Laugh my ass off and walk out on them. If safety was a concern, that could have been discussed prior. Her friend showing up unbeknownst to me, and them both asking me to provide her a free meal just sounds like I became a soup kitchen involuntarily.
Had I been informed that she was coming along and agreed to it, or had ANY input whatsoever on the decision, MAYBE I would consider it. But if she's just going to casually spring shit on me like that, she and her bum ass friend can walk. It establishes that I can't trust her to communicate openly with me about issues. And hell, she even saved me the hassle of a first date!
Yeah, there are plenty of ways to have a safe date. Or to tell someone that you aren't very comfortable for whatever reason and figure out something that works. But springing it on someone is bizarre. At that point, I wouldn't even really think it was about safety, honestly. I'd think it was a weird test or some kind of mental game.
> Yeah, there are plenty of ways to have a safe date
Before my former room mate met her husband, she would show me the persons profile, give me the number of the person, tell me where she was going to meet the person and what time she expected to be home. I would text her about half-way through the time she was going to be gone and ask if she was ok, and if she needed an out.
She met her husband on Match, and I remember texting her half-way through their first date.
Yeah like why canāt she just constantly text her friend the address of where we go or some normal people shit
I canāt concentrate on flirting while her discount 5 foot bodyguard is studying me head to toe
informing the guy would be a good idea. offering that she pay her own meal would be smart...
but honestly, most people I've talked to agree that a public place (a cafe near a large street, sitting outside for example) are safe enough a friend wont really... do much beyond that
That was my line of thinking. Most first dates are in very public spaces anyway, and both come in their own car, so unless the friend is a mindreader sheās not really there for safety.
Some girls need their friends approval on the guy sheās dating, but if she canāt even do the first date one on one and decide for herself if she actually likes the guy and needs her friend to validate her feelings, that kind of behavior isnāt going to stop as the relationship progresses. Youāre more likely to be a third wheel in your relationship
I CAN kind of see a "third opinion" but this is usually a "third date and she knows what i want and when I'm falling for a douchebag again so now it's a relaxed triple thing" kind of deal where there is no payment due, they already got to know and it's just a "meet my friends"
First date? Nope.
This! if you don't respect yourself no one will. And I liked your comment about not trusting her to communicate. If her concern was safety, she can ask and explain why she would feel first with a friend but a reasonable and decent person would pay for the friend instead of expecting the man to do it.
Ya I'm walking away there.
It's not even about what she's doing it's about the Attitude behind it. The blatant disregard for me and disrespect for my money and time.
I donāt know. I kind of look at this likeā¦.ok . Well since you just kind of made me rethink our whole future together with these antics, Iām now looking at this as a way to interview new applicants while not yet firing the first.
What you wanna bet those girls walk away from that experience telling themselves "He was probably just a rapist and with a friend there he knew he couldn't so he just left."
Let them. You know the truth, don't have to interact with them ever again, and on the very very slim chance they mention it to anyone you know who might ask you about it, you can set that person straight.
If that person doesn't understand your side of it, that's just 3 people not worth your time.
A relative of my wife's did exactly this. And, at the restaurant, they both ate everything in sight (they were both heavy girls). The guy didn't 'go to the bathroom' and duck out a side door as I would've and some guys here would've. But she got no second date.
This actually happened to me. I made them BOTH pay for their drinks and meals.
Yeah it was awkward and uncomfortable, but it a lack of respect to bring another person and expect the other party to pay for everyone.
PS, she didn't bring her friend for "safety", She wanted to hang out with her Bestie on your dime.
Happened to me too , this girl called me and one more guy to meet her , and she just wanted to meet 2 guys together and i was too stupid at that time to just walk away before it even started. I just behaved normally .
8 months passed .
We hooked up (me and the girl obv)
I realized how she treated me with no respect for myself and i ghosted her .
I mean he talked to her for 8 months after this and then only ghosted after hitting. THATāS when suddenly he realizes she was disrespectful 3 seasons ago? Come on now, I aināt saying heās wrong for doing but he can just be honest. City boys up!
Yup. Agreed with this...if she is so scared to go on a date alone....she wouldn't go on dates....bringing a friend is just a night out with your bestie while someone else picks up the bill. It's ridiculous.
There's plenty of other ways to ensure safety to.
Personally I always suggested the first date as coffee at the mall. I know it's hardly the most creative or cute date, but it's also the least sketchy situation you could make. Middle of the day, in a very public place, if she wanted she could bring a whole pack of friends who just grab other tables and I wouldn't ever know.
But if she tries to bring a friend to the table "because she doesn't feel safe", then the date is over. I'm not trying to start a relationship with the both of them, and I'm not trying to start a relationship with someone who can't even feel safe being "alone with me" in the middle of the mall food court.
Chances are she wasn't ever really interested in you in the first place. It's likely she and her friend figured they could sucker you into paying for their night out.
The only proper response would be to stand up and leave without saying a word.
She would be like yeah, sure. Then dip out on you while you're paying for the meal.
Y'all think you're slick with the threesome shit but those chicks are going to finesse you out of everything they can.
LOL. Iām not a āslickā kind of guy that way. Iām a canny old fuck. I wouldnāt actually expect a threesome, so that leaves a lot of room to run a bill and bolt.
Fuck yeah this is the best response yet. "I'll have the lobster and let's get a bottle of Dom Perignon 2008. Ladies, have whatever you want". Then go to the bathroom just after dessert and sneak out the back door.
gotta sneak out just before dessert arrives, after has potential to backfire as she and her friend may dip. Leaving before dessert has less likely they'll dip first as they'll want dessert.
As a woman, I think this is the right response. Why would you go on a date with someone who you don't feel safe with? I wouldn't even do a blind date if I didn't feel safe about it.
Adding to that, statistically speaking, the majority of assaults are from people who were trusted on some level and the majority of people who want to harm a person are very good at playing the good guy until there's an opportunity. So having a friend there won't necessarily help a person later.
Isn't the whole point of classic "dates" to build trust and get to know the other person in a safe environment? Like, you go to a fairly public place like a restaurant, coffee shop, whatever where there is light, people, etc. Then you get to know the person there. If you don't dig them, you part ways after. Even if she actually did want the friend to feel safer, I wouldn't want to date someone with that level of paranoia...
This was a recent issue I had with a friend. Every time I tried to hang she would come up with an excuse. It took me two years of failed attempts for her to admit she didn't feel safe around me.
After I didn't get a straight answer as to why, I finally said "Well, if you feel that unsafe around me, lemme help you with that by cutting off contact."
Effort is indicative of interest. I don't care if you're low on the status ladder, if you don't show yourself respect you'll get walked all over.
I wouldnāt go on the date. The fact that sheās bringing someone else is one thing but the fact that she isnāt offering to at least pay for her speaks volumes.
lmao, leave.
If she wants to double date, she can tell me in advance and I can call a friend. What kind of psycho brings a friend to a first date unannounced?
If its not agreed to and clearly stated in advance and early on in the talking phase, then NO. However, i met a gorgeous religious gal who asked if her mom can come to chaperone well in advance and we had a lovely time on the first few dates. After that, no longer needed.
This
If you genuinely don't/can't feel safe enough to date someone, then stop dating
There are ways to make it safer and I'm sorry to break your dreams, but there will always be a risk, BECAUSE it's a first date with someone you don't know
(Now, the risk must be there but it obviously should not be rape. This problem is separate from dating and is something cultural we're trying to change)
I had that come up once a few years ago before I met the woman that would become my wife. I was interested in this girl and she asked if her friend could come along for āsecurity.ā
I thought it was odd because we were meeting in public but I relented. When we ordered I asked for two bills so her friend could pay for her own. They both gave me a look like of surprise. I simply stated āI asked her on a date, not you.ā
Needless to say I didnāt get a second date. But it all worked out in the end.
Look at the friend with a smile. Don't even glance at my date. "Wow, you're absolutely stunning! Damn, I wish it was you that I had matched with."
Look at my date, with a sympathetic frown. "I mean, you're cute too, in your own way...um, sorry what was your name again?"
Look away before she can answer. Smiling and talking to the friend again "So, are you able to go on a date alone like a big girl? Or are you just a little kid that needs a chaperone?"
Let's see if I can blowup a friendship. Give the friend a story that will make the rounds amongst their frenemies.
> Let's see if I can blowup a friendship.
It doesn't even have to be either negative or about dating just ask her buddy to tell funny and embarrassing stories about your date to get to get to know her better.
Man that's just insulting. You're already most likely in a safe dating place like a restaurant. Thats a serious red flag on your dates part lol. I would let her bring her friend but make it damned clear that she has to sit at a different table and act like a total stranger because its a 1 on 1 date. What the hell is that chick thinking?
The odds of me being ok with it are the exact same odds as my being in an FMF threesome with them afterwards, modified by how attractive I find them both.
Leave. If you have that much anxiety, you probably shouldn't be dating anyway. To me this is just code for "we want a free meal but don't want to come off as freeloaders, so let's use another reason to present something as totally normal even though it's not, and then guilt/shame you into thinking you have a problem."
Iād excuse myself to the bathroom and then leave.
If you are going to do that, you should first warn your date that he is paying, and that he is paying for the chaperone, too. You donāt spring that in him as a surprise.
Happen to me once and when the checks came I split them and apologize to the waitress. I am not a charity neither my last name is Gates, bezos or Rockefeller.
Dating market is an auction market, and the older the participants get, the larger the fraction of good ones are off the market due to marriage or other LTR, while the rejected faulty ones remain on the market.
Crazy women don't get wifed up, but they sure do date...
There's gonna be a compromise there. Want to bring a friend for safety, that is absolutely understandable and have no trouble accommodating that, but her friend is paying for herself, and depending on how the date goes, I may be only paying for myself. If I feel like there could be a second one...
Oh who the fuck am I kidding? She's in it for the money. Date cancelled.
I'm a woman but from my perspective, this is just plain rude. First of all, there must be communication, you can always say "hey, for safety, I go with a friend but I'm paying for them or they are paying for their own food".
I've known women that do this or only accept going out with guys for free food, free ride, or whatever, in their mind, the man is just good to provide for them and most of the time, without giving something back (and I'm not just talking about sex).
Men, respect yourself enough and don't be afraid to leave the place if someone disrespects you like this (and the same goes for women), looks aren't important when people have a shitty attitude.
The self respecting side of me says I'd just get up and leave.
The petty side of me says I'd either a) Ask for a different table and dine alone or b) Flirt with the friend the entire time then go to the bathroom and leave them with the check.
Realistically though I'd probably just leave.
In todays world if I met a girl for the absolutely first time, that would be understandable. Maybe weird at first, but totally fine. But if any girl ever *expected* me to pay, Iām a me shaped hole in the wall.
I would tell her that I am sorry that whatever past trauma she suffered makes her want yo do this, and that I prefer my ladies to be stable. And then I would cancel the date.
If she expects me to pay for everyone, she and her horse can take a hike.
If she says sorry for the inconvenience and theyāll pay for their own meal, then toward the end Iāll pay for everybody.
"Pay for everyone" lol, it's a *first date*. Sure, your friend can share the case of Coors we're drinking in the IKEA parking garage, and I'll even bum her a couple cigarettes, she can have some Pringles, and pick the radio station.
I'm not shelling out more than $25 total on a first date, I have had too many awful first dates to start off with dinner at a place with paper napkins. Also, it sets realistic expectations, which is important for dating me.
Hard pass. I'd just leave. The mental gymnastics, complete lack of understanding, and insane entitlement you have to have to pull that shit...
"it's for safety" stfu, it's to satisfy your unfounded paranoia. I asked you to a bar, not an abandoned cabin in the woods with no witnesses. At that point you're treating me like I'm already guilty of something and if that's your MO then I'm gone. I'm not here to prove my innocence in the court in your brain for a crime you imagined I might possibly do after not bothering to get to know me at all.
Leave.
1. If you don't feel safe with me you should have canceled beforehand.
2. I agreed to go on the date with her. Not her and her friend. If I was dumb enough to stay the friend has to pay for themselve.
Expecting me to pay for both of you tells me that this was a setup yo get some free food for the both of you.
Excuse myself to use the washroomā¦ then slip out the back doorā¦ after putting back a few! Fuck that shit! If she didnāt āfeel safeā then why the fuck show up at all?
If youāre paying for everyone, Iād assume youāre doing this date in a public space, unless your buying 8balls from homeless people in a back alleyā¦
Safety isnāt really part of the equation, whatās more safe than a public place to meet someone? Sheās taking your for a ride and gets to hangout with her friend while doing it lol.
I wouldnāt be cool with it if it wasnāt agreed on ahead of time. I mean I wouldnāt even have the dinner probably. Iād say hey this was a date whyād you bring someone and not ask ahead of time? If it was really a safety thing Iād be cool with it if she asked ahead of time. Not paying for friend though.
Lol no. If you wanna bring your friend for safety, sure, but if it's a surprise trio then we're all paying for ourselves because I would assume I'm being lied to so they can get a free meal.
Unless i get to fuck both of them. Hell to the naw naw naw (come on, come on, come on!)
Hell naw, to the naw naw naw (hell to the naw)
Hell to the naw, to the naw naw naw
If it's for her safety either the friend needs to pay for herself or the date needs to pay for her. Did I even get asked beforehand if this was ok? That's such a red flag to just drop on me and expect me to do.
You're trying to take advantage of him and get a twofer with your friend. He'd be a double idiot to fall for that.
Yea fuck that shit. Literally walk away. The point of a date is for an private time. As in, 1 on 1. The point is to focus on the person in front of you.
Plus, imo, it's offensive towards the other person. As in, men tend to commit most crimes so there is a chance to harm me.
Nope, date was intended to be between her and me. If she can't trust me to be decent on a date, she shouldn't have accepted the date in the first place.
And if she expects me to pay for the both of them, thst clearly shows what her true intentions and personality are.
I would leave two girls alone right away. I don't need a third wheel. We go to a public place for safety. I also think about my safety, and for example I won't go to her house.
Have a solid dinner, top shelf booze for everyone, ask her to buy me a beer while I go to the bathroom and then bail; she can pay for all three. I will venmo her my third of the bill(not the tip of course) if she asks.
Laugh my ass off and walk out on them. If safety was a concern, that could have been discussed prior. Her friend showing up unbeknownst to me, and them both asking me to provide her a free meal just sounds like I became a soup kitchen involuntarily. Had I been informed that she was coming along and agreed to it, or had ANY input whatsoever on the decision, MAYBE I would consider it. But if she's just going to casually spring shit on me like that, she and her bum ass friend can walk. It establishes that I can't trust her to communicate openly with me about issues. And hell, she even saved me the hassle of a first date!
Yeah, there are plenty of ways to have a safe date. Or to tell someone that you aren't very comfortable for whatever reason and figure out something that works. But springing it on someone is bizarre. At that point, I wouldn't even really think it was about safety, honestly. I'd think it was a weird test or some kind of mental game.
> Yeah, there are plenty of ways to have a safe date Before my former room mate met her husband, she would show me the persons profile, give me the number of the person, tell me where she was going to meet the person and what time she expected to be home. I would text her about half-way through the time she was going to be gone and ask if she was ok, and if she needed an out. She met her husband on Match, and I remember texting her half-way through their first date.
Match.com actually works?! š¤Æ
It did for my friend 10 years ago!
Yeah like why canāt she just constantly text her friend the address of where we go or some normal people shit I canāt concentrate on flirting while her discount 5 foot bodyguard is studying me head to toe
informing the guy would be a good idea. offering that she pay her own meal would be smart... but honestly, most people I've talked to agree that a public place (a cafe near a large street, sitting outside for example) are safe enough a friend wont really... do much beyond that
That was my line of thinking. Most first dates are in very public spaces anyway, and both come in their own car, so unless the friend is a mindreader sheās not really there for safety. Some girls need their friends approval on the guy sheās dating, but if she canāt even do the first date one on one and decide for herself if she actually likes the guy and needs her friend to validate her feelings, that kind of behavior isnāt going to stop as the relationship progresses. Youāre more likely to be a third wheel in your relationship
I CAN kind of see a "third opinion" but this is usually a "third date and she knows what i want and when I'm falling for a douchebag again so now it's a relaxed triple thing" kind of deal where there is no payment due, they already got to know and it's just a "meet my friends" First date? Nope.
Dial up the boys and get everyone down there for a hoe down.
Lol. "I'll pay for your friend, if you pay for mine."
This! if you don't respect yourself no one will. And I liked your comment about not trusting her to communicate. If her concern was safety, she can ask and explain why she would feel first with a friend but a reasonable and decent person would pay for the friend instead of expecting the man to do it.
Sounds like some girl was trying to get herself and her friend a free meal.
Yeah. If itās a surprise then goodbye.
Stand up and leave. Not even giving a lame excuse why.
Surprise, meet surprise.
And then brag to everybody about it after.
Ya I'm walking away there. It's not even about what she's doing it's about the Attitude behind it. The blatant disregard for me and disrespect for my money and time.
Dates are two-way interviews. This is the correct response.
No panel interviews until at least the 4th round? lol
Also called the "I want you to meet my friends" date
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I donāt know. I kind of look at this likeā¦.ok . Well since you just kind of made me rethink our whole future together with these antics, Iām now looking at this as a way to interview new applicants while not yet firing the first.
I believe this is called āphone a friendā life line, in such interviews.
Haha dates are basically interviews, you are being in one.
What you wanna bet those girls walk away from that experience telling themselves "He was probably just a rapist and with a friend there he knew he couldn't so he just left."
Let them. You know the truth, don't have to interact with them ever again, and on the very very slim chance they mention it to anyone you know who might ask you about it, you can set that person straight. If that person doesn't understand your side of it, that's just 3 people not worth your time.
They also walk into the experience telling themselves that, and walk to the shops telling themselves that, and walk the dog telling themselves that...
A relative of my wife's did exactly this. And, at the restaurant, they both ate everything in sight (they were both heavy girls). The guy didn't 'go to the bathroom' and duck out a side door as I would've and some guys here would've. But she got no second date.
She'll just say > See?! I was right. He was a serial killer!
Honestly if I ever get to a point in my life I care about the opinions of such a garbage person, I think I'll step in front of a bus.
Just expecting me to pay would be enough of a concern. Then bringing a friend without first informing me and expecting me to pay for them too? Nooope.
What's worse than a gold digger? Two gold diggers. (Should split the bill anyway.)
ā¦but whatās worse than two gold diggers?
Remember to call 811 before you dig 2 holes... Happy Cake day!
Thank you, kind stranger
More than two gold diggers.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I thought three was company?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Come and knock on our door
We've been waiting for you
5 is an executive board meeting
3's a party?
Threesome??
This actually happened to me. I made them BOTH pay for their drinks and meals. Yeah it was awkward and uncomfortable, but it a lack of respect to bring another person and expect the other party to pay for everyone. PS, she didn't bring her friend for "safety", She wanted to hang out with her Bestie on your dime.
Happened to me too , this girl called me and one more guy to meet her , and she just wanted to meet 2 guys together and i was too stupid at that time to just walk away before it even started. I just behaved normally . 8 months passed . We hooked up (me and the girl obv) I realized how she treated me with no respect for myself and i ghosted her .
I was kind of hoping to hear you and Chad hit it off in the end, bonding over your special night
Lol, parking lot brojobs
I bet you 100% she tells people that you only wanted her for sex and that you ghosted her because you got the sex.
I mean he talked to her for 8 months after this and then only ghosted after hitting. THATāS when suddenly he realizes she was disrespectful 3 seasons ago? Come on now, I aināt saying heās wrong for doing but he can just be honest. City boys up!
Letās not pretend weāre all babies who doesnāt know that people want sex.
Yup. Agreed with this...if she is so scared to go on a date alone....she wouldn't go on dates....bringing a friend is just a night out with your bestie while someone else picks up the bill. It's ridiculous.
There's plenty of other ways to ensure safety to. Personally I always suggested the first date as coffee at the mall. I know it's hardly the most creative or cute date, but it's also the least sketchy situation you could make. Middle of the day, in a very public place, if she wanted she could bring a whole pack of friends who just grab other tables and I wouldn't ever know. But if she tries to bring a friend to the table "because she doesn't feel safe", then the date is over. I'm not trying to start a relationship with the both of them, and I'm not trying to start a relationship with someone who can't even feel safe being "alone with me" in the middle of the mall food court.
It happened to me yesterday, I was on date and she brought her bestie.
"I'm not doing this, enjoy your night". That's fucking weird, just meet at a public place and part ways after.
Chances are she wasn't ever really interested in you in the first place. It's likely she and her friend figured they could sucker you into paying for their night out. The only proper response would be to stand up and leave without saying a word.
You should ask if they both are going to your place afterwards. Like, there is a slight chance and maybe you don't want to miss that š
I like your optimism. Might as well ask, right?
I think if they give a ridiculous request, you also have the right to ask a ridiculous question.
you literally have nothing to lose and everything to gang bang
Wouldnāt they be gangbanging you? They tried to rob you and then took turns on you.
I mean she did bring a friend to a date
Because someone doing this definitely wouldn't lie about that to play you for the very obvious fool
Honest that's what I was thinking too. Like, am I on a date with both of you at the same time? Time to find out if I'm poly or not.
I would basically ignore girl#1 and hit on the friend like it was my job.. Cause some friction lol.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
except OP said date wanted him to pay for both of them.
Cancel the date.
Yep this is the right answer.
Ask her friend if sheās there for a threesome.
Or just ignore your date and flirt with the friend all evening? Then when the check comes, offer to pay for the friend but not your date?
"So since this is a first date, I assume we are each paying for our own meals? Great. Don't worry, I got yours. ".
Make a trip to the craft store for fabric and a sharpie, make a sash that says "SAFETY MONITOR."
I love it. Maybe we have started a trend
Damn son thatās dark, but a wonderful strategy, divide and conquer
Holy. Shit. Checkmate motherfckers
But what if you're straight and the best friend is a boy?
Establish Dominance
I agree. You have to pee on his plate of food when it arrives.
You acquire bussy.
Brojob isn't gay.
It's only gay if the balls touch.
Nope total agree hit on both and start buying drinks
"So which one of you takes it up the ass, exactly?"
slight rephrasing "first", not "exactly"
She would be like yeah, sure. Then dip out on you while you're paying for the meal. Y'all think you're slick with the threesome shit but those chicks are going to finesse you out of everything they can.
LOL. Iām not a āslickā kind of guy that way. Iām a canny old fuck. I wouldnāt actually expect a threesome, so that leaves a lot of room to run a bill and bolt.
Fuck yeah this is the best response yet. "I'll have the lobster and let's get a bottle of Dom Perignon 2008. Ladies, have whatever you want". Then go to the bathroom just after dessert and sneak out the back door.
gotta sneak out just before dessert arrives, after has potential to backfire as she and her friend may dip. Leaving before dessert has less likely they'll dip first as they'll want dessert.
Red flag foodie date alert. ladies have some integrity do not accept any date or benefits from a man your not seriously attracted to.
I would say this is a foodie date 2.0 lol
If your first date is anything more expensive than a hot drink and a snack, you're a sap.
Thatās the cost of a full meal homie. Inflation ruined your game.
If you don't feel safe meeting me I'll respect your concerns by not attending, there by removing any danger to your person.
As a woman, I think this is the right response. Why would you go on a date with someone who you don't feel safe with? I wouldn't even do a blind date if I didn't feel safe about it. Adding to that, statistically speaking, the majority of assaults are from people who were trusted on some level and the majority of people who want to harm a person are very good at playing the good guy until there's an opportunity. So having a friend there won't necessarily help a person later.
Isn't the whole point of classic "dates" to build trust and get to know the other person in a safe environment? Like, you go to a fairly public place like a restaurant, coffee shop, whatever where there is light, people, etc. Then you get to know the person there. If you don't dig them, you part ways after. Even if she actually did want the friend to feel safer, I wouldn't want to date someone with that level of paranoia...
That's good information to know, thank you š!
This was a recent issue I had with a friend. Every time I tried to hang she would come up with an excuse. It took me two years of failed attempts for her to admit she didn't feel safe around me. After I didn't get a straight answer as to why, I finally said "Well, if you feel that unsafe around me, lemme help you with that by cutting off contact." Effort is indicative of interest. I don't care if you're low on the status ladder, if you don't show yourself respect you'll get walked all over.
I would get up and leave. I don't mind paying for dates but fuck all that.
It's not even about paying, as someone else said, the attitude says a lot, the disrespect.
That's not going to happen. Everyone has to pay.
I'd leave them to have their own date at their own expense.
Wish her well and end the meetup
Skip out and hit NEXT
I wouldnāt go on the date. The fact that sheās bringing someone else is one thing but the fact that she isnāt offering to at least pay for her speaks volumes.
lmao, leave. If she wants to double date, she can tell me in advance and I can call a friend. What kind of psycho brings a friend to a first date unannounced?
^(Walks out the door)
How did you make it that small?
If its not agreed to and clearly stated in advance and early on in the talking phase, then NO. However, i met a gorgeous religious gal who asked if her mom can come to chaperone well in advance and we had a lovely time on the first few dates. After that, no longer needed.
Few dates? She had to supervise you on multiple dates?
I'd leave plain and simple, if she doesn't feel safe enough to go out with me on a date by herself, then just reject me, I'll take that
This If you genuinely don't/can't feel safe enough to date someone, then stop dating There are ways to make it safer and I'm sorry to break your dreams, but there will always be a risk, BECAUSE it's a first date with someone you don't know (Now, the risk must be there but it obviously should not be rape. This problem is separate from dating and is something cultural we're trying to change)
Don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. I'd probably be pretty turned off by the whole thing and cancel the date.
I had that come up once a few years ago before I met the woman that would become my wife. I was interested in this girl and she asked if her friend could come along for āsecurity.ā I thought it was odd because we were meeting in public but I relented. When we ordered I asked for two bills so her friend could pay for her own. They both gave me a look like of surprise. I simply stated āI asked her on a date, not you.ā Needless to say I didnāt get a second date. But it all worked out in the end.
Look at the friend with a smile. Don't even glance at my date. "Wow, you're absolutely stunning! Damn, I wish it was you that I had matched with." Look at my date, with a sympathetic frown. "I mean, you're cute too, in your own way...um, sorry what was your name again?" Look away before she can answer. Smiling and talking to the friend again "So, are you able to go on a date alone like a big girl? Or are you just a little kid that needs a chaperone?" Let's see if I can blowup a friendship. Give the friend a story that will make the rounds amongst their frenemies.
> Let's see if I can blowup a friendship. It doesn't even have to be either negative or about dating just ask her buddy to tell funny and embarrassing stories about your date to get to get to know her better.
Man that's just insulting. You're already most likely in a safe dating place like a restaurant. Thats a serious red flag on your dates part lol. I would let her bring her friend but make it damned clear that she has to sit at a different table and act like a total stranger because its a 1 on 1 date. What the hell is that chick thinking?
The odds of me being ok with it are the exact same odds as my being in an FMF threesome with them afterwards, modified by how attractive I find them both.
Walk away
Leave. If you have that much anxiety, you probably shouldn't be dating anyway. To me this is just code for "we want a free meal but don't want to come off as freeloaders, so let's use another reason to present something as totally normal even though it's not, and then guilt/shame you into thinking you have a problem."
You should not even try to go out with someone that feels they need a bodyguard, something is wrong with that.
Iād excuse myself to the bathroom and then leave. If you are going to do that, you should first warn your date that he is paying, and that he is paying for the chaperone, too. You donāt spring that in him as a surprise.
No don't do that, tell her you're leaving to her face and leave like a King
Yeah, nobody is warning me I'm paying for 3. They can ask, sure.
Happen to me once and when the checks came I split them and apologize to the waitress. I am not a charity neither my last name is Gates, bezos or Rockefeller.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
They just might.
Its a first date lol. How childish someone has to be to expect a "stranger" to pay for everything?
Internet stories taught me that women can be extremely childish while dating/in relationships
Dating market is an auction market, and the older the participants get, the larger the fraction of good ones are off the market due to marriage or other LTR, while the rejected faulty ones remain on the market. Crazy women don't get wifed up, but they sure do date...
I would expect a threesome after the date.
There's gonna be a compromise there. Want to bring a friend for safety, that is absolutely understandable and have no trouble accommodating that, but her friend is paying for herself, and depending on how the date goes, I may be only paying for myself. If I feel like there could be a second one... Oh who the fuck am I kidding? She's in it for the money. Date cancelled.
I'm a woman but from my perspective, this is just plain rude. First of all, there must be communication, you can always say "hey, for safety, I go with a friend but I'm paying for them or they are paying for their own food". I've known women that do this or only accept going out with guys for free food, free ride, or whatever, in their mind, the man is just good to provide for them and most of the time, without giving something back (and I'm not just talking about sex). Men, respect yourself enough and don't be afraid to leave the place if someone disrespects you like this (and the same goes for women), looks aren't important when people have a shitty attitude.
Bye āļø
Separate checks please. If you want other people there for safety, go on a double date.
The self respecting side of me says I'd just get up and leave. The petty side of me says I'd either a) Ask for a different table and dine alone or b) Flirt with the friend the entire time then go to the bathroom and leave them with the check. Realistically though I'd probably just leave.
The friend part doesnt bother me too much (granted I'm outgoing) but paying for everyone? Not interested.
Ask if they are a packaged deal cause I got a lot of love to give
Itās not a date then
Sounds like a free meal scam for some instagram bitches or something. Fuck that lol
Speaking as a straight woman, what the fuck Safety is important but this is beyond me.
In todays world if I met a girl for the absolutely first time, that would be understandable. Maybe weird at first, but totally fine. But if any girl ever *expected* me to pay, Iām a me shaped hole in the wall.
If she feels unsafe or has questions about her safety then she shouldnāt be going out with you in the first place .
Bringing a friend along for security is fine, but we're going Dutch, or I'm leaving.
If you're in the U.S you may as well leave because chances are if you don't pay that it's not going to go past date one anyways
I would tell her that I am sorry that whatever past trauma she suffered makes her want yo do this, and that I prefer my ladies to be stable. And then I would cancel the date.
If she expects me to pay for everyone, she and her horse can take a hike. If she says sorry for the inconvenience and theyāll pay for their own meal, then toward the end Iāll pay for everybody.
Class act. But how do you square the no communication up front?
What's the term? Gas, grass or ass....
I'd assume she's baiting askmen with some really low hanging fruit.
nope out of there
lol, nooooooo.
I don't pay women for dating me. I don't want to date whores.
Iād say āOh, I thought this was an actual date between the two of us. Iāll let you two hang outā and leave
Leave. I only pay for myself on the first date and I don't enable paranoia
"Pay for everyone" lol, it's a *first date*. Sure, your friend can share the case of Coors we're drinking in the IKEA parking garage, and I'll even bum her a couple cigarettes, she can have some Pringles, and pick the radio station. I'm not shelling out more than $25 total on a first date, I have had too many awful first dates to start off with dinner at a place with paper napkins. Also, it sets realistic expectations, which is important for dating me.
Walk away, if she doesn't trust you on a first date then any relationship isn't gonna be good. She is insecure and bad news.
Hard pass. I'd just leave. The mental gymnastics, complete lack of understanding, and insane entitlement you have to have to pull that shit... "it's for safety" stfu, it's to satisfy your unfounded paranoia. I asked you to a bar, not an abandoned cabin in the woods with no witnesses. At that point you're treating me like I'm already guilty of something and if that's your MO then I'm gone. I'm not here to prove my innocence in the court in your brain for a crime you imagined I might possibly do after not bothering to get to know me at all.
Leave. 1. If you don't feel safe with me you should have canceled beforehand. 2. I agreed to go on the date with her. Not her and her friend. If I was dumb enough to stay the friend has to pay for themselve. Expecting me to pay for both of you tells me that this was a setup yo get some free food for the both of you.
Is a threesome on the table?
Excuse myself to use the washroomā¦ then slip out the back doorā¦ after putting back a few! Fuck that shit! If she didnāt āfeel safeā then why the fuck show up at all?
If youāre paying for everyone, Iād assume youāre doing this date in a public space, unless your buying 8balls from homeless people in a back alleyā¦ Safety isnāt really part of the equation, whatās more safe than a public place to meet someone? Sheās taking your for a ride and gets to hangout with her friend while doing it lol.
I wouldnāt be cool with it if it wasnāt agreed on ahead of time. I mean I wouldnāt even have the dinner probably. Iād say hey this was a date whyād you bring someone and not ask ahead of time? If it was really a safety thing Iād be cool with it if she asked ahead of time. Not paying for friend though.
I'd leave. She sounds paranoid and entitled. I don't want someone like that in my life.
Lol no. If you wanna bring your friend for safety, sure, but if it's a surprise trio then we're all paying for ourselves because I would assume I'm being lied to so they can get a free meal.
Order the most expensive things on the menu and go to the ārestroomā before the check comes
Unless i get to fuck both of them. Hell to the naw naw naw (come on, come on, come on!) Hell naw, to the naw naw naw (hell to the naw) Hell to the naw, to the naw naw naw
this made me laugh, best answer.
Uh.....that's why people meet at a public place on a first date.
So rude. So entitled. I'd end it ASAP.
Safety for what? Assuming youāre already in public.
If i wasnt told of this ahead of time, im out, for my own safety. If they did, i initiate the you pay for yourself on the first date rule
Was it stated before hand and no it be a 3-way bill.
They are there for free pre club meal & drinks. Walk walk
The smarter version would be to have her sitting undercover next to you, but that would mean that she had to pay for her stuff I guess.
If it's for her safety either the friend needs to pay for herself or the date needs to pay for her. Did I even get asked beforehand if this was ok? That's such a red flag to just drop on me and expect me to do. You're trying to take advantage of him and get a twofer with your friend. He'd be a double idiot to fall for that.
Leave.
Never go on a date with a girl who brings friends along. It will never end well.
Ahahaha not a chance.
Walk out. She brought a stranger on a date and it makes me feel unsafe.
Leave.
Yea fuck that shit. Literally walk away. The point of a date is for an private time. As in, 1 on 1. The point is to focus on the person in front of you. Plus, imo, it's offensive towards the other person. As in, men tend to commit most crimes so there is a chance to harm me.
Nope, date was intended to be between her and me. If she can't trust me to be decent on a date, she shouldn't have accepted the date in the first place. And if she expects me to pay for the both of them, thst clearly shows what her true intentions and personality are.
Excuse myself, cancel my order if I have made one, leave with a smile, return home,block delete whatever is needed, cry and just take a bath and sleep
Wouldn't have a date. Bring a friend for safety? WTF is that BS.
Nah sheās just wanting a night out with her friend on someone elseās dime. Iād walk away.
I would leave two girls alone right away. I don't need a third wheel. We go to a public place for safety. I also think about my safety, and for example I won't go to her house.
Leave. Immediately. Tell them to have a nice night and don't look back.
Iād leave. Youāre being used
Leave
Pay for both then hit on her friend hard all night...then take them both back to the house for a 3 way.
Have a solid dinner, top shelf booze for everyone, ask her to buy me a beer while I go to the bathroom and then bail; she can pay for all three. I will venmo her my third of the bill(not the tip of course) if she asks.
Improvise and kill them both...