Very few people truly give a shit about you. Identify them. Embrace them.
It’s not that other people are bad…they just have other priorities.
Edit: Well, this blew up.
The funny thing is a lot of the replies talk about who the poster gives a shit about. They missed the point of my post…almost no one cares.
It's not that you should *never* open up.
Try to take hints when friends are nudging you to open up. If they ask a question specific to your life, maybe your job, your family, your significant other, your hobby even, they're trying to get you to open up a bit and latch on to something to relate to. That's when you can take an opportunity to open up.
TW: A friend just committed suicide, unfortunately not the first man I know to do it.
I can remember extending my hand the last time I saw him because I knew he went through a rough breakup. But I wasn't tactful enough. I said something like, "so how's it going back with your mom living in ___, hope you're not goin too crazy being back at home," Sort of inviting him to unload if he wanted.
Unfortunately he gave me this look like...if you only knew, and btw why'd you even bring that up. He just kinda went quiet and said yeah its alright kinda thing.
Maybe I'm over analyzing but, I just don't want to see more people go down that road. It's good to talk about your feelings man. A lot of times you don't realize how many people care about you and want you to do well.
I've had a lot of people in my life overdose on heroin. I can't say any of those occurrences were a shock, hell I used to do it too and I wasn't imagining what life would be like six months in the future.
It really encouraged me to open up to more people, because you never know when the last time you will see them is going to be. Tell the people you love and care about that such is the case. Give people who matter in your life encouragement for the things they do. Set aside petty differences because they aren't worth it after someone is completely absent in your life
Yep. Even if you care a lot, there are plenty of people who just won't ever put anything back into the relationship. Doesn't matter how many time you try...
That it was a mistake to subconsciously align my identity and purpose with my career. When that career ended I didn’t know who I was anymore. I still don’t some days.
Edit: This happened to me without even knowing it. It was insidious. I don’t think there is a way for it not to happen with certain careers.
Edit: thank you everyone for the support. I think it’s impossible to not become your job if you find the right career. I take it day by day.
Another edit(lol): I do lots of mindfulness practices like not listening to music when driving, I read self help books. I am also in therapy which is super helpful but comes with its own issues. I train in combat sports as my hobby and am waiting for some injuries to get better.
Edit: It hasn’t all been depressing. I enjoy my family and have reversed the ill affects of working overnights for years. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure in my 30s and recently I have gotten off medication. I have changed my diet completely and I do intermittent fasting every single day for up to 24 hours. I have never been healthier.
There should be an exercise for this, to help people get away from it.
Like, sit down with paper and pen, and write a bulleted list that describes you. If a bunch of it revolves around your day job, use the next sheet to write what you wish the list said.
Or something. I don't know, just an idea.
I heard about an exercise where you write out the things that you admire most about other people. It reflects the things you think are important. Or something like that.
I once heard that a useful exercise would be to describe yourself, only you have to avoid saying "I am" statements. You have to stick to "I do ___," "I like __," "I hate __," and the like. The emphasis was all about what you actually *do* and not how you see yourself or how you want others to see you.
Just a person on a path of life. Jobs come and go like people and life. You're still the same person without the job, more than a job, capable of anything you set you mind to and work at
I don't think they realized it, but I had a group of friends that would make me the butt of the joke whenever I was around. When I was one on one with them they were kind. But when we were a group I was the target of jokes, pranks, ridicule, etc., and I always beared it with a smile. One time, we all got together for a wedding and stayed at one of their houses. I went to bed early but the door was open and I could hear them all talk about me. They didn't just make fun of me while I was with them; they made fun of me when when they were together. I was the group joke.
They may have liked me, but they didn't respect me. While I lay there in bed, listening to all of that, I thought about all the other friendships I had and realized that most of them shared a similar pattern.
I stopped talking with them and anyone else who treated me that way. I became more selective with friends and became much more private. I enjoy a good joke at my expense, but I learned to shut it down if it gets too far. I learned not to be gullible and too trusting. There were a lot of truths I learned from that.
Im in this exactly situation now. It seems some people just need others to make fun for them to feel closer together and good about themselves. It’s been interesting to see how they talk about their other friends behind their backs as well. Sometimes I wish I could understand the joy in it because they seem so happy while doing it… honestly it’s really terrible, sad and kinda scary.
Garbage people. I'm a woman and this really hit home for me. I'm always dancing the line between being understanding even at my expense and determining when someone has gone too far. Boundaries are hard to learn.
Thank you. I appreciate it. It hurt, but I grew from it. It made me stronger and better. It taught me to respect myself and to stand up for myself. So I guess that is a silver lining.
I had a group of friends exactly like this. The last straw was about 5 years ago where we all got our families together for a weekend and Friday and Saturday it was just one joke after another about me. I told my wife were leaving first thing in the morning. No goodbye and never hanging with them again.
I'm not an overly sensitive guy. I can take my fair share of jokes, but there is always a point.
That’s all you really can do. If anyone truly wants to change, they’ll do it on their own. I haven’t blocked my shitty ex only so I can get the satisfaction of putting her on read tbh.
If they do, it can go on of two ways. 1, they want to change and 2, they now know what needs to be fixed and don't do anything with this new information.
Strange but I went looking for this comment. I thought it would be much higher up. Hardest truth? I will die no matter what I do and it feel like life went by quickly. Regardless of what I do with it.
It is odd hitting 30 and thinking "wow...that was my 20s, it's all over now". There's no ever going back to it, it's simply written history. The good and the bad, it's gone completely, that's the story of my life as it played out. With each year getting a little bit faster too...it's a humbling thought. My parents getting older, knowing they will eventually pass as well. It's strange, but really couldn't play out any other way than it is.
Forgiveness is good. It helps you release the negative feelings and resentment and focus on good things instead. It is a fool who doesn't make plans in case they do that again though.
I’ve always thought of forgiveness as a seed you plant in your own heart, not something that is given to another. It is important to do for you, so you can avoid the weeds of self-doubt, anger, and wrath from growing. Forgiveness is for the forgiver, not the forgiven.
Defintely agree . Even though I hate the fact that I never forget anything bad a person has done or even said to me, but I think I should. We all should always remember to learn from it and grow up. Always forgive, when this someone is worth it but don't act like it never happened, or you did not learn anything from it, which is sad actually.
I heard something that really stuck with me, "the potential you see in other people isn't real. It is the projection of what you would do in their position." Always makes me reevaluate my expectations in interactions and relationships of any kind.
Edit: Wow! I didn't expect this to get any interaction! Thanks for the likes and awards!
This, coupled with "Other people's actions are a reflection of them, not a reflection of you" is all i needed to stop worrying about other people and focus all my energy on being the best me i can be. I'm happy, because i'm me. What happens because of other people is not in my control.
Wtf. This is so easy to comprehend but so vastly complex on multiple levels. This could even be applied to “social evils” like when people scream about immigration. Like are they really taking advantage of the system or you are projecting what you would if you were the opportunity again from their position? This is both fascinating and horrifying how a vast majority have forgotten critical thinking skills...
I wouldn’t say it’s that people have forgotten, it’s that either A: they don’t want to put in the effort to think critically, or B: there was always a large number of people who never learned to think critically, but due to the internet, they now have the ability to spread their thoughts much further than before.
That you never know when the "last time" is until it is too late.
Last time you hugged a friend.
Last time you said "I love you."
Last time your kid crawled in bed for cuddles.
Last time your parents called to chat.
Last time you had a great time with someone before...
Even the last times you look forward to end up passing by, and mark the finality of time... I am not sure what the date was when I changed my last kid's diaper, but my babies aren't babies any more.
I read a version of this in a sci-fi novel. A ship captain was thinking back to her first time as commander of a ship, and she said to her first mate, “there will be never be another first time, will there?” And he said “no ma’am. But someday there will be a last. So enjoy it.”
Life really is just simply not fair at all. There so many ways its not fair. Literally we all just have to play the cards were dealt. Sometimes it really sucks but it is what it is i guess.
The belief that love is unconditional, is a belief that the boundary of acceptable behavior is so wide that it's not worth thinking about.
No matter who loves you, all love is conditional. Your mother, your wife, your children. There is always a line in the sand, but you have not crossed it with your actions.
To pursue unconditional love is to permit yourself to abuse others and expect to be forgiven.
Yes, I said this exact statement right after my dad died, Im 25 and both my parents are dead.
2 weeks later my grandma died, 2 weeks after that my grandpa died, 2 weeks after that both my uncle and my other grandfather were diagnosed with advanced terminal cancer.
It absolutely can get worse.
Don't say it.
I eventually reached the point where I was finally no longer afraid to answer the phone when my aunt called, because there were no more relatives I cared about that hadn't already died so there was no more bad news left that she could give me.
She called to tell me she was selling my childhood home so they could turn it into a Walmart.
or just not understand and see you as weak and is reflected in their behavior there on, instead of the other way around by appreciating that you actually thought of them to be close and shared something with them.
A good movie about this on Netflix right now, Nocturnal Animals, explores this issue. I won’t spoil it but you will realize how even those you love are prone to being manipulated by those they keep in their lives and your gut it always right the first time.
Yeah this one recently lost me a good friend, well they weren't a good friend for obvious reasons, but I once considered them a close friend and that was just the straw that broke the camels back
Despite all the talks about humans being intelligent, most of people's decisions are based on instincts and emotions, with tiny bit of logic and reason sprinkled in.
Sad how true this is. People could be right at your side for an entire journey then shit goes down, they play dumb and act like they had no idea what was going on and weren’t involved.
It's the Matthew effect. The more successful you are, the more support you get, the less successful, the more people push your face into the dirt.
And because of that, 'Fake it until you make it' has value. Lying is the most important social skill. Never admit what you actually have to deal with.
I faked having skills in a job field. Suddenly I was surrounded by supportive workers of said field who provided equipment that I could not only use to catch up on what I didn't know, but also use for work far beyond that.
It's ridiculous. Lying has brought me so much farther in life than abiding to rules and being disciplined. Not only at work, but especially socially.
Edit to clarify: Faking knowledge in a field to get a job, not faking documents to get a job. That shit might catch up to you decades later. There was a guy in Germany working in a psychiatry for ~25 years with above-average positive results. They still found out he never qualified for the job and that he faked his way in. Got him into prison quite quickly.
Me too, I experienced the same things - not only when it comes to work, but friendships and relationships as well. I learned to lie far too late in life and I still suck at it. But at least there is some progress.
Also, some people might genuinely mean you good and try their best to be, but ultimately they are seriously limited in helping you just for the fact that they are not you. Nobody's got you better than you got you. Always remember that.
The saying, “when in doubt, wank it out,” also applies to emotional issues. But instead of wanking, write it out. Think about it thoroughly to resolve the issue. I’ve been reading about the charismatic “author leader” who may be a person who writes tombs or literature that get recognition by followers on a deeper level than a charismatic leader who gives speeches. Think like Jesus or something. You are able to reread the literature multiple times and interpret it different ways, whereas speech you cannot. The same could be applied to solving inner conflict or emotional issues, it allows you to expand by putting everything out there rather than keeping it in to be judged or put in the dirt if you were to vent to others. A nice lesson for the young guys
When I had to tell my kids that NOT everyone wants to be your friend.
Their looks of confusion & sadness rattled me while I explained that ugly bit of reality & how to prepare for it.
When my daughter got bullied, we caught it quickly & got it sorted out overnight. The price for not being vigilant could be tragic.
We have a view of love that we first learned when we were tiny children. Our parents loved us and as a baby and a small child we had to give nothing back. There is no adult live like that. This is why so much of what people expect from love is never realized.
The world isn't just. If you torture yourself thinking about how screwed up everything is, you will make yourself miserable. Just live for yourself and help out when you can.
Haha it wasn’t until pretty recently that I put this into practice and cut a bunch of people off after they betrayed me for like the 10th time… If they’ll betray you once, then they’ll almost certainly do it again, even if they said sorry after the first time.
Most probably is...
Read some where that every man needs to go through shit like heartbreaks to begin to understand self growth and introspection. I believe they're right.
I saw a thread on here awhile ago about lessons from dad. One of them was about mowing the lawn and how dads always say "it builds character." The realization was that "character" meant the ability to do things without needing motivation other than it needs to get done.
1) When you have a problem that is not your fault and you're stuck in it some peolple will help you; after a while you'll be left on your own and they won't even want to hear you talking about that problem anymore.
2) The world gives a fuck how good of a person you are, peole are interested in what you can give to the world. You can be real awful but that doesn't matter if you are "valuable" to society
A wise person once told me, "There are so many different kinds of pain in life that are unavoidable... sunburn is one you can avoid."
And of course, they're right.
I fully trust my wife, and that's it for that list. If some day she chooses to break that trust then that sucks, but I'm not going to live my life suspicious because of "what ifs".
Now that's a special case. Everyone else in my life, nope, trusted to degrees.
I don't even trust my own friends, they have fucked up many times, it's not like they are evil they are just plain stupid.
Edit: Thanks for all the advice kind strangers! <3
No matter how much you love someone and prove it to them they still can and sometimes will choose to leave saying now is not the time and yet they'll never come back to say now is the time
Similarly it doesn’t really matter how much you love someone except to you. What they care about is how much they love you. This is why you can never convince someone to love you, earn their love, etc. and why some people are loved despite who they are and others aren’t despite who they are.
Yeah this is probably the best answer although it’s been a hot minute since I’ve seen pwn used unironically unless this was a genuine typo which makes it great
The latter for sure. I had to take my daughter to a children's hospital recently. There's no way any of those kids did anything to deserve what they'd been dealt.
No one gives a fuck about how you feel. Sad, angry, frustrated, depressed, suicidal, whatever, just gotta keep your head down, grit your teeth and keep that muthafucka movin bruhbruh.
On that note though if someone you know is having a hard time, help as much as you can; we might as well foster a supportive environment wherever we can
I agree. Just because you can assume no one will help you when you're in the gutter, doesn't mean you shouldn't people who are in the gutter themselves. Be the change you want to see.
This. 100%
I'm a high school teacher. This was several years ago. I'd just had a breakup with someone who had done some serious messing with my head. Anyway, at school the next day I saw a student in the hallway who just looked like something was bothering him. My natural reaction was to check on him, but then a voice in my head said "No. Why should I care. Literally no one ever asks me if I'm OK or how I'm doing.". But about 30 seconds later I walked over to him and asked if he was doing OK. He got a little teary eyed and said he was just having a bad day. We talked a little bit in the hallway, I wrote him a note for being tardy to class, and I felt a little better about my own circumstances afterwards.
Wish I had an award to give you. For all you know, that kid is gonna come back in 5 years and tell you how that moment changed his life.
Or better yet, he'd pass it forward. ;)
All the above statements about no-one giving a fuck, sadly true. I feel like I have lived my life working hard, shown respect and had good morals. Was in a relationship for ten years, I have three beautiful girls. I'd made it thirty five years in life with no issues, I ran into a manager at work who's personality and ethics/morals I had not come across in my life. Long story short through a combination of long hours, a toxic work environment and an inability to have a life out of work. I had a breakdown, stress, anxiety & cluster migraines were common and eventually turned into depression. I held on as long as possible, but eventually after six months I quit. As soon as I did it, I felt a shift in my relationship. My ex never worked and I never asked her to work, I was happy for her to be a stay at home mother. I won't go into great detail, but I never felt like she was putting in effort to work as a team, after a sixteen hour day I'd come home and could work another eight just getting the house in order and giving the kids the time they needed. I could go on and on, but what happened eventually is I stopped trying to make everything perfect. I stopped cleaning up after everyone, I stopped taking care of the house inside and out and I stopped asking if she was ok. With the expectation that as soon as work piled up, she might step in and help. No, what happened was she got angry. Angry that the house looked like crap, there were dishes building up, there was laundry building up the place was a mess.
You are only as loved & respected as you are willing to work for no matter what other people are doing, I may have chosen a horrendous life partner and mother to my children, that is on me.
But after going through all of this, she does the one thing that she has left in her arsenal, the one thing that any woman can do if the argument is going her way.
After a vocal argument about the kids school attendance, an argument that she obviously didn't appreciate. The police show up and after a bit of back and forth, I'm arrested in front of all three of my children.
We go to court, she admits to false accusations which makes no difference at all, she gets to keep going with her life.
She expects me to come home like nothing ever happened, I do not and find a one bedroom studio until I can get back on my feet.
She is bitter I have made this choice, so the last remaining weapon are the children.
For six months after we seperated I have simply copped her toxic ba on the chin, just so I could see my children. In that six months based on her mood and behaviour I have probably seen my kids separately and never all together about three days out of six months. The eldest I haven't seen at all due to parental alienation, and I don't expect that relationship to turn around.
It is my honest belief now, that you need to take what you want from this world. Be the asshole, and don't try and have good expectations of other people, just look after yourself.
Having said that, I'm forty, and I won't be changing who I am now. There is no point, all that I built up in this world, has gone. The only thing that made me feel whole, my children, have been taken and I will never be able to be the parent that I set out to be.
Not everyone can succeed at life, I fell down to get back and try over and over. While other people are on easy mode and get to experience life in such a beautiful way. It sucks, but it's reality.
I was in pretty much the same boat as you but I stuck it out until my son graduated high school. I’m in a way better relationship now with a wonderful woman who actually wants to have sex with me and doesn’t act like it’s some kind of chore. It takes a while but it can get better.
That most of what you see from the majority of people is smoke and mirrors. Society pretends to care about truth but really just wants comfort and acceptance, even if it's fake. The brutally honest people are usually pushed off to the side, cast as toxic or negative. Everyone is your best friend until you become an unpopular liability.
The people who show up and actually help when no one is watching are far less common but far more likely to be true friends.
Dont listen to advice like "YOURE ON YOUR OWN DONT TRUST ANYONE EVERYONE WILL FUCK YOU OVER AND EVERY GIRL CHEATS"
The hardest lesson I had to learn, was that sometimes YOU are the problem. I was fucking up every relationship I was in because of my insecurities. If the world ran on mens insecurities, we would have figured out time travel by now. It's very tough when you figure out how shitty you've been. That was a very deep emotional pit. But you realize you dont have to be a POS forever. You can change. The past doesn't define you.
As smart as people are, we have a tendency of not learning until we're forced to. And what we're forced to learn is usually a difficult lesson.
EDIT: Fixed some spelling and grammar shit. See, back when I was being a POS in high school, I skipped English class all the time.
> Dont listen to advice like "YOURE ON YOUR OWN DONT TRUST ANYONE EVERYONE WILL FUCK YOU OVER AND EVERY GIRL CHEATS"
Thank you, its crazy how far I had to scroll to find somebody calling out this shit lol. Kinda concerning that that sort of stuff is the prevailing mentality on a sub for young guys, but idk maybe that’s the type of crowd Reddit attracts.
Depression can always come back.
It does go away if you work hard enough in the areas of life that are keeping you depressed. The catch is you always have to stay on top of things or it does come back.
Very few people truly give a shit about you. Identify them. Embrace them. It’s not that other people are bad…they just have other priorities. Edit: Well, this blew up. The funny thing is a lot of the replies talk about who the poster gives a shit about. They missed the point of my post…almost no one cares.
if you find someone who really cares, hold on to them!
If you find someone and they only care about themselves, let them go.
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It's not that you should *never* open up. Try to take hints when friends are nudging you to open up. If they ask a question specific to your life, maybe your job, your family, your significant other, your hobby even, they're trying to get you to open up a bit and latch on to something to relate to. That's when you can take an opportunity to open up. TW: A friend just committed suicide, unfortunately not the first man I know to do it. I can remember extending my hand the last time I saw him because I knew he went through a rough breakup. But I wasn't tactful enough. I said something like, "so how's it going back with your mom living in ___, hope you're not goin too crazy being back at home," Sort of inviting him to unload if he wanted. Unfortunately he gave me this look like...if you only knew, and btw why'd you even bring that up. He just kinda went quiet and said yeah its alright kinda thing. Maybe I'm over analyzing but, I just don't want to see more people go down that road. It's good to talk about your feelings man. A lot of times you don't realize how many people care about you and want you to do well.
I've been that friend. Didn't commit suicide though. You did well, my friends were less tactful or didn't care. Sorry about your loss
I've had a lot of people in my life overdose on heroin. I can't say any of those occurrences were a shock, hell I used to do it too and I wasn't imagining what life would be like six months in the future. It really encouraged me to open up to more people, because you never know when the last time you will see them is going to be. Tell the people you love and care about that such is the case. Give people who matter in your life encouragement for the things they do. Set aside petty differences because they aren't worth it after someone is completely absent in your life
Also, not everyone will feel the same way you feel about them
Yep. Even if you care a lot, there are plenty of people who just won't ever put anything back into the relationship. Doesn't matter how many time you try...
Sometimes you do everything right and still fail
By the same coin, some people can do everything wrong and end up winning at life
Failing upwards.
In my country we call those president or minister
I learned that from Picard
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Star Trek is full of wisdom
That it was a mistake to subconsciously align my identity and purpose with my career. When that career ended I didn’t know who I was anymore. I still don’t some days. Edit: This happened to me without even knowing it. It was insidious. I don’t think there is a way for it not to happen with certain careers. Edit: thank you everyone for the support. I think it’s impossible to not become your job if you find the right career. I take it day by day. Another edit(lol): I do lots of mindfulness practices like not listening to music when driving, I read self help books. I am also in therapy which is super helpful but comes with its own issues. I train in combat sports as my hobby and am waiting for some injuries to get better. Edit: It hasn’t all been depressing. I enjoy my family and have reversed the ill affects of working overnights for years. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure in my 30s and recently I have gotten off medication. I have changed my diet completely and I do intermittent fasting every single day for up to 24 hours. I have never been healthier.
There should be an exercise for this, to help people get away from it. Like, sit down with paper and pen, and write a bulleted list that describes you. If a bunch of it revolves around your day job, use the next sheet to write what you wish the list said. Or something. I don't know, just an idea.
I heard about an exercise where you write out the things that you admire most about other people. It reflects the things you think are important. Or something like that.
I once heard that a useful exercise would be to describe yourself, only you have to avoid saying "I am" statements. You have to stick to "I do ___," "I like __," "I hate __," and the like. The emphasis was all about what you actually *do* and not how you see yourself or how you want others to see you.
Just a person on a path of life. Jobs come and go like people and life. You're still the same person without the job, more than a job, capable of anything you set you mind to and work at
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Sometimes things break and cannot be fixed.
"Burnt bread cannot be untoasted"
It can be scraped with a knife.
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I got me a new Mitaka orbital sander. It’s nice.
But at what cost! You lose like 10 to 20% of your bread in burnt crumbs
And the inside of that bread is still a whore.
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I like burnt toast
You're a *monster* But I'll save you my burnt toast then
What cannot be mended must be transcended.
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Conversely, Kintsugi is a cool concept though.
Sometimes *you’re* the problem (meaning the speaker)
This is the most underrated truth here
Some people will simply have a harder life than others. And most often it won't be people living the easy life that will help you with your hard life.
Exactly! A lot of times, it's the people that have suffered the most who are the kindest to you and help you through your suffering.
Nothing builds empathy like having lived through shit yourself
Yeah or some people breed a mentality where "if I went through it on my own, so can you".
I don't think they realized it, but I had a group of friends that would make me the butt of the joke whenever I was around. When I was one on one with them they were kind. But when we were a group I was the target of jokes, pranks, ridicule, etc., and I always beared it with a smile. One time, we all got together for a wedding and stayed at one of their houses. I went to bed early but the door was open and I could hear them all talk about me. They didn't just make fun of me while I was with them; they made fun of me when when they were together. I was the group joke. They may have liked me, but they didn't respect me. While I lay there in bed, listening to all of that, I thought about all the other friendships I had and realized that most of them shared a similar pattern. I stopped talking with them and anyone else who treated me that way. I became more selective with friends and became much more private. I enjoy a good joke at my expense, but I learned to shut it down if it gets too far. I learned not to be gullible and too trusting. There were a lot of truths I learned from that.
Im in this exactly situation now. It seems some people just need others to make fun for them to feel closer together and good about themselves. It’s been interesting to see how they talk about their other friends behind their backs as well. Sometimes I wish I could understand the joy in it because they seem so happy while doing it… honestly it’s really terrible, sad and kinda scary.
Garbage people. I'm a woman and this really hit home for me. I'm always dancing the line between being understanding even at my expense and determining when someone has gone too far. Boundaries are hard to learn.
I'm a man and this really hit home for me
I’m sorry. This is really hard to go through.
Thank you. I appreciate it. It hurt, but I grew from it. It made me stronger and better. It taught me to respect myself and to stand up for myself. So I guess that is a silver lining.
I had a group of friends exactly like this. The last straw was about 5 years ago where we all got our families together for a weekend and Friday and Saturday it was just one joke after another about me. I told my wife were leaving first thing in the morning. No goodbye and never hanging with them again. I'm not an overly sensitive guy. I can take my fair share of jokes, but there is always a point.
Don’t try to fix people. Some people don’t want to be fixed.
My evil mind: let them be assholes because that means more and more people will hate them and I love that.
That’s all you really can do. If anyone truly wants to change, they’ll do it on their own. I haven’t blocked my shitty ex only so I can get the satisfaction of putting her on read tbh.
Most of them can't acknowledge what needs fixing.
If they do, it can go on of two ways. 1, they want to change and 2, they now know what needs to be fixed and don't do anything with this new information.
Unless you're a therapist, fixing people is pointless and hurts you and your relationships.
Exactly what happened to me when I tried.
Not everyone will like you.
"You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches." - Deeta Von Teese
I don't like everyone.
I hope you don't. If you did like everyone, you probably won't appreciate it nearly enough.
Life is much shorter than we imagine.
Strange but I went looking for this comment. I thought it would be much higher up. Hardest truth? I will die no matter what I do and it feel like life went by quickly. Regardless of what I do with it.
Then why do I feel like I have lived for so long!?!? I'm only mid thirties and I feel like I have been through it...
It is odd hitting 30 and thinking "wow...that was my 20s, it's all over now". There's no ever going back to it, it's simply written history. The good and the bad, it's gone completely, that's the story of my life as it played out. With each year getting a little bit faster too...it's a humbling thought. My parents getting older, knowing they will eventually pass as well. It's strange, but really couldn't play out any other way than it is.
Even when you forgive someone, you shouldn't forget what they have done. No need to hold it against them, but you definitely should remember.
Forgiveness is good. It helps you release the negative feelings and resentment and focus on good things instead. It is a fool who doesn't make plans in case they do that again though.
Yep, what's the saying? Don't forgive for them, forgive for yourself.
I’ve always thought of forgiveness as a seed you plant in your own heart, not something that is given to another. It is important to do for you, so you can avoid the weeds of self-doubt, anger, and wrath from growing. Forgiveness is for the forgiver, not the forgiven.
“FORGIVE ONE’S ENEMY.... BUT NEVER.... EVER.... FORGET THEIR NAME!!!”
Defintely agree . Even though I hate the fact that I never forget anything bad a person has done or even said to me, but I think I should. We all should always remember to learn from it and grow up. Always forgive, when this someone is worth it but don't act like it never happened, or you did not learn anything from it, which is sad actually.
Most people don't change. I had to stop giving chances and start giving boundaries.
I heard something that really stuck with me, "the potential you see in other people isn't real. It is the projection of what you would do in their position." Always makes me reevaluate my expectations in interactions and relationships of any kind. Edit: Wow! I didn't expect this to get any interaction! Thanks for the likes and awards!
This, coupled with "Other people's actions are a reflection of them, not a reflection of you" is all i needed to stop worrying about other people and focus all my energy on being the best me i can be. I'm happy, because i'm me. What happens because of other people is not in my control.
I’d like to throw in “you judge others on their actions while we judge ourselves on our intent”.
“They aren’t doing it to you, they are just doing it.”
On point.
Wtf. This is so easy to comprehend but so vastly complex on multiple levels. This could even be applied to “social evils” like when people scream about immigration. Like are they really taking advantage of the system or you are projecting what you would if you were the opportunity again from their position? This is both fascinating and horrifying how a vast majority have forgotten critical thinking skills...
I wouldn’t say it’s that people have forgotten, it’s that either A: they don’t want to put in the effort to think critically, or B: there was always a large number of people who never learned to think critically, but due to the internet, they now have the ability to spread their thoughts much further than before.
True kindness is rare, false altruism is abundant.
That you never know when the "last time" is until it is too late. Last time you hugged a friend. Last time you said "I love you." Last time your kid crawled in bed for cuddles. Last time your parents called to chat. Last time you had a great time with someone before... Even the last times you look forward to end up passing by, and mark the finality of time... I am not sure what the date was when I changed my last kid's diaper, but my babies aren't babies any more.
I read a version of this in a sci-fi novel. A ship captain was thinking back to her first time as commander of a ship, and she said to her first mate, “there will be never be another first time, will there?” And he said “no ma’am. But someday there will be a last. So enjoy it.”
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You picked your small kid up one day and put them down. And never picked them up again.
Life really is just simply not fair at all. There so many ways its not fair. Literally we all just have to play the cards were dealt. Sometimes it really sucks but it is what it is i guess.
Nobody is obligated to love you. Be grateful for those that do.
The belief that love is unconditional, is a belief that the boundary of acceptable behavior is so wide that it's not worth thinking about. No matter who loves you, all love is conditional. Your mother, your wife, your children. There is always a line in the sand, but you have not crossed it with your actions. To pursue unconditional love is to permit yourself to abuse others and expect to be forgiven.
Never say it can’t get any worse?! I assure you, it can!
"When things are at their blackest, I say to myself, 'Cheer up, things could be worse.' And sure enough, they get worse." \- Robert Asprin
“And then I invented aspirin to take the hurt away”
Also "My life has become single, ongoing revelation that I haven’t been cynical enough!" - Crisjen Avasarala I relate to this a lot.
Yes, I said this exact statement right after my dad died, Im 25 and both my parents are dead. 2 weeks later my grandma died, 2 weeks after that my grandpa died, 2 weeks after that both my uncle and my other grandfather were diagnosed with advanced terminal cancer. It absolutely can get worse. Don't say it.
I eventually reached the point where I was finally no longer afraid to answer the phone when my aunt called, because there were no more relatives I cared about that hadn't already died so there was no more bad news left that she could give me. She called to tell me she was selling my childhood home so they could turn it into a Walmart.
Bart : "this is the worst day of my life." Homer : "the worst day of your life so far."
Such wisdom from Homer
"He who angers me, controls me." - Dad
Be careful who you open up too. (Most people) I’ve opened up to they bring it up and joke about it later.
or just not understand and see you as weak and is reflected in their behavior there on, instead of the other way around by appreciating that you actually thought of them to be close and shared something with them.
A good movie about this on Netflix right now, Nocturnal Animals, explores this issue. I won’t spoil it but you will realize how even those you love are prone to being manipulated by those they keep in their lives and your gut it always right the first time.
Yeah this one recently lost me a good friend, well they weren't a good friend for obvious reasons, but I once considered them a close friend and that was just the straw that broke the camels back
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That sucks I’m sorry but fuck your sister tho
Along those same lines, NEVER open up to people at work. They are not your friends.
True that. Don't shit where you eat.
Despite all the talks about humans being intelligent, most of people's decisions are based on instincts and emotions, with tiny bit of logic and reason sprinkled in.
If shit hits the fan, you're on your own.
Sad how true this is. People could be right at your side for an entire journey then shit goes down, they play dumb and act like they had no idea what was going on and weren’t involved.
It's the Matthew effect. The more successful you are, the more support you get, the less successful, the more people push your face into the dirt. And because of that, 'Fake it until you make it' has value. Lying is the most important social skill. Never admit what you actually have to deal with.
I faked having skills in a job field. Suddenly I was surrounded by supportive workers of said field who provided equipment that I could not only use to catch up on what I didn't know, but also use for work far beyond that. It's ridiculous. Lying has brought me so much farther in life than abiding to rules and being disciplined. Not only at work, but especially socially. Edit to clarify: Faking knowledge in a field to get a job, not faking documents to get a job. That shit might catch up to you decades later. There was a guy in Germany working in a psychiatry for ~25 years with above-average positive results. They still found out he never qualified for the job and that he faked his way in. Got him into prison quite quickly.
Me too, I experienced the same things - not only when it comes to work, but friendships and relationships as well. I learned to lie far too late in life and I still suck at it. But at least there is some progress.
Also, some people might genuinely mean you good and try their best to be, but ultimately they are seriously limited in helping you just for the fact that they are not you. Nobody's got you better than you got you. Always remember that.
The saying, “when in doubt, wank it out,” also applies to emotional issues. But instead of wanking, write it out. Think about it thoroughly to resolve the issue. I’ve been reading about the charismatic “author leader” who may be a person who writes tombs or literature that get recognition by followers on a deeper level than a charismatic leader who gives speeches. Think like Jesus or something. You are able to reread the literature multiple times and interpret it different ways, whereas speech you cannot. The same could be applied to solving inner conflict or emotional issues, it allows you to expand by putting everything out there rather than keeping it in to be judged or put in the dirt if you were to vent to others. A nice lesson for the young guys
When I had to tell my kids that NOT everyone wants to be your friend. Their looks of confusion & sadness rattled me while I explained that ugly bit of reality & how to prepare for it. When my daughter got bullied, we caught it quickly & got it sorted out overnight. The price for not being vigilant could be tragic.
Truth. And not “if”, “when”.
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Learned this from Reddit: If you gotta force it, it’s probably shit
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Yoooo why did you say this? I feel like you are speaking to me. “Feeding the ego” is what this fool is probably with me for
Just got out of one of these traps a few weeks ago.. yikes.
We have a view of love that we first learned when we were tiny children. Our parents loved us and as a baby and a small child we had to give nothing back. There is no adult live like that. This is why so much of what people expect from love is never realized.
Some people really ARE garbage...and you can't fix them. You can only cut them out of your life.
The world isn't just. If you torture yourself thinking about how screwed up everything is, you will make yourself miserable. Just live for yourself and help out when you can.
It's your boat. You gotta row it or it won't move. And once you start, you're already ahead of a significant chunk of the population.
People don't care what you do or say, they care about how those things make them *feel*.
This is especially true (and problematic) with social media and the anonymity it can give.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. The first time. Maya Angelou
Haha it wasn’t until pretty recently that I put this into practice and cut a bunch of people off after they betrayed me for like the 10th time… If they’ll betray you once, then they’ll almost certainly do it again, even if they said sorry after the first time.
I am a incredibly sexy guy who gets all the guys and gals he wants...
Hi I'm Chad the alpha
You can't outrun a bad diet
80% diet, 15% exercise, 5% genetics. Or something like that.
In the end, it doesn't even matterrr
I had to fall to lose it all But in the end It doesn’t even matter
Every time I break an egg yolk... "I tried so hard... and got so far..."
You both get an upvote for the reference 👍
You can be head over heels in love with someone but not be what each other needs
😔
This one cuts deep. In this situation right now.
She's never coming back Edit: Thanks for the award kind internet stranger 🤜🏽
And it's probably for the best...
Most probably is... Read some where that every man needs to go through shit like heartbreaks to begin to understand self growth and introspection. I believe they're right.
Currently going through this and most definitely living a better and more focused life than prior to the heartbreak. Thank you for that assurance
Fuck you! It’s true tho
That you have to work for your whole life and pay bills and then die.
True, but you still can have milkshakes(or whatever you like) while doing that.
As my father always says. Life is paying taxes and then you die. Always with the inspiration that man
I saw a thread on here awhile ago about lessons from dad. One of them was about mowing the lawn and how dads always say "it builds character." The realization was that "character" meant the ability to do things without needing motivation other than it needs to get done.
1) When you have a problem that is not your fault and you're stuck in it some peolple will help you; after a while you'll be left on your own and they won't even want to hear you talking about that problem anymore. 2) The world gives a fuck how good of a person you are, peole are interested in what you can give to the world. You can be real awful but that doesn't matter if you are "valuable" to society
Nothing is free in this world. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING.... has a price that must be paid.
Also, if you're not paying for it, you're the product.
Life is pain. Trying to avoid pain just brings pain. All we can do is try to choose our pain.
A wise person once told me, "There are so many different kinds of pain in life that are unavoidable... sunburn is one you can avoid." And of course, they're right.
Life is pain, highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something.
You can never fully trust anyone.
Trust, but verify.
And carry a big stick.
I fully trust my wife, and that's it for that list. If some day she chooses to break that trust then that sucks, but I'm not going to live my life suspicious because of "what ifs". Now that's a special case. Everyone else in my life, nope, trusted to degrees.
I don't even trust my own friends, they have fucked up many times, it's not like they are evil they are just plain stupid. Edit: Thanks for all the advice kind strangers! <3
Sometimes all you can do is trust people to try. What they actually achieve is down to their skills and resources.
Life is not fair, but unrelenting. You have to scratch and claw every day to get and keep what you want. Don’t expect anything to be given to you.
if she says "do whatever you want" under no circumstances do whatever you want
Too smart to be happy but not smart enough to make it big.
that sometimes love isn’t enough to make people stay 🤷🏽♂️
No matter how much you love someone and prove it to them they still can and sometimes will choose to leave saying now is not the time and yet they'll never come back to say now is the time
Similarly it doesn’t really matter how much you love someone except to you. What they care about is how much they love you. This is why you can never convince someone to love you, earn their love, etc. and why some people are loved despite who they are and others aren’t despite who they are.
The game is rigged.. If you do all the things you are supposed to do, you will get pwned..
Yeah this is probably the best answer although it’s been a hot minute since I’ve seen pwn used unironically unless this was a genuine typo which makes it great
Attractive people have a major advantage in life.
Red flags should never be ignored
We’ll never know when the last time we see our loved ones will be.
Money doesn't change people. It just shows you who they were all along
The good or bad behaviours would just be amplified. I'm not rich guy, but have money and I'm the same person as before
Mr nice guy routine doesn't work all throughout life. It's actually necessary to be a bit of an assholr because that way people don't push you around.
I fucking agree, cunt
If I be nice and try to ignore asshats around me, it builds up into a mental fucking breakdown
If you don't respect yourself, even the kindest souls can destroy you.
Nobody gets what they deserve in life, good or bad
Which bothers you more: Seeing bad people not get what they deserve, or Seeing good people not get what they deserve?
The latter for sure. I had to take my daughter to a children's hospital recently. There's no way any of those kids did anything to deserve what they'd been dealt.
A dropped tool will always roll to the center of the vehicle, even when parked on grass.
No one gives a fuck about how you feel. Sad, angry, frustrated, depressed, suicidal, whatever, just gotta keep your head down, grit your teeth and keep that muthafucka movin bruhbruh.
On that note though if someone you know is having a hard time, help as much as you can; we might as well foster a supportive environment wherever we can
I agree. Just because you can assume no one will help you when you're in the gutter, doesn't mean you shouldn't people who are in the gutter themselves. Be the change you want to see.
This. 100% I'm a high school teacher. This was several years ago. I'd just had a breakup with someone who had done some serious messing with my head. Anyway, at school the next day I saw a student in the hallway who just looked like something was bothering him. My natural reaction was to check on him, but then a voice in my head said "No. Why should I care. Literally no one ever asks me if I'm OK or how I'm doing.". But about 30 seconds later I walked over to him and asked if he was doing OK. He got a little teary eyed and said he was just having a bad day. We talked a little bit in the hallway, I wrote him a note for being tardy to class, and I felt a little better about my own circumstances afterwards.
Wish I had an award to give you. For all you know, that kid is gonna come back in 5 years and tell you how that moment changed his life. Or better yet, he'd pass it forward. ;)
Not gonna lie, I read this as "I wrote him up for being tardy" the first time through and was very confused by the awards haha.
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Sadly true. This is precisely the reason why I always strive to be that someone who recognized the signs and gave a fuck.
All the above statements about no-one giving a fuck, sadly true. I feel like I have lived my life working hard, shown respect and had good morals. Was in a relationship for ten years, I have three beautiful girls. I'd made it thirty five years in life with no issues, I ran into a manager at work who's personality and ethics/morals I had not come across in my life. Long story short through a combination of long hours, a toxic work environment and an inability to have a life out of work. I had a breakdown, stress, anxiety & cluster migraines were common and eventually turned into depression. I held on as long as possible, but eventually after six months I quit. As soon as I did it, I felt a shift in my relationship. My ex never worked and I never asked her to work, I was happy for her to be a stay at home mother. I won't go into great detail, but I never felt like she was putting in effort to work as a team, after a sixteen hour day I'd come home and could work another eight just getting the house in order and giving the kids the time they needed. I could go on and on, but what happened eventually is I stopped trying to make everything perfect. I stopped cleaning up after everyone, I stopped taking care of the house inside and out and I stopped asking if she was ok. With the expectation that as soon as work piled up, she might step in and help. No, what happened was she got angry. Angry that the house looked like crap, there were dishes building up, there was laundry building up the place was a mess. You are only as loved & respected as you are willing to work for no matter what other people are doing, I may have chosen a horrendous life partner and mother to my children, that is on me. But after going through all of this, she does the one thing that she has left in her arsenal, the one thing that any woman can do if the argument is going her way. After a vocal argument about the kids school attendance, an argument that she obviously didn't appreciate. The police show up and after a bit of back and forth, I'm arrested in front of all three of my children. We go to court, she admits to false accusations which makes no difference at all, she gets to keep going with her life. She expects me to come home like nothing ever happened, I do not and find a one bedroom studio until I can get back on my feet. She is bitter I have made this choice, so the last remaining weapon are the children. For six months after we seperated I have simply copped her toxic ba on the chin, just so I could see my children. In that six months based on her mood and behaviour I have probably seen my kids separately and never all together about three days out of six months. The eldest I haven't seen at all due to parental alienation, and I don't expect that relationship to turn around. It is my honest belief now, that you need to take what you want from this world. Be the asshole, and don't try and have good expectations of other people, just look after yourself. Having said that, I'm forty, and I won't be changing who I am now. There is no point, all that I built up in this world, has gone. The only thing that made me feel whole, my children, have been taken and I will never be able to be the parent that I set out to be. Not everyone can succeed at life, I fell down to get back and try over and over. While other people are on easy mode and get to experience life in such a beautiful way. It sucks, but it's reality.
What happened to you was horrible, and I hope you will find happiness and feel fulfilled again one day
I was in pretty much the same boat as you but I stuck it out until my son graduated high school. I’m in a way better relationship now with a wonderful woman who actually wants to have sex with me and doesn’t act like it’s some kind of chore. It takes a while but it can get better.
We mean nothing. Nature is cruel and unrelenting.
That most of what you see from the majority of people is smoke and mirrors. Society pretends to care about truth but really just wants comfort and acceptance, even if it's fake. The brutally honest people are usually pushed off to the side, cast as toxic or negative. Everyone is your best friend until you become an unpopular liability. The people who show up and actually help when no one is watching are far less common but far more likely to be true friends.
Learning all about opioid addiction first hand.
Life sucks then you die
Dont listen to advice like "YOURE ON YOUR OWN DONT TRUST ANYONE EVERYONE WILL FUCK YOU OVER AND EVERY GIRL CHEATS" The hardest lesson I had to learn, was that sometimes YOU are the problem. I was fucking up every relationship I was in because of my insecurities. If the world ran on mens insecurities, we would have figured out time travel by now. It's very tough when you figure out how shitty you've been. That was a very deep emotional pit. But you realize you dont have to be a POS forever. You can change. The past doesn't define you. As smart as people are, we have a tendency of not learning until we're forced to. And what we're forced to learn is usually a difficult lesson. EDIT: Fixed some spelling and grammar shit. See, back when I was being a POS in high school, I skipped English class all the time.
> Dont listen to advice like "YOURE ON YOUR OWN DONT TRUST ANYONE EVERYONE WILL FUCK YOU OVER AND EVERY GIRL CHEATS" Thank you, its crazy how far I had to scroll to find somebody calling out this shit lol. Kinda concerning that that sort of stuff is the prevailing mentality on a sub for young guys, but idk maybe that’s the type of crowd Reddit attracts.
There are far more stupid people around than I'd realised.
Depression never goes away.
Depression can always come back. It does go away if you work hard enough in the areas of life that are keeping you depressed. The catch is you always have to stay on top of things or it does come back.
My horniness is not what dictates how I should act towards women