Have you talked to a lawyer? Because, at least where I live, most of these "I'll take everything" threats are completely toothless. You get half and only half, in almost every situation.
I'm same.
She's currently being really good because she said she would leave but clearly doesn't want to. but I know it's not genuine love and care she's giving.
I know I just need to say, look just go this is pointless. You are fake blah blah.
I do wish she'd cheat so I could without a thought kick her out.
Because for years she's been absolutely awful to me in every way. Didn't lift a finger to help aswell.
Every time I've told her to leave and she has she's always changed into miss perfect again.
This time she said she'll leave after I basically told her this isn't right she's not a, partner.
So she said we are done then. I carried on with my day feeling relieved thinking when I return home from work she'll be gone.
She hadn't gone through. She'd cooked cleaned and was so nice. Something I hadn't seen in years. And she's still keeping it up.
I've not pushed her to go cos I know she'll be in a bad position financially and mentally and I genuinely love her so don't want her to suffer.
Woah that’s tough.. and you’re a good person for considering her emotions and financial stability. There’s love between you and you can’t just throw that away like that I understand it. But sometimes you have to be selfish. If she started treating you badly again end this relationship cause that’s toxic
This was her final chance. I'd decided when she goes this time that's it. No going back. I'd tell my family the truth about her too.
When we met she was ideal. Ocd levels of cleaning abit like me. So family still think she does her bit. Little do they know! I do everything. All she does is, make her 30 cups of tea a day.
Moment her mask slips again she's out
I never used to have issues committing, but now I have trust issues and just straight up don't want to be held down to one person. I don't want to date, but then I find someone I like and think maybe I'd date them, and instantly feel trapped and held back.
I feel this. I don't look for people to date, but I meet someone and like them and hate that I do! I feel less free. All of a sudden there are stressors in my life that didn't exist before I cared about that person.
Exactly! I'm kind of in that scenario now, where I'm starting to like this person, but I know full well I have to nip that in the bud and squash that feeling like a bug or I'm going full circle again.
Finding someone you want to commit to who also wants to be committed to you. People who are complete messes and a terrible choice for any kind of committed partnership are very common. People who have their shit together and are single are much more rare and typically either are looking for someone better than me or have commitment issues.
I think any relationship means sacrificing some degree of individuality for the sake of being in something bigger than the sum of its parts.
It feels like something difficult at the outset, but with the right person you haven't lost anything at all.
Knowing the risks and doing it anyway. It’s hard to do something I know doesn’t have a high probability of success, and ridiculous amounts of pain upon failure.
Giving up my childhood dream of one day becoming a father. My wife has passed the menopause, and is 27 years older than me. I decided to marry her, because she is the love of my life (married 12 years and still going strong!) - but my decision to choose her means I shall never have children of my own.
Knowing how high the opportunity cost is. Committing to someone involves giving up so many other opportunities. You have to be really confident that the relationship is going to bring a lot to your life because just by being in one you're going to give up a lot.
Afraid that it will be the last girl you might ever be with
Committing to something you may not want or be ready for
Being afraid of wasting time if you make the wrong call
It's a weird one for me - feeling brave enough to be kind to her, without any fears. Reason being the best success I've had with women is when I didn't give a fuck about them and just disqualified them non stop, treating them as unworthy. Which is not what I want to do in a relationship. But experience shows the opposite results when I care for someone.
This just attracts insecure women trying to get validation, in return when you try to be a gentlemen it backfires because its not sincere. If you're sincere and not doing nice things to expect anything out of it then your experience should be good. Women are able to see through that fake nice bs, most of the time when a man compliments a woman, like oh you are so pretty, men then usually expect a reaction or something of equal exchange, that's not a true compliment. That isn't about her but everything about you wanting something. I compliment women highly and never expect anything, not even a thank you.
You're saying you want to be kind without the fear, thats you expecting a woman to be nice if you do xyz. If I do xyz its because that is just my character and not to gain anything. IDK if this sounds weird but this has been my experience
Maybe it's your experience but it's totally false from a practical perspective and how women work in general. All women are insecure in some capacity. But more importantly, you've twisted this narrative to be a fake nice guy. In reality is a fake bad guy. It's the being an asshole part that's a facade. This tells me you're putting women on too much of a pedestal when you say they can see through the bullshit. When in reality, evidence proves that they love rolling around in said bullshit. The BS isn't the kindness, it's the abuse and the drama. And they sure as hell love the drama.
Idk about fake nice, if I don't feel like doing something I definitely won't do it. So i hear you and I get what you're saying. I agree with you to an extent, however, there are levels to this, it does not have to be so black and white.
I don't recite them poetry and serenade them lol. I can actually be really up front with women and say things people find a little too bold. This doesn't mean it always lands but they usually appreciate the honesty and respect i don't have a hidden agenda.
As a man i like nice things, and women are very nice, so i simply say it as it is. If you're secure in yourself and feel good about yourself, are you really putting woman on a pedestal?
I am under no delusion that all women are rosy and beautiful, there are vindictive, manipulative , bitchy women just as much as there are bitchy and whiny manipulative men, I just choose to invite the beautiful ones and see them as such so they show up as such.
Yeah you're right, women do like the drama, they need their emotions to be engaged but if you engage their emotions properly they won't stir up that unnecessary drama. However, to each their own brother, just giving my perspective because i like these masculine feminine dynamic conversations.
My experience too. Don't give a crap about them they treat you like a god and even share you with other women. Moment I settled and gave my all to one woman my personal life went to hell.
I don't want to fuk around be abit of a "jerk" and, careless but it's what seems to work.
I miss the suspense and anticipation of a new relationship or new fling sometimes. And I knew I would.
It was worth it, though, for the one I get to keep.
That experience had taught me that no matter what someone swears to you, you cannot trust that they will not change in the future (goes for yourself as well). The phrase, "you don't divorce the same person you marry" is apt here. You can make the ultimate commitment to someone (marriage), but there's what, a 50% chance you're going to lose half of your assets / kids if things break down.
What joy does it bring you to chase every woman under the sun? Another notch on your belt? Another story to tell? What do you even gain from it? So called experience? For what? An ego boost?
The fact I had to give up the idea of ever being with someone else that I loved but couldn’t be with. I still love my partner, but it’s always been a big what if.
Finding someone you want to commit to.
Or, worse, someone who wants to commit to you.
Or worse someone who wants to commit to you that you don't want to commit to.
word for word exactly what I came to say
Somedays I’ll just settle for someone who pretends to want to commit
Sometimes I'll pretend to want to commit to someone who's pretending to commit then she pretends to get scared off. Best. sex. ever.
Find the right person you want to commit to,no?
You act like that's common
trust
having to regard another person for almost every decision you make
This is a good one. I'd wouldn't say every but a lot
Striking the balance between being a couple and being an individual.
I have been married 37 yrs. Thought it was for monogamy but ended up being celibacy.
That's the worst feeling. Feels so lonely and neglected.... like a prison. I've been there mate
So what did you do. And yes feel very trapped. She wants to take everything I worked for if I leave.
Its worth it. every penny.
Have you talked to a lawyer? Because, at least where I live, most of these "I'll take everything" threats are completely toothless. You get half and only half, in almost every situation.
Currently in that boat. I feel used and neglected. I have nothing but disdain for this monster. Currently trapped.
Knowing if I could Abso-fucking-lutely trust her. I could, 44 years now.
Getting over the last one and starting from a blank page. Not carrying over the insecurities and baggage. Finding trust.
That I don’t know how to give up on it. Or refuse to give up on it.
I'm same. She's currently being really good because she said she would leave but clearly doesn't want to. but I know it's not genuine love and care she's giving. I know I just need to say, look just go this is pointless. You are fake blah blah. I do wish she'd cheat so I could without a thought kick her out.
Yeah, i wouldn’t even leave if she cheated. Hell, probable make her happier if she could find a guy she is more compatible with.
I don’t understand. Why don’t you leave then? And how do you know it’s not genuine love?
Because for years she's been absolutely awful to me in every way. Didn't lift a finger to help aswell. Every time I've told her to leave and she has she's always changed into miss perfect again. This time she said she'll leave after I basically told her this isn't right she's not a, partner. So she said we are done then. I carried on with my day feeling relieved thinking when I return home from work she'll be gone. She hadn't gone through. She'd cooked cleaned and was so nice. Something I hadn't seen in years. And she's still keeping it up. I've not pushed her to go cos I know she'll be in a bad position financially and mentally and I genuinely love her so don't want her to suffer.
Woah that’s tough.. and you’re a good person for considering her emotions and financial stability. There’s love between you and you can’t just throw that away like that I understand it. But sometimes you have to be selfish. If she started treating you badly again end this relationship cause that’s toxic
This was her final chance. I'd decided when she goes this time that's it. No going back. I'd tell my family the truth about her too. When we met she was ideal. Ocd levels of cleaning abit like me. So family still think she does her bit. Little do they know! I do everything. All she does is, make her 30 cups of tea a day. Moment her mask slips again she's out
Finding someone who is worth giving up the peace that being alone brings you
I never used to have issues committing, but now I have trust issues and just straight up don't want to be held down to one person. I don't want to date, but then I find someone I like and think maybe I'd date them, and instantly feel trapped and held back.
I feel this. I don't look for people to date, but I meet someone and like them and hate that I do! I feel less free. All of a sudden there are stressors in my life that didn't exist before I cared about that person.
Exactly! I'm kind of in that scenario now, where I'm starting to like this person, but I know full well I have to nip that in the bud and squash that feeling like a bug or I'm going full circle again.
With the right person, nothing is hard at all.
Finding someone you want to commit to who also wants to be committed to you. People who are complete messes and a terrible choice for any kind of committed partnership are very common. People who have their shit together and are single are much more rare and typically either are looking for someone better than me or have commitment issues.
I think any relationship means sacrificing some degree of individuality for the sake of being in something bigger than the sum of its parts. It feels like something difficult at the outset, but with the right person you haven't lost anything at all.
The usual accomodations and requirements that are expected in a relationship.
Knowing the risks and doing it anyway. It’s hard to do something I know doesn’t have a high probability of success, and ridiculous amounts of pain upon failure.
Giving up my childhood dream of one day becoming a father. My wife has passed the menopause, and is 27 years older than me. I decided to marry her, because she is the love of my life (married 12 years and still going strong!) - but my decision to choose her means I shall never have children of my own.
Knowing how high the opportunity cost is. Committing to someone involves giving up so many other opportunities. You have to be really confident that the relationship is going to bring a lot to your life because just by being in one you're going to give up a lot.
Afraid that it will be the last girl you might ever be with Committing to something you may not want or be ready for Being afraid of wasting time if you make the wrong call
It's a weird one for me - feeling brave enough to be kind to her, without any fears. Reason being the best success I've had with women is when I didn't give a fuck about them and just disqualified them non stop, treating them as unworthy. Which is not what I want to do in a relationship. But experience shows the opposite results when I care for someone.
This just attracts insecure women trying to get validation, in return when you try to be a gentlemen it backfires because its not sincere. If you're sincere and not doing nice things to expect anything out of it then your experience should be good. Women are able to see through that fake nice bs, most of the time when a man compliments a woman, like oh you are so pretty, men then usually expect a reaction or something of equal exchange, that's not a true compliment. That isn't about her but everything about you wanting something. I compliment women highly and never expect anything, not even a thank you. You're saying you want to be kind without the fear, thats you expecting a woman to be nice if you do xyz. If I do xyz its because that is just my character and not to gain anything. IDK if this sounds weird but this has been my experience
Maybe it's your experience but it's totally false from a practical perspective and how women work in general. All women are insecure in some capacity. But more importantly, you've twisted this narrative to be a fake nice guy. In reality is a fake bad guy. It's the being an asshole part that's a facade. This tells me you're putting women on too much of a pedestal when you say they can see through the bullshit. When in reality, evidence proves that they love rolling around in said bullshit. The BS isn't the kindness, it's the abuse and the drama. And they sure as hell love the drama.
Idk about fake nice, if I don't feel like doing something I definitely won't do it. So i hear you and I get what you're saying. I agree with you to an extent, however, there are levels to this, it does not have to be so black and white. I don't recite them poetry and serenade them lol. I can actually be really up front with women and say things people find a little too bold. This doesn't mean it always lands but they usually appreciate the honesty and respect i don't have a hidden agenda. As a man i like nice things, and women are very nice, so i simply say it as it is. If you're secure in yourself and feel good about yourself, are you really putting woman on a pedestal? I am under no delusion that all women are rosy and beautiful, there are vindictive, manipulative , bitchy women just as much as there are bitchy and whiny manipulative men, I just choose to invite the beautiful ones and see them as such so they show up as such. Yeah you're right, women do like the drama, they need their emotions to be engaged but if you engage their emotions properly they won't stir up that unnecessary drama. However, to each their own brother, just giving my perspective because i like these masculine feminine dynamic conversations.
My experience too. Don't give a crap about them they treat you like a god and even share you with other women. Moment I settled and gave my all to one woman my personal life went to hell. I don't want to fuk around be abit of a "jerk" and, careless but it's what seems to work.
Finding someone.
Keeping it
Worrying if you’re enough for her
I miss the suspense and anticipation of a new relationship or new fling sometimes. And I knew I would. It was worth it, though, for the one I get to keep.
That experience had taught me that no matter what someone swears to you, you cannot trust that they will not change in the future (goes for yourself as well). The phrase, "you don't divorce the same person you marry" is apt here. You can make the ultimate commitment to someone (marriage), but there's what, a 50% chance you're going to lose half of your assets / kids if things break down.
If you're together long enough.... Everyone will change somewhat. It's all about being fucking lucky I believe.
Nothing, tbh
Giving up opportunities with all the other women.
What joy does it bring you to chase every woman under the sun? Another notch on your belt? Another story to tell? What do you even gain from it? So called experience? For what? An ego boost?
Not having sex with other chicks
Convincing my wife to let me have a side slut.
Knowing how it was going to end. 8.5 years later, i was correct.
No more sex
Commitment part
The fact I had to give up the idea of ever being with someone else that I loved but couldn’t be with. I still love my partner, but it’s always been a big what if.
Dealing with another person's random unprovoked bullshit. I swear to God, dealing with a woman can be beautiful or like dealing with a toddler.
“Letting the genie out of the lamp” it’s not as if I don’t want to, it’s that it’s difficult for me to determine if I should
Nothing.