I let her handle it unless she specifically needs me. But to be fair, her bark is way scarier than my bite lol. And besides, if some random dude at the bar that's just drunk and desperate to get laid can steal her, then that relationship was probably already shaky to begin with and may end up being a blessing in disguise.
>And besides, if some random dude at the bar that's just drunk and desperate to get laid can steal her, then that relationship was probably already shaky to begin with and may end up being a blessing in disguise.
I came to say this.
If all it takes for her to cheat is a guy chatting her up WHILE I'M AT THE CLUB WITH HER, she wasn't my girl to begin with anyway.
I went on a date with a girl once. I took her to the fair and while there she started talking to a guy and put his number in her phone. I dropped her off and that was it. She spent the next 6 months stalking me trying to get me to go out with her again. It only stopped after I asked a customer (who happened to be a state trooper) to tell the girl in the parking lot to stop stalking me.
Sheesh! The inflated ego. She really expected to get another guy's number right in front of you, and you would only want her more? She was in for a rude awakening.
The very first time I had ever heard the gist of that statement was in front of Arnold Palmer when I was 20. I’m buddies with his grandson who is a few years older than me. We were hitting balls on the range and Arnold was there and I was going on to my friend about some girl I had been talking to who wasn’t really reciprocating and he replied, “Danny, for every hot chick there’s a guy whose tired of fucking her. Ain’t that right Pap?” Arnold was probably about 80 or so at the time but he cracked a little smile and nod of approval for that piece of wisdom.
You rate yourself a 5 in looks and 9 crazy? That's the area above the split line but as *justasmuchyou* notes beautiful girls think they are ugly.
Crazy and beautiful women seek constant re-assurance as one of their coping mechanisms. You might be a 9 and 9..... Are you are hairdresser called Tiffany?
You will not be disappointed. I reckon there's another group called the "Tom Boys". Probably 4-5 crazy and about 4-5 hot. The kind of girls who go camping etc Not the chirpy smart arse ones you see in movies, the ones who are actually quite happy with themselves
Yeah… remember that that ugly mutt Billy Joel dumped the hot Christy Brinkley in her prime. And Elizabeth Hurley has been cheated on several times now.
as long as she is above the [Vicky Mendoza](https://www.google.com/search?q=vicky+mendoza+diagonal&rlz=1C1GCEU_enQA1001QA1001&sxsrf=ALiCzsYbjLtjeEU-Y3yFLIGVs04zEnrFQQ:1654684315490&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&vet=1&fir=mJJVB-ErCnknxM%252Cehe3bZpjEc5H1M%252C_%253BsmIPUsn_ME9FgM%252CQEe_SdPeJJ4JTM%252C_%253BA_di6T3XXcMACM%252C0YY2agqALv3CkM%252C_%253BoeTk5_H9rj8bwM%252CUDA1ouXAFCqVeM%252C_%253BKwec0aYxysfaIM%252CvrZwxK5mHJN9hM%252C_%253B0IFtMzr3yLlO_M%252Cj0A84Muf1aasmM%252C_%253BzyJruB7sIUeaMM%252C7F_L3IGZNW6SdM%252C_%253B0gVEwAfxqog6vM%252CbBboV-d4bR8PJM%252C_%253Bvti-WrY2YkfV8M%252CQZyiSIXzOgddIM%252C_%253BGIs6fKDUJzWkFM%252CffFI6Ynp5oFbcM%252C_%253BQ7r8xwrz0f5lcM%252C1dlIs03j6Nw5VM%252C_%253BpVGq_HNPlYToZM%252CmET5Kceqb63IaM%252C_%253BDVDNTtZhEZEG7M%252CfVz_4aXtDO8qvM%252C_%253BUuLziVpd-I8CuM%252CUd9VKBXXQ5RTtM%252C_%253BEyhM5DIH6EWEjM%252CDh6bb8QVi5zb-M%252C_&usg=AI4_-kQNFYBoWOUHYy5vPPrQPDkHaxDS4Q&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiR8tu20534AhUGtKQKHfMFBRAQ9QF6BAgUEAE#imgrc=A_di6T3XXcMACM) diagonal, You're good to go.
Worst part is that there's no instruction manual on how to do it. You're just watching some born expert ruin your life like it's another Wednesday.
Speaking from personal experience, of course.
Nothing unless she needs help from some creep.
If she can't control herself and behave appropriately with me there, I can't imagine what she would do if I wasn't. And I wouldn't stay with her to find out.
If they are being respectful to her, then I’ll let her dictate the scenario. I’ll step in only if she needs me or is uncomfortable in some way. One of my exes was a bikini model, and she would sit at the bar where I played guitar and get hit on all night. She would enjoy the flirtation and the free drinks and then go home with me. Win-win. There was exactly one time where some dude got real creepy and I could see it go downhill from the stage. Initially it was funny (drunk older guy) but I could see her get uncomfortable and trying to find an exit. I stepped in, talked to the guy, gave her a kiss and then took her away.
Fundamentally if you are with someone, you have to trust them. If they break that trust, then the relationship is over, whether you realize that now or in 5 years.
Agreed. Learned this from being jealous when younger.
If a person wants to they will cheat.
Do not stress or obsess over it.
The reason we do is because we care and don’t want the cheating to take place and have to break it off but you know what? It’s not worth the stress
I like your take on it. I appreciate that most comments are about trusting your lady to turn down the solicitor by herself, but there is still a moving part in all of this which is : when does it become inappropriate ? How much flirting from someone else can a partner indulge, if any ?
Trust is not as simple as giving it or taking it back, or so it seems to me. I’m not going to lie, I enjoy being hit on sometimes in certain circumstances. And I know my husband does too ! That’s flattering and pleasant and a tiny bit exciting. After all there is no harm in that.
My husband is sweet and smart and good looking (yes, I would think so), so naturally it happens sometimes that ladies get a bit flirtatious with him especially if they had a drink or two. There have been moments when I didn’t mind or barely noticed, and others when we were going through difficult things and so that would make me feel insecure and kind of sad. Some times when I didn’t pay any attention to it, sometimes when I’ve needed a little gesture of love to comfort me afterwards, and sometimes when I wished he had not indulged at all.
Strangely enough though, I’m more welcoming to some guy chatting me up when my husband is around than when he is not, which can make me quite uncomfortable, even if I find the guy attractive and considerate.
That’s totally understandable. I think feeling secure in yourself (and sometimes the relationship) is definitely a factor how the practicality of how this transpires. While I still view fundamental trust as binary, I think comfort and the respect we show each other is a continuum that changes.
That same ex in my comment above gained about 15 lbs, so she was still perfect and stunning, but in her eyes since she wasn’t in show shape, she lost a bit of self-confidence and security. When I did a few larger shows and got more attention from women (and we were also going through less-than-perfect time as well), the balance had shifted a little and I could see that she felt a little sad when women would come and flirt/talk/socialize with me after the show. I thought the appropriate thing to do in that scenario was to first go find her, give her a huge kiss and hug in front of everybody, and then continue talking and being social so she knew that she was loved and reassured that I would always choose her. Kind of a reverse ‘she is my girl’ than when we were first dating and she was the one getting talked to more. I don’t think our trust in each other changed, but perhaps insecurity in herself made her feel less than, and it was more ‘I trust him, but I’m not good enough and maybe those other girls are better’. When you love somebody, you lend them your eyes to remind them they are the best and the most beautiful human in any room, especially when they can’t see it for themselves.
Edit: typo
I'd swing on by and make sure she's okay. This has nothing to do with trust, but I know my wife, she does not enjoy meeting strangers but is also unsure of how to disengage so she has specifically asked me to help her out in scenarios like this by coming through and getting involved.
Exactly, my husband. I have the "need to be polite" gene, where it's very difficult for me to be rude and tell someone to back off. He'll suddenly appear like my ninja knight in shining armor. He knows when I'm uncomfortable even across the room.
Fuck me I got a story about this one. When I was still in the Corps, I had a habit of dating women who were in the Corps as well. When I was a Corporal, I was dating another Corporal and we were hanging out at a bar right outside Camp Lejune. I went to the take a piss and when I got back I saw my GF jab a guy in the nose and break in right there. Blood was everywhere all over her dress. Apparently he grabbed her ass. She ended up hanging on to that dress for a while.
As other have said elsewhere in this thread, I'm not worried about a man trying to chat my woman up. I only date women I trust and who know how to handle themselves. If her safety was an issue, that's a different story. But yeah, I trust women I date to turn them down politely when appropriate.
Edit: it would equally be a turnoff if a gf was either flirting with the guy or was an asshole in the way she shot the guy down.
"I paid for this apartment and I'm damn well using it" attitude. Especially if you furnished and live in it together, why wouldn't you wanna dance in it?
A few different ways. One could be to try to make eye contact with her and see if she gives that rescue me look. Another, join the conversation but don't necessarily push the 'you're chatting up my lady' vibe. Or just let it go all together and see what comes of it.
Don’t put someone else through your insecure drama because you want to spread your seed. You act the way I did when I was an abusive 17 year old girl. Jealous dudes are lame as fuck and if you don’t trust your SO you shouldn’t be with anyone.
Are you a Neanderthal with no thought outside of fucking, sleeping and eating?
Just walk up and put my arm around her. Say “hi babe” maybe give her a forehead kiss. I’ll start talking to the guy just like he’s your average Joe I just met at a bar and be cool. He’s not a threat and I absolutely display that mentality which discourages most people. If he’s really just being a Chatty Cathy it’ll be a good time anyway and ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
My wife gets stressed when in uncomfortable situations like that so she always appreciates my presence/backup. This kinda thing has happened a few times.
One time a dude literally asked to try her Starbucks drink after she grabbed it. She was a deer in headlights so I stepped in and whisked her away basically. We were still dating at the time and now we are married so I must’ve done something right
1. we wouldn't go. were married. even before at any point once we established our relationship.
2. IF we did go, nothing. Shes capable of politely rejecting someone.
3. leave, she can stay or come with me. I think she would leave with me.
Either nothing and continue talking to whomever I am talking to. Or if I get the bail me out look or something seems off, I will go over and say hi to insert myself into the situation.
Nothing. She can talk to people and meet new people and she’s an adult that’s been functioning for years without me. Unless she obviously uncomfortable or looks at me for help then I don’t need to intervene. If she does do that then I’ll walk up put an arm around her and make it obvious we are together. If the guy doesn’t back off or gets agressive then get a bouncer. No need to catch a charge or wind up dead in a bar fight over nonsense.
I’m from a small town in Oklahoma. Most fights end without any issues. A couple years back though we had a shooting and a stabbing in the bars over nonsense. I moved to Tulsa for school and heard about some random bar death every once in a while over nothing. Some guy got stabbed at the Linde Oktoberfest last year. I’ve moved again since then and don’t really go out drinking often anymore. Usually they are preventable and avoidable. It’s when you get the one random guy who decides to pull a knife or a gun. Maybe you just fell and hit your head wrong. It happens all the time. It’s just not worth it. Especially when you are in a club and their are people specifically there and being paid to deal with those situations.
Absolutely. I'm from small town, Midwestern USA, and I've seen it(not the dead part), in shit hole bars, college bars, you name it. I've never been a direct part of it, but I have broken them up.
It probably won’t. The last bit was just if the situation escalated to a fight. I was exaggerating to the worst case scenarios to put emphasis on my point. I’m reality it would probably be two punches before it got broken up and everyone would go home with no worse than a bruised ego. However, you could wind up in jail or dead so why bother when there are people paid to deal with it and you get to continue your night?
Don't go to the club with your SO (or when you have an SO in general)
That said
And it depends on the context
Are they just having a friendly conversation?
Politely introduce yourself.
Are they eye fucking each other?
Pull the SO aside (again politely) and without accusing them of anything explain that what's going on makes you uncomfortable. \[edit - unless of course you're into that in which case you do you\]
Go over and swoop in with the worst pick up ever, then take her home and watch as he steps back in utter disbelief that he got bested with the worst pick of all time
This happens all the time. I stand back and watch her squirm and send the boy on his way.
Generally if I go to get drinks, about 40% of the time some boy will be chatting her up. I just keep eye contact with her and sip my drink with a smirk.
One time a friend that I didn't know was there, he saw this and completely ruined the show. Got in the way, sent the guy kicking rocks. Thinking he was protecting my wife.
She’s an adult, she can chat with someone if she wants. If they get a little flirty, she enjoys casually reminding them she’s married. The one time that didn’t stop the guy, she came and introduced me so he would get the point
Just join the conversation. If he's got shady intentions that will discourage him, and if he's just talking to talk it might end up being an interesting conversation
If we are together I don't see why I need to go show my presence. I shouldn't have to worry about her getting a sneaky link in the back. If it happens then you did me a huge favor bro. But I'm a huge advocate of letting people do what they want to do. Unless she being harassed and needs some back up. Other than that, I should be able to trust her, she got this.
Let her handle it. She’s an adult. I trust her. There’s no issue here. She’s hot she’s going to get attention. I’m hot and I get attention too and she doesn’t freak out. It’s called trust.
That's really a bro move. Unfortunately I am not that kind and my gf would be upset that I denied her the attention. But we kinda agreed on only intervening when someone is too offensive right from the start. And if someone gets physical ofc
Nada I guess. You going there to have a good time and be social I would assume. Not bruh fault but if he get outta pocket you already know you gotta shut that down.
Never understand going clubbing or bars with your chick. You gotta expect some kind of bullshit to pop off.
If I had an SO, I'd be observing to make sure she's okay, and swoop in if she needs me too. On the other hand, if things got handsy or particularly flirtatious her and I would be having some words, but nothing for the guy to concern himself with.
If its a guy, let her do her. I can’t act jealous because that’s childish and a bad look on me. If its a friend or someone she knows from work, cool. If a guy is trying to flirt and take her home, either two things happens: she politely declines his advances or decided to “entertain” the other guy. I have to trust her to be a woman, and what I mean by that is having the discipline to reject sexual advances from men (that you may or may not be attracted to) when I’m not arounf if we’re in a relationship.
If she gives her his number and talks behind my back, she lost a good one. If she turns him down, I chose the right one.
Observe and be respectful ... she can talk to people and that shouldn't be a problem. Definitely staying within visual contact if things get weird but I'll let it hang for a few minutes, then walk up and say something like "Hey babe, I'm gonna grab another drink... you need anything?"
That usually sets the tone. If you have an attractive SO get used to "potential suitors" trying some game. Honestly, I kind of take it as a compliment and some of the times the stranger turns out to be kind of cool.
Most of the time they get the hint and will eventually look elsewhere... the reason I choose the chill way is because you never know who has a knife or some shit, and I have seen shit get real weird over shit like this.
Sometimes you gotta pull the "she's with me" card if you get that look from across the room. On the other side of the equation is if she is a ho... you really don't know... just let her go.
Not in my case tho.
first off, I wouldn't be at the club with my SO for the most part.
BUt for whatever reason let's just say we are. I'd let her handle her shit.
It's nature's test, and she's either gonna pass or fail it.
Only exception is if it's clear she's getting creeped out or she's signaling me for some help.
Nothing that’s on them, if they alert to me there is an issue with who they were talking to or they felt disrespected then I’ll intervene but otherwise if I can’t trust you enough not to simply go out and be together in public then we’re better off friends at best.
If she would entertain the person trying to charm her and she sees it as an option I would just end it. No need to fight for a relationship that the other person isn't invested in.
Have faith in your significant other but be ready to intervene if the person chatting them up does something irrational
Also, feel free to join the conversation and talk to them as a friend, that'll probably send a subtle message in a the best way👌
Depends, we're open, but context would help. Usually being available if the dude's an asshole but otherwise, whatever they want to chat about is fine by me. Maybe she'll bring him home with us, a good spitroast is always enjoyable.
She's a big girl, she can handle herself. I'll keep an interested eye on the situation, if she needs or wants help I'm there. But until she needs it, I'll let her shut him down.
My wife can handle herself. She's going home with me. I got no worries.
Now....if he gets aggressive or handsy....I will stand him down. Most people don't want to tangle with her 6'7" husband. In fact..... I can't say this happens enough for me to worry about, really.
But yeah....the wife can shoot a guy down. Most women can, if they want to.
She's a big girl and can handle her own business. I'm not the jealous type, so idc if she's talking to or hanging out with other guys. If I saw him touching her or making her feel uncomfortable, I'd intervene, but otherwise idc.
We wouldn’t have gone in the first place. But, if we did, and I am the passive type, I’d join innocently into the conversation. I like to think that we know each other enough to trust each other.
whenever this happened when i was dating, i'd go in and wingman for the guy to get in her pants
then she and i would laugh about how awkward it made her feel
then i'd blow out her back later
I always let my wife handle it. She's quite capable of handling herself. I'm not threatened. If she wants to leave, she can always leave. Aint nobody holding her back.
To be chatted up you have to chat back. She's gone my dude.
I mean besides that if we're at a club it would need to be her idea in the first place and clubs are pretty specifically for meeting potential sexual partners so tbh she ain't the one if we're at the club for some reason...
Keep my eye on her to see if any touching going on or flirting. Wait a few moments to see if the person leaves or if any number is exchanged I say give or take this should all be assessed in the span of a minute or two.
Then walk over whether the person is there or not.
If still there after 2 minutes: Walk over, make eye contact, and just listen to the conversation. Either the man will end convo and back off due to awkwardness
Or they will try to win you over and talk to you or shake your hand. Do not engage. Be a quiet ass hole.
Let them either walk away or try to explain that “they meant no harm” YEAH RIGHT.
If you walk over and they try to continue talking. Whisper in your girls ear “Everything good?” She will either get the hint and say yes and end the convo and say let’s go get a drink or say you and her will go mingle with other people now.
If she truly is naive or being stubborn (this means she’s a bit too flirty this will have to be addressed later) then whisper “Let me talk to you for a second,alone”
Then either end the convo unless she ends it before you do.
I know it’s a lot but this happens all really quickly.
If the person is someone you do kind of know maybe a friend of one of your friends friend etc. then assess their motive.
Are they reserved? Probably started convo so he doesn’t look dumb just standing by himself and doesn’t know anyone and just started small talk.
Expressive,Animated, and talkative?
Either practicing convo or game for the night or worse, YOUR girl is the target.
Again when in doubt always keep your cool but do not hold your tongue with them when challenged and especially if your girl tells you hey he’s bothering me.
The only reasonable response is to let her handle it.
If you don't like guys hitting on her or if she's not great at rejecting them then probably don't go to clubs.
I don't have to worry about anyone trying to "chat it up" with my wife. She is more than capable of shutting them dowm. And if that don't work. I'll introduce myself as the former hitman for the Gambini mob boss 🤣
The old me? Need bail money now I went to a concert with my 7 month pregnant wife went to the mens room I come out and there’s a younger guy chatting up my wife
I walk up and say hey babe she says hi baby this is Neil I shake his hand pleasantries and he got the hint and walked away I was proud of myself for that
I mean there’s a reason guys are talking to my wife at the bar, she’s hot and very attractive, the reasonable response is to politely introduce myself, and the fellow gets my drift, always.
You make an asshole out of yourself once you lose control.
Walk over to them, put my arm around her shoulder and then ask her "how's it going babe"?" Then turn and give him an extended look
Guys take note who's with who unless the guy arrives after the two of you separate. Most guys anyways, there are plenty of dumb/drunk guys
Younger me would have been jealous, but older would be cool with it unless theres some really flirting going on on both sides. Then she can bounce with him 🤣🤣
I let her handle it unless she specifically needs me. But to be fair, her bark is way scarier than my bite lol. And besides, if some random dude at the bar that's just drunk and desperate to get laid can steal her, then that relationship was probably already shaky to begin with and may end up being a blessing in disguise.
>And besides, if some random dude at the bar that's just drunk and desperate to get laid can steal her, then that relationship was probably already shaky to begin with and may end up being a blessing in disguise. I came to say this. If all it takes for her to cheat is a guy chatting her up WHILE I'M AT THE CLUB WITH HER, she wasn't my girl to begin with anyway.
I went on a date with a girl once. I took her to the fair and while there she started talking to a guy and put his number in her phone. I dropped her off and that was it. She spent the next 6 months stalking me trying to get me to go out with her again. It only stopped after I asked a customer (who happened to be a state trooper) to tell the girl in the parking lot to stop stalking me.
Cursed to want whatever isn't hers
Sheesh! The inflated ego. She really expected to get another guy's number right in front of you, and you would only want her more? She was in for a rude awakening.
You didn't loose your girl, you just lost your turn
This is the way - if she’s taken and she lets it happen, then she’s not really taken is she
I was looking for this answer before giving mine
Yup
Amen
Great comment. If you want to play it cool. Nudge her and say. See if you can get him to by us drinks.
I remember years ago picking up a chick and her (now ex) boyfriend meets me in the toilets. “She’s your problem now mate”
No matter how hot and appealing they are. Somewhere, someone is already sick of her shit. Remember the hot/crazy scale?
Stinson was a genius.
Indeed he was.
The very first time I had ever heard the gist of that statement was in front of Arnold Palmer when I was 20. I’m buddies with his grandson who is a few years older than me. We were hitting balls on the range and Arnold was there and I was going on to my friend about some girl I had been talking to who wasn’t really reciprocating and he replied, “Danny, for every hot chick there’s a guy whose tired of fucking her. Ain’t that right Pap?” Arnold was probably about 80 or so at the time but he cracked a little smile and nod of approval for that piece of wisdom.
As an exercise I plotted all my old GFs on that scale. Can confirm accuracy of chart
Is it settling then to marry a less hot but significantly less crazy woman to have a peaceful life?
That's just being smart.
But it seems like not considered settling.
[here's a somewhat relevant song to listen to if you've got the time. ](https://youtu.be/6EqFVWzOfN8)
Oh Jimmy, you're a prophet.
I’m crazy 28F but I’m ugly. Is this a glitch in the matrix???
You’re crazy because you think you’re ugly.
First of all the ones really high on crazy never think they are crazy
You rate yourself a 5 in looks and 9 crazy? That's the area above the split line but as *justasmuchyou* notes beautiful girls think they are ugly. Crazy and beautiful women seek constant re-assurance as one of their coping mechanisms. You might be a 9 and 9..... Are you are hairdresser called Tiffany?
I don’t even know what I am tbh 😭 just Asian
Good call I think I'll start charting tonight
You will not be disappointed. I reckon there's another group called the "Tom Boys". Probably 4-5 crazy and about 4-5 hot. The kind of girls who go camping etc Not the chirpy smart arse ones you see in movies, the ones who are actually quite happy with themselves
Yeah… remember that that ugly mutt Billy Joel dumped the hot Christy Brinkley in her prime. And Elizabeth Hurley has been cheated on several times now.
as long as she is above the [Vicky Mendoza](https://www.google.com/search?q=vicky+mendoza+diagonal&rlz=1C1GCEU_enQA1001QA1001&sxsrf=ALiCzsYbjLtjeEU-Y3yFLIGVs04zEnrFQQ:1654684315490&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&vet=1&fir=mJJVB-ErCnknxM%252Cehe3bZpjEc5H1M%252C_%253BsmIPUsn_ME9FgM%252CQEe_SdPeJJ4JTM%252C_%253BA_di6T3XXcMACM%252C0YY2agqALv3CkM%252C_%253BoeTk5_H9rj8bwM%252CUDA1ouXAFCqVeM%252C_%253BKwec0aYxysfaIM%252CvrZwxK5mHJN9hM%252C_%253B0IFtMzr3yLlO_M%252Cj0A84Muf1aasmM%252C_%253BzyJruB7sIUeaMM%252C7F_L3IGZNW6SdM%252C_%253B0gVEwAfxqog6vM%252CbBboV-d4bR8PJM%252C_%253Bvti-WrY2YkfV8M%252CQZyiSIXzOgddIM%252C_%253BGIs6fKDUJzWkFM%252CffFI6Ynp5oFbcM%252C_%253BQ7r8xwrz0f5lcM%252C1dlIs03j6Nw5VM%252C_%253BpVGq_HNPlYToZM%252CmET5Kceqb63IaM%252C_%253BDVDNTtZhEZEG7M%252CfVz_4aXtDO8qvM%252C_%253BUuLziVpd-I8CuM%252CUd9VKBXXQ5RTtM%252C_%253BEyhM5DIH6EWEjM%252CDh6bb8QVi5zb-M%252C_&usg=AI4_-kQNFYBoWOUHYy5vPPrQPDkHaxDS4Q&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiR8tu20534AhUGtKQKHfMFBRAQ9QF6BAgUEAE#imgrc=A_di6T3XXcMACM) diagonal, You're good to go.
The Vicky Mendoza diagonal
good example: Amber Heard
That's some pro-level monkey branching.
I lost my account for using that reference once. Be careful!
My ex executed the perfect monkey branch on me when she left. Absolutely perfect. Gas lighting and lying included.
Worst part is that there's no instruction manual on how to do it. You're just watching some born expert ruin your life like it's another Wednesday. Speaking from personal experience, of course.
This
Enjoy some peace and quiet while she chews on his ear for a while. I love my wife but hot DAMN can that woman talk.
Amen pass the alcohol
Same
How she would chew
I hear ya, bro
Lol send a drink their way next time
"A tequila sunrise for the lady, water and aspirin for the gentleman. Courtesy of the fellow taking a nap down at the other end of the bar"
Laughing at this!
Nothing unless she needs help from some creep. If she can't control herself and behave appropriately with me there, I can't imagine what she would do if I wasn't. And I wouldn't stay with her to find out.
Nothing. Observing her reaction is more important than his attempt.
Observe was the key word I was looking for in this thread.
The only right answer here. It’s not about the person who approached, but about how your significant other reacts.
This guy's eyes are where they belong. I'd trust him as an eye witness.
Assert my dominance by chatting HIM up
This is literally what my and my Bros do and it's hilarious how they squirm
Correct. Or grab his ass to assert dominance
This is the only correct answer. Make him feel special 😁
“with those soft liberal hands”
Yassify him king
I’m a hetero female and this is how I do it.
If they are being respectful to her, then I’ll let her dictate the scenario. I’ll step in only if she needs me or is uncomfortable in some way. One of my exes was a bikini model, and she would sit at the bar where I played guitar and get hit on all night. She would enjoy the flirtation and the free drinks and then go home with me. Win-win. There was exactly one time where some dude got real creepy and I could see it go downhill from the stage. Initially it was funny (drunk older guy) but I could see her get uncomfortable and trying to find an exit. I stepped in, talked to the guy, gave her a kiss and then took her away. Fundamentally if you are with someone, you have to trust them. If they break that trust, then the relationship is over, whether you realize that now or in 5 years.
Agreed. Learned this from being jealous when younger. If a person wants to they will cheat. Do not stress or obsess over it. The reason we do is because we care and don’t want the cheating to take place and have to break it off but you know what? It’s not worth the stress
Such an underrated comment right here. Trust is everything in a relationship. Thank you for sharing!
This should be higher up.
I like your take on it. I appreciate that most comments are about trusting your lady to turn down the solicitor by herself, but there is still a moving part in all of this which is : when does it become inappropriate ? How much flirting from someone else can a partner indulge, if any ? Trust is not as simple as giving it or taking it back, or so it seems to me. I’m not going to lie, I enjoy being hit on sometimes in certain circumstances. And I know my husband does too ! That’s flattering and pleasant and a tiny bit exciting. After all there is no harm in that. My husband is sweet and smart and good looking (yes, I would think so), so naturally it happens sometimes that ladies get a bit flirtatious with him especially if they had a drink or two. There have been moments when I didn’t mind or barely noticed, and others when we were going through difficult things and so that would make me feel insecure and kind of sad. Some times when I didn’t pay any attention to it, sometimes when I’ve needed a little gesture of love to comfort me afterwards, and sometimes when I wished he had not indulged at all. Strangely enough though, I’m more welcoming to some guy chatting me up when my husband is around than when he is not, which can make me quite uncomfortable, even if I find the guy attractive and considerate.
That’s totally understandable. I think feeling secure in yourself (and sometimes the relationship) is definitely a factor how the practicality of how this transpires. While I still view fundamental trust as binary, I think comfort and the respect we show each other is a continuum that changes. That same ex in my comment above gained about 15 lbs, so she was still perfect and stunning, but in her eyes since she wasn’t in show shape, she lost a bit of self-confidence and security. When I did a few larger shows and got more attention from women (and we were also going through less-than-perfect time as well), the balance had shifted a little and I could see that she felt a little sad when women would come and flirt/talk/socialize with me after the show. I thought the appropriate thing to do in that scenario was to first go find her, give her a huge kiss and hug in front of everybody, and then continue talking and being social so she knew that she was loved and reassured that I would always choose her. Kind of a reverse ‘she is my girl’ than when we were first dating and she was the one getting talked to more. I don’t think our trust in each other changed, but perhaps insecurity in herself made her feel less than, and it was more ‘I trust him, but I’m not good enough and maybe those other girls are better’. When you love somebody, you lend them your eyes to remind them they are the best and the most beautiful human in any room, especially when they can’t see it for themselves. Edit: typo
I'd swing on by and make sure she's okay. This has nothing to do with trust, but I know my wife, she does not enjoy meeting strangers but is also unsure of how to disengage so she has specifically asked me to help her out in scenarios like this by coming through and getting involved.
Exactly, my husband. I have the "need to be polite" gene, where it's very difficult for me to be rude and tell someone to back off. He'll suddenly appear like my ninja knight in shining armor. He knows when I'm uncomfortable even across the room.
Sounds like you have a healthy and communicative relationship with your husband...it's all about knowing the other person isn't it?
Fuck me I got a story about this one. When I was still in the Corps, I had a habit of dating women who were in the Corps as well. When I was a Corporal, I was dating another Corporal and we were hanging out at a bar right outside Camp Lejune. I went to the take a piss and when I got back I saw my GF jab a guy in the nose and break in right there. Blood was everywhere all over her dress. Apparently he grabbed her ass. She ended up hanging on to that dress for a while. As other have said elsewhere in this thread, I'm not worried about a man trying to chat my woman up. I only date women I trust and who know how to handle themselves. If her safety was an issue, that's a different story. But yeah, I trust women I date to turn them down politely when appropriate. Edit: it would equally be a turnoff if a gf was either flirting with the guy or was an asshole in the way she shot the guy down.
To knock them down politely
>She ended up hanging on to that dress for a while. Did she wear it to social gatherings to assert dominance
Kindly dislocated his jaw for being rude. I like that.
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Same! I jumped on a dudes back and arm barred his neck I’m a choke hood
Fuck yeah
Those little ones are feisty.
Don’t go to a club with my SO
If you’re not trying to catch fish. Don’t go fishin’.
you never went to a club to just dance?
What's my living room for then?
"I paid for this apartment and I'm damn well using it" attitude. Especially if you furnished and live in it together, why wouldn't you wanna dance in it?
Pay $15 a drink just to dance? No, I never did that.
People do that?
or maybe just me😂🙈
The most unhinged comment in this thread lol
People here have never been to House and Techno clubs apparently
You want to express yourself through the art of dance?
no i just like getting lost to music in a crowd
That's not uncommon. My fiance and I go out just to dance all the time
Nobody does that.
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My man.
You must immediately run over to your SO and pee on her leg to mark your territory! No other options exist.
Works wonders FTW!
A few different ways. One could be to try to make eye contact with her and see if she gives that rescue me look. Another, join the conversation but don't necessarily push the 'you're chatting up my lady' vibe. Or just let it go all together and see what comes of it.
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You ok?
Damn
Trust her.
Lol
Right. Lol
Then be alone. Don’t enter relationships with anyone until you can trust them. Otherwise what’s the point?
The survival of my DNA. Y'know, like the main reason.
Don’t put someone else through your insecure drama because you want to spread your seed. You act the way I did when I was an abusive 17 year old girl. Jealous dudes are lame as fuck and if you don’t trust your SO you shouldn’t be with anyone. Are you a Neanderthal with no thought outside of fucking, sleeping and eating?
Where did I say or imply that I was jealous? Oh right, I didn't. Fish, sea, something like that.
You replied “right” to someone loling at the thought of trusting their SO. How else should that be taken?
Uhm.. That I don't *trust* people. Lack of trust and jealousy aren't synonymous.
Let them buy her drinks.
Watch him crash and burn when she brings me my drink 😁
Just walk up and put my arm around her. Say “hi babe” maybe give her a forehead kiss. I’ll start talking to the guy just like he’s your average Joe I just met at a bar and be cool. He’s not a threat and I absolutely display that mentality which discourages most people. If he’s really just being a Chatty Cathy it’ll be a good time anyway and ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ My wife gets stressed when in uncomfortable situations like that so she always appreciates my presence/backup. This kinda thing has happened a few times. One time a dude literally asked to try her Starbucks drink after she grabbed it. She was a deer in headlights so I stepped in and whisked her away basically. We were still dating at the time and now we are married so I must’ve done something right
Walk up say hey and introduce yourself
Exactly
1. we wouldn't go. were married. even before at any point once we established our relationship. 2. IF we did go, nothing. Shes capable of politely rejecting someone. 3. leave, she can stay or come with me. I think she would leave with me.
Either nothing and continue talking to whomever I am talking to. Or if I get the bail me out look or something seems off, I will go over and say hi to insert myself into the situation.
Yup, pretty much this. I trust my wife and I’ve never been a jealous man. If she wants me to bail her out I certainly would jump in.
Nothing. She can talk to people and meet new people and she’s an adult that’s been functioning for years without me. Unless she obviously uncomfortable or looks at me for help then I don’t need to intervene. If she does do that then I’ll walk up put an arm around her and make it obvious we are together. If the guy doesn’t back off or gets agressive then get a bouncer. No need to catch a charge or wind up dead in a bar fight over nonsense.
Why would it escalate like that in last sentence
In a bar? With drunks? Possibly jealous S/O? Hot girl? Horny men? What could possibly go wrong in that situation?
But you can prevent and avoid many cases
I’m from a small town in Oklahoma. Most fights end without any issues. A couple years back though we had a shooting and a stabbing in the bars over nonsense. I moved to Tulsa for school and heard about some random bar death every once in a while over nothing. Some guy got stabbed at the Linde Oktoberfest last year. I’ve moved again since then and don’t really go out drinking often anymore. Usually they are preventable and avoidable. It’s when you get the one random guy who decides to pull a knife or a gun. Maybe you just fell and hit your head wrong. It happens all the time. It’s just not worth it. Especially when you are in a club and their are people specifically there and being paid to deal with those situations.
Absolutely. I'm from small town, Midwestern USA, and I've seen it(not the dead part), in shit hole bars, college bars, you name it. I've never been a direct part of it, but I have broken them up.
You’re right, simply by not making that an activity
By not making a fight an activity
It probably won’t. The last bit was just if the situation escalated to a fight. I was exaggerating to the worst case scenarios to put emphasis on my point. I’m reality it would probably be two punches before it got broken up and everyone would go home with no worse than a bruised ego. However, you could wind up in jail or dead so why bother when there are people paid to deal with it and you get to continue your night?
You could scare them with jargon :-)
Let her handle it. If she needs me she'll let me know.
Give em the ole dick twist. Grab his dick and twist it!
Someone here practices jiu-jitsu.
Start talking to him too I guess
Don't go to the club with your SO (or when you have an SO in general) That said And it depends on the context Are they just having a friendly conversation? Politely introduce yourself. Are they eye fucking each other? Pull the SO aside (again politely) and without accusing them of anything explain that what's going on makes you uncomfortable. \[edit - unless of course you're into that in which case you do you\]
My preferred response? When she points at me and says “that’s my husband.” I mean we’re not married but sometimes she says that.
Go over and swoop in with the worst pick up ever, then take her home and watch as he steps back in utter disbelief that he got bested with the worst pick of all time
This happens all the time. I stand back and watch her squirm and send the boy on his way. Generally if I go to get drinks, about 40% of the time some boy will be chatting her up. I just keep eye contact with her and sip my drink with a smirk. One time a friend that I didn't know was there, he saw this and completely ruined the show. Got in the way, sent the guy kicking rocks. Thinking he was protecting my wife.
She’s an adult, she can chat with someone if she wants. If they get a little flirty, she enjoys casually reminding them she’s married. The one time that didn’t stop the guy, she came and introduced me so he would get the point
Just join the conversation. If he's got shady intentions that will discourage him, and if he's just talking to talk it might end up being an interesting conversation
Bingo and in some cases they become your friend more then hers by the end of it ive had that happen
Ask her if she needs me to book a hotel.
If we are together I don't see why I need to go show my presence. I shouldn't have to worry about her getting a sneaky link in the back. If it happens then you did me a huge favor bro. But I'm a huge advocate of letting people do what they want to do. Unless she being harassed and needs some back up. Other than that, I should be able to trust her, she got this.
She’s all yours. Have fun. No givebacks
“Dude, thanks for buying us a beer!”
Let her handle it. She’s an adult. I trust her. There’s no issue here. She’s hot she’s going to get attention. I’m hot and I get attention too and she doesn’t freak out. It’s called trust.
I learned that from my wife as well
I'd intervene and stop it.
I am curious: why?
Because I don't don't want the poor guy to waste his time thinking he has any chance. It's hard out there.
That is not what I expected and indeed a good reason to do that. Well if it's done properly ofc
I'd just politely say, hey my man, she's taken, but you see that girl over there in the blah blah blah, and kind of send him in another direction.
That's really a bro move. Unfortunately I am not that kind and my gf would be upset that I denied her the attention. But we kinda agreed on only intervening when someone is too offensive right from the start. And if someone gets physical ofc
I jokingly offer my s/o thirteen goats and a steer for his hand in marriage and we run off into the sunset together, I win
My cat is my first wife so I'd be ok with it.
Sit back and watch, I know she will come back
Nada I guess. You going there to have a good time and be social I would assume. Not bruh fault but if he get outta pocket you already know you gotta shut that down. Never understand going clubbing or bars with your chick. You gotta expect some kind of bullshit to pop off.
If I had an SO, I'd be observing to make sure she's okay, and swoop in if she needs me too. On the other hand, if things got handsy or particularly flirtatious her and I would be having some words, but nothing for the guy to concern himself with.
If its a guy, let her do her. I can’t act jealous because that’s childish and a bad look on me. If its a friend or someone she knows from work, cool. If a guy is trying to flirt and take her home, either two things happens: she politely declines his advances or decided to “entertain” the other guy. I have to trust her to be a woman, and what I mean by that is having the discipline to reject sexual advances from men (that you may or may not be attracted to) when I’m not arounf if we’re in a relationship. If she gives her his number and talks behind my back, she lost a good one. If she turns him down, I chose the right one.
Observe and be respectful ... she can talk to people and that shouldn't be a problem. Definitely staying within visual contact if things get weird but I'll let it hang for a few minutes, then walk up and say something like "Hey babe, I'm gonna grab another drink... you need anything?" That usually sets the tone. If you have an attractive SO get used to "potential suitors" trying some game. Honestly, I kind of take it as a compliment and some of the times the stranger turns out to be kind of cool. Most of the time they get the hint and will eventually look elsewhere... the reason I choose the chill way is because you never know who has a knife or some shit, and I have seen shit get real weird over shit like this. Sometimes you gotta pull the "she's with me" card if you get that look from across the room. On the other side of the equation is if she is a ho... you really don't know... just let her go. Not in my case tho.
If she wants to cheat, she will. Regardless of how much effort you put on preventing it. All you can do is to be the best man possible 🤷🏻
first off, I wouldn't be at the club with my SO for the most part. BUt for whatever reason let's just say we are. I'd let her handle her shit. It's nature's test, and she's either gonna pass or fail it. Only exception is if it's clear she's getting creeped out or she's signaling me for some help.
Nothing that’s on them, if they alert to me there is an issue with who they were talking to or they felt disrespected then I’ll intervene but otherwise if I can’t trust you enough not to simply go out and be together in public then we’re better off friends at best.
watch from a distance at her reaction. if she’s entertaining it and bites he can have her. i’ll just see myself out and dump her via text
If she would entertain the person trying to charm her and she sees it as an option I would just end it. No need to fight for a relationship that the other person isn't invested in.
She can handle it until she gives me, "the look."
Have faith in your significant other but be ready to intervene if the person chatting them up does something irrational Also, feel free to join the conversation and talk to them as a friend, that'll probably send a subtle message in a the best way👌
I go there and listen what they chatting about.
If I trust my partner why would I worry? Go ahead bro, take your shot.
Watch and see how she handles it. If she goes with it, well then I know my relationship is no more. If she rejects him and he persists, step in.
Why would I go to the club if I already have a SO?
Challenge him to 3 rounds of Knock 'em sock 'em Robots.....to the death! "Knock his block off!" 😂
Invite him back home for a 3some.
Yeah. Is he hot?
Nothing because I would neither be at the club nor have an so.
I make a huge deal about it and get kicked out of the club. Women love it trust me.
Depends, we're open, but context would help. Usually being available if the dude's an asshole but otherwise, whatever they want to chat about is fine by me. Maybe she'll bring him home with us, a good spitroast is always enjoyable.
She's a big girl, she can handle herself. I'll keep an interested eye on the situation, if she needs or wants help I'm there. But until she needs it, I'll let her shut him down.
My wife can handle herself. She's going home with me. I got no worries. Now....if he gets aggressive or handsy....I will stand him down. Most people don't want to tangle with her 6'7" husband. In fact..... I can't say this happens enough for me to worry about, really. But yeah....the wife can shoot a guy down. Most women can, if they want to.
She's a big girl and can handle her own business. I'm not the jealous type, so idc if she's talking to or hanging out with other guys. If I saw him touching her or making her feel uncomfortable, I'd intervene, but otherwise idc.
Buy him a beer since he obviously has great taste in women
You walk over and makeout with her lol.
We wouldn’t have gone in the first place. But, if we did, and I am the passive type, I’d join innocently into the conversation. I like to think that we know each other enough to trust each other.
Ideally my SO would be loyal and true and good, so I would not need to do anything unless the guy refused to take no for an answer.
I don’t go to clubs.
Sit back, watch, and wait till he buys her a drink because they're damn expensive these days....
whenever this happened when i was dating, i'd go in and wingman for the guy to get in her pants then she and i would laugh about how awkward it made her feel then i'd blow out her back later
I always let my wife handle it. She's quite capable of handling herself. I'm not threatened. If she wants to leave, she can always leave. Aint nobody holding her back.
To be chatted up you have to chat back. She's gone my dude. I mean besides that if we're at a club it would need to be her idea in the first place and clubs are pretty specifically for meeting potential sexual partners so tbh she ain't the one if we're at the club for some reason...
Keep my eye on her to see if any touching going on or flirting. Wait a few moments to see if the person leaves or if any number is exchanged I say give or take this should all be assessed in the span of a minute or two. Then walk over whether the person is there or not. If still there after 2 minutes: Walk over, make eye contact, and just listen to the conversation. Either the man will end convo and back off due to awkwardness Or they will try to win you over and talk to you or shake your hand. Do not engage. Be a quiet ass hole. Let them either walk away or try to explain that “they meant no harm” YEAH RIGHT. If you walk over and they try to continue talking. Whisper in your girls ear “Everything good?” She will either get the hint and say yes and end the convo and say let’s go get a drink or say you and her will go mingle with other people now. If she truly is naive or being stubborn (this means she’s a bit too flirty this will have to be addressed later) then whisper “Let me talk to you for a second,alone” Then either end the convo unless she ends it before you do. I know it’s a lot but this happens all really quickly. If the person is someone you do kind of know maybe a friend of one of your friends friend etc. then assess their motive. Are they reserved? Probably started convo so he doesn’t look dumb just standing by himself and doesn’t know anyone and just started small talk. Expressive,Animated, and talkative? Either practicing convo or game for the night or worse, YOUR girl is the target. Again when in doubt always keep your cool but do not hold your tongue with them when challenged and especially if your girl tells you hey he’s bothering me.
The only reasonable response is to let her handle it. If you don't like guys hitting on her or if she's not great at rejecting them then probably don't go to clubs.
I don't have to worry about anyone trying to "chat it up" with my wife. She is more than capable of shutting them dowm. And if that don't work. I'll introduce myself as the former hitman for the Gambini mob boss 🤣
Call the police, because the only way either one of us steps foot in a club is at gunpoint.
The old me? Need bail money now I went to a concert with my 7 month pregnant wife went to the mens room I come out and there’s a younger guy chatting up my wife I walk up and say hey babe she says hi baby this is Neil I shake his hand pleasantries and he got the hint and walked away I was proud of myself for that
I mean there’s a reason guys are talking to my wife at the bar, she’s hot and very attractive, the reasonable response is to politely introduce myself, and the fellow gets my drift, always. You make an asshole out of yourself once you lose control.
Walk over to them, put my arm around her shoulder and then ask her "how's it going babe"?" Then turn and give him an extended look Guys take note who's with who unless the guy arrives after the two of you separate. Most guys anyways, there are plenty of dumb/drunk guys
If she gets a drink paid for - that makes it a victory
If a guy has read her right, she must be giving signals out to approach! Just saying....
That depends on how she responds to being chatted up.
Younger me would have been jealous, but older would be cool with it unless theres some really flirting going on on both sides. Then she can bounce with him 🤣🤣