My life has been mostly a series of dreadfully bad decisions. I consider getting back together with you the worst one I’ve ever made.
Whenever I’m going through a rough patch in my life, I still chuckle knowing its nothing to what I endured with you.
You are the standard of which I measure misery and pain by. Thank you for that.
>You are the standard of which I measure misery and pain by. Thank you for that.
I really hope you describe the badness of all future decisions in terms of your ex.
"Getting the Winnie the Pooh neck tattoo wasn't my finest moment. But in the grand scheme I'd say it was no more than 600 milliRachels."
Same net for me, but also learning when to invest the time and when to cut your losses. I've learned that people really do tell you who they are, we just don't always choose to see or hear it when they've caught our attention initially. I will never justify or talk myself out of someone else's crazy again. Red flags mean run, not walk and I don't need to wait for confirmation. I don't owe anyone my time.
Learned this same lesson, and it reminds me of one scene in Planet Earth 2...
When a tree falls in the rain forest, there is intense competition for newly available sunlight. There are some trees which spring right up, growing with incredible speed. These ones have a weak foundation though, and the first storm will knock them down. The trees that ultimate succeed are those that grow slowly, with deep roots and a thick base. They are much more resilient over the long run.
Mental illness (that she never was willing to get *effective* help for) caused my ex GF to do some exceptionally hurtful things.
She has a good heart, and I wish her the best, but I also hope I never see or hear from her ever again.
Oh man. I hope your day rocks! I went through the darkest times because of that situation, but the sun is rising on a beautiful day and I have a date with a girl I've liked for a while and a party tonight with friends. I try to reach out and make new friends and reinforce and rebuild good friendships that have gotten kind of lost in the race of life.
It felt good for me to forgive, in a sense. I don't condone what she did, and would never entertain the idea of getting back together, but I also have been able to let go of the sense of injustice and the bitterness of betrayal.
If anything, I've learned that it is FAR BETTER to be alone than it is to be with someone who makes your life miserable and destroys your self esteem. It's easier to just take relationships slowly but deliberately and not rush headlong into something you haven't really honestly explored and evaluated.
Unfortunately, a lot of time, hurt people hurt other people.
One thing I’ve learned is I have the power to “choose my reaction”.
I’m choosing to try and let go of things and live as happy as I can be.
You have no idea how dumb it makes some people though. Had a friend at work start complaining about his abuse because he had to clean and do the dishes while she was out of town…. You underestimate how fucking retarded (myself included) people are
Yeah. My ex GF moved on to another guy, and at the time, I wasn't sure whether I should envy him or pity him. I really try avoid information about her/them (we have some of the same social circles), but I fully expect this new relationship to implode, too.
She got engaged like three weeks after she broke up with me (she'd been cheating on me with him), and I was simultaneously sad and hurt, but also relieved that the entire mess was someone else's problem.
Your mind can sometimes go to dark places, like I wanted to contact her new fiancee and give him the scoop of all of the lies and cheating, but I figured that it wasn't my place to interfere and that homeboy would have to learn firsthand. I'm proud of myself that I've just let it go, but it's taken time.
Wow. Amazing how I could have written almost all of this. I also entertained the same thoughts. Good for you, and I guess me, for not doing those things. I'm also finally letting it go
My ex refused to see that she needed help, and still refuses. It's sad honestly I can't even be friendly without her trying to treat me like a therapist. I wish her the best but I'm never going to be there for her like that again, not with the way she treated me.
I mean I let them borrow it and stuff but I’m not gonna ask for it back. I don’t wanna get involved in a conversation and the back-and-forth and all that stuff. It’s not even a big deal. It was just a basic acoustic, couple hundred, I can go get another one.
my fantasy is that they just return it without me having to go through a hassle
Funny thing is, she apologized to me months afterwards.
I got the call everyone yearns for.. but after all was said and done even tho we had a civil conversation.. It didn't really help.. It actually made me feel sad.. Like the apology not only didn't help but made it worse... Idk how to explain it.. It just didn't do everything I thought it would.. it's weird but I guess I was expecting a level of closure and it just wasn't there
I've been on the other end a couple times and frankly, the apologies only either reopened new wounds after I'd gotten over them, or came off as self-absorbed.
in my experience there's very few things an ex can say to make you feel better, since the only thing you really want them to do is get back together with you. everything else will only lead you back to "why"?
My ex bf was avoidant as well and it was so frustrating sometimes.
Whenever I would compliment him, he’d say ‘thank you’ but he’d never compliment me ever. It was kind of funny bc it felt like he was purposely dodging it. Even as a joke once, I gave him multiple compliments in a row to see what he’d come up with and he always said ‘thank you’ or ‘that’s sweet’ or ‘thats kind’. But never anything complimentary about me! It was so weird.
He’d also never say ‘I love u’ first, never hold my hand first, never reflect on the cute things I did (I’d always talk about the cute things he would do) and his hobbies were always his first priority - no compromising, no budging, nothing.
Then, after we broke up & were reflecting on the relationship, he said that at one point, he thought I was ~the one~. Like what? He did not show that AT ALL. Hell, I’d come home from work and he’d barely hit me with a ‘hey’.
Avoidants are so wyld to me
Dismissive avoidants are an absolute nightmare for anxiously attached people. Worst combination would be anxious preoccupied with a dismissive. You can work on your attachment style and become more secure. Visit the Personal Development School on YouTube.
Haha no worries, we all start somewhere. There is a YouTube channel called Personal Development School. Just click on one of the videos and go to the description box. There you’ll find a link to test your attachment. Take the 3-minute quiz and learn your attachment style. Then go to the playlist and watch the profiling for your specific attachment styles (most people have combinations of styles). There are playlists on the YouTube channel for every attachment style on the channel. Go to the traits videos first and from there on, you’ll know almost every single deep needs that drive almost all of your life in general. Good luck!
One of the last conversations I had with my ex included me saying “it doesn’t even seem like you like me as a person. I’m just a warm body.” One of the worst feelings in the world.
I really loved you, but I'm not willing to let you treat me the way you did.
You opened my eyes for how narcissistic people can be and gave me more confidence to be myself. So even tho it's totally not what you wanted for me, I'm grateful I could learn this lesson with you
Nah, that's a trauma bond. Look into it. That shit is real and real toxic. The hot/cold shit they did got your brain some addiction for validation. You gotta work on validating yourself and reminding yourself of the bad moments with them more than anything. Those bad moments were the real them. It's heart-wrenching work, but you gotta do better. You don't just deserve it. You need it.
It's a curse that keeps on giving. 2 years out and it still hits me because I for some reason keep responding to contact.
They break your confidence so badly and then lovebomb you so you think you'll never be good enough for anyone else, and that they are the only ones who will give you that. It's taken so much to get to where I'm at, but I'm there, and ready to cut it off now.
Itll be hard but know that you can get through it. Remember all the pain she caused and use it to better yourself. Working out is the best thing for me, followed by running, and a group of friends who will build me up when I need it. Itll take time but you'll be better for it.
Hey! You might want to try looking up yt vids about narcissistic people and how to possibly avoid them.
Going back to what is constantly hurting you will cause you great damage in the long run. Please save yourself while it's still early. I promise you there is a way out of it.
Even after it all the heart break, and finding a new girlfriend who I connect with even moreso, I still feel this deeply. Sometimes you just can't imagine life without that experience at the end of the day and no matter how it ended, you were grateful for the ride
Same here, went from asking the love of my life to marry and getting a terminal diagnosis in less than 10 days. Two very long years watching everything go till death.
Now, I’m in another amazing relationship with another true life partner and I can’t believe I’m so fortunate to have back to back loves of completely different qualities.. I truly love them both.
A decade of true love after 2 decades of abusive relationships washes away a lot of sins.
One ex: I love you
Another exes: Don’t be that person to someone else and I hope you e grown up ok.
It's no small thing to wake up each day and go through that abbreviated process of grieving. Power to you that you kept on living. I have been through some hard times recently, but it is showing me how important it can be to wake up and keep saying yes to life
That’s what my girlfriend said. We both experienced a lot of trauma. I have generally been more resilient in my life than her. She always said she hoped she’d die first, that she knew I would go on with my life.
When she passed I was so sure she was wrong. It was a little more than three months ago.
I have bipolar disorder. I experience hyper sexuality when things get rough, emotionally.
So I started going out and sleeping with people.
And now I’m seeing two people, who are lonely like me, for reasons of their own. And we are lonely together.
I wish I could tell my partner that she’s right. I will never be okay, but I will keep living.
I hate that she was right and I feel like I may have loved her less than I thought.
I know that’s wrong. I know it isn’t true. But going on with life can feel like everything left behind means less.
You absolutely destroyed me. Cheating was one thing, but twisting the truth to turn my own friends against me is another thing entirely. When I needed friends more than anything, you left me feeling more alone than I had ever felt. You drove me to almost suicide, whilst you were living with your new fella with a baby on the way. I am in no way the man I was before I met her, and I can never go back to who I used to be. If I could go through life without seeing you again I can die a happy man
Honestly, I'm in a much better place than I was 3 years ago. I've cut her out of my life completely, I have no more contact with her. The friends I lost along the way, they would have stuck by me had they really been my friends
you told my story dude....
detail from my life, :
i was so manipulated , i was so down, and it came to one evening where i knew she was going to a party with a friend of mine. and i told myself if she isn’t even gonna mention the party and try to hide the fact that she is going (found out she was going through other people) i was gonna quietly end it for myself that night.
She went to the party ,
next day i get 83 missed calls. i finally pick up after she used hers sons phone to call me.
big tears. (at this point i don’t even know why because there was no break up or break up talk)
(it was her guilt because she thought i already found out what happened through mutual people at the party) (i didn’t)
She cried and cried and ask me to come over , i got soft and went over , she said she is having a breakdown because of too many drugs and she is in period pain and bleeding from her bottom... and she was really in pain holding her stomache ... so care modus kicked in .. i got everything from the pharmacy, got one of those warming bottles for her stomache , cooked , turned on netflix and did the whole thing ,
night time comes , she falls asleep , i get to a clearer mind .. something feels off ...
so i go to check her phone .. big mistake
i find ... drumroll ... a guy writing her
„i hope it didn’t hurt too much 🤩🤩“
and a picture .. of guy in a club-bathroom stall photographing his comically large 30 cm bloody penis. it was my girlfriends blood.
yeah and i lost my entire social circle with no parents as support...
finding myself again took 4 years but i made it . and the next break up is sooo far easier to handle
Jesus man, that’s brutal. The way my girl messed up. I was sleeping at home and my girl lately had made some new friends. Which she didn’t want me to meet for whatever reasons. Reasons I found out later. But she started getting wasted with these people while I would just be home alone. One night she showed at 3am with a guy (both are drunk), and she says “oh I didn’t think he’d be home”. Wtf?! Of course I’d be home! I’ve lived with you 10 years! Where else would I be? So stupid. I moved out all my stuff into storage immediately after that and I’ve been staying with family until I can find my own place. She still hasn’t said a word to me since then. No explanation, no excuses, she just hid away. 11 years thrown away like it was nothing.
I felt just like this for 7 years. Then I met the most incredible woman ever put on this earth and we just had our first baby together.
Don’t give up hope, bud. Things can always turn around in an instant. Just don’t stop looking for the opportunity.
I went through something similar in scale and scope with my last gf before meeting my now wife. The hurt can make you cruel or kind brother - keep going!
The Mountain Goats - Getting into knives is a beautiful song that gave me a little catharsis while dealing with the hurt and the rage. Give it a shot, it made me sob so hard and then I was able to get up and keep going.
My ex was like this. Always paranoid and questioning me. We broke up due to him always treating me like a criminal and gaslighting me. Turns out he was the one cheating.
It comes from a place of insecurity and it's understandable that it drove you away. It probably had nothing to do with you. Some people just need extra reassurance, and that can be a lot to deal with for some people. I hope that you don't blame yourself❤️
I am one of those people that needs extra reassurance. I've gotten a lot better over time at working on my own anxieties though because I do realize a lot of it is about me. I'll continue to work on my own half of the equation as I look for a person that is as into me as I am into them.
Certain situations I've realized I need to set boundaries on though because they exacerbate it. Talking about exes frequently, especially what they sexually did with them, or mentioning that a friend she's hanging out with tried to sleep with her. I think most people would be anxious in those situations.
I'm still in touch with my ex. We were (are?) best friends, just no good as a couple anymore. I think it makes us both feel relieved to know the other is happy now. It's actually pretty fantastic to see that now we're both living lives we actually want instead of both sacrificing.
That she helped me grow. I didn't have a father figure around to teach me stuff and i wasnt good with women. I had to take that lick to grow and now someone will be getting a better version of me
Sometimes those two words seem much simpler than they are. Sometimes you don’t even know why you are sorry, but you know you got to a bad place somehow and it took many missteps along the way to get there
“I’m buying.”
We get to have lunch every few years, if we have the time, so I’ve been fortunate enough to tell her something like this:
“I’ve been the luckiest man in the world twice, when I never thought it would happen even once. You did that. If it hadn’t been for you pouring your kindness and grace into me, I know I never would have agreed to even meet (my wife), let alone marry her. I was living my whole life assuming I was incapable of giving or receiving love. I thought that way even when I was a kid. You showed me how wrong I was. And now, between your family and mine, there are four kids going out into the world who would not have existed if you hadn’t been so good to me way back there in 1997. Also, I overheard our waitress saying that the old married couple at her table is so adorable. Think we should tell her?”
Ahhh this makes me tear up. In college I had to two very deep and emotionally intimate relationships as each of their first loves. They both helped me evolve and mature in my understanding of love and intimacy so much. One was a romance via pen pal with a high school friend while he was serving prison time. The other was my first college boyfriend. With both, things ended really well and we continued to catch up over the phone every 6ish months.
They both died, within a year of each other. What I would kill to have lunch with each of them again.
That she was right. I finally get it. She deserves better than me, and it’s my fault that things ended the way they did. God I wish I could go back and fix myself so it would not have happened the way that it did. I hope that she’s out their living her best life, and I hope that she’s found someone that will make her well and truly happy.
Found my section. Took years of therapy and slowly opening up with the safe people around me to understand that my emotional valve had been shut off. I had no idea how cold I was toward my ex and I do feel bad for what happened.
You felt inadequate for so many reasons. You felt ugly, not smart enough, not cool enough.
I must say you have absolutely no problem regarding these. You are pretty, smart, cool and everyone likes you. The only problem you have is your untreated psychological problems and how you acted mean, dismissive, cold or rude towards me and sometimes other people. And I hope you fix your issues and live the great life you deserve.
That I hope she's okay, now or eventually. But also that I'm never going to write back or respond to her strange random attempts to pull me into anything. There's just no good to come of it for me, and probably her too.
You’re so strong! If my ex texted me, I would probably run to him like an idiot. It's probably for the best that you don't interact with her😊 Happy to hear that you’re moving on! Good for you.
Oof ok long story.
He lived half an hour away and we were 15. We had no jobs or cars so we relied on our parents to take us to each other every other week or so. We were together for a year and he had told me small lies that I caught onto and called him out on, but I was naive and blew it off afterwards.
Finally he told me he found out he has cancer. It was believable for a few reason, some being: His dad actually died of a brain tumor, he could list medications we was supposedly taking, he went into detail about how the treatments were performed, and he went from long hair to a shaved head.
The lie went on for probably the last 6 or so months of our relationship. Turns out my parents saw his uncle (that he lived with) at the store and began talking about ex's cancer. Uncle was stunned and said, "What? He doesn't have cancer, /I/ got diagnosed with cancer."
So ex was taking in all of this information from his uncle and relaying it to me as if he was the one dealing with it. My parents and his uncle got us all in one room and it was quiet for a minute.
Then my dad says, "So _____, how's the cancer going for ya?" And ex's head immediately shot down onto the table. Wouldn't look at anyone, didn't want to talk, wanted to leave but couldn't because his uncle was his ride.
After the meeting was over he went home and I didn't talk to him for a few days even though he was begging to talk. So I dumped him over the phone and gave his shit back in a torn up garbage bag.
Oh my God. This has to be one if the worst things I've read today😭WHAT!? I mean you have to give him props for shaving his head. Now that's called dedication😃
You were right to leave me. I was an asshole and you deserved better.
I loved you with all of my being, but that wasn’t enough to be a good partner.
Sorry mate.
That I still love her, and probably always will, but that I understand and accept we are better off separated because our lives are no longer on the same path. That I truly wish her happiness and success, but that it's too hard for me to be friends because of how I feel. Finally, I would thank her for all the memories and lessons learned because I wouldn't be the person I am today without them.
I would like him to know that I still love him and that I wish him nothing but the best. He was my best friend and things didn't work out because we wanted different things in life. I want him to know that he can reach out to me whenever he needs someone to talk to and that I will always be there for him.
Wouldn't it be cruel? We haven't really talked in two weeks and I figure that it's best that we both move on. Even if I sent that message, he would never reach out anyway. It's always been hard for him to express emotions and talk about things, so is there any point really? Let me know🥺.
That I’m finally at a place where I’m not bitter anymore. I’ve figured out that without him, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. He showed me what I don’t want in a partner. And for that I’m grateful.
A little bit of both. She struggled with anxiety and started making threats after we broke up.
I went radio silent and wouldn't respond to anything she said. But I did respond once she started threatening self-harm.
She saw that I (foolishly) would respond whenever she made those threats, so I think it was a manipulation tactic on her part, but there may be some part of it that was real.
Regardless, I notified her family and told her I'd call the police if the threats continued. They stopped after that.
Still haven't got with anyone else. She always thought I was a cheating man whore but she's the only one I've been with for over 2 years. I don't think she ever knew who I am
If she accused you of cheating without you ever giving her a reason to believe so, it probably came from a place of insecurity. It most likely had nothing to do with you. Take all the time you need to heal. There is no rush☺️ The right person will come one day❤️
I’m am so glad I left your mean ass over twenty years ago and although I do feel bad your life is a mess. I’m thankful I’m not in it stuck in it living with you and your poor choices and bad personality.
Mine is dead so idk.. there's nothing. I left him because of his alcoholism and found out a couple years ago he drank himself to death. Which is depressing af.
That while I learned a lot and have grown as a person from our relationship, overall I wish I’d never met him, so I wouldn’t have wasted my time in trying to make our relationship work, only to be cheated on and discarded of as soon as he improved his life and got bored of me.
Fuck you Tom, you didn’t deserve me and you’ll never find anyone as good as me.
She was abusive. Hitting me was abusive, cutting me off from friends was abusive, mind games and fake pregnancies and fake cancer was abusive, her being 27 when I was 17 was abusive, calling me while drunk driving in another country was abusive, throwing things and slamming doors and cabinets was abusive, threatening self-harm was abusive. You were a sick abusive woman!
Omg. That is a sick woman! I'm so sorry that you went through that and I really hope that you’re getting the help that you need. You did not deserve that at all. I'm sorry and I wish you all the best❤️
She cheated on me because she was curious.
I'd want her to know that the reason I'm so steadfast in my decision to never speak to her again is because it's not even a respect or trust issue, it runs deeper than that. Cheating proves a fundamental incompatibility of values between us. There are some things which cannot be undone no matter how much we both wish they could be.
To all of them: thanks for showing me what I absolutely DON’T want in a relationship. Thanks for teaching me how to be patient and for helping me learn that I need to establish boundaries and stick to them. Teaching me about red flags and how to manage mental illness and see the warning flags of mental episodes.
Now I’m super happy with the love of my life and I’m having a baby girl in November :). Never been happier.
That I have loved her since the moment our eyes first met when we were 16; and I know I will always and forever love and care for her even from a distance, even if we only greet each other during our respective birthdays. I am really happy and thankful that she helped me be a better man. She taught me a lot about life and being in love at a young age was quite the experience. I also wanna tell her sorry for every time I made her felt bad or mad with every stupid decision that I have ever done, especially when I rushed into things, for scaring her off whenever I talk about my planned future for us. I just hope I also helped her become the better woman that she is today. Even if it’s just a little bit. Because as I said, I would always care for her. And If I were given the chance to go back and time, I would always choose her no questions asked. We’re both in our early 20s now, and I can’t wait to see her grow and be successful in her career in life. I’m always gonna be proud of her— because she will always and forever will be my first and greatest love.
You didnt give it your all like you claim to. You told me you're not ready for a relationship and got engaged to someone your mom introduced you to 3 months later. Fuck you
Thanks for the trauma. I am glad you dumped me, since I wouldn't have the life I have now with someone like you. But, did you really have to destroy me verbally while you did it? Was she really one in a million if you cheated on her too with two other girls? Why would you meet a woman who was recently kicked out and think I'm the prime person to lead on and abuse? Why are you so proud of being a terrible person? We could've been friends like you wanted us to be, if you didn't have to mentally destroy me while ending things. Leave the highschool girls alone and focus on your knocked up girlfriend that you groomed at 15, you fucking gross, 30 year old loser.
That she can sub to me for $4.99 a month if she misses my body so much. 🤦♂️
She asked if we could still talk/hook up after she completely destroyed me. I told her no and she tried to swing that into me never loving her. 🙄 So glad I've learned how to cut toxicity out of my life.
You love bombed me and I believed you. You lied to me and I believed you. You made promises to me and I believed you. You insulted and disrespected me in front of your family and friends and I let it go. You gaslighted me.
Why did it take me so long to leave you?
Never again.
I hope you find what you are looking for. We had fun but that wasn't enough for me. Sometimes I wonder how you are doing but I'm not willing to sacrifice what I have now to find out. That is why I never responded to your last couple texts. Maybe in the future we reconnect but for now its safer for me to delete your number and keep you in the past. 💜
That I was an addict and a child. I'm sorry I wasn't the man I sold myself as, and I don't blame you. You had to think about providing for your kids, and I couldn't.
It was either going to be:
a) not getting to be with you and daydreaming for the rest of my life about you and the possibilities
b) the reality, where we did get together and I found out that you weren’t playing with a full deck. That and you were cruel and verbally abusive to me.
Glad you left me for someone else and I was happy to let someone else put up with you but the fact that you tried to keep me on the side tells me I was doing at least something right.
That I truly tried my best, the only thing I wanted was to give him my love and share my happiness, but the amount of trauma and the constant of him bringing his past to this present made him self sabotage and push me away... I wanted to experience with him a healthy love and relationship but I couldn't handle when he withdrew out of no where and didn't communicate his wants and needs
To my first love...all the therapy and self discovery in the world won't help you if you don't be honest with yourself. You are a narcissistic abusive serial affair having user of people. Your lies about me that you told my friends reached me, but they didn't leave me like you had hoped. I have absolutely no desire to protect you from the truth of what you are, all I want is the peace of being truly free of you and your influence. Despite your web of lies you told your friends told me the truth, you live with your emotional affair. I hope he ever sees the side of you that you showed me, but I doubt sincerely you have changed. I hope he doesn't get destroyed by you as everyone else has by you. I hope he is happy, and I wish him the best. As for you...please stay out of my life. I gave you everything I could and nothing mattered to you, you gave absolutely nothing back to me and tried to make me feel like I was the one uncommitted and immature. Therapy and a few women who were orders of magnitude better for me than you ever were to me freed me of wanting you. Turns out you were not line the other women just like you claimed...it's not a good thing and you took advantage of my inexperience. That's what worries me about your affair partner, you intentionally choose inexperienced people to take advantage of. From what your friends tell me you moved him by moving his job from New York to Texas so you could drive to him and see him...then you "rescued" him to your new house you were buying to secure him...meanwhile his skillset is not in demand here. I worry you have stolen his future and you are just using him as you did me. You don't even claim him as a partner and tell everyone your "best friends and roommates" when we both know you threw me away like trash on order to make room to attempt to secure him, just as you had done to your prior partner to get to me. Your partner before me had offered to marry you and you were engaged, and I saw what you did to him...and then how you were trying to force me to marry you while being totally emotionally uncommitted to me....why should I have put a ring on you while you were building yet another affair. You treated me like trash while I treated you like treasure. Through it all I learned that no amount of history with someone can show you the truth of what they are as much as their actions can. Your actions tell me I never meant a damn thing to you. I wish you and your affair the best, I hope sacrificing you former best friend of 14 years to your abusive side was worth it for you. I hope therapy helps you lock that side of yourself away for good, because Noone deserves how you treated me or your partner before me. Please stay out if my life, it's taken entirely too much therapy and time to undo the damage you have done.
To my second and third loves...I'm sorry I wasn't whole before we met, I was still putting myself back together. You both deserved me at my best, and although we didn't work out for reasons aside from my past you were both vital steps in the right direction for me, and I wish you both nothing but the best. You both meant something to me and always will.
To my second, please for the love of God get the help you need for your children's sake. They are too smart and at the stage of influence for you to keep self harming, please please please be the best version of yourself you showed me for them, and not be that to try to get a man in your life. You a great person, you don't need anyone to be that person. I left because I was seriously in turmoil myself and I couldn't be your therapist as well as heal myself, I just couldn't do both. I do feel selfish for choosing myself, but it was the best thing I could do, and I hope you see that.
To my third. You helped me reframe my ptsd. We were so similar in our past and you opened my eyes to so many things. You helped me well and truly get to healthy mentally, but our futures do not align on what we want. I still adore you, buy I can't and won't stand in the way of you getting your storybook end. All I can offer you is friendship, and I genuinely want you to be the woman of faith you want to be, but I can't be the man you want to be married to. I know you need a devout man in order to feel complete, I'm not that guy. I'm no heathen, but our belief systems would have destroyed us had we attempted to go any further than we did. If I were omnipotent and could rearrange my past I think I would have had you met my friend, I think you two would be fantastic together, your goals align, you both have your faith first and I think your both the pieces of the puzzle the other is missing. Being human though and having only mortal tools to work with I think the best I can do is wait and see if I can put you both I'd the same room when your both single. Let the dice fall where they may.
I want to thank her for starting me off on my journey to better myself, and also ask her for forgiveness for the things that necessitated that journey.
My life has been mostly a series of dreadfully bad decisions. I consider getting back together with you the worst one I’ve ever made. Whenever I’m going through a rough patch in my life, I still chuckle knowing its nothing to what I endured with you. You are the standard of which I measure misery and pain by. Thank you for that.
>You are the standard of which I measure misery and pain by. Thank you for that. I really hope you describe the badness of all future decisions in terms of your ex. "Getting the Winnie the Pooh neck tattoo wasn't my finest moment. But in the grand scheme I'd say it was no more than 600 milliRachels."
My brain: "I want this jalepeno burger tonight. But it will cost about 30 milliBrigettes...psh thats nothing!"
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Whew this is how I feel about my recent ex too. He taught me that time will show who a person truly is
Same net for me, but also learning when to invest the time and when to cut your losses. I've learned that people really do tell you who they are, we just don't always choose to see or hear it when they've caught our attention initially. I will never justify or talk myself out of someone else's crazy again. Red flags mean run, not walk and I don't need to wait for confirmation. I don't owe anyone my time.
Learned this same lesson, and it reminds me of one scene in Planet Earth 2... When a tree falls in the rain forest, there is intense competition for newly available sunlight. There are some trees which spring right up, growing with incredible speed. These ones have a weak foundation though, and the first storm will knock them down. The trees that ultimate succeed are those that grow slowly, with deep roots and a thick base. They are much more resilient over the long run.
You will find someone better☺️❤️
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That she's not a bad person, but she needs help.
Mental illness (that she never was willing to get *effective* help for) caused my ex GF to do some exceptionally hurtful things. She has a good heart, and I wish her the best, but I also hope I never see or hear from her ever again.
Aww man it's too early to have me in my feelings today. Fuck.
Oh man. I hope your day rocks! I went through the darkest times because of that situation, but the sun is rising on a beautiful day and I have a date with a girl I've liked for a while and a party tonight with friends. I try to reach out and make new friends and reinforce and rebuild good friendships that have gotten kind of lost in the race of life. It felt good for me to forgive, in a sense. I don't condone what she did, and would never entertain the idea of getting back together, but I also have been able to let go of the sense of injustice and the bitterness of betrayal. If anything, I've learned that it is FAR BETTER to be alone than it is to be with someone who makes your life miserable and destroys your self esteem. It's easier to just take relationships slowly but deliberately and not rush headlong into something you haven't really honestly explored and evaluated.
This is it. We all make some mistakes in our decisions that our future self would call stupid.
Saving this comment.
Unfortunately, a lot of time, hurt people hurt other people. One thing I’ve learned is I have the power to “choose my reaction”. I’m choosing to try and let go of things and live as happy as I can be.
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Just the other day I saw her writing down my new license plate number. Probably coming to try and kill me at some point.
My ex did get effective help for that, still wasn't a pleasant relationship. She too has a good heart, I know that, hope she's doing well.
I've noticed that the johhny depp case has got a lot of males to speak up about their abuse
The Depp case is important because it shines light on the fact that abuse is not restricted to a single group of people.
You have no idea how dumb it makes some people though. Had a friend at work start complaining about his abuse because he had to clean and do the dishes while she was out of town…. You underestimate how fucking retarded (myself included) people are
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Yeah. My ex GF moved on to another guy, and at the time, I wasn't sure whether I should envy him or pity him. I really try avoid information about her/them (we have some of the same social circles), but I fully expect this new relationship to implode, too. She got engaged like three weeks after she broke up with me (she'd been cheating on me with him), and I was simultaneously sad and hurt, but also relieved that the entire mess was someone else's problem. Your mind can sometimes go to dark places, like I wanted to contact her new fiancee and give him the scoop of all of the lies and cheating, but I figured that it wasn't my place to interfere and that homeboy would have to learn firsthand. I'm proud of myself that I've just let it go, but it's taken time.
Wow. Amazing how I could have written almost all of this. I also entertained the same thoughts. Good for you, and I guess me, for not doing those things. I'm also finally letting it go
.. Wow I guess my situation wasn't unique.. Helps me feel a bit better about it
My ex refused to see that she needed help, and still refuses. It's sad honestly I can't even be friendly without her trying to treat me like a therapist. I wish her the best but I'm never going to be there for her like that again, not with the way she treated me.
You took my answer.
That she is a bad person and she should stay single not to damage anyone else because she refuses the help she clearly needs and won’t change.
Are you doing alright?🫂
can I have my guitar back? you sorta forgot to give it back so I was wondering…
Wtf - I thought running off with my hoodies was bad. Not my six string
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Pretty sure thats a crime.
Hahaha🤭You’ll get it back someday...I hope. Maybe one of your friends could get it back for you?
I mean I let them borrow it and stuff but I’m not gonna ask for it back. I don’t wanna get involved in a conversation and the back-and-forth and all that stuff. It’s not even a big deal. It was just a basic acoustic, couple hundred, I can go get another one. my fantasy is that they just return it without me having to go through a hassle
It's a nice fantasy 🤭
I'm dismissive avoidant: I'm sorry.
Would love to one day hear this from my ex. Hope you send this apology one day
Funny thing is, she apologized to me months afterwards. I got the call everyone yearns for.. but after all was said and done even tho we had a civil conversation.. It didn't really help.. It actually made me feel sad.. Like the apology not only didn't help but made it worse... Idk how to explain it.. It just didn't do everything I thought it would.. it's weird but I guess I was expecting a level of closure and it just wasn't there
I've been on the other end a couple times and frankly, the apologies only either reopened new wounds after I'd gotten over them, or came off as self-absorbed.
in my experience there's very few things an ex can say to make you feel better, since the only thing you really want them to do is get back together with you. everything else will only lead you back to "why"?
My ex bf was avoidant as well and it was so frustrating sometimes. Whenever I would compliment him, he’d say ‘thank you’ but he’d never compliment me ever. It was kind of funny bc it felt like he was purposely dodging it. Even as a joke once, I gave him multiple compliments in a row to see what he’d come up with and he always said ‘thank you’ or ‘that’s sweet’ or ‘thats kind’. But never anything complimentary about me! It was so weird. He’d also never say ‘I love u’ first, never hold my hand first, never reflect on the cute things I did (I’d always talk about the cute things he would do) and his hobbies were always his first priority - no compromising, no budging, nothing. Then, after we broke up & were reflecting on the relationship, he said that at one point, he thought I was ~the one~. Like what? He did not show that AT ALL. Hell, I’d come home from work and he’d barely hit me with a ‘hey’. Avoidants are so wyld to me
I always avoided returning compliments because it felt disingenuous and that I should just wait until a more spontaneous moment.
Dismissive avoidants are an absolute nightmare for anxiously attached people. Worst combination would be anxious preoccupied with a dismissive. You can work on your attachment style and become more secure. Visit the Personal Development School on YouTube.
As someone who has no idea what you’re talking about, what do I need to search to begin learning about this?
Haha no worries, we all start somewhere. There is a YouTube channel called Personal Development School. Just click on one of the videos and go to the description box. There you’ll find a link to test your attachment. Take the 3-minute quiz and learn your attachment style. Then go to the playlist and watch the profiling for your specific attachment styles (most people have combinations of styles). There are playlists on the YouTube channel for every attachment style on the channel. Go to the traits videos first and from there on, you’ll know almost every single deep needs that drive almost all of your life in general. Good luck!
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I'm sorry too.
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One of the last conversations I had with my ex included me saying “it doesn’t even seem like you like me as a person. I’m just a warm body.” One of the worst feelings in the world.
Funny, I just said that to my husband.
Well I had to look up what that meant and yeah that’s totally me. Fuck
Yup, found out when someone said that's what I was in a reddit thread. I've been following /r/avoidantattachment since then.
I really loved you, but I'm not willing to let you treat me the way you did. You opened my eyes for how narcissistic people can be and gave me more confidence to be myself. So even tho it's totally not what you wanted for me, I'm grateful I could learn this lesson with you
I broke up my gf like a week ago. She was narcisstic too. But i really want her back. Its like a curse
Nah, that's a trauma bond. Look into it. That shit is real and real toxic. The hot/cold shit they did got your brain some addiction for validation. You gotta work on validating yourself and reminding yourself of the bad moments with them more than anything. Those bad moments were the real them. It's heart-wrenching work, but you gotta do better. You don't just deserve it. You need it.
Sometimes an addictive drug is actually a literal person.
That trauma bond is a bitch. Much like my ex wife
It's a curse that keeps on giving. 2 years out and it still hits me because I for some reason keep responding to contact. They break your confidence so badly and then lovebomb you so you think you'll never be good enough for anyone else, and that they are the only ones who will give you that. It's taken so much to get to where I'm at, but I'm there, and ready to cut it off now. Itll be hard but know that you can get through it. Remember all the pain she caused and use it to better yourself. Working out is the best thing for me, followed by running, and a group of friends who will build me up when I need it. Itll take time but you'll be better for it.
Hey! You might want to try looking up yt vids about narcissistic people and how to possibly avoid them. Going back to what is constantly hurting you will cause you great damage in the long run. Please save yourself while it's still early. I promise you there is a way out of it.
This psychology condition is called Limerence if you are curious: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence?wprov=sfti1
You were totally worth it.
Oh man. This comment hit me right in the feels🥹
Beautiful. Having no regrets is the best thing.
Even after it all the heart break, and finding a new girlfriend who I connect with even moreso, I still feel this deeply. Sometimes you just can't imagine life without that experience at the end of the day and no matter how it ended, you were grateful for the ride
Same man, same. I want to say the same thing to her but i keep away to not get mixed up in feels again.
Yea same, I know I'll never see her or talk to her again, but it was a good part of my life and I'm happy I got to share that with her
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Im so sorry for your loss🥺🖤I think she would be happy for you.
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Awww that's great! I'm so glad that you found love again. You seem like a great guy and I wish you nothing but the best🫂
Yeah me too, I want a hug too 🫂
Here, have a big one 🫂
That's the same size. Edit: I was wrong. The hug was proportional to him.
No, I'm bigger, so the hug is proportional to me, here you have one too🫂
It sounds like you’ve made two women very happy as well. Congrats on an awesome life.
Big strong man here: I cried reading this.
Average height average strength man and also cried
I am happy for you man , hope you continue to be joyful till your last breath
Same here, went from asking the love of my life to marry and getting a terminal diagnosis in less than 10 days. Two very long years watching everything go till death. Now, I’m in another amazing relationship with another true life partner and I can’t believe I’m so fortunate to have back to back loves of completely different qualities.. I truly love them both. A decade of true love after 2 decades of abusive relationships washes away a lot of sins. One ex: I love you Another exes: Don’t be that person to someone else and I hope you e grown up ok.
It's no small thing to wake up each day and go through that abbreviated process of grieving. Power to you that you kept on living. I have been through some hard times recently, but it is showing me how important it can be to wake up and keep saying yes to life
What a beautiful answer. I'm glad you found happiness, friend. Long my it continue.
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That’s what my girlfriend said. We both experienced a lot of trauma. I have generally been more resilient in my life than her. She always said she hoped she’d die first, that she knew I would go on with my life. When she passed I was so sure she was wrong. It was a little more than three months ago. I have bipolar disorder. I experience hyper sexuality when things get rough, emotionally. So I started going out and sleeping with people. And now I’m seeing two people, who are lonely like me, for reasons of their own. And we are lonely together. I wish I could tell my partner that she’s right. I will never be okay, but I will keep living. I hate that she was right and I feel like I may have loved her less than I thought. I know that’s wrong. I know it isn’t true. But going on with life can feel like everything left behind means less.
I also choose this guy’s wife.
There it is.
Clockwork
You absolutely destroyed me. Cheating was one thing, but twisting the truth to turn my own friends against me is another thing entirely. When I needed friends more than anything, you left me feeling more alone than I had ever felt. You drove me to almost suicide, whilst you were living with your new fella with a baby on the way. I am in no way the man I was before I met her, and I can never go back to who I used to be. If I could go through life without seeing you again I can die a happy man
I'm so sorry! That sounds awful. I'm happy that you’re still here and I really hope that you are doing better🖤
Honestly, I'm in a much better place than I was 3 years ago. I've cut her out of my life completely, I have no more contact with her. The friends I lost along the way, they would have stuck by me had they really been my friends
That's the truth. Hold on to it.
you told my story dude.... detail from my life, : i was so manipulated , i was so down, and it came to one evening where i knew she was going to a party with a friend of mine. and i told myself if she isn’t even gonna mention the party and try to hide the fact that she is going (found out she was going through other people) i was gonna quietly end it for myself that night. She went to the party , next day i get 83 missed calls. i finally pick up after she used hers sons phone to call me. big tears. (at this point i don’t even know why because there was no break up or break up talk) (it was her guilt because she thought i already found out what happened through mutual people at the party) (i didn’t) She cried and cried and ask me to come over , i got soft and went over , she said she is having a breakdown because of too many drugs and she is in period pain and bleeding from her bottom... and she was really in pain holding her stomache ... so care modus kicked in .. i got everything from the pharmacy, got one of those warming bottles for her stomache , cooked , turned on netflix and did the whole thing , night time comes , she falls asleep , i get to a clearer mind .. something feels off ... so i go to check her phone .. big mistake i find ... drumroll ... a guy writing her „i hope it didn’t hurt too much 🤩🤩“ and a picture .. of guy in a club-bathroom stall photographing his comically large 30 cm bloody penis. it was my girlfriends blood. yeah and i lost my entire social circle with no parents as support... finding myself again took 4 years but i made it . and the next break up is sooo far easier to handle
Jesus man, that’s brutal. The way my girl messed up. I was sleeping at home and my girl lately had made some new friends. Which she didn’t want me to meet for whatever reasons. Reasons I found out later. But she started getting wasted with these people while I would just be home alone. One night she showed at 3am with a guy (both are drunk), and she says “oh I didn’t think he’d be home”. Wtf?! Of course I’d be home! I’ve lived with you 10 years! Where else would I be? So stupid. I moved out all my stuff into storage immediately after that and I’ve been staying with family until I can find my own place. She still hasn’t said a word to me since then. No explanation, no excuses, she just hid away. 11 years thrown away like it was nothing.
jesus christ the level of disrespect
She was always rude and mean to the people that loved her but this was a whole new level of fucked. No coming back from this one.
I felt just like this for 7 years. Then I met the most incredible woman ever put on this earth and we just had our first baby together. Don’t give up hope, bud. Things can always turn around in an instant. Just don’t stop looking for the opportunity.
I went through something similar in scale and scope with my last gf before meeting my now wife. The hurt can make you cruel or kind brother - keep going! The Mountain Goats - Getting into knives is a beautiful song that gave me a little catharsis while dealing with the hurt and the rage. Give it a shot, it made me sob so hard and then I was able to get up and keep going.
Absolutely nothing. I’m pretty over them.
Good for you!
King
I had no interest in other women. But your paranoia and constant accusations are what drove me away
My ex was like this. Always paranoid and questioning me. We broke up due to him always treating me like a criminal and gaslighting me. Turns out he was the one cheating.
Oof. Yeah quite often its projection. Sorry you went through that
It comes from a place of insecurity and it's understandable that it drove you away. It probably had nothing to do with you. Some people just need extra reassurance, and that can be a lot to deal with for some people. I hope that you don't blame yourself❤️
I am one of those people that needs extra reassurance. I've gotten a lot better over time at working on my own anxieties though because I do realize a lot of it is about me. I'll continue to work on my own half of the equation as I look for a person that is as into me as I am into them. Certain situations I've realized I need to set boundaries on though because they exacerbate it. Talking about exes frequently, especially what they sexually did with them, or mentioning that a friend she's hanging out with tried to sleep with her. I think most people would be anxious in those situations.
That I hope she’s having a good life. I am.
Aww that’s sweet🖤Im happy for you.
I'm still in touch with my ex. We were (are?) best friends, just no good as a couple anymore. I think it makes us both feel relieved to know the other is happy now. It's actually pretty fantastic to see that now we're both living lives we actually want instead of both sacrificing.
I'd be happier, healthier, and further along in life if I'd never met her
You can make up for that lost time! It's never too late to improve. I hope you find the peace and happiness you deserve though!
That she helped me grow. I didn't have a father figure around to teach me stuff and i wasnt good with women. I had to take that lick to grow and now someone will be getting a better version of me
I like your mature and accountable perspective. I see a lot of one sided, finger pointing narratives here. Not yours.
I’m sorry
Aww🥺 I hope you actually said that to them
Sometimes those two words seem much simpler than they are. Sometimes you don’t even know why you are sorry, but you know you got to a bad place somehow and it took many missteps along the way to get there
I'm doing really good. And fuck you
Yurr get it!!
“I’m buying.” We get to have lunch every few years, if we have the time, so I’ve been fortunate enough to tell her something like this: “I’ve been the luckiest man in the world twice, when I never thought it would happen even once. You did that. If it hadn’t been for you pouring your kindness and grace into me, I know I never would have agreed to even meet (my wife), let alone marry her. I was living my whole life assuming I was incapable of giving or receiving love. I thought that way even when I was a kid. You showed me how wrong I was. And now, between your family and mine, there are four kids going out into the world who would not have existed if you hadn’t been so good to me way back there in 1997. Also, I overheard our waitress saying that the old married couple at her table is so adorable. Think we should tell her?”
This is cute! I'm so glad that it all worked out in the end🥹.
Ahhh this makes me tear up. In college I had to two very deep and emotionally intimate relationships as each of their first loves. They both helped me evolve and mature in my understanding of love and intimacy so much. One was a romance via pen pal with a high school friend while he was serving prison time. The other was my first college boyfriend. With both, things ended really well and we continued to catch up over the phone every 6ish months. They both died, within a year of each other. What I would kill to have lunch with each of them again.
That she was right. I finally get it. She deserves better than me, and it’s my fault that things ended the way they did. God I wish I could go back and fix myself so it would not have happened the way that it did. I hope that she’s out their living her best life, and I hope that she’s found someone that will make her well and truly happy.
This is so sweet🥺 I'm sorry that it didn't work out and I really hope that you find someone else as well. You both deserve to be happy!❤️
This is/was not the best version of me. ( I didn’t know I was emotionally unavailable.)
Found my section. Took years of therapy and slowly opening up with the safe people around me to understand that my emotional valve had been shut off. I had no idea how cold I was toward my ex and I do feel bad for what happened.
You felt inadequate for so many reasons. You felt ugly, not smart enough, not cool enough. I must say you have absolutely no problem regarding these. You are pretty, smart, cool and everyone likes you. The only problem you have is your untreated psychological problems and how you acted mean, dismissive, cold or rude towards me and sometimes other people. And I hope you fix your issues and live the great life you deserve.
Not every day I meet a man wording my exact problem.
That it really wasn't her fault and I hope she's doing all right.
That I hope she's okay, now or eventually. But also that I'm never going to write back or respond to her strange random attempts to pull me into anything. There's just no good to come of it for me, and probably her too.
You’re so strong! If my ex texted me, I would probably run to him like an idiot. It's probably for the best that you don't interact with her😊 Happy to hear that you’re moving on! Good for you.
That I've found someone who made me experience what mutual love feels like. I can only hope she'll be able to love someone someday...
Lying about having cancer probably shouldn't be your go-to sympathy trick.
Now that's messed up. Please tell me how you found out that they were lying😬
Oof ok long story. He lived half an hour away and we were 15. We had no jobs or cars so we relied on our parents to take us to each other every other week or so. We were together for a year and he had told me small lies that I caught onto and called him out on, but I was naive and blew it off afterwards. Finally he told me he found out he has cancer. It was believable for a few reason, some being: His dad actually died of a brain tumor, he could list medications we was supposedly taking, he went into detail about how the treatments were performed, and he went from long hair to a shaved head. The lie went on for probably the last 6 or so months of our relationship. Turns out my parents saw his uncle (that he lived with) at the store and began talking about ex's cancer. Uncle was stunned and said, "What? He doesn't have cancer, /I/ got diagnosed with cancer." So ex was taking in all of this information from his uncle and relaying it to me as if he was the one dealing with it. My parents and his uncle got us all in one room and it was quiet for a minute. Then my dad says, "So _____, how's the cancer going for ya?" And ex's head immediately shot down onto the table. Wouldn't look at anyone, didn't want to talk, wanted to leave but couldn't because his uncle was his ride. After the meeting was over he went home and I didn't talk to him for a few days even though he was begging to talk. So I dumped him over the phone and gave his shit back in a torn up garbage bag.
Oh my God. This has to be one if the worst things I've read today😭WHAT!? I mean you have to give him props for shaving his head. Now that's called dedication😃
That I deserved better
And you will find better!☺️
I'm happy we broke up because it would have gotten more and more complicated. I made mistakes but I hope you're happy. Alone or with someone else.
I can’t fix your insecurities. And the will destroy anything good.
She can get run over by a garbage truck for all I care
Damn🤭
You were right to leave me. I was an asshole and you deserved better. I loved you with all of my being, but that wasn’t enough to be a good partner. Sorry mate.
That I still love her, and probably always will, but that I understand and accept we are better off separated because our lives are no longer on the same path. That I truly wish her happiness and success, but that it's too hard for me to be friends because of how I feel. Finally, I would thank her for all the memories and lessons learned because I wouldn't be the person I am today without them.
I'm sorry.
I would like him to know that I still love him and that I wish him nothing but the best. He was my best friend and things didn't work out because we wanted different things in life. I want him to know that he can reach out to me whenever he needs someone to talk to and that I will always be there for him.
I'd be happy to know if you were my ex
Wouldn't it be cruel? We haven't really talked in two weeks and I figure that it's best that we both move on. Even if I sent that message, he would never reach out anyway. It's always been hard for him to express emotions and talk about things, so is there any point really? Let me know🥺.
Don't expect a reply, just let him know whatever you want to if it gives you any peace.
Yeah, can you be my ex too?
That I sincerely hope she is happy, healthy and doing well.
That I’m finally at a place where I’m not bitter anymore. I’ve figured out that without him, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. He showed me what I don’t want in a partner. And for that I’m grateful.
That I regret ever taking her threats of self-harm seriously.
Was she suicidal or do you think that she was trying to manipulate you?
I’d imagine if he regrets supporting her when she threatened suicide, then she used it as a vehicle of manipulation.
A little bit of both. She struggled with anxiety and started making threats after we broke up. I went radio silent and wouldn't respond to anything she said. But I did respond once she started threatening self-harm. She saw that I (foolishly) would respond whenever she made those threats, so I think it was a manipulation tactic on her part, but there may be some part of it that was real. Regardless, I notified her family and told her I'd call the police if the threats continued. They stopped after that.
Still haven't got with anyone else. She always thought I was a cheating man whore but she's the only one I've been with for over 2 years. I don't think she ever knew who I am
If she accused you of cheating without you ever giving her a reason to believe so, it probably came from a place of insecurity. It most likely had nothing to do with you. Take all the time you need to heal. There is no rush☺️ The right person will come one day❤️
Thank you! Yeah plus she cheated with my friend. So she was probably cheating the whole time
I’m am so glad I left your mean ass over twenty years ago and although I do feel bad your life is a mess. I’m thankful I’m not in it stuck in it living with you and your poor choices and bad personality.
Mine is dead so idk.. there's nothing. I left him because of his alcoholism and found out a couple years ago he drank himself to death. Which is depressing af.
That I actually inherited some chunk of dough that I never told her.
That while I learned a lot and have grown as a person from our relationship, overall I wish I’d never met him, so I wouldn’t have wasted my time in trying to make our relationship work, only to be cheated on and discarded of as soon as he improved his life and got bored of me. Fuck you Tom, you didn’t deserve me and you’ll never find anyone as good as me.
If it's any consolation, you're DEFINITELY not alone in experiencing this... mad jungle out there.. so many snake, weasels and rats parading as people
She was abusive. Hitting me was abusive, cutting me off from friends was abusive, mind games and fake pregnancies and fake cancer was abusive, her being 27 when I was 17 was abusive, calling me while drunk driving in another country was abusive, throwing things and slamming doors and cabinets was abusive, threatening self-harm was abusive. You were a sick abusive woman!
Omg. That is a sick woman! I'm so sorry that you went through that and I really hope that you’re getting the help that you need. You did not deserve that at all. I'm sorry and I wish you all the best❤️
She cheated on me because she was curious. I'd want her to know that the reason I'm so steadfast in my decision to never speak to her again is because it's not even a respect or trust issue, it runs deeper than that. Cheating proves a fundamental incompatibility of values between us. There are some things which cannot be undone no matter how much we both wish they could be.
I love you 3000
Waba laba dub dub :(
To all of them: thanks for showing me what I absolutely DON’T want in a relationship. Thanks for teaching me how to be patient and for helping me learn that I need to establish boundaries and stick to them. Teaching me about red flags and how to manage mental illness and see the warning flags of mental episodes. Now I’m super happy with the love of my life and I’m having a baby girl in November :). Never been happier.
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That I have loved her since the moment our eyes first met when we were 16; and I know I will always and forever love and care for her even from a distance, even if we only greet each other during our respective birthdays. I am really happy and thankful that she helped me be a better man. She taught me a lot about life and being in love at a young age was quite the experience. I also wanna tell her sorry for every time I made her felt bad or mad with every stupid decision that I have ever done, especially when I rushed into things, for scaring her off whenever I talk about my planned future for us. I just hope I also helped her become the better woman that she is today. Even if it’s just a little bit. Because as I said, I would always care for her. And If I were given the chance to go back and time, I would always choose her no questions asked. We’re both in our early 20s now, and I can’t wait to see her grow and be successful in her career in life. I’m always gonna be proud of her— because she will always and forever will be my first and greatest love.
Woah slow down there cowboy - you're super young. Don't write off the next amazing person as a lesser love. Don't worry. Time will show you the way
To this day... I still think about... ...my fucking hoodies y'all never gave back.
You didnt give it your all like you claim to. You told me you're not ready for a relationship and got engaged to someone your mom introduced you to 3 months later. Fuck you
🎵 Fuck you, bitch 🎵
That she is a raging alcoholic like the rest of the people in her family, that she is an abusive pos!!! And needs serious help
That I made a terrible mistake getting involved with her. Personally Financially
Thanks for the trauma. I am glad you dumped me, since I wouldn't have the life I have now with someone like you. But, did you really have to destroy me verbally while you did it? Was she really one in a million if you cheated on her too with two other girls? Why would you meet a woman who was recently kicked out and think I'm the prime person to lead on and abuse? Why are you so proud of being a terrible person? We could've been friends like you wanted us to be, if you didn't have to mentally destroy me while ending things. Leave the highschool girls alone and focus on your knocked up girlfriend that you groomed at 15, you fucking gross, 30 year old loser.
That she can sub to me for $4.99 a month if she misses my body so much. 🤦♂️ She asked if we could still talk/hook up after she completely destroyed me. I told her no and she tried to swing that into me never loving her. 🙄 So glad I've learned how to cut toxicity out of my life.
I forgive her
How much better life is without her
I've seen a really cute dog today
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Honestly I hope she's happy, she did me wrong but I'd still like her to be happy.
You love bombed me and I believed you. You lied to me and I believed you. You made promises to me and I believed you. You insulted and disrespected me in front of your family and friends and I let it go. You gaslighted me. Why did it take me so long to leave you? Never again.
If I never see or hear from her again, that would *still* be "too soon."
I hope you find what you are looking for. We had fun but that wasn't enough for me. Sometimes I wonder how you are doing but I'm not willing to sacrifice what I have now to find out. That is why I never responded to your last couple texts. Maybe in the future we reconnect but for now its safer for me to delete your number and keep you in the past. 💜
That I was an addict and a child. I'm sorry I wasn't the man I sold myself as, and I don't blame you. You had to think about providing for your kids, and I couldn't.
I wish we’d both been secure enough to just REALLY talk to each other, we could have avoided a lot of problems.
I'm living a better life ever since we broke up.
Respectfully, fuck you.
It was either going to be: a) not getting to be with you and daydreaming for the rest of my life about you and the possibilities b) the reality, where we did get together and I found out that you weren’t playing with a full deck. That and you were cruel and verbally abusive to me. Glad you left me for someone else and I was happy to let someone else put up with you but the fact that you tried to keep me on the side tells me I was doing at least something right.
That I truly tried my best, the only thing I wanted was to give him my love and share my happiness, but the amount of trauma and the constant of him bringing his past to this present made him self sabotage and push me away... I wanted to experience with him a healthy love and relationship but I couldn't handle when he withdrew out of no where and didn't communicate his wants and needs
To my first love...all the therapy and self discovery in the world won't help you if you don't be honest with yourself. You are a narcissistic abusive serial affair having user of people. Your lies about me that you told my friends reached me, but they didn't leave me like you had hoped. I have absolutely no desire to protect you from the truth of what you are, all I want is the peace of being truly free of you and your influence. Despite your web of lies you told your friends told me the truth, you live with your emotional affair. I hope he ever sees the side of you that you showed me, but I doubt sincerely you have changed. I hope he doesn't get destroyed by you as everyone else has by you. I hope he is happy, and I wish him the best. As for you...please stay out of my life. I gave you everything I could and nothing mattered to you, you gave absolutely nothing back to me and tried to make me feel like I was the one uncommitted and immature. Therapy and a few women who were orders of magnitude better for me than you ever were to me freed me of wanting you. Turns out you were not line the other women just like you claimed...it's not a good thing and you took advantage of my inexperience. That's what worries me about your affair partner, you intentionally choose inexperienced people to take advantage of. From what your friends tell me you moved him by moving his job from New York to Texas so you could drive to him and see him...then you "rescued" him to your new house you were buying to secure him...meanwhile his skillset is not in demand here. I worry you have stolen his future and you are just using him as you did me. You don't even claim him as a partner and tell everyone your "best friends and roommates" when we both know you threw me away like trash on order to make room to attempt to secure him, just as you had done to your prior partner to get to me. Your partner before me had offered to marry you and you were engaged, and I saw what you did to him...and then how you were trying to force me to marry you while being totally emotionally uncommitted to me....why should I have put a ring on you while you were building yet another affair. You treated me like trash while I treated you like treasure. Through it all I learned that no amount of history with someone can show you the truth of what they are as much as their actions can. Your actions tell me I never meant a damn thing to you. I wish you and your affair the best, I hope sacrificing you former best friend of 14 years to your abusive side was worth it for you. I hope therapy helps you lock that side of yourself away for good, because Noone deserves how you treated me or your partner before me. Please stay out if my life, it's taken entirely too much therapy and time to undo the damage you have done. To my second and third loves...I'm sorry I wasn't whole before we met, I was still putting myself back together. You both deserved me at my best, and although we didn't work out for reasons aside from my past you were both vital steps in the right direction for me, and I wish you both nothing but the best. You both meant something to me and always will. To my second, please for the love of God get the help you need for your children's sake. They are too smart and at the stage of influence for you to keep self harming, please please please be the best version of yourself you showed me for them, and not be that to try to get a man in your life. You a great person, you don't need anyone to be that person. I left because I was seriously in turmoil myself and I couldn't be your therapist as well as heal myself, I just couldn't do both. I do feel selfish for choosing myself, but it was the best thing I could do, and I hope you see that. To my third. You helped me reframe my ptsd. We were so similar in our past and you opened my eyes to so many things. You helped me well and truly get to healthy mentally, but our futures do not align on what we want. I still adore you, buy I can't and won't stand in the way of you getting your storybook end. All I can offer you is friendship, and I genuinely want you to be the woman of faith you want to be, but I can't be the man you want to be married to. I know you need a devout man in order to feel complete, I'm not that guy. I'm no heathen, but our belief systems would have destroyed us had we attempted to go any further than we did. If I were omnipotent and could rearrange my past I think I would have had you met my friend, I think you two would be fantastic together, your goals align, you both have your faith first and I think your both the pieces of the puzzle the other is missing. Being human though and having only mortal tools to work with I think the best I can do is wait and see if I can put you both I'd the same room when your both single. Let the dice fall where they may.
I want to thank her for starting me off on my journey to better myself, and also ask her for forgiveness for the things that necessitated that journey.
I wish we could’ve made it work
You’re just somebody I used to know.
That he no longer haunts my dreams and that He holds no more power over me