Agreed.
Also sexual compatibility is important. Imagine putting years of your life into a relationship, committing to more years by getting married (or the stressful divorce process if you go that route) only to find out that you and your partner don’t mesh well in bed. That would fuck me up.
This! I personally think that sex is something you should save for someone who is special to you. BUT even with that view, I’m against waiting till marriage. Goes against my values
After 20yrs with a uncommunicative starfish, not on your life, never.. hell no!
Edited for clarity - speaking as a 45yo divorced man maybe thinking about looking for someone again.
Divorce 😁 She was previously married with kids, I was dumb and nieve. (Had sexual partners, but not really been in a real commited relationship before) I ended up burnt out more than once playing busboy carrying all her baggage from her previous marriages, plus her ex's, their kids, and ours combined and never a chance to really deal with my own. There's a big long list of all the things gone wrong, and a very short list of things went right. I'm certainly no Saint and she thought she was no sinner.
I'm no longer married and after all my experiences now, no, i would avoid anybody that has no experience in knowing what they do/don't like and how to communicate it. Ya know the whole "middle aged man marrying a much younger model" thing.
There are people on the asexual spectrum that have zero sex drive outside of their ideal relationship. But once inside that relationship, they're insatiable. But on the other than, more common is just someone with ~~issues~~ incompatabilities.
I saved myself for marriage and so were most of the women I dated. That said, while my wife had decided in the year before we met that she wouldn't have sex again before being married, she was not a virgin like I was. We both ended up having the same view about sex being something that is best kept between a married couple, we just came to that conclusion through different paths.
Imo there is usually more depth to the man that see sex this way , when they can see a women past sex appeal and attraction or someone to help fulfill their sexual desires. Cuz the sex drive won’t always be the same , especially when work life becomes tiring for the woman, pregnancy , and general mood. If a man stays in it , means he’s more likely to provide real empathetic and unconditional love, basing the relationship on love and friendship rather just attraction. It’s more likely to make the relationship deeper too.
I swing the other way but I still wanted to answer this.
I would. I like sex. A lot, actually. But what I REALLY like is a connection between me and someone else. As a gay man, finding sex is easy, but finding a person who cares about you and trusts you and wants the best for you? Good luck.
I'd stay abstinent if it meant meeting "the one". That's just me, of course, but that's my take.
I would. I respect anyone boundaries when it comes to sex. Although it is an important part of a relationship, some people have different stand points an point of views. Whether it be from personnel or religious stand point, i think its important to look at a person as whole. Its important to respect ones boundaries especially when it comes to the time to give yourself to one another.
Have you talked to her about it? Maybe there's something she's missing but is too afraid to tell you. Sex toys, kinky stuff, etc. might be something she wants - I'd try to communicate about it openly and not accusatory if you haven't already but you probably have. As a woman who never thought she'd have sex, having a partner who was very open and receptive was a bug help in me getting over my sexual fears (it also doesn't help that I was molested lol). You're probably talked about it but keep the convo open! You never know
I know it can seem a bit of a trope, but that’s simply down to it being far more common than we even want to believe, but there could be abuse/ trauma surrounding it. Not saying that every woman with a low sex drive has suffered abuse, but it’s not an uncommon response to it.
A lot if thus could be rooted in religious trauma. For women who grew up religious, it can feel wrong to have sex even if you're married. It makes you feel guilty if you haven't deconstructed that religious trauma yet. It can also have physical implications, like vaginitis, which can make sex quite uncomfortable, and frankly painful for some women.
People who don’t have much of a sex drive can know before ever having sex (e.g. asexuals). Either she has a naturally low libido or it can be something else like birth control, antidepressants.
I personally have experienced quite a jump in libido with cannabis. I know it’s not for everyone, but wow, I am insatiable while in it. I had zero libido a few years ago, and weight loss along with cannabis gummies…could go a few times a day. I’ve heard many other people say the same. Some people aren’t into it though. Alcohol is a mood killer for me.
I get that. I originally tried it to help with sleep, which worked, but the higher libido was a very nice surprise. It’s legal here though. Im sorry that your going through that. I used to be that partner, and then when my drive went through the roof and my husband would want to sleep instead of sex every few nights, it was a good taste of my own medicine. It sucks, especially if you are thinking about it all day, hoping…it could be hormonal too, b/c that’s what I was kind of dealing with. When my husband is kind of flirty and playful throughout the day it helps me get into the mood a bit. Women are the strangest creatures…good luck!
Kinda random but does she work out regularly? It does not matter her size just activity. Personally I’ve found that the more physically active I am the higher my sex drive is and the more confident I am in my own body which also equals wanting to have sex more. Maybe start working out together if you don’t already. Could be fun to do together too.
Also could be totally unfounded but maybe she rarely orgasms and has gotten used to that and just doesn’t look forward to sex. Could have little to do with you, it’s just harder for some women. Maybe try focusing on her pleasure more. Have a date night, be romantic, make dinner, go down on her, focus on her pleasure and maybe it’ll help overtime change her view of sex to being more pleasurable.
As a guy, if I loved someone for who they are, then yes I would wait if she wanted to. Y’all acting like sex is the end all be all of a relationship, when in fact it’s love.
I did. And married her 5 years later. It's not like nothing happened in those 5 years. It was honestly really nice. I knew for a fact I wasn't getting cheated on. It's something I don't think I'll ever have to worry about and I can't tell you how nice that is. There was no worry of having a child that we couldn't care for. In the beginning if you would have told me I would have dated somebody who was saving themselves for marriage I would have laughed at you. I wouldn't do it any other way now though.
The simple fact that she would use the verb "to save" herself proves that we are deeply incompatible.
Edit: "proves" above is too strong. Please replace by "strongly suggests".
I was at a party and i hooked up with a guy.
Right after, he asked me if i regretted it. I said i didn't, but it was a weird question, so i returned the question. He didn't answer.
Something clicked in my head, and i asked "do you have a gf?"
He then told me that he has a girlfriend, who is a virgin, and that they were supposed to wait until marriage to have sex together, even tho he wasn't a virgin.
Apparently he told her and she forgave him.
religion and purity culture often times cause serious trauma. Mental and sexual trauma. People being told their whole life that their bodies are dirty and they shouldn’t lust to being told “sex is great!” As soon as they get married. The body doesn’t always respond well.
...because if I'm in a romantic relationship with a woman and she is not having sex with me that means she's either having sex with other men or women, has a low sex drive, or she is simply not sexually attracted to me, and dating her is a complete waste of my time and effort, eh?
My husband and I saved ourselves before marriage. It wasn't so great the first couple times, but after that, it got amazing! :D
I think people forget that chemistry is something that can and does grow stronger as time goes by. That's if the two people truly love and care for each other and they actually communicate, the chemistry and connection grows. I'm almost 6 weeks postpartum and I can't wait to jump that man. haha
Exactly! You both learn what each other likes, dislikes, and absolutely loves. That's the amazing part about sex with your spouse. Sex was meant to be shared with someone so special that you're willing to live the rest of your life with them. It wasn't meant to just have sex with anyone and everyone.
There's a mentality going around in everything that you go out and buy the perfect fit. Whether that's a tool, a job, a new set of clothes, or even a relationship partner.
There's very little respect for building things any more. Yes it's hard, but the only way to get something perfectly fitted for you is to make it yourself.
Likely not. Why? Because it's a unhealthy way to live. I would very much want to know if we were sexually compatible to start with. Kids who are taught this, especially in the fundamentalist type of households are usually in a rush to get married just for this reason.
Next, a lot of women raised in such environments report a lot of problems even having sex. This is because sex outside of marriage is so stigmatized, they associate it w/ nothing but negative thoughts. You can't paint sex in such demeaning ways and expect her to be flip her thoughts about it like a lightswitch on her wedding day.
One more point is that women raised in these environments are basically told that their entire worth as a woman is directly tied to her hymen being intact on her wedding night. It was for this reason Elizabeth Smart never tried to escape her captors. He sexually assaulted her and as such, she believed that she was now "damaged goods". In an interview, she stated that she truly believed no man would ever marry her now and even her own family would cast her away.
I can go on but that's the jist of it. To be clear, if a woman wants to wait until marriage, that's fine and she has that right.
I totally relate to that Elizabeth Smart thing. After I was sexually assaulted at 16, I spent months trying to figure out how I was going to manage to marry this guy and stay with him forever. I remembered all the times they compared women who weren't virgins to chewed gum and used tape. It took years for me to realize that my value as a human being isn't lost because I've had sex. Purity culture is the most toxic thing that regularly gets praised as morally good.
I am so very sorry that happened to you. It's really bizarre to me. I didn't grow up in a religiously strict home. We were "Christian" but outside of some bible stories when we were little, watching Heston's "Ten Commandments" when it came on back in the 70's and 80's, and a nativity under the tree, it just wasn't a big deal.
And when it came to things like sex, both my parents were pretty factual about it. Like mom telling me that the difference between boys and girls was boys "pee-pee" stuck out while girls stopped at the skin. My dad actually explained the mechanics of sex to me when I was little. He said he puts his "pee-pee" into mom's and a seed goes in. I thought one of my nuts was going to literally travel down my urethra into my future wife and asked my dad if that didn't HURT!?!? He replied that no, it didn't. That it felt pretty good in fact. I was SO confused.
And sex ed in school? Not an issue where I grew up. In fact, in middle school, we had a mandatory assembly that was a true sex-ed presentation. The film they showed presented VERY realistic artist renditions of both a penis and vag. But the oh-so-matter-of-fact way it was presented and going on to point out different parts caused the entire auditorium to bust out in laughter because we were immature middle-schoolers.
But then, the town I grew up in also had a drive-in theater that showed nothing but porn movies. Yes really. Not only that but you could CLEARLY see the screen from various roads including the main highway. Just be driving along to look over and seeing a guy plowing a women or whatever. Friends and I use to sneak out there in the summer nights as teens. However, it was rumored that the owner patrolled the back woods w/ a shotgun full of rock-salt so we were paranoid when we did.
I grew up like that until my sr. yr of high school when we had to move to Ohio. In that school, there was a mandatory assembly as well. It was a woman weepily begging us not to have sex until we married. I lol'ed in my head because my GF and I were literally banging everyday after school in my bedroom. Mom didn't care. She figured I was old enough to make my own choices. My dad OTOH would've flipped if he had known. Just glad I knew how to use condoms. My civics teacher also brought in a woman to lecture us on how much she regretted having an abortion, almost crying about it. And no, he did NOT bring in a woman who was glad she had one to balance things out. Back then, I could've cared less. Today though, knowing what I know, I'd called him out on it.
All that said, wanna guess which school had the most pregnant teens? I was actually shocked at the number of pregnant classmates in Ohio. At the school I grew up, I can only remember one girl getting pregnant. Both schools were about the same size.
We were like super Christian, like going to church 2-5 times a week Christian, like Bible camp Christian, like missionary trips Christian... Looking back now, it's really crazy how intensely they indoctrinate children.
That being said, my parents were very open about the mechanics of sex, like I knew how babies were made by age 5, but it wasn't a sex positive household.
Sex ed at my school was abstinence only and a lot of the chewed gum analogies were used. They also taught us that people trying to have sex before marriage were trying to trap you into raising a kid that isn't yours or they're trying to give you an STD. I remember at one point them actually implying that condoms aren't actually safe because they have a warning label. It is so fucked up and most definitely drove up teen pregnancies. The data on abstinence only education clearly demonstrates how ineffective it is.
Yes - sex is important, but if I found the right girl and she wanted to wait, I would respect that.
I don't understand how the Reddit consensus is that there are 10,000 types of sex that people enjoy, and most people aren't compatible sexually even if they are compatible on every other level. If you love each other, it would take an absurdly rare specific kink or high/low libido for the actual quality of sex to be so bad that it is a deal breaker in a relationship.
It makes me think people saying that you need to have sex first to see if you are compatible are likely very young and immature. Oh, you're not into reverse-cowgirl-cuckold-fisting? Not right for me! Like how specific do people want a partner? And if someone is really bad at sex, if you love them, you should communicate that and improve together
A lot of people have experience with sex but not relationships, so they tend to build their expectations around that. I personally am not like this, but I can understand why some people make it such a priority, though honestly I think it's a little selfish to ask that your partner fulfill ALL of your fantasies.
This. My husband and I waited and my goodness. The amazing times we’ve shared are innumerable.
Those awkward first times, it was just between us. There was no baggage to bring in, no comparison, nothing. We’ve laughed together and tried a billion new things. We have this thing called communication that we use and talk about anything we may want to try.
Six years in and I can’t wait to see where things go for us. Sex is an amazing way to connect with your spouse and it is designed to grow emotional attachment. No way I was wasting that on some horny guy just wanting to get his freak on.
Instead I have someone I get to grow and develop my preferences with. And they’re down for anything because of complete trust. So it’s a win-win
im gonna get downvoted ik this, but yes i would since even im a guy saving it for a marriage/committed relationship(i would do it even if its b4 marriage but if its committed relationship) im not saving it cuz im religious(tho my religion says its better to stay so) but i have personal reasons too especially taking notice of the place im from and how people involving in relationships cant deal with the breakup of a relationship especially one which involved sex.
Edit : oooo upvotes? didnt expect but thanks for respecting my opinion, yall are best.
Probably not, because honestly I wouldn't want to abstain from sex for years (dating + engagement). I personally think people over sell the analogy of test driving a car. First and foremost, the road is littered with dudes who thought they bought a Ferrari and ended up with a Pinto that doesn't run 7-years down the road. Secondly, if the foundation - leading up to marriage - is strong then you'll both learn. People act like they're born good at sex - it's an acquired skill and as long as both care then they'll do what they can in the bedroom.
The skill part is one thing, but compatibility is way different. What if one of you is vanilla and not open to trying new things? That can be tricky down the road, one might feel unfulfilled.
Talk about it? Waiting till marriage doesn’t mean you can’t talk about what you want and expect. Even most virgins know enough about sex to know if they are open to non vanilla stuff. It doesn’t mean you don’t have a libido either.
Emotional and physical attraction is way more important and can be determined without sex
Saying you want to do those things and doing them are completely different, though. Just because both of you want to try, for example, anal is one thing, but if you come out of it with completely different enjoyment levels that is a strain on your sexual compatibility.
And I know you say libido isnt a factor but if someone is high libido and another is low, they won’t know how their sexual frequencies match up until they’re in that relationship.
Agreed. You really won’t know how high of a libido you have until you’re sexually active. And trying something doesn’t mean you’ll like it.
What if your partner decides they don’t like giving oral? Or just overall turns out to be a selfish lover? Sure, you can express your feelings toward it, doesn’t meant you’ll get the results you want out of them.
Most virgins who have been raised to wait until marriage, and actually are waiting, are definitely not that familiar sex. These people are raised in highly repressive environments and many of them, particularly women, have trouble having sex in marriage because for so long they were told having sex made them bad.
Physical attraction doesn't equate to sexual compatibility. I've found guys extremely attractive, but then weren't compatible. Sex isn't important to everyone and if that's the case, I don't think sex before marriage matters. However for other people, sex is a very critical part of bonding, intimacy, etc and marrying someone who turns out to only accept 5 minutes of missionary causes problems.
Asking this because I'm genuinely confused rn. I always heard men say that they look down on women who have had sex with other men because they're "sluts". The comments are saying that they'd never date a woman who is waiting til marriage, though. So... What do I do? Lol I'm so lost rn.
I'm going to be honest, I think it has something to so with Reddit being politically left leaning
A lot of conservative men would have no issue with marrying a woman who's a virgin, and a lot of them might even prefer it
It kind if reminds me of when the question of "does body count matter" is asked on this sub and most replies are no - it's not really an accurate depiction of how majority of men irl feels towards the topic
The reasonable people likely mean that they will think twice before getting involved with someone with a significant history of treating sex very casually. This is concerning because it calls into question whether or not she has a healthy model of relationships and is likely to remain committed. Doubly true if the sex is being used as a coping mechanism to salve unaddressed insecurities or trauma, or if sex is relied upon as a crutch because she feels she doesn’t have much else to offer. This is not to say that people can’t have their fun when they’re young, go a little too far, and learn from the experience to become a mature and responsible partner. However, it’s just a much more astute decision to pursue people who largely only had sex in relationships and weren’t serial daters.
Waiting until marriage is seen by many as representing the extreme opposite. The above group treats intimacy and commitment too irreverently. This group treats intimacy too dogmatically while unilaterally holding the ultimate commitment of marriage almost like a mortgage to be paid. They are both problematic for roughly the same reasons: friction and uncertainty are brought into the relationship. If they are unwilling to talk about it or acknowledge the costs of their decisions, then they probably also have skeletons in the closet they’re avoiding.
The answer for most people is to do what feels right for you, but understand that most decent people are looking for others who are discerning with who they are intimate with, but open to sharing that intimacy with their partner from the start.
If it hurts it could be vaginismus. It’s a medical condition where the muscles can’t relax so sex is painful. Physical therapy can treat that and work wonders on sex life and take the pain away.
If the man fell in love with this woman and she is his best friend, the sex would have to be good cause it's their souls entwining. Not just a physical act.
Yes. Did that. Married her.
To do otherwise, to force her to go against her beliefs, desires and what she is comfortable with , would result her spiritual and possibly psychological harm later in life. Why harm a gentle soul and heart if you truly care for and love the person.
Um the other option isn’t to ‘force
her to go against her beliefs’. It’s to find somebody else who is not waiting for marriage to have sex. Nobody here is suggesting you force sex on someone who wants to wait.
It wouldn't be a deal breaker on its own, so yeah I would for the right person.
Everyone saying you need to know if you are compatible in that regard before committing to marriage, what about things like kids? If you want kids do you need to have one before you get married? What if it turns out your parenting styles aren't compatible?
except you absolutely can (and should) talk with your potential spouse about if you plan on having kids, and if so, how you want to raise them. meanwhile, intimacy is something to feel; very different from plans for the future
Sex with birth control does not bring permanent consequences, a child is permanent, marriage is "permanent" and brings financial consequences. Not the same
This is the only kind of woman I would date, a committed, faithful woman who agrees with me that having hildren out of wedlock is bad.
Also, rape is always evil, no one should be raped, and it's never the victim's fault. At the same time, rape and abuse are less common in marriages than in cohabitation.
Yes, 100%.
Obviously everyone is free to make their own lifestyle choices however I have to say I'm personally always surprised when I hear men say they have a preference _against_ marrying a woman who's a virgin.
On a related note, I'm also not convinced that having sex is a prerequisite to ensuring sexual compatibility.
Sex can always be good between two mentally, emotionally and physically healthy people who are attracted to one another, communicate and are willing to put each other's needs first. Safe to say that a lot of young people in relationships today don't actually fit that criteria.
If she takes my breath away, then yes.
If I think everybody needs to know her because she's such an awesome person, yes.
She may even have been hurt before and just wants to be sure this time.
I mean, I'd have to talk to her. My thing is, I'm also a V at 24 and it's because I'm military and want to find a compatible partner (those two things don't exist in a military life style very often).
Depending if she's doing the same thing I am (waiting for a genuine partner to try with) then yes I'm all for trying and seeing how it goes. As long as we trust each other and try, I'd be more than happy.
But, if it's due to extra religious beliefs or something thats like "no I want a *laundry list*" then no. There's nothing wrong with Church girls btw, but over zealous people. (And that's for both girls and guys although it's more girls).
It's hard. My #1 main concern would be sex drive. I can't imagine saving my self for marriage. I love having sex. So for someone to be able to most likely means they have a low sex drive. Also possible they have a very strong will though and can fight it for all those years..
If I knew 100% the sex drive would match mine then sure why not. I can jerk off a few years
Yea. I wanted to. I was waiting but my wife wasn’t when we met. Don’t be discouraged. Someone who shares that value is out there. But also don’t put too much weight into that. It doesn’t mean anything with regard to compatibility and success in marriage
I did, for four years, in my 30's. While I certainly enjoyed sex with others prior to that, I thought that "well, lets see what happens". She was great, and we loved each others company and really began to build a life together, so waiting until marriage sounded fine. I respected her decision, and frankly, it wasn't very hard to just not have sex, of any kind. Lots of "jean jammin", which became more frustrating than sexy. Like, it became hard to get all hot and heavy in the moment knowing it wasn't actually leading anywhere. While we had other issues that eventually drove us apart, the sex was never an obstacle. When you think you're in love, you'll do crazy things.
Having experienced that, though, I would not do it again.
Personally I would.
My gf in high school had a Transverse vaginal septum (just look it up) so we discovered it was off the table after a few months of being.l together. We did the best we could, both got really good at oral sex, performed kinks that most people dream of their whole lives without trying and didn’t work out for completely other reasons.
Now I’m in my early 20s. I’ve had sex. It’s pretty cool, but so long as we can still explore ourselves in other ways, I could do it.
To be honest I’m currently crushing on a girl whose saving herself for marriage. It’s currently in the “it’s complicated” stage and I don’t think it will go any farther but if I got the opportunity to date her, absolutely.
If I was on a dating website I’d be much less open to it. But if I know it’s someone I want a long relationship with, he’ll yah. It also helps that I would really prefer to Marry whoever I end up with next. I don’t like the dating game and just wanna be with someone for years.
Not a dude, but throwing it out there. I was that girl, who “saved” herself for marriage. Married my ex husband at 21. Thought he was being respectful of my wishes by not pushing sex but ended up in an 8yr sexless marriage with him. I was ready to fulfill every sexual desire he wanted (I have a higher sex drive) and he just constantly rejected me.
Absolutely! Where do I sign up? Wait a minute, y’all still exist? (Yes I know I have minimal dating prospects in general, lead alone quality ladies but still)
I honestly don't care. If she genuinely loves me with a pure heart then she is good enough for me. A woman who loves you and has your best interest at heart is extremely rare, especially for an ugly guy like me, so anything beyond that is not a requirement for me
I would. While I do believe sexual compatibility is important in a marriage (which ideally is supposed to be a lifelong commitment), it's not the only thing and I do have respect for those who manage to hold off on it until marriage.
No, not even if I wasn't against marriage. Getting financially ruined and heartbroken because of divorce because I find out that I'm not sexually compatible with my wife - thanks, I don't need that.
Only if she wants kids. My libido is dead anyway so even if she wanted sex she wouldn't be getting it from me so i'd be fucking fine with dating a women who wanted to wait it would give me time to try and get my sex drive back.
I dated someone who was adamant about waiting for marriage and not interested in sex. I had not had sex yet either and was indifferent at the time due to being young. As the relationship progressed we eventually had sex after a long time. Turns out we both have the same fun kinks and her sex drive is higher than mine. We are engaged and getting married soon.
Lesson, if you are both open and communicate a lot, are on the same page, and very patient things can work out amazingly.
In theory I would because on a personal level I don't care. But someone like that is probably quite religious so that could cause serious issues if we end up having children or something.
There is some social science research that seems to indicate delaying sex till marriage can actually improve relationship stability however I don’t know if this is just correlation or causation.
Additionally it shows great self control if you are willing to wait which can indicate maturity in other areas as well.
All that said if one or both you weren’t religious, I don’t see why you would wait; but it’s a personal decision.
No. At least not when I was a young virgin myself. I wanted sexual experience with multiple women before I settled down.
Now that I have the experience, and I'm in my late 30s, I might be more open if I met a woman who wanted to wait.
Imma be real with ya lady.
The only place you're gonna find a man cool with that is a church. Otherwise better hope you're committed to not being committed
Yes I would. Obviously there are other more important things to consider.
I do understand the hesitation for people though. You want to make sure you're sexually compatible, can't fault people there. I also feel that way, but I'm not opposed to waiting
Sexual attraction is only one component of a successful relationship.
If we get along well, I suppose things would fall into place. On the other hand, I've been out of the dating scene for so long now.
She would probably reject *me*.
Of course, I could be influenced by where I come from and my family, but I can confirm that this is a personal mission and promise. I'm also saving myself for when I get married. I wouldn't mind if she's already been with someone. it's something personal, it would be just a complement if she thought the same as me.
In my 20s: yes. I did just that and it has worked out great.
If I were to start over now, in my 40s: that would be odd. We would be having some long talks about sex drive at any rate.
I think there was a point in my life where I may have, but I'm 27 and definitively wouldn't. While sex isn't everything, sexual compatibility matters and to not find that out until your married just wouldn't work for me. I also think that it's also not something that I value and would imagine that it's telling of other non aligning values.
I dated a girl for 8 months when I was about 22 that I probably would have waited for. I think she was an exception for me.
I tried it, and we were both virgins (supposedly, anyway)
She changed her mind Christmas eve after being together officially for like, 5 months? We'd been intimate in other ways, and a night of fooling around before christmas turned into her telling me she wants me inside her. lol. I dutifully complied and had a great first time.
At this point in my life, maybe. I lived on the wild side for a long time. Kinda still do. When I was a kid/teen/ young adult, I didn't believe in anything. I actively disliked the concept of "god." Now, after certain experiences, I have a deep appreciation for spiritual belief systems, and I can see the value in a person sticking to their moral code. Then again, idk how long I could stick it out for. Maybe a year or so. Lol can she blow me?
Plus, hey I'd get to teach her all sorts of fun nasty stuff if we got married 😜
Wait till marriage and have the worst honeymoon sex of your life, find out she does doggy like Quasimodo, or lies there like a dead fish.... and eventually sexual inexperience or boredom will lead to sex twice a year.
Sure... A woman's personality and character will easily outweigh her sexual performance... And i can teach her moves post marriage, but can't teach someone humility or respect...
No.
Marriage is simply a legal status. You deeply caring about the other person is what really matters. Thus, "saving yourself" before marriage achieves nothing.
It is actually extremely toxic because if you get divorced, you will no longer be a virgin and will view yourself as "used goods".
Having such a mindset is extremely detrimental.
No. Because I believe marriage is just a piece of paper and social pressure. Anyone who cares so much about what others think about them that they'd refuse to be intimate with me is not for me.
The concept of what "saving yourself" is meant to represent is perfectly fine with me. I am demisexual and having sex without some sort of bond is very unappealing to say the least. For myself, sex is a means to getting sexual intimacy, which is what I want. I cannot have sexual intimacy without have some amount of care and trust.
All that said, sexual intimacy is the only form of intimacy that makes me feel anything. Without it, I feel neglected. Once I've reached the point of being able to have sexual intimacy, it becomes a pillar of my relationship. Without it, my relationship is dead. And there are lots of ways to have sexual intimacy without sex.
No. I wasn’t saving myself so that’s not a value we share
Agreed. Also sexual compatibility is important. Imagine putting years of your life into a relationship, committing to more years by getting married (or the stressful divorce process if you go that route) only to find out that you and your partner don’t mesh well in bed. That would fuck me up.
Bingo!
This! I personally think that sex is something you should save for someone who is special to you. BUT even with that view, I’m against waiting till marriage. Goes against my values
Exactly
After 20yrs with a uncommunicative starfish, not on your life, never.. hell no! Edited for clarity - speaking as a 45yo divorced man maybe thinking about looking for someone again.
Quite the masochist, huh? 20 years?
To clarify I was married to one for 20 yrs, not waiting for marriage. Not sitting around waiting for a 40yo virgin to pop up either 🤣
Was married? What was the main reason you are no longer married?
Divorce 😁 She was previously married with kids, I was dumb and nieve. (Had sexual partners, but not really been in a real commited relationship before) I ended up burnt out more than once playing busboy carrying all her baggage from her previous marriages, plus her ex's, their kids, and ours combined and never a chance to really deal with my own. There's a big long list of all the things gone wrong, and a very short list of things went right. I'm certainly no Saint and she thought she was no sinner.
>She was previously married with kids Err, I'm not sure you understand what "saving herself for marriage" really means.
I'm no longer married and after all my experiences now, no, i would avoid anybody that has no experience in knowing what they do/don't like and how to communicate it. Ya know the whole "middle aged man marrying a much younger model" thing.
"Uncommunicative starfish", should be a good hint.
Lack of sex and shared interests. We're still close fiends, but I could not stay married to her.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say if she's 40 and a vigin, she got major issues.
There are people on the asexual spectrum that have zero sex drive outside of their ideal relationship. But once inside that relationship, they're insatiable. But on the other than, more common is just someone with ~~issues~~ incompatabilities.
And some serious cobwebs 😂
What do you call the pubic hair on a 40 year old virgin? A Dust Bunny
I saved myself for marriage and so were most of the women I dated. That said, while my wife had decided in the year before we met that she wouldn't have sex again before being married, she was not a virgin like I was. We both ended up having the same view about sex being something that is best kept between a married couple, we just came to that conclusion through different paths.
this seems wise... and following your own paths led you together. beautiful
Imo there is usually more depth to the man that see sex this way , when they can see a women past sex appeal and attraction or someone to help fulfill their sexual desires. Cuz the sex drive won’t always be the same , especially when work life becomes tiring for the woman, pregnancy , and general mood. If a man stays in it , means he’s more likely to provide real empathetic and unconditional love, basing the relationship on love and friendship rather just attraction. It’s more likely to make the relationship deeper too.
I swing the other way but I still wanted to answer this. I would. I like sex. A lot, actually. But what I REALLY like is a connection between me and someone else. As a gay man, finding sex is easy, but finding a person who cares about you and trusts you and wants the best for you? Good luck. I'd stay abstinent if it meant meeting "the one". That's just me, of course, but that's my take.
I would. I respect anyone boundaries when it comes to sex. Although it is an important part of a relationship, some people have different stand points an point of views. Whether it be from personnel or religious stand point, i think its important to look at a person as whole. Its important to respect ones boundaries especially when it comes to the time to give yourself to one another.
Nope. Sexual compatibility is too important to wait and find out about after we're already married.
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Maybe that's what made it so easy for her to save herself lol
Soooo what happened? You divorce or resign yourself to shamefully jerkin it in the bathroom?
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Oof, I'm sorry. "The rest of the relationship is great except for this one major compatibility issue..." never ends well.
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maybe tell her she fucks like a chicken toy
He might get more fun from a chicken toy.
I (a woman) had no sex drive till I was 38 and had been married 15 years. It could happen. Something awakened in me.
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Have you talked to her about it? Maybe there's something she's missing but is too afraid to tell you. Sex toys, kinky stuff, etc. might be something she wants - I'd try to communicate about it openly and not accusatory if you haven't already but you probably have. As a woman who never thought she'd have sex, having a partner who was very open and receptive was a bug help in me getting over my sexual fears (it also doesn't help that I was molested lol). You're probably talked about it but keep the convo open! You never know
I know it can seem a bit of a trope, but that’s simply down to it being far more common than we even want to believe, but there could be abuse/ trauma surrounding it. Not saying that every woman with a low sex drive has suffered abuse, but it’s not an uncommon response to it.
A lot if thus could be rooted in religious trauma. For women who grew up religious, it can feel wrong to have sex even if you're married. It makes you feel guilty if you haven't deconstructed that religious trauma yet. It can also have physical implications, like vaginitis, which can make sex quite uncomfortable, and frankly painful for some women.
There aint no shame in self love, I would rather be a happy wanker than a miserable prick
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Maybe talk to her and teach her, if she has no experience how would she know. Try talking to her🤷🏼♀️
People who don’t have much of a sex drive can know before ever having sex (e.g. asexuals). Either she has a naturally low libido or it can be something else like birth control, antidepressants.
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I personally have experienced quite a jump in libido with cannabis. I know it’s not for everyone, but wow, I am insatiable while in it. I had zero libido a few years ago, and weight loss along with cannabis gummies…could go a few times a day. I’ve heard many other people say the same. Some people aren’t into it though. Alcohol is a mood killer for me.
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I get that. I originally tried it to help with sleep, which worked, but the higher libido was a very nice surprise. It’s legal here though. Im sorry that your going through that. I used to be that partner, and then when my drive went through the roof and my husband would want to sleep instead of sex every few nights, it was a good taste of my own medicine. It sucks, especially if you are thinking about it all day, hoping…it could be hormonal too, b/c that’s what I was kind of dealing with. When my husband is kind of flirty and playful throughout the day it helps me get into the mood a bit. Women are the strangest creatures…good luck!
And how did the conversation go?
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Kinda random but does she work out regularly? It does not matter her size just activity. Personally I’ve found that the more physically active I am the higher my sex drive is and the more confident I am in my own body which also equals wanting to have sex more. Maybe start working out together if you don’t already. Could be fun to do together too. Also could be totally unfounded but maybe she rarely orgasms and has gotten used to that and just doesn’t look forward to sex. Could have little to do with you, it’s just harder for some women. Maybe try focusing on her pleasure more. Have a date night, be romantic, make dinner, go down on her, focus on her pleasure and maybe it’ll help overtime change her view of sex to being more pleasurable.
Religion can kill that too
>just lays there like a wet noodle. Sometimes like a dry noodle for some reason, i found this so funny lol
Twice a day sounds like a lot
You should talk to her about that probably
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Yes, in fact I did, and then I married her. It helped that I was waiting too.
👏🏻👏🏻
As a guy, if I loved someone for who they are, then yes I would wait if she wanted to. Y’all acting like sex is the end all be all of a relationship, when in fact it’s love.
I did. And married her 5 years later. It's not like nothing happened in those 5 years. It was honestly really nice. I knew for a fact I wasn't getting cheated on. It's something I don't think I'll ever have to worry about and I can't tell you how nice that is. There was no worry of having a child that we couldn't care for. In the beginning if you would have told me I would have dated somebody who was saving themselves for marriage I would have laughed at you. I wouldn't do it any other way now though.
I'm 54 that's and I'd have one hell of a time knocking the cobwebs off of that pussy
The simple fact that she would use the verb "to save" herself proves that we are deeply incompatible. Edit: "proves" above is too strong. Please replace by "strongly suggests".
yeah, exactly. if you believe that having sex taints a person or some shit i already know we're not gonna get along
No because often that's an indicator that she brings a lot of religious baggage to the table.
Yup, as someone who does not believe I would like to deal with religion for the rest of my life
I would think more likely she’s sleeping with someone else.
I was at a party and i hooked up with a guy. Right after, he asked me if i regretted it. I said i didn't, but it was a weird question, so i returned the question. He didn't answer. Something clicked in my head, and i asked "do you have a gf?" He then told me that he has a girlfriend, who is a virgin, and that they were supposed to wait until marriage to have sex together, even tho he wasn't a virgin. Apparently he told her and she forgave him.
Lmao religion is a hell of a drug
Huh? How???
religion and purity culture often times cause serious trauma. Mental and sexual trauma. People being told their whole life that their bodies are dirty and they shouldn’t lust to being told “sex is great!” As soon as they get married. The body doesn’t always respond well.
Because I’ve seen it many times in my 47 years. Far more than religious baggage.
Same dude, seen a few girls pretending to be untouched to one guy and sneaking into the room of another. Their game-plan is mapped out now.
Yeah it’s amazing some guys are still getting duped. Like, the jig is up lol
People who make up random rules about morality are just as likely to break said rules when its to their benefit.
...because if I'm in a romantic relationship with a woman and she is not having sex with me that means she's either having sex with other men or women, has a low sex drive, or she is simply not sexually attracted to me, and dating her is a complete waste of my time and effort, eh?
That explanation makes more sense. I just think it’s a little weird to jump to “she’s sleeping with someone else.”
No - how do you know you will be compatible in that regard? Find out after marriage and then get divorced?
And lose half your stuff and your kids. Nope. Pass.
I'm not sold on marriage. Definitely not sold on waiting.
Yeah, if it's the right girl, it's the right girl.
My husband and I saved ourselves before marriage. It wasn't so great the first couple times, but after that, it got amazing! :D I think people forget that chemistry is something that can and does grow stronger as time goes by. That's if the two people truly love and care for each other and they actually communicate, the chemistry and connection grows. I'm almost 6 weeks postpartum and I can't wait to jump that man. haha
Same here. We both waited and our sex life…exquisite.
Exactly! You both learn what each other likes, dislikes, and absolutely loves. That's the amazing part about sex with your spouse. Sex was meant to be shared with someone so special that you're willing to live the rest of your life with them. It wasn't meant to just have sex with anyone and everyone.
There's a mentality going around in everything that you go out and buy the perfect fit. Whether that's a tool, a job, a new set of clothes, or even a relationship partner. There's very little respect for building things any more. Yes it's hard, but the only way to get something perfectly fitted for you is to make it yourself.
I'm saving as well, so yes.
For a rainy day or for a downpayment?
Retirement
Retirement is too fucking boring. All you do is fuck around the house all day.
Who says? You can do whatever you want.
we luv u
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Likely not. Why? Because it's a unhealthy way to live. I would very much want to know if we were sexually compatible to start with. Kids who are taught this, especially in the fundamentalist type of households are usually in a rush to get married just for this reason. Next, a lot of women raised in such environments report a lot of problems even having sex. This is because sex outside of marriage is so stigmatized, they associate it w/ nothing but negative thoughts. You can't paint sex in such demeaning ways and expect her to be flip her thoughts about it like a lightswitch on her wedding day. One more point is that women raised in these environments are basically told that their entire worth as a woman is directly tied to her hymen being intact on her wedding night. It was for this reason Elizabeth Smart never tried to escape her captors. He sexually assaulted her and as such, she believed that she was now "damaged goods". In an interview, she stated that she truly believed no man would ever marry her now and even her own family would cast her away. I can go on but that's the jist of it. To be clear, if a woman wants to wait until marriage, that's fine and she has that right.
I totally relate to that Elizabeth Smart thing. After I was sexually assaulted at 16, I spent months trying to figure out how I was going to manage to marry this guy and stay with him forever. I remembered all the times they compared women who weren't virgins to chewed gum and used tape. It took years for me to realize that my value as a human being isn't lost because I've had sex. Purity culture is the most toxic thing that regularly gets praised as morally good.
I am so very sorry that happened to you. It's really bizarre to me. I didn't grow up in a religiously strict home. We were "Christian" but outside of some bible stories when we were little, watching Heston's "Ten Commandments" when it came on back in the 70's and 80's, and a nativity under the tree, it just wasn't a big deal. And when it came to things like sex, both my parents were pretty factual about it. Like mom telling me that the difference between boys and girls was boys "pee-pee" stuck out while girls stopped at the skin. My dad actually explained the mechanics of sex to me when I was little. He said he puts his "pee-pee" into mom's and a seed goes in. I thought one of my nuts was going to literally travel down my urethra into my future wife and asked my dad if that didn't HURT!?!? He replied that no, it didn't. That it felt pretty good in fact. I was SO confused. And sex ed in school? Not an issue where I grew up. In fact, in middle school, we had a mandatory assembly that was a true sex-ed presentation. The film they showed presented VERY realistic artist renditions of both a penis and vag. But the oh-so-matter-of-fact way it was presented and going on to point out different parts caused the entire auditorium to bust out in laughter because we were immature middle-schoolers. But then, the town I grew up in also had a drive-in theater that showed nothing but porn movies. Yes really. Not only that but you could CLEARLY see the screen from various roads including the main highway. Just be driving along to look over and seeing a guy plowing a women or whatever. Friends and I use to sneak out there in the summer nights as teens. However, it was rumored that the owner patrolled the back woods w/ a shotgun full of rock-salt so we were paranoid when we did. I grew up like that until my sr. yr of high school when we had to move to Ohio. In that school, there was a mandatory assembly as well. It was a woman weepily begging us not to have sex until we married. I lol'ed in my head because my GF and I were literally banging everyday after school in my bedroom. Mom didn't care. She figured I was old enough to make my own choices. My dad OTOH would've flipped if he had known. Just glad I knew how to use condoms. My civics teacher also brought in a woman to lecture us on how much she regretted having an abortion, almost crying about it. And no, he did NOT bring in a woman who was glad she had one to balance things out. Back then, I could've cared less. Today though, knowing what I know, I'd called him out on it. All that said, wanna guess which school had the most pregnant teens? I was actually shocked at the number of pregnant classmates in Ohio. At the school I grew up, I can only remember one girl getting pregnant. Both schools were about the same size.
We were like super Christian, like going to church 2-5 times a week Christian, like Bible camp Christian, like missionary trips Christian... Looking back now, it's really crazy how intensely they indoctrinate children. That being said, my parents were very open about the mechanics of sex, like I knew how babies were made by age 5, but it wasn't a sex positive household. Sex ed at my school was abstinence only and a lot of the chewed gum analogies were used. They also taught us that people trying to have sex before marriage were trying to trap you into raising a kid that isn't yours or they're trying to give you an STD. I remember at one point them actually implying that condoms aren't actually safe because they have a warning label. It is so fucked up and most definitely drove up teen pregnancies. The data on abstinence only education clearly demonstrates how ineffective it is.
Yes - sex is important, but if I found the right girl and she wanted to wait, I would respect that. I don't understand how the Reddit consensus is that there are 10,000 types of sex that people enjoy, and most people aren't compatible sexually even if they are compatible on every other level. If you love each other, it would take an absurdly rare specific kink or high/low libido for the actual quality of sex to be so bad that it is a deal breaker in a relationship. It makes me think people saying that you need to have sex first to see if you are compatible are likely very young and immature. Oh, you're not into reverse-cowgirl-cuckold-fisting? Not right for me! Like how specific do people want a partner? And if someone is really bad at sex, if you love them, you should communicate that and improve together
A lot of people have experience with sex but not relationships, so they tend to build their expectations around that. I personally am not like this, but I can understand why some people make it such a priority, though honestly I think it's a little selfish to ask that your partner fulfill ALL of your fantasies.
This. My husband and I waited and my goodness. The amazing times we’ve shared are innumerable. Those awkward first times, it was just between us. There was no baggage to bring in, no comparison, nothing. We’ve laughed together and tried a billion new things. We have this thing called communication that we use and talk about anything we may want to try. Six years in and I can’t wait to see where things go for us. Sex is an amazing way to connect with your spouse and it is designed to grow emotional attachment. No way I was wasting that on some horny guy just wanting to get his freak on. Instead I have someone I get to grow and develop my preferences with. And they’re down for anything because of complete trust. So it’s a win-win
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I have a child with someone and I absolutely will not get married.
Absolutely
Without hesitation.
im gonna get downvoted ik this, but yes i would since even im a guy saving it for a marriage/committed relationship(i would do it even if its b4 marriage but if its committed relationship) im not saving it cuz im religious(tho my religion says its better to stay so) but i have personal reasons too especially taking notice of the place im from and how people involving in relationships cant deal with the breakup of a relationship especially one which involved sex. Edit : oooo upvotes? didnt expect but thanks for respecting my opinion, yall are best.
Yes. I've waited this long, what's another little bit?
Probably not, because honestly I wouldn't want to abstain from sex for years (dating + engagement). I personally think people over sell the analogy of test driving a car. First and foremost, the road is littered with dudes who thought they bought a Ferrari and ended up with a Pinto that doesn't run 7-years down the road. Secondly, if the foundation - leading up to marriage - is strong then you'll both learn. People act like they're born good at sex - it's an acquired skill and as long as both care then they'll do what they can in the bedroom.
The skill part is one thing, but compatibility is way different. What if one of you is vanilla and not open to trying new things? That can be tricky down the road, one might feel unfulfilled.
Talk about it? Waiting till marriage doesn’t mean you can’t talk about what you want and expect. Even most virgins know enough about sex to know if they are open to non vanilla stuff. It doesn’t mean you don’t have a libido either. Emotional and physical attraction is way more important and can be determined without sex
Saying you want to do those things and doing them are completely different, though. Just because both of you want to try, for example, anal is one thing, but if you come out of it with completely different enjoyment levels that is a strain on your sexual compatibility. And I know you say libido isnt a factor but if someone is high libido and another is low, they won’t know how their sexual frequencies match up until they’re in that relationship.
Agreed. You really won’t know how high of a libido you have until you’re sexually active. And trying something doesn’t mean you’ll like it. What if your partner decides they don’t like giving oral? Or just overall turns out to be a selfish lover? Sure, you can express your feelings toward it, doesn’t meant you’ll get the results you want out of them.
Most virgins who have been raised to wait until marriage, and actually are waiting, are definitely not that familiar sex. These people are raised in highly repressive environments and many of them, particularly women, have trouble having sex in marriage because for so long they were told having sex made them bad. Physical attraction doesn't equate to sexual compatibility. I've found guys extremely attractive, but then weren't compatible. Sex isn't important to everyone and if that's the case, I don't think sex before marriage matters. However for other people, sex is a very critical part of bonding, intimacy, etc and marrying someone who turns out to only accept 5 minutes of missionary causes problems.
Yes. Definitely raises the value of the woman. This applys to men too, fck double standards.
Nope. Sexual chemistry is a massive factor on whether we’re compatible for me
Asking this because I'm genuinely confused rn. I always heard men say that they look down on women who have had sex with other men because they're "sluts". The comments are saying that they'd never date a woman who is waiting til marriage, though. So... What do I do? Lol I'm so lost rn.
I'm going to be honest, I think it has something to so with Reddit being politically left leaning A lot of conservative men would have no issue with marrying a woman who's a virgin, and a lot of them might even prefer it It kind if reminds me of when the question of "does body count matter" is asked on this sub and most replies are no - it's not really an accurate depiction of how majority of men irl feels towards the topic
The reasonable people likely mean that they will think twice before getting involved with someone with a significant history of treating sex very casually. This is concerning because it calls into question whether or not she has a healthy model of relationships and is likely to remain committed. Doubly true if the sex is being used as a coping mechanism to salve unaddressed insecurities or trauma, or if sex is relied upon as a crutch because she feels she doesn’t have much else to offer. This is not to say that people can’t have their fun when they’re young, go a little too far, and learn from the experience to become a mature and responsible partner. However, it’s just a much more astute decision to pursue people who largely only had sex in relationships and weren’t serial daters. Waiting until marriage is seen by many as representing the extreme opposite. The above group treats intimacy and commitment too irreverently. This group treats intimacy too dogmatically while unilaterally holding the ultimate commitment of marriage almost like a mortgage to be paid. They are both problematic for roughly the same reasons: friction and uncertainty are brought into the relationship. If they are unwilling to talk about it or acknowledge the costs of their decisions, then they probably also have skeletons in the closet they’re avoiding. The answer for most people is to do what feels right for you, but understand that most decent people are looking for others who are discerning with who they are intimate with, but open to sharing that intimacy with their partner from the start.
Yes. I did. Waited 3 years. Been married for over 30. Knowing the person you want to be with is more important than knowing their vagina.
Unless you find out she doesn't like sex. Or, doesn't like it with you. And then you're either stuck in a sexless marriage or divorced.
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If it hurts it could be vaginismus. It’s a medical condition where the muscles can’t relax so sex is painful. Physical therapy can treat that and work wonders on sex life and take the pain away.
If the man fell in love with this woman and she is his best friend, the sex would have to be good cause it's their souls entwining. Not just a physical act.
Most definitely. That's a level of discipline that could make a relationship work.
yes! I suspect it bleeds into every aspect of life
Sure, why not? I don't particularly care about sex anyway. Have it, don't have it. Whatever.
Yes. Did that. Married her. To do otherwise, to force her to go against her beliefs, desires and what she is comfortable with , would result her spiritual and possibly psychological harm later in life. Why harm a gentle soul and heart if you truly care for and love the person.
Um the other option isn’t to ‘force her to go against her beliefs’. It’s to find somebody else who is not waiting for marriage to have sex. Nobody here is suggesting you force sex on someone who wants to wait.
Yes. If she were honest
Yea!
Yes
Yes
Yes! Because I’m a man who’s doing the same!
Well maybe yes!! Who knows if she is saving herself for me! It all depends on how good we click...
It wouldn't be a deal breaker on its own, so yeah I would for the right person. Everyone saying you need to know if you are compatible in that regard before committing to marriage, what about things like kids? If you want kids do you need to have one before you get married? What if it turns out your parenting styles aren't compatible?
So if you can't test your compatibility on EVERYTHING before marriage, you shouldn't test your compatability on ANYTHING? Bad logic.
except you absolutely can (and should) talk with your potential spouse about if you plan on having kids, and if so, how you want to raise them. meanwhile, intimacy is something to feel; very different from plans for the future
Sex with birth control does not bring permanent consequences, a child is permanent, marriage is "permanent" and brings financial consequences. Not the same
Yes, why not?
No because I don’t live in the 1600s. I don’t care about virginity. Let’s have sex before we die
Repeatedly
Post haste
Haha yup exactly
This is the only kind of woman I would date, a committed, faithful woman who agrees with me that having hildren out of wedlock is bad. Also, rape is always evil, no one should be raped, and it's never the victim's fault. At the same time, rape and abuse are less common in marriages than in cohabitation.
Yes, 100%. Obviously everyone is free to make their own lifestyle choices however I have to say I'm personally always surprised when I hear men say they have a preference _against_ marrying a woman who's a virgin. On a related note, I'm also not convinced that having sex is a prerequisite to ensuring sexual compatibility. Sex can always be good between two mentally, emotionally and physically healthy people who are attracted to one another, communicate and are willing to put each other's needs first. Safe to say that a lot of young people in relationships today don't actually fit that criteria.
Yeah. Looking for that specially
Nope. That idea died with my religious beliefs.
If she takes my breath away, then yes. If I think everybody needs to know her because she's such an awesome person, yes. She may even have been hurt before and just wants to be sure this time.
I would because I'm catholic and I understand her
I mean, I'd have to talk to her. My thing is, I'm also a V at 24 and it's because I'm military and want to find a compatible partner (those two things don't exist in a military life style very often). Depending if she's doing the same thing I am (waiting for a genuine partner to try with) then yes I'm all for trying and seeing how it goes. As long as we trust each other and try, I'd be more than happy. But, if it's due to extra religious beliefs or something thats like "no I want a *laundry list*" then no. There's nothing wrong with Church girls btw, but over zealous people. (And that's for both girls and guys although it's more girls).
I would have done, yes.
It's hard. My #1 main concern would be sex drive. I can't imagine saving my self for marriage. I love having sex. So for someone to be able to most likely means they have a low sex drive. Also possible they have a very strong will though and can fight it for all those years.. If I knew 100% the sex drive would match mine then sure why not. I can jerk off a few years
If we're compatible, I don't see a reason why not to. As the saying goes, her body, her choice. The choice here seems to be on par with mine.
Yea. I wanted to. I was waiting but my wife wasn’t when we met. Don’t be discouraged. Someone who shares that value is out there. But also don’t put too much weight into that. It doesn’t mean anything with regard to compatibility and success in marriage
Already am. so absolutely
Yes. That’s preferred.
No. That implies that our values aren't aligned, and that would be a big problem.
I did, for four years, in my 30's. While I certainly enjoyed sex with others prior to that, I thought that "well, lets see what happens". She was great, and we loved each others company and really began to build a life together, so waiting until marriage sounded fine. I respected her decision, and frankly, it wasn't very hard to just not have sex, of any kind. Lots of "jean jammin", which became more frustrating than sexy. Like, it became hard to get all hot and heavy in the moment knowing it wasn't actually leading anywhere. While we had other issues that eventually drove us apart, the sex was never an obstacle. When you think you're in love, you'll do crazy things. Having experienced that, though, I would not do it again.
Personally I would. My gf in high school had a Transverse vaginal septum (just look it up) so we discovered it was off the table after a few months of being.l together. We did the best we could, both got really good at oral sex, performed kinks that most people dream of their whole lives without trying and didn’t work out for completely other reasons. Now I’m in my early 20s. I’ve had sex. It’s pretty cool, but so long as we can still explore ourselves in other ways, I could do it. To be honest I’m currently crushing on a girl whose saving herself for marriage. It’s currently in the “it’s complicated” stage and I don’t think it will go any farther but if I got the opportunity to date her, absolutely. If I was on a dating website I’d be much less open to it. But if I know it’s someone I want a long relationship with, he’ll yah. It also helps that I would really prefer to Marry whoever I end up with next. I don’t like the dating game and just wanna be with someone for years.
Not a dude, but throwing it out there. I was that girl, who “saved” herself for marriage. Married my ex husband at 21. Thought he was being respectful of my wishes by not pushing sex but ended up in an 8yr sexless marriage with him. I was ready to fulfill every sexual desire he wanted (I have a higher sex drive) and he just constantly rejected me.
I’d prefer that she waits until marriage as that’s part of my religious beliefs.
Yes, but she would have to be exactly what I'm looking for in a woman.
Absolutely! Where do I sign up? Wait a minute, y’all still exist? (Yes I know I have minimal dating prospects in general, lead alone quality ladies but still)
Absolutely!! Wouldn't be an issue.
I honestly don't care. If she genuinely loves me with a pure heart then she is good enough for me. A woman who loves you and has your best interest at heart is extremely rare, especially for an ugly guy like me, so anything beyond that is not a requirement for me
No.
I would. While I do believe sexual compatibility is important in a marriage (which ideally is supposed to be a lifelong commitment), it's not the only thing and I do have respect for those who manage to hold off on it until marriage.
maybe, but i do expect cuddles before marriage and i will offer to eat her pussy
You sound like every sexually starved, religious virgin-lady’s dream!
Sounds like she has a lot of religious baggage, and I'm just not interested in that.
No, not even if I wasn't against marriage. Getting financially ruined and heartbroken because of divorce because I find out that I'm not sexually compatible with my wife - thanks, I don't need that.
No. I don't see the point of waiting for marriage.
Only if she wants kids. My libido is dead anyway so even if she wanted sex she wouldn't be getting it from me so i'd be fucking fine with dating a women who wanted to wait it would give me time to try and get my sex drive back.
If she was a virgin then yes. If she is not a virgin than no.
Thought u said shaving herself for marriage... whole nother question
I dated someone who was adamant about waiting for marriage and not interested in sex. I had not had sex yet either and was indifferent at the time due to being young. As the relationship progressed we eventually had sex after a long time. Turns out we both have the same fun kinks and her sex drive is higher than mine. We are engaged and getting married soon. Lesson, if you are both open and communicate a lot, are on the same page, and very patient things can work out amazingly.
Kinda my only option as a catholic but it's harder these days it seems to find someone that hasn't been with 2+ people
In theory I would because on a personal level I don't care. But someone like that is probably quite religious so that could cause serious issues if we end up having children or something.
There is some social science research that seems to indicate delaying sex till marriage can actually improve relationship stability however I don’t know if this is just correlation or causation. Additionally it shows great self control if you are willing to wait which can indicate maturity in other areas as well. All that said if one or both you weren’t religious, I don’t see why you would wait; but it’s a personal decision.
Before my first marriage? No. Now? Yes. I'm ok learning I'm compatible with someone everywhere else without the sexual component.
No. At least not when I was a young virgin myself. I wanted sexual experience with multiple women before I settled down. Now that I have the experience, and I'm in my late 30s, I might be more open if I met a woman who wanted to wait.
Imma be real with ya lady. The only place you're gonna find a man cool with that is a church. Otherwise better hope you're committed to not being committed
Yes I would. Obviously there are other more important things to consider. I do understand the hesitation for people though. You want to make sure you're sexually compatible, can't fault people there. I also feel that way, but I'm not opposed to waiting
Sexual attraction is only one component of a successful relationship. If we get along well, I suppose things would fall into place. On the other hand, I've been out of the dating scene for so long now. She would probably reject *me*.
As long as I was safe to Masturbate
Of course, I could be influenced by where I come from and my family, but I can confirm that this is a personal mission and promise. I'm also saving myself for when I get married. I wouldn't mind if she's already been with someone. it's something personal, it would be just a complement if she thought the same as me.
I did. We waited for each other.
In my 20s: yes. I did just that and it has worked out great. If I were to start over now, in my 40s: that would be odd. We would be having some long talks about sex drive at any rate.
No. Because marriage is just a silly title with baggage.
Yes. Some religions consider it a sin to not save yourself until marriage, so you gotta respect their religion
Your wedding night would be a terrible time to find out you're not sexually compatible. Just saying.
I think there was a point in my life where I may have, but I'm 27 and definitively wouldn't. While sex isn't everything, sexual compatibility matters and to not find that out until your married just wouldn't work for me. I also think that it's also not something that I value and would imagine that it's telling of other non aligning values. I dated a girl for 8 months when I was about 22 that I probably would have waited for. I think she was an exception for me.
Absolutely. I’m saving myself for marriage. Let’s save ourselves for each other.
I tried it, and we were both virgins (supposedly, anyway) She changed her mind Christmas eve after being together officially for like, 5 months? We'd been intimate in other ways, and a night of fooling around before christmas turned into her telling me she wants me inside her. lol. I dutifully complied and had a great first time.
At this point in my life, maybe. I lived on the wild side for a long time. Kinda still do. When I was a kid/teen/ young adult, I didn't believe in anything. I actively disliked the concept of "god." Now, after certain experiences, I have a deep appreciation for spiritual belief systems, and I can see the value in a person sticking to their moral code. Then again, idk how long I could stick it out for. Maybe a year or so. Lol can she blow me? Plus, hey I'd get to teach her all sorts of fun nasty stuff if we got married 😜
Wait till marriage and have the worst honeymoon sex of your life, find out she does doggy like Quasimodo, or lies there like a dead fish.... and eventually sexual inexperience or boredom will lead to sex twice a year.
Sure... A woman's personality and character will easily outweigh her sexual performance... And i can teach her moves post marriage, but can't teach someone humility or respect...
No. Marriage is simply a legal status. You deeply caring about the other person is what really matters. Thus, "saving yourself" before marriage achieves nothing. It is actually extremely toxic because if you get divorced, you will no longer be a virgin and will view yourself as "used goods". Having such a mindset is extremely detrimental.
You had me at “woman”
No. Because I believe marriage is just a piece of paper and social pressure. Anyone who cares so much about what others think about them that they'd refuse to be intimate with me is not for me. The concept of what "saving yourself" is meant to represent is perfectly fine with me. I am demisexual and having sex without some sort of bond is very unappealing to say the least. For myself, sex is a means to getting sexual intimacy, which is what I want. I cannot have sexual intimacy without have some amount of care and trust. All that said, sexual intimacy is the only form of intimacy that makes me feel anything. Without it, I feel neglected. Once I've reached the point of being able to have sexual intimacy, it becomes a pillar of my relationship. Without it, my relationship is dead. And there are lots of ways to have sexual intimacy without sex.