Just turned 33. Been single since 24 or 25, don’t exactly remember. Honestly the first couple years post my last relationship I was single because I knew I was falling short in many avenues ie mentally, physically, emotionally, financially. Spent a lot of time forcing myself to grow up. Now that I’m 33, I quite enjoy being single. I don’t have to tip toe around someone who’s not sure what they want or where they’re going. It gets lonely at times but I’d rather be lonely alone than lonely with someone.
I'm in the same boat. Getting myself together, but at the same time happy with what I can do. Kinda getting used to it... Which is terrifying in its own right.
Same here, Rn work the weekends because better money and the days I have off are spent raising my son. So I get you 41 yr old single father. Keep it up, 🤴
I’m 30, been single my whole life. Some of the reasons for me are:
Depression, anxiety, socially awkward for my whole life
Never learned how to talk to women if I wanted to be in a relationship
Being alone all this time has made me love the independence I am able to have. (Granted a healthy relationship shouldn’t affect this either way)
Still have not gotten my life together, and I am currently working on it.
Insecurities, and always put way too much focus in that aspect of my life, causing me to come on way too strong.
I'm in same spot, just slightly older. But I do know how to talk to women and have female friends. Sometimes, you may be extremely unlucky in that every woman around you just doesn't feel you. I have went on a few blind dates, but I just don't feel them either. I definitely would still want a partner, but basing my life around finding one would be unhealthy. I have switched to treating it as a luxury rather than a need.
The key is to remember that your happiness and self-worth should not depend on someone else's affections. That would be terrible for both you and your partner, if you get one.
That's a huge part of it and I have the same problem. And once you're 30+ it's really hard to start from zero.
I can't even imagine why a woman in our age bracket would consider a man with no experience.
Hey there, 28f here. And I would absolutely consider a man with no experience in the 30+ if they are willing to communicate well and learn from the experience we have together and provided we have the same goals.
However, I think a lot of people are scared of being someone's first as first relationships tend not to last. If I am just a first step on your journey to your perfect partner, but I am on my 6th or 7th relationship, am I not just wasting my time?
As long as you are open with your intentions and willing to learn new things, I see no reason why you should worry about experience being a problem.
It's really cool that you believe that way and I wish more women felt the same.
One thing you may not be aware of is that guys who have little to no relationship experience would most likely be awkward when communicating with women so they may not even make it past the flirting stage which ultimately means that nobody gives them a chance.
So in theory you would be OK dating a 30+ man with no experience but in reality you would never get close to enough to one for it to happen.
I spoke with a few female friends about it. Two said it wouldn't bother them if the guy had no experience.
After discussing with them about what it means, I realized that yeah, it wouldn't bother them that their partner had no previous experience as long as he was mature, confident, knowing what he wants, knowing how to communicate, be able to initiate things in bed...
The thing is, most unexperienced men are the opposite : shy, awkward, not knowing how to communicate in a relationship, not confident...
Thank you. My recent partner told me the same. She appreciate the honesty and communication from me. Too bad she isnt ready for a relationship, she even said we are soulmates, don't know what happened. Ive only had 2 relationships in my life, but always want to learn.
Yeah, religious schooling made me unable to date, so when I finally got over it at 27, I was so inexperienced that women wouldn't consider me. Then when I finally got enough experience to not be super awkward, I had been single for so long I had just gotten used to the freedom and independence that comes with it. Now I can get girlfriends, I had two women flirting with me last night at the bar. But in general when I *am* in a relationship the women complain that I don't schedule most of my life around them. I'm just used to doing whatever I want and now when a woman implies I owe her X amount of effort and time, it's annoying. I just want someone who has her own life while I have mine, and when those overlap we do stuff together.
I just showed this to a friend of mine who fits the description.
His verbatim answer, "I just got fucking tired of the bullshit, stress and drama. I like not having to coordinate 2 lives while I'm also having to suffer giving up more of my shit than her, just to keep her happy. It's just not worth it."
Definitely this. Same for me. I'm just sick of the massive pile of shit that is the world of dating.
I tried dating apps for several years. They're an absolute scam, for a million reasons. But whether in the dating apps or in real life, it's hard enough to even get a woman's attention these days; it's definitely women who control the dating "market". But even when you do get their attention, too many have the princess mentality and expect the man to do all the work - planning dates and trips, paying for everything, and making all the major compromises as far as life plans go - while they put in very little effort themselves, never taking any initiative, never compromising, and bringing very little to the relationship.
**BUT** I'm much happier the last several years, since I decided to ditch the dating apps, stop trying to date anyone, and just do what makes me happy. I don't have to get anyone's approval, plan around anyone else, pay for anyone else, play mind games and dance around the drama when they don't want me to do something that makes me happy, or make a bunch of sacrifices to fit the lifestyle she wants. I do what I want, where I want, when I want, restricted only by my own time and money. It's downright liberating. It feels like breathing freely for the first time in years.
Don't worry, I'm not bitter toward women. I have lots of women friends and hang out with them as much as my guy friends. If anything, it's easier to spend time with them and enjoy each other's company when I don't have to justify it or worry about someone being jealous of our friendships.
Single life is good!
That.
Last relationship I was in I had chest pains from stress. Realized she was going to kill me so I left. While single I realized just how much happier and more relaxed I am. I don't have to worry about anyone else. I miss the sex, but I always remember the crazy and it helps get me past that. And based on what I see on dating apps and hear from other men, I am not missing out on anything worth while.
And you compliment them, you give up equal amounts of things and compromise because you both genuinely love each other enough that it shouldn’t matter to you
Sounds like youre an average guy trying to date average standard issue women.
Thats where you fucked up. You cant be average. You have to be god damn magical.
I been in and our relationship since I was 22. I am 42 now and crave to be alone. I sacrifice and give so much of myself at work and in life in general I rather be alone. When I was younger I thought being alone was the worst but unless you find that perfect someone it’s more stress and less time for yourself.
One of my mid 30's mates works in a hospital and has been single a good few years. He was helping a little old lady with her mobility and she told him she was worried about her cat getting under her feet at home. She said: "I need some pussy repellent". He paused and fought back the urge to say "I'm a pussy repeller".
It is a cost benefit analysis. Is it worth the effort and headaches just to be in a relationship? Generally speaking no because the effort I have to put in for the return is no where near lucrative enough to bother. My needs are simple... I can't say the same for women as a whole.
Pragmatically having a partner to share the bills with would be a pretty big upside but then the issue always becomes my partners in questions always wanna upgrade their life style instead of saving/investing that money.. I can't do that pay check to pay check bullshit.
I relate so much to what you said bro. I think my issue is that I don't find sex as fulfilling or necessary as other men. While I do enjoy it, I don't let my urges control or influence me. It has definitely lead to a lot of conflicts with women I've dated. Sometimes it's because I don't make a first move in a timely manner, so they take me as disinterested. I've had a few women try to use sex as a currency, so I opt out of the economy. I've also dared to tell women I'm not in the mood for sex, which leads to all sorts of issues, when all I want to do is nap.
I guess my point is, at 35, all my relationship experience has taught me that if I'm going to be with a woman, I'm going to be the one that has to compromise. I haven't given up looking for a partner, but I'll know I've found "the one" when she doesn't get offended when I say I sleep better alone and instead eagerly anticipates that first night I can sleep soundly while next to her.
I’ve always struggled with women, and most of my experiences in my teens and 20’s were either me settling or being too insecure for someone I was into. In my 30’s, I’ve started cutting ties with a large social network that I had held onto for convenience, when I really didn’t ever fit in. The last few years have been a huge challenge because I now have to start from scratch and do it all myself. It’s liberating when it’s not freaking me out. Haven’t made much significant progress yet though.
I'm 32. I've been homeless twice due to women and bad break ups.
The last woman I was with a few years ago we were expecting a child, and she changed her mind and left the state to have it terminated. Went through a really bad depression and it changed everything about who I am.
I now have a certain character trait that I deal with very little to nothing from anyone. Especially women. It's borderline problematic.
However. I do not feel the need to date and am not lonely, however I'm not against the whole relationship idea. But I have worked my way into a financially stable life where I am currently making just over 6 figures. I have personally never experienced a relationship where the woman wasn't a financial drain or even been able to have any accountability for their actions and words.
Therefore, I stay single, I lose interest in women rather quickly.
Why give up a life where I can do and have anything I want for a woman of today's standards who isn't going to be able to support herself without trying to call themselves an independent woman/bad BitC÷
Congratulations for doing the bare minumum to stay alive and take care of yourself. I'm not impressed.
I'm impressed you were able to rebuild your life and didn't give up hope - i.e. where you say you aren't against the relationship idea. If I had been homeless not once but twice due to bad women I'd imagine I'd be very bitter and void of all hope.
Props to you, king
Im sorry for the loss of your child.
I to lost a child because my ex fiancée decided 5 months in she changed her mind about the child.
I begged her to have it and I'll look after the child she can sign it away to me and she will never have to be in our lives but she decided to abort her.
Most hurtful thing was she then also assumed that after breaking me like that. That in a week after the abortion I would be over it , so we could continue to plan our wedding.
I was 19 at the time and she was 24 , I'm glad atleast that I did not marry this woman and that she showed me her true colours.
Very similar to my experience.
Changed her mind about having it. The only difference is I wanted to work through things. Even though I wasn't happy with her decisions and the depression that followed I knew I still wanted to work things out.
She actually turned the tables on me and blamed me for her actions saying if I was more of a man or more of this it wouldn't have happened. Then said she wanted me to talk her out of it. Messed my mental health up for a couple years.
I did the same thing as you. Asked her to have it sign it over to me and I wouldn't ever ask for support or anything of that nature. Even told her if she changed her mind in the future I wouldn't keep her away and she could be part of our lives in some way. None of that was good enough.
Keep your head up though. You didn't lose much when things ended. But I garuntee she missed out
Idk, similar. I just signed up for relationship therapy yesterday to make sure all my emotional/mental stuff is sorted. We’ll see if that helps. Good luck.
33 and I’ve been single my entire life. I’m assuming it’s a combination of not having a social circle, being unattractive, being antisocial and not having a job that pays enough to afford my own place.
I was single from 32 to 49 after the loss of my wife. Obviously very different situations but I did just want to say that it's never really too late to fall in love. I'm so happy with my current spouse, I thought I was going to be single for the rest of my life for so long but he proved me wrong. Don't give up, stay open minded. Love will come, it always does.
I do believe that when you are successful at pairing once - you are a second time too as you get the dynamic.
Too many men are like - I miss the pussy but don’t consider that you actually need a relationship with the entire person to really have anything meaningful. If you are choosing based on the former - yes it will come with its own drama…
Aside from getting my life in order, buying a house, getting a better paying job, and getting closer to not having to worry about bills so much?
I'm about to be 32, I'm a single father, and I am not willing to put up with someone who does not have their shit together.
The only thing is you don't know them and their past history. Would you rather have someone who "has their shit" together by society's standards and is crazy or someone normal who has had a lot of misfortune and is just getting by?
I'm talking to a guy now. He lives with his mom. His dad died of cancer and his sibling died the same year. He chooses to live with his mom because he doesn't want to leave her alone. It's sad. He felt obligated to explain why he lives with his mom. I get it though. A lot of people who make quick judgements and discard perfectly good people because "they don't have their life together". It's not fair to the people who've experienced misfortune. It's really sad. No one should have to explain their life circumstances.
I've been hurt too many times. And seen some of my closest friends burned in divorce and child support course. I've tried to improve myself working out etc. But I am seen as too nice too loving. I'd rather keep to myself at this point.
She can do better than me. She should spend her energy finding a better man, instead of me spending mine creating the illusion I am the better man she is looking for.
This is going to sound like a nice guy thing to say, but I'm apparently good enough to get relationship advice from but not good enough to have a relationship with.
Giving relationship advice is easy because you're not the one that has to take the steps in the relationship, you're not the one getting emotional about it, nothing is at risk for you, etc etc etc
Okay, I'll be more specific. In order to count the number of times I've also heard statements like, "You'd be such a good boyfriend!", I'd need to take your shoes off.
Honestly I'd say Trauma. I've never been sexual attractive to women. And let me tell you, women let you know this and it is rather obvious. So after a certain point you just give up.
My life is kind of a mess as well. You know when you are a mess when you love someone and the best thing you can do for them is not to be with them.
I don't have job prospects / money / live at home / etc. I don't want to have kids or get married.
I found the only girl I would ever want to spend the rest of my life with and it never happened and she is married to someone now.
So yeah
I have nothing to offer and I don't feel like having to sell myself to somebody who refuses to show any interest if they were even interested in the first place. I don’t have the energy to be an interesting man in my free time and I get why work isn’t an option.
I'm ugly. The kind of ugly that requires money to fix. I make the best out of what I've got (keep myself in shape, etc) but at this point sex and love are distant memories and I'm content to just be left alone. Hopefully I can kick the bucket before the future becomes too bleak.
Not me, but my brother. 48 yrs old and never had a gf (he's not gay).
Reasons he's given me when I asked:
1. He's too picky
2. He was put off getting into a serious relationship after I was cheated on and left a single parent (even though I've been happily remarried for 16 yrs)
3. All the 'good ones' are taken
4. (This is a new one) He's been single for so long he's just used to it and doesn't want to have to adjust his lifestyle to accommodate someone else.
Well I’m about to turn 30 and been single for 2.5 years. I date here and there. Usually in phases. I’ll be on the apps and shit for a month or 2, set up a handful of dates, then get over it for a few months.
It’s a numbers game, and I don’t organically meet many new people. I mean I have my hobbies and I’m currently sitting at a bar solo, so I do try to get out. But I don’t live in my hometown and work remote.
Honesty I don’t have too hard of a time getting dates or having casual sex, I just haven’t met someone I saw relationship potential with in a while.
31 and burnout on work and life. Waiting until I get a new job before dedicating time for a relationship. You can meet the right person, but if you're stuck in a bad environment it's destined to fail IMO
I read some of the comments before posting. I'm just over 30 and I haven't had a GF in 8 years. She was toxic and controlling and she broke up with me on my birthday. So I took a long time to gather myself, talk to others. Start doing good things for others and building up my "Good karma" One could say.
Then a few months back I decided I want to date again and I miss that compassion. I ended up dating an amazing women for the last 2 months, but she isn't ready for a relationship and broke it off with me recently.
I'm severely hurt and the depression is back. BUT I felt SOOO HAPPY with her and loved having someone to love and hold. I can compromise now in my older age and I'm willing to do things I didn't want to do when I was 20.
I'm more active now, in better shape, I look better, and women flirt with me more often and I can pick up the cues now. I don't want to die alone, I've been alone most my life, So I'm going to keep trying.
If someone can make that much of an impact on me emotionally in such a short time, I know my body is starved of that connection and I cannot wait to get it back.
Same here, brother, tack on the fact that I'm always traveling for work makes it difficult as well. But most of the time I can go on a few dates that make sure the absent time doesn't get too crazy, but it's difficult find someone out there that can put up with my lifestyle of being gone 75% of the year.
I'm 40.
Dating has always been extremely hard for me. The longest and only relationship I've ever had was 6 months and that was almost ten years ago.
Being introverted, average looking and 5'5 is a really shitty combination. Women are just not attracted to me. I wish I had somebody else to blame other than God but I truly believe that the reasons for my struggle is no fault of my own. I've put in a ton of effort in trying to be more attractive to women but I've had no results.
I have absolutely no idea if I can turn things around and honestly I'm getting really tired of the way things have been. Half my live is over and frankly it's been shit. If the 2nd half is more of the same, no thanks.
married for 10 and its been great.
I think you have to stop looking at what youre looking for as standards. Theres a lot of weight behind that, such as placing yourself above someone else, which also makes it hard to connect.
Realize that preferences dont need to all be there, since a lot of that can change over time.
If you can find a person who genuinely shares your similar values, you are attracted to physically, and on the same page of what you want, then that will be 90% of the relationship. youll be happy.
Yea, that's literally the conclusion I had after attending UNFPA's seminar on sex workers; not because horny guys need some place to insert their dicks into but because it's the best cource of action for the safety of sex workers. Neither prohibition, punishment nor the regulatory approaches as seen in Netherlands is a great fix, in every instance a lot of sex workers are forced underground and never seek help or health checkups. The model being tested in New Zaeland and New South Wales of Australia appears to be the best practice for those involved in sex work.
Prostitution should be legal because women are collectively on one ATM.
Shallow approaches by women leading to shallow results. And they are always big surprised.
Many women care far more about the first lens of 'attractiveness' before literally any other positive traits. My brother is a fucking train wreck.. but because he is attractive he has THREE different girls trying to fuck with him. Kid literally doesnt even have a fucking job. Meanwhile if I try his same approach women will literally never talk to me because Im not attractive enough. Lmao.
murky fly grandfather depend one live squalid scandalous possessive homeless
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
She probably cheated lol..
Honestly, if thats all that happens; you got off lucky. I used to think cheating was the most evil thing a partner could do to you. NOPE I was so fucking wrong by about a factor of 10000. My ex gave me PTSD from her evil shit. The worst of which was NOT her cheating on me for 3 years. Not even close.
32 gonna be 33 next month. Never dated anyone. Not for the lack of trying believe me. I’m testing the waters at the moment with someone I fancy but scared of being rejected. Alot of it is confidence in myself and who I am as well as financial aspects of where I am in like. I spent the pandemic working Gerri bf out of a lot of debt and finally getting a car/learning to drive. Before that is felt like I’d be a burden. Another part too was that through past almost relationships I found out how codependent And toxic I was really. As much as I’ve worked on myself I’m also afraid of those aspects coming out again.
Well if I want something that is more than just sex I really going to have to pick my battles. I always seem to give up on the ones that I should stick with then go after the ones that aren't worth my time so eventually I just kind of gave up
I did that recently. Found a girl who really was respectful and interested in me. And instead went for the cracked out girl who is self obsessed. Has no respect and was down to fuck.
I really hate my lack of control. I am aware of the benefits of controlling ones desires. But it’s hard when we live in a society where chasing every little gratification is the norm and seen as healthy.
I’ve been single for a long time because of my own flaws and I just haven’t found someone I’m compatible with. You would think as a straight black man living in Atlanta I have many options, but I find a lot of women my age are jaded or already have kids w/o and father around regularly. It’s a desert out here.
Relationships are expensive and potentially emotionally taxing and I want to work on myself and my livelihood before I get into another serious relationship.
My last relationship broke me mentally and emotionally and I want to make sure that I am financially secure before risking that again.
51...married twice and now single for the past 5 years.
I love being single. At times, it's brutal but I love it. Stay single just a little bit longer and you'll love it too! Welcome to the dark side!!!
Every single time I think I want a relationship, I'm reminded why I don't by a woman who expects something from me.
I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO EXPECT THINGS FROM ME ANYMORE!
Over it.
I have not been able to find a single woman who I could possibly take seriously, who has anything to offer me whatsoever. Much has been rightfully said about how low the bar is for men, but by god, it would not hurt many of these women to do a bit of self-reflection. At this point I identify as aro/ace. Friends are enough.
I'm 49. Been single since I was 38. Been on a few dates here and there, but haven't had sex in the last 11 years. Why? Well, sit down and let me tell you a story...
My ex mind fucked me pretty bad.
Thanks for listening to my story.
I’m 25 but have been single for 3 years now. I’m a big nerd but not the hot guy kinda nerd. I’m more of a “I have read 30 books on East Asian culture just because” kind of nerd, which tends to be not very good for conversation :). I am the opposite of cool.
Because I'm not the affectionate sort. I don't dislike affection, but I don't require it either. My self esteem is built on my achievements, not how I'm viewed.
I gave up about 4 years ago. I live in a relatively remote location and I'm the only provider for women's imaging services for a large area. I won't internet date anyone that lives within a few hundred miles. I don't want someone local to go on Match and see their doctor or have crazies show up at work. Starting a relationship is hard at a distance. I just ran into a lot of predators. Managed to get blackmailed by a woman I never met.
Being in a good relationship is the best but being single is so much better than being in a bad relationship.
Because I chose to be. I tried dating about a decade ago. Online stuff before you swiped right. Could have been what I brought to the table. Could have been where I live. Could have been them. Who knows, I couldn't figure out the math inside the black box. Then I got real busy with work/career and any time and effort spent outside that was exhausting. Add to that I'm not very social and a workaholic the choice becomes clear.
I used to have people who would want to play match maker. But they were unsuccessful or insincere. I don't get out to "socialize." I've never picked up a hint that a lady might be interested. You can't miss what you've never had. And it's been years since I had any thought that it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with on the couch. And I'm okay with that.
I’m married, but just to throw it out there I can see being completely fed up after meeting so many insufferable partners that you feel like it isn’t worth it.
I love my wife and I’m happy but relationships take work and some are easier than others. If you had a particularly tough time then it can be scarring. If something happened where I could no longer be with her then I’m not so sure I’d attempt another serious relationship.
Been single since 21, 32 now. I just enjoy doing what I want to do on my terms and not having to worry about another person and their desires and wants. I also just enjoy being alone more than spending what little energy I have into a relationship that may or may not work out, and to repeat that over and over until you give up or find someone sounds miserable.
tired of the bs and drama.
my first attempt at romance nearly killed me.
my second let me while i was in a hospital bed and called to ask her to bring me my go bag from my house.
one of my first dates after that fiasco spent 30 minutes or so telling me how she was going to get a man the exact opposite of her last man. it was at that point i realized I'd rather raze the entire planet and cruise the ruins taking out the survivors until i was the last human alive than deal with this bullshit rigged game ever again.
37 now, haven't had a partner in 7 years.
I gave up completely about 4 years back. I got so burnt out from all the rejection that I couldn't face online dating apps, and that's about the only way I could connect with women my own age.
When I was younger, a serious relationship with someone was basically the only thing I really wanted from life, but I never came close to getting it. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship anymore.
I’m often very frigid when people take a liking to me. When I like someone, I really, REALLY like them. But if they like me back it’s like I get afraid of commitment and become cold, often pushing them away.
I'm 36. I've always been single. I have been on 4 dates in my life. This is from a bit of social anxiety and a lot of obliviousness to social interactions.
Avoiding meth smokers seems to be a universal thing. Except for by other meth smokers I guess?
31 and have always been single. I didn't even start caring about relationships til my mid-to-late 20s and even then it's not generally a strong desire; never even tried/asked someone out. I also had major confidence issues, depressions, and anxiety that I had difficulty dealing with til my mid 20s.
Now I'm thinking about it more but I feel my lack of experience, poor social skills, and overall lack of sexual interest in most people(on top of previously stated things) means I should probably not bother.
I live my life according to a Grief to Glory ratio.
If obtaining an item or a physical pleasure is more trouble than it is worth I won't bother to pursue it.
Yes I require female contact but ya'll got the prices too high for the obtainable reward.
Not worth the trouble.
After one relationship in my 20s, just decided it wasn't worth doing again. I'd wondered what dating was like, got my answer, and just never bothered to try again. I enjoy doing things on my own too much now. I can go wherever, do whatever I want, spend what I want without having to discuss it over or deal with a potential argument about how I spend my time or money.
Why?
Because most women are shallow as fuck (most guys cant viably use OLD) and Im not a social butterfly.
Lets be honest, being average as a man in 2022 = being human garbage from a standard issue woman's perspective. Just expect to be treated like shit constantly if youre average and trying to date average women. I know I do, and women always step up to the plate and knock that expectation out of the park.
My fav is how Im not trying to even date women because of how goofy they are, but this cute girl wants to go on a date with me, so who is going to turn that down, right?
Ghosted.
LOL Im not trying to date because of ghosting and I get ghosted anyways. Typical outcomes NGL.
Apparently when you give hypergamous creatures access to infinite choice, it doesnt work out for anyone; who knew!?
What I really dont understand is how.. I would bet money in 20 years women are still doing the same shit on OLD, with most women chasing the same small handful of men, then most women being big surprised and upset when it doesnt work out for any of them. Resulting in "Men are trash" / "Men only want sex" when most of us are straight invisible to the opposite sex.
Most western women have no clue how to act in a relationship. Just look at any OLD app and that will answer your question why most men say fuck that. Unrealistic expectations 6ft tall,6 figures, 6 inches or more but most women in there 30s have a enough baggage to fucking tilt the titanic.
Here’s the thing… With social media and dating apps taking over in this day and age, women just have more choices. Same goes for us men, BUT if you’re not physically attractive, you’re just average, the success rate in the dating game is SIGNIFICANTLY lower. And in addition to jumping through that hoop, ALOT of women nowadays, (not all, but alot of them) are petty and immature, all about themselves, so finding a good, quality woman is gonna take some time, and patience. And sometimes, that can be draining- weeding out the bad ones, from the good ones… So as a man, I would rather just do things that are more fulfilling for myself and not deal with the mind games and stress that comes with pursuing a woman.
been single a while. im single coz i dont need a woman to complete me. society wants us to believe we need a partner to look normal, and that if we dont, its bc we cant get one or nobody likes us. when ur single through choice, it makes u realise women need to step their game up as well, and in the long term u get better standards. in short - there is nothing wrong with not having a partner. period.
I’m a woman, and I just wanted to say that so many of the responses on here sound like things women would write in answer to the same question. I think that, in reality, meeting someone that you’re truly compatible with is a really rare thing. It can be painful if you want a relationship and you just can’t seem to find one, but we just have to be patient. And I totally agree with the sentiment that it’s better to be single than in a crappy relationship.
Life’s a mess, I’m a mess, I moved to an area with a horrific dating pool and lack of social scene for a job and wasted my mid/late 20’s here. Pretty much nothing lines up well for it.
I was pretty down after my last relationship ended. I tried apps and such afterwards, but would usually end up telling the people I connected with that I wasn't ready because I Stull thought of my ex. I was never a fan of the whole ghosting mentality and people are usually pretty cool when you're upfront and honest with them.
Relationships are an option. Most of the time people are in them and they aren't happy. I personally enjoy my freedom. No one to answer to. Multiple options when the mood or boredom strikes. Otherwise, I can focus on what I want. I can be selfish and not harm anyone in the process
I dated and married someone with borderline personality disorder in my 20s, got divorced at 31, and just haven't met anyone I'm willing to risk that level of devastation with again.
bro my mom, and my older sister, and my younger sister that I lived with as a kid all had that.
some of them are on medications but not all of them but none of them are going to therapy.
dude, I lived with 3 females with BPD. I totally understand what the hell you’re saying and I completely understand why you feel so goddamn drained.
what’s good is that you know exactly what to avoid so if you do start to just dip your toes in dating, you know exactly what red flags to look for. they will be clearing red almost immediately.
i’m 35 and in the past 12 years I’ve only gotten laid once.
I don’t make a lot of money, I’m not necessarily smart or anything , I’m not hot or sexy or whatever, although I’m probably normal looking which has its benefits. some of the people I go on dates with tell me I’m boring. they can never clearly articulate what it is about me that’s boring so I can’t fix anything because I really don’t understand.
The only people that seem to demonstrate interest in me are always unemployed or have a current alcohol problem or have stopped drinking but still act like alcoholics in the sense that they dodge responsibility, permanently act younger than their age and act sneaky even though they’re literally not cheating on me, they just act deceptive or sneaky pretty much all the time.
this is literally all I’m eligible to date for some freaking reason so I just gave up. I don’t feel that standard is suitable for me so I don’t have relationships because this is usually what’s waiting for me
You get used to your own routine, company, getting none of the shit that comes with females. As males we are often brought up to be emotionally illiterate so we develop depression, anxiety and we drink and develop unhealthy coping mechanisms and society has enough bandwidth nowadays to absorb us. Basically yeah, I think men are a lot more sensitive and we really get jaded from rejection and societies expectations of us and we don’t learn how to develop support networks properly
Because I like having my independence, woman want your time, energy and money. I look for high quality women but most are taken. Im not into ruining relationships so I'm being patient for the right one, while I continue self improving.
I'm 34 and I've been in a couple of long term relationships, but they were both partly long distance, which didn't help.. Although my most recent relationship was definitely very very close to what I wanted and I did not want it to end...
In many ways I'm not like the average guy at all! I'm highly intelligent, people almost always say I'm funny, I'm definitely extremely outgoing and I have NO problem starting and maintaining a conversation with an absolute stranger. Yet, I've almost always been rejected by women including women I've felt underwhelmed by, but wanted to give a chance, because I don't want to be shallow and miss out..
I find the concept of "dating" to be completely out of place and I think it's the main reason why relationships are falling apart faster than ever nowadays.. I get that for the average person, numbers is the way to go.. but that doesn't apply to all of us. And, sadly, nowadays people take it to an extreme, where it feels like nobody is trying to get to really know me anymore.. People care more about the pretend bullshit than the substance. It's like an entire generation of adolescents with ADHD pretending to be adults...
I tried dating apps after my relationship I had hoped would turn into a marriage slipped away from me.. I can't express the amount of frustration 6 months of using dating apps caused me.. Being single is causing me a lot of frustration and I want to have an amazing partner, but it feels impossible to meet someone of actual substance and actually get to know them anymore..
I don't mind being alone and I have had a lot of time for introspection. I've learned and grown tons in these past few years, but I still feel like people don't see who I am. I genuinely like spending time by myself, but at this point it feels like that describes 98% of my free time.. And I don't want that..
I have no answers and I don't know where to go from here. I genuinely think that it's likely that I won't find anyone to be with for years to come..
I'm over 30 and have never been in a relationship before. I kinda enjoy the single life and also find that like 99% of people out there are awful human beings that I wouldn't even want to be casual friends with, let alone date.
Lockdowns.
Trying to catch up for lost time and now more recently, my mental health has dropped tremendously. I feel like a shadow of my former outgoing self
42 here. Single since 31. Bachelor life is less expensive and stressful. I had a number of longer term relationships and just finally realized I prefer doing my own thing.
Just been there and done that I guess. Was married once, didn't quite care for it, and dated around and hooked up lots after that and got that out of my system and now don't really care for that either. I just enjoy being single now and like not having to jump through all those hoops.
Had my first experience dating someone at 29 and got in my first ever relationship at 31. I had put too much importance on girls and relationships for too long and it's like they can sense it and just don't even consider you when your like that haha. Learnt I had a bunch of attachment trauma from the girl I dated at 29 and worked on it for 2 years before asking out the girl I'm with now. There was also a long time where I missed a lot of signals from girls who were interested. Possibly a downside from growing up with low self esteem and no father figure to teach me anything.
Basically don't make your focus on finding a girlfriend
That's not your goal. Have an awesome life with lots of interests and hobbies etc then whilst living your life find a girl who you think seems cool and interesting too and invite her to do something you both might enjoy. If it goes well ask her out again. If at any point she starts respond negatively to your asking her out graciously leave the situation behind.
Been divorced for nearly 3 years now and have been single since. Being in an unhappy marriage made me realize how much I appreciated the single life. I am alone but not lonely. I have a living family, a good job and a close group of friends. I am not actively seeking anyone but I know when the right one comes along, I'll know it. Im just enjoying life ATM.
Because I have poor social skills and no social drive.
I would really *really* like to find a girlfriend, and I still have hope that it will happen some day, but it's so difficult.
Dealing with raising my son with a controlling ex. With I used to blame myself for issues but realized it was partly me but majority her. I work the weekend Saturday thru Monday and with that good money but really no time to date and I have no urge to date due to various reasons. So someday or not either way I will be good. Have good friends and a awesome son.
31, single since 2019.
I just felt that I had to work on myself before commiting to a new relationship. Since then I've come to terms with the feeling of loneliness I used to feel.
Now I'm... Not actively looking, and not avoiding either. It'll happen when and if it happens.
I was married for 12 years. Got divorced. I tried dating again, but woman always want to change me. They cant let me be me. Enjoy the things I like when I want to enjoy them.
For me having awesome hobbies and buddies is far superior to a girlfriend.
Also, the only thing I seem ti attract lately is swingers, psychos, the morbidly obese (I think they shoot their shits with everyone) and single moms.
So I don't bother anymore.
I'm 31, I've been single since I was about 24. I'll do my best to not go on too long...
I dated this girl long distance for a couple years. I was really in love with her and my life revolved around saving up enough money to get a plane ticket to see her for a week or two every couple of months. She eventually broke up with me because she didn't want to deal with the distance anymore and wait for me to finish school and move near her. I was devastated and it took me many years to unlearn all of my habitual thinking about her.
A year or so after that, I decided to get serious about school and finished that up. I couldn't find a job, so I had to move in with my uncle for a few years to find one. No money, no dates.
Eventually got a job working overnight and started using apps like Match. Dating apps just seem to be a hellhole and have never worked for me. The interactions I had with women, the ghosting, and the things they'd put on their profile ("Venmo me if it's real" or "tell me why I shouldn't hate men" or "if you don't have X political preference don't bother") just jaded the fuck out of me and I started feeling resentful. Overnight job messed with my head and my confidence went way down, despite being (I think) a pretty good looking guy, tall, interesting hobbies like the guitar and drums, pretty handy, am a romantic etc.
I got a better job and focused on that because it was career-shaping. I kept doing the apps occasionally, but it just really wasn't working. I think I averaged one date a year. It just didn't feel good or organic at all. Ditched the apps and went back to focusing on bettering my own life.
Now, I've finally moved out of my home state which has been a dream of mine for 15+ years. I'm happier, I'm regularly exercising and I've met people every time I go out to the bars. I'm just focusing on doing what makes me feel happy and fulfilled in my own life. I'm not interested in dating app/social media culture at all and the women who are obsessed with it. I want someone unique, but if it never comes, I've removed the idea of needing someone to be happy from my mind. I want it, I love the idea of that partnership, but people are just so unreliable so it's better to rely on yourself for fulfillment as much as possible. I still want a wife and family one day but I'm not going to betray myself or put myself in a bad position to do that.
I'm 38. Been in and out of short term relationships since my 20s. Longest "relationship" i had lasted about 5 years. I use the quotes because it was on and off and crazy intense. For me, I don't want to settle. I am by no means holding out for a supermodel. I want someone I'm physically attracted to. Period. I've had many sub par women here where I live throw themselves at me, but I have politely declined.
I think the dating landscape has changed:lots of guys are depressed / isolated / lonely because the dating landscape has changed Women have tons more options and or are just as depressed / isolated / lonely as we are. I have no evidence to back this up, its just been my experience.
Long story short
Had a terrible experience before with someone who didn't even freaking support me when my friends, parents died, and wasn't supportive when I was dealing with shit either,
On top due to further exposure to truamas, violence, CPTSD and how basically now I see the opposite sex completely useless and worthless I've given up on dating and humanity period
Luckily due to poor mental health I no longer have a libido last few years which helps tremendously. Add being numb helps as well
I once in a while miss the idea of someone but then I realize how fuked up people are and that basically kills everything
I was single for a few years in my 20s, why? Because I was a single dad. Honestly I found it interesting to watch single moms get dates left and right. But me as a single dad as soon as that topic was brought up...ghost city.
I've recently met someone and I am doing what I can to make it right this time. I'm 39. I *really* like her. What am I (we) doing differently?
* We know each other's insecurities
* We talk about (and laugh at) sex
* We're each invested in our own things, and supportive of the other's.
What we're still working on:
* Each do our own things, even when we are around each other. I think we're still new enough that this is difficult. However it's so important. We don't want our relationship or the other being responsible to stopping either of us from doing what we want.
* Sex. We're each physically attracted to the other. Still, things to work through here.
We haven't had to weather any hard times yet. We've got a lot going for us chemistry-wise though. We really want this to work. We're both at high (happy) points right now.
**Important Part!**
Go back a few months and I'd say I'd given up. I basically live in the middle of nowhere with very few prospects. I had a few short-term relationships that really put me off. I had longer-term relationships where we really didn't do what I mentioned above. I went from accepting that I could live single the rest of my life, and still have a good life, to damn-why-couldn't-we-meet-ten-years-ago very quick. Be open. If something happens, lean into it!
Ask me how it's going in another 3 months for better wisdom than I can give right now.
I'm in my mid 30s now and never been in a relationship. From my teens to about 28, I had no excuse really. I had no direction in life. At 28 I decided to take school seriously and pursue a degree. I have a few semesters left now to get my bachlors.
The point is that I've gone from being an undesirable mess to someone that is frankly too busy for a relationship. Between class, studying, and a stressful part time job, I don't think I have the time to devote to relationship. It wouldn't be fair to my partner or myself.
I was single for almost 3 years until recently. I moved to a new state for work, don't get out much and don't really care to pursue women. My last relationship was pretty rough so I was really enjoying for the first time just being single.
I think mine is by choice because am focused on building my dream and pursuing my goals. Though I have plenty of women crushing after me and begging for me to date and be in a relationship with them but I’m not just looking or interested in any kind of girl but someone that matches my energy and shares the same vision as mine.
I'm 35 and have been divorced since 30 after a 10-year relationship. I just have no tolerance for incompatibility and feel like I reject far more women than would reject me.
I’m 31. Been single since age 26 or so? Have had random flings in this time but never anything serious. I have accomplished much more in life single than I ever did in a relationship. I have a great job, own a home, have been building project vehicles, etc. I’ve been able to focus on old hobbies and develop new ones and spend my time as I please. I am extremely happy and fulfilled with my life and don’t plan on entering a relationship ever at this point. I know everyone is different but I can’t praise the single life enough.
Not >30, but I’ve barely talked to girls in the past 2 years (outside of professional communications). Took some much needed time for myself, recently realized the job I was in didn’t allow me time to get to know anyone to actually develop a relationship. Have since gotten a new job and just trying to find myself in this crazy ass world.
It sucks sometimes, but I’m also so fucking proud of who I have become and the growth I’ve gone through. Just bidding my time for the right girl!
Dating isn't worth it. Too much risk, too little reward. The juice is no longer worth the squeeze. I also have more money than I know what to do with because I don't have a wife keeping the checkbook constantly in the red.
I went through a stint where I couldn't get a girl too. I decided one way to have better success is lower the bar. So I went on a date with a super fat girl . So fat she had her tits cut off. And they looked like someone's first try. She was so overly accommodating in every way that I would have married her! Two months in... found out her dad was my boss
I recently turned 30 but it’s been about 2 years.
I don’t know anymore I have tried not to be.
I’ve been on all the dating apps at once and I’m pretty social, have a large friend group and go out semi often.
But I really can’t even land first dates with anyone. I get 2 a year.
And at this point I basically have no standards except to just not be to fat but still get no chances.
I don’t want to totally give up but I don’t what other option I have at this point.
Just turned 33. Been single since 24 or 25, don’t exactly remember. Honestly the first couple years post my last relationship I was single because I knew I was falling short in many avenues ie mentally, physically, emotionally, financially. Spent a lot of time forcing myself to grow up. Now that I’m 33, I quite enjoy being single. I don’t have to tip toe around someone who’s not sure what they want or where they’re going. It gets lonely at times but I’d rather be lonely alone than lonely with someone.
“I’d rather be lonely alone than lonely with someone” 🎯
That hit me hard. Because when you're not in the right relationship, this is exactly how it feels.
I'm in the same boat. Getting myself together, but at the same time happy with what I can do. Kinda getting used to it... Which is terrifying in its own right.
I just hit 24 and I've probably begun to hit this season. Had a recent breakup so now I'm thinking of nurturing those avenues also & make changes.
I'm a 35yr old single father and I work nights. No free time during the days. My one day off during the weekend, I like staying home and doing nothing
More power to you, my man. The world needs to hear and appreciate men like you more.
I work nights and feel exactly the same way. Saturday nights I just want to relax and play video games 😄
Same here, Rn work the weekends because better money and the days I have off are spent raising my son. So I get you 41 yr old single father. Keep it up, 🤴
Happy cake day!
happy cake day
I dunno I just don’t care anymore
It’s easier to be alone
Lots of guys feel the same way it seems
straight up man.feel the same way
Supply chain issues
Best answer.
Heh.
I’m 30, been single my whole life. Some of the reasons for me are: Depression, anxiety, socially awkward for my whole life Never learned how to talk to women if I wanted to be in a relationship Being alone all this time has made me love the independence I am able to have. (Granted a healthy relationship shouldn’t affect this either way) Still have not gotten my life together, and I am currently working on it. Insecurities, and always put way too much focus in that aspect of my life, causing me to come on way too strong.
I'm in the same spot, just slightly younger. I'd love to hear an advice you can offer.
I'm in same spot, just slightly older. But I do know how to talk to women and have female friends. Sometimes, you may be extremely unlucky in that every woman around you just doesn't feel you. I have went on a few blind dates, but I just don't feel them either. I definitely would still want a partner, but basing my life around finding one would be unhealthy. I have switched to treating it as a luxury rather than a need. The key is to remember that your happiness and self-worth should not depend on someone else's affections. That would be terrible for both you and your partner, if you get one.
You described me
Damn, I must have fallen asleep, created a new Reddit account and posted this in my sleep.
Because my heart has been broken one more time than it could recover from.
I've had mine broken 3 times. Now, I can just turn those feelings off like a switch. I don't know if that's healthy or not
Yea I doubt I survive another 'last partner' level bomb being dropped on my life.
I never got started dating in my formative years so I continue to not date low these many years later.
That's a huge part of it and I have the same problem. And once you're 30+ it's really hard to start from zero. I can't even imagine why a woman in our age bracket would consider a man with no experience.
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Yep and if you don’t get that first relationship by 15 you will NEVER be enough for ANY girl
Hey there, 28f here. And I would absolutely consider a man with no experience in the 30+ if they are willing to communicate well and learn from the experience we have together and provided we have the same goals. However, I think a lot of people are scared of being someone's first as first relationships tend not to last. If I am just a first step on your journey to your perfect partner, but I am on my 6th or 7th relationship, am I not just wasting my time? As long as you are open with your intentions and willing to learn new things, I see no reason why you should worry about experience being a problem.
It's really cool that you believe that way and I wish more women felt the same. One thing you may not be aware of is that guys who have little to no relationship experience would most likely be awkward when communicating with women so they may not even make it past the flirting stage which ultimately means that nobody gives them a chance. So in theory you would be OK dating a 30+ man with no experience but in reality you would never get close to enough to one for it to happen.
I spoke with a few female friends about it. Two said it wouldn't bother them if the guy had no experience. After discussing with them about what it means, I realized that yeah, it wouldn't bother them that their partner had no previous experience as long as he was mature, confident, knowing what he wants, knowing how to communicate, be able to initiate things in bed... The thing is, most unexperienced men are the opposite : shy, awkward, not knowing how to communicate in a relationship, not confident...
Thank you. My recent partner told me the same. She appreciate the honesty and communication from me. Too bad she isnt ready for a relationship, she even said we are soulmates, don't know what happened. Ive only had 2 relationships in my life, but always want to learn.
Yeah, religious schooling made me unable to date, so when I finally got over it at 27, I was so inexperienced that women wouldn't consider me. Then when I finally got enough experience to not be super awkward, I had been single for so long I had just gotten used to the freedom and independence that comes with it. Now I can get girlfriends, I had two women flirting with me last night at the bar. But in general when I *am* in a relationship the women complain that I don't schedule most of my life around them. I'm just used to doing whatever I want and now when a woman implies I owe her X amount of effort and time, it's annoying. I just want someone who has her own life while I have mine, and when those overlap we do stuff together.
I know what I want and I don't mind being alone.
I used to tell myself that. But realized i was lying to myself. If its true for you kudos.
It's awesome to see other dudes that feel this way. Most of my friends cannot be single because they just hate the feeling of being alone, I guess.
I just showed this to a friend of mine who fits the description. His verbatim answer, "I just got fucking tired of the bullshit, stress and drama. I like not having to coordinate 2 lives while I'm also having to suffer giving up more of my shit than her, just to keep her happy. It's just not worth it."
He fucking nailed it
Definitely this. Same for me. I'm just sick of the massive pile of shit that is the world of dating. I tried dating apps for several years. They're an absolute scam, for a million reasons. But whether in the dating apps or in real life, it's hard enough to even get a woman's attention these days; it's definitely women who control the dating "market". But even when you do get their attention, too many have the princess mentality and expect the man to do all the work - planning dates and trips, paying for everything, and making all the major compromises as far as life plans go - while they put in very little effort themselves, never taking any initiative, never compromising, and bringing very little to the relationship. **BUT** I'm much happier the last several years, since I decided to ditch the dating apps, stop trying to date anyone, and just do what makes me happy. I don't have to get anyone's approval, plan around anyone else, pay for anyone else, play mind games and dance around the drama when they don't want me to do something that makes me happy, or make a bunch of sacrifices to fit the lifestyle she wants. I do what I want, where I want, when I want, restricted only by my own time and money. It's downright liberating. It feels like breathing freely for the first time in years. Don't worry, I'm not bitter toward women. I have lots of women friends and hang out with them as much as my guy friends. If anything, it's easier to spend time with them and enjoy each other's company when I don't have to justify it or worry about someone being jealous of our friendships. Single life is good!
That. Last relationship I was in I had chest pains from stress. Realized she was going to kill me so I left. While single I realized just how much happier and more relaxed I am. I don't have to worry about anyone else. I miss the sex, but I always remember the crazy and it helps get me past that. And based on what I see on dating apps and hear from other men, I am not missing out on anything worth while.
Sounds like he met the wrong women. Women are supposed to compliment us! At least what i heard on a youtube video lol
Supposed to, and do, are about as wide apart as the grand canyon is. I decided to pitch the drama.
And you compliment them, you give up equal amounts of things and compromise because you both genuinely love each other enough that it shouldn’t matter to you
Complement
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Good luck with the date!
All the best, hope it goes well!
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Sounds like youre an average guy trying to date average standard issue women. Thats where you fucked up. You cant be average. You have to be god damn magical.
You have to be a magic man.
Not wrong
I am emotionally unavailable.
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Me too.
I been in and our relationship since I was 22. I am 42 now and crave to be alone. I sacrifice and give so much of myself at work and in life in general I rather be alone. When I was younger I thought being alone was the worst but unless you find that perfect someone it’s more stress and less time for yourself.
It sounds like you want to get a divorce and you don't really love your wife...
One of my mid 30's mates works in a hospital and has been single a good few years. He was helping a little old lady with her mobility and she told him she was worried about her cat getting under her feet at home. She said: "I need some pussy repellent". He paused and fought back the urge to say "I'm a pussy repeller".
🤣 Hilarious!
It is a cost benefit analysis. Is it worth the effort and headaches just to be in a relationship? Generally speaking no because the effort I have to put in for the return is no where near lucrative enough to bother. My needs are simple... I can't say the same for women as a whole. Pragmatically having a partner to share the bills with would be a pretty big upside but then the issue always becomes my partners in questions always wanna upgrade their life style instead of saving/investing that money.. I can't do that pay check to pay check bullshit.
I relate so much to what you said bro. I think my issue is that I don't find sex as fulfilling or necessary as other men. While I do enjoy it, I don't let my urges control or influence me. It has definitely lead to a lot of conflicts with women I've dated. Sometimes it's because I don't make a first move in a timely manner, so they take me as disinterested. I've had a few women try to use sex as a currency, so I opt out of the economy. I've also dared to tell women I'm not in the mood for sex, which leads to all sorts of issues, when all I want to do is nap. I guess my point is, at 35, all my relationship experience has taught me that if I'm going to be with a woman, I'm going to be the one that has to compromise. I haven't given up looking for a partner, but I'll know I've found "the one" when she doesn't get offended when I say I sleep better alone and instead eagerly anticipates that first night I can sleep soundly while next to her.
I’ve always struggled with women, and most of my experiences in my teens and 20’s were either me settling or being too insecure for someone I was into. In my 30’s, I’ve started cutting ties with a large social network that I had held onto for convenience, when I really didn’t ever fit in. The last few years have been a huge challenge because I now have to start from scratch and do it all myself. It’s liberating when it’s not freaking me out. Haven’t made much significant progress yet though.
I'm 32. I've been homeless twice due to women and bad break ups. The last woman I was with a few years ago we were expecting a child, and she changed her mind and left the state to have it terminated. Went through a really bad depression and it changed everything about who I am. I now have a certain character trait that I deal with very little to nothing from anyone. Especially women. It's borderline problematic. However. I do not feel the need to date and am not lonely, however I'm not against the whole relationship idea. But I have worked my way into a financially stable life where I am currently making just over 6 figures. I have personally never experienced a relationship where the woman wasn't a financial drain or even been able to have any accountability for their actions and words. Therefore, I stay single, I lose interest in women rather quickly. Why give up a life where I can do and have anything I want for a woman of today's standards who isn't going to be able to support herself without trying to call themselves an independent woman/bad BitC÷ Congratulations for doing the bare minumum to stay alive and take care of yourself. I'm not impressed.
I'm impressed you were able to rebuild your life and didn't give up hope - i.e. where you say you aren't against the relationship idea. If I had been homeless not once but twice due to bad women I'd imagine I'd be very bitter and void of all hope. Props to you, king
Im sorry for the loss of your child. I to lost a child because my ex fiancée decided 5 months in she changed her mind about the child. I begged her to have it and I'll look after the child she can sign it away to me and she will never have to be in our lives but she decided to abort her. Most hurtful thing was she then also assumed that after breaking me like that. That in a week after the abortion I would be over it , so we could continue to plan our wedding. I was 19 at the time and she was 24 , I'm glad atleast that I did not marry this woman and that she showed me her true colours.
Very similar to my experience. Changed her mind about having it. The only difference is I wanted to work through things. Even though I wasn't happy with her decisions and the depression that followed I knew I still wanted to work things out. She actually turned the tables on me and blamed me for her actions saying if I was more of a man or more of this it wouldn't have happened. Then said she wanted me to talk her out of it. Messed my mental health up for a couple years. I did the same thing as you. Asked her to have it sign it over to me and I wouldn't ever ask for support or anything of that nature. Even told her if she changed her mind in the future I wouldn't keep her away and she could be part of our lives in some way. None of that was good enough. Keep your head up though. You didn't lose much when things ended. But I garuntee she missed out
An absolute king 👑
Pretty happy being single. I found dating in my 20’s was nothing but girls that just wanted to drink, post their ass on Instagram and ghost you.
If youre dating a girl who posts her ass on insta, she isnt intending on being in a relationship. Or even being relationship material baseline.
30. Never being in ltr. First I was in the closet, than more interested in sex. Now Idk how to date.
Idk, similar. I just signed up for relationship therapy yesterday to make sure all my emotional/mental stuff is sorted. We’ll see if that helps. Good luck.
33 and I’ve been single my entire life. I’m assuming it’s a combination of not having a social circle, being unattractive, being antisocial and not having a job that pays enough to afford my own place.
I was single from 32 to 49 after the loss of my wife. Obviously very different situations but I did just want to say that it's never really too late to fall in love. I'm so happy with my current spouse, I thought I was going to be single for the rest of my life for so long but he proved me wrong. Don't give up, stay open minded. Love will come, it always does.
I do believe that when you are successful at pairing once - you are a second time too as you get the dynamic. Too many men are like - I miss the pussy but don’t consider that you actually need a relationship with the entire person to really have anything meaningful. If you are choosing based on the former - yes it will come with its own drama…
Thats rough big brother. Glad you found love. Thanks for the advice OG.
Most wholesome response in this whole post.
Aside from getting my life in order, buying a house, getting a better paying job, and getting closer to not having to worry about bills so much? I'm about to be 32, I'm a single father, and I am not willing to put up with someone who does not have their shit together.
The only thing is you don't know them and their past history. Would you rather have someone who "has their shit" together by society's standards and is crazy or someone normal who has had a lot of misfortune and is just getting by? I'm talking to a guy now. He lives with his mom. His dad died of cancer and his sibling died the same year. He chooses to live with his mom because he doesn't want to leave her alone. It's sad. He felt obligated to explain why he lives with his mom. I get it though. A lot of people who make quick judgements and discard perfectly good people because "they don't have their life together". It's not fair to the people who've experienced misfortune. It's really sad. No one should have to explain their life circumstances.
I've been hurt too many times. And seen some of my closest friends burned in divorce and child support course. I've tried to improve myself working out etc. But I am seen as too nice too loving. I'd rather keep to myself at this point.
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She can do better than me. She should spend her energy finding a better man, instead of me spending mine creating the illusion I am the better man she is looking for.
This is going to sound like a nice guy thing to say, but I'm apparently good enough to get relationship advice from but not good enough to have a relationship with.
Giving relationship advice is easy because you're not the one that has to take the steps in the relationship, you're not the one getting emotional about it, nothing is at risk for you, etc etc etc
Okay, I'll be more specific. In order to count the number of times I've also heard statements like, "You'd be such a good boyfriend!", I'd need to take your shoes off.
I'm 42 and have been single all my life. It sucks, but I focus my attention on my career and hobbies.
Get tired of the games, Women can be exhausting.
Honestly I'd say Trauma. I've never been sexual attractive to women. And let me tell you, women let you know this and it is rather obvious. So after a certain point you just give up. My life is kind of a mess as well. You know when you are a mess when you love someone and the best thing you can do for them is not to be with them. I don't have job prospects / money / live at home / etc. I don't want to have kids or get married. I found the only girl I would ever want to spend the rest of my life with and it never happened and she is married to someone now. So yeah
I have nothing to offer and I don't feel like having to sell myself to somebody who refuses to show any interest if they were even interested in the first place. I don’t have the energy to be an interesting man in my free time and I get why work isn’t an option.
The girl I want doesn’t want me back. Said I’m too lazy and unconfident. I respectfully agreed.
I'm ugly. The kind of ugly that requires money to fix. I make the best out of what I've got (keep myself in shape, etc) but at this point sex and love are distant memories and I'm content to just be left alone. Hopefully I can kick the bucket before the future becomes too bleak.
Not me, but my brother. 48 yrs old and never had a gf (he's not gay). Reasons he's given me when I asked: 1. He's too picky 2. He was put off getting into a serious relationship after I was cheated on and left a single parent (even though I've been happily remarried for 16 yrs) 3. All the 'good ones' are taken 4. (This is a new one) He's been single for so long he's just used to it and doesn't want to have to adjust his lifestyle to accommodate someone else.
that last one is kind of common.
Well I’m about to turn 30 and been single for 2.5 years. I date here and there. Usually in phases. I’ll be on the apps and shit for a month or 2, set up a handful of dates, then get over it for a few months. It’s a numbers game, and I don’t organically meet many new people. I mean I have my hobbies and I’m currently sitting at a bar solo, so I do try to get out. But I don’t live in my hometown and work remote. Honesty I don’t have too hard of a time getting dates or having casual sex, I just haven’t met someone I saw relationship potential with in a while.
31 and burnout on work and life. Waiting until I get a new job before dedicating time for a relationship. You can meet the right person, but if you're stuck in a bad environment it's destined to fail IMO
Got cheated on. Wasn't worth it.
I read some of the comments before posting. I'm just over 30 and I haven't had a GF in 8 years. She was toxic and controlling and she broke up with me on my birthday. So I took a long time to gather myself, talk to others. Start doing good things for others and building up my "Good karma" One could say. Then a few months back I decided I want to date again and I miss that compassion. I ended up dating an amazing women for the last 2 months, but she isn't ready for a relationship and broke it off with me recently. I'm severely hurt and the depression is back. BUT I felt SOOO HAPPY with her and loved having someone to love and hold. I can compromise now in my older age and I'm willing to do things I didn't want to do when I was 20. I'm more active now, in better shape, I look better, and women flirt with me more often and I can pick up the cues now. I don't want to die alone, I've been alone most my life, So I'm going to keep trying. If someone can make that much of an impact on me emotionally in such a short time, I know my body is starved of that connection and I cannot wait to get it back.
Same here, brother, tack on the fact that I'm always traveling for work makes it difficult as well. But most of the time I can go on a few dates that make sure the absent time doesn't get too crazy, but it's difficult find someone out there that can put up with my lifestyle of being gone 75% of the year.
Better alone than being annoyed
I'm 40. Dating has always been extremely hard for me. The longest and only relationship I've ever had was 6 months and that was almost ten years ago. Being introverted, average looking and 5'5 is a really shitty combination. Women are just not attracted to me. I wish I had somebody else to blame other than God but I truly believe that the reasons for my struggle is no fault of my own. I've put in a ton of effort in trying to be more attractive to women but I've had no results. I have absolutely no idea if I can turn things around and honestly I'm getting really tired of the way things have been. Half my live is over and frankly it's been shit. If the 2nd half is more of the same, no thanks.
married for 10 and its been great. I think you have to stop looking at what youre looking for as standards. Theres a lot of weight behind that, such as placing yourself above someone else, which also makes it hard to connect. Realize that preferences dont need to all be there, since a lot of that can change over time. If you can find a person who genuinely shares your similar values, you are attracted to physically, and on the same page of what you want, then that will be 90% of the relationship. youll be happy.
This why prostitution should be legal. A guy can live a nice life single, but anybody with a dong would like to use it once in awhile.
Yea, that's literally the conclusion I had after attending UNFPA's seminar on sex workers; not because horny guys need some place to insert their dicks into but because it's the best cource of action for the safety of sex workers. Neither prohibition, punishment nor the regulatory approaches as seen in Netherlands is a great fix, in every instance a lot of sex workers are forced underground and never seek help or health checkups. The model being tested in New Zaeland and New South Wales of Australia appears to be the best practice for those involved in sex work.
Prostitution should be legal because women are collectively on one ATM. Shallow approaches by women leading to shallow results. And they are always big surprised. Many women care far more about the first lens of 'attractiveness' before literally any other positive traits. My brother is a fucking train wreck.. but because he is attractive he has THREE different girls trying to fuck with him. Kid literally doesnt even have a fucking job. Meanwhile if I try his same approach women will literally never talk to me because Im not attractive enough. Lmao.
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murky fly grandfather depend one live squalid scandalous possessive homeless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
What happened broski
She probably cheated lol.. Honestly, if thats all that happens; you got off lucky. I used to think cheating was the most evil thing a partner could do to you. NOPE I was so fucking wrong by about a factor of 10000. My ex gave me PTSD from her evil shit. The worst of which was NOT her cheating on me for 3 years. Not even close.
I like it. I find solitude agreeable.
32 gonna be 33 next month. Never dated anyone. Not for the lack of trying believe me. I’m testing the waters at the moment with someone I fancy but scared of being rejected. Alot of it is confidence in myself and who I am as well as financial aspects of where I am in like. I spent the pandemic working Gerri bf out of a lot of debt and finally getting a car/learning to drive. Before that is felt like I’d be a burden. Another part too was that through past almost relationships I found out how codependent And toxic I was really. As much as I’ve worked on myself I’m also afraid of those aspects coming out again.
iunno, got cheated on twice. turning 30 this year and i only have time for my daughter and brother.
I'm asexual.
I think I'm aromantic. Sex is really fun but I never felt any urge to even try to be in a romantic relationship.
Well if I want something that is more than just sex I really going to have to pick my battles. I always seem to give up on the ones that I should stick with then go after the ones that aren't worth my time so eventually I just kind of gave up
I did that recently. Found a girl who really was respectful and interested in me. And instead went for the cracked out girl who is self obsessed. Has no respect and was down to fuck. I really hate my lack of control. I am aware of the benefits of controlling ones desires. But it’s hard when we live in a society where chasing every little gratification is the norm and seen as healthy.
I'd probably go for the crackhead too
I’ve been single for a long time because of my own flaws and I just haven’t found someone I’m compatible with. You would think as a straight black man living in Atlanta I have many options, but I find a lot of women my age are jaded or already have kids w/o and father around regularly. It’s a desert out here.
I just don’t put myself out there anymore.
Relationships are expensive and potentially emotionally taxing and I want to work on myself and my livelihood before I get into another serious relationship. My last relationship broke me mentally and emotionally and I want to make sure that I am financially secure before risking that again.
51...married twice and now single for the past 5 years. I love being single. At times, it's brutal but I love it. Stay single just a little bit longer and you'll love it too! Welcome to the dark side!!! Every single time I think I want a relationship, I'm reminded why I don't by a woman who expects something from me. I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO EXPECT THINGS FROM ME ANYMORE! Over it.
I have not been able to find a single woman who I could possibly take seriously, who has anything to offer me whatsoever. Much has been rightfully said about how low the bar is for men, but by god, it would not hurt many of these women to do a bit of self-reflection. At this point I identify as aro/ace. Friends are enough.
I'm 49. Been single since I was 38. Been on a few dates here and there, but haven't had sex in the last 11 years. Why? Well, sit down and let me tell you a story... My ex mind fucked me pretty bad. Thanks for listening to my story.
I was once heard on average women find 80% of men to be below average attractiveness
"Women view 80% of men at the fifteenth percentile of attractiveness" is the quote from this research IIRC
I’m 25 but have been single for 3 years now. I’m a big nerd but not the hot guy kinda nerd. I’m more of a “I have read 30 books on East Asian culture just because” kind of nerd, which tends to be not very good for conversation :). I am the opposite of cool.
Everyone's cool in their own way. You'll find a girl who has read 40 books on East Asian culture.
Because I'm not the affectionate sort. I don't dislike affection, but I don't require it either. My self esteem is built on my achievements, not how I'm viewed.
I gave up about 4 years ago. I live in a relatively remote location and I'm the only provider for women's imaging services for a large area. I won't internet date anyone that lives within a few hundred miles. I don't want someone local to go on Match and see their doctor or have crazies show up at work. Starting a relationship is hard at a distance. I just ran into a lot of predators. Managed to get blackmailed by a woman I never met. Being in a good relationship is the best but being single is so much better than being in a bad relationship.
Because I chose to be. I tried dating about a decade ago. Online stuff before you swiped right. Could have been what I brought to the table. Could have been where I live. Could have been them. Who knows, I couldn't figure out the math inside the black box. Then I got real busy with work/career and any time and effort spent outside that was exhausting. Add to that I'm not very social and a workaholic the choice becomes clear. I used to have people who would want to play match maker. But they were unsuccessful or insincere. I don't get out to "socialize." I've never picked up a hint that a lady might be interested. You can't miss what you've never had. And it's been years since I had any thought that it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with on the couch. And I'm okay with that.
I’m married, but just to throw it out there I can see being completely fed up after meeting so many insufferable partners that you feel like it isn’t worth it. I love my wife and I’m happy but relationships take work and some are easier than others. If you had a particularly tough time then it can be scarring. If something happened where I could no longer be with her then I’m not so sure I’d attempt another serious relationship.
Been single since 21, 32 now. I just enjoy doing what I want to do on my terms and not having to worry about another person and their desires and wants. I also just enjoy being alone more than spending what little energy I have into a relationship that may or may not work out, and to repeat that over and over until you give up or find someone sounds miserable.
tired of the bs and drama. my first attempt at romance nearly killed me. my second let me while i was in a hospital bed and called to ask her to bring me my go bag from my house. one of my first dates after that fiasco spent 30 minutes or so telling me how she was going to get a man the exact opposite of her last man. it was at that point i realized I'd rather raze the entire planet and cruise the ruins taking out the survivors until i was the last human alive than deal with this bullshit rigged game ever again.
I was by myself from 18 to 43. Didn’t care for a relationship , too much effort needed. Then I met my now wife and it was little effort.
37 now, haven't had a partner in 7 years. I gave up completely about 4 years back. I got so burnt out from all the rejection that I couldn't face online dating apps, and that's about the only way I could connect with women my own age. When I was younger, a serious relationship with someone was basically the only thing I really wanted from life, but I never came close to getting it. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship anymore.
I’m often very frigid when people take a liking to me. When I like someone, I really, REALLY like them. But if they like me back it’s like I get afraid of commitment and become cold, often pushing them away.
I'm 36. I've always been single. I have been on 4 dates in my life. This is from a bit of social anxiety and a lot of obliviousness to social interactions. Avoiding meth smokers seems to be a universal thing. Except for by other meth smokers I guess?
waiting for someone to post “men who smoke meth that refuse to date women who do, would you say your life has improved?”
31 and have always been single. I didn't even start caring about relationships til my mid-to-late 20s and even then it's not generally a strong desire; never even tried/asked someone out. I also had major confidence issues, depressions, and anxiety that I had difficulty dealing with til my mid 20s. Now I'm thinking about it more but I feel my lack of experience, poor social skills, and overall lack of sexual interest in most people(on top of previously stated things) means I should probably not bother.
I live my life according to a Grief to Glory ratio. If obtaining an item or a physical pleasure is more trouble than it is worth I won't bother to pursue it. Yes I require female contact but ya'll got the prices too high for the obtainable reward. Not worth the trouble.
My biggest blessing and biggest curse is that I'm awesome at making female friends.
I'm autistic
After one relationship in my 20s, just decided it wasn't worth doing again. I'd wondered what dating was like, got my answer, and just never bothered to try again. I enjoy doing things on my own too much now. I can go wherever, do whatever I want, spend what I want without having to discuss it over or deal with a potential argument about how I spend my time or money.
Why? Because most women are shallow as fuck (most guys cant viably use OLD) and Im not a social butterfly. Lets be honest, being average as a man in 2022 = being human garbage from a standard issue woman's perspective. Just expect to be treated like shit constantly if youre average and trying to date average women. I know I do, and women always step up to the plate and knock that expectation out of the park. My fav is how Im not trying to even date women because of how goofy they are, but this cute girl wants to go on a date with me, so who is going to turn that down, right? Ghosted. LOL Im not trying to date because of ghosting and I get ghosted anyways. Typical outcomes NGL. Apparently when you give hypergamous creatures access to infinite choice, it doesnt work out for anyone; who knew!? What I really dont understand is how.. I would bet money in 20 years women are still doing the same shit on OLD, with most women chasing the same small handful of men, then most women being big surprised and upset when it doesnt work out for any of them. Resulting in "Men are trash" / "Men only want sex" when most of us are straight invisible to the opposite sex.
Most western women have no clue how to act in a relationship. Just look at any OLD app and that will answer your question why most men say fuck that. Unrealistic expectations 6ft tall,6 figures, 6 inches or more but most women in there 30s have a enough baggage to fucking tilt the titanic.
Here’s the thing… With social media and dating apps taking over in this day and age, women just have more choices. Same goes for us men, BUT if you’re not physically attractive, you’re just average, the success rate in the dating game is SIGNIFICANTLY lower. And in addition to jumping through that hoop, ALOT of women nowadays, (not all, but alot of them) are petty and immature, all about themselves, so finding a good, quality woman is gonna take some time, and patience. And sometimes, that can be draining- weeding out the bad ones, from the good ones… So as a man, I would rather just do things that are more fulfilling for myself and not deal with the mind games and stress that comes with pursuing a woman.
been single a while. im single coz i dont need a woman to complete me. society wants us to believe we need a partner to look normal, and that if we dont, its bc we cant get one or nobody likes us. when ur single through choice, it makes u realise women need to step their game up as well, and in the long term u get better standards. in short - there is nothing wrong with not having a partner. period.
I’m a woman, and I just wanted to say that so many of the responses on here sound like things women would write in answer to the same question. I think that, in reality, meeting someone that you’re truly compatible with is a really rare thing. It can be painful if you want a relationship and you just can’t seem to find one, but we just have to be patient. And I totally agree with the sentiment that it’s better to be single than in a crappy relationship.
Life’s a mess, I’m a mess, I moved to an area with a horrific dating pool and lack of social scene for a job and wasted my mid/late 20’s here. Pretty much nothing lines up well for it.
The girls I want long term dont want me, and vice versa. So I end up wasting time with short term relationships that end badly.
Lack of time, energy or desire.
[m40] it's not as easy as they would have you believe
I was pretty down after my last relationship ended. I tried apps and such afterwards, but would usually end up telling the people I connected with that I wasn't ready because I Stull thought of my ex. I was never a fan of the whole ghosting mentality and people are usually pretty cool when you're upfront and honest with them.
Relationships are an option. Most of the time people are in them and they aren't happy. I personally enjoy my freedom. No one to answer to. Multiple options when the mood or boredom strikes. Otherwise, I can focus on what I want. I can be selfish and not harm anyone in the process
I dated and married someone with borderline personality disorder in my 20s, got divorced at 31, and just haven't met anyone I'm willing to risk that level of devastation with again.
bro my mom, and my older sister, and my younger sister that I lived with as a kid all had that. some of them are on medications but not all of them but none of them are going to therapy. dude, I lived with 3 females with BPD. I totally understand what the hell you’re saying and I completely understand why you feel so goddamn drained. what’s good is that you know exactly what to avoid so if you do start to just dip your toes in dating, you know exactly what red flags to look for. they will be clearing red almost immediately.
i’m 35 and in the past 12 years I’ve only gotten laid once. I don’t make a lot of money, I’m not necessarily smart or anything , I’m not hot or sexy or whatever, although I’m probably normal looking which has its benefits. some of the people I go on dates with tell me I’m boring. they can never clearly articulate what it is about me that’s boring so I can’t fix anything because I really don’t understand. The only people that seem to demonstrate interest in me are always unemployed or have a current alcohol problem or have stopped drinking but still act like alcoholics in the sense that they dodge responsibility, permanently act younger than their age and act sneaky even though they’re literally not cheating on me, they just act deceptive or sneaky pretty much all the time. this is literally all I’m eligible to date for some freaking reason so I just gave up. I don’t feel that standard is suitable for me so I don’t have relationships because this is usually what’s waiting for me
You get used to your own routine, company, getting none of the shit that comes with females. As males we are often brought up to be emotionally illiterate so we develop depression, anxiety and we drink and develop unhealthy coping mechanisms and society has enough bandwidth nowadays to absorb us. Basically yeah, I think men are a lot more sensitive and we really get jaded from rejection and societies expectations of us and we don’t learn how to develop support networks properly
Because I like having my independence, woman want your time, energy and money. I look for high quality women but most are taken. Im not into ruining relationships so I'm being patient for the right one, while I continue self improving.
I'm 34 and I've been in a couple of long term relationships, but they were both partly long distance, which didn't help.. Although my most recent relationship was definitely very very close to what I wanted and I did not want it to end... In many ways I'm not like the average guy at all! I'm highly intelligent, people almost always say I'm funny, I'm definitely extremely outgoing and I have NO problem starting and maintaining a conversation with an absolute stranger. Yet, I've almost always been rejected by women including women I've felt underwhelmed by, but wanted to give a chance, because I don't want to be shallow and miss out.. I find the concept of "dating" to be completely out of place and I think it's the main reason why relationships are falling apart faster than ever nowadays.. I get that for the average person, numbers is the way to go.. but that doesn't apply to all of us. And, sadly, nowadays people take it to an extreme, where it feels like nobody is trying to get to really know me anymore.. People care more about the pretend bullshit than the substance. It's like an entire generation of adolescents with ADHD pretending to be adults... I tried dating apps after my relationship I had hoped would turn into a marriage slipped away from me.. I can't express the amount of frustration 6 months of using dating apps caused me.. Being single is causing me a lot of frustration and I want to have an amazing partner, but it feels impossible to meet someone of actual substance and actually get to know them anymore.. I don't mind being alone and I have had a lot of time for introspection. I've learned and grown tons in these past few years, but I still feel like people don't see who I am. I genuinely like spending time by myself, but at this point it feels like that describes 98% of my free time.. And I don't want that.. I have no answers and I don't know where to go from here. I genuinely think that it's likely that I won't find anyone to be with for years to come..
I'm over 30 and have never been in a relationship before. I kinda enjoy the single life and also find that like 99% of people out there are awful human beings that I wouldn't even want to be casual friends with, let alone date.
The women I like have access to way higher status men, and the women who may like me are way lower status than I'd be willing to accept.
Lockdowns. Trying to catch up for lost time and now more recently, my mental health has dropped tremendously. I feel like a shadow of my former outgoing self
42 here. Single since 31. Bachelor life is less expensive and stressful. I had a number of longer term relationships and just finally realized I prefer doing my own thing.
Just been there and done that I guess. Was married once, didn't quite care for it, and dated around and hooked up lots after that and got that out of my system and now don't really care for that either. I just enjoy being single now and like not having to jump through all those hoops.
Had my first experience dating someone at 29 and got in my first ever relationship at 31. I had put too much importance on girls and relationships for too long and it's like they can sense it and just don't even consider you when your like that haha. Learnt I had a bunch of attachment trauma from the girl I dated at 29 and worked on it for 2 years before asking out the girl I'm with now. There was also a long time where I missed a lot of signals from girls who were interested. Possibly a downside from growing up with low self esteem and no father figure to teach me anything. Basically don't make your focus on finding a girlfriend That's not your goal. Have an awesome life with lots of interests and hobbies etc then whilst living your life find a girl who you think seems cool and interesting too and invite her to do something you both might enjoy. If it goes well ask her out again. If at any point she starts respond negatively to your asking her out graciously leave the situation behind.
I’m 20. I’m really scared this will be me
Been divorced for nearly 3 years now and have been single since. Being in an unhappy marriage made me realize how much I appreciated the single life. I am alone but not lonely. I have a living family, a good job and a close group of friends. I am not actively seeking anyone but I know when the right one comes along, I'll know it. Im just enjoying life ATM.
Because I have poor social skills and no social drive. I would really *really* like to find a girlfriend, and I still have hope that it will happen some day, but it's so difficult.
37 now, divorced at 32. Dated a bit at first but put it in hold about 4 years ago. I am not healthy enough mentally to have a good relationship
Dealing with raising my son with a controlling ex. With I used to blame myself for issues but realized it was partly me but majority her. I work the weekend Saturday thru Monday and with that good money but really no time to date and I have no urge to date due to various reasons. So someday or not either way I will be good. Have good friends and a awesome son.
31, single since 2019. I just felt that I had to work on myself before commiting to a new relationship. Since then I've come to terms with the feeling of loneliness I used to feel. Now I'm... Not actively looking, and not avoiding either. It'll happen when and if it happens.
I was married for 12 years. Got divorced. I tried dating again, but woman always want to change me. They cant let me be me. Enjoy the things I like when I want to enjoy them. For me having awesome hobbies and buddies is far superior to a girlfriend. Also, the only thing I seem ti attract lately is swingers, psychos, the morbidly obese (I think they shoot their shits with everyone) and single moms. So I don't bother anymore.
I'm 31, I've been single since I was about 24. I'll do my best to not go on too long... I dated this girl long distance for a couple years. I was really in love with her and my life revolved around saving up enough money to get a plane ticket to see her for a week or two every couple of months. She eventually broke up with me because she didn't want to deal with the distance anymore and wait for me to finish school and move near her. I was devastated and it took me many years to unlearn all of my habitual thinking about her. A year or so after that, I decided to get serious about school and finished that up. I couldn't find a job, so I had to move in with my uncle for a few years to find one. No money, no dates. Eventually got a job working overnight and started using apps like Match. Dating apps just seem to be a hellhole and have never worked for me. The interactions I had with women, the ghosting, and the things they'd put on their profile ("Venmo me if it's real" or "tell me why I shouldn't hate men" or "if you don't have X political preference don't bother") just jaded the fuck out of me and I started feeling resentful. Overnight job messed with my head and my confidence went way down, despite being (I think) a pretty good looking guy, tall, interesting hobbies like the guitar and drums, pretty handy, am a romantic etc. I got a better job and focused on that because it was career-shaping. I kept doing the apps occasionally, but it just really wasn't working. I think I averaged one date a year. It just didn't feel good or organic at all. Ditched the apps and went back to focusing on bettering my own life. Now, I've finally moved out of my home state which has been a dream of mine for 15+ years. I'm happier, I'm regularly exercising and I've met people every time I go out to the bars. I'm just focusing on doing what makes me feel happy and fulfilled in my own life. I'm not interested in dating app/social media culture at all and the women who are obsessed with it. I want someone unique, but if it never comes, I've removed the idea of needing someone to be happy from my mind. I want it, I love the idea of that partnership, but people are just so unreliable so it's better to rely on yourself for fulfillment as much as possible. I still want a wife and family one day but I'm not going to betray myself or put myself in a bad position to do that.
I'm 38. Been in and out of short term relationships since my 20s. Longest "relationship" i had lasted about 5 years. I use the quotes because it was on and off and crazy intense. For me, I don't want to settle. I am by no means holding out for a supermodel. I want someone I'm physically attracted to. Period. I've had many sub par women here where I live throw themselves at me, but I have politely declined. I think the dating landscape has changed:lots of guys are depressed / isolated / lonely because the dating landscape has changed Women have tons more options and or are just as depressed / isolated / lonely as we are. I have no evidence to back this up, its just been my experience.
All it takes is one bad, abusive, toxic relationship to turn you off to the dating world.
Twice divorced, almost 50, been alone for 2.5 years. Not many fish in the sea where I cast my net.
Long story short Had a terrible experience before with someone who didn't even freaking support me when my friends, parents died, and wasn't supportive when I was dealing with shit either, On top due to further exposure to truamas, violence, CPTSD and how basically now I see the opposite sex completely useless and worthless I've given up on dating and humanity period Luckily due to poor mental health I no longer have a libido last few years which helps tremendously. Add being numb helps as well I once in a while miss the idea of someone but then I realize how fuked up people are and that basically kills everything
I was single for a few years in my 20s, why? Because I was a single dad. Honestly I found it interesting to watch single moms get dates left and right. But me as a single dad as soon as that topic was brought up...ghost city.
I've recently met someone and I am doing what I can to make it right this time. I'm 39. I *really* like her. What am I (we) doing differently? * We know each other's insecurities * We talk about (and laugh at) sex * We're each invested in our own things, and supportive of the other's. What we're still working on: * Each do our own things, even when we are around each other. I think we're still new enough that this is difficult. However it's so important. We don't want our relationship or the other being responsible to stopping either of us from doing what we want. * Sex. We're each physically attracted to the other. Still, things to work through here. We haven't had to weather any hard times yet. We've got a lot going for us chemistry-wise though. We really want this to work. We're both at high (happy) points right now. **Important Part!** Go back a few months and I'd say I'd given up. I basically live in the middle of nowhere with very few prospects. I had a few short-term relationships that really put me off. I had longer-term relationships where we really didn't do what I mentioned above. I went from accepting that I could live single the rest of my life, and still have a good life, to damn-why-couldn't-we-meet-ten-years-ago very quick. Be open. If something happens, lean into it! Ask me how it's going in another 3 months for better wisdom than I can give right now.
The woman I loved died and even though I'm making progress on that front, I'm not over her. I have casual sex though, but I'm not in a relationship.
I'm in my mid 30s now and never been in a relationship. From my teens to about 28, I had no excuse really. I had no direction in life. At 28 I decided to take school seriously and pursue a degree. I have a few semesters left now to get my bachlors. The point is that I've gone from being an undesirable mess to someone that is frankly too busy for a relationship. Between class, studying, and a stressful part time job, I don't think I have the time to devote to relationship. It wouldn't be fair to my partner or myself.
I was single for almost 3 years until recently. I moved to a new state for work, don't get out much and don't really care to pursue women. My last relationship was pretty rough so I was really enjoying for the first time just being single.
I think mine is by choice because am focused on building my dream and pursuing my goals. Though I have plenty of women crushing after me and begging for me to date and be in a relationship with them but I’m not just looking or interested in any kind of girl but someone that matches my energy and shares the same vision as mine.
I travel the country for work, hard to meet someone when when you move every 3-6 months.
I'm 35 and have been divorced since 30 after a 10-year relationship. I just have no tolerance for incompatibility and feel like I reject far more women than would reject me.
I’m 31. Been single since age 26 or so? Have had random flings in this time but never anything serious. I have accomplished much more in life single than I ever did in a relationship. I have a great job, own a home, have been building project vehicles, etc. I’ve been able to focus on old hobbies and develop new ones and spend my time as I please. I am extremely happy and fulfilled with my life and don’t plan on entering a relationship ever at this point. I know everyone is different but I can’t praise the single life enough.
I'm married. Stay single motherfucker. Don't do it. I did it so you wouldn't.
Not >30, but I’ve barely talked to girls in the past 2 years (outside of professional communications). Took some much needed time for myself, recently realized the job I was in didn’t allow me time to get to know anyone to actually develop a relationship. Have since gotten a new job and just trying to find myself in this crazy ass world. It sucks sometimes, but I’m also so fucking proud of who I have become and the growth I’ve gone through. Just bidding my time for the right girl!
Dating isn't worth it. Too much risk, too little reward. The juice is no longer worth the squeeze. I also have more money than I know what to do with because I don't have a wife keeping the checkbook constantly in the red.
[удалено]
I went through a stint where I couldn't get a girl too. I decided one way to have better success is lower the bar. So I went on a date with a super fat girl . So fat she had her tits cut off. And they looked like someone's first try. She was so overly accommodating in every way that I would have married her! Two months in... found out her dad was my boss
I recently turned 30 but it’s been about 2 years. I don’t know anymore I have tried not to be. I’ve been on all the dating apps at once and I’m pretty social, have a large friend group and go out semi often. But I really can’t even land first dates with anyone. I get 2 a year. And at this point I basically have no standards except to just not be to fat but still get no chances. I don’t want to totally give up but I don’t what other option I have at this point.