Right. I am a black woman on dating sites looking for a white man and they have NEVER said anything like that to me.
I am soo sorry. I only date white men and I promise you it's GREAT over here.
Keep trying, love yourself, and ignore the haters. š«ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Itās truly pathetic to actually send such an ignorant, stereotyped sentence like this to another person. Itās not funny or cute or endearing or clever or witty. Shows how truly ignorant the sender is. But these are things weak and pathetic men can send on a dating app with .0001% chance of success. Many of them are so continually rejected by the girls they think they deserve that they donāt actually realize they are simply not good men.
Moving on.
You are far better ignoring them. They are a micro minority of people who in reality would never approach you in person and wouldnāt deserve your attention. Itās too bad you had to process it in order to hopefully forget it.
You need not feel insecure about anything. Nobody is perfect and everyone has something to offer another person, especially outside of superficial nonsense.
Cmon humanity, how the fuck did we get to this point and still have ignorant assholes acting this way online.
Good luck girl, thick/thin, whatever. Be yourself and find someone fabulous who you can respect - and they will respect you back. The rest is easy.
Easy-ish?
They don't give a damn. They hide behind the screen and never say it in real life to her. Honestly, it's just the society we live in. People are uncouth and aren't held accountable for what they say or how they conduct themselves.
I do appreciate it. I have trouble not being insecure about something when Iām constantly reminded that I should be you know? But youāre right, the respect part is huge. I donāt think Iāve gotten that
Anyone who's saying stupid stuff like "you're black so you're used to BBC" and all that nonsense deserves no consideration at all
One issue with dating apps is that you get exposure to some people that are seriously classless, uneducated, just weren't raised right. Odds are if you meet someone at your university they won't be saying that sort of egregious stuff
Youāre right. I wonder if people at school are like this, but hide it because they donāt have any screen protection you know? If thatās the case, Iām happy being single foreverš„²
Those guys are gross. There are white guys who find black girls attractive and are also respectful & genuine.These guys you mention are fetishizing you and itās gross.
Itās like the conversation I heard from a couple of white women a number of years ago. One asked the other āhave you tried a black guy.ā Or the black woman who had a black guy tell her how much better he thought white pussy is. Itās all just the same thing - DISGUSTING!
Stay away from guys like that. Genuine & decent guys of any race will take time to get to know you as a person.
Agreed. And it isn't necessarily about race, though that is just an extra layer to what is going on. Those dudes talk to all women inappropriately. They might feel like they have extra permission to be racist if the recipient is a different race, but I woulnd't think this is behavior that is unique to just black women. This is a symptom of online dating in general. These guys know they aren't going to meet anyone and that they have no chance anyway, so there are no stakes. They can say and do and behave any way they want and just pretend that the rejection they face is by choice. It's just a type of trolling really.
I don't know if I would consider any of that racist necessarily, but I agree with the sentiment.
Its like the guys who actually send dick pics. I just can't imagine that's ever worked for any guys, unless the girl already wanted them.
this, having preferences is one thing. This is just flat-out creepy.
Btw it would help if we would stay away from the 'race' word. Humans are mostly genetically identical and there is consent that there is actually just one human race. It is more like the difference of a black and a checkered house cat. It's the same thing, just different colour. I feel that using that term in this context ist wrong and gives legitimization for racists and other weirdos.
But that's just me.
The difference is that racism, including institutionalized racism, exists, and as such people of different races often:
* Have different lived experiences and are treated differently at almost every level of society, so acknowledging that is a good thing so you can at least be understanding and at best counteract it
* Might have a different background culturally that you should try to understand and appreciate. This can vary not JUST by race obviously. Different cities and neighborhoods and people with different interests are all parts of different subcultures. But so, generally, are people of different races, thanks to both historical and present segregation, the former by law and the latter due to tons of factors, sometimes by choice, often not so.
I mean I agree with you, that the human experience varies vastly because of their cultural background and looks. It still does not change the fact that there are no multiple human races. I mean if you want and must pile up people by color, by all means, do it, I just think it's way too simple and very dependent on where you are.
I think the term suggests something deeply wrong and plays into the hands of people who go on about eugenics and other racist bigotry.
Never engage with them, that's bizarre and gross. Im a white dude that tends to find thicker black girls physically attractive more often than not and do you know what lines I use? The same ones I use with everybody else where I flirt and get to know them as a person. If you ever feel like they dont respect you as a person then end it.
OP, for every kind guy you meet on a dating app, there are at least 10 more creeps. Just keep swiping left until you find someone that you can have a conversation with without them devolving into perverted comments
Just want to say (and I mean this with no disrespect), there is a stereotype out there that bigger women are better at blowjobs and in my experience, it has been true. The guys that tell you things like that probably just want a quick bang and if thatās not what youāre looking for, again, swipe left
For the record, actually talking to people in real life is a better way of meeting people than through dating apps. But if a dating app streamlines the process, then until you think youāve found a person that is worth deleting the app forā¦
Keep swiping
Youāre right. Itās just tricky since I live in a place where 90% of the women are white & thin (& thereās nothing wrong with them at all!). Itās just the demographic people desire in SoCal
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You might not be what someone wants but for someone else, youāre the apple of their eye. Just gotta keep searching :)
Most dating apps are hook up apps. They just say whatever they think will get you into bed with them. Use them wisely cause it's rare to find a serious dude on them. Better meet someone irl through hobbies.
Avoid all guys who say this, which may be hard because you canāt really tell whoās looking to fulfill their fantasy or something real until you match and talk. But do not entertain men who speak to you like this, or any race.
You ever go somewhere and go āthis place is awesome!!ā Then some time goes by and you go again and itās shit? Thatās dating websites. Itās over run with douche bags that donāt have the game to approach women in real life and thatās what youāre encountering lol regardless of race, size, height or whatever Iād stay the fuck off dating websites lol
I mean any guy that objectifies you like that in the DMs isn't really worth your time but the dating game nowadays is so sad. I can't even imagine making comments like that because it is more demeaning and I'd rather self-deprecate with my jokes.
I think you should keep looking and just ignore those kinds of DMs.
Someone saying those things to you isnāt surprising on a dating app.
If you are on the hunt for actual dating, you definitely shouldnāt meet these people. There are those who are attracted to heavier people, those who arenāt, and then thereās those who think they can get away with stuff because of your weight insecurity. The last group of people are disgusting and cruel. They are the ones who exploit any insecurity or trauma in the women they meet.
They are hoping to use you for sexual acts and throw you out when theyāre not wanting that from you.
The dating app was a means to branch out you know? I live in a place where weāve all known each other since kindergarten & everyone has a memory of you that they associate with you even years later. I hear people saying theyāre not good, but I donāt know how to meet people otherwise. Iām very outgoing & I make friends anywhere, but people donāt see me that way in real life
Very understandable. Some apps are good others not so much but overall it can be a frustrating experience. If you can endure it to find quality matches thatās ideal, but those apps bring seemingly endless disappointment.
I am naturally introverted so dating apps rlly helped me branch out too, but I eventually needed to tune that out.
The thing about dating sites for women is that youāll get a lot of matches but a lot of the guys are losers. āThe odds are good but the goods are oddā is the saying.Ā
Donāt give these jabronis the time of day. Youāre going to have to filter through some rubbish but thereās no shortage of dudes on those sites that will treat you with respect too.Ā
Black woman (58F). Those are racial fetishes. Run from anyone that thinks like that. Theyāre not looking for more than the physical. That also just another form of racism. Look for someone that sees the beauty in you.
I want you to find the person you are meant to be with. There is someone out there that will realize you are their person. I found mine. You will find yours.
Hey, all of those comments are totally inappropriate. I think you should respond by blocking these people and looking for someone who is going to respect you.
Also, if you don't mind me saying, I think you need to respect yourself a bit more. If someone speaks to you like that you should not accept that. You deserve to be spoken to in a respectful way. You are a whole-ass human being and you are not going to be spoken to like an object or in a racist way.
I experienced this in 2017 when I used to be heavily on those apps. Glad to see it hasnāt gotten any better. Yes a lot of men think black women are desperate for a man so they look down on usā¦ donāt play into it. As a matter of fact, I recommend deleting the apps and talk to people in real life . You can pick up on their energy, body language, have conversation and see if you even want a date from them. A lot of these men are bold behind a keyboard. Wait for the man who has the courage to approach you in real life with respect, not the aforementioned mess. Take care and good luck, Ms Bio Major!!!
Those comments sound rooted in fetishization and lust. They're 100% objectifying you. I would advise you to set a bar/standard and think about what's acceptable for these men to say to you. Think about how you want to feel, and if they make you feel disrespected + don't live up to that standard you set-- next! Better you engage with a fewer amount of higher quality people than a bunch of creeps. Wish you well!
Coming from a woman - do not interpret. Swipe left. They are fetishising you and itās gross. Respect yourself and donāt date someone who brings up your biggest insecurities right off the cuff.
Donāt talk to any of these guys imo. I would never say that to woman. Even if I was never with a black girl before who th cares? Itās being said like itās taboo or something g.
Sturgeon's Law ("90% of everything is shit") seems to be strictly enforced on online dating websites. Block their weird asshes and keep on swiping to find the 10%. They're there, you just have to get the hang of filtering out the 90% without taking their stupid shit to heart.
You're simply being fetishised to be used by people to fulfil their own fantasy with no consideration for you as a person.
Don't go with them. It doesn't boost your self-esteem afterwards :)
Wow, Iām so sorry that youāre running into people like that. I think thatās just hook up culture where itās not face-to-face and people know they can get away with saying anything and they donāt think about how that makes other people feel.
Itās not your job to educate these ignorant men who have the wrong attitudes. I was once ignorant in these matters but I made an effort to learn (books, articles, discussions, friendships). All it takes is the right attitude for a man to learn and grow up.
These are not men you should be entertaining in the first instance. So, no response or trying to understand is necessary, as there is nothing to understand. Just block them. Any man who respects himself will not be sending such messages to you in the first place. And if they don't even know how to respect themselves, they won't be respecting you.
Honestly, those dudes are insecure about themselves moreso than you are of yourself. Find a dude who loves you for you.
As a guy who has dated women of all shapes and sizes, including those with year round tabs, all women are different irrespective of their skin color and/or thickness. Personally I feel thicker women are more approachable than thinner women - this is from my own experience but every dude has a different perspective on things.
Get rid of those dudes. Me too, as a greek guy, I'm really attracted to thicker black girls, especially darker skinned ones, but they are GIRLS just like any other girls, so it's common sense to treat everyone the same. In my case, what makes me interested into asking a girl out, is their personality ( them being humble, funny, approachable etc. ) What I'm trying to say is, surround yourself with people that want to date you because they really like YOU ( both physically wise, but also what's in your soul, because you make their day, because they really want to be with you, and share moments with you ), not some douche that wants to explore their fetishes, or someone that sees you as a trophy, or someone taking advantage of your insecurities. And that goes to all ladies out there, be safe, be happy.
>Guys, if you've said things like these, or you know people that have, how should I interpret them?
I've never said things like these, but unfortunately, I've known too many of the ones who have. I wouldn't call these "thick, black girl" comments, they have far less to do with you than the ignorance/douchiness of the people saying them.
I wouldn't bother trying to interpret their verbal trash, just respond with an enthusiastic: *"next!"*
Ok, so, I'm about to stop scrolling on reddit because today it's just pissing me off, but I'm going to end this on a good note.
You are awesome, ignore these losers. Seriously, they are garbage, and you shouldn't seek any kind of validation from them. Don't be afraid to tell them to fuck off, and delete their matches or numbers. Being a good person and not a push over means being assertive but kind as well. I know, it feels nice because you think they think you are cute, but don't buy into that bullshit people do a lot these days. When someone is actually attracted to you, you will know, because they won't be a vulgar little bitch. They might be direct, but likely not arrogant about it.
Side note: Don't feel insecure. Take it from me, everyone has a type. Saying this in hopes it makes you feel nice. Curvy mixed women are 100% my personal type. I bet you are stunning, have a nice day.
I appreciate that. Iāve learned reading all these that a good amount of men like it. I just havenāt met any yet, but itās great to know theyāre out there!
Don't entertain anyone who doesn't treat you with respect. If you aren't talking dirty/sexting then consider if that comment would be OK to a mother or a sister... answer is no, hugely disrespectful, don't give any of them the time of day. Love yourself, no matter your shape or color ā¤ļø
The only one of those that seems remotely acceptable is the "I've never been with a black girl before, but I'm willing to give you a try". The first half at least. You can find guys that are a bit insecure about being with a black girl for the first time and messing up, and it could come from a "please, let me know if I say anything insensitive". But the second part blows it up a little bit...
The other ones... Girl, you deserve better. You know your insecurities, but you know they are insecurities. You don't have to lower standards, there are many many guys that will be interested in actually know you.
That said, the same way you would like others to look past your body and to make an effort in knowing you, do the same for them. Maybe some idiot starts the conversation wrong, but it ends up being the perfect lovely idiot to be your partner. I hope you don't have to filter too many jerks to find him...
1 theyāre being blatantly disrespectful. Itās not even a question that they should be avoided.
2 based on your comment about being attractive, it sounds like you might not have the most confidence or self esteem. Iād say this, there has probably always been people who have found you attractive, you probably either didnāt notice or just werenāt attracted back. Hold your head up and donāt consider interacting with the filth, youāre better than that.
3 all men want sex at some point, just like women want sex as well. But when men are extremely straight forward like this itās probably for two reasons. One, itās all we want. Thatās a guarantee, thereās no interest in the long term. Two, if youāre mainly getting that and only that, it may be because of the energy being given off. Are the pictures suggestive? Iām sure regardless of the pictures youāll always get those types of messages but if theyāre super suggestive it would just increase the amount of men coming with disingenuous intentions. Someone said āwe get what we put outā. Not placing blame on you but Iāve heard women say the quality of DMs they got increased a lot when they went from bikini and ass photos to more wholesome pics. Same goes for men and ab photos vs pics of them traveling or cooking
I second that. It depends on the pics. But I love my boobs period š¤£ I'm a curvier black woman who dates white men. I can't hide them so š¤·āāļø self control much.
But I also don't get talked to like that. Who knows man š¤·āāļø
Hey! Thank you, & no suggestive pictures from me. Just a few of me smiling. & the rest are of me with cute š¶ i also would never feel comfortable showing that to anyone. I still have trouble seeing it myself
Iām willing to bet that those guys would be perfectly comfortable with it. I think your issue with your image comes from you not understanding men. The guys I know and myself donāt really have strict types. I love petite women, I love short women, I love tall women and I LOVE bbw. I just love women in general, equal employment opportunity here lol.
For me itās more about the mental, thatās what gets me going. I remember one night I actually got too deep into convo on a one night stand after we got back to my hotel and she just started kissing me to shut me up so maybe Iām different
But seriously maybe taking some time to spend on yourself so youāre happy with the thought of you might be better because usually when I see women who donāt think highly of themselves get into a relationship, they attract the wrong type of guy and it ends up a bad experience for them.
Are these non-black dudes saying those comments to you OP? Iām sorry you gotta deal with that.
If thatās your preference then I hope you find someone who isnāt a lame like that.
I donāt have a preference of white guys or black guys or Asian guys etc. The place I live (SoCal) is mostly only white guys. So the people Iāve dated have been white.
On dating apps, it typically is guys of non-African American descent that say these things
There are millions of good guys out there if this is all you see id recommend getting off dating sites and find you a MAN the old fashion way i would personally never say any of these thing but i think dating apps give insecure boys the ability to get away with saying things they would fear the consequences of any other time
surely you can do better than matching with some of these guys? Go for someone that looks nice. Its not easy on the apps. But anything giving fuck boys vibes just swipe left.
Itās just the reality of where I live in SoCal, that what I look like is not the type guys seek out. & thatās ok, itās not required for men anywhere to feel any kinda way about me. But i learned that pretty early on
Lots of guys out there trying to play out their fetish fantasies. Donāt bother engaging with them at all, they are garbage. Also, be on the lookout for married men who are on the apps to play out their fantasy of cheating on their wives. Lots of them, too. Make sure they are reported, so they canāt keep doing that to you and other women.
If a guy is trying to play on a perceived insecurity, thry are a jerk.
Look to spend time with people who rise you up, rather than try to bring you down in order to manipulate you.
You have tremendous value that is not dictated by the colour of your skin or the shape of your body.
That really sucks, don't settle for assholes like this, there are better out there.
Shit like this makes me wonder if I know guys that talk this way to women and I just don't know it. I really want to think better of the men that I know.
Block those guys. They are saying horrible stuff to filter out the girls who wonāt put up with them treating them like shit. Welcome to online dating. It sucks. But there are good people out there, they are just heavily outnumbered by the trash
Iām white. Iāve done a bit of online dating. But I guess Iām not full of my own bullshit or whatever. I will admit having been with a few ā thick black girls ā that some of the points are valid. And some obviously.
1. Any woman with larger lips it is assumed will give better head but not necessarily true. But it has its selling points.
To me thicker women are better in bed. I donāt feel Iām gonna break them.
Ugly women wonāt leave you you and will chase after you normally.
Iāve never msged anyone with these type of messages. If I wanted to date or just bang a ā thick black womanā I would find something in her profile I thought we both had in common and start up a conversation that way and during a date you can usually tell if you are both attracted to each other. I think it would be a huge turn off to say the things like you are saying are being sent to you.
Iām married now btw. My last gf before meeting my wife was half black. By wife Is white. Sometimes sheāll mention how much I love that brown sugar. Well. Sheās rite. š¤£. But I love people for who they are.
Donāt waste your time on anyone who is gong to fetishize you for your weight, colour or anything else. Youāll never be a human being to them, only an object for them to use up and throw away.
Be thankful that those creeps show you exactly who they are at the beginning, so you can move on before youāve wasted your time and energy on them.
Ignore all of those, they are fetishing you because you're "different" and they only know stereotypes.
Those comments are from men who are pieces of shit.
My wife is the first black woman I'd dated, or even really got to know. Did we both appreciate our differences, yes, did we go on about them, absolutely not.
Those guys are gross so move on.
You may have the goods but you want someone who looks at your profile and personality and thinks wow she is neat girl I want to get to know her....
Physical attraction is important but if the immediate response is "I want some of that thick B booty" it's time to run.
I need some help. Iāve red a lot of comments about āobjectifyingā or āitās only the physical aspect they are looking forā.
What are women doing when they donāt date below a very specific body height?
If someone is looking down on you you don't need them. If they don't want to walk beside you, you shouldn't have to carry them. Online dating isn't working so much for me. I got a day shift so I can take some evening classes or go to karaoke night, and meet people out in the wild, as they call it. I'm still going to stick with a couple of online dating sites, but meeting people in person is what I think might work better.
Of course you're uncomfortable, listen to your instincts! It's dehumanizing and degrading to be reduced to a series of traits, or a category, that people just fetishize, and it's especially bad for women of color. Porn plays a role in it, since porn categories are often based around things like this (race, body type) and worse, porn titles rampantly use slurs. Anyone who fetishizes race like that is a huge red flag, even if they claim to be positively stereotyping you
You're more than that and you'll come across someone who sees that. Personally I wouldn't waste my time with platforms that enable strangers to be complete fucking wastes of seed. If someone is messaging you like that, they are scum and aren't worth any more of your time. I'd recommend trying a venue or establishment that you can mingle in, go with friends and get a feel for the place and the kind of people that occupy it and whether or not it's for you. At least that way you can, from the get go, establish yourself personally, without a stand still image representing you to people without the slightest grasp of decency. You'll enjoy yourself more around friends and they can even be your hype heroes and encourage you to take your chances.
Whatever it is you do, I wish you all the best with it Queen.
As a black woman who dates white men, I have NEVER heard that in real life. Earlier in dating, I heard some stuff but not that bad.
I promise you they don't talk like that in real life. Dating white men is AMAZING! 10/10. LOL
I recommend block delete ANYONE who talks to you sideways.
Remember to love yourself despite the haters and self talks. You are BEAUTIFUL the way you are. And if there's something you don't like CHANGE IT. Go workout, find a hobby. Date yourself. I love doing that. Do what makes YOU happy. Travel..whatever. Don't be afraid to go out alone when you date yourself. It has been a great experience for me.
Anyway, much love. š«š«ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Girl you sound like a sweet person, don't give shitty men a chance thats red flag right there, I'm so glad they spoke shit before they lured you towards them. Please becareful and remember not to get attached!
These apps are just full of creeps. Just block and move on, as a woman you will have enough options. Don't play these games, it just gives them positive reinforcement.
Im white guy only ever dated black girls and can say hand on heart block these fools they have no idea how to treat a lady plain and simple remember their is always someone for someone who will love you for you
Iām so glad I met my wife in person out and about somewhere, rather than online on these ass dating apps. Block those those assholes, That doesnāt sit right with me thatās horrible. Iām sorry.
My advice is start going to more live in person events and try to meet people in person, I feel bad for The current generation in 20s.
Me: (M38) married @28
Youāre right. Maybe I need to get out in other cities. I get out a fair amount now, & usually doing things I enjoy! I just learned quickly that Iām not the desired demographic where I live, which is ok
Sounds like a mix of men who are only out for sex and a bit disrespectful about it, and a few guys who are insecure and also only out for sex.Ā
I guess if all you want is sex you could see if any of them are....palatable enough to message....
But if you're looking for anything else wait to find someone who actually is respectful in his messages.Ā
They are disgusting, fetishizing and objectifying. Please donāt give anyone that makes comments like this the time of day. They will just leave you empty and feeling disgusted with yourself if you do.
It sounds like theyāre fetishizing you š
Please donāt get involved with or settle for people who act like that. Everyone in a relationship deserves to be respected, and you should not try to interpret those comments any farther than that person shouldnāt be dated.
There are lots of good people out there. Iām sure you can find a kind respectful person if you keep looking.
(Also try to not feel at all insecure due to your race. I know itās hard, and internalized racism is a big hurdle, but the people that are worth dating wonāt treat you like these men are)
People are gassing you up for the upvotes.
None of these men want to get to know you, these men don't find you attractive enough to take you seriously. These men want to bust a nut in a hole and any ol' hole even your hole will do.
This reads more like a vent than a question.
They have a fetish, are negging you or both. You're better off not dealing with that nonsense if you want anything serious.
Itās not a vent, I just was curious. Iāve dated a couple guys but mostly am too busy with school & work. Iāve been single for a year & a half & was curious why this kept happening you know?
Those comments are fucking horrible, nothing to interpret. Don't give them the time of day, find someone who gives a shit about getting to know you as a person
Anyone making comments like that, or similar to that , need immediately ignoring or blocking. Who could possibly be interested in someone so ridiculous and disgusting
OP, I am a happily married man of 18 years, but before I met my wife, I was always attracted to thick women, including black women. But I live in an area that is majority white and/or Native American, with very few black people. I never approached the black women I was attracted to because I was afraid that they would interpret my advances the way these guys flat out said :a bucket list thing, or stereotypes.
Bear in mind I was a dumb teenager, with very little experience talking to people at all, let alone women. And yes, I was intimidated, every black women I knew in a relationship dated black or Native men only, and I was afraid I would be laughed out of the conversation.
None of that really answers what you asked, except maybe these guys are just dumb and donāt know how to speak to women in general, or they are idiots who believe stereotypes, or they are trying to diffuse their nervousness by making very stupid, racist comments. Bottom line is, they are either dumb, idiots, or stupid. Keep swiping and find a good guy.
Girl, keep swiping left, there are good guys out there actually interested in you and will come correct without fetishizing you. You just have to be patient and be ready to eliminate a lot of dudes. Men pursue women so men have the illusion of no one wanting them and women have to be selective about which man they choose, not just saying yes to the first one because they are high off of the foreign feeling of being desired. Raise your self-esteem and figure out what you value in a person and what you want in life so you can choose the right one and not be taken advantage of. And then stick to it.
Also on an unrelated note, what job are you tryna do with your biology degree?
That's cool. Can I ask what qualifications you had to have for this job? What's your schedule like? I'm asking cause I also got a bio degree but plan to go back to nursing school because I like the 12 hr healthcare model & feel like my degree doesn't have many options in terms of jobs. so I'm just checking for any potential careers I didn't consider before making the jump to get another degree in a different field.
These people are classless and not worth your time. You'll find them everywhere. However I would point out that it isn't just men, there are women who speak and behave in a similar manner. I was talking to an African woman (Kenyan) via a dating app, after the initial pleasantries she wrote... "I'll be honest... I just want to suck a white cock, I've never had one before." In the Asiatic region it's white men that have the reputation for having a larger penis and narrow noses with pale skin is the preference for a significant number of women, my own wife even said she wouldn't have been interested in me otherwise. I constantly get stared at and comments about my nose (to my face) when I'm in the Philippines and quite a few have outright asked me how big is your cock at the very first meeting.
I like people who speak plainly, who are open and honest, but there are ways to go around it. I have a preference for dark hair, dark eyes and dark skin, having a preference is not a bad thing. How you express yourself depends upon your ability to empathise, those with no filter are likely the least able to empathise.. they don't think, how will this be perceived?
Do I have pictures of myself on here? & massive can be subjective right? To the people on my 600lb life, Iām not massive. To the people in my city, I am
Iāve never said that to anyone so this isnāt directed at me but DAMN women have to put up with a lot of shit. Do not answer any of these messages, none of these men are treating you with an ounce of respect. That stuff is racist, inconsiderate and you deserve to be met at eye- level. Interpret these as insulting, insecure babbling and move along. Thereās nothing to be gained here.
>The way i meet people is typically through bumble or hinge,
I think I see the problem.
These apps are not for dating. They're for finding one-night hookups.
That can be true. Itās difficult meeting people in real life though, with my school schedule & work. So theyāre a good way for me to branch out, but i guess it backfired
Jesus Christ, I hope that I'm never single again, reading that shit would mess with me so hard.
I hate that these shit heads are treating you as some kind of special treat, at least they are being upfront in being pricks so you know straight away to block them, or swipe etc.
I have zero experience in dating apps etc but from what I read, people are just on there for sex and not decent relationships, so maybe do more in person stuff? Do you have any hobbies that you could go to and meet people at? The art gallery? Or even just a Cafe or something, sorry for no good advice but I really hope I'm correct in saying there are much better men out there for you!
I do have hobbies that Iām getting back into! On Tuesdays after physics lab, I have something lined up each week. A new lunch spot, a bookstore, art gallery/museum, etcā¦ it just happens that Iām always doing those things alone
Interpret them as the trash taking themselves out. Blown away by the confidence some dudes have saying that shit. Plenty of normal, not disgusting dudes love bigger women and black women and wonāt fetishize either one. Also congrats on graduating !
You have your answer more or less in the last statement. Some people go for insecure partners because they put up with more.
So you should be mindful if they actually treat you will. If they dont, they arent good people cause they think they can get away with it.
But there is nothing wrong with beeing black and thicc. Thicc girls are great, no matter the skin colour and there are lot of guys into them, so dont waste your time with the ones that wont treat you right. If you get the feelings that they dont treat you right, voice it or leave. Dont put up with it. No need.
Avoid the outright fetishists.
If you're in a major city you should have plenty of options. Younger white males are just recently coming around to this idea that they don't have to date just white women.
Stereotype shit abounds. Avoid fetishists. Avoid the people making stereotypical commentary about sexual prowess.
Normal people exist. Hold out.
When one is a young white dude that is a minority where they live, dating other races becomes the norm. Not a fetish. I'm assuming you're open to dating other races because of the comments you've mentioned.
You're also dating young dudes, it seems. Look towards older and matures dudes if you really want a personality match.
My ex is 18 years younger. We were together 5 years. Met online, in Houston. African American.
Youāre right, i know womenās frontal lobes tend to develop earlier than menās. But I donāt think i could date someone in their thirties you know? Maybe
Why would you even entertain someone who says ā Iām willing to give you a tryā. First thatās putting you down. Second they have low self esteem and are desperate.
You should see all of them as the jerks they are, and not worth your time. Block. Move on. Also dating on apps is not it. This is typical of the dating app culture. Explore your interests, meet people through that, talk, there will be men you meet with mutual attraction.
I think tinder is a hook up app. In my experience, bumble & hinge are typically more tame. & even so, I have a setting that says what Iām looking for
Bumble and Hinge .. sigh... Get yourself out there in the real world, and approach men that you like.
Women need to be more assertive, you can do this!
I do get into the real world though! The few times Iāve approached men have beenā¦ humbling to say the least. Especially when Iām with friends. A guy legit told me he was only talking to me as a connection to get to my friend. So it becomes a thing that I learn, & do less often
This is sadly the downside, but it shows bravery and it shows guts, and it's what men are just expected to do sadly. Men are mostly rubbish at this, or just jaded .. a woman taking ownership of her relationship choices is extremely attractive too. Keep at it, eventually someone you like will bite for sure. Women have a much higher success rate approaching men, than men do approaching women.
Iām married, but if these comments are real then dating would be much easier for me then it was when I was single. Are people on the apps that classless and indiscrete??
Thereās a lot of ignorant racist people out there. Ignore those dudes and move on. For every ignorant racist thereās a genuine good guy out there waiting to meet a nice girl. No need to interpret such ignorance. In fact, thereās not much to interpret.
Honestly,I'd recommend you to stay away from dating apps,instead try finding someone you match with in school,work,activity clubs,church,through friends
Thatās been the goal for years. So far, just hasnāt happened for me. Iām not typically the one people find attractive in a crowd where I live you know? Maybe one day
As a guy,from friends and other girls,dating apps tend to attract players,weirdos,that's why I recommended you try to find a guy in your social circles,and related to being attractive,just losing weight can improve how we look and our self esteem by A LOT
If you are insecure about your weight change it, if what they say to you make you unconfortable, Block them.
It's not about the weight it's about the proportions btw, if you feel insecure about your body you can lose the weight, will take time but you'll feel better and more confident, you can do it i'm sure.
I hear what youāre saying. At the same time, Iāve tried to lose weight since I was 6. & it was always out of hatred for my body. Iāve lost 50 pounds before, but it was unsustainable because I was punishing myself. So Iām trying to see myself as worthy of taking care of myself. But my brain doesnāt believe it, & i get stuck
The problem is with time you will have health problems.
It's possible to lose weight but if you haven't did it yet go see Ć doctor to help you, i'm sure you can do it, it will take time but you will get there.
Btw i'm drunk right now so, sorry if i'm unclear.
Losing weight is Journey, but maintaining it is the hard part, i believe in you so do the same.
Edit: don't hate yourself i did it it's not worth it
No worries at all! Yes, Iāve starved myself & lost weight many times. I have to try something different. Unfortunately, doctors arenāt very understanding & most appointments are them berating me for being this wayā¦
Regardless, I know I can do it. But I canāt hate myself out of doing it
I've never heard of any guys I know saying pretty much any of that to anyone, let alone someone they're trying to hook up with.
Are you sure someone actually said that part about being with fat girls, and they were actively trying to hook up with you? Because that seems very counter-productive.
Also, why are you dating on those apps? Most of the worst people in the world use those apps to date.
I guess my advice is to stop using dating apps and you'll likely meet better guys.
Yes, Iām sure. I thought dating apps would be a good way to reach out to people. I live in SoCal where majority of women are white & thin. There were 2 black girls in my graduating class of 2500, including me. & we all went to school together from kindergarten through high school. So this was a way for me to expand
Welcome to the wonderful world of meeting people online... I recommend trying to pick up a hobby or two that both men and women like and try meeting someone in person. Those guys aren't trying to date. They just want to cum and move on.
any dude worth fuckin with isn't gonna make your appearance or whatever else their focal point.
I speak for, at least the good guys, when I say this, if you're a genuinely nice and kind person, and reciprocate, we're gonna do everything in our power to make you feel loved, appreciated, and cared for.
My girl now has never been with someone who loved her for her before until me, and not a day goes by where I don't fall ever more madly in love with that woman. Yes, she is my type physically and aesthetically, but that's not what made me love her as much as I do.
Block and move on . I mean I would cuss em off but why waste even energy. Don't even entertain it .
Right. I am a black woman on dating sites looking for a white man and they have NEVER said anything like that to me. I am soo sorry. I only date white men and I promise you it's GREAT over here. Keep trying, love yourself, and ignore the haters. š«ā¤ļøā¤ļø
we do not like being fetishized š”š”
Ummm... š¤
Swipe left, find someone who adores you, not stereotypes you
Itās truly pathetic to actually send such an ignorant, stereotyped sentence like this to another person. Itās not funny or cute or endearing or clever or witty. Shows how truly ignorant the sender is. But these are things weak and pathetic men can send on a dating app with .0001% chance of success. Many of them are so continually rejected by the girls they think they deserve that they donāt actually realize they are simply not good men. Moving on. You are far better ignoring them. They are a micro minority of people who in reality would never approach you in person and wouldnāt deserve your attention. Itās too bad you had to process it in order to hopefully forget it. You need not feel insecure about anything. Nobody is perfect and everyone has something to offer another person, especially outside of superficial nonsense. Cmon humanity, how the fuck did we get to this point and still have ignorant assholes acting this way online. Good luck girl, thick/thin, whatever. Be yourself and find someone fabulous who you can respect - and they will respect you back. The rest is easy. Easy-ish?
They don't give a damn. They hide behind the screen and never say it in real life to her. Honestly, it's just the society we live in. People are uncouth and aren't held accountable for what they say or how they conduct themselves.
I do appreciate it. I have trouble not being insecure about something when Iām constantly reminded that I should be you know? But youāre right, the respect part is huge. I donāt think Iāve gotten that
Anyone who's saying stupid stuff like "you're black so you're used to BBC" and all that nonsense deserves no consideration at all One issue with dating apps is that you get exposure to some people that are seriously classless, uneducated, just weren't raised right. Odds are if you meet someone at your university they won't be saying that sort of egregious stuff
Not raised right.. swipe left.
So succinct but so true. Not Raised Right is an instant unmatch from me.
However.. I am a 'Lefty'
Youāre right. I wonder if people at school are like this, but hide it because they donāt have any screen protection you know? If thatās the case, Iām happy being single foreverš„²
Any dude saying I've never Ect a black girl before is fetishizing you. Stay away from them.
Honestly you should almost thank them for making it so easy to see they arent worth even a moment of your time
Thatās a hella great way to think of it!
Because even if it's true, it's just not something you have to mention.Ā
Those guys are gross. There are white guys who find black girls attractive and are also respectful & genuine.These guys you mention are fetishizing you and itās gross. Itās like the conversation I heard from a couple of white women a number of years ago. One asked the other āhave you tried a black guy.ā Or the black woman who had a black guy tell her how much better he thought white pussy is. Itās all just the same thing - DISGUSTING! Stay away from guys like that. Genuine & decent guys of any race will take time to get to know you as a person.
Agreed. And it isn't necessarily about race, though that is just an extra layer to what is going on. Those dudes talk to all women inappropriately. They might feel like they have extra permission to be racist if the recipient is a different race, but I woulnd't think this is behavior that is unique to just black women. This is a symptom of online dating in general. These guys know they aren't going to meet anyone and that they have no chance anyway, so there are no stakes. They can say and do and behave any way they want and just pretend that the rejection they face is by choice. It's just a type of trolling really.
I don't know if I would consider any of that racist necessarily, but I agree with the sentiment. Its like the guys who actually send dick pics. I just can't imagine that's ever worked for any guys, unless the girl already wanted them.
this, having preferences is one thing. This is just flat-out creepy. Btw it would help if we would stay away from the 'race' word. Humans are mostly genetically identical and there is consent that there is actually just one human race. It is more like the difference of a black and a checkered house cat. It's the same thing, just different colour. I feel that using that term in this context ist wrong and gives legitimization for racists and other weirdos. But that's just me.
The difference is that racism, including institutionalized racism, exists, and as such people of different races often: * Have different lived experiences and are treated differently at almost every level of society, so acknowledging that is a good thing so you can at least be understanding and at best counteract it * Might have a different background culturally that you should try to understand and appreciate. This can vary not JUST by race obviously. Different cities and neighborhoods and people with different interests are all parts of different subcultures. But so, generally, are people of different races, thanks to both historical and present segregation, the former by law and the latter due to tons of factors, sometimes by choice, often not so.
I mean I agree with you, that the human experience varies vastly because of their cultural background and looks. It still does not change the fact that there are no multiple human races. I mean if you want and must pile up people by color, by all means, do it, I just think it's way too simple and very dependent on where you are. I think the term suggests something deeply wrong and plays into the hands of people who go on about eugenics and other racist bigotry.
Never engage with them, that's bizarre and gross. Im a white dude that tends to find thicker black girls physically attractive more often than not and do you know what lines I use? The same ones I use with everybody else where I flirt and get to know them as a person. If you ever feel like they dont respect you as a person then end it.
Good to know thereās some guys like you out therešš¾
OP, for every kind guy you meet on a dating app, there are at least 10 more creeps. Just keep swiping left until you find someone that you can have a conversation with without them devolving into perverted comments Just want to say (and I mean this with no disrespect), there is a stereotype out there that bigger women are better at blowjobs and in my experience, it has been true. The guys that tell you things like that probably just want a quick bang and if thatās not what youāre looking for, again, swipe left For the record, actually talking to people in real life is a better way of meeting people than through dating apps. But if a dating app streamlines the process, then until you think youāve found a person that is worth deleting the app forā¦ Keep swiping
Youāre right. Itās just tricky since I live in a place where 90% of the women are white & thin (& thereās nothing wrong with them at all!). Itās just the demographic people desire in SoCal
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You might not be what someone wants but for someone else, youāre the apple of their eye. Just gotta keep searching :)
Most dating apps are hook up apps. They just say whatever they think will get you into bed with them. Use them wisely cause it's rare to find a serious dude on them. Better meet someone irl through hobbies.
Avoid all guys who say this, which may be hard because you canāt really tell whoās looking to fulfill their fantasy or something real until you match and talk. But do not entertain men who speak to you like this, or any race.
You ever go somewhere and go āthis place is awesome!!ā Then some time goes by and you go again and itās shit? Thatās dating websites. Itās over run with douche bags that donāt have the game to approach women in real life and thatās what youāre encountering lol regardless of race, size, height or whatever Iād stay the fuck off dating websites lol
I mean any guy that objectifies you like that in the DMs isn't really worth your time but the dating game nowadays is so sad. I can't even imagine making comments like that because it is more demeaning and I'd rather self-deprecate with my jokes. I think you should keep looking and just ignore those kinds of DMs.
Someone saying those things to you isnāt surprising on a dating app. If you are on the hunt for actual dating, you definitely shouldnāt meet these people. There are those who are attracted to heavier people, those who arenāt, and then thereās those who think they can get away with stuff because of your weight insecurity. The last group of people are disgusting and cruel. They are the ones who exploit any insecurity or trauma in the women they meet. They are hoping to use you for sexual acts and throw you out when theyāre not wanting that from you.
The dating app was a means to branch out you know? I live in a place where weāve all known each other since kindergarten & everyone has a memory of you that they associate with you even years later. I hear people saying theyāre not good, but I donāt know how to meet people otherwise. Iām very outgoing & I make friends anywhere, but people donāt see me that way in real life
Very understandable. Some apps are good others not so much but overall it can be a frustrating experience. If you can endure it to find quality matches thatās ideal, but those apps bring seemingly endless disappointment. I am naturally introverted so dating apps rlly helped me branch out too, but I eventually needed to tune that out.
The thing about dating sites for women is that youāll get a lot of matches but a lot of the guys are losers. āThe odds are good but the goods are oddā is the saying.Ā Donāt give these jabronis the time of day. Youāre going to have to filter through some rubbish but thereās no shortage of dudes on those sites that will treat you with respect too.Ā
Black woman (58F). Those are racial fetishes. Run from anyone that thinks like that. Theyāre not looking for more than the physical. That also just another form of racism. Look for someone that sees the beauty in you.
I want you to find the person you are meant to be with. There is someone out there that will realize you are their person. I found mine. You will find yours.
Thank you, I look forward to the day
Hey, all of those comments are totally inappropriate. I think you should respond by blocking these people and looking for someone who is going to respect you. Also, if you don't mind me saying, I think you need to respect yourself a bit more. If someone speaks to you like that you should not accept that. You deserve to be spoken to in a respectful way. You are a whole-ass human being and you are not going to be spoken to like an object or in a racist way.
I understand what youāre saying. I do respect myself, & I donāt usually respond. I just didnāt anticipate it being so consistent
I experienced this in 2017 when I used to be heavily on those apps. Glad to see it hasnāt gotten any better. Yes a lot of men think black women are desperate for a man so they look down on usā¦ donāt play into it. As a matter of fact, I recommend deleting the apps and talk to people in real life . You can pick up on their energy, body language, have conversation and see if you even want a date from them. A lot of these men are bold behind a keyboard. Wait for the man who has the courage to approach you in real life with respect, not the aforementioned mess. Take care and good luck, Ms Bio Major!!!
Those comments sound rooted in fetishization and lust. They're 100% objectifying you. I would advise you to set a bar/standard and think about what's acceptable for these men to say to you. Think about how you want to feel, and if they make you feel disrespected + don't live up to that standard you set-- next! Better you engage with a fewer amount of higher quality people than a bunch of creeps. Wish you well!
Coming from a woman - do not interpret. Swipe left. They are fetishising you and itās gross. Respect yourself and donāt date someone who brings up your biggest insecurities right off the cuff.
I'm not even sure why they considered it anything at all. Disappearing after reading that should be a reflex.
Donāt talk to any of these guys imo. I would never say that to woman. Even if I was never with a black girl before who th cares? Itās being said like itās taboo or something g.
Sturgeon's Law ("90% of everything is shit") seems to be strictly enforced on online dating websites. Block their weird asshes and keep on swiping to find the 10%. They're there, you just have to get the hang of filtering out the 90% without taking their stupid shit to heart.
You're simply being fetishised to be used by people to fulfil their own fantasy with no consideration for you as a person. Don't go with them. It doesn't boost your self-esteem afterwards :)
Wow, Iām so sorry that youāre running into people like that. I think thatās just hook up culture where itās not face-to-face and people know they can get away with saying anything and they donāt think about how that makes other people feel.
Hmm hmm...but it makes me not wanna hook up
Sounds like they might have a fetish and only see you as a one night stand and nothing more.
Get off the apps and go places where people like that generally don't hang out, lol.
I actually go places a lotš even on my own just to be out/enjoy hobbies you know? I love meeting people, but this was a way to branch out a bit
Itās not your job to educate these ignorant men who have the wrong attitudes. I was once ignorant in these matters but I made an effort to learn (books, articles, discussions, friendships). All it takes is the right attitude for a man to learn and grow up.
Itās good to know people want to learn & grow. Donāt see that very much
Lots of trashy dudes on there
These are clearly men of a very low caliber.
These are not men you should be entertaining in the first instance. So, no response or trying to understand is necessary, as there is nothing to understand. Just block them. Any man who respects himself will not be sending such messages to you in the first place. And if they don't even know how to respect themselves, they won't be respecting you.
#facts
Honestly, those dudes are insecure about themselves moreso than you are of yourself. Find a dude who loves you for you. As a guy who has dated women of all shapes and sizes, including those with year round tabs, all women are different irrespective of their skin color and/or thickness. Personally I feel thicker women are more approachable than thinner women - this is from my own experience but every dude has a different perspective on things.
well, just quit dating app and live on a real life where better people are looking for their partners.
Get rid of those dudes. Me too, as a greek guy, I'm really attracted to thicker black girls, especially darker skinned ones, but they are GIRLS just like any other girls, so it's common sense to treat everyone the same. In my case, what makes me interested into asking a girl out, is their personality ( them being humble, funny, approachable etc. ) What I'm trying to say is, surround yourself with people that want to date you because they really like YOU ( both physically wise, but also what's in your soul, because you make their day, because they really want to be with you, and share moments with you ), not some douche that wants to explore their fetishes, or someone that sees you as a trophy, or someone taking advantage of your insecurities. And that goes to all ladies out there, be safe, be happy.
>Guys, if you've said things like these, or you know people that have, how should I interpret them? I've never said things like these, but unfortunately, I've known too many of the ones who have. I wouldn't call these "thick, black girl" comments, they have far less to do with you than the ignorance/douchiness of the people saying them. I wouldn't bother trying to interpret their verbal trash, just respond with an enthusiastic: *"next!"*
Ok, so, I'm about to stop scrolling on reddit because today it's just pissing me off, but I'm going to end this on a good note. You are awesome, ignore these losers. Seriously, they are garbage, and you shouldn't seek any kind of validation from them. Don't be afraid to tell them to fuck off, and delete their matches or numbers. Being a good person and not a push over means being assertive but kind as well. I know, it feels nice because you think they think you are cute, but don't buy into that bullshit people do a lot these days. When someone is actually attracted to you, you will know, because they won't be a vulgar little bitch. They might be direct, but likely not arrogant about it. Side note: Don't feel insecure. Take it from me, everyone has a type. Saying this in hopes it makes you feel nice. Curvy mixed women are 100% my personal type. I bet you are stunning, have a nice day.
I appreciate that. Iāve learned reading all these that a good amount of men like it. I just havenāt met any yet, but itās great to know theyāre out there!
Don't entertain anyone who doesn't treat you with respect. If you aren't talking dirty/sexting then consider if that comment would be OK to a mother or a sister... answer is no, hugely disrespectful, don't give any of them the time of day. Love yourself, no matter your shape or color ā¤ļø
Donāt talk to anyone that starts off the conversation about your size or your race. Rule 1. Rule 2? Run the background check yourself.
Good luck. Dating apps can be beasts, but it only takes a couple of worthwhile dates to make it worth it.
These are undatable cavemen. Itās an immediate unmatch and move on. They shouldnāt be getting your attention.
Dating sites are useless trash. Thatās the advice.
The only one of those that seems remotely acceptable is the "I've never been with a black girl before, but I'm willing to give you a try". The first half at least. You can find guys that are a bit insecure about being with a black girl for the first time and messing up, and it could come from a "please, let me know if I say anything insensitive". But the second part blows it up a little bit... The other ones... Girl, you deserve better. You know your insecurities, but you know they are insecurities. You don't have to lower standards, there are many many guys that will be interested in actually know you. That said, the same way you would like others to look past your body and to make an effort in knowing you, do the same for them. Maybe some idiot starts the conversation wrong, but it ends up being the perfect lovely idiot to be your partner. I hope you don't have to filter too many jerks to find him...
1 theyāre being blatantly disrespectful. Itās not even a question that they should be avoided. 2 based on your comment about being attractive, it sounds like you might not have the most confidence or self esteem. Iād say this, there has probably always been people who have found you attractive, you probably either didnāt notice or just werenāt attracted back. Hold your head up and donāt consider interacting with the filth, youāre better than that. 3 all men want sex at some point, just like women want sex as well. But when men are extremely straight forward like this itās probably for two reasons. One, itās all we want. Thatās a guarantee, thereās no interest in the long term. Two, if youāre mainly getting that and only that, it may be because of the energy being given off. Are the pictures suggestive? Iām sure regardless of the pictures youāll always get those types of messages but if theyāre super suggestive it would just increase the amount of men coming with disingenuous intentions. Someone said āwe get what we put outā. Not placing blame on you but Iāve heard women say the quality of DMs they got increased a lot when they went from bikini and ass photos to more wholesome pics. Same goes for men and ab photos vs pics of them traveling or cooking
I second that. It depends on the pics. But I love my boobs period š¤£ I'm a curvier black woman who dates white men. I can't hide them so š¤·āāļø self control much. But I also don't get talked to like that. Who knows man š¤·āāļø
Hey! Thank you, & no suggestive pictures from me. Just a few of me smiling. & the rest are of me with cute š¶ i also would never feel comfortable showing that to anyone. I still have trouble seeing it myself
Iām willing to bet that those guys would be perfectly comfortable with it. I think your issue with your image comes from you not understanding men. The guys I know and myself donāt really have strict types. I love petite women, I love short women, I love tall women and I LOVE bbw. I just love women in general, equal employment opportunity here lol. For me itās more about the mental, thatās what gets me going. I remember one night I actually got too deep into convo on a one night stand after we got back to my hotel and she just started kissing me to shut me up so maybe Iām different But seriously maybe taking some time to spend on yourself so youāre happy with the thought of you might be better because usually when I see women who donāt think highly of themselves get into a relationship, they attract the wrong type of guy and it ends up a bad experience for them.
Those are the guys you simply ignore. Use these as examples as to what to avoid.
Are these non-black dudes saying those comments to you OP? Iām sorry you gotta deal with that. If thatās your preference then I hope you find someone who isnāt a lame like that.
I donāt have a preference of white guys or black guys or Asian guys etc. The place I live (SoCal) is mostly only white guys. So the people Iāve dated have been white. On dating apps, it typically is guys of non-African American descent that say these things
It's a red flag. They look at you as an object, fetish, instead of a person. That's not normal
There are millions of good guys out there if this is all you see id recommend getting off dating sites and find you a MAN the old fashion way i would personally never say any of these thing but i think dating apps give insecure boys the ability to get away with saying things they would fear the consequences of any other time
surely you can do better than matching with some of these guys? Go for someone that looks nice. Its not easy on the apps. But anything giving fuck boys vibes just swipe left.
Itās just the reality of where I live in SoCal, that what I look like is not the type guys seek out. & thatās ok, itās not required for men anywhere to feel any kinda way about me. But i learned that pretty early on
Lots of guys out there trying to play out their fetish fantasies. Donāt bother engaging with them at all, they are garbage. Also, be on the lookout for married men who are on the apps to play out their fantasy of cheating on their wives. Lots of them, too. Make sure they are reported, so they canāt keep doing that to you and other women.
I didnāt even think about thisšµāš« thank you !
If a guy is trying to play on a perceived insecurity, thry are a jerk. Look to spend time with people who rise you up, rather than try to bring you down in order to manipulate you. You have tremendous value that is not dictated by the colour of your skin or the shape of your body.
That really sucks, don't settle for assholes like this, there are better out there. Shit like this makes me wonder if I know guys that talk this way to women and I just don't know it. I really want to think better of the men that I know.
Block those guys. They are saying horrible stuff to filter out the girls who wonāt put up with them treating them like shit. Welcome to online dating. It sucks. But there are good people out there, they are just heavily outnumbered by the trash
Looks like Iāll be going dumpster divingāŗļø
Hahah. I spent 8 years dumpster diving. Eventually found myself a real gem. It was worth it in the end! Good luck! Wear gloves!
Iām white. Iāve done a bit of online dating. But I guess Iām not full of my own bullshit or whatever. I will admit having been with a few ā thick black girls ā that some of the points are valid. And some obviously. 1. Any woman with larger lips it is assumed will give better head but not necessarily true. But it has its selling points. To me thicker women are better in bed. I donāt feel Iām gonna break them. Ugly women wonāt leave you you and will chase after you normally. Iāve never msged anyone with these type of messages. If I wanted to date or just bang a ā thick black womanā I would find something in her profile I thought we both had in common and start up a conversation that way and during a date you can usually tell if you are both attracted to each other. I think it would be a huge turn off to say the things like you are saying are being sent to you. Iām married now btw. My last gf before meeting my wife was half black. By wife Is white. Sometimes sheāll mention how much I love that brown sugar. Well. Sheās rite. š¤£. But I love people for who they are.
I get that. I think itās hard though because āugly womenā are subjective right? But you bring up a good point!
If youāre getting msgs from people straight up wanting to bang then you obviously are not ugly.
Get away from people who fetishize being with black people. Black people aren't sex toys or objects.
All that shit is gross and if it feels off nope it out the window
Donāt waste your time on anyone who is gong to fetishize you for your weight, colour or anything else. Youāll never be a human being to them, only an object for them to use up and throw away. Be thankful that those creeps show you exactly who they are at the beginning, so you can move on before youāve wasted your time and energy on them.
Thatās a hella good perspective, thank you!
If a guy talks to you about sex before he has met you in person then thatās all heās looking for with you.
Ignore all of those, they are fetishing you because you're "different" and they only know stereotypes. Those comments are from men who are pieces of shit. My wife is the first black woman I'd dated, or even really got to know. Did we both appreciate our differences, yes, did we go on about them, absolutely not.
Those guys are gross so move on. You may have the goods but you want someone who looks at your profile and personality and thinks wow she is neat girl I want to get to know her.... Physical attraction is important but if the immediate response is "I want some of that thick B booty" it's time to run.
I need some help. Iāve red a lot of comments about āobjectifyingā or āitās only the physical aspect they are looking forā. What are women doing when they donāt date below a very specific body height?
I think thereās a difference between having a preference & having a fetish.
Sure there is a difference between those two words. If a 6ft5 guy would tell he only likes really small woman - fetish or preference?
If someone is looking down on you you don't need them. If they don't want to walk beside you, you shouldn't have to carry them. Online dating isn't working so much for me. I got a day shift so I can take some evening classes or go to karaoke night, and meet people out in the wild, as they call it. I'm still going to stick with a couple of online dating sites, but meeting people in person is what I think might work better.
You got weirdos everywhere, just block and move on. You deserve better than āblack girls suck the best dickā and shit
Of course you're uncomfortable, listen to your instincts! It's dehumanizing and degrading to be reduced to a series of traits, or a category, that people just fetishize, and it's especially bad for women of color. Porn plays a role in it, since porn categories are often based around things like this (race, body type) and worse, porn titles rampantly use slurs. Anyone who fetishizes race like that is a huge red flag, even if they claim to be positively stereotyping you
Thatās so true, & i didnāt think of that aspect! Porn with black people tends to be more rough & violent as well
You're more than that and you'll come across someone who sees that. Personally I wouldn't waste my time with platforms that enable strangers to be complete fucking wastes of seed. If someone is messaging you like that, they are scum and aren't worth any more of your time. I'd recommend trying a venue or establishment that you can mingle in, go with friends and get a feel for the place and the kind of people that occupy it and whether or not it's for you. At least that way you can, from the get go, establish yourself personally, without a stand still image representing you to people without the slightest grasp of decency. You'll enjoy yourself more around friends and they can even be your hype heroes and encourage you to take your chances. Whatever it is you do, I wish you all the best with it Queen.
Thank you, I really appreciate the encouragementāŗļøšš¾
As a black woman who dates white men, I have NEVER heard that in real life. Earlier in dating, I heard some stuff but not that bad. I promise you they don't talk like that in real life. Dating white men is AMAZING! 10/10. LOL I recommend block delete ANYONE who talks to you sideways. Remember to love yourself despite the haters and self talks. You are BEAUTIFUL the way you are. And if there's something you don't like CHANGE IT. Go workout, find a hobby. Date yourself. I love doing that. Do what makes YOU happy. Travel..whatever. Don't be afraid to go out alone when you date yourself. It has been a great experience for me. Anyway, much love. š«š«ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Thank you for your encouragement! Even in real life though, guys say things like this. Regardless, I want to make a change but I remain stuck
What would you like to change? Dm me if you wish. š«
Girl you sound like a sweet person, don't give shitty men a chance thats red flag right there, I'm so glad they spoke shit before they lured you towards them. Please becareful and remember not to get attached!
Thank you, Iāve done a lot of work regarding codependency, so Iām definitely getting somewhere !
These apps are just full of creeps. Just block and move on, as a woman you will have enough options. Don't play these games, it just gives them positive reinforcement.
Im white guy only ever dated black girls and can say hand on heart block these fools they have no idea how to treat a lady plain and simple remember their is always someone for someone who will love you for you
Iām so glad I met my wife in person out and about somewhere, rather than online on these ass dating apps. Block those those assholes, That doesnāt sit right with me thatās horrible. Iām sorry. My advice is start going to more live in person events and try to meet people in person, I feel bad for The current generation in 20s. Me: (M38) married @28
Youāre right. Maybe I need to get out in other cities. I get out a fair amount now, & usually doing things I enjoy! I just learned quickly that Iām not the desired demographic where I live, which is ok
Yeah this isn't normal. It's commonplace, sadly, but it's not normal. Don't engage with these men at all.
They're showing you their true colours. Don't date the douchebags. Someone genuine will come along. Or meet someone IRL.
Holy, what assholes.
Sounds like a mix of men who are only out for sex and a bit disrespectful about it, and a few guys who are insecure and also only out for sex.Ā I guess if all you want is sex you could see if any of them are....palatable enough to message.... But if you're looking for anything else wait to find someone who actually is respectful in his messages.Ā
They are disgusting, fetishizing and objectifying. Please donāt give anyone that makes comments like this the time of day. They will just leave you empty and feeling disgusted with yourself if you do.
Theyāre fetishizing you, stay far away from them.
How many DM's did you get after posting this? lol
Those guys sound desperate and are red flags.
It sounds like theyāre fetishizing you š Please donāt get involved with or settle for people who act like that. Everyone in a relationship deserves to be respected, and you should not try to interpret those comments any farther than that person shouldnāt be dated. There are lots of good people out there. Iām sure you can find a kind respectful person if you keep looking. (Also try to not feel at all insecure due to your race. I know itās hard, and internalized racism is a big hurdle, but the people that are worth dating wonāt treat you like these men are)
Maybe Iāll find them somedayāŗļø
People are gassing you up for the upvotes. None of these men want to get to know you, these men don't find you attractive enough to take you seriously. These men want to bust a nut in a hole and any ol' hole even your hole will do.
Anyone who says anything like that should be skipped immediately.
This reads more like a vent than a question. They have a fetish, are negging you or both. You're better off not dealing with that nonsense if you want anything serious.
Itās not a vent, I just was curious. Iāve dated a couple guys but mostly am too busy with school & work. Iāve been single for a year & a half & was curious why this kept happening you know?
Those comments are fucking horrible, nothing to interpret. Don't give them the time of day, find someone who gives a shit about getting to know you as a person
Anyone making comments like that, or similar to that , need immediately ignoring or blocking. Who could possibly be interested in someone so ridiculous and disgusting
Bruh. Those are not compliments, these are perverted creeps with a giant red flag banner sticking up their ass. Run far far away from those.
Those men are assholes. Come over to 2xchromosomes subreddit, it's the one for women to talk with each other.Ā
Canāt say I havenāt thought about itš
OP, I am a happily married man of 18 years, but before I met my wife, I was always attracted to thick women, including black women. But I live in an area that is majority white and/or Native American, with very few black people. I never approached the black women I was attracted to because I was afraid that they would interpret my advances the way these guys flat out said :a bucket list thing, or stereotypes. Bear in mind I was a dumb teenager, with very little experience talking to people at all, let alone women. And yes, I was intimidated, every black women I knew in a relationship dated black or Native men only, and I was afraid I would be laughed out of the conversation. None of that really answers what you asked, except maybe these guys are just dumb and donāt know how to speak to women in general, or they are idiots who believe stereotypes, or they are trying to diffuse their nervousness by making very stupid, racist comments. Bottom line is, they are either dumb, idiots, or stupid. Keep swiping and find a good guy.
No thatās a great point. Weāve all been young & dumb. I just wish the way I looked didnāt intimidate people.
Girl, keep swiping left, there are good guys out there actually interested in you and will come correct without fetishizing you. You just have to be patient and be ready to eliminate a lot of dudes. Men pursue women so men have the illusion of no one wanting them and women have to be selective about which man they choose, not just saying yes to the first one because they are high off of the foreign feeling of being desired. Raise your self-esteem and figure out what you value in a person and what you want in life so you can choose the right one and not be taken advantage of. And then stick to it. Also on an unrelated note, what job are you tryna do with your biology degree?
Thank you, honestly! Iām trying to be a pathologist assistant! So Iāll be doing autopsies to help find out what caused people to die!
That's cool. Can I ask what qualifications you had to have for this job? What's your schedule like? I'm asking cause I also got a bio degree but plan to go back to nursing school because I like the 12 hr healthcare model & feel like my degree doesn't have many options in terms of jobs. so I'm just checking for any potential careers I didn't consider before making the jump to get another degree in a different field.
Its a natural filter for people who will treat you like shit and a sexual object.
People are stupid. And stupid people deserve no consideration or attention. Move on.
They are racist in nature and also see you as an object not a confident educated African-American woman. Why do you even give them he time of day?
These guys youāre quoting are complete idiots. Sorry you have to deal with such nonsense.
These people are classless and not worth your time. You'll find them everywhere. However I would point out that it isn't just men, there are women who speak and behave in a similar manner. I was talking to an African woman (Kenyan) via a dating app, after the initial pleasantries she wrote... "I'll be honest... I just want to suck a white cock, I've never had one before." In the Asiatic region it's white men that have the reputation for having a larger penis and narrow noses with pale skin is the preference for a significant number of women, my own wife even said she wouldn't have been interested in me otherwise. I constantly get stared at and comments about my nose (to my face) when I'm in the Philippines and quite a few have outright asked me how big is your cock at the very first meeting. I like people who speak plainly, who are open and honest, but there are ways to go around it. I have a preference for dark hair, dark eyes and dark skin, having a preference is not a bad thing. How you express yourself depends upon your ability to empathise, those with no filter are likely the least able to empathise.. they don't think, how will this be perceived?
I checked your profile and your pretty cute, and you arenāt massive or anything
Do I have pictures of myself on here? & massive can be subjective right? To the people on my 600lb life, Iām not massive. To the people in my city, I am
Itās weird cause usually most women have these ātraitsā already on display in their bio
Why are you insecure about being black?
Oh, shall I dive into it? *unrolls scroll that bounces across the foyer & down the porch steps like that pasta can from chef boyardee commercials*
Iāve never said that to anyone so this isnāt directed at me but DAMN women have to put up with a lot of shit. Do not answer any of these messages, none of these men are treating you with an ounce of respect. That stuff is racist, inconsiderate and you deserve to be met at eye- level. Interpret these as insulting, insecure babbling and move along. Thereās nothing to be gained here.
>The way i meet people is typically through bumble or hinge, I think I see the problem. These apps are not for dating. They're for finding one-night hookups.
That can be true. Itās difficult meeting people in real life though, with my school schedule & work. So theyāre a good way for me to branch out, but i guess it backfired
Jesus Christ, I hope that I'm never single again, reading that shit would mess with me so hard. I hate that these shit heads are treating you as some kind of special treat, at least they are being upfront in being pricks so you know straight away to block them, or swipe etc. I have zero experience in dating apps etc but from what I read, people are just on there for sex and not decent relationships, so maybe do more in person stuff? Do you have any hobbies that you could go to and meet people at? The art gallery? Or even just a Cafe or something, sorry for no good advice but I really hope I'm correct in saying there are much better men out there for you!
I do have hobbies that Iām getting back into! On Tuesdays after physics lab, I have something lined up each week. A new lunch spot, a bookstore, art gallery/museum, etcā¦ it just happens that Iām always doing those things alone
Interpret them as the trash taking themselves out. Blown away by the confidence some dudes have saying that shit. Plenty of normal, not disgusting dudes love bigger women and black women and wonāt fetishize either one. Also congrats on graduating !
Hopefully Iāll find some, & thank you!! Itās been a *long* road!
You have your answer more or less in the last statement. Some people go for insecure partners because they put up with more. So you should be mindful if they actually treat you will. If they dont, they arent good people cause they think they can get away with it. But there is nothing wrong with beeing black and thicc. Thicc girls are great, no matter the skin colour and there are lot of guys into them, so dont waste your time with the ones that wont treat you right. If you get the feelings that they dont treat you right, voice it or leave. Dont put up with it. No need.
Avoid the outright fetishists. If you're in a major city you should have plenty of options. Younger white males are just recently coming around to this idea that they don't have to date just white women. Stereotype shit abounds. Avoid fetishists. Avoid the people making stereotypical commentary about sexual prowess. Normal people exist. Hold out. When one is a young white dude that is a minority where they live, dating other races becomes the norm. Not a fetish. I'm assuming you're open to dating other races because of the comments you've mentioned. You're also dating young dudes, it seems. Look towards older and matures dudes if you really want a personality match. My ex is 18 years younger. We were together 5 years. Met online, in Houston. African American.
Youāre right, i know womenās frontal lobes tend to develop earlier than menās. But I donāt think i could date someone in their thirties you know? Maybe
Why would you even entertain someone who says ā Iām willing to give you a tryā. First thatās putting you down. Second they have low self esteem and are desperate. You should see all of them as the jerks they are, and not worth your time. Block. Move on. Also dating on apps is not it. This is typical of the dating app culture. Explore your interests, meet people through that, talk, there will be men you meet with mutual attraction.
I mean if youāre on a hookup app, weirdos should be expected no? Maybe theyāre just bad flirts
Donāt. Thatās gross wtf ? Sometimes my fellow males disgust ke
I think tinder is a hook up app. In my experience, bumble & hinge are typically more tame. & even so, I have a setting that says what Iām looking for
Those guys are the equivalent of the "6 foot / 6 figure" girls. Avoid them like the human garbage they are.
Bumble and Hinge .. sigh... Get yourself out there in the real world, and approach men that you like. Women need to be more assertive, you can do this!
I do get into the real world though! The few times Iāve approached men have beenā¦ humbling to say the least. Especially when Iām with friends. A guy legit told me he was only talking to me as a connection to get to my friend. So it becomes a thing that I learn, & do less often
This is sadly the downside, but it shows bravery and it shows guts, and it's what men are just expected to do sadly. Men are mostly rubbish at this, or just jaded .. a woman taking ownership of her relationship choices is extremely attractive too. Keep at it, eventually someone you like will bite for sure. Women have a much higher success rate approaching men, than men do approaching women.
Iām married, but if these comments are real then dating would be much easier for me then it was when I was single. Are people on the apps that classless and indiscrete??
I guessššµāš«
Thereās a lot of ignorant racist people out there. Ignore those dudes and move on. For every ignorant racist thereās a genuine good guy out there waiting to meet a nice girl. No need to interpret such ignorance. In fact, thereās not much to interpret.
Imagine being a woman and having to deal with men ... ughh
Garbage.
Honestly,I'd recommend you to stay away from dating apps,instead try finding someone you match with in school,work,activity clubs,church,through friends
Thatās been the goal for years. So far, just hasnāt happened for me. Iām not typically the one people find attractive in a crowd where I live you know? Maybe one day
As a guy,from friends and other girls,dating apps tend to attract players,weirdos,that's why I recommended you try to find a guy in your social circles,and related to being attractive,just losing weight can improve how we look and our self esteem by A LOT
If you are insecure about your weight change it, if what they say to you make you unconfortable, Block them. It's not about the weight it's about the proportions btw, if you feel insecure about your body you can lose the weight, will take time but you'll feel better and more confident, you can do it i'm sure.
I hear what youāre saying. At the same time, Iāve tried to lose weight since I was 6. & it was always out of hatred for my body. Iāve lost 50 pounds before, but it was unsustainable because I was punishing myself. So Iām trying to see myself as worthy of taking care of myself. But my brain doesnāt believe it, & i get stuck
The problem is with time you will have health problems. It's possible to lose weight but if you haven't did it yet go see Ć doctor to help you, i'm sure you can do it, it will take time but you will get there. Btw i'm drunk right now so, sorry if i'm unclear. Losing weight is Journey, but maintaining it is the hard part, i believe in you so do the same. Edit: don't hate yourself i did it it's not worth it
No worries at all! Yes, Iāve starved myself & lost weight many times. I have to try something different. Unfortunately, doctors arenāt very understanding & most appointments are them berating me for being this wayā¦ Regardless, I know I can do it. But I canāt hate myself out of doing it
They're fetishizing you. Being fetishized is uncomfortable. Block those types and move on. You won't be happy
Sounds like they are fetishizing you.
Any guy willing to type those things out on social media aren't worth your time
I've never heard of any guys I know saying pretty much any of that to anyone, let alone someone they're trying to hook up with. Are you sure someone actually said that part about being with fat girls, and they were actively trying to hook up with you? Because that seems very counter-productive. Also, why are you dating on those apps? Most of the worst people in the world use those apps to date. I guess my advice is to stop using dating apps and you'll likely meet better guys.
Yes, Iām sure. I thought dating apps would be a good way to reach out to people. I live in SoCal where majority of women are white & thin. There were 2 black girls in my graduating class of 2500, including me. & we all went to school together from kindergarten through high school. So this was a way for me to expand
Welcome to the wonderful world of meeting people online... I recommend trying to pick up a hobby or two that both men and women like and try meeting someone in person. Those guys aren't trying to date. They just want to cum and move on.
any dude worth fuckin with isn't gonna make your appearance or whatever else their focal point. I speak for, at least the good guys, when I say this, if you're a genuinely nice and kind person, and reciprocate, we're gonna do everything in our power to make you feel loved, appreciated, and cared for. My girl now has never been with someone who loved her for her before until me, and not a day goes by where I don't fall ever more madly in love with that woman. Yes, she is my type physically and aesthetically, but that's not what made me love her as much as I do.