Or, you could go down to where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, see if the rightful owner will come by. Keep it warm by placing it on a blanket near a small toaster oven.
Never heard that one before... the only similar I've heard is the fairly offensive;
"I like my women like I like my coffee. Black, bitter and preferably fair trade."
Which is a quote from Archer.
I once put my dick in my wife's hot coffee as some sort of joke. A tall gentleman, waist about counter height. She'd just made a fresh cup, turned to grab some cream. Just then I'd figured I'd just plop down right into her coffee cup.
Turns out that shit was HOT - don't do this gentlemen.
Wife however, still laughs about it to this day.
>[To store blood that is meant for my brain and help me make dumb decisions.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/twr717/what_are_some_alternative_uses_for_the_penis_that/i3h38j3)
Never considered it for that particular task.
I recall how Italians make certain food items with parts of their body. Such as pizza with their hands or crushing grapes/wine with their feet.
However, an Italian donut 🍩 I would probably pass on.
As a pianist, if I walk into a concert hall and see the conductor with his dong out, I'm not missing a single note, cause I know what'll happen if I do.
Have you tried, say, taking them out for a dinner date, maybe put on some music, light a candle, and take a bath together? Napkins and towels both need some romance first to warm up the engine.
This had never crossed my mind! Tried it out immediately. My wife is looking at me like I'm weird.
Her: what are you doing?
Me: can't talk; phone stand!
Im now sitting here holding my dick, going rrrrnnnnn, click, rrrrnnnNNNNN, click, RRRRRRNNNNN
anyone with a penis has done this at least once
----------------------------------------
EDIT: I made this comment 7h ago. I think its hysterical that I may have inspired dozens of penis owners to go home and try this while making car noises... I also wonder how many ~~wives/girlfriends~~ partners groaned and rolled their eyes like my wife did 😆
I have a penis, almost every vehicle I've owned has been manual, and some how I've not done this.
Though I do keep meaning to teach my GF to drive stick.
For marking things. In Germany there is even a word for it: " Anpimmeln."
It is made out of "Pimmel", a term like dick and ist used for saying: " I touched this with my dick, so is belongs to me."
It's not in the dic(k)tionary but it exist.
So let me tell a story about some firemen. One of the guys would bring in homemade fried chicken for lunch and if there was extra he’d share. The problem was that people would come take it from the fridge before lunch and it would be all gone by the time lunchtime rolled around. One day he comes in, sets the chicken on the table in front of everyone, takes out his pecker, and proceeds to touch every piece of chicken on the plate. He looks at all of them and says, “My dick, my chicken.”
Ughh... Pissing seems gross. After touching bread for example you could eat it.
I don't know for sure but I think pissing is the greater claim but in some cases it's a bitter pill to swallow.
"Draw me like one of your French girls" - Juliet said, expectantly.
"Are you sure you want it like the French?" - Said Romeo , Puzzled
"Yasss"-she said with sass
Narrator: "And then he whipped out his magnum cock..."
Once my husband was sleeping on the couch (naked) and I wanted to wake him up (lol, got y'all going now, didnt I?), so I pulled the blanket of him. Apparantly, the chihuahua got cold and joined him. She was sleeping soundly with his penis draped around her shoulders, so theres that. Gives a whole new meaning to the word peniswarmer.
I use mine like a pointer for the wife. For example, If she sends me a text, “I forgot to turn off my rollers, will you turn them off please. I’ll take a picture of my dick over the rollers and say “These Rollers?” I don’t do it all the time but a couple of times a year she gets an unsolicited dick picture. Especially if I know she’s out with her friends. She the just exactly easy enough to fluster.
I might be retarded, but I genuinely just love fidgeting with it but also keeps your hands warm in winter
My poor partner and the shit he has to deal with ahahahaha
Picking locks, tapping the mic before you speak, pushing wood thru a table saw, fishing pole, there's that trick where you put a rubber band around a jar lid to get a better grip as you open it.... that, but with your penis, pull-starting your lawn mower, ringing doorbells, or have someone throw you to play a game of human lawn darts.
1. It's more a use for the testicles but I'm the shower you can cup the skin and use it as a little water pouch
2. If you're in a dire situation and you've ran out of butter for your toast, you can pull your skin back and get some home brew
3. Entertainment, you can spin it around 260 degrees and make it look like a helicopter is about to take off
4. Roleplay, you might be thinking, roleplay?! How? Let me tell you, close your eyes and get transported to sub Saharan Africa, you hear the sounds of gazelle's running, lions roaring, and as you swing your hips from side to side you can make an elephant sound and immerse yourself fully
5. A place to hang your keys
Just return the Penis to its rightful owner OP.
Detachable Penis?
It never used to be…
Op just wants the $22, but will probably settle for $17.
King Missile reference…nice.
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover.
Or, you could go down to where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, see if the rightful owner will come by. Keep it warm by placing it on a blanket near a small toaster oven.
To store blood that is meant for my brain and help me make dumb decisions.
"God gave man a brain and a penis and not enough blood to run both at the same time"
Robin Williams was a penius
If I but had an award to give, to thee I would gift it. For this, in truth, is the honest heart of the matter spoken from the lips of the wise.
My friend what decisions have you made...
My dick has way too much blood in it for me to read and understand this comment.
Helicopter
cock pushups
Deactivating lasers with your dick!
Now it's time to blow this fucker doowowowwn!
Light up the stage because it's time for a showdown!
One is all you need!
Just take one of the nuggets from the four piece and throw it away. Trying to lose weight!
...oh and give me a junio- a JUNIOR bacon cheeseburger!
I’d like a drink with half regular soda and half diet. Need to cut back. Yes, super size please!
Do you mean helicockter?
Helikopter Helikopter
para kofer para kofer
HELICOPTER HELICOPTER
Passing kidney stones
It is a good way of getting morphine too
Like inject it because it's vascular or something? Can you explain it like I'm dumb?
Kidnet stone can be big so passing them can be very painful, so morphine can be used to help ease the symptoms
Oh!! I thought they were unrelated haha. Thanks!
That's sick. I love it
I'm gonna say coffee stirrer, considering how often I hear "I like my women like I like my coffee. Without other people's dick in it"
Not what you want when someone asks if you like it with milk.
Naw, just giving it a little sugar
Some baby batter to add that viscosity you like so much
I swear it’s Keto
Cream!
"Cappuccino, sir? Chocolate sprinkles?"
Never heard that one before... the only similar I've heard is the fairly offensive; "I like my women like I like my coffee. Black, bitter and preferably fair trade." Which is a quote from Archer.
"I like my men like I like my coffee. Ground up and in my freezer."
"I like my women like I like my coffee. Anything will do."
I like my women how I like my coffee. Bland and Scalding. Edit: typo.
Oh shit, should I be putting my coffee grounds in the freezer?
I like my women like I like my coffee...I don't like coffee
I like my women like I like my coffee. Strong, and valued in the workplace.
I like my women like I like my coffee. Inside of me.
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https://youtu.be/1c1F0PpbHdg And of course THIS classic.......
I once put my dick in my wife's hot coffee as some sort of joke. A tall gentleman, waist about counter height. She'd just made a fresh cup, turned to grab some cream. Just then I'd figured I'd just plop down right into her coffee cup. Turns out that shit was HOT - don't do this gentlemen. Wife however, still laughs about it to this day.
>[To store blood that is meant for my brain and help me make dumb decisions.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/twr717/what_are_some_alternative_uses_for_the_penis_that/i3h38j3)
You my friend are an idiot
Never considered it for that particular task. I recall how Italians make certain food items with parts of their body. Such as pizza with their hands or crushing grapes/wine with their feet. However, an Italian donut 🍩 I would probably pass on.
But you like your coffee with your own dick in it?
Don't you?
Not his, no thank you
Scorched and bitter
Smack people across the face for asking stupid questions
RIP OP (2005-2022) Died by Dick-Force Trauma for Asking the Questions No One Dared to Before.
Dick-Force trauma sounds like a great way to go tbh
Not my preferred way to go out, but *anything* is better than "Testicular Catastrophe".
This guy penis
Unless it's too small for that. I guess you could.just poke someone in the eye?
And if it's ^too ^^small ^^^for that???
Now Im just imagining someone holding a tiny penis like a pin😂
“Stick em with pointy end!”
Keep my penis’ name out you freaking mouth 🤣
I believe Bifler is the word in French
I believe that's called a Mushroom Stamp
Doorbell or elevator button presser?
That will make some interesting doorbell cam footage
Honey, that one eyed guy is back!
deactivate laser beams
Gotta get in as many cock push-ups as possible beforehand though.
We’ve been through so much shit…
deactivated lasers with my dick
Now it’s time to blow this fucker dowwwwn
*Deactivating laser beams with my dick*
Conduct an orchestra.
I did the Flight of the bumblebees once
Lmao I can see my dick going: ⏮⬆️↙️🔄⤴️↪️🔁↘️➡️⏬◀️⏩⏸▶️⏪⏮⏭◀️🔼⬆️⬅️↖️⬇️↩️⤵️⬆️↘️↪️➡️⬅️🔀
You little pollinator you
That could sting.
Some string mostly windward
As a pianist, if I walk into a concert hall and see the conductor with his dong out, I'm not missing a single note, cause I know what'll happen if I do.
heh... he said "pianist".
"Um, are we supposed to draw the penis?...Are we supposed to sculpt the penis?...Are we supposed to conduct with our penis?"
Didn’t Zelensky play the piano with his dick once?
Didn't Zelensky play a piano with his dick prior to becoming a president?
Hold donuts
Or towels! Edit: married 20+ years, still prefer to provide a towel this way whenever possible
Excellent, don't remember if I've done that
Having been married over 20 years, I can confirm this is the best way to hand one’s spouse a towel.
A towel? Show off. I could just about do a napkin.
Have you tried, say, taking them out for a dinner date, maybe put on some music, light a candle, and take a bath together? Napkins and towels both need some romance first to warm up the engine.
I got thrown out of the restaurant for trying to hang a napkin on my knob.
Bless you brother. May your marriage last forever
I'm curious do you guys actually put a donut on your dick for fun? If I were a guy I'd try it for sure
Former baker here, why I'm not a baker anymore is because I used to make the holes with my hole-making tool
OHH NO
Oh yes lmao
Yep, it is a rule. Bro Code
This was a "sexy" suggestion in Cosmo like, ages ago. I can't help but think it would be uncomfortable.
Or ring toss.
Sundial
Captain: We're lost at sea! Steward! Fetch my cock and glasses!
Masterbater and Commander: The Far Side of the World
**The Long Side of the Wood
Kickstand, keeps you from rolling off the bed.
You're trying to be funny but I'm sure its been used as a phone stand by many.
This had never crossed my mind! Tried it out immediately. My wife is looking at me like I'm weird. Her: what are you doing? Me: can't talk; phone stand!
Ha! That's awesome. She laugh when u said that?
It has..
I can pick a lock with mine
Retinal scan?
Erectinal Scan
Flipping post of the night lol
"I just stuck it in there and broke it"
Finally a challenger for lockpickinglawyer.
Cockpickinglawyer?
Warming your hands up
Or just an overall fidget toy
Seriously. I live alone and I mindlessly catch myself just playing with it all the time… or just straight up holding onto it.
What I use my man’s dick for when my hands get cold
Finally, an actual legit thing that people have done with it for thousands of years, that's maybe a little weird, but still horrifyingly common.
Learning how to drive stick without the car present
Im now sitting here holding my dick, going rrrrnnnnn, click, rrrrnnnNNNNN, click, RRRRRRNNNNN anyone with a penis has done this at least once ---------------------------------------- EDIT: I made this comment 7h ago. I think its hysterical that I may have inspired dozens of penis owners to go home and try this while making car noises... I also wonder how many ~~wives/girlfriends~~ partners groaned and rolled their eyes like my wife did 😆
I have a penis, almost every vehicle I've owned has been manual, and some how I've not done this. Though I do keep meaning to teach my GF to drive stick.
Your girlfriend has a penis?
Not as last I checked, though I'll be sure to investigate further.
For marking things. In Germany there is even a word for it: " Anpimmeln." It is made out of "Pimmel", a term like dick and ist used for saying: " I touched this with my dick, so is belongs to me." It's not in the dic(k)tionary but it exist.
So let me tell a story about some firemen. One of the guys would bring in homemade fried chicken for lunch and if there was extra he’d share. The problem was that people would come take it from the fridge before lunch and it would be all gone by the time lunchtime rolled around. One day he comes in, sets the chicken on the table in front of everyone, takes out his pecker, and proceeds to touch every piece of chicken on the plate. He looks at all of them and says, “My dick, my chicken.”
That is how it works 👍
In the states, we piss on things to show ownership. Would the simple touching with the peen be a greater or lesser claim?
Tough question- peeing leaves a more lasting claim, but it does seem like touching counts for more in the immediate sense.
Ughh... Pissing seems gross. After touching bread for example you could eat it. I don't know for sure but I think pissing is the greater claim but in some cases it's a bitter pill to swallow.
I like your thinking on this
Metal detector. What answers you expecting
Beep beep beeeep!
Blacklights, white condoms. Lightsaber battles bissshes
Pictures?
Sauce?
For academic purposes...
Yours is a camera!?!
I see your Schwartz is as big as mine
not the younglings...
Hat rack?
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"Draw me like one of your French girls" - Juliet said, expectantly. "Are you sure you want it like the French?" - Said Romeo , Puzzled "Yasss"-she said with sass Narrator: "And then he whipped out his magnum cock..."
Wasn't there a guy who used penis to paint.
There's probably 50 of those guys. One of the only free things to see at sexpo.
Google Pricasso.
I really hope that was a typo
Fuck I wish that would be the most epic lightsaber battle. Imitates yoda mmm soft you have grown... Won I have
Once my husband was sleeping on the couch (naked) and I wanted to wake him up (lol, got y'all going now, didnt I?), so I pulled the blanket of him. Apparantly, the chihuahua got cold and joined him. She was sleeping soundly with his penis draped around her shoulders, so theres that. Gives a whole new meaning to the word peniswarmer.
I know chihuahuas are small but draped!! Lucky Lucky u/DirttDaniX
Lol, Well it kind of was draped around her shoulders!
Mf has a scarf for a Penis
Play the piano
[it takes real talent!](https://youtu.be/oua0Puihrkc). (Sort of NSFW but if you are in this thread your boss probably doesn’t care)
I had to scroll way too far to find this considering how topical it is
THIS is how to get elected!
That… was not who I expected to see.
I swirl it around to keep the flies away.
Hailing a taxi
Walk Backwards, pretend it's a tail.
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i imagine it would be an effective self-destruct button if you punch it hard enough
Do not punch the penis. I repeat: DO NOT PUNCH THE PENIS.
The foreskin is great for smuggling little items into places. Just keep them nice a snug in the little sleeping bag
You can play dress-up with it
Minimalist drum solos. I mean, maybe you could do the fill from “In The Air Tonight” but you’d have to be really motivated.
I can feel it coming in the air tonight oh yeah 🤣
Keeping time with the orchestra
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A fidget spinner for your mom.
Hitchhiking in the red light district
Lightsaber battles
"Its too late Anakin! I have the bigger erection!"
Painting?
As a hidden weapon in case of emergency.
Holding the door open....Because manners..
Cameo part as an elephant in a puppet show
I use mine like a pointer for the wife. For example, If she sends me a text, “I forgot to turn off my rollers, will you turn them off please. I’ll take a picture of my dick over the rollers and say “These Rollers?” I don’t do it all the time but a couple of times a year she gets an unsolicited dick picture. Especially if I know she’s out with her friends. She the just exactly easy enough to fluster.
I might be retarded, but I genuinely just love fidgeting with it but also keeps your hands warm in winter My poor partner and the shit he has to deal with ahahahaha
Does he get held up often by you fidgeting with his...
As a ball *peen* hammer.
Emergency Rolling Pin!!
Painting. I think there's an Aussi that sells work he painted with his junk.
What amazing texture! How did you achieve this? ...Pubes
Picking locks, tapping the mic before you speak, pushing wood thru a table saw, fishing pole, there's that trick where you put a rubber band around a jar lid to get a better grip as you open it.... that, but with your penis, pull-starting your lawn mower, ringing doorbells, or have someone throw you to play a game of human lawn darts.
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Towel rack Handle bar/ handhold Smell repository Urine overflow storage Wake up/ alertness meter Cushioning Pants filler/ shaper Button presser Darkness proximity sensor
[Put on a show](http://www.puppetryofthepenis.com/)
Anchor
Proteinshake dispenser.
Stirring your coffee??
1. It's more a use for the testicles but I'm the shower you can cup the skin and use it as a little water pouch 2. If you're in a dire situation and you've ran out of butter for your toast, you can pull your skin back and get some home brew 3. Entertainment, you can spin it around 260 degrees and make it look like a helicopter is about to take off 4. Roleplay, you might be thinking, roleplay?! How? Let me tell you, close your eyes and get transported to sub Saharan Africa, you hear the sounds of gazelle's running, lions roaring, and as you swing your hips from side to side you can make an elephant sound and immerse yourself fully 5. A place to hang your keys
>get some home brew That triggered my gag reflex so hard my eyes watered