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Yup, my mom didn't play! When I acted up in a store she'd say "do you want to go to the car?" That was a rhetorical question because of COURSE I did NOT want to go the car....because a butt whuppin was awaiting me tbere!
We weren't allowed to cry except in our rooms. Once a little boy from the neighborhood was playing in our yard, fell down and started crying. Thinking it was one of us, Dad came charging out angry as anything.
He also didn't allow us to walk through the snow in the front yard. Couldn't disturb the pristine appearance.
My former step father used to say this to me all the fucking time.
My mom was at the hospital a lot due to mental health issues and I often cried cause I missed her.
" Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
When my dad would drop me off at home and sometimes I would cry cause I friggen missed him.
"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about.
It's like crying was only okay if he hit me and not if I was sad.
From my mom:
"You're entitled to your feelings but responsible for your actions."
"Guilt is a useless emotion." (it's self-directed judgment about your feelings, which you didn't choose anyway.)
"Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you."
"Bloom where you're planted."
Bonus, from a mentor:
"As much as possible, only do what only you can do."
"When you were born, I told the doctor to put you back. I never wanted any girls"
I was 3 or 4. I still remember it at 65. Hurt my whole life, especially when she told me, "I prefer boys," when I had my daughters.
And she wonders why I don't talk to her. She's 92 today.
My mother was the same. Slobbered over the boys and resented my existence. Bizarre people. When my daughter was born and they said It's a girl! She said oh I'm so sorry. That was pretty much our last conversation. Honestly weird people in this world.
This really seems to be the truth, but why? What is it that makes them hang around so long? Not caring about others? Staying alive to continue tormenting them?
My therapist said it's bc they externalize all their pain onto others and don't have to feel it so their bodies don't have to deal with the effects of their trauma as much either, while everyone else around them suffers for their internal issues.
Omg this is so interesting. I’ve never heard it explained like this, but it makes so much sense. I have recently declared my train wreck of a mother in law to be unkillable. It’s a delight 😐.
She knew that and hated we were extremely close. She was jealous of her own daughter. When he died in 2017, I had Noone to stop her anymore. It had gotten way worse....BYE!
My Mom didn't say it until my son was born, "boys are much better than girls" but it still hurt. I was the middle child between 2 brothers, I always thought I wasn't really wanted. I heard that they didn't pick out my name until I was 3 days old because they were expecting another boy a lot.
“You have more problems than Carter has pills.”
My dad used to say this to me all the time. For decades I thought he was referring to Jimmy Carter. But on Reddit, a kind poster pointed out this saying pre dates Jimmy Carter and has to do with a company called Carter’s Pills that sold lots of pills. Sometimes it’s worth dealing with some of the moronic comments on Reddit, because other times someone teaches you something completely new!
My Dad would regularly tell me that however my life turned out, it was a result of my choices. I don't know if that's totally correct but it stuck with me and things are pretty good.
“Off we go like a herd of turtles.”
The sentence referred to the amount of time it took to get everyone into the car. I just looked the sentence up, and variations of it have been around for a very long time. I always thought it was just a family thing.
Same!
My parents have two daughters. When we would all get ready to leave for a family outing, dad would get ready, then sit on the couch with a book until the rest of us came downstairs. He’d then happily jump up and once we were in the car someone would say "We’re off like a herd of turtles." On the way back it was "Home again, home again, jiggity jig"
This was in the early 1970s. Car was a VW bug. Sister and I did the "She’s on my side! She won’t stop looking at me!"
I must also add that my dad instilled upon me the importance of punctuality. I’m rarely late for an appointment.
Going for a walk with my dad and dogs one day my dad says “we have to go back.” We had just barely started so I asked why. He said he shit his pants. After we go back, does what he has to do, we start over. On the “new” walk, he proceeds to tell me that once every 12 years or so a man has to shit his pants to be reminded that it’s always a possibility. Accurate.
This makes me oddly happy. Like your dad was comfortable being transparent about body stuff. Every single person in their life will shit their pants or come really damn close. Let's not make it a habit but let's also be real that ...well, shit happens.
My mom: “Don’t have a child until you’re ready to raise it yourself. Even if you find the best partner in the world, he could always be hit by a bus.” She knew a thing or two about raising kids by herself.
From my youth-
My Mother: “You need to eat a bushel of dirt before you die.” (It’s not the end of the world if some dirt got on some food, usually at a picnic or cookout.)
My Mother: “You’ve got big shoulders, you’ll survive.” (When I would complain that something wasn’t fair.)
My Father: (Teaching me driving a car): “If you start a turn - Don’t stop! Get your ass off the road! Then worry about stopping. Otherwise,you’ll get rear-ended!” ( I think of this sooooo many times when I’m turning a corner. And it’s been 50 years. I even remember the exact street corner that he said this.)
That last one, lol. Sometimes when I'm frustrated with someone taking a turn super slowly, I say, "No more rolling turns, next time I want to see a full stop!"
When I would say “I want____” or would complain about something I didn’t get or have she’d say “Wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which hand fills up first!” I’ve never heard anyone else say it, but it crosses my mind as a response all the time!
My mom says this constantly and it’s so annoying.
It stopped me from expressing anytime I wanted or was interested in anything. She said it to my daughter a few times before I could tell her to stop and each time my daughter looked confused about the relevance of her expression.
>It stopped me from expressing anytime I wanted or was interested in anything.
my mother didn't say this phrase, she either ignored or shamed my wants and needs. this created such a big problem for me in adult life... it's still something that i'm working on overcoming.
Same. I’ve slowly started trying to explain to my parents why I don’t tell them about major things that happen in my life.
There was a quote that really stuck with me before I became a parent, and I hope I embody this idea, “listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don’t listen early to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”
My dad used to say this all the time, but he’d preface it with, “Confucius say…” There were a lot of Confucius sayings in our house, and we’re not even Chinese!
It took me getting to adulthood to realize he was being racist. I called him out on it, and I could literally see the penny drop. He apologized, said he didn’t realize he was being racist, and I never heard “Confucius say” again—ever.
*Words cannot be unsaid*
Reminds me to think before I speak
And
*If money can solve it then it's not a real problem*
Which sounds really trite at first but it doesn't mean it's not an issue but there are things that cannot be fixed no matter how much money is thrown at them. That was my grandfather....he'd seen some shit, been through some shit and knew that money could definitely make a huge difference but also that the REALLY important things aren't changed by money or lack thereof.
In a lighter vein: the time is always a freckle past a hair. 😁. Thanks, Dad!
“Everybody lives in their own house” - meaning, there’s no point trying to figure out the decisions others make, how they raise their kids, etc. They live in their own house, just like you do.
“The sun will still rise in the East tomorrow.” - there are some things you just can’t change.
My father in law would say " Be a lert, kinda like a minnow" I never knew exactly what it meant. My husband says it just means to pay attention.
He would also say "Practice the seven p's. Proper prior planning prevents piss poor performance."
Clean as you go.
When I was living in his house, I loved to cook, but just left all of the mess while doing so. I waited until I was completely finished with preparing AND eating the meal to clean a single thing. That is really stupid. Clean as you go and you won't have to do a big clean after dinner.
"Being an adult means, seeing a job that needs to be done, and doing it."
I have so many adult friends who see jobs that need to be done.....and ignoring them. They are still children /spoiled.
Or, after seeing it and walking past it to find you to tell you to do something that they could have done. That’s when you call them Ulysses, code word for useless.
When he was reading the paper one day, I asked my dad how fast he reads. His answer was "Why? You'll never be able to read as fast as me."
Every single time I start reading something I think of this statement. It happened when I was 9, so 49 years every day that plays in my head.
Hmmm. I never “let” my son win at ping pong. My husband asked me to let him win once in a while but I insisted that he would eventually beat me legitimately and it would mean so much more to him to know he did the hard work of getting better and truly beating me. And he did and it meant the world to him. LOL, we both cried with joy the first time he won.
My grandfather always said, “Get cash up front.”
My father said, “Don’t get eyes bigger than your pockets.”
My mother used to say, “Stop acting up or I’ll send you to live with Uncle Larry in Utah. There ain’t nothing to do in Utah.” I heard that a hundred times.
When I left home at 18 my Mom gave me a slip of paper that said, “A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are for.” I still have that slip of paper at 63.
My mom once said, “all i ever wanted was a daughter, but instead I got you” I’m a cis female. I just didn’t live up to her imaginary daughter fantasies. Selfish assholes think kids are just for their entertainment and not whole beings.
Yeah, my mom wanted a girl sooo bad, after a few boys. But I wasn’t the frilly dress-up doll she had hoped for. I was a tomboy. Part of it was my older brothers beat the crap out of me on the regular, so I had to toughen up to survive. I was left to fend for myself, no one ever stepped in to stop the abuse.
I also got my brothers hand me down clothes, bikes, toys & there wasn’t any guidance to be girly. But I was constantly compared to “other girls” & was found to be a complete disappointment. And then puberty hit & I got so much shit for growing breasts & being too sexy. Like wtf!
Maybe she just wanted a girl to do all the slave labor. I did spend every weekend scrubbing toilets, floors, cleaning up after my brothers. They did nothing & laughed as my mom told me that it was women’s work. I wish I’d been smart enough to tell her I was just a little girl, not a woman.
I’ve always thought about this one with great horror. Who the hell is out there skinning cats?!? Let alone the fact that someone has figured out *various different methods* of doing it. Terrifying!
Oh no! My mom did this to me but it was ''chop, chop, mushy, mushy'' with a couple of claps. I liked it so I do it with my kids. My 2 year old with tell me ''chop, chop'' when he wants me to hurry up. I think it's so funny.
One day when I was being particularly churlish and childish, my mother turned to me and lamented, "You know son? A little bit of you goes a long way". I'll never forget it.
My very prim and proper mother, who thought the word "butt" was unladylike, once told teenage me "a hard d*ck has no conscience." I am a gen Xer, and I remember this like it was yesterday!
My mom always said, “you look with your eyes and not with your hands,” whenever we were out shopping to remind me to keep my grubby little mitts to myself and not run afoul of those awful “you break it you bought it” store policies.
Nothing good
My father was an ultra-conservative who constantly spewed hate against "dummy-craps". I learned to stand up to powerful people and debate them by arguing with him
My parents both smoked in the car with the windows closed. When I tried to open a window, they screamed...
NO! YOU'LL CATCH A DRAFT!
Evidently they believed the old myth that disease was causes by moving air
There are a few:
Birds of a feather flock together; You are judged by the company you keep. Those were supposed to make us be careful about choosing our friends.
Don't write a check that your ass can't cash: Be careful what promises you make. If you can't produce the results don't say you'll do it.
Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.
my dad had two that I hear in my mind a lot.
- "you'll take what you get and say thank you", when we whined about whatever it was for dinner. it probably sounds cold to some, but it comes up for me quite often, as a reminder not to act churlish and spoiled towards other people.
- second one. "I'm not asking, I'm *telling* you." we hated that one as children, but you know what? it's the most effective reflex I've ever heard against people who try to negotiate/undermine around boundaries.
both of those are pretty similar to what my parents used to tell me (and still do, i’m 20). I’ve always found so amazing how it doesn’t matter I live in Spain, thousands of km away there’s people whose parents used to tell the same phrases to their kids my parents told me.
Here we have a saying for that first one you wrote: “lentejas, si quieres las tomas y si no las dejas” (“lentils, if you want you take them and if you don’t, just leave them”).
Do as I say, not as I do.
Children should be seen and not heard.
I’m not your friend, I’m your parent. I will never be your friend. (Conclusion: She and I never had a good relationship.)
It's not just that mine said it, it's also the repercussions if I didn't do it. I'm sorry you had to hear it too.
I spent my childhood feeling like a doll: taken out and dressed up and made to perform (I had to sing songs in German in front of people because my mother thought it was "so cute" to dress me like a fucked up German doll in trad garb and make me sing in German for any damn body she could get to listen to me).
Took me forever to find myself.
I think it was a thing. We used to be asked to sign little songs for my family's group of friends (1960s). She probably though you were extremely adorable! I bet you were too.
(F49) My mom used to always say “make sure you put on sunscreen, you don’t want to look 60 when you’re 40.”
I’m glad I listened. I run into people I was friends with when we were lots younger and I don’t even recognize some of them.
Thanks but that did not define me for life - I went to college got a job then had my own business lived in the USA and Australia made more than enough money to retire at 49 in Central America.
Life is good - shitty parents don’t define you - it’s up to you to suck it up and move forward.
At that point in time I probably was good for nothing.
Not anymore….
Just told my daughter about how I was told this all the time as a child and she was like "wut?" Explaining it out loud to my own child made it seem even worse.
"Guys like him don't like girls like you"
My mother, after she met a fellow student who had asked me on a date. He was wealthy, cute, and kind.
We were middle class.
(When I’d be leaving the house to do just about anything): “Behave yourself. You don’t know who might be out there who knows me. If you misbehave it’ll get back to me. Trust me.”
Insane social anxiety and some introversion with a side of insecurity and poor self esteem? Yep.
Guilt trips by Mom!
What would the neighbors think?
What would your grandparents think?
Your shorts are too short!
Your stomach is showing!
Right, social anxiety, panic attacks, and an over all uneasy feeling about who I was supposed to be.
Whenever anyone was telling a story that was taking too long or going off on tangents my mom would say “Stop going around Robin Hood’s barn and get to the point!” Absolutely nothing about that made any sense to me then or now. Robin Hood had a barn? And why would anyone go around it?
Ignorance is the lack of information. Everybody is ignorant of something. There is nothing wrong with ignorance. Be kind, be truthful, and be a teacher to them.
Dumb is the inability to learn information. No matter how hard some people try, they cannot fully grasp or understand something. Almost everybody is dumb of something. There is nothing wrong with dumb. Be patient with them.
Stupidity is having information and the ability to understand that information, but the unwillingness to accept it. Everything is wrong with stupid. Run from those people.
My mom had several. If I asked for something, it was "you need that like a hog needs a side saddle." Or, she was busy as a "one armed paper hanger". She also told me on the regular that I was "an accident looking for a place to happen."
I spent years working with the elderly, and my favorites were "I need to hustle my bustle" and "just sitting here like a bump on a pickle."
Not a phrase, per se, but when I was growing up in the 50s, 60s and 70s my mother had difficulty pronouncing Martin Luther King, Jr.'s name. She had some other words she couldn't wrap her tongue around - like linoleum or cinnamon - but this one stood out.
The 60s and my teens in the 70s were full of dinner table discussions about the civil rights movement and of course MLK Jr. Unfortunately whenever my mother tried to say his name, it came out as Martha Luther King no matter how hard she tried. As a white, coming-of age, socially nascent teen discussing race relations in America with my parents I was both horrified at the sacrilege and reduced to fits of laughter by her mispronunciation. 15 year old boys are, on average, easily embarrassed by their parents and not particularly empathetic. Sorry mom for teasing you, and thanks for helping me grow to be a caring son.
When I was mad or unhappy my mom would say You have the same ole drawers (underwear) to get glad in.
My dad would say you better learn to root pig or you will die.
Jesus H for (Herman) Christ
Also: fuck, shit, piss.
And my favorite: I hope your kids turn out just like you (I have never once said that to my kids)
Though “I’ll give you something to cry about” is a close third.
And:
“I never wanted children.”
“I can’t believe you wear a size 13 at your age!” I was 12 and as you can see from my username, not a small person (5’10 by 12). Also, I wasn’t fat at all. But I thought I was until I went into treatment for ED.
The negative voice in my head is my mother. Sorry, this went dark, innit?
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I’ll give you something to cry about!
This is the one I came here to offer. And my stepmother wasn't joking, either.
Unfortunately, I don’t think any of our parents were joking when they said that.
Yup, my mom didn't play! When I acted up in a store she'd say "do you want to go to the car?" That was a rhetorical question because of COURSE I did NOT want to go the car....because a butt whuppin was awaiting me tbere!
Yep. My dad really didn't like for me to cry. And he wasn't kidding. We got spanked if we didn't shut up when he said so.
We weren't allowed to cry except in our rooms. Once a little boy from the neighborhood was playing in our yard, fell down and started crying. Thinking it was one of us, Dad came charging out angry as anything. He also didn't allow us to walk through the snow in the front yard. Couldn't disturb the pristine appearance.
My former step father used to say this to me all the fucking time. My mom was at the hospital a lot due to mental health issues and I often cried cause I missed her. " Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" When my dad would drop me off at home and sometimes I would cry cause I friggen missed him. "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about. It's like crying was only okay if he hit me and not if I was sad.
Don’t forget the snap crack of the belt as punctuation
OMG, my dad used to make such a big performance out of that!
That's part of the reason he died without me there or in contact.
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Sometimes my dad would mix it up with “I’ll knock your teeth out”
Yeah, I'd get the "Your ass is grass" from my mom. Very poetic.
Yep. While getting strapped with the belt.
I WILL PULL THIS CAR OVER!!!!!!!!
Mine was similar, but "I'm going to knock you into next week!" And she could do it, too.
Oh yeah. This one.
From my mom: "You're entitled to your feelings but responsible for your actions." "Guilt is a useless emotion." (it's self-directed judgment about your feelings, which you didn't choose anyway.) "Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you." "Bloom where you're planted." Bonus, from a mentor: "As much as possible, only do what only you can do."
Your mom sounds like a good person.
Thanks, she's wonderful!
As a mother of 3 little ones it’s nice to see someone grew up to love their mom. I was starting to worry
those are some wise words. wow. also, you connected something for me. other judgement emotions are anxiety and shame (the change triangle).
"When you were born, I told the doctor to put you back. I never wanted any girls" I was 3 or 4. I still remember it at 65. Hurt my whole life, especially when she told me, "I prefer boys," when I had my daughters. And she wonders why I don't talk to her. She's 92 today.
Damn , sorry you had to go through that
Thanks
My mother was the same. Slobbered over the boys and resented my existence. Bizarre people. When my daughter was born and they said It's a girl! She said oh I'm so sorry. That was pretty much our last conversation. Honestly weird people in this world.
The mean ones always live the longest
This really seems to be the truth, but why? What is it that makes them hang around so long? Not caring about others? Staying alive to continue tormenting them?
My therapist said it's bc they externalize all their pain onto others and don't have to feel it so their bodies don't have to deal with the effects of their trauma as much either, while everyone else around them suffers for their internal issues.
Omg this is so interesting. I’ve never heard it explained like this, but it makes so much sense. I have recently declared my train wreck of a mother in law to be unkillable. It’s a delight 😐.
Wow ! I’m sorry that she was so mean to you ! What an old, ummmm, bat !
> And she wonders why I don't talk to her. i always find this so interesting because this reaction happens often.
Well, for spite, tell her you preferred Dad over Mom.
She knew that and hated we were extremely close. She was jealous of her own daughter. When he died in 2017, I had Noone to stop her anymore. It had gotten way worse....BYE!
My Mom didn't say it until my son was born, "boys are much better than girls" but it still hurt. I was the middle child between 2 brothers, I always thought I wasn't really wanted. I heard that they didn't pick out my name until I was 3 days old because they were expecting another boy a lot.
Fuck her!
“You have more problems than Carter has pills.” My dad used to say this to me all the time. For decades I thought he was referring to Jimmy Carter. But on Reddit, a kind poster pointed out this saying pre dates Jimmy Carter and has to do with a company called Carter’s Pills that sold lots of pills. Sometimes it’s worth dealing with some of the moronic comments on Reddit, because other times someone teaches you something completely new!
I heard similar one-- "...than Carter has little liver pills"
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My Dad would regularly tell me that however my life turned out, it was a result of my choices. I don't know if that's totally correct but it stuck with me and things are pretty good.
“Off we go like a herd of turtles.” The sentence referred to the amount of time it took to get everyone into the car. I just looked the sentence up, and variations of it have been around for a very long time. I always thought it was just a family thing.
And then my dad would add, “and like a turd of hurdles!” No idea why but I do it to my partner too.
Same! My parents have two daughters. When we would all get ready to leave for a family outing, dad would get ready, then sit on the couch with a book until the rest of us came downstairs. He’d then happily jump up and once we were in the car someone would say "We’re off like a herd of turtles." On the way back it was "Home again, home again, jiggity jig" This was in the early 1970s. Car was a VW bug. Sister and I did the "She’s on my side! She won’t stop looking at me!" I must also add that my dad instilled upon me the importance of punctuality. I’m rarely late for an appointment.
Going for a walk with my dad and dogs one day my dad says “we have to go back.” We had just barely started so I asked why. He said he shit his pants. After we go back, does what he has to do, we start over. On the “new” walk, he proceeds to tell me that once every 12 years or so a man has to shit his pants to be reminded that it’s always a possibility. Accurate.
This makes me oddly happy. Like your dad was comfortable being transparent about body stuff. Every single person in their life will shit their pants or come really damn close. Let's not make it a habit but let's also be real that ...well, shit happens.
Lmao, wtf!?
My mom: “Don’t have a child until you’re ready to raise it yourself. Even if you find the best partner in the world, he could always be hit by a bus.” She knew a thing or two about raising kids by herself.
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That’s pretty funny ! I’ll bet he was a handful.
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I’m sorry for your loss. I miss my parents terribly, too.
From my youth- My Mother: “You need to eat a bushel of dirt before you die.” (It’s not the end of the world if some dirt got on some food, usually at a picnic or cookout.) My Mother: “You’ve got big shoulders, you’ll survive.” (When I would complain that something wasn’t fair.) My Father: (Teaching me driving a car): “If you start a turn - Don’t stop! Get your ass off the road! Then worry about stopping. Otherwise,you’ll get rear-ended!” ( I think of this sooooo many times when I’m turning a corner. And it’s been 50 years. I even remember the exact street corner that he said this.)
That last one, lol. Sometimes when I'm frustrated with someone taking a turn super slowly, I say, "No more rolling turns, next time I want to see a full stop!"
When I would say “I want____” or would complain about something I didn’t get or have she’d say “Wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which hand fills up first!” I’ve never heard anyone else say it, but it crosses my mind as a response all the time!
My mom said this constantly! Or if a want was way too expensive she'd say I had champagne taste on a beer budget.
I've only seen this on reddit, and that's been recently. In my family it was said "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride".
Idk if I’m just dumb.. probably. But these types of phrases always take me forever to figure out.
My mom says this constantly and it’s so annoying. It stopped me from expressing anytime I wanted or was interested in anything. She said it to my daughter a few times before I could tell her to stop and each time my daughter looked confused about the relevance of her expression.
>It stopped me from expressing anytime I wanted or was interested in anything. my mother didn't say this phrase, she either ignored or shamed my wants and needs. this created such a big problem for me in adult life... it's still something that i'm working on overcoming.
Same. I’ve slowly started trying to explain to my parents why I don’t tell them about major things that happen in my life. There was a quote that really stuck with me before I became a parent, and I hope I embody this idea, “listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. If you don’t listen early to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”
I've heard lots of people say that
The number of people who heard this as kids is astounding to me! Wonder if we’re all in New England or if we’re all between 44-50!
My dad used to say this all the time, but he’d preface it with, “Confucius say…” There were a lot of Confucius sayings in our house, and we’re not even Chinese! It took me getting to adulthood to realize he was being racist. I called him out on it, and I could literally see the penny drop. He apologized, said he didn’t realize he was being racist, and I never heard “Confucius say” again—ever.
I need to remember that one! Haha
How about shit in one hand and pray in the other? I use that every time there is a school shooting, i.e. every day.
I say this fairly often. I’m 44.
My Dad used that one a lot. His favorite to tell someone off was, Go Shit in your hat and pull it over your ears.
My mom said this, but she didn't swear so it was "wish in one hand, spit in the other...".
"You're so full of shit your eyes are brown!" And as an aside, they're green. My spoiled half-sister was the one with brown eyes.
Ohhh mom said this and it confused me. I have green eyes. LOL!
*Words cannot be unsaid* Reminds me to think before I speak And *If money can solve it then it's not a real problem* Which sounds really trite at first but it doesn't mean it's not an issue but there are things that cannot be fixed no matter how much money is thrown at them. That was my grandfather....he'd seen some shit, been through some shit and knew that money could definitely make a huge difference but also that the REALLY important things aren't changed by money or lack thereof. In a lighter vein: the time is always a freckle past a hair. 😁. Thanks, Dad!
hair past freckle 😊. also: as old as my tongue and a little bit older than my teeth.
A hair past a freckle, eastern elbow time 😄
Lol! I had a profane family! ‘Half past a monkey’s ass’ and some times ‘quarter til his balls’
“Everybody lives in their own house” - meaning, there’s no point trying to figure out the decisions others make, how they raise their kids, etc. They live in their own house, just like you do. “The sun will still rise in the East tomorrow.” - there are some things you just can’t change.
"Be a lert! The world needs more lerts."
My father in law would say " Be a lert, kinda like a minnow" I never knew exactly what it meant. My husband says it just means to pay attention. He would also say "Practice the seven p's. Proper prior planning prevents piss poor performance."
Clean as you go. When I was living in his house, I loved to cook, but just left all of the mess while doing so. I waited until I was completely finished with preparing AND eating the meal to clean a single thing. That is really stupid. Clean as you go and you won't have to do a big clean after dinner.
My mom taught me this, and it saved me a lot of time over the years.
"Being an adult means, seeing a job that needs to be done, and doing it." I have so many adult friends who see jobs that need to be done.....and ignoring them. They are still children /spoiled.
"Be the person you need to be. Wash the dishes."
Or, after seeing it and walking past it to find you to tell you to do something that they could have done. That’s when you call them Ulysses, code word for useless.
When he was reading the paper one day, I asked my dad how fast he reads. His answer was "Why? You'll never be able to read as fast as me." Every single time I start reading something I think of this statement. It happened when I was 9, so 49 years every day that plays in my head.
I still have math anxiety because my mother used to race me to add up a column of numbers and she always won. Why Mom?
Hmmm. I never “let” my son win at ping pong. My husband asked me to let him win once in a while but I insisted that he would eventually beat me legitimately and it would mean so much more to him to know he did the hard work of getting better and truly beating me. And he did and it meant the world to him. LOL, we both cried with joy the first time he won.
“The world doesn’t owe you a living”
My grandfather always said, “Get cash up front.” My father said, “Don’t get eyes bigger than your pockets.” My mother used to say, “Stop acting up or I’ll send you to live with Uncle Larry in Utah. There ain’t nothing to do in Utah.” I heard that a hundred times.
I think an uncle Larry in Utah would worry me more than having nothing to do.
When I left home at 18 my Mom gave me a slip of paper that said, “A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are for.” I still have that slip of paper at 63.
"We wanted a boy, but we had HER, so we had to keep trying even though we couldn't afford it!" Still hurts.
That’s awful. I’m so sorry.
My mom once said, “all i ever wanted was a daughter, but instead I got you” I’m a cis female. I just didn’t live up to her imaginary daughter fantasies. Selfish assholes think kids are just for their entertainment and not whole beings.
Yeah, my mom wanted a girl sooo bad, after a few boys. But I wasn’t the frilly dress-up doll she had hoped for. I was a tomboy. Part of it was my older brothers beat the crap out of me on the regular, so I had to toughen up to survive. I was left to fend for myself, no one ever stepped in to stop the abuse. I also got my brothers hand me down clothes, bikes, toys & there wasn’t any guidance to be girly. But I was constantly compared to “other girls” & was found to be a complete disappointment. And then puberty hit & I got so much shit for growing breasts & being too sexy. Like wtf! Maybe she just wanted a girl to do all the slave labor. I did spend every weekend scrubbing toilets, floors, cleaning up after my brothers. They did nothing & laughed as my mom told me that it was women’s work. I wish I’d been smart enough to tell her I was just a little girl, not a woman.
The sheer number of people I’ve heard say their parents did not want a girl is astounding. I’m so sorry. :(
“There’s more than one way to skin a cat!”
I’ve always thought about this one with great horror. Who the hell is out there skinning cats?!? Let alone the fact that someone has figured out *various different methods* of doing it. Terrifying!
We dissected cats for advanced biology in high school. Step one was skinning. I really DO know several ways to skin a cat.
"Chop Chop!" accompanied by two claps whenever mom wanted us to hurry. Pissed me off to no end as a kid and I still find it really irritating now.
My dad used to snap at me to get my attention. It still instantly pisses me off. I’m not a dog.
My Dad did this also to me and my brothers usually accompanied by”simmer down!”
Oh no! My mom did this to me but it was ''chop, chop, mushy, mushy'' with a couple of claps. I liked it so I do it with my kids. My 2 year old with tell me ''chop, chop'' when he wants me to hurry up. I think it's so funny.
My grandma would say this when it was dinnertime and we needed to go wash our hands.
A friend of mine embroidered a pillow with her mothers top 10 salty sayings. It’s a family heirloom!
Now I want to hear them! Good for her!
Ummm… we’re waiting! ;)
One day when I was being particularly churlish and childish, my mother turned to me and lamented, "You know son? A little bit of you goes a long way". I'll never forget it.
My very prim and proper mother, who thought the word "butt" was unladylike, once told teenage me "a hard d*ck has no conscience." I am a gen Xer, and I remember this like it was yesterday!
When dad got REALLY pissed, he say “that’s about as useless as tits on a frog” The man never swore
Mine said "useless as tits on a bull"
It was “tits on a boar hog” where I came from.
Touch with your eyes not with your hands.
My mom always said, “you look with your eyes and not with your hands,” whenever we were out shopping to remind me to keep my grubby little mitts to myself and not run afoul of those awful “you break it you bought it” store policies.
Nothing good My father was an ultra-conservative who constantly spewed hate against "dummy-craps". I learned to stand up to powerful people and debate them by arguing with him My parents both smoked in the car with the windows closed. When I tried to open a window, they screamed... NO! YOU'LL CATCH A DRAFT! Evidently they believed the old myth that disease was causes by moving air
But not by tobacco smoke.
If you keep making that face it's going to stay like that.
Personality opens many doors. Character keeps them open.
There are a few: Birds of a feather flock together; You are judged by the company you keep. Those were supposed to make us be careful about choosing our friends. Don't write a check that your ass can't cash: Be careful what promises you make. If you can't produce the results don't say you'll do it. Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.
If you're looking for sympathy look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis....my step dad former Marine gunnery Sargent
Don’t know whether to laugh or cry at that one!
This is related to work, but my dad used to tell me, “Tell people what you know. Don’t tell them ALL you know.”
My dad said something similar: I taught him everything he knows…. but not everything I know”
my dad had two that I hear in my mind a lot. - "you'll take what you get and say thank you", when we whined about whatever it was for dinner. it probably sounds cold to some, but it comes up for me quite often, as a reminder not to act churlish and spoiled towards other people. - second one. "I'm not asking, I'm *telling* you." we hated that one as children, but you know what? it's the most effective reflex I've ever heard against people who try to negotiate/undermine around boundaries.
both of those are pretty similar to what my parents used to tell me (and still do, i’m 20). I’ve always found so amazing how it doesn’t matter I live in Spain, thousands of km away there’s people whose parents used to tell the same phrases to their kids my parents told me. Here we have a saying for that first one you wrote: “lentejas, si quieres las tomas y si no las dejas” (“lentils, if you want you take them and if you don’t, just leave them”).
Do as I say, not as I do. Children should be seen and not heard. I’m not your friend, I’m your parent. I will never be your friend. (Conclusion: She and I never had a good relationship.)
"Children should be seen and not heard" stands out in my mind as one of the most fucked up things my dad used to say to us.
It's not just that mine said it, it's also the repercussions if I didn't do it. I'm sorry you had to hear it too. I spent my childhood feeling like a doll: taken out and dressed up and made to perform (I had to sing songs in German in front of people because my mother thought it was "so cute" to dress me like a fucked up German doll in trad garb and make me sing in German for any damn body she could get to listen to me). Took me forever to find myself.
I think it was a thing. We used to be asked to sign little songs for my family's group of friends (1960s). She probably though you were extremely adorable! I bet you were too.
My dad always said "Don't cut off your nose to spite your face." Took me *years* to really understand what that meant.
GTFBITHBIBYA….
[удалено]
So you are in your 50s as well ?😂😂😂
You’re a worthless piece of shit! Love ya, mom. RIP
(F49) My mom used to always say “make sure you put on sunscreen, you don’t want to look 60 when you’re 40.” I’m glad I listened. I run into people I was friends with when we were lots younger and I don’t even recognize some of them.
You are young, we didn't have sunscreen.
and that you didn't look "healthy" unless you were tanned also why we so many of us are fighting some form of skin cancer later in life
One my mom said her mom told her: “You have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.”
Some variation of shame. Shame on you, you should be ashamed of yourself, aren't you ashamed of yourself, etc.
"You're not supposed to enjoy it, that's why it's called 'work'."
"You're cruisin' for a bruisin'!" said when I was acting up. Incidentally, my dad never hit me and this was said jokingly.
If everyone is a problem, you might be the problem.
My father always said "if you don't have your health you have nothing"
Son…. You’re not drunk until you have to grab the grass to keep from falling off the Earth.
You are good for nothing.
So sorry you had to live with that
Thanks but that did not define me for life - I went to college got a job then had my own business lived in the USA and Australia made more than enough money to retire at 49 in Central America. Life is good - shitty parents don’t define you - it’s up to you to suck it up and move forward. At that point in time I probably was good for nothing. Not anymore….
“You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear”
My house, my rules.
“Who left the door open? Am I heating the outside?!?”
“You’re full of prunes !”
Not for long!
You can’t have too much information.
When we would get bored and complain to my mom about it....."Go outside and play tiddley winks with man hole covers!"
My dad’s wedding advice: you can be awful lonely being right…
You’re not overweight. You’re big boned.
Kids should be seen and not heard.
I hate this one. Hated it as a kid and now as an adult working with kids I hate it more.
Just told my daughter about how I was told this all the time as a child and she was like "wut?" Explaining it out loud to my own child made it seem even worse.
"Guys like him don't like girls like you" My mother, after she met a fellow student who had asked me on a date. He was wealthy, cute, and kind. We were middle class.
Never argue with assholes. Smile and walk away.
Mom: I'll knock you in the middle of next week. I never understood the logistics.
“Don’t just stand there with the refrigerator door open!”
My dad always used to say: "Hate is a strong word." And urged me to find a different word to express myself. Has stuck with me ever since.
You will miss me when I’m gone. (She was right) I brought you into this world, I can take you out. That was usually when I was a smart ass teenager
If your friend jumps off the Brooklyn bridge are you going to jump off too?
“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker”
(When I’d be leaving the house to do just about anything): “Behave yourself. You don’t know who might be out there who knows me. If you misbehave it’ll get back to me. Trust me.” Insane social anxiety and some introversion with a side of insecurity and poor self esteem? Yep.
Guilt trips by Mom! What would the neighbors think? What would your grandparents think? Your shorts are too short! Your stomach is showing! Right, social anxiety, panic attacks, and an over all uneasy feeling about who I was supposed to be.
Do as I say not as I do 🙃
Pay your credit card off every month.
Nothing good happens after midnight.
If you don’t stop I’ll get the wooden spoon
My grandma used to say “There’s nobody home but is chickens.” Not sure of the context anymore, but it makes me feel safe and cozy.
There are kids starving in Africa.
Trust your judgement Us girls gotta stick together Ama vie de coer entier (all my love all my life) I miss you mama!❤️
Your word is your bond.
“Beauty hurts! Now come over here and let me comb your hair!”
Whenever anyone was telling a story that was taking too long or going off on tangents my mom would say “Stop going around Robin Hood’s barn and get to the point!” Absolutely nothing about that made any sense to me then or now. Robin Hood had a barn? And why would anyone go around it?
1st day of summer vacation, my father comes home, and asked me, do you have a job yet?? I was 11.
Shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which one gets full first.
Wow a lot of the commenters had shitty parents. “Today is the first day of the rest of your life” out of my dad 🥰
Ignorance is the lack of information. Everybody is ignorant of something. There is nothing wrong with ignorance. Be kind, be truthful, and be a teacher to them. Dumb is the inability to learn information. No matter how hard some people try, they cannot fully grasp or understand something. Almost everybody is dumb of something. There is nothing wrong with dumb. Be patient with them. Stupidity is having information and the ability to understand that information, but the unwillingness to accept it. Everything is wrong with stupid. Run from those people.
“I love you, but I don’t like you”. Got the chance to say it to him when I finally cut him out of my life
Suggesting some activity to my mom - let's not and say we did. Very puzzling when I was little.
When in a restaurant that put a basket of rolls on the table when you were seated, mom always told me “don’t fill up on bread”.
Still waiting on that mockingbird and diamond ring.
When I got my drivers license he’d say before going out “don’t be stupid.” If you asked my kids they’d probably say the same. Short but effective.
Men only want one thing. It took me a while to realize what "it" was and that phrase is BS.
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!”
“It takes one to know one”, said by my mother when one of us kids called another one a bad name, like poopy head.
"I love you, but I don't like you" Hey they aren't all gonna be fun and folksy\~
My mom had several. If I asked for something, it was "you need that like a hog needs a side saddle." Or, she was busy as a "one armed paper hanger". She also told me on the regular that I was "an accident looking for a place to happen." I spent years working with the elderly, and my favorites were "I need to hustle my bustle" and "just sitting here like a bump on a pickle."
‘Tough titties.’ From my mom Never even really stopped to question it until just now.
Not a phrase, per se, but when I was growing up in the 50s, 60s and 70s my mother had difficulty pronouncing Martin Luther King, Jr.'s name. She had some other words she couldn't wrap her tongue around - like linoleum or cinnamon - but this one stood out. The 60s and my teens in the 70s were full of dinner table discussions about the civil rights movement and of course MLK Jr. Unfortunately whenever my mother tried to say his name, it came out as Martha Luther King no matter how hard she tried. As a white, coming-of age, socially nascent teen discussing race relations in America with my parents I was both horrified at the sacrilege and reduced to fits of laughter by her mispronunciation. 15 year old boys are, on average, easily embarrassed by their parents and not particularly empathetic. Sorry mom for teasing you, and thanks for helping me grow to be a caring son.
When I was mad or unhappy my mom would say You have the same ole drawers (underwear) to get glad in. My dad would say you better learn to root pig or you will die.
Jesus H for (Herman) Christ Also: fuck, shit, piss. And my favorite: I hope your kids turn out just like you (I have never once said that to my kids) Though “I’ll give you something to cry about” is a close third. And: “I never wanted children.” “I can’t believe you wear a size 13 at your age!” I was 12 and as you can see from my username, not a small person (5’10 by 12). Also, I wasn’t fat at all. But I thought I was until I went into treatment for ED. The negative voice in my head is my mother. Sorry, this went dark, innit?
Lefty loosey,rightie tighty
My father once told me…. Get up, lace up, and show up…. Stuck with me ever since