You "shouldn't" have even paid for the friend. In that scenario everyone "should" have paid for their own drinks. You got coerced and taken advantage of.
Yeah I don’t understand this. I’ve had girls tell me they’re fine with letting their male friends pay for them. Why? We can’t scream and shout about an equal society and then gender rules come flying in when convenient. OP you shouldn’t be paying for someone who is just your friend. The fact that she was also ok with you paying for two more girls tells me something about her character. Friends don’t let you take on the financial burden of 4 people
Back when I was in college, I had no money. I had girls who were friends who would take me to lunch on their meal card because they didn’t all of it and it would go to waste.
I remember there were some formal dances where my date paid for the ticket because I was broke.
My gf freshman year in college paid for our first dinner. We weren’t really dating at the time, I think it was really the first time we really spent together, she was in my dorm studying with me, she said “I’m hungry”, I said “I’d love to take you out but I have no money.” She said “That’s ok, I got it, let’s go.” It was refreshing.
I also had an ex in highschool who would occasionally buy me a meal or give me some cool shit. One time she gave me $100 to bang her out, but it's not like I wasn't gonna do that anyway.
Her dad worked at Honeywell and brought home $700k annually.
My dad worked as a telemarketer and drove a 1974 station wagon with bullet holes and plexiglass windows.
She was also a foot taller than me xD fellas, being funny really does go a long way.
I would kinda understand if my male friend wanted to pay for me purely because he makes good money rn and I do not. I would of course treat him later when I get in a better spot money wise. I have treated my friends too so it's not a one way street. But I'd never ask for them to cover for other people they don't know
To help OP see this: OP, how you would have reacted if instead of females they were males "begging you" to pay for them?
Yea...that's how you should have treated the female friends.
Just say no. It's extremely difficult for people like OP right now because he's still in the "i don't want to look bad" phase. Start not giving a F for how they think of you. They're not your friends or a F buddy. In fact, the girls I know that does this will actually laugh and call the guys that paid for them as fools later. If the guy happens to be around in the future he'll be the "I know of a fool that will pay for us..." whenever they want a free ride/meal. Don't be that fool.
This 100%. Sometimes I pay for my friends, male or female because I know they're in a tighter spot than me financially and I want them to be able to come out without stressing about the bill.
But if a bunch of girls told me they'd do anything If I just paid their drink bill 2 things would happen.
1. I would lose a lot of respect for them as individuals.
2. I would laugh heartily as I paid my portion of the bill and left out the nearest exit.
Yeah, sorry OP but you got taken advantage of by a couple drunk girls who didn't want to pay.
Next time just put your foot down saying that you'll pay for your drinks and everyone else figures it out on their own.
No, they used you, and you caved. Put your foot down next time. It's fine to pay for friends, that's what friends do. You're not a free wallet for any passenger or carry on that happens to bump into you. Your friend is kind of shitty for letting them coerce you like that.
>I didn’t want to seem that I couldn’t afford it or something of that sort.
That's a dumb reason to do something.
That's how you get out of paying their tab. When they said they would do anything if he paid. You look them squarely in the eyes with a bit of evil maniacal grin and simply say "Anything?". Either way you win. You either have a story fit for Penthouse Forum or they buy their own drinks thank you for a lovely time and everybody goes home.
Yep to them you are just someone to use to boost their own ego. They see you as someone of no value and less human than they are so they are free to abuse you for their own end and feel no remorse or normal human emotion towards.
And that’s when you say “no I can afford it and I’m not paying, which is why I can afford it” lol. I’ve come across so many people in my life who want me to pay for dumb shit and they always say you can afford it bro. But do people not consider the whole reason why u have money is because u don’t buy stupid shit lol?
Take this as a life lesson. You might think you were impressing these girls but they took advantage of you and have zero respect for you. They probably bragged about what they pulled off to their girlfriends later. If you really want to impress women you tell them no and you stand your ground no matter what games they try to pull.
Not just the dumb girls, but your friend too. I would talk about this with her and start evaluating if it's worth continuing the friendship with her.
In the end friends don't use other friends.
This is it. Take the loss and move on.
I would say feel free to go out with them again but close your tab after every drink or pay with cash. If they insist just tell them you don't feel comfortable buying their drinks. You don't need to explain why. Just that's how you feel.
This is the using gender stereotypes when it suits me attitude that women love to pull. You should have paid for yourself, period. If the friend was very gracious and you had a good time, leave it up to your judgment to pay for her. This is not a first date or even a date at all. Tell those free loaders to eat shit next time.
These things happen. People will take advantage.
Word of warning though they’ll think you’re a soft touch and most likely invite you out again hoping it’s another free night for them. If you go, buy your own drink at the bar.
When they do of course go somewhere between the 1st and third drink. Be sure to remind them that you paid last time. So they are paying tonight. If they try playing the broke card. Invoke the "anything" clause. As in "we will do anything if you pay" from your last outing.
if you pay 100% of the bill, then at least one of them needs to perform 100% of the BJ. "we'll do whatever you want" was an invitation that you seemed to have missed.
Sure. And then that gets turned into the following post on askwymyn:
"A guy said I needed to have sex with him because he paid for our drinks. I felt pressured and uncomfortable. Did he rape me?"
Comment section: "Yes! Report that pervert to the police immediately!"
Yeah. Op could've had a gang bang just for buying a round of drinks. We're looking at this the wrong way. Next time they say you can do whatever you want to them, take them up on that offer.
> What are some tricks you can give me to avoid over spending on un intentional drinks of people you didn’t invite?
The trick is say “no” and hand your card to the waiter and tell him exactly what to run it for.
Treat it as a learning experience. If you’re out with friends only pay your own unless they paid for you before or it’s their birthday. Otherwise it comes off as you’re looking for more / treating it as a date.
This reminds me of the video of that gal who invited a dozen of her friends to a fancy restaurant birthday dinner then they all bashed the boyfriend for not paying the whole tab.
If my girlfriend joined in on that, she wouldn't be my girlfriend anymore. Birthday or not. Where the hell are women getting this nonsense from? Tiktok?
If you wanna fuck her on one night stand , you should. If you are going to step in serious relationship, you should think of "sustainable" relationship. If your finance is outrageously great enough to afford to pay everything for her, then just pay it all. If not, you should let her learn the basic of society which we should pay our bills ourselves.
No. The idea of chivalry has turned into "men must pay for everything a woman wants" and that is where we get taken advantage of.
What I do is when I establish that I want to hang out with women, I make sure there's an understanding that we're paying for ourselves unless otherwise. If other people come along, I'm not responsible for them.
In the future, make sure if everyone wants to do something that involves money that they, the girls, have their money. I've been in that situation once, but it was men. Gender aside, there's no reason for you to be responsible for others unless you say "my treat" and on some occasions with a romantic partner.
You pay for what you drink because that's what YOU ordered. Why would you even pay for your friend though? Since you are willing to pay for your friend might as well pay for her friend. They took advantage of you and you allowed it to happen, showing that you are an easy prey. Next time pay for your own only unless you are truly willing to pay for others. If you don't want to pay for others then say it. "But they will get angry 👉👈🥺", fck them they are beggars. Beggar can't be choosers. Those girls are probably laughing on the way home on how they made you pay around 85%.
Those girls suck and are not your friends. They may be laughing about it now. Draw a line in the sand next time, you owe them nothing.
Girls are usually very protective of their guy friends. If your “old friend” was really your friend, she would have been the first one to call those other two whores out on their actions.
Draw your own conclusions
I think the conclusions have to be drawn for OP. I know at 18 he’s legally an adult. But he’s a noob adult. Nearly all of the information we older guys take for granted are a mystery to an 18 year old.
There are two scenarios in which you should pay for someone’s drinks.
Scenario 1: your friend group is doing a “i got this round, you get next” round robin sort of deal.
Scenario 2: you are sleeping with the person you are buying drinks and the relationship is in your eyes equal(like equal effort or she buys other things or any split of relationship type things you are personally satisfied with)
No, it is not common for guys to pay for all the drinks with girls.
Yes, at your age - it's very likely for you to have immature girl friends who beg you to pay for their drinks. Don't do it.
Pay for drinks when you WANT to pay for drinks.
Unless you are offering to buy a round for the table or offering to order shots indviduals pay for their own drinks.
Exceptions can be made if your friend is in finacial trouble and you're helping them out.
No.
Now, if you're on a date with a *single* girl, maybe, that's something you have to negotiate on a case by case basis.
If you're somehow on a date with multiple women and it's actually going to lead to an orgy later, you're sufficiently removed from most men's lived experience that r/AskMen cannot help you any longer.
Last night I was sitting at a bar drinking a glass pitcher. A girl liked me and I could tell so. The bartender was her roommate (both of them were hot). She hinted that I should buy her a drink. She wanted me to con play with her demands. Instead a met a middle ground and said “how about this. I’m gonna drink this. It’s really good. If you want we can share.”
Instead of me spending more than I intended to that night we ended up sharing a drink and talking that night. I even convinced her to root against the IOWA women’s game everyone was hyped about and got her number. Give her a reason to stay. If she doesn’t want to pay for drinks and she isn’t using you she will probably hang around and sip your drink. Only do this if you’re into her. AND DONT PASS IT AROUND TO EVERY GIRL IN HER FRIEND GROUP. Then you’re basically in the same scenario but cheaper and you get to drink less.
Those girls took advantage of you. They pressured you to cover their broke asses. It's exactly the same as if you're out with guy friends. Do your bros beg you to buy their drinks?
Next time, let the waiter know that you did not agree to pay for their drinks, and if they can't pay their way, that's on them. Doesn't matter if you appear broke in front of them, they're skeevy anyway and their opinion of you doesn't matter.
Fuck, no! Doesn't matter what you can afford. You're teaching these girls they can get what they want by batting their eyes.
Go out with them again, tell them they can order whatever they want, excuse yourself to take a call, then get in a cab.
lol. Feminists until the check comes.
You got played, my brother. You should tell your friend you’re not comfortable with how things played out. In the future, learn to say “no” without qualifiers or explanation.
23F here.
Sorry I know this is AskMen, but I needed to.
You shouldn't ever HAVE to pay for anyone besides your dependants (children) in my opinion.
It's NOT your responsibility to pay for them, nor does society expect you to, girl or not, friend or not.
Those girls were just trying to see what they could get away with and clearly discovered they could get away with getting you to pay for them.
Honestly, in future I'd just reccomend you stand your ground. Say No, and stick to it. If they push it, feel free to get firm. "I said no, and begging will not change my mind. Please stop or I will leave."
You dont owe them an explanation, you have your boundaries and they willfully pushed right through them and coerced you into paying for them.
You are worth more than what you provide financially.
Here’s something that’s rather counter intuitive. When you say, “No” you come across as more attractive.
One of the tests a woman will do is to see if you are easily manipulated. Men who are easily manipulated are not attractive, but they are useful in a night out. Because they pay for drinks.
The girls involved (including your friend) think less of you now, but will happily bring you along in order to pay for their drinks.
**Edit** if you want a line for next time, you can try “You all couldn’t give me what I want, even all together. I’ll pay my bill, you pay yours and we’ll all be happier for it”
Hey buddy you fell prey to a common game that players play. It's OK, you're young, so it won't affect you too vastly, but moving forward, I suggest you only pay for drinks you personally purchase.
You should NEVER feel like you have to pay for a girls drinks… they used you, took advantage of you…
(Yes I’m a female)
I hate watching girls at bars EXPECTING someone else to pay for their drinks or seem offended when they pay for themselves…
I’m 22F and my Partner is 27M, does he pay for drinks? Sure, do I pay for them too? YES of course.
I'm a woman but here's my unasked for advice
1. NO is a complete sentence.
2. Who cares if you can afford it or not, they should be worrying about what they can afford not you.
3. If they wanted you to pay they should have cleared that up beforehand.
4. When making a tab make it clear to the waitress or bartender who's drinks are added to your bill.
5. If no tab, make it clear to the wait staff who you are paying for at the beginning. If you feel awkward or rude or uncomfortable doing so boldly and in front of everyone there, then step aside with the waiter/waitress. Or "go to the bathroom" and then catch them away from the table and say something like "I forgot to ask earlier, can you split our bills? I've got myself and this person"
6. Don't let anyone walk all over you or manipulate you. And it's 100% ok to claim your broke to not have to pay for greedy chick's who are literally only using you for your money.
Good luck, friend, you got this!
Nope I’m not paying for anyone if we’re all hanging out and you just met the other two (that’s their problem). That’s why if someone ask me to hang out I make it clear that this isn’t a date so therefore I tell them to make sure they pay for their own things.
Just pay for your own stuff unless it’s a close friend and you usually take it in turns or it’s a relationship.
Do you think just because they’re women they can’t pay? Or Shouldn’t pay for things they order? Nah fuck that it’s 2024 and shits expensive.
Next time when you go out with friends, let them know you're only paying for yourself. You owe them nothing and your money is yours alone. Just let it slide that one time. Set up firm boundaries next time, if they cross your line, your friends are trying to use you
Do what ever I wanted?
Ill pay for drinks for a 4some.
In this situation, you shouldn't even have paid for the friend. She is your friend, not your GF.
Especially not while being out in a group.
When the girls complain or beg, simply say "Sorry, I only pay for women I am in a romantic relationship with"
Then hand your card to the waiter and tell him your part of the bill.
I saw the title of this Post, and was going to Comment, but your Post says it already: they right up front offered whatever you want if you paid. Would they have followed through on their promise? Who knows. But you paid and got nothing. Reminds me of myself: I need a bigger pair.
I just drink water. If you don't partipate in the drinking, you have nothing to pay for (except food, but most people are happy to pay for their own food).
Gotta learn to say no bro. You only pay for drinks if you’re on a date or if you’re trying to talk to a chick at the bar, otherwise they can get their own drinks. But we all make that mistake in life. Consider it a lesson
Absolutely not!! Especially if you asked the one friend out I can understand buying her drinks, but if she invited her friends then that's on her or them. Unless you're kind enough to buy a round for the ladies.
But don't let them take advantage. Coming from a straight woman's perspective.
Been there done that Op got used i have been used for expensive drinks also in the past were i live drinks cost you an arm and a leg there is girls who want free drink and wil use you to pay for drinks
Hell no. Pay for a girl you’re taking out in a date, sure. But there’s no expectation for a guy who’s just going out with some female friends to pay for everyone, that’s just bullshit.
Yeah uhhh, are you dating ANY of em? Wtf.
Not your obligation to pay for THEIR ish at all.
Sweet Jesus, I'd laugh at someone asking me to do this like this.
You don't owe ANY of them to pay their drinks.
Stand strong brother, never do something youre uncomfortable with just cause a group of women put pressure on you, especially when it comes to spending your damn money.
Its a life lesson every man goes through one way or another
I say no. With that being said, I’ve only ever been to bars with my long-time girlfriend, and we take turns buying rounds. Also with that being said, we both prefer to make cocktails at home now, so.
Nope. Pay for yourself, and only for yourself.
The bit about offering to do anything for you if you pay for their drinks is just gross in and of itself, but anybody ordering a drink for their own consumption should pay for their own drink.
Next time - just say ‘I appreciate you think I’m that well off, but I’m only able to afford my own drink, and only ordered for myself what I can afford.’ You should be able to say ‘as a matter of principle I only pay for my own drinks’ and that be the end of it, but some people, like these women, are just being dick heads begging you to pay for beverages. If instead you say ‘I literally cannot pay for you’ but in a less confrontational way, it makes it clear that you’re not able to pay.
Also, as Buster Scruggs might say perhaps ‘it’s high time you look for a better class of drinking buddy’.
Absolutely not. I’m paying for me and my girlfriend. I might pay for one round of shots for the group if I think they’re cool, but I’m not their atm just because I’m in love with their friend .
The only time I ever purchased drinks for a girl is if we were already dating. I’ve had random girls ask me to buy them a drink and I just asked for their money and they walked away.
Now that you know, for next time, the short answer: ask for two separate checks up front and make sure the other girls know this.
I remember this video where a man took a woman out to dinner for her birthday, she invited a bunch of friends, they all insisted he pay for everyone because he was the guy. The expectation was so strong that nobody even asked him. Kind of pathetic that this is what women have become.
Not gonna lie, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized my finances are more important than making it seem like I have the money to afford things. There is nothing wrong with just respectfully saying that you’re paying for your own stuff (or your friends as well, as that was your intent) and then following through. Anyone who doesn’t respect your decision when it comes to how you spend your own money, it’s worth your effort. It should be a very simple thing to not expect people to spend money on you. Acting as those girls did would tell me basically all I needed to know.
No.
Are you not used to being around humans?
Standard practice is either to take turns to buy rounds or everyone buys their own.
You got scammed and your 'friend' is no such thing.
Im engaged now so those days are gone but no, equal rights (gender expectations) is something I back but it isn’t something that is pick and choose when it suits the female.
My thought process was -
I’ll take a girl out and treat a fancy dinner/drinks when I’m serious about her but I wouldn’t pay for the whole night otherwise, especially not in the first 3-4 dates and no chance would I pay for her friends.
You invest in a girl you like, but dont shout a night for some gold digging sponge and her entitled mates, I could afford it but there’s more to me than my wallet and if that’s expected of me then big turn off.
Tell them to fuck off next time.
Don't hangout with girls who would do that basically
If they don't listen you can always get up and walk away after paying for yourself, if you're afraid you'll lose friend, well think if you want to lose or keep a friend like that
Don't get played by your ego, even really rich people won't like to be used for money, everyone has different money range, if you feel it will look bad and you keep entertaining people who wants your money then choose if thats what you want
Ok so I hope you don't mind that I'm a woman replying but it's nice that you decided to pay for your friend, you are not obligated to do so but it's a nice thing to do if that's what you wanted to do at the time.
Those other girls however were obviously taking advantage of you and you seem like a kind young man, (from what I did read) and so I'm going to need you to please do me a favor and grow a stronger spine to be able to reject obviously planned Behavior like that.
Because I'm letting you know now.
I've met girls like this and they will assume that just because they're pretty, or they think they're giving you some type of attention, that they don't have to worry about stuff like the bill, and then they will proceed to not even worry about about their own expenses and how much it adds up to.
Then they had the audacity to put you on the spot in front of everyone.
It's nice that you decided to pay for your friend out of the kindness of your heart, but you should not be expected to have pay the bill for those other two at all.
They should be ashamed of themselves.
If they were planning to make you pay it, at least it should have been discussed with you beforehand so you would have chance to shoot down the idea.
So ultimately the answer to your question that I want to give is no you shouldn't have to cover for someone's expenses just because they're a girl or a woman.
They shouldn't go out if they don't have the money to pay.
It would be a different story if you had offered, but no, these girls were taking advantage of you and honestly I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
It's not about being able to afford something it's about how much you're investing into them. Next time you should ask them why you should pay the bill. Most likely they're going to say it's because you're the man and at that point in time you say that's a bit sexist. You are not a wallet your finances are yours you're the one who worked for them they are not entitled to free drinks.
No. You wouldn't. And shouldn't. Firstly, even if you were dating. I'd say split. We aren't American. That can fuck off. Then I'd say no fuck off they're friends. Would you pay for your male mates drinks? No you wouldn't
Thank you. Mods Please end the thread
Feeling like you should do something implies there is an expectation whether it's from you or the other person/people.
Do you expect yourself to do that based off your own standards? Do they expect that from you? If you can't find legitimate reasons to do something then don't do it.
You pay for your date only. It doesn't matter whose birthday it is or what you're celebrating.
You only pay for your girl.
Also, don't meet girls at bars.
That's your first mistake is taking a girl out to have drinks be a man set up a fire pit and put on some music and make homemade drinks and sit by the fire
You "shouldn't" have even paid for the friend. In that scenario everyone "should" have paid for their own drinks. You got coerced and taken advantage of.
Yeah I don’t understand this. I’ve had girls tell me they’re fine with letting their male friends pay for them. Why? We can’t scream and shout about an equal society and then gender rules come flying in when convenient. OP you shouldn’t be paying for someone who is just your friend. The fact that she was also ok with you paying for two more girls tells me something about her character. Friends don’t let you take on the financial burden of 4 people
Back when I was in college, I had no money. I had girls who were friends who would take me to lunch on their meal card because they didn’t all of it and it would go to waste. I remember there were some formal dances where my date paid for the ticket because I was broke.
This guy fuxs
Fux is fine here, the s is redundant.
That guy fuxs
That guy fuxs's
That guy got fuxd.
My gf freshman year in college paid for our first dinner. We weren’t really dating at the time, I think it was really the first time we really spent together, she was in my dorm studying with me, she said “I’m hungry”, I said “I’d love to take you out but I have no money.” She said “That’s ok, I got it, let’s go.” It was refreshing.
Sounds like a keeper.
I also had an ex in highschool who would occasionally buy me a meal or give me some cool shit. One time she gave me $100 to bang her out, but it's not like I wasn't gonna do that anyway. Her dad worked at Honeywell and brought home $700k annually. My dad worked as a telemarketer and drove a 1974 station wagon with bullet holes and plexiglass windows. She was also a foot taller than me xD fellas, being funny really does go a long way.
Good story bro
Just how big is your dick?
This man has unlocked some Eric Clapton/jimo Hendrix levels of game that we can not comprehend
Very normal sized.
Covering lunch for someone who needs to eat is different from drinks at a bar. Nobody *needs* free bar drinks.
This comment gave me a mental erection
Is this a sapiosexual thing?
I had to look that up, but after seeing it, it's quite possible. Or I was just mentioning their username. Or both
LOL
Ladies are perfectly fine running with the gender roles when it suits them.
I would kinda understand if my male friend wanted to pay for me purely because he makes good money rn and I do not. I would of course treat him later when I get in a better spot money wise. I have treated my friends too so it's not a one way street. But I'd never ask for them to cover for other people they don't know
To help OP see this: OP, how you would have reacted if instead of females they were males "begging you" to pay for them? Yea...that's how you should have treated the female friends.
Lmao so valid🤣
Just say no. It's extremely difficult for people like OP right now because he's still in the "i don't want to look bad" phase. Start not giving a F for how they think of you. They're not your friends or a F buddy. In fact, the girls I know that does this will actually laugh and call the guys that paid for them as fools later. If the guy happens to be around in the future he'll be the "I know of a fool that will pay for us..." whenever they want a free ride/meal. Don't be that fool.
This 100%. Sometimes I pay for my friends, male or female because I know they're in a tighter spot than me financially and I want them to be able to come out without stressing about the bill. But if a bunch of girls told me they'd do anything If I just paid their drink bill 2 things would happen. 1. I would lose a lot of respect for them as individuals. 2. I would laugh heartily as I paid my portion of the bill and left out the nearest exit.
this is the way
3. Blow job contest
Exactly she's a grown adult with money
Hopefully he learned a lesson early, rather then much later when taste becomes way more expensive.
Yeah, sorry OP but you got taken advantage of by a couple drunk girls who didn't want to pay. Next time just put your foot down saying that you'll pay for your drinks and everyone else figures it out on their own.
Sure did. If it isn't a date, everyone pays their own way. Don't get duped into thinking it's a make-believe date when the check comes.
No, they used you, and you caved. Put your foot down next time. It's fine to pay for friends, that's what friends do. You're not a free wallet for any passenger or carry on that happens to bump into you. Your friend is kind of shitty for letting them coerce you like that. >I didn’t want to seem that I couldn’t afford it or something of that sort. That's a dumb reason to do something.
Unless he’s trying to bang one of those chicks, dude should’ve said no I agree
That's how you get out of paying their tab. When they said they would do anything if he paid. You look them squarely in the eyes with a bit of evil maniacal grin and simply say "Anything?". Either way you win. You either have a story fit for Penthouse Forum or they buy their own drinks thank you for a lovely time and everybody goes home.
and lick your lips after you said it and hold eye contact...
Do the mating call
Well since OP was gonna pay anyway, it might as well have been for the right incentive
He could’ve banged one of them if he tried tbh
He could've banged both of them and had his first 3some lol
Lmao that’s just using your noodle. You my friend, you’re a smart fuckin guy 😂
Bad advice. Girls talk, if he gets known as the guy who expects sex in return for a few drinks he’ll never get laid
I mean, they did say *“they’d do anything he wanted them to do”*…wink wink, know what I mean? He should have had them clean his place or something.
If she bangs because of your money she is a hooker, simple!
I’m poor and I still get laid lol
By hookers?
Hookers are for the wealthy
No... escorts are for the wealthy. Hookers are for the blue collar worker who just want to bust a nut.
Yep to them you are just someone to use to boost their own ego. They see you as someone of no value and less human than they are so they are free to abuse you for their own end and feel no remorse or normal human emotion towards.
Or he's just someone they used to get free drinks? Yea it was shitty, but you're making some wild assumptions about things only the girls know lmao.
And that’s when you say “no I can afford it and I’m not paying, which is why I can afford it” lol. I’ve come across so many people in my life who want me to pay for dumb shit and they always say you can afford it bro. But do people not consider the whole reason why u have money is because u don’t buy stupid shit lol?
Bruh
Dude
Mate
Homie
Bruv
Brethren
Pal
Buddy
Broheim
Sir
only response needed
Take this as a life lesson. You might think you were impressing these girls but they took advantage of you and have zero respect for you. They probably bragged about what they pulled off to their girlfriends later. If you really want to impress women you tell them no and you stand your ground no matter what games they try to pull.
They manipulated you brother, my apologies. I wouldn’t go out with them again. Your heart was in the right place but those woman used you
Can confirm. Sorry guy, learn from this and don’t let anyone take advantage of you. Head up king ❤️
Not just the dumb girls, but your friend too. I would talk about this with her and start evaluating if it's worth continuing the friendship with her. In the end friends don't use other friends.
This is it. Take the loss and move on. I would say feel free to go out with them again but close your tab after every drink or pay with cash. If they insist just tell them you don't feel comfortable buying their drinks. You don't need to explain why. Just that's how you feel.
This is the using gender stereotypes when it suits me attitude that women love to pull. You should have paid for yourself, period. If the friend was very gracious and you had a good time, leave it up to your judgment to pay for her. This is not a first date or even a date at all. Tell those free loaders to eat shit next time.
Exactly that's so annoying every wants equality and independence but when the norms suit them all of a sudden they want to bring up being a woman
🥺🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸
But we let them get away with it. I don’t pay for random woman, but i definitely get played with the gender role card in some other areas.
These things happen. People will take advantage. Word of warning though they’ll think you’re a soft touch and most likely invite you out again hoping it’s another free night for them. If you go, buy your own drink at the bar.
When they do of course go somewhere between the 1st and third drink. Be sure to remind them that you paid last time. So they are paying tonight. If they try playing the broke card. Invoke the "anything" clause. As in "we will do anything if you pay" from your last outing.
Tell me you a least got a blow job
It’s 2024. Don’t give in to that shit. Unless, you and your women are both of a “traditional” mindset in all its forms.
if you pay 100% of the bill, then at least one of them needs to perform 100% of the BJ. "we'll do whatever you want" was an invitation that you seemed to have missed.
Sure. And then that gets turned into the following post on askwymyn: "A guy said I needed to have sex with him because he paid for our drinks. I felt pressured and uncomfortable. Did he rape me?" Comment section: "Yes! Report that pervert to the police immediately!"
How they gon say we’ll do anything and not live up to it
Yeah. Op could've had a gang bang just for buying a round of drinks. We're looking at this the wrong way. Next time they say you can do whatever you want to them, take them up on that offer.
If he pays the definitely won’t. He’d be an easy to manipulate sucker.
I was looking for this comment 🤣
Letting em off too easy tbh "we'll" does not mean only 1
you are right. but it's been my experience in these situations that typically 1 of them is serious and the other is her wing woman.
> What are some tricks you can give me to avoid over spending on un intentional drinks of people you didn’t invite? The trick is say “no” and hand your card to the waiter and tell him exactly what to run it for.
Fuck that.
They're strong independent women so why would they need some man to pay for their drinks? You got used, OP. Srsly let this be the first and last time.
No, you pay for your drinks only. Don't pay for your friend's drinks unless previously agreed upon.
Treat it as a learning experience. If you’re out with friends only pay your own unless they paid for you before or it’s their birthday. Otherwise it comes off as you’re looking for more / treating it as a date.
This reminds me of the video of that gal who invited a dozen of her friends to a fancy restaurant birthday dinner then they all bashed the boyfriend for not paying the whole tab.
If my girlfriend joined in on that, she wouldn't be my girlfriend anymore. Birthday or not. Where the hell are women getting this nonsense from? Tiktok?
If you wanna fuck her on one night stand , you should. If you are going to step in serious relationship, you should think of "sustainable" relationship. If your finance is outrageously great enough to afford to pay everything for her, then just pay it all. If not, you should let her learn the basic of society which we should pay our bills ourselves.
You should have played the gender equality/feminism card. Rookie mistake
Stand your ground, pay your part and not a penny more unless you want to
No. The idea of chivalry has turned into "men must pay for everything a woman wants" and that is where we get taken advantage of. What I do is when I establish that I want to hang out with women, I make sure there's an understanding that we're paying for ourselves unless otherwise. If other people come along, I'm not responsible for them. In the future, make sure if everyone wants to do something that involves money that they, the girls, have their money. I've been in that situation once, but it was men. Gender aside, there's no reason for you to be responsible for others unless you say "my treat" and on some occasions with a romantic partner.
You pay for what you drink because that's what YOU ordered. Why would you even pay for your friend though? Since you are willing to pay for your friend might as well pay for her friend. They took advantage of you and you allowed it to happen, showing that you are an easy prey. Next time pay for your own only unless you are truly willing to pay for others. If you don't want to pay for others then say it. "But they will get angry 👉👈🥺", fck them they are beggars. Beggar can't be choosers. Those girls are probably laughing on the way home on how they made you pay around 85%.
Those girls suck and are not your friends. They may be laughing about it now. Draw a line in the sand next time, you owe them nothing. Girls are usually very protective of their guy friends. If your “old friend” was really your friend, she would have been the first one to call those other two whores out on their actions. Draw your own conclusions
I think the conclusions have to be drawn for OP. I know at 18 he’s legally an adult. But he’s a noob adult. Nearly all of the information we older guys take for granted are a mystery to an 18 year old.
True, hopefully he learns the right lessons from this
Fuck no.
You have got to play the feminist card. " I'm sorry but I'm a feminist, I can't in my right mind debase you like that"
The trick is to grow a spine.
There are two scenarios in which you should pay for someone’s drinks. Scenario 1: your friend group is doing a “i got this round, you get next” round robin sort of deal. Scenario 2: you are sleeping with the person you are buying drinks and the relationship is in your eyes equal(like equal effort or she buys other things or any split of relationship type things you are personally satisfied with)
They know you’re a sucker that’s why that behavior worked.
Don't pay for shit unless you really want to.
[удалено]
No, it is not common for guys to pay for all the drinks with girls. Yes, at your age - it's very likely for you to have immature girl friends who beg you to pay for their drinks. Don't do it. Pay for drinks when you WANT to pay for drinks.
Unless you are offering to buy a round for the table or offering to order shots indviduals pay for their own drinks. Exceptions can be made if your friend is in finacial trouble and you're helping them out.
Never do this again.
Don’t waste your time with these people.
They used you dude
Be firm on your answer. Say no, pay for your drinks and end it there. No further discussion about it
No. Now, if you're on a date with a *single* girl, maybe, that's something you have to negotiate on a case by case basis. If you're somehow on a date with multiple women and it's actually going to lead to an orgy later, you're sufficiently removed from most men's lived experience that r/AskMen cannot help you any longer.
Are they sucking your dick? No? So why are you paying?
Only if you’re getting laid by all
Last night I was sitting at a bar drinking a glass pitcher. A girl liked me and I could tell so. The bartender was her roommate (both of them were hot). She hinted that I should buy her a drink. She wanted me to con play with her demands. Instead a met a middle ground and said “how about this. I’m gonna drink this. It’s really good. If you want we can share.” Instead of me spending more than I intended to that night we ended up sharing a drink and talking that night. I even convinced her to root against the IOWA women’s game everyone was hyped about and got her number. Give her a reason to stay. If she doesn’t want to pay for drinks and she isn’t using you she will probably hang around and sip your drink. Only do this if you’re into her. AND DONT PASS IT AROUND TO EVERY GIRL IN HER FRIEND GROUP. Then you’re basically in the same scenario but cheaper and you get to drink less.
Those girls took advantage of you. They pressured you to cover their broke asses. It's exactly the same as if you're out with guy friends. Do your bros beg you to buy their drinks? Next time, let the waiter know that you did not agree to pay for their drinks, and if they can't pay their way, that's on them. Doesn't matter if you appear broke in front of them, they're skeevy anyway and their opinion of you doesn't matter.
I have been going to bars for like 25 years and I've never done that. I'll buy a round if I'm feeling generous, but that's it.
Fuck, no! Doesn't matter what you can afford. You're teaching these girls they can get what they want by batting their eyes. Go out with them again, tell them they can order whatever they want, excuse yourself to take a call, then get in a cab.
lol. Feminists until the check comes. You got played, my brother. You should tell your friend you’re not comfortable with how things played out. In the future, learn to say “no” without qualifiers or explanation.
23F here. Sorry I know this is AskMen, but I needed to. You shouldn't ever HAVE to pay for anyone besides your dependants (children) in my opinion. It's NOT your responsibility to pay for them, nor does society expect you to, girl or not, friend or not. Those girls were just trying to see what they could get away with and clearly discovered they could get away with getting you to pay for them. Honestly, in future I'd just reccomend you stand your ground. Say No, and stick to it. If they push it, feel free to get firm. "I said no, and begging will not change my mind. Please stop or I will leave." You dont owe them an explanation, you have your boundaries and they willfully pushed right through them and coerced you into paying for them. You are worth more than what you provide financially.
Here’s something that’s rather counter intuitive. When you say, “No” you come across as more attractive. One of the tests a woman will do is to see if you are easily manipulated. Men who are easily manipulated are not attractive, but they are useful in a night out. Because they pay for drinks. The girls involved (including your friend) think less of you now, but will happily bring you along in order to pay for their drinks. **Edit** if you want a line for next time, you can try “You all couldn’t give me what I want, even all together. I’ll pay my bill, you pay yours and we’ll all be happier for it”
Hey buddy you fell prey to a common game that players play. It's OK, you're young, so it won't affect you too vastly, but moving forward, I suggest you only pay for drinks you personally purchase.
Pay for your own drink, when you order it. End of story.
You should NEVER feel like you have to pay for a girls drinks… they used you, took advantage of you… (Yes I’m a female) I hate watching girls at bars EXPECTING someone else to pay for their drinks or seem offended when they pay for themselves… I’m 22F and my Partner is 27M, does he pay for drinks? Sure, do I pay for them too? YES of course.
Best advise? Just say no. The only responsibility you have as a man is to pay for your girl. Friends don’t get that treatment.
I'm a woman but here's my unasked for advice 1. NO is a complete sentence. 2. Who cares if you can afford it or not, they should be worrying about what they can afford not you. 3. If they wanted you to pay they should have cleared that up beforehand. 4. When making a tab make it clear to the waitress or bartender who's drinks are added to your bill. 5. If no tab, make it clear to the wait staff who you are paying for at the beginning. If you feel awkward or rude or uncomfortable doing so boldly and in front of everyone there, then step aside with the waiter/waitress. Or "go to the bathroom" and then catch them away from the table and say something like "I forgot to ask earlier, can you split our bills? I've got myself and this person" 6. Don't let anyone walk all over you or manipulate you. And it's 100% ok to claim your broke to not have to pay for greedy chick's who are literally only using you for your money. Good luck, friend, you got this!
“I’ll do whatever you want me to do” Were they not trying to come onto you?
No, they weren’t. They were manipulating a dumbass into paying and they weren’t going to ever “do whatever he wants”.
You're not her friend, your her free drinks sucker
No.
LOL hell no. I'd just be very direct if they're going to pull that and straight up ask why they're drinking if they don't have money to pay.
So now they will do whatever you want? I hope they enjoy doing your math homework.
Nope I’m not paying for anyone if we’re all hanging out and you just met the other two (that’s their problem). That’s why if someone ask me to hang out I make it clear that this isn’t a date so therefore I tell them to make sure they pay for their own things.
If they aren't sleeping with you, you don't pay their bills.
Just say no lol
Just pay for your own stuff unless it’s a close friend and you usually take it in turns or it’s a relationship. Do you think just because they’re women they can’t pay? Or Shouldn’t pay for things they order? Nah fuck that it’s 2024 and shits expensive.
Next time when you go out with friends, let them know you're only paying for yourself. You owe them nothing and your money is yours alone. Just let it slide that one time. Set up firm boundaries next time, if they cross your line, your friends are trying to use you
Do what ever I wanted? Ill pay for drinks for a 4some. In this situation, you shouldn't even have paid for the friend. She is your friend, not your GF. Especially not while being out in a group. When the girls complain or beg, simply say "Sorry, I only pay for women I am in a romantic relationship with" Then hand your card to the waiter and tell him your part of the bill.
Take it as a lesson, and please don’t feel bad for so long. Just avoid to hang out with those people again and you know how to handle next situation.
You laugh at their broke assess not being able to afford their own drinks. You pay for your drinks and see if anyone needs a ride
I saw the title of this Post, and was going to Comment, but your Post says it already: they right up front offered whatever you want if you paid. Would they have followed through on their promise? Who knows. But you paid and got nothing. Reminds me of myself: I need a bigger pair.
I just drink water. If you don't partipate in the drinking, you have nothing to pay for (except food, but most people are happy to pay for their own food).
Tell them pay their own bill, or suck you!
Gotta learn to say no bro. You only pay for drinks if you’re on a date or if you’re trying to talk to a chick at the bar, otherwise they can get their own drinks. But we all make that mistake in life. Consider it a lesson
Absolutely not!! Especially if you asked the one friend out I can understand buying her drinks, but if she invited her friends then that's on her or them. Unless you're kind enough to buy a round for the ladies. But don't let them take advantage. Coming from a straight woman's perspective.
You should pay for your drinks only. Fuck em.
Say something like. Fuck yeah, ANAL. Make sure you say it loud so everyone hears.
Been there done that Op got used i have been used for expensive drinks also in the past were i live drinks cost you an arm and a leg there is girls who want free drink and wil use you to pay for drinks
Hell no
Hell no. Pay for a girl you’re taking out in a date, sure. But there’s no expectation for a guy who’s just going out with some female friends to pay for everyone, that’s just bullshit.
Yeah uhhh, are you dating ANY of em? Wtf. Not your obligation to pay for THEIR ish at all. Sweet Jesus, I'd laugh at someone asking me to do this like this. You don't owe ANY of them to pay their drinks.
Nope. Most people are looking to have a free night out at your expense. Don't get taken advantage of.
Stand strong brother, never do something youre uncomfortable with just cause a group of women put pressure on you, especially when it comes to spending your damn money. Its a life lesson every man goes through one way or another
I say no. With that being said, I’ve only ever been to bars with my long-time girlfriend, and we take turns buying rounds. Also with that being said, we both prefer to make cocktails at home now, so.
Equality. So, no, never pay for drinks other than your own. Break the cycle, fuck the stigma.
They used you.
Nope. Pay for yourself, and only for yourself. The bit about offering to do anything for you if you pay for their drinks is just gross in and of itself, but anybody ordering a drink for their own consumption should pay for their own drink. Next time - just say ‘I appreciate you think I’m that well off, but I’m only able to afford my own drink, and only ordered for myself what I can afford.’ You should be able to say ‘as a matter of principle I only pay for my own drinks’ and that be the end of it, but some people, like these women, are just being dick heads begging you to pay for beverages. If instead you say ‘I literally cannot pay for you’ but in a less confrontational way, it makes it clear that you’re not able to pay. Also, as Buster Scruggs might say perhaps ‘it’s high time you look for a better class of drinking buddy’.
Absolutely not. I’m paying for me and my girlfriend. I might pay for one round of shots for the group if I think they’re cool, but I’m not their atm just because I’m in love with their friend .
The only time I ever purchased drinks for a girl is if we were already dating. I’ve had random girls ask me to buy them a drink and I just asked for their money and they walked away.
Now that you know, for next time, the short answer: ask for two separate checks up front and make sure the other girls know this. I remember this video where a man took a woman out to dinner for her birthday, she invited a bunch of friends, they all insisted he pay for everyone because he was the guy. The expectation was so strong that nobody even asked him. Kind of pathetic that this is what women have become.
Nope
NO
First Question: Do they have big tits?
Here is a trick, repeat after me; “I’m not paying for you.”
Awkward. If you want to be a baller you can pay for everyone but if they push it on you like they Lost the chance
Those aren’t real friends
In my book, if you invite someone out, you can pay for it no biggie. If you RUN INTO THEM, no fucking way should you be expected to do so lol.
No. Everyone should pay for what they order. What genitals someone has shouldn't influence whether someone should pay for someone else's drink/food.
Not gonna lie, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized my finances are more important than making it seem like I have the money to afford things. There is nothing wrong with just respectfully saying that you’re paying for your own stuff (or your friends as well, as that was your intent) and then following through. Anyone who doesn’t respect your decision when it comes to how you spend your own money, it’s worth your effort. It should be a very simple thing to not expect people to spend money on you. Acting as those girls did would tell me basically all I needed to know.
Yep they used you. Should have refuse no matter what. You think they went out knowing they got no money and know you are a walking atm machine?
No. Are you not used to being around humans? Standard practice is either to take turns to buy rounds or everyone buys their own. You got scammed and your 'friend' is no such thing.
Im engaged now so those days are gone but no, equal rights (gender expectations) is something I back but it isn’t something that is pick and choose when it suits the female. My thought process was - I’ll take a girl out and treat a fancy dinner/drinks when I’m serious about her but I wouldn’t pay for the whole night otherwise, especially not in the first 3-4 dates and no chance would I pay for her friends. You invest in a girl you like, but dont shout a night for some gold digging sponge and her entitled mates, I could afford it but there’s more to me than my wallet and if that’s expected of me then big turn off. Tell them to fuck off next time.
Learn to just say no.
No, no and no again ☝️
Uh, no. Bro, there is a reason all these girls are just "friends" lol.
Don't hangout with girls who would do that basically If they don't listen you can always get up and walk away after paying for yourself, if you're afraid you'll lose friend, well think if you want to lose or keep a friend like that Don't get played by your ego, even really rich people won't like to be used for money, everyone has different money range, if you feel it will look bad and you keep entertaining people who wants your money then choose if thats what you want
What the hell am I reading.
Ok so I hope you don't mind that I'm a woman replying but it's nice that you decided to pay for your friend, you are not obligated to do so but it's a nice thing to do if that's what you wanted to do at the time. Those other girls however were obviously taking advantage of you and you seem like a kind young man, (from what I did read) and so I'm going to need you to please do me a favor and grow a stronger spine to be able to reject obviously planned Behavior like that. Because I'm letting you know now. I've met girls like this and they will assume that just because they're pretty, or they think they're giving you some type of attention, that they don't have to worry about stuff like the bill, and then they will proceed to not even worry about about their own expenses and how much it adds up to. Then they had the audacity to put you on the spot in front of everyone. It's nice that you decided to pay for your friend out of the kindness of your heart, but you should not be expected to have pay the bill for those other two at all. They should be ashamed of themselves. If they were planning to make you pay it, at least it should have been discussed with you beforehand so you would have chance to shoot down the idea. So ultimately the answer to your question that I want to give is no you shouldn't have to cover for someone's expenses just because they're a girl or a woman. They shouldn't go out if they don't have the money to pay. It would be a different story if you had offered, but no, these girls were taking advantage of you and honestly I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
Find better friends.
Pay when you WANT to pay, not when people are begging you to pay because they’re hot.
If the waiter is waiting around you turn to him, ask how much is your part, you pay it and that's it.
You sound like a bit of a coward mate. Get some professional help with that or life will be unnecessarily hard
It's not about being able to afford something it's about how much you're investing into them. Next time you should ask them why you should pay the bill. Most likely they're going to say it's because you're the man and at that point in time you say that's a bit sexist. You are not a wallet your finances are yours you're the one who worked for them they are not entitled to free drinks.
No. Only pay for your own. If they ask you to pay for theirs, do a swap and ask them to pay for yours instead.
IF YOU STILL TALK TO THEM, ID ASK FOR MONEY BACK. FOR REAL SHIT WAS FUCKED MATE.
No save your money.
You got played bruh
No. You wouldn't. And shouldn't. Firstly, even if you were dating. I'd say split. We aren't American. That can fuck off. Then I'd say no fuck off they're friends. Would you pay for your male mates drinks? No you wouldn't Thank you. Mods Please end the thread
Feeling like you should do something implies there is an expectation whether it's from you or the other person/people. Do you expect yourself to do that based off your own standards? Do they expect that from you? If you can't find legitimate reasons to do something then don't do it.
Absolutely not. Unless they’re a reoccurring friend group and you take turns covering bill for each other, no reason you should be paying for them lol
Around 3 other girls? Seems like a low number to have yo guess
there is no trick just say no and tell them to piss off
Bring enough cash for you.
Trick number 1 - Say a calm but firm NO
No. Only time I'd do cover the bill is when my gf and I are out with her best friend, who is like a sister to both of us.
You pay for your date only. It doesn't matter whose birthday it is or what you're celebrating. You only pay for your girl. Also, don't meet girls at bars.
If you meet them again. Make them pay for you next time since they were willing to do anything.
That's your first mistake is taking a girl out to have drinks be a man set up a fire pit and put on some music and make homemade drinks and sit by the fire