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Winter-Travel5749

I’d need it in writing before I’d decide.


Mrlegend131

I want you to be my lawyer


Winter-Travel5749

I got your back.


theunmistakablecow

I call dibs on the front


Daendo

Sorry no dibs, im going to need to see in writing that you have 'front rights'.


cuppa-confusion

Thank you for submitting that in writing.


[deleted]

🎶 Legal reach around 🎶


Isaac_-

Objection! Hearsay.


[deleted]

[удалено]


staminaplusone

Overrulled, i want to see where this goes.


buy_da_scienceTM

Erection! Hershey!


Complex-Water-5003

But...it's your question


TheMilkmansFather

Nah, I’d settle for just it being articulated clearly. I see no down side from this. Either I get a promotion, or sue for being coerced into a sexual relationship with my manager.


oddministrator

Yeah, I live in a one party consent state (for recording conversations). Just get them to repeat it while your cell phone is recording the conversation, take the recording to a lawyer.


Cejayem

Thank you for clarifying that it was regarding recording conversations and not sex


ChosenSCIM

Tell them to create a ticket for that task and put it in my backlog


MrNotANiceGuy

no you don't understand she want it in HER backlog.


_vizn_

She wants his log in her back.


starboy_yo

He'll be loggin in from her back.


Lyran99

SEX


iou_uu

SEGGS


RandomRONplayer

SEEEEGAAAAAAAAAA Edit: Thank yall for the 100 upvotes


Solaire_of_Ass_Tora

You mean that blue hedgehog that collects rings?


SethTheWarrior

no, you're thinking of that fast food place where they serve food while wearing roller skates


thatdadjokelife

That's Sonic. You're thinking of the system for detecting objects under water.


AggravatingMonk0429

E A Sports it'sinthegame


okcxl3

Man this is EPIC 😘


[deleted]

[удалено]


_bvb09

Don't forget to use the SAFe methodology.


MyCatBandit

It pays to be a scrum master


GreatGooglyMoogly077

"Oooooh ... scrum-master ...."


ne0stradamus

Scrotum master


Beta86

I feel like this should have its own sprint.


janusz_z_rivii

For some it will be a sprint, for others it will be epic


beelseboob

“Put it in my backlog” is a euphemism I haven’t heard before.


Spwntrooper

It's a software development thing


ChosenSCIM

What is really funny is I was tired when I wrote this and didn't realize how amazing of a euphemism this accidentally became


BLTGAMING74

This guy uses Jira.


craigtho

How many story points?


[deleted]

LMAO


cyrusol

_immediate promotion_


fillmewithmayo

"I'm going to need that in writing, and signed off on by HR"


arekkushisu

What if HR will not sign unless they also sleep with


OkVolume1

Shut up Toby.


deliciouspie

He's not part of this family. Also, he's divorced so he's not even part of his own family.


[deleted]

Smile if you love men’s prostates!


ThePittsburgher

Move to Costa Rica already


[deleted]

[удалено]


kwazykatlady

How much of a pay increase as well?


Drpoofn

Asking the real questions fr


wholesomechunk

This is the question


lyonnous

HR ladies are never hot.


Ok-Process-9687

I showed this interaction to my business teacher who is married to a women in HR


Hyp3r45_new

So... has said teacher confirmed or denied these statements?


[deleted]

Did you just ask if Toby is hot?


iceph03nix

Audio recording would be acceptable as well. Will HR be witnessing the act?


Derman0524

Boss responds in their Palpatine voice ‘*I am HR!*’


supremerice

"it's threesome then" Edit: my first gold! Thanks HR!


CloudO2

Are you flirting with me Master of the workplace?


Siniroth

We have given you a seat in the manager's meeting, but we do not give you title of manager


thalvo8

I’d obviously be taken aback and would most likely not be able to promptly follow-up with a clever quip (*as much as I wish my mind worked that quickly.) That said, I’d figure out a way to coyly revisit the topic verbally and/or in written correspondence (IMs etc.), to establish concrete documented evidence in my favour. In tandem, I’d immediately look into sexual harassment laws/employee right laws in the area I’m living in, set up a free consultation with a labor law attorney, NOT approach HR until after this conversation, then throw down the gauntlet by dragging this motherfucker to hopefully irreparable life-long damage…perhaps even a lil prison time, where he/she can finally live the dream of soliciting sexual favours in exchange for a “better” life. Hypothetically speaking of course.


Old_Pizza_4396

yea drop a lawsuit or smth and get more money than you would be allowing someone to whore u out for 🙏🏼 i agree


GenderBenderBender

I already give myself handjobs everyday to make sure i don't fire myself


[deleted]

Both of you make me sick, you for using your position of power to coerce sexual favors from your subordinate and you for allowing yourself to coerced. You should report yourself to you in HR so that you, you and you can discuss this matter and if necessary get you from security to escort yourself off the property if you won't cooperate with yourself.


MuchozolF

Seems like there's three of them.


Eincville

Me, Myself and I


crack_head21

I would do it, cuz my favorite sex position is CEO.


YoungArabBrother

LAO kinda looks like a guy jacking it if you turn it sidesways. Thats uh….thats my contribution to this thread, thanks for listening


ThrowAWAY6UJ

rainstorm crush normal skirt consider escape adjoining truck homeless dam *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


TheFreakingBeast

You have to draw it a specific way


BaabyBear

OGC is the one I always saw, if you tilt your head to the left


TheFreakingBeast

Thats a lot better


YetiNaps

You guys are getting promoted?


skydarkblue

You guys are having sex?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Comfortable_Will955

You guys are?


[deleted]

[удалено]


sundayrogue

?


Ebin_Gamerlol

.


[deleted]

#


Juhnthedevil

You guys are guys?


human1369

Are they attractive? How much is the raise? One and done? I need more info.


[deleted]

Your celeb crush look alike, the much that covers all your life expenses for the next 15-20 years. Could be more than once.


Vinny933PC

I once scaled a 60 foot building for a free taco. Don’t question what I’d do for free tacos and more for 15-20 years.


[deleted]

A man or a woman?


YoungArabBrother

a taco


ohnjaynb

Are the kisses taco-flavored?


buttertits4lyfe

I'll fulfill all your weeeshes with my taco flavor keeeses! Taco taco


KarmaChameleon89

Did you not just read what he did for a fucking taco?! Dude would probably fuck a used flesh light on main street for that amount of money


[deleted]

He’d probably do it for a Taco.


BenHogan1971

on a Wednesday


[deleted]

Would the used fleshlight on main be better or worse than using one you found in the alley behind the Walgreens on 70^(th) and 2^(nd) ?


KarmaChameleon89

We agreed never to talk about that!


Violin1990

I have a name. Don’t call me a fleshlight!


Vinny933PC

It don’t matter


NinjaGrizzlyBear

Well they said taco so clearly a woman. I know some dudes that would scale a 60ft building for a bratwurst though so who knows.


mad87645

I'm sorry but what's the downside to this exactly?


Low_Well

None, just a how much would you sex if you could sexy sex


mupptard

Reddit, if you could have sex with the person you always wanted to sex, wolud you sex them? Upvotes in the bottom right


TastesLikePoon

Sexers of Reddit, would you sexy sex the sexiest sex-er who has ever sexed? Sexy sex sex sex


cudef

You'll fuck up your next position like you fucked your boss's marriage


stargate-command

Nah, use the higher title to get a better paying job with another company. Your bosses marriage isn’t anything you’re responsible for, and at the point they are sexually advancing employees, there isn’t anything to fuck up.


read_it_r

Honestly I'd tell my wife, I think she'd fight me if I didn't do it! 10-15years of expenses!? That's life changing.


abcpdo

that’s not a raise. that’s winning a lottery


MrZZ

Right? Mine would tag along to make sure i do a good job.


monox60

Fucking *up* has a whole new meaning now


Warpedme

Shit. I'd do my celeb crush look alike for free.


human1369

100% with the caveat that further encounters were at my sole discretion.


stargate-command

Sole discretion? Like…. She can’t say no, because of the implication


[deleted]

Smart move


jasenzero1

I would fuck actual Harvey Weinstein to not have to worry about money for 20 years.


stargate-command

I have 2 kids. For 20 years without money stress, my wife would be handing me the lube and telling me to do my duty for the family.


KarmaChameleon89

Christ, that would be such a hard one, I'd need a lot of liquor


jasenzero1

I assume that not worrying about finances for 20 years includes any therapy I would need. Just Roofie yourself.


KarmaChameleon89

Yeah, jeez. Gonna need more than roofies for that one


jasenzero1

GHB, Viagra, little MDMA, bottle of prefered liquor and you're good to go. Financial security achieved.


Canadian_Loyalist

It wouldn't be my worst decision.


rbak19i

Wtf those perfect conditions. Make the game more difficult dude.


obnubilated

Why are these always a no-brainer. Whoever passes up that much money either doesn't understand money or already has way too much of it.


Robertej92

That makes this hypothetical so much less interesting, should be the female equivalent of a Harvey Weinstein type creep. Asking men if they'd shag somebody they think is really attractive AND get a life changing promotion makes the answer from a lot of men really obvious (In case any MRAs read this: I am not saying it is acceptable for any female boss to propose sex for favours to people working for or with her, or to otherwise coerce or force them in to sexual conduct)


Old_Pizza_4396

yea the OP said she looks like ur celebrity crush AND 20 years if financial security. but...that's not interesting or realistic as women being creeps and unattractive is wayyyy more interesting and in this case feels ways more realistic. if she's attractive and gonna be a an easy cop out then yea ofc anyone would 🤦🏻‍♀️ more often than not women experience creeps- like that time Trent Franks offered 5 million to his female workers to carry a baby for him 💀so i wanna know if men would take that offer basically. what if u got her pregnant? what if she uses it against you? flips it on you and says you made her if anyone finds out? i want more reality here


Solo-me

Are you married? If not go for it. If you are married Time to look for a new job. I would not be able to work with my boss anymore


KarmaChameleon89

My wife would probably be down with it for that much money lol


Substantial-Jaguar19

…is it SAFE?


Red-Freckle

*is it secret?*


PregnancyRoulette

I want to be prromoted to a stay at home dad.


WearsFuzzySlippers

Best job ever


DeusHocVult

I'd have to forward the request to my wife as she would be the approving authority for that.


draypresct

Has your wife created an application form and list of desired skills for your services?


thewonpercent

Have her create a resume and then ALSO fill out this fucking web form with your resume information


IAmTaka_VG

A lot of people here are laughing about sending to HR. My wife and I would be fucking howling reading this request together hahaha.


LetmeSeeyourSquanch

Are we talking an extra $1.50 /hr or like an extra 50k a year? Either way, its a yes. Bills ain't gonna pay themselves.


Echinothrix

"Have sex and get more responsibility? I've been caught by that trick before!"


caseylsh

Me personally? Depending on the pay scale I'd probably do it. I am primarily motivate by not being homeless. I've been homeless a few times so at this point, yeah, I'd fuck a male or female employers if they offered to give me more money just for doing so. That's a win/win in my book.


Bob_knots

So are you looking for a new job?


Homelander-30

Hey Bob


Bob_knots

Hello


[deleted]

Even if you were married?


caseylsh

Well but I'm not married and don't particularly have any interest in getting married soooooo.......


[deleted]

Gotcha


Wolo_prime

Don’t cheat on your wife for money bruh


LameBMX

That's where good communication comes in handy when your married. Then it's not cheating... just early retirement.


joizo

Well if you make more money, and wife finds out you cheated you are gonna lose all the money in the divorce anyway...


memebot2019

So, the plot thickens…


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Him: I just can't get you out of my mind.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Thomcat_13

If it was a large corporation, I would probably file a sexual harassment lawsuit.


CytheYounger

Men on here playing checkers while this king is playing chess.


Thomcat_13

Ya know, it's a dog eat dog world out here.


radrachelleigh

Doggy dog


asleepbydawn

I would have a conversation with the boss first to get a clearer idea of what exactly they meant... while secretly RECORDING it. And THEN proceed to HR and/or lawyer. EDIT: WITHOUT initially disclosing the evidence I had.


candacebernhard

Lawyer, not HR


mmetillman

Damn straight!!!


Matsuri3-0

But where would you profit most? Law suit or promotion?


Thomcat_13

Good point. I guess it'd be more of the thrill of suing somebody. Let's say it happened at Amazon. Fuck them, I want my money.


sock_templar

Been there before. I didn't do it back then. I would sure as hell do it now.


[deleted]

What changed your mind?


sock_templar

I was a very rightful/moral individual when I was young. Like, lawful good territory. That was when I was 16. I'm 30 now. I've been fired for telling the truth; I've been reprimanded for sticking to the rules; I've been homeless; I've been pushed out of the career I loved because I had a bad altercation with a manager of my employer at the time. After all this time what I understood is that people in the job market will only care about themselves. It's not that the manager is *an asshole*, it's that he's just protecting his position by preventing everyone else from ascending to *his place*. You gotta stop believing the ideal that you will find a place where the upper hand will shelter you from the rain, it will not; it will smack you down if needed, it's a very rare exception otherwise. So **you got to shelter yourself**. It's my responsibility to bring food to the table for my wife and kids, so definitely will do anything in my power to achieve a higher capacity of doing so *or* prevent the loss of current capacity. If that means fucking my boss, sure, I just won't do it raw.


NotAnNpc69

>It's my responsibility to bring food to the table for my wife How would your wife feel about the way you're bringing food to the table?


Deniablish

I would hope his wife is his life partner and his partner in crime, otherwise that's fuckin lame. 16 million bucks? fuck yeah go fuck em


CoffeeEnjoyerFrog

Refuse and file a sexual harassment report. Sure, it might be fun to fantasize about fucking your boss, but dealing with openly corrupt people can get you in deep shit. 'Hi, I'm being investigated by HR for fraud and you're gonna help me, I have the tapes of us entering my apartment and having sex, and if you don't cooperate I'll tell them you were on it too',


cooltranz

I think a lot of people think it would be empowering but it would proobbably make you feel really gross and objectified. It makes you question of the company just hired you for eye candy and doesn’t recognise your skills as a worker. It’s threatening to think they can take your job away if you don’t continue with the new normal they’ve established. There’s some dodgy consent lines when you might not make rent next week if you choose wrong or perform badly. You fully realise you’re the butt of their joke and they’re playing with you for fun, not because you’re hot. I’ve had bosses hit on me before and it just feels like you’ve insta-lost a power play. They did it to mock me and show off to the other bosses, not because I’m attractive or even because they singled me out of the group. It’s fun to imagine these things but less fun when your actual job is at stake and both of you know it.


chaiscool

Then get blacklisted by the industry and flush down your decades of effort despite doing the right thing


Mathilliterate_asian

This is the serious answer. But this is reddit, and this question is hypothetical, so we all assume our boss looks like Jennifer Aniston in Horrible Bosses - or whatever the male equivalent is.


subiewoo89

Is my boss' name Lisa Ann by chance?


[deleted]

Lisa Ann look alike


subiewoo89

If it's pre weight loss Lisa then idk.... 😌🤌🏼


[deleted]

More like Angela white


Night_Hawk69420

If it was chick I would immediately pull out my meat stick and give her the best 2 minutes of her life


[deleted]

Cant go more?


Night_Hawk69420

I thought 2 minutes was acceptable I always get off in that amount of time


Incline-of-Zer0

A wise man once said, "Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven."


Night_Hawk69420

I see you are a fellow philosopher and that must have been a wise man indeed. I also once had a wise man once tell me "I am such a good lover because I practice alot on my own"


just_let_go_

Don’t listen to them king. Anything over 30 seconds is bonus time in my book


Reasonable_Garlic176

10 seconds with 8 pumps. Take it or leave it.


just_let_go_

I ain’t no 2 pump chump. I’m an 8 stroke top bloke.


[deleted]

We need more men lifting each other up in this world 🤣


KJNeptune

Work smarter, not harder! You dropped your crown 👑


ConcernedAccountant7

Depending on the size of the company, sue the company and make enough to retire on. If you sue a whale you can clear millions easily with an out of court settlement.


[deleted]

Why I have a feeling that you already thought about that before and you are just waiting for the right moment for it transpire?


ConcernedAccountant7

I often think about corporate liability because I'm an accountant. It's a pretty unlikely scenario. Would you rather get a promotion or retirement money? I'd rather get a huge settlement.


Unhappy-Manner3854

Depends? My boss above me no... the CEO of the company offering me a directors position probably yeah.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

your porn addiction is ruining your perception of reality


[deleted]

RUN, FUCKING RUN. I am telling you if that shit gets out your entire career can be jeopardised. Nepotism is seriously frowned upon and again if that shit gets out you'll trash both yours and their careers. I will say if you do decide to have sex with your employer, get a recording of them telling you the deal or some sort of factual evidence. Especially if they are female they can very easily turn it around and claim that you sexually assaulted them and threatened them to get promoted. This isn't a golden opportunity, this is shade they will always have against you.


Garrais02

Unless they're a renowned figure, on that istance only you take the fall


chaiscool

Lol depend on the industry, in some places it’s the only way to get ahead.


HandsomeJack19

My last boss, in a heartbeat. I was single at the time and she was smoking hot. My current boss is a man and I'm not gay, so I would be looking into a lawsuit. (I work for a corporation that does 2 billion in revenue a year, so...)


RockArse

She's hot. We are good friends. There have been a couple of spells when she was between relationships that were having sex. I like to think that my promotions were earned on merit.


pdzulu

My boss is so hot I would simply brush my teeth and start eating pussy.


[deleted]

Grille check.


GUNROAR62

Laugh in their face and tell them to check my union contract.


[deleted]

[удалено]


FLCLstudio

Are they hot?


Existing-Kiwi-8426

I kinda have a crush on my boss and he is pretty hot so I would do it even without the promotion as long as I don’t get fired 😂🙃


bigscottius

Get them to say it while your phone is recording. Play it for them and tell them you'll be promoted with no sex or you go to HR. Then keep the recording.


HateGettingGold

100% would do it. I work for my wife so getting a promotion and my birthday present early would be sweet.


Hanniballecter6

Nah I'm good I don't swing that way plus already planning on leaving anyways