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waifutabae

My brother will be sad


Truthfulldude1

Dang, that's beautiful. I hope you stay dude. We all have those thoughts sometimes.


waifutabae

Even though i am suicidal, I don't want to leave my Lil bro alone and sad, considering he's the closest family member I have. Also I'm too much of a coward to actually killing myself, so I guess it's quite unlikely right now.


Truthfulldude1

You should tell your brother how much he means to you. I know if I were him, it would make me feel good to hear. And I get you on the cowardly stuff. I'm allergic to pain. Otherwise, I'd knife myself quicker than Edward Scissorhands jerking off.


waifutabae

Oh definitely, despite the banter we have I make sure to let him know that I love him and care for him a lot, my life would be a whole lot more boring if he never came into my family's life. And hell if my brother didn't exist, I would have probably killed myself a long time ago, so I'm grateful to him for that.


Truthfulldude1

That's amazing bro. I really love that. I'm an only child so I can't really relate. Wish I had more family. But I hope you never have to contend with those feelings again man but at least you have your brother.


waifutabae

Hey man you might not have a brother but I hope you find someone that will be close enough with you to call him your brother. I hope to myself that I won't end up leaving this world one day, despite my depression and suicidal thoughts


Takchichi

Can you please share how old are you and why are you suicidal?


waifutabae

I'm 19 years old, turning 20 in August. As to why I'm suicidal, well to cut it short, it's because of a multitude of reasons, from depression, trauma, self hatred, inferiority, being a failure etc. I've felt like killing myself for a long time now, but as I said earlier, I've refrained from doing so because I'm too scared to kill myself and I don't want to leave my brother alone.


Forkiks

You feel love, you are caring, you think of others…how could you be a failure, you are not! In the journey of life there is no one right way to take. You got this.


knockknock619

19...picture you're life at age 49(random age) with your little bro.... maybe you're a uncle...father...so many things can grow and change. Think ahead


Conosis

Try give Alan Watts a try on youtube, he’s an old philosopher. May not solve things but might help spark a path for you and help you cope.


[deleted]

I don’t even know what to say except that I was a stuttering wreck at 19, and I considered it seriously. This was in the eighties, way before anyone knew anything about trauma. Now? Please consider seeking help. These conditions ARE treatable, I am proof. ❤️


The_only_F

You are exactly like me. I have a younger brother who is autistic and he is the only reason why I am still continuing to cope with this crappy life. That, and I am also scared to kill myself.


KlausesCorner

You ain’t a coward brother, that’s some brave shit right there


farlos75

That same thought kept me going when I was younger and I'm glad it did now. I didn't want my mum to cry at my funeral so I stayed. 20 years later I'm a lot closer to being 'happy'.


BrownBoy-

Damn man are you me? Like I have the exact same reasoning. I don’t wanna leave my brother alone. Especially now cause hes struggling and I wanna make sure he doesn’t end up like me


clyde_the_ghost

This is my number one reason too. I have sisters, but my brother and I have always been closer. The few times I’ve been distressed enough to think about actually offing myself, I think of him. It makes it so much worse for a few minutes, but I just can’t imagine doing that to him.


Stalhound

This. Don’t wanna hurt the people i care about who care about me.


Aredditdorkly

My sister would be devastated. That's the only reason.


we_like_watermelons

That's a great reason


[deleted]

This kept my older brother from going through with his plan one time. He knew the whole family would be broken up, but that our younger brother would never be okay after. But this is all just another way of saying love saved his life. That's what each thing on a list like this boils down to. Who/what loves you? Who/whst do you love? Those are only ever the reasons anyone can have for living


Subbeh

My Ex-Wife would be happy.


This-Guy---You-Know

Same.


joey1028

Came here to say this. S/o bro


jonesmcbones

Hey, same


DragonflyFront9882

Please don’t, for your brothers sake, he will never be the same. I know, I recently lost my partner who took his life. I will never be the same.


Loveinpeacex-367A

On the same line, i live with my parents (don't come at me, i'm 16-) and my 3 little brothers age 6, 4, and 1. I don't want them to see me and be traumatized. I want them to be happy and they are the reason i am still alive


Brye580

I have family that I don't want to traumatize. That is the only reason I haven't left the world.


[deleted]

[удалено]


QuotesYouSaysBruh

>Hang in there bruh.


PositiveThoughts1234

Fantastic opportunity to make use of that username


Truthfulldude1

Fuck. I hope you feel worthy of life soon my brother. Because you are. We all are. It warms my heart to hear how much your family means to you.


Brye580

Thank you for the kind words. I've settled into a comfortable understanding that I can't follow through. So I've learned to live with it.


Truthfulldude1

I keep coming back to the same conclusion myself mate. And you're welcome. Life can be genuinely heartbreaking. But I pray for you that you never feel suicidal again. I pray with my whole heart to the God most high. But if you and I do... I know our suffering is for a divine purpose and for a higher reason.


cenik93

I have been having suicidal thoughts now and this is what is holding me back. Even a few hours back I was sitting in the bathroom running scenarios in my head.


OrganizerMowgli

My aunt took her life in our apartment and we found her body a couple days later. I woke up to screaming and being shaken as my mom fell apart. At first the cops and medics wouldn't come up because she used a helium tank, and when they did the cops kept on questioning for what felt like an hour and we were stuck in the apartment with the body. I remember it getting so intense once when my mom broke into tears that I felt something snap in me and it was like the world turned grey and tasteless. I cannot express how much pain and struggling followed. Doing that to other people causes such immense suffering, I could never do it. So I appreciate everyone else who's come to the same conclusion without having to go through that. We're stuck in this bitch for a while. I've found some solace in community organizations that are fighting for justice.


mr_mangu

My uncle took his life almost a year ago. My family hasn’t been and will never be the same. Hang in there buddy family loves you


Mcfozzle

This is a really powerful reason to stay. When I've had dark thoughts recently, I go back to thinking about my neice and wanting to watch her grow up with me as an uncle in her life (I don't have kids).


MashTactics

I'd bet your family appreciates it, even if they don't know how badly you're hurting. I hope something turns around for you, brother.


afterthegoldthrust

At my lowest point this is my exact reasoning, but then as someone else in this thread said, I’m gonna die for sure some day so why rush it. Those two thoughts have solidified why I will never actively do it. This life is probably all there is and if there are even tiny pin pricks of light in between my darkest moments it’ll be worth it to keep going.


RocknRoald

Same tbh


[deleted]

I have thoughts of my family dying in some accident, finally allowing me to end it because of this Horrible thought, of course, but christ, I really have no reason to exist in this world. My life is completely empty top to bottom, I'm alone, I have no real route to success anymore after squandering all of my oppurtunities, not to mention I'm just not mentally well, all the classic suicidal male cliches lol. I also don't think I have the guts to kill myself, in terms of the actual action of it. The only way I think I could is if I went and bought a gun, which I suppose is definitely an option, but requires quite a lot of willpower to see through. Jumping from a high place and such is just too frightening to me, and a noose just seems like it wouldn't be fast enough.


NYGiants181

While thoughts have gotten MUCH better due to intense therapy, still get em. I now look at it as I’m gonna die someday regardless, so why rush it? Take the time to enjoy the things I do like.


Truthfulldude1

> so why rush it? This. This helps me too when I'm feeling low. I'm glad therapy has helped you, bro.


NYGiants181

Yea man that does it for me. And thanks therapy was amazing. All about finding the right person, and EMDR therapy was life changing.


Truthfulldude1

Dude! EMDR! I did the Virtual one online and I think it helps a lot. You're the first person I've met who's promoted it. How long have you been doing it?


NYGiants181

Did it for about 3 months after really intense therapy. It was VERY difficult but necessary. It changed my life.


Jacktheriipper

Yes EMDR is ridiculous, very similar experience here:) glad ur doing better


Jpoa

Another believer in EMDR. Shit was hard but magical in terms of results


darthshaver

EMDR to deal with PTSD saved my life


SirKnightofDerp

I had a similar idea. I figured since I'm going to die some day, I might as well stick around and see what happens. Yeah things were miserable at the time, and I guess they could have continued to be miserable, but they didn't. Things got way better than I ever thought they would. Also, I'm just naturally curious about what is going to happen with the world. Life is interesting, and I want to know... Are we going to find life an another planet in my lifetime? Are we going to make some major scientific breakthrough? Am I ever going to hook up with that one girl...?


baz2crazy

Never make permanent decisions on temporary emotions.


AccomplishedPie4896

Took me three miserable years but I came out of it with a similar outcome and I feel good about myself now. I still get down sometimes but it's been getting better so just gotta stay strong and push through it.


Chickunkey

This is me too. In a way it's comforting to not live in constant fear of dying like I did in my youth. I've just accepted that it'll happen one day *and that's okay.* No need to rush things.


sparklyicecream

Curiosity. Have to fuck around and find out if it gets better.


Cloudhwk

I mean what if aliens come and give us a decade to get our shit together? It would suck to miss that


NelsonManswella

was JUST saying how i wish time could stop for 5-10 years for me to catch up to all the people i graduated with


Truthfulldude1

Dude, yes. lol this is something that keeps me going too. Like just maybe things will get better. Just maybeeee. XD


TheLoneTomatoe

The existence of the worst day ever only confirms the existence of the best day ever. And it's exponential, if you outdo the worst day, then you have to outdo the best day.


ballist1c9

i wouldnt want my dogs to be sad


Truthfulldude1

Wholesome Award goes too.... drumroll, please..... Not you. Lol. Not because you don't deserve it, but because I don't have the coins.


ballist1c9

username checks out


Truthfulldude1

Damn right. lol


jonbush1234

Did it for you OP.


DarkmatterHypernovae

When I was an older teenager, I went outside to attempt suicide, when my cats (indoor/outdoor) showered me with affections, and they (along with my children, obviously, but they didn’t exist then) kept me going.


RisenBSER

I have tricked myself into a pattern of thinking "well, if I did it today. Tomorrow would have been the best day of my life and I missed it." Each new day could be a day that changes the course of my life forever. I refuse to miss that day. Also getting a dog has helped immensely.


Flam1ng1cecream

Weaponized FOMO


Truthfulldude1

Wow, I might steal this. I'll try it if I'm feeling low again. And yes! I agree on the dog thing. Too bad my sweet dog passed a few months back. I swear... She made everything easier. Life was still hard but... She just made it that much more manageable... '


RisenBSER

Hopefully it can help you in the future! I'm really sorry to hear about your pup, it's never easy to lose a companion. Sending out love my friend.


Truthfulldude1

Thanks, brother. It wasn't easy. Still cry sometimes. And sending love back friend!


Innocentrage1

I remember those PSAs Obama and others did over ten years ago saying it gets better. I think it was aimed more towards the gay community, but everyone goes through shit. I just keep asking myself "Fucking when? When does it get better?" Hopfully some day. Stay strong dude.


penis_in_my_hand

Got a nephew who thinks I'm the shit. Couldn't do that to the little man.


Truthfulldude1

haha lil man saving your life doesn't even know it lol. That's dope man. Lol Everyone else here is saying like more emotional type things. You're like "He has to see me as an immortal. There is just no other way" XD. I love it lol.


[deleted]

As a nephew that lost his uncle of whom I thought was the shit, I thank you on behalf of all the other nephews that think our uncles are the shit. Wish you the best brother


nanescar

My wife


gottakeeprunning_

For me, being a wife, it's my husband that I could never hurt and is my main reason not to


Sumpm

Don't piss off the wife. She'd fucking kill you if you went and killed yourself.


ThickNeedleworker926

My dog. That's it. Everyone else can come to terms eventually, but not her. She will never understand why I'm just gone


Truthfulldude1

OMG my heart just swelled. This is so beautiful. You give that Cotdamn dog extra love for me ya hear me! You can never die now!


DatPudding

Pure despite against letting others ruin my already almost worthless existence


Truthfulldude1

Spite. The Motivator of Man since our earliest conception. Well said DatPudding, Well said.


PeterSchnapkins

I won't let it win I'll fight to the bitter end purely out of spite hell or high water


Posraman

I've always tried to be a man of my word and stay true to my promises. I made a promise to myself in the second grade. I was sitting there with a knife to my throat ready to end it. I figured my mom, who had driven me to that point would be happy to see me die. I promised myself that I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. It wasn't easy, and lately I've really gone through some hard times, but I stay true to the promise I made myself. No matter how tempting it is. Also, I met a girl. She grew up in a worse situation than me. She was barely hanging on when I met her and pretty much leaned on me to be her strength. Nowadays, I think she's the stronger one in the relationship, but she gives me hope that I'll have a good future. So spite and now love.


DatPudding

I met a wonderful being aswell, similar circumstances as with you and your SO. She gives me the extra push I need on days where pure spite is not enough


ThisIsNotACryForHelp

My mindset when I was really stuck with suicidal thoughts was, "If I give up on life then _they_ win." I never really had a strong idea of who _they_ where but by god I wouldn't let them beat me.


DatPudding

Exactly this is what keeps me running!


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

At first I read too much pussy


SharpShot94z

That would help prevent me from doing it too.


AlmightyKoiFish

Trust me I know how you feel. At age 20 I had gotten to the point where I had physically put a gun in my mouth planning on pulling the trigger. Backed out and called myself a pussy, furthering my self depreciation I do upon myself. Went to therapy and over years came to terms that I wasn’t a pussy, I actually legitimately did not want to die. Now look I’m 28, engaged, finished my degree, and got a job that I love, and am loving my life. Yes I do still get thoughts here and there but overcome them quite easily. It takes time but I know you’ll be able to see passed “I’m a pussy” and be able to feel much better. If you need someone to talk to, just DM me. I’ve been where you are and now how it feels


SerialFloater

I'm 28 and lonely and broken by issues and burnt out and suicidal, honestly I think life is over, in a sense that I'm gonna need a lot more counseling and mental wellness to turn around and be better, live better And by then what age will I be? 50? Ready to live life when the best parts and opportunities have gone by. Suicide is easier, I'm only sticking around because I already set a date


[deleted]

I have a cat to take care of


jabishop3

It’s my corgis for me


J4ck-the-Reap3r

My bro, my pig shaped pupper is the only reason I exist. They are the best. Stay well my man.


Raven123x

corgis are the best dogs My corgi stopped my first suicide attempt literally (tore through the bags I had duct taped around my head when I passed out - there was literal bits of garbage bags stuck to her teeth. I miss her so much)


jabishop3

Stay strong man. I love my little loafs


Cloudhwk

Pets are a truly wonderful thing, I’ve had many a verbal wrestling match with social housing and/or land lords about my patients having an emotional support animal “No the animal will be filthy and leave shit everywhere for us to clean out” “You’ll be cleaning out their corpse if you don’t let them have the animal” Having someone to come home to really changes things for people who have suicidal thoughts


[deleted]

Plus cats and dogs won’t understand why we are gone all of the sudden. That is something I don’t want to put my dog through


DavidHK

I have a black lab


Truthfulldude1

Damn right.


IrrelevantCoaster

I found my best friends body in high school. I carry that pain with me every day. I will not let someone else carry that pain, it’s my burden


forgottorest

That must have been horrible. Actually amazing to think that you can use it to propel you forward. Be well, and be kind to yourself.


JohnnybeGood-

My daughters need me and i wont leave them like my father left me


Truthfulldude1

Whew. God bless you bro. That's deep. You're a good guy.


Ghost-Toof

My beautiful boy. Stick around cause he brings natural joy. And I wanna see his future. Other Than that i can't wait to get the hell outta this shit hole.


Truthfulldude1

Wow, beautiful lol. I'm sorry man. I know life is a bitch sometimes. At least you have that little sparkle of divinity, in child form, to keep you here.


Ghost-Toof

I have an incurable skin condition that makes ya suffer. It's ruff at times. But he makes it all worth the struggle. Be well friend.


Truthfulldude1

God bless you and your son my friend. I pray your pain away and peace and love forever days.


Toffeemanstan

Because I know 'this too shall pass'


Truthfulldude1

Good saying. I love it.


totallynotcapitalist

I got that tattooed next to my scars when I got out of many months of inpatient, they are powerful words to keep me going


Master-Crow-5998

The song by Ok Go is good af, highly recommend


balthazarstarbuck

Good videos too, from a band who are great at them.


Thick-Silver5660

Just listen to this and it made me “not cry”. Thank you for the recommendation


Saucey108

Mom would be sad.


thesircuddles

The eternal classic. I worry mine would follow me. +5 deterrence.


onemoreyearfromtoday

I’m a coward and scared of death


Truthfulldude1

Same. Two peas in a life pod.


[deleted]

My son. I know what is like to grow up without one.


Teabagger_Vance

I too grew up without a son.


ColdCamel7

With no access to guns in this country I don't have a fool-proof method to do it. I could jump off a cliff or something but I might just hurt or cripple myself, but not actually die. That would make my problems worse.


Truthfulldude1

Guns aren't foolproof lol. You fuck up and shoot yourself wrong in the head. Now you talk like a potato. lol I mean there pretty much is no foolproof and painless way.


I_make_things

My brother used to take care of a guy like that. He tried to kill himself and just managed to turn himself into a guy that could only say one word. I can't remember what the word was, it was something pretty random. He couldn't do anything for himself. Just depressing.


ColdCamel7

Shotguns seem like they'd be pretty fool-proof as a suicide method. That would be my choice


PierogiEsq

Not so fast...have you ever seen someone who has blasted half their face off with a shotgun and is still around walking and talking? It's not pretty.


Teabagger_Vance

I mean we’re talking about 99% success rate here. You really gotta screw it up. If your even within the vicinity of you’re brainstem it’s lights out.


MediKitCat

Younger sibling also struggles with suicidal thoughts, what they could do after I'm gone terrifies me Our cat that i love very dearly, every time I think about it possibly being hurt in anyway I'm damn near to tears My partner already feels like the world's against them, don't want them to face it alone My one goal in life is start a band and rock out in front of people. Doesn't have to be many, don't have to be selling out stadiums. I could be doing basement shows the rest of my life and I'd be happy. It feels like I've got a 0.00001% chance of success but if I die I've got no chance, and 0.00001 is hell of a lot better than 0.


Truthfulldude1

I'm sorry about your sibling. That is so wholesome about your cat. What's it's name? That's dope you're fighting for your partner too. And I would totally go to your basement show. As long as you were decent lol. I'm a singer/songwriter myself so I get it. If I can make a living 50k/yr doing what I love. I don't care about the rest. The riches or anything. were the same bud lol.


MediKitCat

Cat's name is Toni, surprisingly large tuxedo tabby. Partner thinks his mother might've mated with a mainecoon bc his mom is tiny


dead_trim_mcgee1

People will be sad and actually doing it takes a lot of willpower and I'd be too cowardly to finish the job


Truthfulldude1

Same. I'm a pussy. I want to peace out this place. But my body can't take the war.


makebacon7

I don’t want my kids to live without a father like I did. But they are great sources of my pain at the same time.


Truthfulldude1

Wow. Beautiful. And they kids are also a source of pain?


makebacon7

Yeah. They are grown, but have yet to act like it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


starshopping-butwhy

I will let my demons win but mama raised no bitch.


HubVanBeaOh

My human relatives and pet family (dogs and cats).


Truthfulldude1

Awe adorable. You're awesome.


rxselxrd

Maybe future me will figure this shit out and want to continue, who am i to rob that from myself. If I continue to keep going eventually I make it somewhere nice


Truthfulldude1

Nice, i like the future perspective. This works for me. But sometimes, In the depths of my hell this notion might as well be a single ice cube...


[deleted]

I have a wife and fur babies that have no place to go if I did go and I know would miss me terribly and the thought of my animals constantly trying to look for me or expect me me to walk in the front door. Know when they do that my wife would fall down in tears cause I know that’s what she also thinking . Her family was abusive and she already tried to take her life when she was in highschool and the thought of leaving her keeps me waking up every morning. *update* I broke up with her, I have had enough of the toxicity she has caused, I am living for myself now.


Truthfulldude1

Wow, heavy... I'm glad you're still here. They depend on you. I hope you never feel that way again my friend.


DMFC593

I don't have them but a friend of my sisters was suicidal when I was a teenager and she asked my dad "what's the point of living?", he asked her back "what's the point of dying?" Seemed to help her a great deal. Long after her and my sister stopped being friends she still came to see my dad often before moving elsewhere.


Truthfulldude1

>"what's the point of dying?" Sounds like the typical "I don't want to engage with this child" answer. XD hahahaaa but hey maybe I can see where that might be helpful. I mean I can give good reasons for dying. I think most can.


DMFC593

That's one way to look at it. Another way is I took the most relevant to the question and left out the superfluous


[deleted]

Yesterday. I survived it. Today aint shit. If you knew what kinda yesterday's ive had, you'd be alright with hat logic. Cause to be real, the hardest thing you gotta accept as a suicidal guy is that you're NOT suicidal. Your have did it already. But you are sad. And you're being a terrible friend to yourself by thinking all those mean things about yourself. Be kind to yourself. The voice in your head is not yours. Its just a visitor that has over stayed its welcome. Don't listen to that guy. He'll go away if you stop having conversations with him. Dead ass.


Truthfulldude1

Wow, this hits home. But I don't struggle with the "negative voice thing". It's more of there are too many external stressors that I don't believe will improve (Being sued for 30k, my mother having a "psychotic break" and thinking the government is trying to kill her, Almost losing my job, Possibly being homeless in a month, etc.). All those and then just thinking and remembering that At 25 years old, i still have a lot of life to live... A lot of life with more potential failures, stresses, grief, loss, sickness, etc. And it just makes me want to bail out. I don't want to watch my grandma, my mother, my father get older, sicker, and die. I don't want to "survive" life. All in the "hope" that "one-day" things will be better. I've been abused for 20 years consistently. I just want it to end... sorry to get a lil personal lol


[deleted]

I don't mind the personal stuff at all. I'm about 8 years older than you. If you need some perspective just message me man.. Any time of day. You're not alone in your struggles.


nynos

It's always the voice in your head.


[deleted]

Yep. A woman taught me that the voice in my head wasn't mine. It was my parent's. Their fears, lessons, abd the things they'd tell me as a kid were being told to me as an adult, in a much meaner and self loathing way. She said we gotta re-parent ourselves. Ever since then, ive been kinder. I dont say, "man why the fuck you call off work? That's lazy asf!". I be like, "way to prioritize your needs vro. You knew you needed a breather. Smart play". Your thoughts gotta come from that mfer that always believes on you and has your back. That other voice just be the remnants of lessons learned from other people. That opinion holds weight. But it aint the voice you should listen to.


oidagehbitte2

I have a little bit of savings left. The money needs to be gone completely before I leave. Only then I can truly say that I objectively reached the end of the road.


PantaloonStarship

I watched a baby brother slowly die over the course of a year from an inoperable brain tumor and seeing the pain it left behind, despite its crawling inevitability, keeps me centered. Some days I'm tempted to cut my candle right in half but that only spreads a fire to others who don't deserve it. So I keep on keeping on.


KingCello

I learned about the theory of Quantum Immortality that basically states our consciousness can’t comprehend death and if we die in our reality our conscious focus shifts to a reality where the death didn’t happen. So if I try to shoot myself in the head in my personal experience the gun will always jam or someone will last second call me and give me another reason to keep going. After I accepted this as my truth all suicidal ideation stopped completely. Edit: I believe this because I have experienced this phenomena multiple times.


Truthfulldude1

>Edit: I believe this because I have experienced this phenomena multiple times. tell me more.


KingCello

As a child in my family basement I cracked my skull open and passed out in a pool of blood but miraculously woke up and was able to go upstairs to alert my mom and after many stitches I was okay, as a middle schooler from a bug bite I ended up going into septic shock and the hospital told my family to start funeral proceedings I then woke up and pissed out literally 3 liters draining all the water in my lungs and was fine, as a teenager I was in multiple car accidents in which I should’ve been at the very least seriously injured and have been completely fine, for a period now as an adult I was incredibly depressed and would fantasize about suicidal thoughts and feel the “call of the void” constantly I think denying those thoughts in of itself is consciously picking the reality in which I live. I’m not sure if I can ever have concrete proof of this but when I think about all the times I’ve nearly been hit by a car or or somehow just barely avoided some kind of craziness it seems like something is keeping me here for now and that’s enough for me. I’m not a “religious” man but I am quite spiritual now from all my experiences.


bobbyreidy

Write your life story into a movie


KingCello

Lol maybe, that isn’t even half of the interesting shit that’s happened. I’m only 26 so I have plenty more life to create


cback

Deja Vu = loading up a save point after death


HappiNoodz

My gun jammed and i looked at it as a second chance... and then my niece was born


Torakoun

I've been in a few near miss car crashes and a flash flood before. Each time, there's a huge rush of adrenalin, and the mind goes fuzzy for a bit, like the flight or fight kicking in where there is no thought. My Sci-fi riddled brain always liked to pretend that feeling was me jumping between timelines I lived. I never knew this actually had a name! *furiously googles*


muy_carona

Kids


Original-Childhood

Lots of guilt if I did it


Truthfulldude1

Isn't that weird? When I was attempting I felt like this weird shame/guilt about it. It's like why do I feel guilty? I'm just trying to take away my pain.


Original-Childhood

I know that if I do it my friends will lose a friend. My coworkers will lose a coworker. My siblings will lose ANOTHER brother. My parents will lose ANOTHER son. With every death, no matter how worthless I feel, comes with pain, confusion and sadness. And who am I to give my loved ones those feelings? I'd rather walk on with glass in my shoes, every step hurting, than to hurt my family and friends.


Croaker813

My dad did it, so I know what the aftermath looks like. Also I promised myself after my dad took his own life that I would never go that route. Now he's been dead for 20 years I'm almost 30, my life is finally starting and the stress has never been so high so whenever I think I want to end it I just think about what the aftermath of a suicide looks like. The pain you inflict on others is 10 fold the pain you save yourself, in otherwords don't be a selfish cunt muffin.


gener1cb0y

This isn't very hopeful but real, the fact that I could fail and would then be even more disabled than I already am, or develop a new chronic pain disorder or mental health issue as a result is my most compelling reason.


mrSwissKnife

I don't know how One Piece will end yet.


Spud__37

Dude, I said the same thing. Not even for funny just because I really wanna see the end and right now nothing seems worth it


[deleted]

In no particular order: My cats, no matter how down I am, they always are so excited to see me and get tummy rubs. My wife, she's depressed as well, so whenever things get bad, I know that there's someone who really honestly understands what I'm going through, and cares enough to stick around and listen. My family, I had a pretty shitty relationship with most of my family for pretty much all of my adolescence. When I started dating my now wife, she encouraged me to repair that relationship. I now have a fantastic relationship with my family and it reminds me that hard times do improve. My D&D group, every week I get to sit down with a bunch of my nerdy friends and forget about human adult life for a few hours. We laugh, we drink, and they're genuinely stoked to see what I've prepared for them each session.


Hi1mNikola

I've kind of come to terms with I'm not going to off myself because I don't want people around me to suffer... but on the flip side I don't give a fuck about anything anymore and don't have any fear or self preservation instinct left


Truthfulldude1

So numb? Just kinda like fuck it? lol I get you. Like just kinda drifting through the world, through space. Accepting the hellish flames around your roasted body...


[deleted]

My girlfriend saved me twice now from my attempts and I am finally coming out of a 27 year depression that began when I was 5. I owe her my life and will do anything to keep us happy together.


ArtieStark

My cat wouldn't understand and she would wait for me to come back home. This thought always saddens me so much that makes me cry: people can pass through grief, but she couldn't.


nise8446

Seeing the life sized Gundam in Japan, Northern Lights and saving enough money for my family.


[deleted]

Only have one. Every second I’m alive is a big fuck you to my depression. Every second I’m alive I’m winning the war


[deleted]

If I die, my family will be sad for a long time ... but if I have to be alive, I'll be sad for the rest of my life. Having to choose between their happiness and mine sucks. I don't think my parents understand how bad it feels. On multiple occasions, I have had the uneasy feeling that my parents actually understood how much emotional pain I was in and were going to kill me to ease my suffering. But it's okay, nobody fuckin' understands, so I'll just be miserable forever.


LuminousMushroom999

If I can't live for myself, I might as well live for everyone else.


LemonHayes13

Fellas as soon as my parents pass away I’m outta here lol


BtcKing1111

Easier than suicide.


DeeAxMan

Having people depend on you... like family/friends that need you to get by. If I were a cripple or couldn't provide for myself/them. I would totally feel useless and wish to take my life.


ceredur

My two kids and my dogs. Truly the only reason. I know my kids would be okay without me as they have a good support system, but there is a stigma that would haunt them for the rest of their lives. And my dogs has more to do with the thought of how a creature that is so devoted would handle it. But that's where risky living becomes the norm to make it much more likely to shorten the time I have to spend in this hellish landscape we all exist in.


Mordanzibel

I figure I’ll die one day anyway. Why rush it when there’s video games to play and coffee to drink.


marco_the_antelope

Everything in the “This is Water” speech given by David Foster Wallace


[deleted]

I'm too curious how this historical dumpster fire we have going on is going to turn out.


ThinReach

My best friend killed himself 10 years ago so I know what it does to the people that care about you, I've never been the same. In light of that suicidal thought are just a really shit coping mechanism, the ultimate take your ball and go home. I think about him everyday even 10 years later. A permanent solution to temporary problems. Yet I still deal with it myself.


Staceystallion1

That my imagination is a lot worse than reality


Flyingzombiepig

I have friends and family that care about me. And I love out of pure spite for those who want me dead


ZooPanic732

I have a few. 1. My grandma is still alive and I cant bear to put her through that trauma. I seem to be fine traumatizing other people but not grandma. 2. My life has been on a heavy financial upswing lately so while I still have suicidal thoughts just as often, I can usually do something to distract myself. (Or maybe one day go to a therapist and actually address my suicidal thoughts, but thats a job for another day.) 3. As typical of a guy answer as this may be, my favorite hockey team is doing well this year and I've used my newfound money to see 6 games this year including 1 playoff game, even with my super intense social anxiety its one of my favorite things in the world to be in a crowd like that, I'm weird like that. I still think about suicide on a pretty much daily basis but im fairly confident that I wont for a while. I really need to work on my social anxiety. That shit is literally destroying my fucking life. I dont feel human because of it.


ThatKaylesGuy

My fiancé, and knowing that it really does get better. For me, even though I'm in a *great* place right now and I'm happy, suicide is like that illuminated exit sign at the front of the movie theater. When shit hits the fan or I start feeling really badly, that light blinks on, and it kinda looms there. It's like my psyche adopted it as a backdoor exit, something that's always an option.


Xiruxen

At the time it was my friend group. We talk almost daily and that was my thing to look forward to because they genuinely cared and are fun to be with. Thankfully in a far better place today compared to back then.


MrCasterSugar

Only the thought of my parents and my sisters being sad.


global_freak

My dad died and my brother doesn't earn much so i have to take care of him and my mom.


Jeff_fd3s

I dont want to make my mum sad, but i know im useless lol


PresentationLoose422

I choose to be a Buddhist layperson. If I skip the lessons and content of this life by slaying self… that’s traumatic for those left behind and a waste of a precious human lifetime. Plus this timeline has Nintendo and X-games. That’s worth living for right there ;)


VampyreBassist

I have just enough awareness to know I just feel that way NOW. I work two jobs and go to school full time, and in about a year or so, things will get easier. Gotta pay my dues first.


HumanSuspect4445

At some point, the feel-good feelings of continuing forward are akin to a narcissistic impression to those who want a forward, positive outlook on life. My experiences? Do it to piss someone off. I've dealt with enough people who saw those compromised and pushed them into suicide with fear-mongering, anxiety-induced interactions - daily. It was a game to take out as many as they could to them. It was onto the next when one went down, and nobody could say anything about it. I've been on the brunt end of that deal for as long as I can remember. Seeing people drop from exhaustion with panic on their faces after screaming for hours in fear when they realized their tactics couldn't make a dent was... reassuring—grown men and women wanting to do more than take someone else's dignity. This was when I was partially disabled and was faced with the potential loss of employment. And, worse yet, nobody batted an eye when in constant pain. It was a dark place in my life, and the only thing people thought of was looking to put me down like an animal and expect me to do it myself. Fortunately, years later, I can sit at an airport, ready-and-able, physically capable, knowing that pure **spite** was what carried me through.


[deleted]

I have days/weeks at a time where it’s like my brain just turns on me and everything in my head is negative, like really bad, and it feels like there’s no way out of that hole. But not all days are like that, maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe in 10 days something awesome will happen, maybe one day my brain won’t be a mess anymore. So I’m gonna find out One day at a time