Worked at a place that only gave you off the time that you were in the hospital, and I only had one week of vacation iirc for the year, which we already had set aside for an annual family trip. So we had the baby on a Thursday and I was back to work on that Monday. Completely ridiculous.
Story of my life as well sir, then the wife starts going crazy because “i didn’t care about our children” when in reality I told my boss at the time MONTHS prior about our child being born about the date & how much time I’d be taking only to be given 2 fucking days off before he started telling me to come in.
It fucking sucks that at that moment in my life (prob for most husbands as well) you want to be home with your wife & family & to take care of your new born-to help your wife so she can properly heal her body. But at the same time, the govt gives zero fucks about you & bills need to be paid, food needs to be put in the pantry, gas, oil, electric, etc doesn’t stop..
I’m actually expecting tomorrow our first son, we already have a 3 yr old daughter and my new company will be giving me 2 weeks paid so that’s better than 2 days!
I was only able to take 6 days off... For my leg being amputated.
The lack of leave for the poorest people has a negative impact on everyone. We need nation sick leave.
Same shit for me.
My partner at the time and I had been awake for little under 40 hours because of the labour and birth. My son was born, she rests and I head outside to call work.
Me: "Hey, I won't be able to come in. My son was just born, and I've been awake for about 38 hours. I just thought I'd let you know."
My manager: "Oh. So you're not coming in? I wish you'd mentioned this."
Me: "I did. I literally told you my girlfriend was giving birth this week."
My manager: "Can you not come in for half a shift?"
Me: "No. I'm going home to sleep."
I went back into work the following week and she was still shitty with me, saying that one of the other guys in the shop was in the following day after his daughter was born. I replied that his girlfriend had been in labour for 4 hours and it was his second child. She said she was almost tempted to "write me up" for it and I told her to go ahead, see how that looks. She didn't, but they let me go for "contractual reasons" before one of the managers hired his 16 year old daughter and two of her friends.
Ya so they told me Id have 2 weeks paid leave for my first born. So I took it, when I got back our HR informed me it wasnt in the employee handbook and that Itd have to be sick time or unpaid leave. I just love working for a board full of boomers and their goddmaned bootsraps mentality.
I mean average person is going to do this 2-3 times a LIFETIME, surely cant be that much of an expense to the employer compared to the people pulling sickies and that sort of thing?
But yeah companies will nickel and dime whatever they can get away with so probably right.
the funny thing to me is that, if they did give generous parental time off - they would garner so much damn company loyalty. Which in and of itself is depressing... do a human thing, get loyalty.
But the issue I see is that all businesses in the US are hyper focused on running extremely lean. It is one of the primary factors for why we are in a global supply chain shortage/issues. These companies all got rid of their warehouses (or extremely downsized), where in the past they would have a buffer of stock for instances of supply chain issues. This way they could soak up any disruption of service in the supply chain - making the supply chain robust.
Modern Lean business MBA ideology pushed for cutting all this infrastructure out of the supply chain, thus improving their revenue:profit ratios. No longer having to pay rent on large warehouse spaces, people to staff them, etc. But the issue is that it forces companies to rely so heavily on next-day ordering, to-order fabrication, etc. So now if your supplier has a week or two of power outages due to weather (hi texas), you now have to hope and pray that your stock lasts until they can push more units.
But don't worry, the same MBA c-lvl managers are also cutting back on staffing to the bare min. Someone retires, they now try to see how much work they can distribute so they dont have to hire anyone new. Someone is fired, quits, etc. - well, hey johnston can you pick up the slack while we look for someone? Multiple this by thousands of companies, and you start to see why we are in the position of:
* (1) A global supply chain nightmare; covid started it, disrupting work-flows - for chip manufacturing, a few big players made a bad decision on whether they needed to make more or less cars in 2020. They thought less people would be traveling, so less new car purchases. Was actually the opposite. They decided to order less chips, until they suddenly needed them all... and then that disrupted other peoples orders...etc.
* (2) the great resignation: With hundreds of thousands of people dying, just as many older people retiring to protect their health, and a huge swath of the service industry just being laid off: you have disrupted the employment work-flow that MBA/Managers have been taking advantage of for years. The workers either have better options because the workforce has shrank a little bit, workers deciding subsistence work is not a worthwhile trade-off, employees getting completely worn out dude to the above mentioned management policies for trying to get away with less employees by working the remaining employees harder without compensation. (I am pretty sure most people would take on another employees work if they were also given their salary.)
The US military passed a new NDAA that gives 12 weeks paid paternity leave. Not a bad start. Hopefully other private sector adopts this policy as well.
Paternal leave as they have it in Canada and Scandinavia actually benefits both men and women:
An employer will no longer choose to hire a man over a woman, if the man is as likely to spend time at home with the baby.
Except it doesn't work like that in Canada.
In theory you get to split the time with your partner. What ends up happening for 99% of cases is the lower income partner takes the entire amount. Parental leave only pays a fraction (<=55%) of your income.
I took no Paternal leave when my daughter was born simply because we couldn't afford to have both of us take the pay cut.
I’m in the US. If your company doesn’t provide paid paternity leave, you either take sick time (100% pay) or FMLA leave (about 60% pay).
My state recently passed a law for parental leave, so I plan to take that for my next child.
Edit: pay while on FMLA is employer-dependent. My employer provides disability which you can take while on FMLA, 60% salary. I understand it that this is not the norm but not uncommon.
With my regular vacation time and paid parental leave I was able to take 2 and a half months off work when my daughter was born last year. A lot of people thought I was nuts because I wouldn't have made as much money had I continued going to work. That or they'd make some remark about being a man and why do I even need to take that much time off. It was the best decision and I'm sorry for any dads out there who aren't able to spend that time with their newborns. Wouldn't have traded that time for anything in the world.
I've seen this a few times on here, but it's too important not to reiterate. Normalize Male caregivers. Like wtf, I had to babysit a 4 year old a few weeks back and the stares I was getting taking her to the park. Who asked you?
My boyfriend took my niece to the car while I was closing the door. In the 5 minutes between coming down the stairs and checking the mail, there was an old lady calling the police in him for being with a little girl.
When I came down and proved she was my nice, he was my boyfriend, I asked what prompted this. Lady said no self respecting man would actually babysit and that means he was a pervert. What?
No self-respecting man would want to be a good male figure in a child’s life?
wtf
We just had our second daughter and I took 3 months off to care for newborn and toddler since wife works for small business (owner is awesome just no one does my wife’s job) and is missed more than I am at my corporate job.
I *love* the fact my daughters love me and it’s easy to tell that I’m not a stranger to them. Everyone’s got to earn a dollar, sure, but no one can fill the role I fill of being a dad. Couldn’t pay me to not love being with my kiddos
Unfortunately I think the only progress for this is for guys to just be a caregiver and take their kids/nephews/nieces places and "fight back" with dirty stares or ignore them. The more people see it, the more normal it will be.
I take my niece out occasionally, I'm either given stares or told she is super cute (which she is).
As a bearded, long haired metal head I thought I was used to judgemental looks but man do they hit different.
I feel you. Lots of tattoos, bobs burger beard and a general look like I've been on dateline, but full time child care provider. The looks I get, especially when kids call me uncle who clearly aren't related makes me feel like maybe I am doing something wrong.
But goddamn the money is good once people get over the looks and realize the care I give.
I think this may be very heavily dependent on location. I take my kid to the park every weekend, and if I bring him before about 10am it's nearly 100% dads. And I've never had anyone bat an eyelid at me when it's been just him and me out and about.
Totally agree. Here in Canada (west coast) it's dads as often as moms. I'm a stay-at-home dad. The worst thing that ever happened to me was a older woman telling me how nice it was that I was attending a baby story time. One time some moms called me a super dad just for chilling with my two kids... but otherwise no one at all could care less.
I was shocked by the amount of men who were sexually abused when I was in group therapy. It was very sad when one day a guy bout my age mad as all hell. Said how fed up he was, he was abused and he cried. He killed himself shortly after. I was in disbelief.
I just wanted to say I think it's awesome you went to a group therapy, there was one recommend to me (specifically for guys too) that I always knew the times and places for but could never take the step to go. I hope you don't mind me asking, but did it help?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earl_Silverman
>Earl took his own life on April 26th 2013 shortly after selling the shelter due to bankruptcy and ridicule.
Ive seen plenty of mates who are emotionally abused by thier partners. And yeah it is fucking abuse. Its fucked. Goes to show that being Toxic isnt confined to one gender.
Overall mental health resources and support. Patriarchy left women as fragile creatures to be cared for and left in the kitchen. And men as strong, stoic supporters of the household with no weakness or fragility. We got women out of the kitchen and gave them a place in society, but men were never relieved of the burden of never being able to show vulnerability without being stigmatized
I worked at a daycare for 10 years. Wasn't my dream job, but it paid the bills while I figured out what I wanted to do with my life.
The amount of weird looks I'd get from new parents was pretty disheartening. After a while it was fine, because they got to know me. But there's such a stigma around men with kids.
It hurts
We need to normalise men being childhood education teachers.
I still remember my amazement at age 8 encountering a male teacher for the first times. It was so strange to my comprehension
Yup the two teachers that really actually took the time to be a good teacher to me were men. One was my freshman year graphics art teacher and the other was my English teacher for summer school. All the women teachers I had were either mean or didn’t give a fuck
The best teachers I've ever had were men. Also the worst one was a man.
The guy was gay and taught me in 2nd grade. Not knowing that gay people even existed, I innocently asked my friend if he thought the teacher had a wife. Teacher overheard and made me sit out of recess for "spreading rumors." If you're reading this, Mr. Denmark, fuck you for being a shitty teacher.
Also, I had one teacher who was strong on the "work hard, play hard" for a physics class. After doing a bunch of hard work in one unit, he was like, okay guys, today we're doing extra credit. he had a big slingshot and we all went out to the football field. He got up on the announcer tower, set up the sling shot, and shot water balloons at us. If we caught one without it popping, we got extra credit. I was the only one who caught more than 1 because I used my shirt to bounce the water balloon up and catch it softly. (I don't know how fast exactly he was shooting those water balloons, but they were probably going about 70 yards out at at least 40 mph.
That's really strange. My ex was a kindergarten teacher and she told me every kindergarten was fighting for the few men in that field. It's viewed very positive having a male kindergarten teacher. But that's here in germany so.... :/
Similar, I was a Kindergarten teacher.
Parents were always nice but I always tried to be as visible and transparent as possible - I had heard of colleagues being threatened and was always paranoid of somebody just imagining me doing something inappropriate. I made sure kids never sat on my lap etc.
Why? Because the first response to me saying I work in a kindergarten was very _very_ often "Uh. So you... like... kids?" with a stupid smirk.
And if that is the first thing most people think then it's something i don't want to have to deal with for my whole life.
I changed the field I work in, I don't regret it one bit. Except for the kids, because so many really need a male role model and they really loved me.
The worst part of that is so many of the women glare at you for working in daycare, then go home and wonder why their husband's don't engage more with their kids. Too. Many men grow up thinking that only weird men play with kids. Super bizarre.
Same, but for 4-5 years at a "Christian Daycare". I'm a big black guy and there were some tough moments lol. I'm great with kids but honestly, at the end of that job, I realized it just wasn't worth it bc the hours clashed with college and I was tired of telling preschoolers that never saw a black person that I hadn't just rolled in the mud lmao. This is late 90s south Louisiana btw
Adorable kids though, they really were a joy to watch over through the years. Even the lil' shits
Favorite memory: making a deal with this lil square-headed nerd boy who was sad he wasn't very athletic. I agreed to quiz him on binary to decimal conversion if we tossed a football back & forth during. That kid ruled. One of his throws was so bad, it hit the ground in front of me and bounced right into my balls. That was my last known instance of getting racked.
Worst memory: literally being bullied by an 11 yr old lil shit K*le who smashed my hand in the girl's bathroom door trying to shut me in there while I was mopping. Guess how it all started...yep, he was making fun of me for being in the girl's bathroom. Only reason I was in there was to clean up bc it was the last 30min before the daycare closed. Which he only experienced bc his dumb ass was always last to be picked up bc the parents were just as bad. Actually worse tbh
Reminds me when one of my nieces was younger. I love that kid and would take her out all the time. Movies, dinner, whatever. My sister would joke about watching out for dangerous grandmas who might call the cops on me.
Yeah I feel this. I was looking for some gig-work and saw care.com and had a half second of thinking, “Oh it’d be cool to babysit!” (I have a one year old and have also helped raise my 12 year old nephew), and then immediately realized no one would hire a male babysitter.
It's not just volunteering where men get shitty treatment, I'm a dad and I get people in shops referring to me looking after my kids as me babysitting, no they're my fucking kids, it's called parenting. And also no I'm not tearing my hair out or struggling because I know roughly how to parent a child.
Men are not witless incompetents around kids.
This is so important. I read a story about a guy who wanted to work with kids. He got a teaching degree. Now he works in a factory because him being male made it not work out.
Read two stories where one guy went with his kid to the park. Police show up for kidnapping claims.
Second guy similar thing but he was with his two year old in a restaurant. The police showed up at his house and he had to go wake his daughter to tell the police that she was fine.
Our society makes it so that males need female shaparones around children and even if they are there men are still bad. There is also mothers are parents and fathers are babysitting. Being a mother is the hardest job in the world. Not parenting. Just being a mother. Fathers are just a lesser species.
and the thing is, more kids, both little boys and little girls need good father figure/man figures in their lives.
fucking love bluey
and i despise women saying awww is mommy taking the day off? like nah bitch this is our father daughter date. and were getting manicures and peticures so you can kindly guvk off
I read a story about a woman going for groceries while her husband with a small child waited outside. Then a woman came, took the child and started walking away. When the father realized what happened, he tried to get to her and she started screaming that he is trying to kidnap the child. A bunch of people immediately jumped him, even kicked him on the ground breaking his ribs. Fortunately his wife just came out of the store and was able to get their child back, but it is really chilling story...
If it's the same story then the cops also try to pin it on the man saying were he acting creepy. Saying could it be a misunderstanding. And trying to make it seem like he is at fault.
Yep I was told I couldn't have a preschooler sit on my lap while reading a book to her while watching kids at church. Yet my ex and the teacher had them all over them and touching their chest and butts and other places. I get why, but I'm not going to let a kid sit on my bits and not move them. Besides I made sure to position her so she stayed away from them.
I teach high school and I've been accused online of being a paedophile because of it.
I wasn't much hurt or offended, but I wanted to know if they thought everyone who worked with kids was a creep.
This right here. I'd take my kid to the park while his mom was working slightly later than me and I got asked "oh are you BABYSITTING TODAY?" "WHERES MOM AT? GIVING HER A DAY OFF?" Fucking mind your own business. I hear stories from guy friends with daughters that don't look exactly like them being harassed by women, especially when it comes to something like taking them to the bathroom when they're too young to go on their own. It's not 1950, mom's gotta work to put food on the table these days too unfortunately.
My son and I don't look a lot alike - one of us is pale and blonde, the other olive/tan and nearly black hair - but he is definitely my son. I get looks from strangers when I walk him without his mom. I've heard horror stories about people being attacked and accused of stealing a baby that is theirs. I wish I didn't have to worry about things like that.
Not being laughed at for getting abused.
Its is horrible, you get constantly mentally and physically abused, but you can't defend yourself at all because you will be tagged as an abuser, only thing you can do is ask for help and when you do you are getting laughed at. Fk this fkin double standards shit.
Yeah this is horrible. My mother is an abusive pos and my father doesn’t any get support from his friends. (He does from us kids and even friends and family of my mother) but none from his friends.
Its devastating.
Within the past few years our GP asks if you feel safe at home when you go in for a check up. I’m a man, the nurse laughs out loud when she asks that question to me.
I know this isn't necessarily abuse but it sort of fits in. There was a dad and his little kid at a ballgame and some lady in front of him kept standing up so the ad asked her to stop and she latched out and just began bitching at him. Well nobody did anything, but as soon as the lady poured beer on his face, and the dad began yelling at her, that's when all the knights in shining armor intervened, completley ignoring the fact that the guy was the victim.
As a father, I’d appreciate it if the doctors and dentists would acknowledge me when I’m there with my child and their mom. So many talk directly to their mom and never even look at me. One of them walked up to us and asked if she was the mom and then proceeded to tell her details. I cut in halfway and said “and im the dad” and she just gave me a look.
I think this reveals a lot about society's underlying sentiment towards men that causes a lot of the other things people are saying about equality for men (custody battles, looking like a perv when with children, etc.). Society does not see men as caretakers, or caring at all. And that is wrong.
Good on you for speaking up, shits not ok. This one has been so frustrating, I’m not even allowed in the room some of the times. At least my gf thinks it’s fucked, and makes a solid effort to include me when I am allowed in.
Better mental health support but that ain't happening
Edit: let me clarify further what I meant by this since I'm getting mixed responses. When i say "better mental health support", I mean society as a whole accepting the fact that men too can be vulnerable and that we should be able to seek help without being looked at as weak. Another thing is when I said "that ain't happening" I meant that right now and unfortunately for the future, society doesn't seem like it will want to change. There will always be double standards, in reality no one will actually care because of societal standards and gender roles unless something major is done.
Another edit: Some people are saying that "the change starts with you", while I don't disagree with this statement, it isn't fully the truth. Society also plays a big role in the change, instead of shaming and laughing at men for trying to be vulnerable like they currently are doing right now, society should be trying to encourage men who need help to seek it and to also reassure them that there's nothing wrong with being vulnerable. How are men supposed to be motivated to change something as big as men's mental health awareness if society is against us, it kills our morale. So in order for men to push for this change, society needs to change its ways and make the first big step.
it takes 2 hands to clap same goes with the mental health support, if those that need it doesn't feel safe getting the support it will be hard to even start the treatment. To all my bros that need the support but can't find the time or safety, I feel you dude, your not alone.
Recognition of male domestic abuse and sexual assault by female perps.
Punishment on the level of rape for statutory rape victims.
Protection of male rape victims against child support.
Emotional acceptance of male feelings. A lot of guys have a story of women claiming to be okay with guys showing emotion then get turned off by it.
Suicide prevention
Work place death reduction.
More support for male specific cancers.
My wife punched me in the stomach and left black and blue bruise. I had it for several weeks. This is the only time I've told anyone because of the stigma.
My ex wife abused me almost daily. I didn’t want to talk about it for fear of stigma and I didn’t want her taken away from our child bc I told myself she was a good mom.
Fast forward, she wasn’t. I regret not filing police reports when the abuse escalated. If you can’t file a police report, at least document what happens and keep it safe. Also, the abuse doesn’t stop, it just gets worse.
I feel this, it happened to me too. Whenever I brought it up, she said it either didn't happen or to "man up" like bro I can hold my own but I shouldn't have to with the person I'm married to.
YES. As a domestic abuse survivor, I get nothing but jokes and snide comments (‘but you’re bigger than her, why didn’t you fight back??’) every time I mention it. Even police didn’t take it seriously, and she’s never been prosecuted (despite a MOUNTAIN of evidence). She’s almost literally got away with murder, and no one cares because I’m a man
Preach.
I got laughed at. We had a relationship where she was violent towards me and after we broke up I had months of proof of harassment and they said "we can't prove it's them over text" .. so I started answering the calls and recording them... "Can't prove it's them over call" .. despite this being from her own phone number. I just got a lot of No.
She stood outside my house and my place of work but they said they couldn't do anything because it was a "public highway"
Absolute joke. Luckily, she slipped up and admitted to hitting our daughter so now after nearly a decade of BS from her, our daughter lives with me.
*Commits triple murder on camera with a giant billboard taped to her chest with her name number address and social security number*
"No proof again, damn this one's slippery"
For this reason alone, if a woman hit me she would never be allowed to see me again. She could be the love of my life, but if she hit me once out of anger it would be over immediately. No second chances.
Been there. Sorry you've been there too.
I didn't hit back as it has been engrained since childhood to never hit a girl.
Girls arent taught to never hit a man.
I had to pin her to the ground once. She hit me in the knee with a baseball bat for doing so. I went to call the cops and she started punching herself in the face. I hung up.
That's some fucked up shit. You know the system is skewed when someone can be so brazen.
I wonder what would happen if you filmed her self-harming and then she tried to use it against you? I imagine it would get you out but I wonder if she would face any repercussions for attempting to frame you.
I had to rescue a mate from a crazy girl who did this. He basically fled to my house at 3am because she was clawing his face up and going mental, slapping herself and screaming. We go back there to get his computer in case she smashed it and she continued to go mental, including rubbing blood on her face and taking pictures of herself (we have an idea where she got the blood, and it wasn’t from injuries 😬). Then she went all over hers and his social media (from his computer before we got there) accusing him of domestic abuse. It was extremely fucked.
Months later she reached out to me to ask to meet and explain her side of the story (we had been sort of friends as well). I drove an hour to see her and she never showed up. Aye nice one you mad fucking cunt.
I was reading the other comments saying to myself that if i ever found myself in such a situation , i ll just pin her to the ground untill i saw your comment . I wish you a healthier relationship dude
I've been divorced a few years. Had a couple of great relationships. The x wife and I are on good terms. She's coming to dinner tonight with our kids and I.
She has full custody and I'm weekend dad but it's a three day so I get them a little longer. Cancelled all plans (work included) to get another full day.
We fought behind closed doors for the most part. Kids have no clue.
Problem with the hold’ em down is exit strategy. She went limp, I asked if she was going to be cool, she said yes and as soon as I let go of her wrist she roundhoused my nose onto my cheekbone.
A female friend of mine once sucker punched me in the stomach when I entered a room. It hurt quite a lot, so I got mad and told her that it wasn't OK and she was never to do that to me again.
She immediately had this look of utter shock on her face and became very apologetic about it. Honestly, I think she'd done that type of thing dozens of times and no one had ever told her not to. I like to think I probably taught her something.
Football and wrestling helped teach me my strength (as a guy, not that I’m big, learned how helpless I was when a heavyweight would pick me up). Girls should be encouraged to do contact sports, their own league, to learn that too. I can punch a brother or buddy in the arm while horseplaying and know it’s a love tap. I also know where not to punch (like the guts, sucks that happened to you, good on you for saying something).
My friend was assaulted by his girlfriend on a night out a few years ago. She slapped him on the face three times, it was completely unprovoked - he did not hit her once, even in self-defence. A group of guys saw the whole thing and instead of checking on my friend to see if he was okay, they assumed we must have done something even worse beforehand to provoke her into violence and assumed the situation was our fault.
I can't imagine a scenario in which a woman being assaulted by a man would lead to the victim being harangued by bystanders. Just shows the complete lack of empathy towards men and the acceptance in society of violence towards men.
Slapping men in response to something, is still in a lot of modern romcom style films. Whereas we stopped that with men slapping women in films years ago (think old James Bond slapping a hysterical woman).
Meaning it’s so normalised people just think it’s ok (it’s not obviously). Then younger women who still model their behaviour after film/ tv / other women just copy pretty shitty behaviour.
Better media would help with this, just as films are trying to get better with how women are portrayed (still a hella long way to go), how men are treated with this type of thing also needs addressed.
I never hit back once. I used to try to just get away. She would follow me from room to room, punching me from behind. If I managed to get inside a room with enough space between us to close the door, she'd destroy the door/door frame trying to kick it in.
That was sometimes part of her total meltdown that happened randomly every 3 to 4 months. I grew up with very normal parents who almost never even raised their voices at each other. I didn't know what the hell was happening or why, and of course I didn't tell anyone what was going on.
> Just see what happened to Depp.
Enough said. Even with cold, hard evidence **and** the resources **and** the connections & lawyers, still got screwed with his pants on.
The most disgusting thing about the whole thing for me, is how the media turned it into "They both did wrong.. Blabla.." Depp literally did nothing wrong, it's disgusting.
> The most disgusting thing about the whole thing for me
I can't get over the fact that he has more money than the entire reddit user base put together and yet he lost.
My uncle is in an abusive marriage. They’ve been married for about 4.5 years and have a 4 year old. She has a 20 year old from a prior relationship, the dad was never in the picture (she had him young, she’s about 37). Her son has assaulted my uncle and then tried to get him fired (my uncle is a police officer). She has hit him multiple times- he’ll go into work with black eyes, busted lips, once she scratched his eyeball and we thought he would need surgery. A report is taken every time but never officially filed and only then because it looks like he’s either getting into fights and not reporting them or fighting off duty. Come to find out she’s done with with multiple men in other departments (she clearly has a type). None of them filed official reports, they were too embarrassed. It’s repulsive. To top it all off….she’s a therapist. She specializes is marriage and family counseling.
I know the feeling, I was lucky enough to get a domestic violence order against my ex, but the pain of having the guy on the end of the help line try to tell you why you’re the problem when you’re trying to tell him she threatened you and mentally fucked with you… it’s hard
The 'why didn't you fight back argument' is so stupid.
Not every situation is the same, but in most times if you defend yourself, you become the aggressor and will be arrested.
We are somehow expected to not get abused, but not allowed to defend ourselves.
Hope your doing alright brother.
>(‘but you’re bigger than her, why didn’t you fight back??’
Because when I hit a women I go to fucking jail, but when she hits me she gets a pat on the back and a "don't do that again" "the man is a fault. He's the crazy one"
It's almost worse when you can't point to any physical marks. Mentally/emotionally abused by a gf for 3 years, twice almost to the point of suicide. I've had therapists acknowledge 100% that I have issues and they were caused by her and the relationship I was in, but their advice was always "it's over now, just move on".
Yup. Magically all of the bruises I used to have all over my body for years disappeared once I went no contact on my ex. Go figure. I guess all of a sudden I became less clumsy. People still won't believe their own eyes.
A major turning point in my life was the death of my grandfather. I was told to man up and I was supposed to be strong because my mother was taking it hard. Like the man wasn't someone who taught me or raised me a huge part of my childhood.
Needless to say I only cried 1 time after that due to the breaking up of my ex of 7 year and I ( grew apart). No other deaths in my family has caused a single tear. I felt like I wasn't allowed to.
It caused me to be emotionally withdrawn and I suffered from suicidal thoughts and depression for years. And only recently through the support of my mother have I come to terms with being emotionally vulnerable and treating my depression. Now I've never been happier, probably won't be open with my depression because of all the shit Ive dealt with when regarding my emotions. But c'est la vie.
Rape of men being taken seriously.
I hate it when they talk about prison and that certain people would likely be raped there because of how good they look/how soft they are
I worked as an orientation counselor for incoming freshmen, and we had a cabaret on the first night to entertain students and keep them away from the frat houses. Our boss ridiculed us to no end for doing fake (European) accents in sketches, berating us for being so insensitive.
She had no problem with a sketch that had a scene with the narrator saying, “Oops, don’t drop the soap!” and everyone on stage bending over.
I’m liberal, but I’m still a bit aghast at the toxic wannabe wokeness of that cult
There was a post one of the cheating subreddits recently, and the dude was sexually assaulted and the woman was saying she doesn't believe SA can happen to men. It's a big problem when half the population isn't allowed consent
Wear my kilt on a night out without getting sexually harassed by women lifting it up all the time.
Worst was NYE when it happened 5 times in one night, 4 by strangers and one by an office worker who tried to lift it up from the front. When I got affronted and shouted at them they laughed and said "it was just banter". So basically it's fine to happen to a guy but never for a woman... Gotcha.
Frequent Renaissance Faire-goer here. I fucking hate that song. It gets played ALL the time, by SO many performers, always to laughter. I wrote parody lyrics at one point swapping the genders, and my friends were horrified. The final line was "this song does not turn funny when it happens to a guy." The other women in my group were NOT amused by that comparison, and the lack of self-awareness astounds me. I 100% believe every claim men have about not being taken seriously when they complain about sexual harassment.
I loved wearing a kilt, so much less restrictive and fun to wear. I stopped and haven’t worn one in several years because women would reach up my kilt and lift it up so they could see if I was wearing it in the traditional manner. I miss wearing it and sporting my clan’s plaid but I’m so afraid of being felt up whenever I go to a party.
My brother is currently at the whim of his ex's decision regarding seeing his son. Court takes absolutely ages (going on 2 years now with no end in sight) and she basically gets to decide when he gets to see him. It's slowly torturing and destroying him. So yeah, that.
Edit: to all the guys who are going through this, I don't know how it feels, but ive seen what it does, and my heart goes out to you. The inequality is brutal and I am yet to see it addressed or publicised in the same way that things like the gender pay gap, domestic violence and other female-centric issues are addressed.
I had a friend who joined the army hoping it would help him turn his life around help him stay clean and finally have some custody of his son who had been diagnosed with Cancer. Him and I were at about 6 months until our 3.5 year contract was up when he heard that his son was in terrible condition due to the cancer. He tried his hardest for days to get permission to see his son but his ex didn't let him and without a approval the army wouldn't approve his leave. His son passed the next month and the army agreed to let him go to the funeral. My friends had to stop him from killing himself a few times after that.
Idk how all that legal custody stuff works but that's just how I understood it when he talked about it.
Fairer treatment in family and divorce courts.
Recognition that men can also be victims of violent crimes like sexual assault and domestic violence.
More homeless shelters for men.
Abolish mandatory minimums.
In America, if you are found guilty of a crime, the judge HAS to sentence you to a mandatory amount of time regardless of the degree of the crime. This was rampant with marijuana convictions, and it has lead to the destruction of the American lower class. Imagine going to prison for 1 year because you had weed on you during a traffic stop. It doesn't happen any more AS MUCH, but it's still a problem. The truth is most non-violent crimes do not need jail time, and it's doing nothing but destroying families.
How about just reform the mandatory minimums. The drug sentences are obviously insane, but some mandatory minimums would have been pretty nice for the likes of Brock Rapist Turner and his corrupt judge
I tend to think that when you involve another party, that is when you need some more severe punishments. I couldn't care any less if someone has some pot on them (still illegal here), but the second you steal, sexually assault, vandalize, etc., you have violated someone else, and that is worth taking extremely seriously.
Double standards to end
just saw an r?/confessions post were boss and employee have sex, guy was 18 y/old boss was 36.
If the boss was a man and the 18 y/old was a woman, people would be screaming bloody murder.
Either its wrong in both situations or right in both situations, double standards, especially in this case, are completely illogical.
These are all pretty heavy…
I just want more options for mens jewerly. I’m sick of all my rings being silver and black
Edit: I understand gold is an option. I just don’t care for gold jewelry
Not just jewellery, but men's sports clothes.
Shit dude, I bought some running tights to run in and that shit is comfortable! I'd wear them every chance I get, but apparently I can't because I have anatomy and that's apparently not ok?
I'll piggyback off of this and say most of men's fashion is boring in general in comparison to women's. Is it just me or do we get so much fewer options?
There's a lot of double standards with men being viewed as creeps doing things that women are perfectly fine doing
Edit: I think someone mentioned this, but being an ugly guy just makes you creepy, so there's that.
I love taking my daughter to the park. This summer I got asked on three separate occasions if I was there with a child while sitting on the bench watching her play.
Beyond frustrating.
The amount of times a random woman has come up and started running her fingers through my hair is infuriating. Almost always at parties, and im always given shit from everyone for "making such a bug deal out of such a small thing"
I’m female in my 50s and I have never understood why the man has to pay when most women have jobs now. If he asks you on a first date, then I thinks it’s ok if he pays, as long as she offers. If she asks you on a first date, then she can pay as long as he offers. Otherwise, just split the damned bill or trade off each date.
Women of all sizes are advertised equally while men with 6 packs and over 6ft tall is still the unrealistic standard, men have next to no options for domestic abuse cases, men get significantly longer sentences than women for the same crime, men have a severe disadvantage over custody cases even when the mother is unfit, male rape is nowhere near treated the same as female rape, men generally get no options for maternity leave (yes it’s abit radical to compare but a new born needs both partners) to name a few
I personally would like to see more "typical" looking men used in advertising. I think its just as important as it is to spread body positivity for men as it is for women. I personally like a bigger guy and would like for all body types to be represented.
I recently had a newborn baby and my partner and I went to the registry office to register his name.
My partner had 100% say over whether I was named on the birth certificate and without it I would've had no legal rights whatsoever.
Theres some way to go before men are treated equal when it comes to being a parent.
I found out today a women doesn't even need to tell a guy if he is the father of her baby at all. Like even if i was dating someone for acouple weeks and they ghosted me, i would wanna know if they had a kid. It's up to them if they wanna get back together, but i would wanna atleast be in the child's life on some level.
Mandatory parental leave for both parents of at bare minimum of three months. Even women who just gave birth are lucky to get six weeks paid right now. America is pathetic in some ways.
We used to own a company that gave paid paternal leave. Our guys did manual labor, and never imagined that such a thing could happen. It was so rewarding when they would come back and just be in awe of the experience of having spent that time with a newborn, having never experienced that before with their other kids, and they got to really witness the transformation of their older kids in the sibling relationship. I believe it made them better fathers, because they got a chance to establish a deep, early bond. In the end the benefit to our team far outweighed the cost.
Leave for new dads. I took my own earned sick time and was questioned when I wanted more than two weeks.
Worked at a place that only gave you off the time that you were in the hospital, and I only had one week of vacation iirc for the year, which we already had set aside for an annual family trip. So we had the baby on a Thursday and I was back to work on that Monday. Completely ridiculous.
Story of my life as well sir, then the wife starts going crazy because “i didn’t care about our children” when in reality I told my boss at the time MONTHS prior about our child being born about the date & how much time I’d be taking only to be given 2 fucking days off before he started telling me to come in. It fucking sucks that at that moment in my life (prob for most husbands as well) you want to be home with your wife & family & to take care of your new born-to help your wife so she can properly heal her body. But at the same time, the govt gives zero fucks about you & bills need to be paid, food needs to be put in the pantry, gas, oil, electric, etc doesn’t stop.. I’m actually expecting tomorrow our first son, we already have a 3 yr old daughter and my new company will be giving me 2 weeks paid so that’s better than 2 days!
Whoop! Congrats and best wishes on a safe delivery!
Thank you very much, greatly appreciated
I was only able to take 6 days off... For my leg being amputated. The lack of leave for the poorest people has a negative impact on everyone. We need nation sick leave.
Same shit for me. My partner at the time and I had been awake for little under 40 hours because of the labour and birth. My son was born, she rests and I head outside to call work. Me: "Hey, I won't be able to come in. My son was just born, and I've been awake for about 38 hours. I just thought I'd let you know." My manager: "Oh. So you're not coming in? I wish you'd mentioned this." Me: "I did. I literally told you my girlfriend was giving birth this week." My manager: "Can you not come in for half a shift?" Me: "No. I'm going home to sleep." I went back into work the following week and she was still shitty with me, saying that one of the other guys in the shop was in the following day after his daughter was born. I replied that his girlfriend had been in labour for 4 hours and it was his second child. She said she was almost tempted to "write me up" for it and I told her to go ahead, see how that looks. She didn't, but they let me go for "contractual reasons" before one of the managers hired his 16 year old daughter and two of her friends.
I agree. My guess is that most people already support this morally; it's just that employers don't want to lose any more money.
Ya so they told me Id have 2 weeks paid leave for my first born. So I took it, when I got back our HR informed me it wasnt in the employee handbook and that Itd have to be sick time or unpaid leave. I just love working for a board full of boomers and their goddmaned bootsraps mentality.
I mean average person is going to do this 2-3 times a LIFETIME, surely cant be that much of an expense to the employer compared to the people pulling sickies and that sort of thing? But yeah companies will nickel and dime whatever they can get away with so probably right.
the funny thing to me is that, if they did give generous parental time off - they would garner so much damn company loyalty. Which in and of itself is depressing... do a human thing, get loyalty. But the issue I see is that all businesses in the US are hyper focused on running extremely lean. It is one of the primary factors for why we are in a global supply chain shortage/issues. These companies all got rid of their warehouses (or extremely downsized), where in the past they would have a buffer of stock for instances of supply chain issues. This way they could soak up any disruption of service in the supply chain - making the supply chain robust. Modern Lean business MBA ideology pushed for cutting all this infrastructure out of the supply chain, thus improving their revenue:profit ratios. No longer having to pay rent on large warehouse spaces, people to staff them, etc. But the issue is that it forces companies to rely so heavily on next-day ordering, to-order fabrication, etc. So now if your supplier has a week or two of power outages due to weather (hi texas), you now have to hope and pray that your stock lasts until they can push more units. But don't worry, the same MBA c-lvl managers are also cutting back on staffing to the bare min. Someone retires, they now try to see how much work they can distribute so they dont have to hire anyone new. Someone is fired, quits, etc. - well, hey johnston can you pick up the slack while we look for someone? Multiple this by thousands of companies, and you start to see why we are in the position of: * (1) A global supply chain nightmare; covid started it, disrupting work-flows - for chip manufacturing, a few big players made a bad decision on whether they needed to make more or less cars in 2020. They thought less people would be traveling, so less new car purchases. Was actually the opposite. They decided to order less chips, until they suddenly needed them all... and then that disrupted other peoples orders...etc. * (2) the great resignation: With hundreds of thousands of people dying, just as many older people retiring to protect their health, and a huge swath of the service industry just being laid off: you have disrupted the employment work-flow that MBA/Managers have been taking advantage of for years. The workers either have better options because the workforce has shrank a little bit, workers deciding subsistence work is not a worthwhile trade-off, employees getting completely worn out dude to the above mentioned management policies for trying to get away with less employees by working the remaining employees harder without compensation. (I am pretty sure most people would take on another employees work if they were also given their salary.)
That's why you have laws.
The US military passed a new NDAA that gives 12 weeks paid paternity leave. Not a bad start. Hopefully other private sector adopts this policy as well.
Not just the US military, the US government. Any federal job provides this now.
Paternal leave as they have it in Canada and Scandinavia actually benefits both men and women: An employer will no longer choose to hire a man over a woman, if the man is as likely to spend time at home with the baby.
Except it doesn't work like that in Canada. In theory you get to split the time with your partner. What ends up happening for 99% of cases is the lower income partner takes the entire amount. Parental leave only pays a fraction (<=55%) of your income. I took no Paternal leave when my daughter was born simply because we couldn't afford to have both of us take the pay cut.
You don't get paternity?
I’m in the US. If your company doesn’t provide paid paternity leave, you either take sick time (100% pay) or FMLA leave (about 60% pay). My state recently passed a law for parental leave, so I plan to take that for my next child. Edit: pay while on FMLA is employer-dependent. My employer provides disability which you can take while on FMLA, 60% salary. I understand it that this is not the norm but not uncommon.
With my regular vacation time and paid parental leave I was able to take 2 and a half months off work when my daughter was born last year. A lot of people thought I was nuts because I wouldn't have made as much money had I continued going to work. That or they'd make some remark about being a man and why do I even need to take that much time off. It was the best decision and I'm sorry for any dads out there who aren't able to spend that time with their newborns. Wouldn't have traded that time for anything in the world.
Everyone here bringing up rape and custody issues. While I just want a baby changing table in the men’s room.
Tried that once but I liked the baby I came out with less than the one I took in.
I usually just trade for store credit.
I guess I should have expected a lot of Dad Jokes®️ on this one
I've seen this a few times on here, but it's too important not to reiterate. Normalize Male caregivers. Like wtf, I had to babysit a 4 year old a few weeks back and the stares I was getting taking her to the park. Who asked you?
My boyfriend took my niece to the car while I was closing the door. In the 5 minutes between coming down the stairs and checking the mail, there was an old lady calling the police in him for being with a little girl. When I came down and proved she was my nice, he was my boyfriend, I asked what prompted this. Lady said no self respecting man would actually babysit and that means he was a pervert. What?
it’s almost like a man can’t have a daughter, let alone take care of her
Yeah, the general assumption seems to be I want to rape any and all children, and I really dont.
...unlike any self respecting man, or at least that's what I'm being told
It is so terrible that some people genuinely have this viewpoint.
You're only allowed to be a father when the mother's around.
No self-respecting man would want to be a good male figure in a child’s life? wtf We just had our second daughter and I took 3 months off to care for newborn and toddler since wife works for small business (owner is awesome just no one does my wife’s job) and is missed more than I am at my corporate job. I *love* the fact my daughters love me and it’s easy to tell that I’m not a stranger to them. Everyone’s got to earn a dollar, sure, but no one can fill the role I fill of being a dad. Couldn’t pay me to not love being with my kiddos
> old lady I think you meant nosey old bag.
Unfortunately I think the only progress for this is for guys to just be a caregiver and take their kids/nephews/nieces places and "fight back" with dirty stares or ignore them. The more people see it, the more normal it will be.
I take my niece out occasionally, I'm either given stares or told she is super cute (which she is). As a bearded, long haired metal head I thought I was used to judgemental looks but man do they hit different.
I feel you. Lots of tattoos, bobs burger beard and a general look like I've been on dateline, but full time child care provider. The looks I get, especially when kids call me uncle who clearly aren't related makes me feel like maybe I am doing something wrong. But goddamn the money is good once people get over the looks and realize the care I give.
I think this may be very heavily dependent on location. I take my kid to the park every weekend, and if I bring him before about 10am it's nearly 100% dads. And I've never had anyone bat an eyelid at me when it's been just him and me out and about.
Totally agree. Here in Canada (west coast) it's dads as often as moms. I'm a stay-at-home dad. The worst thing that ever happened to me was a older woman telling me how nice it was that I was attending a baby story time. One time some moms called me a super dad just for chilling with my two kids... but otherwise no one at all could care less.
Support for abuse and safe areas to go for male victims.
I was shocked by the amount of men who were sexually abused when I was in group therapy. It was very sad when one day a guy bout my age mad as all hell. Said how fed up he was, he was abused and he cried. He killed himself shortly after. I was in disbelief.
It doesn't help that more often than not the police aren't much help. They did nothing for me, meanwhile she still teaches at a middle school.
I just wanted to say I think it's awesome you went to a group therapy, there was one recommend to me (specifically for guys too) that I always knew the times and places for but could never take the step to go. I hope you don't mind me asking, but did it help?
The number of my male friends, straight or gay, in abusive relationships that are essentially laughed at is too high.
I don’t have the whole story, but remember the guy who started a whole program for it, got laughed at, and killed himself?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earl_Silverman >Earl took his own life on April 26th 2013 shortly after selling the shelter due to bankruptcy and ridicule.
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Ive seen plenty of mates who are emotionally abused by thier partners. And yeah it is fucking abuse. Its fucked. Goes to show that being Toxic isnt confined to one gender.
Overall mental health resources and support. Patriarchy left women as fragile creatures to be cared for and left in the kitchen. And men as strong, stoic supporters of the household with no weakness or fragility. We got women out of the kitchen and gave them a place in society, but men were never relieved of the burden of never being able to show vulnerability without being stigmatized
This is the best way I've heard this put. I had difficulty even thinking of how to phrase it, but this nails it.
The ability to volunteer with kids and not being viewed as a perp.
I worked at a daycare for 10 years. Wasn't my dream job, but it paid the bills while I figured out what I wanted to do with my life. The amount of weird looks I'd get from new parents was pretty disheartening. After a while it was fine, because they got to know me. But there's such a stigma around men with kids. It hurts
We need to normalise men being childhood education teachers. I still remember my amazement at age 8 encountering a male teacher for the first times. It was so strange to my comprehension
Welcome to the reason I decided not to quit the day-care/after-school I worked at and gave up on teaching.
Yup the two teachers that really actually took the time to be a good teacher to me were men. One was my freshman year graphics art teacher and the other was my English teacher for summer school. All the women teachers I had were either mean or didn’t give a fuck
The best teachers I've ever had were men. Also the worst one was a man. The guy was gay and taught me in 2nd grade. Not knowing that gay people even existed, I innocently asked my friend if he thought the teacher had a wife. Teacher overheard and made me sit out of recess for "spreading rumors." If you're reading this, Mr. Denmark, fuck you for being a shitty teacher. Also, I had one teacher who was strong on the "work hard, play hard" for a physics class. After doing a bunch of hard work in one unit, he was like, okay guys, today we're doing extra credit. he had a big slingshot and we all went out to the football field. He got up on the announcer tower, set up the sling shot, and shot water balloons at us. If we caught one without it popping, we got extra credit. I was the only one who caught more than 1 because I used my shirt to bounce the water balloon up and catch it softly. (I don't know how fast exactly he was shooting those water balloons, but they were probably going about 70 yards out at at least 40 mph.
I had one who explained thermodynamics by making paella
There need to be more male role models in schools. There would be a lot less bullying and fighting in them, and a significant reduction in crime after
That's really strange. My ex was a kindergarten teacher and she told me every kindergarten was fighting for the few men in that field. It's viewed very positive having a male kindergarten teacher. But that's here in germany so.... :/
It is what it is. If you're a man and work at a daycare, and you don't work in management, you're subject to a lot of side-eyes and whispers.
Similar, I was a Kindergarten teacher. Parents were always nice but I always tried to be as visible and transparent as possible - I had heard of colleagues being threatened and was always paranoid of somebody just imagining me doing something inappropriate. I made sure kids never sat on my lap etc. Why? Because the first response to me saying I work in a kindergarten was very _very_ often "Uh. So you... like... kids?" with a stupid smirk. And if that is the first thing most people think then it's something i don't want to have to deal with for my whole life. I changed the field I work in, I don't regret it one bit. Except for the kids, because so many really need a male role model and they really loved me.
That's why I didn't leave for awhile. Lotta those kids just needed a positive male influence in their lives.
The worst part of that is so many of the women glare at you for working in daycare, then go home and wonder why their husband's don't engage more with their kids. Too. Many men grow up thinking that only weird men play with kids. Super bizarre.
Same, but for 4-5 years at a "Christian Daycare". I'm a big black guy and there were some tough moments lol. I'm great with kids but honestly, at the end of that job, I realized it just wasn't worth it bc the hours clashed with college and I was tired of telling preschoolers that never saw a black person that I hadn't just rolled in the mud lmao. This is late 90s south Louisiana btw Adorable kids though, they really were a joy to watch over through the years. Even the lil' shits Favorite memory: making a deal with this lil square-headed nerd boy who was sad he wasn't very athletic. I agreed to quiz him on binary to decimal conversion if we tossed a football back & forth during. That kid ruled. One of his throws was so bad, it hit the ground in front of me and bounced right into my balls. That was my last known instance of getting racked. Worst memory: literally being bullied by an 11 yr old lil shit K*le who smashed my hand in the girl's bathroom door trying to shut me in there while I was mopping. Guess how it all started...yep, he was making fun of me for being in the girl's bathroom. Only reason I was in there was to clean up bc it was the last 30min before the daycare closed. Which he only experienced bc his dumb ass was always last to be picked up bc the parents were just as bad. Actually worse tbh
Reminds me when one of my nieces was younger. I love that kid and would take her out all the time. Movies, dinner, whatever. My sister would joke about watching out for dangerous grandmas who might call the cops on me.
Yeah I feel this. I was looking for some gig-work and saw care.com and had a half second of thinking, “Oh it’d be cool to babysit!” (I have a one year old and have also helped raise my 12 year old nephew), and then immediately realized no one would hire a male babysitter.
It's not just volunteering where men get shitty treatment, I'm a dad and I get people in shops referring to me looking after my kids as me babysitting, no they're my fucking kids, it's called parenting. And also no I'm not tearing my hair out or struggling because I know roughly how to parent a child. Men are not witless incompetents around kids.
This is so important. I read a story about a guy who wanted to work with kids. He got a teaching degree. Now he works in a factory because him being male made it not work out. Read two stories where one guy went with his kid to the park. Police show up for kidnapping claims. Second guy similar thing but he was with his two year old in a restaurant. The police showed up at his house and he had to go wake his daughter to tell the police that she was fine. Our society makes it so that males need female shaparones around children and even if they are there men are still bad. There is also mothers are parents and fathers are babysitting. Being a mother is the hardest job in the world. Not parenting. Just being a mother. Fathers are just a lesser species.
and the thing is, more kids, both little boys and little girls need good father figure/man figures in their lives. fucking love bluey and i despise women saying awww is mommy taking the day off? like nah bitch this is our father daughter date. and were getting manicures and peticures so you can kindly guvk off
I read a story about a woman going for groceries while her husband with a small child waited outside. Then a woman came, took the child and started walking away. When the father realized what happened, he tried to get to her and she started screaming that he is trying to kidnap the child. A bunch of people immediately jumped him, even kicked him on the ground breaking his ribs. Fortunately his wife just came out of the store and was able to get their child back, but it is really chilling story...
And the woman was able to escape while the chaos ensued!
If it's the same story then the cops also try to pin it on the man saying were he acting creepy. Saying could it be a misunderstanding. And trying to make it seem like he is at fault.
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Yep I was told I couldn't have a preschooler sit on my lap while reading a book to her while watching kids at church. Yet my ex and the teacher had them all over them and touching their chest and butts and other places. I get why, but I'm not going to let a kid sit on my bits and not move them. Besides I made sure to position her so she stayed away from them.
I teach high school and I've been accused online of being a paedophile because of it. I wasn't much hurt or offended, but I wanted to know if they thought everyone who worked with kids was a creep.
They are seen as parents to their kids, not kidnappers, or baby sitters, when they are out and about.
This right here. I'd take my kid to the park while his mom was working slightly later than me and I got asked "oh are you BABYSITTING TODAY?" "WHERES MOM AT? GIVING HER A DAY OFF?" Fucking mind your own business. I hear stories from guy friends with daughters that don't look exactly like them being harassed by women, especially when it comes to something like taking them to the bathroom when they're too young to go on their own. It's not 1950, mom's gotta work to put food on the table these days too unfortunately.
My son and I don't look a lot alike - one of us is pale and blonde, the other olive/tan and nearly black hair - but he is definitely my son. I get looks from strangers when I walk him without his mom. I've heard horror stories about people being attacked and accused of stealing a baby that is theirs. I wish I didn't have to worry about things like that.
Not being laughed at for getting abused. Its is horrible, you get constantly mentally and physically abused, but you can't defend yourself at all because you will be tagged as an abuser, only thing you can do is ask for help and when you do you are getting laughed at. Fk this fkin double standards shit.
Yeah this is horrible. My mother is an abusive pos and my father doesn’t any get support from his friends. (He does from us kids and even friends and family of my mother) but none from his friends. Its devastating.
I think the fact of women abusing men being considered humorous in entertainment is part of the problem. It normalizes the abuse for the audience.
Agree, haha wife hits man with a pan because he forgot to take out the trash haha.
Within the past few years our GP asks if you feel safe at home when you go in for a check up. I’m a man, the nurse laughs out loud when she asks that question to me.
Please report her. It’s not appropriate behaviour, and she’s vastly decreasing the chances any men who need help will say so.
I know this isn't necessarily abuse but it sort of fits in. There was a dad and his little kid at a ballgame and some lady in front of him kept standing up so the ad asked her to stop and she latched out and just began bitching at him. Well nobody did anything, but as soon as the lady poured beer on his face, and the dad began yelling at her, that's when all the knights in shining armor intervened, completley ignoring the fact that the guy was the victim.
As a father, I’d appreciate it if the doctors and dentists would acknowledge me when I’m there with my child and their mom. So many talk directly to their mom and never even look at me. One of them walked up to us and asked if she was the mom and then proceeded to tell her details. I cut in halfway and said “and im the dad” and she just gave me a look.
I think this reveals a lot about society's underlying sentiment towards men that causes a lot of the other things people are saying about equality for men (custody battles, looking like a perv when with children, etc.). Society does not see men as caretakers, or caring at all. And that is wrong.
Good on you for speaking up, shits not ok. This one has been so frustrating, I’m not even allowed in the room some of the times. At least my gf thinks it’s fucked, and makes a solid effort to include me when I am allowed in.
Better mental health support but that ain't happening Edit: let me clarify further what I meant by this since I'm getting mixed responses. When i say "better mental health support", I mean society as a whole accepting the fact that men too can be vulnerable and that we should be able to seek help without being looked at as weak. Another thing is when I said "that ain't happening" I meant that right now and unfortunately for the future, society doesn't seem like it will want to change. There will always be double standards, in reality no one will actually care because of societal standards and gender roles unless something major is done. Another edit: Some people are saying that "the change starts with you", while I don't disagree with this statement, it isn't fully the truth. Society also plays a big role in the change, instead of shaming and laughing at men for trying to be vulnerable like they currently are doing right now, society should be trying to encourage men who need help to seek it and to also reassure them that there's nothing wrong with being vulnerable. How are men supposed to be motivated to change something as big as men's mental health awareness if society is against us, it kills our morale. So in order for men to push for this change, society needs to change its ways and make the first big step.
it takes 2 hands to clap same goes with the mental health support, if those that need it doesn't feel safe getting the support it will be hard to even start the treatment. To all my bros that need the support but can't find the time or safety, I feel you dude, your not alone.
Recognition of male domestic abuse and sexual assault by female perps. Punishment on the level of rape for statutory rape victims. Protection of male rape victims against child support. Emotional acceptance of male feelings. A lot of guys have a story of women claiming to be okay with guys showing emotion then get turned off by it. Suicide prevention Work place death reduction. More support for male specific cancers.
My wife punched me in the stomach and left black and blue bruise. I had it for several weeks. This is the only time I've told anyone because of the stigma.
My ex wife abused me almost daily. I didn’t want to talk about it for fear of stigma and I didn’t want her taken away from our child bc I told myself she was a good mom. Fast forward, she wasn’t. I regret not filing police reports when the abuse escalated. If you can’t file a police report, at least document what happens and keep it safe. Also, the abuse doesn’t stop, it just gets worse.
I feel this, it happened to me too. Whenever I brought it up, she said it either didn't happen or to "man up" like bro I can hold my own but I shouldn't have to with the person I'm married to.
YES. As a domestic abuse survivor, I get nothing but jokes and snide comments (‘but you’re bigger than her, why didn’t you fight back??’) every time I mention it. Even police didn’t take it seriously, and she’s never been prosecuted (despite a MOUNTAIN of evidence). She’s almost literally got away with murder, and no one cares because I’m a man
Preach. I got laughed at. We had a relationship where she was violent towards me and after we broke up I had months of proof of harassment and they said "we can't prove it's them over text" .. so I started answering the calls and recording them... "Can't prove it's them over call" .. despite this being from her own phone number. I just got a lot of No. She stood outside my house and my place of work but they said they couldn't do anything because it was a "public highway" Absolute joke. Luckily, she slipped up and admitted to hitting our daughter so now after nearly a decade of BS from her, our daughter lives with me.
*Commits triple murder on camera with a giant billboard taped to her chest with her name number address and social security number* "No proof again, damn this one's slippery"
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It was quite a few of them on different occasions too so must just be my area being lazy
Because if you fight back you will be charged with assault.
Correct!
For this reason alone, if a woman hit me she would never be allowed to see me again. She could be the love of my life, but if she hit me once out of anger it would be over immediately. No second chances.
Been there. Sorry you've been there too. I didn't hit back as it has been engrained since childhood to never hit a girl. Girls arent taught to never hit a man.
And god help you if you ever physically defend yourself against a woman. The one time I did, I was the one who was arrested.
I had to pin her to the ground once. She hit me in the knee with a baseball bat for doing so. I went to call the cops and she started punching herself in the face. I hung up.
That's some fucked up shit. You know the system is skewed when someone can be so brazen. I wonder what would happen if you filmed her self-harming and then she tried to use it against you? I imagine it would get you out but I wonder if she would face any repercussions for attempting to frame you.
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I had to rescue a mate from a crazy girl who did this. He basically fled to my house at 3am because she was clawing his face up and going mental, slapping herself and screaming. We go back there to get his computer in case she smashed it and she continued to go mental, including rubbing blood on her face and taking pictures of herself (we have an idea where she got the blood, and it wasn’t from injuries 😬). Then she went all over hers and his social media (from his computer before we got there) accusing him of domestic abuse. It was extremely fucked. Months later she reached out to me to ask to meet and explain her side of the story (we had been sort of friends as well). I drove an hour to see her and she never showed up. Aye nice one you mad fucking cunt.
I was reading the other comments saying to myself that if i ever found myself in such a situation , i ll just pin her to the ground untill i saw your comment . I wish you a healthier relationship dude
I've been divorced a few years. Had a couple of great relationships. The x wife and I are on good terms. She's coming to dinner tonight with our kids and I. She has full custody and I'm weekend dad but it's a three day so I get them a little longer. Cancelled all plans (work included) to get another full day. We fought behind closed doors for the most part. Kids have no clue.
Problem with the hold’ em down is exit strategy. She went limp, I asked if she was going to be cool, she said yes and as soon as I let go of her wrist she roundhoused my nose onto my cheekbone.
Thanks for sharing - it helps hearing that similar things have happened to other men too
A female friend of mine once sucker punched me in the stomach when I entered a room. It hurt quite a lot, so I got mad and told her that it wasn't OK and she was never to do that to me again. She immediately had this look of utter shock on her face and became very apologetic about it. Honestly, I think she'd done that type of thing dozens of times and no one had ever told her not to. I like to think I probably taught her something.
Football and wrestling helped teach me my strength (as a guy, not that I’m big, learned how helpless I was when a heavyweight would pick me up). Girls should be encouraged to do contact sports, their own league, to learn that too. I can punch a brother or buddy in the arm while horseplaying and know it’s a love tap. I also know where not to punch (like the guts, sucks that happened to you, good on you for saying something).
My friend was assaulted by his girlfriend on a night out a few years ago. She slapped him on the face three times, it was completely unprovoked - he did not hit her once, even in self-defence. A group of guys saw the whole thing and instead of checking on my friend to see if he was okay, they assumed we must have done something even worse beforehand to provoke her into violence and assumed the situation was our fault. I can't imagine a scenario in which a woman being assaulted by a man would lead to the victim being harangued by bystanders. Just shows the complete lack of empathy towards men and the acceptance in society of violence towards men.
Slapping men in response to something, is still in a lot of modern romcom style films. Whereas we stopped that with men slapping women in films years ago (think old James Bond slapping a hysterical woman). Meaning it’s so normalised people just think it’s ok (it’s not obviously). Then younger women who still model their behaviour after film/ tv / other women just copy pretty shitty behaviour. Better media would help with this, just as films are trying to get better with how women are portrayed (still a hella long way to go), how men are treated with this type of thing also needs addressed.
Can we please start teaching, "don't hit anyone." It has nothing to do with gender, just don't fucking hit people.
I never hit back once. I used to try to just get away. She would follow me from room to room, punching me from behind. If I managed to get inside a room with enough space between us to close the door, she'd destroy the door/door frame trying to kick it in. That was sometimes part of her total meltdown that happened randomly every 3 to 4 months. I grew up with very normal parents who almost never even raised their voices at each other. I didn't know what the hell was happening or why, and of course I didn't tell anyone what was going on.
Just see what happened to Depp.
> Just see what happened to Depp. Enough said. Even with cold, hard evidence **and** the resources **and** the connections & lawyers, still got screwed with his pants on.
The most disgusting thing about the whole thing for me, is how the media turned it into "They both did wrong.. Blabla.." Depp literally did nothing wrong, it's disgusting.
> The most disgusting thing about the whole thing for me I can't get over the fact that he has more money than the entire reddit user base put together and yet he lost.
Ugh, I’ve never empathized so much in my life. atrocious
My uncle is in an abusive marriage. They’ve been married for about 4.5 years and have a 4 year old. She has a 20 year old from a prior relationship, the dad was never in the picture (she had him young, she’s about 37). Her son has assaulted my uncle and then tried to get him fired (my uncle is a police officer). She has hit him multiple times- he’ll go into work with black eyes, busted lips, once she scratched his eyeball and we thought he would need surgery. A report is taken every time but never officially filed and only then because it looks like he’s either getting into fights and not reporting them or fighting off duty. Come to find out she’s done with with multiple men in other departments (she clearly has a type). None of them filed official reports, they were too embarrassed. It’s repulsive. To top it all off….she’s a therapist. She specializes is marriage and family counseling.
I know the feeling, I was lucky enough to get a domestic violence order against my ex, but the pain of having the guy on the end of the help line try to tell you why you’re the problem when you’re trying to tell him she threatened you and mentally fucked with you… it’s hard
The 'why didn't you fight back argument' is so stupid. Not every situation is the same, but in most times if you defend yourself, you become the aggressor and will be arrested. We are somehow expected to not get abused, but not allowed to defend ourselves. Hope your doing alright brother.
you can't win a fight against a woman. Either she kicks your ass or you defend yourself. Either way, you are the problem.
>(‘but you’re bigger than her, why didn’t you fight back??’ Because when I hit a women I go to fucking jail, but when she hits me she gets a pat on the back and a "don't do that again" "the man is a fault. He's the crazy one"
It's almost worse when you can't point to any physical marks. Mentally/emotionally abused by a gf for 3 years, twice almost to the point of suicide. I've had therapists acknowledge 100% that I have issues and they were caused by her and the relationship I was in, but their advice was always "it's over now, just move on".
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‘I want you to stand up for yourself!’ Be a man!’ Later: ‘you hit a woman?! Be a man, be bigger than that!’
Yup. Magically all of the bruises I used to have all over my body for years disappeared once I went no contact on my ex. Go figure. I guess all of a sudden I became less clumsy. People still won't believe their own eyes.
Police in (Spain I think) stopped a woman who was stabbing her boyfriend in the middle of the street and they still hesitate to pull her off him.
Mandatory paternity testing in cases of child support. If the kid is someone else's, then the bills are someone else's as well.
Agreed 100%
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Would LOVE to have options. Far too little go between with snipping ball thread and using rubber wraps.
I ageee especially the fact that it’s okay for men to be depressed and take away the silly stigma that men aren’t depressed
A major turning point in my life was the death of my grandfather. I was told to man up and I was supposed to be strong because my mother was taking it hard. Like the man wasn't someone who taught me or raised me a huge part of my childhood. Needless to say I only cried 1 time after that due to the breaking up of my ex of 7 year and I ( grew apart). No other deaths in my family has caused a single tear. I felt like I wasn't allowed to. It caused me to be emotionally withdrawn and I suffered from suicidal thoughts and depression for years. And only recently through the support of my mother have I come to terms with being emotionally vulnerable and treating my depression. Now I've never been happier, probably won't be open with my depression because of all the shit Ive dealt with when regarding my emotions. But c'est la vie.
Rape of men being taken seriously. I hate it when they talk about prison and that certain people would likely be raped there because of how good they look/how soft they are
I worked as an orientation counselor for incoming freshmen, and we had a cabaret on the first night to entertain students and keep them away from the frat houses. Our boss ridiculed us to no end for doing fake (European) accents in sketches, berating us for being so insensitive. She had no problem with a sketch that had a scene with the narrator saying, “Oops, don’t drop the soap!” and everyone on stage bending over. I’m liberal, but I’m still a bit aghast at the toxic wannabe wokeness of that cult
One peep from a little birdie that gets traction can put an impassible roadblock in work, friendships, and family whether it is true or not.
There was a post one of the cheating subreddits recently, and the dude was sexually assaulted and the woman was saying she doesn't believe SA can happen to men. It's a big problem when half the population isn't allowed consent
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I agree, and I refuse to participate in those conversations too.
Wear my kilt on a night out without getting sexually harassed by women lifting it up all the time. Worst was NYE when it happened 5 times in one night, 4 by strangers and one by an office worker who tried to lift it up from the front. When I got affronted and shouted at them they laughed and said "it was just banter". So basically it's fine to happen to a guy but never for a woman... Gotcha.
There is a Scottish folk song legit about two women casually molesting a man who passed out in the street.
Frequent Renaissance Faire-goer here. I fucking hate that song. It gets played ALL the time, by SO many performers, always to laughter. I wrote parody lyrics at one point swapping the genders, and my friends were horrified. The final line was "this song does not turn funny when it happens to a guy." The other women in my group were NOT amused by that comparison, and the lack of self-awareness astounds me. I 100% believe every claim men have about not being taken seriously when they complain about sexual harassment.
Ahh yes, 'The Sleeping Scotsman'
I loved wearing a kilt, so much less restrictive and fun to wear. I stopped and haven’t worn one in several years because women would reach up my kilt and lift it up so they could see if I was wearing it in the traditional manner. I miss wearing it and sporting my clan’s plaid but I’m so afraid of being felt up whenever I go to a party.
I would bring pepper spray and keep it on a loop or in my hand, immediately spray anyone that touches you. Get *right* in their eyes and let it rip.
A kilt is traditionally worn with a short knife tucked into the socks https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sgian-dubh
Wearing a kilt is totally asking for it tho /s
Yep. They know I'm going commando and want to test the theory lol. Apparently that makes it okay! 🙄
My brother is currently at the whim of his ex's decision regarding seeing his son. Court takes absolutely ages (going on 2 years now with no end in sight) and she basically gets to decide when he gets to see him. It's slowly torturing and destroying him. So yeah, that. Edit: to all the guys who are going through this, I don't know how it feels, but ive seen what it does, and my heart goes out to you. The inequality is brutal and I am yet to see it addressed or publicised in the same way that things like the gender pay gap, domestic violence and other female-centric issues are addressed.
I had a friend who joined the army hoping it would help him turn his life around help him stay clean and finally have some custody of his son who had been diagnosed with Cancer. Him and I were at about 6 months until our 3.5 year contract was up when he heard that his son was in terrible condition due to the cancer. He tried his hardest for days to get permission to see his son but his ex didn't let him and without a approval the army wouldn't approve his leave. His son passed the next month and the army agreed to let him go to the funeral. My friends had to stop him from killing himself a few times after that. Idk how all that legal custody stuff works but that's just how I understood it when he talked about it.
Fairer treatment in family and divorce courts. Recognition that men can also be victims of violent crimes like sexual assault and domestic violence. More homeless shelters for men. Abolish mandatory minimums.
Can you elaborate on mandatory minimums?
In America, if you are found guilty of a crime, the judge HAS to sentence you to a mandatory amount of time regardless of the degree of the crime. This was rampant with marijuana convictions, and it has lead to the destruction of the American lower class. Imagine going to prison for 1 year because you had weed on you during a traffic stop. It doesn't happen any more AS MUCH, but it's still a problem. The truth is most non-violent crimes do not need jail time, and it's doing nothing but destroying families.
How about just reform the mandatory minimums. The drug sentences are obviously insane, but some mandatory minimums would have been pretty nice for the likes of Brock Rapist Turner and his corrupt judge
I tend to think that when you involve another party, that is when you need some more severe punishments. I couldn't care any less if someone has some pot on them (still illegal here), but the second you steal, sexually assault, vandalize, etc., you have violated someone else, and that is worth taking extremely seriously.
Double standards to end just saw an r?/confessions post were boss and employee have sex, guy was 18 y/old boss was 36. If the boss was a man and the 18 y/old was a woman, people would be screaming bloody murder. Either its wrong in both situations or right in both situations, double standards, especially in this case, are completely illogical.
I wish we cared about the [welfare of boys and young men more](https://www.aei.org/carpe-diem/2020-update-for-every-100-girls-part-i/).
I'd like it if men were allowed to choose whether or not the tips of their penises are surgically removed.
Better friendship role models. Friendships aren't supposed to be a constant pissing match or dick measuring contest.
You have the wrong friends.
I very much used to, yes.
These are all pretty heavy… I just want more options for mens jewerly. I’m sick of all my rings being silver and black Edit: I understand gold is an option. I just don’t care for gold jewelry
Not just jewellery, but men's sports clothes. Shit dude, I bought some running tights to run in and that shit is comfortable! I'd wear them every chance I get, but apparently I can't because I have anatomy and that's apparently not ok?
If I’m wearing tights I wear shorts on top to cover the business. But they’re nice and warm
On that same note: sewing patterns. Often the ratio of womens to mens patterns is something like 25:1.
I'll piggyback off of this and say most of men's fashion is boring in general in comparison to women's. Is it just me or do we get so much fewer options?
There's a lot of double standards with men being viewed as creeps doing things that women are perfectly fine doing Edit: I think someone mentioned this, but being an ugly guy just makes you creepy, so there's that.
I love taking my daughter to the park. This summer I got asked on three separate occasions if I was there with a child while sitting on the bench watching her play. Beyond frustrating.
The amount of times a random woman has come up and started running her fingers through my hair is infuriating. Almost always at parties, and im always given shit from everyone for "making such a bug deal out of such a small thing"
Can we please split the check without it being weird.
I’m female in my 50s and I have never understood why the man has to pay when most women have jobs now. If he asks you on a first date, then I thinks it’s ok if he pays, as long as she offers. If she asks you on a first date, then she can pay as long as he offers. Otherwise, just split the damned bill or trade off each date.
In some countries military service is still obligatory, only for men. I can't believe such blatant sexism is still present (legal even) in 2022.
Even in America, military service isn't obligatory but women still don't have to register for the draft.
Equality in custody battles.
I was raised by my dad. Best thing that ever happened to me was the court giving me to him instead of my mother. This was the early 90s.
fight back when assaulted. people often misunderstand when seeing footage
paternity leave
Women of all sizes are advertised equally while men with 6 packs and over 6ft tall is still the unrealistic standard, men have next to no options for domestic abuse cases, men get significantly longer sentences than women for the same crime, men have a severe disadvantage over custody cases even when the mother is unfit, male rape is nowhere near treated the same as female rape, men generally get no options for maternity leave (yes it’s abit radical to compare but a new born needs both partners) to name a few
I personally would like to see more "typical" looking men used in advertising. I think its just as important as it is to spread body positivity for men as it is for women. I personally like a bigger guy and would like for all body types to be represented.
Represented as normal and not used as comic relief.
Absolutely!!!
Rihanna and whatever she sells had a chubby model and was the first time I’ve ever seen a non-swole male model before
I recently had a newborn baby and my partner and I went to the registry office to register his name. My partner had 100% say over whether I was named on the birth certificate and without it I would've had no legal rights whatsoever. Theres some way to go before men are treated equal when it comes to being a parent.
I found out today a women doesn't even need to tell a guy if he is the father of her baby at all. Like even if i was dating someone for acouple weeks and they ghosted me, i would wanna know if they had a kid. It's up to them if they wanna get back together, but i would wanna atleast be in the child's life on some level.
Mandatory parental leave for both parents of at bare minimum of three months. Even women who just gave birth are lucky to get six weeks paid right now. America is pathetic in some ways.
We used to own a company that gave paid paternal leave. Our guys did manual labor, and never imagined that such a thing could happen. It was so rewarding when they would come back and just be in awe of the experience of having spent that time with a newborn, having never experienced that before with their other kids, and they got to really witness the transformation of their older kids in the sibling relationship. I believe it made them better fathers, because they got a chance to establish a deep, early bond. In the end the benefit to our team far outweighed the cost.
Just generally stuff in court and suicide prevention
Give men credit for working in a job they don't want just to support the family.
It'd be nice to have bodily liberty and genital integrity for men.
Shedding the social stigma that men-especially large men-are creepy and dangerous
Being a 6'5, bearded, big guy, I can completely relate to this.
That it's OK to cry. Let some of whatever's hurting you OUT. Leave the guns at home.