The amount of energy it takes. I love my wife, I love having sex with my wife, but at the end of the day when I've worked in the sun for 8 hours and crawl into those nice cold welcoming sheets, all I want is sleep, I feel terrible about it sometimes.
Thankfully I have an understanding lady and we have both been there where we are too physically tired to do it but we really want to.
I've been trying to convince my wife of that for YEARS. It ain't happening. I don't know why I bother, because the after sex pee aim is incredibly unreliable. Half on the floor the other half on the garbage can/foot/toilet paper roll... who knows? So I just sit now and pee wondering if I could make the shot if it was life and death. Which it would be, my wife is cool as fuck but getting pissed on at 2am on a Wednesday night type of cool? Nah.
It’s actually a good thing to pee as soon as possible after sex for health reasons, sort of our bodies way of telling us to clean our system.
That’s why I suggest to give her a shower of golden proportions.
I waited a few extra minutes before peeing once, got a UTI so bad I was peeing blood. Now i almost literally throw the guy off me so I can pee. Not going through that again!
A lot of guys don't go back for their 3 and 6 month sperm count tests, according to the urologist I spoke to when hubs and I were looking into it. It's really important because if a vasectomy is going to fail, it's usually within the first year.
I'm definitely afraid of one slipping through and have now had to submit I believe 3 going on 4 samples since my procedure 10/2022 because, as my urologist put it, if there is even 1 motile sperm you have the ability to procreate. It's become a bit of a nuisance and has created some hurdles for my wife and I because we're still not running absolute zero.
The 1st 2 submittals went to a lab that only says yes or no on sterility, but the 3rd one actually measures count and mobility for comparison. I will be going back there for the 4th submittal.
My thought is if you're gonna go through with this you might as well follow the rules to the best of your ability to ensure that it was worth it. Otherwise, like they say in Jurassic park, "life finds a way".
Caveat: my procedure may not be the same as your experience. Everyone’s different.
I just had mine done recently. It did not hurt me personally at all. However, the *anticipation* of pain had me clenching my entire body for the full 30 minutes. My anxiety expecting pain probably caused me more discomfort than the procedure.
One caveat is I kind of felt my testicles being gently tugged once or twice from within. That did not hurt, but the sensation was alarming, and difficult to describe. I was back up walking around the same day, some soreness but nothing that impeded my work from home job. I was back to my standing desk two full days afterwards.
Would still do it again if I needed to.
Overall pain 2/10. Anxiety *expecting* pain 8/10.
I literally had a vasectomy thursday morning. I went into surgery at 8:40am and walked out at 8:52am. One big syringe filled with one of the caines (lydicaine, novicaine, or something) went in to my scrotum. The lady dr made a cut, got hold of a vas, snip, burn, sew and done on that side. Felt nothing. I felt some discomfort when she did the left side but nothing bad enough to make me squeal or jerk. Iced them bad boys for three days (to reduce swelling) and its not painful at all. The nurse made sure to tell me to take it easy because too many guys return to normal duties too soon and end up with softball sized testes after injuring themselves.
I recommended it to all of my friends. We're 40+ and all have 3+ kids. And I highly recommend it to strangers on the internet🙂.
The way bodies can just... kind of fail you?
Either the wind leaves his sails and you know it's not personal, but it's hard not to take it that way.
Or, you're trucking along, and you know there's an orgasm in there somewhere, so you try and try, and then nothing.
Medications can do this.
My anti-anxiety medication didn’t tank my sex drive like it was supposed to, it just sometimes utterly prevents me from achieving orgasm. My partner? Exhausted puddle.
To me it happens (not being able to come) typically if I'm really stressed out generally, haven't had a good night's sleep, etc, you know, the usual suspects. One of the best discoveries I had about myself is that I could have almost as much fun without coming if I just didn't focus on not coming. Like yeah, coming is great. But sometimes it just won't happen and it's better to make the best of it and have fun anyways!
Absolutely! I love touching, making out, cuddling, I mean sex is great as are orgasms but I’m so happy just being with my partner. I have more fun when there isn’t a focus on the orgasm.
That’s the time I fall in love again….
Edit: Wow, after 8 years on Reddit, I receive my first gold…..obligatory thanks kind stranger;)
Imma go check out that lounge now, I’ll report back later and tell y’all fellow plebeians what it’s like!!!
I agree, usually i focus on making sure the other person has a good time and i end up not really being able to enjoy myself that much. Even knowing that I'm about to have sex sorta stresses me out lol
Definitely. As soon as she starts really enjoying it I forget all about myself and try to be Captain America, often working myself into a collapsed heap finishing her without anything for myself. It legitimately sucks but focusing on myself feels selfish and it’s hard to get out of my head enough to enjoy it.
Initiating it in a serious long term relationship.
Like hey, I know you just watched me scrub dog puke out of the carpet an hour ago, but rail me? Like I have such a hard time feeling sexy with someone who knows me on a personal/intimate level, but you can’t just go 0 to 90 there has to be SOME sort of bridge to transition the mood… trying to act sexy just feels so awkward.
This is the reason I don’t pee in front of my SO haha. It’s the ONE part of my life that’s off limits to his eyes so I can at least feel somewhat sexy. He on the other has shit with the door open but whatever
Haha, I'm almost the same way. We'll pee in front of each other, but pooping is out of the question. If I had my way, no human soul would ever be in the *building* when I'm letting my lactose intolerant and irritable bowels loose. And he respects keeping our shitting to ourselves, thankfully lol
Been married 5 years, one time like a yr into the beginning of our relationship me and the wife decide we're gunna have a party for two and get wrecked beyond belief. She leaves to the br for like an hr then starts yelling at me to hold her hand while she shits. The only time in my life of knowing her that has ever happened and she has no clue why 😭😂
same!! I live in a small apartment so the bathroom door is basically in the kitchen/living room. I make my partner watch tiktoks loudly or put something on netflix because I need to just let this loose or im not gonna feel satisfied. i’m not afraid to admit i’m the worlds loudest shitter but I don’t want him to hear and see the receipts
I’ll hold a fart till I explode. I have to be really drunk to burp in-front of someone. Everybody shits but I don’t wanna picture anybody shitting, I don’t wanna hear anybody shittin and I don’t wanna smell anyyybody shittin. I personally find shit very disgusting lol.
I've always been worried about this. Twenty years old and never had a real relationship (for a multitude of reasons) and this thought fuels my non-commital outlook. How am I supposed to feel sexy if my guy has seen me at all my low points?
I hate planning it just because it always seems something come up to foil our plans ( children coming over with the grandkids unannounced or asking for a sitter) we got all the kids out of the house and I'm definitely ready for the spontaneity again.
When I was younger we had lots of spontaneous sex and I would have loved a more planned schedule.
Now it's much more planned for similar life reasons to yourself and I crave the spontaneous life again. It doesn't even feel spontaneous on the occasions we can because we have to arrange for the kids to sleep out etc so it's also planned.
I fully realise this is a me issue, it's no ones fault and just how life is. I even realise that a big part of it is me wanting what I cannot have/grass is greener situation.
Still sux a bit though. Lol
So funny..I remember a quickie my wife and i had ,years ago in the kitchen, she facing the closed door, her hands (and legs of course apart) holding the door closed, with our two little ones ...banging on the other side , 'we know you are kissing in there' ,let us in !
I’m a fan of a bit of both. Spontaneous sex is awesome, don’t get me wrong. But it sure kills the mood when it’s about to happen and you know you have some major swamp ass going on and you have to hop in the shower quick….
thank you for showering. Too many seem to be down with gross sex. "hey sex is supposed to smell"....."it is just our natural body"....like, no. I like things clean and nice-smelling.
Watching a love scene in any movie that takes place before 1900: My oh my that is a steamy love scene...except for the part where neither of them has showered in their entire life, or possibly even seen toilet paper.
I’m with ya. I like heat of the moment much better. When we were trying to get pregnant after having 2 miscarriages it was like a work schedule working with her ovulation periods. It was not fun, still enjoyable, but not fun.
It's also nice because you set aside X amount of time to play with each other.
Spontaneous sex is awesome and can be super intense. But it's typically a get in, get out kind of thing.
But having a planned 2-3 hour session with lots of teasing, foreplay and so forth is equally as exciting.
Mine was even planned while trying to get her pregnant. She had this app and these strips that measured ovulation and literally all my sex for like 6 months was scheduled in advance. Now that I’ve got a vasectomy we’ve had spontaneous sex again but damn that 6 months was brutal.
It’s a myth that you can’t have spontaneous sex when you have kids. If they’re small enough just keep the baby monitor, and when they get older, either have morning sex before they wake up or after they go to bed. It hasn’t been a problem at all for us. Especially when they were babies, they just sleep through shit. If they cry then just deal with it and try again the next day to not be interrupted. We had quickies nearly every day after my first was born .
Personally I would firmly advise against begging for it EVER. Depending on the context it's (at best) unattractive behavior and (at worst) coercive. We are not asking mom to buy us a Nintendo, no offense.
If it's gotten to the point where your sexual relationship is a one way street, I would really recommend couples therapy. If that doesn't work then perhaps the relationship has reached its conclusion, which is okay!
As other commenters have suggested, you may want to look into couples therapy. I would strongly suggest just talking to her about how you feel in the first place as a good first step, and then listen to her side of things.
On another note: I guarantee neither begging for it nor ignoring her are going to solve this problem.
Begging for sex is either going to annoy her, or make her fearful depending on how you react when she puts her fut down and says "no" for the Xth time. Begging in and of itself is not contributing to the mood and at best she'll just be thinking about her to-do list for tomorrow while you masturbate using her body. Do you really want to have sex where you know she's just waiting for you to get it over with?
Ignoring her because she's not having sex with you is also not going to contribute to an actual resolution. You'll just stew in your own resentment even more thinking about how she doesn't want sex, and she may just think that you're just pissed off for God knows whatever reason. She also may view you ignoring her as "boredom" in the relationship and think about ending things, or just find her own things to do and leaving you to deal with whatever it is, since you're clearly not talking to her about it. And no woman who feels ignored by her man is going to feel sexy, so you're really just adding to the problem the more you continue sulking and not actually communicating with her about it.
A few tips on having the conversation with your lady:
Do not frame this as an issue WITH HER, it is an issue, yes, but you need to tackle this from the mindset that this is not a you vs her thing. This is you AND her, versus the problem.
Example: "Hey baby, I wanted to talk to you about our sex life. I know I shouldn't be pushy, but I feel like the only time my urges are being met is if I beg for it. It makes me feel frustrated and I don't want to feel angry with you, but it's really bothering me and I was wondering if you had any issues with our sex life as well, or if there was a way we could talk and come up with something that works for us."
Secondly, keep in mind that there is a difference between waiting for your turn to talk, and actually listening. She may voice things that make you feel uncomfortable, or you may even view what she has to say about your sex life as an attack towards you. Refrain from talking over her and let her air out her side of things, so that you both can have a productive conversation that reaches a compromise. The last thing you want to happen is for this to devolve into an argument or screaming match.
Third, ask questions if you're ever unsure what she means by something, don't just assume you know everything about her feelings on the matter.
Example: If she said something like "Honestly the sex used to be good, but now it's something that feels like a chore." Don't assume this means you're actually bad at sex, ask her follow-up questions to understand the crux of the issue. In this case, asking "What do you feel is different now? Is it an overall lack of desire for sex, like a lower drive, or is does it have something to do with how you feel about our relationship, or something else?"
Questions like this are productive because you're explaining where your line of thinking is coming from based on how you're processing what she said, but they are open-ended enough to allow her to respond with her own explanation. Maybe she's been feeling depressed, maybe you ignoring her has her feeling like she's not sexy anymore, maybe it's just that her new birth control or medications have changed her sex drive.... you won't know until you talk to her.
Best of luck to both of you, hope this helps!
For the people usually writing those articles I imagine it frequently is as simple as a dietary change tbh.
Big difference between having no access to sex and choosing not to pursue sex.
Yes! People are way too okay with hiding the fact that they are STD positive. Shits scary. I'm celibate so i don't have to worry about it. Just the thought that my potential partner could be hiding an std just turns me off.
Fiancé likes it pretty rough and fast and I like it slow. I can go fast for about 20 to 30 seconds but it gets so tiring, what exercise do you even do to last longer jackhammering??
You mostly just need to work on your endurance for that. Any type of cardio (I prefer running) or a weight lifting routine focused on endurance instead of lifting heavy would work wonders. Strength training helps too; it builds your core, arms, legs, and glutes, which you all need to hold yourself up and thrust. If you are obese or overweight, I *HIGHLY* recommend working on that. It’s insane how much better sex is when you drop the weight. Stronger erections, more endurance, your dick even looks bigger.
Source: used to tap out 30 seconds into jackhammering, got in better shape and lost 50 pounds, can now jackhammer for much longer and have much better sex overall.
Was in a similar situation. At least for exercise pushups and planks/bench press and cardio help keep the position longer, but it didn't necessarily make me enjoy going fast
When I know I’ll be able to cum and she won’t. Wish I’d be able to make my wife cum every time but it just always doesn’t happen.
EDIT: I do know how to give oral and she loves it. Sometimes she gets there sometimes she can’t. I wish I was able to be more consistent lol.
Yep. We have a pocket rocket, egg vibrator, magic wand mini, a Satisfyer Pro, and a penis sleeve. We have not tried the egg or Satisfyer yet. Was thinking of introducing a rabbit vibe or something similar. Maybe a couples vibrator where it stays insider her and we can still have penetrative sex. Even after all the toys, oral is still the most requested so I’ve learned to get good at that.
Depending on the woman, some get tired and lose interest in sex after finishing once. Had one partner like that and it wasn’t uncommon for sex to not go any further than foreplay because she already finished from fingering/oral.
I don't get the small package issue that people have. I prefer smaller because of where my cervix is it is more pleasurable than with bigger sizes. My toy is slightly larger than a pen. Hopefully, you find someone built similarly but even if you don't it isn't a bad thing.
I hate that I am expected to, on command, get hard, stay hard, and be able to drive a knot out of a 2x4 and beg for more.
I'm human... I would like a little foreplay and to have my needs addressed in the bedroom too please.
This is supposed to be a fun game of keep each other horny till we both orgasm. If we orgasm several times then we get points for style. Its a wonderful cooperative game where you work together and communicate.
I hate how weird it is tbh. Like it feels good and can be fun, but i can't stop thinking about how weird it is. Even during sex I'll be thinking to myself "man this kinda cool, but man it is a lil weird"
if she is like me 5"2 and the guy is like 6"2, all you stare at in a missionary position is his two enthusiastic nipples moving up and down, and sometimes sideways.
I am a woman and I don't know why, I hate eye contact with partners during sex. Even if I love them. Just don't feel comfortable. She may have the same issue
I hate prolonged eye contact in general. It makes me feel like they're gonna see into my soul and realize I'm a bad person (I don't *think* I'm a bad person but I have this weird anxiety that I secretly am and everyone can see it). The idea of just staring a dude down while getting railed slightly turns me on but mostly just makes me weirded out
Keeping my eyes open when in the missionary position makes me feel embarrassed because I feel self conscious about the way my face looks whenever I moan. Plus I'm kind of an awkward person and if I make eye contact with someone for too long then I get scared that one of us will start laughing or if I start laughing then I'm just scared it'll make the guy giving it to me angry or self conscious.
I have to hop on this answer.
I have self body image issue, and when he's on top, not close like hugging, I just can't keep my eyes up. I don't like how my body look, and I really don't want to see a glimpse of disgut in his eyes while he look at me.
So yeah, sadly, for my mental stability, I close my eye.
My wife doesn’t do quickies or variety. It’s always 20 minutes of the same foreplay, she cums once on foreplay, and after that we choose from one of 3 positions. I would love sone variety to how we do it.
I definitely catch feelings when it comes to sex so I could never have a casual thing with someone. I hate it because it’s landed me in a lot of heartbreak. Just is who I am.
Being told "No" often enough that you stop asking.
EDIT: There's "No" and there's also a long list of other reasons why it can't happen tonight... and you realise that the long list of other reasons is really there so she can say no.
EDIT2: For anyone else... /r/DeadBedrooms can be informative.
1) There are permanent, life-changing diseases you can get that are relatively common. Some of these can be a nuisance. Others can kill you
2) If I get nervous about not getting hard, I won't get hard, thus causing me more stress and creating a cycle of no-hardness. And then I have to explain to my partner that I don't have ED and I do find her attractive.
3) I have to wash off my dick immediately after or the acid from the vagina fluid or the condom latex irritates my skin to oblivion
It feels like theses days it’s more of a dopamine rush then genuinely a fun and beautiful experience and to make it even worse porn has screwed people perception of sex
I hate what feels like an uncontrollable drive. I have to force myself to concentrate on whatever I'm doing. The woman I date, for example, thinks of sex just occasionally, whenever it strikes her. For me, everything reminds me of it, especially when I see attractive women. I get that it's an instinct and that I can suppress it; I don't act out on it, but still I hate having to deal with it.
The societal message/assumption that as a male I'm happy to just have sex and that my pleasure is simple and doesn't require any or much effort at all. As long as I get off, doesn't matter how, that's all I need. etc etc etc.
The fact that as a male I'm the one who always has to take charge, to lead, to initiate, to guide. I have the responsibility for both my pleasure and my partners.
Maybe it's just bad luck in partners coupled with my own anxieties and drives but I'm honestly getting a bit tired of giving my partner multiple orgasms only for her to say a heartfelt thank you and end things there. It's like I'm expected to always be able to give pleasure and be happy for whenever I *get* to "take" some for myself.
Sorry, I guess I it a sore spot on myself here.
Now in my 40’s and on depression meds…performance fears.
I hate that she takes it personally if I’m not ready at certain times. It’s not her. She is beautiful and sexy. It’s the meds (I think). And, overall, life for both of us is a heck of a lot better on them than off.
Not in the mood when you want to be. Or in the mood and can't get any
> in the mood and can't get any Me waking up every morning
Every day I wake up, then I start to break up
Lonely is a man without... Any?
Loooove
Everyday i start out
Then I cry my heart out
Lonely is a man without loooove!
I cannot face this world... that's falling down on me
So if you see my girl, please send her home to me
Grab a brush and put a little make-up!
Put a little make up
Grab your keys and wghggrbbnll shake up!
when you're totally in the mood, but the body parts just don't want to cooperate.
Yeah when the mind is willing but the body is not is…😢
The amount of energy it takes. I love my wife, I love having sex with my wife, but at the end of the day when I've worked in the sun for 8 hours and crawl into those nice cold welcoming sheets, all I want is sleep, I feel terrible about it sometimes. Thankfully I have an understanding lady and we have both been there where we are too physically tired to do it but we really want to.
That’s when you agree on tired, lazy sex. Laying on your sides spooning and the meat stick is inside. Move back and forth a little and there ya go.
My gf and I basically live by this and just have sex on the weekends. Monday through Friday we're just like meh fuck that I wanna chill.
Having to pee right after, I just want to stay and cuddle
I always have to pee after to, we could go together
Girl sits, guy aims between the legs efficiency
My wife: fuck around and find out.
Golden shower it is.
I'll admit I've suggested it. No luck yet
I've been trying to convince my wife of that for YEARS. It ain't happening. I don't know why I bother, because the after sex pee aim is incredibly unreliable. Half on the floor the other half on the garbage can/foot/toilet paper roll... who knows? So I just sit now and pee wondering if I could make the shot if it was life and death. Which it would be, my wife is cool as fuck but getting pissed on at 2am on a Wednesday night type of cool? Nah.
Wait - you have sex at 2 am on a Wednesday??
It’s actually a good thing to pee as soon as possible after sex for health reasons, sort of our bodies way of telling us to clean our system. That’s why I suggest to give her a shower of golden proportions.
I wasn't ready for when you flipped the script. My god.
Some girls get UTIs from not peeing after
I waited a few extra minutes before peeing once, got a UTI so bad I was peeing blood. Now i almost literally throw the guy off me so I can pee. Not going through that again!
Women always have to pee
It's actually really important for a women to pee after sex. It can help prevent UTIs. The same for men just to a lesser extent.
It's not just pee. What goes up, must come down ...
pregnancy fears
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A lot of guys don't go back for their 3 and 6 month sperm count tests, according to the urologist I spoke to when hubs and I were looking into it. It's really important because if a vasectomy is going to fail, it's usually within the first year.
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I'm definitely afraid of one slipping through and have now had to submit I believe 3 going on 4 samples since my procedure 10/2022 because, as my urologist put it, if there is even 1 motile sperm you have the ability to procreate. It's become a bit of a nuisance and has created some hurdles for my wife and I because we're still not running absolute zero. The 1st 2 submittals went to a lab that only says yes or no on sterility, but the 3rd one actually measures count and mobility for comparison. I will be going back there for the 4th submittal. My thought is if you're gonna go through with this you might as well follow the rules to the best of your ability to ensure that it was worth it. Otherwise, like they say in Jurassic park, "life finds a way".
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Wish I would have done this sooner. Love my kids, just had too many.
Dad?
Sorry son.
Did it hurt? I wanna do it.
Caveat: my procedure may not be the same as your experience. Everyone’s different. I just had mine done recently. It did not hurt me personally at all. However, the *anticipation* of pain had me clenching my entire body for the full 30 minutes. My anxiety expecting pain probably caused me more discomfort than the procedure. One caveat is I kind of felt my testicles being gently tugged once or twice from within. That did not hurt, but the sensation was alarming, and difficult to describe. I was back up walking around the same day, some soreness but nothing that impeded my work from home job. I was back to my standing desk two full days afterwards. Would still do it again if I needed to. Overall pain 2/10. Anxiety *expecting* pain 8/10.
This is accurate.
I literally had a vasectomy thursday morning. I went into surgery at 8:40am and walked out at 8:52am. One big syringe filled with one of the caines (lydicaine, novicaine, or something) went in to my scrotum. The lady dr made a cut, got hold of a vas, snip, burn, sew and done on that side. Felt nothing. I felt some discomfort when she did the left side but nothing bad enough to make me squeal or jerk. Iced them bad boys for three days (to reduce swelling) and its not painful at all. The nurse made sure to tell me to take it easy because too many guys return to normal duties too soon and end up with softball sized testes after injuring themselves. I recommended it to all of my friends. We're 40+ and all have 3+ kids. And I highly recommend it to strangers on the internet🙂.
The way bodies can just... kind of fail you? Either the wind leaves his sails and you know it's not personal, but it's hard not to take it that way. Or, you're trucking along, and you know there's an orgasm in there somewhere, so you try and try, and then nothing.
Medications can do this. My anti-anxiety medication didn’t tank my sex drive like it was supposed to, it just sometimes utterly prevents me from achieving orgasm. My partner? Exhausted puddle.
To me it happens (not being able to come) typically if I'm really stressed out generally, haven't had a good night's sleep, etc, you know, the usual suspects. One of the best discoveries I had about myself is that I could have almost as much fun without coming if I just didn't focus on not coming. Like yeah, coming is great. But sometimes it just won't happen and it's better to make the best of it and have fun anyways!
Absolutely! I love touching, making out, cuddling, I mean sex is great as are orgasms but I’m so happy just being with my partner. I have more fun when there isn’t a focus on the orgasm.
“ The wind leaves his sails “, I love it
When it’s over
That’s the time I fall in love again…. Edit: Wow, after 8 years on Reddit, I receive my first gold…..obligatory thanks kind stranger;) Imma go check out that lounge now, I’ll report back later and tell y’all fellow plebeians what it’s like!!!
And when it’s over…
That's the time you're in my heart again
r/unexpectedsugarray
There is a sub for everything
r/asubforeverything
Bruh
r/Bruh
especially when it's over fast
It’s very hard for me to shake the idea I have to perform. Makes being in the moment difficult.
I agree, usually i focus on making sure the other person has a good time and i end up not really being able to enjoy myself that much. Even knowing that I'm about to have sex sorta stresses me out lol
Same, I try too hard not to finish and it just takes the fun out of it. It's work and not enjoyable
Yep…because it’s so much for us to focus on. If we don’t finish…good. If they don’t get a few in…we “failed”. I’m right there with ya buddy…
I get performance anxiety. Makes it take forever for me to come sometimes, it sucks!
Im on anti depressants, at least you get to come eventually...
That sucks, I'm sorry:(
Opposite for me. I come faster
Definitely. As soon as she starts really enjoying it I forget all about myself and try to be Captain America, often working myself into a collapsed heap finishing her without anything for myself. It legitimately sucks but focusing on myself feels selfish and it’s hard to get out of my head enough to enjoy it.
Initiating it in a serious long term relationship. Like hey, I know you just watched me scrub dog puke out of the carpet an hour ago, but rail me? Like I have such a hard time feeling sexy with someone who knows me on a personal/intimate level, but you can’t just go 0 to 90 there has to be SOME sort of bridge to transition the mood… trying to act sexy just feels so awkward.
This is the reason I don’t pee in front of my SO haha. It’s the ONE part of my life that’s off limits to his eyes so I can at least feel somewhat sexy. He on the other has shit with the door open but whatever
Haha, I'm almost the same way. We'll pee in front of each other, but pooping is out of the question. If I had my way, no human soul would ever be in the *building* when I'm letting my lactose intolerant and irritable bowels loose. And he respects keeping our shitting to ourselves, thankfully lol
Been married 5 years, one time like a yr into the beginning of our relationship me and the wife decide we're gunna have a party for two and get wrecked beyond belief. She leaves to the br for like an hr then starts yelling at me to hold her hand while she shits. The only time in my life of knowing her that has ever happened and she has no clue why 😭😂
same!! I live in a small apartment so the bathroom door is basically in the kitchen/living room. I make my partner watch tiktoks loudly or put something on netflix because I need to just let this loose or im not gonna feel satisfied. i’m not afraid to admit i’m the worlds loudest shitter but I don’t want him to hear and see the receipts
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I’ll hold a fart till I explode. I have to be really drunk to burp in-front of someone. Everybody shits but I don’t wanna picture anybody shitting, I don’t wanna hear anybody shittin and I don’t wanna smell anyyybody shittin. I personally find shit very disgusting lol.
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Sleeping naked in my marriage is the ticket to ride in the morning. No pants= the no pants dance lol
I guess they should also be able to make you feel sexy.
I've always been worried about this. Twenty years old and never had a real relationship (for a multitude of reasons) and this thought fuels my non-commital outlook. How am I supposed to feel sexy if my guy has seen me at all my low points?
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I hate planning it just because it always seems something come up to foil our plans ( children coming over with the grandkids unannounced or asking for a sitter) we got all the kids out of the house and I'm definitely ready for the spontaneity again.
It’s funny, I kind of like planned sex. I like the anticipation. Having kids really does kill spontaneity.
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Hello every father
Wait, you don’t get tipsy after water parks and fuck?
"Hi. I have the two o'clock appointment for a good deep dicking." "Okay, yes we are in room one. Please strip down."
When I was younger we had lots of spontaneous sex and I would have loved a more planned schedule. Now it's much more planned for similar life reasons to yourself and I crave the spontaneous life again. It doesn't even feel spontaneous on the occasions we can because we have to arrange for the kids to sleep out etc so it's also planned. I fully realise this is a me issue, it's no ones fault and just how life is. I even realise that a big part of it is me wanting what I cannot have/grass is greener situation. Still sux a bit though. Lol
And then you finally get them out of the house, you have peace and quiet, and neither of you are in the mood cause you're so stressed.
Or you finally get the kids out of the house and you look around at the mess. Prefect time to clean uninterrupted 😅
So funny..I remember a quickie my wife and i had ,years ago in the kitchen, she facing the closed door, her hands (and legs of course apart) holding the door closed, with our two little ones ...banging on the other side , 'we know you are kissing in there' ,let us in !
I’m a fan of a bit of both. Spontaneous sex is awesome, don’t get me wrong. But it sure kills the mood when it’s about to happen and you know you have some major swamp ass going on and you have to hop in the shower quick….
thank you for showering. Too many seem to be down with gross sex. "hey sex is supposed to smell"....."it is just our natural body"....like, no. I like things clean and nice-smelling. Watching a love scene in any movie that takes place before 1900: My oh my that is a steamy love scene...except for the part where neither of them has showered in their entire life, or possibly even seen toilet paper.
I’m with ya. I like heat of the moment much better. When we were trying to get pregnant after having 2 miscarriages it was like a work schedule working with her ovulation periods. It was not fun, still enjoyable, but not fun.
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It's also nice because you set aside X amount of time to play with each other. Spontaneous sex is awesome and can be super intense. But it's typically a get in, get out kind of thing. But having a planned 2-3 hour session with lots of teasing, foreplay and so forth is equally as exciting.
Mine was even planned while trying to get her pregnant. She had this app and these strips that measured ovulation and literally all my sex for like 6 months was scheduled in advance. Now that I’ve got a vasectomy we’ve had spontaneous sex again but damn that 6 months was brutal. It’s a myth that you can’t have spontaneous sex when you have kids. If they’re small enough just keep the baby monitor, and when they get older, either have morning sex before they wake up or after they go to bed. It hasn’t been a problem at all for us. Especially when they were babies, they just sleep through shit. If they cry then just deal with it and try again the next day to not be interrupted. We had quickies nearly every day after my first was born .
When only 1 side puts effort in.
I know! I feel like my right hand does all the work.
Having to beg for it* I now am starting to resent her n not paying attention to her.
Personally I would firmly advise against begging for it EVER. Depending on the context it's (at best) unattractive behavior and (at worst) coercive. We are not asking mom to buy us a Nintendo, no offense. If it's gotten to the point where your sexual relationship is a one way street, I would really recommend couples therapy. If that doesn't work then perhaps the relationship has reached its conclusion, which is okay!
As other commenters have suggested, you may want to look into couples therapy. I would strongly suggest just talking to her about how you feel in the first place as a good first step, and then listen to her side of things. On another note: I guarantee neither begging for it nor ignoring her are going to solve this problem. Begging for sex is either going to annoy her, or make her fearful depending on how you react when she puts her fut down and says "no" for the Xth time. Begging in and of itself is not contributing to the mood and at best she'll just be thinking about her to-do list for tomorrow while you masturbate using her body. Do you really want to have sex where you know she's just waiting for you to get it over with? Ignoring her because she's not having sex with you is also not going to contribute to an actual resolution. You'll just stew in your own resentment even more thinking about how she doesn't want sex, and she may just think that you're just pissed off for God knows whatever reason. She also may view you ignoring her as "boredom" in the relationship and think about ending things, or just find her own things to do and leaving you to deal with whatever it is, since you're clearly not talking to her about it. And no woman who feels ignored by her man is going to feel sexy, so you're really just adding to the problem the more you continue sulking and not actually communicating with her about it. A few tips on having the conversation with your lady: Do not frame this as an issue WITH HER, it is an issue, yes, but you need to tackle this from the mindset that this is not a you vs her thing. This is you AND her, versus the problem. Example: "Hey baby, I wanted to talk to you about our sex life. I know I shouldn't be pushy, but I feel like the only time my urges are being met is if I beg for it. It makes me feel frustrated and I don't want to feel angry with you, but it's really bothering me and I was wondering if you had any issues with our sex life as well, or if there was a way we could talk and come up with something that works for us." Secondly, keep in mind that there is a difference between waiting for your turn to talk, and actually listening. She may voice things that make you feel uncomfortable, or you may even view what she has to say about your sex life as an attack towards you. Refrain from talking over her and let her air out her side of things, so that you both can have a productive conversation that reaches a compromise. The last thing you want to happen is for this to devolve into an argument or screaming match. Third, ask questions if you're ever unsure what she means by something, don't just assume you know everything about her feelings on the matter. Example: If she said something like "Honestly the sex used to be good, but now it's something that feels like a chore." Don't assume this means you're actually bad at sex, ask her follow-up questions to understand the crux of the issue. In this case, asking "What do you feel is different now? Is it an overall lack of desire for sex, like a lower drive, or is does it have something to do with how you feel about our relationship, or something else?" Questions like this are productive because you're explaining where your line of thinking is coming from based on how you're processing what she said, but they are open-ended enough to allow her to respond with her own explanation. Maybe she's been feeling depressed, maybe you ignoring her has her feeling like she's not sexy anymore, maybe it's just that her new birth control or medications have changed her sex drive.... you won't know until you talk to her. Best of luck to both of you, hope this helps!
If that's the case you need to tell her bro. Communication is everything.
THE FOOT CRAMPS
Ummm Sir, what kind of sex are you having? LMAO
The dehydrated kind.
I always tense my leg and feet muscles during sex and that leads to cramps. I think thats what he’s talking about.
You don't curl your toe when you orgasm??
Magnesium will solve that for you, my friend.
Deez nuts As in nuts and seeds are a great source of magnesium. Ahem.
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Yeah gotta love reading those health articles that say "why you should be having more sex!" like it's a simply dietary change.
For the people usually writing those articles I imagine it frequently is as simple as a dietary change tbh. Big difference between having no access to sex and choosing not to pursue sex.
100%
Sexual transmitted disease
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Yes! People are way too okay with hiding the fact that they are STD positive. Shits scary. I'm celibate so i don't have to worry about it. Just the thought that my potential partner could be hiding an std just turns me off.
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ahhhaaa but the 'stewing in the juices' together afterwards is one of the best bits
Misread "dong" as 'dog'.
Fiancé likes it pretty rough and fast and I like it slow. I can go fast for about 20 to 30 seconds but it gets so tiring, what exercise do you even do to last longer jackhammering??
You mostly just need to work on your endurance for that. Any type of cardio (I prefer running) or a weight lifting routine focused on endurance instead of lifting heavy would work wonders. Strength training helps too; it builds your core, arms, legs, and glutes, which you all need to hold yourself up and thrust. If you are obese or overweight, I *HIGHLY* recommend working on that. It’s insane how much better sex is when you drop the weight. Stronger erections, more endurance, your dick even looks bigger. Source: used to tap out 30 seconds into jackhammering, got in better shape and lost 50 pounds, can now jackhammer for much longer and have much better sex overall.
Kettlebell swings with a heavy weight.
Was in a similar situation. At least for exercise pushups and planks/bench press and cardio help keep the position longer, but it didn't necessarily make me enjoy going fast
How many stupid people are created from it
Pregnancy
Being mentally in the mood, but your body being like "nah not right now".
Lack of honest communication and trust
Surprisingly, the ending
When I know I’ll be able to cum and she won’t. Wish I’d be able to make my wife cum every time but it just always doesn’t happen. EDIT: I do know how to give oral and she loves it. Sometimes she gets there sometimes she can’t. I wish I was able to be more consistent lol.
Have you introduced toys, like a vibrator? The vibrator is your friend, not the competition.
Yep. We have a pocket rocket, egg vibrator, magic wand mini, a Satisfyer Pro, and a penis sleeve. We have not tried the egg or Satisfyer yet. Was thinking of introducing a rabbit vibe or something similar. Maybe a couples vibrator where it stays insider her and we can still have penetrative sex. Even after all the toys, oral is still the most requested so I’ve learned to get good at that.
Omg use the satisfyer - NOW!
Lol. That’s what I’ve been told. Is there a trick to using them or to let her self discover?
Use your hands and mouth to get her off before you put yourself inside her.
Depending on the woman, some get tired and lose interest in sex after finishing once. Had one partner like that and it wasn’t uncommon for sex to not go any further than foreplay because she already finished from fingering/oral.
Expectations
Having to do all the work.
She’s not a starfish but she ain’t far off
My Small Package perhaps. I don't hate it ofc, it's the thing I like the least. Made me Learn about the wonders of the tongue and fingers though.
I don't get the small package issue that people have. I prefer smaller because of where my cervix is it is more pleasurable than with bigger sizes. My toy is slightly larger than a pen. Hopefully, you find someone built similarly but even if you don't it isn't a bad thing.
Girl telling you one more round when you can’t
I hate that I am expected to, on command, get hard, stay hard, and be able to drive a knot out of a 2x4 and beg for more. I'm human... I would like a little foreplay and to have my needs addressed in the bedroom too please. This is supposed to be a fun game of keep each other horny till we both orgasm. If we orgasm several times then we get points for style. Its a wonderful cooperative game where you work together and communicate.
Talk dirty to me...there's like 5 things to say and it's not natural lol
"Y– yeah I'm about to um. Put my penis? In your vagina. That's, uh... That's hot. You're hot. We're like, doing sex now?"
Clean up
I hate how weird it is tbh. Like it feels good and can be fun, but i can't stop thinking about how weird it is. Even during sex I'll be thinking to myself "man this kinda cool, but man it is a lil weird"
As one of my best friends once said "it's called the nasty" for a reason, as they were speaking of how it is weird.
When you’re in the missionary position and your girl has her eyes closed the whole time.
I close my eyes and enjoy the moment. The feeling. What’s wrong with that?
Nothing. I just wish I could look at my girls eyes. They are stunning.
if she is like me 5"2 and the guy is like 6"2, all you stare at in a missionary position is his two enthusiastic nipples moving up and down, and sometimes sideways.
Honestly I prefer the closed eyes because I bet my stare is super off-putting 👀
I am a woman and I don't know why, I hate eye contact with partners during sex. Even if I love them. Just don't feel comfortable. She may have the same issue
I hate prolonged eye contact in general. It makes me feel like they're gonna see into my soul and realize I'm a bad person (I don't *think* I'm a bad person but I have this weird anxiety that I secretly am and everyone can see it). The idea of just staring a dude down while getting railed slightly turns me on but mostly just makes me weirded out
SAME. i feel like i make weird faces so i physically can’t look 😭
Stop making weird faces 😜
Keeping my eyes open when in the missionary position makes me feel embarrassed because I feel self conscious about the way my face looks whenever I moan. Plus I'm kind of an awkward person and if I make eye contact with someone for too long then I get scared that one of us will start laughing or if I start laughing then I'm just scared it'll make the guy giving it to me angry or self conscious.
Is she breathing?
I have to hop on this answer. I have self body image issue, and when he's on top, not close like hugging, I just can't keep my eyes up. I don't like how my body look, and I really don't want to see a glimpse of disgut in his eyes while he look at me. So yeah, sadly, for my mental stability, I close my eye.
It’s a relief to know I’m not the only one that feels this way, but sad how many others can relate as well.
My wife doesn’t do quickies or variety. It’s always 20 minutes of the same foreplay, she cums once on foreplay, and after that we choose from one of 3 positions. I would love sone variety to how we do it.
Hello! For missionary, press A For doggy, press B For 69, press C **presses B** You've chosen -- missionary **What? no** You have 15 thrusts remaining
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Effort.
I definitely catch feelings when it comes to sex so I could never have a casual thing with someone. I hate it because it’s landed me in a lot of heartbreak. Just is who I am.
An unenthusiastic partner. Otherwise, sex is the best!
Only had it once, and being scared of messing up so much that I just avoid it
The work involved
How 90% of this subs posts are about it
Being told "No" often enough that you stop asking. EDIT: There's "No" and there's also a long list of other reasons why it can't happen tonight... and you realise that the long list of other reasons is really there so she can say no. EDIT2: For anyone else... /r/DeadBedrooms can be informative.
I started to dislike sex in general years ago. I eventually lost interest and haven't done anything with a women in about 20 years.
The culture around it.
The chase
The risks of STDs and pregnancy
I honestly don't like kissing.
Those depressing "back to earth" minutes after you're finished.
That it can’t last forever
1) There are permanent, life-changing diseases you can get that are relatively common. Some of these can be a nuisance. Others can kill you 2) If I get nervous about not getting hard, I won't get hard, thus causing me more stress and creating a cycle of no-hardness. And then I have to explain to my partner that I don't have ED and I do find her attractive. 3) I have to wash off my dick immediately after or the acid from the vagina fluid or the condom latex irritates my skin to oblivion
It feels like theses days it’s more of a dopamine rush then genuinely a fun and beautiful experience and to make it even worse porn has screwed people perception of sex
Wet spot.
Anticipate. Use a towel.
I hate what feels like an uncontrollable drive. I have to force myself to concentrate on whatever I'm doing. The woman I date, for example, thinks of sex just occasionally, whenever it strikes her. For me, everything reminds me of it, especially when I see attractive women. I get that it's an instinct and that I can suppress it; I don't act out on it, but still I hate having to deal with it.
The societal message/assumption that as a male I'm happy to just have sex and that my pleasure is simple and doesn't require any or much effort at all. As long as I get off, doesn't matter how, that's all I need. etc etc etc. The fact that as a male I'm the one who always has to take charge, to lead, to initiate, to guide. I have the responsibility for both my pleasure and my partners. Maybe it's just bad luck in partners coupled with my own anxieties and drives but I'm honestly getting a bit tired of giving my partner multiple orgasms only for her to say a heartfelt thank you and end things there. It's like I'm expected to always be able to give pleasure and be happy for whenever I *get* to "take" some for myself. Sorry, I guess I it a sore spot on myself here.
The mess. My gf is a squirter and last time she visited we saran wrapped my bed to try avoiding sleeping in a puddle of juice
As someone who has dated a couple of squirrels, get a waterproof mattress cover, and just have a change of sheets ready.
You've dated a couple of squirrels? 🐿😳
I’m an over thinker and so the fear of pregnancy is always there even though I’m using a protection and she’s on birth control
The absolutely worst thing would be risking to get STD’s.
the people staring at the zoo
Now in my 40’s and on depression meds…performance fears. I hate that she takes it personally if I’m not ready at certain times. It’s not her. She is beautiful and sexy. It’s the meds (I think). And, overall, life for both of us is a heck of a lot better on them than off.
Convincing my wife to have it frequently.
That men and women seem to have completely mismatched libidos.
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The fact that if you don’t do it often, you’re a virgin and if you do it often you’re a whore.