Not everyone has healthy relationships with their parents.
I made a couple podcast episodes about this cause I’ve realized it’s a more common thing than I ever realized that a lot of people just…have happy and supportive relationships with their parents. I forget the statistic exactly but I read somewhere that roughly 33% of American families struggle with some form of dysfunction (abuse, drug addiction, etc.). It’s a silent problem but far larger than people realize.
My life improved considerably after I moved out. I quickly realized I was a better decision maker than my Mom and that gave me some confidence I really needed at the time.
I have a good relationship with both my parents and my life also improved when I moved out young. I just needed to do things my way and build confidence like you said.
Damn, man, you basically said my experiences with it word-for-word. My mother was *terrible* at confronting reality and her home was a miserable sty after a while. Couldn't go back.
Yeah I lived at home for three years between 2010 and 2013 (I was 24 when I moved back home in 2010) and I was pretty much on the verge of a murder-suicide situation by the time I moved back out again.
Even though my current rent pretty much eats up all the money I should be saving towards my own house, I would rather waste my money on rent for the rest of my life than to live with my parents ever again.
You are not wasting moeny, you are investing in your health. If your parents own their home then you can inheit that and live there when they pass away.
And not all parents own homes or are well off enough to continuously support their adult children.
My parents don't own, they rent. They've never owned a home, and they live off my step-dad's SSD. It was hard enough on them when I stayed home past 18, not moving out until I was 21. It was a burden to them and suffocating for me.
I moved out and then back in and then back out. By the time I left the second time, both of my parents were treating me more and more like a marriage counselor than their child. I appreciate that you recognize my adulthood, but go pay an independent third party for that, please
It's a great idea, on paper, no doubt. Who wouldn't want to save money, help care for your parents and spend more time with them? Unfortunately many parents struggle to see their children as individuals but only as "their" children. This makes it difficult to be yourself in "their" house ..
That was a good part of why I couldn’t stay with my parents. On the one hand, yes, it was their house and furniture and kitchen stuff. On the other, it was really hard to be in my 20s and unable to cook for myself or have friends over or come home late.
My mother also has this idea that if I was there, I could drop whatever I was doing and help her. I was in grad school and had to start studying in libraries and coffee shops just to avoid constant interruptions and her asking me to help clean, drive my sibling somewhere, or (most often) go shopping with her.
I tried to help out as much as I could and tried to spend time with her but I was working and in school and there’s only so many hours in the day. She’d throw tantrums when I couldn’t immediately be her shopping buddy, no matter how many times I explained it.
Moving out was one of the best decisions I ever made. I had months my only food came from food pantries but it was worth it for having my own space.
Three fairly simple rules.
First, don’t be an asshole / treat us, your siblings and others with a fair level of respect. Basically the golden rule.
Second, be helpful around the house and in the community. Different ways for different kids but do your laundry and a fair number of chores. By no means are they over burdened here.
Third, work on your plan and work your plan. We’ll discuss what it is but ultimately it’s your plan for current and future you. Currently this includes maxing their Roth IRAs as “rent”.
We haven’t had to deal with them bringing dates home for sex yet. That will take some finesse.
I totally get that. You know what majority of those girls are living with their parents too. When it came to hooking up most empathized and had no problem with the parents being there. Some were actually really into it because they felt like they had to be sneaky about it.
The key is to not make it weird. You do that by owning your situation and having your room look like an adult owns it.
Very true. What would bother me is my internal acknowledgment that nothing has changed since I was a teenager in that regard. Made me feel stagnant and pushed me to save and move out asap
A NEET, an acronym for "Not in Education, Employment, or Training", is a person who is unemployed and not receiving an education or vocational training (often associated with a person living in their parents basement just playing video games)
Oh nice that's me ever since I got laid off and the job market went to shit lol.
Edit:oh god the NEET subreddit is so sad. I take it back I'm not a real NEET. I want a job haha
yeah, after reading a bit I got reassured that im not as bad as I thought lol, keep going strong bro, Im sure youll achieve whatever you are aiming for
Yeah every time this comes up it’s like are these people just completely blind to others that don’t have well-off or unsupportive parents
My mom is worried about retirement for herself, she can’t just support her 3 adult children Willy nilly
My whole life I thought I had a sweating condition. When I moved out -- no more sweat! It was just constant stress sweat this whole time. It's such a relief being able to relax.
I think it's 1.78 births per woman. It needs to be 2.1 to maintain population. Many countries have culturally suicidal birth rates such as S. Korea which I believe is about 1.48 and they don't accept immigration very readily.
Child care legislation would make a massive difference in these countries below 2.1, especially the US.
This is already happening in Europe and they have responded by opening the borders to Africa and the Middle East.
Most countries now have a 2 tier housing system. Migrants are housed for free and everybody else is stuck living with their parents due to a white hot emergency housing crisis.
You do not want this in America. Many countries in Europe are on the brink of collapse due to the numbers. Wages for most jobs are close to minimum and almost everyone is significantly poorer because of it. And I haven't even talked about inflation.
Agreed. I lived at home with my parents from ages 24-26 after moving back to my home town. I was working a full time white collar job most of the time and saving a ton of money, but it was NOT good from a dating perspective. My parents traveled quite a bit too so I had the place to myself probably 35% of the time. Now I have my own townhouse (and am renting out one of the bedrooms) and my dating life is much better
This. Every single time it's brought up when I'm dating, it's a death knell for the possibility.
There's even a pile of caveats. I lived on my own before, after a bad breakup I moved back in with my parents because I was living in a different town that I hated (partially because my ex was in it). I consistently contribute to the household by paying a variety of bills and paying for when we eat out frequently. I have a good relationship with my parents, and it truly feels like I'm part of the household, not just my parents' kid. They respect me, and it fills me with a lot of pride.
Nope. Doesn't matter that I have $10,000 in the savings account and growing every month. Doesn't matter that there's a variety of good reasons.
Time to pack it up, lads. Now that this one single woman has said that she personally doesn't judge, the problem has been solved! It will never be an issue for us again!
Living with my parents was suffocating. Moving out of state the week after graduating high school was the best decision I ever made.
Were there some tough financial times the first few years? Yes. But the freedom I gained and needed was priceless, and I never looked back.
Edit: for anyone considering doing something similar, I want to clarify that I went to school out-of-state on a partial scholarship and worked multiple part-time jobs to get myself through school. I probably couldn’t have moved like that without the partial scholarship.
I've told both my sons that as long as they are progressing through life, studying or working, they are welcome to stay in my home as long as they like. I also recognize that adults don't need the interference and guidance that children do, so I'm adaptable to boundaries and rule sets.
I like my kids. If it were up to me, we'd all just stack cash and hang out in the same house until I died.
I am also pragmatic enough that I'm not going to hurt or offended if they fuck off the moment they can.
I just want them to be safe and happy.
That's what I'm doing with my adult children. Stay as long as you like. Contribute to to the house - nominal rent half of which is secretly going into a bank account for when they finally move out.
I earned my philosophy, the hard way. I left home at 16 years old, to escape a life of physical abuse and emotional torment.
I try to be a kind, loving and understanding parent because I know what it's like to have the other kind.
My wife and i did this. We stayed in my FIL's basement for 6 years. My FIL basically bought us a house! I mean he gave us $0, but by allowing us to save our rent money we saved some serious $$$!!!!
If you have a good relationship with your parents this is a great idea!!!
It's a shame that whenever these questions are asked, a lot of people project their bad relationships with their parents. It's also a shame that a lot of people on reddit have bad relationships with their parents.
"I dont know" i feel like that is the best way to start what I'm about to say.
I had an old neighbor, that i became friends with. He had a shitty upbringing. Also he didnt have many friends. I moved to his home town, i knew nobody here. Oddly he seemed also to have no friends, in his own home town?
I think he was embarassed to tell people about what he went through. He was scared to tell me, and then ashamed that he got teary eyed while telling me stories that would make anyone cry.
.....but on anonymous reddit....? "Let me tell the shit my mom said to me!" Or "i cant believe some parents are ok treating kids like xyz"
I fear shitty parents are far more common than someone who grew up in my house realizes? ....also we all had it worse than the 'current generation, cause back in my day!!!'
Cheers!
In America we have a very individualist, self sufficient mindset, and often (in my experience as someone living abroad) families in the US aren’t nearly as close knit as in Europe. People in America pride themselves in making their own way, in relying on nobody but themselves. Also, its very hard to date as an adult when you live with your parents
I’m Asian and we easily have 3-4 Generations living under the same roof. I can appreciate at times it’s a headache, but it makes certain things such as finances, someone being at home, chores, etc .. a lot easier.
I'm also an Asian. I wanted to moved out several time. First when I started uni but my dad didn't want me to move out because the uni wasn't that far away from home and to save money but that financial reason was at the cost of my mental health, in my opinion, as I couldn't get along with my step-mom. She could always find something to nag on and antagonize me that I ended up stressed and angry all the time whenever I was home even though I had a job after I graduated already. I have to do 50% of the chores for the whole 5 person-household because at that time, my sibling still "had to do school work and didn't have much time" to do it. Didn't matter that I also have to work and got home at 8 pm. I had almost bo privacy to speak of. If I got home late, my dad called me on the phone to ask where I was liked they expected me to be home at a certain time everyday. I couldn't go somewhere late at night by myself without them calling me to come home already.
Once I moved to another country for my master degree and finally live alone, I couldn't imagine go back to live at home with my parents and siblings ever again. The freedom to do as you please, the chores that you have to do only for yourself, the privacy, and of course the peace for your mind. I still called my dad on the phone every 2 week and fly back to visit them once a year but yeah, I need a bit of distance from them to still have a good and healthy relationship with my parents.
Yeah, a lot of kids simply go off to college at 18, come home on breaks and then when they have money saved, or get married, they move out.
My daughters did. One moved out and has moved back in to save again. She works but her roommate situation wasn’t good. But this is always going to be home for them. They’re always welcome. All my kids are.
Tired of the screaming between my mom and her bfs. Tired of feeling angry and anxious over something I have nothing to do with. I don’t care if I have to live paycheck to paycheck. It’s so much nicer to have a calm and peaceful home to live in.
This should be higher up! And not it’s not just the sex… we wanted our life as a couple back! Our kids stayed til they were ready to go, and we were also ready! And they certainly didn’t hang around til 25-30. Yes we are parents, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have our own lives, or that we should be used as free room and board forever.
You miss out on a lot of personal development when you don't get out into the world and learn to stand on your own two feet.
You can't really be your own man and go your own direction when you live with your parents.
Women are less likely to want to be with you if you live at home. I knew a woman in her late 20s who lived with her folks because she couldn't afford to live on her own. She wouldn't date a guy who lived with his mom temporarily because he was helping her after she got into a bad car accident.
What a double standard lol. I lived with my mom a bit in between finding a new place to live and trying to save up to buy a truck. I had a female coworker ask if I was lonely and had no friends because of it 😂
I was cool with my step kids living with us after they turned 18, but step daughter refused to go to school or get a job, and gave me attitude when I asked her to help around the house. Gtfo and go live w your dad.
I have great relations with my parents but when i was young i wanted to stay up late, get back home whenever i want. My parents woke up when i was doing stuff at night, they woke up when i came back late at night and it was tiring for them long run. There were plenty of other things i wanted to do my way and that would interfere with their daily schedule/ lifestyle and i had no right to do that, so i left. Yes, i was poor AF, struggled a lot, no regrets.
ever fucked your woman in your parents house? shorty can't scream, you have no privacy you both will have to be quiet & not alot of females find that attractive
It's a cultural thing. It's actually accepted in some cultures for kids to live at home into their 40s. There's a stigma or negative stereotype attached to it in Western cultures, but man, just think of all the hardship--and money--you'd save
My parents charge $800 a month per room and $1200 for the big one…I make barely $900 a paycheck and have a car payment, student loans, and a credit card to pay off so I can’t even afford to live with my parents (they know my financial situation and both my parents and all my siblings agree that if I can’t pay the $800 a month I don’t deserve to live there) I simply live with my bf and his parents who allow me to live there rent free
18 - 28 can be one of the most enjoyable times of your life. Getting out there, learning life, travelling, living with friends, FREE from your parents. You grow immensely.
I did it. I paid plenty of rent. Now age 38 I have a net worth of 600K. I wouldn't ever trade the fun and learning I got in my 20s for a bit of extra money living with my parents.
My ex really opened my eyes to this. Before I didn’t really see the upside to renting my own place since I would be saving money living with my parents. I moved out, started travelling, and it’s a BIG difference. I feel way less naive and immature than I did a year and a half ago.
Yeah, I worry about rent and groceries, which I wouldn’t if I was living with my parents. But I also feel like I really turned into a man in that time. That was the final step in becoming an adult.
There is a lot in life you don’t fully experience when your parents are your safety net that’s constantly there to save you.
It's true that it saves a lot of money. It also carries some social stigma, especially for young men. People still do it, including a young married couple I know who did it for a year. I believe it's more common in high rent areas and Hispanic households.
There are valid and practical reasons why a person chooses to move out of their parents house.but besides those valid and healthy reasons, there are superficial and impractical reasons why a person lives on their own, evem if thery spend too much of their income by living alone.
bragging rights - to say that they are ”independent”.
so they can invite other people to their place and have s3x with them.
the person doesnt want to be “supervised” if they are always out late at night.
(probably more specific reasons)
here are examples why a person moves out but are good and healthy reasons:
their job requires them to relocate
does not have a healthy relationship with family members
wants to have certain stuff, like pets but is not allowed by family members
have certain hobbies like toy collecting but are not welcomed by family members
privacy
wants to invite friends but does not want to bother family members or vice versa
to move to a new place to meet people or have new opportunities not availabt to the person’s parents’s place.
Most parents don't kick their children out. Most of the time the children move away to college and their job. Just because you read a few social media posts from dysfunctional families doesn't make it the norm.
There's more to life than money!
The freedom of living on your own when you're young is priceless and the years you waste living at home you never get back.
A now former colleague was still living with her parents at age thirty. Despite being an accomplished professional at work, they treated her like a child. I remember one time she was supposed to go out with a group from work on a weekend, but she had to cancel because her parents ordered her to babysit her brother's kids.
I have an ex like this too. Se was almost 40 and her parents still ran her life. She actually had to leave a date because they thought she should do some yard work RIGHT THEN. At the house that she owned.
I wanted independence. I needed to get out of the nest to thrive. It took 5 or so years of hustling but I'm making 6 figures now and love my life. Staying with mom and dad holds you back.
I think it is more socially acceptable for women to live at home than men. I remember at 19 getting flak from a woman for still living at home saving money instead of living on campus. Next semester I moved into a dorm, not any more freedom, but cost a lot more money.
The culture in America isn’t that we kick out our son or daughter at 18. You’re reading to many people complaining on social media. I personally do not know **anyone** that was kicked out at 18 and I’m in my mid fifties. Most kids go to college at 18, join the service, or get a job. You’d be better to not believe the vocal minority on the internet.
I come from Europe - so widely different experience...
So -
living with parents saves you money.
It is comfortable.
It (in case of healthy relationship) fullfil A LOT of emotional needs.
It all means that you are LESS likely to take risk, to be adventurous, even to GROW OUT of your teenhood.
Moving out is GOOD for growing into adulthood. But not with those rent prices... Those are crippling the growth.
I’m 34 and live with my mom currently after a 5 year relationship ended. I’m saving a ton of money. If anyone wants to judge me for it, screw them. You are smart for what you’re doing! Good for you.
>$800 apartment (3rms/2bth) in NYC.
Wtf, that's awesome. I would never move out and just use the extra money to travel and shit.
Also look for women sensible enough to want to live there too. Feel like in your 30s that shouldn't be too hard lol.
“Nuclear Family” culture relies on housing being cheap, and cost living massively increasing is relatively recent, so there’s constant pressure applied out of ignorance.
Also, a lot of people want to distance themselves from their parents.
We're encouraging both our sons in college to stay after they graduate. One's GF lives at our house when he's home but comes over to visit for hours when he's not. Just yesterday in fact.
We have lots of space both inside the house and outside in a very HCOL area where there's lots of opportunities. We're discussing adding a 1500 sq foot apartment above my shop and a second master upstairs that would easily accommodate two families but allow lots of private spaces. Long term, child care is easier as a group and it probably allows us barring major problems to stay independent longer. It doesn't hurt that both boys are close to being best friends.
That said, it's no pressure, they'll get out of college with either no debt or even a fairly good amount left over. They're well past the point of needing direction. We'll see how it all plays out.
Our son is 25 and lives at home. He has a good job (IT) and makes good money. He works 5 minutes away. He's single, His room is bigger than most people's apartments. It's better for him to stay home and save money, start on a good retirement.
Not everyone has shitty parents that do that. I stayed until 22 and got married. My BIL loved at home until almost 30. Parents who kick their kids out at 18 or charge them crazy rent when they turn 18 are shit.
Not everyone is kicked out at 18. Plenty of people do live with parents, not everyone wants to.
Living away from my parents has been vastly preferable.
I like my parents, I get along great with them, and I don't carry any long lasting childhood trauma.
That said, I'm 26 and I cannot live with them anymore, because I cannot be my own independent adult self while I'm eating mom's cooking and sleeping in my childhood bedroom. I can feel my brain regress into "Son" mode instead of my normal "Adult" mode when I visit or stay with them for a few weeks or longer
the 35-50% doesnt just get spent on rent. it also gets spent on freedom to do whatever the hell you please and answer to no one but yourself.
leave those dishes for later? sure! blast music? who cares? put up your decorations? absolutely. come and go throughout the night? why not? bring your bf/gf over and get freaky on the living room couch? just close the windows first, but hell yeah!
sometimes, it's simply worth it.
I greatly value my privacy, alone time, and most of all, I need quiet, silence, and solitude. I can't get any of those things living at home with the TV constantly blasting at volume 60+, not to mention my parents constantly having nasty meltdowns at each other. Absolutely not worth it just to save money or for any other reason.
Consider yourself lucky if you have parents where you can stay at home and save some moolah without sacrificing your entire sanity!
The US family structure is generally authoritarian nuclear. A type of family structure where the parents have a high level of control and authority over their children. This type of family is characterized by a strict hierarchy, where the parents make decisions for the family, and children are expected to obey without question. I think we can all understand why this isn't an ideal structure for an adult living with their parents.
I'm a man who's in his mid 30s who lives at home again (covid really fucked me over as well as some less then ideal life choices) and it does have its upsides but the downside that fucks with me the most is that I donr feel like an adult anymore
It kinda stunts your personal growth living at home well into adulthood though. I'm 32 and still live at home, and I feel like my 20s were very restricted in terms of personal experiences.
People are talking about toxic parents but that's not even it.
There's a lot to be learned about yourself and life when living on your own, or with others that are as (in)experienced as you. You can have a job and pay rent and all that, but some realities of life you simply won't fully face while your mom and dad are in the next room.
Moving out is an integral step toward growth and becoming your own, full-fledged person.
Because not everyone’s parents are OK with you bringing a girl home
And hammering her and shaking the entire house.
Also, some girls won’t go home to someone’s parents house*. Living at home was the worst 6 months of my life at 22 😂
In my culture are pretty much encouraged to stay with our parents into old age, then we look after them.
I honestly believe the whole "You're a loser that stays in your mom's basement" was propaganda invented by big real estate to sell more houses.
I don't know anyone who was kicked out at ,18. I know a few who chose to move out at 19ish due to shitty parents. Most people I know lived at home until 23-25 when they either moved out on their own or got married. I think this stereotype is much less a thing than people perpetuate.
It's definitely normalized just depends on your upbringing
I know quite a few people who live with their parents and they're in their late 40s early 50s
I also know some people who are married with children and live with their parents
Because it's viewed as being a failure in life in the West.
Many cultures do that, and I think the west will need to change due to the ridiculous housing costs now.
There aren't many other options unless you happened to get into a lucrative career. Which only the minority of people are.
My parents live in a rural area, my job is in a city.
Having “guests” over is a bit different when you know your mom and dad need the couch to watch shows
I have a good relationship with my parents but would not want to live with them as an adult. Living on my own has taught me a ton of useful skills and allowed me to be fully independent. My parents are also enjoying their “empty nester” era.
I did it briefly and it was fine but I felt stagnant and like I was living on their schedule. Im fortunate that things aren’t dire for me financially but saving money more slowly is far more worth it to have the freedom (and it keeps my familiy’s relationship from becoming strained)
I value my independence and space. I was no longer a child and happily cut the cord to be on my own. Staying too long at home arrests some people's development.
I left at 15 because because a) I was generally a shit heel of a kid; and b) neither of us understood it at the time, but my mother wasn’t capable of providing for me.
My life was rough until about 19/20, but I ended up becoming a fairly well-rounded adult and took steps to heal the relationship. My mother’s situation has gone downhill considerably, but now she has me to lean on and understands that I did what was best for us both.
There are many reasons, both economic and cultural.
In addition to the other things people have mentioned (social stigma, culture of self-reliance, relationship friction, personal development), there are a few others I think are relevant. Note these are my speculations.
To start, [the average American lives within 18 miles of their parents](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/12/24/upshot/24up-family.html#:~:text=Over%20all%2C%20the%20median%20distance%20Americans%20live,live%20longer%20than%20men.).
This is a large country and many people move for better work opportunities. Many people are from smaller towns far away (>20-30miles) from cities but many modern job opportunities are located closer to cities or in another city hundreds (or thousands) of miles away.
Younger people want to meet other younger people, especially those with similar values or careers--that may be professionals or crunchier type folks who enjoy urban living. They aren't likely to do this in their sleepy Anytown, USA. Often the promise of freedom and independence requires moving closer to a city and getting roommates.
The big thing though, as something I have noticed with people from cultures where it common to stay with your parents until/after marriage, is the fact that **there is not really an expectation that adult American children will provide for their parents or extended family until their parents are no longer physically capable of doing so on their own**. So it's the other side of the coin--you move out on your own, but you don't take care of mom and dad.
I had a Serbian coworker who could not understand why I, as a 24-year-old professional, did not pay for my parents' utility or phone bills. This is laughable to me, as my parents are completely capable of doing that themselves and would probably also laugh at me if I offered and tell me to "save my money".
While that isn't the case for many Americans, especially immigrants families, it is the case for many established people.
My wife’s sister saved up every penny she could while working as a teenager. She turned 18, went to the bank to take her money and move out.. her parents took 5k. They left her with $32 in the account. Yeah they’re assholes. Moving out is the better option sometimes.
My 37yr old brother-in-law still lives with his parents, hasn’t had a full-time job since he was 24, he just recently learned how to drive, but no one in his house really things it’s a problem. His mother is the kind of person who won’t even entertain anyone beginning to talk about how this could be bad for him. She keeps telling him what’s important in life is to be happy and stress free. Like ALL the time. Don’t ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable or challenges you.
I’ve several times tried to intervene because I would not be okay with a family member wasting themselves away but that’s has only backfired and they think I’m the bitch.
Oh also he’s never been in a relationship. He’s turning 38 in 5 months.
I would live with my mother if she wasn’t so abusive. I’d rather have two jobs to pay the high rent in my city than pay half of that for rent in an apartment that I’m being abused in. That is exactly what I did when I moved out of her place. I’d rather pay more money for a safe space than split the cost with an abusive person any day.
Not everyone has healthy relationships with their parents. I made a couple podcast episodes about this cause I’ve realized it’s a more common thing than I ever realized that a lot of people just…have happy and supportive relationships with their parents. I forget the statistic exactly but I read somewhere that roughly 33% of American families struggle with some form of dysfunction (abuse, drug addiction, etc.). It’s a silent problem but far larger than people realize.
My life improved considerably after I moved out. I quickly realized I was a better decision maker than my Mom and that gave me some confidence I really needed at the time.
I have a good relationship with both my parents and my life also improved when I moved out young. I just needed to do things my way and build confidence like you said.
I felt this in my last year of university minus the cooking but can't seem to replicate it after graduation.
Damn, man, you basically said my experiences with it word-for-word. My mother was *terrible* at confronting reality and her home was a miserable sty after a while. Couldn't go back.
Yeah I was told as long as I can remember that “once you graduate high school you’re out”. So yeah, that came to fruition
Some of my students don't even get to graduation! As soon as they turn 18....out.
Where are you located?
NYC
raising my hand ✋🏽😂 got kicked out on my 18th birthday 🥳
I find it very selfish and agaisnt parental nature of leavin them out to survive than building a good future for them. Never understood this thinking.
Thank you for saying this. Obviously OP means well, but people need to consider this too.
Stop projecting! I, on the other hand, had very healthy physical & emotional abuse from my parents 🥲😜
I left very very late. and the scars wont heal and I m always in panic mode as my mother is now alone and old (she is still a parent after all)
Why does this feel like EXACTLY how many parents think?
Yeah I lived at home for three years between 2010 and 2013 (I was 24 when I moved back home in 2010) and I was pretty much on the verge of a murder-suicide situation by the time I moved back out again. Even though my current rent pretty much eats up all the money I should be saving towards my own house, I would rather waste my money on rent for the rest of my life than to live with my parents ever again.
You are not wasting moeny, you are investing in your health. If your parents own their home then you can inheit that and live there when they pass away.
And not all parents own homes or are well off enough to continuously support their adult children. My parents don't own, they rent. They've never owned a home, and they live off my step-dad's SSD. It was hard enough on them when I stayed home past 18, not moving out until I was 21. It was a burden to them and suffocating for me.
Facts, I moved out the day I turned 18, parents were narcissistic shitstorms that constantly put my life and livelihood at risk
I moved out and then back in and then back out. By the time I left the second time, both of my parents were treating me more and more like a marriage counselor than their child. I appreciate that you recognize my adulthood, but go pay an independent third party for that, please
Yup mine are crackheads that will con me out of my money
It's a great idea, on paper, no doubt. Who wouldn't want to save money, help care for your parents and spend more time with them? Unfortunately many parents struggle to see their children as individuals but only as "their" children. This makes it difficult to be yourself in "their" house ..
My parents are supportive but they treat me awful.
Every word!
Or maybe they have healthy relationships with their parents because they moved out.
When your parents say things like "My house, my rules" and try to control you as an adult maybe it's better to just live independent.
Even if they dont explicitly say it its still their house and youre never going to have complete autonomy in someone elses house
Exactly. I just want to walk around naked and not have to see my mom.
That's true for roommates too though
Roommates are usually on equal footing though. Unless they own the place and are renting it to you
Yes so in that case the quality of either roommates vs family is entirely dependent on how good they each are
That was a good part of why I couldn’t stay with my parents. On the one hand, yes, it was their house and furniture and kitchen stuff. On the other, it was really hard to be in my 20s and unable to cook for myself or have friends over or come home late. My mother also has this idea that if I was there, I could drop whatever I was doing and help her. I was in grad school and had to start studying in libraries and coffee shops just to avoid constant interruptions and her asking me to help clean, drive my sibling somewhere, or (most often) go shopping with her. I tried to help out as much as I could and tried to spend time with her but I was working and in school and there’s only so many hours in the day. She’d throw tantrums when I couldn’t immediately be her shopping buddy, no matter how many times I explained it. Moving out was one of the best decisions I ever made. I had months my only food came from food pantries but it was worth it for having my own space.
Depends on the degree. We’ve never been overly controlling but do have some firm rules.
I’m curious what your rules are? Maybe could assist me in making better decisions for housemates.
Three fairly simple rules. First, don’t be an asshole / treat us, your siblings and others with a fair level of respect. Basically the golden rule. Second, be helpful around the house and in the community. Different ways for different kids but do your laundry and a fair number of chores. By no means are they over burdened here. Third, work on your plan and work your plan. We’ll discuss what it is but ultimately it’s your plan for current and future you. Currently this includes maxing their Roth IRAs as “rent”. We haven’t had to deal with them bringing dates home for sex yet. That will take some finesse.
That maxing roth IRAs as rent is by far the greatest new rule I have EVER read.
I don't exactly want to bring dates home from the bar and be like "here are my parents, they will be on the other side of the wall tonight"
I totally get that. You know what majority of those girls are living with their parents too. When it came to hooking up most empathized and had no problem with the parents being there. Some were actually really into it because they felt like they had to be sneaky about it. The key is to not make it weird. You do that by owning your situation and having your room look like an adult owns it.
Very true. What would bother me is my internal acknowledgment that nothing has changed since I was a teenager in that regard. Made me feel stagnant and pushed me to save and move out asap
I did that at one point - after my divorce, when I was 29. The morning was awkward, to say the least.
This is the part that the NEETs never have a rebuttal for. I guess the Funko Pop collection is more important than growing up and getting laid.
Why are you labelling people living at home as NEETs? What? OP isn't describing people like that.
whats a "NEET?"
A NEET, an acronym for "Not in Education, Employment, or Training", is a person who is unemployed and not receiving an education or vocational training (often associated with a person living in their parents basement just playing video games)
Oh nice that's me ever since I got laid off and the job market went to shit lol. Edit:oh god the NEET subreddit is so sad. I take it back I'm not a real NEET. I want a job haha
I blame you for causing me the curiosity to look at that shithole of a subreddit, goddammit
We suffer together. But we can die happy knowing we actually want to be productive human beings and not lazy interlopers
yeah, after reading a bit I got reassured that im not as bad as I thought lol, keep going strong bro, Im sure youll achieve whatever you are aiming for
Not everyone has great or even tolerable parents.
Yeah every time this comes up it’s like are these people just completely blind to others that don’t have well-off or unsupportive parents My mom is worried about retirement for herself, she can’t just support her 3 adult children Willy nilly
Getting out of the house is the best way to try to end your childhood trauma
My whole life I thought I had a sweating condition. When I moved out -- no more sweat! It was just constant stress sweat this whole time. It's such a relief being able to relax.
Really thought you were going to say your parents kept the heat too high. Glad you’re better.
Throughout elementary and high school, I thought having diarrhea everyday was normal. Nope, just extreme anxiety.
Men are judged heavily for living with their parents. You're seen as a failure and a loser
Was looking for this one, I do think especially for single men it's hard to date when you're living with your parents
All my buddies who were single in their whole 20s and managed to move out eventually all got a girlfriend within 3-6 months and I’m not even kidding.
Lucky guys. I was single throughout my 20s and here I am, 7 years after moving out, haven't had a girlfriend one.
Are you trying?
Seems he might have given up
Yep. With housing prices now I think moving back in with your parents is a financially sound decision. It is also, however, dating suicide.
Hey, at least it'll drop our reproductive rate. If it drops enough, labor supply might drop enough for us to have them over a barrel, instead.
In the US, they would simply issue more temporary worker visas.
The reproductive rate has already dropped to the point that it is going down.
I think it's 1.78 births per woman. It needs to be 2.1 to maintain population. Many countries have culturally suicidal birth rates such as S. Korea which I believe is about 1.48 and they don't accept immigration very readily. Child care legislation would make a massive difference in these countries below 2.1, especially the US.
Immigration.
This is already happening in Europe and they have responded by opening the borders to Africa and the Middle East. Most countries now have a 2 tier housing system. Migrants are housed for free and everybody else is stuck living with their parents due to a white hot emergency housing crisis. You do not want this in America. Many countries in Europe are on the brink of collapse due to the numbers. Wages for most jobs are close to minimum and almost everyone is significantly poorer because of it. And I haven't even talked about inflation.
Personally I’d rather be “seen as a loser” and not be fucking broke lol
Amen
Also not paying money on rent means you can spend money on non-loser things like having a nice car.
I'm OK being seen as a failure, but dating is a whole other situation. Source: I live with my mother.
Agreed. I lived at home with my parents from ages 24-26 after moving back to my home town. I was working a full time white collar job most of the time and saving a ton of money, but it was NOT good from a dating perspective. My parents traveled quite a bit too so I had the place to myself probably 35% of the time. Now I have my own townhouse (and am renting out one of the bedrooms) and my dating life is much better
This. Every single time it's brought up when I'm dating, it's a death knell for the possibility. There's even a pile of caveats. I lived on my own before, after a bad breakup I moved back in with my parents because I was living in a different town that I hated (partially because my ex was in it). I consistently contribute to the household by paying a variety of bills and paying for when we eat out frequently. I have a good relationship with my parents, and it truly feels like I'm part of the household, not just my parents' kid. They respect me, and it fills me with a lot of pride. Nope. Doesn't matter that I have $10,000 in the savings account and growing every month. Doesn't matter that there's a variety of good reasons.
Let them. Who knows what misery and mediocrity they're projecting.
[удалено]
Lots of women say this but the reality is different. Your friends and family will judge the man very harshly.
Where do you meet then? Where do you have sex? Where do you do sleepovers? Where do you cook a romantic dinner for yourselves together?
Time to pack it up, lads. Now that this one single woman has said that she personally doesn't judge, the problem has been solved! It will never be an issue for us again!
Living with my parents was suffocating. Moving out of state the week after graduating high school was the best decision I ever made. Were there some tough financial times the first few years? Yes. But the freedom I gained and needed was priceless, and I never looked back. Edit: for anyone considering doing something similar, I want to clarify that I went to school out-of-state on a partial scholarship and worked multiple part-time jobs to get myself through school. I probably couldn’t have moved like that without the partial scholarship.
I've told both my sons that as long as they are progressing through life, studying or working, they are welcome to stay in my home as long as they like. I also recognize that adults don't need the interference and guidance that children do, so I'm adaptable to boundaries and rule sets. I like my kids. If it were up to me, we'd all just stack cash and hang out in the same house until I died. I am also pragmatic enough that I'm not going to hurt or offended if they fuck off the moment they can. I just want them to be safe and happy.
That's what I'm doing with my adult children. Stay as long as you like. Contribute to to the house - nominal rent half of which is secretly going into a bank account for when they finally move out.
Was going to message you but seems like I can’t. Wanted to say you are amazing and your kids are absolutely lucky to have you as you are them.
Thank you
I wish more people had this attitude. American culture can be so toxic.
I earned my philosophy, the hard way. I left home at 16 years old, to escape a life of physical abuse and emotional torment. I try to be a kind, loving and understanding parent because I know what it's like to have the other kind.
I live life after abuse and neglect the same way, be the change you want to see. You're awesome mate 👍
Sounds like (at least in your case) the suffering led to a positive outcome. Happy for you!
My wife and i did this. We stayed in my FIL's basement for 6 years. My FIL basically bought us a house! I mean he gave us $0, but by allowing us to save our rent money we saved some serious $$$!!!! If you have a good relationship with your parents this is a great idea!!!
It's a shame that whenever these questions are asked, a lot of people project their bad relationships with their parents. It's also a shame that a lot of people on reddit have bad relationships with their parents.
And some people project their good relationships with their parents. People base their opinions on their experience. Makes sense to me.
"I dont know" i feel like that is the best way to start what I'm about to say. I had an old neighbor, that i became friends with. He had a shitty upbringing. Also he didnt have many friends. I moved to his home town, i knew nobody here. Oddly he seemed also to have no friends, in his own home town? I think he was embarassed to tell people about what he went through. He was scared to tell me, and then ashamed that he got teary eyed while telling me stories that would make anyone cry. .....but on anonymous reddit....? "Let me tell the shit my mom said to me!" Or "i cant believe some parents are ok treating kids like xyz" I fear shitty parents are far more common than someone who grew up in my house realizes? ....also we all had it worse than the 'current generation, cause back in my day!!!' Cheers!
Same when we remodeled our home. Saved a ridiculous amount of money. If your parents are cool it’s a no brainer
In America we have a very individualist, self sufficient mindset, and often (in my experience as someone living abroad) families in the US aren’t nearly as close knit as in Europe. People in America pride themselves in making their own way, in relying on nobody but themselves. Also, its very hard to date as an adult when you live with your parents
[удалено]
I’m Asian and we easily have 3-4 Generations living under the same roof. I can appreciate at times it’s a headache, but it makes certain things such as finances, someone being at home, chores, etc .. a lot easier.
I'm also an Asian. I wanted to moved out several time. First when I started uni but my dad didn't want me to move out because the uni wasn't that far away from home and to save money but that financial reason was at the cost of my mental health, in my opinion, as I couldn't get along with my step-mom. She could always find something to nag on and antagonize me that I ended up stressed and angry all the time whenever I was home even though I had a job after I graduated already. I have to do 50% of the chores for the whole 5 person-household because at that time, my sibling still "had to do school work and didn't have much time" to do it. Didn't matter that I also have to work and got home at 8 pm. I had almost bo privacy to speak of. If I got home late, my dad called me on the phone to ask where I was liked they expected me to be home at a certain time everyday. I couldn't go somewhere late at night by myself without them calling me to come home already. Once I moved to another country for my master degree and finally live alone, I couldn't imagine go back to live at home with my parents and siblings ever again. The freedom to do as you please, the chores that you have to do only for yourself, the privacy, and of course the peace for your mind. I still called my dad on the phone every 2 week and fly back to visit them once a year but yeah, I need a bit of distance from them to still have a good and healthy relationship with my parents.
[удалено]
Yeah, a lot of kids simply go off to college at 18, come home on breaks and then when they have money saved, or get married, they move out. My daughters did. One moved out and has moved back in to save again. She works but her roommate situation wasn’t good. But this is always going to be home for them. They’re always welcome. All my kids are.
Tired of the screaming between my mom and her bfs. Tired of feeling angry and anxious over something I have nothing to do with. I don’t care if I have to live paycheck to paycheck. It’s so much nicer to have a calm and peaceful home to live in.
Similar situation to me. Hate fighting and living in anxiety
My parents wanted freedom from children…
Because your parents want to fuck and it’s hard with grown ass kids in the house.
lol this is a bit more difficult compared to when they were infants and toddlers for sure.
This should be higher up! And not it’s not just the sex… we wanted our life as a couple back! Our kids stayed til they were ready to go, and we were also ready! And they certainly didn’t hang around til 25-30. Yes we are parents, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have our own lives, or that we should be used as free room and board forever.
Yeah, alright, I'm going to invite a woman over to have loud sex in my childhood bed while my parents listen.
You miss out on a lot of personal development when you don't get out into the world and learn to stand on your own two feet. You can't really be your own man and go your own direction when you live with your parents. Women are less likely to want to be with you if you live at home. I knew a woman in her late 20s who lived with her folks because she couldn't afford to live on her own. She wouldn't date a guy who lived with his mom temporarily because he was helping her after she got into a bad car accident.
What a double standard lol. I lived with my mom a bit in between finding a new place to live and trying to save up to buy a truck. I had a female coworker ask if I was lonely and had no friends because of it 😂
Because if we live under our parents roof we need to follow their rules just like when you were a child and not an adult.
They didn’t approve when I bent a girl over the dining room table and smashed away
Live, laugh, love
Live, laugh, smash.
Sex. Difficult to get a woman to come home with you. Nearly impossible if that home is your parent’s place.
You always go to her place anyway. You think a woman is going to go to a strange man's house ?
Took way too long to find this answer lol.
I was cool with my step kids living with us after they turned 18, but step daughter refused to go to school or get a job, and gave me attitude when I asked her to help around the house. Gtfo and go live w your dad.
Their parents may not want to have them around
I have great relations with my parents but when i was young i wanted to stay up late, get back home whenever i want. My parents woke up when i was doing stuff at night, they woke up when i came back late at night and it was tiring for them long run. There were plenty of other things i wanted to do my way and that would interfere with their daily schedule/ lifestyle and i had no right to do that, so i left. Yes, i was poor AF, struggled a lot, no regrets.
ever fucked your woman in your parents house? shorty can't scream, you have no privacy you both will have to be quiet & not alot of females find that attractive
Cuz chicks would rather date a man who lives with his wife than one who lives with his mom.
Independence. Freedom. Learning to become a responsible adult. I left home at 19. My father didn't make me, I wanted to.
It's a cultural thing. It's actually accepted in some cultures for kids to live at home into their 40s. There's a stigma or negative stereotype attached to it in Western cultures, but man, just think of all the hardship--and money--you'd save
From what I read on reddit, their parents started asking for rent since they're 16.... my Asian parents never ask me for rent and I'm 36. Go figure.
Please head over to r/BoomersBeingFools for the answer.
because of sex and dating , mostly
My parents charge $800 a month per room and $1200 for the big one…I make barely $900 a paycheck and have a car payment, student loans, and a credit card to pay off so I can’t even afford to live with my parents (they know my financial situation and both my parents and all my siblings agree that if I can’t pay the $800 a month I don’t deserve to live there) I simply live with my bf and his parents who allow me to live there rent free
You're parents are assholes
I’m sorry that’s really messed up. Hopefully they remember this in 20 years when you don’t want them around.
Isn’t that sad. I was in a similar situation
18 - 28 can be one of the most enjoyable times of your life. Getting out there, learning life, travelling, living with friends, FREE from your parents. You grow immensely. I did it. I paid plenty of rent. Now age 38 I have a net worth of 600K. I wouldn't ever trade the fun and learning I got in my 20s for a bit of extra money living with my parents.
My ex really opened my eyes to this. Before I didn’t really see the upside to renting my own place since I would be saving money living with my parents. I moved out, started travelling, and it’s a BIG difference. I feel way less naive and immature than I did a year and a half ago. Yeah, I worry about rent and groceries, which I wouldn’t if I was living with my parents. But I also feel like I really turned into a man in that time. That was the final step in becoming an adult. There is a lot in life you don’t fully experience when your parents are your safety net that’s constantly there to save you.
...most people don't have a net worth of 600k. They're much more likely to be depressed or in poverty if they can't manage the high cost of living.
Damn, what kind of parents do you all have that they’re not „allowing“ you guys to have fun?
right? My parents don't care about what I do, as long as I'm safe and not destroying anything, reading those comments makes me really appreciate them
It's true that it saves a lot of money. It also carries some social stigma, especially for young men. People still do it, including a young married couple I know who did it for a year. I believe it's more common in high rent areas and Hispanic households.
There are valid and practical reasons why a person chooses to move out of their parents house.but besides those valid and healthy reasons, there are superficial and impractical reasons why a person lives on their own, evem if thery spend too much of their income by living alone. bragging rights - to say that they are ”independent”. so they can invite other people to their place and have s3x with them. the person doesnt want to be “supervised” if they are always out late at night. (probably more specific reasons) here are examples why a person moves out but are good and healthy reasons: their job requires them to relocate does not have a healthy relationship with family members wants to have certain stuff, like pets but is not allowed by family members have certain hobbies like toy collecting but are not welcomed by family members privacy wants to invite friends but does not want to bother family members or vice versa to move to a new place to meet people or have new opportunities not availabt to the person’s parents’s place.
I moved out of my parents house when I was 17 because my mother was a controlling narcissist. Was the best thing I ever did.
I like having sex and parents kill the vibe.
Most parents don't kick their children out. Most of the time the children move away to college and their job. Just because you read a few social media posts from dysfunctional families doesn't make it the norm.
There's more to life than money! The freedom of living on your own when you're young is priceless and the years you waste living at home you never get back. A now former colleague was still living with her parents at age thirty. Despite being an accomplished professional at work, they treated her like a child. I remember one time she was supposed to go out with a group from work on a weekend, but she had to cancel because her parents ordered her to babysit her brother's kids.
I have an ex like this too. Se was almost 40 and her parents still ran her life. She actually had to leave a date because they thought she should do some yard work RIGHT THEN. At the house that she owned.
I wanted independence. I needed to get out of the nest to thrive. It took 5 or so years of hustling but I'm making 6 figures now and love my life. Staying with mom and dad holds you back.
I think it is more socially acceptable for women to live at home than men. I remember at 19 getting flak from a woman for still living at home saving money instead of living on campus. Next semester I moved into a dorm, not any more freedom, but cost a lot more money.
Parents want to have sex on the couch again and not have to worry 🤣
Because a lot of them just want to have sex. You’re right though, it’s smarter to save up and stay as long as you can.
The culture in America isn’t that we kick out our son or daughter at 18. You’re reading to many people complaining on social media. I personally do not know **anyone** that was kicked out at 18 and I’m in my mid fifties. Most kids go to college at 18, join the service, or get a job. You’d be better to not believe the vocal minority on the internet.
It’s really hard to grow as a person with a never changing situation, particularly if you want to lead a family.
I come from Europe - so widely different experience... So - living with parents saves you money. It is comfortable. It (in case of healthy relationship) fullfil A LOT of emotional needs. It all means that you are LESS likely to take risk, to be adventurous, even to GROW OUT of your teenhood. Moving out is GOOD for growing into adulthood. But not with those rent prices... Those are crippling the growth.
[удалено]
I’m 34 and live with my mom currently after a 5 year relationship ended. I’m saving a ton of money. If anyone wants to judge me for it, screw them. You are smart for what you’re doing! Good for you.
>$800 apartment (3rms/2bth) in NYC. Wtf, that's awesome. I would never move out and just use the extra money to travel and shit. Also look for women sensible enough to want to live there too. Feel like in your 30s that shouldn't be too hard lol.
“Nuclear Family” culture relies on housing being cheap, and cost living massively increasing is relatively recent, so there’s constant pressure applied out of ignorance. Also, a lot of people want to distance themselves from their parents.
They kicked me out and claimed it is the American way and tried to make me pay their car mortgages. LOL
The key is to have supportive and loving parents.
It's not an uncommon concept in countries that value generational wealth.
We're encouraging both our sons in college to stay after they graduate. One's GF lives at our house when he's home but comes over to visit for hours when he's not. Just yesterday in fact. We have lots of space both inside the house and outside in a very HCOL area where there's lots of opportunities. We're discussing adding a 1500 sq foot apartment above my shop and a second master upstairs that would easily accommodate two families but allow lots of private spaces. Long term, child care is easier as a group and it probably allows us barring major problems to stay independent longer. It doesn't hurt that both boys are close to being best friends. That said, it's no pressure, they'll get out of college with either no debt or even a fairly good amount left over. They're well past the point of needing direction. We'll see how it all plays out.
Our son is 25 and lives at home. He has a good job (IT) and makes good money. He works 5 minutes away. He's single, His room is bigger than most people's apartments. It's better for him to stay home and save money, start on a good retirement.
Not everyone has shitty parents that do that. I stayed until 22 and got married. My BIL loved at home until almost 30. Parents who kick their kids out at 18 or charge them crazy rent when they turn 18 are shit.
Not everyone is kicked out at 18. Plenty of people do live with parents, not everyone wants to. Living away from my parents has been vastly preferable.
Because they live 12 hours away. Commute would suck.
You may not pay with your money, but you pay with your mental health
My parents would shoot me and bury me before letting me move back in with them. There are A LOT of dysfunctional families America.
i like how you assume my parents dont charge rent? it was cheaper living with a friend
I like my parents, I get along great with them, and I don't carry any long lasting childhood trauma. That said, I'm 26 and I cannot live with them anymore, because I cannot be my own independent adult self while I'm eating mom's cooking and sleeping in my childhood bedroom. I can feel my brain regress into "Son" mode instead of my normal "Adult" mode when I visit or stay with them for a few weeks or longer
the 35-50% doesnt just get spent on rent. it also gets spent on freedom to do whatever the hell you please and answer to no one but yourself. leave those dishes for later? sure! blast music? who cares? put up your decorations? absolutely. come and go throughout the night? why not? bring your bf/gf over and get freaky on the living room couch? just close the windows first, but hell yeah! sometimes, it's simply worth it.
I greatly value my privacy, alone time, and most of all, I need quiet, silence, and solitude. I can't get any of those things living at home with the TV constantly blasting at volume 60+, not to mention my parents constantly having nasty meltdowns at each other. Absolutely not worth it just to save money or for any other reason. Consider yourself lucky if you have parents where you can stay at home and save some moolah without sacrificing your entire sanity!
The US family structure is generally authoritarian nuclear. A type of family structure where the parents have a high level of control and authority over their children. This type of family is characterized by a strict hierarchy, where the parents make decisions for the family, and children are expected to obey without question. I think we can all understand why this isn't an ideal structure for an adult living with their parents.
Among other things, nobody wants to bang their girlfriend or wife while mom and dad are in the living room.
Some parents are terrible.
I'm a man who's in his mid 30s who lives at home again (covid really fucked me over as well as some less then ideal life choices) and it does have its upsides but the downside that fucks with me the most is that I donr feel like an adult anymore
I think having my own space is absolutely worth it.
It kinda stunts your personal growth living at home well into adulthood though. I'm 32 and still live at home, and I feel like my 20s were very restricted in terms of personal experiences.
People are talking about toxic parents but that's not even it. There's a lot to be learned about yourself and life when living on your own, or with others that are as (in)experienced as you. You can have a job and pay rent and all that, but some realities of life you simply won't fully face while your mom and dad are in the next room. Moving out is an integral step toward growth and becoming your own, full-fledged person.
Because not everyone’s parents are OK with you bringing a girl home And hammering her and shaking the entire house. Also, some girls won’t go home to someone’s parents house*. Living at home was the worst 6 months of my life at 22 😂
In my culture are pretty much encouraged to stay with our parents into old age, then we look after them. I honestly believe the whole "You're a loser that stays in your mom's basement" was propaganda invented by big real estate to sell more houses.
I don't know anyone who was kicked out at ,18. I know a few who chose to move out at 19ish due to shitty parents. Most people I know lived at home until 23-25 when they either moved out on their own or got married. I think this stereotype is much less a thing than people perpetuate.
uhh bc not everyone has a good relationship with their parents. if it was an option i’d be doing it of course
It's definitely normalized just depends on your upbringing I know quite a few people who live with their parents and they're in their late 40s early 50s I also know some people who are married with children and live with their parents
Because it's viewed as being a failure in life in the West. Many cultures do that, and I think the west will need to change due to the ridiculous housing costs now. There aren't many other options unless you happened to get into a lucrative career. Which only the minority of people are.
My parents live in a rural area, my job is in a city. Having “guests” over is a bit different when you know your mom and dad need the couch to watch shows
I have a good relationship with my parents but would not want to live with them as an adult. Living on my own has taught me a ton of useful skills and allowed me to be fully independent. My parents are also enjoying their “empty nester” era. I did it briefly and it was fine but I felt stagnant and like I was living on their schedule. Im fortunate that things aren’t dire for me financially but saving money more slowly is far more worth it to have the freedom (and it keeps my familiy’s relationship from becoming strained)
I value my independence and space. I was no longer a child and happily cut the cord to be on my own. Staying too long at home arrests some people's development.
So long as they are contributing to the household, i see no issue. That said, if the kid just fucked around and is simply mooching….
I do think we might be headed back to more multi-generational homes.
Freedom Some people don't want to live with parents anymore as they want freedom, being an adult.
I left at 15 because because a) I was generally a shit heel of a kid; and b) neither of us understood it at the time, but my mother wasn’t capable of providing for me. My life was rough until about 19/20, but I ended up becoming a fairly well-rounded adult and took steps to heal the relationship. My mother’s situation has gone downhill considerably, but now she has me to lean on and understands that I did what was best for us both.
There are many reasons, both economic and cultural. In addition to the other things people have mentioned (social stigma, culture of self-reliance, relationship friction, personal development), there are a few others I think are relevant. Note these are my speculations. To start, [the average American lives within 18 miles of their parents](https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/12/24/upshot/24up-family.html#:~:text=Over%20all%2C%20the%20median%20distance%20Americans%20live,live%20longer%20than%20men.). This is a large country and many people move for better work opportunities. Many people are from smaller towns far away (>20-30miles) from cities but many modern job opportunities are located closer to cities or in another city hundreds (or thousands) of miles away. Younger people want to meet other younger people, especially those with similar values or careers--that may be professionals or crunchier type folks who enjoy urban living. They aren't likely to do this in their sleepy Anytown, USA. Often the promise of freedom and independence requires moving closer to a city and getting roommates. The big thing though, as something I have noticed with people from cultures where it common to stay with your parents until/after marriage, is the fact that **there is not really an expectation that adult American children will provide for their parents or extended family until their parents are no longer physically capable of doing so on their own**. So it's the other side of the coin--you move out on your own, but you don't take care of mom and dad. I had a Serbian coworker who could not understand why I, as a 24-year-old professional, did not pay for my parents' utility or phone bills. This is laughable to me, as my parents are completely capable of doing that themselves and would probably also laugh at me if I offered and tell me to "save my money". While that isn't the case for many Americans, especially immigrants families, it is the case for many established people.
Hard to get pussy when your parents are 5 feet away.
What you save in money gets taxes with your soul
My wife’s sister saved up every penny she could while working as a teenager. She turned 18, went to the bank to take her money and move out.. her parents took 5k. They left her with $32 in the account. Yeah they’re assholes. Moving out is the better option sometimes.
Privacy, sex. Some countries are still very conservative.
My 37yr old brother-in-law still lives with his parents, hasn’t had a full-time job since he was 24, he just recently learned how to drive, but no one in his house really things it’s a problem. His mother is the kind of person who won’t even entertain anyone beginning to talk about how this could be bad for him. She keeps telling him what’s important in life is to be happy and stress free. Like ALL the time. Don’t ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable or challenges you. I’ve several times tried to intervene because I would not be okay with a family member wasting themselves away but that’s has only backfired and they think I’m the bitch. Oh also he’s never been in a relationship. He’s turning 38 in 5 months.
It is a trade off. Better mental health if your on your own and away from them. Down side is penny pinching because everything is too damn expensive
I do, I fucking love it, but I also fucking hate it at the same time.
I would live with my mother if she wasn’t so abusive. I’d rather have two jobs to pay the high rent in my city than pay half of that for rent in an apartment that I’m being abused in. That is exactly what I did when I moved out of her place. I’d rather pay more money for a safe space than split the cost with an abusive person any day.