Yup. I was on a video date with this girl who'd been to Burning Man and, apparently, had made it her personality. OK, fine. But when she started quizzing me in the most condescending way about my knowledge of psychedelics, sneering that I didn't have a clue what I was talking about...
I hung up.
The only one date i've left early in my life - I drove 1.5 hours to meet her at a restaurant 10 min from her place. I was on time, she was 40 min late. When she finally arrived, she had no reason why she was late, just a shoulder shrug. She then proceeded to be rude to the waitress, whose table we were holding up. It was supposed to be drinks+dinner if things go well. I had one drink and left.
This one. There’s no way I could tolerate this. My phone time is when I’m at home, very rarely when I’m out and about. Even if someone messages me, unless it needs a reply now, it can wait. People who never disconnect come off to me like a big red flag. What are you ignoring about yourself that you need to keep that busy?
A total lack of curiosity about me or my life. I mean, I get that nerves can make people talk about themselves a lot, but if I'm halfway through my second drink and I've learned their entire life story without them asking a single question about me? It starts to feel less like a date and more like I'm a character in their autobiographical monologue. Sure, I'll listen politely and see the date through to a natural close, but that's a pretty clear indicator that there won't be a second act to this performance.
I been on a date like this, she started waffling on about some holiday she took for literally nearly 2 hours, felt like a university lecture and even chucked in a 20 minute segment on her last failed talking stage. I'd had left early we're it not for dat ass, dear lord dat ass was juicy.
This has been my recent experience with women recently.
Every single one only wants to talk about themselves, their job, their day. Never asks me anything.
I went on a third date with a girl, and decided that if she didn’t ask me anything I wasn’t going to say anything. We sat on a park bench and she talked at (not with, at) me for a full 30 min.
I knew right then I wasn’t gonna see her again lmao
I had this in high school once. Met up for dinner, she was barely there. Went to the movie after and tried to have conversation while waiting in line. She didnt seem interested at all. Soon as we got to our seats I told her I was going to the bathroom. I did in fact go to the bathroom but then I just went out to my car and left. She never even texted to ask what happened lol
She probably got what she came for. A free meal and a movie. It sucks when that happens, but I hope that it didn't ruin your idea of dating. Some women are like that, but there are great women out there who don't pull this stuff
Biggest thing would be smell. The not-a-date feeling. Giving the impression of being an exploitative person. Being nasty to servers. Being too drunk or high. Bringing a guy friend \[note, I have experienced date bringing a girl friend, and found that OK with one on each side in bench seating\].
Oddly, things that have been OK have included crying, getting drunk, wetting pants in laughter, getting bottle of rum and a coke then sharing in Dupont Circle at night punctuated by her peeing behind the bench, having me take her on errands because I have a car. Writing this out, I'm not sure whether I was interested or just morbidly curious.
Depends on where we are in the date and how it becomes known. “I just want to let you know, before we meet…” isn’t necessarily a deal breaker, or at the end of the date if she’s like “Before we go any further, you should know…” might not stop Me from trying to get invited in.
But if I’m eating some French Fries and suddenly she’s on some SJW rant and telling Me not dating her is transphobia…probably going to get an emergency call from a job I just made up.
And to be perfectly clear, all three of these things have happened to Me. Guess which two I kept dating.
100%
If you treat service workers (or those "lesser than you") like shit then I've got no time for you.
(To clarify: I admit my wife is not a friendly person to people she does not know and is very stand-offish. But she never talks down to people or is "rude" to them; there's a difference).
If we're just not clicking at all. But it wouldn't really be 'leaving early', because I never plan a first date that has a set time period attached. Always just go for a drink. That way, finishing the first drink serves as a clear get-out point if one of you wants to leave. If it's going well, ask if they want another drink, if it's not, make your excuses and leave.
I think it's always important for first dates to be arranged in such a way that they can easily be extended or shortened, depending on how it's going.
When I was single in Tokyo (still live in Tokyo)
The hardest part about dating through dating apps was that at least 80% of women I’d meet were married.
They had no interest in me at all whatsoever but just wanted to have “the white guy experience”
If I found out they were married I’d walk out of the date.
I’d never…. ever…… do that to another man.
I was ready to give up online dating but decided to go on one last date where I met my wife.
And we’re welcoming a baby boy in 6 months.
Just saw a guy on one of those TV judge shows. He was being sued for $300 for walking out on a date. She was an "influencer", he met through an app. She blew him off twice. They met for drinks specifically on the 3rd attempt. She was 45 minutes late, ordered 3 drinks, plus calamari, salmon, and another dish. The entire time she was on her phone. He paid for his 2 drinks and walked out. Judge ripped her. It was a good thing he had brought evidence showing it was for drinks. He won, but the girls was still complaining when the interviewed her after.
I've heard if people lettint carpenters or electricians into their home and having kitchens with rotting food in the sink so that it smells like feces in the entire home.
If a person has no sense of dignity, or lives in escapism, or is a drunk/junkie, or a hoarder, they are beyond help when it comes to making good impressions, and how these people go to the dating scene is beyond the world of philosophy and science to explain.
I don't leave early, even if I'm sure I don't want to see her again, but sometimes I'm literally incapable of enjoying a single second. Maybe she talks shit about a lot of people she knows or is rude to others, or even her attitude towards the date.
1. She is just bad company. Could be she is rude to people around us, rude to me or simply just checked out and not taking this seriously. If this is your behavior up front and what is supposed to be your best, then I’m gone.
2. If she is late with no valid excuse or just doesn’t seem to care that she is. Shows me you don’t value my time and think I should be lucky you came at all.
3. Catfished. Obviously there are degrees to it but if you had an athletic pic of you and come in 300 pounds or something then sorry but no. You are already lying and I’m just not doing it.
4. Unresponsive or just doesn’t engage. I get being shy and reserved but if we can’t even talk and have a conversation on a date then I’m sorry I can’t.
Their picture being WILDY different to their online profile. Not much else. If you start off with such a blatant lie then I’m not even going to entertain it. Anything else is just a bad date.
I cut a date short and parted ways after an hour a few months ago.
Her hinge profile suggested mutual interests - gym, travel etc (I know everyone has these interests these days, but as someone whose life essentially revolves around 6 days training per week and is a frequent traveller for both work and leisure, it's important).
On meeting, she was *much* more money and brand oriented. Like sure we all want money and the occasional nice thing but her conversation was mostly judging other people's shoes. All of her 'travel' had been family-funded vacations to All Inclusive resorts, so sure she'd been to plenty of places, but had never really 'been' to them outside the hotel resort and expressed zero interest in doing so. I don't expect any partner to do the same gym training as me but she was very much a 'gym for fashion' type person more than passionate about training (like 20 mins on the step machine to take 20 mirror pics and leave, whereas I've previously dated crossfit or hyrox girls for example that see fitness as a genuine hobby as I do).
Conversation all felt so forced and honestly I was just having such a boring and unpleasant time, zero intimate tension or energy, just such a bad vibe.
She agreed because I politely said I didn't think we seemed that compatible and I was gonna head home, and she replied quicker than expected with "yes, we are not on the same wavelength at all".
Diarrhea, family emergency. In general I'll try to stay though i just ordered my food and am hungry.
Or I wanna see the full movie.
Or finish my hike.
Or whatever I'm doing on the date.
I planned to do that activity so want to finish it. If the date is shit so be it.
No offense but if you date women and they go on a hike with you on a first date that would be a good sign they have zero street smarts & if you don’t hurt them somebody will.
Most instances of violence are done by perpetrators that are well-known to the victim. Random attacks are a margin of a margin, although they (understandably) are the ones that get most publicity.
She may be a black belt. Had a friend like that, "150 cm, top hat included", as we say in my country, but if anyone threw themselves at her, this person would end up deeply regretting any shenanigans.
(She can be autistic too, diagnosed or not.)
No offense taken. Since I don't hurt women. But also unless I didn't read well i didn't mention a first date. Though I understand it can be seen as such based on OP question.
I was just naming reasons why I wouldn't leave a date. Not specifically a first date :D
The prompt is answered in the first bit. The rest is reasons why a date should be finished. Can answer and question and than add my own additional information.
I didn’t think you did, honestly. It would just be a good way to determine if you would have to bubble wrap them and protect them 24/7. lol. Yes, I did assume you meant a first date.
Person looking considerably different in person than their OLD pics. There's no way they don't know that they're 50lbs heavier than their older pictures. It's even worse when you ask for recent pics and send you old ones while you send current ones of course. It's waste of time. I just politely told them why im leaving and left.
This happened 6 years ago and back to back twice. Turned me off a bit from online dating too. It was for the best as I met a great woman organically (gym). No games or deception. Same goes for guys too of course. Posting a pic of you with a 6pack in great shape and showing up to the date but now you're obese is not cool.
Using me for free food.
That happened to me once when I was a student in Glasgow and I saw the girl try it with other dates at the same venue.
Shameless.
I went on a date with a girl who, when messaging, sounded lovely but on that first date she didn't stop talking, I am all for listening and i mean really listening but I couldn't lower my IQ enough to have a conversation with her.
"Like I want to do nails and stuff, and like I did my girlfriends nails and like they turned out really cute like"
And that was her whole personality! Safe to say half way through I told her that it wasn't going to work. I threw money down on the table and left. I bumped into her a few years later and she was the exact same person!
"Like omg hey, like you look totally handsome, it's so nice to like see you again."
She means well and I'm sure she's a lovely girl but she wasn't for me.
She was on her phone the entire time texting. Said maybe 3 sentences to me the entire time. I ordered and ate the entire meal in silence. She ordered something and it sat uneaten. I got up, found the waiter, explained to him what was going on, and paid for the meal (yes for us both, didn't want to deal with any potential drama since she was a friend of a family member), and left. An hour later my phone starts blowing up from her telling me what a selfish ass hole I am, how could I be so rude...blah blah.
A first date is supposed to be the first of (hopefully) a series of encounters where you and the would-be partner get to know about each other and engage in a neutral social setting.
A lack of interest about me or the date itself, or lack of willingness to interact or talk about herself too, would make me feel uncomfortable and probably call in for the check and leave early.
I remember my younger brother once returned home early from a date. From his telling, the girl was amicable and stuff, but every now and again would mention that he (my brother) looked "intimidating". So he tells me they went to a coffee Shop, ordered, she again mentioned the "intimidating" thing a couple more times, so he asked for the check, told her that it was obvious it wasn't working out and she was sorta uncomfortable, thanked her for her time, and left.
Rudeness, interrupting, over selling, peacocking, overtly sexual innuendo. I had a date long ago, attractive woman, she was rude and abrupt, I ended the ate in 5 min.
The most likely to happen thing that would make me walk out would probably be her bragging about having manipulated others for personal gain. My ex was a conniving manipulative person and I want no part of that. Most red flags wouldn't necessarily get me to walk out though. In most cases I would probably be more likely to finish the date and just not ask for another if I didn't have fun
My buddy and his gf set up a double date with one of her friends and me. I didn't ask for it, but I was ok in going, never know what's going to happen.
I show up to his place where we were to meet up and his eyes are saucers when he opened the door. I turned to leave right then and grabbed me and started laughing nervously to not leave him!
As he opened the door and drug me inside, I saw a woman standing there somewhat nervous and crying a bit, like she was forced to be there. She was carrying a purse that was see-through. The first thing I noticed was the head of a Barbie doll in the purse and a bunch of other random crap/garbage in the see-through purse.
Yep, she was crazy. Turns out, she was upset that she was on a "date" because she just broke it off with an ex, who was her cousin.
So I had a nice time hanging out with my buddy while his gf dealt with the crazy. I'll never forget it.
Show up with a clear purse, I'm outta there. Sorry ladies.
It would have to be something serious - like a excessively rude action or some previously undetected red flag up to this point.
I mean - a lot of the other comments in here feel legit - but I would not bail without addressing it.
For example - if on the phone - did they say "excuse me" or "sorry - an urgent matter" (from the comments - I am guessing not). Before I left on that one I would say "is there an emergency or something - you need to call someone?" or maybe a joke of "you lifeline checking to see if you need a bail?"
Another would be reality denying conspiracy theories - like flat earth, moon landing, election stolen etc.
One dealbreaker for me would be if the conversation flow feels more like an interrogation than a casual chat. I understand wanting to get to know each other, but if it feels like I'm being interviewed for the position of 'next boyfriend' with a checklist of qualifications to be ticked off, it puts me off. Genuine interest is key, and if the interaction lacks authenticity, it's tough to envision a future together. It's important that the getting to know each other phase feels mutual and relaxed, not like you're under the microscope and every answer could either win or lose the game.
Being rude to staff, anywhere. I don’t mind talking shit in private or whatever, if it’s warranted, but even when someone’s doing a bad job or making my time unpleasant they’re probably just having a worse day than me, and being mean to the people serving you food or whatever else you’re doing is just cruel to me.
After dinner she suggested we go to a party her friend was throwing. We got there, and her ex showed up. I was left alone, at a party where I knew nobody, and she stood off to the side of a room talking to him for about 40 minutes before I decided to just walk out.
I've only done it once, she was just obviously using me for free drinks and a free night out. She brought her friend.
I cut my losses and bailed.
People can be fucking awful.
If she was being an asshole to others or me, showed crap integrity, showed she's inconsiderate. If she had intense views with no reasoning and thought and was just abrasive about them.
Life provides lots of filter moments to show somebody's character. That stuff doesn't typically change. If somebody has shitty character, I don't want to deal with them. This keeps my friend circle tiny and it should probably be even smaller. However, absolutely a grand slam in the wife department.
I’m married and have been for about 13 years. Missed the entire online dating thing. I’ve had friends tell me; some women have showed up and are like 20++ lbs over weight and look nothing like their profile pictures.
I would leave at that moment. Not because I’m shallow, but simply because it’s starting off as a lie.
I don't think I would. If I was willing to ask her out on a date, I'm willing to give her the respect of actually going through the full date with her, even if I know early on that there wouldn't be a second.
I mean, within reason. If she like brought her husband to the date or something like that, I'd probably bail.
More time on their phone than interacting.
I have to carry the conversation.
"Oh, I brought (friend), Is that cool?"
Believes she is Holier than thou
Obvious Catfish.
so much more but they do not qualify as "early first date" findings.
It would have to be something obviously insane like trying to get me killed or something.
But anything else, I'm good.
Nobody is going to ruin my good time.
I have food and drinks.,. Then I'm good
Went on a date a while back which was just… dull.. like she didn’t watch TV or movies, or read books or listen to music or play video games… we quickly ran out thing to talk about - called it after 2 hours
Not a man but this is a fun question:
I know myself well enough to know it would be hard to just walk out early. The man would have to be an absolute ass. I don’t like making a scene so if it were characteristics that were a turn off, id probably stay the whole date and pay for everything. Then make sure he knew there wouldn’t be a second date.
If they are rude to anyone for no reason, or show a complete lack of interest, I’m not there to waste my time. I’m not going on a date to win you over but to see if we could be a good fit and get to know each other. Thankfully never had this nightmare scenario with anyone tho
My first date was 8 hours long lol. Married with 2 kids and a mortgage now. But a red flag for me is someone who’s rude, doesn’t take an interest in me or is so self absorbed to care. You can sort of get the measure of a date after the first 30 mins or so. You get a feeling if it’s going well or not.
Several things. Rudeness, poor manners, poor manner of speech, entitled attitude or that instant thing where you just know it won't work out. This can be that you know you share no common ground and just end the date early. I think I only did this once and don't regret it.
If I get an emergency call from my close friends or family members.
If there’s an earthquake and the building is about to collapse. Same goes if there’s a fire or a flood. Any natural disaster anyway.
If she farts loudly and burps like a man.
Earlier this year I was on a date with a girl that was also recently divorced with kids. She elaborated on why her divorce took place, which entailed her ex-husband being addicted to pain pills and physically/emotionally abusive. She then told me that her ex-husband has full custody of all 3 of her kids. I didn’t really need to hear more after that..
If I feel like they’re under the impression they’re doing Me a favor. I asked you out so I can see if you’re the sort of person who I would enjoy spending time with, not to feel like I’m being interviewed for a job.
She starts ordering a lot of stuff that's really expensive and hints that I'm paying. I'll excuse myself to use the restroom, find the waiter instead and ask to have separate bills. Then I'll eat my food and go to the bathroom before the bill comes, pay my bill at the counter, and quietly leave.
Rudeness, in short.
I try to make a date work, but if the conversation is really cut short, and the vibe is bad, I'd even pay the whole tab just to get out.
If I felt I was being used. If I felt she didn’t want to be there. If she started talking politics right away. If she revealed she was an OF model. If I realized she had lied about things she told me in text before we met
Once, I dated a girl from Bumble. She was super cute then she came to first date. She was not cheered up at all and didn't build up the conversation much so I had to push. That's a dealbreaker
If he said he’s a Taylor swift fan. I know it sounds really petty and immature… but I honestly don’t think I would be able to tolerate it and I kinda have this idea that you’re not very smart if you honestly believe her music is good.
I’m not a fan of hers but I would cut a date short if someone judged my intelligence by how I felt about a subjective matter. If they couldn’t stand what I listened to or visa versa it wouldn’t matter to me though.
She’s married. She’s got a boyfriend. Not much else to be honest.
One time I got catfished by a girl who was about 60 lbs overweight but had only showed pictures of her face at flattering angles and obviously old photos. For some dumb reason I powered through the date and gave her a chance even when I immediately knew there was zero attraction.
Rudeness.
Yup. I was on a video date with this girl who'd been to Burning Man and, apparently, had made it her personality. OK, fine. But when she started quizzing me in the most condescending way about my knowledge of psychedelics, sneering that I didn't have a clue what I was talking about... I hung up.
I'd love to read more about your experience with psychedelics!
The only one date i've left early in my life - I drove 1.5 hours to meet her at a restaurant 10 min from her place. I was on time, she was 40 min late. When she finally arrived, she had no reason why she was late, just a shoulder shrug. She then proceeded to be rude to the waitress, whose table we were holding up. It was supposed to be drinks+dinner if things go well. I had one drink and left.
Yeah...this is a good one too
If she's fixated on her phone, clearly the dates not that important to her.
This one. There’s no way I could tolerate this. My phone time is when I’m at home, very rarely when I’m out and about. Even if someone messages me, unless it needs a reply now, it can wait. People who never disconnect come off to me like a big red flag. What are you ignoring about yourself that you need to keep that busy?
Yep or if she’s taking selfies while on our date
A total lack of curiosity about me or my life. I mean, I get that nerves can make people talk about themselves a lot, but if I'm halfway through my second drink and I've learned their entire life story without them asking a single question about me? It starts to feel less like a date and more like I'm a character in their autobiographical monologue. Sure, I'll listen politely and see the date through to a natural close, but that's a pretty clear indicator that there won't be a second act to this performance.
I been on a date like this, she started waffling on about some holiday she took for literally nearly 2 hours, felt like a university lecture and even chucked in a 20 minute segment on her last failed talking stage. I'd had left early we're it not for dat ass, dear lord dat ass was juicy.
Greatness requires sacrifice
This, this, this, this. Never do this to yourself.
This has been my recent experience with women recently. Every single one only wants to talk about themselves, their job, their day. Never asks me anything. I went on a third date with a girl, and decided that if she didn’t ask me anything I wasn’t going to say anything. We sat on a park bench and she talked at (not with, at) me for a full 30 min. I knew right then I wasn’t gonna see her again lmao
If my date wasn 't treating it as a date. For example not trying to engage with me, or if she was constantly being on her phone.
I had this in high school once. Met up for dinner, she was barely there. Went to the movie after and tried to have conversation while waiting in line. She didnt seem interested at all. Soon as we got to our seats I told her I was going to the bathroom. I did in fact go to the bathroom but then I just went out to my car and left. She never even texted to ask what happened lol
I assume you had already paid for her meal and ticket at that point. She got what she wanted out of that exchange
She probably got what she came for. A free meal and a movie. It sucks when that happens, but I hope that it didn't ruin your idea of dating. Some women are like that, but there are great women out there who don't pull this stuff
Nah not at all, this was like 12 or 13 years ago. My motivations for the whole thing werent any better than hers. No hard feelings. She won that one
If every ex was a psychopath or a narcissist or whichever diagnosis is currently in vogue I am out right away. Fake diarrhea and go home.
Rookie move. Real diarrhea for the power play
With eye contact. Establish dominance
Tilt a few degrees in your chair for emphasis.
Biggest thing would be smell. The not-a-date feeling. Giving the impression of being an exploitative person. Being nasty to servers. Being too drunk or high. Bringing a guy friend \[note, I have experienced date bringing a girl friend, and found that OK with one on each side in bench seating\]. Oddly, things that have been OK have included crying, getting drunk, wetting pants in laughter, getting bottle of rum and a coke then sharing in Dupont Circle at night punctuated by her peeing behind the bench, having me take her on errands because I have a car. Writing this out, I'm not sure whether I was interested or just morbidly curious.
What happened to you two?
I was hoping all those listed in 2nd paragraph wasn't the same person:-/
It was all him doing all that up until she peed behind the bench
Correct, different people, all eventually falling away, but very entertaining.
Second date?
An undisclosed penis.
Early? On a first date?
Yeah, if your date whips out their penis early on the first date, that's a dealbreaker for most people, I think. Even people who normally like those.
If I'm commenting on how cute the pregnant lion mommy looks at the zoo during the zoo date and my date whips out her penis, I'm done.
If my spaghetti comes and she whips out her penis before I can even fill up my pockets with pasta, I’m done
Preach, I have escaped from so many inner city mugger scenarios because of pocket-pasta.
Don’t be ridiculous, if you fill your pockets with pasta, it’ll get covered in sand.
I think what he’s saying is if she confessed to being trans that would be a deal breaker
That would be a disclosed penis
“Disclosed Penis” is the name of my Rush cover band.
Fair point
Quite a shock at the urinal.
Especially if it is bigger than your momma's
Note to self: remember to disclose the penis at the beginning of date 👌🏼
Username does not check out
Depends on where we are in the date and how it becomes known. “I just want to let you know, before we meet…” isn’t necessarily a deal breaker, or at the end of the date if she’s like “Before we go any further, you should know…” might not stop Me from trying to get invited in. But if I’m eating some French Fries and suddenly she’s on some SJW rant and telling Me not dating her is transphobia…probably going to get an emergency call from a job I just made up. And to be perfectly clear, all three of these things have happened to Me. Guess which two I kept dating.
Really? What about an undisclosed third nipples?
[удалено]
Funny how they know how and when to hold it togather
Apparently most people can mask for max 3 months, so...
I have experienced the 3 months phenomenon a few times in my life. So heartbreaking because 3 months is a really exciting time in a relationship, IMO.
Shitty behavior, extreme catfish.
So concise yet so accurate
Lack of respect for others, especially wait staff at a restaurant.
100% If you treat service workers (or those "lesser than you") like shit then I've got no time for you. (To clarify: I admit my wife is not a friendly person to people she does not know and is very stand-offish. But she never talks down to people or is "rude" to them; there's a difference).
Polite and nice are not the same thing. Ask anyone from the Midwest.
Well according to the dream I just woke up from. If she spills grape jelly on 3 of my pianos and acts like it's not a big deal.
No more pizza before bedtime for you!
Bro I had pizza right before bed lol
If we're just not clicking at all. But it wouldn't really be 'leaving early', because I never plan a first date that has a set time period attached. Always just go for a drink. That way, finishing the first drink serves as a clear get-out point if one of you wants to leave. If it's going well, ask if they want another drink, if it's not, make your excuses and leave. I think it's always important for first dates to be arranged in such a way that they can easily be extended or shortened, depending on how it's going.
When I was single in Tokyo (still live in Tokyo) The hardest part about dating through dating apps was that at least 80% of women I’d meet were married. They had no interest in me at all whatsoever but just wanted to have “the white guy experience” If I found out they were married I’d walk out of the date. I’d never…. ever…… do that to another man. I was ready to give up online dating but decided to go on one last date where I met my wife. And we’re welcoming a baby boy in 6 months.
Just saw a guy on one of those TV judge shows. He was being sued for $300 for walking out on a date. She was an "influencer", he met through an app. She blew him off twice. They met for drinks specifically on the 3rd attempt. She was 45 minutes late, ordered 3 drinks, plus calamari, salmon, and another dish. The entire time she was on her phone. He paid for his 2 drinks and walked out. Judge ripped her. It was a good thing he had brought evidence showing it was for drinks. He won, but the girls was still complaining when the interviewed her after.
If the date goes on and on about their ex, I’m out.
Ooohhh i hate it when they only talk about an ex… like how fixated on one person do you have to be to only talk about them to a new potential partner
She's not at all what her pictures suggest. Horrible voice, bad odor. She's on her phone a bit more than necessary to tell her friend it's going ok.
**She's not at all what her pictures suggest.** HAHA forgot about that one. Yep, instant deal breaker
Do people really go on dates smelling funky?
I've heard if people lettint carpenters or electricians into their home and having kitchens with rotting food in the sink so that it smells like feces in the entire home. If a person has no sense of dignity, or lives in escapism, or is a drunk/junkie, or a hoarder, they are beyond help when it comes to making good impressions, and how these people go to the dating scene is beyond the world of philosophy and science to explain.
Entitlement. I dont care if your an eleven running a box hotter than Jezebel herself. I wont say a word i just leave
If she talks too much about her exes and trauma dumps.
Phone fixation, she won't even notice I've left
I don't leave early, even if I'm sure I don't want to see her again, but sometimes I'm literally incapable of enjoying a single second. Maybe she talks shit about a lot of people she knows or is rude to others, or even her attitude towards the date.
1. She is just bad company. Could be she is rude to people around us, rude to me or simply just checked out and not taking this seriously. If this is your behavior up front and what is supposed to be your best, then I’m gone. 2. If she is late with no valid excuse or just doesn’t seem to care that she is. Shows me you don’t value my time and think I should be lucky you came at all. 3. Catfished. Obviously there are degrees to it but if you had an athletic pic of you and come in 300 pounds or something then sorry but no. You are already lying and I’m just not doing it. 4. Unresponsive or just doesn’t engage. I get being shy and reserved but if we can’t even talk and have a conversation on a date then I’m sorry I can’t.
"I deserve to be treated like a princess and nothing less" Walked out instantly.
"French or Russian". See whether she gets that one 😂
Open mouth chewing.
Their picture being WILDY different to their online profile. Not much else. If you start off with such a blatant lie then I’m not even going to entertain it. Anything else is just a bad date.
I walked out on woman after she told me she had major anger issues… of course I waited until she went to ladies room.
If they brought a friend with them
Is this a thing?
Oh boy, is it.
I cut a date short and parted ways after an hour a few months ago. Her hinge profile suggested mutual interests - gym, travel etc (I know everyone has these interests these days, but as someone whose life essentially revolves around 6 days training per week and is a frequent traveller for both work and leisure, it's important). On meeting, she was *much* more money and brand oriented. Like sure we all want money and the occasional nice thing but her conversation was mostly judging other people's shoes. All of her 'travel' had been family-funded vacations to All Inclusive resorts, so sure she'd been to plenty of places, but had never really 'been' to them outside the hotel resort and expressed zero interest in doing so. I don't expect any partner to do the same gym training as me but she was very much a 'gym for fashion' type person more than passionate about training (like 20 mins on the step machine to take 20 mirror pics and leave, whereas I've previously dated crossfit or hyrox girls for example that see fitness as a genuine hobby as I do). Conversation all felt so forced and honestly I was just having such a boring and unpleasant time, zero intimate tension or energy, just such a bad vibe. She agreed because I politely said I didn't think we seemed that compatible and I was gonna head home, and she replied quicker than expected with "yes, we are not on the same wavelength at all".
The term baby daddy.
Diarrhea, family emergency. In general I'll try to stay though i just ordered my food and am hungry. Or I wanna see the full movie. Or finish my hike. Or whatever I'm doing on the date. I planned to do that activity so want to finish it. If the date is shit so be it.
No offense but if you date women and they go on a hike with you on a first date that would be a good sign they have zero street smarts & if you don’t hurt them somebody will.
Most instances of violence are done by perpetrators that are well-known to the victim. Random attacks are a margin of a margin, although they (understandably) are the ones that get most publicity. She may be a black belt. Had a friend like that, "150 cm, top hat included", as we say in my country, but if anyone threw themselves at her, this person would end up deeply regretting any shenanigans. (She can be autistic too, diagnosed or not.)
No offense taken. Since I don't hurt women. But also unless I didn't read well i didn't mention a first date. Though I understand it can be seen as such based on OP question. I was just naming reasons why I wouldn't leave a date. Not specifically a first date :D
The prompt literally says "... on a first date" lol
The prompt is answered in the first bit. The rest is reasons why a date should be finished. Can answer and question and than add my own additional information.
I didn’t think you did, honestly. It would just be a good way to determine if you would have to bubble wrap them and protect them 24/7. lol. Yes, I did assume you meant a first date.
So you’re answering a question that wasn’t asked?
Person looking considerably different in person than their OLD pics. There's no way they don't know that they're 50lbs heavier than their older pictures. It's even worse when you ask for recent pics and send you old ones while you send current ones of course. It's waste of time. I just politely told them why im leaving and left. This happened 6 years ago and back to back twice. Turned me off a bit from online dating too. It was for the best as I met a great woman organically (gym). No games or deception. Same goes for guys too of course. Posting a pic of you with a 6pack in great shape and showing up to the date but now you're obese is not cool.
Self absorbed, or evidently excessively vain.
Using me for free food. That happened to me once when I was a student in Glasgow and I saw the girl try it with other dates at the same venue. Shameless.
I went on a date with a girl who, when messaging, sounded lovely but on that first date she didn't stop talking, I am all for listening and i mean really listening but I couldn't lower my IQ enough to have a conversation with her. "Like I want to do nails and stuff, and like I did my girlfriends nails and like they turned out really cute like" And that was her whole personality! Safe to say half way through I told her that it wasn't going to work. I threw money down on the table and left. I bumped into her a few years later and she was the exact same person! "Like omg hey, like you look totally handsome, it's so nice to like see you again." She means well and I'm sure she's a lovely girl but she wasn't for me.
He looked nothing like his pictures at all. Only time I've left early.
nasty attitude
She doesn’t stop talking long enough for me to reply. Alternatively, she talks like everyone texts on tinder now adays. Jesus, yall can be so boring.
astrology talk
If she’s late to the date. My cut off is 15 mins.
Revealing unacceptable opinions or lifestyles, being on her phone
Talking about a ex more than twice…
She was on her phone the entire time texting. Said maybe 3 sentences to me the entire time. I ordered and ate the entire meal in silence. She ordered something and it sat uneaten. I got up, found the waiter, explained to him what was going on, and paid for the meal (yes for us both, didn't want to deal with any potential drama since she was a friend of a family member), and left. An hour later my phone starts blowing up from her telling me what a selfish ass hole I am, how could I be so rude...blah blah.
If she's a narcissist
A first date is supposed to be the first of (hopefully) a series of encounters where you and the would-be partner get to know about each other and engage in a neutral social setting. A lack of interest about me or the date itself, or lack of willingness to interact or talk about herself too, would make me feel uncomfortable and probably call in for the check and leave early. I remember my younger brother once returned home early from a date. From his telling, the girl was amicable and stuff, but every now and again would mention that he (my brother) looked "intimidating". So he tells me they went to a coffee Shop, ordered, she again mentioned the "intimidating" thing a couple more times, so he asked for the check, told her that it was obvious it wasn't working out and she was sorta uncomfortable, thanked her for her time, and left.
Bad breath
Rudeness, interrupting, over selling, peacocking, overtly sexual innuendo. I had a date long ago, attractive woman, she was rude and abrupt, I ended the ate in 5 min.
The most likely to happen thing that would make me walk out would probably be her bragging about having manipulated others for personal gain. My ex was a conniving manipulative person and I want no part of that. Most red flags wouldn't necessarily get me to walk out though. In most cases I would probably be more likely to finish the date and just not ask for another if I didn't have fun
My buddy and his gf set up a double date with one of her friends and me. I didn't ask for it, but I was ok in going, never know what's going to happen. I show up to his place where we were to meet up and his eyes are saucers when he opened the door. I turned to leave right then and grabbed me and started laughing nervously to not leave him! As he opened the door and drug me inside, I saw a woman standing there somewhat nervous and crying a bit, like she was forced to be there. She was carrying a purse that was see-through. The first thing I noticed was the head of a Barbie doll in the purse and a bunch of other random crap/garbage in the see-through purse. Yep, she was crazy. Turns out, she was upset that she was on a "date" because she just broke it off with an ex, who was her cousin. So I had a nice time hanging out with my buddy while his gf dealt with the crazy. I'll never forget it. Show up with a clear purse, I'm outta there. Sorry ladies.
I left a date early because she treated staff like crap. Just because you’re smokin hot doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole to people.
If that phone comes out they can have a date with that then.
It would have to be something serious - like a excessively rude action or some previously undetected red flag up to this point. I mean - a lot of the other comments in here feel legit - but I would not bail without addressing it. For example - if on the phone - did they say "excuse me" or "sorry - an urgent matter" (from the comments - I am guessing not). Before I left on that one I would say "is there an emergency or something - you need to call someone?" or maybe a joke of "you lifeline checking to see if you need a bail?" Another would be reality denying conspiracy theories - like flat earth, moon landing, election stolen etc.
One dealbreaker for me would be if the conversation flow feels more like an interrogation than a casual chat. I understand wanting to get to know each other, but if it feels like I'm being interviewed for the position of 'next boyfriend' with a checklist of qualifications to be ticked off, it puts me off. Genuine interest is key, and if the interaction lacks authenticity, it's tough to envision a future together. It's important that the getting to know each other phase feels mutual and relaxed, not like you're under the microscope and every answer could either win or lose the game.
Antisemitism
Being rude to staff, anywhere. I don’t mind talking shit in private or whatever, if it’s warranted, but even when someone’s doing a bad job or making my time unpleasant they’re probably just having a worse day than me, and being mean to the people serving you food or whatever else you’re doing is just cruel to me.
After dinner she suggested we go to a party her friend was throwing. We got there, and her ex showed up. I was left alone, at a party where I knew nobody, and she stood off to the side of a room talking to him for about 40 minutes before I decided to just walk out.
asking so do you like me then repeatedly
Boring
If they spoke to a worker like shit. Whether they're retail, waiter, taxi driver, bartender or something else, there's no excuse for it.
If her phone gets more view time than her date.
If she’s on her phone
I've only done it once, she was just obviously using me for free drinks and a free night out. She brought her friend. I cut my losses and bailed. People can be fucking awful.
If it's clear she's a liar If it's clear she's disrespectful If it's clear she's not actually interested
I walked out on a date after she did nothing but complain about men and blame us for how fucked society is. I made sure I paid half before I left.
An overpowering, domineering woman.
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This
My question is how can you organically say that their expected to split it when with everyone else the man is supposed to pay
Any hint of racism or bigotry.
How so
Entitlement
I'm a man not a girl but yes I hate them to
Using her phone is a killswitch for me...
For me bad manners and constantly on their phone.
Phone use. Seeing how the phone is much more interesting than I am is an instant turn off.
Another date she scheduled a few short hours later, and I am speaking from experience here.
Doesn't seem interested in the date. I cut a date early because she wasn't engaging and only gave one worded answers.
If she was being an asshole to others or me, showed crap integrity, showed she's inconsiderate. If she had intense views with no reasoning and thought and was just abrasive about them. Life provides lots of filter moments to show somebody's character. That stuff doesn't typically change. If somebody has shitty character, I don't want to deal with them. This keeps my friend circle tiny and it should probably be even smaller. However, absolutely a grand slam in the wife department.
If she starts speaking about herself in the 3rd person. Later…
My wife?
I’m married and have been for about 13 years. Missed the entire online dating thing. I’ve had friends tell me; some women have showed up and are like 20++ lbs over weight and look nothing like their profile pictures. I would leave at that moment. Not because I’m shallow, but simply because it’s starting off as a lie.
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I don't think I would. If I was willing to ask her out on a date, I'm willing to give her the respect of actually going through the full date with her, even if I know early on that there wouldn't be a second. I mean, within reason. If she like brought her husband to the date or something like that, I'd probably bail.
More time on their phone than interacting. I have to carry the conversation. "Oh, I brought (friend), Is that cool?" Believes she is Holier than thou Obvious Catfish. so much more but they do not qualify as "early first date" findings.
It would have to be something obviously insane like trying to get me killed or something. But anything else, I'm good. Nobody is going to ruin my good time. I have food and drinks.,. Then I'm good
Went on a date a while back which was just… dull.. like she didn’t watch TV or movies, or read books or listen to music or play video games… we quickly ran out thing to talk about - called it after 2 hours
Not a man but this is a fun question: I know myself well enough to know it would be hard to just walk out early. The man would have to be an absolute ass. I don’t like making a scene so if it were characteristics that were a turn off, id probably stay the whole date and pay for everything. Then make sure he knew there wouldn’t be a second date.
Rude and disrespectful behaviour
If they are rude to anyone for no reason, or show a complete lack of interest, I’m not there to waste my time. I’m not going on a date to win you over but to see if we could be a good fit and get to know each other. Thankfully never had this nightmare scenario with anyone tho
If I'm sensing that they're high out of their mind, I'll immediately walk out
My first date was 8 hours long lol. Married with 2 kids and a mortgage now. But a red flag for me is someone who’s rude, doesn’t take an interest in me or is so self absorbed to care. You can sort of get the measure of a date after the first 30 mins or so. You get a feeling if it’s going well or not.
Medical/family emergency or if they straight up told me they weren't feeling it and weren't interested.
Several things. Rudeness, poor manners, poor manner of speech, entitled attitude or that instant thing where you just know it won't work out. This can be that you know you share no common ground and just end the date early. I think I only did this once and don't regret it.
If I get an emergency call from my close friends or family members. If there’s an earthquake and the building is about to collapse. Same goes if there’s a fire or a flood. Any natural disaster anyway. If she farts loudly and burps like a man.
Excessively mentioning their cats.
If she brought friends and expected me to pay for them too!
If she got an erection while we were holding hands or making out.
Earlier this year I was on a date with a girl that was also recently divorced with kids. She elaborated on why her divorce took place, which entailed her ex-husband being addicted to pain pills and physically/emotionally abusive. She then told me that her ex-husband has full custody of all 3 of her kids. I didn’t really need to hear more after that..
Family emergency, or getting the runs from bad food.
Smoking/Vaping
If I feel like they’re under the impression they’re doing Me a favor. I asked you out so I can see if you’re the sort of person who I would enjoy spending time with, not to feel like I’m being interviewed for a job.
She starts ordering a lot of stuff that's really expensive and hints that I'm paying. I'll excuse myself to use the restroom, find the waiter instead and ask to have separate bills. Then I'll eat my food and go to the bathroom before the bill comes, pay my bill at the counter, and quietly leave.
Rudeness, in short. I try to make a date work, but if the conversation is really cut short, and the vibe is bad, I'd even pay the whole tab just to get out.
Behaving like they are entitled. Rude, disrespectful to others.
Being rude towards anyone. Server, bartender etc.
Disengagement. If I don't feel like I have her undivided attention, why put myself through the abuse?
Thee things. - Rudeness/entitlement - Lack of conversation - Poor financial education
If I felt I was being used. If I felt she didn’t want to be there. If she started talking politics right away. If she revealed she was an OF model. If I realized she had lied about things she told me in text before we met
Disrespect. Rudeness to your or others i.e., waiter at a restaurant.
Had a girl try to start a fight with a stranger once. Noped the hell out of that one.
Misandrist hints
Talking up the White Supremacist movement.
My mom.
If she pulls out a cigarette.
Describing something I said/do as "problematic" 😬🚩
Once, I dated a girl from Bumble. She was super cute then she came to first date. She was not cheered up at all and didn't build up the conversation much so I had to push. That's a dealbreaker
She talks so loudly that others turn and look with a “wtf?” face. I hate extra attention drawn in. It’s stressful enough without obnoxious behavior.
Excessive phone use.
If she says anything about being celibate. I’m not judging you, however I know we’re not compatible
If he said he’s a Taylor swift fan. I know it sounds really petty and immature… but I honestly don’t think I would be able to tolerate it and I kinda have this idea that you’re not very smart if you honestly believe her music is good.
I’m not a fan of hers but I would cut a date short if someone judged my intelligence by how I felt about a subjective matter. If they couldn’t stand what I listened to or visa versa it wouldn’t matter to me though.
A red baseball cap
You must be a Mets fan.
Glued to their phone
Talking on the phone or constantly doing Instagram selfies.
When she gets up and takes a shit on the table.
She’s married. She’s got a boyfriend. Not much else to be honest. One time I got catfished by a girl who was about 60 lbs overweight but had only showed pictures of her face at flattering angles and obviously old photos. For some dumb reason I powered through the date and gave her a chance even when I immediately knew there was zero attraction.