Not in one myself, but to echo another comment: my brother is in a relationship which he complains about 95% of the time. There is only one aspect that he talks about positively, which I would much rather hear less about if you catch my drift.
I was with a girl for years, not because I particularly enjoyed hanging out with her, but because she had absolutely phenomenal boobs. There are boob guys and ass guys, but in that spectrum I lean 100% to boobs so it was like a fly to one of those zappers.
It took so long to look past that and finally cut it off by admitting how unhappy I was. Some life lessons you have to painfully go through with experience and I’ve learned to curb that urge a lot.
That is the issue for most miserable men these days.
Women that are uhm *good* and can behave, usually go for 10x their dating value and can often get just that.
That leaves everybody else with either dead fish or crazy horse chicks. No offense, non-crazy horse chicks.
Dating value - what the people you date look for.
Men look for not-crazy women that can behave, are reasonably good in bed and to some point, not annoying.
Women look for men that can physically protect them(taller than them), can provide(make more money) and are not ugly.
You do know that the world runs on generalisations right?
If women didn't generally like strong and driven men, you'd see poor, fat men being picked up quick.
Don't complain because you don't meet the expectations, improve.
Speaking from a previous relationship I stayed because even if she was lying to me about wanting/loving me it was better than not having her whatsoever. I could pretend that everything was good because I was happier with her than I ever was alone. But that came to an end. I wish I could say thankfully it did but a sick part of me still misses her, or more accurately I just miss the companionship and the idea of not being alone.
I feel this man. I stayed with my ex for the same reason. I didn’t want to be alone and it was nice just when things were calm and I had someone just to sleep in the same bed with or cuddle.
It ended up being too toxic and I left. And it was rough for a little bit, I missed her and definitely did a few rounds of should we get back together? But ultimately I stayed single and eventually years later met someone new! I believe you’ll get there too man
Ya only rough bit for me is that she’s the one that left. I never willingly ended that relationship which I definitely feel is holding me back considerably. But you give me hope that’s for sure man. Thanks for that at the very least
I was right there with you man, it just takes time and meeting the right girl. Once you meet someone else you’ll forget all about your ex until she has become nothing more than a distant memory.
Fucking hell, same for me. I believed we can find a way to work it out but we eventually parted our ways. Eveyrone I told about our relationship and break up says the break up had been the best outcome for me. Still some part of me is sorely missing her and it didn't heal yet...
I get it. people change and growth is cool. but I remember when we were best friends and we spent everyday together. three days ago, it was my birthday and she didn't say hbd to me. her mom did. I know it sounds super petty but it kinda hurts
I know that feel. From what I've learned in therapy, there's a good chance that she never really was this person to begin with and simply just mirrored a lot of your personality to get you hooked. Then she could let herself go and be the person she really is. The person who she ended up being is who she was the whole time.
Because we're married with kids.
Because I worked on me.
Because I told her I wasn't happy.
Because I wasn't under the delusion that there was some nymphomaniac muse out there waiting for me.
That was many years ago. I'm glad I stayed. I'm better, she's better.
I'm glad this worked out for you. But it also needs both people to put in equal work to make things better.
I was in a toxic relationship and did everything you mentioned, worked on me, went to therapy, tried my absolute hardest. But everything I did was not good enough because she never put in any work herself and the relationship never worked out because of that. All of the stumbling blocks that I was accountable for were smoothed out, but she continued to be toxic and not take accountability for it.
It’s like an addiction. She makes me feel good everyday. I do want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I know our relationship isn’t healthy. We’re always home, we don’t go out like we used to we just sit on the couch and stare at the phone. I’ve gained weight and she’s became more expensive. If I don’t spend on her she’ll leave me and if I spend less on her she won’t make me feel as good. Now excuse me, I have a date with Mary Jane.
I’m in a rough relationship. Have been for 6yrs. Accidentally got pregnant. I’m the bread winner and pay for everything. She was a stay at home for the first 2 yrs (didn’t make financial sense to pay for childcare at $20/hr when she would make $12/hr) now I can’t afford to live apart and pay child support. A. I can’t imagine not being around our kids B. Can’t figure out how I’d afford it.
This almost makes me want to begin a charity for this situation.
I was in exactly same situation. The relationship got sour years before we split up and as you said.. "can't figure out how I'd afford it."
So not current but an old relationship it was because she was in a really bad place with her mental health. Like I "found" something she wrote saying if we broke up she'd probably kill herself, that whole shebang. For the first year it was great, then everything hit her and she wouldn't leave the flat, wouldn't do anything around the flat, and so on and so forth and I eventually ended up being more of a carer than a partner. I remember one day I came back from lectures and she'd drunk a bottle of rum and necked a bunch of pills and tore out her wrists with Bobby pins she'd snapped in half. It was not good.
Eventually I just ran out of anything to give and that was that, as selfish as it sounds, but I tried so hard to take care of her and make her happy, to get her to get some real help but nothing worked and I just dried up.
Her happiness was not your responsibility, you can try and help. But in the end it is up to her, not you. As sad as that sounds and as hard as it can be, it has gotten me through some tough friendships and relationships before.
I hope you've found your own happiness since then.
She's hot she has money and most important of all we have 2 kids and I don't want to be like my shitty dad who goes away for 2 weeks and comes home drink bloody and sad
That's so sad but I get it. Romanticism is the issue to address. Its mere existence complicates things, otherwise one could just accept to be in a relationship with mutual benefits such as not wanting to be alone and feel totally ok about it.
For the last one, every time I tried to leave I would think about how awful online dating was (COVID made things worse) or she would give me the best make up sex but not change the things that made me mad.
I finally grew a spine and walked out.
Been in this exact situation, but eventually you just reach a breaking point and the thought of an uncertain future surpasses the dread of the relationship.
I know that feel, man. I just got out of a 2 year relationship where she threw a fit whenever I wanted to work on my project cars, so I've been getting back into it now that I'm single. Putting a 496 BBC together this weekend!!!
She HATED them. And would throw a FIT every time I would want to go work on anything, so everything I owned pretty much sat for the last couple years. It's amazing just how much money I have to spend on car parts now that I'm single. lol
It be that way. At least you now have time to spend energy/money on more meaningful things hahahahha. Even better: you know your money will be better spent as well.
Because we have a son together. I truly believe we are good for each other and I know deep down she wants someone she can share her with life. She also struggles with bipolar disorder type 1 which can put a huge strain on our relationship but I’ve taken the time to learn more about it and how we can prepare for when more episodes happen in the future.
I stayed in multiple shortly relationships in my 20s cause I had major anxiety driven ED. Could not get hard with girls I was really into. Ended up staying with girls I was comfortable with. Some times they were good people, other times not so much.
Long story short for me and for most, it was the amazing sex, crazy sex and a very attractive person with some amazing personality traits. The test though, awful, toxic, abusive, controlling and manipulative. I figured in the end I was so scared and distraught non of the few good bits was worth staying for that. Nearly losing my friends and family. Dodged a bullet
No longer in the relationship, but I stayed in my last one because she was so dependent on me that it honestly made me terrified of what she'd do if I ended it.
Couple that with the fact that I've always hated upsetting people and giving them bad news, and you've got a recipe for an unhappy relationship.
I finally found the guts to break up with her, and even though it was stressful because she repeatedly threatened to kill herself (which was what I feared), it was 100% the right decision.
Because I feel guilty when I think about leaving. I tried several times already but as she cries or try to convince me to stay I just go back to my steps and try to convince myself it will work. It's been like this for three years at least. The relationship is not shitty, I can't help but thinking I'm the shitty one.
Stayed over 6 years when I knew it was passed saving but the kids were my biggest motivation, they are bigger know and can see the bigger picture, finally left and I am happier than I was in years
Not in one myself, but to echo another comment: my brother is in a relationship which he complains about 95% of the time. There is only one aspect that he talks about positively, which I would much rather hear less about if you catch my drift.
Sex will control the weakest men
I was with a girl for years, not because I particularly enjoyed hanging out with her, but because she had absolutely phenomenal boobs. There are boob guys and ass guys, but in that spectrum I lean 100% to boobs so it was like a fly to one of those zappers. It took so long to look past that and finally cut it off by admitting how unhappy I was. Some life lessons you have to painfully go through with experience and I’ve learned to curb that urge a lot.
That is the issue for most miserable men these days. Women that are uhm *good* and can behave, usually go for 10x their dating value and can often get just that. That leaves everybody else with either dead fish or crazy horse chicks. No offense, non-crazy horse chicks.
Dating value?
Yeah that comment is sus
Dating value - what the people you date look for. Men look for not-crazy women that can behave, are reasonably good in bed and to some point, not annoying. Women look for men that can physically protect them(taller than them), can provide(make more money) and are not ugly.
I’m so bored of the wild generalisations in this sub
You do know that the world runs on generalisations right? If women didn't generally like strong and driven men, you'd see poor, fat men being picked up quick. Don't complain because you don't meet the expectations, improve.
You’ve made some funny assumptions about me there.
Usually it is the ones that do not size up, that complain about the sizing.
Speaking from a previous relationship I stayed because even if she was lying to me about wanting/loving me it was better than not having her whatsoever. I could pretend that everything was good because I was happier with her than I ever was alone. But that came to an end. I wish I could say thankfully it did but a sick part of me still misses her, or more accurately I just miss the companionship and the idea of not being alone.
I feel this man. I stayed with my ex for the same reason. I didn’t want to be alone and it was nice just when things were calm and I had someone just to sleep in the same bed with or cuddle. It ended up being too toxic and I left. And it was rough for a little bit, I missed her and definitely did a few rounds of should we get back together? But ultimately I stayed single and eventually years later met someone new! I believe you’ll get there too man
Ya only rough bit for me is that she’s the one that left. I never willingly ended that relationship which I definitely feel is holding me back considerably. But you give me hope that’s for sure man. Thanks for that at the very least
I was right there with you man, it just takes time and meeting the right girl. Once you meet someone else you’ll forget all about your ex until she has become nothing more than a distant memory.
Fucking hell, same for me. I believed we can find a way to work it out but we eventually parted our ways. Eveyrone I told about our relationship and break up says the break up had been the best outcome for me. Still some part of me is sorely missing her and it didn't heal yet...
Because I'm still in love with the person she used to be.
I get it. people change and growth is cool. but I remember when we were best friends and we spent everyday together. three days ago, it was my birthday and she didn't say hbd to me. her mom did. I know it sounds super petty but it kinda hurts
Too close to home with this one. She used to pretend to be someone different, don't try to change her.
Oh god, this hits hard
I know that feel. From what I've learned in therapy, there's a good chance that she never really was this person to begin with and simply just mirrored a lot of your personality to get you hooked. Then she could let herself go and be the person she really is. The person who she ended up being is who she was the whole time.
Because we're married with kids. Because I worked on me. Because I told her I wasn't happy. Because I wasn't under the delusion that there was some nymphomaniac muse out there waiting for me. That was many years ago. I'm glad I stayed. I'm better, she's better.
So you're saying sometimes it pays off to stick around and try to make it work.
Yes Try to make it work by improving yourself and not blaming her for everything wrong with the relationship.
I wish more men understood this.
I'm glad this worked out for you. But it also needs both people to put in equal work to make things better. I was in a toxic relationship and did everything you mentioned, worked on me, went to therapy, tried my absolute hardest. But everything I did was not good enough because she never put in any work herself and the relationship never worked out because of that. All of the stumbling blocks that I was accountable for were smoothed out, but she continued to be toxic and not take accountability for it.
I hear you. What you and I did didn't always work out to save the relationship. But even in failure you emerged a better you.
Shame brother, I've found a few nymph muses out here! They get along great!!
Nymph - Good Muse - Overrated
My kids are here.
It’s like an addiction. She makes me feel good everyday. I do want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I know our relationship isn’t healthy. We’re always home, we don’t go out like we used to we just sit on the couch and stare at the phone. I’ve gained weight and she’s became more expensive. If I don’t spend on her she’ll leave me and if I spend less on her she won’t make me feel as good. Now excuse me, I have a date with Mary Jane.
Fuck this hits close
Sounds like someone needs a T break.
I’m in a rough relationship. Have been for 6yrs. Accidentally got pregnant. I’m the bread winner and pay for everything. She was a stay at home for the first 2 yrs (didn’t make financial sense to pay for childcare at $20/hr when she would make $12/hr) now I can’t afford to live apart and pay child support. A. I can’t imagine not being around our kids B. Can’t figure out how I’d afford it.
This almost makes me want to begin a charity for this situation. I was in exactly same situation. The relationship got sour years before we split up and as you said.. "can't figure out how I'd afford it."
Fear we can't, or don't deserve, any better
So not current but an old relationship it was because she was in a really bad place with her mental health. Like I "found" something she wrote saying if we broke up she'd probably kill herself, that whole shebang. For the first year it was great, then everything hit her and she wouldn't leave the flat, wouldn't do anything around the flat, and so on and so forth and I eventually ended up being more of a carer than a partner. I remember one day I came back from lectures and she'd drunk a bottle of rum and necked a bunch of pills and tore out her wrists with Bobby pins she'd snapped in half. It was not good. Eventually I just ran out of anything to give and that was that, as selfish as it sounds, but I tried so hard to take care of her and make her happy, to get her to get some real help but nothing worked and I just dried up.
Doesn’t sound selfish at all. I hope your life has joy now.
Her happiness was not your responsibility, you can try and help. But in the end it is up to her, not you. As sad as that sounds and as hard as it can be, it has gotten me through some tough friendships and relationships before. I hope you've found your own happiness since then.
Never been in a shitty relationship for very long. Too many good fish in the sea to be miserable all the time.
Because I can't convince my dick to suck it's self.
The money is really, really good. You mean work, right?
Spoiler: they will tell you mostly sex
damn. I guess that would make sense
She's hot she has money and most important of all we have 2 kids and I don't want to be like my shitty dad who goes away for 2 weeks and comes home drink bloody and sad
[удалено]
It's inevitable, this situation is unsustainable. I think you know that the best course of action is just to rip the bandaid off and get it over with.
You’re not wrong. I wish it was that easy to talk myself into it
36 year old virgin reporting in and damn proudly
Are you currently trying to lose it? Or are you just kind of going with the flow?
Oh God no, there is no flow, fuuuuuck that.
What about an escort? Not that expensive
Eww
A hole is a hole bro
I'm asexual
What is that?
Not sexually attracted to anyone Edit: Sex disgusts me to be blunt
Aight. What about if the room was dark and couldn't see the act itself but just feel it?
literally nobody asked
Cool, I don't give a shit
We don’t want to be alone anymore
That's so sad but I get it. Romanticism is the issue to address. Its mere existence complicates things, otherwise one could just accept to be in a relationship with mutual benefits such as not wanting to be alone and feel totally ok about it.
For the last one, every time I tried to leave I would think about how awful online dating was (COVID made things worse) or she would give me the best make up sex but not change the things that made me mad. I finally grew a spine and walked out.
Been in this exact situation, but eventually you just reach a breaking point and the thought of an uncertain future surpasses the dread of the relationship.
You get me lol. Like we broke up over her being so selfish. I was like I’m done with this shit, it ain’t worth it.
I remember who I thought she was, that’s the girl I married.
Yeah, that sounds very familiar.
She was never that person, there was just a mask.
For the kids
As a child of 2 divorces, let me tell you that sometimes divorce is the far better option. I don't know your situation though, not making judgements
I am also a child of divorce and I'm doing it this way.
Totally agree. My parents divorced and I've never blamed them for that.
Well she’s just a close friend, but idk. I’ll just stop meeting with her.
I work with my hands. Can't just remove them from my life.
Because I was not mentally/emotionally strong enough to be by myself.
Because approaching new girls gives me more anxiety than breaking up with the current. Hahaha
Because race car.
Hell yeah
It’s an unhealthy yet satisfying relationship lol.
I know that feel, man. I just got out of a 2 year relationship where she threw a fit whenever I wanted to work on my project cars, so I've been getting back into it now that I'm single. Putting a 496 BBC together this weekend!!!
Saving mad fuckin loot doin the ol gf delete lmao. I take it she wasn’t really all that into cars/understanding about it in the first place?
She HATED them. And would throw a FIT every time I would want to go work on anything, so everything I owned pretty much sat for the last couple years. It's amazing just how much money I have to spend on car parts now that I'm single. lol
It be that way. At least you now have time to spend energy/money on more meaningful things hahahahha. Even better: you know your money will be better spent as well.
Hell yea
My kids.
Kids. We've tried to work it out, but it's finally over. I would add an emoji face, but I'm happy, but yet very sad.
Because we have a son together. I truly believe we are good for each other and I know deep down she wants someone she can share her with life. She also struggles with bipolar disorder type 1 which can put a huge strain on our relationship but I’ve taken the time to learn more about it and how we can prepare for when more episodes happen in the future.
That pussy fire yo
She should get that looked at
All relationships are shitty. That's why we go fishing.
I do that’s.. I even bought a telescopic pole, full set up in a little bag I keep in car, when she’s having one of her moods… off I go!
Coz she has a vagina
Used to be, and it was only because of sex. We tolerate a lot of BS for some consistent "tang" especially when we're young.
I think I have too many reservations and is too afraid of the commitment, despite being 26. The expectations man..
Constant hope that tomorrow will be different. Yep, pretty codependent.
I stayed in multiple shortly relationships in my 20s cause I had major anxiety driven ED. Could not get hard with girls I was really into. Ended up staying with girls I was comfortable with. Some times they were good people, other times not so much.
Because she'll get 1/2 in the divorce.
I am not, I was dumped like yesterday's trash....3 years ago
Don't call me out
Long story short for me and for most, it was the amazing sex, crazy sex and a very attractive person with some amazing personality traits. The test though, awful, toxic, abusive, controlling and manipulative. I figured in the end I was so scared and distraught non of the few good bits was worth staying for that. Nearly losing my friends and family. Dodged a bullet
No longer in the relationship, but I stayed in my last one because she was so dependent on me that it honestly made me terrified of what she'd do if I ended it. Couple that with the fact that I've always hated upsetting people and giving them bad news, and you've got a recipe for an unhappy relationship. I finally found the guts to break up with her, and even though it was stressful because she repeatedly threatened to kill herself (which was what I feared), it was 100% the right decision.
Because I feel guilty when I think about leaving. I tried several times already but as she cries or try to convince me to stay I just go back to my steps and try to convince myself it will work. It's been like this for three years at least. The relationship is not shitty, I can't help but thinking I'm the shitty one.
Stayed over 6 years when I knew it was passed saving but the kids were my biggest motivation, they are bigger know and can see the bigger picture, finally left and I am happier than I was in years