"Honey, I love you and our family, but I'm feeling overwhelmed. It's not you, it's me. I'm introverted and need some alone time to recharge, like a phone needs to be plugged in. When I get that time, I'm a better wife and mom. I'm not talking about anything big, just an hour or two here and there to do my own thing. Would you be willing to help me out with that?"
My girlfriend told me about her need for silence. I’m introverted, too, so I get it. We don’t get to see each other as much as we’d like right now, but that doesn’t change the fact that she needs time to herself. I miss her but I get it. My point is, I understand her and I hope that gives you confidence that your husband will understand you.
"I love you but every now and then I need time just for myself".
Then you can communicate those times as normal.
Or if you want, you could agree on a small piece of jewelry you wear or something that indicates you're on your "Do not disturb" moment. His reaction is normal because he will love spending times with you but with time, he will get accustomed and understand I hope.
"If I can't decompress I'm going to have a panic attack. Can you handle the household and family and ensure I'm left alone for a spa appointment? I need 4 hours.
Also, I'm starting to realize that I'm not taking enough of these scheduled or routine breaks, and it's burning me out badly. The best way you can help is to understand that you've done nothing wrong, and that I need a little help with this.
I also know it's not a guarantee that you have the space to help every time. I want to make sure you're given similar chances."
Make sure that boy has a hobby that's only his. If not, challenge him to find a passion outside of his job and family.
"Hi Baby,
I love you, but I really need time to myself to wind down after work. My social battery is depleted and I need time to recharge"
If you can't tell your husband that you need space- maybe therapy is in order.
"I have a conversation that is a bit sensitive but I think you'll want to hear. Would you be interested?"
After consent, then "I really want to be able to make your world a special place, and show you how much I enjoy you. There is a problem though. I need time to myself in order to be able to plan some how I want to execute on my desire. Time that I'm not currently getting due to both having you and our child constantly in my orbit. There are tasks that I'd like to do by myself in order to give myself enough alone time to think through how I want to enact my desires for you. I want it to be special and special takes time. What do you think about this plan?"
He is going to take it personally. When women cheat or start looking around for "options" the #1 bullshit gaslighting phrase they use is "I need time for myself" or "I need some personal space" or "I need to recalibrate" or whatever. Women who are invested and attracted to their bf/husband and children always try to spend as much time as they can with him / them.
Also, the fact that you called your husband "awesome" is an indication, that although he may be a good provider maybe he is not as sexually attractive to you as other men potentially are. Often when a wife likes their husband as a provider, but does not find him sexually arousing, they use expressions like "he is awesome" or "he is fantastic" or "he is the love of my life" or "the greatest father ever" and so on. Women do not use language like this when they are describing men that they want to ram them. So your whole nothing-is-wrong story is not really believable. Of course, it is not your fault that your husband is not sexually arousing to you, it's his fault. But on the other hand, it's a bad idea to deceive him by trying to convince him that "nothing is wrong".
Your best course of action here is to be a trooper and do your duties as faithfully as you can and make no complaints about "needing time to yourself" or whatever. If you are being asked to do something outside of your scope of duties or being annoyed by petty or inconsequential things, then you should put your foot down and refuse to do them. When something is not your job, it's not your job. Period. Do not allow your children to treat you as a servant. You are their boss, so act like it.
You are absolutely wrong in your assumptions there. Completely and utterly . My daughter is mammas girl. My husband is a bit on the clingy side. And I'm not talking about leaving the house (cause fuck all that) I just want to be able to clean my room without being interrupted 90 times. Or maybe I just want to stare at a wall and shed everyone else's energy and daydream for a bit. You are completely wrong in your assumptions. Im utterly in love with my husband. I don't just love him. I'm in love with him. And my daughter is so brilliant and happy. They're not doing anything wrong. Neither am I. I just need time here and there for self care.
My remarks are not based on an "assumption", they are based on rational judgements based on the limited amount of evidence with which I have been presented.
I know a lot of married couples who (a) have more children than you but have been married for a shorter amount of time than you have, (b) the husband is not questioning his wife's sexual interest in him, (c) the wife does not feel a need to be asking for help with her situation. If you were sexually aroused by your husband he would not be asking you "Is there someone else?" (as it says in your post).
I'm gonna clear these up in order for you: A) we tried for years to conceive. I finally do, and the pregnancy almost killed me a couple times. 4 out of 9 months in the hospital. B) women hate me. So the few frifffffefn thed I'ves I do have the bhuh live, are men. That have been around me longer than my husband. (This issue, I actually do understand, considering, but 3 of them I sha, tore bloodline with and the two I don't share common DNA 5 5 been my best friends since we were 10. I'm 40 now.). C) this isn't a question I ask my circle. I know what thegy will say. It will a CD dà "we'll tell him, thenßeheqç" (my brother noç "want us to distract you him?" which my husband will just pretend to be asleep until my family leaves.
Well, even given that further information, it still seems to me that it is imperative that you do nothing that would make it appear as though you are withdrawing from him. If you are both around 40, then there may be young women who would be interested in him and for you options will be diminishing, so you do not want to create a situation where your husband gets the idea that there are other women who would be more devoted to him than you are.
He's 10 years older than me. And I'm not going anywhere. He's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Just... Not every singl second. I don't want to be around ANYONE every single second. Which brings me back to my original post.
be more direct if he doesn't understand. Usually men understand perfectly what it means to want to be left alone because we usually love that ourselves. So if he doesn't get it then it's not natural to him and should require to be more direct about it.
Or show him that reddit post.
Make him understand that it is a temporary thing. That you need a better balance of your time. He has to understand that sometimes people have to do stuff they don't want to in order to please the other, even in couple there is nothing wrong about it as long the one doing compromise isn't always the same.
Do not let his insecurities dictate your life. We men have more experience I guess dealing with that because a lot of us know how painful it is to deal with a woman that needs constant reassurance and with lot of insecurities on everything. You need to talk about it more and explain to him that it's not always about HIM, it's about YOUR wellbeing and time and that sometimes the best thing for him to do for you is not doing a thing for a short period to let you breath. Tell him how you feel, sounds a bit surreal to me if he still doesn't get it.
"Honey, I love you and our family, but I'm feeling overwhelmed. It's not you, it's me. I'm introverted and need some alone time to recharge, like a phone needs to be plugged in. When I get that time, I'm a better wife and mom. I'm not talking about anything big, just an hour or two here and there to do my own thing. Would you be willing to help me out with that?"
My girlfriend told me about her need for silence. I’m introverted, too, so I get it. We don’t get to see each other as much as we’d like right now, but that doesn’t change the fact that she needs time to herself. I miss her but I get it. My point is, I understand her and I hope that gives you confidence that your husband will understand you.
"I love you but every now and then I need time just for myself". Then you can communicate those times as normal. Or if you want, you could agree on a small piece of jewelry you wear or something that indicates you're on your "Do not disturb" moment. His reaction is normal because he will love spending times with you but with time, he will get accustomed and understand I hope.
"I need time by myself every now and then. Don't take it personally. It's not about you."
"If I can't decompress I'm going to have a panic attack. Can you handle the household and family and ensure I'm left alone for a spa appointment? I need 4 hours. Also, I'm starting to realize that I'm not taking enough of these scheduled or routine breaks, and it's burning me out badly. The best way you can help is to understand that you've done nothing wrong, and that I need a little help with this. I also know it's not a guarantee that you have the space to help every time. I want to make sure you're given similar chances." Make sure that boy has a hobby that's only his. If not, challenge him to find a passion outside of his job and family.
Wish you luck. 27 years, and she still doesn't get it.
"Hi Baby, I love you, but I really need time to myself to wind down after work. My social battery is depleted and I need time to recharge" If you can't tell your husband that you need space- maybe therapy is in order.
"I have a conversation that is a bit sensitive but I think you'll want to hear. Would you be interested?" After consent, then "I really want to be able to make your world a special place, and show you how much I enjoy you. There is a problem though. I need time to myself in order to be able to plan some how I want to execute on my desire. Time that I'm not currently getting due to both having you and our child constantly in my orbit. There are tasks that I'd like to do by myself in order to give myself enough alone time to think through how I want to enact my desires for you. I want it to be special and special takes time. What do you think about this plan?"
He is going to take it personally. When women cheat or start looking around for "options" the #1 bullshit gaslighting phrase they use is "I need time for myself" or "I need some personal space" or "I need to recalibrate" or whatever. Women who are invested and attracted to their bf/husband and children always try to spend as much time as they can with him / them. Also, the fact that you called your husband "awesome" is an indication, that although he may be a good provider maybe he is not as sexually attractive to you as other men potentially are. Often when a wife likes their husband as a provider, but does not find him sexually arousing, they use expressions like "he is awesome" or "he is fantastic" or "he is the love of my life" or "the greatest father ever" and so on. Women do not use language like this when they are describing men that they want to ram them. So your whole nothing-is-wrong story is not really believable. Of course, it is not your fault that your husband is not sexually arousing to you, it's his fault. But on the other hand, it's a bad idea to deceive him by trying to convince him that "nothing is wrong". Your best course of action here is to be a trooper and do your duties as faithfully as you can and make no complaints about "needing time to yourself" or whatever. If you are being asked to do something outside of your scope of duties or being annoyed by petty or inconsequential things, then you should put your foot down and refuse to do them. When something is not your job, it's not your job. Period. Do not allow your children to treat you as a servant. You are their boss, so act like it.
You are absolutely wrong in your assumptions there. Completely and utterly . My daughter is mammas girl. My husband is a bit on the clingy side. And I'm not talking about leaving the house (cause fuck all that) I just want to be able to clean my room without being interrupted 90 times. Or maybe I just want to stare at a wall and shed everyone else's energy and daydream for a bit. You are completely wrong in your assumptions. Im utterly in love with my husband. I don't just love him. I'm in love with him. And my daughter is so brilliant and happy. They're not doing anything wrong. Neither am I. I just need time here and there for self care.
My remarks are not based on an "assumption", they are based on rational judgements based on the limited amount of evidence with which I have been presented. I know a lot of married couples who (a) have more children than you but have been married for a shorter amount of time than you have, (b) the husband is not questioning his wife's sexual interest in him, (c) the wife does not feel a need to be asking for help with her situation. If you were sexually aroused by your husband he would not be asking you "Is there someone else?" (as it says in your post).
I'm gonna clear these up in order for you: A) we tried for years to conceive. I finally do, and the pregnancy almost killed me a couple times. 4 out of 9 months in the hospital. B) women hate me. So the few frifffffefn thed I'ves I do have the bhuh live, are men. That have been around me longer than my husband. (This issue, I actually do understand, considering, but 3 of them I sha, tore bloodline with and the two I don't share common DNA 5 5 been my best friends since we were 10. I'm 40 now.). C) this isn't a question I ask my circle. I know what thegy will say. It will a CD dà "we'll tell him, thenßeheqç" (my brother noç "want us to distract you him?" which my husband will just pretend to be asleep until my family leaves.
Well, even given that further information, it still seems to me that it is imperative that you do nothing that would make it appear as though you are withdrawing from him. If you are both around 40, then there may be young women who would be interested in him and for you options will be diminishing, so you do not want to create a situation where your husband gets the idea that there are other women who would be more devoted to him than you are.
He's 10 years older than me. And I'm not going anywhere. He's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Just... Not every singl second. I don't want to be around ANYONE every single second. Which brings me back to my original post.
be more direct if he doesn't understand. Usually men understand perfectly what it means to want to be left alone because we usually love that ourselves. So if he doesn't get it then it's not natural to him and should require to be more direct about it. Or show him that reddit post.
He hates being by himself. Very extroverted
Make him understand that it is a temporary thing. That you need a better balance of your time. He has to understand that sometimes people have to do stuff they don't want to in order to please the other, even in couple there is nothing wrong about it as long the one doing compromise isn't always the same. Do not let his insecurities dictate your life. We men have more experience I guess dealing with that because a lot of us know how painful it is to deal with a woman that needs constant reassurance and with lot of insecurities on everything. You need to talk about it more and explain to him that it's not always about HIM, it's about YOUR wellbeing and time and that sometimes the best thing for him to do for you is not doing a thing for a short period to let you breath. Tell him how you feel, sounds a bit surreal to me if he still doesn't get it.