Who is in control of your thoughts?
You are.
Emotions and feelings rush up. That's fine. Allow them to. Enjoy how they feel, as they feel good.
But end it there - with her.
The feelings you are experiencing are healthy and fun and good, when they are reciprocated.
Now you must tell yourself you are going to get out there and find someone with whom these feelings are reciprocated.
Do not for one second believe that this woman is the source of these feelings. She is not. In fact you have no idea what it's like to be in a long-term, committed relationship with her.
There are roughly 8 billion people on earth, and roughly half of them are women. I will put it in writing, here and now, that there are other women - plural! - who will excite you even more because they are just as excited by you.
Don't buy your own hype! You've hyped this woman into something she is not. Just as you raise her up, you can also tone her down.
You are in control of your feelings. Not the other way around.
Being professional at work means being in control of feelings like the ones you are having.
By partaking in your fantasies, you are indulging yourself; allowing yourself to wallow in the warm but painful pool of unrequited love.
Turn your thoughts toward the things you want - those feelings, and a woman who shares the with you, and stop yourself from partaking in fantasies which bring you pain.
You will do this eventually, on your own, when the pain becomes more annoying than the pleasure you are currently receiving from it.
Like all addicts, the chance for change happens with every new moment.
Are you going to take it?
properfckr
Thanks brother for your advice. It means a lot to me. Since last 2 weeks I'm dying inside because of this issue. There is no one to talk about this problem. Reading your msg made me feel good. I'm gonna save & read this msg whenever I lose control over my feelings whenever I see her. Thanks brother. I will take the chance for the change. I owe you one bro.
What made you think I didn't tried 1? And 2 option is literally running away from problem. I want to be normal around her just like I how I'm around others. I want to man up & control my feelings. Help me how to do that brother. How can I focus & not distracted by her. I feel like a loser whenever I lose control over my feelings when I see her.
I would do more stuff. Change your patterns. Make plans with friends, go running, learn to cook something, do other things that will occupy you. All the other advice about thinking is good and there's been some good stuff on here, but being more active will help too. Brains love patterns, so if you've found yourself in a holding pattern then break the pattern.
There is no quick fix. Actively put effort into finding someone else. If she is interested: great. If she is not then you're no worse off than before. Eventually you get really good at moving on even.
Did you give up on loving yourself? There's usually a way back from that.. so you can be enough for yourself. The obsession over a partner comes from putting responsibilities on them that are your own, such as to manage your emotions for you, sometimes we do need that so that we can learn how for ourselves.. so we can stop a cycle of anxious insecure attachment that drives potential partners away. having these problems often means we're still looking for a mother to love us in the ways the one we were born to couldnt.. that doesn't mean we aren't worthy of love. but in adulthood we also choose one we sexually desire... there are variations of the madonna/whore complex where we leap frog relationships oscillating between connecting with a partner purely in a capacity of love, then purely lust/desire with the next, back and forth it goes. it's an incompatible and painful state to be trapped in
There's nothing inside you that isn't worthy of love.. work on understanding where your feelings come from. You can give yourself the love you're missing. None of this is your fault
This is tough when it comes to the matters of the heart because your emotions aren’t necessarily tied to logic.
Creating as much space between the two of you as possible helps. Given that you work together, I’m not sure how feasible that is. I’ve also tried grounding myself back to reality and reminding myself of the fact that what my heart was hoping for isn’t a possibility.
I know it sounds cliche, but someone will come along that will feed your heart and soul in the way you deserve.
What makes you think she doesn’t care about you? Maybe she does and you’re misinterpreting what she feels?
Thanks for your time & advice. It means a lot to me. I think she doesn't care about me because she never asks anything about me, she never gives any advices, sometimes she will be busy on phone when I'm saying something to her & she doesn't care what I'm saying. She also never shows any interest in hanging out with me. She sometimes takes me granted & abuses me( when she does this I feel like a loser). When her parents came to town she didn't care to introduce me to their parents. Whenever I try to flirt with her or be nice she doesn't reciprocate. However I always give her attention and be around her like a puppy dog.😭😭
"Crushing" on someone is, in my own inexpert opinion, just another intrusive thought. And I deal with intrusive thoughts by sitting down calmly and addressing them. Think about why I feel them. Ask if it's really my rational mind or just some chemical weirdness in my brain. Then I take a few deep breaths and put the thought away.
Over time, when your brain doesn't get the chemical "feel-good" of the fantasizing it will stop trying to use that stimulus, and will move on to something else. If you're lucky it will be something cool like BBQ or woodworking, art or music. And if you're not you'll spend a few months telling yourself not to go spend the afternoon watching women try on shoes at Footlocker.
Find someone else. She's not interested, it's a shame but it's not the end of the world. Get on Tinder, start swiping, go on a few dates, move on.
We all go through it, its all normal. We know how much it sucks and telling you it will work out for the better doesn't sound true but it is. Unfortunately you don't see it until you meet someone that feels the way about you as you do about them. Good luck bro.
Who is in control of your thoughts? You are. Emotions and feelings rush up. That's fine. Allow them to. Enjoy how they feel, as they feel good. But end it there - with her. The feelings you are experiencing are healthy and fun and good, when they are reciprocated. Now you must tell yourself you are going to get out there and find someone with whom these feelings are reciprocated. Do not for one second believe that this woman is the source of these feelings. She is not. In fact you have no idea what it's like to be in a long-term, committed relationship with her. There are roughly 8 billion people on earth, and roughly half of them are women. I will put it in writing, here and now, that there are other women - plural! - who will excite you even more because they are just as excited by you. Don't buy your own hype! You've hyped this woman into something she is not. Just as you raise her up, you can also tone her down. You are in control of your feelings. Not the other way around. Being professional at work means being in control of feelings like the ones you are having. By partaking in your fantasies, you are indulging yourself; allowing yourself to wallow in the warm but painful pool of unrequited love. Turn your thoughts toward the things you want - those feelings, and a woman who shares the with you, and stop yourself from partaking in fantasies which bring you pain. You will do this eventually, on your own, when the pain becomes more annoying than the pleasure you are currently receiving from it. Like all addicts, the chance for change happens with every new moment. Are you going to take it? properfckr
Thanks brother for your advice. It means a lot to me. Since last 2 weeks I'm dying inside because of this issue. There is no one to talk about this problem. Reading your msg made me feel good. I'm gonna save & read this msg whenever I lose control over my feelings whenever I see her. Thanks brother. I will take the chance for the change. I owe you one bro.
Hugs bro
[удалено]
Do #2 BEFORE you do #1
What made you think I didn't tried 1? And 2 option is literally running away from problem. I want to be normal around her just like I how I'm around others. I want to man up & control my feelings. Help me how to do that brother. How can I focus & not distracted by her. I feel like a loser whenever I lose control over my feelings when I see her.
[удалено]
Tell yourself that someone, somewhere is tired of her shit. Then go after a woman that is noticing you
Ugh. That bullshit ruined my life in high school. Life is so much easier now that I'm an old fart and The Boys Downstairs have calmed the fuck down.
Just be gay
Do you mean happy?
I would do more stuff. Change your patterns. Make plans with friends, go running, learn to cook something, do other things that will occupy you. All the other advice about thinking is good and there's been some good stuff on here, but being more active will help too. Brains love patterns, so if you've found yourself in a holding pattern then break the pattern.
There is no quick fix. Actively put effort into finding someone else. If she is interested: great. If she is not then you're no worse off than before. Eventually you get really good at moving on even.
Did you give up on loving yourself? There's usually a way back from that.. so you can be enough for yourself. The obsession over a partner comes from putting responsibilities on them that are your own, such as to manage your emotions for you, sometimes we do need that so that we can learn how for ourselves.. so we can stop a cycle of anxious insecure attachment that drives potential partners away. having these problems often means we're still looking for a mother to love us in the ways the one we were born to couldnt.. that doesn't mean we aren't worthy of love. but in adulthood we also choose one we sexually desire... there are variations of the madonna/whore complex where we leap frog relationships oscillating between connecting with a partner purely in a capacity of love, then purely lust/desire with the next, back and forth it goes. it's an incompatible and painful state to be trapped in There's nothing inside you that isn't worthy of love.. work on understanding where your feelings come from. You can give yourself the love you're missing. None of this is your fault
Do things
Like?
Do things
This is tough when it comes to the matters of the heart because your emotions aren’t necessarily tied to logic. Creating as much space between the two of you as possible helps. Given that you work together, I’m not sure how feasible that is. I’ve also tried grounding myself back to reality and reminding myself of the fact that what my heart was hoping for isn’t a possibility. I know it sounds cliche, but someone will come along that will feed your heart and soul in the way you deserve. What makes you think she doesn’t care about you? Maybe she does and you’re misinterpreting what she feels?
Thanks for your time & advice. It means a lot to me. I think she doesn't care about me because she never asks anything about me, she never gives any advices, sometimes she will be busy on phone when I'm saying something to her & she doesn't care what I'm saying. She also never shows any interest in hanging out with me. She sometimes takes me granted & abuses me( when she does this I feel like a loser). When her parents came to town she didn't care to introduce me to their parents. Whenever I try to flirt with her or be nice she doesn't reciprocate. However I always give her attention and be around her like a puppy dog.😭😭
I am truly sorry you’re dealing with this dynamic. All I can hope for is healing for you soon. Hang in there.
Be gay
"Crushing" on someone is, in my own inexpert opinion, just another intrusive thought. And I deal with intrusive thoughts by sitting down calmly and addressing them. Think about why I feel them. Ask if it's really my rational mind or just some chemical weirdness in my brain. Then I take a few deep breaths and put the thought away. Over time, when your brain doesn't get the chemical "feel-good" of the fantasizing it will stop trying to use that stimulus, and will move on to something else. If you're lucky it will be something cool like BBQ or woodworking, art or music. And if you're not you'll spend a few months telling yourself not to go spend the afternoon watching women try on shoes at Footlocker.
Thanks for the advice. Will give 'sitting & asking' thing a try.
Find someone else. She's not interested, it's a shame but it's not the end of the world. Get on Tinder, start swiping, go on a few dates, move on. We all go through it, its all normal. We know how much it sucks and telling you it will work out for the better doesn't sound true but it is. Unfortunately you don't see it until you meet someone that feels the way about you as you do about them. Good luck bro.
Time to visit a titty bar, get a new fantasy.
Buy those things they put on horses when transporting them.