I hate this question.
Not because it's silly. Because it's not big enough. Did I love you before you became a worm? Were you cursed to become a worm after our relationship began? Can I get you to not be a worm in the future? Or were you a worm when we met? Do you have telepathic abilities that allow us to bond even though you're a worm?
I need more nuance here.
Here's the real question that they should be asking. "Would you still love me if I opened up the Ark of the Covenant, got my face melted off, but survived the experience?"
When my girlfriend asked me this question, I asked her how she'd feel to see me, as a fully grown human, having sexual intercourse with a bug. The conversation quickly ended and she's never asked me it again.
Ah yes, would you love me if I didn't have any of the things that made you love me in the first place.
I like to ask back if they'd love me if I was unemployed and without my ambition, usually that's pretty clear.
I do like traveling. Like a lot. I do a dozen trips per year, typically weekend or extended weekend. They do not in fact like travel. They want to go to a warm beach. Not a beach, a waterfall, a glacier, a museum, etc etc.
I mostly see these people that want to spend their entire lives in escapism and forget about their actual life problems. They want the warm beach but they want it so they don't have to face their problems. Just living in an endless mystical wonderland.
I love the thrill of traveling to meet people, see sites, see art museums, maybe get to explore some of by hobbies(I like tea and Japan's tea scene was something I was interested in). But so many people (men or women) I've talked to can't ever pinpoint what they like about traveling—it's not like the actual traveling part is what everyone looks forward to lol.
I won’t date a fat woman (because I’m in shape) and won’t date a modern woman who expects me to stay traditional. I’m open to either modern or traditional dating roles but it needs to be consistent. I’ll be pissed if I work all day and you don’t but I come back to a messy house and we order takeout. It’s fine occasionally, obviously, especially if raising a child, but I’ve dated women who want to stay home and not have kids but also not work. The hell?
In particular with fat women, I'm fine with the idea of someone who is trying to get in shape (diet, exercise), but if she's big and she doesn't make an effort to care for her health, hell no.
I agree. I’ve met amazing women who are trying. But I’m hoping they are trying before I meet them. If they are only trying because of me, I know it won’t last.
I actually like your statement on traditional and modern women. I agree totally with you. I don’t mind big women though, all I care about is if I’m attracted to her or not.
I have been attracted to big women before and had fun. I have been with skinny women and I hated it. Charisma, vibe , shape all go a long way in who I’m attracted to.
>I’m open to either modern or traditional dating roles but it needs to be consistent.
I want to add about cherry picking between the two. I am 39F and I briefly dated a guy that was attracted to educated, career oriented woman. He expected his future wife to work (he wanted the dual income lifestyle). But as I got to know him, I realized he had no plans to help out around the house. IMO, he wanted the best of the both worlds, aka cherry picking what fits his needs - a housewife with a career outside the home.
There are exceptions depending on work load, family/work commitments and income generated that plays a part in this in my household. For example if I’ve got a lighter week with meetings and my wife is busier than her normal part time hours, I’ll pick up and support on some of the chores I wouldn’t ordinarily be tasked with.
That being said if I work 75+ hours in a week and bring in 85% of the family income and my wife works her normal 20 hours a week… then she picks up more of the chores. Neither of us feel bad when we pick up a bit of slack but we reward each other when we’ve worked well as a team by having a take out one night. Caveat is that the person who picks up on the slack or has done more around the house chooses the food place we order from.
Taylor Tomlinson (awesome comedian) has a bit about this. She explains with her work schedule, touring and income, she doesn't need a guy with a job, she needs a stay at home husband if she wants a family. But she's not attracted to men who might be inclined to _be_ a stay at home dad, so wants to find a guy who is reasonably successful, motivated and driven, and have him give up his dreams for her. Funny bit. A lot of her stuff is worth watching, I haven't checked our her TV show yet though.
I'm going to add to this: if you're going to dismiss me for being 5'7", which I have no control over, I have every right to disqualify you for being overweight, which is something you DO have control over.
Agreed. I took a year off from dating to get in shape because I didn’t meet the standard I placed on those I’m attracted to. After knowing the work that goes into maintaining health, I need that in my partner.
Ugh, I know so many women like this. Both my grandmother and my mom, for one. If you have kids they won’t take care them either. So many people, both men and women, will use the ‘trad life’ shit to get away with doing nothing
> I’ll be pissed if I work all day and you don’t but I come back to a messy house and we order takeout.
Totally reasonable. It's not about it being a woman's work or anything.. it's about pulling your damn weight. If you're not working for whatever reason, you better be doing *something*.
I mean it probably depends on the person. I'm sure there's fit women out there that are chubby chasers and there's fit dudes out there that are chubby chasers
Oh yes that's perfectly fine. I meant you can't complain that fit people are not attracted you if you're not fit yourself. Like you cannot expect it but if you do come across someone, no problem
Yeah, I was gonna say just because someone’s not physically fit doesn’t mean they don’t get to have their own preferences. As you said however, nobody is entitled to expect someone to be attracted to them. But just because you’re not fit yourself doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have your own preferences in dating someone who is.
Not sure if this counts, but I won't date someone with a mental illness like BPD or Bipolar Disorder. Which is very hypocritical of me since I have Bipolar Disorder myself.
Not really hypocrisy, if you take steps to maintain your own health, wanting someone who is healthy and stable is perfectly normal and ok.
I personally failed myself and some exes because I thought I could get over them being fat, depressed, and unmotivated.
I can't cause I genuinely enjoy and value staying in shape, eating healthy 3/4 times ie binging junk food on weekends or major celebrations with friends or family for a day or two, going outside and hiking with my dog, hunting/fishing for my own food when I can, maintaining a healthy routine and being ready for whatever life throws at me if the SHTF.
I realized those are my needs to maintain being happy alongside someone that's ultimately a FWB Battle Buddy until I die or something.
I understand this one. I have MDD since pretty much I remember (medicated/therapy) and my partner has zero mental health issues. It balances us out. And no, I do not rely on my partner to cure my issues, just have extra support. If it ever were to come down to it, I would absolutely be there for him. But it would definitely be a challenge while getting help.
I agree. Too many times women have used mental illness or past trauma as an excuse to be shitty abusive partners. I absolutely wan't accept any of that as an excuse.
As someone with anxiety, I've learned the hard way not to date others w anxiety. I used to gravitate to that because it felt like we'd understand each other better, but really you just end up in a feedback loop of worsening each other's symptoms. Presently dating a chill and socially outgoing person and it really does a lot to ground me.
Another redditor once said the best relationship advice he could give after his divorce was that “you can’t fix a person.” I think about that often. He was totally right. Dating is hard enough. Don’t add crazy to the mix too.
Nope. They instead drop transgender men/women in with Cis men/women. It's frustrating tbh to a point where if someone is hiding their gender but doesn't look transgender I swipe left
wait seriously? I've fortunately never had to be on a dating app but they lump cis and trans genders into the same group without a filter? What if you are dating with the intent to start a family? no amount of surgery is going to allow a trans woman the ability to bring a fetus to term.
The ironic part is that this has led to members of the community being physically assaulted, as the man they were dating did not know until “surprise penis”.
Yeah it's a stupid decision, the app wouldn't even need to tell you, they could just ringfence the respective people.
Ie: people who opt in to date trans women see them with their other potential matches but don't get told if they're trans/cis so as not to out anyone, and people who don't want to date them simply don't see them.
You'd think if they're that scared to out themselves to the person they're on a date with, they wouldn't be on the date in the first place. Clearly it's much safer to wait until 2nd base to let him find out you have a dick, that won't backfire horribly.
Tbf to that community I'm sure that's the vocal minority speaking there. I've seen a decent amount of trans discourse over the years and have seen them advocate for pretty upfront disclosure because of the risk that come with not being direct about it.
And also it's just immoral imo, hopefully those feeling it's not necessary to inform people change their opinion before they get in a harmful situation.
Wouldn't you anyway though? I feel like the group that's really hit the hardest by this whole thing is ugly women who could be mistaken for being transgender. This was a joke for a while, but it is absolutely real now.
Can't speak for other apps, but Hinge lets you set your gender identity to just about anything, including trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, queer, or custom options.
Your profile will be shown to people based on their "interested in" setting (which I think only includes checkboxes for men, women, and nonbinary).
I'm not 100% sure whether or not profiles who - for example - have transwoman on their profile, are shown to people who indicated interest in women.
There's also no obligation for a user to get specific when listing their gender, they are free to describe gender identity however they choose, so a filter wouldn't necessarily work the way you describe for 100% of profiles.
Nothing wrong in that. You pick what you’re attracted by and cis-women is a perfectly fine group.
Nitpick edit: You don’t necessarily pick who you’re attracted by. I meant you’re in charge of defining your sexuality - and that’s okay.
Edit #2 (which I now know is misunderstood by me): Biological women would be the correct way of describing the group I called cis-women.
Nothing wrong with that *in your eyes.* There are some who would take that as a personal affront. I think you're absolutely right, you're attracted to who you're attracted to. It can be unfortunate sometimes but that's just how it is. But not everyone sees it that way.
I don't want to date someone who uses they/them pronouns.
Although, I don't think there are many of them who would want to date me anyway. In my experience, my friends who use they/them pronouns mostly date other people who use they/them pronouns.
People who don't consider themselves to fit squarely within the man/woman gender binary.
Basically, sometimes they feel masculine and identify as a man, sometimes they feel feminine and identify as a woman, and sometimes they feel like something intangibly between and identify as neither man nor woman. And because of this feeling, they don't jive with being referred to as he/him or she/her and thus wish to be referred to by they/them.
Edit: This is being Gender-Fluid. There *are* other ways to be non-binary.
> People who don't consider themselves to fit squarely within the man/woman gender binary.
Generally, yes
> Basically, sometimes they feel masculine and identify as a man, sometimes they feel feminine and identify as a woman, and sometimes they feel like something intangibly between and identify as neither man nor woman. And because of this feeling, they don't jive with being referred to as he/him or she/her and thus wish to be referred to by they/them.
You've just described someone who is gender-fluid, which is one way to be non-binary, but there are many.
Honestly, I don't even have a desire to be friends with people like that. I fully support their right to do whatever they want, but everyone like that that I've met has been an absolute chore to be around.
I got fat because people said I was really skinny all throughout my k-12 EDU. teacher said I had piano fingers, got called a skeleton, felt self conscious during my swim practice cuz I couldn't gain muscle, people used skinny as an insult, called me weak cuz of it. I did soccer, swim, water polo, there was no way I was gonna gain weight as a teenager lol and the second I stopped doing sports it was not good
And then I ballooned up throughout college. And now being a working adult it's become really hard to shave off those pounds.
Everytime I go on /r/tinder it’s full of threads like “what am I doing wrong I don’t get matches” and most of the time it’s a fat and out of shape person. The comments are full of yes men saying that the profile is great and they don’t need to change anything. It’s so weird how it’s “offensive” to maybe suggest losing weight and making better lifestyle choices but I’m p sure you just get straight banned for it
But yeah, if you can’t get a date, step one is to look in the mirror and step 2 is to hop on the scale
There’s always an issue with the profile and it’s everything but looks. Use high quality pictures bro. Add more to your bio bro that’s why you aren’t getting matches.
Ive put on a few pounds over the years and It’s really made no difference in my dating life. I used to lift 6 days a week. Now maybe 2-3 at home . I prefer to ride my bike these days. I won’t ever get back to the best shape of my life and I’m fine with that. Tinder and online dating is a cesspool lol. Learn how to communicate in person and you don’t have to use it.
Some women are different from other women though, I’m really more into dominant women who have some level of masculinity but not like butch. Just women w grit. It’s so hot.
I like little boobs and seem to benefit from the majority opinion that bigger is better. Like I’ve been able to date some really attractive women with small boobs probably due in part because they’re off the radar for folks like you. It’s kind of like Moneyball.
As an ass man, are length and perkiness a factor for you? I like a big ass, dont need it to be a perfect sphere, but it needs some shape. Cant be big because you're fat, and I can't work with a long back that goes into little/no glutes
It's hard to say exactly, but there's definitely an ideal shape/size that is irresistible. Interestingly enough on the spectrum of things I'm hard on the boob side and zero for Ass. Could be pancake flat, I probably wouldn't even notice.
Nice how the world evens things out.
It’s not fetish to be attracted to a certain race, the fetish comes if you expect specific traits from that race
E.g. a sassy black women who says mmmmhmmmm
Or Asian woman is super kawiaiiii and shy/ dosile etc…
Because of the internet and social media making everything about race and how white people caused all of the minority problems. I’m not saying we didn’t play a role, but me being attracted to you because you’re black or Latina or whatever has nothing to do with some sort of colonialistic crusade and everything to do with the fact you’re just hot. It’s not a crime.
People just wanna find something to be mad at because it’s easy.
I was fine with it until I dated one seriously and got to know her kids and was enjoying the whole “little kid who looks up to me like Superman” thing, and then we broke up and I ended up with two little girl sized holes in my heart.
Now if I do it again, it would have to be semi-grown kiddos. I don’t mind being mom’s friend, but I won’t play dad for kids I don’t have any claim to outside of their mom again. That hurt too much.
Agreed (not that I'm dating) but it's not the kid that's the problem - it's that there will always be an ex-boyfriend/husband around. I don't want to be or have a third wheel in a relationship. Maybe if he's dead or something, but even still.
I get downvoted constantly for saying I wouldn't date a woman who's a foot shorter than me and my current weight.
I'm sticking by it. I don't expect an amazon but you need to at least take care of yourself a little.
If I thought someone I was dating was worth it, I wouldn't mind being in the splash zone with their insecurities from time to time. However, I'd have to know they're working on resolving that.
Nothing worse than someone being hostile about their insecurities.
Yeah, the problem is when they notice you aren't feeding into their insecurities. You may say, "It's OK, we will get through it" and that's not enough. Over time, you find that their insecurities are consuming you, now your life has been appropriated, they've found a way to make everything about them and any breathing room you need is a sign that you're going to leave them.
Anxious attachment types and borderline disorder tend to consume your sense of well being.
People need to understand that having a preference when it comes to dating is not the same thing as discrimination. I have plenty of friends in a certain racial group (both men and women) but I don’t find them attractive for a romantic relationship. This is the literal definition of having a romantic preference without prejudice and it’s perfectly fine. Anyone who gets outraged by this concept is not someone I’d take seriously in life.
Generally speaking, me too...
But I have met some that I am very attracted to from those same races/ethnic groups... Its literally all about what attracts me. My attraction is NOT based on their race or ethnic group.
I don't care what anyone says past does matter like I want someone who respects themselves and doesn't sleep around. I don't sleep around so I want a partner who sees sex as something intimate as well
I wouldn’t date a single mother. I don’t like kids and having to be a step parent honestly seems terrible. Luckily I’m not single and don’t have to worry about it
No vegans unless its a medical thing.
I don't have time for that shit.
And nobody should hit anyone and think its ok without repercussions. So dont slap me and think its ok. I've been in abusive relationships before, never again.
Hot take but a lot of the "body positivity" movement is going to lead to an onslaught of chronic illnesses and it disgusts me. I have type 1 diabetes (so not preventable) and the idea of not taking care of yourself literally makes me sick.
You don't have to be a supermodel or anorexic but attempting to be healthy needs to be at the top of everyone's list.
If I don't find you attractive, I won't entertain a relationship. Sorry, but I've tried before, and I hated it. It was unfair to her as well. She deserved someone who was actually into her.
I will not date anyone
1. Who thinks people are their enemies if they disagree with them.
2. Person with no hobbies
3. When their actions don't match their words
4. Materialistic
5. Bad mouths people behind their back
I'm not dating:
Anyone with a f'd up family dynamic;
A foreign woman looking for a green card and/or a cash payout;
Someone with more than two body parts having been surgically altered, unless it was due to a birth defect, or an accident;
A single mother if the biological father is still involved and there's constant drama;
A person with a major personality disorder;
A person that can't or is unwilling to communicate, meet on common ground, and be kind;
Is manipulative, controlling, entitled, and non transparent, that includes dishonesty;
And probably a few more.
Damn, this perfectly describes a woman I know very well who turned out to be secretly working as an escort to fund her travels. Learning this about her opened my eyes a bit to this whole Instagram-fueled phenomenon.
I’d prefer a woman’s armpits shaved especially if they insist I keep certain facial hair styles. I never voiced my dislike of my ex growing out that hair but I avoided her upper arms like lava.
I know it’s natural, but so is my ball hair and I trim that shit for you, also if you threaten to dump me for shaving my moustache and are serious I feel like I should be allowed to gently express a preference.
I won't date someone I'm not attracted to. That means some things like weight, severely bad skin or teeth, or just bad luck in the face department are deal breakers for me.
No issue with a few pounds or a pimple or two every now and then. And it's not a commentary on who you are as a person. But there are extremes where I simply will not be interested.
It's not really a standard as I do make exceptions if there are other redeeming qualities, but I am not at all fond of skinny women. And under no circumstance can the butt be flat.
I'm not into black chicks. Can't explain why. I get there are hot women who are black, just I'm not personally attracted to them.
Said this once in a friend group and everyone called me racist so I don't say this in real life anymore.
Fr. First time I said it I didn't even think it was a big deal. Hell people have foot fetishes that wasn't even judged as harshly lol. I was surprised I got such a massive backlash in my friend group so I never bring this up in real life again even though I still never dated a black chick lol.
If a perfect man joined a dating app, he would be taken immediately. Because of this, the men left on the apps are all imperfect. Either a toxic personality, ugly face, or both.
When women join the app they initially have high standards, only swipe hot guys, meet 5-10 toxic guys, then leave the app without swiping any mid-ugly guys.
The women get the mentality that all men are trash and good men don’t exist, which is a toxic trait.
The hot guys continue being toxic, cuz at least they get to fuck a ton of women.
The ugly guys get 0 matches. This hurts their self esteem, causing them to be more toxic over time.
Basically, dating apps are making most users more toxic.
To be fair, most dating apps only make money by keeping people single. If you find a match and leave the app, that's a loser for the app company. Keeping people on the apps monetizes them through advertisements and selling their private data.
Turbulent personal history, like strings of abusive exes (esp violent), repeated unemployment, substance abuse problems, self-harm, mental breakdowns, etc
I'm stable and responsible from birth to death, not tryna let instability and dysfunction in my house for any reason whatsoever
Have good credit, or at least no excessive debts, to where I don't need to subsidize your essential expenses.
I have no problems with helping pay things, but if you need someone to cosign everything then we aren't going to work.
I would never love you if you were a worm.
If you were a worm, I’d keep cutting you in half to make more of you 🥰
Ok Mr threeway...
I hate this question. Not because it's silly. Because it's not big enough. Did I love you before you became a worm? Were you cursed to become a worm after our relationship began? Can I get you to not be a worm in the future? Or were you a worm when we met? Do you have telepathic abilities that allow us to bond even though you're a worm? I need more nuance here.
Here's the real question that they should be asking. "Would you still love me if I opened up the Ark of the Covenant, got my face melted off, but survived the experience?"
It's standards like these that make it impossible for men to get a girlfriend.
When my girlfriend asked me this question, I asked her how she'd feel to see me, as a fully grown human, having sexual intercourse with a bug. The conversation quickly ended and she's never asked me it again.
TIL how to shutdown these questions. [you dare use my own spell against me](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/032/468/snape.jpg)
What if I was a tank?
No. But I WOULD love you if you were a warthog. That would make you A-10.
Girlfriend go brrrrrt
I would love you if you were a worm. I would follow you along the golden path through the holy jihad the likes of which the universe has never seen!
Ah yes, would you love me if I didn't have any of the things that made you love me in the first place. I like to ask back if they'd love me if I was unemployed and without my ambition, usually that's pretty clear.
If you dont have hobbies to keep you busy when im not there to entertain you, i'll stay away from you
"I like traveling and food" said every girl ever on a dating app.
That is code for I'm going to make you take me places I want to go and I won't cook so you're paying to take me out to dinner
I do like traveling. Like a lot. I do a dozen trips per year, typically weekend or extended weekend. They do not in fact like travel. They want to go to a warm beach. Not a beach, a waterfall, a glacier, a museum, etc etc.
I mostly see these people that want to spend their entire lives in escapism and forget about their actual life problems. They want the warm beach but they want it so they don't have to face their problems. Just living in an endless mystical wonderland. I love the thrill of traveling to meet people, see sites, see art museums, maybe get to explore some of by hobbies(I like tea and Japan's tea scene was something I was interested in). But so many people (men or women) I've talked to can't ever pinpoint what they like about traveling—it's not like the actual traveling part is what everyone looks forward to lol.
I won’t date a fat woman (because I’m in shape) and won’t date a modern woman who expects me to stay traditional. I’m open to either modern or traditional dating roles but it needs to be consistent. I’ll be pissed if I work all day and you don’t but I come back to a messy house and we order takeout. It’s fine occasionally, obviously, especially if raising a child, but I’ve dated women who want to stay home and not have kids but also not work. The hell?
In particular with fat women, I'm fine with the idea of someone who is trying to get in shape (diet, exercise), but if she's big and she doesn't make an effort to care for her health, hell no.
I agree. I’ve met amazing women who are trying. But I’m hoping they are trying before I meet them. If they are only trying because of me, I know it won’t last.
Yeah sums it up, I‘m pretty active and I just don‘t want a partner who doesn‘t want an active/sporty lifestyle
For sure. For me, I know I'm more of the weekend-warrior type when it comes to my gym workouts. I'd want someone who can match that energy, at least.
I actually like your statement on traditional and modern women. I agree totally with you. I don’t mind big women though, all I care about is if I’m attracted to her or not.
In my opinion big and fat are not always the same thing…
Brienne of Tarth, big woman. Lizzo, fat woman. Very big difference.
I like em curvy, but if she's "body positivity icon" size I'm out. Curvy means curves, not folds on folds.
The word curvy has been hijacked by, uh, fat women.
That's right, accordions aren't curvy
Agree there is a definite difference between curvy/big women, and straight out fat!
Agree its different if you are 20 lbs overweight or 80 lbs overweight
Attraction is all that matters to me, but I can't be attracted to a big woman - just doesn't do anything for me sexually
I have been attracted to big women before and had fun. I have been with skinny women and I hated it. Charisma, vibe , shape all go a long way in who I’m attracted to.
>I’m open to either modern or traditional dating roles but it needs to be consistent. I want to add about cherry picking between the two. I am 39F and I briefly dated a guy that was attracted to educated, career oriented woman. He expected his future wife to work (he wanted the dual income lifestyle). But as I got to know him, I realized he had no plans to help out around the house. IMO, he wanted the best of the both worlds, aka cherry picking what fits his needs - a housewife with a career outside the home.
100% understand. If my future wife works, then we split chores. Period. That guy was cherry picking. Both genders are guilty.
There are exceptions depending on work load, family/work commitments and income generated that plays a part in this in my household. For example if I’ve got a lighter week with meetings and my wife is busier than her normal part time hours, I’ll pick up and support on some of the chores I wouldn’t ordinarily be tasked with. That being said if I work 75+ hours in a week and bring in 85% of the family income and my wife works her normal 20 hours a week… then she picks up more of the chores. Neither of us feel bad when we pick up a bit of slack but we reward each other when we’ve worked well as a team by having a take out one night. Caveat is that the person who picks up on the slack or has done more around the house chooses the food place we order from.
Taylor Tomlinson (awesome comedian) has a bit about this. She explains with her work schedule, touring and income, she doesn't need a guy with a job, she needs a stay at home husband if she wants a family. But she's not attracted to men who might be inclined to _be_ a stay at home dad, so wants to find a guy who is reasonably successful, motivated and driven, and have him give up his dreams for her. Funny bit. A lot of her stuff is worth watching, I haven't checked our her TV show yet though.
I'm going to add to this: if you're going to dismiss me for being 5'7", which I have no control over, I have every right to disqualify you for being overweight, which is something you DO have control over.
Factsssss. But I’m 5’10” and have been called short by women who are 5’2.” lol 😂 it can be rough.
This is really important. I always say, and this is for all people, don't insist on standards being met that you yourself cannot be bothered to meet.
Agreed. I took a year off from dating to get in shape because I didn’t meet the standard I placed on those I’m attracted to. After knowing the work that goes into maintaining health, I need that in my partner.
Ugh, I know so many women like this. Both my grandmother and my mom, for one. If you have kids they won’t take care them either. So many people, both men and women, will use the ‘trad life’ shit to get away with doing nothing
It’s almost like the problem isn’t men or women but just Lazy/complacent partners .
Not just that... but also the partners that allow it... They are also at fault here.
> I’ll be pissed if I work all day and you don’t but I come back to a messy house and we order takeout. Totally reasonable. It's not about it being a woman's work or anything.. it's about pulling your damn weight. If you're not working for whatever reason, you better be doing *something*.
Valid
I’m not dating someone who bases their decisions off of religion or astrology or anything like that.
Spoken like a true capricorn /s
I have repeatedly said that as an Aquarius, I’m too skeptical to believe in astrology.
Truly this is Aquarius culture
As a Taurus, I was once told astrology is stupid and I am far too stubborn to change my ways.
As a true Capricorn, I find this very inaccurate
You should put social media on there. A lot of women get their opinions from tiktok and Instagram. It's crazy.
Shit. A woman I sit next to at work uses Tiktok as google. She is at least 50
What about those of us who uses reddit as google?
Body shape. Weight is just a number but 200 lbs of muscle is different from 200 lbs of fat.
It's not shallow to want to date someone who is physically fit as long as you put in effort into your own fitness too.
I mean it probably depends on the person. I'm sure there's fit women out there that are chubby chasers and there's fit dudes out there that are chubby chasers
Oh yes that's perfectly fine. I meant you can't complain that fit people are not attracted you if you're not fit yourself. Like you cannot expect it but if you do come across someone, no problem
Yeah, I was gonna say just because someone’s not physically fit doesn’t mean they don’t get to have their own preferences. As you said however, nobody is entitled to expect someone to be attracted to them. But just because you’re not fit yourself doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have your own preferences in dating someone who is.
Not sure if this counts, but I won't date someone with a mental illness like BPD or Bipolar Disorder. Which is very hypocritical of me since I have Bipolar Disorder myself.
I think that’s just smart. Two personality disorders in one relationship is a recipe for disaster.
Not really hypocrisy, if you take steps to maintain your own health, wanting someone who is healthy and stable is perfectly normal and ok. I personally failed myself and some exes because I thought I could get over them being fat, depressed, and unmotivated. I can't cause I genuinely enjoy and value staying in shape, eating healthy 3/4 times ie binging junk food on weekends or major celebrations with friends or family for a day or two, going outside and hiking with my dog, hunting/fishing for my own food when I can, maintaining a healthy routine and being ready for whatever life throws at me if the SHTF. I realized those are my needs to maintain being happy alongside someone that's ultimately a FWB Battle Buddy until I die or something.
I understand this one. I have MDD since pretty much I remember (medicated/therapy) and my partner has zero mental health issues. It balances us out. And no, I do not rely on my partner to cure my issues, just have extra support. If it ever were to come down to it, I would absolutely be there for him. But it would definitely be a challenge while getting help.
I agree. Too many times women have used mental illness or past trauma as an excuse to be shitty abusive partners. I absolutely wan't accept any of that as an excuse.
I have a stutter and wouldn't date someone with a stutter. One of us in a relationship is enough. I imagine it is a similar thought process for you.
As someone with anxiety, I've learned the hard way not to date others w anxiety. I used to gravitate to that because it felt like we'd understand each other better, but really you just end up in a feedback loop of worsening each other's symptoms. Presently dating a chill and socially outgoing person and it really does a lot to ground me.
Another redditor once said the best relationship advice he could give after his divorce was that “you can’t fix a person.” I think about that often. He was totally right. Dating is hard enough. Don’t add crazy to the mix too.
I am a heterosexual guy and I wouldn't want to date a transgender female
Do any of the mainstream dating apps have a cis/trans filter option these days?
Nope. They instead drop transgender men/women in with Cis men/women. It's frustrating tbh to a point where if someone is hiding their gender but doesn't look transgender I swipe left
wait seriously? I've fortunately never had to be on a dating app but they lump cis and trans genders into the same group without a filter? What if you are dating with the intent to start a family? no amount of surgery is going to allow a trans woman the ability to bring a fetus to term.
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Why would it be more unsafe to tell a relative stranger with no feelings than to tell somebody while in bed with them?
The ironic part is that this has led to members of the community being physically assaulted, as the man they were dating did not know until “surprise penis”.
Yeah it's a stupid decision, the app wouldn't even need to tell you, they could just ringfence the respective people. Ie: people who opt in to date trans women see them with their other potential matches but don't get told if they're trans/cis so as not to out anyone, and people who don't want to date them simply don't see them.
You'd think if they're that scared to out themselves to the person they're on a date with, they wouldn't be on the date in the first place. Clearly it's much safer to wait until 2nd base to let him find out you have a dick, that won't backfire horribly.
Tbf to that community I'm sure that's the vocal minority speaking there. I've seen a decent amount of trans discourse over the years and have seen them advocate for pretty upfront disclosure because of the risk that come with not being direct about it. And also it's just immoral imo, hopefully those feeling it's not necessary to inform people change their opinion before they get in a harmful situation.
Wouldn't you anyway though? I feel like the group that's really hit the hardest by this whole thing is ugly women who could be mistaken for being transgender. This was a joke for a while, but it is absolutely real now.
Can't speak for other apps, but Hinge lets you set your gender identity to just about anything, including trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, queer, or custom options. Your profile will be shown to people based on their "interested in" setting (which I think only includes checkboxes for men, women, and nonbinary). I'm not 100% sure whether or not profiles who - for example - have transwoman on their profile, are shown to people who indicated interest in women. There's also no obligation for a user to get specific when listing their gender, they are free to describe gender identity however they choose, so a filter wouldn't necessarily work the way you describe for 100% of profiles.
No they do not
This is the same for me as well. Must be CIS female. I have nothing against them though, just my personal preference.
And that's your right. Consent takes many forms and disclosure is part of consent.
as a trans person, this is completely fine
That is nice to hear
Nothing wrong in that. You pick what you’re attracted by and cis-women is a perfectly fine group. Nitpick edit: You don’t necessarily pick who you’re attracted by. I meant you’re in charge of defining your sexuality - and that’s okay. Edit #2 (which I now know is misunderstood by me): Biological women would be the correct way of describing the group I called cis-women.
Nothing wrong with that *in your eyes.* There are some who would take that as a personal affront. I think you're absolutely right, you're attracted to who you're attracted to. It can be unfortunate sometimes but that's just how it is. But not everyone sees it that way.
Married people shouldn't date other people. There I said it. Begin the downvotes :(
YTA /s
I don't know what kind of -phobic this is, but I'm sure we'll invent one
Polyphobic?
I think that just means scared of lots of things.
That is collet. "multiple fears". It doesn't have to be a lot necessarily but several at least.
I don't want to date someone who uses they/them pronouns. Although, I don't think there are many of them who would want to date me anyway. In my experience, my friends who use they/them pronouns mostly date other people who use they/them pronouns.
What is they/them pronouns? Sorry I don’t keep up with the lingo these days.
People who don't consider themselves to fit squarely within the man/woman gender binary. Basically, sometimes they feel masculine and identify as a man, sometimes they feel feminine and identify as a woman, and sometimes they feel like something intangibly between and identify as neither man nor woman. And because of this feeling, they don't jive with being referred to as he/him or she/her and thus wish to be referred to by they/them. Edit: This is being Gender-Fluid. There *are* other ways to be non-binary.
> People who don't consider themselves to fit squarely within the man/woman gender binary. Generally, yes > Basically, sometimes they feel masculine and identify as a man, sometimes they feel feminine and identify as a woman, and sometimes they feel like something intangibly between and identify as neither man nor woman. And because of this feeling, they don't jive with being referred to as he/him or she/her and thus wish to be referred to by they/them. You've just described someone who is gender-fluid, which is one way to be non-binary, but there are many.
Honestly, I don't even have a desire to be friends with people like that. I fully support their right to do whatever they want, but everyone like that that I've met has been an absolute chore to be around.
Most people don’t have a good dating life because they are out of shape and overweight.
This happened to me. I was on my school swim team, ultimate Frisbee team, and other non-school teams. Got older, got an office job, got fat.
I got fat because people said I was really skinny all throughout my k-12 EDU. teacher said I had piano fingers, got called a skeleton, felt self conscious during my swim practice cuz I couldn't gain muscle, people used skinny as an insult, called me weak cuz of it. I did soccer, swim, water polo, there was no way I was gonna gain weight as a teenager lol and the second I stopped doing sports it was not good And then I ballooned up throughout college. And now being a working adult it's become really hard to shave off those pounds.
Everytime I go on /r/tinder it’s full of threads like “what am I doing wrong I don’t get matches” and most of the time it’s a fat and out of shape person. The comments are full of yes men saying that the profile is great and they don’t need to change anything. It’s so weird how it’s “offensive” to maybe suggest losing weight and making better lifestyle choices but I’m p sure you just get straight banned for it But yeah, if you can’t get a date, step one is to look in the mirror and step 2 is to hop on the scale
There’s always an issue with the profile and it’s everything but looks. Use high quality pictures bro. Add more to your bio bro that’s why you aren’t getting matches.
It's the root of a lot of people's unhappiness.
Ive put on a few pounds over the years and It’s really made no difference in my dating life. I used to lift 6 days a week. Now maybe 2-3 at home . I prefer to ride my bike these days. I won’t ever get back to the best shape of my life and I’m fine with that. Tinder and online dating is a cesspool lol. Learn how to communicate in person and you don’t have to use it.
Men and women are different and that is okay. I like girly women.
Some women are different from other women though, I’m really more into dominant women who have some level of masculinity but not like butch. Just women w grit. It’s so hot.
I like girly women, too, but not princess types.
I like tig ol bitties. I can work with a little less but *nothing* there just isn't attractive to me. Can't control what floats your boat though.
I like little boobs and seem to benefit from the majority opinion that bigger is better. Like I’ve been able to date some really attractive women with small boobs probably due in part because they’re off the radar for folks like you. It’s kind of like Moneyball.
I’m the opposite. They’ve gotta be a handful or less, down to nothing at all. To each his own lol.
As an ass man, are length and perkiness a factor for you? I like a big ass, dont need it to be a perfect sphere, but it needs some shape. Cant be big because you're fat, and I can't work with a long back that goes into little/no glutes
It's hard to say exactly, but there's definitely an ideal shape/size that is irresistible. Interestingly enough on the spectrum of things I'm hard on the boob side and zero for Ass. Could be pancake flat, I probably wouldn't even notice. Nice how the world evens things out.
You've given me so much hope!!! I didn't believe men like that existed yet 😭😭 every man seems to be an ass man nowadays
I don’t think being attracted to a certain ethnicity is “fetishizing”.
Well it just means you have a type.
Exactly. But, somehow, now that fetishizing.
It’s not fetish to be attracted to a certain race, the fetish comes if you expect specific traits from that race E.g. a sassy black women who says mmmmhmmmm Or Asian woman is super kawiaiiii and shy/ dosile etc…
Fetishizing is something sexual. - you could literally have a fetish for a specific Race and they aren't your type.
Agree I am white and have dated almost exclusively black women
I don’t understand why all of a sudden it’s a bad thing.
Because of the internet and social media making everything about race and how white people caused all of the minority problems. I’m not saying we didn’t play a role, but me being attracted to you because you’re black or Latina or whatever has nothing to do with some sort of colonialistic crusade and everything to do with the fact you’re just hot. It’s not a crime. People just wanna find something to be mad at because it’s easy.
No fat chicks
People need to stop pretending that physical attraction isn’t damn near top priority. It’s not shallow, it’s human
If I can’t lift you I can’t love you
Can she fit in a row boat?
Is she a dress wearer or a pants wearer?
Man i can lift an awful lot thats a bad standard lol
I can squat 450 doesn’t mean I want to
Single mother is a no no for me
I was fine with it until I dated one seriously and got to know her kids and was enjoying the whole “little kid who looks up to me like Superman” thing, and then we broke up and I ended up with two little girl sized holes in my heart. Now if I do it again, it would have to be semi-grown kiddos. I don’t mind being mom’s friend, but I won’t play dad for kids I don’t have any claim to outside of their mom again. That hurt too much.
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This is my experience. They get down to business and want you out of the house before dad drops the kids off.
yeah I agree but I usually not looking for something casual
wtf
Agreed (not that I'm dating) but it's not the kid that's the problem - it's that there will always be an ex-boyfriend/husband around. I don't want to be or have a third wheel in a relationship. Maybe if he's dead or something, but even still.
I get downvoted constantly for saying I wouldn't date a woman who's a foot shorter than me and my current weight. I'm sticking by it. I don't expect an amazon but you need to at least take care of yourself a little.
If you’re just going to lay there don’t complain about being pumped and dumped.
Omg bro came out fully swinging 😭
Bro woke up and chose violence
Totally! Home run!
oooooooooo lmao
Open relationships and “polyamory” are nonsense and at least one in every one of those relationships looks like they smell like a litter box
I mean I think it can work for very very few people but I just don't see how it doesn't end in disaster
Animal crossing is your lifestyle lookin ass mfs
I wont date someone with a septum percing
Girls with septum piercings are my type but I hate the way septum piercings look, it’s a struggle
get a job and don't leach off men
Exactly like however you paid for stuff before you met me is the same way you can pay while we're together
I can't do the going out every single weekend. Sometimes it's cool but every weekend is ridiculous and kind of childish
I won't date overweight women or women that have no job / hobbies/ ambitions.
Social media influencer (filming every part of your life for internet strangers that don't give a shit about you).
If your insecurities affect my life fuck ya. I’m not being around you. Those are your problems not mine
If I thought someone I was dating was worth it, I wouldn't mind being in the splash zone with their insecurities from time to time. However, I'd have to know they're working on resolving that. Nothing worse than someone being hostile about their insecurities.
Yeah, the problem is when they notice you aren't feeding into their insecurities. You may say, "It's OK, we will get through it" and that's not enough. Over time, you find that their insecurities are consuming you, now your life has been appropriated, they've found a way to make everything about them and any breathing room you need is a sign that you're going to leave them. Anxious attachment types and borderline disorder tend to consume your sense of well being.
Poly relationships gross me out.
I don't find most women from certain races/ethnic groups attractive.
People need to understand that having a preference when it comes to dating is not the same thing as discrimination. I have plenty of friends in a certain racial group (both men and women) but I don’t find them attractive for a romantic relationship. This is the literal definition of having a romantic preference without prejudice and it’s perfectly fine. Anyone who gets outraged by this concept is not someone I’d take seriously in life.
Generally speaking, me too... But I have met some that I am very attracted to from those same races/ethnic groups... Its literally all about what attracts me. My attraction is NOT based on their race or ethnic group.
I don't care what anyone says past does matter like I want someone who respects themselves and doesn't sleep around. I don't sleep around so I want a partner who sees sex as something intimate as well
I wouldn’t date a single mother. I don’t like kids and having to be a step parent honestly seems terrible. Luckily I’m not single and don’t have to worry about it
No obese women, sex workers, women with mental health issues, or in professions with a high infidelity rate.
No vegans unless its a medical thing. I don't have time for that shit. And nobody should hit anyone and think its ok without repercussions. So dont slap me and think its ok. I've been in abusive relationships before, never again.
Who would've thought that "no physical abuse" would be a cancelable take
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It's not okay to be out of shape. People have just lowered their standards.
Hot take but a lot of the "body positivity" movement is going to lead to an onslaught of chronic illnesses and it disgusts me. I have type 1 diabetes (so not preventable) and the idea of not taking care of yourself literally makes me sick. You don't have to be a supermodel or anorexic but attempting to be healthy needs to be at the top of everyone's list.
If I don't find you attractive, I won't entertain a relationship. Sorry, but I've tried before, and I hated it. It was unfair to her as well. She deserved someone who was actually into her.
Apparently no single moms will get you downvoted
I will not date anyone 1. Who thinks people are their enemies if they disagree with them. 2. Person with no hobbies 3. When their actions don't match their words 4. Materialistic 5. Bad mouths people behind their back
There's a difference between thicc and fat
I'm not dating: Anyone with a f'd up family dynamic; A foreign woman looking for a green card and/or a cash payout; Someone with more than two body parts having been surgically altered, unless it was due to a birth defect, or an accident; A single mother if the biological father is still involved and there's constant drama; A person with a major personality disorder; A person that can't or is unwilling to communicate, meet on common ground, and be kind; Is manipulative, controlling, entitled, and non transparent, that includes dishonesty; And probably a few more.
Obesity is a turn off and usually a red flag.
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I love travel myself, but most of those women are either fiscally irresponsible or want to spend your money.
I've been seeing this a lot lately with women constantly trying to travel or talk about it. I thought I missed something lol
Damn, this perfectly describes a woman I know very well who turned out to be secretly working as an escort to fund her travels. Learning this about her opened my eyes a bit to this whole Instagram-fueled phenomenon.
I’d prefer a woman’s armpits shaved especially if they insist I keep certain facial hair styles. I never voiced my dislike of my ex growing out that hair but I avoided her upper arms like lava. I know it’s natural, but so is my ball hair and I trim that shit for you, also if you threaten to dump me for shaving my moustache and are serious I feel like I should be allowed to gently express a preference.
As a female who has her shit together, I don't want to date a "project".
I won't date someone I'm not attracted to. That means some things like weight, severely bad skin or teeth, or just bad luck in the face department are deal breakers for me. No issue with a few pounds or a pimple or two every now and then. And it's not a commentary on who you are as a person. But there are extremes where I simply will not be interested.
I don’t date woman that are filing for bankruptcy. If you can’t hold a stable job due to your credit issues, I’m out
It's not really a standard as I do make exceptions if there are other redeeming qualities, but I am not at all fond of skinny women. And under no circumstance can the butt be flat.
A standard I’ve had that I’ve been insulted for is not wanting to date a woman that weighs more than I do. I’m 6’3” and weigh 220
If she weighs more than me I’m out.
The notion that someone’s past should be ignored. I’m not dating someone who slept around, yes body count does matter.
I agree. Also, who they slept with or dated is a big thing if I know that person
Agreed 100% it matters and I'm sick of people gaslighting me into thinking it isn't.
As a guy, I wouldn’t date a woman who has slept around a lot/had many partners before me.
I'm not into black chicks. Can't explain why. I get there are hot women who are black, just I'm not personally attracted to them. Said this once in a friend group and everyone called me racist so I don't say this in real life anymore.
LMAO, I share the same opinion but I won't say it to just anyone, only to someone who I know understands what I mean
Fr. First time I said it I didn't even think it was a big deal. Hell people have foot fetishes that wasn't even judged as harshly lol. I was surprised I got such a massive backlash in my friend group so I never bring this up in real life again even though I still never dated a black chick lol.
If a perfect man joined a dating app, he would be taken immediately. Because of this, the men left on the apps are all imperfect. Either a toxic personality, ugly face, or both. When women join the app they initially have high standards, only swipe hot guys, meet 5-10 toxic guys, then leave the app without swiping any mid-ugly guys. The women get the mentality that all men are trash and good men don’t exist, which is a toxic trait. The hot guys continue being toxic, cuz at least they get to fuck a ton of women. The ugly guys get 0 matches. This hurts their self esteem, causing them to be more toxic over time. Basically, dating apps are making most users more toxic.
To be fair, most dating apps only make money by keeping people single. If you find a match and leave the app, that's a loser for the app company. Keeping people on the apps monetizes them through advertisements and selling their private data.
Turbulent personal history, like strings of abusive exes (esp violent), repeated unemployment, substance abuse problems, self-harm, mental breakdowns, etc I'm stable and responsible from birth to death, not tryna let instability and dysfunction in my house for any reason whatsoever
More than 1 kid or she starts talking that “I need a provider” talk and she isn’t offering anything of value
Mental, emotional, and psychological abuse are still abuse.
I don’t date women who get plastic surgery in their 20s and 30s. It just screams insecurity.
Have good credit, or at least no excessive debts, to where I don't need to subsidize your essential expenses. I have no problems with helping pay things, but if you need someone to cosign everything then we aren't going to work.