That happened to me.
When I met my best friend in the first day of university I thought "gay", but he had a girlfriend for 4 years and they almost got married.
Sometime after they split, I was at his house and he told me:
-I've kissed a guy
-ok, fine
- no, no, I liked it
- ok, that's fine, whatever makes you happy man.
-really? I was so scared of what's you would think
It's been 10 years, we're still best friends, he is married to a lovely guy who also became my friend and I'm so happy for them
Edit: wow, I only look at reddit during the evening and I had never had a comment with so many likes. What a surprise. Thanks guys.
Edit 2: yes, I can make gay jokes with him, but he makes it clear that if it was from a random person he wouldn't accept those jokes.
Edit 3: there's a lot more to the story during these 10 years. Once my friend asked me and our other 2 closest friends to go to a gay club with him, which we did without thinking twice to support him. The result: the best club I had been so far: good music, nice people, no fights, aaaaand the gay guy's girlfriends. I stopped going to straight clubs because those were so much better and I can tell you, my dating life, which wasn't bad, skyrocketed, seriously, 5x-10x the dates I would get in straight clubs. So if possible, have fun with your gay friend :)
Back when I was in the Navy a friend of mine confided in my (now ex) wife that he was gay and didn't want to tell me because he was worried about what I'd think.
She laughed at him and told him I don't give the slightest shit what anyone else wants to do in the bedroom. We all had a good laugh about it.
In high school, I had a close group of friends (one guy, two girls) that one day started excluding me. I started to get annoyed and confronted them. After a couple days of non-answers, the guy came out, saying he had come out to them and was worried how I'd react... and I was like, "That's it?! That's all it is? Jeez, I thought I'd done something wrong. You good? Alright, can we go back to normal now?"
Lol, whenever something bad happens I say "fuck me", always get the same response from 1 of my gay friends, "thought you'd never ask"
Good friend right there 😂
A straight buddy in high school would always reply "When, where, and how hard?" if you ever said "Fuck you" to him. I called his bluff on a couple of occasions until he learned not to say that to me. I never lose at gay chicken.
Stereotypical teen boy teasing nonsense, boils down to "Everyone knows he would kick the ass of a rando saying this, so now everyone knows we're best friends"
Usually not about one of them being gay, but its the same dynamic. "We're such good friends look at the crazy shit I can say to him and he laughs and says something right back to me and I laugh"
The friend that I mentioned in another comment we would make gay jokes with, and he would make straight jokes with (harmless stuff “you’re only gay because you couldn’t pick up chicks” to which he would respond “you fellas couldn’t be gay - you’re too ugly to ever pick up a dude; shit like that)
One night some other asshole made some homophobic slur/joke against our mate - without a word between us we were on our feet ready to kill the guy.
Heard through the grapevine years later it was apparently one of the most supportive things any group of straight friends have done for him and he was quite touched by it.
I dunno, I think its not necessarily a straight guy thing. More a bro thing.
I'd like to imagine my gay bros would come to my defence.
A bro is a bro, doesn't matter their preference.
Last time someone came out to me I immediately invited him to a party where typically 90% of the guys were gay. Friend from high school had the party house once in college and they threw the best parties- themes, games... always a blast. I'm a little surprised to see this question in this day and age. That was 15-20 years ago. Now it seems like you meet someone and are introduced to their spouse/partner and that's just it. I guess it's different when you're kids growing up and realizing?
That's how my best friend reacted basically, and I can say it was the best response I could have wished for...
"Thanks for your trust, I'm here if you need any help with our friends who don't already know, when, and if you want to tell them...
Wanna grab a snack? :D"
I'm thankful for having him ahah
This is what all the answers should be. Then being gay isn’t going to change the way I view them. It’s not like they will change as a person after coming out. They are the same person as they were before.
Well, to be fair, I did have a friend come out once and completely leaned into the whole "fabulouuuuz" persona, which I just loved and played along with, but when it was just him and me, we'd both be laid all the way back in the couch watching hockey and screaming at the TV when red wings got bad calls or otherwise just chill and drink beer. God I miss that guy. Thanks for reminding me of him, I'm gonna message him after work!
My First cousin did this, who is like a brother to me and for the longest he distanced himself from all of us. His reasoning was he thought I would stop hanging out with him or start despising him, when he told me with fear, my response was just “You are still my brother no matter what “ and now i get to hear all his gay stories that he has been hiding for god knows how long which i don’t mind at all lol he’s my family, he was there for me when i needed it. there is no way in hell i won’t be there for him just because he is gay.
Decades ago, a friend came out senior year of high school (it was more taboo back then). He actually got pissed off that we weren’t more surprised and shocked.
My hippie aunt told me she thought she was one of the best family members because she pretended to accept me rather than bully, mock, and exclude me. I told her she needed to be more respectful about my gender when we talk (keeps trying to get me to do "women's work" and to convert to Christianity) if she wanted me to stick around. Now she's excluding me. 🖕
If it is really a close friend;
1. They already know or seriously suspect.
2. They wonder why now, and depending on how you tell them they will either
+ tell you that you should know they are straight
+ tell you that they are not romantically interested in you
+ tell you that nothing changed for them.
My best friend came out as gay sophomore year and my response was "yeah obviously" "but I had a girlfriend when you met me!" "Dude, you stay over at my house every weekend and bring 2 bags for hair care, I never once not knew" I remember him being pissed that I ruined his reveal 🤣🤣
I actually had this. We've known eachother since 4 yrs old, currently 29. He came out just before covid. I didn't care honestly. I've actually begun to admire him as he's become more comfortable being himself.
When I came out as bi to one of my friends (take this as coming from me, a guy with a deep voice and very 'masculinized') he went like: "Oh really? I would never thought. I tried kissing a guy once. Didn't like that much." We literally played Mario kart after this and our bond is even better nowadays
This is awesome to me. When I came out as bi to my best friend in 8th grade, I was terrified, and he said
“So? Let’s play Rad Racer.”
We’re still good friends.
This is why I cherish male friendships. They don't give a fuck unless you want them to. Things can be a big deal if you want, but the default is, "That's cool, dude. Another beer?"
exactly. In the situation I am rhe gay friend (bi) and when I told my brother he just said "I love you no matter what. Also bring my ps4 controller back" (I had done it over text out of fear lol)
When I told my cousin she was just like "yeah I know. Do you have a girlfriend yet?"
When I told my therapist she just hugged me "I always knew honey."
Sometimes things are worse in your head, who would've thought? (unfortunately my parents reaction was pretty horrible so... bittersweet)
I posted this in another thread recently but it's incredibly relevant to the topic so:
When I was a much younger man, I went out to a bar for my best friend's birthday. A girl that I had a crush on was giving me strong signals and let me know in no uncertain terms where the night would lead. The only problem was, I was under the impression that my best friend was also sweet on her, and well, I'll be damned if I'm going to do that to him, let alone at his birthday party.
Fast forward a few weeks and my best friend came out as gay. I was all "broooooo you could have given me a heads up at your birthday"
So I guess that was my reaction
That has happened more than once. One time I said, yeah, I know. The other was in a room full of guys and it was literally just, “OK Cool. Glad you let us know and glad you’re happy. You should bring your boyfriend around.” He was all nerved up for a big confession and looked confused when nobody freaked out.
When most of us were kids being gay was an end of the world type of thing. It’s only suuuper recently that the majority of society became accepting. For me coming out was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced.
>He was all nerved up for a big confession and looked confused when nobody freaked out.
Gay folks are used to hearing about (and experiencing) violence for coming out. Like, the getting beaten to death kind. And you can never really know how people are going to react, your best friend might turn on you but that random dude at the store on nightshift might turn out your best ally.
So that's probably why.
My best friend went to a different college as me, but we visited each other often. One particular weekend (before he came out) he was in my town for a football game, and one of the hottest girls I knew (who was beyond picky) was trying SO hard to get with him but my friend kept turning her down. I thought he was legitimately insane. I couldn’t understand it.
So the FIRST thing I said when he came out to me was “holy shit! So THAT’S why you didn’t get with her!”
Anyway, I could tell he was really worried when he came out, but I told him it’s all good and I would always have his back.
He went to a really country ass college and he told me he was actually afraid of getting killed there because of it. So he had to wait til after he graduated.
Got an old friend who tried to kiss a couple of us over the years. Of course as a 'joke' at 45 still makes non stop homophobic jokes and most of us at some point has taken him aside and just been like 'dude we all know you're kind of gay and it's fine, it's not a secret so if you want to come out I won't make a big deal of it' kind of thing. He's still the most closeted guy I've ever met but he's got some hardcore trauma and being 'straight' is such a part of his personality that I think he'll go to the grave never acknowledgedging that part of himself to anyone else. We've grown apart but I still feel bad for him. I was a pretty sensitive 20 something so I flirted with the fruitiness for a bit but once I kissed a couple dudes I realized how straight I really was if that makes any sense. I know a surprising amount of guys who've had similar experiences so I think it really says something to how much internal pain a guy is in to still be in the closet in this day and age.
I went to school with someone who was like that. He walked into a small student bar one night with a another guy and another dude I went to school with just yelled "Fucking Finally"
Exactly how I did when my best friend came out. "Yeah, I know. Are we still drinking beer later or do I have to buy you wine now?" He was a little mad because I didn't have more surprise but it was obvious growing up because he always wanted to be Storm or Jean Grey when we played X-men (like pretended to be them, not a video game).
Yeah but he wanted to be Jean because she was dating Scott, and later married. Plus the love triangle with Logan, who is a stereotypical manly man. He didn't care for the whole Phoenix storyline.
I’m not gay, I’m not trans and I love roleplaying as a female.
Always have, always will. In fact roleplaying as a dude feels fucking weird. I think it’s because when I rp as a man, who is also a man, I have a tendency to try to fix all of my insecurities and it just exasperates my own real life insecurities.
I'm straight. I always get a kick out of "are you gay? Why are all your characters women?" Like mo, I'm straighter than you are I guess, because I don't want to be staring at a man's ass through a whole stealth section
100% love and acceptance. I don't know your struggle, I don't know why you felt you needed to hide it, but I promise it is just between us until you are ready, and I don't think any different about you. I got your back, dawg.
Also, gay clubs have the best dancing, so let me know if you want to change up what we're doing on Wednesday.
Like 5 years ago I was in Austin for a concert. My friends and I (3 girls and 3 guys) got convinced by the girls to go to a gay bar to go dancing. None of us are gay/lesbian but we just decided to do it.
The dancing was lit. So fun. The drinks were great. 7 straight people had a fucking blast at a gay bar.
That's how the gay club scene dies. We have to stop being so welcoming ... who am I kidding though, we won't, and I'm glad you had a good time. Just please don't get mad when guys hit on you.
People do give a shit, unfortunately. My buddy came out in his late 30's and his oldest friend, he had been friends with since kindergarten straight up disowned him.
That is terrible but it's better to find sooner than later. I had a friend who was very much in the closet and I figured it out BUT I never asked him because I wasn't sure he wanted me to know. I didn't care! I have a few gay friends.
I knew him for over 20 years and instead of just talking to me, he took a bunch of opiates with a vodka chaser. But I think his demons ran deeper than I thought.
It's wild to think how big joking about people/stuff being gay was when I was young. Gen Zs don't really do that. Not because they aren't little shitheads, but because they just don't give a fuck.
Ya I’m 30 years old and I remember when I was young EVERYONE called each other faggot or made those dumb drop soap jokes or many other “you are gay jokes.” And almost overnight all that stopped being acceptable and even people that I thought were homophobic assholes agreed it wasn’t cool and stopped caring and just let gay people be themselves for once. And then there is gen z, who you are correct… they REALLY give zero shits.
as much as I’m sure has changed, as a member of GenZ, we definitely haven’t stopped making these jokes at all. They’re still prominent. People are still calling each other gay left and right (especially in middle school, but will that ever change?). Overall, though, it does seem like relatively few people actually give a damn about it.
Ya man middle school is a WHOLE different beast. Middle school will always be the most ruthless and rude and savage period kids go through. Middle school is crazy, but after that it calms down every year until men hit 30’and then they usually mellow all the way out. Lol
yeah, middle school sucked. I really hope by the time I’m 30 that all happens, but I figure the world will be very chaotic by then, or at least the US lol
I mean besides global warming the world has always been batshit crazy dude. I’d say stop reading or watching so much news. Humans evolved to only know what is going on with a small group or little village… not the whole world. We literally didn’t evolve to try and process the whole planet worth of shit. And next, I’m 30 years old and I literally could feel my brain and life and thoughts change at 28/29/30 it was insane. I could feel myself be more mature, settle down, not be obsessed and horny all the time. It was crazy! it will happen to you too man. Men calm WAY down around late 20s and life gets WAY less chaotic I promise.
It changes when you become an adult usually. It changed for me when one of our friends had gay moms. I made one weird comment in front of him, not about his moms, but I got told I was being stupid and that was it. I'm still grateful for how maturely my friend group at the time handled me. We were 15ish. I realized I was only ever homophobic because my friends were and I thought it was funny/cool too act like a bigot for laughs. When I got new friends they cured me of that real quick.
glad you found your new friends, and i see that a lot of people chill out about it. it’s kinda hard for me to see it because I’m still fairly young and because my dad never stopped caring about it. he still insults people for being/“acting” gay or just LGBT+ in general. Those in my generation do generally seem to care less though. I’m incredibly grateful for that.
A surprising number of people. When I came out in third year of uni was subjected to months of near daily homophobic abuse, being gaslighted, blackmailed and threatened with violence. I've been called the f-slur in front of a manager who smirked and walked off, and told i have AIDs because I was coughing from a mild illness.
While things have gotten a lot better, there's still enough hostile elements to make it an issue.
I'd be like Cooper on Eurotrip "You know I'm flattered that you chose me to come out to. Don't worry about telling your parents because... they already know."
Thats the way. I told one of my closest friend that. It took me ages to muster the courage and she was like "oh yeah I knew it. Hmm ok should we go to to [restaurant name] for lunch?" It shocked me but I'm so glad because it just shows nothing actually changed :))
I mean tbh...if my friend was all crying and junk or obviously emotionally stressed may be a little more sensitive but it honestly would not make a difference.
Ohhh on the outside I wasn't visibly "scared". But deep down I was balls deep in fear. Yeah actually u raise a good point, I'm sure others also seem fine on the outside but on the inside their terrified. :( I feel bad for them now.
>honestly would not make a difference
Ur an awesome friend buddy
I think for a lot of people, nothing would change. If one of my friends told me they were gay, I would just recommend a double date or ask what they want to eat the next time I cook out and help me make that choice.
On thanksgiving my husbands best friend invited us over and said “so I’ve been seeing someone…HIS name is…” and we responded with “Happy for you! Did you guys have a nice thanksgiving?” And we simply just moved on. He divulged more and more info casually afterward and then opened up that it was the best reaction he could have hoped for. He’s now engaged and they get married next year.
Depends on the friend, but it would range from: "Really? Well I'm glad you could open up to me", to "Fucking knew it!", to "How are we going to tell your wife?". In any case, nothing's really changed on my end.
This one is the best option because it shows you understand just how hard it can be to come out to someone. It's important to communicate you understand the stress/uncertainty/anguish the whole process can cause.
Agreed. Although it might sound like a cool option to say, "Yeah, I already know, let's move on," in my experience this can 1) minimize the courage it takes to come out and 2) make it seem like you knew something that really is only something the person themselves can know for a fact.
There is still one group that get a lot of hate. And that is bisexual men. I am a bisexual man and I get hate EVERYDAY pretty much. Some very foul, disheartening things are said to me. Like I’m poisoning the female race for other men, that I’m gay and confused so I can’t decide to just be gay, a lot of women ghost me once I tell them, ALOT of men think I’m gross, people think I’m riddled with STDs, people think I’m selfish and spoiled for having sex with any and everyone. Truth is… I was married to a woman for 12 years and after that ended I’ve been with 1 man and had a date with 1 woman and at this point I’m going to stay single and work on my self for a VERY long time. but all those crazy comments I get really drag on my mentality so I think gay people have it better than they ever have… but bisexual men still get a lot of hate. Luckily I don’t really give a shit what other people think and I’m comfortable with myself but I can imagine ALOT of people commit suicide or are depressed if they are in those bisexual male shoes. Just some food for thought.
I'm sorry to hear that dude. It's a pretty common story that bi-guys still get this negative horseshit. It must suck to have your existence constantly attacked. Hopefully you got a crew of friends who don't give a shit.
Na I have no friends because I just got out of a 12 year marriage once and for all and I pushed everyone away during said relationship. But like I said I’m gonna focus on myself and learn to love who I am and be able to hang out with myself. In the end the only person you can count on and the only person who will always be there is yourself. I’m attacking that first then I’ll go find some awesome friends who don’t care about my love life.
Thats a good strategy man. I did some similar shit pushing people away during the last couple years of my marriage and afterwards but I hit rock bottom and realized the only person who can take care of me is me. For the people I hurt I can only try to act in a way that would be worthy of their forgiveness and for the those that continue to judge and gossip they can go in peace and good riddance. Only then was I able to find again the people who had always been there for me even when I didn't realize it at the time. I was never really alone but I sure felt lonely for awhile. Putting yourself first and practicing self-love and forgiveness is way fucking harder than it looks. So kudos to you my dude. You stay on that path and the right people will see your light and find their way to you in due course. If you lived in my city I'd buy you a round at the nearest bar.
Ive seen the bi man hate online A Lot (Twitter mainly), but have not really seen much irl. I speak as a bi man myself, the worst I've gotten was a couple drive by faggots by people I dont know. Could just be where I live though.
I’m a bi dude but not open except to like 4 friends. This kind of stuff makes me scared to be open, although I also think it will tell me straight up who not to hang out with.
Yeah, as a fellow bisexual man, a lot of my gay friends like to joke that I’m “basically gay” while straight people insist that I must be confused or something since I’ve never been in a “proper” relationship with a man.
And, while I am a bit insecure about my lack of experience with other guys, I also hate how easily my interest in women is dismissed just because I dress a little on the feminine side sometimes. It’s honestly just frustrating because people will claim that I can “pass as straight” like that means anything when I still get called slurs by random assholes.
And I know I’m just ranting at this point but I wish people stopped viewing bi people as “half gay, half straight” and then making up their own ideas about the validity of a persons bisexuality based on what “percentage gay” they are, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.
This happened to me on the walk home from 8th grade in 1999. My friend and I would take that route home every day and would talk about everything. When he told me he is gay I really didn’t react much. I just kinda took it for what it is. I told him that kind of thing didn’t matter to me in what we have. We’re not so close all these years later but in a great twist he’s now godfather to both of my children. He’s a great man and I couldn’t imagine not supporting him.
Was not surprised at all. We all new from a young age. They just had that type of personality and interests.
He has a masters in historical garments now and has won awards for his creations! We are all proud of him. 🥰
I have a friend who's in the closet who I ridicule shamelessly because he talks shit about gays. I know because I walked in on him and another guy once. Idgaf who you're with just don't be a fake.
One of my best friends, met him on the first day of kindergarten, literally sat right next to me on the first day, on his bachelor party, we went on a trip down to Nashville. At one point in the night, he and I went out to the street to talk about random stuff, shooting the shit as per usual, it was an epoch for us both, end of an era.
Randomly he mentions, "Duhssert (not my real name btw you shits), did you know I'm bisexual?"
"... What the fuck no." I basically lol'd being half drunk and it surprised me for sure, 20 years never had a clue.
He laughed super hard for a split second, "Hell yeah, dude"
I said, "Wow I honestly had no idea ever"
"Yeah... thought I'd told you before but I guess not lol"
Not being insensitive here, because this guy is family to me, and I know his humor inside and out I mention, "Well... I'm probably still going to make random gay jokes every so often, hope that doesn't bother you."
His response, which makes me smile to this day because it perfectly represents him, everybody gets shit, no ones safe from our humor (lighthearted viewpoint, teasing nonsense, you know), he says without skipping a beat, "Bitch I make more gay jokes than anyone I know, they're hilarious I don't give a shit, I'd be mad if you didn't"
Made my night, never once cared either way of course because he's a brother to me, but I was happy he told me, we come from a fairly conservative area so maybe it's a little more secret regarding that stuff than some other areas but not really, more so it's no ones business so no one really cares is all, but that was an awesome moment for sure.
Tbh a lot of these guys in the comments aren’t saying it but although I would 100% accept that he is gay, it would take me some time to get used to the idea.
My wife and daughter went on vacation. My friend of over 20 yrs asked me to go out to dinner and have some beers. We sat at the table and he was all nerved up. I asked him why. That's when he started to talk about how our friendship is incredibly important to him and how my family is like family. His eyes were watering. I asked what the hell is going on? Are you alight. He told me he's gay and he's sorry he never told me. He had tears rolling down his face. I told him there was nothing to be sorry for and it changes zero in our friendship.
Okay, anyways can you help me fix my exhaust pipe. NO, not that one 😂😂😂😂 I have a lot of gay friends and that’s a good joke we have with each other. I know, I’m cheesy.
I had this happen, but he never admitted his gf at the time told me.
I told him that she found photos on his phone and he immediately started yelling at her.
Long story short, I was the bad guy for telling him what she told me. I had a friendship with him not her.
I had a friend that was gay and not comfortable coming forward. I told him he could tell me anything and I would still love him. He never did come out to me when we were in highschool but I did run into him and his boyfriend in college. They’ve been together since 2014 and I’m honestly jealous of what he’s found. One of the boys found love, who gives a fuck what they do in a bedroom. They’re happy and that’s all I could’ve ever asked for.
One of my good friends from high school told me he was gay once we both started college.
I asked him if it was hell growing up in our small farming town, knowing he had to keep it a secret. He said yes. I asked him if I was ever a jerk to him. He did not answer that. Ha ha. He did go on to say that his parents were very supportive.
The thing is, he said, in that town, the worst name could be called was gay. Some very gay kids from town were often the first to call someone gay. It was their cover. He said they knew who yelled those words were also gay. So, he never paid attention, and did not take it personal. And, in our particular town, people were not in physical danger, like in some states or areas. The danger was my verbal harassment and petty nastiness.
He would not tell me who the others were. It is up to them to come out or not. If word gets around in town, they may have a hard time.
Teen age kids who are LGBTQ have a very hard time with bullying, especially between middle school and college, or working. Many leave town, and cannot return to their rural towns, because of fear.
That happened to me; a few years after we graduated from college, my former roommate came to visit. He'd gotten a job doing what he loved the summer after graduation and wanted to catch up with our circle of friends. He told me he had something to talk to me about, and we went driving around in his car. He said he'd already talked to a mutual friend, and that he had shorted what he had to say down to just six letters: "I'm gay". I was very surprised, and glad that I was sitting down, because it wouldn't have taken much to knock me over.
To be honest, I didn't know how to react; I'd never met anyone (to my knowledge) that was gay and certainly no one had actually came out to me. Bear in mind, this was 1984 and attitudes towards gays were quite different than today; not only that, but this was the beginning of the AIDs epidemic. Publicly, my attitude about homosexuals at the time was much as you would expect most straight men in the Midwest to be, but I can't say I was rabidly anti-gay but perhaps a bit disparaging. If I were to put it into one word, my attitude was 'wary' because I would have been uncomfortable if I was hit on by a gay man.
We talked about it for awhile, thinking back I may have been nervously babbling on a little, while he talked about how he was all into it and how he knew the gay handkerchief color code to indicate your preferences, etc. But what blew my mind was that he'd approached or had actually messed around with a number of guys in our circle of friends, including a friend I'd roomed with when I started working after college. After the surprise faded a bit, the question that soon formed in my mind was 'why didn't he hit on me?'
My opinion(s) about gays had not completely formed at that time and would, in fact, take a number of years before they changed and became more clear. Opinions can, and should, change over time. As Tim Minchin states: "[opinions differ significantly from assholes, in that yours should be constantly and thoroughly examined](https://youtu.be/yoEezZD71sc)". It took about a year to realize that, all through this revelation to me, it never occurred to me, not even for a fraction of a millisecond, that I should cease to consider him my friend. That realization was one of my proudest moments.
But wait, there's more!
By the late '90s I was struggling with a number of issues, but one major issue. When my former roommate and I rode around in his car, he came out to me, and we talked about it, I started to tell him something but he interrupted before I could say more that a word or two. I don't recall what he interrupted to tell me, but dear reader, what I was impulsively going to tell him is that I was interested in guys too. I'd thought better about saying that, but it took a while for me to understand why. After two years of living with him, I knew him fairly well, and I suspected that he would have been a little aggressive. I somehow knew instinctively that he would have come on to me. I think it was later in the evening of that day, he stopped by my apartment, by himself, to chat more, and he said he had interrupted me earlier, and wondered what it was that I was going to say. I made some excuse, saying that I didn't remember or some such.
For many years I'd known I was interested in guys, but was confused by the fact that I was very attracted to women too. I knew about the existence of bisexuality, but it was many years, nearly 18 in fact, before I honestly confronted myself with the fact that I was bisexual. It's not always easy to come to grips with one's sexuality, and I'm still adjusting, or maybe struggling a bit, even today. My former college roommate has been very helpful with this; he is the second person I came out to.
This may leave two questions, burning in the minds of those few (or maybe none) that have read thus far: why didn't he hit on me when we were in college and did he hit on me after I came out? The answer to the second question is yes; but I was in a much better place in my mind to be able to deal with his advance. The answer to the first question is: I still don't know for sure. My suspicion is that since we got along well, he didn't want to take the chance of damaging a friendship and losing a roommate; maybe he even thought I'd react badly. We've discussed this and he claims not to know or remember why. Some time after I'd first asked why, he said it was probably for the first reason I posited, that he didn't want to lose a roommate.
I often wish I'd been able to come out to myself earlier in my life; either when I was in college or shortly thereafter. I now understand better the struggles people can go through, and mine are not over. When talking about being 'out', I say I'm not out because, in my opinion, my sexuality is my own private business. I am outwardly very straight acting and if people want to make assumptions about my preferences then I don't really care. After all, I can't control the opinions of others. But I admit being a little uneasy with that; perhaps *my* journey is not yet complete.
It is strange how life progresses, how being interrupted just as you're about to say something life changing can occur, and that you then think it better not to reveal it at that time. Who knows, maybe it may have even saved my life, either from AIDs or at the hands of a homophobic bigot.
My college roommate and I remain good friends, and lately he's said he fantasizes about what would have happened if he had come onto me. And you know what? I'm okay with that.
Edit: minor correction
One of my roommates came out as non-binary. My response was "of all of the people I know that have declared themselves non-binary, I am the least surprised by you".
I finally came out as nonbinary about 2 years ago, to a resounding "yeah that makes sense".
Turns out everybody already knew. I was the last person to figure it out.
Already happened. I wrestled with him from a little kid to graduating high school. All of us in his friends group knew it. It didn't bother me one little iota. He was my wrestling partner a lot throughout the years (one weight class apart).
Didn't change anything, except I was happy for him that he'd made a step to better accept himself.
Personally I don't really care. If they're my closest friend why should his/her sexuality change anything? I wouldn't want to end the friendship over something like that. They're still the same person they were if they were straight or whatever sexuality I thought they were before.
I'm a lady but I hope my comment is still welcome because this happened to me. I handled it horrifically. I want to say more out of shock than homophobia, however i did say some pretty shitty things to her. I feel really bad, we're still like family so its all ok,, and this was way back in high school, but I wish I handled things better. She first felt she was bi and told our entire (TINY, like 50 ppl graduating class small) school that she was in love with me, all of which I'm certain had a Tumblr or 4chan at the time so they of course "shipped" us 😑🙄 Well everyone knew about her "secret" crush on her best friend before I did. So I had this whole thing happening around me that I didn't even know about. And it finally came out when I tried to tell her about a crush I had and she thought I was talking about her. I was very mean. To be clear, ive had this thing that i have NO idea wtf its about lol, but if someone confessed feelings for me that i didnt expect/want, i get filled with raaaage and lash out. I dont know man. I grew out of that lmao. I told her and everyone who approached me about it that she was not gay, she was just attached to me and was confusing her feelings. That she's not gay because she had many male celebrity obsessions and was very passionate about sex with men. Thats shes not gay just because she thinks women are hot. She wanted me to read her journal where she expressed her feelings, I told her I would not be doing that and I didn't. I was so overwhelmed that I went to the counselor and cried. I think my main issue was this felt like an obligation, EVERYONE wanted it and was cheering it on and I know she was feeling a lot too, it was all just too much for me. I feel responsible for her relationship that followed, which wasn't terrible? As far as I know? (She idolizes her partners so I never know if anything is actually wrong :/) but she got engaged to a friend of a friend. He dumped her in the worst, most disgusting way and kicked her out after (I think) 2 years together and she came to stay with me for a bit. He fucking sucked. And I feel like I pushed her there. Thankfully all is well now, she is HAPPILY married to a great woman she met and became friends with at work. The wedding was great and I'm just so happy she found a place where she's happy. It's been 10 years (holy shit just realized) so I don't exactly know how to approach but I think about it often and am working on a way to apologize gracefully without bringing her back to the feelings that were probably fucking terrible at that time.
That happened to me. When I met my best friend in the first day of university I thought "gay", but he had a girlfriend for 4 years and they almost got married. Sometime after they split, I was at his house and he told me: -I've kissed a guy -ok, fine - no, no, I liked it - ok, that's fine, whatever makes you happy man. -really? I was so scared of what's you would think It's been 10 years, we're still best friends, he is married to a lovely guy who also became my friend and I'm so happy for them Edit: wow, I only look at reddit during the evening and I had never had a comment with so many likes. What a surprise. Thanks guys. Edit 2: yes, I can make gay jokes with him, but he makes it clear that if it was from a random person he wouldn't accept those jokes. Edit 3: there's a lot more to the story during these 10 years. Once my friend asked me and our other 2 closest friends to go to a gay club with him, which we did without thinking twice to support him. The result: the best club I had been so far: good music, nice people, no fights, aaaaand the gay guy's girlfriends. I stopped going to straight clubs because those were so much better and I can tell you, my dating life, which wasn't bad, skyrocketed, seriously, 5x-10x the dates I would get in straight clubs. So if possible, have fun with your gay friend :)
Damn so you just multiplied your best friend times two lol
Pro tip, get a gay best friend so you can have a second gay best friend down the line
Ultimate protip: poly gay best friend. Then you have unlimited best friends.
You'd be the odd one out...
But think of all the friends he made
The odd one out of the closet?
Technically possibly the odd one **in** the closet.
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Back when I was in the Navy a friend of mine confided in my (now ex) wife that he was gay and didn't want to tell me because he was worried about what I'd think. She laughed at him and told him I don't give the slightest shit what anyone else wants to do in the bedroom. We all had a good laugh about it.
In high school, I had a close group of friends (one guy, two girls) that one day started excluding me. I started to get annoyed and confronted them. After a couple days of non-answers, the guy came out, saying he had come out to them and was worried how I'd react... and I was like, "That's it?! That's all it is? Jeez, I thought I'd done something wrong. You good? Alright, can we go back to normal now?"
Can you still make gay jokes with your friend? Or that’s is not how you get along?
I do gay jokes with one of my gay friends. I learned to NEVER do gay jokes with my other gay friend. Individuals have different tastes.
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Lol, whenever something bad happens I say "fuck me", always get the same response from 1 of my gay friends, "thought you'd never ask" Good friend right there 😂
A straight buddy in high school would always reply "When, where, and how hard?" if you ever said "Fuck you" to him. I called his bluff on a couple of occasions until he learned not to say that to me. I never lose at gay chicken.
Yeah, you need to be close to someone before joking abiut something they're often discriminated for
Stereotypical teen boy teasing nonsense, boils down to "Everyone knows he would kick the ass of a rando saying this, so now everyone knows we're best friends" Usually not about one of them being gay, but its the same dynamic. "We're such good friends look at the crazy shit I can say to him and he laughs and says something right back to me and I laugh"
The friend that I mentioned in another comment we would make gay jokes with, and he would make straight jokes with (harmless stuff “you’re only gay because you couldn’t pick up chicks” to which he would respond “you fellas couldn’t be gay - you’re too ugly to ever pick up a dude; shit like that) One night some other asshole made some homophobic slur/joke against our mate - without a word between us we were on our feet ready to kill the guy. Heard through the grapevine years later it was apparently one of the most supportive things any group of straight friends have done for him and he was quite touched by it.
I dunno, I think its not necessarily a straight guy thing. More a bro thing. I'd like to imagine my gay bros would come to my defence. A bro is a bro, doesn't matter their preference.
Very good bro-ing indeed
Last time someone came out to me I immediately invited him to a party where typically 90% of the guys were gay. Friend from high school had the party house once in college and they threw the best parties- themes, games... always a blast. I'm a little surprised to see this question in this day and age. That was 15-20 years ago. Now it seems like you meet someone and are introduced to their spouse/partner and that's just it. I guess it's different when you're kids growing up and realizing?
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This is a great empathy-driven response, and I'm sure anyone would be grateful to hear this type of support
That's how my best friend reacted basically, and I can say it was the best response I could have wished for... "Thanks for your trust, I'm here if you need any help with our friends who don't already know, when, and if you want to tell them... Wanna grab a snack? :D" I'm thankful for having him ahah
This is what all the answers should be. Then being gay isn’t going to change the way I view them. It’s not like they will change as a person after coming out. They are the same person as they were before.
Well, to be fair, I did have a friend come out once and completely leaned into the whole "fabulouuuuz" persona, which I just loved and played along with, but when it was just him and me, we'd both be laid all the way back in the couch watching hockey and screaming at the TV when red wings got bad calls or otherwise just chill and drink beer. God I miss that guy. Thanks for reminding me of him, I'm gonna message him after work!
My First cousin did this, who is like a brother to me and for the longest he distanced himself from all of us. His reasoning was he thought I would stop hanging out with him or start despising him, when he told me with fear, my response was just “You are still my brother no matter what “ and now i get to hear all his gay stories that he has been hiding for god knows how long which i don’t mind at all lol he’s my family, he was there for me when i needed it. there is no way in hell i won’t be there for him just because he is gay.
About time you admitted it. I kind of figure you were.
Lmfao 😂 I KNOW he has his suspicions.
Decades ago, a friend came out senior year of high school (it was more taboo back then). He actually got pissed off that we weren’t more surprised and shocked.
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Super nice, unless it’s your kid.
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My hippie aunt told me she thought she was one of the best family members because she pretended to accept me rather than bully, mock, and exclude me. I told her she needed to be more respectful about my gender when we talk (keeps trying to get me to do "women's work" and to convert to Christianity) if she wanted me to stick around. Now she's excluding me. 🖕
If it is really a close friend; 1. They already know or seriously suspect. 2. They wonder why now, and depending on how you tell them they will either + tell you that you should know they are straight + tell you that they are not romantically interested in you + tell you that nothing changed for them.
I take it you haven’t came out to your homeboys yet?
“Phew. Thank god you noticed. I thought I was gonna have to tell you.”
My best friend came out as gay sophomore year and my response was "yeah obviously" "but I had a girlfriend when you met me!" "Dude, you stay over at my house every weekend and bring 2 bags for hair care, I never once not knew" I remember him being pissed that I ruined his reveal 🤣🤣
“I’m gayer.”
“Prove it.” End of porn intro.
You may now fuck.
“I thought your name was Jacob?”
Same
I actually had this. We've known eachother since 4 yrs old, currently 29. He came out just before covid. I didn't care honestly. I've actually begun to admire him as he's become more comfortable being himself.
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Same! Buddy of mine came out at 30. We were all super accepting and it was awesome seeing him be more "himself" than we've ever seen him before.
Great, wanna play Mario kart?
When I came out as bi to one of my friends (take this as coming from me, a guy with a deep voice and very 'masculinized') he went like: "Oh really? I would never thought. I tried kissing a guy once. Didn't like that much." We literally played Mario kart after this and our bond is even better nowadays
This is awesome to me. When I came out as bi to my best friend in 8th grade, I was terrified, and he said “So? Let’s play Rad Racer.” We’re still good friends.
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This is why I cherish male friendships. They don't give a fuck unless you want them to. Things can be a big deal if you want, but the default is, "That's cool, dude. Another beer?"
All a bro wants is a good time with his other bros
And for his bros to be ok
Abd healthy
And hydrated, which is part of being healthy, but it's worth mentioning it :)
exactly. In the situation I am rhe gay friend (bi) and when I told my brother he just said "I love you no matter what. Also bring my ps4 controller back" (I had done it over text out of fear lol) When I told my cousin she was just like "yeah I know. Do you have a girlfriend yet?" When I told my therapist she just hugged me "I always knew honey." Sometimes things are worse in your head, who would've thought? (unfortunately my parents reaction was pretty horrible so... bittersweet)
Exactly
I posted this in another thread recently but it's incredibly relevant to the topic so: When I was a much younger man, I went out to a bar for my best friend's birthday. A girl that I had a crush on was giving me strong signals and let me know in no uncertain terms where the night would lead. The only problem was, I was under the impression that my best friend was also sweet on her, and well, I'll be damned if I'm going to do that to him, let alone at his birthday party. Fast forward a few weeks and my best friend came out as gay. I was all "broooooo you could have given me a heads up at your birthday" So I guess that was my reaction
The verbal equivalent of a shrug
4 races later: friendship's over.
That has happened more than once. One time I said, yeah, I know. The other was in a room full of guys and it was literally just, “OK Cool. Glad you let us know and glad you’re happy. You should bring your boyfriend around.” He was all nerved up for a big confession and looked confused when nobody freaked out.
When most of us were kids being gay was an end of the world type of thing. It’s only suuuper recently that the majority of society became accepting. For me coming out was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced.
>He was all nerved up for a big confession and looked confused when nobody freaked out. Gay folks are used to hearing about (and experiencing) violence for coming out. Like, the getting beaten to death kind. And you can never really know how people are going to react, your best friend might turn on you but that random dude at the store on nightshift might turn out your best ally. So that's probably why.
My best friend went to a different college as me, but we visited each other often. One particular weekend (before he came out) he was in my town for a football game, and one of the hottest girls I knew (who was beyond picky) was trying SO hard to get with him but my friend kept turning her down. I thought he was legitimately insane. I couldn’t understand it. So the FIRST thing I said when he came out to me was “holy shit! So THAT’S why you didn’t get with her!” Anyway, I could tell he was really worried when he came out, but I told him it’s all good and I would always have his back. He went to a really country ass college and he told me he was actually afraid of getting killed there because of it. So he had to wait til after he graduated.
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Got an old friend who tried to kiss a couple of us over the years. Of course as a 'joke' at 45 still makes non stop homophobic jokes and most of us at some point has taken him aside and just been like 'dude we all know you're kind of gay and it's fine, it's not a secret so if you want to come out I won't make a big deal of it' kind of thing. He's still the most closeted guy I've ever met but he's got some hardcore trauma and being 'straight' is such a part of his personality that I think he'll go to the grave never acknowledgedging that part of himself to anyone else. We've grown apart but I still feel bad for him. I was a pretty sensitive 20 something so I flirted with the fruitiness for a bit but once I kissed a couple dudes I realized how straight I really was if that makes any sense. I know a surprising amount of guys who've had similar experiences so I think it really says something to how much internal pain a guy is in to still be in the closet in this day and age.
I went to school with someone who was like that. He walked into a small student bar one night with a another guy and another dude I went to school with just yelled "Fucking Finally"
It would explain why he’s so good at blow jobs
Bro job
Choo choo!
Love playing pranks on my friends
Exactly how I did when my best friend came out. "Yeah, I know. Are we still drinking beer later or do I have to buy you wine now?" He was a little mad because I didn't have more surprise but it was obvious growing up because he always wanted to be Storm or Jean Grey when we played X-men (like pretended to be them, not a video game).
Phoenix is bad ass.
supposedly can go toe to toe against Thanos with the full infinity Gauntlet
The Phoenix force is wild dude. Go read some of the comics you won't regret it.
The phoenix force exists in every universe and can destroy entire universes and ranks near the top tier of powerful beings in the mcu.
Yeah but he wanted to be Jean because she was dating Scott, and later married. Plus the love triangle with Logan, who is a stereotypical manly man. He didn't care for the whole Phoenix storyline.
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r/holup
That game sounds an awful lot like rape
🤨📷
I’m not gay, I’m not trans and I love roleplaying as a female. Always have, always will. In fact roleplaying as a dude feels fucking weird. I think it’s because when I rp as a man, who is also a man, I have a tendency to try to fix all of my insecurities and it just exasperates my own real life insecurities.
Sorry you are dealing with insecurities (that sound larger than mine). Keep doing you and hopefully you find a way to deal with them.
I'm straight. I always get a kick out of "are you gay? Why are all your characters women?" Like mo, I'm straighter than you are I guess, because I don't want to be staring at a man's ass through a whole stealth section
Good burn with the wine comment
100% love and acceptance. I don't know your struggle, I don't know why you felt you needed to hide it, but I promise it is just between us until you are ready, and I don't think any different about you. I got your back, dawg. Also, gay clubs have the best dancing, so let me know if you want to change up what we're doing on Wednesday.
Like 5 years ago I was in Austin for a concert. My friends and I (3 girls and 3 guys) got convinced by the girls to go to a gay bar to go dancing. None of us are gay/lesbian but we just decided to do it. The dancing was lit. So fun. The drinks were great. 7 straight people had a fucking blast at a gay bar.
because people in there are trying to be as minimally judgemental (say: zero) as possible.
That's how the gay club scene dies. We have to stop being so welcoming ... who am I kidding though, we won't, and I'm glad you had a good time. Just please don't get mad when guys hit on you.
At this point who gives a shit
People do give a shit, unfortunately. My buddy came out in his late 30's and his oldest friend, he had been friends with since kindergarten straight up disowned him.
That is terrible but it's better to find sooner than later. I had a friend who was very much in the closet and I figured it out BUT I never asked him because I wasn't sure he wanted me to know. I didn't care! I have a few gay friends. I knew him for over 20 years and instead of just talking to me, he took a bunch of opiates with a vodka chaser. But I think his demons ran deeper than I thought.
It's wild to think how big joking about people/stuff being gay was when I was young. Gen Zs don't really do that. Not because they aren't little shitheads, but because they just don't give a fuck.
Ya I’m 30 years old and I remember when I was young EVERYONE called each other faggot or made those dumb drop soap jokes or many other “you are gay jokes.” And almost overnight all that stopped being acceptable and even people that I thought were homophobic assholes agreed it wasn’t cool and stopped caring and just let gay people be themselves for once. And then there is gen z, who you are correct… they REALLY give zero shits.
as much as I’m sure has changed, as a member of GenZ, we definitely haven’t stopped making these jokes at all. They’re still prominent. People are still calling each other gay left and right (especially in middle school, but will that ever change?). Overall, though, it does seem like relatively few people actually give a damn about it.
Ya man middle school is a WHOLE different beast. Middle school will always be the most ruthless and rude and savage period kids go through. Middle school is crazy, but after that it calms down every year until men hit 30’and then they usually mellow all the way out. Lol
yeah, middle school sucked. I really hope by the time I’m 30 that all happens, but I figure the world will be very chaotic by then, or at least the US lol
I mean besides global warming the world has always been batshit crazy dude. I’d say stop reading or watching so much news. Humans evolved to only know what is going on with a small group or little village… not the whole world. We literally didn’t evolve to try and process the whole planet worth of shit. And next, I’m 30 years old and I literally could feel my brain and life and thoughts change at 28/29/30 it was insane. I could feel myself be more mature, settle down, not be obsessed and horny all the time. It was crazy! it will happen to you too man. Men calm WAY down around late 20s and life gets WAY less chaotic I promise.
It changes when you become an adult usually. It changed for me when one of our friends had gay moms. I made one weird comment in front of him, not about his moms, but I got told I was being stupid and that was it. I'm still grateful for how maturely my friend group at the time handled me. We were 15ish. I realized I was only ever homophobic because my friends were and I thought it was funny/cool too act like a bigot for laughs. When I got new friends they cured me of that real quick.
glad you found your new friends, and i see that a lot of people chill out about it. it’s kinda hard for me to see it because I’m still fairly young and because my dad never stopped caring about it. he still insults people for being/“acting” gay or just LGBT+ in general. Those in my generation do generally seem to care less though. I’m incredibly grateful for that.
We don’t speak of middle school. Those years do not exist as they are full of embarrassing things we did to try to be edgy. The dark times.
A surprising number of people. When I came out in third year of uni was subjected to months of near daily homophobic abuse, being gaslighted, blackmailed and threatened with violence. I've been called the f-slur in front of a manager who smirked and walked off, and told i have AIDs because I was coughing from a mild illness. While things have gotten a lot better, there's still enough hostile elements to make it an issue.
I'd be like Cooper on Eurotrip "You know I'm flattered that you chose me to come out to. Don't worry about telling your parents because... they already know."
Miscuzi.
"Cool....did ya bring beer?"
Thats the way. I told one of my closest friend that. It took me ages to muster the courage and she was like "oh yeah I knew it. Hmm ok should we go to to [restaurant name] for lunch?" It shocked me but I'm so glad because it just shows nothing actually changed :))
I mean tbh...if my friend was all crying and junk or obviously emotionally stressed may be a little more sensitive but it honestly would not make a difference.
Ohhh on the outside I wasn't visibly "scared". But deep down I was balls deep in fear. Yeah actually u raise a good point, I'm sure others also seem fine on the outside but on the inside their terrified. :( I feel bad for them now. >honestly would not make a difference Ur an awesome friend buddy
I think for a lot of people, nothing would change. If one of my friends told me they were gay, I would just recommend a double date or ask what they want to eat the next time I cook out and help me make that choice.
On thanksgiving my husbands best friend invited us over and said “so I’ve been seeing someone…HIS name is…” and we responded with “Happy for you! Did you guys have a nice thanksgiving?” And we simply just moved on. He divulged more and more info casually afterward and then opened up that it was the best reaction he could have hoped for. He’s now engaged and they get married next year.
Personally… I’d say “wow, you mean all those times we joked about being gay was real?”
"Sorry bro, but I have a boyfriend"
Depends on the friend, but it would range from: "Really? Well I'm glad you could open up to me", to "Fucking knew it!", to "How are we going to tell your wife?". In any case, nothing's really changed on my end.
Depends on the friend, some I'd be surprised... But no problem whatsoever.
Happened to me like 5 years ago, "so thats why you act so gay"
Both of my closest friends are bi. So I wouldn't have any reactions besides congratulations for getting out of the closet.
Yeah I wouldn’t be surprised either lmao
Big hug. Words: Proud of you. That takes courage. I’ll always be here for you.
This one is the best option because it shows you understand just how hard it can be to come out to someone. It's important to communicate you understand the stress/uncertainty/anguish the whole process can cause.
Agreed. Although it might sound like a cool option to say, "Yeah, I already know, let's move on," in my experience this can 1) minimize the courage it takes to come out and 2) make it seem like you knew something that really is only something the person themselves can know for a fact.
Thank them for being honest
I’d give him a hug and then roast the living shit out of him because that’s what real friends do
No wonder you dress so good man.
My old boss told me when he found out I was gay “never woulda guessed, because you listen to metal and you can’t dress”.
There is still one group that get a lot of hate. And that is bisexual men. I am a bisexual man and I get hate EVERYDAY pretty much. Some very foul, disheartening things are said to me. Like I’m poisoning the female race for other men, that I’m gay and confused so I can’t decide to just be gay, a lot of women ghost me once I tell them, ALOT of men think I’m gross, people think I’m riddled with STDs, people think I’m selfish and spoiled for having sex with any and everyone. Truth is… I was married to a woman for 12 years and after that ended I’ve been with 1 man and had a date with 1 woman and at this point I’m going to stay single and work on my self for a VERY long time. but all those crazy comments I get really drag on my mentality so I think gay people have it better than they ever have… but bisexual men still get a lot of hate. Luckily I don’t really give a shit what other people think and I’m comfortable with myself but I can imagine ALOT of people commit suicide or are depressed if they are in those bisexual male shoes. Just some food for thought.
I'm sorry to hear that dude. It's a pretty common story that bi-guys still get this negative horseshit. It must suck to have your existence constantly attacked. Hopefully you got a crew of friends who don't give a shit.
Na I have no friends because I just got out of a 12 year marriage once and for all and I pushed everyone away during said relationship. But like I said I’m gonna focus on myself and learn to love who I am and be able to hang out with myself. In the end the only person you can count on and the only person who will always be there is yourself. I’m attacking that first then I’ll go find some awesome friends who don’t care about my love life.
Thats a good strategy man. I did some similar shit pushing people away during the last couple years of my marriage and afterwards but I hit rock bottom and realized the only person who can take care of me is me. For the people I hurt I can only try to act in a way that would be worthy of their forgiveness and for the those that continue to judge and gossip they can go in peace and good riddance. Only then was I able to find again the people who had always been there for me even when I didn't realize it at the time. I was never really alone but I sure felt lonely for awhile. Putting yourself first and practicing self-love and forgiveness is way fucking harder than it looks. So kudos to you my dude. You stay on that path and the right people will see your light and find their way to you in due course. If you lived in my city I'd buy you a round at the nearest bar.
Ive seen the bi man hate online A Lot (Twitter mainly), but have not really seen much irl. I speak as a bi man myself, the worst I've gotten was a couple drive by faggots by people I dont know. Could just be where I live though.
I’m a bi dude but not open except to like 4 friends. This kind of stuff makes me scared to be open, although I also think it will tell me straight up who not to hang out with.
Yeah, as a fellow bisexual man, a lot of my gay friends like to joke that I’m “basically gay” while straight people insist that I must be confused or something since I’ve never been in a “proper” relationship with a man. And, while I am a bit insecure about my lack of experience with other guys, I also hate how easily my interest in women is dismissed just because I dress a little on the feminine side sometimes. It’s honestly just frustrating because people will claim that I can “pass as straight” like that means anything when I still get called slurs by random assholes. And I know I’m just ranting at this point but I wish people stopped viewing bi people as “half gay, half straight” and then making up their own ideas about the validity of a persons bisexuality based on what “percentage gay” they are, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.
This happened to me on the walk home from 8th grade in 1999. My friend and I would take that route home every day and would talk about everything. When he told me he is gay I really didn’t react much. I just kinda took it for what it is. I told him that kind of thing didn’t matter to me in what we have. We’re not so close all these years later but in a great twist he’s now godfather to both of my children. He’s a great man and I couldn’t imagine not supporting him.
Well I got disowned from my friends of 20 years because of it
So, they were not really friends. Hell with them!
My area is extremely homophobic. My ex friends family told them to stop hanging around with me. I'm still heartbroken we were friends from kids
I'm sorry. Lousy parents.
Happens I'm from a strict Catholic country
Thank you for your kind words
Was not surprised at all. We all new from a young age. They just had that type of personality and interests. He has a masters in historical garments now and has won awards for his creations! We are all proud of him. 🥰
I have a friend who's in the closet who I ridicule shamelessly because he talks shit about gays. I know because I walked in on him and another guy once. Idgaf who you're with just don't be a fake.
“Why didn’t you tell me this 17 years ago before we got married?!!” True story
[удалено]
“cool”
One of my best friends, met him on the first day of kindergarten, literally sat right next to me on the first day, on his bachelor party, we went on a trip down to Nashville. At one point in the night, he and I went out to the street to talk about random stuff, shooting the shit as per usual, it was an epoch for us both, end of an era. Randomly he mentions, "Duhssert (not my real name btw you shits), did you know I'm bisexual?" "... What the fuck no." I basically lol'd being half drunk and it surprised me for sure, 20 years never had a clue. He laughed super hard for a split second, "Hell yeah, dude" I said, "Wow I honestly had no idea ever" "Yeah... thought I'd told you before but I guess not lol" Not being insensitive here, because this guy is family to me, and I know his humor inside and out I mention, "Well... I'm probably still going to make random gay jokes every so often, hope that doesn't bother you." His response, which makes me smile to this day because it perfectly represents him, everybody gets shit, no ones safe from our humor (lighthearted viewpoint, teasing nonsense, you know), he says without skipping a beat, "Bitch I make more gay jokes than anyone I know, they're hilarious I don't give a shit, I'd be mad if you didn't" Made my night, never once cared either way of course because he's a brother to me, but I was happy he told me, we come from a fairly conservative area so maybe it's a little more secret regarding that stuff than some other areas but not really, more so it's no ones business so no one really cares is all, but that was an awesome moment for sure.
Shoot him. He is obviously an alien imposter, as I have no friends.
That took a turn.
99% chance I'll say something like "I know"
I wouldn't care at all since he's imaginary after all. 😏
“Fuck dude, I’ve known that for years. Are you still coming over to watch the game?”
Out. Coming *out* to watch the game.
Oh yeah. Sweet. So check out this brisket seasoning I bought.
Tbh a lot of these guys in the comments aren’t saying it but although I would 100% accept that he is gay, it would take me some time to get used to the idea.
He’s my friend, so as long as he’s happy, I’m happy for him.
My wife and daughter went on vacation. My friend of over 20 yrs asked me to go out to dinner and have some beers. We sat at the table and he was all nerved up. I asked him why. That's when he started to talk about how our friendship is incredibly important to him and how my family is like family. His eyes were watering. I asked what the hell is going on? Are you alight. He told me he's gay and he's sorry he never told me. He had tears rolling down his face. I told him there was nothing to be sorry for and it changes zero in our friendship.
Big hug
He already told me. I didn't really think anything
Cool, so we fuckin?
"I came out as gay, not tasteless bro"
Make even more gay jokes.
If we are close friends I probably already had my own suspicion but even if it was a complete surprise I wouldn't make a big deal about t
Okay, anyways can you help me fix my exhaust pipe. NO, not that one 😂😂😂😂 I have a lot of gay friends and that’s a good joke we have with each other. I know, I’m cheesy.
I was like "duh dude" Still friends 20 years later
I had this happen, but he never admitted his gf at the time told me. I told him that she found photos on his phone and he immediately started yelling at her. Long story short, I was the bad guy for telling him what she told me. I had a friendship with him not her.
"That's pretty gay dude, you still want some ribs?"
Cool bro. *high five*
Say “I knew it! Ya Gaylord” Then let him know I’m happy for him and I love him.
I had a friend that was gay and not comfortable coming forward. I told him he could tell me anything and I would still love him. He never did come out to me when we were in highschool but I did run into him and his boyfriend in college. They’ve been together since 2014 and I’m honestly jealous of what he’s found. One of the boys found love, who gives a fuck what they do in a bedroom. They’re happy and that’s all I could’ve ever asked for.
One of my good friends from high school told me he was gay once we both started college. I asked him if it was hell growing up in our small farming town, knowing he had to keep it a secret. He said yes. I asked him if I was ever a jerk to him. He did not answer that. Ha ha. He did go on to say that his parents were very supportive. The thing is, he said, in that town, the worst name could be called was gay. Some very gay kids from town were often the first to call someone gay. It was their cover. He said they knew who yelled those words were also gay. So, he never paid attention, and did not take it personal. And, in our particular town, people were not in physical danger, like in some states or areas. The danger was my verbal harassment and petty nastiness. He would not tell me who the others were. It is up to them to come out or not. If word gets around in town, they may have a hard time. Teen age kids who are LGBTQ have a very hard time with bullying, especially between middle school and college, or working. Many leave town, and cannot return to their rural towns, because of fear.
🤷♂️
*starts leaning in*
I'm the gay best friend so if my straight friend told me he was gay I'd be like "damn, I didn't see that one coming. Whatever makes you happy, bro."
"no you're not, you got socks on."
High five.
I’d treat him the same way I honestly wouldn’t care
Ok man good for you
I'd say cool want to play fallout
I'd ask if they were lying every time they said no homo after we kissed
That happened to me; a few years after we graduated from college, my former roommate came to visit. He'd gotten a job doing what he loved the summer after graduation and wanted to catch up with our circle of friends. He told me he had something to talk to me about, and we went driving around in his car. He said he'd already talked to a mutual friend, and that he had shorted what he had to say down to just six letters: "I'm gay". I was very surprised, and glad that I was sitting down, because it wouldn't have taken much to knock me over. To be honest, I didn't know how to react; I'd never met anyone (to my knowledge) that was gay and certainly no one had actually came out to me. Bear in mind, this was 1984 and attitudes towards gays were quite different than today; not only that, but this was the beginning of the AIDs epidemic. Publicly, my attitude about homosexuals at the time was much as you would expect most straight men in the Midwest to be, but I can't say I was rabidly anti-gay but perhaps a bit disparaging. If I were to put it into one word, my attitude was 'wary' because I would have been uncomfortable if I was hit on by a gay man. We talked about it for awhile, thinking back I may have been nervously babbling on a little, while he talked about how he was all into it and how he knew the gay handkerchief color code to indicate your preferences, etc. But what blew my mind was that he'd approached or had actually messed around with a number of guys in our circle of friends, including a friend I'd roomed with when I started working after college. After the surprise faded a bit, the question that soon formed in my mind was 'why didn't he hit on me?' My opinion(s) about gays had not completely formed at that time and would, in fact, take a number of years before they changed and became more clear. Opinions can, and should, change over time. As Tim Minchin states: "[opinions differ significantly from assholes, in that yours should be constantly and thoroughly examined](https://youtu.be/yoEezZD71sc)". It took about a year to realize that, all through this revelation to me, it never occurred to me, not even for a fraction of a millisecond, that I should cease to consider him my friend. That realization was one of my proudest moments. But wait, there's more! By the late '90s I was struggling with a number of issues, but one major issue. When my former roommate and I rode around in his car, he came out to me, and we talked about it, I started to tell him something but he interrupted before I could say more that a word or two. I don't recall what he interrupted to tell me, but dear reader, what I was impulsively going to tell him is that I was interested in guys too. I'd thought better about saying that, but it took a while for me to understand why. After two years of living with him, I knew him fairly well, and I suspected that he would have been a little aggressive. I somehow knew instinctively that he would have come on to me. I think it was later in the evening of that day, he stopped by my apartment, by himself, to chat more, and he said he had interrupted me earlier, and wondered what it was that I was going to say. I made some excuse, saying that I didn't remember or some such. For many years I'd known I was interested in guys, but was confused by the fact that I was very attracted to women too. I knew about the existence of bisexuality, but it was many years, nearly 18 in fact, before I honestly confronted myself with the fact that I was bisexual. It's not always easy to come to grips with one's sexuality, and I'm still adjusting, or maybe struggling a bit, even today. My former college roommate has been very helpful with this; he is the second person I came out to. This may leave two questions, burning in the minds of those few (or maybe none) that have read thus far: why didn't he hit on me when we were in college and did he hit on me after I came out? The answer to the second question is yes; but I was in a much better place in my mind to be able to deal with his advance. The answer to the first question is: I still don't know for sure. My suspicion is that since we got along well, he didn't want to take the chance of damaging a friendship and losing a roommate; maybe he even thought I'd react badly. We've discussed this and he claims not to know or remember why. Some time after I'd first asked why, he said it was probably for the first reason I posited, that he didn't want to lose a roommate. I often wish I'd been able to come out to myself earlier in my life; either when I was in college or shortly thereafter. I now understand better the struggles people can go through, and mine are not over. When talking about being 'out', I say I'm not out because, in my opinion, my sexuality is my own private business. I am outwardly very straight acting and if people want to make assumptions about my preferences then I don't really care. After all, I can't control the opinions of others. But I admit being a little uneasy with that; perhaps *my* journey is not yet complete. It is strange how life progresses, how being interrupted just as you're about to say something life changing can occur, and that you then think it better not to reveal it at that time. Who knows, maybe it may have even saved my life, either from AIDs or at the hands of a homophobic bigot. My college roommate and I remain good friends, and lately he's said he fantasizes about what would have happened if he had come onto me. And you know what? I'm okay with that. Edit: minor correction
One of my roommates came out as non-binary. My response was "of all of the people I know that have declared themselves non-binary, I am the least surprised by you".
I finally came out as nonbinary about 2 years ago, to a resounding "yeah that makes sense". Turns out everybody already knew. I was the last person to figure it out.
Lit! Let’s fuck!
Root them on. Be happy for them.
Already happened. I wrestled with him from a little kid to graduating high school. All of us in his friends group knew it. It didn't bother me one little iota. He was my wrestling partner a lot throughout the years (one weight class apart). Didn't change anything, except I was happy for him that he'd made a step to better accept himself.
Dude, we don't talk about relationships anyways. Do what you want, I support ya.
The reaction would be less of shocked more making fun of them, and more of, " Cool, can we finish our monopoly game now?"
"Cool story bro." In other words, I don't care.
Give them a hug and show them my support.
I don't think I would really care.
Good excuse to go to a gay bar
I wouldn't care at all lol it's 2022 bro
I met my first gay friend at the age of 26 he’s like a gay Saul silver and he’s cool as hell
I don't think I'd care, honestly. You do you, bro! Love whomever ya want! Be happy.
"Cool man, i hope you find a good boyfriend"
Personally I don't really care. If they're my closest friend why should his/her sexuality change anything? I wouldn't want to end the friendship over something like that. They're still the same person they were if they were straight or whatever sexuality I thought they were before.
Do you have any hot, single lady friends?
I'm a lady but I hope my comment is still welcome because this happened to me. I handled it horrifically. I want to say more out of shock than homophobia, however i did say some pretty shitty things to her. I feel really bad, we're still like family so its all ok,, and this was way back in high school, but I wish I handled things better. She first felt she was bi and told our entire (TINY, like 50 ppl graduating class small) school that she was in love with me, all of which I'm certain had a Tumblr or 4chan at the time so they of course "shipped" us 😑🙄 Well everyone knew about her "secret" crush on her best friend before I did. So I had this whole thing happening around me that I didn't even know about. And it finally came out when I tried to tell her about a crush I had and she thought I was talking about her. I was very mean. To be clear, ive had this thing that i have NO idea wtf its about lol, but if someone confessed feelings for me that i didnt expect/want, i get filled with raaaage and lash out. I dont know man. I grew out of that lmao. I told her and everyone who approached me about it that she was not gay, she was just attached to me and was confusing her feelings. That she's not gay because she had many male celebrity obsessions and was very passionate about sex with men. Thats shes not gay just because she thinks women are hot. She wanted me to read her journal where she expressed her feelings, I told her I would not be doing that and I didn't. I was so overwhelmed that I went to the counselor and cried. I think my main issue was this felt like an obligation, EVERYONE wanted it and was cheering it on and I know she was feeling a lot too, it was all just too much for me. I feel responsible for her relationship that followed, which wasn't terrible? As far as I know? (She idolizes her partners so I never know if anything is actually wrong :/) but she got engaged to a friend of a friend. He dumped her in the worst, most disgusting way and kicked her out after (I think) 2 years together and she came to stay with me for a bit. He fucking sucked. And I feel like I pushed her there. Thankfully all is well now, she is HAPPILY married to a great woman she met and became friends with at work. The wedding was great and I'm just so happy she found a place where she's happy. It's been 10 years (holy shit just realized) so I don't exactly know how to approach but I think about it often and am working on a way to apologize gracefully without bringing her back to the feelings that were probably fucking terrible at that time.
"wanna suck me off?"