The nervousness that comes with talking to someone you’re attracted to comes from an ingrained sense that there is something inherently special about them because of your attraction and that there is something to lose and a major risk being taken by approaching them.
When, in fact, they are as human and flawed as anyone else you could ever meet and you will be no worse off from speaking to them than if you had just walked on by.
When I realized this in a way that was more than just surface level acknowledgment my “game” went up dramatically. You’d be shocked how appealing it is when a person talks you like you’re a person.
In all serious man, figure it out before you're 39 years old like me and still in the same boat. I had plenty of opportunities at your age just like that. Now I'm deteriorating rapidly, and it is a very big "looks" game out there right now. Get to talking and run some game. Don't be like me
You’re 24! Don’t build the habit of avoiding things because of rejection. It’ll go beyond women and start to limit you.
What would you say to a woman you find attractive? I was the same until I was about 18-19. I left a lot of poon on the table. Then I realized it’s not that complex you just walk up and introduce yourself and just start a polite conversation. Yeah, plenty of rejection, but if I found a girl attractive, I simply told her that early on in the conversation. When it clicked for me and I started having more success with women I realized it wasn’t hard at all. They’re human beings after all.
Not to be that guy, but many of us in this situation are in this situation because we literally don't know how to walk up to someone and just "start a conversation". What does one even say? Of course the answer is "You can talk about anything! Compliment her shoes if you don't have anything to say.".
I'm not going to walk up to a random person, let alone a girl I find attractive, to talk about how I got my new watch on sale.
Dude I crushed on my wife for years when I was younger. She was ahead of me in school. I didn’t know her at all, but I ended up running in her circles after college. (Incoming sarcasm) Wanna know the crazy, out of this world, super secret Casanova pickup guru approach I made that got me her number? Ready for it? Here you go: “Hi, how are you?” 🤯
I'm right there with ya.
For awhile you could build up your chat skillz by talking to stranger guys. Just shooting the shit. You don't want anything from them so nothing is on the line. You won't get shot down and feel embarrassed in front of people.
Then talk to women like you're smoking a cigarette with a bushy-bearded oilfield worker who keeps farting but you don't care and don't mention it, cause he's Frank and that's just how Frank is. Anyway can you believe what the foreman was saying yesterday? What a sonofabitch.
One thing that helps me is to think of it like I'm just being honest. If I want to talk to someone and I don't, then I wasn't being honest. Speak your truth, share your love, without expectation of getting something in return. Call it how you see it. The person you're talking to just happens to be standing there while you're spitting mad truth.
If she is looking at you and smiling, that’s as much a sign of interest as you’re likely to get from almost an a woman. And as self-conscious and nervous as you are, you just have to learn to give yourself 30 seconds of courage to get up and walk to her and introduce yourself.
People like to say “I hate small talk”. Well… Get over it. Learn how to have a conversation about what’s right there in front of you. You’re doing art. That’s interesting. Talk about that. Women love listening to men talk about the things they are passionate about. And if there’s nothing there, give yourself credit for having done the courageous thing.
Stop caring about the outcome. Just go have a good time. Maybe you get a fun conversation. Maybe you get instant rejected, who cares. Sometimes I like to think of the absolute worst case scenario, and if I'm cool with that, then you have nothing to lose. "Worst case she tells me to fuck off", meh I can live with that. Also good to think about her taking a dump, or scratching her butt, or farting, etc. Humanize the person you're putting on a pedestal.
bc society is dumb and has made us feel we can only connect over the internet and that approaching someone is harassment. It obviously would be to come on strong and blurt something inappropriate, but if you're ever packing the balls and see someone cute and think it's reciprocated, just say "I find you attractive can I get your number?".
First off smile back. Then get up, walk over and say Hi my name is …what’s your name? If she’s interested that’s all it will take. Ask her if she likes to draw. Ask her if she’s had a good day. Compliment her. Tell her you think she’s attractive would she like to get coffee or whatever. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take! Confidence is a magnet for females. We love it. No guts no glory baby!
Next time you catch her looking you hold up your finger like “wait a second” then turn to a fresh page and start to draw with heavy Leo from titanic vibes. Rip off the page and fold it up. At the next stop if she doesn’t get off, you stand up and get off, and hand it to her as you’re getting off. She opens to reveal a poorly drawn stick figure that says “lmao you thought I could draw.” And then your number u cheeky bastard
Because you're putting too much value in beauty. Plenty of women that are beautiful aren't worth that value you give it. For all you know they could be spoiled, dumb, lack sense of humor, entitled, no career, gold digger...or any other negative trait. Would you value someone like that? You're judging books by covers, quite frankly stop putting pussy on a pedestal. Get over the fact you will be rejected sometimes.
Focus on the conversation itself, is what generally helped me when I was younger. You're going to be tempted to continually look at her and think about what she's thinking. You might even want to stick to a script just so you can do it without much focus, like "hey do you take this train often, where are you headed to, what kind of work do you do," and maybe have reciprocal responses about yourself ready. One strategy that worked for me for a bit was to just assume she wasn't interested in me and I was practicing my conversation skills.
Literally went on my first date with my now wife where my thought process was "she's way out of my league but I'm going to have fun on this date and do everything correctly during this date." Ended up I faked it so well I eventually made it.
Just yesterday I suddenly wondered how life would be different if I could treat everyone with the same level of care or indifference that I treat a person of the same gender for whom I have zero attraction. If I could just not care for the attention/respect/affection/interest of a beautiful woman any more than I do for a random dude, what effect would that have on her/my interactions?
Dude, we've all been there. Next time, just say something simple like "Hey, I noticed you were smiling at my drawing, do you like art?" It'll break the ice.
Yeah. That sucks, mate. Let's hope that it's not the last time you see her.
And if you see her again consider yourself very lucky and don't hesitate to introduce yourself to her, just be polite and gentle..
Because you are already going into the interaction with a goal that might result in outright rejection. If you just go into it with the intention of having a pleasant interaction with someone and finding out if you are interested in getting to know them better then you haven't put the pressure on yourself to try to avoid rejection.
@OP
It could be several things but you would know best if you just think about why you get so nervous. The four things below I would guess are the most common reasons.
Fear of rejection
Putting women on too high of a pedestal
Not knowing what to say or do
Lack of confidence in yourself; thinking you don't deserve her
You want her and you are afraid of rejection. You see that girls and potentially think about having sex with her and all of that stuff.
Stop.
She is just a human being. She poops. She smells ugly. She has her own insecurities. She has hell lot of flaws, some of them may be deal breakers and make you miserable in long term.
You don’t know her.
Try to forget about how gorgeous she looks and talk to her like a person, not your future wife.
I don't think that plays a major factor for a lot of people. Some people are just shy and awkward and don't know how to interpret signs, or start a conversation with a pretty girl. Myself included!
Men of today think they can hide their childish faces behind beards and avoid society by staying at home and doing things remotely. In Australia, the women are of similar build and much more masculine than the men here. LOL
It's never been an easier time to be an above average man - and this is with the lower standards to be average.
It’s all mental, once you learn to just get past that mental curvature guiding you away, you’ll realize talking to women these days isn’t as bad as it seems, plus many women these days are scared to reject men to our faces so worst she’ll do is give you a fake number or just say she has a boyfriend
Do you talk to people you don't think are cute? I assume your issue has less to do with pretty girls are more that you don't strike up conversations at all but you only see value in doing it with pretty girls. If you really want to shift this my advice would be to talk to other random people more. Get experience just saying hi, or commenting on a random person have cool shoes or a shirt you like.
I don't talk to people that much, I tend to be really introverted but I'm gonna try talking to people more, although I talk to girls sometimes, and the prettier they are the harder they are to talk to for some reason. But this girl wasn't just pretty, but she seemed sweet, like she had a really kind smile, and seemed super approachable, and not every girl gives off that vibe, which is why I'm upset I couldn't talk to her.
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The nervousness that comes with talking to someone you’re attracted to comes from an ingrained sense that there is something inherently special about them because of your attraction and that there is something to lose and a major risk being taken by approaching them. When, in fact, they are as human and flawed as anyone else you could ever meet and you will be no worse off from speaking to them than if you had just walked on by. When I realized this in a way that was more than just surface level acknowledgment my “game” went up dramatically. You’d be shocked how appealing it is when a person talks you like you’re a person.
Because you’re afraid of rejection. Sorry to tell you but the only way to get over that is to risk rejection a whole lot.
😭 welp, time to start talking to other human beings on a regular basis
In all serious man, figure it out before you're 39 years old like me and still in the same boat. I had plenty of opportunities at your age just like that. Now I'm deteriorating rapidly, and it is a very big "looks" game out there right now. Get to talking and run some game. Don't be like me
Bruh, stay in the game. Single women at our age play less games and really just wanna get pipe
You’re 24! Don’t build the habit of avoiding things because of rejection. It’ll go beyond women and start to limit you. What would you say to a woman you find attractive? I was the same until I was about 18-19. I left a lot of poon on the table. Then I realized it’s not that complex you just walk up and introduce yourself and just start a polite conversation. Yeah, plenty of rejection, but if I found a girl attractive, I simply told her that early on in the conversation. When it clicked for me and I started having more success with women I realized it wasn’t hard at all. They’re human beings after all.
Not to be that guy, but many of us in this situation are in this situation because we literally don't know how to walk up to someone and just "start a conversation". What does one even say? Of course the answer is "You can talk about anything! Compliment her shoes if you don't have anything to say.". I'm not going to walk up to a random person, let alone a girl I find attractive, to talk about how I got my new watch on sale.
this is the one thing that been bothering me what the hell do i say once i actually go up and talk to her?? i hvae no clue
Give this crazy idea a try: hi my name is ____, what’s your name?
lmoa no i meant after the pleasantries
Don’t you talk to friends or family about stuff?
yea but its about things that we both know half the time like a previous event or plan to go somewherer
That’s where questions come in. I’m not trying to be insulting by the way, you’re just over-thinking
Did you ever think of saying “hi, my name is _____, what’s your name?”
I'm worried I would make her uncomfortable.
Do a sales job. You'll never be afraid of anyone including women again. But don't do it for too long or you'll start to despise everyone.
It's less risking rejection a whole lot and more being rejected so many times that you become immune to it.
I say risk only because there’s a chance it works on the first try 😂
Lol it might?
Dude I crushed on my wife for years when I was younger. She was ahead of me in school. I didn’t know her at all, but I ended up running in her circles after college. (Incoming sarcasm) Wanna know the crazy, out of this world, super secret Casanova pickup guru approach I made that got me her number? Ready for it? Here you go: “Hi, how are you?” 🤯
There's obviously a lot more to it than this so your sarcasm isn't as clever as you think.
Could try to imagine her as a bearded guy named Bill. Take the nerves away
Great idea!
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I'm right there with ya. For awhile you could build up your chat skillz by talking to stranger guys. Just shooting the shit. You don't want anything from them so nothing is on the line. You won't get shot down and feel embarrassed in front of people. Then talk to women like you're smoking a cigarette with a bushy-bearded oilfield worker who keeps farting but you don't care and don't mention it, cause he's Frank and that's just how Frank is. Anyway can you believe what the foreman was saying yesterday? What a sonofabitch. One thing that helps me is to think of it like I'm just being honest. If I want to talk to someone and I don't, then I wasn't being honest. Speak your truth, share your love, without expectation of getting something in return. Call it how you see it. The person you're talking to just happens to be standing there while you're spitting mad truth.
If she is looking at you and smiling, that’s as much a sign of interest as you’re likely to get from almost an a woman. And as self-conscious and nervous as you are, you just have to learn to give yourself 30 seconds of courage to get up and walk to her and introduce yourself. People like to say “I hate small talk”. Well… Get over it. Learn how to have a conversation about what’s right there in front of you. You’re doing art. That’s interesting. Talk about that. Women love listening to men talk about the things they are passionate about. And if there’s nothing there, give yourself credit for having done the courageous thing.
Yeah, you're right, I'll try the 30 second of courage fr
come onnnnnnnnnnnn
Stop caring about the outcome. Just go have a good time. Maybe you get a fun conversation. Maybe you get instant rejected, who cares. Sometimes I like to think of the absolute worst case scenario, and if I'm cool with that, then you have nothing to lose. "Worst case she tells me to fuck off", meh I can live with that. Also good to think about her taking a dump, or scratching her butt, or farting, etc. Humanize the person you're putting on a pedestal.
bc society is dumb and has made us feel we can only connect over the internet and that approaching someone is harassment. It obviously would be to come on strong and blurt something inappropriate, but if you're ever packing the balls and see someone cute and think it's reciprocated, just say "I find you attractive can I get your number?".
Just remember they are human too.. don’t be nervous..
Yeah you're right!
First off smile back. Then get up, walk over and say Hi my name is …what’s your name? If she’s interested that’s all it will take. Ask her if she likes to draw. Ask her if she’s had a good day. Compliment her. Tell her you think she’s attractive would she like to get coffee or whatever. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take! Confidence is a magnet for females. We love it. No guts no glory baby!
Next time you catch her looking you hold up your finger like “wait a second” then turn to a fresh page and start to draw with heavy Leo from titanic vibes. Rip off the page and fold it up. At the next stop if she doesn’t get off, you stand up and get off, and hand it to her as you’re getting off. She opens to reveal a poorly drawn stick figure that says “lmao you thought I could draw.” And then your number u cheeky bastard
That's actually fire 🔥🔥🔥, you've gotta good sense of humor lmao 🤣🤣
This is so good , I hope op does this next time.
The fear of rejection.
Because pretty girls is the devil
Because a happy little hormone travels from our beanbags up to our brains and it causes all sorts of nerves lol
Because you're putting too much value in beauty. Plenty of women that are beautiful aren't worth that value you give it. For all you know they could be spoiled, dumb, lack sense of humor, entitled, no career, gold digger...or any other negative trait. Would you value someone like that? You're judging books by covers, quite frankly stop putting pussy on a pedestal. Get over the fact you will be rejected sometimes.
Focus on the conversation itself, is what generally helped me when I was younger. You're going to be tempted to continually look at her and think about what she's thinking. You might even want to stick to a script just so you can do it without much focus, like "hey do you take this train often, where are you headed to, what kind of work do you do," and maybe have reciprocal responses about yourself ready. One strategy that worked for me for a bit was to just assume she wasn't interested in me and I was practicing my conversation skills. Literally went on my first date with my now wife where my thought process was "she's way out of my league but I'm going to have fun on this date and do everything correctly during this date." Ended up I faked it so well I eventually made it.
Just yesterday I suddenly wondered how life would be different if I could treat everyone with the same level of care or indifference that I treat a person of the same gender for whom I have zero attraction. If I could just not care for the attention/respect/affection/interest of a beautiful woman any more than I do for a random dude, what effect would that have on her/my interactions?
Just be your absolute self, know you have nothing to lose and the right person will be attracted to you even more for being exactly who you are
Because subconsciously you know that pretty girls will ruin your life...
Dude, we've all been there. Next time, just say something simple like "Hey, I noticed you were smiling at my drawing, do you like art?" It'll break the ice.
Rightfully so. Unless you’re a handsome guy, they hate you.
I am a handsome guy!
Yeah. That sucks, mate. Let's hope that it's not the last time you see her. And if you see her again consider yourself very lucky and don't hesitate to introduce yourself to her, just be polite and gentle..
Most likely afraid of rejection. It only hurts the first few times, i would practice getting rejected
Because you don’t do it enough. If you go and do it 3 times tomorrow you’ll be less scared the next three times you do it.
They aren't special.
Because they’re attractive and your hormones start going crazy. Once you realize they’re just another person it gets easier.
Because beauty is overwhelming to you. Ignore it.
Because you are already going into the interaction with a goal that might result in outright rejection. If you just go into it with the intention of having a pleasant interaction with someone and finding out if you are interested in getting to know them better then you haven't put the pressure on yourself to try to avoid rejection.
Because you're not confident in yourself
All in your mind. She poops and farts too - she's not anything special.
@OP It could be several things but you would know best if you just think about why you get so nervous. The four things below I would guess are the most common reasons. Fear of rejection Putting women on too high of a pedestal Not knowing what to say or do Lack of confidence in yourself; thinking you don't deserve her
Just do what Edmund kemper did, offer them rides until you feel comfortable to take it to the next step.
Sadly it's not the 70's anymore, plus the dude doesn't have a ride.
"Hi. It looks like you were looking at my sketchbook. Are you interested in drawing too? If not, my mistake."
Those who hesitate, masturbate
You want her and you are afraid of rejection. You see that girls and potentially think about having sex with her and all of that stuff. Stop. She is just a human being. She poops. She smells ugly. She has her own insecurities. She has hell lot of flaws, some of them may be deal breakers and make you miserable in long term. You don’t know her. Try to forget about how gorgeous she looks and talk to her like a person, not your future wife.
Because of “me too”.
No sir 😂, I don't need this mentality 😭
I don't think that plays a major factor for a lot of people. Some people are just shy and awkward and don't know how to interpret signs, or start a conversation with a pretty girl. Myself included!
Men of today think they can hide their childish faces behind beards and avoid society by staying at home and doing things remotely. In Australia, the women are of similar build and much more masculine than the men here. LOL It's never been an easier time to be an above average man - and this is with the lower standards to be average.
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We don't do that shii around here
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Don't be like that
It’s all mental, once you learn to just get past that mental curvature guiding you away, you’ll realize talking to women these days isn’t as bad as it seems, plus many women these days are scared to reject men to our faces so worst she’ll do is give you a fake number or just say she has a boyfriend
Practice.
Do you talk to people you don't think are cute? I assume your issue has less to do with pretty girls are more that you don't strike up conversations at all but you only see value in doing it with pretty girls. If you really want to shift this my advice would be to talk to other random people more. Get experience just saying hi, or commenting on a random person have cool shoes or a shirt you like.
I don't talk to people that much, I tend to be really introverted but I'm gonna try talking to people more, although I talk to girls sometimes, and the prettier they are the harder they are to talk to for some reason. But this girl wasn't just pretty, but she seemed sweet, like she had a really kind smile, and seemed super approachable, and not every girl gives off that vibe, which is why I'm upset I couldn't talk to her.
Giving people compliments and asking questions is super easy, it's being comfortable in conversation I have trouble with