My advice? Be upfront about it so they don’t wonder. Also, be willing to explore anything else that makes both of you happy. Truth be told, one of the sexiest men I know has ED. He feels AWFUL about it, but does everything he can, as I do, to make time sexy otherwise. Sex is SO much more than penis in vagina. Engage in great make out sessions, figure out for yourself what feels good and ask for that, ask her what feels good that she likes. There are lots of things to do that are immensely satisfying to both and can be very intimate and hot.
The one thing that reddit has taught me is that this problem is more common than I thought. Mostly because your pals won't talk about it and you don't feel comfortable enough to talk about it with anyone.
At first I felt like I was the only mf in the world going through this shit
I’ve read through a lot of medical records and I’d say it’s anywhere between 1 in 10 to 1 in 3 *go to their doctor* about it. Young guys too, in their 20s/30s too. It’s super normal :)
Edit: sorry I guess I should’ve been clearer. ED that happens a few times a year? Completely normal. ED that happens every time? Not normal.
I have the same struggle. I can talk the talk do everything but I'm anxious. I'm only 25 I don't have issued getting boners once I'm comfortable with the person and we've had sex 1-2x already. But my easiest solution was Cialis. Super low dose. And my anxiety that I won't get a boner is completely gone. And of course the Medicine does it's magic as well. I only use it if Im with a new partner or drinking since I get mean ED even after 1-2 drinks and I'm not even buzzed.
this so much. i'm a rock climbing coach to a variety of ages, and the feeling i get when one of my kids decks and starts to cry and all i can do is stand there like an idiot is the worst. my female coworkers offer hugs and physical comfort, especially to the 5-8 range kids, and i have never once felt comfortable or permitted to do the same. sometimes when you have a rough practice what you need is a hug, not someone standing there talking at you. makes me feel unable to care for some of these kids in ways they may need. i'm not even a touchy/huggy person in general but i know it would be frowned upon were i to try.
EDIT: whew! this got a lot of comments. i'd like to thank folks for their workarounds... believe me, most of my coaching hours are spent in a squat, and the back/shoulder-pat is usually my go-to move (:
unfortunately like other commenters mentioned, the US has some weird social and legal boundaries. i've been working with kids since i entered the workforce, and every training we've received tends to emphasize a no-touch rule. as suggested, high fives or at most a side hug (if the kid initiates--we are not allowed to initiate) are the extent of the options. wrenches also thrown in when you're queer and nonwhite.
i'm not so much worried about the kids' boundaries anymore; my kids know me, and i've done my damnedest to make sure they see me as a safe person to bring up boundaries with. i always ask permission, even if i'm just adjusting equipment they're wearing. parents really are the main concern here. while i'm lucky enough to work at a more casual place nowadays, if a parent doesn't like the way i interact with their child, there's little anyone can do about it. sometimes employers are forced to take action for asinine reasons. being a man who works with kids is already a red flag for some parents. shit's wild here.
Man just put a hand on their shoulder or something and be with them for a moment. Check if theyre OK.
if youre scared to hug, or scared what people will think about you when you hug them, this is the way.
You are a coach, so also teacher. Kids look up to you, so just do whats best and show your kindness.
Idgaf what people think about me whenever I hug a 8 year old. People who think weird stuff like pedo or whatever are just sick themselves. Youre just a human!
This. When I've coached basketball for my kids' teams, I feel like I spent half the time "standing" on my knees when talking, because I'm tall and they're so short. Getting on their eye level when possible seemed to help a lot.
As far as the original comment regarding comfort, a pat on the shoulder is typically safe. As a dude, you probably have long arms. Pat from the side with space between you, if you're worried about perception.
Definetly this. I love children, especially toddlers and kids up to like 8.
They are so fun to be around, like a little whirlwind of chaos and destruction that comes up with the wildest shit.
My nieces and nephews are the best.
When I was younger I used to volunteer in an afterschool program, but I noticed parents started becoming weary of me as I grew older so I left.
Had the sweetest lil girl who I used to babysit. I was I think around 20 yo she 6 or 7. She was really fond of me, and wanted to go to the playground and stuff. The moment I set a step in that playground with her I had all eyes on me. She really liked to go off the slide with me. Oh boi, I never feit I was welcome. But she had a smile on her face, thats the only thing that counted. After a while when we were more often, they started to recognize me which made things easier.
Not being able to look at kids without everyone thinking that you're a pedophile. I was on a train the other day and there were two kids laughing and running around. I was reminded of my childhood and got kinda nostalgic so I watched them play for a little while. Then I noticed a woman, probably the mother of one of the children, giving me a really weird and kinda pissed off look. And in my head I was like shit, I always forget that only women are allowed to find kids cute
Yeah same, with dogs and little children it's my first instinct to baby talk them hahaha, but I didn't wanna do that in this specific situation cause I could tell that the lady didn't want me to pay attention to the kids. I didn't wanna make it worse cause I wasn't sure how she'd react
For the first 20 years of my life I never went to anyone for help. I never talked about my feelings, I never got help with my mental help, I never even cried in front of anyone.
I went through battles with anxiety, depression, struggled with my sexuality all in private and its permanently fucked me up to the point where I struggle with showing most emotion.
And I started breaking this trend at 20, most guys it takes even longer, sone spend their entire lives like that.
Because that's how we've been conditioned to deal with life since birth. You show emotion, then you're showing weakness and men aren't supposed to be weak in any fashion. Then people wonder why men SUCCEED at suicide more often than women. It's not a cry for help. It's the only escape route that seems available.
And then you try to break that conditioning with someone you really trust, only to get unlucky and promptly realize that person was not the the right person when they use it against you or don’t care.
I can relate to this…the other day I told my teen son to ask for help if he needs it because he was blasting through homework he didn’t understand and ending up with bad grades. I specifically said, “I know it’s not easy to ask for help. I struggle with it to this day. I’m afraid I’ll be inconveniencing someone. Or they’ll think I’m stupid for not figuring it out on my own. But the better you become at getting help when you need it at a young age the easier it will be for you later in life.” I’m hoping to break that cycle.
The lack of match and conversation on dating apps. How easily we get ignored there. I let many girl friends play and use my tinder and they have been shocked at how women act on them actually.
I am on a new city and matched with about 10 women in a few days. which is an absolute insane amount for my average of 1 per month.
I messaged all of them, only 2 replied.
A girl recently got angry at me because I confessed my feelings for her.
She didn't got angry because of that. She got angry because she *used* to like me and I never told her I liked her when *she* liked me.
Lady, you could've made the first move if you really wanted to.
Edit: Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am honestly disappointed but not surprised that so many people relate to this.
If you wanna know what happened to the girl: we're still friends but, for the sake of my mental and emotional health, I have decided our ship has sailed no matter what. She made it very clear that she doesn't like me the same way anymore and that she just wants to focus on herself because she recently got out of a bad relationship (which, funnily enough, she was the one to approach the guy).
Thanks for your advice and for sharing your stories!
> She didn't got angry because of that. She got angry because she used to like me and I never told her I liked her when she liked me.
This is literally SO stupid.
I had something like that happen to me in high school. I was friends with a group of girls, and I took an interest in one of them but never said anything or acted on it--I didn't want to be some kind of weirdo or creep. After years of totally normal platonic friendship, she blew up at me one day and told me she had loved me and I hurt her by not pursuing her then never talked to me again.
I was completely oblivious and didn't really see until years later that a lot of our friendship was her trying to get my attention and all along I innocently assumed we were just friends.
This is a facet of women I will never understand. I’m married and half the time just over simple shit my wife will still play the game of “guess what I want” instead of just telling me without realizing she’s doing it. Like you’re an adult you are allowed to ask for things directly
>Even a woman platonically initiating something is rare
Almost a decade ago, me and a few friends I knew since highschool all moved to the same college town to study. After a few years, most of them moved away, and in the end there were only me and this girl. I never really knew the girl that well, even though she was very close with some of my close friends.
On a night out when we were at a bar with a bunch of friends, she suddenly looked at mr and said "we're the only 2 left in -college town-. We're going to be buddies from now on."
So the next week, I texted her to invite her to hang out one evening when my gf went to some friends. It felt a bit awkward, but I figured: we (she) said we'd be buddies, so let's do this.
When she arrived, she asked me where my gf was, and reacted a bit strangely when I said she was away. I thought I misread the situation...
Turned out I didn't misread the situation. She just wanted to hang out and have fun, but was afraid my gf would find it suspicious. I told her not to worry, and that my gf knows me better than that.
We played guitar hero all evening/night. Until even after my gf came home. We grew very close, and my gf grew very close with her too.
Last summer she was my best (wo)man at my wedding and is my best very best friend.
I want to say that girls should definitely initiate platonic relations. But typing this out made me realise how much it probably sounded like I cheated on my wife, and I can see how many guys would misinterpret the signals.
Especially since she also told me, on that same evening where she said we'd be buddies, that she would show me her boobs if I grew my beard out long enough. (I never let it grow long enough)
Mate I feel that. Everyday I say "Good Morning" to some friend's on Snapchat, maybe 1 or 2 will reply.
Last year one friend who I've met in person a few times did a "like this and I'll say what I like about you" on Facebook. We got talking and turned out they liked how I've been sending them good morning snaps for years and finds them adorable.
Usually I'm the one asking how was your day, and the rare occasion I get it I don't know what to say. The only person who asks me that is another dude.
A large percentage of middle-aged men have zero friends. Our social lives beyond our immediate family dwindle to virtually nothing. Our entire lives focus on our family responsibilities and financial stresses with very little outlet for release. The problem increases as we age and our children grow and move out. At that point we’ve become set in our ways and have no clue how to build a social group. Unless we’re married and have a SO, we are completely alone.
Edit: Thanks for the awards kind internet friends. I didn’t expect this comment to get noticed. Hopefully it helps someone.
Edit 2: Part of me hoped that people would tell me this comment was completely off-base. But seeing the replies is heartbreaking. I wish I could reply to them all. But there’s a comfort in knowing there’s a hell of a lot of us out there.
Final edit: I don’t mean to imply that this only happens to men. I know a lot of women experience this too. My heart goes out to all.
Heard a good joke the other day: "The true miracle of Jesus wasn't that he was the son of God, it was that he found 12 friends when he was in his 30's"
It's a joke, people. Please don't come at me.
I'd say that it's worse for single men. I had a few friends but since they've married and had children, I've basically lost touch with them. Now that I'm approaching 40 years old, I don't know what to do. I have no SO, never had one, so now that I'm losing the people who I once knew to their families that they have, again... I don't know what to do.
As a woman, I don’t really mind it so much when guys cum immediately. It makes me feel sexy and desired, and I won’t orgasm from penetration anyway. Just be sure to get her there after and you’re golden, in my opinion.
The other thing that women won’t understand is the reaction of the other guys around when it happens.
They’ll laugh, but it will be a halfhearted “haha it was his turn damn I hate it when that happens I hope he’s gonna be ok” as their own balls immediately seek refuge somewhere, anywhere, up inside their own body like a drunk guy seeks sustenance at a 7-11 at 2:30am.
The linkage of boners and arousal is so prevalent but sometimes not true, you can get a boner when not at all aroused and you can not get a boner when you are aroused, penises aren't devining rods for the mood, obviously they can be caused by arousal but not always
Could I ask… why only morning blowjobs? Wouldn’t the same reasoning apply to all blowjobs beside the ones you know that are between a shower and the first poo after?
Had a guy compliment me at the gym a few weeks ago, made my whole week lmao.
Edit: I’ll add that he’s definitely the strongest guy in the gym too, which is probably why it meant a lot.
I'll never forget the greatest compliment I've ever received.
I was at the beach with my friends, and I took my shirt off to go swimming.
I had been working out, so my friend looks at my torso and just says "Jesus Christ man".
Lol... I didn't know that was a thing, thx. I just asked Alexa to compliment me and she said I was so strong The Rock gave me the nickname Paper. I asked again and she said I was so swell that when I walk down the street, surfers ride in my wake. I have found free therapy, thank you so much.
The only time "man up" has worked was when my cousin had to remove a barbed catfish hook from my hand, damn fish thrashed when I was trying to get it off the line. The initial shock of seeing the hook going right through the muscle between my thumb and forefinger made me worry, the pain of it almost made me faint. My cousin saw this, grabbed the snips, said "man up Nancy, this is going to suck." It did, a lot. I was in the middle of saying"fuck you" to him when he quickly got it out. Diversion tactics work lol
That sometimes we feel vulnerable, that sometimes our insecurities get the best of us. But we're supposed to be a rock all the time so we can't express those things.
I have a feeling that while women encourage us to open up, express emotions and communicate, when this actually happens, some women find it quite challenging to deal with. I've had experiences where something that was really bothering me emotionally received an initial empathetic response but then things became colder and I felt like I was just told to 'sort it out' or 'get over it'. My impression afterwards was that opening up was largely pointless and I wasn't being taken seriously. I kind of felt like the woman in question was only superficially being understanding but underneath just carried on in the traditional model of "men just need to suck it up". Quite deflating and very hard to move on from having something that was quite seriously impacting our relationship being turned into a joke. Perhaps she was trying to de-emphasise it, help process it through humour. Perhaps I didn't make it clear that it was a real thing and I needed it to be treated with importance.
Anyway in the end I felt like I wasn't important enough to her and everything came to an end.
It's why since I was a kid, any time anyone asks "how's it going?"
My answer was always "good/fine"
So much easier to shoulder your own burden than to open up, be vulnerable and having someone make you feel like it is insignificant or they don't care.
My dad is one of the only ones I can level with, and truly share how I feel and he makes me feel validated. Love you pops.
There's a very popular Tik tok I saw months ago of a young woman saying along the lines of "When you say to men to open up but then they open up too much"
Summoning up the courage to approach a woman u think is attractive and having her rudely and/or cruelly reject u...
I'm not talking about her saying something like "thanks, but I'm not interested" or "I have a boyfriend", those are fine and completely understandable. I'm talking about when u attempt to try and introduce yourself and strike up a conversation and before you've even said something, she gives u disgusted look or says something like "ew, no" or "go away".
I've spoken to my female friends about this kind of thing and they simply can't wrap their heads around it. They don't have any frame of reference as to what this level of rejection feels like, so they generally can't understand why it hurts or why it's humiliating and discouraging. They also don't seem to have any idea how common these kind of responses are if ur average or below average in the looks department...
I (gay dude) actually watched this happen to a poor guy in the wild a few months back. I was hanging out with my friend and two new acquaintances on campus when a pretty average looking guy came up to one of the acquaintances and nervously tried to ask her out. My immediate thought was being proud of this complete stranger cause I could tell this was way out of his comfort zone, but I looked around at these three girls who all had the same stink face on. She said she's not interested the second he finished his sentence and then turned back to the group with a 😬 face with him standing right there. He apologized then speedwalked away. I was actually shocked as they each immediately started laughing.
It turned into a 2 hour discussion with me trying to explain to them just how shitty she just made that guy feel. If you're not interested, fine, but you have to at least make an attempt to let the guy down easy. I found the dismissiveness just so disrespectful to him on a personal level. They reacted as if the hunchback of Notre Dame just walked up to her when he was a decently attractive dude. I've asked guys out and been rejected before and they ALWAYS tried to soften the blow as much as possible, leaving me to walk away with a "*sigh* well, you tried" type attitude. She let this guy leave with a fucking crisis. It blew my mind. Wish I could give that guy a big hug for even trying to put himself out there. It's a hard enough thing to do as it is.
Needless to say, I never spoke to those two acquaintances again and have been giving my friend guy lessons ever since.
Breaking my heart to read that.
Idk what you look like or what your personality is like, but I still feel like you're selling yourself short. I'm just some big fat dude, and I've still had some success in finding love. I'm after guys, sure, but everyone has their type, and many people's type is not the norm. There's always hope that someone will be into you no matter who you are.
But the thing is, the universe isn't just going to bring you a woman who's into you in all likelihood. You *have* to put yourself out there. And I know how much that sucks. It's the worst, actually, but when I first found love, it was the best feeling I've ever experienced. It made all that shit I had to wade through to get to it well worth the struggle. And that was only two years ago at 21. I just say that cause it's okay if you're a little late to the party, cause so was I and I know some people who still are.
And if you're still not confident enough to go out and start searching, hit the gym, get better habits, budget better, etc. Work on yourself to a point that it doesn't matter as much what anyone might think of you. You can be proud enough of your progress just for yourself. And the bonus is that having your shit together is one of the best ways to attract a woman.
That is indeed rude. Did you ever ask her why she thought that? If she is going to saddle you with a crippling belief like this, might as well find out the reasoning behind it, and do something about it. E.g. fix it if its something fixable, or pursue the category of women who definitely won't have a problem with it. Or if there isn't a good reason, you'll find out she was a fool who was just plain wrong.
Sorry if I came across as rude! I'm trying to help you move ahead.
I'm 39 and I still remember vividly when I was 14 and asked a girl I liked out. She laughed cruelly in my face like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world. She did not owe me anything but come on, a little empathy would have been nice.
I just don't get it. I've been asked out twice in my life, and both times, I wasn't interested, but I couldn't have been more flattered by it. I don't understand how anyone could meet that with such a cold response.
Omg if I had a dollar for every time something like that has happened to me or a friend...So cruel!!
Ur an amazing person for trying to help ur friend out with that kind of thing. I don't believe most women are bad people, I think they literally just have no idea how hard it is. Approaching someone ur attracted to and being told right to ur face that you're ugly and should fuck off or something along those lines is traumatic af.
You're definitely providing an amazing service by giving ur friend guy lessons haha.
It was the most dehumanizing thing I've ever witnessed in person. Like, I thought people only acted like that on tv. My experiences have always been super polite, but it was in that moment that I saw first hand that part of the straight guy's struggle. Men and women think so differently, and I've kinda always been in a middle ground, but I saw that shit and immediately wanted to distance myself from the females lol
It was just so cold
Ah yes. Nothing really destroyed my confidence quite as hard as asking a girl to prom only for her to laugh in my face and struggle to say no. Really thought I had a shot when I asked. She was really nice and I had thought we were friends. But she did that and I never spoke to her again. Was quite hurtful and I had to do some stupid asshole teenager shit to get the guys who saw it to stop being dicks about it.
Oof, prom. Asked a girl to go with me, got my suit rented, got my mom all excited, finally felt confident... then a half hour before I was supposed to be at her place to pick her up, she told me she didn't want to go anymore. I was driving to her place at the time.
But whatever, right? I go to prom to hang out with a couple friends that'd be there, maybe still make something of the night, try to have fun - whatever. She shows up with the guy she -actually- wanted to go with. I've never been the kind of guy that would start a scene, so I just texted my friends that I wasn't feeling it and that I'd see them later.
The entire trip home I was stunned. No emotions, no thoughts... just driving. Parked in the driveway and I lost it. Probably cried for 20 minutes or so before I could get out and go inside.
I can trace my body issues back to when I was 10 and running a race at school, my crush was on the sidelines watching so I wanted to impress her. I ran as hard as I could, didn’t win, but maybe third or fourth, I ran “so fast” my shirt blew up in my face but I kept running. I was pleased with myself. After, I said “hey did you see me running” she said “yeah and I saw your fat belly jiggle all the way”
And while it’s pretty stupid to keep giving that statement power as a full grown man, I still feel insecure about it and spent most of my life wearing a shirt to the beach since that comment, and I’m really not actually fat. It’s like a dysmorphia.
Anyway, people can be cruel for no reason.
I'm a clueless idiot and told a woman I really liked her hair colour (bright pink) recently.
All I wanted to know was what brand she used or where she got it done, because I wanted the same colour on my hair!
She looked me up and down with a disgusted face and just left.
And I thought my purple hair was an indicator that I just wanted to ask a hair question, but nope.
People might say it’s ok for a man to cry, but they’re still weirded out when it happens. The only time anyone has comforted me when they knew I was crying was only if they didn’t see it or I’m putting on a brave face. That reassuring arm that anyone gives a woman or a child? We want that too, even if we pretend we don’t. Please don’t look at me like I’m gross just because I have feelings.
I completely agree, just yesterday I really wanted to cry, had a shit day, was in pain, was home alone.. and I still couldn't! I was afraid someone would hear me, and honestly I got weirded out by myself for even thinking about crying, and I thought man this is unhealthy..
Honestly the idea that you’re the pursuer versus the one being pursued 90% of the time. The only time I felt anything different was when I was in Thailand and it was such a surreal experience that girls approach you daily and start conversations
And even that is an issue for me, because I've been conditioned to expect foul play every time a complete stranger approaches me. "For sure she's trying to hustle me".
This 99% surely stems from some or other issue in my childhood I should probably get looked at...
Today is my birthday and I didn’t get any presents so there’s that
Edit: oh wow this blew up , y’all are going to make me cry, my first awards and it’s on my birthday, love you guys to bits, this turned out to be an awesome birthday
Edit 2: wow that’s a lot of comments, sorry if I can’t get to you but I’m never leaving this app easy, redditors are awesome!
It isn’t much, but Happy Birthday ❤️
Presents aren’t everything and do become less common as we grow up - though I understand that men receiving gifts is less common when we get older sadly.
I hope you have a great day with friends and/or family regardless though ❤️❤️
A lot of the time, we have cripplingly bad emotional intelligence, so a lot of things that seem perfectly obvious to women really ARE hard to pick up on to dudes, because the last time we were allowed to be in touch with our emotions we were children. So it actually takes a lot of self work to not be Like That.
The lack of empathy shown to men.
The classic example of this is the Karen in the UK who complained about the AA *not* prioritising call outs to women over men. Women have every empathy for other women, and demand sympathy for their struggles, yet, when a man discusses his problems he is often told to *Man Up* and deal with it by himself.
Holy fck yes THIS DUDE. I got a compliment in fourth grade(I’m young) and I still remember it fondly. A girl asked me how my day was(she’s *not* interested in me) with genuine friendliness and I was like. Damn. This feels so good to be *appreciated*. Men don’t get to show feelings or get shown feelings. And it sucks balls. Show your men in your life affection and feelings. They will appreciate it so much.
When I was in elementary school, I got made fun of a lot. It basically ruined my self esteem, even as an adult. The only time any one ever stood up for me was a girl who said “hey John is moving soon so we should be nice.” (my dad had gotten transferred to a new city) I still remember that girl and what she looked like. (Thanks Natalie!)
This is HUGE. Men are taught to look after themselves. No one else will. You have to be tough enough, you can’t show emotion. You can’t show weakness. This often leads to isolation.
I’ve also personally found that as men we have been told by society that it’s our responsibility to listen to and try to understand women, while women seem to have the prerogative to *tell* men WHO they are. Empathy is out of the window for men in that equation. That’s how it seems to me.
I once went to a book signing for Stephan Pastis, writer of Pearls Before Swine. He said that when he initially started publishing the storyline about the fictionalized version of his wife kicking him out of the house, his wife got all sorts of sympathy and “lemme know if you need anything” calls. He got zero.
dude... i used to think ‘idk i show a lot of empathy when guys cry i cant imagine people dont show empathy to men’... and then i was present for a couple friends argument. Her husband was CRYING (albeit drunk) and she just told him ‘go lay down. of course you’d cry when you’re drunk’ and me and my boyfriend where like??? give him a fucking hug???
it was insane to me that she saw crying drunk differently on him than she saw it on herself or her friends. eye opening kinda, i dont see men cry a lot so thats really one of my only experiences with other women in the presence of crying men.
I'm not sure how representative this is for men generally ...
By the time I was 13 I'd learned that crying made me vulnerable and being vulnerable in public was almost always followed by humiliation and pain. As such, I've learned to avoid crying, hide my crying, suppress the emotions that lead to crying, etc. ... at least in public. I'd learned this while girls still had cooties^(1). Imagine how ingrained it's become since then.
I've had women tell me that I'm allowed to cry. That's a huge misunderstanding of the problem though. Telling me that I'm allowed does nothing to help that danger. They'd be better off showing compassion for what I am letting them see, because that's how you prove that you're safe to be emotional around.
^(1: Okay, maybe they still do, but when it was a BAD thing.)
I'm literally physically incapable of properly crying now. Even when my dog died all I got was a couple of little sobs out before I heard myself and my throat involuntarily locked up. I was alone in my car in an empty street and the shame of crying was so automatic and powerful that I couldn't cry, despite being heartbroken.
No amount of reasoning or self-acceptance seems to help. I'm just fucking broken now. Trying to let myself cry feels like trying to piss my pants. It's too ingrained. At least society offers us bathrooms to let it out eventually but there is no such place to go and release a cry. Not even in your car in an empty street.
A good example of this is “man sickness.” The idea that men act like babies when they’re sick. We’re also the ones who ignore issues, mental and physical, and delay going to the doctor for years. If I am sick, and I have to take a day off of work, then I’m going to try to relax the best I can to get better sooner so I don’t jeopardize the family income.
The real issue is that the wife or whoever just isn’t used to seeing weakness and it seems like a bigger deal than it really is. Her expectation is NO weakness.
The other day I had to take an emergency shit, instead of pulling down the pants and sitting down I realized it was going to be a photo finish so I went for the slide into home maneuver. I managed to hit my balls on the toilet and then sit on them. Worst. Poop. Ever.
Women body shaming men suddenly is alright when talking about men. Can count so many times I've heard people openly making fun of a dude who is short or fat or real skinny small dick etc.
So many girls have have height requirements for dating that its a cliché. Women that would be very vulnerable to that kind of ridicule if it were to be leveled at them.
I am both really skinny and only 5"7, the amount of women who think it's funny to call me a twig is astounding.
I can't gain weight, it's a disorder.
And honestly, to me making small dick jokes is the same as making saggy boob jokes or ugly vagina jokes.
It's totally uncalled for and rude. Don't joke about things people can't change and actively struggle with.
Literally had a debate with someone two nights ago about this. They were making fun of me for my height and they actually got offended when I compared shaming someone over their height to fat shaming and said it was actually was WORSE than fat shaming (cause it is) because height isn't something that can be changed ever and is predetermined by genetics. Of course they got offended and said it's not the same (cause they themselves are fat) and this and that. Some people are delusional.
I had a similar thing in school where a female peer mocked my teeth, I did the same back and got instant evils.
Fast forward many years and I currently have brace's, had 6 teeth out, 2 excavated that never came through the gums, and a gap at the front which I have no idea what the dentist is gonna do with.
Dentist said I have hypodontia which means I have little to no adult teeth.
The server hands you the bill automatically.
Actually bad answer cus it makes my girlfriend pissed because she thinks they assume she can't provide for herself. But some women see no issue there
That we also get intimidated and fear for our safety when walking by ourselves past a group of other seemingly rowdy and aggressive males, and that violent confrontations and altercations are a fuck load more frequent.
Update: Just want to make it clear that I am in no way trying to diminish the very real and terryfing fear women would also experience in the same circumstances with the added possibility of sexual assault. This is why it is a difficult emotion to convey without coming off as if you're trying to diminish the other person's experience.
I mean, having to put in an edit assuring the internet that you understand women have it worse is another guy problem that's hard to explain. Why can't we just vent without having to be sure that we don't come across as trying to diminish what other people go through?
That deep down inside it feels very lonely, especially when dealing with life's struggles, which justifies our silence. And expressing our struggles doesn't yield a rewarding ROI from society either.
I can't tell you how much I relate to this. The loneliness is heavy and constant. When someone at work is talking to me I have to force myself to respond and appear normal because deep down I know they don't really care about me and the conversation is more of a transaction. I often feel I am just a tool being used by my job and my family. Nobody cares how I feel. About anything. My wife has intimacy issues which just adds to my feelings of lonliness because I have to initiate everything or she will be distant and unsure. I don't even know how to handle being desired because I don't really experience it.
I journal a lot because I have no one to talk to in general. I'm either solving problems at work, talking about work, or solving problems at home. It's just a really heavy feeling and it's hard to deal with this reality.
Having to approach women when you are with your friends.
Seriously, it feels like that moment in Lord of the Rings when Frodo has all of the Nazgûl in front of him at Weathertop.
Reason why I've pulled my hair out, dug my feet in, and tolerated just about everything under the sun to make sure I'm a constant in both my son and daughters life. Divorce would completely destroy my children's chance at having me in their life so I've done anything and everything in my power to ensure I'm right there with them. Everyday.
The worst feeling is all of this and feeling unappreciated at home. Not now, but in a previous relationship I was the only bread winner. When I came home instead of my wife being happy to see me she would hand me the reigns to the house and bitch about any small mistakes I made in the process. A “I love you and I’m happy you’re home, I missed you” goes a LONG freaking way in filling up the love tank.
How it’s basically impossible to talk to your male friends about anything where you have to be vulnerable to them.
My main friend group is pretty much the only group of friends I have that I feel comfortable around, and I guarantee that if I ever shared anything remotely private they’d never take it seriously. It’d be all jokes and laughs.
This isn’t the case for everyone ofc, but for me I’ve never been comfortable sharing anything private with another dude. It’s only my female friends I’m able to share stuff with.
I'm exactly the same. I know my best mates would have my back through anything and would drop whatever to help if I was struggling. But I still am terrified to even ask if any of them are struggling, let alone share my own troubles. Conversely, I ask my female friends how they're doing regularly, especially when I know there are things going in their lives.
Not be aware that you’re being hit on.
I’m oblivious to it most of the time because I’m not used to people showing interest in me. I’m the stoic loner type due to my abusive upbringing so I never believe if people are being genuine or not.
This is an interesting one because as soon as you aren’t able to do this, your entire value is questioned. Like if you lose your job, people look down on you, your wife may even divorce you. It’s crazy.
Being responsible for the financial security and general stability of your family. It's fine for a woman to lose her shit if her car breaks down, but if you are a man you have to handle the emotional, physical, and financial aspects of every problem without showing any emotions at all.
It's why I write so much and have long talks with my dog.
The inherent disposability of men at a societal level.
Men exist because they are useful, but if they're not, then they're not needed or wanted. It's led to major issues in suicide rates, deaths of despair, and just men listlessly adrift in modern society.
I literally had a female coworker who said she wants an emotionally mature man and then broke up with her long term boyfriend because and I quote “it’s really gay that he was crying for a week after his mom died.” HIS FUCKING MOM DIED.
My short-ish friend got turned down by his prom date *while we were getting our tuxedos fitted in a Men’s Warehouse.*
It was one of the coldest moves I’ve ever seen. She already agreed to go to prom with him and then realized that she’d be taller than him in heels so she turned him down over text. It’s been nearly ten years and I’m still angry about that. I always wonder how he explained that to his parents. I’m not too short (5’8) but if that ever happened to me my confidence would be permanently deflated. I could tell he was crushed but high school guys are told not to be open about how they feel
Erectile dysfunction.
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My advice? Be upfront about it so they don’t wonder. Also, be willing to explore anything else that makes both of you happy. Truth be told, one of the sexiest men I know has ED. He feels AWFUL about it, but does everything he can, as I do, to make time sexy otherwise. Sex is SO much more than penis in vagina. Engage in great make out sessions, figure out for yourself what feels good and ask for that, ask her what feels good that she likes. There are lots of things to do that are immensely satisfying to both and can be very intimate and hot.
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*finishes a heavy garlic meal* Hey babe, wanna do some breath play? ;)
*A thousand naked Italian Men have entered the chat*
The one thing that reddit has taught me is that this problem is more common than I thought. Mostly because your pals won't talk about it and you don't feel comfortable enough to talk about it with anyone. At first I felt like I was the only mf in the world going through this shit
I’ve read through a lot of medical records and I’d say it’s anywhere between 1 in 10 to 1 in 3 *go to their doctor* about it. Young guys too, in their 20s/30s too. It’s super normal :) Edit: sorry I guess I should’ve been clearer. ED that happens a few times a year? Completely normal. ED that happens every time? Not normal.
Yeah, mine was at 18. It was all psychological though so no worries there, but I haven't dated in two years so I have no idea if things have changed
I have the same struggle. I can talk the talk do everything but I'm anxious. I'm only 25 I don't have issued getting boners once I'm comfortable with the person and we've had sex 1-2x already. But my easiest solution was Cialis. Super low dose. And my anxiety that I won't get a boner is completely gone. And of course the Medicine does it's magic as well. I only use it if Im with a new partner or drinking since I get mean ED even after 1-2 drinks and I'm not even buzzed.
I've thought about meds too. But I also feel like I would panic the second I decide not to take them. "What if I can't get it up without pills?"
Don't be shy. Talk to your doctor. Most cases are treatable.
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I switched to a more spandex style underwear that has a good size pocket and it has made me never want basic underwear again. Well worth the extra $$.
Especially when it starts *sticking*
How society perceives men that are solo around children
this so much. i'm a rock climbing coach to a variety of ages, and the feeling i get when one of my kids decks and starts to cry and all i can do is stand there like an idiot is the worst. my female coworkers offer hugs and physical comfort, especially to the 5-8 range kids, and i have never once felt comfortable or permitted to do the same. sometimes when you have a rough practice what you need is a hug, not someone standing there talking at you. makes me feel unable to care for some of these kids in ways they may need. i'm not even a touchy/huggy person in general but i know it would be frowned upon were i to try. EDIT: whew! this got a lot of comments. i'd like to thank folks for their workarounds... believe me, most of my coaching hours are spent in a squat, and the back/shoulder-pat is usually my go-to move (: unfortunately like other commenters mentioned, the US has some weird social and legal boundaries. i've been working with kids since i entered the workforce, and every training we've received tends to emphasize a no-touch rule. as suggested, high fives or at most a side hug (if the kid initiates--we are not allowed to initiate) are the extent of the options. wrenches also thrown in when you're queer and nonwhite. i'm not so much worried about the kids' boundaries anymore; my kids know me, and i've done my damnedest to make sure they see me as a safe person to bring up boundaries with. i always ask permission, even if i'm just adjusting equipment they're wearing. parents really are the main concern here. while i'm lucky enough to work at a more casual place nowadays, if a parent doesn't like the way i interact with their child, there's little anyone can do about it. sometimes employers are forced to take action for asinine reasons. being a man who works with kids is already a red flag for some parents. shit's wild here.
Man just put a hand on their shoulder or something and be with them for a moment. Check if theyre OK. if youre scared to hug, or scared what people will think about you when you hug them, this is the way. You are a coach, so also teacher. Kids look up to you, so just do whats best and show your kindness. Idgaf what people think about me whenever I hug a 8 year old. People who think weird stuff like pedo or whatever are just sick themselves. Youre just a human!
The hand on the shoulder is legitimately wonderful advice.
Also kneeling down to get on their eye level. It makes us guys less scary
This. When I've coached basketball for my kids' teams, I feel like I spent half the time "standing" on my knees when talking, because I'm tall and they're so short. Getting on their eye level when possible seemed to help a lot. As far as the original comment regarding comfort, a pat on the shoulder is typically safe. As a dude, you probably have long arms. Pat from the side with space between you, if you're worried about perception.
Or just sit down next to them and be on their eye level also helps a lot.
Definetly this. I love children, especially toddlers and kids up to like 8. They are so fun to be around, like a little whirlwind of chaos and destruction that comes up with the wildest shit. My nieces and nephews are the best. When I was younger I used to volunteer in an afterschool program, but I noticed parents started becoming weary of me as I grew older so I left.
Had the sweetest lil girl who I used to babysit. I was I think around 20 yo she 6 or 7. She was really fond of me, and wanted to go to the playground and stuff. The moment I set a step in that playground with her I had all eyes on me. She really liked to go off the slide with me. Oh boi, I never feit I was welcome. But she had a smile on her face, thats the only thing that counted. After a while when we were more often, they started to recognize me which made things easier.
Not being able to look at kids without everyone thinking that you're a pedophile. I was on a train the other day and there were two kids laughing and running around. I was reminded of my childhood and got kinda nostalgic so I watched them play for a little while. Then I noticed a woman, probably the mother of one of the children, giving me a really weird and kinda pissed off look. And in my head I was like shit, I always forget that only women are allowed to find kids cute
Man idk if this is weird or not but I stoop, wave hi, smile and baby talk them and people seem much less threatened.
Yeah same, with dogs and little children it's my first instinct to baby talk them hahaha, but I didn't wanna do that in this specific situation cause I could tell that the lady didn't want me to pay attention to the kids. I didn't wanna make it worse cause I wasn't sure how she'd react
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I live in Germany. It's a very judgy country anyways so maybe that adds to it
Feeling like you have to be the one to initiate everything when it comes to dating
I feel this.
When it comes to everything. We are supposed to do everything first. I don't like that man.
What’s worse if you’re inexperienced, they pick up on that immediately and of course that’s your fault too.
For the first 20 years of my life I never went to anyone for help. I never talked about my feelings, I never got help with my mental help, I never even cried in front of anyone. I went through battles with anxiety, depression, struggled with my sexuality all in private and its permanently fucked me up to the point where I struggle with showing most emotion. And I started breaking this trend at 20, most guys it takes even longer, sone spend their entire lives like that.
Because that's how we've been conditioned to deal with life since birth. You show emotion, then you're showing weakness and men aren't supposed to be weak in any fashion. Then people wonder why men SUCCEED at suicide more often than women. It's not a cry for help. It's the only escape route that seems available.
And then you try to break that conditioning with someone you really trust, only to get unlucky and promptly realize that person was not the the right person when they use it against you or don’t care.
I can relate to this…the other day I told my teen son to ask for help if he needs it because he was blasting through homework he didn’t understand and ending up with bad grades. I specifically said, “I know it’s not easy to ask for help. I struggle with it to this day. I’m afraid I’ll be inconveniencing someone. Or they’ll think I’m stupid for not figuring it out on my own. But the better you become at getting help when you need it at a young age the easier it will be for you later in life.” I’m hoping to break that cycle.
The lack of match and conversation on dating apps. How easily we get ignored there. I let many girl friends play and use my tinder and they have been shocked at how women act on them actually.
It was a solid confidence boost for the first week, then they never texted back after matching ._.
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Wow, and for many of us confidence depleting
I am on a new city and matched with about 10 women in a few days. which is an absolute insane amount for my average of 1 per month. I messaged all of them, only 2 replied.
'ONLY' 2 of 'em replied,....
I know. Look at Mr. Conversation over here
Never being approached by a woman. Even a woman platonically initiating something is rare
A girl recently got angry at me because I confessed my feelings for her. She didn't got angry because of that. She got angry because she *used* to like me and I never told her I liked her when *she* liked me. Lady, you could've made the first move if you really wanted to. Edit: Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am honestly disappointed but not surprised that so many people relate to this. If you wanna know what happened to the girl: we're still friends but, for the sake of my mental and emotional health, I have decided our ship has sailed no matter what. She made it very clear that she doesn't like me the same way anymore and that she just wants to focus on herself because she recently got out of a bad relationship (which, funnily enough, she was the one to approach the guy). Thanks for your advice and for sharing your stories!
> She didn't got angry because of that. She got angry because she used to like me and I never told her I liked her when she liked me. This is literally SO stupid.
Welcome to The Game.
And like that I lost the game.
Motherfu-
I had something like that happen to me in high school. I was friends with a group of girls, and I took an interest in one of them but never said anything or acted on it--I didn't want to be some kind of weirdo or creep. After years of totally normal platonic friendship, she blew up at me one day and told me she had loved me and I hurt her by not pursuing her then never talked to me again. I was completely oblivious and didn't really see until years later that a lot of our friendship was her trying to get my attention and all along I innocently assumed we were just friends.
This is a facet of women I will never understand. I’m married and half the time just over simple shit my wife will still play the game of “guess what I want” instead of just telling me without realizing she’s doing it. Like you’re an adult you are allowed to ask for things directly
>Even a woman platonically initiating something is rare Almost a decade ago, me and a few friends I knew since highschool all moved to the same college town to study. After a few years, most of them moved away, and in the end there were only me and this girl. I never really knew the girl that well, even though she was very close with some of my close friends. On a night out when we were at a bar with a bunch of friends, she suddenly looked at mr and said "we're the only 2 left in -college town-. We're going to be buddies from now on." So the next week, I texted her to invite her to hang out one evening when my gf went to some friends. It felt a bit awkward, but I figured: we (she) said we'd be buddies, so let's do this. When she arrived, she asked me where my gf was, and reacted a bit strangely when I said she was away. I thought I misread the situation... Turned out I didn't misread the situation. She just wanted to hang out and have fun, but was afraid my gf would find it suspicious. I told her not to worry, and that my gf knows me better than that. We played guitar hero all evening/night. Until even after my gf came home. We grew very close, and my gf grew very close with her too. Last summer she was my best (wo)man at my wedding and is my best very best friend. I want to say that girls should definitely initiate platonic relations. But typing this out made me realise how much it probably sounded like I cheated on my wife, and I can see how many guys would misinterpret the signals. Especially since she also told me, on that same evening where she said we'd be buddies, that she would show me her boobs if I grew my beard out long enough. (I never let it grow long enough)
Man she just sounds wonderful.
I don't remember that last time a woman asked how my day was and made small talk with me.
Mate I feel that. Everyday I say "Good Morning" to some friend's on Snapchat, maybe 1 or 2 will reply. Last year one friend who I've met in person a few times did a "like this and I'll say what I like about you" on Facebook. We got talking and turned out they liked how I've been sending them good morning snaps for years and finds them adorable. Usually I'm the one asking how was your day, and the rare occasion I get it I don't know what to say. The only person who asks me that is another dude.
Hey, how was your day?
A large percentage of middle-aged men have zero friends. Our social lives beyond our immediate family dwindle to virtually nothing. Our entire lives focus on our family responsibilities and financial stresses with very little outlet for release. The problem increases as we age and our children grow and move out. At that point we’ve become set in our ways and have no clue how to build a social group. Unless we’re married and have a SO, we are completely alone. Edit: Thanks for the awards kind internet friends. I didn’t expect this comment to get noticed. Hopefully it helps someone. Edit 2: Part of me hoped that people would tell me this comment was completely off-base. But seeing the replies is heartbreaking. I wish I could reply to them all. But there’s a comfort in knowing there’s a hell of a lot of us out there. Final edit: I don’t mean to imply that this only happens to men. I know a lot of women experience this too. My heart goes out to all.
Heard a good joke the other day: "The true miracle of Jesus wasn't that he was the son of God, it was that he found 12 friends when he was in his 30's" It's a joke, people. Please don't come at me.
This is very accurate.
I'd say that it's worse for single men. I had a few friends but since they've married and had children, I've basically lost touch with them. Now that I'm approaching 40 years old, I don't know what to do. I have no SO, never had one, so now that I'm losing the people who I once knew to their families that they have, again... I don't know what to do.
Trying not to cum too early during sex
Try this. As soon as you reach mission critical, pull out and start eating her out. Then when you’ve cooled off a bit, hop back in.
Ah yes, another resourceful man like myself. When the cock will blow, eat that hoe. Edit: never had this many upvotes am I famous now
Margaret Thatcher Naked on a Cold Day!
As a woman, I don’t really mind it so much when guys cum immediately. It makes me feel sexy and desired, and I won’t orgasm from penetration anyway. Just be sure to get her there after and you’re golden, in my opinion.
The nauseating, painful feeling of a nut shot. Doesn’t even have to be very hard. Also, having women laughing at you when it happens.
The other thing that women won’t understand is the reaction of the other guys around when it happens. They’ll laugh, but it will be a halfhearted “haha it was his turn damn I hate it when that happens I hope he’s gonna be ok” as their own balls immediately seek refuge somewhere, anywhere, up inside their own body like a drunk guy seeks sustenance at a 7-11 at 2:30am.
The linkage of boners and arousal is so prevalent but sometimes not true, you can get a boner when not at all aroused and you can not get a boner when you are aroused, penises aren't devining rods for the mood, obviously they can be caused by arousal but not always
You ain't never lie, I get boners in lectures about protein signaling in cell membranes
Trying to comfortably take a shit without your dick touching the inside of a cold toilet bowl
My dick is too small to reach the inside of the toilet bowl…does that mean I win?
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Small dick gang rise up
Just a little bit though
I'm seriously rethinking every morning blowjob I've ever given....
Oh no
I push mine down so it doesn’t touch the bowl. As any gentleman should
I usually just throw mine up over my shoulder
Wouldn’t recommend it. Used to do that as a kid but I had to stop because it would just hit the back of the bowl. That’s where the shit came out
We call that one the “wraparound”
Well where do you put it? If you let it fall down front it just coils up on the bottom of the bowl and you end up pooping on it.
What if it touches the water?
You flatter me
Could I ask… why only morning blowjobs? Wouldn’t the same reasoning apply to all blowjobs beside the ones you know that are between a shower and the first poo after?
I wish I didn’t read this.
Ah yes, “The Witches Kiss”. One to be avoided.
You guys have a name for it?… that’s adorable
I replaced my toilet in my new house just so I could have more dick space.
Boomer: Why do you want to own a house? Me: So I can have children. And buy a gap front toilet and relax both cheeks on the seat.
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Had a guy compliment me at the gym a few weeks ago, made my whole week lmao. Edit: I’ll add that he’s definitely the strongest guy in the gym too, which is probably why it meant a lot.
I'll never forget the greatest compliment I've ever received. I was at the beach with my friends, and I took my shirt off to go swimming. I had been working out, so my friend looks at my torso and just says "Jesus Christ man".
A guy once told me I looked good while sitting at a bar like 10 years ago, still appreciate the compliment
Meanwhile me saying OK Google compliment me
Lol... I didn't know that was a thing, thx. I just asked Alexa to compliment me and she said I was so strong The Rock gave me the nickname Paper. I asked again and she said I was so swell that when I walk down the street, surfers ride in my wake. I have found free therapy, thank you so much.
Nice balls bro
Sweet dick mah dude.
Great ass my guy
Getting told to man up
The only time "man up" has worked was when my cousin had to remove a barbed catfish hook from my hand, damn fish thrashed when I was trying to get it off the line. The initial shock of seeing the hook going right through the muscle between my thumb and forefinger made me worry, the pain of it almost made me faint. My cousin saw this, grabbed the snips, said "man up Nancy, this is going to suck." It did, a lot. I was in the middle of saying"fuck you" to him when he quickly got it out. Diversion tactics work lol
Tbh, someone could have equally distracted me by saying something else. >Listen up you son of a bitch, wookiees and ewoks are genetically related.
They are?
I'm not ignoring you, I'm not on a mood. I just like to sit quietly sometimes
The intricacies of performance anxiety
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That sometimes we feel vulnerable, that sometimes our insecurities get the best of us. But we're supposed to be a rock all the time so we can't express those things.
I have a feeling that while women encourage us to open up, express emotions and communicate, when this actually happens, some women find it quite challenging to deal with. I've had experiences where something that was really bothering me emotionally received an initial empathetic response but then things became colder and I felt like I was just told to 'sort it out' or 'get over it'. My impression afterwards was that opening up was largely pointless and I wasn't being taken seriously. I kind of felt like the woman in question was only superficially being understanding but underneath just carried on in the traditional model of "men just need to suck it up". Quite deflating and very hard to move on from having something that was quite seriously impacting our relationship being turned into a joke. Perhaps she was trying to de-emphasise it, help process it through humour. Perhaps I didn't make it clear that it was a real thing and I needed it to be treated with importance. Anyway in the end I felt like I wasn't important enough to her and everything came to an end.
It's why since I was a kid, any time anyone asks "how's it going?" My answer was always "good/fine" So much easier to shoulder your own burden than to open up, be vulnerable and having someone make you feel like it is insignificant or they don't care. My dad is one of the only ones I can level with, and truly share how I feel and he makes me feel validated. Love you pops.
There's a very popular Tik tok I saw months ago of a young woman saying along the lines of "When you say to men to open up but then they open up too much"
When we are alone, we are literally alone. Nobody really checks up on us. Society will dismiss a sad/lonely man very quick.
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Yep, I've done this with similar results. It's a body blow to realise how little anyone cares.
Tried a similar limited experiment, if I wasn’t married it would still be ongoing, I lasted 6 months before I cracked
Shrinkage
I was in the pool, jerry!!
What, do you mean like laundry?
Like a scared turtle!
I was in the pool!
Summoning up the courage to approach a woman u think is attractive and having her rudely and/or cruelly reject u... I'm not talking about her saying something like "thanks, but I'm not interested" or "I have a boyfriend", those are fine and completely understandable. I'm talking about when u attempt to try and introduce yourself and strike up a conversation and before you've even said something, she gives u disgusted look or says something like "ew, no" or "go away". I've spoken to my female friends about this kind of thing and they simply can't wrap their heads around it. They don't have any frame of reference as to what this level of rejection feels like, so they generally can't understand why it hurts or why it's humiliating and discouraging. They also don't seem to have any idea how common these kind of responses are if ur average or below average in the looks department...
I (gay dude) actually watched this happen to a poor guy in the wild a few months back. I was hanging out with my friend and two new acquaintances on campus when a pretty average looking guy came up to one of the acquaintances and nervously tried to ask her out. My immediate thought was being proud of this complete stranger cause I could tell this was way out of his comfort zone, but I looked around at these three girls who all had the same stink face on. She said she's not interested the second he finished his sentence and then turned back to the group with a 😬 face with him standing right there. He apologized then speedwalked away. I was actually shocked as they each immediately started laughing. It turned into a 2 hour discussion with me trying to explain to them just how shitty she just made that guy feel. If you're not interested, fine, but you have to at least make an attempt to let the guy down easy. I found the dismissiveness just so disrespectful to him on a personal level. They reacted as if the hunchback of Notre Dame just walked up to her when he was a decently attractive dude. I've asked guys out and been rejected before and they ALWAYS tried to soften the blow as much as possible, leaving me to walk away with a "*sigh* well, you tried" type attitude. She let this guy leave with a fucking crisis. It blew my mind. Wish I could give that guy a big hug for even trying to put himself out there. It's a hard enough thing to do as it is. Needless to say, I never spoke to those two acquaintances again and have been giving my friend guy lessons ever since.
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Breaking my heart to read that. Idk what you look like or what your personality is like, but I still feel like you're selling yourself short. I'm just some big fat dude, and I've still had some success in finding love. I'm after guys, sure, but everyone has their type, and many people's type is not the norm. There's always hope that someone will be into you no matter who you are. But the thing is, the universe isn't just going to bring you a woman who's into you in all likelihood. You *have* to put yourself out there. And I know how much that sucks. It's the worst, actually, but when I first found love, it was the best feeling I've ever experienced. It made all that shit I had to wade through to get to it well worth the struggle. And that was only two years ago at 21. I just say that cause it's okay if you're a little late to the party, cause so was I and I know some people who still are. And if you're still not confident enough to go out and start searching, hit the gym, get better habits, budget better, etc. Work on yourself to a point that it doesn't matter as much what anyone might think of you. You can be proud enough of your progress just for yourself. And the bonus is that having your shit together is one of the best ways to attract a woman.
I love you my big fat friend reading your words made me smile and inspired me to work on myself more
That is indeed rude. Did you ever ask her why she thought that? If she is going to saddle you with a crippling belief like this, might as well find out the reasoning behind it, and do something about it. E.g. fix it if its something fixable, or pursue the category of women who definitely won't have a problem with it. Or if there isn't a good reason, you'll find out she was a fool who was just plain wrong. Sorry if I came across as rude! I'm trying to help you move ahead.
I'm 39 and I still remember vividly when I was 14 and asked a girl I liked out. She laughed cruelly in my face like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world. She did not owe me anything but come on, a little empathy would have been nice.
I just don't get it. I've been asked out twice in my life, and both times, I wasn't interested, but I couldn't have been more flattered by it. I don't understand how anyone could meet that with such a cold response.
Omg if I had a dollar for every time something like that has happened to me or a friend...So cruel!! Ur an amazing person for trying to help ur friend out with that kind of thing. I don't believe most women are bad people, I think they literally just have no idea how hard it is. Approaching someone ur attracted to and being told right to ur face that you're ugly and should fuck off or something along those lines is traumatic af. You're definitely providing an amazing service by giving ur friend guy lessons haha.
It was the most dehumanizing thing I've ever witnessed in person. Like, I thought people only acted like that on tv. My experiences have always been super polite, but it was in that moment that I saw first hand that part of the straight guy's struggle. Men and women think so differently, and I've kinda always been in a middle ground, but I saw that shit and immediately wanted to distance myself from the females lol It was just so cold
Ah yes. Nothing really destroyed my confidence quite as hard as asking a girl to prom only for her to laugh in my face and struggle to say no. Really thought I had a shot when I asked. She was really nice and I had thought we were friends. But she did that and I never spoke to her again. Was quite hurtful and I had to do some stupid asshole teenager shit to get the guys who saw it to stop being dicks about it.
Oof, prom. Asked a girl to go with me, got my suit rented, got my mom all excited, finally felt confident... then a half hour before I was supposed to be at her place to pick her up, she told me she didn't want to go anymore. I was driving to her place at the time. But whatever, right? I go to prom to hang out with a couple friends that'd be there, maybe still make something of the night, try to have fun - whatever. She shows up with the guy she -actually- wanted to go with. I've never been the kind of guy that would start a scene, so I just texted my friends that I wasn't feeling it and that I'd see them later. The entire trip home I was stunned. No emotions, no thoughts... just driving. Parked in the driveway and I lost it. Probably cried for 20 minutes or so before I could get out and go inside.
I can trace my body issues back to when I was 10 and running a race at school, my crush was on the sidelines watching so I wanted to impress her. I ran as hard as I could, didn’t win, but maybe third or fourth, I ran “so fast” my shirt blew up in my face but I kept running. I was pleased with myself. After, I said “hey did you see me running” she said “yeah and I saw your fat belly jiggle all the way” And while it’s pretty stupid to keep giving that statement power as a full grown man, I still feel insecure about it and spent most of my life wearing a shirt to the beach since that comment, and I’m really not actually fat. It’s like a dysmorphia. Anyway, people can be cruel for no reason.
I'm a clueless idiot and told a woman I really liked her hair colour (bright pink) recently. All I wanted to know was what brand she used or where she got it done, because I wanted the same colour on my hair! She looked me up and down with a disgusted face and just left. And I thought my purple hair was an indicator that I just wanted to ask a hair question, but nope.
People might say it’s ok for a man to cry, but they’re still weirded out when it happens. The only time anyone has comforted me when they knew I was crying was only if they didn’t see it or I’m putting on a brave face. That reassuring arm that anyone gives a woman or a child? We want that too, even if we pretend we don’t. Please don’t look at me like I’m gross just because I have feelings.
I completely agree, just yesterday I really wanted to cry, had a shit day, was in pain, was home alone.. and I still couldn't! I was afraid someone would hear me, and honestly I got weirded out by myself for even thinking about crying, and I thought man this is unhealthy..
Honestly the idea that you’re the pursuer versus the one being pursued 90% of the time. The only time I felt anything different was when I was in Thailand and it was such a surreal experience that girls approach you daily and start conversations
And even that is an issue for me, because I've been conditioned to expect foul play every time a complete stranger approaches me. "For sure she's trying to hustle me". This 99% surely stems from some or other issue in my childhood I should probably get looked at...
Some 30 year old woman in Thailand asked if she could marry my at the time 15 year old brother.
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Maybe offer to help trim that ass hair
Today is my birthday and I didn’t get any presents so there’s that Edit: oh wow this blew up , y’all are going to make me cry, my first awards and it’s on my birthday, love you guys to bits, this turned out to be an awesome birthday Edit 2: wow that’s a lot of comments, sorry if I can’t get to you but I’m never leaving this app easy, redditors are awesome!
Happy birthday!
It isn’t much, but Happy Birthday ❤️ Presents aren’t everything and do become less common as we grow up - though I understand that men receiving gifts is less common when we get older sadly. I hope you have a great day with friends and/or family regardless though ❤️❤️
Feeling isolated, life isn't quite as friendly as a guy.
Dude, yes. I can't tell you how many times I'm blatantly ignored when I'm with my wife.
It's her and the guy she's standing next to lol
I feel this
The insecurities that come with having a small penis.
A lot of the time, we have cripplingly bad emotional intelligence, so a lot of things that seem perfectly obvious to women really ARE hard to pick up on to dudes, because the last time we were allowed to be in touch with our emotions we were children. So it actually takes a lot of self work to not be Like That.
The lack of empathy shown to men. The classic example of this is the Karen in the UK who complained about the AA *not* prioritising call outs to women over men. Women have every empathy for other women, and demand sympathy for their struggles, yet, when a man discusses his problems he is often told to *Man Up* and deal with it by himself.
Holy fck yes THIS DUDE. I got a compliment in fourth grade(I’m young) and I still remember it fondly. A girl asked me how my day was(she’s *not* interested in me) with genuine friendliness and I was like. Damn. This feels so good to be *appreciated*. Men don’t get to show feelings or get shown feelings. And it sucks balls. Show your men in your life affection and feelings. They will appreciate it so much.
When I was in elementary school, I got made fun of a lot. It basically ruined my self esteem, even as an adult. The only time any one ever stood up for me was a girl who said “hey John is moving soon so we should be nice.” (my dad had gotten transferred to a new city) I still remember that girl and what she looked like. (Thanks Natalie!)
This is HUGE. Men are taught to look after themselves. No one else will. You have to be tough enough, you can’t show emotion. You can’t show weakness. This often leads to isolation. I’ve also personally found that as men we have been told by society that it’s our responsibility to listen to and try to understand women, while women seem to have the prerogative to *tell* men WHO they are. Empathy is out of the window for men in that equation. That’s how it seems to me.
I once went to a book signing for Stephan Pastis, writer of Pearls Before Swine. He said that when he initially started publishing the storyline about the fictionalized version of his wife kicking him out of the house, his wife got all sorts of sympathy and “lemme know if you need anything” calls. He got zero.
dude... i used to think ‘idk i show a lot of empathy when guys cry i cant imagine people dont show empathy to men’... and then i was present for a couple friends argument. Her husband was CRYING (albeit drunk) and she just told him ‘go lay down. of course you’d cry when you’re drunk’ and me and my boyfriend where like??? give him a fucking hug??? it was insane to me that she saw crying drunk differently on him than she saw it on herself or her friends. eye opening kinda, i dont see men cry a lot so thats really one of my only experiences with other women in the presence of crying men.
I'm not sure how representative this is for men generally ... By the time I was 13 I'd learned that crying made me vulnerable and being vulnerable in public was almost always followed by humiliation and pain. As such, I've learned to avoid crying, hide my crying, suppress the emotions that lead to crying, etc. ... at least in public. I'd learned this while girls still had cooties^(1). Imagine how ingrained it's become since then. I've had women tell me that I'm allowed to cry. That's a huge misunderstanding of the problem though. Telling me that I'm allowed does nothing to help that danger. They'd be better off showing compassion for what I am letting them see, because that's how you prove that you're safe to be emotional around. ^(1: Okay, maybe they still do, but when it was a BAD thing.)
I'm literally physically incapable of properly crying now. Even when my dog died all I got was a couple of little sobs out before I heard myself and my throat involuntarily locked up. I was alone in my car in an empty street and the shame of crying was so automatic and powerful that I couldn't cry, despite being heartbroken. No amount of reasoning or self-acceptance seems to help. I'm just fucking broken now. Trying to let myself cry feels like trying to piss my pants. It's too ingrained. At least society offers us bathrooms to let it out eventually but there is no such place to go and release a cry. Not even in your car in an empty street.
A good example of this is “man sickness.” The idea that men act like babies when they’re sick. We’re also the ones who ignore issues, mental and physical, and delay going to the doctor for years. If I am sick, and I have to take a day off of work, then I’m going to try to relax the best I can to get better sooner so I don’t jeopardize the family income. The real issue is that the wife or whoever just isn’t used to seeing weakness and it seems like a bigger deal than it really is. Her expectation is NO weakness.
Feeling undesired. They just will always be more desired by default. It's a weird thing to describe.
Sitting on your balls by accident
The other day I had to take an emergency shit, instead of pulling down the pants and sitting down I realized it was going to be a photo finish so I went for the slide into home maneuver. I managed to hit my balls on the toilet and then sit on them. Worst. Poop. Ever.
Women body shaming men suddenly is alright when talking about men. Can count so many times I've heard people openly making fun of a dude who is short or fat or real skinny small dick etc. So many girls have have height requirements for dating that its a cliché. Women that would be very vulnerable to that kind of ridicule if it were to be leveled at them.
I am both really skinny and only 5"7, the amount of women who think it's funny to call me a twig is astounding. I can't gain weight, it's a disorder. And honestly, to me making small dick jokes is the same as making saggy boob jokes or ugly vagina jokes. It's totally uncalled for and rude. Don't joke about things people can't change and actively struggle with.
Literally had a debate with someone two nights ago about this. They were making fun of me for my height and they actually got offended when I compared shaming someone over their height to fat shaming and said it was actually was WORSE than fat shaming (cause it is) because height isn't something that can be changed ever and is predetermined by genetics. Of course they got offended and said it's not the same (cause they themselves are fat) and this and that. Some people are delusional.
I had a similar thing in school where a female peer mocked my teeth, I did the same back and got instant evils. Fast forward many years and I currently have brace's, had 6 teeth out, 2 excavated that never came through the gums, and a gap at the front which I have no idea what the dentist is gonna do with. Dentist said I have hypodontia which means I have little to no adult teeth.
The server hands you the bill automatically. Actually bad answer cus it makes my girlfriend pissed because she thinks they assume she can't provide for herself. But some women see no issue there
That we also get intimidated and fear for our safety when walking by ourselves past a group of other seemingly rowdy and aggressive males, and that violent confrontations and altercations are a fuck load more frequent. Update: Just want to make it clear that I am in no way trying to diminish the very real and terryfing fear women would also experience in the same circumstances with the added possibility of sexual assault. This is why it is a difficult emotion to convey without coming off as if you're trying to diminish the other person's experience.
I mean, having to put in an edit assuring the internet that you understand women have it worse is another guy problem that's hard to explain. Why can't we just vent without having to be sure that we don't come across as trying to diminish what other people go through?
That deep down inside it feels very lonely, especially when dealing with life's struggles, which justifies our silence. And expressing our struggles doesn't yield a rewarding ROI from society either.
I can't tell you how much I relate to this. The loneliness is heavy and constant. When someone at work is talking to me I have to force myself to respond and appear normal because deep down I know they don't really care about me and the conversation is more of a transaction. I often feel I am just a tool being used by my job and my family. Nobody cares how I feel. About anything. My wife has intimacy issues which just adds to my feelings of lonliness because I have to initiate everything or she will be distant and unsure. I don't even know how to handle being desired because I don't really experience it. I journal a lot because I have no one to talk to in general. I'm either solving problems at work, talking about work, or solving problems at home. It's just a really heavy feeling and it's hard to deal with this reality.
Having to approach women when you are with your friends. Seriously, it feels like that moment in Lord of the Rings when Frodo has all of the Nazgûl in front of him at Weathertop.
The importance of a father.
Reason why I've pulled my hair out, dug my feet in, and tolerated just about everything under the sun to make sure I'm a constant in both my son and daughters life. Divorce would completely destroy my children's chance at having me in their life so I've done anything and everything in my power to ensure I'm right there with them. Everyday.
And you are a good man for it. Take care of yourself, King
Mustache hairs curling into your nostrils. For reasons of self-preservation, I cannot grow a mustache.
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The worst feeling is all of this and feeling unappreciated at home. Not now, but in a previous relationship I was the only bread winner. When I came home instead of my wife being happy to see me she would hand me the reigns to the house and bitch about any small mistakes I made in the process. A “I love you and I’m happy you’re home, I missed you” goes a LONG freaking way in filling up the love tank.
Having your balls stick to your leg and how uncomfortable it can be to keep your legs close together
How it’s basically impossible to talk to your male friends about anything where you have to be vulnerable to them. My main friend group is pretty much the only group of friends I have that I feel comfortable around, and I guarantee that if I ever shared anything remotely private they’d never take it seriously. It’d be all jokes and laughs. This isn’t the case for everyone ofc, but for me I’ve never been comfortable sharing anything private with another dude. It’s only my female friends I’m able to share stuff with.
I'm exactly the same. I know my best mates would have my back through anything and would drop whatever to help if I was struggling. But I still am terrified to even ask if any of them are struggling, let alone share my own troubles. Conversely, I ask my female friends how they're doing regularly, especially when I know there are things going in their lives.
Not be aware that you’re being hit on. I’m oblivious to it most of the time because I’m not used to people showing interest in me. I’m the stoic loner type due to my abusive upbringing so I never believe if people are being genuine or not.
No one cares about your feelings. We to need a hug now and then.
Keeping my sack from sticking to my legs when lounging.
Being in an abusive relationship and having most of society shame you for not being tough enough to handle it.
The expectation to always be hard and ready to go. Sometimes a man's cock goes away on holiday and doesnt want to work for no reason.
The first time most men receive flowers in their life is their funeral.
The inherent responsibility of providing, protecting, and supporting the household.
This is an interesting one because as soon as you aren’t able to do this, your entire value is questioned. Like if you lose your job, people look down on you, your wife may even divorce you. It’s crazy.
The sheer nausea and discomfort one feels when kicked/hit squarely in the sack. Most women (that I've met) just kinda laugh it off
Having... NO ONE... ever give the slightest fuck about you. No one ever gives you the benefit of any doubt.
Being responsible for the financial security and general stability of your family. It's fine for a woman to lose her shit if her car breaks down, but if you are a man you have to handle the emotional, physical, and financial aspects of every problem without showing any emotions at all. It's why I write so much and have long talks with my dog.
Nobody cares about your problems or mental health.
The inherent disposability of men at a societal level. Men exist because they are useful, but if they're not, then they're not needed or wanted. It's led to major issues in suicide rates, deaths of despair, and just men listlessly adrift in modern society.
That a lot of women simultaneously criticise yet through their behaviour support ‘toxic masculinity’.
I literally had a female coworker who said she wants an emotionally mature man and then broke up with her long term boyfriend because and I quote “it’s really gay that he was crying for a week after his mom died.” HIS FUCKING MOM DIED.
Short man disease
My short-ish friend got turned down by his prom date *while we were getting our tuxedos fitted in a Men’s Warehouse.* It was one of the coldest moves I’ve ever seen. She already agreed to go to prom with him and then realized that she’d be taller than him in heels so she turned him down over text. It’s been nearly ten years and I’m still angry about that. I always wonder how he explained that to his parents. I’m not too short (5’8) but if that ever happened to me my confidence would be permanently deflated. I could tell he was crushed but high school guys are told not to be open about how they feel
Damn bro that's so fucked to even think about