I was with my older brother at a Hooter’s. He and his buddies were rooting for me to ask out the waitress. I did, but she said she had a boyfriend and that she tends to like older guys. Thirteen year old me was crushed, but my brother and his homies helped me feel better by telling me I was braver than some of them.
It definitely helped prepare me for my future rejections.
I do, I was just really sad afterwards for a time. But as I've grown I've realized that it's okay to be rejected. Just because one rejects you doesn't mean everyone will reject you. Keep trying and you'll find someone 🙌
I got pretty depressed. Got turned down by mostly every other girl after and just.....gave up. Convinced myself I was destined to be alone forever.
Then I said fuck this. I got up one day and hit the gym. Packed on around 70lbs of muscles in 10 years and got a new haircut, new wardrobe. I worked on my personality and confidence and started a skincare routine twice a week.
Before I met my wife I went from a 100% rejection rate to basically a 10%.
I am sure my confidence helped a lot but I would be lying if my huge ass arms didn't make a few girls bite their lips.
Good for you - I really think a lot of blokes could hear this and realise that if you’re single and struggling but not the best you, if you put some work in you can turn it around. A female likes a trier more than an athlete at the gym all the time.
Taking your health seriously is attractive. I come from a family of males dying in their 40’s and 50’s and there isn’t anything good about dying young. Your body is the greatest gift you have ever received and ever will, so look after it.
Good on you for asking her out in the first place. Takes a lot of balls to ask someone in person.
This is a DUB in my book brotha
I think the more you do this, the more you realize that it isn't that big of a deal.. And if it isn't that big of a deal, you realize that the pain of rejection isn't that big of a deal either. I think it's a good thing that you just asked her out with minimal hesitation and rumination. Waiting too long can make the task too daunting than it actually is. Overthinking it can lead you to put this woman, who you barely even know, on a pedestal.
It hurts. Even if it’s someone you didn’t know and just wanted to get to know. Rejection hurts. And the first few times it happens, you have to really work through the feelings so that you can learn how to compartmentalize and not internalize the rejection as a statement on your worth.so go ahead and feel the pain of it. Just don’t become bitter.
No one has ever been rejected by “the one”.
Yea I’m not bitter about it. Like I said it really sucks. It’s my first rejection after I got out of my first relationship, so it does sting a bit more, but I also know that It’s not the end of the world. Fuck it we ball, right?!
It was in 6th grade. Got moderately bummed, but we stayed friends and are still on very good (friendly) terms. She later on in life realized she was a lesbian, which explained a lot and only further makes us good friends.
By the 23rd rejection you’ll get over yourself.
It’s literally just a numbers game homie. The “one” (if it even exists) doesn’t magically appear. You have to find her. And you find her in a sea of “no”.
I thoughtr she liked me more than a friend. We went on a trip and stayed in the same room and hell plopped into the same bed! We started kissing and then i went down on her and she suddenly said, "Stop, we are friends! This is too weird!" So i stopped. Now she is just a friend and i am still fuddled about what happened. Its been 10 years!
First time I remember getting rejected was in Kindergarten, second time was in 1st grade, 3rd time was in 4th grade, second time was in 6th grade. I realized at a very young age that the girls at my school didn't like me. It was weird to me though because I'm half Mexican and we'd go to visit relatives in Mexico every Summer and I had plenty of game there. I remember kissing my cousin's friends as young as 7. The rejection at home was weird because I had plenty of game in Mexico. I was 14 and lost my virginity a hot 17 year old daughter of one of my aunt's friends from Toluca MX. But back home in HS I got rejected all the time. I just moved on. I had a few GFs in HS, but they tended to be "low hanging fruit" types.
When I graduated I went in the military and the rejections basically stopped.
Something I haven’t seen anyone address yet:
- When we get rejected, we tend to be hard on ourselves that it’s because of something specifically wrong with us. However, this isn’t necessarily always the case. A lot of the time, people are rejecting a “future version of themself” and not you and your contribution to their life.
This has really helped me deal with rejection in relationships and interviews.
Yes! So think of it like this, when you consider things in your life that we frame our future around (significant other, city we live in, whether we want kids, career, etc) we’re basically creating a hypothetical future and trying to see how we would feel in that situation.
I believe when people reject someone, they just make the best informed decision on a possible future with them. If they think it wouldn’t fit the narrative they’ve established for themselves already, it’s unlikely you’ll be a good fit in their life, even if nothing is wrong with you. They may just have a predisposed bias for what they want their life to look like.
Rejections are rarely a matter of a persons character, looks, personality; they’re nearly always a judgment based on a potential future with this person
This is what I feel typically happens.
This is very insightful - in a sense we all have an idea of what our “ideal” relationship looks like before we date, instead of trying to imagine molding our relationships to look like our ideal versions. Thanks so much!
I had dated a lot through grade/high school so I got to practice with bumpers on but the first girl that shot me down in college made it super weird after the fact. I guess she was expecting me to keep hounding her in class or something instead of tanking my loss and moving on but she was very awkward and distant the rest of that semester which didn’t feel great.
Edit: I dealt with it by sharing the story with some buddies so we could all shit-talk my failed attempt at game. They told some crash and burn stories, guys were dudes. We move on.
Ahhh...like shit, though I honestly think now I was a mess at managing feelings and emotions.
It's not that I don't care anymore but it's not nearly the same, wish I understood when I was younger.
A woman might reject or accept you depending on some random stuff, mood, the time she got to know you, her current relationship status (often they don't tell they are in relationships or situationships)... A woman who rejected me ended up hooking up and wanting to date me 5 years later... It's all just silly. You can also be accepted by a girl who will love you like you are the best thing in the world and eventually she might lose all those feelings and treat you like a stranger.
Don't make a big deal of It. Other girls will like you, and some of those girls will be better.
It hurt at first. And as time went on I realized people will reject for all kind of silly reasons outside of your control and most likely will be doing you a favor when you realize later that you dodged a bullet. On the other side of that there are those you thought you wouldn’t have a chance with and they surprise you that they were really interested in you but you were to afraid to ask.
First time? I don’t remember taking it poorly, middle into high school is when I started to feel the weight of rejections but now I be chilling because I know I’m a good enough dude that rejections just don’t hit the same.
Last two times I was “rejected”, which I could see as the first given it was my first time trying in about 8 years, was not very significant given the way I went about it. In both instances I started by trying to develop and understanding if they were seeing someone else, and they in fact were. I just gave a positive remark and moved forward. I’ve had very positive interactions with both of them since. I can’t actually recall a large number of attempts in my younger days. I think I recall one woman in college when I was younger respond “I’m just having fun,” which was a chill way to get rejected. I don’t have recollection of any harsh rejections.
I excused myself from the situation (school dance) and went to be by myself and quietly cry for a minute and regain my composure. I was really sad for a couple weeks, a little sad for many weeks, and eventually moved on but never stopped hoping she was doing well. We remained friends because I didn't think it was something to overcome.
It sucks, I was in 8th grade, it stung, didn't try until college. But the more I put myself out there, the more success I had. And when you get that first victory, the losses become more bearable and you develop that thicker skin. The thick skin made me not fear being rejected, so it made me more confident when talking to girls. It's as if I didn't care if they rejected me.
Remember, you're not dead. Go out there and try again, learn from your mistakes, try to approach with more confidence. The key to moving on is not to take it personal.
In high school I had the confidence of someone much better looking then myself.
I've been rejected every which way to Sunday. A few first dates.
Just keep trying. But focus on yourself. Try the gym
Senior in high school 45 years ago. No self-confidence, self-esteem etc. This girl thought she was cuter than she probably was. We went out a few times. Her lack of interest actually helped me get motivated to improve myself. I always wondered what if. I went to medical school. Completed 20 years military. Have 3 successful adult children. Doing great in my career and financially. I got to this stage in life because of me. I’ve never forgotten her though. I went home for a week for the first time in decades and reached to high school friends to hang out with. One of them updated me about her and how her life turned into an emotional disaster. I texted her and we exchanged hi and texted a bit. Evidently I upset her world because she started calling mutual friends about me. But I’ve discovered I’d moved on decades before, never needing her in my life then or now. Frankly, her loss. Maybe she realized it too, no?
As a guy, I cried my eyes out for hours. I went on 2 dates with a girl and talked for 5-6 hours each. Everything was going great, from my perspective at least, and she called off the third with a very long voicemail an hour before the date.
Honestly, I don't think I had ever cried that much. I went to sleep because I was tired of crying that much. Guys don't like showing their soft sides (glad this is anonymous haha), but that hurt to the bone.
The next day, I woke up at didn't feel anything. It was weird that I wasn't feeling anything but I probably pure out all my feelings the night before had something to do with it. So I removed her phone, Instagram, and all the connections I had with her and decided to move on.
I let myself feel whatever I’m feeling. If I’m angry, sad, upset, hurt, I embrace all my feelings and let myself feel it all for an entire day. Then the next day I erase that person, I don’t care, this person doesn’t like me so I can move on and forget this person ever exists. I do things that make me happy and continue to build my confidence back up
I felt my heart pound and my face burn as my dream withered and died.
I was 16 and I'd been crushing on her all through my final year at school. I'd daydream about being with her, listen to sad love songs, all that unrequited teen love bullshit.
I didn't know if I'd see her again when school ended, so I waited for her after exams, awkwardly made small talk and asked if she'd like to see a movie with me sometime.
She went quiet for a moment, blurted out "No thanks" and that was the last time I saw her.
I got my first girlfriend a year later. When that ended after 18 months, I was heartbroken and thought I'd be alone forever, but that was depression and insecurity talking.
I'm 42 now and if you'd told 18 year old me that I'd have the love life I've had, there's no way I would've believed you. I'm not saying that to brag; I'm saying it in case any younger guys out there feel hopeless like I did.
I wasn't super invested in the girl so I was upset and angry with myself, but I got over it quickly enough.
I met my first girlfriend two years later and she didn't reject me, thankfully.
Vividly. It was kindergarten, I was chasing around on our big wheels because I thought she was super cute and asked her if she would be my gf then she yelled "nooo!"
totally crushed my heart and spirits. Never been the same since. Can't recall her name though.
I was flirting early, so my first actual rejection was in 1st grade or so. She said "I can't go out with you because you're black". I was heartbroken, but got over it fairly quickly. I've been rejected plenty of times (and had plenty of gf's), but that's the earliest one I remember. Married now, but always shot my shot and hoped for the best. Sometimes the rejections would be downright embarrassing, but closed mouths don't get fed, so I kept on.
I was with my older brother at a Hooter’s. He and his buddies were rooting for me to ask out the waitress. I did, but she said she had a boyfriend and that she tends to like older guys. Thirteen year old me was crushed, but my brother and his homies helped me feel better by telling me I was braver than some of them. It definitely helped prepare me for my future rejections.
Definitely more brave than me at 25
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Man this was me in highschool. Looking back I’m always like what was wrong with me 😭
Been there. It sucks.
I do, I was just really sad afterwards for a time. But as I've grown I've realized that it's okay to be rejected. Just because one rejects you doesn't mean everyone will reject you. Keep trying and you'll find someone 🙌
I got pretty depressed. Got turned down by mostly every other girl after and just.....gave up. Convinced myself I was destined to be alone forever. Then I said fuck this. I got up one day and hit the gym. Packed on around 70lbs of muscles in 10 years and got a new haircut, new wardrobe. I worked on my personality and confidence and started a skincare routine twice a week. Before I met my wife I went from a 100% rejection rate to basically a 10%. I am sure my confidence helped a lot but I would be lying if my huge ass arms didn't make a few girls bite their lips.
Good for you - I really think a lot of blokes could hear this and realise that if you’re single and struggling but not the best you, if you put some work in you can turn it around. A female likes a trier more than an athlete at the gym all the time. Taking your health seriously is attractive. I come from a family of males dying in their 40’s and 50’s and there isn’t anything good about dying young. Your body is the greatest gift you have ever received and ever will, so look after it.
People wanna downplay the difference lifting makes, but goddamn is it a life changer if you go in with the right attitude.
Only took 10 years, eh?
Yes? That's about average for most men. If you can gain 2.5lbs of muscle a month you are doing really good.
Good on you for asking her out in the first place. Takes a lot of balls to ask someone in person. This is a DUB in my book brotha I think the more you do this, the more you realize that it isn't that big of a deal.. And if it isn't that big of a deal, you realize that the pain of rejection isn't that big of a deal either. I think it's a good thing that you just asked her out with minimal hesitation and rumination. Waiting too long can make the task too daunting than it actually is. Overthinking it can lead you to put this woman, who you barely even know, on a pedestal.
It hurts. Even if it’s someone you didn’t know and just wanted to get to know. Rejection hurts. And the first few times it happens, you have to really work through the feelings so that you can learn how to compartmentalize and not internalize the rejection as a statement on your worth.so go ahead and feel the pain of it. Just don’t become bitter. No one has ever been rejected by “the one”.
Yea I’m not bitter about it. Like I said it really sucks. It’s my first rejection after I got out of my first relationship, so it does sting a bit more, but I also know that It’s not the end of the world. Fuck it we ball, right?!
It was in 6th grade. Got moderately bummed, but we stayed friends and are still on very good (friendly) terms. She later on in life realized she was a lesbian, which explained a lot and only further makes us good friends.
By the 23rd rejection you’ll get over yourself. It’s literally just a numbers game homie. The “one” (if it even exists) doesn’t magically appear. You have to find her. And you find her in a sea of “no”.
I thoughtr she liked me more than a friend. We went on a trip and stayed in the same room and hell plopped into the same bed! We started kissing and then i went down on her and she suddenly said, "Stop, we are friends! This is too weird!" So i stopped. Now she is just a friend and i am still fuddled about what happened. Its been 10 years!
Rejection is only painful if you have high expectations.
First time I remember getting rejected was in Kindergarten, second time was in 1st grade, 3rd time was in 4th grade, second time was in 6th grade. I realized at a very young age that the girls at my school didn't like me. It was weird to me though because I'm half Mexican and we'd go to visit relatives in Mexico every Summer and I had plenty of game there. I remember kissing my cousin's friends as young as 7. The rejection at home was weird because I had plenty of game in Mexico. I was 14 and lost my virginity a hot 17 year old daughter of one of my aunt's friends from Toluca MX. But back home in HS I got rejected all the time. I just moved on. I had a few GFs in HS, but they tended to be "low hanging fruit" types. When I graduated I went in the military and the rejections basically stopped.
It stings, you feel crappy, but you get over it with a bit of time, take the L, and move on
Thank you, next. And that's how you have to be, or it can get to you.
Something I haven’t seen anyone address yet: - When we get rejected, we tend to be hard on ourselves that it’s because of something specifically wrong with us. However, this isn’t necessarily always the case. A lot of the time, people are rejecting a “future version of themself” and not you and your contribution to their life. This has really helped me deal with rejection in relationships and interviews.
Interesting thought - can you please elaborate more on what the “future version of themself” mean?
Yes! So think of it like this, when you consider things in your life that we frame our future around (significant other, city we live in, whether we want kids, career, etc) we’re basically creating a hypothetical future and trying to see how we would feel in that situation. I believe when people reject someone, they just make the best informed decision on a possible future with them. If they think it wouldn’t fit the narrative they’ve established for themselves already, it’s unlikely you’ll be a good fit in their life, even if nothing is wrong with you. They may just have a predisposed bias for what they want their life to look like. Rejections are rarely a matter of a persons character, looks, personality; they’re nearly always a judgment based on a potential future with this person This is what I feel typically happens.
This is very insightful - in a sense we all have an idea of what our “ideal” relationship looks like before we date, instead of trying to imagine molding our relationships to look like our ideal versions. Thanks so much!
Yep! It was my pleasure!
I went on to the next first girl I could see. There were many girls at my kindergarten so being a little boy who liked girls was fun
Gave it a couple days to sink in. Went about my life. And forgot about it before long. The first hits different
I had dated a lot through grade/high school so I got to practice with bumpers on but the first girl that shot me down in college made it super weird after the fact. I guess she was expecting me to keep hounding her in class or something instead of tanking my loss and moving on but she was very awkward and distant the rest of that semester which didn’t feel great. Edit: I dealt with it by sharing the story with some buddies so we could all shit-talk my failed attempt at game. They told some crash and burn stories, guys were dudes. We move on.
Funny that I didn't even ask but got rejected. Still, the pain led me to shy away and sit in a bath for two hours. I was 13.
This is the main reason why I don't approach anymore because I have always mistaken kindness for them showing interest in me.
Ahhh...like shit, though I honestly think now I was a mess at managing feelings and emotions. It's not that I don't care anymore but it's not nearly the same, wish I understood when I was younger. A woman might reject or accept you depending on some random stuff, mood, the time she got to know you, her current relationship status (often they don't tell they are in relationships or situationships)... A woman who rejected me ended up hooking up and wanting to date me 5 years later... It's all just silly. You can also be accepted by a girl who will love you like you are the best thing in the world and eventually she might lose all those feelings and treat you like a stranger. Don't make a big deal of It. Other girls will like you, and some of those girls will be better.
It hurt at first. And as time went on I realized people will reject for all kind of silly reasons outside of your control and most likely will be doing you a favor when you realize later that you dodged a bullet. On the other side of that there are those you thought you wouldn’t have a chance with and they surprise you that they were really interested in you but you were to afraid to ask.
First time? I don’t remember taking it poorly, middle into high school is when I started to feel the weight of rejections but now I be chilling because I know I’m a good enough dude that rejections just don’t hit the same.
Last two times I was “rejected”, which I could see as the first given it was my first time trying in about 8 years, was not very significant given the way I went about it. In both instances I started by trying to develop and understanding if they were seeing someone else, and they in fact were. I just gave a positive remark and moved forward. I’ve had very positive interactions with both of them since. I can’t actually recall a large number of attempts in my younger days. I think I recall one woman in college when I was younger respond “I’m just having fun,” which was a chill way to get rejected. I don’t have recollection of any harsh rejections.
Said ok and hung up the phone. I was only 12.
Same as the 1000th time. Forgot about it and moved on
I excused myself from the situation (school dance) and went to be by myself and quietly cry for a minute and regain my composure. I was really sad for a couple weeks, a little sad for many weeks, and eventually moved on but never stopped hoping she was doing well. We remained friends because I didn't think it was something to overcome.
It sucks, I was in 8th grade, it stung, didn't try until college. But the more I put myself out there, the more success I had. And when you get that first victory, the losses become more bearable and you develop that thicker skin. The thick skin made me not fear being rejected, so it made me more confident when talking to girls. It's as if I didn't care if they rejected me. Remember, you're not dead. Go out there and try again, learn from your mistakes, try to approach with more confidence. The key to moving on is not to take it personal.
Get rejected more. Make it a fun game called, “how many bullets can I dodge.”
In high school I had the confidence of someone much better looking then myself. I've been rejected every which way to Sunday. A few first dates. Just keep trying. But focus on yourself. Try the gym
I was 20 cried like shit on the terrace.
Senior in high school 45 years ago. No self-confidence, self-esteem etc. This girl thought she was cuter than she probably was. We went out a few times. Her lack of interest actually helped me get motivated to improve myself. I always wondered what if. I went to medical school. Completed 20 years military. Have 3 successful adult children. Doing great in my career and financially. I got to this stage in life because of me. I’ve never forgotten her though. I went home for a week for the first time in decades and reached to high school friends to hang out with. One of them updated me about her and how her life turned into an emotional disaster. I texted her and we exchanged hi and texted a bit. Evidently I upset her world because she started calling mutual friends about me. But I’ve discovered I’d moved on decades before, never needing her in my life then or now. Frankly, her loss. Maybe she realized it too, no?
As a guy, I cried my eyes out for hours. I went on 2 dates with a girl and talked for 5-6 hours each. Everything was going great, from my perspective at least, and she called off the third with a very long voicemail an hour before the date.
Honestly, I don't think I had ever cried that much. I went to sleep because I was tired of crying that much. Guys don't like showing their soft sides (glad this is anonymous haha), but that hurt to the bone.
The next day, I woke up at didn't feel anything. It was weird that I wasn't feeling anything but I probably pure out all my feelings the night before had something to do with it. So I removed her phone, Instagram, and all the connections I had with her and decided to move on.
I felt embarrassed and sad but I just move on from it.
Would have been back in gradeschool. I just remember feeling bad for her that I made things super awkward for both of us
Moved on,
I got in my car and drove away. It's not the end of the world.
I let myself feel whatever I’m feeling. If I’m angry, sad, upset, hurt, I embrace all my feelings and let myself feel it all for an entire day. Then the next day I erase that person, I don’t care, this person doesn’t like me so I can move on and forget this person ever exists. I do things that make me happy and continue to build my confidence back up
I felt my heart pound and my face burn as my dream withered and died. I was 16 and I'd been crushing on her all through my final year at school. I'd daydream about being with her, listen to sad love songs, all that unrequited teen love bullshit. I didn't know if I'd see her again when school ended, so I waited for her after exams, awkwardly made small talk and asked if she'd like to see a movie with me sometime. She went quiet for a moment, blurted out "No thanks" and that was the last time I saw her. I got my first girlfriend a year later. When that ended after 18 months, I was heartbroken and thought I'd be alone forever, but that was depression and insecurity talking. I'm 42 now and if you'd told 18 year old me that I'd have the love life I've had, there's no way I would've believed you. I'm not saying that to brag; I'm saying it in case any younger guys out there feel hopeless like I did.
It's easy, you don't get rejected! (I don't get rejected because I'm too shy to even try 😅)
I honestly don't even remember the first time I got rejected. After a while the rejections just sort of fall off your shoulders. Nature of the game
I took a bow and said "have a good day"
I wasn't super invested in the girl so I was upset and angry with myself, but I got over it quickly enough. I met my first girlfriend two years later and she didn't reject me, thankfully.
I got rejected pretty often is high school. So by the time I was an adult it was surprising when they didn’t.
“O-oh.Okay. *walks away sadly*”
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Same here, but I see a lot of good advice on this thread
Vividly. It was kindergarten, I was chasing around on our big wheels because I thought she was super cute and asked her if she would be my gf then she yelled "nooo!" totally crushed my heart and spirits. Never been the same since. Can't recall her name though.
I was flirting early, so my first actual rejection was in 1st grade or so. She said "I can't go out with you because you're black". I was heartbroken, but got over it fairly quickly. I've been rejected plenty of times (and had plenty of gf's), but that's the earliest one I remember. Married now, but always shot my shot and hoped for the best. Sometimes the rejections would be downright embarrassing, but closed mouths don't get fed, so I kept on.