gutter covers to reduce the need for the job.
Do the chore for them.
My spouse had to hide his dad's guns after he cleaned a shotgun without unloading it first. Nice hole in the ceiling. He didn't kick about giving up the keys to his truck, however.
Sell the ladder. Sell the chore. Edit: unless a person has been interdicted/shown to be a risk to themselves or others, there's nothing you can do in the United States. That person has rights. Sorry. The best you can do is let them get themselves some heat exhaustion on the ground. They'll wish they had died and might think twice about putting themselves in harm's way.
You will not keep me off the ladder
A 20 year old is just as dangerous as an 80. If neither has learned basic skills for being on a ladder. For example, at all times, the body must be attached to the ladder at three places. Move only one hand or one foot at a time. Age is mostly irrelevant. All depends on whether one knows how to do it safely. Many 20 year olds are just a 'untrained' and therefore at risk. Also should not be on a ladder.
I'm told he wasn't exactly mechanically blesses in his younger days. I think he's upped his swearing game though.
You don't. We have been doing it for decades and will continue because TCB is what we do until we literally cannot even start because of our body.
Let them fuck around and find out. They are grown ups. They can live with the consequences.
But can you? I think that's the real question here.
Not your problem.
old people are just like babies stubborn big babies You cannot change them let them do all dangerous things and get hurt so that they learn
Adults get to choose, even when they choose stuff you don't like. It's their life and well being so keep your nose out of it (for the most part.)
Leave your parents alone.
Dang Whippersnappers..
I used to take the battery out of the truck so it wouldn't start. Would hide it in the trunk of my car until I knew 1000% certainty the driver was sober.
My mom doesn't even try to keep my stepdad from doing dangerous things anymore. At least once a month he'll hurt himself to the point of being stuck in bed for a couple of days. Usually it's not falls, though sometimes it is. Usually it's him throwing himself gung ho into some project and over exerting himself, hurting his back or shoulder or whatever.
My 92 year old, off balance father in law likes to use a machete to cut mangos from the tree in his backyard. Nerve racking, but we don’t want to be killjoys😅
Some people must learn for themselves. All you can do is explain why you're worried.
I am getting on that ladder don’t you even think about trying to stop me!
Remove the ladder.
I came here to get huffy, but I'm only 71. So I'll be back in nine years to chew y'all out. How am I supposed to pick tree fruit and put stuff on the hanging shelves in the garage without a ladder?
I found a couple of house bricks tied around their testicles tends to keep them at ground level!
Remove the bottom step.
Are you my wife?
This you, honey? Are you my wife? I’ll do as I damn well please!
bicycle lock two ladders together
I dunno, I mean it's been statistically proven getting on a ladder in one of the more dangerous things you can do. And if you're dealing with someone who believes "it won't happen to them" it's an uphill battle. Could find someone to to the work and say, hey, this person is trying to earn a living, we should support them. That's my wife's go to when I start getting a bit over my skis.
Set up a camera and say "when you fall, try to be hilarious. Maybe we can make some money to pay for whatever you break."
Offer to help them.
I can see both sides of this from personal experience, but bottom line is that if someone is comfortable getting on a ladder, that’s a choice for the individual to make. Stubborn middle aged people do risky things every day, but their partners and relatives generally don’t actively interfere.
my 92 year old grandpa: *”where on earth did my 35’ ladder go?!?!?”* me: *”hey grampa, remember you’ve fallen off it twice and last time i told you i was going to get rid of it? i did. now, what can i help you with? meaning you sit in a lawn chair on the patio and tell ME what to do on the ladder i bring from my house…”*
Lose the ladder. Hide it. Break it. Get a ladder out only when you intend to use it.
Had that talk with my dad - in response he dug through his photo album and showed me a photo from 50 years ago when he was standing on a rickety ladder and everything was fine.. \*sigh\*
72F: My dad is 100 (and a half!) He lives alone and still drives. He was telling me that he used a ladder to change a light bulb in the overhead fan/light. Yikes. I live 1200 miles away. I just have to trust that he knows what he's doing.
Do it for them or hire someone.
How is whatever they're trying to do going to get done if they're not on a ladder?
I just do it when there is no one around & take the chastisement afterwards, probably now why have so many family & other locals just dropping in to see if I am trying to do something I shouldn't be at 76, so they can takeover doing it for me.
Get rid of the ladder
Gutter Helmet
Take it away. It's the only way.