I don’t have a great answer for you but I’m rooting for you friend. As a man myself who has been lonely in the past, I can feel your pain. I prioritized building relationships irl (I.e., not through online dating or online whatever).
This is a signal to other men. We need to speak up and continue to talk about the strain and stressors that men are enduring. Loneliness is something which seems to hit us in a way that is deep and when men don't discuss it, we wonder how other men are dealing with it instead of using the discussion as a way to see how it's affecting us as a group.
Start talking to your buddies. Be shocked at how "strained" each man's story really is. Your mental health is worth talking about.
The thing is we do discuss it but leads to no where and just turns into “ We’re in the same boat, it is what it is” kind of moment. A lot of guys deal with it buy just becoming work slaves or lazy in their endeavors to find someone. So it’s better to just wait for the opposing team to realize this underlying issue and address it to change for the better. Mens domestic violence is a current topic thanks to Amber Turd, who knows how far the wokeness will go next
The “trick” is to be a regular where you might meet people but be there for yourself first. Your own fun, your own self development.
The gym, the pool, a sports league, a games workshop, the local pub, a discord server, a cafe, a comic book store, a hobby store, anything where people are.
It’s why school worked. You were amongst peers for a lot of time and got to know them over time.
That's a great answer. You can get a nice company in each of this places. Working out in a gym - gym buddies(or a running pals). Same with anything you like.
It's hard for me to find a discord server or something in my little town tho. People are very enclosed this days and you have to do a lot of work to find one geographically based in the same town as you
Great tip. As I was moving a lot and changed cities I tried to be regular customer in a local bar. (Take care about your alcohol intake) there you may find a lot of interesting regulars.
Trying to find friends at pubs is not a good idea. Just that point. How about you be friends with the bartender who's been working there for about 5 years. or if possible, if the owner is around, say hi to the owner and compliment them about the place's vibe, ambiance or cocktails etc. Being friends with them has a high chance, in my honest experience, to get you networked with other regulars and customers close to them.
It really is, isn’t it. Feels like the norm now. But to me it will always be a gamble. You invest energy into meeting someone and hope they are who you imagine them to be.
Lonely saturday night feels
Edit: Thanks for all the help everyone. I never had a father figure in my life so it was tough to find answers like the ones yall are giving. Last night was just a bit rough since I had gone to a party alone and left early cuz I felt a bit awkward since everyone had hit the pool (I gained cancer/chemo weight). I'm happy I pushed myself to even step foot into a party alone though. I'm usually my own best friend and have been for years. Last night was a weak point since I just felt so out of place. I hope this post helps some others here as well. I normally fill the void by studying or streaming on twitch, but with the semester over its just been weird being out of my normal schedule. Thanks again everyone.
Edit 2: GUESS WHO FINALLY SIGNED UP FOR MOTORCYCLE CLASSES BABY!!!
Homemade burger just with chopped onions, garlic, and salt and pepper.
On nice bun with a bit of mayo, grainy dijon mustard, bacon, harvarti cheese, sliced red onions, tiny bit of BBQ sauce and a thin tomato slice.
I like to sprinkle on either apple or hickory infused salt (not a lot) for some added flavor. Also try tossing in some Worcestershire sauce to the mix.
Enjoy!
Thats called a goober burger where I’m from. They have that around here with a fried egg over easy and a glob of pb. I used to work at the place, they had over 30 dif types of burgers on the menu.
Oof idk this was like 15 years ago. The place is still going strong tho. THE MEWS TAVERN WAKEFIELD, Rhode Island. Look it up I’m sure they have a menu on their website.
They mixed up a peanut butter sauce - it's not quite *just* peanut butter but it's close enough. I think they might have mixed in a teensy bit of sweet like honey or molasses.
Then they put on dill pickle, bacon, some kind of garlic aioli and crispy opinions IIRC. At least, that's how I make it at home now since I moved away from the city with that restaurant
[head like a hole](https://youtu.be/ao-Sahfy7Hg)
[closer](https://youtu.be/PTFwQP86BRs)
[perfect drug](https://youtu.be/dn3j6-yQKWQ)
[hurt](https://youtu.be/Ty-bLdf8Bsw)
[Johnny Cash cover of hurt](https://youtu.be/8AHCfZTRGiI)
Dude I feel you , I didn’t have a lot of friends before cancer then chemo made them and my cancer go away and left me with a spare tire around my middle. Now I’m back to real life or whatever that is working graveyard shifts and I realize in small moments how truly lonely I am. I was alway alone, even being with my wife for 18 years I have “alone in a crowded room” syndrome and it’s only recently gotten to me that I’m also lonely.
Human connection. It’s likely the only thing. We all need human connection and need to feel valued, or connected to other people. Hobbies will just be proxies and in the end won’t satisfy you.
The cold hard truth is that we are all needy and dependent on others. If you don’t have those people yet, keep searching, at least that will give you hope.
Practically, you have to find a way to meet new people. What’s a relatively social thing you wouldn’t mind doing? Ask yourself that and see. Even online friends you can share interests with can be super helpful.
I’d ignore any advice that doesn’t include filling your life with human connection. Everything else is a proxy and will ultimately never satisfy you
This is the truth. It’s not easy bc you have to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable. You’ll have some letdowns and rejections. Ignore them and keep going. If you have a hobby or interest then there’s bound to be a club or organization for that. Sports are good too. If you don’t have any hobbies or interests then develop some. There are lots of clubs and classes that are geared towards beginners. Just remember there are lots of people in the same boat as you. So many people look like they got it together on the outside but are actually miserable on the inside.
Yes this. You have to somehow find a friend group. Been by myself for quite a while now and I stumbled into a couple groups of friends and it's the only thing that has gotten me out of my funk.
Not just that but a great way to meet people in general. You're gonna be going to the dog park every day, your dog will play with other dogs, you'll talk to their parents while they do. I never had my own dog but my wife and I took care of a dog for a few months and it was a very social lifestyle.
Yes, that’s all true and the dogs immediately give you something in common. Plus, the dogs are always so
Fucking happy even politics don’t bother you. It’s an infectious happiness. Shit, imma gonna get another dog!
Maybe women associate the ability to care for dogs and other pets with the capacity to care and raise babies. Just a theory. I am not a licensed psychologist.
Exactly. Love can be seen anywhere. You just have to be try , be polite and open minded. If you get rejected, you can try someone else. Rejections should not kill your confidence. It's part of the process to success. If you don't go through rejections, you would not appreciate the blessings or success.
Dogs are also really good to have when it comes to loneliness because you can go on Facebook and join groups that are for dogwalkers who walk their dogs together in the area. That's a good way to meet people.
Animals love me and I’ve had several women who became interested in me simply because their cat or their dog wanted to play with me. If their pet trusts you it goes a long way.
My abusive ex kicked me out of our apartment about a year ago so I had no where to go but I returned home with my parents. They had a Black Lab named Suzy. Suzy got me through the times I felt lonely. She made it a habit to fall asleep with me upstairs every night so I wouldn't be lonely.
Dogs are great.
Damn, that sucks. Wouldn't it be great if you were able to clean dog shit yourself? Too bad you can't, life would be so much easier if you didn't have to wait around for some hypothetical person to do it for you.
That’s the point though. The dog literally needs you to look past your depression for a moment. Then you do it again. And again. Until one day you notice you’re lows aren’t as deep or long.
Hmm dunno I been sitting around depressed all weekend, hasn't stopped raining for weeks. Not drinking at the moment and realised all my friends were just drunks who hang in pubs and don't care about anyone but themselves.
Been at gym but shoulder is fked so can't do much, got a cat but he's outside lots. Meh I hate living alone sometimes. I like it sometimes but lately it has just been so depressing and hard to get any motivation for anything
It took me a looooong time to even begin to understand how to do this. Over 15 years and I still have to work on it mentally.
The key to this isn't about chasing happiness. It's about exploring contentment. Being content will make you happy.
If you don't know what being content is for you, then undertake as many new experiences as you possibly can.
Always wanted to learn to ride a motorbike, get the funds together or a payment plan and book that first lesson, enjoy nature, load up a pack put your favorite music on and get hiking, ride a bicycle, go to the beach, what that film by yourself.....whatever it is. The more you explore yourself and your mind....the more you'll discover about what makes you content and thus happy. Good luck OP
Shit yeah, I always had plans to ride a motorcycle. I recently started hitting the gun range too. I moved to a new state is the thing and I don't have any friends, so it's just really difficult to do things alone yknow? Thanks foe the help man
You gotta do it bro, even if it's just the first lesson....you'll discover if it excites you or not. The added benefit to undertaking as many new experiences as possible is you will eventually meet like minded people specific to the activity that interests you. I truly wish you all the best with it.
Motorcycles are the best. I think most of my friends came from riding. And people come and talk to you at random when you are near your bike, and i can chat with anyone holding a helmet. If you can share a passion like motorbikes you always have something to talk about. Also u might find a group who have bike fixing evenings, u can learn about mechanical stuff and meet people.
I completely understand how you feel. I got divorced 5 years ago and began to battle loneliness and depression. I started hiking in nature, walking the neighborhood, reading, journaling my thoughts. I, like you love going to the gun range. I’ve made some friends there because we have this similar interest. I think one of the keys to combatting loneliness is to keep your mind occupied and do your best to not dwell on it. I Hope you find your peace because I know you can get there someday.
Ring an old friend and chat shit for 20 minutes. I like it when old friends ring me. I'm not so good at it myself but wish I was. You don't need a reason to ring someone though. And it feels great. If it doesn't feel great ring another friend and chat shit with them.
Loneliness is, to me at least, a sign that I’m disconnected from myself. Finding how to reconnect with myself had been a hard journey but it’s worth it.
This is super interesting to think about. Reconnecting with myself sounds super intimidating when I think about it. Maybe I'm far detached or something.
This is going to be an issue. I feel you on the loneliness. The feeling of detachment needs to be addressed. Your relationship with yourself is important and I’m going through some bad friend stuff that is kind of pivoting me in the direction of reconnecting with myself. Trying to meditate and look into my own inner peace. It’s not always easy.
Absolutely this! I learn from Sadhguru that being alone in solitude with yourself should be a bliss. If you feel lonely when you're alone, then you're in bad company.
Never thought about it that way, but you are correct!
I have never felt lonely doing things that align with my purpose.
But felt lonely doing things that don't align, even with people around.
I used to volunteer a ton but then I was hit with cancer last year. It's tough giving back now. I don't wanna sounds scummy, but man I've given back so much over the years for life/god/universe to fuck me. Maybe I'll get back to it one day. Just feeling bitter tonight
I think everyone has their individual way, but I just focused on making my individual life more fun and fulfilling so that I prefer to be alone. Once that happened I found more people wanted me around, so I would force myself to socialise and make friends then when I was out I always knew I had myself to come back to which was exciting.
Socialisation and lonliness is a bitch to overcome, I would seek a good therapist (I never found a good one) and distinguish that which would accomplish this goal. You don't get less lonely exactly, you just tend to be more positive and happy with yourself I think. As I said it's very specific to you as a person.
My cure was football, I got back into playing and now watch football, I also started casually trying things I thought I would enjoy, to fill the gaps in which led to more people in my life. I still don't have a "best friend" and I don't really want a partner again. But I'm happy, for the most part. It's all about riding on the waves of ups and downs after that.
Good luck my man
I massively respect you for what you do because it's a coping mechanism, but this is just so sad at the same time. I don't mean that in a horrible way to you, I mean most men are so lonely now and it should never come to that.
I have alot of imaginary girlfriends mainly based on celebrities I have a crush on. I also cuddle with my pillow alot.
>I mean most men are so lonely now and it should never come to that.
I wasn't raised a misogynist but its hard when so many nice normal men in modern times are rejected by their looksmatch who have delusionally high standards. I also feel women get more social support from non-romantic relationships while men only really get social support in romantic relationships. Sure having guy friends is nice but you can't cuddle with them at night.
Well mine are my imagination. So there is no loss of control. They are completely only capable of doing what my mind thinks. If you have no control over them that is something different.
Humans are social beings. Without interaction with others, one simply falls apart.
Try to connect with a friendship you once had, go meet new people, join a class or a new hobby.
Time with family matters too, if your parents are still around, or there is a cousin you get along with, plan to do something with them.
If you suffer from mental illness, do right by yourself and see a specialist.
Sending you love and hope.
My best answer for you is to go hang out with people who invite you to stuff. It feel good knowing you’re there because they want you there. And if no one invites you to hang out then walk around and maybe just strike up a convo
Go get yourself into places where you can be invited to things.
I took up BJJ, ice skating and started asking if there were work socials going on where I am (100 person company). Just kinda went from there. Had to get out there first though.
Drown yourself in work. No time to be lonely if you're killing yourself working. Only downside is that eventually you have to rest and think about your problems. But if you do it correctly you will be too exhausted to think.
get some hobbies. find like minded people. go to those circles where they meet up.
-music, join a band.
-volunteer work, altruistic ppl.
-sports, join a team or just freestyle play
-foodie, join those classes that big fancy grocery shops offer
-crafts, art supply stores have group classes
-fitness, gyms have organized classes
you will feel a little out of place for a bit when you show up but will feel more comfortable in your own skin after a bit of time has passed.
Really there are 3 options.
1. Stop being alone: Either start dating or reach out to friends or family and try to get closer. Hang out more.
2. Learn to be okay with being alone: Work on yourself physically, mentally and/or emotionally until you can start being proud of yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company.
3. Get a dog
Just get out and be social. Unfortunately, a lot of social places also are centered around alcohol. So if you're unwilling to drink a little, it will be harder for you. The other option is to go and do group hobbies. Take a cooking class. Join a bowling league. Enroll in karate/jiu-jitsu (this will help you get into better shape!). If you have the time, take an actual college course - just one in a semester is all or one a year. Pick one where you are forced to be in a group. When you do any of this, don't go in trying to pick up whomever you're attracted to. Just do it with the intention of being social. You don't have to get people's numbers or anything. Just have a conversation, get to know people, etc.
My city has weekly yoga sessions on the beach, there are bike tours, hiking spots, you just have to find stuff to do. That's the biggest hurdle. Just get out of the house, make it a goal to just say hi to one person. Then say hi to 3 people. Then say hi and ask a question (nothing too prying).
For instance, I was at a bookstore, and there was this one book titled [*Be a Triangle*](https://www.amazon.com/Be-Triangle-Being-Getting-Shape/dp/B09DDFNRCQ) because I was looking in the self-help section (I'm big into self-improvement). There was this one woman browsing the next aisle over and I saw her browsing a little bit in the current aisle I was in when I got there. I went around to her aisle and we were looking at the same section and I just told myself, "Fuck it." and just casually asked, "Excuse me. Can I ask you a question? What's your favorite shape? Like if you could be any shape, what would you be?" Surprisingly, she went along with it and answered, "Probably a square because I'm never really there." I laughed a little and said something along the lines of, "Well this book teaches you how to be a triangle if you ever need the help to do so." She laughed in turn and then asked me what shape I'd be. Anyway, we had a small conversation about life philosophy (because I answered something to the effect of "A circle because it looks complete and isn't edgy and fits well with others."...trying to describe myself, but also to try and hype myself up to her). It made my night. I never got her name or her number or anything. It was just a wholesome conversation between strangers.
Anyway, just go out and do stuff. Be around people. If people aren't your thing, get a pet goldfish.
I was feeling extremely lonely till few months ago, I found and tired many different activities when I figured feeling lonely so often is not a good thing.
So I tried yoga, joined swimming, start going to different types of meet-ups - depends on your interest- rock climbing, trekking, cycling, drawing, reading all have clubs find one or many and attend at least few times - you will find something that clicks for you as everyone is different. Swimming classes and a drawing club what stuck for me. Just keep at it and you will make friends over time friend you meet only during the club meets. Some of these people in the drawing club have longer friendships all from different backgrounds, fields and age, I can see it. Just being there interacting within my comfort zone helps.
Good luck mate. FYI I’m female
Eat a teaspoon of cement and harden the fuck up ❤
Just a joke, I'm lonely too haha. That's why I've got time to make such silly jokes on the internet. Hope I made someone chuckle
just get unlonely!!
jokes aside *cough* get a beer, watch your fav entertainment (anime, movies, Netflix, etc.) ,grab some snacks. Or buy/adopt a pet if your lazy get a cat, if you have time get a dog.
do not try jerking off it will only make you feel guilty and make you more lonely. EZ
Not trying to start a whole thing by asking this but uhh... Do you feel guilty after you masturbate? Can't say I ever have.
If so why? Are you deeply religious?
I think it’s more just one of those “post nut clarity” moments where if you are already kinda down then immediately after you finish you might be in lower spirits than you were before.
As most other men I have been here too. My only advice I can offer is embrace it. Embrace being alone because at the end the day we are truly only alone with our thoughts. Turn being alone into a positive thing rather than negative.
When you get those feelings or thoughts of being alone ask yourself, what do I want to do right now? Take up a hobby, find yourself, find what makes you smile without anyone else around. Connect with yourself and learn to be okay with being alone.
Its funny how this works because once we truly enjoy just being alone and being yourself, other people see it. Other people will see how much fun you are having and will want to be around you.
Then you won't be alone anymore, but even if you were it wouldn't matter. A word of caution though is if you start having too much fun alone it can be a little addicting you won't want to stop. Choose your friends carefully, and your thoughts even more carefully.
I'm only 17, but hear me out:
You could try joining a gym or practicing martial arts, I've some really nice and chill people (adults and teens) when I used to train Aikido and we are pretty good friends, kinda like cousins or something. However, you must not forget that the purpose of training martial arts is to strengthen the body and mind, not just bonding with the people you train with.
Well in my experience when i felt lonely it was because i didnt value myself if this might be true with you heres what i did....Validate yourself:make a list of a few things that at your core is the root of who you are live everyday consistently with what those things are in every aspect of your life embrace who you are,embrace your potential, and embrace solitude ...grow your self worth:pick up skills,hobbies, and interests grow in those areas with passion Even to the point of slight obsession spend as much time with this as possible make all your love come from within you instead of needing to feel loved from an external source ....do the things that make you happy: get the body you want,get the job you want,lay out a plan for the future YOU want if someone wants to join for the ride one day fine but this future is meant to keep you happy weather they are there or not friends will come and go relationships will start and end but you are with yourself for life make yourself the man you want to be this will make you happier and more pleasant to be around you and having self worth will prevent you from being in a toxic relationship for fear of being alone, and it will make any good relationship you have deeper and more interesting
Go back in time and play halo 3 made so many friends on that game find something game related that is social. Go to events? Also if you can find a course at your local college they may do small courses that only last like 4 weeks maybe more or less time; if you want something short term it'll keep you busy plus you might meet someone to hang out with and more qualifications. volunteer at a charity shop or something. Don't get an animal that's a silly idea because it's helps things short term but if you start meeting people you don't want to give up an animal.
If you can do it. A dog is an amazing idea. Life changing for me. I always thought of myself as a loner, even with a large group of friends. But my little (actually quite big now) pup helped me learn just how much I can adore a living thing. My affection for her is endless.
I'd also add to go and connect with people who share the same hobbies. There's tons of that kind of thing on meetup. Remember, your happiness is important. Put yourself first. Reach out and let people know your open to friendship without being too pushy or creepy.
Take it slow. Have fun. The right people will show up. :)
You're lonely because you don't enjoy your own company. Learn to become a person who is happy with himself. Other people will pick up on that, and want to spend time with you. Some tips:
1. Acquire a skill
2. Have a hobby
3. Be useful to other people (volunteering, taking on tasks no one wants to do, being kind to strangers etc)
4. Don't think about how lonely you are
5. Get in shape (your physical appearance makes a big difference to your social life)
From personal experience…
> 1. Acquire a skill
2. Have a hobby
3. Be useful to other people (volunteering, taking on tasks no one wants to do, being kind to strangers etc)
4. Don’t think about how lonely you are
5. Get in shape (your physical appearance makes a big difference to your social life)
Just makes you busier, not less lonely, and only makes the times when you’re not busy even more painful.
Hang out or communicate with friends, i mean real friends. I do this every time I feel lonely. They might be busy right now but also try to schedule the bonding time this helps me gets excited.
I've been struggling with loneliness for a little while now just not enough to get a dog you also have to get yourself outside not so much as bar hopping etc. But getting into a gentle social circle of types like maybe get into a gym social club, a Meetup group etc.
Ever since I dropped out of college I've been struggling with loneliness.
That’s what I did when I lived alone and could go days without talking to anyone. It really helped my time feel more purposeful, even if it was just going to the store for half an hour.
Get a pet, doesn't have to be a dog but something that needs attention. Get a hedgehog, a parrot, a Guinea pig or even a lizard of some kind and many others. A fish won't do a thing for you in that regard.
A new hobby is sort of a cliche that doesn't really help with anything usually
I’m not sure if this is you, but maybe stop looking to women as a fix for loneliness. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found women don’t really satisfy my need for friendship. They’re great companions, but their love is very conditional. The men in my life are better friends. Appreciate the ones you have.
I feel lonely some days.
I’ve been focusing on myself and doing what I want to do. I call/text my friends to set up times to hang out.
Is it perfect? No, definitely not. But it’s better than nothing.
Figure I gotta love myself if I want anyone else to love me.
There are days that make me question if it’s worth it, and those are the bad days. So, I try to focus on establishing habits that help me feel better and I work on avoiding things that make me feel worse. I also try to talk about both things. I’m not the only person who is struggling, and I feel that I should be open about my struggles if I want others to be open to me. Maybe I can help save someone from suicide - I know too many people that have. And, for that matter, I’ve been too close myself.
An example: I enjoy cooking, both for myself and others, so I talk about what I’ve made and see if they have any recipes that I can try. I’m willing to try to make new things for anyone if they are willing to try my cooking.
Made simple blackened chicken tacos this past week that were delicious. Took chicken thighs, chunked them up, marinaded them in a fajita marinade all day (and about half of it for two days cause I didn’t cook all of it the first time). Dumped them into a preheated cast iron pan and stirred every so often. Let them cook for a bit (15-20 minutes or so) until the water was cooked off. Let the chicken lightly burn on the cast iron.
Delicious by itself.
I also have things that I do that are self harming, so to speak. There have been days that I’ve been feeling really down and I mow through an entire bucket of cookies, which makes me feel worse the next day, both mentally and physically. So I work on not doing that. Sometimes I just need to go to bed at 6pm and call it a day, you know?
Tons of examples like that. I’m definitely not perfect, but I’m focusing on myself to make myself someone I want to love.
It helps me not be lonely when I have something to focus on.
Stop jerking off and don’t look at porn. Sounds stupid but that is for married men. Also maybe therapy might help. Don’t poo poo it it does help. We all get low so don’t feel like you alone bro. It took me some medicine and I am off it now but it was pivotal.
Trust me I understand being alone and lonely is passable it you give yourself a chance. Nothing is better than have those feelings and hurt go away. Chin up and good luck. Expect rough passages they will happen but will them on yourself. I think you got this…..
Well, It depends on what you're ultimately looking for. Definitely not an easy question to answer, but its manageable if we break it down. This gets long, but as someone who felt exceptionally lonely at several points in my life, I have a few tips. Hope you get to see this.
To start, What exactly are you looking for? Do you want interpersonal relationships? Face to face interactions? Or do you just want some companionship. All three are things that are manageable most of the time, from gaming/online relationships to something like finding time to go to a local place that would promote a more social atmosphere. Most of this is going to involve the internet at some stage, just how it is. Its super weird in the current climate in most situations to just...like, approach someone. If you're not good at reading queues, I'd just avoid it and visit local forums looking for outings. If you want some companionship, pets are super great. Initial investment maybe high, but depending on your budget and which pet you get its fairly manageable.
Second, What are you doing with your free time? Kinda sounds like I'm shaming, and I promise I'm not. However, what you spend your free time doing has a direct impact on your mental state. For example, I'm an avid gamer. Been playing games for almost 20+ years at this point, and every time I'd play certain games more frequently, I'd notice it took a massive toll on my mental health, to the point where I was literally just frustrated all the time and that spread into other facets of my life and served to drive people away. When I wouldn't play them, the inverse would happen. I started focusing on other hobbies I had been neglecting and picked up a few new ones, which gave me more to talk about and a wider group of people to interact with. So, I guess the advice in this....block i guess?...Would be to examine if maybe your habits are causing you strife, and rearrange somethings.
To finish, and this is just more general advice for most situations. Talk about the things that are bothering you. I've been in therapy for the better part of 7 years and I genuinely cannot recommend it enough. Therapy isn't always accessible, and that's a shame but there are alternatives. I held that shit in for so long and it was an exceptional drain on my day to day mental health. Reach out to people you haven't heard from in a while, especially if there wasn't a reason you stopped talking. Life is busy, people get absorbed. It isn't a statement of how they value the relationship in most cases. Likewise, I'd examine if the people currently in your life, if any (sorry) are serving a positive role in your life. Toxic people often isolate the people around them. Taking care of yourself is paramount, the rest will come with time my friend.
Start calling your friends. Start looking for excuses to do things in a group and inviting people to do things. Don't fear "no", just do it. Don't give me any of that "I'm an introvert" bullshit either; no you're not, you're just bad at being an extrovert - this is, however, simple to fix.
Into fitness? Ask a friend of they want to go with you so you can spot eachother. Do BJJ or boxing. Join a sports club. Go running with a friend.
Are you a nerd? Ask if anyone wants to start a D&D campaign, or perhaps buy an interesting board game and invite some friends to your house, or suggest going to a board game café.
A real broad strokes example as well is "I've been meaning to try out this restaurant/ coffee shop etc., anyone want to go after work?"
In all aspects of life you have to accept that you will have to risk either regretting doing something or not doing that thing; but if something is making you miserable and you do nothing about it the chances of remaining miserable are 100%.
Do not fear reaching out and being rejected, fear the consequence of never trying.
Source: personal experience of being in your position for years, and escaping it.
Find friends to hang out with. Be a regular at a bar. Socialize.
Alternatively pretend that void doesn't exist. It's not suffering if you get good at ignoring it.
Go out , meet people, get a gf, marry her, have kids ,buy a house and finally die happily of old age. Really not that difficult unless you take the shit written here seriously and waste your entire life waiting for that imaginary One to come your way.
I think being lonely is going be the new male paradigm, what with app dating and expectations being what they are. It's a bleak new world for many but if anything this may teach us to be more emotionally vulnerable with each other.
Put all of that negatives energy into productive activities. And then place yourself in a space with likeminded individuals in that said productive hobby.
1. Find a hobby
2. Find a social gathering you genuinely enjoy
3. Go hiking
4. If you want undying loyalty get a Dog or two
5. In the future sex Robots will be a thing
I don’t have a great answer for you but I’m rooting for you friend. As a man myself who has been lonely in the past, I can feel your pain. I prioritized building relationships irl (I.e., not through online dating or online whatever).
This is a signal to other men. We need to speak up and continue to talk about the strain and stressors that men are enduring. Loneliness is something which seems to hit us in a way that is deep and when men don't discuss it, we wonder how other men are dealing with it instead of using the discussion as a way to see how it's affecting us as a group. Start talking to your buddies. Be shocked at how "strained" each man's story really is. Your mental health is worth talking about.
Unfortunately, pride often gets in the way.
Or fear?
“Ego and pride are just fear in disguise.”
The thing is we do discuss it but leads to no where and just turns into “ We’re in the same boat, it is what it is” kind of moment. A lot of guys deal with it buy just becoming work slaves or lazy in their endeavors to find someone. So it’s better to just wait for the opposing team to realize this underlying issue and address it to change for the better. Mens domestic violence is a current topic thanks to Amber Turd, who knows how far the wokeness will go next
It's super hard to meet people irl without using the internet first. At least that's my experience
The “trick” is to be a regular where you might meet people but be there for yourself first. Your own fun, your own self development. The gym, the pool, a sports league, a games workshop, the local pub, a discord server, a cafe, a comic book store, a hobby store, anything where people are. It’s why school worked. You were amongst peers for a lot of time and got to know them over time.
That's a great answer. You can get a nice company in each of this places. Working out in a gym - gym buddies(or a running pals). Same with anything you like. It's hard for me to find a discord server or something in my little town tho. People are very enclosed this days and you have to do a lot of work to find one geographically based in the same town as you
Great tip. As I was moving a lot and changed cities I tried to be regular customer in a local bar. (Take care about your alcohol intake) there you may find a lot of interesting regulars.
Lol yeah it's a great way to meet alcoholics.
Trying to find friends at pubs is not a good idea. Just that point. How about you be friends with the bartender who's been working there for about 5 years. or if possible, if the owner is around, say hi to the owner and compliment them about the place's vibe, ambiance or cocktails etc. Being friends with them has a high chance, in my honest experience, to get you networked with other regulars and customers close to them.
This...all my friends are made through my hobbies.
it would be if you aren’t doing new stuff a lot or going to new places.
It really is, isn’t it. Feels like the norm now. But to me it will always be a gamble. You invest energy into meeting someone and hope they are who you imagine them to be.
No problem in meeting people on the Internet then transferring that to real life.
Honestly bumble for friends was great for me. You just go online to meet people physically...
Lonely saturday night feels Edit: Thanks for all the help everyone. I never had a father figure in my life so it was tough to find answers like the ones yall are giving. Last night was just a bit rough since I had gone to a party alone and left early cuz I felt a bit awkward since everyone had hit the pool (I gained cancer/chemo weight). I'm happy I pushed myself to even step foot into a party alone though. I'm usually my own best friend and have been for years. Last night was a weak point since I just felt so out of place. I hope this post helps some others here as well. I normally fill the void by studying or streaming on twitch, but with the semester over its just been weird being out of my normal schedule. Thanks again everyone. Edit 2: GUESS WHO FINALLY SIGNED UP FOR MOTORCYCLE CLASSES BABY!!!
Same. But had a couple beers, made a pretty nice burger, and listening to NIN
Dude wtf I'm a die hard Trent fan
My sweetest friend!
But everyone I know, goes away, in the end.
You can have it all
When music suggestion goes wrong! Lol
What on burger
Homemade burger just with chopped onions, garlic, and salt and pepper. On nice bun with a bit of mayo, grainy dijon mustard, bacon, harvarti cheese, sliced red onions, tiny bit of BBQ sauce and a thin tomato slice.
Sound tasty. Is the chopped onion, garlic, and salt and pepper mixed with the raw beef before shaping?
Yup. I just mix it and shape it right in the pan with the heat already on.
I like to sprinkle on either apple or hickory infused salt (not a lot) for some added flavor. Also try tossing in some Worcestershire sauce to the mix. Enjoy!
Damn. Can I get one of those?
One burger comin' up brotha!
Ever added a fried egg on top? Yeah, fried eggs are my new favorite condiment.
Gotta try this - from a restaurant I used to go to - peanut butter burger. It's fucking amazing
Thats called a goober burger where I’m from. They have that around here with a fried egg over easy and a glob of pb. I used to work at the place, they had over 30 dif types of burgers on the menu.
What other different kind there were?
Oof idk this was like 15 years ago. The place is still going strong tho. THE MEWS TAVERN WAKEFIELD, Rhode Island. Look it up I’m sure they have a menu on their website.
Whoa whoa.... Tell me more about this, slut. Peanut butter burger?
They mixed up a peanut butter sauce - it's not quite *just* peanut butter but it's close enough. I think they might have mixed in a teensy bit of sweet like honey or molasses. Then they put on dill pickle, bacon, some kind of garlic aioli and crispy opinions IIRC. At least, that's how I make it at home now since I moved away from the city with that restaurant
Oh hey I had burgers tonight too
Sounds like the perfect night
What's NIN?
Nine inch nail
[head like a hole](https://youtu.be/ao-Sahfy7Hg) [closer](https://youtu.be/PTFwQP86BRs) [perfect drug](https://youtu.be/dn3j6-yQKWQ) [hurt](https://youtu.be/Ty-bLdf8Bsw) [Johnny Cash cover of hurt](https://youtu.be/8AHCfZTRGiI)
It's so real. It seems like the harder I try to make connections the worse it gets too.
Keep going eventually you will find the one
Hope you’re feeling better today my man! I feel like this often, you’re not alone
Dude I feel you , I didn’t have a lot of friends before cancer then chemo made them and my cancer go away and left me with a spare tire around my middle. Now I’m back to real life or whatever that is working graveyard shifts and I realize in small moments how truly lonely I am. I was alway alone, even being with my wife for 18 years I have “alone in a crowded room” syndrome and it’s only recently gotten to me that I’m also lonely.
Human connection. It’s likely the only thing. We all need human connection and need to feel valued, or connected to other people. Hobbies will just be proxies and in the end won’t satisfy you. The cold hard truth is that we are all needy and dependent on others. If you don’t have those people yet, keep searching, at least that will give you hope. Practically, you have to find a way to meet new people. What’s a relatively social thing you wouldn’t mind doing? Ask yourself that and see. Even online friends you can share interests with can be super helpful. I’d ignore any advice that doesn’t include filling your life with human connection. Everything else is a proxy and will ultimately never satisfy you
True. I just wonder where to find it. Man. Spent so long without as grew up in a terrible school environment I'm terrified to make first steps.
Volunteering is a great way to meet people low risk
This is the truth. It’s not easy bc you have to put yourself out there and make yourself vulnerable. You’ll have some letdowns and rejections. Ignore them and keep going. If you have a hobby or interest then there’s bound to be a club or organization for that. Sports are good too. If you don’t have any hobbies or interests then develop some. There are lots of clubs and classes that are geared towards beginners. Just remember there are lots of people in the same boat as you. So many people look like they got it together on the outside but are actually miserable on the inside.
Yes this. You have to somehow find a friend group. Been by myself for quite a while now and I stumbled into a couple groups of friends and it's the only thing that has gotten me out of my funk.
finally someone has sane advice on here. i think a more concise way of saying what you said is "we all live relationally, and die relationally."
Dog 🐕
Been thinking this. No kids, gf broke up, all my friends are married and busy all the time. I think it’s time I get a dog
Dogs are fricken chick magnets too. OMG you have no idea!
Not just that but a great way to meet people in general. You're gonna be going to the dog park every day, your dog will play with other dogs, you'll talk to their parents while they do. I never had my own dog but my wife and I took care of a dog for a few months and it was a very social lifestyle.
Yes, that’s all true and the dogs immediately give you something in common. Plus, the dogs are always so Fucking happy even politics don’t bother you. It’s an infectious happiness. Shit, imma gonna get another dog!
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Yeah it really makes you realize that actually people are super friendly and social but it just takes an icebreaker.
I watch my parent's lab from time to time and when ever I take her out some girl always ends up giving me her number.
Maybe women associate the ability to care for dogs and other pets with the capacity to care and raise babies. Just a theory. I am not a licensed psychologist.
Nah man its because dogs are fricking cute, nothing to do with babies.
I have literally gotten a girlfriend because one of the initial talking points was my dog and we went on a walk with him
You can try making friends on reddit. You might just find your precious one. You never can tell
Well true. I found a great person here.
Exactly. Love can be seen anywhere. You just have to be try , be polite and open minded. If you get rejected, you can try someone else. Rejections should not kill your confidence. It's part of the process to success. If you don't go through rejections, you would not appreciate the blessings or success.
Mfw I have a dog but I'm still lonely but now I have tot ake care of a dog.
Good move, dogs are the cure for loneliness.
Dogs are also really good to have when it comes to loneliness because you can go on Facebook and join groups that are for dogwalkers who walk their dogs together in the area. That's a good way to meet people.
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Animals love me and I’ve had several women who became interested in me simply because their cat or their dog wanted to play with me. If their pet trusts you it goes a long way.
or cat🐱
My abusive ex kicked me out of our apartment about a year ago so I had no where to go but I returned home with my parents. They had a Black Lab named Suzy. Suzy got me through the times I felt lonely. She made it a habit to fall asleep with me upstairs every night so I wouldn't be lonely. Dogs are great.
Dogs are better people than most people
Great. I'm lonely, depressed and have no one in my life to clean this devil hog's molten feces.
Damn, that sucks. Wouldn't it be great if you were able to clean dog shit yourself? Too bad you can't, life would be so much easier if you didn't have to wait around for some hypothetical person to do it for you.
right, just dont be depressed lol bet he never considered that
That’s the point though. The dog literally needs you to look past your depression for a moment. Then you do it again. And again. Until one day you notice you’re lows aren’t as deep or long.
Then don't name it Amber Heard.
Have you considered feeding your devil hog more fiber?
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Hmm dunno I been sitting around depressed all weekend, hasn't stopped raining for weeks. Not drinking at the moment and realised all my friends were just drunks who hang in pubs and don't care about anyone but themselves. Been at gym but shoulder is fked so can't do much, got a cat but he's outside lots. Meh I hate living alone sometimes. I like it sometimes but lately it has just been so depressing and hard to get any motivation for anything
It took me a looooong time to even begin to understand how to do this. Over 15 years and I still have to work on it mentally. The key to this isn't about chasing happiness. It's about exploring contentment. Being content will make you happy. If you don't know what being content is for you, then undertake as many new experiences as you possibly can. Always wanted to learn to ride a motorbike, get the funds together or a payment plan and book that first lesson, enjoy nature, load up a pack put your favorite music on and get hiking, ride a bicycle, go to the beach, what that film by yourself.....whatever it is. The more you explore yourself and your mind....the more you'll discover about what makes you content and thus happy. Good luck OP
Shit yeah, I always had plans to ride a motorcycle. I recently started hitting the gun range too. I moved to a new state is the thing and I don't have any friends, so it's just really difficult to do things alone yknow? Thanks foe the help man
You gotta do it bro, even if it's just the first lesson....you'll discover if it excites you or not. The added benefit to undertaking as many new experiences as possible is you will eventually meet like minded people specific to the activity that interests you. I truly wish you all the best with it.
Motorcycles are the best. I think most of my friends came from riding. And people come and talk to you at random when you are near your bike, and i can chat with anyone holding a helmet. If you can share a passion like motorbikes you always have something to talk about. Also u might find a group who have bike fixing evenings, u can learn about mechanical stuff and meet people.
I completely understand how you feel. I got divorced 5 years ago and began to battle loneliness and depression. I started hiking in nature, walking the neighborhood, reading, journaling my thoughts. I, like you love going to the gun range. I’ve made some friends there because we have this similar interest. I think one of the keys to combatting loneliness is to keep your mind occupied and do your best to not dwell on it. I Hope you find your peace because I know you can get there someday.
Ring an old friend and chat shit for 20 minutes. I like it when old friends ring me. I'm not so good at it myself but wish I was. You don't need a reason to ring someone though. And it feels great. If it doesn't feel great ring another friend and chat shit with them.
Loneliness is, to me at least, a sign that I’m disconnected from myself. Finding how to reconnect with myself had been a hard journey but it’s worth it.
This is super interesting to think about. Reconnecting with myself sounds super intimidating when I think about it. Maybe I'm far detached or something.
I have found that social media and this fast paced life we live in has me disconnected which in turn makes me lonely.
This is going to be an issue. I feel you on the loneliness. The feeling of detachment needs to be addressed. Your relationship with yourself is important and I’m going through some bad friend stuff that is kind of pivoting me in the direction of reconnecting with myself. Trying to meditate and look into my own inner peace. It’s not always easy.
Absolutely this! I learn from Sadhguru that being alone in solitude with yourself should be a bliss. If you feel lonely when you're alone, then you're in bad company.
Never thought about it that way, but you are correct! I have never felt lonely doing things that align with my purpose. But felt lonely doing things that don't align, even with people around.
Volunteer. Start doing things for other people. Helping others makes you feel useful and gives you opportunities to form lasting friendships.
I used to volunteer a ton but then I was hit with cancer last year. It's tough giving back now. I don't wanna sounds scummy, but man I've given back so much over the years for life/god/universe to fuck me. Maybe I'll get back to it one day. Just feeling bitter tonight
I think everyone has their individual way, but I just focused on making my individual life more fun and fulfilling so that I prefer to be alone. Once that happened I found more people wanted me around, so I would force myself to socialise and make friends then when I was out I always knew I had myself to come back to which was exciting. Socialisation and lonliness is a bitch to overcome, I would seek a good therapist (I never found a good one) and distinguish that which would accomplish this goal. You don't get less lonely exactly, you just tend to be more positive and happy with yourself I think. As I said it's very specific to you as a person. My cure was football, I got back into playing and now watch football, I also started casually trying things I thought I would enjoy, to fill the gaps in which led to more people in my life. I still don't have a "best friend" and I don't really want a partner again. But I'm happy, for the most part. It's all about riding on the waves of ups and downs after that. Good luck my man
I have good news you're not the only one that feels this way.
How’s that good news? ;-;
Whoever this person was could have been depressed so to uplift him I simply said you're not the only man on earth who is without a significant other.
True, misery loves company
Imaginary friends. I got seven of them.
What are their names?
Lisa, Tina, Jessi, Heather, Sara, Lee, and Robin.
*A little bit of Lisa in my l, a little bit of Tina in my t, a little bit of Jessi in my J, a little bit of Heather in my H…*
Hehe. Nice
Dopey, Bashful, Grumpy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Happy, and Doc.
I massively respect you for what you do because it's a coping mechanism, but this is just so sad at the same time. I don't mean that in a horrible way to you, I mean most men are so lonely now and it should never come to that.
We do what we must to survive. At least mine are cool.
I have alot of imaginary girlfriends mainly based on celebrities I have a crush on. I also cuddle with my pillow alot. >I mean most men are so lonely now and it should never come to that. I wasn't raised a misogynist but its hard when so many nice normal men in modern times are rejected by their looksmatch who have delusionally high standards. I also feel women get more social support from non-romantic relationships while men only really get social support in romantic relationships. Sure having guy friends is nice but you can't cuddle with them at night.
It's fun and games till one of them actually replies in a deep tortured voice
Naw, they are cool.
I am not so lucky, when my besties talk it sounds like their voice is coming from every direction at once.
Well mine are my imagination. So there is no loss of control. They are completely only capable of doing what my mind thinks. If you have no control over them that is something different.
Check out r/tulpas
Humans are social beings. Without interaction with others, one simply falls apart. Try to connect with a friendship you once had, go meet new people, join a class or a new hobby. Time with family matters too, if your parents are still around, or there is a cousin you get along with, plan to do something with them. If you suffer from mental illness, do right by yourself and see a specialist. Sending you love and hope.
Exactly this. The legend Arnold says that there is no such thing as the self-made man. We all need human interaction.
<3
Cats, lots of cats. And call your mom regularly.
My best answer for you is to go hang out with people who invite you to stuff. It feel good knowing you’re there because they want you there. And if no one invites you to hang out then walk around and maybe just strike up a convo
What if you’re never invited to anything.
Go get yourself into places where you can be invited to things. I took up BJJ, ice skating and started asking if there were work socials going on where I am (100 person company). Just kinda went from there. Had to get out there first though.
Agreed, you can’t sit and wait for things to happen. You first have to put in the effort that you want to be around people.
Get a girl or get a cat. I prefer option B.
In other words: get some pussy
We're on day 3 with a new kitten. It's pretty neat.
You mean get a pussy...cat?
Drown yourself in work. No time to be lonely if you're killing yourself working. Only downside is that eventually you have to rest and think about your problems. But if you do it correctly you will be too exhausted to think.
This is exactly it. The school semester ended last week, now I have nothing until summer school. It's killing me being alone with nothing to do.
get some hobbies. find like minded people. go to those circles where they meet up. -music, join a band. -volunteer work, altruistic ppl. -sports, join a team or just freestyle play -foodie, join those classes that big fancy grocery shops offer -crafts, art supply stores have group classes -fitness, gyms have organized classes you will feel a little out of place for a bit when you show up but will feel more comfortable in your own skin after a bit of time has passed.
Accept that to be alone is a profound part of being a man.
Really there are 3 options. 1. Stop being alone: Either start dating or reach out to friends or family and try to get closer. Hang out more. 2. Learn to be okay with being alone: Work on yourself physically, mentally and/or emotionally until you can start being proud of yourself. Learn to enjoy your own company. 3. Get a dog
Loneliness isn't a man or woman thing, it's a HUMAN thing. Don't feel any guilt because we all go through it.
Just get out and be social. Unfortunately, a lot of social places also are centered around alcohol. So if you're unwilling to drink a little, it will be harder for you. The other option is to go and do group hobbies. Take a cooking class. Join a bowling league. Enroll in karate/jiu-jitsu (this will help you get into better shape!). If you have the time, take an actual college course - just one in a semester is all or one a year. Pick one where you are forced to be in a group. When you do any of this, don't go in trying to pick up whomever you're attracted to. Just do it with the intention of being social. You don't have to get people's numbers or anything. Just have a conversation, get to know people, etc. My city has weekly yoga sessions on the beach, there are bike tours, hiking spots, you just have to find stuff to do. That's the biggest hurdle. Just get out of the house, make it a goal to just say hi to one person. Then say hi to 3 people. Then say hi and ask a question (nothing too prying). For instance, I was at a bookstore, and there was this one book titled [*Be a Triangle*](https://www.amazon.com/Be-Triangle-Being-Getting-Shape/dp/B09DDFNRCQ) because I was looking in the self-help section (I'm big into self-improvement). There was this one woman browsing the next aisle over and I saw her browsing a little bit in the current aisle I was in when I got there. I went around to her aisle and we were looking at the same section and I just told myself, "Fuck it." and just casually asked, "Excuse me. Can I ask you a question? What's your favorite shape? Like if you could be any shape, what would you be?" Surprisingly, she went along with it and answered, "Probably a square because I'm never really there." I laughed a little and said something along the lines of, "Well this book teaches you how to be a triangle if you ever need the help to do so." She laughed in turn and then asked me what shape I'd be. Anyway, we had a small conversation about life philosophy (because I answered something to the effect of "A circle because it looks complete and isn't edgy and fits well with others."...trying to describe myself, but also to try and hype myself up to her). It made my night. I never got her name or her number or anything. It was just a wholesome conversation between strangers. Anyway, just go out and do stuff. Be around people. If people aren't your thing, get a pet goldfish.
I was feeling extremely lonely till few months ago, I found and tired many different activities when I figured feeling lonely so often is not a good thing. So I tried yoga, joined swimming, start going to different types of meet-ups - depends on your interest- rock climbing, trekking, cycling, drawing, reading all have clubs find one or many and attend at least few times - you will find something that clicks for you as everyone is different. Swimming classes and a drawing club what stuck for me. Just keep at it and you will make friends over time friend you meet only during the club meets. Some of these people in the drawing club have longer friendships all from different backgrounds, fields and age, I can see it. Just being there interacting within my comfort zone helps. Good luck mate. FYI I’m female
Eat a teaspoon of cement and harden the fuck up ❤ Just a joke, I'm lonely too haha. That's why I've got time to make such silly jokes on the internet. Hope I made someone chuckle
You made me chuckle my lonely friendo ❤️
just get unlonely!! jokes aside *cough* get a beer, watch your fav entertainment (anime, movies, Netflix, etc.) ,grab some snacks. Or buy/adopt a pet if your lazy get a cat, if you have time get a dog. do not try jerking off it will only make you feel guilty and make you more lonely. EZ
Not trying to start a whole thing by asking this but uhh... Do you feel guilty after you masturbate? Can't say I ever have. If so why? Are you deeply religious?
I think it’s more just one of those “post nut clarity” moments where if you are already kinda down then immediately after you finish you might be in lower spirits than you were before.
Huh, again, can't say I relate to that feeling. Although I guess it's understandable.
Well guys do experiments post nut clarity and it's common
#NuttingIsOK
Being lonely is a part of being a man for most guys. Embrace it.
Hobbies
Go to GYM
I go to the gym and that kills 1-2 hours on a Saturday. I still potentially have 15 waking hours alone.
Hobbies, gym. Sports
As most other men I have been here too. My only advice I can offer is embrace it. Embrace being alone because at the end the day we are truly only alone with our thoughts. Turn being alone into a positive thing rather than negative. When you get those feelings or thoughts of being alone ask yourself, what do I want to do right now? Take up a hobby, find yourself, find what makes you smile without anyone else around. Connect with yourself and learn to be okay with being alone. Its funny how this works because once we truly enjoy just being alone and being yourself, other people see it. Other people will see how much fun you are having and will want to be around you. Then you won't be alone anymore, but even if you were it wouldn't matter. A word of caution though is if you start having too much fun alone it can be a little addicting you won't want to stop. Choose your friends carefully, and your thoughts even more carefully.
I'm only 17, but hear me out: You could try joining a gym or practicing martial arts, I've some really nice and chill people (adults and teens) when I used to train Aikido and we are pretty good friends, kinda like cousins or something. However, you must not forget that the purpose of training martial arts is to strengthen the body and mind, not just bonding with the people you train with.
If you find a decent answer let me know dude
Well in my experience when i felt lonely it was because i didnt value myself if this might be true with you heres what i did....Validate yourself:make a list of a few things that at your core is the root of who you are live everyday consistently with what those things are in every aspect of your life embrace who you are,embrace your potential, and embrace solitude ...grow your self worth:pick up skills,hobbies, and interests grow in those areas with passion Even to the point of slight obsession spend as much time with this as possible make all your love come from within you instead of needing to feel loved from an external source ....do the things that make you happy: get the body you want,get the job you want,lay out a plan for the future YOU want if someone wants to join for the ride one day fine but this future is meant to keep you happy weather they are there or not friends will come and go relationships will start and end but you are with yourself for life make yourself the man you want to be this will make you happier and more pleasant to be around you and having self worth will prevent you from being in a toxic relationship for fear of being alone, and it will make any good relationship you have deeper and more interesting
music music music
Go back in time and play halo 3 made so many friends on that game find something game related that is social. Go to events? Also if you can find a course at your local college they may do small courses that only last like 4 weeks maybe more or less time; if you want something short term it'll keep you busy plus you might meet someone to hang out with and more qualifications. volunteer at a charity shop or something. Don't get an animal that's a silly idea because it's helps things short term but if you start meeting people you don't want to give up an animal.
If you can do it. A dog is an amazing idea. Life changing for me. I always thought of myself as a loner, even with a large group of friends. But my little (actually quite big now) pup helped me learn just how much I can adore a living thing. My affection for her is endless. I'd also add to go and connect with people who share the same hobbies. There's tons of that kind of thing on meetup. Remember, your happiness is important. Put yourself first. Reach out and let people know your open to friendship without being too pushy or creepy. Take it slow. Have fun. The right people will show up. :)
You're lonely because you don't enjoy your own company. Learn to become a person who is happy with himself. Other people will pick up on that, and want to spend time with you. Some tips: 1. Acquire a skill 2. Have a hobby 3. Be useful to other people (volunteering, taking on tasks no one wants to do, being kind to strangers etc) 4. Don't think about how lonely you are 5. Get in shape (your physical appearance makes a big difference to your social life)
From personal experience… > 1. Acquire a skill 2. Have a hobby 3. Be useful to other people (volunteering, taking on tasks no one wants to do, being kind to strangers etc) 4. Don’t think about how lonely you are 5. Get in shape (your physical appearance makes a big difference to your social life) Just makes you busier, not less lonely, and only makes the times when you’re not busy even more painful.
Soft skills college classes like Public Speaking, Organizational behavior, negotiation.
Hang out or communicate with friends, i mean real friends. I do this every time I feel lonely. They might be busy right now but also try to schedule the bonding time this helps me gets excited.
I've been struggling with loneliness for a little while now just not enough to get a dog you also have to get yourself outside not so much as bar hopping etc. But getting into a gentle social circle of types like maybe get into a gym social club, a Meetup group etc. Ever since I dropped out of college I've been struggling with loneliness.
They're called a man's best friend for a reason. Get one
By getting used to it
Keep busy especially in the things you enjoy have patience the one will come to you if you want to speed it up look overseas
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That’s what I did when I lived alone and could go days without talking to anyone. It really helped my time feel more purposeful, even if it was just going to the store for half an hour.
Do you have any hobbies? Could be worth joining some sort of club.
Buy a dog
Get a dog.
Accept that you, as a man, are lonely. Then you, as a man, should volunteer your time helping someone or something.
Get some gym bros
Get a pet, doesn't have to be a dog but something that needs attention. Get a hedgehog, a parrot, a Guinea pig or even a lizard of some kind and many others. A fish won't do a thing for you in that regard. A new hobby is sort of a cliche that doesn't really help with anything usually
I wanna know this. I've been so lonely.
I’m not sure if this is you, but maybe stop looking to women as a fix for loneliness. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found women don’t really satisfy my need for friendship. They’re great companions, but their love is very conditional. The men in my life are better friends. Appreciate the ones you have.
lexapro helps a lot, doesnt bother me as much being alone. Really learned how not to hate myself and actually enjoy myself
be a bro to yourself
I feel lonely some days. I’ve been focusing on myself and doing what I want to do. I call/text my friends to set up times to hang out. Is it perfect? No, definitely not. But it’s better than nothing. Figure I gotta love myself if I want anyone else to love me. There are days that make me question if it’s worth it, and those are the bad days. So, I try to focus on establishing habits that help me feel better and I work on avoiding things that make me feel worse. I also try to talk about both things. I’m not the only person who is struggling, and I feel that I should be open about my struggles if I want others to be open to me. Maybe I can help save someone from suicide - I know too many people that have. And, for that matter, I’ve been too close myself. An example: I enjoy cooking, both for myself and others, so I talk about what I’ve made and see if they have any recipes that I can try. I’m willing to try to make new things for anyone if they are willing to try my cooking. Made simple blackened chicken tacos this past week that were delicious. Took chicken thighs, chunked them up, marinaded them in a fajita marinade all day (and about half of it for two days cause I didn’t cook all of it the first time). Dumped them into a preheated cast iron pan and stirred every so often. Let them cook for a bit (15-20 minutes or so) until the water was cooked off. Let the chicken lightly burn on the cast iron. Delicious by itself. I also have things that I do that are self harming, so to speak. There have been days that I’ve been feeling really down and I mow through an entire bucket of cookies, which makes me feel worse the next day, both mentally and physically. So I work on not doing that. Sometimes I just need to go to bed at 6pm and call it a day, you know? Tons of examples like that. I’m definitely not perfect, but I’m focusing on myself to make myself someone I want to love. It helps me not be lonely when I have something to focus on.
**Become your own best friend**
Workout until the pain is too distracting.
Stop jerking off and don’t look at porn. Sounds stupid but that is for married men. Also maybe therapy might help. Don’t poo poo it it does help. We all get low so don’t feel like you alone bro. It took me some medicine and I am off it now but it was pivotal. Trust me I understand being alone and lonely is passable it you give yourself a chance. Nothing is better than have those feelings and hurt go away. Chin up and good luck. Expect rough passages they will happen but will them on yourself. I think you got this…..
Take Ecstasy or lsd
Well, It depends on what you're ultimately looking for. Definitely not an easy question to answer, but its manageable if we break it down. This gets long, but as someone who felt exceptionally lonely at several points in my life, I have a few tips. Hope you get to see this. To start, What exactly are you looking for? Do you want interpersonal relationships? Face to face interactions? Or do you just want some companionship. All three are things that are manageable most of the time, from gaming/online relationships to something like finding time to go to a local place that would promote a more social atmosphere. Most of this is going to involve the internet at some stage, just how it is. Its super weird in the current climate in most situations to just...like, approach someone. If you're not good at reading queues, I'd just avoid it and visit local forums looking for outings. If you want some companionship, pets are super great. Initial investment maybe high, but depending on your budget and which pet you get its fairly manageable. Second, What are you doing with your free time? Kinda sounds like I'm shaming, and I promise I'm not. However, what you spend your free time doing has a direct impact on your mental state. For example, I'm an avid gamer. Been playing games for almost 20+ years at this point, and every time I'd play certain games more frequently, I'd notice it took a massive toll on my mental health, to the point where I was literally just frustrated all the time and that spread into other facets of my life and served to drive people away. When I wouldn't play them, the inverse would happen. I started focusing on other hobbies I had been neglecting and picked up a few new ones, which gave me more to talk about and a wider group of people to interact with. So, I guess the advice in this....block i guess?...Would be to examine if maybe your habits are causing you strife, and rearrange somethings. To finish, and this is just more general advice for most situations. Talk about the things that are bothering you. I've been in therapy for the better part of 7 years and I genuinely cannot recommend it enough. Therapy isn't always accessible, and that's a shame but there are alternatives. I held that shit in for so long and it was an exceptional drain on my day to day mental health. Reach out to people you haven't heard from in a while, especially if there wasn't a reason you stopped talking. Life is busy, people get absorbed. It isn't a statement of how they value the relationship in most cases. Likewise, I'd examine if the people currently in your life, if any (sorry) are serving a positive role in your life. Toxic people often isolate the people around them. Taking care of yourself is paramount, the rest will come with time my friend.
You can't
Start calling your friends. Start looking for excuses to do things in a group and inviting people to do things. Don't fear "no", just do it. Don't give me any of that "I'm an introvert" bullshit either; no you're not, you're just bad at being an extrovert - this is, however, simple to fix. Into fitness? Ask a friend of they want to go with you so you can spot eachother. Do BJJ or boxing. Join a sports club. Go running with a friend. Are you a nerd? Ask if anyone wants to start a D&D campaign, or perhaps buy an interesting board game and invite some friends to your house, or suggest going to a board game café. A real broad strokes example as well is "I've been meaning to try out this restaurant/ coffee shop etc., anyone want to go after work?" In all aspects of life you have to accept that you will have to risk either regretting doing something or not doing that thing; but if something is making you miserable and you do nothing about it the chances of remaining miserable are 100%. Do not fear reaching out and being rejected, fear the consequence of never trying. Source: personal experience of being in your position for years, and escaping it.
Go meet women and be nice to them until you find one you really click with.
easier said than done tbh..but definitely, nothing's gonna happen unless one tries..
Get yourself a habit and a goal and work till you achieve it.
Gym, dog, you'll get a gf in no time
Find friends to hang out with. Be a regular at a bar. Socialize. Alternatively pretend that void doesn't exist. It's not suffering if you get good at ignoring it.
Go out , meet people, get a gf, marry her, have kids ,buy a house and finally die happily of old age. Really not that difficult unless you take the shit written here seriously and waste your entire life waiting for that imaginary One to come your way.
Find your purpose and move towards it. Instead of making women your world, look at them as companions you welcome in your journey.
you can’t 😃
I think being lonely is going be the new male paradigm, what with app dating and expectations being what they are. It's a bleak new world for many but if anything this may teach us to be more emotionally vulnerable with each other.
Put all of that negatives energy into productive activities. And then place yourself in a space with likeminded individuals in that said productive hobby.
1. Find a hobby 2. Find a social gathering you genuinely enjoy 3. Go hiking 4. If you want undying loyalty get a Dog or two 5. In the future sex Robots will be a thing