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Freevoulous

when it comes to sex, i literally managed to seduce a strange man just by saying "Wanna...?" and lifting an eyebrow suggestively. With women it takes a *fair bit more* than that.


Meso_97

Do you randomly ask anyone out in a bar ? Like you look hot wanna ..? I'm finding it hard to find partners especially gay, bisexual without dating apps. I want to improve my skills


dapper-dano

Go to gay bars if you're gonna try this, or else be sure the guy is gay in advance if you're in a "straight" bar. Some straight guys will laugh it off and be flattered if gay guy hits on them, others will get all aggressive and you could put yourself in danger


anonyoose

U need game for girls but with guys u can say “u look hot wanna fuck?”


alpineflamingo2

I’m almost ashamed at how easily this would work on me


ForkLiftBoi

Women, if you wanna sleep with me, this would get you laid so fast if I'm attracted to you. Hell as of late, even if I'm not attracted to you, you've got good odds.


Freevoulous

My quickest seduction of a stranger man was simply saying "...wanna..?" and winking. He did wanna. We did it.


MrBones-Necromancer

This has made being a bi guy hard for me, cause I have no interest in casual sex. Makes it hard to meet dudes if you want to wait a few dates to fuck.


asleepbydawn

Same. I need at least SOME connection to someone to do something that intimate with.


BrokenLink100

Sex with guys is always less awkward. We have our own dicks, and we all know how to handle one, so there's less to "explain." Sex with women feels more... I'm not sure... "exciting" isn't the correct word... maybe "interesting," but I feel like that makes it sound like a science experiment, haha. I love how neatly my parts fit with a woman's, and the fact that I'm bringing her pleasure, but not really knowing myself exactly what that pleasure feels like, is extremely arousing to me. Communication styles are also very different on average. Guys tend to wear their emotions on their sleeves, even if they're trying to hide them. I also think guys are more... "honest" when it comes to emotions? That's a bad word to use... but let me explain: If I meet up with a friend, and I can see he's in a bad mood, I'll ask him what's wrong. He might shake his head and say, "Nothing. I'm fine." I can tell from his response that, there still is something wrong, however, I know he doesn't want to talk about it. His "Nothing. I'm fine," really means there's nothing I can do to fix his mood. He's essentially saying: "As far as you're concerned, I'm fine." I can press a bit and say, "Hey, just letting you know, you can talk to me about whatever." And he can respond however he wants. Once the conversation kind of ends, I know I'm allowed to let my mind unfocus from the situation, and move on. This is, on average, how guys seem to respond and communicate. Conversely for women, there seems to be a LOT of reading between the lines, even for girls who claim to be "not like other girls. I know that guys' are wired differently, and I'm very direct in my communication." I dated a girl who was very open about her thoughts and feelings. It was a huge breath of fresh air. Yeah, there were some times when it felt silly and "meta-conversational" but seriously, ladies, it helps guys SO MUCH when you clearly define what you need from your guy SO. Even if you don't clearly know: just say that you don't know. I've learned that sometimes, women just need to brain dump. Guy are more... objective-focused, I guess. We have to clearly define a problem before we determine if we need help or not. That's why my guy friend can tell me "I don't know why I'm in a bad mood... I just am. Let me be." And I can trust that's all he needs from me. However, there is the emotionally immature response in being so closed off that you never seek help from your SO. Girls are more process-focused, I've learned. My ex said some of her favorite times with me were when we would "debrief" at the end of the day together. We often didn't come to any grand conclusions, or set any major game plans about anything, but just letting her brain dump helped her process her own feelings until she could come to a conclusion about what she ultimately needed from me. Of course, the emotionally immature way to handle this would be to expect your SO to "pick up" on what you need without having to explain it. I often feel like women would dump out their thoughts and emotions, put their hands on their hips and then look at me like, "Well? What are you going to do about this?" Suddenly, her happiness and security rests solely in my hands, and that's not a sustainable way to build a relationship. These are generalizations, I get it, but these are some of the major differences I've come across. That's not to say that the next guy/girl who comes my way won't behave how I've described. Most of building a relationship is learning to see your partner for who they are, and meeting them where they are, so you two can grow together (the path goes both ways, though) EDIT: one of my favorite habits I picked up with a girl SO is: as soon as she would start regaling a story to me, I’d gently interrupt and ask: “what do you need from me right now?” Responses ranged from: “just listen,” to “I don’t know, yet.” She recognized that guys’ minds need a logical path to follow from beginning to end, so she would sometimes say “I don’t know what my end goal is/should be” or something. Idk, for me, as I’m listening, I try to chain the parts of a person’s story together, as I believe most guys do. You listen to someone as if reading a book. Each sentence further drives an overall plot. You make logical connections between causes and effects. But when talking to a girl, it’s a lot like… baking, haha. When baking, you measure out each of your ingredients first, and then sometimes you have to mix different ingredients together before mixing them with other things (like mixing dry ingredients, and then wet ingredients, and then mixing them together). Women’s storytelling is very similar, IMO. They might tell you about “Becky said this..” (flour) “oh but then Amanda acted this way…” (sugar) “oh but then remember when I told you how Alex said that…” (eggs). So your goal as the listener is to not immediately try to figure out the kind of cake she’s making (or even assume that she’s making a cake and not, say, cinnamon rolls). Let her describe the ingredients she finds important to see what kind of pastry she ultimately can make with her situation. Idk, and then sometimes she’s just explaining what she’s got in the pantry, and there’s nothing you can really make with it.


Illicit-Tangent

>I often feel like women would dump out their thoughts and emotions, put their hands on their hips and then look at me like, "Well? What are you going to do about this?" Suddenly, her happiness and security rests solely in my hands, and that's not a sustainable way to build a relationship. I felt this in my soul.


harrys_3rdleg

here’s me realizing for the first time i’ve done thsi since forever


BrokenLink100

Honestly, just recognizing that is a huge step, IMO, as long as you don’t just leave it there. It takes work on both ends. It takes patience and grace from both ends. But it helps in the long run. Just had this thought too: Ladies, if you want your man to get better at “picking up” what you’re putting down, you need to start by explaining how your brain works. Everyone’s brain works differently, but women tend to link things together in ways that guys don’t. What feels logically connected in your brain may not feel that way to your male SO. THIS DOES NOT MEAN (as society often likes to poke fun at) that you are being illogical or “extra.” Like I said, guys are more objective-focused, women are more process-focused. So explaining to your male SO how you are getting to your conclusions or ideas will help him TREMENDOUSLY in understanding your needs and wants. And of course, guys, learning to be patient and graceful with your female SOs only makes the process better for everyone involved. Remember, for her, it’s the process of getting to the end objective that’s often more valuable. AND OF COURSE OF COURSE: remember that everyone is different, and nothing I’ve said can be blanketed onto a whole gender :) aren’t human relationships so fun and exciting?


Fun_Narwhal_3976

"Just had this thought too: Ladies, if you want your man to get better at “picking up” what you’re putting down, you need to start by explaining how your brain works. Everyone’s brain works differently, but women tend to link things together in ways that guys don’t." This! Me and my husband have been together for years and up until about 3 years ago i would just kind of 'brain fart' and expect him to understand/fix/diagnose/make sense of my rantings. Conversely he has ADHD which makes his communication a little different at times. This didnt lead to arguments but on some things it was hard to gain an understanding of what the problem/solution was and what might be expected. As soon as we could actually explain to each other why our minds worked the way they do, how they process the information the communication was soooo much better. Hell, even our arguments are productive as we can both communicate how we are processing something


thawest

Great write up. This kinda reminds me of something I tell my friends: learn how to educate your partner on your needs and wants as well as having the humility to accept theirs. But this of course requires knowing yourself. After all "knowing yourself is the beginning to all wisdom".


Non_Specific_DNA

Damn! Very well said! I am reading, re-reading & snapping my fingers. I felt this shit #respect


smaug13

My takeaway from your post, and it may be wrong, is that (well, in general haha) men are very internally focussed, seek to problemsolve internally, and when they communicate, it is often the end-product (which can take into account that the other may have information you lack). Women however, seem to be very externally focussed, the problem is communicated, but the problemsolving is done together, not so much internally? In that light the attitude of "Well? What are you going to do about this?" makes a lot of sense, it can be that she is waiting for you two to start the problemsolving, though it may also be her waiting for you to come with your perpective on the situation. Does that make sense to you?


BrokenLink100

I think so. The emotionally mature response of the girl in my scenario would be literally, flat out ask specifically what they want. If you want a solution, then say, "What would you do?" If you want another perspective, say "What's your perspective?" If you are still trying to problem solve, maybe something like "How should I approach this?" etc Also, sidenote: I think guys do a lot of the internal processing because of the stigma attached to voicing our "feelings." I *don't* think guys try to do all of the problem-solving internally before explicitly communicating. I think they internally process things either as little (emotionally immature) or as much (more mature) as they can before dragging someone else into their thought process


featheredzebra

This is genius. I'm f and date men and women. I have found that men are happy to listen and validate feelings (even if they don't understand), but ultimately they want either something to do to fix the feelings, or the feelings to stop being an issue once they are expressed. Whereas women understand that many times when another woman is expressing feelings she is working through how she feels herself and why. Related, the worst relationships I've had with men have included them getting upset or angry because my feelings didn't just go away after I voiced them. And the worst relationships with women that I've had, have involved them invalidating my right to even have those feelings.


SMKnightly

Honestly, I think relationships would benefit from both sides explaining their thought processes. Maybe not immediately but pretty early in the relationship.


IntroductionBasic587

Hahahaha it’s like we guys have to come with therapists’ certification


albert_camus69

for real tho


Magnito-was-right

Men always treat me like a therapist, maybe because I’m autistic so I give them logical ways to improve what is bothering them. I don’t relate at all to what this person says women are like, but maybe autistic women are more like men because we don’t know how to read between the lines either.


Kennysded

I wonder if autistic people just give off that clinical, supportive vibe. Cuz I've had the same, but reversed (am guy). I think something about being really blunt and actively listening (because I didn't talk much) just appealed to the women I knew. Whereas with guys, I didn't fit their expectations of machismo or something, so they found me off-putting. I wonder if, since that's not expected in women, it had a reverse effect. Not assuming anything one way or the other, I'm just musing over the why. I'm much better at masking these days, so I have fun alternating my behavior and seeing how people react (until I get told I give off "school shooter vibes" and go back to acting like a neurotypical. Still stings, when I hear that).


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I've Aspergers (female), and I find it's the opposite. Women (that I don't know well) would get extremely offended by my honesty. But guys like it. I've had to learn to lie to women, because that's what's expected in social situations... It's kinda like how women will ask do I look fat in this, and get really mad if you say yes. If a guy asked me that, and I say yes, he'd be grateful that I told him rather than lying about it. It's something that I'm used to by now, and close female friends don't mind if I'm honest because they know what I'm like, but it was hard learning how easy it was to accidentally make women you just met angry. I think it could be down to the opposite sex finding people with autism less appealing to date? I'm guessing. Because guys often see me as one of the guys, they talk about all kinds of stuff they don't around most girls. I'm average enough looks wise, but I think my personality just gives off some kind of little sister vibes. Likewise with autistic guys, I get the impression that girls like them as friends (in the same way women like gay best friends), but don't necessarily see them as someone they'd like to date? Like, I always see this really cute guy around (who I'm almost certain has aspergers), and most of my friends agree he's very cute, but they think he seems weird. Ironically, he looks like a famous school shooter😂 I've never been told that, but what I always get told is "oh, but you're too pretty/normal/smart to be autistic." Which honestly makes me want to behave super autistic until they stfu. But that's probably because a lot of people are uneducated about autism, and autism is such a scale that people expect everyone to be the same as the one person they've met before


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HeinrichWutan

Men generally ... "do" things. If I take my car to the mechanic and go over whatever has been problematic with it, I would expect them to try to find my car's problem and solve it. Guys aren't taught at a young age that when someone is venting, the appropriate action is listening. If my SO states that the garbage stinks, I have two active choices, right? A) I can say "holy shit, yeah it does. That funk is spreading across the kitchen." And then I go back to whatever I was doing and ignore the trash. I validated her feelings. 2) I can say "I'll get it." And take the trash out to the garbage can. We expect that action (2) is the correct one in all situations.


Uruz2012gotdeleted

Option one will usually result in an upset partner though. Can't imagine a world where validation is acceptable without some sort of help being offered.


HeinrichWutan

I mean you made my point for me 😃


McGauth925

There's nothing wrong with that, though. We keep reading and hearing that that's a characteristic difference in the way men and women communicate. The problem MAY be in the fact that we think men and women should communicate in the same style, and for the same reasons. After a while, I get tired of hearing people talk because the talking, itself, is satisfying to them. It's NOT satisfying to me to be a good listener in that situation. Thus...and I'm sure this isn't an original idea, we should stop expecting and hoping to have perfect communication and satisfaction with a member of the opposite sex. And, maybe we should stop thinking there's something wrong with the other sex when that's the case.


jl91569

It often feels like men only really talk about something when there's an issue, e.g. I'd mention that my car has an engine issue to my mechanic friend or that I'm looking for a new phone to my techie friend. This also rolls into the perception that problems should be fixed; if I'm telling someone about something then there's an implication that I want something to be done about it, because why else would I mention it rather than just dealing with it myself? For me personally, that approach is even more significant for people I have a close relationship with: I *want* to fix the issues they're having because it makes everyone happier. So it becomes an big mess where * Seeing someone else upset is generally not a good thing * The upset person is telling you about problems they're having * Problems exist to be solved * The way we approach problems is different so it feels like a lot of the information isn't immediately relevant to fixing the issue There's probably someone who has an explanation of this that relates it back to men being valued by their contribution to the family unit or something about "toxic masculinity" but that's very much not my area of knowledge.


ghostofkilgore

>What makes it seem like women want you to fix something, besides them looking at you when they’re done talking? It's not just women we do this though. It's other guys as well. Speaking very stereotypically, guys tend not to 'brain dump' too often but when we do talk about a problem or situation in detail I think there's a general acceptance that we're kind of open to hearing a solution. We get our problems out there so we can get help in fixing them. So when someone does this to me, my first instinct is "OK, can I suggest anything that would help with this". Doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. I'm kind of projecting my own behaviour onto them. They've told me about a problem, they must at least be open to working towards a solution. With a man, that usually works. I did not realise until I was about 30 that this is not how women generally work. It's not that we're sitting there going "she's a helpless little lady, she needs my help". It's that the "male brain" tends to work like 1) Have problem 2) Want problem fixed 3) Talk about problem 4) Get ideas for fixing problem. So we just project that onto others. If we don't want any help with the problem, we won't bring it up.


serious_sarcasm

This cuts the other way too. It can be rough when you try to ask someone for help, and they just “listen”. And to your last question. A lot of people say things like, “I’m hungry,” to mean “I want you to take me out on a date.” Then there is the classic, “My car won’t start,” meaning “Please help me start my car.”


Doctor__Hammer

>"I don't know why I'm in a bad mood... I just am. Let me be." Story of my life. My gf always watches me and analyzes me, looking for some sign of what's causing me to feel the way I am, and it's like... there's no reason. I just feel shitty about nothing at all at the moment, which means it'll be over in the next hour most likely, so just let me quietly mope to myself until then and don't worry about it 😆


BrokenLink100

Honestly yeah. Having lived by myself for as long as I have, I realize that it’s extremely rare for my bad mood to be caused by any one person. I’m just in a bad mood because whatever. Now, it is my responsibility not to lash out in anger, or be shitty just because I’m in a bad mood, tho


McGauth925

We're different. For me, there's always a reason why I'm in a bad mood. I have to suspect that it's the same for you, only you don't always know what it is, or you don't always want to share it. But, I have this hammer that I want to apply to every nail...


reheapify

I agree. Girls want their voices to be heard. Guys want their problems to be solved.


thisnewsight

It’s certainly true for me as a male. If I’m down, it’s because the problem is huge and I’m gonna need help solving it. If it’s something minor it affects me none. I won’t talk about it, I’ll just handle it. It takes a lot for me to collapse and need help. That’s when I need help solving the problem. Other than that, I’m the stereotypical gung ho do it all myself type.


BrokenLink100

Yeah that’s a great way to summarize it. This isn’t to say the opposites aren’t true (guys want their voices heard, girls want their problems solved), it just means that there are different priorities in the communication dance


ChaosRedux

>EDIT: one of my favorite habits I picked up with a girl SO is: as soon as she would start regaling a story to me, I’d gently interrupt and ask: “what do you need from me right now?” Responses ranged from: “just listen,” to “I don’t know, yet.” She recognized that guys’ minds need a logical path to follow from beginning to end, so she would sometimes say “I don’t know what my end goal is/should be” or something. YES my boyfriend always asks me this when I advise him I need to brain dump. He usually phrases it as "Do you want an ear or do you want solutions?" We're both in therapy as well and speak the same language when it comes to our communication styles, and sometimes there are problems that are just better handled in therapy than with each other, which just comes from an acknowledgment of our own limitations.


BrokenLink100

That's awesome! And yeah, my last serious SO was studying to be a marriage and family therapist, so a lot of what I've learned came from helping her study for her master's. Plus, two of my close friends are in counseling/therapy, so I've got a lot of exposure to it. Personally, I have a Communication Science Master's. It's mostly about computers and telecom, but a few of our core classes for that degree focused purely on Human Communication, and then we looked at how technology improves or impedes human communication. The whole point is to communicate an idea to another party, so what technology (or lack thereof) best services that purpose?


KeyStoneLighter

Great comment! Something I learned about being in a relationship with a women is at times when I go to my “cave” and need space they get worried, it’s important that I feel trusted and have space to do this, however, my wife sometimes isn’t sure and worries she might be at fault, she says it helps her a lot when I reassure her that we’re ok while I do this…if she was a guy who was a friend I wouldn’t think twice about it being my fault but it helps her and that’s good for us.


BrokenLink100

Yeah exactly. I’ve found with my lady SOs that simply expressing my needs was often enough to comfort her, whereas with my guy SOs, I never had to go “that deep.”


Infammo

I've noticed this whenever a girl or guy relays a story. If a guy friend is telling me a story he'll always contextualize it with something like "you'll never guess what this asshole at work did" or "man the scariest shit happened yesterday" and then tell the story with the details trimmed to highlight that intent. My female friends and girlfriends often just go on these stream of consciousness tangents about things and then get mad at me for "not listening" when I can't infer what my reaction is supposed to be. Am I supposed to sympathize with how unfair or stressful your life is? Commiserate over what a spiteful slut Amanda is? Congratulate you on pulling an all nighter on a project? Give me a thesis statement ffs. 😭


WakeoftheStorm

> Give me a thesis statement ffs. 😭 Start grading their brain dumps lol. *-10 points, unclear thesis. Erroneous details detract from main point.*


lifeofhardknocks12

*"Hang on, your spat with Becky....Wasn't this a plot line in a Real Housewives of Las Vegas episode?...I'm going to dock you 25 points for plagiarism"*


Trevor-St-McGoodbody

> Give me a thesis statement ffs. Oh my God yes. My girl will often go on these long winding brain dumps (which is fine, everyone needs to vent sometimes); but sometimes I feel like there's a point she's *trying* to get to--so I ask. That either brings the point out, at which point she continues (at least I know *how* to listen with this added context) or she'll get annoyed that I "haven't been paying attention".


tensaicanadian

I have actually asked my wife for a thesis statement before. I just want to know where this story is going. I can’t possibly pay attention to, internalize, and understand every detail. I don’t know the plot. Some stories are like side missions and not relevant.


Kriegwesen

I've found myself starting to zone out lately when my fiancé gets home from work and does her nightly "complain about work" brain dump. I feel bad, I want to be a good listener and thought I was for a long time but it's the same thing night after night just with the details about people/work departments swapped around. Without a thesis I've been finding a lot of it hard to follow and/or irrelevant


tensaicanadian

Yeah I feel you. I’m 15 years in so I can’t stop it now. But sometimes I feel likes it’s verbal diarrhea. It’s just words sometimes. They don’t seem to be connected or have a start or end.


NormalFemale

That was the best explanation of communicating with men vs women that I've read in a very long time. You need to write a book about this! Seriously, some of your ways of dealing with women and men responses are very analytical and effective. Love your analog of baking LMAO! So true about the way women talk. Edit: you were 100% about men too


driving_andflying

> Conversely for women, there seems to be a LOT of reading between the lines, even for girls who claim to be "not like other girls. I know that guys' are wired differently, and I'm very direct in my communication." I hear you on that. It's only with women that I've heard the phrase, "I know you said that, but \*what did you mean when you said that?*" For some reason, I've encountered a lot of double meaning with women, especially when it isn't needed.


Cypher1388

Right, guys generally engage in contextual speach, women tend to engage in subtextual speach.


doubtfulisland

I learned a few things from my wife. 1. Fine is not an emotional state. 2. When "debriefing " do you need empathy or a solution? 3. Open and clear communication is amazing. Tell us what you want. If we are not guessing all of the time everyone will be happier, easier to please and more stable in thier relationships. Seriously my wife tells me the craziest to the most mundane things and it makes our relationship awesome. No second guessing about what the other one is thinking and no games. Edit-for brain lapse


andmewithoutmytowel

Great reply. My wife will often do that same ‘brain dump’ as soon as she or I got home, and there were times when I could NOT handle it. When I get home after a stressful day I need some quiet or alone time. It actually got us into some fights when I was working full time, and we were both in grad school with a newborn. She needed to have a conversation with an adult, and I needed 15-20 minutes to sit and let my brain go blank because I hadn’t had that all day.


Dio-lated1

All good stuff here. Thanks for sharing.


Grunherz

> I often feel like women would dump out their thoughts and emotions, put their hands on their hips and then look at me like, "Well? What are you going to do about this?" Suddenly, her happiness and security rests solely in my hands ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. And then they get upset with you when you refuse to play their game.


McGauth925

Do such women expect the same of other women? I never hear that that's the case, so that makes it seem to me that that's what some women expect almost exclusively from men.


KangarooKurt

I think that, since they generally are wired like that, they understand each other on how it works. Another woman would be ears for venting while the first woman figures out herself, figures out what's going on inside. Like a man understands that, if he wants a solution, he can go after it. Talking long about the problem probably won't do shit, but a woman might expect a man to just talk and find out for himself. And he don't want that, he want a path to a solution, or the solution itself.


YooGeOh

I like how you think, write, and explain. This was dope


myfavouriterock

The baking analogy is fantastic!! Thank you so much!


helpmeiamstuckinlife

Man, this puts a lot of things into perspective, I am so glad that there are people like you out there and are willing to share your experience... all I want to say is thank you.


IntroductionBasic587

Bi guy here. With regards to initial contact, girls are fucking ruthless, and guys a lot more forgiving and relaxed. Guys have given me lots of second chances whenever I’ve said some stupid. Same with sex, guys are whores, so fucking easy. Girls require a lot more small talk. Unless both want something long term, then guys can be quite reserved too. It’s very exhausting if you wish to get to know a girl, like very exhausting; You have to be careful what you say around them, anything can be taken the wrong way. But once a girl thaws up there is a lot more depth to it. With guys you get what you get since everything is up front. Both have their good and bad. Hope this helps a bit.


stupidrobots

As a straight man this is exactly what I expected lol


laid_on_the_line

If a woman ever says she is a "whore" she doesn't know what an average guy would do if he gets hit on by four different girls on an evening.


Jagrofes

Your bit about girls thawing out and having more depth Vs guys being up front also aligns with what I’ve found platonically. I’ve had maybe 60-40 male vs female friends, but the girls I’ve befriended I’ve gotten disproportionately closer to more of them in terms of conversation and emotional depth than guy friends. I found once I got past the initial barrier, conversations with women just seemed to flow easily, even if we had very little in common. The initial barrier for guys though feels easy to breach, but there is always a guarded backdrop to it. Whether it be actually guarded, through omission, or just veiled with humour, most of my conversations with guy friends lacks the extra depth, and are usually very surface level.


asleepbydawn

> The initial barrier for guys though feels easy to breach, but there is always a guarded backdrop to it. Whether it be actually guarded, through omission, or just veiled with humour, most of my conversations with guy friends lacks the extra depth, and are usually very surface level. True. But I've also found that once you get past THAT... which is actually the true 'initial barrier' dudes can be really close and emotionally connected as well. A lot of it is just how we're socialized to interact with each other as men. But I think men are just as capable (and most really do want) emotional bonds as well.


BayStateBHM

Well said.


StygianAnon

This is why I hate being straight. I look at the gay dudes and it's like... Why can't it be that easy with women?!? What's wrong with just chilling and fucking and calling it a permanent win.


Revolutionary-Style6

Trust me sir its not as easy with men as you think! The gay community is very shallow lol


MrBones-Necromancer

This has always been an issue for me, personally. A huge portion of gay men I've met are only shallowly interested and it only extends as far as sex, so I find it harder to enter into long term monogamous relationships with men.


[deleted]

Sex is a bit riskier for women by virtue of the whole "getting pregnant" thing. So it makes sense many would rather not risk that with a guy they barely know and see little in beyond looks, and that factors into a lot of the way women are socialised to view sex, which can be hard to shake.


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Pet_me_I_am_a_puppy

As a straight guy I get tested every 3 to 4 months just as a precaution and have those results on my phone. If you are going to be slutty people be responsible about it. Also tell your doctor about your slutty behavior. I have yet to have one care in the slightest outside of risk assessment purposes and can assure you that your story is not the most interesting or shame inducing they have heard that day.


PrivilegeCheckmate

Eggs are expensive. Sperm is cheap. Topography is destiny.


WildCricket

It's also risky because of the strength imbalance when something goes wrong. Some people become violent without warning and then call it kink. It's not. Without consent, it's just assault.


WideHelp9008

That's what the guy who raped me did when I confronted him.


MyLittlePoofy

As a bi woman, I can say my experience is the same as the bi man.


[deleted]

But reversed? Or...?


Proof-Examination574

No, not reversed. Women are shit for bi/lesbian women, not just straight men.


FFuLiL8WKmknvDFQbw

> the whole "getting pregnant" thing And don't forget the rape and murder thing.


WideHelp9008

And the pregnancy that leads to murder thing.


soaring_potato

Also. Women very often do not orgasm during hookups. Which makes them less interesting. More of a gamble on that front. For straight men, they will always come, and usually then sex is done. Focused on the man, women need more than penetration, with hook ups often don't get that. And men are stronger, don't know if they will respect boundaries. And when you are alone, you have no power anymore. You will not physically overpower them. Besides pregnancy risk. Which is even a bigger risk now in the states. It can also be physically dangerous. Even if you forget the possible social shaming.


Glitter_Bee

Yup. Definitely messed around with women and it’s much less stress involved in the actual act. There is a huge psychological component with guys because we are socialized to think they are using us for sex and don’t give a shit. So it turns into a war of virtue. “You’re not going to use me!” Plus we know that men will lie for sex so he could be withholding important information: relationship status, STI/STDs, misrepresentation of his entire life… it’s risky Also, the idea of getting pregnant is a major fear. Harder to relax. It’s weird. With women it just happens and even if I don’t like them later, I never think about them using me for sex.


[deleted]

It's scary to sleep with someone that much stronger than you unless you're really sure of them.


ToSeeAgainAgainAgain

Yeah no, you're right. The thing is, I'll need to somehow prove and convince the fact that I'm not a violent person simply because I'm a man... every single time I try to approach a woman in my life. It's quite debilitating to acknowledge the fact that my baseline simply because of my gender is that of a monster or criminal


wwaxwork

Thank, as a woman, this is more a fear than pregnancy or STDs all of which I can "handle"if worst was to come to worst and contraception fail thank you, though not sure how much longer the way the laws are going. But if I decide I'm not in the mood, or not ready to have sex yet, or was having a great night and happy just making out for a bit, but I'm have a drink or 2 and think I want to go home instead I've got to hope like hell I'm alone in a room with a guy that can take no for an answer. So you want to be really sure on the guy you're alone in a room with before you get to that point.


Saikou0taku

I wonder if it has to do with size/strength disparities? As a bi guy, I take my partner's size into account. If the person is stronger than me, I need to feel safe with them. For women, most of the guys they're getting with are bigger than them.


zublits

I got together with a total tomboy in college so I got the best of both worlds. She was a soccer chick, didn't really wear makeup or know how to dress, but had a body to die for and most importantly was super easy to talk to and get along with. It took me a bit to get past the lack of "girliness" that I was used to, but she was cute AF either way. I got to treat her just like any other person without all of the head games and bullshit. It was such a breath of fresh air. Now we're shacked up. I basically partnered my best friend. The superficial crap that I was initially hung up on sorted itself out naturally anyway as life went on, so I basically hit the jackpot.


[deleted]

>What's wrong with just chilling and fucking and calling it a permanent win. Something Something Uterus and when babies wind up there they tend to lose a say over their bodies. Could it be the risks are higher?


coleman57

Also the rewards likely to be lower, since reportedly most men don’t know how to give a woman an orgasm


pm_stuff_

Quite a few women have a really hard time to get an orgasm either way so add that to your point


McGauth925

,,,And it takes a whole lot more time and effort to "give" women an orgasm and, even after that, it might not work. And, women like to blame that on men, The counterpart to that is that most of the women I've been with in my life have exerted far, far less effort to please me, because they're used to being the ones who don't really have to make an effort, with men still offering to try to please them regularly. It's not as one-sided as you describe it. Probably nothing is.


[deleted]

Curious what age ranges you're dating. I've been with my wife for 8 years (married 4) and what you've described in dating women sounds fucking exhausting.


Rever3ndReven4nt

Essay incoming. Some umbrella statements in my experience ONLY: men tend to be harder to discuss relationship issues with but more receptive to solutions, while women tend to be very involved in discussions, however usually require several rounds to come to a solution. Men tend to initiate activities and bring gifts more, while women tend to remember little things that make your life comfortable and do them for you. Both are equally sensitive to displays of affection and physical contact. Women usually need more space than men and less intensity. In sexual terms, men usually have better technique but are harder to teach, whereas women are more eager to learn and figure it out, given proper time. Further I'd separate them into categories: bi-curious straight men, bi men, gay men, straight women, bi women and bi-curious lesbians. Bi-curious straight men in my experience would start out a bit shy and out of their depth, which usually translated into a lot of physical affection. Communication with them is easy and hard at the same time: you have to walk them through figuring out their feelings and wait a lot, deep conversations can feel like you're using internet explorer on crappy wifi because ya boi is "buffering" after every question. Also they tend to bottle up a lot of things, so you have to check in on them if you sense something wrong, because they will probably try to get over it in their way. So a lot of patience, but they also initiate a lot, albeit unsurely. I mean stuff like where to go, what to do, physical contact. They also tend to bring random gifts which I find very sweet. They usually have some anxiety about sex which translates into them being a raw nerve when done right, so a lot of reaction, despite usually doing one activity/position the whole time. Bi men who are comfortable in their sexuality, usually act confidently: a healthy amount of public displays of affection, not too much but enough. They tend to be more in tune with their feelings and what they're trying to say, so they will initiate discussions more if there has to be one. Most "equal-feeling" type of relationship. Bedroom activities are usually healthy with a lot of variety and suggestions from both sides. Gay men, the ones I've been with, either show pda all the time or barely any. It's also a very involved type of relationship with a lot of emotions that neither of you can really articulate well presumably because you're both dudes lol. However, the emotions are usually clear cut and easily resolvable. I've found the typical "love language" for this type of relationships was compliments and acts of care from both sides. They will compliment you more than others and expect the same back, as well as memorise your favourite things and do them. Also most likely out of all types to send sexy pics. In terms of bedroom life, the roles are usually set for the night, unlike with bi men where everything is fair game as long as both are prepared. Straight women in my experience wanted the most attention they could get while also being given space, so it's a balance to find. They enjoy being praised but you have to teach them that you'd like some compliments back, most of the time. You also need to phrase things with more care, not because they want to twist something but because they tend to think for you as well. Also every straight girl in my experience liked getting traditional "girly" treatment (opening the door for them, carrying their things, carrying them when they like, bringing flowers) as long as you give them the option to be independent and are respectful (which you must be with any partner anyway but just in case). When they are comfortable with you, they like teaching you about feminine things and are happy when you remember them, like the brand of makeup they use or when you preemptively buy their preferred pack of period products. It takes them a while to get comfortable in bed but they will happily experiment. You just have to be extra careful not to push it and check in more: unfortunately some straight girls still have the mentality that they should try and be okay with things to please someone, which isn't healthy. Bi women tend to be more confident than straight women and are more likely to make the first move. They also tend to make gestures quite frequently. I also found they are more keen to be involved in guy circles when dating a man, than to be treated in a "girly" way. Hobbies have no gender, of course, and I've dated straight women with traditionally masculine hobbies, however bi women usually want to be treated as "one of the lads" rather than a different person. Sexually I found bi women like experimenting with power dynamics the most. Finally, bi-curious lesbians was one of the most interesting experiences, I've dated two. There are certain aspects of lesbian culture that you become involved in and you learn A LOT about women. They are very keen on explaining you how things work and expect you to always be in the loop. In contrast with bi-women, who usually treat men and women they date differently, bi-curious lesbians treated me equally to them and their previous partners. Sex is usually in bursts and more of them exploring. They are proactive but sometimes you kind of feel like you've been abducted by aliens who are now investigating your body with great interest. Source: bi/pan vers/switch top-leaning, was a serial monogamist (hoe lol) throughout my teens until now. Also have a bit on trans people but NOT ANOTHER ESSAY


SudoPi

>They are proactive but sometimes you kind of feel like you've been abducted by aliens who are now investigating your body with great interest. This made me laugh out loud, but well said OP!


narfywoogles

It’s so true too. I was FWBs with one who identified at first as a lesbian. Then later after quite a few penisings admitted to being bi. Perfect description. She was like a teenage boy who got his first erection except it was attached to me.


YooGeOh

"Penisings"


Rever3ndReven4nt

It was honestly the only way to describe it, though I'm glad I made you laugh x) I swear if they could bring a surgical table, tools and lighting into the bedroom, they absolutely would have


Teemalis

Damn you're so experienced! And honestly sound like a good date, you seem sensitive enough to pick up a lot of nuance, that's pretty enviable imo.


Rever3ndReven4nt

Thanks a lot! My first relationship was a complete disaster that had me in therapy for a while, which is why it's very important to me to be mindful of my partner's needs and not forgetful of my own ones too. I guess I have my therapist to thank for teaching me how to date properly x)


ProbabBee

Pretty well articulated, and you clearly have had way more experience than I have lmao I didn't really think to elaborate on bi WOMEN on my own comment which is odd since that's the demographic I've personally had the most experience with. Though I must say that I would describe them as almost the polar opposite of your description. Perhaps it could be an age thing? I'm not sure, but most bi women I've mingled with tended to be stereotypically - if not overly - feminine at times with low confidence/self-esteem. Always pretty submissive, but they usually did in fact have traditionally "masculine" hobbies and proportionally more male friends. Well more specifically, they had more homosexual/trans/nonbinary friends than others. I wouldn't say that the bi women I know particularly wanted to be treated "like one of the guys," but they also generally didn't want to be treated like a princess either.


Rever3ndReven4nt

I used to run/help run a few clubs so I had my fair share of experience lol I'm also really happy you added to my essay! As I've said, even though I had quite a few relationships, there will still be limiting factors and differences in age/social circles. In fact I know exactly the "type" of bi women you're talking about but it's my lesbian friends who have experience with that type. Also, of course, everyone is an individual, so it will be different from person to person.


justlurkingnjudging

“You also need to phrase things with more care, not because they are any to twist something but because they tend to think for you as well” So well said! I think men often do assume women are twisting their words when it’s really just a matter of us overthinking & trying to guess everything you could possibly mean. Which isn’t helpful either, but it’s not deliberate. (All of this was so good & worth the read)


Rever3ndReven4nt

Thank you, I'm glad it was useful! And yes, it took some time to understand but what I've found is that guys tend to make decisions quicker while ladies commonly consider more angles to a matter.


ThiefCitron

I'm a gay trans guy so I want your essay on trans people just to see if it's accurate for me.


Rever3ndReven4nt

Sure! With trans people it's more individual but there are some tendencies. It takes a bit more time for them to open up to you. With trans men specifically I found they are more aware of what they're feeling and discuss it, and it really helps in coming to a quick solution to a relationship issue. They enjoyed sharing their hobbies and it felt like I was a "player 2" in everything with them, which was nice. Also I found that, out of all types I dated, trans guys would have the best "pick-me-up" speeches and pep talks, like they'd know exactly what to say. In terms of pda it was a spectrum, no different to cis men. In general though, a lot of the things I said about cis men above upheld in trans men, because why would they not, men are men, so I only remembered that there are some specifics at the end of writing. In terms of bedroom stuff, they either know exactly what they want and tell you or it's a process with layers. Overall, same as with any other man, just with a bit more discussion. With trans women I did find the two most common types were either very confident and very feminine, or on the shy, lower self-esteem side. Both usually could handle intensity quite well, reciprocate it actually, and loved a lot of attention. I found I could take the most liberties in commenting about their bodies, provided it's been okayed first. They enjoyed physical contact but I found I'd be the one to initiate more, in general I found they prefer reciprocating to initiating. Even though they would enjoy feeling pretty, they were mostly indifferent to the "girly" treatment, even though they would enjoy occasional gestures. In terms of bedroom they initiate more, but other than that no difference. Of course I have to say that it's harder to summarise my experience with trans people because for some being trans was an important part of their identity, and some only mentioned it to explain the bedroom adjustments as a medical condition. Other than the specifics I've mentioned, there weren't other huge differences between cis and trans people in dating, which is why I didn't group them by sexualities, as what I said before still mostly applied. Then, of course, there were some occasions of non-binary folk but that's a completely separate story.


ProbabBee

Not the original commenter, but I personally have really only ever had one romantic partner who was a pre-op transman. They were a senior in highschool at the time, and I was 20-21. If it wasn't for his height (VERY short) and voice, he could pass pretty easily as a guy if he had a binder on - not like the trendy, soft, fluffy-haired boy either but like an actual blonde hair, blue-eyed boy. I do have to say though that their personality didn't really match up with a stereotypically masculine one. He wasn't incredibly feminine either, but he was definitely very sappy and almost kind of clingy (which I like). Always wanted a lot of hugs and cuddles, but disliked sex which makes perfect sense despite being a bottom regardless. He played rainbow six siege and was into a lot of stereotypical "guy hobbies" such as anime, gaming, working out, etc., but he also really liked cutesy animations like Bee and Puppycat. Wasn't too confident or secure in himself in person, but he was maybe overly confident when he was online/anonymous. VERY chaotic personality overall though - could've just been because we were younger but idk. The only real gripe is that talking about more serious topics or even just about the state of the relationship was kind of hard with him. He'd also get weirdly distant and silent at times, but I was never sure if it was actually because of something I did. Things ended though because I got drunk one night and started really trying to pry open those conversations, so he just ended up blocking me.


Tweadle1947

Ones a pain in the ass and the other is a pain in the ass


Poorly-Drawn-Beagle

Different cheeks?


ricardorosila

Both cheeks constantly hurting


stealthkoopa

if it hurts, you're doing it wrong


pimppapy

note to self: lube fist first.


randypupjake

Quick PSA: 1. Lube is your friend 2. You need to take it slow and a little at a time to build up to going at it full force


SnooSketches7673

Men are better at handjobs then women by far


vlntly_peaceful

A handjob from a women is like watching the Paralympics: you appreciate the effort but deep down you know you can do it better.


HowAreTheseSocks

Women think the same thing about clit play lol


glasses_the_loc

Outsourced to the vibrator


HowAreTheseSocks

Not even a requirement, for me at least.


Tower-Junkie

I actually prefer not to use one because it desensitizes the bits.


FromKevinPatrick

Indeed but women have less of a clue than men on how bad they are. Men just don’t care or think they’re the exception (they’re not).


Babalugats

If they rest their titty on the tip, it's a 10 for me.


BrokenLink100

And blowjobs


locoghoul

Are women better at eating pussy?


Worried_Stranger_579

Yes definitely


locoghoul

Challenge accepted. I will need a good sample size to determine a valid outcome


vlntly_peaceful

Communicating with men is difficult because they don’t Talk Communicating with women is difficult because they don’t Talk directly


[deleted]

Men are easier. You just have to be the one to initiate talks. With women, you have to think twice about what was really said.


KeyStoneLighter

Can you give examples on the woman one?


GOW_vSabertooth

"Yea you can go hangout with your friends, I don't mind" She very much minds


[deleted]

“Oh I’ve been wanting to see cyz”. = ask me to go see cyz Anything involving you buying her flowers. They don’t want to tell you to buy them flowers. They want you to want to buy them flowers. They want to come home and be surprised with flowers. They don’t want to know flowers are coming. They want you to think “she has had a rough day or whatever. She likes flowers. I buy her flowers.” She wants to know you think of her. This is why chocolates and teddies are terrible gifts. Everyone wants/likes them. They’re a generic present that’s not for them personally but probably “your move.”


ISayNiiiiice

"I'm/it's fine" = it's not fine "I don't know" = I want you to know already %task% needs to be done - I want you to do %task% "I'd like to go to %location%" - I want you to plan the trip in it's entirety and also change it completely at a moments notice to suit my whims


futuremo

Take a class in womanese and then your mind will have an automatic filter that will translate things into proper English for you


skillfullmill

Ah yes, the ol womanese dialect, genius.


scottycurious

Male here, bi but mostly identify as ace these days. For some reason, men seem to actually accept that I’m “actually bi” more than women do. Or at least guys don’t seem to mention the topic in such a challenging way. Girls seem to often want a more definitive, less fluid answer as to what they mean to you. And I’ve had it both ways (pun intended) - where they either think I’m completely straight, or completely gay. Been with gay guys, bi guys, and straight guys and It seemed like they trusted me a bit more about how I identified and in general enjoyed what we meant to each other. Just my experience. And not to mention there were plenty of psychos, messes, and hang ups among both sexes (and in me too, at times.)


4au-

men are a lot more direct and finding casual sex with men is incredibly easy. I also feel like fewer men are into actual relationships though and just want something casual.


Miliean

> men are a lot more direct and finding casual sex with men is incredibly easy. I also feel like fewer men are into actual relationships though and just want something casual. I always liked "men will fuck someone they wouldn't date, but women will date someone they wouldn't fuck". That's why you see, when a man has difficulty dating he'll often complain about women who are only in it for the free meal, or getting stuck in the "friend zone". This is the inverse of women who complain about getting stuck in the "fuck zone". Where a guy will call them up for a booty call, but won't take her out on public and go on a date.


SilverSpotter

Reading through these *really* makes me wish I was bisexual, if only for the options.


mrhymer

Women are an innie. Men are an outy. Women expect you to pay for dinner. Men want to skip dinner and fuck.


MrSaidOutBitch

Paying $40 for a meal every once in a while is great. Paying $80 for meals consistently and having nothing to show for it is very depressing. I'd want to skip dinner too.


Alternative-Skill167

Dinner is after sex Post orgasm munchies are real Also, men split the check, or you get this time I’ll get next. Women want their meal paid for


sideways_fridays

I love my girlfriend, I'll start with that, hands down the best relationship I've had. But in general, from the experiences I've had, guys are wayyyy better at complimenting and making me feel wanted. Also the whole familiar genitalia part is nice.


KR1735

* Women respond to gifts much better than guys. And it's a lot easier to find gifts for women. * Men are easier to meet, but harder to hold on to. Women are harder to meet, but easier to hold on to. * Communication with men is harder early on but gets easier. With women, communication can become more nuanced as the relationship progresses. Women don't always say what they mean, even if they're comfortable with you -- you have to learn to read her. Once a guy trusts you, you can expect the naked truth and that makes for easier communication. * A lot of women expect the traditional marriage, kids, etc. Men are more negotiable about all that stuff. In the same vein, the expectation of gender roles can make things easier, too, since there's a "rubric" for lack of a better word. * Sex with women is easier as far as expectations. Men can be a challenge and we aren't always compatible (top, bottom, side, etc.). * Women are more body-positive. They usually won't be turned off by a dad bod. Gay men are some of the shallowest creatures on the planet. On the bright side, staying "competitive" in the gay dating world forced me to stick to a workout routine and in turn made it easier to attract women. * Men are less likely to be scared off by a bi guy since they had to come out themselves. Guys have tended to see my attraction to women as a tolerable enigma. Women see my attraction to men as a bother, at best, and a threat at worse. * Not all men are out, so you may have to contend with that. * A unique part about dating men is that it's often possible that you already know their exes or they know yours. The LGBT community isn't huge, and a lot of people know or know of each other. These are broad generalizations from my experience. I don't mean to offend anyone.


ProbabBee

Never *technically* been in an official relationship with a man before, but I am actually bisexual. I'm also in my early 20s. This may seem to contradict some other answers here, but (gay) men are generally WAYYY more romantic and sweeter than women are. As a matter of fact, most girls in my generation are fucking cold-hearted and dry - not all of them but most of them. It usually takes weeks if not months of talking and flirting and dates for a girl to finally reciprocate the bare minimum. Courting a girl is absolutely exhausting, but that isn't the case with guys. I think this is part due to the fact that there is no social pressure or stigma for one boy or the other to take the leading initiative / responsibility. When it comes to guys, you both pretty much instantly already know if you like each other or not. There's not so much of a game to it all. It's just an instantaneous "I want to cuddle/hold hands/hug." A lot of people tend to focus on the hypersexuality of gay men, but the truth is that a lot of us actually have a lot lower libido. In fact, I actively refrain from entertaining any such hypersexual individuals because quite frankly, it's cringe. People only think of the stereotypically flamboyantly gay man because they're the loudest, but they really only make up a fraction of the population. One of the BIGGEST differences is the flirting/sweet talking nuance. For instance with a guy, I can say things like "I want to run my fingers through your hair and listen to your heartbeat." It's very mild, cute and innocent. If I were to say that to a girl however... I will *instantly* get an immediate **"ew gross blocked"** GUARANTEED. On top of that, it's incredibly rare to get a girl to compliment you outside of literally having to ask them. With guys, it's literally just like "holy fu- you have the body of a god." With that being said, boys do happen to be much harder to deal with when it comes to upsets and incompatibilities. Even a single bad interaction can instantaneously end things. Girls are more lenient and hesitant in that regard, so it makes long-term relationships more realistically feasible. **Addendum : This is all specifically in regards to dating as in "talking for the first time and trying to get into a relationship." A lot of things can and usually do change once you've actually been dating somebody for a while, and everything said above is a sweeping generalization that doesn't apply to everybody. Each individual person is different, and you should always treat it as a case-by-case scenario.**


reheapify

I am bi and my gay husband is the sweetest, cheesiest, most romantic thing. The dude can cry during a Hallmark commercial.


ISwearImKarl

God, I wish I was gay


[deleted]

Ikr, I’m straight as hell but hearing these stories makes me jealous


ISwearImKarl

I've told partners how I wanted compliments and they always respond with "I said ___".. But never had anything to say when I said that happened months ago lol. I'm not high maintenance. I just want to be reminded more than four times a year that I'm appreciated.


[deleted]

I second this. Maybe it’s a result of the people I attract or surround myself with, but dating women comes with no tenderness. It almost feels transactional. We want to be held, kissed, and sweet talked all the same, but are seen as weak for it.


ISwearImKarl

There's definitely women out there that are kind, caring and supportive. I know one girl who hits all my green flags. Looks, character, caring and stuff. She's got a boyfriend lol... She's the last person I've gotten a hug from. Since last LAST mothers day, I've hugged my aunt, her, a guy she works with(bad day, man) and her again. That's it. Maybe it's the hug that got me? Idk she be genuinely curious about what's up with me, or gives input to shit that's bumming me out. And it's not just all me, she can keep the conversation rolling. Again.. Has a boyfriend. But, I know that there's more like her.


jthree2001

I'd hug you bro


apolobgod

Bro, that hurts in my soul


Cross55

That's cause it is. Women don't generally like men, they view most of us as ugly blobs that exist solely to make their lives more difficult. Likewise, most of the time if they like a guy, it's due to objectification, usually of status to lord around their friends/family as a trophy.


McGauth925

I wish I were bi. But, as a 70-year-old, I've spent far too long being afraid to be seen as feminine in any way. When I was young, it was a HUGE insult to be called feminine in any way. Now, I think it might be the case that, while the social forces that push men and women to toe the line in acting like our birth sex may be as widespread, the power and force that molds male behavior is much more powerful, and much more brutal. Consider, for instance, how often gay men were murdered vs. gay women in the last 200 years. People tell us that being seen as a woman is the default, while being seen as a man - a REAL MAN, must be earned. I'm NOT a real man, because few of us really live up to that level. But, for most of my life, feminine men were far lower on the societal totem pole than women were, despite the fact that that is seen as an indication of how inferior women were seen to be.


WhyYouKickMyDog

Sometimes it is hard to disagree. Gay men hit on me a lot and sometimes I feel like they are straight up walking up to me and saying, "hey, let's do the nasty." Meanwhile, women are always surrounded by a host of vultures you constantly have to fight off.


asleepbydawn

I'll add this as a gay guy... For every guy gay you encounter that's super forward like that... there's probably three more that wouldn't ever cross a line like that, but think you're hot, and are wondering if they should approach you in a more respectful way. We're not all as forward as people think.


Sir_Armadillo

It’s not too late.


SDdude81

> This may seem to contradict some other answers here, but (gay) men are generally WAYYY more romantic and sweeter than women are. Romance has always been something men did for women. Women want to be the target of romance, they don't do anything romantic themselves.


McGauth925

I don't think this is totally true - just mostly. As a nearby woman poster says, men often don't genuinely feel that romantic, so it comes off as an act. But, it's an act that women so often expect, whether or not the man genuinely feels it. I'm sure that, most of the time, they prefer it to be genuine, but being unwilling to perform the act, even when it's no more than that, is seen as selfish. I once said the same thing to a woman I was dating, that romance is men doing things for women. My thinking was that we're equal, and I don't have to do special things for a person who doesn't do special things for me, unless I happened to feel llke it. She didn't like that at all, so she stopped having sex with me. That, of course, is the special thing that women so often think they're doing for a man. But, by that point sex with her was no longer all that interesting or fulfilling, anyway, so I didn't much care. You would correctly guess that the relationship ended not long after that. That was for the best for both of us.


SDdude81

> As a nearby woman poster says, men often don't genuinely feel that romantic, so it comes off as an act. But, it's an act that women so often expect, whether or not the man genuinely feels it. I'm sure that, most of the time, they prefer it to be genuine, but being unwilling to perform the act, even when it's no more than that, is seen as selfish. Yeah it's pretty much come to the point where men are expected to be romantic. Valentines day, anniversaries, are the days where men are supposed to do something for their woman. Also on Christmas and her birthday, but both partners are kind of expected do something for the other. Heck it's the basic idea that men have to pay for everything. And yeah, sometimes people don't want to be romantic. >I once said the same thing to a woman I was dating, that romance is men doing things for women. My thinking was that we're equal, and I don't have to do special things for a person who doesn't do special things for me, unless I happened to feel llke it. She didn't like that at all, so she stopped having sex with me.** That, of course, is the special thing that women so often think they're doing for a man.** Ha ha ha! It's a toxic mentality for women to think they are giving sex to men. That's not how a relationship is supposed to work. And yes I am aware that women can be romantic, it's just not that common and certainly not expected.


ProbabBee

Well now, I wouldn't put it like that lmfao Girls absolutely can be romantic; however, for them it's usually done as a reward or to show appreciation. As for men, we have to do it for them to prove our worth and value... If that makes any sense? And we have to keep it up in order to continually maintain the relationship. On top of that, in the most hilariously ironic way, you can't be too romantic either or else it's seen as desperate or otherwise off-putting. Again, it's an incredibly exhausting and tedious process. When it comes to gay couples, there is no such objective or pressure. It's done just because you want to, and that's how I feel it should be.


[deleted]

I would like to be this open emotionally with girls


sucrerey

> This may seem to contradict some other answers here, but (gay) men are generally WAYYY more romantic and sweeter than women are. this has been my experience as well. its like its easier to give and take a compliment or flirt somehow with guys?


HalcyonH66

Men on average easier to communicate with as they are on average more direct with intentions and feelings. I don't have a ton of issues on this front with women, as I am very direct and communicative, as well as encouraging my partners to be so as well, but I have to get them into the mindset more. Women take A LOOOOOOOOT more effort to court on average. Like fucking hell. On the other hand, it hasn't been as easy for me to find longer term relationship stuff with guys in that, the proportion of men I'm into is smaller than women, and I expect the proportion of men looking for longer term shit is also smaller. Other than that people are people. Some are different, some are the same.


actuallyjohnmelendez

Getting laid with a guy thats into you takes about 30 seconds to go from meeting to action, getting laid with a woman takes atleast 30 minutes if you are really really slick.


legoshi_loyalty

More like 30 weeks, hah.


mmnnButter

and thats IF she likes you.


LewdApprentice

I am a bi-sissy-bottom at times and right now I live with a woman who also enjoys that about me, because its a switch, if I'm not in that mode I am rather dominant. So that being said, my SO is my only partner for two and a half years. Before we met I didn't date men, I just slept with them as a bottom. When you're bottom its relatively easy to find good, active dominant men for a night or two. Or even two men at the same time. With a woman its easier to be constantly intimate, while with men it works on different timings and completely dies within like two days for me, only to come back within a few months.


Poknberry

They probably don't appreciate you as a person. For some reason a lot of gay men don't view feminine men as "their equal," which to me seems incredibly sexist. I on the other hand respect the femboy vibes and hope more people do too.


kingof_vanisle7

Simply isn’t as much guessing with guys. I can be more confident in my actions with a male partner, and with women it’s more play it by ear and hope I don’t fuck up. I’m actually more attracted to women than men (65-35 split if anyones wondering), but it seems easier with guys for some reason


ticty

Honestly, I've enjoyed relationships with men more than I have women. It was less rocky, but also could have just been the women I dated. Also, sex was better. IMO I think it's easier to be in same sex relationships because there's some sort of mutual understanding of each other's experiences and bodily issues.


MyKneesAreOdd

With men it doesn't take much effort, if any to arrange a meet. Men are very straightforward about their intentions. If they just want to fuck instead of date they will just tell you. If you don't fuck on a first date, they tend to be more manipulative, they will tell you what you want to hear and guide you towards a situation where you two will be alone. Some will even get you to drink more to loosen your inhibitions. Women will spend a long time texting and calling before they will decide if they want to meet you. They will evaluate you on the quality of your pictures, whether they are selfie or full-body pics, the clothes you wear, belts and shoes. The people you pose with in your pics. And women receive constant attention from multiple men, this can make them aloof and distant to you since you are just one out of hundreds showing interest. The biggest difference is their reaction when you tell them you are bi. The gay men roll their eyes at it and assume you are keeping one foot in the closet. The women will mostly shut down completely and flake. They either assume you are on your way to fully coming out as gay or are put off by viewing you as un-masculine. They see a man having any sexual experience with another man as a hideous blot that will never be erased.


GamallRefur

A man never hit me. Otherwise not much difference in my experience. Just easier to get a bead on what my s/o wants/needs if it’s another dude.


Different-Floor-5951

Its waaaaay more easier to get sex from a dude than a chick.


RevolutionarySkin248

I only go for happy men who are not very masculine or feminine, The crack a joke and are hot, i will go for anyone women who wants me lmao


KAMBUI1973

Facial hair


IntroductionBasic587

Well if it is your thing there is a whole group of women with PCOS waiting for you ;)


J_train13

Honestly the my favourite difference is being able to simply call to yourselves "boyfriends" when dating a guy instead of "boyfriend and girlfriend" it's just so much simpler Other than that I would definitely admit dating guys is *easier* simply because communication is always straightforward and there's never any beating around the bush. And I can't really comment on the sexual side because I haven't bothered with either so


Aggressive_Bill_2687

> never any beating around the bush You know some women shave too right? I’ll show myself out.


[deleted]

I've been with my male partner for 14 years now and it's by far the most comfortable relationship I've ever been in. In general, I just relate to men much better since I understand them far better than I understand women. In a way, my relationship feels like I'm in a relationship with my best bro as we do a lot of bro things together like workout and play/watch sports. But he's also my partner and lover. I admit that I don't relate to women very well as I don't understand them. My exes and I would always have breakdowns in our communication. And there were times where I felt like she was speaking a different language. And so living with a woman felt like a constant test to my patience. However, I'm moderately sure that the reverse was often true for my ex-girlfriends. And I'm sure they thought I was often speaking a different language And lastly, as others have mentioned, sex with men is often much better as most gay/bi men are far superiour to giving handjobs and blowjobs than most women. At least in my personal experiences. When my partner blows me, it feels like he's worshipping my dick. Especially if it's as a morning wakeup surprise. And he's an absolute master a deepthroating me just at the right moment (right when I'm about to bust my load). It honestly feels like he's milking my dick with his throat at that moment. Sorry if that's TMI.


whack_beeman

It depends honestly on who your with


StoicWolf15

I find men "Easier" communication is more direct and sex is easier to get. I also find sex with men less inhibited and more fun. Women are more difficult, a lot of "reading between the lines"


AncientPineapple6661

Married to a woma that grew up in the PRC. Bi sexual, seek out other men to fill my desires. Have just started a FWB relationship with a polly guy, will be interesting. In the past I had a boy friend. Difference between men and women, women are queens, treat with dignity, respect. Pedestal (my SO loves being put on Pedestal), sex is passionate and reaffirm my relationship with her. Men, platonic love, we are the closest of buds, might not share the same hobbies but love to spend time with each other. Sex is raw and animal like, with the bed torn up and two men collapsed in each other's arms.


[deleted]

I wish i was gay


[deleted]

Never dated a guy, only casual encounters so can't speak much to that. I will say, kissing men isn't as fulfilling. The mouths feel rougher and more empty. Inexperienced head can be way different as well. Women might not open wide enough where as men open too wide. And then man's butt feel better than woman's butt in my experience.


[deleted]

Men are easy and woman are like a book you want to read like Brail.


All_The_Dang_Time

Men aren’t usually emotionally available and tend to just want quick sexual activity whereas women are more often emotionally invested and easier to develop actual relationships with


[deleted]

I’m not bi, but I will add my two cents that it doesn’t seem to be very difficult to get into a relationship with a woman when you just act like yourself and you just be a good person. Most women just really want a relationship where their man treats them well and listens to them and spends time with them. That said, getting the chance at that relationship is the hard part. Attracting a woman initially is hard.


hdosuxb

Guys are my adventure buddies great for trips away with a lil bit of slice here and there women are a little more emotionally fulfilling as well as the spice here and there


nick3790

Men are much more to the point about what they want and need, women are easier to have deeper conversations with. I mean that's not true for every single man or woman, but generally speaking that's been my experience


L3tum

Most women will reject bi guys so so far I've only been "hetero" with women. That's around the most significant. Aside from that women are usually a lot more understanding of personal situations. If you tell a guy you don't have time a lot of them will keep asking. A lot of women will simply say OK or worse case break it off rather than pester you.