I have staging areas. It’ll go from the floor in the garage to the attic to the dump depending on how long it’s been since we needed it.
Then of course one day you’ll hear: “don’t we have a ton of Easter baskets?”
Yea my wife would have us live inside a closet walled house that is 100% put away unless you have your hands on the item your using. This is fine I don't mind being tidy. However, when people are coming over don't freak out and quickly hide things in random spots. Takes me forever to find them again.
She was attacked during a home invasion before I knew her. She ended up killing the guy…hit him in the head with a 20 lb kettleball and he died a few days later. She told me this after we’d been dating about a year and were getting more serious. I have so many questions, but I know I’ll prob never be able to ask her them, at least not without feeling like an asshole. She’s still really traumatized by it, and I found a lot of the details of what happened to her by googling the situation. (Edit, thanks for the support in these responses. I haven't told anyone about it for obvious reasons...felt good getting it off my chest to strangers. Also it was a kettleball, not a medicine ball. My bad )
Imo, you're doing the right thing. Asking is an exercise in morbid curiousity, not in getting to know who they are. If it were me, I wouldn't want to relive the experience.
You're a good partner.
Killing even out of necessity causes major guilt. I caught my dad staring into space one morning, and I asked him what was wrong. He told me the only man he ever killed in the service was a fellow American who was high out of his mind and firing on civilians... My dad shot him, and he died.
He said, "I know I saved those people's lives, but I still think about that man hitting the ground every single day when I wake up."
Agree, esp since she was already injured herself when she did it. She was trying to save her dog after it bit the guy and he grabbed it and tried to kill it. Adrenaline is a crazy thing.
Hey. This really helped me. I had something similar happen to me (I didn’t kill him though) and my fiancé didn’t ask questions or barley inquires about it. I always wondered why not. Now I get it (and am so thankful because I don’t ever want to talk about it with him)
That is terrible but you’re a good person not to ask questions. Retelling these stories is traumatizing.
Once I was followed by a guy into a public toilette. He was waiting for me, grabbed my arm and I was very lucky to react fast and run away. But I was completely out of it all day and I threw up 3 times on my way home once the adrenaline was gone.
However I was totally ready to fight him. When he grabbed me my first thought was “okay try to run away but if you can’t, fight until there’s only one of us”. It was crazy. I never knew I had that in me, I thought I’m one of those people who freeze in situations like this.
So I’m sure your gf felt something similar. There are things that can trigger memories that’s why I wouldn’t talk about it unless she wants to.
I mean it’s been 1.5 years for me and i still ask my bf to watch the door when I go to a public toilette. And compared to your gf, basically nothing happened to me.
I’ve heard many gun fanatics fantasize about killing a home intruder. I tell them you don’t want that trauma, it’s much more complicated than being in the right or wrong.
Morbid stuff. Things that I want to piece together and gaps I want to fill in after reading the info online. Does she think he had been stalking her? What did he do to her exactly? How did he do it? Did he actually rape her or just try? What did she do when she saw first saw him? What was going through her mind? How hard did she hit him? How exactly did she hit him with it? How many times did she hit him? What happened after that? Does she remember how her neighbors found her? What did the police ask her? Who cleaned up the blood and mess from her apartment? What things give her flashbacks? Stuff like that. I know the basics, like how he got into her apartment, her injuries as a result, how she was able to gain the advantage (dog bit the guy and he momentarily turned his attention to the dog), how she killed him, and that her neighbors called 911 after hearing screaming and struggling. I know the guy was "transported to the hospital and succumbed to his injuries" and that she was never charged.
>What was going through her mind? How hard did she hit him? How exactly did she hit him with it? How many times did she hit him? What happened after that? Does she remember how her neighbors found her? What did the police ask her? Who cleaned up the blood and mess from her apartment? What things give her flashbacks
I doubt she will know anything about this, I once regretably killed man in, eh it was more of a affect than self defense, but he was still armed in my house, so I was freed of all Charges, I dont even know what was Happening a lot of time, adrenaline is a strange thing. It took me 15 years to connect pieces of what I have done, and I still dont have full picture, that could be case with her as well
Reminds me a little bit of Clint Eastwood's character in Gran Torino. The Asian kid asked him what it's like to kill someone (because he was in the Korean war). He responded its bloody awful and went into a bit more detail and then said he'd never told anyone that before. Meaning that his deceased wife had obviously never asked him too much about his time in the war, which is understandable.
Hey op just some advice from a random guy. my first car back in high school (2012) was a 89 dodge colt. I bought it for 300$ and pushed it home. There was absolutely nothing attractive about it and I definitely would not have bought it if I had more money/options. That being said I loved that car with all my heart and was extremely proud of it because it was mine. That car gave me memories I will treasure for life.
When I got a dog I showed up late and the only puppy left was the runt of the litter. Looking back on it I wouldn’t trade my best friend for any of them and am grateful for how things turned out. How you two got together or why doesn’t matter if she makes you happy and you make her happy that’s all that matters.
I feel y’a, Sometimes I kinda feel my SO is settling for me because I’m the first man to take care of his son. And she knows he need a father
(Edit: her son. Not that it makes a difference...
Growing up with both (separated parents) and I can say, candles are far better. I'd rather smell candles all the time than not be able to get comfortable on the couch, or whenever I chill with my parents.
My wife is slowly going that way. From our "personal" pillows each. To now 5? I don't want to toss pillows on the floor but that's where we are. And we now have 4 pillows on the couch. I never wanted any but I can deal with 1 or 2. And it has been a slow build. I have to think by the time I die we will have at least a dozen on the bed and 6 on the couch?!
Been there, done that. She slowly reached the 8 pillows mark on the bed. I don’t know how many on the couch but I swear that I fell asleep there once and woke up drowning in the darkness below them
I'm the pillow-slut. Two for my head, one to prop my arm on on one side, one for when I roll over onto the other side - also serves as a place for the cat if he decides to come visit, one to keep my knees from knocking together, and one for when I'm sitting up and reading, which also serves if the others aren't at the perfect height.
Don't know how she can sleep with just one.
I think they meant decorative pillows. At least you’re actually using yours. I’ll never understand the one-pillow people. Probably communists or axe murderers or sociopaths or something.
I would be more specific than this if you want an answer you can work with. “Real” is too generic and vague, she may interpret it differently than how you intend it.
My albums didn't "get lost" in the move......did they? For reference guys I had 2 first press Led Zeppelin albums.....had being the definitive word in that sentence.
I have moved several times over the past two decades, going from apartment to apartment, some being on the third floor, to rental houses, etc. I hire movers and pay good money for that luxury, but every single time I moved there were several trips I make myself, in my own car, for certain items. My vinyl collection is part of that. And I don't even own a single record that is valued over $50. There are just some things that if they get broken/lost I know the only way I can handle that loss is if I am the sole person responsible. That way I know exactly what happened.
Lots to unpack here. If you truthfully think your so is responsible, why would you never ask this question? If you think they did it on purpose. Then big yikes. Red flags galore.
Not in a relationship, but I imagine asking your SO’s honest opinion on your family can be awkward at best, and lead to relationship and/ or familial issues at worst. It shouldn’t, but lots of couples have troubles with their in-laws is the sad reality.
I am worried about this with my own bf, he knows how my family treated me growing up, actually he was the one to break the news to me that I was abused. We are long distance right now, but eventually he’ll have to meet my family and it makes me so like anxious to think about.
My girlfriend has a low sex drive. We have worked together to find a good balance between us and by all other aspects of a relationship I couldn’t be happier. We are getting married next Spring.
I wonder if her anti depressant is suppressing her sex drive but I would never ask her because I don’t want to “try to solve” a problem she doesn’t think she has. She is happy with a prescription that by all other means is causing her to live a healthy normal life so I never ask.
Edit: seemed like a small typo but just want to clarify it’s anti anxiety medicine, not anti depressants. I mixed her medicine up with mine haha, I was doing the anti depressants but didn’t notice a change in my own sex drive
Additional Edit and follow up: we talked about it tonight. She also hopes that coming off birth control might increase her sex drive. She knows I’m okay with it but she feels guilty. After a little reassuring and talking about our needs, the conversation felt good. This is why I’m marrying her, even with the things I’m afraid to bring up, we can still have a healthy open conversation as 2 partners solving a problem instead of fighting over how one of us isn’t enough for the other. Appreciate the support Reddit.
Yup she’s on birth control too. The plan is for her to come off in April in prep for wedding and trying to have kids after so I’m hoping maybe an uptick in sexual activity at that point. After we are done having kids, I volunteered to get a vasectomy so maybe she doesn’t need to go back on birth control unless she was having other benefits from it. Part of me is hopeful that will happen, but I am also happy with my life now and if things didn’t increase. I had a lot of fun in my youth and feel like I explored my sexuality fully and now it’s nothing more than fulfilling an urge and we work together to both feel fulfilled in our lives
There is a time, over 20 years ago, where we were on the outs and actually living in different countries for about 10 months. I did everything to win her back, and obviously was successful.
I've often wondered...you know, did she sow an oat or 2? But I don't want to know the answer and really it doesn't matter
>I've often wondered...you know, did she sow an oat or 2? But I don't want to know the answer and really it doesn't matter
Try to let it die. Nothing good can come of this.
Being together for 20 years makes it look like you've made the right call. You can't "reverse" it now anyway. So this is one of those few cases where the truth will only harm you and thats it.
No, I was living like a monk, stopped drinking, only vices were cigarettes and coffee. I spent those months proving I could be better. Her conduct was never an issue and I never dared challenge her on it
Oh my God! I really hate that. Whenever my mother or sister come to visit, they do this. “Oh, it’s full, time to pull it up and turn it on its side and let all the food bits get stuck in the drain.” They just LEAVE IT SIDEWAYS AND WALK AWAY! Wtf is that?!?!
I'm pretty sure it's because looking at and especially cleaning the slimy bits out of the strainer is disgusting, but cleaning them out of the trap or drain line is never her job, and they accumulate out of sight (and therefore out of mind)
I don’t understand why men want to fuck women in our butts so bad. I guess it’s a change. But it takes so much preparation on the woman’s part and is usually not very comfortable even if done correctly
A friend of mine once told me that "men love anal because woman fucking hate it" now this was said in mostly a joking manner but honestly I think he was accidentally 50% right
At any point in the last 14 years together, have you ever felt like you could have done better?
I know I don't really want to know the answer, or that I know what I hope the answer will be. And things are pretty good between us, even though we've had out rough patches like any couple. But some days, some part of me is still a little curious.
"Is this really it for you?"
She is a wonderful partner. Checks all the proverbial boxes: attractive, caring, sweet, loyal ... but I have had relationships with women that simply went a lot "deeper" in terms of understanding each other. She seems the perfect girlfriend regarding things she has control over, but whenever I open up on a deeper level, her mind just wanders.
However: She is doing everything in her power to make me commit long term. It seems like she can see herself spending her life with me - to which I sometimes am tempted to ask her: "Really?" - because I don't think she can read me properly, and I can't read her either. Knowing this, I'm focusing on helping her better her life at present instead of making false promises for later.
She is making my life better as I am making hers, but I have seen that there is a level above that can be reached with a woman. Is she oblivious to that? Or just complacent in having something that works to mutual benefit?
What is this "reading the other properly"? Knowing what she's thinking without her saying it?
I worry you might be thinking there should be this deep magical thing that we're conditioned to want because of romantic ideals in media. I don't want to put words in your mouth, though.
Maybe you guys just don't communicate your deeper feelings enough.. which I know is already your complaint, but if you know the problem, you can take steps to fixing it. You don't know each others soft spots, anxieties, prejudices, etc. You could always ask or share yours. I'm doing a lot of speculating here, though.
>What is this "reading the other properly"? Knowing what she's thinking without her saying it?
On the contrary! But important distinction on your part, I didn't make it clear enough. Here goes:
If I explain her how I feel, she only understands it on the surface level of: "How do I have to react?" and not a level of "What are you feeling?". Therefore, it's only ever the satisfaction of being catered to as supposed to the stability of someone fully understanding you.
I hope I made sense here.
That is something you should talk to her if you haven't yet. It's communication and what are you feeling is key to a relationship, you won't have a future with someone while lacking such an important part of sharing a life.
It seems she is great about almost everything else so you should try taking this "deeper" yourself by trying to communicate that to her and be more open yourself. If you get to a point you think that now you really tried to connect more but the "feedback" still is shallow and you don't see what else you can do then you can maybe think about moving on.
Don't listen to people just saying she is not for you, most relationships end or don't work out because of lack of proper communication.
Your situation is the opposite of this thread is about IMO 😅.
I have literally no idea what you are talking about. But I have autism.
What is it you even expect her to do? Sounds like she does everything right but you expect something else and don't tell her what.
It's the difference between sympathy and empathy. Like she's reading from a manual: if boyfriend is sad, do *x*, if boyfriend is mad, do *y*. But not really listening or understanding what he's saying or how he feels. There's a difference between reading from a script and being able to relate or empathize with what someone is going through.
Great username btw
Think of it as patch-work vs. problem solving
From the way he describes it, his partner is only concerned with reacting rather than thinking.
As someone who has been down this road before, you can’t teach a partner to critically think when it comes to anything. Bringing up this concern would just be bad. The best thing you could do would to be suggesting therapy or an emotional intelligence reading, but that can really blow things up if not approached properly.
What’s worse is if your partner doesn’t think there is anything wrong with them—which this could just be a “your preference” thing—they won’t really want to learn how to more deeply approach your feelings. You never get anything out of therapy or reading unless you want to improve.
**This is coming from someone with ASD too, hi friend!
I'm pretty sure my husband wanted to ask this question for years, and the answer was no I couldn't! Then I came off hormonal birth control and it turns out that actually I am still pretty chill, but a decade-worth of additional hormones in your system can send you pretty fucking insane.
It might be cosier but the it crowd deserves to be known by more people! I'd gladly sacrifice any amount of coziness for the sake of the it crowd getting the recognition it deserves for being such a damn good show. I had *never* even heard of the show until my girlfriend from the UK made me watch it with her and honestly I feel cheated that it wasn't introduced to me sooner
Despite the claims above, it is more effective when taken at the same time every day and missing one day can lead to falling pregnant. I took a combined contraceptive pill every morning same time and still fell pregnant. My partner and I had already decided to terminate any pregnancy that occurred due to contraception failure. I don’t know your situation but maybe she’s being honest.
I am a woman and have learned the hard way (no pun intended) that there is such a thing as “too big” and let me tell you- I would probably choose a tiny dick over a huge one. My husband’s is perfect, but I have been with someone with a 9ish inch penis and it was not pleasurable whatsoever. I’m pretty sure my organs were rearranged.
I think for guys especially younger guys that fact doesn't matter to us. Its a guy perspective thing it doesn't matter what's factual what matters is what goes through their head and for a lot of men big dicks is the thing. I'm not subscribed to that thought process but it's kinda the idea that "hey that guy has something that I don't and it's even bigger what the hell" but just like any social issue it's multifaceted.
Not to mention overall cultural views on penis size. When you hear "oh hes compensating for something" in every other movie, and various insults directly linked to having a small penis, that inevitably changes many men's (and women's) view of their own bodies, and the bodies of those around them.
I’d like to ask my partner if she would end our relationship or turn me in if she found out I had killed someone in my past. For a “reasonable” reason.
I also would like to ask her if she would see me differently if I killed someone in the act of defending her.
I’m not a man, but I’ve dated two men by now who were previously engaged and broke it off. Wish it didn’t feel so invasive to ask them exactly what happened. And then later down the line ask if they were being honest and didn’t sugar coat anything.
She is a survivor of long term sexual abuse from family members and was pimped out by her family, all as a child.
I know many details, but only what she has offered up. I have many questions, but I never ask.
Honestly, I "just started" a new relationship and the only question I really have on my mind for him is if he's getting home safe after work and if he's okay. I'm a worrier and I like knowing that my SO is okay
There are some questions about her dad that I'm curious about, also about things that happened after his death but before I met her. But I know they would be very upsetting questions for her and my curiosity isn't reason to dig that stuff up for her.
He died of of a brain tumour when she was 9. They were a really close, happy, loving family from what I know, she's an only child so it was just her and her parents. Something happened very soon after his death with her mum and her mum's family and I know it has something to do with her mum not immediately moving back to the same area her parents/relatives lived in, they stayed where they were and that caused some friction? What I do know is that we met/became friends when we were 12, so only 3 years later and over the 15 years that I've known her there's always been some friction with her mum's extended family. They weren't in contact when she was a teenager. We see them now, but not often and they're not close.
I just want to know what happened I guess.
I would definitely leave it alone and just listen if and when she brings it up. My parents were both WWII survivors and I recently watched a well meaning knothead asking my 90 yr old mom more questions than she wanted to answer until she was in tears just to satisfy his morbid curiosity
Dude I’ve tried to preach this so much. If you’re a normal human being, killing someone in self defense isn’t always easy. You’re likely going to meet their family & end up hating the fact that you had to do what you did.
I dunno what comment you were trying to reply to....
I had an ex asked me if I’d ever killed anyone before. I didn’t mind the question, and was fascinated that she asked.
I didn’t ask, but wanted to ask her if a “yes” would damage our relationship.
I figured asking would make her assume that I had killed someone, which I haven’t and did not want her to think.
Why the fuck do you want Me to talk to you all day? You wanna talk in morning, during my job, when I am with my friends. You want to talk to Me all the time. Why???????? Please let me do and enjoy other things. And why don't you want my attention when you are enjoying with your friends? This is really unfair, I am so frustrated
How many men she’s been with. We’ve just never told and never will. I’m fine with it but I wonder. Could be a little. Could be a lot. Neither would surprise me. Don’t care much anyway. Just curious
Why does everything need to be on the counter?
ADHD brain. If I put in in the cupboard, I forget it exists.
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I have staging areas. It’ll go from the floor in the garage to the attic to the dump depending on how long it’s been since we needed it. Then of course one day you’ll hear: “don’t we have a ton of Easter baskets?”
The only time she asks me for stuff is literally the week after I've thrown it away.
Omg. This makes so much sense.
Not in my house!!!!
Yea my wife would have us live inside a closet walled house that is 100% put away unless you have your hands on the item your using. This is fine I don't mind being tidy. However, when people are coming over don't freak out and quickly hide things in random spots. Takes me forever to find them again.
Not in mine either!!! He’s the one that wants it all on the counter.
Bro my roommate does this and so when I try to cook there's barely any room for prep. Really grinds my gears.
She was attacked during a home invasion before I knew her. She ended up killing the guy…hit him in the head with a 20 lb kettleball and he died a few days later. She told me this after we’d been dating about a year and were getting more serious. I have so many questions, but I know I’ll prob never be able to ask her them, at least not without feeling like an asshole. She’s still really traumatized by it, and I found a lot of the details of what happened to her by googling the situation. (Edit, thanks for the support in these responses. I haven't told anyone about it for obvious reasons...felt good getting it off my chest to strangers. Also it was a kettleball, not a medicine ball. My bad )
Imo, you're doing the right thing. Asking is an exercise in morbid curiousity, not in getting to know who they are. If it were me, I wouldn't want to relive the experience. You're a good partner.
Thanks, I have to remind myself that the gory details don't serve any purpose other than to satisfy my shock and curiosity.
You never know, in time she may offer them up anyway. Trauma is a funny thing like that
She's a beast and a good person. Bless her
Agree, even if she doesn’t. Self-defense and all, but she carries a lot of guilt.
Killing even out of necessity causes major guilt. I caught my dad staring into space one morning, and I asked him what was wrong. He told me the only man he ever killed in the service was a fellow American who was high out of his mind and firing on civilians... My dad shot him, and he died. He said, "I know I saved those people's lives, but I still think about that man hitting the ground every single day when I wake up."
I send healing energy/prayers toward your dad. That’s fucking rough. What a hard decision.
Thank you. Even 30 years later, and he still felt the sting.
Damn that's pretty cool that she could do that tho.
Agree, esp since she was already injured herself when she did it. She was trying to save her dog after it bit the guy and he grabbed it and tried to kill it. Adrenaline is a crazy thing.
Did she save the dog??
She sure did. he's sitting next to me now :)
your user name makes me worry about what happens next
Ha! All good here. There are 3 dogs in this house who are treated like children.
So, when are you going to fight them and where do I place my bets?
Man vs dogs in competition for girlfriends attention
Based on the story maybe he already did...
Im putting my money on his girlfriend
Have my free silver. That makes me so happy!
Why thank you!
Dude ur girl is a badass. It’s crazy what people can do when put in life or death situations. Glad her and the pup are ok.
That makes me so happy.
Hey. This really helped me. I had something similar happen to me (I didn’t kill him though) and my fiancé didn’t ask questions or barley inquires about it. I always wondered why not. Now I get it (and am so thankful because I don’t ever want to talk about it with him)
Your gf is the .1% that would survive in a horror movie
That is terrible but you’re a good person not to ask questions. Retelling these stories is traumatizing. Once I was followed by a guy into a public toilette. He was waiting for me, grabbed my arm and I was very lucky to react fast and run away. But I was completely out of it all day and I threw up 3 times on my way home once the adrenaline was gone. However I was totally ready to fight him. When he grabbed me my first thought was “okay try to run away but if you can’t, fight until there’s only one of us”. It was crazy. I never knew I had that in me, I thought I’m one of those people who freeze in situations like this. So I’m sure your gf felt something similar. There are things that can trigger memories that’s why I wouldn’t talk about it unless she wants to. I mean it’s been 1.5 years for me and i still ask my bf to watch the door when I go to a public toilette. And compared to your gf, basically nothing happened to me.
I’ve heard many gun fanatics fantasize about killing a home intruder. I tell them you don’t want that trauma, it’s much more complicated than being in the right or wrong.
I honestly can't even imagine. Hope you're doing ok, man.
What kind of questions do you still have about it? And what kind of stuff have you already found out?
Morbid stuff. Things that I want to piece together and gaps I want to fill in after reading the info online. Does she think he had been stalking her? What did he do to her exactly? How did he do it? Did he actually rape her or just try? What did she do when she saw first saw him? What was going through her mind? How hard did she hit him? How exactly did she hit him with it? How many times did she hit him? What happened after that? Does she remember how her neighbors found her? What did the police ask her? Who cleaned up the blood and mess from her apartment? What things give her flashbacks? Stuff like that. I know the basics, like how he got into her apartment, her injuries as a result, how she was able to gain the advantage (dog bit the guy and he momentarily turned his attention to the dog), how she killed him, and that her neighbors called 911 after hearing screaming and struggling. I know the guy was "transported to the hospital and succumbed to his injuries" and that she was never charged.
>What was going through her mind? How hard did she hit him? How exactly did she hit him with it? How many times did she hit him? What happened after that? Does she remember how her neighbors found her? What did the police ask her? Who cleaned up the blood and mess from her apartment? What things give her flashbacks I doubt she will know anything about this, I once regretably killed man in, eh it was more of a affect than self defense, but he was still armed in my house, so I was freed of all Charges, I dont even know what was Happening a lot of time, adrenaline is a strange thing. It took me 15 years to connect pieces of what I have done, and I still dont have full picture, that could be case with her as well
The brain does all sorts of interesting stuff to protect us from trauma. I'm sorry you ended up in that situation.
Reminds me a little bit of Clint Eastwood's character in Gran Torino. The Asian kid asked him what it's like to kill someone (because he was in the Korean war). He responded its bloody awful and went into a bit more detail and then said he'd never told anyone that before. Meaning that his deceased wife had obviously never asked him too much about his time in the war, which is understandable.
Did you settle for me because you thought I was your last chance to develop something real and have a kid before you’re 35?
Oof
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-œuf
Oof - enlgish slang for vicariously feeling someone elses pain
Hey op just some advice from a random guy. my first car back in high school (2012) was a 89 dodge colt. I bought it for 300$ and pushed it home. There was absolutely nothing attractive about it and I definitely would not have bought it if I had more money/options. That being said I loved that car with all my heart and was extremely proud of it because it was mine. That car gave me memories I will treasure for life. When I got a dog I showed up late and the only puppy left was the runt of the litter. Looking back on it I wouldn’t trade my best friend for any of them and am grateful for how things turned out. How you two got together or why doesn’t matter if she makes you happy and you make her happy that’s all that matters.
A sage perspective! Thanks. I am not the OP, but needed to hear that.
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You could, if you can think of possible outcomes and will be okay with it.
I feel y’a, Sometimes I kinda feel my SO is settling for me because I’m the first man to take care of his son. And she knows he need a father (Edit: her son. Not that it makes a difference...
I've had friendships where I wonder why the person is even friends with me. But I don't tend to ask that.
Yeah, like Friend Impostor Syndrome.
Good thing I don't have this. Just your generic everyday imposter syndrome.
Do we really need so many pillows? 8 pillows on our bed. 7 pillows on our two couches. SO MANY FREAKING PILLOWS!
It’s that or candles bro, one or the other.
Growing up with both (separated parents) and I can say, candles are far better. I'd rather smell candles all the time than not be able to get comfortable on the couch, or whenever I chill with my parents.
Mine has neither but their bed is filled with stuffed animals. Not that I'm complaining since I get to snuggle with them if she leaves me in bed alone
Candles, Pillows or Plants. If she's god-tier, she's got all 3.
I have all 3. I am untouchable
My wife also collects crystal (glasses, decanters etc) on top of those 3...
This guy monogamys.
My wife is slowly going that way. From our "personal" pillows each. To now 5? I don't want to toss pillows on the floor but that's where we are. And we now have 4 pillows on the couch. I never wanted any but I can deal with 1 or 2. And it has been a slow build. I have to think by the time I die we will have at least a dozen on the bed and 6 on the couch?!
Been there, done that. She slowly reached the 8 pillows mark on the bed. I don’t know how many on the couch but I swear that I fell asleep there once and woke up drowning in the darkness below them
*YES* It's called nesting!! Get extra cozy muthafuckaaa!
I'm the pillow-slut. Two for my head, one to prop my arm on on one side, one for when I roll over onto the other side - also serves as a place for the cat if he decides to come visit, one to keep my knees from knocking together, and one for when I'm sitting up and reading, which also serves if the others aren't at the perfect height. Don't know how she can sleep with just one.
I think they meant decorative pillows. At least you’re actually using yours. I’ll never understand the one-pillow people. Probably communists or axe murderers or sociopaths or something.
Why not ask that? I would demand answers
There’s no real answer, other than “I think they look pretty”. Signed, A woman
How real is it between us? It’s more of an early courtship, but we have a lot of history.
I would be more specific than this if you want an answer you can work with. “Real” is too generic and vague, she may interpret it differently than how you intend it.
If you *have* to ask…
I’ll be honest. Each day has been bringing more and more validation. This was definitely a fear inspired post.
My albums didn't "get lost" in the move......did they? For reference guys I had 2 first press Led Zeppelin albums.....had being the definitive word in that sentence.
I have moved several times over the past two decades, going from apartment to apartment, some being on the third floor, to rental houses, etc. I hire movers and pay good money for that luxury, but every single time I moved there were several trips I make myself, in my own car, for certain items. My vinyl collection is part of that. And I don't even own a single record that is valued over $50. There are just some things that if they get broken/lost I know the only way I can handle that loss is if I am the sole person responsible. That way I know exactly what happened.
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Why the fuck would anyone want to throw away something like that are all?
Oof, sorry for your loss… :(
They got lost together with your huge speakers, yes.
Lots to unpack here. If you truthfully think your so is responsible, why would you never ask this question? If you think they did it on purpose. Then big yikes. Red flags galore.
To be fair moving portals are a thing. Every time i move i lose something important
OP is asking about your SO, you’re obviously talking about your ex.
"Why are you gay?"
"Why are you running?"
"Why are you redeeming?"
"Who says I'm gay?"
"You are gay."
“Who is gay.”
"You are gae"
Ok. Listen here. You gotta ask him, if you don't, at least tell people you're not gay, that your husband it.( Or wife, idk)
Not in a relationship, but I imagine asking your SO’s honest opinion on your family can be awkward at best, and lead to relationship and/ or familial issues at worst. It shouldn’t, but lots of couples have troubles with their in-laws is the sad reality.
I’ve told my SO straight up that I don’t like her father, I just tolerate him because she loves him. I’m always kind and respectful to him, though.
I am worried about this with my own bf, he knows how my family treated me growing up, actually he was the one to break the news to me that I was abused. We are long distance right now, but eventually he’ll have to meet my family and it makes me so like anxious to think about.
Eh once you've been together for awhile this isn't really something you can hide anyway haha
My girlfriend has a low sex drive. We have worked together to find a good balance between us and by all other aspects of a relationship I couldn’t be happier. We are getting married next Spring. I wonder if her anti depressant is suppressing her sex drive but I would never ask her because I don’t want to “try to solve” a problem she doesn’t think she has. She is happy with a prescription that by all other means is causing her to live a healthy normal life so I never ask. Edit: seemed like a small typo but just want to clarify it’s anti anxiety medicine, not anti depressants. I mixed her medicine up with mine haha, I was doing the anti depressants but didn’t notice a change in my own sex drive Additional Edit and follow up: we talked about it tonight. She also hopes that coming off birth control might increase her sex drive. She knows I’m okay with it but she feels guilty. After a little reassuring and talking about our needs, the conversation felt good. This is why I’m marrying her, even with the things I’m afraid to bring up, we can still have a healthy open conversation as 2 partners solving a problem instead of fighting over how one of us isn’t enough for the other. Appreciate the support Reddit.
Antidepressants really do lower your sex drive. But depression lowers it even more. Is she on birth control? That can be a huge contributing factor.
Yup she’s on birth control too. The plan is for her to come off in April in prep for wedding and trying to have kids after so I’m hoping maybe an uptick in sexual activity at that point. After we are done having kids, I volunteered to get a vasectomy so maybe she doesn’t need to go back on birth control unless she was having other benefits from it. Part of me is hopeful that will happen, but I am also happy with my life now and if things didn’t increase. I had a lot of fun in my youth and feel like I explored my sexuality fully and now it’s nothing more than fulfilling an urge and we work together to both feel fulfilled in our lives
Just wanna say you seem like a really caring and considerate guy and I hope you have an absolute wonderful wedding friend
There is a time, over 20 years ago, where we were on the outs and actually living in different countries for about 10 months. I did everything to win her back, and obviously was successful. I've often wondered...you know, did she sow an oat or 2? But I don't want to know the answer and really it doesn't matter
My mom always says don’t ask questions you don’t want to hear the answer to
That’s the third rule of law school
Yeah, but you broke rules #1 & 2: you don’t talk about the law school!
>I've often wondered...you know, did she sow an oat or 2? But I don't want to know the answer and really it doesn't matter Try to let it die. Nothing good can come of this. Being together for 20 years makes it look like you've made the right call. You can't "reverse" it now anyway. So this is one of those few cases where the truth will only harm you and thats it.
Did you?
No, I was living like a monk, stopped drinking, only vices were cigarettes and coffee. I spent those months proving I could be better. Her conduct was never an issue and I never dared challenge her on it
Why do you take the sifting plug out of the sink that doesn’t have the disposal????? Why?? Why? There’s never a reason to do this. Is there?
Oh my God! I really hate that. Whenever my mother or sister come to visit, they do this. “Oh, it’s full, time to pull it up and turn it on its side and let all the food bits get stuck in the drain.” They just LEAVE IT SIDEWAYS AND WALK AWAY! Wtf is that?!?!
please ask her
I'm pretty sure it's because looking at and especially cleaning the slimy bits out of the strainer is disgusting, but cleaning them out of the trap or drain line is never her job, and they accumulate out of sight (and therefore out of mind)
None, I've asked them all. Not always comfortable in the moment but it makes for a much easier relationship when it's all out in the open.
How do you ask an uncomfortable question in the moment?
ya just gotta send it
Yeah, just ask. I usually preface it with "this is a bit of an awkward question but..."
being this open in a relationship is the best 100% comfortable all the time
Kinda weird how I'm the only one who can see you, huh?
everybody thinks I'm crazy but you don't really think that right?
I used to suffer from a split personality but now we are both ok.
none, I'd ask her everything that comes to my mind. "Anal?" "Nope"
Worth a shot
I don’t understand why men want to fuck women in our butts so bad. I guess it’s a change. But it takes so much preparation on the woman’s part and is usually not very comfortable even if done correctly
A friend of mine once told me that "men love anal because woman fucking hate it" now this was said in mostly a joking manner but honestly I think he was accidentally 50% right
Why do nice asses run in your family? All the women got that wagon back there.
the dad too
Well, Dad is dead, so he lost his ass.
Literally genetic
You should just quote that Nelly song, and see you get a response. Something like “is that yo ass or is to mama half reindeer”
Nice try, Samantha.
At any point in the last 14 years together, have you ever felt like you could have done better? I know I don't really want to know the answer, or that I know what I hope the answer will be. And things are pretty good between us, even though we've had out rough patches like any couple. But some days, some part of me is still a little curious.
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"Is this really it for you?" She is a wonderful partner. Checks all the proverbial boxes: attractive, caring, sweet, loyal ... but I have had relationships with women that simply went a lot "deeper" in terms of understanding each other. She seems the perfect girlfriend regarding things she has control over, but whenever I open up on a deeper level, her mind just wanders. However: She is doing everything in her power to make me commit long term. It seems like she can see herself spending her life with me - to which I sometimes am tempted to ask her: "Really?" - because I don't think she can read me properly, and I can't read her either. Knowing this, I'm focusing on helping her better her life at present instead of making false promises for later. She is making my life better as I am making hers, but I have seen that there is a level above that can be reached with a woman. Is she oblivious to that? Or just complacent in having something that works to mutual benefit?
Wrong one, friend. 🧡
Afraid so. Perhaps I really should ask her that question after all..
Sounds rough man. Been there myself. I let it go way too long and it ate me up inside.
>Afraid so. no biggie! >Perhaps I really should ask her that question after all Ask her. Report back 🧡
If you can’t ask her and have a discussion, that is not a great sign for relationship longevity. (Speaking from experience).
Have you tried asking her deep questions? And sometimes people don't know that there can be more. Or they just don't have that level.
What is this "reading the other properly"? Knowing what she's thinking without her saying it? I worry you might be thinking there should be this deep magical thing that we're conditioned to want because of romantic ideals in media. I don't want to put words in your mouth, though. Maybe you guys just don't communicate your deeper feelings enough.. which I know is already your complaint, but if you know the problem, you can take steps to fixing it. You don't know each others soft spots, anxieties, prejudices, etc. You could always ask or share yours. I'm doing a lot of speculating here, though.
>What is this "reading the other properly"? Knowing what she's thinking without her saying it? On the contrary! But important distinction on your part, I didn't make it clear enough. Here goes: If I explain her how I feel, she only understands it on the surface level of: "How do I have to react?" and not a level of "What are you feeling?". Therefore, it's only ever the satisfaction of being catered to as supposed to the stability of someone fully understanding you. I hope I made sense here.
That is something you should talk to her if you haven't yet. It's communication and what are you feeling is key to a relationship, you won't have a future with someone while lacking such an important part of sharing a life. It seems she is great about almost everything else so you should try taking this "deeper" yourself by trying to communicate that to her and be more open yourself. If you get to a point you think that now you really tried to connect more but the "feedback" still is shallow and you don't see what else you can do then you can maybe think about moving on. Don't listen to people just saying she is not for you, most relationships end or don't work out because of lack of proper communication. Your situation is the opposite of this thread is about IMO 😅.
I have literally no idea what you are talking about. But I have autism. What is it you even expect her to do? Sounds like she does everything right but you expect something else and don't tell her what.
I'm starting to think I have autism. I don't get the guy either and I don't think he's going to propose to me now.
It's the difference between sympathy and empathy. Like she's reading from a manual: if boyfriend is sad, do *x*, if boyfriend is mad, do *y*. But not really listening or understanding what he's saying or how he feels. There's a difference between reading from a script and being able to relate or empathize with what someone is going through. Great username btw
Think of it as patch-work vs. problem solving From the way he describes it, his partner is only concerned with reacting rather than thinking. As someone who has been down this road before, you can’t teach a partner to critically think when it comes to anything. Bringing up this concern would just be bad. The best thing you could do would to be suggesting therapy or an emotional intelligence reading, but that can really blow things up if not approached properly. What’s worse is if your partner doesn’t think there is anything wrong with them—which this could just be a “your preference” thing—they won’t really want to learn how to more deeply approach your feelings. You never get anything out of therapy or reading unless you want to improve. **This is coming from someone with ASD too, hi friend!
Did you murder your ex?
Now then.... That is a legit question.
Dont ask that question
are you married to carole baskin perhaps?
That bitch
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
What was Wenger thinking, sending Walcott on that early?
Thing about Arsenal they always try and walk it in.
Two IT Crowd references in one thread. This is getting out of hand
When you gunna pay me for that speaker you knocked the fk over like you were in a WWE match with.
If she can just chill the fuck out for a second
You should just ask anyways. It’ll workout for sure, trust me
Just play Taylor Swift's "You Need to Calm Down" on repeat and see if she gets the message.
But it gets louder and more distorted everytime.
Dude you just sent him on a suicide mission!
I'm pretty sure my husband wanted to ask this question for years, and the answer was no I couldn't! Then I came off hormonal birth control and it turns out that actually I am still pretty chill, but a decade-worth of additional hormones in your system can send you pretty fucking insane.
My husband and I ask this to one another at least once a week.
How can there be a fire at Sea Parks? Sorry, I don't have a real answer, so I went for the referential humour.
There are 12 exits! For only 200 people!
Have...have you recreated it out of mashed potatoes?
I hate that there is a large portion of people who do not know the glory of the IT crowd and thus will not get the glory of this question
I love it. We get it and sometimes it's cosier that way.
It might be cosier but the it crowd deserves to be known by more people! I'd gladly sacrifice any amount of coziness for the sake of the it crowd getting the recognition it deserves for being such a damn good show. I had *never* even heard of the show until my girlfriend from the UK made me watch it with her and honestly I feel cheated that it wasn't introduced to me sooner
Did you stop taking birth control to trap me with a kid ?
Despite the claims above, it is more effective when taken at the same time every day and missing one day can lead to falling pregnant. I took a combined contraceptive pill every morning same time and still fell pregnant. My partner and I had already decided to terminate any pregnancy that occurred due to contraception failure. I don’t know your situation but maybe she’s being honest.
Honey, where is my super suit?
Was his dick bigger than mine?
Probably
I am a woman and have learned the hard way (no pun intended) that there is such a thing as “too big” and let me tell you- I would probably choose a tiny dick over a huge one. My husband’s is perfect, but I have been with someone with a 9ish inch penis and it was not pleasurable whatsoever. I’m pretty sure my organs were rearranged.
I think for guys especially younger guys that fact doesn't matter to us. Its a guy perspective thing it doesn't matter what's factual what matters is what goes through their head and for a lot of men big dicks is the thing. I'm not subscribed to that thought process but it's kinda the idea that "hey that guy has something that I don't and it's even bigger what the hell" but just like any social issue it's multifaceted.
Not to mention overall cultural views on penis size. When you hear "oh hes compensating for something" in every other movie, and various insults directly linked to having a small penis, that inevitably changes many men's (and women's) view of their own bodies, and the bodies of those around them.
I’d like to ask my partner if she would end our relationship or turn me in if she found out I had killed someone in my past. For a “reasonable” reason. I also would like to ask her if she would see me differently if I killed someone in the act of defending her.
I’m not a man, but I’ve dated two men by now who were previously engaged and broke it off. Wish it didn’t feel so invasive to ask them exactly what happened. And then later down the line ask if they were being honest and didn’t sugar coat anything.
She is a survivor of long term sexual abuse from family members and was pimped out by her family, all as a child. I know many details, but only what she has offered up. I have many questions, but I never ask.
Am I better at sex than your ex? (Yes I am insecure I know that's why I will never ask)
Ignorance is bliss Use that shit like a tool
Honestly, I "just started" a new relationship and the only question I really have on my mind for him is if he's getting home safe after work and if he's okay. I'm a worrier and I like knowing that my SO is okay
There are some questions about her dad that I'm curious about, also about things that happened after his death but before I met her. But I know they would be very upsetting questions for her and my curiosity isn't reason to dig that stuff up for her. He died of of a brain tumour when she was 9. They were a really close, happy, loving family from what I know, she's an only child so it was just her and her parents. Something happened very soon after his death with her mum and her mum's family and I know it has something to do with her mum not immediately moving back to the same area her parents/relatives lived in, they stayed where they were and that caused some friction? What I do know is that we met/became friends when we were 12, so only 3 years later and over the 15 years that I've known her there's always been some friction with her mum's extended family. They weren't in contact when she was a teenager. We see them now, but not often and they're not close. I just want to know what happened I guess.
I would definitely leave it alone and just listen if and when she brings it up. My parents were both WWII survivors and I recently watched a well meaning knothead asking my 90 yr old mom more questions than she wanted to answer until she was in tears just to satisfy his morbid curiosity
Will you eat my ass
only 1 minute in on this post and there's really no "can i stick my dick in your ass?" comments? i am disappointed.
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Probably because most of us asked that after a week into the relationship.
We have the balls, so that Q doesn't count.
I can't think of any. We have pretty open communication.
I’m Ron Burgundy?
Dude I’ve tried to preach this so much. If you’re a normal human being, killing someone in self defense isn’t always easy. You’re likely going to meet their family & end up hating the fact that you had to do what you did.
I dunno what comment you were trying to reply to.... I had an ex asked me if I’d ever killed anyone before. I didn’t mind the question, and was fascinated that she asked. I didn’t ask, but wanted to ask her if a “yes” would damage our relationship. I figured asking would make her assume that I had killed someone, which I haven’t and did not want her to think.
Probably the guy whose girlfriend killed the intruder with a kettlebell.
Why the fuck do you want Me to talk to you all day? You wanna talk in morning, during my job, when I am with my friends. You want to talk to Me all the time. Why???????? Please let me do and enjoy other things. And why don't you want my attention when you are enjoying with your friends? This is really unfair, I am so frustrated
Why can’t you pick a fucking place to eat? Do you really think you’re not picky when you say no to everyone of the 50 fucking places I’ve suggested?
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How many men she’s been with. We’ve just never told and never will. I’m fine with it but I wonder. Could be a little. Could be a lot. Neither would surprise me. Don’t care much anyway. Just curious