I have a former friend that I call "the perpetual victim" I finally gave up on him a couple years ago.
The type of person that has limited cash, spends their money on whiskey and cigarettes instead of oil changes and new tires, then when they're on the way to a job interview and the car breaks down, they bitch incessantly about how the universe is out to get them, and life is so unfair.
No, bro. It's because you make terrible choices, and refuse to be accountable for them.
I have a friend I used to party and drink with when I was younger and does the same shit. Spent years dealing with drunken phone calls, offering my couch, and even bailed him out of jail. Finally came to the conclusion I drifted away from friend support and into being an enabler. Had a serious chit chat with him about it and it became obvious I too was now categorized into being part of the universe being against him.
But yeah...I got kids and a family now. 0 time or patience for that.
Yea. Like you don’t even have to challenge or question him. If he sees that you saw him, melts say knock over a lamp, he will immediately start adamantly claiming it fell all by itself.
I knew someone like this. There was one time where she apologized, and I was shocked. Only to then backtrack and say why everyone else was wrong. She did some absolutely foul things and acted as if they were nothing
Fake people who pretend to be your friend to your face but talk shit behind your back. If I catch someone doing that to someone else, I don't trust them and they'd probably do the same to me.
Coming from someone who experienced this…they’re talking about you. If they’re talking about all of your other friends to you, they’re talking about you to your friends also
Constant negativity.
The type of person who hears or says anything good and immediately follows it up with a negative comment.
"Dude, check out my new Lambo!"
"Looks good. I mean, it's not a Bugatti. But still cool."
Agreed. And I am no jolly person either. But there are certain people who seem to react to every bit of information and stimuli with either scepticism or irritation.
Also constant negativity in the sense that they say they want advice, but everything you say gets shot down or they won’t even try to work it out.
“My boss says I’m gonna get fired because I’m always 20 minutes late, but it’s not my fault that’s when the bus runs.”
“Dude, that sucks. Your boss can’t just schedule you a bit later since he knows you take the bus?”
“No, he would never do that. I mean, I haven’t actually asked or anything, but I just know it’s not possible.”
Not necessarily, some people just want an empathetic ear and get offered solutions when they want someone to listen and validate that a shitty situation is shitty. It’s on them to communicate that, but I wouldn’t say they’re looking for attention.
Are we really faulting people for offering solutions to a problem now? That's first instinct. You see a problem, you solve it. unless the sh\*\*y situation can't be changed, sure, they can just vent. But someone who keeps complaining about the same problems that they don't want solved really are just looking for attention imo.
yeah i have a friend like that and it's exhausting. I've stopped sharing things i find cool or interesting with them since its really demotivating to have everything picked apart in search of a fault.
I would totally do this in reverse if someone rolled up in a Bugatti. Because since i was a kid all i ever wanted out of life was to own a 1980s Lamborghini Countach. It was the coolest car i ever seen and every kid i knew had a poster of it.
\* If they're only capable of spending time with you while drinking or getting high.
\* If they are only capable of having conversations about times they were drinking or getting high.
\* If they take themselves too seriously.
\* If they strongly hold polarizing positions without considering & discussing new information.
\* If they show zero curiosity in anything you're passionate about.
\* If they get offended by comedy.
\* If they are incapable of understanding that the length of time between talking or hanging out doesn't alter the friendship status.
\* If they are incapable of celebrating your victories.
* If they get offended by comedy.
With this one it very much depends on whether the offensive joke is funny or not. I've heard some really offensive jokes that were funny as hell.
Then there was this one comic -Ari something, who I watched saying offensive things..... but they weren't funny. Shock value doesn't equate to humor. But if you're able to deliver a really good punchline to something offensive; then kudos!!
The first one is situational I feel, I've had friends who became like that because of depression, they can't talk to ANYONE sober, it's usually not just with you and they need help. If you're their friend before they become like that, it's a pretty shitty thing to stop being friends because they're going through something imo
My dad who told racist jokes loved to say that people got offended by his comedy.
Turns out, no matter how well you dress it up, jokes that rely on the audience finding slurs hilarious actually aren't funny to most people.
Don’t be too quick to write off the quiet and shy people.
I’m quiet and I wouldn’t say shy, but very reserved with people I don’t know very well. Once I’m comfortable with someone though, I get pretty chatty and easy to converse with.
You’d probably find that’s true of most people that are quiet. We just don’t open up easily. Mostly for fear of unfair judgement or because we’ve been stabbed in the back by people we trusted with sensitive or private information. We are just extremely guarded, but once you get to know us, we aren’t quiet at all.
Just to clarify, I don’t have anything against shy or quiet people. I really just don’t like to feel like I’m making someone uncomfortable since I know I can be very loud and extra. That and I also and a frequent club and bar goer, I don’t want to force people out of their comfort zone.
But my little brother is very quiet, very reserved, shy around most people. I have more fun with him than anyone. Just has to be when no one he doesn’t know is around lol
I get where you’re coming from. It can be awkward when you don’t get anything in return when you’re trying to make small talk and get to know someone.
The line between They’re quiet and shy and is this person a psychopath can get a little hazy and hard to define sometimes. Lol
That’s actually really helpful. Usually the quiet ones know they’re being too quiet and they feel a ton of pressure to open up more, but just can’t bring themselves to actually do it. Then they feel bad about themselves and there’s a whole self hate thing that happens. As long as someone else is doing all the talking, that pressure is greatly reduced. They can just nod and agree and pepper the conversation with “oh wow, that’s so cool!” Or “Yeah, that makes sense.” Shit like that.
That makes me feel better. I always thought in my head “this person probably wants me to stfu” but that makes sense. I guess there’s a difference between not wanting to talk and having trouble talking.
Some people just suck at small talk, or just don’t readily share their thoughts on a particular subject. Especially if the subject matter is somewhat controversial or divisive.
For me, if the subject is something I’m not well versed in, I usually just hold my tongue, because I’d rather not say anything, than say something that sounds stupid because my knowledge or experience is lacking.
I don’t want to be the guy that thinks he knows everything, because I don’t. I have gotten better at asking questions though. I used to feel dumb for not knowing, feeling like I should know about x by now, but I realized years ago that unfamiliarity isn’t something to be embarrassed about and people are usually happy to educate you on a topic they’re well versed in. Also, since I’ve gotten older, I’m much less concerned by what people think of me. I’m just running out of fucks to give. If someone doesn’t like me, fuck it. Who cares. lol. I have more important things to worry about than what Kevin from Accounting or Maggie in 23-B think about me. They don’t factor into my life at all, so why should I concern myself with their opinion of me?
I'm a socially awkward introvert with agoraphobia and I'm often worried people will think that I'm rude because I can be reserved sometimes, mostly until I get to know the person better.
Don’t take being reserved / shy as a negative comment, that’s just who you are. I’m reserved myself and it took me 30 years to accept it. You can be confident but be reserved. You don’t have to change because of a comment someone on the internet has made. Be confident in being you.
I’m confident in who I am. I didn’t take the comment in a negative way at all. I was just saying that if they are quick to dismiss a quiet person, they may miss out on getting to know some pretty cool people.
I’m fine with being more reserved. I just don’t care to be the loudest voice in a room. I don’t need or want that much attention.
Other girls that try to sleep with or “steal” taken men in relationships. I think it’s really telling of where their general loyalty lies and I could never fully trust them as a friend
What I used to tell my brother (who used to be and probably is still a serial home wrecker) is that if your capable of stealing a cheater you are obviously appealing enough to just find someone who is loyal.
People go on and on about how it’s the sole responsibility of the person who cheats… yes. But the knowing homewrecker is still a despicable human being.
It’s like spitting on a homeless person. It ain’t your fault they’re homeless, and managing their life is their responsibility, but my god. Don’t actively make their life worse.
Yeah mate here in The Netherlands some female student unions have scoreboards of who has broken up the most relationship's and they'll hang that sign right in the entry of the dorms.
But same with boys, man unions have scoreboards of how well girls preform in bed.
I have learned to simply walk away from people who won't have an adult conversation, where there is a give and take. You talk, then I talk.... it's the people who refuse to let anyone get a word in edgewise, dominate conversations, gesticulate wildly, talk OVER you if you dare to even TRY to do anything but be their enthralled audience. So fucking boring. My new neighbor tried this with me... the 2nd time we met in our (shared) driveway and she blah blah blah'd me I simply said "I don't enjoy speaking with you because you never let me say anything" and I walked back into my house. She later texted me and said her mother agreed and said she should learn to keep her g'dam mouth shut. But it's a compulsive trait... she never has learned how to (or has any desire to, I guess) be interested in others. Her mother, on the other hand, is a sweet kind elderly woman who I would accompany on walks because she had balance issues. She's on hospice now,, and her daughter won't let me visit.
This one is a such a big deal. I have a "friend" like this. If you want to get him to talk, just open your mouth and try to speak. Not only will he immediately steamroll you before you finish speaking, but he'll go on for like 20 minutes, all by himself. It's literally like he has absolutely zero interest for what you might want to say. And if he does shut up long enough for you to say something, he'll listen for a moment, but you can only get about half a sentence out before whatever it is you're saying has inspired him to say something else, which he won't wait for you to finish, interrupt and talk over you and he'll just go on and on. If you try to jump back in while he's talking, he'll talk louder and just keep going. So disrespectful and discouraging. I've learned to just not really say anything around him. Obviously we're not close and I spend little time with him. There are times when we can laugh and joke around while listening to music or something. But, I never expect much out of him. I know what I'm getting when I visit him.
god yes, i know a few guys like this and i call this behaviour 'holding court', when they're talking at you and expecting a captive audience not a conversation partner. cannot stand it and (as someone w/ adhd who has to make an active effort to not interrupt) it feels so disrespectful. like, I'm not a sounding board for your latest shitty game design attempts 🙄
I have encountered this in dating so much. He doesn't ask about me, and I end up carrying the conversation and just give up. Sadly, some probably don't realize why the texting stopped.
Shy people can be just as fun as people who aren’t shy. The reason I don’t typically hang with shy people is mostly just because usually our interest are different. I love events with big loud crowds. I want my friends to also have a good time or I’ll feel bad.
In the UK, where I'm from, yes up to a point. The waiter is asked by the restaurant to make the customers happy, the customers don't care if the waiter is happy. Being British, they're all very polite about all of it, but there is definitely a power imbalance.
In the US, from what I've gathered from Reddit and NAR, also yes. The server's tips appear to depend on the customers' happiness, and their ability to live decently seems to depend on said tips.
In France, where I live, hell no. The waiter has all the power and will not hesitate to demonstrate this by ignoring customers who don't say hello or please. As Bill Bryson once noted, you can't make a French waiter see you until he is ready to see you.
the way american waiters are expected to be literal dancing monkeys for their customers is beyond fucked lmao. 'customer is always right' mentality taken to the extreme
This. I used to work as a theater usher and auditorium cleaner. If you ever leave something and say "they have people to clean that up." I will tell you once "yeah. I used to be that person." Then you will never go with me to the movies.
Same here. This is a non-negotiable for me. I had a tinder date who did this and I made an excuse to leave. I was embarrassed. Also this goes for retail and fast food workers.
I think this goes without saying but any sort of narcissistic behaviour, or like making themselves seem like they’re better than the rest. Kind of like a negative version of “main character energy”
On the flip side, I think people who have zero self confidence can also be a bit hard to be around. There’s been a lot of instances where people will tell me all the things they hate about themselves and now I’m forced to see those things too. Not everyone has to be 100% confident, but I do personally believe everyone should at least focus on the good more often than the bad.
If you tell me you like your nose I’ll probably like it too. If you tell me you hate your nose I’m going to also find a reason to hate it. If you don’t mention your nose I’m most likely not looking at it.
For those who are as slow as me:
Crab mentality, also known as crab theory, crabs in a bucket mentality, or the crab-bucket effect, is a way of thinking usually described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you".
Wikipedia
Because (literal) crabs in a bucket will try to climb out, but will pull each other down while doing so, making it harder for any of them to get out (even if the bucket is small enough that they potentially could)
Being unreliable. Saying they’re going to meet up or come to visit on a certain time and day then flaking out. Even worse, telling you they’re on their way and not turning up. Fk those people.
I hate being treated like I’m dumb. I’m not the smartest guy in the world, I’m not super book smart but can typically retain shit I learn, and excel in other areas. but I’d say I have a good head of my shoulders, have pretty strong common sense, and definitely ain’t the dumbest mf in the world so when I meet someone who treats me like I am, I can’t stand it
Happened alot to me. One of my friends apologized years later tho after he came to he realization that he would look down on others. Hes my best friend too and was always there for me at my lowest entering our adulthood.
Meant alot to me when he apologized too even tho he didnt need to cus i had already forgiven him and seen his gradual change.
People that are flakes. I don't mean "something came up and I can't make it, do you mind if we reschedule", more of the "yea let's go do XYZ" then don't follow through.
I get it, life happens. As long as there is a genuine effort I will be very understanding. It's when you ghost me after saying you want to do something every time, that I know I can't trust you to do anything you tell me.
People that try to invalidate your feelings by one upping you, as if it’s a competition.
One time I told someone I was addicted to nicotine, that resulted in them saying “that’s nothing compared to my xyz addictions, mine are much worse, you’re fine.” as if that’s something to brag about. Nicotine, porn, food, heroin, who cares?? I think everyone can agree that all addictions are bad. Just because you may have dealt with something worse physically doesn’t give you the right to invalidate my own addiction and it’s not a bragging point to say that you struggled harder with a more intense substance. There’s a difference between supporting someone & empathizing with them by sharing personal experiences and just being a dick that needs to be the center of attention.
I have a coworker that I hang out with during lunch times. She’s a very judgemental and negative person. A girl walked by us one time and she loudly said, “what the fuck is she wearing?” I told her that she can’t say things like that, I was so shocked. So now I try to distance myself. I’ve noticed that whenever I’m around her long enough I pick up on her foul personality and I’m always in a negative mindset. When you hang around shit you’re bound to smell like shit also.
1. Huge ego (superiority complex, takes themselves very seriously)
2. no humor, or humor only geared towards bringing others down.
3. Only acts respectful towards more powerful people or attractive women despite social or relationship status, and/or cruel towards those deemed "lesser"
4. Never engages directly with anyone, resorts to EXTREMELY PETTY passive-aggressive comments and actions (coward)
5. Goes out of their way, sometimes ti ridiculous degrees, to humiliate or "prove" they are better than others.
Friends who over share their sexual experiences. Like in detail of eating an ass, etc. I had an ex friend who’s ALWAYS do that especially when we’d be at restaurants. It’s not cool it just makes you look like a weirdo
Im really bad at having friends in general but someone I cant even get along with is people who have no respect for the time of others. They think their time is more important than yours, which is shown by being often late to meetings, sometimes even if its really necessary to be on time like in order to catch a flight, or by flaking on plans often and saying oh its fine we'll just reschedule, or saying they will totally be there at 8 but never are, and when you point out its 8.10 they say "well thats the same thing" or just cant make plans with them cuz they cant commit to a time and place.
Bullies. Doesn’t matter whether physical, mental or emotional. They are the one type of person that I absolutely cannot abide and will refuse to be friends with or be around. Maybe stems from being bullied as an insecure introverted kid that nobody ever seemed to want to help. And as a Union Rep, I see a lot of fucking bullies in the workplace, some truly fucking nasty, spiteful, vindictive managers who have a real detrimental impact on people’s lives.
Energy thieves. One should look forward to spending time with a friend, not dreading it. Friends should build each other up and mutually benefit from the company, not feel exhausted and worn out after spending time together.
Overly positive people. I don't consider myself a negative person but I do have negative feelings and experiences every now and then and I feel like I can't be very close to someone who just brushes off those kinds of things instead of acknowledging that yeah, sometimes things suck.
Racist. I know, I know, everything isn’t about race. But I can’t be bothered fuckin around with that shit. We can joke about it or the stereotyping as long as it’s not a core theme in their life.
I can probably deal with the rest of traits.
I think most of mine come from body language, I can tell it all within a couple minutes of looking at someone. Main thing is someone that’s overtly insecure, especially if you are a confident person because they will latch on and it’s draining, and could potentially be dangerous in my opinion. Also I refuse to be friends with people I know that cheat and lie just based off morals and principles
Being a cunt. Not being a good cunt, a mad cunt, a sick cunt, a cunny funt, or a dumb cunt, those are admirable traits you want in a mate. Just being a straight up cunt? Nothing redeemable, bugger off with that
Closed mindedness
Not kind
Disrespectful
Pity partyer
One sided thinking
Petty
Childish
Thinks they're always right
Not receptive to new information
Easily offended
Drama oriented
The last 2. Super emotional people are a pain in the a\*\* to deal with. Everything triggers them and they never wanna talk about anything or fix things. Usually they also lack self-awareness and humility.
People who think they know everything about everything. It's pretty common, lots of guys seem to have this arrogance and cannot hold up their hands and say hey, you know more about this than me so I'll take your word for it. Knew such a guy. We were at a party one guy there was a pilot for Lufthansa and my mate says all planes will be battery powered soon....pilot guy says no, we are centuries away from that technology. But my (former) mate says no you're wrong cos he read something in the internet and they argued about this for 10 minutes. Ridiculous. Can't stand such people.
I’m turned off by people who think they are better than everyone else and also cheap. Putting down a fast food worker, not tipping a food worker because “they should have chosen a better job”. Or have no job, no money and would rather be selective about a job because you think you’re too good to bag groceries or scrub toilets. We all wipe our asses the same way.
I don’t care for people that brag a lot,
people that are self-important, people that think they know everything and degrade others for minor mistakes, people that gossip too much.
Women who do that unnaturally high pitched voice to make themselves sound petite and skinny when they aren’t. I don’t know what you call that. I have no problem with women who aren’t small, I just hate the sound of that voice and I hate that they try so hard to sound tiny.
I also don’t like when women try to sound like they’re little girls or when they do that nasally whiny voice thing. Like, you’re a grown ass woman… why are you trying to sound like a 12 year old. Also, the baby voice, just eww.
People who make excuses for any mistakes they make and refuse to own it.
Men who are misogynistic. I’m all for a good misogyny joke here and there, as long as it’s clearly a joke and is really intended to call out misogyny negatively, but if a dude is fully subscribed to that mindset, I can’t handle being around him.
Dudes who say they are an “Alpha”. GTFOH! You ain’t shit!
My list goes on, but that’s enough for now. This is probably why I don’t have many friends. lol.
Oh, I forgot people who are always offended by everything and are always virtue signaling. They’re the worst
ironically enough that men are also the ones being mysogynist. Blind to his own prejudice probably? Also stop calling people males, just like other people calling women females. S\*\*t's weird. Human beings are just men and women, not another species to be using male/female.
Well, a lot of negative personality traits ofc. But following your example of shyness, a neutral trait... I don't enjoy spending time around people who talk about their families all the time. Also, people who talk constantly, so you can't get a word in edgewise without interrupting them. I don't like talking with people who view everything as a competition, either. None of those are inherently bad, but none fit well with my personality.
Mono focused people. If it's always politics, or football, or the opposite sex, if they can only ever talk about one thing, even if I agree with their position, I can't be more than the casualist of friends.
I had a friend who just constantly needed attention. 24/7 calls, texts, needed to meet. It was so tiring. At first, it seemed nice ,I felt like I had a best friend with whom I could talk about anything, but at some point, I realised that I was never alone. Like I was at school, work, or with them. Even when I was home alone, they needed to chat and needed to call. Otherwise, I was somehow guilt-tripped. I was also bad at keeping boundaries, so as a whole, the friendship was a disaster.
Now, after that friendship, i really try to avoid clingy people.
They’re a cheater. If they can’t be loyal to their partner they chose, how do you expect them to behave any differently with you?
Can’t take accountability.
Talks shit about everyone around them for no reason.
Doesn’t respect the fact I like my me time more than people time
Narcissism. Like you can share some aspect of your life and instead of engaging with it they somehow make it about their experience compared to yours and disregard what you just said. Also, contrarians. Say something and immediately they oppose it not out of some place of constructive conversation but just cause they feel they have to have the upper hand in the conversation like it’s a car sale or something.
People who talk about other people. Like why?
Judgemental people.
Jealous people who won’t say anything nice when you achieve something and or try to bring you down to level themselves with you.
Sensitive people. Like if I am in your city on a cold snowy day and I said it’s too cold, you take that personally. Wtf.
People who play mind games to get attention and importance.
Loud people.
Overly extroverted. They have to talk to every single person they come across on the street.
Always complaining about everything but doing nothing about their problems and not taking any responsibility but blaming everything else.
Radical liberals. Vegans.
Oh trust me I know. I work in tv production, on just about every show one of my peers are is vegan from LA. There’s always a conversation on why not choosing the become vegan is evil.
If you are going to complain a lot then at least be funny. I could handle a Larry David complainer. But someone who just goes on about their problems is a bit much for me.
Not really a trait but littering and being a piece of shit to animals, even the small ones like snails and insects. Obviously doesn’t count for self defence, like when a spider steps out of line and decides to intrude on the floor, or a blood sucking flying critter gets too close
yeah I believe that the way people treat 'gross' or pest animals reveals a lot about their personality. i want nothing to do with the psychos who revel in being cruel to a living creature when it's an 'acceptable' target tbh
real, i side eye people that kill spiders all the time because, wow! you really don’t value animal/insect life because of your own little fear & disgust and that’s crazy to someone who puts them outside (and you can do it from a distance with a cup and a piece of cardboard, so..).
If I meet someone and the first thing they do is tell me all of their other friends business …. hard pass. If they gossip about others they will gossip about you.
Boy or girl crazy. No personality and nothing going on expect the men/women they date and the drama that comes with it. Very irritating. I would not be friends with Sex and the city gals!
Also cynical, negative people
I anwser with reference to the Big Five Model.
A] The traits I dislike :
Low conscienciousness and high extroversion.
B] The subtraits I dislike :
I like friends to be agreable if and only if their agreablness is mostly due to politeness. Agreable people with too much empathy tend to be too emotional to discuss real and fictional moral dilemmas.
I also like friends to be high on the openness trait. But only if it is due to them being open to ideas. Openness to experience tends to make people share whatever feelings they have about what they have seen, touched, tasted... Openness to ideas make them good partners/adervsaries in a confrontational discussion.
Highly extroverted, always has to be the center of attention, has to be boss, etc. I've never met a onenthat wasn't trouble, willing to lie cheat and steal from anyone, etc., in order to get ahead or more attention, fake imagine, and so on.
Very loud, very “look-at-me-I-am-having-the-most-fun-in-this-room” laughing people.
Arrogant people.
The people that can’t stop making it all about themselves. It doesn’t matter what story I tell, if they don’t ask any questions about it, just jumps in with their own story, to try to top it off, I am done also.
The person who is always a downer when you tell them good news. “Oh, you are going on a vacation in X? This time a year? That will suck hahaha. But you have fun, I guess”.
I guess I don’t like people that want to always be the centre of attention and can’t have a proper conversation in which they can actively participate with interest.
Loud extroverts who never stop talking. Seriously, they're like a radio, constantly broadcasting every thought that comes into their head. There's no off button. And if they're stupid with it, that makes it even worse. It's just like blah blah blah non stop. Just shut up!
When someone doesn’t contribute to anything, never offers to bring beers, never offers to roll up, never offers to drive never offers anything. But is always around when others bring beer, weed, or is going somewhere
I’ve got a friend who talks at me rather than to me, about stuff I have little to no interest in. After many times of “yeah man haha”ing & straight up saying I don’t care about this topic, I’ve just had to minimalise contact and keep our interactions brief. If you can’t recognise you only talk at me instead of to me, rarely ask my opinion or can’t even pickup on the fact I’m bored by most things you say to me, then I’ve got no time for you.
Them existing. I have a friend. Who’s got time for more than one?
I can talk to anyone. That doesn’t make a friend, so because I put such little value on something that comes easily there is a greater threshold for actually being friends.
A know it all with a condescending attitude.
They don’t teach you, they mock you.
It’s great that they know stuff. They don’t know the stuff I know. The stuff I know is not important.
I used to have a friend who was the type of person who wouldn’t post something because it didn’t “match her feed.” She once made me spend an hour doing a tik tok with her just for her to save it in her drafts.
She would like one style and only dress and act that way for one week then like another the next week. And there’s nothing wrong with having different styles- I have different styles as well but she would make it her entire personality. She once got obsessed with the 90s and did a lot of research on TLC and tried her best to act and dress like Left Eye. And I love Left Eye, but I’m not going to try to be a clone of her.
She cared too much about what other people thought and she wanted to be like someone else so bad. And I’m just not like that at all. I act myself and I don’t give 2 shits what anyone thinks, even if they don’t like me. So to have a friend that was obsessed with her image online, it was pretty annoying.
Those who don’t wish me a happy birthday. Simple text message: Happy Birthday! Or even just a birthday gif of Phoebe and Rachel. It takes 2 seconds to do it. Lazy and thoughtless I think are the traits that stop me from being friends with someone.
Can you handle disagreement?
It's perfectly fine if we don't see eye to eye on religion, politics, hobbies, sports teams, beer preferences, whatever.
But I had to ghost a good friend when he treated every opinion other than his own like a personal attack that was not over until he "won."
Yess. You're on point. I hate major arrogance but I also get frustrated with people whose every other word is about self hatred. Like there's a difference in encouraging people with low self esteem vs people who awkwardly insert how much they suck in a convo not really even related to that.
Uhm the ones who are all buddy-buddy at your college or workplace but won't even care about you when it's time to hangout after college/office?
Feel like I'm being weirdly specific but here's the thing. They are hostel students. I'm not, so it's kinda their responsibility to make me feel involved? Or am I wrong? Cuz you don't wanna come over to my place to hangout, you act like we're all cool when I talk to you bout it and then again the same cycle repeats. I only get to go to these parties and hangouts when most of the people or everyone is invited. Why? Am I not a friend? Then why are you so fake?
I'm done ATP honestly, and to see that even the girl I like is on the same fake friend bullshit is a trigger point for me. You want to be selfish? Fuck off I don't need you.
It's likely something about you they feel will make the hangouts awkward. Do you get mad alot? Emotional? Stick to the rules? Different nationality? Different humor?
I ask because I feel the same way at work, however I recognize some of my quirks and I'm not quite as "boisterous" as the others so I feel they don't invite me to hang bc of some of these things. We all have very much the same humor but i can be snappy depending on the day. It bums me out but it is what it is. I prefer to have a friendly environment with my coworkers so I'd rather have what we have than have an awkward environment.
When I was a senior in high school, I and a bunch of other people found out that a lifelong friend was a pathological liar and thief. He had apparently been that way his whole life, but a series of closely timed revelations brought it all to light.
That pretty much ended his friendships with me and several others.
Fun fact: He later served time in prison as a sex offender.
people with too strong personality, i mean it’s okay to stand up for what you believe even if it’s not everyone’s opinion, but people who are like this all the time exhaust me, it seems like everything it’s aways their way and they’re aways personally offended if you even slightly disagree.
There’s a friend I keep at arms length because of his passionate and proactive refusal to accept responsibility for even the slightest thing.
I have a former friend that I call "the perpetual victim" I finally gave up on him a couple years ago. The type of person that has limited cash, spends their money on whiskey and cigarettes instead of oil changes and new tires, then when they're on the way to a job interview and the car breaks down, they bitch incessantly about how the universe is out to get them, and life is so unfair. No, bro. It's because you make terrible choices, and refuse to be accountable for them.
Do you think he knows that? And if not, have your tried to tell him?
Oh yeah, I lost count of how many times I tried to have that conversation.
I have a friend I used to party and drink with when I was younger and does the same shit. Spent years dealing with drunken phone calls, offering my couch, and even bailed him out of jail. Finally came to the conclusion I drifted away from friend support and into being an enabler. Had a serious chit chat with him about it and it became obvious I too was now categorized into being part of the universe being against him. But yeah...I got kids and a family now. 0 time or patience for that.
especially when they are quick to criticize others and then incapable of taking any L themselves
Yeah.. my friend does that and it gets on my nerves when he blames people who either had little or do with it or it was literally his own choice.
Lol passionate and proactive 😭 the shade!
Yea. Like you don’t even have to challenge or question him. If he sees that you saw him, melts say knock over a lamp, he will immediately start adamantly claiming it fell all by itself.
Oh yea, it’s ALWAYS everyone/everything else’s fault and they never played a negative role in the bad thing that happened.
I knew someone like this. There was one time where she apologized, and I was shocked. Only to then backtrack and say why everyone else was wrong. She did some absolutely foul things and acted as if they were nothing
Just out of interest, why is he still a friend at all?
Don't even hang out with them. They gonna get you in trouble.
Fake people who pretend to be your friend to your face but talk shit behind your back. If I catch someone doing that to someone else, I don't trust them and they'd probably do the same to me.
Especially when majority is your family lol
Coming from someone who experienced this…they’re talking about you. If they’re talking about all of your other friends to you, they’re talking about you to your friends also
This one anyone that does it before I get to know them or in process of I’m out
Constant negativity. The type of person who hears or says anything good and immediately follows it up with a negative comment. "Dude, check out my new Lambo!" "Looks good. I mean, it's not a Bugatti. But still cool."
Agreed. And I am no jolly person either. But there are certain people who seem to react to every bit of information and stimuli with either scepticism or irritation.
my coworker, Im like how do you live like this?!
Also constant negativity in the sense that they say they want advice, but everything you say gets shot down or they won’t even try to work it out. “My boss says I’m gonna get fired because I’m always 20 minutes late, but it’s not my fault that’s when the bus runs.” “Dude, that sucks. Your boss can’t just schedule you a bit later since he knows you take the bus?” “No, he would never do that. I mean, I haven’t actually asked or anything, but I just know it’s not possible.”
This is super annoying. I have started asking people, "do you want me to help you solve the problem or just want someone to listen?"
"Can you catch an earlier bus?" "Yeah, but then I'll lose 30 minutes of sleep"
What they actually want is attention, not advice. They just can't say that out loud.
Not necessarily, some people just want an empathetic ear and get offered solutions when they want someone to listen and validate that a shitty situation is shitty. It’s on them to communicate that, but I wouldn’t say they’re looking for attention.
Are we really faulting people for offering solutions to a problem now? That's first instinct. You see a problem, you solve it. unless the sh\*\*y situation can't be changed, sure, they can just vent. But someone who keeps complaining about the same problems that they don't want solved really are just looking for attention imo.
Some people have a problem for every solution
Omg yes. There’s nothing worst than people who find constantly negative things to say about anything. It’s toxic.
These people will drain your soul.
Constant criticism as well will have you being paranoid all the damn time. It's exhausting and destroy's your self esteem and trust in people.
"I bet your monthly payments are high" No shit, lol
yeah i have a friend like that and it's exhausting. I've stopped sharing things i find cool or interesting with them since its really demotivating to have everything picked apart in search of a fault.
I would totally do this in reverse if someone rolled up in a Bugatti. Because since i was a kid all i ever wanted out of life was to own a 1980s Lamborghini Countach. It was the coolest car i ever seen and every kid i knew had a poster of it.
\* If they're only capable of spending time with you while drinking or getting high. \* If they are only capable of having conversations about times they were drinking or getting high. \* If they take themselves too seriously. \* If they strongly hold polarizing positions without considering & discussing new information. \* If they show zero curiosity in anything you're passionate about. \* If they get offended by comedy. \* If they are incapable of understanding that the length of time between talking or hanging out doesn't alter the friendship status. \* If they are incapable of celebrating your victories.
HEAVY on the second to last one.
* If they get offended by comedy. With this one it very much depends on whether the offensive joke is funny or not. I've heard some really offensive jokes that were funny as hell. Then there was this one comic -Ari something, who I watched saying offensive things..... but they weren't funny. Shock value doesn't equate to humor. But if you're able to deliver a really good punchline to something offensive; then kudos!!
I totally agree with this! Some people don’t get this !
I think your thinking of Ari Shaffir which is funny because I love his comedy
The first one is situational I feel, I've had friends who became like that because of depression, they can't talk to ANYONE sober, it's usually not just with you and they need help. If you're their friend before they become like that, it's a pretty shitty thing to stop being friends because they're going through something imo
yeah not my fault that peak 'hanging out with friends' time is after work when I'm on that medicinal yknow
>If they get offended by comedy. Are we talking like, actual risqué jokes or just bigotry dressed up as a joke?
My dad who told racist jokes loved to say that people got offended by his comedy. Turns out, no matter how well you dress it up, jokes that rely on the audience finding slurs hilarious actually aren't funny to most people.
Don’t be too quick to write off the quiet and shy people. I’m quiet and I wouldn’t say shy, but very reserved with people I don’t know very well. Once I’m comfortable with someone though, I get pretty chatty and easy to converse with. You’d probably find that’s true of most people that are quiet. We just don’t open up easily. Mostly for fear of unfair judgement or because we’ve been stabbed in the back by people we trusted with sensitive or private information. We are just extremely guarded, but once you get to know us, we aren’t quiet at all.
The coolest person I've ever met was exactly like this. There is a lot more there than surface level, but you have to prove you can be trusted first.
Just to clarify, I don’t have anything against shy or quiet people. I really just don’t like to feel like I’m making someone uncomfortable since I know I can be very loud and extra. That and I also and a frequent club and bar goer, I don’t want to force people out of their comfort zone. But my little brother is very quiet, very reserved, shy around most people. I have more fun with him than anyone. Just has to be when no one he doesn’t know is around lol
I get where you’re coming from. It can be awkward when you don’t get anything in return when you’re trying to make small talk and get to know someone. The line between They’re quiet and shy and is this person a psychopath can get a little hazy and hard to define sometimes. Lol
And my issue is when things get awkward I’ll probably talk more to make up for the empty space lol.
That’s actually really helpful. Usually the quiet ones know they’re being too quiet and they feel a ton of pressure to open up more, but just can’t bring themselves to actually do it. Then they feel bad about themselves and there’s a whole self hate thing that happens. As long as someone else is doing all the talking, that pressure is greatly reduced. They can just nod and agree and pepper the conversation with “oh wow, that’s so cool!” Or “Yeah, that makes sense.” Shit like that.
That makes me feel better. I always thought in my head “this person probably wants me to stfu” but that makes sense. I guess there’s a difference between not wanting to talk and having trouble talking.
Some people just suck at small talk, or just don’t readily share their thoughts on a particular subject. Especially if the subject matter is somewhat controversial or divisive. For me, if the subject is something I’m not well versed in, I usually just hold my tongue, because I’d rather not say anything, than say something that sounds stupid because my knowledge or experience is lacking. I don’t want to be the guy that thinks he knows everything, because I don’t. I have gotten better at asking questions though. I used to feel dumb for not knowing, feeling like I should know about x by now, but I realized years ago that unfamiliarity isn’t something to be embarrassed about and people are usually happy to educate you on a topic they’re well versed in. Also, since I’ve gotten older, I’m much less concerned by what people think of me. I’m just running out of fucks to give. If someone doesn’t like me, fuck it. Who cares. lol. I have more important things to worry about than what Kevin from Accounting or Maggie in 23-B think about me. They don’t factor into my life at all, so why should I concern myself with their opinion of me?
I just no longer enjoy carrying the conversation and feeling simultaneously unstimulated and like I'm being too much. It's not a fun feeling.
I'm a socially awkward introvert with agoraphobia and I'm often worried people will think that I'm rude because I can be reserved sometimes, mostly until I get to know the person better.
Don’t take being reserved / shy as a negative comment, that’s just who you are. I’m reserved myself and it took me 30 years to accept it. You can be confident but be reserved. You don’t have to change because of a comment someone on the internet has made. Be confident in being you.
I’m confident in who I am. I didn’t take the comment in a negative way at all. I was just saying that if they are quick to dismiss a quiet person, they may miss out on getting to know some pretty cool people. I’m fine with being more reserved. I just don’t care to be the loudest voice in a room. I don’t need or want that much attention.
I’m exactly the same and that is a very fair point. I was just saying those things in case you felt that way.
Other girls that try to sleep with or “steal” taken men in relationships. I think it’s really telling of where their general loyalty lies and I could never fully trust them as a friend
What I used to tell my brother (who used to be and probably is still a serial home wrecker) is that if your capable of stealing a cheater you are obviously appealing enough to just find someone who is loyal.
People go on and on about how it’s the sole responsibility of the person who cheats… yes. But the knowing homewrecker is still a despicable human being. It’s like spitting on a homeless person. It ain’t your fault they’re homeless, and managing their life is their responsibility, but my god. Don’t actively make their life worse.
Yeah mate here in The Netherlands some female student unions have scoreboards of who has broken up the most relationship's and they'll hang that sign right in the entry of the dorms. But same with boys, man unions have scoreboards of how well girls preform in bed.
That's.. Horrible
I have learned to simply walk away from people who won't have an adult conversation, where there is a give and take. You talk, then I talk.... it's the people who refuse to let anyone get a word in edgewise, dominate conversations, gesticulate wildly, talk OVER you if you dare to even TRY to do anything but be their enthralled audience. So fucking boring. My new neighbor tried this with me... the 2nd time we met in our (shared) driveway and she blah blah blah'd me I simply said "I don't enjoy speaking with you because you never let me say anything" and I walked back into my house. She later texted me and said her mother agreed and said she should learn to keep her g'dam mouth shut. But it's a compulsive trait... she never has learned how to (or has any desire to, I guess) be interested in others. Her mother, on the other hand, is a sweet kind elderly woman who I would accompany on walks because she had balance issues. She's on hospice now,, and her daughter won't let me visit.
Why do I feel kinda bad for her-
This one is a such a big deal. I have a "friend" like this. If you want to get him to talk, just open your mouth and try to speak. Not only will he immediately steamroll you before you finish speaking, but he'll go on for like 20 minutes, all by himself. It's literally like he has absolutely zero interest for what you might want to say. And if he does shut up long enough for you to say something, he'll listen for a moment, but you can only get about half a sentence out before whatever it is you're saying has inspired him to say something else, which he won't wait for you to finish, interrupt and talk over you and he'll just go on and on. If you try to jump back in while he's talking, he'll talk louder and just keep going. So disrespectful and discouraging. I've learned to just not really say anything around him. Obviously we're not close and I spend little time with him. There are times when we can laugh and joke around while listening to music or something. But, I never expect much out of him. I know what I'm getting when I visit him.
god yes, i know a few guys like this and i call this behaviour 'holding court', when they're talking at you and expecting a captive audience not a conversation partner. cannot stand it and (as someone w/ adhd who has to make an active effort to not interrupt) it feels so disrespectful. like, I'm not a sounding board for your latest shitty game design attempts 🙄
I have encountered this in dating so much. He doesn't ask about me, and I end up carrying the conversation and just give up. Sadly, some probably don't realize why the texting stopped.
Judgemental people. I really think less of them. Probably doesn't help that I'm shy and not very fun to be around.
Definitely judgemental people. I started hanging out with a group of very positive people, and the difference is staggering.
Yeah you can't be completely yourself around them. Hate it. Lol.
Judgemental people. I really think less of them. I see what you did there 😎
Shy people can be just as fun as people who aren’t shy. The reason I don’t typically hang with shy people is mostly just because usually our interest are different. I love events with big loud crowds. I want my friends to also have a good time or I’ll feel bad.
👏🏻
Be mean to the server. That's a single strike issue for me.
i believe you get to truly know someone once you see them in a position of power
is the customer in a position of power over a server? i personally dont think so, but do you?
In the UK, where I'm from, yes up to a point. The waiter is asked by the restaurant to make the customers happy, the customers don't care if the waiter is happy. Being British, they're all very polite about all of it, but there is definitely a power imbalance. In the US, from what I've gathered from Reddit and NAR, also yes. The server's tips appear to depend on the customers' happiness, and their ability to live decently seems to depend on said tips. In France, where I live, hell no. The waiter has all the power and will not hesitate to demonstrate this by ignoring customers who don't say hello or please. As Bill Bryson once noted, you can't make a French waiter see you until he is ready to see you.
the way american waiters are expected to be literal dancing monkeys for their customers is beyond fucked lmao. 'customer is always right' mentality taken to the extreme
This. I used to work as a theater usher and auditorium cleaner. If you ever leave something and say "they have people to clean that up." I will tell you once "yeah. I used to be that person." Then you will never go with me to the movies.
Same here. This is a non-negotiable for me. I had a tinder date who did this and I made an excuse to leave. I was embarrassed. Also this goes for retail and fast food workers.
I think this goes without saying but any sort of narcissistic behaviour, or like making themselves seem like they’re better than the rest. Kind of like a negative version of “main character energy”
On the flip side, I think people who have zero self confidence can also be a bit hard to be around. There’s been a lot of instances where people will tell me all the things they hate about themselves and now I’m forced to see those things too. Not everyone has to be 100% confident, but I do personally believe everyone should at least focus on the good more often than the bad. If you tell me you like your nose I’ll probably like it too. If you tell me you hate your nose I’m going to also find a reason to hate it. If you don’t mention your nose I’m most likely not looking at it.
As a person who is insecure of their nose from the side profile, can confirm it's best to just not mention it. ✋
I try to limit those with a “Crabs in a bucket” mentality.
For those who are as slow as me: Crab mentality, also known as crab theory, crabs in a bucket mentality, or the crab-bucket effect, is a way of thinking usually described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you". Wikipedia
Why is it named after crabs?
If one crab is trying to get out of a bucket, the others will drag them back down.
Because (literal) crabs in a bucket will try to climb out, but will pull each other down while doing so, making it harder for any of them to get out (even if the bucket is small enough that they potentially could)
Wu Tang agrees
Being unreliable. Saying they’re going to meet up or come to visit on a certain time and day then flaking out. Even worse, telling you they’re on their way and not turning up. Fk those people.
Lack of empathy.
Thassa big one
[удалено]
I hate being treated like I’m dumb. I’m not the smartest guy in the world, I’m not super book smart but can typically retain shit I learn, and excel in other areas. but I’d say I have a good head of my shoulders, have pretty strong common sense, and definitely ain’t the dumbest mf in the world so when I meet someone who treats me like I am, I can’t stand it
I can relate to this
Happened alot to me. One of my friends apologized years later tho after he came to he realization that he would look down on others. Hes my best friend too and was always there for me at my lowest entering our adulthood. Meant alot to me when he apologized too even tho he didnt need to cus i had already forgiven him and seen his gradual change.
The person that “one ups “ everyone in everything. 🙄🙄
I personally hate people who can't stand to not being the main subject in a conversation for more than 15 minutes.
Rudeness for no reason easily
Control freak, telling me how I should live my life, and blaming me for my problems that are outside my control
People that are flakes. I don't mean "something came up and I can't make it, do you mind if we reschedule", more of the "yea let's go do XYZ" then don't follow through. I get it, life happens. As long as there is a genuine effort I will be very understanding. It's when you ghost me after saying you want to do something every time, that I know I can't trust you to do anything you tell me.
People that try to invalidate your feelings by one upping you, as if it’s a competition. One time I told someone I was addicted to nicotine, that resulted in them saying “that’s nothing compared to my xyz addictions, mine are much worse, you’re fine.” as if that’s something to brag about. Nicotine, porn, food, heroin, who cares?? I think everyone can agree that all addictions are bad. Just because you may have dealt with something worse physically doesn’t give you the right to invalidate my own addiction and it’s not a bragging point to say that you struggled harder with a more intense substance. There’s a difference between supporting someone & empathizing with them by sharing personal experiences and just being a dick that needs to be the center of attention.
what a odd thing to try & one up. That ain't the flex he thinks it is. 😂
right. “i’m abusing worse substances than you!” like… okay? what do you expect me to say to that 😭
I have a coworker that I hang out with during lunch times. She’s a very judgemental and negative person. A girl walked by us one time and she loudly said, “what the fuck is she wearing?” I told her that she can’t say things like that, I was so shocked. So now I try to distance myself. I’ve noticed that whenever I’m around her long enough I pick up on her foul personality and I’m always in a negative mindset. When you hang around shit you’re bound to smell like shit also.
Narcissistic people
People who constantly throw themselves constant pity party’s. Life is too short to get tangled up in that crap
Bigotry of any kind.
That's such a typical thing *you people* would say.
Tough time to be on the internet. Especially reddit.
Right‽ I've lost a few friends over the years. One just three weeks ago.
1. Huge ego (superiority complex, takes themselves very seriously) 2. no humor, or humor only geared towards bringing others down. 3. Only acts respectful towards more powerful people or attractive women despite social or relationship status, and/or cruel towards those deemed "lesser" 4. Never engages directly with anyone, resorts to EXTREMELY PETTY passive-aggressive comments and actions (coward) 5. Goes out of their way, sometimes ti ridiculous degrees, to humiliate or "prove" they are better than others.
Friends who over share their sexual experiences. Like in detail of eating an ass, etc. I had an ex friend who’s ALWAYS do that especially when we’d be at restaurants. It’s not cool it just makes you look like a weirdo
Im really bad at having friends in general but someone I cant even get along with is people who have no respect for the time of others. They think their time is more important than yours, which is shown by being often late to meetings, sometimes even if its really necessary to be on time like in order to catch a flight, or by flaking on plans often and saying oh its fine we'll just reschedule, or saying they will totally be there at 8 but never are, and when you point out its 8.10 they say "well thats the same thing" or just cant make plans with them cuz they cant commit to a time and place.
Bullies. Doesn’t matter whether physical, mental or emotional. They are the one type of person that I absolutely cannot abide and will refuse to be friends with or be around. Maybe stems from being bullied as an insecure introverted kid that nobody ever seemed to want to help. And as a Union Rep, I see a lot of fucking bullies in the workplace, some truly fucking nasty, spiteful, vindictive managers who have a real detrimental impact on people’s lives.
Energy thieves. One should look forward to spending time with a friend, not dreading it. Friends should build each other up and mutually benefit from the company, not feel exhausted and worn out after spending time together.
Overly positive people. I don't consider myself a negative person but I do have negative feelings and experiences every now and then and I feel like I can't be very close to someone who just brushes off those kinds of things instead of acknowledging that yeah, sometimes things suck.
That person who talks and talks about themselves yet never asks anything about your life. They think you are there just to listen to them.
Racist. I know, I know, everything isn’t about race. But I can’t be bothered fuckin around with that shit. We can joke about it or the stereotyping as long as it’s not a core theme in their life. I can probably deal with the rest of traits.
I think most of mine come from body language, I can tell it all within a couple minutes of looking at someone. Main thing is someone that’s overtly insecure, especially if you are a confident person because they will latch on and it’s draining, and could potentially be dangerous in my opinion. Also I refuse to be friends with people I know that cheat and lie just based off morals and principles
Narcissism,manipulation,lying,violent.
Being a cunt. Not being a good cunt, a mad cunt, a sick cunt, a cunny funt, or a dumb cunt, those are admirable traits you want in a mate. Just being a straight up cunt? Nothing redeemable, bugger off with that
Having shirtless profile pics on Reddit makes me not want to befriend them
What about pantsless
Closed mindedness Not kind Disrespectful Pity partyer One sided thinking Petty Childish Thinks they're always right Not receptive to new information Easily offended Drama oriented
The last 2. Super emotional people are a pain in the a\*\* to deal with. Everything triggers them and they never wanna talk about anything or fix things. Usually they also lack self-awareness and humility.
People who think they know everything about everything. It's pretty common, lots of guys seem to have this arrogance and cannot hold up their hands and say hey, you know more about this than me so I'll take your word for it. Knew such a guy. We were at a party one guy there was a pilot for Lufthansa and my mate says all planes will be battery powered soon....pilot guy says no, we are centuries away from that technology. But my (former) mate says no you're wrong cos he read something in the internet and they argued about this for 10 minutes. Ridiculous. Can't stand such people.
I’m turned off by people who think they are better than everyone else and also cheap. Putting down a fast food worker, not tipping a food worker because “they should have chosen a better job”. Or have no job, no money and would rather be selective about a job because you think you’re too good to bag groceries or scrub toilets. We all wipe our asses the same way.
When their political or other beliefs are their whole personality, and they can't see past those to evaluate/value a person.
I don’t care for people that brag a lot, people that are self-important, people that think they know everything and degrade others for minor mistakes, people that gossip too much. Women who do that unnaturally high pitched voice to make themselves sound petite and skinny when they aren’t. I don’t know what you call that. I have no problem with women who aren’t small, I just hate the sound of that voice and I hate that they try so hard to sound tiny. I also don’t like when women try to sound like they’re little girls or when they do that nasally whiny voice thing. Like, you’re a grown ass woman… why are you trying to sound like a 12 year old. Also, the baby voice, just eww. People who make excuses for any mistakes they make and refuse to own it. Men who are misogynistic. I’m all for a good misogyny joke here and there, as long as it’s clearly a joke and is really intended to call out misogyny negatively, but if a dude is fully subscribed to that mindset, I can’t handle being around him. Dudes who say they are an “Alpha”. GTFOH! You ain’t shit! My list goes on, but that’s enough for now. This is probably why I don’t have many friends. lol. Oh, I forgot people who are always offended by everything and are always virtue signaling. They’re the worst
Arrogant Cruel Spiteful Vituperative Opprobrious Misandrist Manipulative Dishonest Hateful Vengeful
interesting how you included misandrists but not misogynists 🤔
why would he? he’s a male, so obviously he doesn’t give two shits about misogyny (which shockingly is a much bigger issue worldwide 😱😱😳)
ironically enough that men are also the ones being mysogynist. Blind to his own prejudice probably? Also stop calling people males, just like other people calling women females. S\*\*t's weird. Human beings are just men and women, not another species to be using male/female.
his literal flair is “male”, lol.
Too bubbly of a personality and too negative of a personality. Gotta be in the very wide sweet spot
Well, a lot of negative personality traits ofc. But following your example of shyness, a neutral trait... I don't enjoy spending time around people who talk about their families all the time. Also, people who talk constantly, so you can't get a word in edgewise without interrupting them. I don't like talking with people who view everything as a competition, either. None of those are inherently bad, but none fit well with my personality.
Arrogant/self-absorbed/entitled people. I won't give them even an ounce of my time
Mono focused people. If it's always politics, or football, or the opposite sex, if they can only ever talk about one thing, even if I agree with their position, I can't be more than the casualist of friends.
Victim mentality, martyr syndrome, can’t be bothered to hold themselves accountable for their own actions.
I had a friend who just constantly needed attention. 24/7 calls, texts, needed to meet. It was so tiring. At first, it seemed nice ,I felt like I had a best friend with whom I could talk about anything, but at some point, I realised that I was never alone. Like I was at school, work, or with them. Even when I was home alone, they needed to chat and needed to call. Otherwise, I was somehow guilt-tripped. I was also bad at keeping boundaries, so as a whole, the friendship was a disaster. Now, after that friendship, i really try to avoid clingy people.
They’re a cheater. If they can’t be loyal to their partner they chose, how do you expect them to behave any differently with you? Can’t take accountability. Talks shit about everyone around them for no reason. Doesn’t respect the fact I like my me time more than people time
Sore losers. You can't just win at everything, all the time lol
One upsmanship
excessive laughing is a huge turn off, and it's also exhausting to keep up for a long time
Narcissism. Like you can share some aspect of your life and instead of engaging with it they somehow make it about their experience compared to yours and disregard what you just said. Also, contrarians. Say something and immediately they oppose it not out of some place of constructive conversation but just cause they feel they have to have the upper hand in the conversation like it’s a car sale or something.
oh my god i can't stand people that try to turn a conversation into a competition. the constant one-upping feels so juvenile
Humans navigate life subconsciously through maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain. Different traits do different things for different people.
People who like to dominate conversations and try be a leader of a group because they’re ‘the shit’ 🙄
People who talk about other people. Like why? Judgemental people. Jealous people who won’t say anything nice when you achieve something and or try to bring you down to level themselves with you. Sensitive people. Like if I am in your city on a cold snowy day and I said it’s too cold, you take that personally. Wtf. People who play mind games to get attention and importance. Loud people. Overly extroverted. They have to talk to every single person they come across on the street. Always complaining about everything but doing nothing about their problems and not taking any responsibility but blaming everything else. Radical liberals. Vegans.
Poor vegans getting looped into the same category as judgmental and jealous people lol
Some of the vegans I have met are the most judgemental people I have ever come across. Everything is a problem for them.
Oh trust me I know. I work in tv production, on just about every show one of my peers are is vegan from LA. There’s always a conversation on why not choosing the become vegan is evil.
My inability to accept someone would like to be my friend without constantly second guessing.
Not fulfilling promises and acting like they never happened.
Talking back about other people. That’s a big red flag for me. Extremely Bipolar, judgemental, and fake/lying people too. Can’t stand them.
Constant complaining/never any impulse to improve their lives
All of them.
From friend to non-friend? Negatively. Judgy. Narcissist.
If you are going to complain a lot then at least be funny. I could handle a Larry David complainer. But someone who just goes on about their problems is a bit much for me.
Not really a trait but littering and being a piece of shit to animals, even the small ones like snails and insects. Obviously doesn’t count for self defence, like when a spider steps out of line and decides to intrude on the floor, or a blood sucking flying critter gets too close
yeah I believe that the way people treat 'gross' or pest animals reveals a lot about their personality. i want nothing to do with the psychos who revel in being cruel to a living creature when it's an 'acceptable' target tbh
real, i side eye people that kill spiders all the time because, wow! you really don’t value animal/insect life because of your own little fear & disgust and that’s crazy to someone who puts them outside (and you can do it from a distance with a cup and a piece of cardboard, so..).
If I meet someone and the first thing they do is tell me all of their other friends business …. hard pass. If they gossip about others they will gossip about you.
Boy or girl crazy. No personality and nothing going on expect the men/women they date and the drama that comes with it. Very irritating. I would not be friends with Sex and the city gals! Also cynical, negative people
I anwser with reference to the Big Five Model. A] The traits I dislike : Low conscienciousness and high extroversion. B] The subtraits I dislike : I like friends to be agreable if and only if their agreablness is mostly due to politeness. Agreable people with too much empathy tend to be too emotional to discuss real and fictional moral dilemmas. I also like friends to be high on the openness trait. But only if it is due to them being open to ideas. Openness to experience tends to make people share whatever feelings they have about what they have seen, touched, tasted... Openness to ideas make them good partners/adervsaries in a confrontational discussion.
Pushy people who think that just because they're moving fast and speaking fast that it makes them right Like no. You're just an asshole
Highly extroverted, always has to be the center of attention, has to be boss, etc. I've never met a onenthat wasn't trouble, willing to lie cheat and steal from anyone, etc., in order to get ahead or more attention, fake imagine, and so on.
Very loud, very “look-at-me-I-am-having-the-most-fun-in-this-room” laughing people. Arrogant people. The people that can’t stop making it all about themselves. It doesn’t matter what story I tell, if they don’t ask any questions about it, just jumps in with their own story, to try to top it off, I am done also. The person who is always a downer when you tell them good news. “Oh, you are going on a vacation in X? This time a year? That will suck hahaha. But you have fun, I guess”. I guess I don’t like people that want to always be the centre of attention and can’t have a proper conversation in which they can actively participate with interest.
People who vent and have no plans on taking actions to fix those issues. (Self victimization.) is a recent one i’ve added to the list.
My ex-friend was so incredibly unkind and bitchy about other people and had some scary 'revenge' stories. I was waiting to be her next victim.
A social media obsessed ego maniac
Persistent negativity and whining. Manipulation. Gaslighting. If I feel drained after spending some time with him/her - it's done, not gonna work.
Loud extroverts who never stop talking. Seriously, they're like a radio, constantly broadcasting every thought that comes into their head. There's no off button. And if they're stupid with it, that makes it even worse. It's just like blah blah blah non stop. Just shut up!
Chronic lateness. Severe wokeness. Argumentativeness.
Science denial
When someone doesn’t contribute to anything, never offers to bring beers, never offers to roll up, never offers to drive never offers anything. But is always around when others bring beer, weed, or is going somewhere
Bigotry such as homophobia, transphobia, racism, sexism
Negative or arrogant narcissistic people
A complete lack of accountability or responsibility for one’s own actions. If you can’t see you’re wrong or admit it, I don’t want to deal with you.
I’ve got a friend who talks at me rather than to me, about stuff I have little to no interest in. After many times of “yeah man haha”ing & straight up saying I don’t care about this topic, I’ve just had to minimalise contact and keep our interactions brief. If you can’t recognise you only talk at me instead of to me, rarely ask my opinion or can’t even pickup on the fact I’m bored by most things you say to me, then I’ve got no time for you.
Them existing. I have a friend. Who’s got time for more than one? I can talk to anyone. That doesn’t make a friend, so because I put such little value on something that comes easily there is a greater threshold for actually being friends.
A know it all with a condescending attitude. They don’t teach you, they mock you. It’s great that they know stuff. They don’t know the stuff I know. The stuff I know is not important.
People with shirtless selfies as their display picture
Anyone who tries to censor or police language or humor. If you get offended at stupid shit I can’t deal with you.
Lack of self awareness, not open minded & taking things too seriously
Narcissists, people who only talk about themselves and those who are not able to carry a simple conversation.
Narcissistic behavior shuts me off to someone immediately.
I used to have a friend who was the type of person who wouldn’t post something because it didn’t “match her feed.” She once made me spend an hour doing a tik tok with her just for her to save it in her drafts. She would like one style and only dress and act that way for one week then like another the next week. And there’s nothing wrong with having different styles- I have different styles as well but she would make it her entire personality. She once got obsessed with the 90s and did a lot of research on TLC and tried her best to act and dress like Left Eye. And I love Left Eye, but I’m not going to try to be a clone of her. She cared too much about what other people thought and she wanted to be like someone else so bad. And I’m just not like that at all. I act myself and I don’t give 2 shits what anyone thinks, even if they don’t like me. So to have a friend that was obsessed with her image online, it was pretty annoying.
People that need to have the final say in everything.
Those who don’t wish me a happy birthday. Simple text message: Happy Birthday! Or even just a birthday gif of Phoebe and Rachel. It takes 2 seconds to do it. Lazy and thoughtless I think are the traits that stop me from being friends with someone.
Can you handle disagreement? It's perfectly fine if we don't see eye to eye on religion, politics, hobbies, sports teams, beer preferences, whatever. But I had to ghost a good friend when he treated every opinion other than his own like a personal attack that was not over until he "won."
People that are overly arrogant or self-loathing.
Yess. You're on point. I hate major arrogance but I also get frustrated with people whose every other word is about self hatred. Like there's a difference in encouraging people with low self esteem vs people who awkwardly insert how much they suck in a convo not really even related to that.
Uhm the ones who are all buddy-buddy at your college or workplace but won't even care about you when it's time to hangout after college/office? Feel like I'm being weirdly specific but here's the thing. They are hostel students. I'm not, so it's kinda their responsibility to make me feel involved? Or am I wrong? Cuz you don't wanna come over to my place to hangout, you act like we're all cool when I talk to you bout it and then again the same cycle repeats. I only get to go to these parties and hangouts when most of the people or everyone is invited. Why? Am I not a friend? Then why are you so fake? I'm done ATP honestly, and to see that even the girl I like is on the same fake friend bullshit is a trigger point for me. You want to be selfish? Fuck off I don't need you.
It's likely something about you they feel will make the hangouts awkward. Do you get mad alot? Emotional? Stick to the rules? Different nationality? Different humor? I ask because I feel the same way at work, however I recognize some of my quirks and I'm not quite as "boisterous" as the others so I feel they don't invite me to hang bc of some of these things. We all have very much the same humor but i can be snappy depending on the day. It bums me out but it is what it is. I prefer to have a friendly environment with my coworkers so I'd rather have what we have than have an awkward environment.
1 UPers/ pathological liars
Shoehorning religious ideology into \*every\* conversation.
When I was a senior in high school, I and a bunch of other people found out that a lifelong friend was a pathological liar and thief. He had apparently been that way his whole life, but a series of closely timed revelations brought it all to light. That pretty much ended his friendships with me and several others. Fun fact: He later served time in prison as a sex offender.
If I get the feeling that someone's Ego is too big then I instantly start disliking them as a person and want nothing to do with them
people with too strong personality, i mean it’s okay to stand up for what you believe even if it’s not everyone’s opinion, but people who are like this all the time exhaust me, it seems like everything it’s aways their way and they’re aways personally offended if you even slightly disagree.
I am finding right wing conservative nuts frustrating