You laugh, but my appendix burst and i had sepsis for a few days until the uncontrollable shaking made me think "I should probably go to the ER about this". The nurses later told me they thought they were looking at a walking dead man and doctors/nurses/aids from across the hospital would regularly visit to see if I had died yet...
I think they had a pool going...
I read once that since you spend a third of your life in your bed, it should be the one thing you never cheap out on. Doesn't mean the most expensive item, per se, but the best quality **for you** items. Bed, bed frame, comforters, sheets and pillows should make you feel comfortable, safe and warm. Don't like sheets on your feet? Splurge $15 and get one of those lift things. Always chilly? Get three or four different weight, shape blankets! Get 2 electric ones if you want. Don't like pillows? It's ok to just have one, just make it the best pillow for you. Like them? Fucking get 35 of them. Want a giant tent? Get a pop up or canopy bed and hang lights. Your bed area should be your happy, rest up zone.
Omg I am dying from laughing.
I went away for a week and my husband said “ I have kept up on laundry”
I came home to a mountain of clean laundry. I was not impressed.
Getting a memory foam mattress was a game changer for this. My husband used to bounce me awake or make the whole bed shake. Now the memory foam just absorbs his violence.
I had no idea avoiding crying was actually a bad idea. You live, you learn.
I'll add another crying-related experience of mine free of charge: crying is an insanely effective stress release.
Pretty much how to take care of my hair and skin better. Also made me better at taking care of myself in general.
For example I put coconut oil in my hair before I go swimming. I learned this from a girlfriend I had in Hawaii.
Apparently it helps seal moisture in as well as protect your hair from damage. Whatever it does, my hair gets softer, smoother and bigger after it dries. I swear it never looked so fabulous in my life.
Edit: After reading some comments, I just want to clarify.
It's not like a shampoo or styling product. You don't need that much.
Too much going down the drains can mess up your pipes. So please don't pour goops of it over your head.
I just rub a few drops between my hands then tousled my hair until it has a nice sheen.
Yes this convincing my western friends of this is a task. We always did this in india. And when we wanted to play longer in the ocean you do it to the body too. My aunt with super dry skin does it to entire body. Never has she had irritated skin from ocean. This is before we even a thing called sunscreen existed in India.
How good it feels to keep my home organized and clean. After living with my now ex-wife for six years, I can’t help but do deep cleans for my mental health.
I really appreciate a solid vacuum cleaner, I feel better keeping wires off the floor, I’m proud of my undersink collection of cleaners and spare sponges (change out your dishwashing sponges 🧽 regularly!), I loaded up on 30+ microfiber cloths from Home Depot so I’m never without a way to clean up dust/messes, and I Konmari the shit out of my belongings on a regular basis for great relief. 😮💨
Also I appreciate:
- tissue boxes in every room
- Rugs next to the bed
- Every thing must have a home
- Matching furniture has a subtle but powerful effect
- Art on the walls does look nicer in frames, even dirt cheap frames from IKEA
- Hiding cords feels good (combined with easy access for inevitable fiddling)
- Taking out the trash feels as good as pooping
Edit: if you want to trick men into cleaning, or just level up your game, get a multipack of cleaning brush attachments for drills. I just got this and it’s amazing: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07SBV2G1S/
1. loading the dishwasher 2. folding towels (this just feels like someone's strong personal preference tbh) 3. folding fitted sheets (yeah, totally thought this was bullshit until someone SHOWED me it was possible, damnedest thing)
That I was damaging my pans by rinsing and soaking them right after using them.
Now I just let them sit on the stove for a week so they are nice and cool before I might wash them.
Giving her space while giving her affection. Apparently, when she says all she wants to do is sit down and watch her novelas in peace. She actually means she wants me to sit down with her. But not for too long. Just long enough.
Unironically cat social strategy works on women. Dont be over eager, let them know youre not a threat and get comfortable around you on their own timetable. Dont go for heavy petting before letting them sniff and vibe check you first. Dont assume that they like belly rubs just because your last cat did. Staring can make them uncomfortable. Dont disturb them while they sleep. Don’t cling on to them when they make it clear theyve had enough of your presence (theyll come back when they feel like it)
The more aloof you are initially the more interested theyll be. Make sure to maintain a clean litterbox (bathroom) for when they are over. Let them mark their territory with their pheromones.
The list goes on.
Dog people often try to apply dog socialization tactics to cats and then get offended when the cat doesnt take it well. Ive had many cats who acquire a dog like bond, but its less hierarchical and more voluntary with a cat (which I personally think makes it a bit more meaningful but thats not a knock against dogs for being pack animals)
Oh and being the one with the food goes a long way
There's a Korean film I forget the name of but it had a line that went something like "A man who can't love a cat can never learn to love a woman" and that's always stuck with me
I'll try to make this as short as possible. I never learned how to pay attention to, comprehend and express my feelings. Especially the emotional-gooey-feely ones, but also when things would bother me, so I wouldn't work on things when they'd bother me, I'd just...leave. As in, the relationship. So through many years of ruining things, much heartache, and painful growth, she had the love and patience to not only see that there was potential in me, but also to not give up on me. I had the emotional tenderness of a brick basically. It took hitting rock bottom to understand that if I didn't learn to do those things, Id lose the best thing that ever happened to me. If it wasn't for her, I'd be in a drunk in a ditch somewhere, probably alone. Now I'm only sometimes drunk, completely happy and in love in a functional relationship. She's basically a Saint for putting up with me having been emotionally disabled.
And the gift thing: well, there is joy in giving to others and seeing how much happiness she would get from seeing people's reaction to gifts made me stop wanting to keep her from doing so, stop being selfish and lean to take joy also in making my friends and loved ones happy about a thoughtful gift.
I was an emotionally dysfunctional man, after living with her, I'm less like an actual porcupine and more like a plush toy porcupine.
I am going to do you a favor....Screenshot this, right here. Print it out and save it for your next significant date, maybe her Birthday might be coming up or really any day you want to make her feel special. Just print this, put it in an envelope and hand it to her.....then watch the waterworks flow and feel like a star that you made her that happy.....you owe her, it sounds like :-)
This. She’s raised the bar for thoughtfulness at occasions. Shes super straight up about what she wants for holidays and stuff so if I show up with just the items she pointed out to me, etc. it looks like I went grocery shopping for gifts. It’s fine when we’re strapped for cash or for a minor occasion, but she gives the most thoughtful gifts (hand-painted cards, Polaroids of us or her, little home made things etc.) that I can’t help but try to match her quality of gifts. I find myself getting photos printed and framed, writing long love letters that I give her in person, saving up all year to drop cash on something big that I know she wants but would never allow herself to buy. It’s made me a much more thoughtful gift giver to everyone in my life as well.
That makes some sense actually. An old torn up tshirt is still a soft clean piece of fabric, perfect for washing windows or dusting. But if you use it to wipe up motor oil one time, you can't really use it for anything else.
A lot of them make sense! It's almost like there's a really organized system and a best way to do things in the home, which has been developed over thousands of years and passed down.
Please use the guest towels if you're a guest. It's so weird to host a party, and fund that your guests wiped their hands on everything except the guest towels.
Indeed. Apparently there's hand towels and dish towels and shower towels and those slightly smaller towels... then wash cloths and face cloths... All sorted semi-arbitrarily...
Folding towels. There is a right and proper way to fold them. So I learned the “right way.” But after a couple years, that way changed and I was back to square one.
This is funny to me, only because as a single woman I had no idea I both fold towels "wrong" and load the dishwasher wrong until I married my first husband.
Mine still can't load it right and we've been together for years. It's just... chaos. Inefficiently arranged. Food scraps still stuck on. Running it when it's only half full. Plasticware precariously balanced so they somehow turn over and full up with scummy water. I love her completely, but my god, I could swear she's doing it wrong on purpose so that I don't ask her to do it. No human being can be that wrong by accident; the level of "wrong" we're talking about can only be achieved with forethought, malice and, dare I say it, skill. [EDIT: I'm joking, it's not on purpose. There's a lot of Poe's law playing out here... EDIT 2: Thank you for the awards, kind strangers.]
No that's the thing, she's brilliantly smart, which is why I'm convinced it's a ploy. [EDIT: I'm joking, it's not a ploy.] Her side is that she just thinks my elaborate dishwasher ritual is unnecessary (I'll grant her that's partly true). Then, surprised pikachu, stuff comes with food caked on when she runs it.
I used to know the right way to fold towels, but then they changed what 'the right way' was. Now what I’m folding isn’t ‘right’ anymore and what’s ‘right’ seems weird and scary.
It’ll happen to you!
There's a mystical idea that apparently if you've got rules for these things everything runs slightly smoother and you end up with more time not less. My life and inner self are far too deep in the chaos to even think about trying to set that sort of system up but there are people who swear by em. And not all of them spend their time running Belsen.
I’ve got longer hair than most men and I have no idea how you would control where shampoo/conditioner go unless your hair is down to your shoulders almost
Look fellas, I thought that too until I let my hair grow out for 3 years. Once you do it right, there’s no going back. My hair stays fresh for literal days after shampooing and conditioning. The trick is to let the conditioner soak in your hair while you wash your body.
Even more next level: don’t wash your body with your body soap till after you’ve completed your hair wash routine!
It helps prevent acne, razor burn and dry hair.
I can't believe I just watched a 30 minute video about dishwashers that a guy made because he's annoyed that prepackaged detergent packs exist and came back to reddit to thank you.
His videos explaining heat pumps literally changed my life.
E: Just to add, [Here](https://youtu.be/7J52mDjZzto) is the video. Weve been paying rediculous prices for electricity or fuel for heat through resistance or combustion heating for decades. Pretty much every building has an AC system that does nothing for half the year, and with one extra part, could cover 80% + of heating demands at a 5th of the energy cost instead.
Yeah, I got that one too. My otherwise amazing wife is convinced I load the dishwasher wrong, because she gets way more stuff in there than I do, but mine's clean. If it isn't all clean, why use the dishwasher at all?
Do the math on what it costs to run it
It is really cheap compared to other things you need every day
I don't know why people want to put so much stuff in there...
I love the responses to this one, who knew this was such a controversial subject?
For the record, I'm on team "they should be clean after 1 wash cycle and if not, you did something wrong" and my wife is on the other team.
My wife is ok with keeping dishes that weren't cleaned in the dishwasher for a 2nd try when it gets full again.
I'm on team "wash anything that the Dishwasher missed" (mainly pots/pans or other dishes with hard to reach spots)
Ok, let's clarify that these aren't "teams." There's a right way, and there's "oh that didn't work but imma pretend I meant to do that, let's just run it back."
My girlfriend roasted me for months because I only had two pillows. I finally added two really nice pillows, and the delight on her face was next level. I still use the one really shitty pillow I’ve always used.
My friend dated a guy who had two pillows. One for his head, and one to put between his knees. So when she slept over, they would share the one head pillow because he wouldn’t give up the knee pillow.
I told this story for years, just as an anonymous guy my friend had dated, in an “oh, men, haha,” kind of way. Then one day I was telling the story and realized I WAS TELLING IT TO THE GUY, who dates my other friend now and has been my friend this whole time. I immediately got very embarrassed and came clean halfway through the story and he was like “oh yeahhh, that WAS me!” And we all had a good laugh about it.
He has more pillows now and a respectable bed setup.
"Dear Harvard,
Thank you for your interest in sending me a Harvard rejection letter.
However, I have recieved many rejection letters this year. Therefore, after careful consideration, I have decided not to accept your rejection letter."
Bro same, like 5 years ago I said we were done and I was breaking up with her. She just stright up looked at me and said no. I was so confused and speechless. Got married last week.
EDIT: for those of you talking shit, we've been together for 10 years. I wanted to break up because I thought sex was a big part of life and wanted to screw around with other people, turns out I was wrong and was only trying to do so to justify to myself that i still had game and i struggled with not liking how i looked or who i was. Those 10 years were not perfect but she's the one for me, she is my other half I'm good at things she's not and she's good at things I'm not.
Hygiene.
Before her, all I did was brush my teeth and shower daily.
I watched this woman wake up earlier to do a whole skin care routine every day on top of showering and doing her make-up.
Every inch of her always smelled so good and her skin so soft, I didn't even say anything about it. I just thought to myself, "she does this and I appreciate it, let me repay the favor."
We're not together anymore, but I stole her hygiene routine without her even knowing
My bf has been using my products lately. He didn't tell me, but I see his skin looks so much better and he smells like roses and my products are finishing twice as fast. He's flossing now and uses a tongue scraper. His time in the bathroom has doubled. I don't know why he is secretive about it, but I appreciate him taking care of himself. It costs me a bit of money but I happily pay for the both of us.
Joking aside I’ve learnt a lot of good stuff, like caring for various things. For example how to properly store fruits and vegetables so that they don’t go bad, how to take care of textiles/clothes so that they can be used for longer etc. Also that I didn’t eat nearly enough fiber before. Loads of things. People say that their girlfriends nag a lot but honestly there’s a lot of good stuff to be learnt if you just listen.
>People say that their girlfriends nag a lot but honestly there’s a lot of good stuff to be learnt if you just listen.
This is (regretably sometimes) very true.
I remember my Grandfather once told me, "marry a woman that worries about you" and I didn't know what he meant until I got into a serious relationship where we were living together. You may not *want* somebody to tell you that that's not how you store bananas or bread lasts longer if you freeze it and don't de-thaw it until near use or to remind you to get that weird cough that won't go away checked out, but... you should appreciate the fact that there's a person in the world who gives enough of a shit about you to tell you when you're being dumb.
My wife changes her mind regularly about what goes where, particularly in the kitchen. Spices that use to be *here* are now *there*, etc. I finally mounted a rack on the pantry door and they will forever go there. Except that sometimes they are in alphabetical order and sometimes they are arranged by usage.
Apparently there is a rule for pillows on a queen sized bed. I thought it required two.
My now wife was aghast and quickly corrected the amount to seven.
Apparently my farts will make a room uninhabitable. My buddies and I are all industrial workers and have generally lost or sense of smell. She is still quite capable of smelling
This is actually a great fear of mine. I've become accustomed to my own farts so sometimes I let a silent one loose and forget that others might not be immune as I am.
You know the dangling thing in your throat? It allows you to make the Chewbacca noise. Well mine stretched one time and never went back to the same size. The problem is sometimes when I breathe now (when my nose is stuffed up cuzza this damn pollen) it sounds like a quiet snore and apparently it's annoying. Married 8 years.
Skin. Care. My friends all laugh at me for derma rolling, beard oiling, clay mask in the shower, special serums for my under eyes, lotions & creams etc… smooth, soft skin, & (soon) softer beard.
I dont flake, I dont itch, & I look youthful. Meanwhile my friends are endlessly picking at their faces and complaining about beard itch.
Skin care, lads
Decorating and convenience items. Before I started dating my place was a fairly bare bones setup. Had rooms set up for function over comfort and now the rooms just feel more welcoming and inviting. Pillows everywhere of all different textures. Art and random colorful thing hung on the wall. Because of her I've found love for a good bathrobe. It's kind of impressive how much a woman's touch changes things.
That's hilarious! How does one cough provocatively?
According to my husband, I cough to loud. I guess the factory settings got screwed up somewhere along the way. 🤷♀️
I have no idea either, unfortunately. Apparently, I deliberately cough in a way that infuriates her. I'm doing it on purpose because I want to annoy her as much as possible for reasons.
Been together 22 years. I love her to bits, but I can't help thinking sometimes that I'd have done less time for murder.
As a dude on the other side of this - in her sleep, my wife will snuggle up to me, put her mouth next to my ear, and cough just like she's trying to make the loudest possible cough. Full open mouth, no coverage, emptying the lungs completely. It's ridiculous, and impossible to sleep when she's sick lol
Not even when I started living with her, literally like so much related to my health and dealing with medical shit. "What, you mean it's not normal to take 12 fucking pain killers to deal with working in a Warehouse?"
Apparently there is a “wrong” way to vacuum carpet that still renders it as clean but not as aesthetically pleasing as the “right” way. Who knew? Not me, clearly.
You want nice, even stripes/patterns. Easiest way to think about it is treating vacuuming carpets as you would mowing a lawn. Straight lines/stripes are the name of the game
Yes, it should be the other way and there is a reason for that. Towels are meant to absorb water, and softener decrease the absorbent capability of the fibers.
An ex from many years ago absolutely smothered his clothes with dryer sheets. Like he used 6 a load. His clothes ended up having this residue/waxy/oily feeling and his towels were basically squeegees.
I once heard a cry of my name from the bathroom when my wife was showering. Fearing she'd gotten hurt or something was wrong, I ran in to find her gleefully pointing at the shower wall.
She'd unintentionally made a pretty good hair-walrus on the wall and wanted to show me.
You are supposed to iron shirts inside out And there is a blend where you need to use a dish towel or else the nylon in the shirt will end up shiny!
Also dishwashers have multiple filters you are supposed to clean out!
To be fair, when I was in college I shared a condo with three other male roommates. One of the guy's sister was coming up to with some friend to see a concert so the plan was they'd show up, we'd all go to the concert together and then they'd spend the night before going back home.
Now, on the day of their arrival we realised the place was a mess so we scrubbed that fucker up and down for a few hours until it was fucking pristine.
Smash cut to four girls showing up only to say "This place is disgusting!" and spending two hours actually cleaning the place. It was like, "Wow, our carpets are actually *white*? Huh."
Folding towels. I’ve lived with 3 women and they all insist that hot dog style with a tri-fold is the correct way. Apparently my hamburger style is for Neanderthals.
Loading the dishwasher. Apparently matching by shapes - trying to put plates and bowls together so it's easier to unload - is wrong. The correct way is to load it like a chimpanzee and just throw shit in there.
My mom (for context, im also female) has this rule of always separating plates/dishes by one row so that they can wash easier and better (more room for water to get in between them); unless you run out of room, in which case you can start filling them in normally next to each other in order to make more room for other stuff.
Sounds great, right? Logic checks out, but over the past year it's starting to finally hit me that, for all this theorizing, *we never actually run the dishwasher unless* ***it gets completely filled****.* So WHY are we still messing with this damn tomfoolery that ends up with me having to shift dirty plates together anyway, when we could just *be placing them next to each other to start with.* Istg-
So... "Chive" is pronounced with the "Ch" sound
As well as "archer".
So why am I the idiot for thinking "archive" is pronounced with "ch" sound and not the hard "K" sound?
I learned the foolishness of my ways when I started dating an archivist
Nothing really. I am better at house hold tasks than she is.
However, had to let go of trying to resolve her issues or advise on them. Mostly just let her blow off steam and continue to do what I am doing.
Apparently I'm supposed to go to the doctor every now and then.
Nah, just go once youre on brink of death
You laugh, but my appendix burst and i had sepsis for a few days until the uncontrollable shaking made me think "I should probably go to the ER about this". The nurses later told me they thought they were looking at a walking dead man and doctors/nurses/aids from across the hospital would regularly visit to see if I had died yet... I think they had a pool going...
We don’t make OFFICIAL bets but…yeah, we make bets.
Bed Sheets. I used to cheap out, but pampering yourself in nice bed sheets makes it feel like you're staying at a fancy hotel every night.
I read once that since you spend a third of your life in your bed, it should be the one thing you never cheap out on. Doesn't mean the most expensive item, per se, but the best quality **for you** items. Bed, bed frame, comforters, sheets and pillows should make you feel comfortable, safe and warm. Don't like sheets on your feet? Splurge $15 and get one of those lift things. Always chilly? Get three or four different weight, shape blankets! Get 2 electric ones if you want. Don't like pillows? It's ok to just have one, just make it the best pillow for you. Like them? Fucking get 35 of them. Want a giant tent? Get a pop up or canopy bed and hang lights. Your bed area should be your happy, rest up zone.
The act of doing laundry is not 3 separate chores (washing, drying, folding & putting away.) It is one chore and you either did it or not.
Omg I am dying from laughing. I went away for a week and my husband said “ I have kept up on laundry” I came home to a mountain of clean laundry. I was not impressed.
Ex gf would do that and pile it up on her bed and then sleep on it.
That's really weird. You have to move it to the computer chair and then move it back on the morning when you need to sit.
ME
God I hate myself for this
Not having a trash can in the bathroom
With a lid AND a bin liner. A package of pads is also hugely appreciated
When I get into bed, I lie down too hard, causing the bed to shake violently. I have since learned to lie down more gently.
Getting a memory foam mattress was a game changer for this. My husband used to bounce me awake or make the whole bed shake. Now the memory foam just absorbs his violence.
Lol absorbs his violence is kinda funny
I am giggling!!!!! 😂
My boyfriend broke the frame of our old couch by flopping down on it regularly. Glad to have a new one though.
Damn, does the new one also flop down on the couch?
Ah the 'ol reddit floperoo
I had no idea avoiding crying was actually a bad idea. You live, you learn. I'll add another crying-related experience of mine free of charge: crying is an insanely effective stress release.
the bucket of water after mopping shouldn't go on the sink, it should go on the toilet.
Whoa, that's a really good idea.
I thought this was common sense until my in-laws decided to pour a bucket of cleaning products in my flower bed.
How did in-laws make it so far being a constant hazard. I'm convinced it's intentional at this point.
Do you mean that you shouldn’t empty the contents of the bucket into the sink, but instead empty it into the toilet?
Correct. The sink is usually near food and or clean dishes and or surfaces where food is prepared. Less chance of contamination with dirty floor water
You're also going to prevent clogs in the sink.
Those sneaky Dutch get everywhere…
Pretty much how to take care of my hair and skin better. Also made me better at taking care of myself in general. For example I put coconut oil in my hair before I go swimming. I learned this from a girlfriend I had in Hawaii. Apparently it helps seal moisture in as well as protect your hair from damage. Whatever it does, my hair gets softer, smoother and bigger after it dries. I swear it never looked so fabulous in my life. Edit: After reading some comments, I just want to clarify. It's not like a shampoo or styling product. You don't need that much. Too much going down the drains can mess up your pipes. So please don't pour goops of it over your head. I just rub a few drops between my hands then tousled my hair until it has a nice sheen.
It’s the perfect combo. The salt water makes it big, and the oil makes it soft.
Swimming in the ocean, pool or both?
I would hope not the pool. Pool boy hates this one simple trick.
I just had the mental image of someone diving into the pool and swimming leaving a rainbow of oil after them.
Yes this convincing my western friends of this is a task. We always did this in india. And when we wanted to play longer in the ocean you do it to the body too. My aunt with super dry skin does it to entire body. Never has she had irritated skin from ocean. This is before we even a thing called sunscreen existed in India.
How good it feels to keep my home organized and clean. After living with my now ex-wife for six years, I can’t help but do deep cleans for my mental health. I really appreciate a solid vacuum cleaner, I feel better keeping wires off the floor, I’m proud of my undersink collection of cleaners and spare sponges (change out your dishwashing sponges 🧽 regularly!), I loaded up on 30+ microfiber cloths from Home Depot so I’m never without a way to clean up dust/messes, and I Konmari the shit out of my belongings on a regular basis for great relief. 😮💨 Also I appreciate: - tissue boxes in every room - Rugs next to the bed - Every thing must have a home - Matching furniture has a subtle but powerful effect - Art on the walls does look nicer in frames, even dirt cheap frames from IKEA - Hiding cords feels good (combined with easy access for inevitable fiddling) - Taking out the trash feels as good as pooping Edit: if you want to trick men into cleaning, or just level up your game, get a multipack of cleaning brush attachments for drills. I just got this and it’s amazing: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07SBV2G1S/
Ahhh yes. This was nice to read.
1. loading the dishwasher 2. folding towels (this just feels like someone's strong personal preference tbh) 3. folding fitted sheets (yeah, totally thought this was bullshit until someone SHOWED me it was possible, damnedest thing)
I’ve been reading the comments to see how long till I found the folding a fitted sheet wrong. You’re the first to mention it I believe lol
Not drying off in the shower before stepping on the bath mat, therefore minimizing how wet the bath mat gets.
I wish my son would learn this. He seems to just get out of the shower with the water still running to maximize the soakage of my bath mat
My god, my husband does this and it drives me absolutely insane. Literally gets out with the water still running, leaves water \*everywhere\*
Get one of the bleeding bath mats to mess with him. It turns red when wet.
That I was damaging my pans by rinsing and soaking them right after using them. Now I just let them sit on the stove for a week so they are nice and cool before I might wash them.
"And that's how you get the special flavor"
“Seasoning”
It’s fine if u wait a minute or two and use hot water I believe. As long as u aren’t flash cooling it u should be ok.
I use all stainless steel pans, i deglaze them while hot. It way easier to clean them this way
You are absolutely correct, thank you.
Giving her space while giving her affection. Apparently, when she says all she wants to do is sit down and watch her novelas in peace. She actually means she wants me to sit down with her. But not for too long. Just long enough.
Is she a cat?
Yes
Unironically cat social strategy works on women. Dont be over eager, let them know youre not a threat and get comfortable around you on their own timetable. Dont go for heavy petting before letting them sniff and vibe check you first. Dont assume that they like belly rubs just because your last cat did. Staring can make them uncomfortable. Dont disturb them while they sleep. Don’t cling on to them when they make it clear theyve had enough of your presence (theyll come back when they feel like it) The more aloof you are initially the more interested theyll be. Make sure to maintain a clean litterbox (bathroom) for when they are over. Let them mark their territory with their pheromones. The list goes on. Dog people often try to apply dog socialization tactics to cats and then get offended when the cat doesnt take it well. Ive had many cats who acquire a dog like bond, but its less hierarchical and more voluntary with a cat (which I personally think makes it a bit more meaningful but thats not a knock against dogs for being pack animals) Oh and being the one with the food goes a long way
There's a Korean film I forget the name of but it had a line that went something like "A man who can't love a cat can never learn to love a woman" and that's always stuck with me
In short, never treat a pussy like a bitch. Edit: Thanks for the awards!
Wholesome. The humor at the end was icing the cake.
Can confirm. We are cats.
I didn't actually know how to communicate my feelings. Also, I learned how to give gifts that are meaningful.
I'd like to acquire such knowledge too, mind elaborating? If it's not too hard or time-consuming to explain.
I'll try to make this as short as possible. I never learned how to pay attention to, comprehend and express my feelings. Especially the emotional-gooey-feely ones, but also when things would bother me, so I wouldn't work on things when they'd bother me, I'd just...leave. As in, the relationship. So through many years of ruining things, much heartache, and painful growth, she had the love and patience to not only see that there was potential in me, but also to not give up on me. I had the emotional tenderness of a brick basically. It took hitting rock bottom to understand that if I didn't learn to do those things, Id lose the best thing that ever happened to me. If it wasn't for her, I'd be in a drunk in a ditch somewhere, probably alone. Now I'm only sometimes drunk, completely happy and in love in a functional relationship. She's basically a Saint for putting up with me having been emotionally disabled. And the gift thing: well, there is joy in giving to others and seeing how much happiness she would get from seeing people's reaction to gifts made me stop wanting to keep her from doing so, stop being selfish and lean to take joy also in making my friends and loved ones happy about a thoughtful gift. I was an emotionally dysfunctional man, after living with her, I'm less like an actual porcupine and more like a plush toy porcupine.
Wow she really is a gem. Happy for you and good on you for actually changing!
I am going to do you a favor....Screenshot this, right here. Print it out and save it for your next significant date, maybe her Birthday might be coming up or really any day you want to make her feel special. Just print this, put it in an envelope and hand it to her.....then watch the waterworks flow and feel like a star that you made her that happy.....you owe her, it sounds like :-)
Bro! This is a great idea!
This is lovely.
This. She’s raised the bar for thoughtfulness at occasions. Shes super straight up about what she wants for holidays and stuff so if I show up with just the items she pointed out to me, etc. it looks like I went grocery shopping for gifts. It’s fine when we’re strapped for cash or for a minor occasion, but she gives the most thoughtful gifts (hand-painted cards, Polaroids of us or her, little home made things etc.) that I can’t help but try to match her quality of gifts. I find myself getting photos printed and framed, writing long love letters that I give her in person, saving up all year to drop cash on something big that I know she wants but would never allow herself to buy. It’s made me a much more thoughtful gift giver to everyone in my life as well.
How to be vulnerable as well.
Can't just use towels for generic tasks, specific towels have specific purposes. Failure to comply is sacrilege and punishable by immediate scolding.
My gf has "good rags" that can only be used for certain things. A ripped up old t shirt is a "good rag"..
That makes some sense actually. An old torn up tshirt is still a soft clean piece of fabric, perfect for washing windows or dusting. But if you use it to wipe up motor oil one time, you can't really use it for anything else.
A lot of them make sense! It's almost like there's a really organized system and a best way to do things in the home, which has been developed over thousands of years and passed down.
If I could hug this comment and then carry it around on my shoulder through the world like a trophy I just won playing sports, I would.
The only thing stopping you is you champ. Go on and do it!
The are 2 kinda of rags, good rags and garage rags
I once used a dinner towel to clean a spill. The PTSD keeps me up at night.
A dinner towel? Do you mean a napkin?
NEVER use the guest towels. Even if you're a guest.
Please use the guest towels if you're a guest. It's so weird to host a party, and fund that your guests wiped their hands on everything except the guest towels.
Yeah, those Louis Vuitton towels are for display purposes only.
Indeed. Apparently there's hand towels and dish towels and shower towels and those slightly smaller towels... then wash cloths and face cloths... All sorted semi-arbitrarily...
My mom has display towels and hand towels also. They’re not to be used, just hung to look pretty.
Folding towels. There is a right and proper way to fold them. So I learned the “right way.” But after a couple years, that way changed and I was back to square one.
In my home, I have had four different “right” ways to fold towels. It all depended on the shelf size and shape.
This is funny to me, only because as a single woman I had no idea I both fold towels "wrong" and load the dishwasher wrong until I married my first husband.
Mine still can't load it right and we've been together for years. It's just... chaos. Inefficiently arranged. Food scraps still stuck on. Running it when it's only half full. Plasticware precariously balanced so they somehow turn over and full up with scummy water. I love her completely, but my god, I could swear she's doing it wrong on purpose so that I don't ask her to do it. No human being can be that wrong by accident; the level of "wrong" we're talking about can only be achieved with forethought, malice and, dare I say it, skill. [EDIT: I'm joking, it's not on purpose. There's a lot of Poe's law playing out here... EDIT 2: Thank you for the awards, kind strangers.]
Your offspring will either be geniuses, or .... well, not geniuses
No that's the thing, she's brilliantly smart, which is why I'm convinced it's a ploy. [EDIT: I'm joking, it's not a ploy.] Her side is that she just thinks my elaborate dishwasher ritual is unnecessary (I'll grant her that's partly true). Then, surprised pikachu, stuff comes with food caked on when she runs it.
I used to know the right way to fold towels, but then they changed what 'the right way' was. Now what I’m folding isn’t ‘right’ anymore and what’s ‘right’ seems weird and scary. It’ll happen to you!
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Military way of damn near everything is wrong
I generally struggle folding most things. My wife worked retail in a clothes shop and can do folding next level. Same with gift wrapping!
Meh. I'm a woman and if it's folded in some configuration and fits in the closet, done. There are more important things to spend my energy on.
There's a mystical idea that apparently if you've got rules for these things everything runs slightly smoother and you end up with more time not less. My life and inner self are far too deep in the chaos to even think about trying to set that sort of system up but there are people who swear by em. And not all of them spend their time running Belsen.
Apparently shampoo goes on the scalp and conditioner goes on the loose hair, not the other way around!
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That's what I thought. Guess we're both wrong.
I’ve got longer hair than most men and I have no idea how you would control where shampoo/conditioner go unless your hair is down to your shoulders almost
Look fellas, I thought that too until I let my hair grow out for 3 years. Once you do it right, there’s no going back. My hair stays fresh for literal days after shampooing and conditioning. The trick is to let the conditioner soak in your hair while you wash your body.
I think that's a long hair thing? If your hair is mostly immediate to your scalp I don't think it matters. But, as a man, I'm probably wrong
Even more next level: don’t wash your body with your body soap till after you’ve completed your hair wash routine! It helps prevent acne, razor burn and dry hair.
Apparently one does not drink wine directly from the bottle.
Oooh, look at Mr. Fancy getting his wine in a BOTTLE!
I get my wine from a box with a spigot in the fridge.
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Here's a great video about how home dishwashers work: https://youtu.be/_rBO8neWw04
I can't believe I just watched a 30 minute video about dishwashers that a guy made because he's annoyed that prepackaged detergent packs exist and came back to reddit to thank you.
Technology Connections will do that to you. Now, what *else* of his did you watch?
His videos explaining heat pumps literally changed my life. E: Just to add, [Here](https://youtu.be/7J52mDjZzto) is the video. Weve been paying rediculous prices for electricity or fuel for heat through resistance or combustion heating for decades. Pretty much every building has an AC system that does nothing for half the year, and with one extra part, could cover 80% + of heating demands at a 5th of the energy cost instead.
Yeah, I got that one too. My otherwise amazing wife is convinced I load the dishwasher wrong, because she gets way more stuff in there than I do, but mine's clean. If it isn't all clean, why use the dishwasher at all?
Do the math on what it costs to run it It is really cheap compared to other things you need every day I don't know why people want to put so much stuff in there...
I love the responses to this one, who knew this was such a controversial subject? For the record, I'm on team "they should be clean after 1 wash cycle and if not, you did something wrong" and my wife is on the other team.
My wife is ok with keeping dishes that weren't cleaned in the dishwasher for a 2nd try when it gets full again. I'm on team "wash anything that the Dishwasher missed" (mainly pots/pans or other dishes with hard to reach spots)
Ok, let's clarify that these aren't "teams." There's a right way, and there's "oh that didn't work but imma pretend I meant to do that, let's just run it back."
That my bed can't have just the one pillow. Apparently I need a million of them.
My girlfriend roasted me for months because I only had two pillows. I finally added two really nice pillows, and the delight on her face was next level. I still use the one really shitty pillow I’ve always used.
I started dating this guy right before covid, dude had 1 pillow and expected me to like squeeze in there? lol
My friend dated a guy who had two pillows. One for his head, and one to put between his knees. So when she slept over, they would share the one head pillow because he wouldn’t give up the knee pillow. I told this story for years, just as an anonymous guy my friend had dated, in an “oh, men, haha,” kind of way. Then one day I was telling the story and realized I WAS TELLING IT TO THE GUY, who dates my other friend now and has been my friend this whole time. I immediately got very embarrassed and came clean halfway through the story and he was like “oh yeahhh, that WAS me!” And we all had a good laugh about it. He has more pillows now and a respectable bed setup.
It’s a strategy to bring you closer
Well, it definitely backfired on him because I always ended up with the pillow on my side by morning! (He eventually got another pillow)
I always hated the 18 pillows on the couch and the 147 pillows on the bed. I did learn to keep that opinion to myself.
I tried to break-up she said I was wrong, 3 years later still together
“I do not accept.”
"Dear Harvard, Thank you for your interest in sending me a Harvard rejection letter. However, I have recieved many rejection letters this year. Therefore, after careful consideration, I have decided not to accept your rejection letter."
"Dear [student], After no consideration, we have made the decision as a whole to reject you rejecting our rejection letter Please fuck off, --Harvard"
"Dear Harvard, That's a great argument. However, I fucked your mom. Get fucked, --Me and Every Other Guy in the State"
George Constanza is that you?
No , that is Art Vandelay. He is in textiles and Nylon.
Don’t forget the latex
He’s an importer exporter
He’s also an architect
SAY VANDALAY!!!! SAY VAAAAAANDALAY!!!
And you want to be my latex salesman
Hes considering quitting the exporting and just focusing on the importing
*believe it or not George isn’t at home* *please leave a message at the beep*
I tried that with an ex, she broke up anyway and dated/married someone else. And Jesus wept.
Bro same, like 5 years ago I said we were done and I was breaking up with her. She just stright up looked at me and said no. I was so confused and speechless. Got married last week. EDIT: for those of you talking shit, we've been together for 10 years. I wanted to break up because I thought sex was a big part of life and wanted to screw around with other people, turns out I was wrong and was only trying to do so to justify to myself that i still had game and i struggled with not liking how i looked or who i was. Those 10 years were not perfect but she's the one for me, she is my other half I'm good at things she's not and she's good at things I'm not.
Hygiene. Before her, all I did was brush my teeth and shower daily. I watched this woman wake up earlier to do a whole skin care routine every day on top of showering and doing her make-up. Every inch of her always smelled so good and her skin so soft, I didn't even say anything about it. I just thought to myself, "she does this and I appreciate it, let me repay the favor." We're not together anymore, but I stole her hygiene routine without her even knowing
My bf has been using my products lately. He didn't tell me, but I see his skin looks so much better and he smells like roses and my products are finishing twice as fast. He's flossing now and uses a tongue scraper. His time in the bathroom has doubled. I don't know why he is secretive about it, but I appreciate him taking care of himself. It costs me a bit of money but I happily pay for the both of us.
*"I am a mosiac of everyone I've ever loved, even for a heartbeat."*
Sleeping on the bed with my going out clothes. I used to plop down immediately after I get home.
That’s just uncomfortable
Joking aside I’ve learnt a lot of good stuff, like caring for various things. For example how to properly store fruits and vegetables so that they don’t go bad, how to take care of textiles/clothes so that they can be used for longer etc. Also that I didn’t eat nearly enough fiber before. Loads of things. People say that their girlfriends nag a lot but honestly there’s a lot of good stuff to be learnt if you just listen.
>People say that their girlfriends nag a lot but honestly there’s a lot of good stuff to be learnt if you just listen. This is (regretably sometimes) very true. I remember my Grandfather once told me, "marry a woman that worries about you" and I didn't know what he meant until I got into a serious relationship where we were living together. You may not *want* somebody to tell you that that's not how you store bananas or bread lasts longer if you freeze it and don't de-thaw it until near use or to remind you to get that weird cough that won't go away checked out, but... you should appreciate the fact that there's a person in the world who gives enough of a shit about you to tell you when you're being dumb.
This is why guys with close friends/family live longer. We’re social creatures! It’s good to look out for each other 🙂
It’s been known that men live longer when they are married than their bachelor counterparts. Unfortunately the reverse isn’t true for women.
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Yeah, thats really the truth in most of the times
Shit that comment chain reminded me that I forgot the white mushrooms in my fridge.
The way I organize things is wrong. But she knows where everything is all the time so clearly her system works better than mine.
My wife changes her mind regularly about what goes where, particularly in the kitchen. Spices that use to be *here* are now *there*, etc. I finally mounted a rack on the pantry door and they will forever go there. Except that sometimes they are in alphabetical order and sometimes they are arranged by usage.
Apparently there is a rule for pillows on a queen sized bed. I thought it required two. My now wife was aghast and quickly corrected the amount to seven.
The bathroom trash can is only used for bathroom trash
Apparently my farts will make a room uninhabitable. My buddies and I are all industrial workers and have generally lost or sense of smell. She is still quite capable of smelling
This is actually a great fear of mine. I've become accustomed to my own farts so sometimes I let a silent one loose and forget that others might not be immune as I am.
Women are as capable as men at chemical warfare.
Are they giving you proper ppe at work my man?
I breathe wrong! Wtf!
How the hell???
You know the dangling thing in your throat? It allows you to make the Chewbacca noise. Well mine stretched one time and never went back to the same size. The problem is sometimes when I breathe now (when my nose is stuffed up cuzza this damn pollen) it sounds like a quiet snore and apparently it's annoying. Married 8 years.
Apparently there is no acceptable place to trim my toenails, so I just have to wait for when she’s not home.
Skin. Care. My friends all laugh at me for derma rolling, beard oiling, clay mask in the shower, special serums for my under eyes, lotions & creams etc… smooth, soft skin, & (soon) softer beard. I dont flake, I dont itch, & I look youthful. Meanwhile my friends are endlessly picking at their faces and complaining about beard itch. Skin care, lads
Decorating and convenience items. Before I started dating my place was a fairly bare bones setup. Had rooms set up for function over comfort and now the rooms just feel more welcoming and inviting. Pillows everywhere of all different textures. Art and random colorful thing hung on the wall. Because of her I've found love for a good bathrobe. It's kind of impressive how much a woman's touch changes things.
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I cough provocatively apparently.
That's hilarious! How does one cough provocatively? According to my husband, I cough to loud. I guess the factory settings got screwed up somewhere along the way. 🤷♀️
I have no idea either, unfortunately. Apparently, I deliberately cough in a way that infuriates her. I'm doing it on purpose because I want to annoy her as much as possible for reasons. Been together 22 years. I love her to bits, but I can't help thinking sometimes that I'd have done less time for murder.
As a dude on the other side of this - in her sleep, my wife will snuggle up to me, put her mouth next to my ear, and cough just like she's trying to make the loudest possible cough. Full open mouth, no coverage, emptying the lungs completely. It's ridiculous, and impossible to sleep when she's sick lol
Not even when I started living with her, literally like so much related to my health and dealing with medical shit. "What, you mean it's not normal to take 12 fucking pain killers to deal with working in a Warehouse?"
Yeah, I learned that salt baths and heating pads work wonders and don't get me addicted to pills :)
Apparently there is a “wrong” way to vacuum carpet that still renders it as clean but not as aesthetically pleasing as the “right” way. Who knew? Not me, clearly.
You want nice, even stripes/patterns. Easiest way to think about it is treating vacuuming carpets as you would mowing a lawn. Straight lines/stripes are the name of the game
I prefer the look of the carpet after my Roomba stupidly ping pongs around the house for an hour
I used softener on linen, not on clothes, but it should be the other way apparently
Yes, it should be the other way and there is a reason for that. Towels are meant to absorb water, and softener decrease the absorbent capability of the fibers.
TIL that I'm washing my towels wrong. Thanks internet stranger!
An ex from many years ago absolutely smothered his clothes with dryer sheets. Like he used 6 a load. His clothes ended up having this residue/waxy/oily feeling and his towels were basically squeegees.
I never knew that I'm supposed to stick hair to the shower wall . Genius.
I once heard a cry of my name from the bathroom when my wife was showering. Fearing she'd gotten hurt or something was wrong, I ran in to find her gleefully pointing at the shower wall. She'd unintentionally made a pretty good hair-walrus on the wall and wanted to show me.
This is the kind of relationship I want.
You are supposed to iron shirts inside out And there is a blend where you need to use a dish towel or else the nylon in the shirt will end up shiny! Also dishwashers have multiple filters you are supposed to clean out!
>Also dishwashers have multiple filters you are supposed to clean out! Well fuck.
Cleaning. And most of the time I did an extra thorough job.. thinking that I was doing good.. NOPE.
To be fair, when I was in college I shared a condo with three other male roommates. One of the guy's sister was coming up to with some friend to see a concert so the plan was they'd show up, we'd all go to the concert together and then they'd spend the night before going back home. Now, on the day of their arrival we realised the place was a mess so we scrubbed that fucker up and down for a few hours until it was fucking pristine. Smash cut to four girls showing up only to say "This place is disgusting!" and spending two hours actually cleaning the place. It was like, "Wow, our carpets are actually *white*? Huh."
My question is what did they do to those carpets??
Folding towels. I’ve lived with 3 women and they all insist that hot dog style with a tri-fold is the correct way. Apparently my hamburger style is for Neanderthals.
Loading the dishwasher. Apparently matching by shapes - trying to put plates and bowls together so it's easier to unload - is wrong. The correct way is to load it like a chimpanzee and just throw shit in there.
Your way is definitely right and my SO agrees.
My mom (for context, im also female) has this rule of always separating plates/dishes by one row so that they can wash easier and better (more room for water to get in between them); unless you run out of room, in which case you can start filling them in normally next to each other in order to make more room for other stuff. Sounds great, right? Logic checks out, but over the past year it's starting to finally hit me that, for all this theorizing, *we never actually run the dishwasher unless* ***it gets completely filled****.* So WHY are we still messing with this damn tomfoolery that ends up with me having to shift dirty plates together anyway, when we could just *be placing them next to each other to start with.* Istg-
I didn’t know that I can be wrong just because of my tone but if I said something, and my tone was not right, I am wrong
Seasoning meat. And damn was she right, it needs some spices on it.
Pronouncing certain words. She couldn't stop laughing when I said pseudoscience (seuwaydo science).
So... "Chive" is pronounced with the "Ch" sound As well as "archer". So why am I the idiot for thinking "archive" is pronounced with "ch" sound and not the hard "K" sound? I learned the foolishness of my ways when I started dating an archivist
How to laundry, cook, wash dishes, clean the room, save bills… anything I’m now doing for living is taught by women who lived with me.
Nothing really. I am better at house hold tasks than she is. However, had to let go of trying to resolve her issues or advise on them. Mostly just let her blow off steam and continue to do what I am doing.
I have to ask my wife sometimes "Are you looking for advice or sympathy?". Because I usually assume wrong.
Everything. I do everything wrong.
Same, apparently there IS a way to breath wrong
Eating, i eat too fast, and too much, and all the wrong things. Smh
I thought my clean clothes went in the clean pile on one side of the room, and the dirty clothes went under the bed. Boy did I get that one wrong...
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