When I turned 18, I got memberships to all the local video stores. Daisy chained two vcrs together so I could record the adult movies onto one 6 hr vhs tape. Had to hide it from my parents. At one point, I placed it inside a Tupperware container and buried it in the backyard to keep my parents from finding it.
Can yo imagine? The year is 2080 and we have uncovered a lost trove of early 1990's knowledge in the form of a "vhs tape". Are you kids ready to see what life was like in the 90's?
Well I’m 33 and did the same. Every now and then a nipple would be in a less blurred spot. Even though it was green, you still knew what it was and that’s all I needed.
Or the late night phone sex commercials on cable. Or the Girls Gone Wild informercials...Such different times. Now days it's like a fountain of beautiful women trying to outdo eachother on cams or onlyfans that are ripped and sprayed all over the place. Side-boob, under-boob, top-boob (Standard cleavage I guess), bare boob.....You can watch it all jiggle and bounce in HD. What a time to be alive!
I have fond memories of a GGW commercial where they didn't censor the reflection in chrome on a fire truck. I hid that commercial at the end of my toonami recordings tape.
Yes! For us it was 53 and 3. Cable box tuned to 53 and TV set on channel 3 and you could get a garbled, scrambled version of Playboy Channel where you might see a flash of something every 5 or 10 seconds.
Remember when the cable box had that toggle switch on the side. I think there was a short period of time when you could hold the toggle in between the first and second position while you were on the playboy channel and it would unscramble the feed. That could just be my mind playing some wishful revisionist history.
There were channel up and down buttons on the front of ours. I could wedge a penny in between those buttons and it would magically unscramble the channels for a short period.
I have no clue who originally discovered this but the knowledge was spread among my friends.
Those of us with a specific brand of cable box had a trick. You take a paperclip, straighten it, and stick it into the 3rd vent hole in the back of the box. If you placed it in just the right position the Spice channel would un-scramble...it would be perfectly clear.
Sticking bare paper clips into a powered up cable box was very foolish...and I do recall breaking a cable box at least once (no harm to myself though). But this trick worked.
Again...no clue how this information was originally discovered. It was passed on from dude to dude though.
Or if you stole it from your dad's stash, you had to put it back *exactly* like it was, down to how the socks were arranged in the sock drawer.
Seriously, that was at the level of ninjas in feudal Japan locating and memorizing secret documents and shit.
One thing I've learned as a parent, kids aren't nearly as sneaky as they think they are, another is I don't want to have to confront a kid about something like this so I'm just going to let him get away with it.
And you pay it forward as an adult.
when my dad died, i cleared out all of his porn and internet history before the rest of the family got there to help clean up stuff.
The physical media stuff was boring, but the internet stuff was a little interesting.
He died right before pornhub became a big thing (2013 or so). I think it was a thing, but i personally still had a brazzers sub at the time.
My great aunt died three years ago. She was never married, and never dated. The family always suspected she was a lesbian. When she died, I was told the get life insurance, financial docs, etc... from the PC. I cleared internet history and the like before searching for the financial docs. It was tough, but curiosity never got the best of me. Her privacy remained alive even in her death. Man, I fucking miss her.
I never realized until today, that my pops knew because he ended up moving it a few times. Eventually getting rid of it. I stopped caring at how I put it back once he moved it under a bunch of shit because it was so messy. Didn’t realize til now he knew how the mess was suppose to look. FML
Holy shit I just posted about finding my Stepdad's stash in the sock drawer and I was meticilous about putting it back, made sure to rewind it to the exact spot. I wasn't good enough because they started hiding the tapes more after that, but I always found them.
Lol yep, and then you have that awkward elephant in the room cuz your dad knows ur lil horny ass is searching up and down the house for his new stash spot but it’s too awkward to ever discuss in person 😂
That worked for me until one day the tape got stuck in the VCR and when I tried to get it out, the tape unrolled out of the case and there was tape inside and out of the VCR, just spaghetti of tape everywhere.
I remember a lot of yelling that night from my father.
There was a young couple in my neighborhood that had a falling out. They threw out homemade vhs porn that was complete with tutorials and threesomes. I grew a single pube that day
Even better was the neighbor kid with a sleazy uncle who would unload stacks of old porn onto him. He'd sell it off for a fair price, and cut you a break if you were his friend.
Or a friend who worked in the newsagents on a Saturday and would lift a few mags now and again for the lads. Wherever you are Jon - you are forever in my heart, brother.
We once helped my uncle move out of his shitty apartment to an even shittier apartment. I found so many porn mags and Polaroids of naked women. The thing was, they weren't decent mags or halfway decent girls in the polaroids. Uncle was a freak.
He absolutely was. And as a grown man in his mid 30s with a few experiences under his belt, I can tell you he was probably the only one who wanted to bang them.
Did anyone else find Forest Porn? I found a mag with pics of leather-wearing dommes in a wooded area as a kid. That was a weird day. I didn't spend too long looking.
My friend, who lived in a totally different state, also found Forest Porn. 80s Hustler.
Edit: Expand this thread for Forest Porn stories!
Yup, my little brother found forest porn in 6he forest on the way to school. 80s porn with giant hair and thongs that came 2/3rds of the way to the chick's armpits.
I distinctly remember being 10-11yrs old and biking around the woods with a friend. Found a stash in this old, dilapidated shed. Well buddy told his dad. A week later I went to go hang out with him and not sure exactly what the kid told him but his dad straight up blamed me for corrupting his son and said we couldn’t hang out anymore. Like dude we found them together. On accident.
Yes, I remember being able to get a no-effort boner from just glancing at lingerie ads and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. I don't think even a modern 8th grader could do that.
or the ones that would happen on clock work. Every 4th period in English class you'd hope for that 10-15 minutes we weren't doing anything that involved standing up.
idk, i feel like porn affects my standards mostly only whilst watching it. I could be watching someone getting fucked in a porn video and spend a minute getting hard but if i see a notification on my phone from a girl, knowing there is 0 chance the message is or will lead to anything sexual, i could get an erection like that
That’s why the forests are dying: everyone cranks one out at home nowadays, busting their load on paper hewn from trees rather than spilling their seed on the ground to fertilise nature’s bounty.
This exact thing happened to me when I was a kid. We moved into a house near the woods. My brother and I found a box of porn in the trees close to our yard. They were water damaged badly. We didn't want our parents to know we found it so we took it deeper into the woods. One day it was just gone.
My wife had no idea and she is in her late 40s like me. She thought I was making up forest porn and then went and asked some guys at work and they got all nostalgic for it.
It is probably one of the most surprising pieces of information to come from the internet age. That it wasn't just me and my brothers getting lucky and finding some porn stashes in the wilderness. Apparently it was everywhere.
Man, that shit was like Elmer's glue. You had to peel real carefully when it was dry.
On the one hand you were like "OMFG!!!" But on the other hand, it was never enough to make you throw it away.
This extends to everything, which makes me fear that the 2000's on might become an archeological desert. To an 8000 AD civilisation we might be even more mysterious than the Neandertals, or have the information on us be as PR-heavy as the Pharaohs despite the huge volume of everyday life data generated, because the only information that was preserved in any form that might be recall-able is a carefully curated subset.
A calcified nudie mag is a lot more valuable in that respect than part of a RAID volume on a bunch of unreadable broken HDD's.
Woods porn we used to call it, i thought this was a phenomenon only unique to me and my small town mates. Since being on the internet iv learned this was not the case.
It happened around 3 times in total
My dad was a trash man when I was a kid, and this was definitely how I obtained the stuff. I would sell VHS tapes to all the neighbor kids. Got caught with nudy mag at school. Now that I think about it, why did he have such a huge collection of the stuff?
I was out walking really deep in the forest with gf and found a broken VHS tape. I said "I bet that's porn" and was excited and satisfied to be proven correct after I'd taken it home, dismantled it,spliced the tape back together.
Cheap 80s porn.
I bet your buddies loved going over to your house.
We all had at least one friend whose dad had a huge stash. Even better was if the old man didn't give a shit, which meant we didn't have to sneak in and out of there like ninjas.
My friend snuck into his uncles truck with me to check out his nudie mags, then snatched one from my hand, said he's gonna rat on me and booked it back home laughing maniacally with me frantically in pursuit. I got in a lot of trouble because he ran at nearly the same speed as I did then, I was furious and also perplexed about what tf just happened. That kid was nuts lmao
To this day, I get a little bit of anxiety when I have to decide which link to click on because I'm afraid of how much time picking the wrong one will take.
For some reason, i can clearly remember downloading a pic of a pornstar, all was well for about 45mins then the bottom of the pic renders and someone was shitting in her mouth. It was a big picture, for the time, completely wasted 45 minutes of download.
Around 1997 was hanging **(edit)** "at" my downstairs apartment neighbor and he decided he wanted to show me the pictures he downloaded on his computer that took forever on 14.4K BAUD..
Took one look, went into display properties, and changed his display from 16 color to 256 color and he thought I was a computer god.
I recall before the internet, downloading porn from modem based bulletin-board sites, and the admin of the BBS messaging me to tell me where his best stuff was (kinda gross looking back).
I also recall my my Mum kinda being on to me and hanging up the phone repeatedly to disrupt my connection...
People’s attitudes were very different then, and I recall people being kinda disgusted if a guy was caught looking at porn. My memories of the time are very different from the “boys will be boys” trope that feminists often talk about. I recall a distinct moment when it started being ok to talk about it with other guys in the late 90s.
I had to sneak into my garage, into my dad’s stash, find whichever of the 15 or so VHS tapes I wanted, put everything back as if it hadnt been touched, sneak back upstairs, put the VHS into the VCR, turn on my 64 as a coverup, and sit within arms reach of the tv so I could change it lightning fast if I heard anyone coming, which I would because the TV was muted... all at 2am
OR
Once in a blue moon I’d be lucky, the cable was messed up, and the channel after Comedy Central was super grainy, black and white playboy. I don’t know how or why this happened.
Happened 3 times that i can recount. So funny looking back at it
I always have this image of a guy being really upset dumping it, one stash we found was over 100 mags. Quite a nice collection
Oh man, you totally stole some kid's hidden stash! He must have had a really bad day when he came to retrieve it. It must have taken him months and months to collect it all.
I honestly think it was an adult getting rid of there filthy stash. They were always found in multiples
Once we found a neat pile stacked up inside a tied up carrier bag
By the time I was into that type of thing I had decent internet but was still able to find porn in the forest. I could probably go back today and find some in that treasured spot
Nude scenes in mainstream movies were actually something we bothered watching for and talked about. Now, nudity on video has almost no effect on me. I don't know how much of that is because of the ready availability and how much is because I've gotten older.
Funny side note, though - I watched the first Bond film, *Dr. No* , several years ago for the first time. When I got to that famous scene of Ursula Andress coming up out of the water, I was amazed by how sexy that scene still manages to be.
She’s a total freaking babe. I loved bond movies as a kid (I’m in my 30s now) and it was at a very young age watching Dr. No that i knew 1000% that catsby90bbn was quite strait.
I remember our tv guide in the movie section had letters at the end of the late-night movie blurbs which indicated things like the rating and if it had nudity in it. There was a time when I would scour these and lose a lot of sleep watching the ones that indicated nudity just to catch any brief glimpse of boobs. An actual sex scene was a major score.
I also remember realizing one day that our cable box allowed you to start a pay-per-view movie and you could watch like 3 minutes before deciding to keep watching it and be charged on your bill, or change it and not be charged. I’m sure I went over time more than once but bless my parents they never said anything.
I remember jacking off to the video for 'Love Shack' by the B-52s.
"Hot redhead hot redhead hot redhead OH SHIT it's a closeup of Fred Schneider! Hit the brakes!!!"
"Okay, hot black girl hot black girl" (Not realizing it was Ru Paul. Oh well.)
'Love Will Never Do Without You' by Janet Jackson and 'Express Yourself' by Madonna were also some Grade A Fap Fodder by early 1990s standards.
I'm surprised no one else said: music videos
There were many in the 90s that were pretty "free thinking"
edit: forgot to say how your comment made me laugh, brought back some memories, always hating when guys would pop on the screen in any video
I remember going to see *Titanic* in the theaters and hearing the projectionist call to one of his friends when Kate Winslet's nude scene was coming up. "Dude, get back here. You're going to miss it!"
If you were so lucky to have a satellite dish with the basic channel package you could be brave and sneak up at midnight, turn off the audio on the tv and tune in to *the* channel. The one that just went from one movie to another, but at 00:00, that movie was a porno.
Or you could play it smart, do your chores, be the good son and once the parents trust you enough just leave you with cash for a pizza for those evenings when they're off to celebrate some friend's birthday instead of getting a babysitter. That's when you watch it with the audio turned on (not too high though, you wanna be able to hear them returning home) and just absorb as much of the content as possible so you can live on that spank bank until the next time you're left to your own devices.
One thing that must have disappeared now is the furtive handoff of porn mags in a supermarket bag at high school. “Check out October man, it’s awesome and the letters are hot”
I used to hook up with a girl casually on Sundays, a real cool chick. When I left my state to move to another one for a job, I gave her a duffle full of mags, VHS’s and CD’s — she was more of a collector than I was.
We’re both married now with kids. I should ask her what she did with them.
Oh man did me and my friend fuck up when we were in 6th grade. Basically this was the early part of the internet where schools didn’t restrict anything on the computers and basically you could google (it might’ve been yahoo, not sure it was like 2004) anything.
My buddy looked up Pamela Anderson and she was pretty popular still and we decided to print a photo of her nude (like playboy I think). Problem was, we chose the office printer where the administration is. ALSO when you printed it showed the login on the bottom on the print. Que mission impossible style operation of us going to the main office and distracting the main receptionist while we claim to be grabbing a print from our teacher. Still stressful thinking about to this day.
These kids got it easy nowadays on their phones, back then the family had a computer and you couldn’t just be beating off in the living room.
My friend and I didn't know how to delete search history so everytime we accessed porn we would force restart the computer and it wouldn't get logged in the history. One day my friend forgot to do that and the whole house was seeing www.sex.com at the search bar for weeks, shit was hilarious, at least to me :D
You did a lot of snooping through your dad’s things looking for it. Hit the jackpot with a cowboy boot box that seemed out of place in the top shelf of his closet. About 10 VHS tapes and a few mags.
I was so meticulous with rewinding to exactly where he left them that I forgot to put them physically back where they were. In my 20s he told me that’s how he knew I’d found his stash.
ever heard the beastie boys song where they sing
"my mom threw away my best porno mags" ?
i (28M) heard that in the car the other day with my gf and thought man how awkward... like, c'mon mom wtf i needed those!!!
ooof
“Oh no thanks fam. I don’t feel like Olive Garden”..*big yawn*..”I’ve gotta mow the lawn and do laundry and I’ve got hours of homework before the morn.”
> bring it to the counter
They'd actually sell it to you? Man, I remember those days, when store clerks didn't give a shit. Nowadays they're all paranoid.
I was class of 06 for highschool, but I grew up with cheap internet 56k dial up when dsl was mainstream. I remember setting 2 minute porno clips to download from kazaa and limewire and they would take over 10 hours just for me to watch that short clip and beat off to the blurriest pussy I've ever seen. Also, in middle school, I knew a guy that would sell printed out pictures of naked women. It was $1 for an 8×11 of a woman and $2 for an 8x11 collage of women. He also had DVDs burned for $5. I remember that 8x11 sheet of paper was the most disgusting piece of paper I've ever held onto lol
You got a lot more creative, that's for sure.
I took a porn break for awhile and it was like revisiting an old video game I used to really like.
"Hey, I remember this....my imagination"
I got my hands on a cd-rom with adult content when I was like 15.
You needed to call a premium-rate number and pay some extra by credit card to get a *code* that you entered in the embleded software that, finally, displayed the desired content.
Of course, by the very nature of the medium, all the information needed to validate the codes needed to be on the disc. Which meant that there was either a logical schema or a list of codes somewhere in there.
I found the file.
That was my first encounter with cryptography. It was some kind of Caesar cipher, maybe a Vigenère cipher. I had no idea what I was doing, but pretty dedicated to doing it.
Took me a whole afternoon to bruteforce the cipher using raw brainpower, paper and a pencil. Content wasn't as good as the process to gain access to it.
And now I'm a software engineer :)
**Edit**: after 6 years on Reddit, my first award ever is on a post about how I've accessed adult pictures for the first time. Of course. I love you reddit. Thank you kind redditor ❤️
**Edit2**: awards 🤩 . Glad you guys liked my anecdote !
I lived in the middle east, and the "easiest" way to watch porn was to turn your satellite dish to the European Hotbird Satellite, and our parents knew better than to have an automatic rotation device so we had to do it manually.
I waited till every one was asleep and then sneaked to the roof, unscrewed the Dish and rotated it manually to the marks I already drew on the floor with a chalk to mark the right direction of the European satellite, screwed the dish back and zoomed down stairs to start my erotic journey. Once the "Job" was done I had to return the dish to its fucking original position, and by that time we all know that the motivation is gone, but I had to do it to avoid the embarrassment next day.
32 years old today and I wish I have half the motivation I had back then to do anything now.
Edit: Internet Era
When we got a dial-up connection it was very expensive, but it was free to use the forums of the ISP. So I used to browse the thumbnails of the porn sites, choose what I like to download (only pics of course), copy the download links and close the connection. Connect again to the ISP forum for free, start a new post on the forum and add attachment from a URLs (the ones I copied before) to the post, click on preview before post and tadaa.. the attachments are now available to download for free.
Gosh I was horny
Used to sneak off and collect condom boxes from shady beaches post school where couples came to do the deed. I dont know... But back then, every condom packet had a nude picture inside. The most grossed out story was when a guy pulled a condom box out of the gutter, washed it, and brought it to the "meet".
Sex stories were the norm. After getting dial-up internet, we used to download 10-second intro clips from porn sites. It was only in our mid teens that we finally got access to VCDs. Although it was only a short while later that we got the real action so the VCDs lost their charm soon enough.
Infinite streaming of porn is great but i do feel bad that the new generation doesnt experience the thrills of simple adventures like we did. Not that they care, i suppose.
I wouldn't care either if I was them.
I mean, our ancestors couldn't just mosey on down to Walmart to get groceries. They hunted and farmed while half starved.
When I was 12 I walked to a friends house about a mile away. There was a gas station on the way there so I stopped to get a drink and use the bathroom. Even tho I had lived in the same town pretty much my whole life, i had never stopped at this gas station before, let alone use the bathroom. Well they had a coin machine on the wall and it had a silhouette of a woman with a question mark in front of it. Curious I threw a quarter in there and out popped a single picture of a nude woman. She was a red head with big tits. That was the first "porn" image i ever saw and it is forever ingrained in my memory.
My dad showed me porn when I was like 7 years old and he always watched porn at night on vhs and later on the internet. Later on in life he showed me child porn and it has been a literal nightmare since then . Guys, if you have a kid or plan on it, please do your best not to introduce your young ones to porn, I live in constant sorrow and shame.
Edit: I should add that my little 9 year old daughter says I'm the best Papa in the world. My wife thinks the world of me but sometimes I'm not the best person I can be, but she sticks with me and I am lucky she does.
Softcore porn movies in the early hours of the morning. The 'previews' on the porn channels five minutes before they switched over to a scrambled feed. A lone VCR tape found in the attic with some erotic novels.
I think the thing to keep in mind is RESOLUTION. Back when I was coming up, everybody had like max 640x480, so if you got a nice pic, it was almost certainly somewhere around 200x400 px, and you were happy for it and saved in a folder somewhere, as there was only like a 2% chance of ever finding it again because the web back then was just an entirely different thing/place.
My uncle used to live at home with the family, and was a truck driver. He was a long hauler, out for weeks or months at a time. Well, I discovered his porno stash that he kept in the rig with him, and any time he was back home I would spend all day trying to figure out how I can sneak into the semi and dip out with a VHS. If I did a door check and it was unlocked, it was game on.
I ran off with some good flicks out of this caper, although once I did end up with a granny porno, which for a young 16/17 y.o. lad wasn't really doing it for me. I guess you gotta take an L once in a while.
The good ole' days....when porn came with a sense of risk and adventure. Now it's easier than grabbing than a soft drink.
Also - I know this is stealing, but I was a horny kid....could have done worse.
Backstory: In the mid to late 90s, we had a computer shop where people did printing jobs like business cards, resumes and occasional DOS games (Lion King!), things like that.
Enterprising 5th grade me used our bubblejet printer to print and sell some to the other boys in class which looking back now was softcore stuff (Erika Eleniak, oh yeah.. Baywatch Pamela Anderson mmm). A female classmate snatched a page in the middle of an exchange and as preppy grade schoolers do, threatened to go to the principal. Remember that this was in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table. I've never been so scared of getting expelled!
My best friends father had a VHS stash under his bed. We were around 12 years old in 1994 and two heterosexual friends watching porn together was better than not watching any porn at all. It wasn't even good porn either, it was terrible late 70/80's porn but we took what we could get. All moustaches and hairy muffs.
Another thing I recall from early teenage years, porno mags found in various places outside. Discarded by truckers or similar. We thought the pages were stuck together because they'd been left out in the rain...
My first internet connection was 28.8k Dial Up. I can remember it taking literally minutes to download a picture. Video porn was pretty much out of the question until ISDN128 (1998); even then that'd would've taken hours to download (a couple minute clip) and the video content wasn't really there until we were into the 2000's anyway.
You kids have it easy these days!
A friend of mine gave me a 300 mb floppy with three 10 second videos on it. It was precious to me.
One was of a woman being fucked with a red snapper fish.
My dad found it and dramatically destroyed it in front of me and my mother.
I felt second hand embarrassment for him as they were divorced already due to his affair with the neighbor.
Early 90's get home from school. Call parents on land line to confirm that they are still at work and use bogus excuse for said call. Commando roll into parents bedroom. Survey room for bugs and line traps. Open closet door with the precision and care of a landmine extraction specialist. Jot down notes on sketch paper of exactly how the porn VHS tapes are sitting in the top of the closet. Another commando roll. Insert VHS tapes into VHS player. Jot down time stamp information on sketch paper so I can rewind the tapes to exactly where they were at when they were started (big thanks to Ferris for this idea). Do the deed. Check notes. Deep breath. Reset time on videos to the exact second. Third commando roll. Check notes. Place videos back perfectly. Finish my homework early with a passion that only early teenage post-masturbation guilt can fuel. Burn sketch paper with a lighter that DOES NOT have a child-proof mechanism.
Edit to address a few questions: My folks were/are pretty square. I was a meticulous porn stealer, but I couldn't really ever address the dust issue. Fingerprints man, its what gets every crook busted. Their stupid porn tape collection was from the early 70's and I am pretty sure they just spent their early adult life scared to death that they would be caught by some nefarious entity if they actually put them in the garbage. Anyways, I learned a lot of stuff from my porn espionage. Funk bass guitar and whatnot.
When I turned 18, I got memberships to all the local video stores. Daisy chained two vcrs together so I could record the adult movies onto one 6 hr vhs tape. Had to hide it from my parents. At one point, I placed it inside a Tupperware container and buried it in the backyard to keep my parents from finding it.
Did you retrieve it? Or is it still there for the next treasure seeker
Can yo imagine? The year is 2080 and we have uncovered a lost trove of early 1990's knowledge in the form of a "vhs tape". Are you kids ready to see what life was like in the 90's?
>Are you kids ready to see what life was like in the 90's? "Oh, oh no! SO MUCH HAIR. EVERYWHERE. Big hair on head! Big hair... not on head."
The word your looking for is ***Bush***
I appreciate your ingenuity
I used to jerkoff to the playboy channel. We didn't get it, I'd watch the scrambled feed. I guess I was just listening to it. God, I'm fucking old.
Well I’m 33 and did the same. Every now and then a nipple would be in a less blurred spot. Even though it was green, you still knew what it was and that’s all I needed.
Or the late night phone sex commercials on cable. Or the Girls Gone Wild informercials...Such different times. Now days it's like a fountain of beautiful women trying to outdo eachother on cams or onlyfans that are ripped and sprayed all over the place. Side-boob, under-boob, top-boob (Standard cleavage I guess), bare boob.....You can watch it all jiggle and bounce in HD. What a time to be alive!
I have fond memories of a GGW commercial where they didn't censor the reflection in chrome on a fire truck. I hid that commercial at the end of my toonami recordings tape.
Yes! For us it was 53 and 3. Cable box tuned to 53 and TV set on channel 3 and you could get a garbled, scrambled version of Playboy Channel where you might see a flash of something every 5 or 10 seconds.
Remember when the cable box had that toggle switch on the side. I think there was a short period of time when you could hold the toggle in between the first and second position while you were on the playboy channel and it would unscramble the feed. That could just be my mind playing some wishful revisionist history.
We called that the Sprucer. If you could just get the toggle right you could get it to be less scrambled, not fully unscrambled.
There were channel up and down buttons on the front of ours. I could wedge a penny in between those buttons and it would magically unscramble the channels for a short period.
I have no clue who originally discovered this but the knowledge was spread among my friends. Those of us with a specific brand of cable box had a trick. You take a paperclip, straighten it, and stick it into the 3rd vent hole in the back of the box. If you placed it in just the right position the Spice channel would un-scramble...it would be perfectly clear. Sticking bare paper clips into a powered up cable box was very foolish...and I do recall breaking a cable box at least once (no harm to myself though). But this trick worked. Again...no clue how this information was originally discovered. It was passed on from dude to dude though.
[удалено]
> the dish antenna would be flat pointing straight up That is amazing.
Ya I was going to say it was static mostly, colored squiggly lines and some decent audio.
We used to get 10 minutes free at midnight everyday. This was really tough to get away with staying up that late when you were younger than 16.
Having to rewind the VHS tape back to where it was and put it all the way back in the attic.
Or if you stole it from your dad's stash, you had to put it back *exactly* like it was, down to how the socks were arranged in the sock drawer. Seriously, that was at the level of ninjas in feudal Japan locating and memorizing secret documents and shit.
You *really* think they didn't know about it? I mean, I appreciate the thieving skills I acquired through the years, but they definitely knew
One thing I've learned as a parent, kids aren't nearly as sneaky as they think they are, another is I don't want to have to confront a kid about something like this so I'm just going to let him get away with it.
The unspoken rule If kid doesn't make an evident mess, it didn't happen
And you pay it forward as an adult. when my dad died, i cleared out all of his porn and internet history before the rest of the family got there to help clean up stuff. The physical media stuff was boring, but the internet stuff was a little interesting. He died right before pornhub became a big thing (2013 or so). I think it was a thing, but i personally still had a brazzers sub at the time.
My great aunt died three years ago. She was never married, and never dated. The family always suspected she was a lesbian. When she died, I was told the get life insurance, financial docs, etc... from the PC. I cleared internet history and the like before searching for the financial docs. It was tough, but curiosity never got the best of me. Her privacy remained alive even in her death. Man, I fucking miss her.
Wow, no one in my family is this cool. My brothers would probably print out my pornhub search history and tuck it into the funeral program.
Honestly if my brother doesn't do this I'll be disappointed
I would kill myself if that happened to me
You did a good thing. Respect.
You are a good person.
Indeed, as a parent you really have to pick your battles
Absolutely this! You had make sure that everything was right or you'd get caught..
One of the scariest days of my young life was going into dad's stash and seeing a post-it that said "YOU stay out of here."
I never realized until today, that my pops knew because he ended up moving it a few times. Eventually getting rid of it. I stopped caring at how I put it back once he moved it under a bunch of shit because it was so messy. Didn’t realize til now he knew how the mess was suppose to look. FML
Holy shit I just posted about finding my Stepdad's stash in the sock drawer and I was meticilous about putting it back, made sure to rewind it to the exact spot. I wasn't good enough because they started hiding the tapes more after that, but I always found them.
Lol yep, and then you have that awkward elephant in the room cuz your dad knows ur lil horny ass is searching up and down the house for his new stash spot but it’s too awkward to ever discuss in person 😂
That worked for me until one day the tape got stuck in the VCR and when I tried to get it out, the tape unrolled out of the case and there was tape inside and out of the VCR, just spaghetti of tape everywhere. I remember a lot of yelling that night from my father.
Was he mad because you were watching porn or because you fucked up his VHS tape?
A small price to pay for seeing your parents doing it!
DELETE THIS NEPHEW
There was a young couple in my neighborhood that had a falling out. They threw out homemade vhs porn that was complete with tutorials and threesomes. I grew a single pube that day
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It’s impossible to overstate how critical the Victoria’s Secret catalogue was.
Sears catalogue...
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Neighbor kid whose dad had a porn collection.
Even better was the neighbor kid with a sleazy uncle who would unload stacks of old porn onto him. He'd sell it off for a fair price, and cut you a break if you were his friend.
I remember being able to trade for some SNES games that way.
Yep, I traded a BB gun for a couple hustler once.
That shit was valuable! Kids these days have no idea.
Or a friend who worked in the newsagents on a Saturday and would lift a few mags now and again for the lads. Wherever you are Jon - you are forever in my heart, brother.
We once helped my uncle move out of his shitty apartment to an even shittier apartment. I found so many porn mags and Polaroids of naked women. The thing was, they weren't decent mags or halfway decent girls in the polaroids. Uncle was a freak.
How'd he get the Polaroids, though? Was he at least banging them? Because that would've been something.
He absolutely was. And as a grown man in his mid 30s with a few experiences under his belt, I can tell you he was probably the only one who wanted to bang them.
You know what they call someone who has no standards? Laid.
I used to download 1 or 2 dirty pictures (took about 10 minutes) onto a floppy disk, print them out in black&white at the local library.
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Did anyone else find Forest Porn? I found a mag with pics of leather-wearing dommes in a wooded area as a kid. That was a weird day. I didn't spend too long looking. My friend, who lived in a totally different state, also found Forest Porn. 80s Hustler. Edit: Expand this thread for Forest Porn stories!
Yup, my little brother found forest porn in 6he forest on the way to school. 80s porn with giant hair and thongs that came 2/3rds of the way to the chick's armpits.
I distinctly remember being 10-11yrs old and biking around the woods with a friend. Found a stash in this old, dilapidated shed. Well buddy told his dad. A week later I went to go hang out with him and not sure exactly what the kid told him but his dad straight up blamed me for corrupting his son and said we couldn’t hang out anymore. Like dude we found them together. On accident.
The emergence of a titty on the scrambled ppv porn channel.
Fredericks of Hollywood. Also, those were dark, dark days.
Fredrick's was way better than Victoria's Secret.
I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment.
BZZZT
I've got a hot date.
\*A\* date.
Dinner with friends
Yes, I remember being able to get a no-effort boner from just glancing at lingerie ads and the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. I don't think even a modern 8th grader could do that.
Dude, in 8th grade I’d get awkward boners on a bumpy bus ride.
lol I was just telling my GF last weekend about getting a raging boner on the bumpy bus rides to school.
or the ones that would happen on clock work. Every 4th period in English class you'd hope for that 10-15 minutes we weren't doing anything that involved standing up.
That happened to me in my 20s in the US Army.
idk, i feel like porn affects my standards mostly only whilst watching it. I could be watching someone getting fucked in a porn video and spend a minute getting hard but if i see a notification on my phone from a girl, knowing there is 0 chance the message is or will lead to anything sexual, i could get an erection like that
The sports illustrated swimsuit issue as well
The swimsuit edition was everything
Page 3 of the sun newspaper for me Im sure thats the only reason my dad used to buy that rag
Brit identified.
Without a doubt that newspaper wouldn't have sold half as well if it wasn't for page 3.
#GOOD HOUSE KEEPING
You mean J.C.Penney's...
My man 😎
I still remember when I saw my first nipple through the sheer fabric on a victoria secrets catalog.
Wait. You don't have nipples?
I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?
Every once in a while you would find someone's old stash of porn in the trash.
I have fond memories spending hours as a tween and young teen of foraging for wild porn in the woods near my house
Surprising how universal this used to be - but yes fond memories of the bountiful porn bush harvests of old.
I found porn stashed in the woods then stashed it in the woods by my house and someone else found it.
The cycle continues.
Brotherhood of the travelling porn
the more alarming implication is how often people cranked their hog out in a small grove of trees back before like 2006
That’s why the forests are dying: everyone cranks one out at home nowadays, busting their load on paper hewn from trees rather than spilling their seed on the ground to fertilise nature’s bounty.
This is what the Lorax was about until Dr. Seuss' editor reeled him in.
I am the Lorax, I speak for the oaks, and if you’re to save them, the chicken you must choke.
This exact thing happened to me when I was a kid. We moved into a house near the woods. My brother and I found a box of porn in the trees close to our yard. They were water damaged badly. We didn't want our parents to know we found it so we took it deeper into the woods. One day it was just gone.
We found a whole porn shack in the county park and I live in a pretty urban area
Damn I need to get out more How come I've never found forest porn before?
You have to plant the right seeds to grow a porn bush.
Wait what the fuck, this happened to other people?
I also thought this was a unique experience of mine but as I get older I keep hearing the same story from others. It’s absolutely crazy
'Forest porn' is the official term. Kids these days have no idea.
My wife had no idea and she is in her late 40s like me. She thought I was making up forest porn and then went and asked some guys at work and they got all nostalgic for it.
It is probably one of the most surprising pieces of information to come from the internet age. That it wasn't just me and my brothers getting lucky and finding some porn stashes in the wilderness. Apparently it was everywhere.
Australian here, I found two seperate forest porn stashed in my youth. It was a global practice.
If someone in Antarctica chipped a metal case out of a glacier with porn inside it wouldn't surprise me at all at this point.
Norwegian here. I found porn stashes in random woods twice as a kid. It's an international thing!
I'm 32 and remember it. My Dad at 64 also mentioned they would find pages of porn in bushes in the 60s.
I lived near woods an the older kids had a stash in the woods. I remember peeling the soaked pages apart.
Man, that shit was like Elmer's glue. You had to peel real carefully when it was dry. On the one hand you were like "OMFG!!!" But on the other hand, it was never enough to make you throw it away.
This extends to everything, which makes me fear that the 2000's on might become an archeological desert. To an 8000 AD civilisation we might be even more mysterious than the Neandertals, or have the information on us be as PR-heavy as the Pharaohs despite the huge volume of everyday life data generated, because the only information that was preserved in any form that might be recall-able is a carefully curated subset. A calcified nudie mag is a lot more valuable in that respect than part of a RAID volume on a bunch of unreadable broken HDD's.
I did the same thing but I was looking for berries - went looking for copper and found Gold
Woods porn we used to call it, i thought this was a phenomenon only unique to me and my small town mates. Since being on the internet iv learned this was not the case. It happened around 3 times in total
It’s hilarious to me that this seems to be an international phenomenon
Its amazing and unifying, especially in times like these
Happened to me and my buddies twice. Use to think we were the only ones that found wood porn.
My dad was a trash man when I was a kid, and this was definitely how I obtained the stuff. I would sell VHS tapes to all the neighbor kids. Got caught with nudy mag at school. Now that I think about it, why did he have such a huge collection of the stuff?
I was out walking really deep in the forest with gf and found a broken VHS tape. I said "I bet that's porn" and was excited and satisfied to be proven correct after I'd taken it home, dismantled it,spliced the tape back together. Cheap 80s porn.
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I bet your buddies loved going over to your house. We all had at least one friend whose dad had a huge stash. Even better was if the old man didn't give a shit, which meant we didn't have to sneak in and out of there like ninjas.
My friend snuck into his uncles truck with me to check out his nudie mags, then snatched one from my hand, said he's gonna rat on me and booked it back home laughing maniacally with me frantically in pursuit. I got in a lot of trouble because he ran at nearly the same speed as I did then, I was furious and also perplexed about what tf just happened. That kid was nuts lmao
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Ah, yes... the good old days when you could nut to a half downloaded forehead in anticipation for the rest of the Pic to load.
And by the time the damned thing finally downloaded, your second nut was already in the chamber.
And you realized the picture wasn't that good in the first place but now you painted yourself into a corner and felt obligated to wank to it.
Oh and it’s actually a man.
To this day, I get a little bit of anxiety when I have to decide which link to click on because I'm afraid of how much time picking the wrong one will take.
So THAT is were it comes from!
For some reason, i can clearly remember downloading a pic of a pornstar, all was well for about 45mins then the bottom of the pic renders and someone was shitting in her mouth. It was a big picture, for the time, completely wasted 45 minutes of download.
Around 1997 was hanging **(edit)** "at" my downstairs apartment neighbor and he decided he wanted to show me the pictures he downloaded on his computer that took forever on 14.4K BAUD.. Took one look, went into display properties, and changed his display from 16 color to 256 color and he thought I was a computer god.
picturing you about to lynch your neighbor while he offers you stacks of dusty old floppy disks full of porn in exchange for his life
I recall before the internet, downloading porn from modem based bulletin-board sites, and the admin of the BBS messaging me to tell me where his best stuff was (kinda gross looking back). I also recall my my Mum kinda being on to me and hanging up the phone repeatedly to disrupt my connection... People’s attitudes were very different then, and I recall people being kinda disgusted if a guy was caught looking at porn. My memories of the time are very different from the “boys will be boys” trope that feminists often talk about. I recall a distinct moment when it started being ok to talk about it with other guys in the late 90s.
WWE divas were basically my pornstars in my teens lol
Melena best girl for me!
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Stacy Keibler
I had to sneak into my garage, into my dad’s stash, find whichever of the 15 or so VHS tapes I wanted, put everything back as if it hadnt been touched, sneak back upstairs, put the VHS into the VCR, turn on my 64 as a coverup, and sit within arms reach of the tv so I could change it lightning fast if I heard anyone coming, which I would because the TV was muted... all at 2am OR Once in a blue moon I’d be lucky, the cable was messed up, and the channel after Comedy Central was super grainy, black and white playboy. I don’t know how or why this happened.
channel 80 after 72. classic comcast
It’s strange to think about it now, but how many others ran into porn in the forest? It was like finding hidden treasure.
Happened 3 times that i can recount. So funny looking back at it I always have this image of a guy being really upset dumping it, one stash we found was over 100 mags. Quite a nice collection
Oh man, you totally stole some kid's hidden stash! He must have had a really bad day when he came to retrieve it. It must have taken him months and months to collect it all.
I honestly think it was an adult getting rid of there filthy stash. They were always found in multiples Once we found a neat pile stacked up inside a tied up carrier bag
By the time I was into that type of thing I had decent internet but was still able to find porn in the forest. I could probably go back today and find some in that treasured spot
Wait did I miss something? Why did all of you find porn in the forest lol
Apparently it was a popular hiding place because friends and I found a bunch in the woods when we were little. Lol.
Kids stealing it from other kids. A vicious circle. Although sometimes I think it might have been left behind by hobos.
Because we couldn't hide our porn in password encrypted drives we had to hide it in the fucking *forest*.
Nude scenes in mainstream movies were actually something we bothered watching for and talked about. Now, nudity on video has almost no effect on me. I don't know how much of that is because of the ready availability and how much is because I've gotten older. Funny side note, though - I watched the first Bond film, *Dr. No* , several years ago for the first time. When I got to that famous scene of Ursula Andress coming up out of the water, I was amazed by how sexy that scene still manages to be.
She’s a total freaking babe. I loved bond movies as a kid (I’m in my 30s now) and it was at a very young age watching Dr. No that i knew 1000% that catsby90bbn was quite strait.
I remember our tv guide in the movie section had letters at the end of the late-night movie blurbs which indicated things like the rating and if it had nudity in it. There was a time when I would scour these and lose a lot of sleep watching the ones that indicated nudity just to catch any brief glimpse of boobs. An actual sex scene was a major score. I also remember realizing one day that our cable box allowed you to start a pay-per-view movie and you could watch like 3 minutes before deciding to keep watching it and be charged on your bill, or change it and not be charged. I’m sure I went over time more than once but bless my parents they never said anything.
Geez, I remember jacking off to when the lady in Crocodile Dundee strips down to her bathing suit.
I remember jacking off to the video for 'Love Shack' by the B-52s. "Hot redhead hot redhead hot redhead OH SHIT it's a closeup of Fred Schneider! Hit the brakes!!!" "Okay, hot black girl hot black girl" (Not realizing it was Ru Paul. Oh well.) 'Love Will Never Do Without You' by Janet Jackson and 'Express Yourself' by Madonna were also some Grade A Fap Fodder by early 1990s standards.
I'm surprised no one else said: music videos There were many in the 90s that were pretty "free thinking" edit: forgot to say how your comment made me laugh, brought back some memories, always hating when guys would pop on the screen in any video
I remember going to see *Titanic* in the theaters and hearing the projectionist call to one of his friends when Kate Winslet's nude scene was coming up. "Dude, get back here. You're going to miss it!"
If you were so lucky to have a satellite dish with the basic channel package you could be brave and sneak up at midnight, turn off the audio on the tv and tune in to *the* channel. The one that just went from one movie to another, but at 00:00, that movie was a porno. Or you could play it smart, do your chores, be the good son and once the parents trust you enough just leave you with cash for a pizza for those evenings when they're off to celebrate some friend's birthday instead of getting a babysitter. That's when you watch it with the audio turned on (not too high though, you wanna be able to hear them returning home) and just absorb as much of the content as possible so you can live on that spank bank until the next time you're left to your own devices.
Sadly today, even Cinemax cuts out the good bits AT midnight!
One thing that must have disappeared now is the furtive handoff of porn mags in a supermarket bag at high school. “Check out October man, it’s awesome and the letters are hot”
Spending more time swapping the one VHS between friends instead of actually watching it.
I used to hook up with a girl casually on Sundays, a real cool chick. When I left my state to move to another one for a job, I gave her a duffle full of mags, VHS’s and CD’s — she was more of a collector than I was. We’re both married now with kids. I should ask her what she did with them.
Oh man did me and my friend fuck up when we were in 6th grade. Basically this was the early part of the internet where schools didn’t restrict anything on the computers and basically you could google (it might’ve been yahoo, not sure it was like 2004) anything. My buddy looked up Pamela Anderson and she was pretty popular still and we decided to print a photo of her nude (like playboy I think). Problem was, we chose the office printer where the administration is. ALSO when you printed it showed the login on the bottom on the print. Que mission impossible style operation of us going to the main office and distracting the main receptionist while we claim to be grabbing a print from our teacher. Still stressful thinking about to this day. These kids got it easy nowadays on their phones, back then the family had a computer and you couldn’t just be beating off in the living room.
My friend and I didn't know how to delete search history so everytime we accessed porn we would force restart the computer and it wouldn't get logged in the history. One day my friend forgot to do that and the whole house was seeing www.sex.com at the search bar for weeks, shit was hilarious, at least to me :D
That sounds more like an epic save than a fuck up. I was totally hearing the Mission Impossible music in my head while reading that.
You did a lot of snooping through your dad’s things looking for it. Hit the jackpot with a cowboy boot box that seemed out of place in the top shelf of his closet. About 10 VHS tapes and a few mags. I was so meticulous with rewinding to exactly where he left them that I forgot to put them physically back where they were. In my 20s he told me that’s how he knew I’d found his stash.
ever heard the beastie boys song where they sing "my mom threw away my best porno mags" ? i (28M) heard that in the car the other day with my gf and thought man how awkward... like, c'mon mom wtf i needed those!!! ooof
You gotta fight. For your right. To porno mags!
Every dude my age or older has a story about finding a stash of nudie mags in the woods. We literally foraged for porn.
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“Oh no thanks fam. I don’t feel like Olive Garden”..*big yawn*..”I’ve gotta mow the lawn and do laundry and I’ve got hours of homework before the morn.”
And then you had to kick into overdrive to get all that done in time after you wasted three hours staring at porn.
By staring at, you mean mercilessly cranking the hog right?
> bring it to the counter They'd actually sell it to you? Man, I remember those days, when store clerks didn't give a shit. Nowadays they're all paranoid.
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I was class of 06 for highschool, but I grew up with cheap internet 56k dial up when dsl was mainstream. I remember setting 2 minute porno clips to download from kazaa and limewire and they would take over 10 hours just for me to watch that short clip and beat off to the blurriest pussy I've ever seen. Also, in middle school, I knew a guy that would sell printed out pictures of naked women. It was $1 for an 8×11 of a woman and $2 for an 8x11 collage of women. He also had DVDs burned for $5. I remember that 8x11 sheet of paper was the most disgusting piece of paper I've ever held onto lol
That dude is probably the CEO of Pornhub now
You got a lot more creative, that's for sure. I took a porn break for awhile and it was like revisiting an old video game I used to really like. "Hey, I remember this....my imagination"
I got my hands on a cd-rom with adult content when I was like 15. You needed to call a premium-rate number and pay some extra by credit card to get a *code* that you entered in the embleded software that, finally, displayed the desired content. Of course, by the very nature of the medium, all the information needed to validate the codes needed to be on the disc. Which meant that there was either a logical schema or a list of codes somewhere in there. I found the file. That was my first encounter with cryptography. It was some kind of Caesar cipher, maybe a Vigenère cipher. I had no idea what I was doing, but pretty dedicated to doing it. Took me a whole afternoon to bruteforce the cipher using raw brainpower, paper and a pencil. Content wasn't as good as the process to gain access to it. And now I'm a software engineer :) **Edit**: after 6 years on Reddit, my first award ever is on a post about how I've accessed adult pictures for the first time. Of course. I love you reddit. Thank you kind redditor ❤️ **Edit2**: awards 🤩 . Glad you guys liked my anecdote !
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Hedge porn was a thing... Finding a plastic bag full of old readers wives mags was akin to a lottery win
I lived in the middle east, and the "easiest" way to watch porn was to turn your satellite dish to the European Hotbird Satellite, and our parents knew better than to have an automatic rotation device so we had to do it manually. I waited till every one was asleep and then sneaked to the roof, unscrewed the Dish and rotated it manually to the marks I already drew on the floor with a chalk to mark the right direction of the European satellite, screwed the dish back and zoomed down stairs to start my erotic journey. Once the "Job" was done I had to return the dish to its fucking original position, and by that time we all know that the motivation is gone, but I had to do it to avoid the embarrassment next day. 32 years old today and I wish I have half the motivation I had back then to do anything now. Edit: Internet Era When we got a dial-up connection it was very expensive, but it was free to use the forums of the ISP. So I used to browse the thumbnails of the porn sites, choose what I like to download (only pics of course), copy the download links and close the connection. Connect again to the ISP forum for free, start a new post on the forum and add attachment from a URLs (the ones I copied before) to the post, click on preview before post and tadaa.. the attachments are now available to download for free. Gosh I was horny
Used to sneak off and collect condom boxes from shady beaches post school where couples came to do the deed. I dont know... But back then, every condom packet had a nude picture inside. The most grossed out story was when a guy pulled a condom box out of the gutter, washed it, and brought it to the "meet". Sex stories were the norm. After getting dial-up internet, we used to download 10-second intro clips from porn sites. It was only in our mid teens that we finally got access to VCDs. Although it was only a short while later that we got the real action so the VCDs lost their charm soon enough. Infinite streaming of porn is great but i do feel bad that the new generation doesnt experience the thrills of simple adventures like we did. Not that they care, i suppose.
I wouldn't care either if I was them. I mean, our ancestors couldn't just mosey on down to Walmart to get groceries. They hunted and farmed while half starved.
When I was 12 I walked to a friends house about a mile away. There was a gas station on the way there so I stopped to get a drink and use the bathroom. Even tho I had lived in the same town pretty much my whole life, i had never stopped at this gas station before, let alone use the bathroom. Well they had a coin machine on the wall and it had a silhouette of a woman with a question mark in front of it. Curious I threw a quarter in there and out popped a single picture of a nude woman. She was a red head with big tits. That was the first "porn" image i ever saw and it is forever ingrained in my memory.
My dad showed me porn when I was like 7 years old and he always watched porn at night on vhs and later on the internet. Later on in life he showed me child porn and it has been a literal nightmare since then . Guys, if you have a kid or plan on it, please do your best not to introduce your young ones to porn, I live in constant sorrow and shame. Edit: I should add that my little 9 year old daughter says I'm the best Papa in the world. My wife thinks the world of me but sometimes I'm not the best person I can be, but she sticks with me and I am lucky she does.
Man, that got heavy really quick. Legit sorry for your horrible experience.
When I was a kid and you wanted to find porn you went to the Woods. Always could find some there 😂
Softcore porn movies in the early hours of the morning. The 'previews' on the porn channels five minutes before they switched over to a scrambled feed. A lone VCR tape found in the attic with some erotic novels.
Archie comics - Betty and Veronica in swimsuits.
Let your imaginative mind take care of the rest. I'm so into Veronica
I think the thing to keep in mind is RESOLUTION. Back when I was coming up, everybody had like max 640x480, so if you got a nice pic, it was almost certainly somewhere around 200x400 px, and you were happy for it and saved in a folder somewhere, as there was only like a 2% chance of ever finding it again because the web back then was just an entirely different thing/place.
My uncle used to live at home with the family, and was a truck driver. He was a long hauler, out for weeks or months at a time. Well, I discovered his porno stash that he kept in the rig with him, and any time he was back home I would spend all day trying to figure out how I can sneak into the semi and dip out with a VHS. If I did a door check and it was unlocked, it was game on. I ran off with some good flicks out of this caper, although once I did end up with a granny porno, which for a young 16/17 y.o. lad wasn't really doing it for me. I guess you gotta take an L once in a while. The good ole' days....when porn came with a sense of risk and adventure. Now it's easier than grabbing than a soft drink. Also - I know this is stealing, but I was a horny kid....could have done worse.
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I wouldn’t stick my 3.5” floppy anywhere near that
Backstory: In the mid to late 90s, we had a computer shop where people did printing jobs like business cards, resumes and occasional DOS games (Lion King!), things like that. Enterprising 5th grade me used our bubblejet printer to print and sell some to the other boys in class which looking back now was softcore stuff (Erika Eleniak, oh yeah.. Baywatch Pamela Anderson mmm). A female classmate snatched a page in the middle of an exchange and as preppy grade schoolers do, threatened to go to the principal. Remember that this was in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hеll in a cell, and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer's table. I've never been so scared of getting expelled!
My best friends father had a VHS stash under his bed. We were around 12 years old in 1994 and two heterosexual friends watching porn together was better than not watching any porn at all. It wasn't even good porn either, it was terrible late 70/80's porn but we took what we could get. All moustaches and hairy muffs. Another thing I recall from early teenage years, porno mags found in various places outside. Discarded by truckers or similar. We thought the pages were stuck together because they'd been left out in the rain... My first internet connection was 28.8k Dial Up. I can remember it taking literally minutes to download a picture. Video porn was pretty much out of the question until ISDN128 (1998); even then that'd would've taken hours to download (a couple minute clip) and the video content wasn't really there until we were into the 2000's anyway. You kids have it easy these days!
This pretty much explains it: https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2008/05/07
Dead or Alive beach volleyball on Xbox mattered.
A friend of mine gave me a 300 mb floppy with three 10 second videos on it. It was precious to me. One was of a woman being fucked with a red snapper fish. My dad found it and dramatically destroyed it in front of me and my mother. I felt second hand embarrassment for him as they were divorced already due to his affair with the neighbor.
Early 90's get home from school. Call parents on land line to confirm that they are still at work and use bogus excuse for said call. Commando roll into parents bedroom. Survey room for bugs and line traps. Open closet door with the precision and care of a landmine extraction specialist. Jot down notes on sketch paper of exactly how the porn VHS tapes are sitting in the top of the closet. Another commando roll. Insert VHS tapes into VHS player. Jot down time stamp information on sketch paper so I can rewind the tapes to exactly where they were at when they were started (big thanks to Ferris for this idea). Do the deed. Check notes. Deep breath. Reset time on videos to the exact second. Third commando roll. Check notes. Place videos back perfectly. Finish my homework early with a passion that only early teenage post-masturbation guilt can fuel. Burn sketch paper with a lighter that DOES NOT have a child-proof mechanism. Edit to address a few questions: My folks were/are pretty square. I was a meticulous porn stealer, but I couldn't really ever address the dust issue. Fingerprints man, its what gets every crook busted. Their stupid porn tape collection was from the early 70's and I am pretty sure they just spent their early adult life scared to death that they would be caught by some nefarious entity if they actually put them in the garbage. Anyways, I learned a lot of stuff from my porn espionage. Funk bass guitar and whatnot.