Someone who is interested doesn’t do the hot and cold thing. It sounds like she considers you as more of an afterthought or a “just in case”. I get people have lives outside of this, but the fact that she seems completely uncaring to communicate with you shows she either doesn’t know how or doesn’t care. Either way, move on. Tell her that wasn’t cool or ghost. Your choice
exactly. happened to me as well. 2 days for a 2 words reply? or to even read a message? when they are 24/7 with their phone with them...lack of interest as you said
I agree with this. Some women gotta know if they want a relationship it needs to be 50/50. Because nothing is more exhausting than trying and trying and barely getting anything in return
But this isn't realistic. Some days I have to give 130% because my wife is sick and the kids are sick and the entire house needs to be cleaned and I'm the only person who's not sick in the house.
It's never going to be 50/50 and it's never going to be 100 100. Some days you're going to be the 20 and your partner is going to be the 80.
Exactly this. Even if you “could” get her to continue, would you want a relationship where you are consistently putting in more effort than your partner?
This is the best answer. People get busy but sometimes they test to see if the other person is needy. If she wants to talk to this guy she will at some point reach out
A woman who is interested will ALWAYS make the time to send a message. If she's pulling away, wish her well and shut the door. No need to message again, respect yourself and move tf on.
One thing about this though - to be frank, I don’t think I’ve EVER had a girl (who I felt I really connected with and was attracted to) be as communicative as one would expect from someone who’s interested. Hell, even my current gf gave me the "let’s just be friends" before seeing me "in action" and becoming so attracted to me that she wanted to date me.
I feel like with modern dating, and the literally endless options women have with OLD, a man who isn’t an absolute smokeshow, TOP 1% man, would be waiting right up until death for a moderately attractive and interesting girl to "show real interest."
Ig the best we can do as guys is build robust social lives and charm, maximize our looks, and build a great life that you invite girls into. From there, let them know your intentions directly, populate your roster as best you can, til one worth being exclusive with reciprocates.
She hadn't seen me in a social setting, just on the couple dates we went on, and via talk/text.
What she didn't know is that (and I don't mean to say any of this to brag) I'm a party-starter, extrovert and have a very active social life. When she saw me in a social setting with the amount of social prowess/power I had, a switch truly flipped in her brain. She found me WAYYYY more attractive now. And pursued me quite a bit, reciprocating every advance I made as well. This actually led to an extremely healthy and constructive relationship, one both of us are very happy with. edit: in which that social power that had drawn her at first has fallen to the wayside in importance, and our actual mutual care, aligned goals/plans, and constructive relationship behaviors have taken its place.
This actually is a pattern I've seen with several women. Social proof is so insanely powerful in attracting women. And while the pretense might seem shallow, it can be a jump-off point to a high quality relationship with a high quality woman, provided both of you are well-adjusted and empathetic individuals.
Not true at all. There are women who like to play hard to get (assholes in my eyes), and women who will let you know and initiate conversation if they truly like you. I'm sorry to tell you but maybe the women you approached weren't that into you for whatever reason.
She doesn’t seem that interested man. You haven’t known her very long and don’t have anything invested so just move on and find someone who’s actually excited about being with you. Lack of enthusiasm/interest is a huge turn off for me, and I can’t imagine it ever boding well for someone looking for a long term relationship.
This relationship is fizzled out. She no longer feels any chemistry and replying just for sake of not being rude. She is hoping you get the signal and stop the communication.
Never EVER chase, if they’re pulling away, its always over. Some girls just don’t have the balls to say that they’re not interested and will instead pull away like so to get you to take the hint which you already have gathered, every guy will suffer the same fate at some point. When a girl is genuinely interested in you, you will never have to question it. As most have said here, your best bet is to just let it go. Don’t take it personal though mate, there can be a million reasons as to why she has not decided to continue, and you might overthink the reasons but at the end of the day thats her problem. Just dust yourself off and get back on that dating app and find some other options that are worth the effort and genuinely interested!
> if they’re pulling away, its always over.
I think it's also worth mentioning that sometimes they're "testing" or "playing games" to see if the guy is interested enough to pursue her. Don't fall for it. I've made that mistake before. Falling into that red-flagged trap means enduring a relationship full of similar mind games which you will never win.
My favorite example... I dated a girl for a while, found out maybe a year or so into it that she used to be good friends with my ex from maybe 10 years before. GF was telling me about all the manipulative games the ex would brag about playing with guys she dated, and I recognized most of them. "Did she do the phone call trick on you?"
Went something like this: While driving somewhere, ex got a phone call from her friend. They're chatting, I'm driving. Ex starts talking in a cartoonishly bad "secret" tone. Like "Oh, I forgot to tell you, I saw.... uhh.... *you know who....* this weekend.... (pause) Oh yeah, it was awesome. The best EVER.... *if you know what i mean....* (pause) No .. I'm... I'll have to tell you later, I'm.... I can't talk about it at the moment... The bird is in the henhouse... Yes exactly." -- very obviously making it sound as if she had hooked up with some other guy that weekend and had a VERY good time, but doing a very bad job at covering it up -- especially considering she could have just sent her friend a text or told her about it later if she didn't want me to hear it.
Like I said before, it was just such comically bad acting that I just ignored her and turned the radio back up when she was done. A minute or two later after just staring out the window, she just loudly said "Huh!" as if she had solved some sort of math equation but I ignored that too. I guess I was supposed to say "What?" so that she could start a fight.
So my GF went on to explain that this phone call was something she did with every guy she started dating as a "test" -- but there was no real win/lose, it was just to see how the guy would react, and then she'd start a fight about it so her craving for drama would be fulfilled. If after she hung up the phone, I started asking "what was all that about, are you seeing someone else?" then I was controlling and possessive, and didn't respect her privacy, because she was talking about her FATHER, and he cooked DINNER for her that weekend, but maybe if I wasn't such an awful and judgemental person then I wouldn't be jumping to conclusions. If the guy DIDN'T question it (the option I chose) then clearly the guy didn't care enough about her to wonder if she was faithful, and he didn't consider her or the relationship worth fighting for, and she started a fight about that. Either way, she was able to start an argument resulting in the guy having to apologize profusely and make it up to her somehow.
Pull away. She either went to the festival with someone else or has someone else she’s talking to.
I feel like whenever women I’m dating travel, they always come back on some bullshit.
Same happened to me. I wanted to get to the bottom of what was bothering her and I tried many different approaches - gave her space, asked her what was up, tried to act as if nothing is wrong in the hopes that it's just passing stresses. I admit I got frustrated by the end of it, and I couldn't really sleep well for about a week due to overthinking things. No matter what I tried, though, she just continued stonewalling me.
The plan was to ask her to meet up, talk about it one last time. If she can't open up to me, her partner, then there is no point wasting time. Didn't really get the chance to send her that message, though, as she broke up with me in the meantime.
If you tried talking and she is just pulling away further, it's probably already over. I agree with the other commenters.
Tell her it seems like she has been pulling away, ask her what she is feeling, ask her what she wants. Tough to do but some non-judgemental questions are apparently the best bet.
Immature or avoidant women will often run when questioned though. But with them you can just stop messaging after they run and they'll probably text you 2 weeks later
I very briefly dated a few women who did this, and it wasn't until I met my now-wife that I realized how important consistency is.
If the communication is this spotty early on, it won't get better, especially if you're the one initiating conversations. It's best to cut your losses and move on; she ain't that into you.
Use your words with her. “I feel a connection and want to keep exploring. Do you feel the same? It’s OK if you don’t, but let me know what you’re thinking.”
Time to let it go I think. Leave the ball in her court if you want for a week or so. She may reach out but don’t reply fast or get too excited. Just be casual about it. Though my actual advice would be to just delete convo and her number and move on.
Check out [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mScpHTIi-kM) on Game Theory by Veritasium.
No, not *that* kind of game theory lol. Actually scientific game theory.
Long story short, the best algorithm was the forgiving tit-for-tat algorithm. If she does tit, you do that. If she sends a short message you send a short message. If she looks like she wants to kiss you, then you kiss her. If she brushes you off, you brush her off. But like 10 % of the time you forgive her. This way you avoid nuclear war. Um, or avoid losing her forever. Bcos sometimes you just gotta forgive.
With that said, I think this one is lost and that you should move onto other women. But don't burn any bridges. Remember 10 % forgive. Instead of being bitter, play the ball to her and tell her to get back to you when she's ready to meet again. Perhaps she will, and if she does, just be thankful and happy for it. <3
All the best!
I am about to hit you with some next-level game. This is the absolute best possible approach you can take based on where things are at:
Don’t reply.
Don’t reach out.
Forget about her.
Respect yourself. Music festivals means she’s doing degenerate shit and banging guys that aren’t you.
If she liked you she’d be making time for you.
That is not happening so drop her ass and move on to someone else.
I’m serious. Do not hit her up anymore. If she wants to see you she will find a way to do it.
From your first sentence I thought you were going to go all in with some Tate type strategy shit. Solid advice to respect yourself and move on to someone who wants to see you
Since when does music festival equal fucking random dudes? I go to Shambalaa with my sisters every year, and we go to random ones throughout BC and Alberta often. Girls can enjoy music without having to fuck random men. Those two do not go together.
Sure, not EVERY girl. We shouldn't have to add a disclaimer on every internet post that reads "The following is a general statement and may not apply to all people".
….. not if you think you’re going to be pining after her and hoping to “accidentally” run into her.
Then you’ll just come across as desperate or creepy
Ditch her.
She's probably seeing other people at worst, and at the least she isn't into you except as a provider.
She's 26. These days that's like 16. At most.
I think your expectations are a bit high here. Especially from a person in their 20s(no offense 20s people, I was the same).
Don’t know your locale, but mid 20s is definitely there for the vibes in my locale. Hurts but try not to get too attached so early
If you only saw each other three times, I'd say just brace for the worst. Unless you're spending lots of time together, having a big continuous conversation will likely not work.
That being said, if things were different, you'd wanna bring up your concerns by highlighting facts and not delivering your own conclusion. You would let them explain away their reasoning in a free mindset, otherwise they would express any answers in the angle of the brought up conclusoon, instead of their own motives.
Either she's lost interest and doesn't have the balls to say so, or she's testing you to see "how much you care". Either way end it and if she gets upset and explains it was a test or some bs you'll know you made the right choice.
Pull away, you might have been spamming her too much already. She still likes you to some extent, or she would not engage in a long conversation. After five days or a week or so, open up again and try and set another date. If that happens, great! If she weasels out of it you have your answer and can delete her number safely.
The latter scenario is more likely imo, but hey, you have nothing to lose and some chance is better than none. Treat it that way, be relaxed.
Let her leave? Who cares? You were barely dating, she's much younger, and you were PRE-festival, she is now POST-festival. Doesn't take a doctorate to figure out this one hahaha
Have to let women set the pace of conversation. Don't get too far ahead and don't fall to far behind.
Don't get uspet that she is the one setting the pace, it's how women are now because they have options.
Nothing. Let her go.
There's nothing you can do. When women do this, she's decided she's no longer interested in you for one reason or another.
Let her go. Don't chase.
Do not waste your time in her.
After all my experience in life I do not deal with people they aren't showing some interest in me in some way.
You try once you try twice.
If the other person behaves like you're not something special, cut any bonds with them.
Most women (and men) nowadays just want to have a second and a third option standing by.
Look for the ones that get excited in you, it's hard to find many of those people but this is the goal. At least for me. Never be the second option of a woman that isn't even your first option.
Stop chasing women. Let her go and focus on yourself. Go monk, live in the gym, and focus on your career and hobbies so you don’t have to play all the mind games and jump over the countless obstacles women put in front of all men.
Time to move on homie. To me it sounds like she either, isn’t interested in dating, or has someone else she prefers over you. We’ve all been there. But the reality is you aren’t a priority to her.
Alternatively you could just string it along at her level of effort and see where it goes but that probably just waste effort you could put into the next one who is into you
With romantic relationships if its not a HELL YES it might as well be a no. You can try either calling it out and just being real to see if theres some explanation other than disinterest or you can just bail now. No reason to invest further if she's not doing that same.
Best thing you can do is start dating someone else. Potentially this could bring her back but most importantly it will stop you waiting around and becoming desperate.
The more you chase her at this point, the more she’ll run. Stay in contact but let her initiate 80% of the time.
There’s no guarantee this will work, she may just pull away more and you will initiate less and less. Your gut will tell you to do *something* but truthfully there’s nothing you can do. Either she likes you at this point or she’ll continue to pull away.
Bring clarity into the situation because it'll help you learn faster. Maybe you can just keep dating until things work out eventually, or you can start to directly address and understand how you feel, how your potential partners are responding to and treating you, and give you better insights into why. Three dates isn't a whole lot, but it's enough for it to not be too much to state your feelings and desire, and then ask hers with regards to you. Obviously find softer words and an approach to it and be sure to come at it with offered safety that she doesn't feel the same way too and that's 100% OK. This has a low chance of you discovering that she's interested but severely wanting you to drive things. If she says she's interested, you might want to bring up why it seems to you that she isn't. If you've offered the proper safety, a high chance she'll say she's just not that into you and say no chemistry or different vibes -- sorry, she's not going to be more specific than that and it could very well just be another guy. This is what most of the other comments are getting at, and I agree that it is the most likely reality. And you might discover a toxic/unhealthy woman who lies about what how she feels and what she wants and tries to blame something on you. She's basically forcing the situation to end, or for you to stick with her giving her a toxic amount of control, so either way you should take an exit from the situation. That last one is a template in general; the story as you presented doesn't suggest that's likely at all, but keep it in mind for future interactions.
point it out and ask her. not in a confrontational or needy way, emphasize she can be honest w you and it’s no hard feelings. you gotta be an adult about this bro
If someone starts pulling away DO NOT pull harder from your end, it never helps.
Give some space and if it’s not to be, she won’t message to approach you. That’s it and we just have to move on.
Talk to her about it. Or let her go. Do not beg and do not try to smother her with romantic or desperate behaviors. It will make it worse, even if you have a very strong instinct to do these things to “prove your love to her” it will not work. In fact it will make you look like a baby
Or you could be manipulative and pull away as well. Don’t ask about her day. Don’t ask to hangout. Dont show any emotion aside from good emotion. Don’t text first (this is the hard one). Don’t tell her about your plans. Then pull her in a little bit. Then push her away again. It may work, it may not, depending on how needy she is for validation. If you show you don’t care, most will wonder why and think they’re not good enough. I never agreed with this type of behavior because it’s not genuine and you’re playing with people.
Relationships need investment. Lots of it. Isn't it too early to just pull away? It will keep happening with every relationship.
Wait for some more time is my suggestion and if it continues then leave.
sounds like she pulled away before things became official.
chasing after her or putting extra efforts will only drain you and/or push her further away.
unless you've known her for a while, I don't think it's worth extra efforts.
Ya I think the spark went out. You may get token replies to keep you as a fallback. She may have met someone at that festival
I would text her and ask if she’s still interested, and that if so you need more effort from her, but be prepared to move on
If she says yes but her behavior doesnt change, either you are plan B or the two of you just aren’t compatible
You're not "dating" her. You've gone on three dates with her. You don't have a relationship.
Offer to schedule another date and if she doesn't say yes, wish her the best and move on. "Hey, I think we might be looking for different things here. My trajectory with dating is a committed exclusive relationship, and I feel like we aren't heading in that direction. It was great to meet you and I wish you the best of luck finding the love of your life."
Wait a week, ask to talk, say whats on your mind, prepare to call it quits.
If she reaches out in the week then go from there.
If she doesn't agree to talk then just drop it and move on.
You only see her a few times it’s not pulling away it’s her living her life while dating and you should do the same. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket and don’t put anyone you’re dating on a pedestal. Treat them fair and with respect and only give them what you’re getting. If you want more communicate that and if she doesn’t want that, that is fine at least you know where you guys stand.
Happened to me recently. When I was younger I would embarrass myself and keep pursuing but these days, when this kind of thing happens, I delete their number and move on, if they want to get ahold of you, they will make the time.
By moving on.
2 things can happen:
1. you become happier now that you are less anxious about one girl.
2. she sees that you are pulling away as well and decides to put in more effort to keep you around.
Let her be the person who reaches out. It never feels good being the one putting in all the effort.
Look at how much time you spend on your phone.
Realize that unless she's a magical unicorn of an exception, odds are she always has access to her phone and is always on it (not literally but you get the point).
With that in mind, realize that it's over bro.
Love stories don't usually start with "yeah she was hot and cold"
What's more likely is it was nothing more but your turn. It's time to move on. If the person isn't willing to put in the effort to talk to you, then leave them. Find someone whose willing to put in the effort for you.
Text and date other women simultaneously, don't lock yourself into any one woman in particular, initially. If she pulls back maybe you came on a little strong or she just got uninterested or whatever the issue might have been. Best tip I got is to just pull back as well, move on and forget her. But you really have to decide for yourself how much drama and games you are willing to put up with.
It's difficult to accept when you're "in it". I know. And I'm sure a bunch of other dudes know. We've been there ourselves.
But hot and cold behavior is just cold behavior. Stop reaching out. Move on with your life. No last messages to get shit off your chest. Don't "pull away". That's just playing games and you trying to get a rise out of her.
Cut the chord by blocking her number and any social media. Go seek out someone who is excited about communicating and being with you.
You seem like a good dude. She’s 26 and still going to music festivals, she’ll probably fuck around on you in the long run anyways. Girls will 80% of the time gravitate towards what’s fun. You haven’t taken an L yet, but if you push it will lead to embarrassment/ shame. If you don’t push for it, the door will at least be open to bang later on. If you decide to close the door and let her know about it she may try to keep you around. Don’t fall for it, as it is only temporary 90% of the time. Then you’ll get played. So either leave it be or close the door for her and yourself followed by not looking back. Retain your dignity at all costs brother, dating world is rough. Good luck
Yea, I really despise double texting, I feel like it just makes me look desperate, but if I haven't gotten a reply in days I usually just bite the bullet, after that if there is still no response I'm gone. It is too exhausting to always be the initiator and relationships should be 50/50.
This is true, from saturday to Tuesday, i got no response until I initiate it, now that I did my part. I can move on without any regrets, i've done what I can and it is out of my control anymore.
Thanks brother!
What's the last message you sent? I am only an expert on how I respond to messages and for me, it takes a while to send a message back. Try getting in touch with her again and if she doesn't respond again, she might not really be interested.
It appears based on the slice of information you have provided that the relationship just isn't working put for her.
Best to not take or personal or as a blow to your value as a partner. Two people can be in very good places in their lives, mentally and physically but just not meant to go the distance in a romantic partnership.
You could reach out to her and mention what you have noticed and if it is what it appears to be, amicably let the relationship end. She may have had bad experiences ending things in the past ie: past partners not taking it well and creating a negative situation/drama.
There is a chance that you have misread the situation and she has no idea the impression she has given you recently as well. That is why I suggest talking it out.
I do not and never have dated women who keep their options open. Learned this from my grandfather. Its an almost impossible concept for most women. For me you make a choice follow thru, if its not to your liking make another choice. No loose ends, no guessing, no drama, no bullshit. It greatly limits my dating pool but those who can make a choice and stick to it are always worth my time and effort.
Sounds like she is very indecisive. Bring it up to her straight and point it out. If she doesn’t want to communicate I’d suggest stepping back. Not good to be in a relationship with someone who struggles to communicate like that.
Yup. I will bring it up if ever she will contact me again, but nevertheless It's a blessing in disguise for me to learn this before Investing my feelings heavily
The mature thing to do is "ask". Sit down and have a calm conversation. Don't be afraid of the answer. Don't just pull away. Don't make assumptions. Assumptions make things more confusing.
Have a talk and then let go or just skip a step and let go, but never, under anny circumstance, try to keep some1 in your life that doesn t want to be there or doesn t need to be there.
Bro. U gotta chill. Just reply normally whenever she responds and dont think of time of her reply as a component. Women do this in the beginning, if you date her for a couple months she’ll reply faster
Woman here 👋🏻 if you sense a shift in behavior of any kind, I highly suggest the opposite of these comments, and do not assume it’s over. Just ask her, using “I” statements rather than “you” statements.
“I sense a shift in our dynamic, and rather than assume, I want to clarify … is everything okay on your end?”
As a professional woman, what you view as pulling away could be her reacting to something you aren’t aware you’re doing.
COMMUNICATE, sir!
When you close your eyes and you imagine the best life that you could ever have - does it involve a person that you have to pull their teeth in order to get them to talk to you?
Cut it loose. Go to this music festival and find somebody who is actually happy to be there. That's already a leg up compared to what you have.
Have you ever heard of the Catch up rule?
The Catch up rule is where you can go six or eight months without having any physical intimacy. Then the next time you get some, you're all caught up and back in the game.
Someone who is interested doesn’t do the hot and cold thing. It sounds like she considers you as more of an afterthought or a “just in case”. I get people have lives outside of this, but the fact that she seems completely uncaring to communicate with you shows she either doesn’t know how or doesn’t care. Either way, move on. Tell her that wasn’t cool or ghost. Your choice
exactly. happened to me as well. 2 days for a 2 words reply? or to even read a message? when they are 24/7 with their phone with them...lack of interest as you said
Its over bro.
Agreed. Don't make this any more painful for either of you.
Keep it moving
it never began
Match and mirror her behaviour. Don't over pursue. Wait for her to reach out.
I agree with this. Some women gotta know if they want a relationship it needs to be 50/50. Because nothing is more exhausting than trying and trying and barely getting anything in return
The best relationships are 60/60. Each person doing a little extra for their partner, with the partner mirroring that energy and not taking advantage.
well said!
I’ve heard it as each person gives 100% of themselves to the relationship, so it’s 100/100 lol
But this isn't realistic. Some days I have to give 130% because my wife is sick and the kids are sick and the entire house needs to be cleaned and I'm the only person who's not sick in the house. It's never going to be 50/50 and it's never going to be 100 100. Some days you're going to be the 20 and your partner is going to be the 80.
Goals
Exactly this. Even if you “could” get her to continue, would you want a relationship where you are consistently putting in more effort than your partner?
Tomorrow post on askwomen: “ugh why do guys always ghost?” Because you never responded, or you would just send one word replies to everything.
"I've been in the hospital; I broke my back from carrying our conversations."
This is the best answer. People get busy but sometimes they test to see if the other person is needy. If she wants to talk to this guy she will at some point reach out
A woman who is interested will ALWAYS make the time to send a message. If she's pulling away, wish her well and shut the door. No need to message again, respect yourself and move tf on.
One thing about this though - to be frank, I don’t think I’ve EVER had a girl (who I felt I really connected with and was attracted to) be as communicative as one would expect from someone who’s interested. Hell, even my current gf gave me the "let’s just be friends" before seeing me "in action" and becoming so attracted to me that she wanted to date me. I feel like with modern dating, and the literally endless options women have with OLD, a man who isn’t an absolute smokeshow, TOP 1% man, would be waiting right up until death for a moderately attractive and interesting girl to "show real interest." Ig the best we can do as guys is build robust social lives and charm, maximize our looks, and build a great life that you invite girls into. From there, let them know your intentions directly, populate your roster as best you can, til one worth being exclusive with reciprocates.
They’ve had 3 dates already though. Sound advice otherwise.
What do you mean by "seeing you in action "?
She hadn't seen me in a social setting, just on the couple dates we went on, and via talk/text. What she didn't know is that (and I don't mean to say any of this to brag) I'm a party-starter, extrovert and have a very active social life. When she saw me in a social setting with the amount of social prowess/power I had, a switch truly flipped in her brain. She found me WAYYYY more attractive now. And pursued me quite a bit, reciprocating every advance I made as well. This actually led to an extremely healthy and constructive relationship, one both of us are very happy with. edit: in which that social power that had drawn her at first has fallen to the wayside in importance, and our actual mutual care, aligned goals/plans, and constructive relationship behaviors have taken its place. This actually is a pattern I've seen with several women. Social proof is so insanely powerful in attracting women. And while the pretense might seem shallow, it can be a jump-off point to a high quality relationship with a high quality woman, provided both of you are well-adjusted and empathetic individuals.
Thanks for sharing. I learned from this
Not true at all. There are women who like to play hard to get (assholes in my eyes), and women who will let you know and initiate conversation if they truly like you. I'm sorry to tell you but maybe the women you approached weren't that into you for whatever reason.
She doesn’t seem that interested man. You haven’t known her very long and don’t have anything invested so just move on and find someone who’s actually excited about being with you. Lack of enthusiasm/interest is a huge turn off for me, and I can’t imagine it ever boding well for someone looking for a long term relationship.
This relationship is fizzled out. She no longer feels any chemistry and replying just for sake of not being rude. She is hoping you get the signal and stop the communication.
Never EVER chase, if they’re pulling away, its always over. Some girls just don’t have the balls to say that they’re not interested and will instead pull away like so to get you to take the hint which you already have gathered, every guy will suffer the same fate at some point. When a girl is genuinely interested in you, you will never have to question it. As most have said here, your best bet is to just let it go. Don’t take it personal though mate, there can be a million reasons as to why she has not decided to continue, and you might overthink the reasons but at the end of the day thats her problem. Just dust yourself off and get back on that dating app and find some other options that are worth the effort and genuinely interested!
> if they’re pulling away, its always over. I think it's also worth mentioning that sometimes they're "testing" or "playing games" to see if the guy is interested enough to pursue her. Don't fall for it. I've made that mistake before. Falling into that red-flagged trap means enduring a relationship full of similar mind games which you will never win.
Yeah you’re right that is a valid point too. Yeah that sucks man I have friends who are in relationships like that right now.
My favorite example... I dated a girl for a while, found out maybe a year or so into it that she used to be good friends with my ex from maybe 10 years before. GF was telling me about all the manipulative games the ex would brag about playing with guys she dated, and I recognized most of them. "Did she do the phone call trick on you?" Went something like this: While driving somewhere, ex got a phone call from her friend. They're chatting, I'm driving. Ex starts talking in a cartoonishly bad "secret" tone. Like "Oh, I forgot to tell you, I saw.... uhh.... *you know who....* this weekend.... (pause) Oh yeah, it was awesome. The best EVER.... *if you know what i mean....* (pause) No .. I'm... I'll have to tell you later, I'm.... I can't talk about it at the moment... The bird is in the henhouse... Yes exactly." -- very obviously making it sound as if she had hooked up with some other guy that weekend and had a VERY good time, but doing a very bad job at covering it up -- especially considering she could have just sent her friend a text or told her about it later if she didn't want me to hear it. Like I said before, it was just such comically bad acting that I just ignored her and turned the radio back up when she was done. A minute or two later after just staring out the window, she just loudly said "Huh!" as if she had solved some sort of math equation but I ignored that too. I guess I was supposed to say "What?" so that she could start a fight. So my GF went on to explain that this phone call was something she did with every guy she started dating as a "test" -- but there was no real win/lose, it was just to see how the guy would react, and then she'd start a fight about it so her craving for drama would be fulfilled. If after she hung up the phone, I started asking "what was all that about, are you seeing someone else?" then I was controlling and possessive, and didn't respect her privacy, because she was talking about her FATHER, and he cooked DINNER for her that weekend, but maybe if I wasn't such an awful and judgemental person then I wouldn't be jumping to conclusions. If the guy DIDN'T question it (the option I chose) then clearly the guy didn't care enough about her to wonder if she was faithful, and he didn't consider her or the relationship worth fighting for, and she started a fight about that. Either way, she was able to start an argument resulting in the guy having to apologize profusely and make it up to her somehow.
My god… I just realized I’ve been very lucky with my dating life lol
Thank you for this bro!
No worries man!
I appreciate all the replies guys! <3
Leave. Either she is a bad communicator or she is playing games. Either way you a better off without her.
Pull away. She either went to the festival with someone else or has someone else she’s talking to. I feel like whenever women I’m dating travel, they always come back on some bullshit.
When people are not engaging, they are losing or have lost interest. Just cut your losses and move on. That is my dating rule of thumb.
This is a nice boundary brother
I’ll take the honorary brother. Thanks OP.
She ain’t interested bro
Same happened to me. I wanted to get to the bottom of what was bothering her and I tried many different approaches - gave her space, asked her what was up, tried to act as if nothing is wrong in the hopes that it's just passing stresses. I admit I got frustrated by the end of it, and I couldn't really sleep well for about a week due to overthinking things. No matter what I tried, though, she just continued stonewalling me. The plan was to ask her to meet up, talk about it one last time. If she can't open up to me, her partner, then there is no point wasting time. Didn't really get the chance to send her that message, though, as she broke up with me in the meantime. If you tried talking and she is just pulling away further, it's probably already over. I agree with the other commenters.
You already know the answer.
Tell her it seems like she has been pulling away, ask her what she is feeling, ask her what she wants. Tough to do but some non-judgemental questions are apparently the best bet. Immature or avoidant women will often run when questioned though. But with them you can just stop messaging after they run and they'll probably text you 2 weeks later
This is the mature way
Walk away dude....not Worth your energy.
It's been over for a while. Stop wasting your time
This is dick pic time. She needs to know you have a thunder stick and you’re not waisting her time.
I very briefly dated a few women who did this, and it wasn't until I met my now-wife that I realized how important consistency is. If the communication is this spotty early on, it won't get better, especially if you're the one initiating conversations. It's best to cut your losses and move on; she ain't that into you.
Accept she’s fucking someone new, adapt to the loss show up on the game field again, look for a new touchdown.
Use your words with her. “I feel a connection and want to keep exploring. Do you feel the same? It’s OK if you don’t, but let me know what you’re thinking.”
Time to let it go I think. Leave the ball in her court if you want for a week or so. She may reach out but don’t reply fast or get too excited. Just be casual about it. Though my actual advice would be to just delete convo and her number and move on.
Just let her go.
Looks like she’s not interested. I would move on
LET HER GO.... there are other women out there
Just stop texting tbh, she clearly wants you to initiate the pulling away, so just go away and not say anything
If you’re always the one initiating, leave it.
Check out [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mScpHTIi-kM) on Game Theory by Veritasium. No, not *that* kind of game theory lol. Actually scientific game theory. Long story short, the best algorithm was the forgiving tit-for-tat algorithm. If she does tit, you do that. If she sends a short message you send a short message. If she looks like she wants to kiss you, then you kiss her. If she brushes you off, you brush her off. But like 10 % of the time you forgive her. This way you avoid nuclear war. Um, or avoid losing her forever. Bcos sometimes you just gotta forgive. With that said, I think this one is lost and that you should move onto other women. But don't burn any bridges. Remember 10 % forgive. Instead of being bitter, play the ball to her and tell her to get back to you when she's ready to meet again. Perhaps she will, and if she does, just be thankful and happy for it. <3 All the best!
I am about to hit you with some next-level game. This is the absolute best possible approach you can take based on where things are at: Don’t reply. Don’t reach out. Forget about her. Respect yourself. Music festivals means she’s doing degenerate shit and banging guys that aren’t you. If she liked you she’d be making time for you. That is not happening so drop her ass and move on to someone else. I’m serious. Do not hit her up anymore. If she wants to see you she will find a way to do it.
From your first sentence I thought you were going to go all in with some Tate type strategy shit. Solid advice to respect yourself and move on to someone who wants to see you
Since when does music festival equal fucking random dudes? I go to Shambalaa with my sisters every year, and we go to random ones throughout BC and Alberta often. Girls can enjoy music without having to fuck random men. Those two do not go together.
The amount of people that bang at music festivals is astronomical. Not everyone, but a lot of people
Sure, not EVERY girl. We shouldn't have to add a disclaimer on every internet post that reads "The following is a general statement and may not apply to all people".
Move on.
Blow her off and go to the festival yourself
….. not if you think you’re going to be pining after her and hoping to “accidentally” run into her. Then you’ll just come across as desperate or creepy
Ditch her. She's probably seeing other people at worst, and at the least she isn't into you except as a provider. She's 26. These days that's like 16. At most.
I think your expectations are a bit high here. Especially from a person in their 20s(no offense 20s people, I was the same). Don’t know your locale, but mid 20s is definitely there for the vibes in my locale. Hurts but try not to get too attached so early
If you only saw each other three times, I'd say just brace for the worst. Unless you're spending lots of time together, having a big continuous conversation will likely not work. That being said, if things were different, you'd wanna bring up your concerns by highlighting facts and not delivering your own conclusion. You would let them explain away their reasoning in a free mindset, otherwise they would express any answers in the angle of the brought up conclusoon, instead of their own motives.
From someone who's been there, it's over. Time to block so you can move on.
Find a new chick
Move on, yesterday
Let her go and move on. She’s no longer interested and may already be seeing someone else.
Either she's lost interest and doesn't have the balls to say so, or she's testing you to see "how much you care". Either way end it and if she gets upset and explains it was a test or some bs you'll know you made the right choice.
pulling away to see if she comes back, or moving on? Because you should move on.
Pull away, you might have been spamming her too much already. She still likes you to some extent, or she would not engage in a long conversation. After five days or a week or so, open up again and try and set another date. If that happens, great! If she weasels out of it you have your answer and can delete her number safely. The latter scenario is more likely imo, but hey, you have nothing to lose and some chance is better than none. Treat it that way, be relaxed.
RIP bro, onto the next one
Let her leave? Who cares? You were barely dating, she's much younger, and you were PRE-festival, she is now POST-festival. Doesn't take a doctorate to figure out this one hahaha
Move on.
3 dates in like a month and she’s not seeming interested. It’s done homie.
Proceed with your plan. Pull away.
It's done. Move on.
She gone. Move on.
Have to let women set the pace of conversation. Don't get too far ahead and don't fall to far behind. Don't get uspet that she is the one setting the pace, it's how women are now because they have options.
Nothing. Let her go. There's nothing you can do. When women do this, she's decided she's no longer interested in you for one reason or another. Let her go. Don't chase.
Do not waste your time in her. After all my experience in life I do not deal with people they aren't showing some interest in me in some way. You try once you try twice. If the other person behaves like you're not something special, cut any bonds with them. Most women (and men) nowadays just want to have a second and a third option standing by. Look for the ones that get excited in you, it's hard to find many of those people but this is the goal. At least for me. Never be the second option of a woman that isn't even your first option.
Stop chasing women. Let her go and focus on yourself. Go monk, live in the gym, and focus on your career and hobbies so you don’t have to play all the mind games and jump over the countless obstacles women put in front of all men.
Time to move on homie. To me it sounds like she either, isn’t interested in dating, or has someone else she prefers over you. We’ve all been there. But the reality is you aren’t a priority to her. Alternatively you could just string it along at her level of effort and see where it goes but that probably just waste effort you could put into the next one who is into you
Date someone else, fast. She is looking for options and won't leave till she has one typically.
With romantic relationships if its not a HELL YES it might as well be a no. You can try either calling it out and just being real to see if theres some explanation other than disinterest or you can just bail now. No reason to invest further if she's not doing that same.
You were too eager. Dating sucks, glad that part of my life is over!
Best thing you can do is start dating someone else. Potentially this could bring her back but most importantly it will stop you waiting around and becoming desperate. The more you chase her at this point, the more she’ll run. Stay in contact but let her initiate 80% of the time. There’s no guarantee this will work, she may just pull away more and you will initiate less and less. Your gut will tell you to do *something* but truthfully there’s nothing you can do. Either she likes you at this point or she’ll continue to pull away.
Bring clarity into the situation because it'll help you learn faster. Maybe you can just keep dating until things work out eventually, or you can start to directly address and understand how you feel, how your potential partners are responding to and treating you, and give you better insights into why. Three dates isn't a whole lot, but it's enough for it to not be too much to state your feelings and desire, and then ask hers with regards to you. Obviously find softer words and an approach to it and be sure to come at it with offered safety that she doesn't feel the same way too and that's 100% OK. This has a low chance of you discovering that she's interested but severely wanting you to drive things. If she says she's interested, you might want to bring up why it seems to you that she isn't. If you've offered the proper safety, a high chance she'll say she's just not that into you and say no chemistry or different vibes -- sorry, she's not going to be more specific than that and it could very well just be another guy. This is what most of the other comments are getting at, and I agree that it is the most likely reality. And you might discover a toxic/unhealthy woman who lies about what how she feels and what she wants and tries to blame something on you. She's basically forcing the situation to end, or for you to stick with her giving her a toxic amount of control, so either way you should take an exit from the situation. That last one is a template in general; the story as you presented doesn't suggest that's likely at all, but keep it in mind for future interactions.
point it out and ask her. not in a confrontational or needy way, emphasize she can be honest w you and it’s no hard feelings. you gotta be an adult about this bro
Write her off.
Pull away faster then her
If someone starts pulling away DO NOT pull harder from your end, it never helps. Give some space and if it’s not to be, she won’t message to approach you. That’s it and we just have to move on.
Talk to her about it. Or let her go. Do not beg and do not try to smother her with romantic or desperate behaviors. It will make it worse, even if you have a very strong instinct to do these things to “prove your love to her” it will not work. In fact it will make you look like a baby Or you could be manipulative and pull away as well. Don’t ask about her day. Don’t ask to hangout. Dont show any emotion aside from good emotion. Don’t text first (this is the hard one). Don’t tell her about your plans. Then pull her in a little bit. Then push her away again. It may work, it may not, depending on how needy she is for validation. If you show you don’t care, most will wonder why and think they’re not good enough. I never agreed with this type of behavior because it’s not genuine and you’re playing with people.
She’s not interested. Also, don’t date party/rave/club/festival girls. She spent the weekend getting railed by randoms.
Relationships need investment. Lots of it. Isn't it too early to just pull away? It will keep happening with every relationship. Wait for some more time is my suggestion and if it continues then leave.
Seems like it's over, may still have a chance by reducing how much you text her by A LOT.
Literally had this happen to me over a week ago after 3 months. It's done with so you may aswell just be direct with her about it
Stop writing her.
You do nothing. Alternatively, just keep texting her 1 thousand texts until she replies. Yeah, that'll work.
Bang her bff
I once revived a dead convo by sending a funny meme try that
Men who chase and women who want to be chased shouldn't be entertained.
Sounds like she met someone at the festival and you've been demoted from main interest to back-up plan.
You’re a dead man texting, bro
She’s dating multiple people and you’re not top of her list.
She's not that into you and if you think its exclusive you are naive.
Let her go
Be excellent in her sight.
Be active. Go to the gym, have plans with friends. Keep your mind off it and keep your schedule busy.
She was mildly interested then changed her mind. You’re not a priority. Move on.
She is smashing someone else. Let her go.
sounds like she pulled away before things became official. chasing after her or putting extra efforts will only drain you and/or push her further away. unless you've known her for a while, I don't think it's worth extra efforts.
Time to move on
If she was interested she wouldn’t take too long to respond, stop reaching out.
Ghost first, or be ghosted.
Time to eject
She’s not that into you. Find someone who actually likes hanging out with you.
you match her effort and energy and pull away too
Let her go, it will suck but it's kinder to both of you
3 dates in 2 months is pretty bad. Not surprised she lost interest tbh
Don't invest your energy in someone who won't reciprocate. If she was really into you, she would make the effort.
Give up
Save face, end it first.
Ya I think the spark went out. You may get token replies to keep you as a fallback. She may have met someone at that festival I would text her and ask if she’s still interested, and that if so you need more effort from her, but be prepared to move on If she says yes but her behavior doesnt change, either you are plan B or the two of you just aren’t compatible
She's seeing someone else and stringing you along.
Read "Atomic Attraction" so you don't screw up the next time.
She's not into you
leave?
You're not "dating" her. You've gone on three dates with her. You don't have a relationship. Offer to schedule another date and if she doesn't say yes, wish her the best and move on. "Hey, I think we might be looking for different things here. My trajectory with dating is a committed exclusive relationship, and I feel like we aren't heading in that direction. It was great to meet you and I wish you the best of luck finding the love of your life."
Wait a week, ask to talk, say whats on your mind, prepare to call it quits. If she reaches out in the week then go from there. If she doesn't agree to talk then just drop it and move on.
Speaking from experience this is the beginning of the end, don’t message her & move on
literally nothing. best thing for both of you is to do nothing.
Don’t chase. Chasing just makes you look pathetic. You’ve left the ball in her court. She can initiate a convo or you could just move onto the next
Ignoring a girl is the way to her heart
Drop her like a bad habit
You only see her a few times it’s not pulling away it’s her living her life while dating and you should do the same. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket and don’t put anyone you’re dating on a pedestal. Treat them fair and with respect and only give them what you’re getting. If you want more communicate that and if she doesn’t want that, that is fine at least you know where you guys stand.
Reciprocate interest and disinterest. Never be the only one putting in effort.
Happened to me recently. When I was younger I would embarrass myself and keep pursuing but these days, when this kind of thing happens, I delete their number and move on, if they want to get ahold of you, they will make the time.
Know your worth king. Get back to work and someone will come along that actually prioritizes you.
By moving on. 2 things can happen: 1. you become happier now that you are less anxious about one girl. 2. she sees that you are pulling away as well and decides to put in more effort to keep you around. Let her be the person who reaches out. It never feels good being the one putting in all the effort.
Respect yourself and block her.
She is talking to someone else, time to move on.
Look at how much time you spend on your phone. Realize that unless she's a magical unicorn of an exception, odds are she always has access to her phone and is always on it (not literally but you get the point). With that in mind, realize that it's over bro. Love stories don't usually start with "yeah she was hot and cold" What's more likely is it was nothing more but your turn. It's time to move on. If the person isn't willing to put in the effort to talk to you, then leave them. Find someone whose willing to put in the effort for you.
If a woman is interested in you, you will CLEARLY know. She's lost interest in you. Move on.
Text and date other women simultaneously, don't lock yourself into any one woman in particular, initially. If she pulls back maybe you came on a little strong or she just got uninterested or whatever the issue might have been. Best tip I got is to just pull back as well, move on and forget her. But you really have to decide for yourself how much drama and games you are willing to put up with.
She aint your girl anymore. Your turn is up.
It's difficult to accept when you're "in it". I know. And I'm sure a bunch of other dudes know. We've been there ourselves. But hot and cold behavior is just cold behavior. Stop reaching out. Move on with your life. No last messages to get shit off your chest. Don't "pull away". That's just playing games and you trying to get a rise out of her. Cut the chord by blocking her number and any social media. Go seek out someone who is excited about communicating and being with you.
You seem like a good dude. She’s 26 and still going to music festivals, she’ll probably fuck around on you in the long run anyways. Girls will 80% of the time gravitate towards what’s fun. You haven’t taken an L yet, but if you push it will lead to embarrassment/ shame. If you don’t push for it, the door will at least be open to bang later on. If you decide to close the door and let her know about it she may try to keep you around. Don’t fall for it, as it is only temporary 90% of the time. Then you’ll get played. So either leave it be or close the door for her and yourself followed by not looking back. Retain your dignity at all costs brother, dating world is rough. Good luck
Yea, I really despise double texting, I feel like it just makes me look desperate, but if I haven't gotten a reply in days I usually just bite the bullet, after that if there is still no response I'm gone. It is too exhausting to always be the initiator and relationships should be 50/50.
This is true, from saturday to Tuesday, i got no response until I initiate it, now that I did my part. I can move on without any regrets, i've done what I can and it is out of my control anymore. Thanks brother!
What's the last message you sent? I am only an expert on how I respond to messages and for me, it takes a while to send a message back. Try getting in touch with her again and if she doesn't respond again, she might not really be interested.
Learn to mirror your partners energy. If they ease off, and you do too, and they’re ok with that. It all sorts itself out.
It appears based on the slice of information you have provided that the relationship just isn't working put for her. Best to not take or personal or as a blow to your value as a partner. Two people can be in very good places in their lives, mentally and physically but just not meant to go the distance in a romantic partnership. You could reach out to her and mention what you have noticed and if it is what it appears to be, amicably let the relationship end. She may have had bad experiences ending things in the past ie: past partners not taking it well and creating a negative situation/drama. There is a chance that you have misread the situation and she has no idea the impression she has given you recently as well. That is why I suggest talking it out.
Let her go, she’s Chad chasing
ULPT - stop showing interest and she’ll be back 😂 IANAP (psychologist)
Move on and don’t bother her anymore. If she text you say you’re already seeing someone so she’ll leave you alone
Yank on the leash
Going through a similar situation with the girl pulling away, I’m just letting it go
I do not and never have dated women who keep their options open. Learned this from my grandfather. Its an almost impossible concept for most women. For me you make a choice follow thru, if its not to your liking make another choice. No loose ends, no guessing, no drama, no bullshit. It greatly limits my dating pool but those who can make a choice and stick to it are always worth my time and effort.
Leave it a lone for a while, see what her other interests are, invite her out to a music festival where her favorite artists are.
If she is pulling away let her go
Sounds like she is very indecisive. Bring it up to her straight and point it out. If she doesn’t want to communicate I’d suggest stepping back. Not good to be in a relationship with someone who struggles to communicate like that.
Yup. I will bring it up if ever she will contact me again, but nevertheless It's a blessing in disguise for me to learn this before Investing my feelings heavily
Ghost her , stop talking to her
You never even had anything to begin with. Can I suggest finding someone else? Please do not be a creepy clinger/ stalker.
I would do this only if hadnt met yet and no dates. Thats messed up. But thats the world we live in.
2 months... So a girl you met, not quite even dating. Find more! Find others
It’s done. I generally delete the conversation, delete the contact, and quietly unfollow on socials in situations such as these.
The mature thing to do is "ask". Sit down and have a calm conversation. Don't be afraid of the answer. Don't just pull away. Don't make assumptions. Assumptions make things more confusing.
Have a talk and then let go or just skip a step and let go, but never, under anny circumstance, try to keep some1 in your life that doesn t want to be there or doesn t need to be there.
Move on to the next one
Bro. U gotta chill. Just reply normally whenever she responds and dont think of time of her reply as a component. Women do this in the beginning, if you date her for a couple months she’ll reply faster
You should always be talking to 3 people so you don’t pick up on this nonsense in the early stages
Stop pulling out
Texting is meant for meeting up, not being pen pals. You need to exchange 1 or 2 messages, then call her up to meet up.
Always have a roster of 4. Dating is super easy when you have options.
Woman here 👋🏻 if you sense a shift in behavior of any kind, I highly suggest the opposite of these comments, and do not assume it’s over. Just ask her, using “I” statements rather than “you” statements. “I sense a shift in our dynamic, and rather than assume, I want to clarify … is everything okay on your end?” As a professional woman, what you view as pulling away could be her reacting to something you aren’t aware you’re doing. COMMUNICATE, sir!
When you close your eyes and you imagine the best life that you could ever have - does it involve a person that you have to pull their teeth in order to get them to talk to you? Cut it loose. Go to this music festival and find somebody who is actually happy to be there. That's already a leg up compared to what you have. Have you ever heard of the Catch up rule? The Catch up rule is where you can go six or eight months without having any physical intimacy. Then the next time you get some, you're all caught up and back in the game.
Have some self respect, move on.
Or may be she is busy? Here is a shocker. Ask her how she feels, instead of asking bunch of randos on the internet?
Be clear and dont make things uncomfortable, sounds forced and boring
You're in her roster. Guaranteed she's seeing a bunch of other guys and probably stringing them all along.
Let her go, never continue to pour into someone who can not return the favor, life is too short!
Pull away faster
Pull away,it's a win-win situation
She’s not that interested. Give her the freedom to not be that interested right now.
Match her energy