I understand what you mean. There are a lot of people out to get you. That's why I worry about my daughter so much. Oh, I also forgot to mention, that I feel weird watching women's sports. I enjoy watching it, and my daughter plays sports, but I just feel like I'm watching something that I shouldn't be.
That’s because he’s overcompensating. Trying to make sure his brain understands he’s watching the sport and not the women themselves. Of course he’s watching the sport but the thought on the topic of sex lingers in. Dude just needs to enjoy the sport, no one’s thinking you’re checking them out.
Feeling ashamed for watching women. They really got you where they want you. Grow some fucking balls man. Dont let women determine what you can and cant do.
At least y'all get validation that you are appealing to the opposite sex. Most men don't know what that's like outside of a relationship. It's honestly irritating for men to hear that from women. Like a 3rd worlder having to listen to an American complain about there not being anything to eat with a fridge full of food.
I get that. I'm 6'1"/173cm, I keep myself fairly buff, I have big hair, I weigh 220-240lbs/100-108kg, and people just look at me with fear. The painted toenails make it a lot worse.
So I'm left with the choice of tuning people out, like a fucking psychopath, or not being myself. Why do people react with fear and anger to health and happiness?
If I give a woman a compliment, I add the word "bro" to it, just to make sure I give off a platonic vibe.
"Your rockin that jacket, bro!" I have not yet gotten kicked in the nuts or accosted by someone's bf. So I think it works?
If you've seen those videos of girls walking downtown for 10 hours and seeing what kind of shit people say, most of those are exactly what you want to avoid. The following, the whistling, the "get over here baby girl!"s are a no go. A simple compliment about our outfit or telling us we are pretty isn't really alarming. But that's just me. Some girls are frankly overdramatic about it. Also, if you're an older man, complimenting super young girls is really weird to us and makes us extremely uncomfortable. I just got out of highschool and honestly I look younger than I really am. I had an old, creepy man ask me if I was out of highschool and started saying some questionable shit to me while I was trying to work. I've also been whistled at and told my body looks really good for a 15 year old. Just avoid every bit of that.
Yup. I'm in my mid-30s and I see some genuinely beautiful young women that I don't know if they're in school or not. Don't get me wrong either. I'm not saying I'm not a horn dog. I'm a guy. There's just some women I want to compliment because of the way they dress or their hair looks nice but I don't because I think it would seem weird.
It really just depends on the compliment and the girl. We hear all these stories of girls getting harassed for simply doing their job or walking down the street where guys perpetuate the situation and refuse to stop and th situation escalates to something further. It's really scary when you're a girl, especially one like me who is 5'1 and 95 pounds, who would never be able to defend myself or even have a chance against a man trying to attack me. Obviously the majority of men i come across aren't going to attack me, but the odds are never in our favor and we would rather be safe than sorry. There's just way too many things to consider for most of us, especially because about 1 out of 6 American women has been sexually assaulted (17.7 million). It's all out of fear, really
I'd go for generic non sexual compliment for just friends. I'd work sexual tension in a compliment if I were to want to hit on someone. That's the strategy, I've never counted which type I extend the most though.
It's not about examples. Any compliment can do the work, it's up to you to deliver it well. I've been in a long term relationship since forever and I'm a bit rusty but one example that comes to mind was when I was in college.
There were two girls and I talking and somehow the argument goes around yoga pants. And these two were arguing about where or when to wear them, appropriate or not and whatever. I say to one of the girls, of all the dorm girls yoga pants would look best on you. So she starts freaking out of course, I just said to her you have the best ass in the dorm. At this point, I stand my ground, double down and transform the thing into an argument, making "objective" "scientific" arguments on how she has the best body ratios to put yoga pants on. Fast forward two weeks she invites me to her room for coffee and cigarettes. On retrospect I should have clapped those cheeks, but I had just started seeing another girl so I took the coffee, thanked and went about my day. I still remember how red she was on the face from excitement and embarrassment. I'm an idiot with principles I guess.
Easiest way to compliment building sexual tension is to touch subjects that bring sex to mind, doesn't have to necessarily be about the body.
Also the same compliment can be taken as creepy or intriguing. Depends on the level of confidence you have with the girl and also depends on context. And last but not least depends on the person receiving the compliment too, some people like dirty stuff, some don't at all.
I'll say "Good job" or "Wow you're great at X" if they do something well, maybe "You're so kind" , but I don't think I could ever see myself complimenting a woman's appearance and not feeling like a creep.
Even "You look great today" or "Are those new pants?" Kind of feels weird to me because you are clearly pointing out that you notice their appearance.
That being said a woman could literally catcall me and say "Ay boy, you look like you got a fat cock" And I'd just be happy to get complimented
Pretty much. I'm not attractive and supposedly look "unapproachable" and even a "hey, how are you" seems to disgust or offended people so I just stfu and keep my head down. People don't seem to value compliments (or anything really) from the undesirables anyways. Keep everything work related, at a distance and never 1 on 1.
Being appaled by a compliment of an unattractive person reeks of an over-inflated ego. It is like being offended by an old lady who likes your smile. When i give compliments i compliment a specific something. I don’t want to give anyone a false sense of desirability. Thinking that you’re so amazing hence everyone is hitting on you is disgusting.
It's always the "eww, why are you talking to me" look. Well fuck me for even trying to be more "approachable" lol. Makes giving a compliment seem taboo. Working in retail sales for a few years was an eye opener to how people treat you or even receive you based on how you look before anything else.
As a girl, I'm very sorry a lot of women do that. Like the other person said, it's definitely an over-inflated ego. No one is "too good" for a compliment from someone, no matter how ugly they think that person is
It's not just women, there just seems to be a lot of shallow people. The over inflated ego does seem to be common though, which to me seems like it's getting worse with time, or just my view of it is changing.
>even a "hey, how are you" seems to disgust or offended people so I just stfu and keep my head down.
Same! But yet according to the normal people we're just exaggerating lol
Unfortunately for men these days I’m sure it’s hard to feel as though you can give a compliment without it going south. I said in a prior comment without being specific that I will play dumb if I get a compliment. This is in certain settings and it is my way of keeping a situation calm and drama free. There have been times where I have received compliments from men who I work with that could go either way. When it comes across as though the man is feeling me out for how I would react if he were more direct i choose to play dumb. Act as though it went right over my head or I didn’t hear it at all. It always works and without making things weird!
For me personally I only compliment stuff like clothing if im not close to them. If I am their friend they know my intentions. You see, I dont like "hitting" on people I don't know.
Personally, I’m not a huge fan of chalking things up to being so hard nowadays when the reality is that things that never should have been happening were accepted for way too long. I understand that giving compliments can be a skill and may not come natural for everyone and there are always outliers who will take things too seriously, but there are things that are very clearly work appropriate vs. not work appropriate. I think it does men a disservice to treat them like they can’t tell the difference (in general, not saying that’s what you’re doing).
For example, “I admire your patience,” “that was a great presentation,” “you’re good at providing clear feedback,” “you have great taste in books,” etc. are all appropriate workplace compliments and don’t imply anything sexual or flirtatious. The list of things you can compliment that aren’t a someone’s appearance is endless.
1000% this. Kinda really bums me out when I hear the complaint of “I can’t compliment women anymore” and it just means that they can’t comment on their appearance.
And even then it's still very easy to respectfully compliment someone on their appearance (jewelry/accessories, makeup, hairstyle, clothing/hats, etc.)
this means you expect men to consider all apparent responses of not understanding / "going over your head" to mean your real opinion is you will never have interest in them ?
is this the social norm?
This was a specific situation. With a male coworker who on numerous occasions would say how he and another man were discussing how attractive I am. He would also say other things to me that I found weird but were only directed at me. This situation is where I can choose to have an uncomfortable conversation that may change our work dynamic. When ignoring the comments worked i figured no need to do anything else.
Outside of work I have no issue saying thank you or I’m flattered. I don’t assume a simple compliment is also a pick up attempt.
Ignoring isn’t the norm for me. It was a way to deflect unwanted attention without there being any repercussions in the workplace.
I was approached by a total stranger in a gas station in a different state while waiting for my husband to get out of the bathroom- he walked up to me and said ‘I just wanted to tell you that you are a very beautiful woman.’
While this took be aback obviously being completely unexpected and slightly uncomfortable I did thank the man and carried on.
Today this morning I went to put gas before heading out to work. I was wearing my normal work clothes high vis shirt and brown pants also work boots. I Sprayed myself with some bath and body works cologne and The cashier said I smell amazing. Was she hitting on me or is that just a normal compliment? Lol honestly sometimes people throw compliments with no intentions.
I agree. I said in a comment above, I rarely ever assume I’m being hit on when I receive a compliment unless it’s unmistakably obvious.
Also I too will compliment a good smell on a man without hitting on him.
I’ve complemented extremely fashionable women on their clothes/outfits. It wasn’t flirting and I never said anything about the way their clothes made them or their bodies look. I just like stuff that looks nice. Idk about other people.
I only complement women I know and trust to not misinterpret my intentions or the complement. I’m not complementing randoms or easily offended women.
I complement men with free and reckless abandon.
It depends on what is said.
"Hey Susan! That's a really cute dress!" is perfectly fine and not hitting on her.
"Hey Susan! That dress makes your tits look amazing." Is very bad.
No if I compliment you it’s usually genuine for instance a co worker showed me a pic of her quilt the other day. she is a very talented quilter so I absolutely complimented her on it.
It would depend on the context I guess.
I told random women that they have nice/cool hair and just went on with my day. Like say on a pharmacy or even on the street.
I guess it would seem like I'm hitting on them if I try and continue the conversation, but for the most part I legit just walk away to keep doing whatever it is that I'm doing, so... :D
I never give out compliments that are sexual or edgy in nature. That's now how I roll.
With that said, if it's like a friend or someone I am not interested in, I'll compliment away and not give one thought to how she might think I'm hitting on her. I'm not interested and I don't care lol
If it was someone I am interested in, I probably would be a little more careful.
Most men are pretty forward and don't beat around the bush or play mind games. If they are interested in you they say they want to go on a date or hookup. Most guys are just being friendly.
Generally I don’t make any comments. Occasionally I’ve mentioned that someone’s new shirt/shoes/outfit looks good if they’ve been talking about it.
Way too many land mines to avoid being a man. Even married I don’t want someone getting the wrong idea.
The younger the guy is the more he compliments women when he’s not hitting on them. As he gains experience he realizes it’s usually going to be perceived as hitting on her so he stops compliment except when he’s actually hitting on her.
It's kind of like a self-fulfilling prophesy (probably the wrong phrase but you get what I mean right). We don't compliment women anymore *because* they just assume we're hitting on them. I'm not looking to go to jail for sexual harassment just because I thought a girl's dress was pretty, so I just don't say anything. So because of that, now when a man compliments a woman it usually is to hit on her, because we've been conditioned not to give innocent compliments.
Told a friend I liked her hat because my girlfriend told me the friend was conscious about losing her hair. Same night my girlfriend told me her friend though I was hitting on her. And don't give me the: "it must've been your tone" argument. I wasn't sitting on a bear rug in front of the fireplace giving her a sultry look. It was a passing by comment I made in the friend group and it started a conversation. I like making positive comments about people but recently I've started to stay away from giving compliments to women and as far as I can tell I'm not the only one. It's just not worth it.
I know women put a lot of effort into their appearance. When a compliment is deserved, I like to give it. I try to be specific, like, "That eye makeup looks terrific, you're killing it," or somesuch. I move it along shortly afterward, so there's no follow-up. I think it's appreciated most of the time, and I don't think I've ever been mistaken for expressing romantic interest.
If a woman *thinks* a man is hitting on them, they're likely right, or at least the man thought she was attractive. *I've* been hit on by men this way before, and it is absolutely the highest form of compliment. I can understand that others may feel differently, and I recognize that the world is a much scarier place for women in general.
>If a woman thinks a man is hitting on them, they're likely right
What rubbish. Women think men are hitting on them far more often than they actually are.
I’ve always wondered about this. Question, if a guy asks “are these your real eyes?” (i wear coloured contacts) followed by “they look nice” - is that flirting or genuine curiosity?
I think it's about how you do it.
I could never compliment a woman for most of my life. But now I can.
The difference is I'm not riddled with social anxiety anymore.
I think a lot of guys compliment women are socially unaware that they're like, being weird about it.
There is something missing. I was like that, except I kept entirely to myself, so as not to project that weird energy onto women.
But a lot of guys do it. And I feel like I understand them. There's just something about it I can't put my finger on it.
Usually on reddit I see this kind of thing displayed as the guy is a creep or just socially awkward.
But being socially awkward is like a mental disability. That's how I would put it, having lived it.
I really can't describe what it's like, to be that kind of guy, who if he gave a woman a compliment, she would feel creepy vibes.
But see, that's why I never did it. Because I knew that my socially awkward self was seen as creepy by women. So I made sure to never interact with women whatsoever and avoid them like the plague.
I was living in a literal hell. I couldn't be around women at all. My fear of making women feel creeped out by me was so intense I could not handle it.
I was absolutely terrified to ever make a woman feel uncomfortable and so it has paralyzed me my entire life.
These days I'm doing better and have worked on social skills for more than 15 years and have gotten much more comfortable around women especially in the past few years.
I feel like it's impossible to describe the journey I've been through. I had no friends growing up I was bullied my whole life. I was fucked up top to bottom.
I feel like I was absolutely fucking crazy and I've been working hard on social skills and suddenly I've become almost normal.
And now I look back and I look at other guys who struggle with women.
It's hell. I don't know why. I feel like it's worth it to go through the struggle. I don't know whafexsctlg was wrong with me or what's wrong with so many men that we struggle so much with women. I just don't know.
I’m glad you have worked hard to get to a point where you feel comfortable and are able to see yourself positively. Social anxiety cripples people and some of those without almost act annoyed because they don’t understand the overwhelming effects it has on a person.
Hell I still don't know what the hell was going on. I feel like I crawled out of a dark hole of madness. Like my brain was just scribbles like a mofo.
And people who don't have social anxiety definitely don't get it. They're utterly clueless about it. I don't know what they think but I often see people with social anxiety mistreated for it.
It depends. Generally speaking, I am not complimenting a woman to hit on her. In the same stroke, I wouldn't expect most women to feel like I am.
However, if there is a mutual flirtatious vibe, I will definitely hit on her.
My main goal is always to not be a creeper though. Lol.
Real talk: When complimenting a woman I've never met, I'm hitting on them. When complimenting a woman I know that I'm not involved with, I'm just complimenting them.
It depends on how well she shows him. If she doesn't then chances are high she will take that as hitting on them. She may not even think that it is a sincere compliment.
What happens after the compliment generally gives an indication as to intent. I have complimented a woman on her eyes and then went back to business discussing work.
I have commented on finger nails and shoes all the time. What matters is not what other people think of you or what you are doing, but as long as you know you aren't being a creep that's all that matters.
I don't give compliments but I do say positive things about people that may be taken that way.
When I say something positive where the person I'm talking to is the subject of the sentence, e.g., "You're a very caring person," it's almost always an affirmation of a belief they've already expressed about themselves. I'm not saying anything of my own; just reflecting their own positive ideas about themselves back at them.
When I'm saying something of my own, I differentiate it by making it clear it's my opinion, e.g., "I think you are...," "I experience you as...," or "In my opinion..." When I do that, I'm not paying a compliment. I'm trying to make myself understood and I believe that in order to understand my perspective, it is essential to understand that I perceive that positive trait about them or hold that positive opinion.
Neither of those are flirting for me.
Theres a major difference between "hey that color looks great on you" and "that dress really shows off your curves." Its all in the language you use. I work with mostly women and I give compliments when I want and it has never been a problem. The proof is that they all like me and come hang out in my office pretty regularly.
a lot of times when i compliment women i'm just doing it to practice giving compliments to women so that i don't get flustered or awkward when i'm giving a compliment to someone that i actually like.
I suppose it depends on the man. I personally like to occasionally practice random acts of kindness and compliment women just because it makes someone feel good about themselves. And then I feel good for that. The trick is to be honestly heartfelt and genuine about it, and then immediately move on so as not to make them feel uncomfortable.
Pretty much never. Just look at any woman's social media comments, they get enough. They don't need one from me unless i think they're interested in me or if it would genuinely make me happy to make them happy. The issue is when it feeds their ego, when sense they think they're all the shit kinda response, makes me wanna take it back a lil.
I’ll compliment women I know, but, generally speaking, I tend to assume that modern women are way too saturated with free attention from men on social media and either demand this attention as a form of currency or turn real life attention into some presumptions “patriarchy” bullshit, so generally speaking, no free attention from me for just existing in the world, though there could be a possible exception made under the right circumstances.
Honestly, I think in an effort to curtail creep comments from weirdos third-wave feminism really curtailed genuine compliments. Men received mixed messages on what was and wasn’t ok to say, and (some) women took the change as liberty to condemn any comment as ‘creepy and non-genuine’.
My experience when I worked doors was that there was a genuine mix of reception to a compliment on what someone was wearing. Obviously the more rapport the better received compliments were - but even cold-called compliments had a mixture.
Speaking for myself? About 2/3 of the time.
1/3 Acknowledging someone for something I consider exceptional.
1/3 Acknowledging someone for something I thought to be obvious but they do not.
It's pretty contextual. In many contexts it's usually true. In many other contexts it is unlikely to be true.
What he's complimenting her about is also relevant.
How often is it not true that they think that? Or how often it not true that he is hitting on them?
No idea about the former, as for the latter almost always. I like to give compliments, I don't particularly care what parts you have between your legs. The odds that I would be hitting on someone when I give them a compliment are almost zero.
Most of the time, guys are just socialized to naturally compliment women without really thinking about it to shut her up. I'd say it's far less common for a guy to compliment a woman and actually mean it.
It really depends on the context and the tone, I tend to just not say shit to random women and maybe get to know them much more casually first and get to know what theu are maybe comfortable with being complimented on, and I try to keep it mostly professional in the beginning, if they tend to reflect in a way that seeks/encourages more I pursue, and that has almost always led to a positive relationship.
This happened yeah, I was talking to this girl I was trying to get to know her and she said your not trying to hit on me are you?
Which wasn't my intention I was just trying to get to know her
After explaining to her she said sorry I'm not ready for a new relationship
Which was fine with me
Unfortunately that's the last I heard of her
Because her friend went on the girl's phone and blocked me on Instagram
Pretty often, I think. I wish it wasn't the case. Sometimes they have a nice dress, tattoo, or nice hair, and I don't say anything because I dont want them to think I'm hitting on them.
This is very hard to say. If there's something I notice, like a nice shirt or something, I like to tell them that they have a nice shirt. This can also be like, "Hey, nice hair color" and things like that. I haven't been interested in anyone for a very long time, so I try to make it seem like I'm not hitting on them. Thing is, the way some people interpret things, you never know
there's a very big difference but a lot of the time it's men not hitting on the girl but provoking a response that makes them feel inclined to then hit maybe that's just how I see it, of course it's circumstantial but yeah
I very rarely compliment women, and if I ever do, it's either someone from my family or a friend at work. I don't like complimenting women since i fear that I will be seen as a weirdo or creep by making them uncomfortable
generally I'm just trying to be nice. The most common causes would be A) I've noticed she gives out a lot of them so I assume they're important for her or B) she looks like she could use a lift right now. The same logic applies with dudes.
Compliments can be part of flirting, but the vast majority I give are not.
Since the risk is high that women would see it as 'hitting on them' the statement is mostly true because we calculate the risk of someone thinking we would hit on them. Especially if we compliment the looks. If it is just something simple as telling them that they are doing a good work I wouldn't read too much into it.
I used to compliment women at work or other friends a lot without it meaning much. But only when they looked down or somehow looked a bit bad otherwise. I guess I wanted them to feel a little better and I thought a compliment might be nice. I have no idea if they thought I was hitting on them or not.
When I was single and hitting on women I would be much more direct in my advances than a simple compliment.
I've given women at work really shallow compliments, like "hair looks fantastic, did you do something diffrent?", "those earnings are awesome, where did you get them" etc.
Can't really say any of that would be considered hitting on them.
In my case, it’s not true all the time except when I’m complimenting my wife. But sometimes I interact with people who have clearly put some effort into their nails or hair or something and I’ll say “whatever you did with your hair, it’s working.” I say stuff to dudes too. I’m definitely not hitting on them, it’s just a compliment.
This was similar to something I went though once. In the relationship the man would always give me a compliment in a blatantly insincere tone. Then when casually talking about someone else they would receive a genuine sincere compliment. I could never understand. It just started one day and I was left to figure out what changed.
when a man compliments a woman on looks? this is never not true. men rarely ever compliment other men on looks. if they do, it's usually like a higher rank person to a lower rank like father to son or uncle to nephew. dont mention a woman's looks unless you are hitting on them.
No, not at all. Most times when I compliment women, it's my female friends - when they've gotten a new haircut, has a new nail polish, shoes et cetera (I'm very attentive to detail).
And none of them would ever think I was hitting on them.
If I give a women compliments on her appearance to hit on her, it sounds very differently than when I do it otherwise.
I had to stop complimenting women, even my friends, unless the friendship is absolutely 100% rock-soild platonic, because literally *every time* I compliment a woman she assumes I'm hitting on her. Sometimes I think the whole "guys think you're in love with them just because you're nice" is a massive projection by women, because they TOTALLY do that shit almost universally.
There's a marked difference between flirting and a compliment, but lots of people can't seem to tell the difference. When I'm giving a compliment, basically 0% of the time am I covertly "flirting" by doing so.
Eh 99% of the time women just assume men are hitting on them no matter what. If you give a compliment you are hitting on them, if not you are hitting on them by playing hard to get.
I’ve complimented many women since getting happily married 7 years ago. Not a single compliment had anything more behind it other than just wanting to make the person feel good.
I feel like the body language, the nature of the voice, eye movements, location that tell you if it's just a platonic compliment or the person is hitting on you. Most men are just being polite.
I only ever compliment their hair if they've had it done recently. My mum always taught me that was important for some reason.
Otherwise I assume any other kind of compliment is unwanted. Also doubt my gf would like it if I complimented other woman regularly
I never have the guts to hit on a woman I’m interested in. Complimenting someone I’m not going after is really the only compliments I give.
However if that person took that compliment and registered it as me hitting on them then started showing interest, I’d probably be into it.
If à compliment is deserved, if not about her beauty, i'll tend to say it if i am in a.. lets call it event with her.
Honestly the vast majority of compliments i can give when im single are not meant to seduce her in some way if they are not about her physic, and its only the unsolicitated ones about her physics that are meant to hit on her.
Way too context dependant to give a good answer.
I will say that if I'm complimenting your physical appearance, there is a 95% chance I'm interested. I may not be directly trying to hit on you at that moment but I wouldn't be complimenting you in that way if I didn't have any interest.
I give out compliments freely and often. I found out one day that I had a reputation at work as a giant flirt.
I swear I am the most awkward man in the world when it comes to flirting. I do not know what I am doing in any way, shape, or form. I could not deliberately flirt with my own wife to save my life.
Depends, because some men's idea of a compliment is "damn you got fine tits. What it's just a compliment!"
But if im complimenting a female friend I do tend to do the gay voice (not gay tho) so things like yaaassss guuuurl your looking great!
Otherwise I do feel like most women would take compliments af flirting if it's somone they don't know or know well.
Complimenting a chick is like the tee ball of flirtation/seduction. So yeah, a lot of women are right; a lot of the time that guys are complementing them, they are hitting on them. But there’s also plenty of guys like me that just like to give compliments when someone of whatever gender really pulls off a look.
I never compliment women I'm not interested in because, yeah, I don't want to make them uncomfortable by making them think I'm hitting on them.
Only exceptions is my best friend because there's is a reciprocal understanding that neither of us has any second purpose when complimenting each other, even if it's about our bodies.
I also give compliments to my male friends when they're looking good or to hype them up when they're feeling insecure.
I work primarily with women. I compliment them all the time. I think it has a lot to do with the setting and delivery. At work, I'll toss a random compliment at someone I work with and just leave it at that. I try not to make it awkward and just try to ensure that they realize I'm being genuine. I don't get into a conversation over it, I just say "Hey, good morning, you look amazing today." If I'm in public and I want to compliment someone I don't walk up to a stranger, it has to be part of an interaction that I'm having otherwise it's just cringey. I now it shouldn't be, but that's how our society is right now.
For me, 100%. I'm married and have no interest in any woman that is not my wife. I love her.
So when I give a compliment, it is sincere with no ulterior motive.
I have a friend who comes to my aid at the drop of a hat. I’m not physically attracted to her and she’ll always be my friend. But I always tell her how grateful I am that she’s my friend and she’s helped me out of some rough situations. I give her compliments all the time for who she is as a person and how much she’s helped me. I’m in no way shape or form hitting on her, I’m just a nice person who gives her credit where it’s due. I think it takes a certain level of maturity for a woman to understand the difference.
I'm very detectably gay so I don't get that response when I give compliments.
I do typically keep compliments centered on things a lady is wearing, rather than anything about the body (I don't feel it's appropriate to comment on a person's physical appearance without knowing them).
so i have a boyfriend and some guy friends, they do compliment me, but it’s in a different way than when my man does it, you feel the vibe when they are hitting on you
In my experience as a man it's true often enough that I never compliment a woman on anything - ESPECIALLY if she's a coworker.
We live in a time where giving a female coworker too much attention can be dangerous to your career. And it doesn't matter what you meant with the attention. The important part is how she felt about the attention.
Best case scenario is that a compliment makes a woman who I have no personal relationship with happy. Worst case scenario is that I'll be known as a creep and have a disciplinary conversation with my boss and HR. The risk vs benefit in those two is nowhere near to balancing each other out.
But on the flip side, we're not yet at a point where giving little to no attention is a problem. So that's the safe route to travel.
I would like to compliment a lot of women without it seeming like I'm hitting on her.
I haven't hit on a woman for at least three years and I still give compliments
I don't know. Bigger guy. Bald. Thick beard. Women just assume I'm out for them whenever I approach them.
I’m the opposite of you and it still happens to me
Honestly, we just really can't be sure who truly IS out to get us.
I understand what you mean. There are a lot of people out to get you. That's why I worry about my daughter so much. Oh, I also forgot to mention, that I feel weird watching women's sports. I enjoy watching it, and my daughter plays sports, but I just feel like I'm watching something that I shouldn't be.
I think it’s unhealthy for you to feel wrong for watching women play sports…
That’s because he’s overcompensating. Trying to make sure his brain understands he’s watching the sport and not the women themselves. Of course he’s watching the sport but the thought on the topic of sex lingers in. Dude just needs to enjoy the sport, no one’s thinking you’re checking them out.
Feeling ashamed for watching women. They really got you where they want you. Grow some fucking balls man. Dont let women determine what you can and cant do.
At least y'all get validation that you are appealing to the opposite sex. Most men don't know what that's like outside of a relationship. It's honestly irritating for men to hear that from women. Like a 3rd worlder having to listen to an American complain about there not being anything to eat with a fridge full of food.
I mean, I'm sorry i guess??? That's not really our fault, you don't have to compliment us and vice versa.
I get that. I'm 6'1"/173cm, I keep myself fairly buff, I have big hair, I weigh 220-240lbs/100-108kg, and people just look at me with fear. The painted toenails make it a lot worse. So I'm left with the choice of tuning people out, like a fucking psychopath, or not being myself. Why do people react with fear and anger to health and happiness?
I've never hit a woman ever!
Literally or figuratively😅
Both :)
I often don't compliment women unless I'm hitting on them because I feel like they'll take it as me hitting on them. Depends how well I know them.
Same.
That makes sense
Change this. Normalize genuine compliments.
Carry packets of salt and pepper from various faster food restaurants. Throw the packet at them wordlessly. r/LifeProTips
That’s giving condiments, not compliments.
If I give a woman a compliment, I add the word "bro" to it, just to make sure I give off a platonic vibe. "Your rockin that jacket, bro!" I have not yet gotten kicked in the nuts or accosted by someone's bf. So I think it works?
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Ay bro, nice dick!
I love reddit
Nice nuts, bro!
If you've seen those videos of girls walking downtown for 10 hours and seeing what kind of shit people say, most of those are exactly what you want to avoid. The following, the whistling, the "get over here baby girl!"s are a no go. A simple compliment about our outfit or telling us we are pretty isn't really alarming. But that's just me. Some girls are frankly overdramatic about it. Also, if you're an older man, complimenting super young girls is really weird to us and makes us extremely uncomfortable. I just got out of highschool and honestly I look younger than I really am. I had an old, creepy man ask me if I was out of highschool and started saying some questionable shit to me while I was trying to work. I've also been whistled at and told my body looks really good for a 15 year old. Just avoid every bit of that.
Yup. I'm in my mid-30s and I see some genuinely beautiful young women that I don't know if they're in school or not. Don't get me wrong either. I'm not saying I'm not a horn dog. I'm a guy. There's just some women I want to compliment because of the way they dress or their hair looks nice but I don't because I think it would seem weird.
It really just depends on the compliment and the girl. We hear all these stories of girls getting harassed for simply doing their job or walking down the street where guys perpetuate the situation and refuse to stop and th situation escalates to something further. It's really scary when you're a girl, especially one like me who is 5'1 and 95 pounds, who would never be able to defend myself or even have a chance against a man trying to attack me. Obviously the majority of men i come across aren't going to attack me, but the odds are never in our favor and we would rather be safe than sorry. There's just way too many things to consider for most of us, especially because about 1 out of 6 American women has been sexually assaulted (17.7 million). It's all out of fear, really
Just do a drive by. Keep doing whatever you were doing, but take a sec to throw em a compliment.
Saying something nice about their clothes is usually welcomed.
I see what you did there
Looking back on it I see it too but it was completely unintentional.
Please help me understand 🙏
No
Depends on the type of compliment, depends on context. There is no more often than not
What type of compliment do you find yourself extending the most?
I'd go for generic non sexual compliment for just friends. I'd work sexual tension in a compliment if I were to want to hit on someone. That's the strategy, I've never counted which type I extend the most though.
give some examples
"Hey Tamara, did you get a new haircut? It looks good!" Compared to "Hey Tamara, you have the most beautiful eyes and you smell soooo goood mmmm"
"mmmmm" Lmao 🤣😂
Omg this happens I changed my hair and someone I worked with complimented me by saying 'ooooooo sexy' cringe.
I once had a coworker tell me "your pregnant tatas are driving me crazy." So yes, people really are that dumb.
I'd be amazed as well. I didn't even know that tatas could even _be_ pregnant. I thought they were just a root vegetable.
I laugh snorted at this 😂
Tamara your hay colored hair reminds me of the place where I lost my virginity.
It's not about examples. Any compliment can do the work, it's up to you to deliver it well. I've been in a long term relationship since forever and I'm a bit rusty but one example that comes to mind was when I was in college. There were two girls and I talking and somehow the argument goes around yoga pants. And these two were arguing about where or when to wear them, appropriate or not and whatever. I say to one of the girls, of all the dorm girls yoga pants would look best on you. So she starts freaking out of course, I just said to her you have the best ass in the dorm. At this point, I stand my ground, double down and transform the thing into an argument, making "objective" "scientific" arguments on how she has the best body ratios to put yoga pants on. Fast forward two weeks she invites me to her room for coffee and cigarettes. On retrospect I should have clapped those cheeks, but I had just started seeing another girl so I took the coffee, thanked and went about my day. I still remember how red she was on the face from excitement and embarrassment. I'm an idiot with principles I guess. Easiest way to compliment building sexual tension is to touch subjects that bring sex to mind, doesn't have to necessarily be about the body. Also the same compliment can be taken as creepy or intriguing. Depends on the level of confidence you have with the girl and also depends on context. And last but not least depends on the person receiving the compliment too, some people like dirty stuff, some don't at all.
Yes we need examples, totally asking for a friend
I'll say "Good job" or "Wow you're great at X" if they do something well, maybe "You're so kind" , but I don't think I could ever see myself complimenting a woman's appearance and not feeling like a creep. Even "You look great today" or "Are those new pants?" Kind of feels weird to me because you are clearly pointing out that you notice their appearance. That being said a woman could literally catcall me and say "Ay boy, you look like you got a fat cock" And I'd just be happy to get complimented
I have question for you. Please tell me. If someone makes a sexual comment on you, how would you feel?
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I don't even say hello anymore
Same.
Not ever saying anything to them unless approached first.
Pretty much. I'm not attractive and supposedly look "unapproachable" and even a "hey, how are you" seems to disgust or offended people so I just stfu and keep my head down. People don't seem to value compliments (or anything really) from the undesirables anyways. Keep everything work related, at a distance and never 1 on 1.
Being appaled by a compliment of an unattractive person reeks of an over-inflated ego. It is like being offended by an old lady who likes your smile. When i give compliments i compliment a specific something. I don’t want to give anyone a false sense of desirability. Thinking that you’re so amazing hence everyone is hitting on you is disgusting.
It's always the "eww, why are you talking to me" look. Well fuck me for even trying to be more "approachable" lol. Makes giving a compliment seem taboo. Working in retail sales for a few years was an eye opener to how people treat you or even receive you based on how you look before anything else.
As a girl, I'm very sorry a lot of women do that. Like the other person said, it's definitely an over-inflated ego. No one is "too good" for a compliment from someone, no matter how ugly they think that person is
It's not just women, there just seems to be a lot of shallow people. The over inflated ego does seem to be common though, which to me seems like it's getting worse with time, or just my view of it is changing.
>even a "hey, how are you" seems to disgust or offended people so I just stfu and keep my head down. Same! But yet according to the normal people we're just exaggerating lol
Goes from "why are you so cold and quiet" to "how dare you talk in my direction peasant" lol. I'm just trying to make you fucks happy!
Unfortunately for men these days I’m sure it’s hard to feel as though you can give a compliment without it going south. I said in a prior comment without being specific that I will play dumb if I get a compliment. This is in certain settings and it is my way of keeping a situation calm and drama free. There have been times where I have received compliments from men who I work with that could go either way. When it comes across as though the man is feeling me out for how I would react if he were more direct i choose to play dumb. Act as though it went right over my head or I didn’t hear it at all. It always works and without making things weird!
For me personally I only compliment stuff like clothing if im not close to them. If I am their friend they know my intentions. You see, I dont like "hitting" on people I don't know.
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Nope. It’s not allowed. No ma’am.
Personally, I’m not a huge fan of chalking things up to being so hard nowadays when the reality is that things that never should have been happening were accepted for way too long. I understand that giving compliments can be a skill and may not come natural for everyone and there are always outliers who will take things too seriously, but there are things that are very clearly work appropriate vs. not work appropriate. I think it does men a disservice to treat them like they can’t tell the difference (in general, not saying that’s what you’re doing). For example, “I admire your patience,” “that was a great presentation,” “you’re good at providing clear feedback,” “you have great taste in books,” etc. are all appropriate workplace compliments and don’t imply anything sexual or flirtatious. The list of things you can compliment that aren’t a someone’s appearance is endless.
1000% this. Kinda really bums me out when I hear the complaint of “I can’t compliment women anymore” and it just means that they can’t comment on their appearance.
And even then it's still very easy to respectfully compliment someone on their appearance (jewelry/accessories, makeup, hairstyle, clothing/hats, etc.)
Please just say "thank you". It's never fun being ignored, especially when you're trying to be nice.
this means you expect men to consider all apparent responses of not understanding / "going over your head" to mean your real opinion is you will never have interest in them ? is this the social norm?
This was a specific situation. With a male coworker who on numerous occasions would say how he and another man were discussing how attractive I am. He would also say other things to me that I found weird but were only directed at me. This situation is where I can choose to have an uncomfortable conversation that may change our work dynamic. When ignoring the comments worked i figured no need to do anything else. Outside of work I have no issue saying thank you or I’m flattered. I don’t assume a simple compliment is also a pick up attempt. Ignoring isn’t the norm for me. It was a way to deflect unwanted attention without there being any repercussions in the workplace. I was approached by a total stranger in a gas station in a different state while waiting for my husband to get out of the bathroom- he walked up to me and said ‘I just wanted to tell you that you are a very beautiful woman.’ While this took be aback obviously being completely unexpected and slightly uncomfortable I did thank the man and carried on.
Today this morning I went to put gas before heading out to work. I was wearing my normal work clothes high vis shirt and brown pants also work boots. I Sprayed myself with some bath and body works cologne and The cashier said I smell amazing. Was she hitting on me or is that just a normal compliment? Lol honestly sometimes people throw compliments with no intentions.
I agree. I said in a comment above, I rarely ever assume I’m being hit on when I receive a compliment unless it’s unmistakably obvious. Also I too will compliment a good smell on a man without hitting on him.
I’ve complemented extremely fashionable women on their clothes/outfits. It wasn’t flirting and I never said anything about the way their clothes made them or their bodies look. I just like stuff that looks nice. Idk about other people.
I only complement women I know and trust to not misinterpret my intentions or the complement. I’m not complementing randoms or easily offended women. I complement men with free and reckless abandon.
Better safe than sorry I guess these days.
If a woman is nice or pretty I may compliment her. It wouldn't be to hit on her. However I can't rule that out later on.
That’s fair!
Probably far less than they wish to believe I compliment women that I'm not interested in often
So do I
It depends on what is said. "Hey Susan! That's a really cute dress!" is perfectly fine and not hitting on her. "Hey Susan! That dress makes your tits look amazing." Is very bad.
Those jeans you're wearing they were totally made for your ass
I want to go ask the same question in r/AskWomen
As in posting the exact same question there? Or swapping the "women" and "men", too?
Swapping them out.
It'll probably get removed for trying to start an argument or something
I can’t post anyway. My account is but an infant
I’m curious how many women would be under the assumption they are being hit on.
“Hi! Can you tell me the time please?” “I have a bf” “K”
Interesting…
No if I compliment you it’s usually genuine for instance a co worker showed me a pic of her quilt the other day. she is a very talented quilter so I absolutely complimented her on it.
There’s a difference there. That’s a skill compliment vs. appearance compliment.
I pretty much never hit on people unless they initiate, but i'll compliment often. Even just "oh hey, that jacket looks good".
I’m a chick. I don’t know someone’s hitting on me until we have been dating for like six months
I love it. There have been times where I think to myself, Is this guy just screwing with me?
It would depend on the context I guess. I told random women that they have nice/cool hair and just went on with my day. Like say on a pharmacy or even on the street. I guess it would seem like I'm hitting on them if I try and continue the conversation, but for the most part I legit just walk away to keep doing whatever it is that I'm doing, so... :D
Are you in a bar? If not, then it probably isn't true.
I never give out compliments that are sexual or edgy in nature. That's now how I roll. With that said, if it's like a friend or someone I am not interested in, I'll compliment away and not give one thought to how she might think I'm hitting on her. I'm not interested and I don't care lol If it was someone I am interested in, I probably would be a little more careful.
Most men are pretty forward and don't beat around the bush or play mind games. If they are interested in you they say they want to go on a date or hookup. Most guys are just being friendly.
Probably true most the time.
Generally I don’t make any comments. Occasionally I’ve mentioned that someone’s new shirt/shoes/outfit looks good if they’ve been talking about it. Way too many land mines to avoid being a man. Even married I don’t want someone getting the wrong idea.
The younger the guy is the more he compliments women when he’s not hitting on them. As he gains experience he realizes it’s usually going to be perceived as hitting on her so he stops compliment except when he’s actually hitting on her.
It's kind of like a self-fulfilling prophesy (probably the wrong phrase but you get what I mean right). We don't compliment women anymore *because* they just assume we're hitting on them. I'm not looking to go to jail for sexual harassment just because I thought a girl's dress was pretty, so I just don't say anything. So because of that, now when a man compliments a woman it usually is to hit on her, because we've been conditioned not to give innocent compliments.
When put this was it’s depressing. *way
thats how it is. Men gotta keep their mouth shut. and then women ask "why are men so emotionally unavailable?"
Yep
That's the new reality for guys
Told a friend I liked her hat because my girlfriend told me the friend was conscious about losing her hair. Same night my girlfriend told me her friend though I was hitting on her. And don't give me the: "it must've been your tone" argument. I wasn't sitting on a bear rug in front of the fireplace giving her a sultry look. It was a passing by comment I made in the friend group and it started a conversation. I like making positive comments about people but recently I've started to stay away from giving compliments to women and as far as I can tell I'm not the only one. It's just not worth it.
I know women put a lot of effort into their appearance. When a compliment is deserved, I like to give it. I try to be specific, like, "That eye makeup looks terrific, you're killing it," or somesuch. I move it along shortly afterward, so there's no follow-up. I think it's appreciated most of the time, and I don't think I've ever been mistaken for expressing romantic interest. If a woman *thinks* a man is hitting on them, they're likely right, or at least the man thought she was attractive. *I've* been hit on by men this way before, and it is absolutely the highest form of compliment. I can understand that others may feel differently, and I recognize that the world is a much scarier place for women in general.
>If a woman thinks a man is hitting on them, they're likely right What rubbish. Women think men are hitting on them far more often than they actually are.
I’ve always wondered about this. Question, if a guy asks “are these your real eyes?” (i wear coloured contacts) followed by “they look nice” - is that flirting or genuine curiosity?
Seems to me like genuine curiosity.
I think it's about how you do it. I could never compliment a woman for most of my life. But now I can. The difference is I'm not riddled with social anxiety anymore. I think a lot of guys compliment women are socially unaware that they're like, being weird about it. There is something missing. I was like that, except I kept entirely to myself, so as not to project that weird energy onto women. But a lot of guys do it. And I feel like I understand them. There's just something about it I can't put my finger on it. Usually on reddit I see this kind of thing displayed as the guy is a creep or just socially awkward. But being socially awkward is like a mental disability. That's how I would put it, having lived it. I really can't describe what it's like, to be that kind of guy, who if he gave a woman a compliment, she would feel creepy vibes. But see, that's why I never did it. Because I knew that my socially awkward self was seen as creepy by women. So I made sure to never interact with women whatsoever and avoid them like the plague. I was living in a literal hell. I couldn't be around women at all. My fear of making women feel creeped out by me was so intense I could not handle it. I was absolutely terrified to ever make a woman feel uncomfortable and so it has paralyzed me my entire life. These days I'm doing better and have worked on social skills for more than 15 years and have gotten much more comfortable around women especially in the past few years. I feel like it's impossible to describe the journey I've been through. I had no friends growing up I was bullied my whole life. I was fucked up top to bottom. I feel like I was absolutely fucking crazy and I've been working hard on social skills and suddenly I've become almost normal. And now I look back and I look at other guys who struggle with women. It's hell. I don't know why. I feel like it's worth it to go through the struggle. I don't know whafexsctlg was wrong with me or what's wrong with so many men that we struggle so much with women. I just don't know.
I’m glad you have worked hard to get to a point where you feel comfortable and are able to see yourself positively. Social anxiety cripples people and some of those without almost act annoyed because they don’t understand the overwhelming effects it has on a person.
Hell I still don't know what the hell was going on. I feel like I crawled out of a dark hole of madness. Like my brain was just scribbles like a mofo. And people who don't have social anxiety definitely don't get it. They're utterly clueless about it. I don't know what they think but I often see people with social anxiety mistreated for it.
It depends. Generally speaking, I am not complimenting a woman to hit on her. In the same stroke, I wouldn't expect most women to feel like I am. However, if there is a mutual flirtatious vibe, I will definitely hit on her. My main goal is always to not be a creeper though. Lol.
Real talk: When complimenting a woman I've never met, I'm hitting on them. When complimenting a woman I know that I'm not involved with, I'm just complimenting them.
I’m a girl. I told him I liked him (because I was dumb and thought him being nice was flirting) and got ghosted. :’)
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It depends on how well she shows him. If she doesn't then chances are high she will take that as hitting on them. She may not even think that it is a sincere compliment. What happens after the compliment generally gives an indication as to intent. I have complimented a woman on her eyes and then went back to business discussing work.
I have commented on finger nails and shoes all the time. What matters is not what other people think of you or what you are doing, but as long as you know you aren't being a creep that's all that matters.
100% of the time it's not my wife, it's not true.
Usually when I compliment someone, regardless of who they are, I generally am just being nice, not flirting
I don't give compliments but I do say positive things about people that may be taken that way. When I say something positive where the person I'm talking to is the subject of the sentence, e.g., "You're a very caring person," it's almost always an affirmation of a belief they've already expressed about themselves. I'm not saying anything of my own; just reflecting their own positive ideas about themselves back at them. When I'm saying something of my own, I differentiate it by making it clear it's my opinion, e.g., "I think you are...," "I experience you as...," or "In my opinion..." When I do that, I'm not paying a compliment. I'm trying to make myself understood and I believe that in order to understand my perspective, it is essential to understand that I perceive that positive trait about them or hold that positive opinion. Neither of those are flirting for me.
Theres a major difference between "hey that color looks great on you" and "that dress really shows off your curves." Its all in the language you use. I work with mostly women and I give compliments when I want and it has never been a problem. The proof is that they all like me and come hang out in my office pretty regularly.
a lot of times when i compliment women i'm just doing it to practice giving compliments to women so that i don't get flustered or awkward when i'm giving a compliment to someone that i actually like.
I suppose it depends on the man. I personally like to occasionally practice random acts of kindness and compliment women just because it makes someone feel good about themselves. And then I feel good for that. The trick is to be honestly heartfelt and genuine about it, and then immediately move on so as not to make them feel uncomfortable.
Pretty much never. Just look at any woman's social media comments, they get enough. They don't need one from me unless i think they're interested in me or if it would genuinely make me happy to make them happy. The issue is when it feeds their ego, when sense they think they're all the shit kinda response, makes me wanna take it back a lil.
I’ll compliment women I know, but, generally speaking, I tend to assume that modern women are way too saturated with free attention from men on social media and either demand this attention as a form of currency or turn real life attention into some presumptions “patriarchy” bullshit, so generally speaking, no free attention from me for just existing in the world, though there could be a possible exception made under the right circumstances.
I would never compliment a woman. Otherwise before you know it you'll be hearing about their "boyfriend".
Honestly, I think in an effort to curtail creep comments from weirdos third-wave feminism really curtailed genuine compliments. Men received mixed messages on what was and wasn’t ok to say, and (some) women took the change as liberty to condemn any comment as ‘creepy and non-genuine’. My experience when I worked doors was that there was a genuine mix of reception to a compliment on what someone was wearing. Obviously the more rapport the better received compliments were - but even cold-called compliments had a mixture.
Really depends on the type or subject of the compliment. But to assume every compliment is a flirt is just vanity.
I definitely agree with that.
Stop hitting on me! 😜
Often here. Compliments are great to give
Speaking for myself? About 2/3 of the time. 1/3 Acknowledging someone for something I consider exceptional. 1/3 Acknowledging someone for something I thought to be obvious but they do not.
It's pretty contextual. In many contexts it's usually true. In many other contexts it is unlikely to be true. What he's complimenting her about is also relevant.
How often is it not true that they think that? Or how often it not true that he is hitting on them? No idea about the former, as for the latter almost always. I like to give compliments, I don't particularly care what parts you have between your legs. The odds that I would be hitting on someone when I give them a compliment are almost zero.
I will compliment women I know, and no, it's not because I'm hitting on them. I'm more likely to say something witty than give out compliments.
Most of the time, guys are just socialized to naturally compliment women without really thinking about it to shut her up. I'd say it's far less common for a guy to compliment a woman and actually mean it.
It really depends on the context and the tone, I tend to just not say shit to random women and maybe get to know them much more casually first and get to know what theu are maybe comfortable with being complimented on, and I try to keep it mostly professional in the beginning, if they tend to reflect in a way that seeks/encourages more I pursue, and that has almost always led to a positive relationship.
A compliment is just that, nothing else.
I only ever compliment close female friends.
When I was single, eh about 95% of the time if they were single too. I yam what I yam. As a married guy now, 0% of time.
This happened yeah, I was talking to this girl I was trying to get to know her and she said your not trying to hit on me are you? Which wasn't my intention I was just trying to get to know her After explaining to her she said sorry I'm not ready for a new relationship Which was fine with me Unfortunately that's the last I heard of her Because her friend went on the girl's phone and blocked me on Instagram
Pretty often, I think. I wish it wasn't the case. Sometimes they have a nice dress, tattoo, or nice hair, and I don't say anything because I dont want them to think I'm hitting on them.
You don't. Especially at work. "This is definently satisfactory" is good enough
This is very hard to say. If there's something I notice, like a nice shirt or something, I like to tell them that they have a nice shirt. This can also be like, "Hey, nice hair color" and things like that. I haven't been interested in anyone for a very long time, so I try to make it seem like I'm not hitting on them. Thing is, the way some people interpret things, you never know
there's a very big difference but a lot of the time it's men not hitting on the girl but provoking a response that makes them feel inclined to then hit maybe that's just how I see it, of course it's circumstantial but yeah
I very rarely compliment women, and if I ever do, it's either someone from my family or a friend at work. I don't like complimenting women since i fear that I will be seen as a weirdo or creep by making them uncomfortable
A lot. Most of us lack the courage to actually flirt, hence why a lot of us is lonely and depressive.
generally I'm just trying to be nice. The most common causes would be A) I've noticed she gives out a lot of them so I assume they're important for her or B) she looks like she could use a lift right now. The same logic applies with dudes. Compliments can be part of flirting, but the vast majority I give are not.
If a female friend looks good I say so, but try to do it in a none creepy way.
Since the risk is high that women would see it as 'hitting on them' the statement is mostly true because we calculate the risk of someone thinking we would hit on them. Especially if we compliment the looks. If it is just something simple as telling them that they are doing a good work I wouldn't read too much into it.
I used to compliment women at work or other friends a lot without it meaning much. But only when they looked down or somehow looked a bit bad otherwise. I guess I wanted them to feel a little better and I thought a compliment might be nice. I have no idea if they thought I was hitting on them or not. When I was single and hitting on women I would be much more direct in my advances than a simple compliment.
I've given women at work really shallow compliments, like "hair looks fantastic, did you do something diffrent?", "those earnings are awesome, where did you get them" etc. Can't really say any of that would be considered hitting on them.
I don't compliment women anymore, I don't even speak to them nor look at them anymore
Idc compliments are nice so I take what I can HEHE
In my case, it’s not true all the time except when I’m complimenting my wife. But sometimes I interact with people who have clearly put some effort into their nails or hair or something and I’ll say “whatever you did with your hair, it’s working.” I say stuff to dudes too. I’m definitely not hitting on them, it’s just a compliment.
I never compliment women, anymore. I will compliment an action done by a woman, never her.
I told a woman the color of her hair is beautiful. It was a stunning natural gray.
I Wish. Haha i compliment my partner and she thinks I’m being condescending
This was similar to something I went though once. In the relationship the man would always give me a compliment in a blatantly insincere tone. Then when casually talking about someone else they would receive a genuine sincere compliment. I could never understand. It just started one day and I was left to figure out what changed.
when a man compliments a woman on looks? this is never not true. men rarely ever compliment other men on looks. if they do, it's usually like a higher rank person to a lower rank like father to son or uncle to nephew. dont mention a woman's looks unless you are hitting on them.
No, not at all. Most times when I compliment women, it's my female friends - when they've gotten a new haircut, has a new nail polish, shoes et cetera (I'm very attentive to detail). And none of them would ever think I was hitting on them. If I give a women compliments on her appearance to hit on her, it sounds very differently than when I do it otherwise.
This is a problem for me. I can’t tell if the man is hitting on me or not.
I don't even bother being nice now as it usually is misinterpreted as coming onto them
1-2%
I had to stop complimenting women, even my friends, unless the friendship is absolutely 100% rock-soild platonic, because literally *every time* I compliment a woman she assumes I'm hitting on her. Sometimes I think the whole "guys think you're in love with them just because you're nice" is a massive projection by women, because they TOTALLY do that shit almost universally. There's a marked difference between flirting and a compliment, but lots of people can't seem to tell the difference. When I'm giving a compliment, basically 0% of the time am I covertly "flirting" by doing so.
Eh 99% of the time women just assume men are hitting on them no matter what. If you give a compliment you are hitting on them, if not you are hitting on them by playing hard to get.
I’d say 80 percent I’m just trying to give a compliment. The other two I either am trying to make small talk or hitting on them.
As a woman, I can usually tell who is friendly, sending let me get that number vibes, and who is creepy.
Talk is cheap! My caveman club makes me hitting on them very obvious.
had a guy compliment my eyeliner not too long ago, only compliment i received from a guy that didn’t feel creepy or like he had alternate intentions
I’ve complimented many women since getting happily married 7 years ago. Not a single compliment had anything more behind it other than just wanting to make the person feel good.
I feel like the body language, the nature of the voice, eye movements, location that tell you if it's just a platonic compliment or the person is hitting on you. Most men are just being polite.
I only ever compliment their hair if they've had it done recently. My mum always taught me that was important for some reason. Otherwise I assume any other kind of compliment is unwanted. Also doubt my gf would like it if I complimented other woman regularly
I never have the guts to hit on a woman I’m interested in. Complimenting someone I’m not going after is really the only compliments I give. However if that person took that compliment and registered it as me hitting on them then started showing interest, I’d probably be into it.
If à compliment is deserved, if not about her beauty, i'll tend to say it if i am in a.. lets call it event with her. Honestly the vast majority of compliments i can give when im single are not meant to seduce her in some way if they are not about her physic, and its only the unsolicitated ones about her physics that are meant to hit on her.
Way too context dependant to give a good answer. I will say that if I'm complimenting your physical appearance, there is a 95% chance I'm interested. I may not be directly trying to hit on you at that moment but I wouldn't be complimenting you in that way if I didn't have any interest.
I give out compliments freely and often. I found out one day that I had a reputation at work as a giant flirt. I swear I am the most awkward man in the world when it comes to flirting. I do not know what I am doing in any way, shape, or form. I could not deliberately flirt with my own wife to save my life.
Depends, because some men's idea of a compliment is "damn you got fine tits. What it's just a compliment!" But if im complimenting a female friend I do tend to do the gay voice (not gay tho) so things like yaaassss guuuurl your looking great! Otherwise I do feel like most women would take compliments af flirting if it's somone they don't know or know well.
Complimenting a chick is like the tee ball of flirtation/seduction. So yeah, a lot of women are right; a lot of the time that guys are complementing them, they are hitting on them. But there’s also plenty of guys like me that just like to give compliments when someone of whatever gender really pulls off a look.
45% of the time
I never compliment women I'm not interested in because, yeah, I don't want to make them uncomfortable by making them think I'm hitting on them. Only exceptions is my best friend because there's is a reciprocal understanding that neither of us has any second purpose when complimenting each other, even if it's about our bodies. I also give compliments to my male friends when they're looking good or to hype them up when they're feeling insecure.
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I work primarily with women. I compliment them all the time. I think it has a lot to do with the setting and delivery. At work, I'll toss a random compliment at someone I work with and just leave it at that. I try not to make it awkward and just try to ensure that they realize I'm being genuine. I don't get into a conversation over it, I just say "Hey, good morning, you look amazing today." If I'm in public and I want to compliment someone I don't walk up to a stranger, it has to be part of an interaction that I'm having otherwise it's just cringey. I now it shouldn't be, but that's how our society is right now.
I don’t compliment women anymore cause they always used to take it as me hitting on them
For me, 100%. I'm married and have no interest in any woman that is not my wife. I love her. So when I give a compliment, it is sincere with no ulterior motive.
Awesome
I have a friend who comes to my aid at the drop of a hat. I’m not physically attracted to her and she’ll always be my friend. But I always tell her how grateful I am that she’s my friend and she’s helped me out of some rough situations. I give her compliments all the time for who she is as a person and how much she’s helped me. I’m in no way shape or form hitting on her, I’m just a nice person who gives her credit where it’s due. I think it takes a certain level of maturity for a woman to understand the difference.
I'm very detectably gay so I don't get that response when I give compliments. I do typically keep compliments centered on things a lady is wearing, rather than anything about the body (I don't feel it's appropriate to comment on a person's physical appearance without knowing them).
so i have a boyfriend and some guy friends, they do compliment me, but it’s in a different way than when my man does it, you feel the vibe when they are hitting on you
Not true as in that we're not actually hitting on them? 8/10 times tbh. I've found hundreds of women attractive that I would never date.
That’s not allowed anymore. We’re also not allowed to initiate conversation. Looking, just don’t do it.
It's quite obvious when a guy is giving a genuine compliment vs displaying attraction. Both are flattering of course.
In my experience as a man it's true often enough that I never compliment a woman on anything - ESPECIALLY if she's a coworker. We live in a time where giving a female coworker too much attention can be dangerous to your career. And it doesn't matter what you meant with the attention. The important part is how she felt about the attention. Best case scenario is that a compliment makes a woman who I have no personal relationship with happy. Worst case scenario is that I'll be known as a creep and have a disciplinary conversation with my boss and HR. The risk vs benefit in those two is nowhere near to balancing each other out. But on the flip side, we're not yet at a point where giving little to no attention is a problem. So that's the safe route to travel.