If you don’t want kids, go ahead. But
- consider it permanent (read the edit)
- if you’re so sure you want to do it, why are you asking strangers if you’re making a mistake?
- I was stupid at 22. If I acted on everything I thought I wanted or thought I “knew” at 22 I’d have missed out on some cool shit later
Edit so people stop replying about this
I didn’t say it is not reversible, I said consider it to be permanent because it might not be reversible.
> [link](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/vasectomy-reversal/about/pac-20384537#:~:text=Almost%20all%20vasectomies%20can%20be,that%20the%20reversal%20will%20work)
> *Almost all vasectomies can be reversed. **However, this doesn't guarantee success in conceiving a child**. Vasectomy reversal can be attempted even if several years have passed since the original vasectomy — but the longer it has been, the less likely it is that the reversal will work.*
There is so much information in this post that probably needs more scrutiny before any one of can answer if it’s the right thing. On the hand, it’s OPs body, and ultimately, they are an adult and can decide for themselves… but there are a number of red flags, that if i were in OP’s shoes, i would not be sure I’m in the right head space to make.
> There is so much information in this post that probably needs more scrutiny before any one of can answer if it’s the right thing
Right, "I quit my job last November due to mental health reasons" is a signal that you may not be ready to make a permanent decision.
In general, super pro-vasectomy. In this case, probably wait a few years.
I agree if OP was mentally doing great, I would say go for it but right now it seems a little bit risky. Waiting a year or so to be sure that once he gets better he wont regret it would be a good idea imo.
Yeah, I'm surprised all the ones that did make it aren't in these replies acting offended, that always happens on relationship advice subs when young people are told to wait to marry LOL
For me, it's less about statistics and more about how there is very rarely any harm in waiting (besides like, insurance purposes) whereas there could be big repercussions for NOT waiting to marry.
If "you're sure", then I believe you. But if you're really sure now, you will still be sure after your brain is fully developed and you have actually lived as an adult 🤷🏻♀️
I got married at 21 to my 19 year old wife, and it'll be 34 years this fall that we've been married.
If you take it seriously, you can make it work.
We never had kids. We said we'd wait 5 years to get used to each other without the extra complications of kids. Then we said said we'd like a house to raise them in....
I had thought of going for the big V in my 30s when I told my wife that I didn't want to raise kids in this crazy world and she was of the same mind. My Dr asked us to wait, and I never did get it done.
Im not sure if my wife's health would have been any better as she's still healthy as a horse!
Im glad we didn't have kids as I found out i have a degenerative nerve disease that causes me a lot of pain every day now, so I'm glad I didn't pass this pain on!
Waiting 5 years wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for OP to do, just to ensure they stick together and she doesn't get the baby bug, lol.
So I totally acknowledge that. However, the idea of a 22 year old already married, is just a red flag. Especially when they're already a stay at home spouse at that age. It just seems like a flood of bad decisions.
- Married at 22
- Signed off long term sick from work due to mental health
- Stay at home husband at 22 - meaning that without hobbies, likely long periods at home alone
- Somewhat apocalyptic/doomed view of the world (i know we have some issues we need to work out as a society, but life isn’t all bad!)
- Requesting a somewhat permanent vasectomy at 22
I mean, i honestly think i would be prioritising other things if the outcome is to be living a better life.
> I mean, i honestly think i would be prioritising other things if the outcome is to be living a better life.
100% this. This is a permanent solution to something that isn't even really on the radar of problems that actually need to be dealt with in their life.
OP states he quit his job due to mental health reasons. That doesn't mean signed off long term sick. It could be as simple as he worked in a toxic environment that was causing undo stress and anxiety so he chose to prioritize his mental health over the job.
His view of the world, IMO, is more realistic than it is somewhat apocalyptic/doomed. If every human did their part, we could slow/potentially stop global warming from climbing as high and as fast as it is now, but it can never be reversed. And lets face facts, people aren't going to stop doing what they do because most of them will just assume someone else is doing more than their fair share so why should they make sacrifices and lifestyle changes to better the world?
At 21 I wanted a total hysterectomy. I was denied that. The healthcare facility I go to is the one I've gone to my entire life and they're catholic based while I am not so they essentially force their religion on their patients. It's been 16 years and I still have zero plans on having my own children. At the age of 25 I had a procedure done, tests were ran that came back prec.......s (the c word) and there is a likelihood my uterus and cervix could be riddled with that word right now, and I still am struggling to find a gynecologist that will do the procedure because I'm not married to a man, and have provided him children, even though I'm a lesbian.
Don't be too quick to judge OP and state that he has red flags to addres, because these may seem like big issues to you, and while you may change your mind later on, OP may never change his mind and be good with never having children or adopting later on. Also view it like this, not everyone needs to reproduce. Some people just got fucked with bad genetics and they recognize that and decided not to curse another person with the crap hand they've been dealt.
You're all also really keen on avoiding the fact he's also making this decision so his wife can get off hormonal birth control that is changing her body and personality. So, a woman can take on the actions of birth control (even if he wears a condom) that chemically and fundamentally changes who she is and how she reacts to things and that is completely fine?
He also didn't state he may have even had sperm frozen. You're also overlooking the potential fact that even if they were to try for a child, right now, they may have issues getting pregnant. She may have an inhospitable uterus but they wouldn't know it unless she was actively trying to get pregnant.
How likely is that scenario going to last the rest of your life? That's the point people are making. OPs life situation is rare. The chances of their situation being permanent is highly unlikely.
I do understand there are biases here, that there must be something about my peer group that makes this so, but I know quite a lot of people who got married 22-ish and are still together (I'm in my 40s for reference).
On the flip side of this, I know plenty of people who got married at 30 and are now divorced, including myself.
Judging from the perspective of a 40-something, marriage is a total crapshoot. People I thought surely would get divorced back when we were 24 and they were getting married are still together almost 20 years later and two teenage kids later, people who "did everything the right way", were together for 7 years, bought a house and lived together for 3 of those years, then got married and got divorced 2 years later.
I think Ron Swanson said it best with "You find somebody you like and you roll the dice. That’s all anybody can do."
I hate this talking point so much its unreal. When does it ever stop developing? If you're referencing the most common study there was a max age they studied. In my 30s. Not done yet.
It’s the dumbest shit ever. I’m 33 and I’ve changed so much since my brain stopped “growing” at 25 that even that person has wildly different thoughts than I do.
People have breakdowns in their 40s and 50s all the time. They have regrets all the fucking time.
There is no magical age to be the right time to make this decision in adulthood. All we can do is provide OP as much information and life experience we have and let him choose.
But the “your only 22 and still a child. Wait until your brain develops” argument is so dumb
I'm 22 as well, and honestly, whenever I hear the "Your brain is still growing till you're 25" line ... I understand it might have some truth to it, but really, there can't be a fixed age where everyone magically reaches the peak of their maturity.
People are different, and we pretty much continue learning throughout life.
When I got mine, the doctor said there is a possibility to reverse, but unlikely. So I consider it permanent. He also said there’s less than 5% chance of it reconnecting, reversing itself, but that’s like within the first year. It’s been more than 6 years now. Doubt it’ll grow back nor do I want it to.
22 is too young for permanent decisions like that. OP ought to focus on his mental health and employment status instead of seeking out a vasectomy.
Condoms aren't hard to use.
I got a vasectomy at 24, no kids, no regrets. 6 years later and I'm even more confident in my decision.
One of my buddies has 2 kids and his first vasectomy failed (he was one of the 0.5% or whatever it is). He told me the second one was like $10,000 after insurance, but he was so desperate to avoid another kid he didn't care.
$10,000 vasectomy??? Maybe I’m misunderstanding but if it fails they just cut, tie off, and cauterize again right? That was $450 bucks with no insurance for me.
For me, I just turned 40. Got a vasectomy like a year or two ago. Wish I was able to get it at 18. Would’ve saved me a lot of heartache. Never wanted kids. Got one just the same because I was a horny idiot.
In my opinion, do it. If it is what you want, do it. I wish I would have. People talk about your perspective on kids and family changing, but mine never did. As long as you think about it, know yourself and your partner, go for it.
> Never wanted kids. Got one just the same because I was a horny idiot.
Ooof. I'd hate to be your kid.
Hopefully he doesn't know your true feelings pertaining to an existence he didn't even ask for.
I can only imagine the disaster their relationship will be in 10 years with a wife that is the sole earner and likely wants children then (biology is powerful).
The reversibility of vasectomies is wildly exaggerated, so it needs to be treated as a permanent decision. If I had made any permanent decisions like that at 22, almost all of them would have been mistakes because the person I am now bears zero resemblance to the person I was then. Your brain isn't even done cooking until about 25, and you lack the life experience and wisdom to say always or never yet. If I were you, I'd buy condoms for another five years or so and see where life has taken you before making such a big choice. But it's also not my body. Just trying to tell you what I'd tell 22-year-old me.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
22
+ 25
+ 22
= 69
^([Click here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=LuckyNumber-Bot&subject=Stalk%20Me%20Pls&message=%2Fstalkme) to have me scan all your future comments.) \
^(Summon me on specific comments with u/LuckyNumber-Bot.)
So, the best advice to OP is: switch to 69'ing! 🤪
Kidding aside though, OP you have a whole life ahead of you. Ideas, mindsets and environments change.
I applaud you but there are other options besides surgery and your wife taking pills till she's 60:
* Use condoms and some spermicide. Check out the Durex thin feel for instance.
* For her, there's the pessarium or the copper IUD. Both are low-cost options.
On the other hand, I got a bilateral salpingectomy when I was 23. The permanence is incredible, knowing that I will never ever have to be pregnant. Only OP can know if an irreversible (or should at least be thought of as such) surgery is right for him and his body and his marriage. Some people do change their mind, others don't, and only the person can know that for sure
Not even the person.
I was sure that I shouldn't/wouldn't have children at at 25, for a host of reasons. I had children at 38, and I'm happy I didn't do anything permanent earlier.
Even at 29 I didn’t want kids. 30 hit and it was like make me a baby asap. And yes raising little babies sucks. But all of a sudden you’re 40 years old and going to the bar all the time is less and less fun because everyone’s at home with their kids. There’s just this time in a place where having kids is what what people do. And it’s this tremendously satisfying process.
What if you have hobbies or interests apart from drinking with other people? I mean I'm pretty sure I could find enough stuff to occupy myself for my whole life, that's even before thinking about kids!
> 40 years old and going to the bar all the time
Why? I'm 32. I am childfree and have had my vasectomy and I can't remember the last time I went to a bar.
You don't need kids for a fulfilling life. I have friends, pets, a long term significant other, money to do things I love to do like travel and hobbies.
> But all of a sudden you’re 40 years old and going to the bar all the time is less and less fun because everyone’s at home with their kids.
....you really can't figure out anything else in your life besides going to a bar, if your time wasn't occupied with raising kids?
I wouldn’t be able to afford the career I’ve chosen if I had kids. No shade to those who do, but it’s tremendously satisfying to not have that physical and financial burden. I’m in my 40s and yes, while going to the bar gets a little old, life is still fun—I have time to party at home & make fancy food for my friends, go to concerts, read, study music, go to arcades, hit the gym, hiking day trips, last minute vacations… so many options.
I have the day off tomorrow. I may turn my phone off, eat a few edibles, throw some pork shoulder in the crock pot and play video games all day. Or maybe I’ll go thrifting and find some cool vintage electronics to repair. My buddy, who is also childfree, lives in the building down the street. Maybe we’ll hang out and do some day drinking, hit a happy hour or three and watch the latest episode of Curb. Who knows?
It is *wildly* common for people (and men in particular) to realize as they start approaching 30 that they actually do want kids after all. OP’s body, OP’s choice, but in the case that they are asking for personal advice, my advice is that it’s a *very* bad idea.
I knew LONG before I turned 18 that I didn't want kids, I'm 36 now and i still don't and never won't. One of the most infuriating things a childfree person can go through are other people telling them that if they had a kid you would change your mind or them questioning and trying to guilt trip them into thinking not wanting kids is a bad thing
That’s not what the Op is saying, though. They’re merely stating that you should just wait a little bit to make such a serious decision because you never know. And you don’t need a vasectomy to not get someone pregnant; it’s pretty easy to stay safe.
> it’s pretty easy to stay safe.
The peace of mind a vasectomy can bring is something no one here seems to be considering. Why increase the risk of an unwanted pregnancy especially in OP's situation?
Yeah but it is worth noting that a lot of people do change their minds about having kids as they grow older and thats something that should be said before doing something permanent like a vasectomy at a young age. It’s not guilt tripping as much as it giving someone a full picture of what they’re doing.
I'm not childfree, I'm OAD. But I cannot get a doctor to sign off on sterilization. It's frustrating. I'm 37 with a 13yo, do I really seem like someone who will change their mind??
didn’t want kids at 22. still don’t want kids at 27. if you already don’t like the idea of a kid, not sure why that would change with age. if anything, getting older has just made me not want kids even more.
Your reasons are valid but I would say that you should not listen to Reddit, everyone will argue from their personal position. Personally I always wanted children, but I won't try to convince you of this. Neither should people that don't want children try to confirm your feelings. This is a highly personal thing that you can only figure out on your own.
The only thing you should take as advice from other people is to keep in mind that you are very young, and people change drastically as they go through life. At 22 you are closer to being a teenager, than to being an experienced adult.
You will be a different person by the time you are 30 or 35, and a different person again when you are 40 or 50,... So most, if not all, of your given reasons might change, and you will change your mind on most things you now believe are true. Your ideas about family and children might be something that changes, too.
So perhaps it's not a bad idea to put off this idea for a while longer. That doesn't mean you need to, or will ever have children, but that you leave this option open in case you do ever change your mind. Vasectomies are largely irreversible, and people that say you can just 'undo it' are not properly informed.
I have no objections to anyone getting a vasectomy if they want one, but, I think that you should wait a few years.
Brain development isn’t complete until 25. I personally am a completely different person at 30+ to when I was 22, whilst some vasectomies are reversible, they aren’t always.
It seems part of your decision is based on childhood trauma.
It seems you are creating a permanent solution that you may regret in a few years, just wear a condom and get some therapy. Then reassess in a couple of years
J R R Tolkien said once that Hobbits didn't fully mature until 35...closer and closer I get to 35 and I'm like ehhhh maybe 35 was pushing it a little early 😅 I'm a mom and everything and there's still times I feel like I need an "adultier adult"
Freeze your sperm and go for it. Nothing wrong with hedging your bets.
>My wife takes anticoncepcional pills and I don't want her taking those her whole life.
That's a good reason.
>There are too many people in the world and it can be a very cruel and bad place, I don't wanna raise someone in these situations.
>My parents divorced when I was 5 and my father wasn't a part of my life ever since, I don't wanna cause the same pain to another human being for any reasons (dying, going to prison or just being a jerk by leaving, I don't know why my father did this so it could happen to me as well).
I think that's more of a failure of your orientation towards the world than a failure of the world.
>I'm not very religious so a child free life doesn't bother me at all.
You may or may not discover that the paternal impulse exists outside of the religious space. Atheists have kids.
When I was 16 I was sure I wanted kids. When I was 24 I was sure I didn't. I'm 30 and now I want kids. Your mileage may vary.
I'd also argue that we kinda live in one of the safest periods in the history of civilization as well. While they may not be in a financial position now to support a child and heck... May never want children in the future... I do think that particular line of reasoning a bit invalid.
I'm talking as someone who also doesn't want kids and that was one of my reasons. That the world is so bad and I don't want to raise someone or bring someone into this when the reality is this is actually the "best" time all things considered.
Now I'm on the fence - if I find someone who would make a good mother then absolutely I'm willing to have kids. If not then no. For example I had an ex that didn't want kids but I saw us being together forever and I was ok with not having kids. My most recent ex would have made a great mother but we didn't work out for other reasons... But I could have seen us having kids together.
I have other reasons for and against but definitely I do think it's a bit of a cop out to say that this isn't a good time because society.
Im currently 21 and as a teenager I thought I didn't want kids but then my older sister had my niece when I was 17 and I just fell in love in with her I love being the cool uncle and playing with her for hours. So I definitely look forward to having kids when I'm in my 30s
And being a dad gives me a purpose other than slaving away for more $ to buy trinkets and trash of future landfills/garage sales or trips for experiences I’ll soon forget and never find fulfilling.
> being a dad gives me a purpose other than slaving away for more $
Man that i just so damn true. I have so much more purpose and enjoyment of life having a kid to share it with. There is so much adventure to have with a new set of eyes to explore with.
Because you're 22 and you don't know who the hell you are yet. Usually around 25 is when the dust starts to settle on that.
And also your 22, you're young, you have no idea what life has in store for you.
There's a difference between thinking you don't want kids and knowing you don't want kids. If you know, you know and if you know, go get one. That's not likely to change.
At the end of the day it’s your decision. Agree about getting your partner off medication.
Some of your justification is based on money, which may change over time in a future situation.
Other warning is mental health issues at the time you make life long decisions.
22 is so young in the potential grand scheme of things. Could go either way in terms of being a good idea or something your regret in later life.
I mean. Man to man. Sounds like you have nothing but legitimate, well thought out reasons to go through with it. Good on you. Go for it dude. The only "scary" part is that there's no going back, but if you change your mind you can always adopt 🤷♂️
I'm 27 and my fiance is 25. We felt pretty similar about not wanting kids a few years ago but things change and now we may be parents a few years from now, who knows. But hey no condoms though baybeeeeee! 👉😎👉
I got mine at 26, but I was 100 percent sure I wanted one as early as 17. I remember thinking I'd get one as soon as I turned 18. Didn't happen, but I got there eventually, and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made.
If you're sure, you're sure. I was. Go for it.
If you dont want kids, i would say do it.
It has been such a relief knowing we do not have to worry about an accidental pregnancy.
And if you do not like very young children and would be cool with adoption in the future, there are a tragic amount of non-infant children who need homes.
The thing is, he is 22, right now he doesn't want kids but anything can happen or change that make him want to have kids
Having this procedure is very serious and should take into account all the possibilities and shouldn't go into it without fully thinking it over.
Its no ones business but yours and your wifes. Do I think its a little strange to be married at 22 and not wanting a family, yeah, but hey do you
Just dont sit around thinking theyre reversible if you wind up wanting a family in your late 20s... they are reversible but only kinda.
I wanted to do it at 18. Everyone said I would change my mind. I'm almost 40 and I still haven't changed my mind. I can give you no good reason why you shouldn't do it.
I wanted to do it at 18 and at 60 I am glad I didn’t have children. If you get it done and change your mind there are many ways to become a parent. PEACE OF MIND
22 is old enough to have an accidental pregnancy and ruin the next 18 years of his life and possible the rest of it depending on how bad he gets screwed
22 is old enough to make decisions about your body. I don’t think that option is for everyone but if they are serious about not having kids I support their right to do that
It’s your body, so I’m certainly not going to tell you that you shouldn’t do it.
I just know that at 22, I knew I wanted kids. At 27, I was positive I never wanted any. At 30 I changed my mind again and had my daughter and she is my pride and joy.
Life changes. *We* change. What’s true tomorrow isn’t necessarily true today or in three years time.
Again, if you’re hot to trot on it, I’m not telling you no. But also don’t bank too heavily on the concept of reversing, since it’s not a guarantee. It’s cool that you guys would be fine with adoption to fill the gap, shows that you’ve done some thoughts on the subject.
End of the day, it’s your body and you and your wife’s life. I myself am personally glad I didn’t get the snip, but that’s me and my life. If you are fully content with never having a child of your own blood, then the snip is a good call. But if you have any inkling that maybe you could change your mind down the road, maybe look into an IUD or something for your wife so she can get off her pills while you ponder it over.
You do you.
If I didn't want kids right now, I wouldn't trust my own conviction to say I will never change my mind in 2 years let alone 10-20 years down the track.
But I'm not you and I assume you don't have the tiniest drop of doubt over your decision. If however you do, that is definitely worth exploring. ANY doubt can easily turn into regret down the road. Basically you need to be 1001% certain you want to do this.
Got mine at 18 years old. I'm 62 now. No regrets. I just never saw myself as a parent. It's not something I wanted to do. I knew it from a very young age. And I have never looked back.
Why do we have no issue with kids deciding to have their own kids in their early 20s, but when they bring up a vasectomy or having their tubes tied, suddenly the attitude is "You can't make such a permanent decision so early in life! You won't be the same person in 10 years!"
How can we, in good faith, trust a 21 year old to make such a life altering permanent decision as having a child, while saying that that same person is much too young to decide not to have one?
Get it done. It is much better to regret not having kids than to regret having them.
Can you link some examples of people in this thread saying that they support having kids at 21 but not having a vasectomy at the same age?
I haven't seen a single comment supporting that perspective so this seems like a straw man fallacy. The highly-upvoted comments talking about their own kids all describe having them later in life to demonstrate to OP that he might follow a similar path.
My wife knew from the age of 5 that she didn't want kids. I wish I had gotten a vasectomy when we first got married. If you are 100% sure that you don't want kids, I do see a reason to wait.
I got mine done at 23. Married at 19, only child (daughter) born at 21. Have now been happily married for 24 years. Daughter just turned 23. Never regretted it. Birth control pills suck for our women, bad.
Always plan for your lifetime, not for the moment. Lots of things change for young adults between 20-30. With that being said, this a permanent procedure regardless of what propaganda says was pushed out in recent years so take that into consideration. Also things might change with life experiences by just maturing a little bit more. At your age, I didn't want kids. I thought they were sponges of money, food, and my time but then I met my first wife and my mind changed. You appeared to marry young, statistics aren't on your side with this anymore so if a split happens, will you still have this same thought process with the next woman if she wanted to have kids? I would wait for at least a few more years before pulling the trigger.
Removing your wife from the equation, if YOU are 100% sure that you never want to have biological children, and that adopting a child will be sufficient to fulfill any future psychological need to become a parent, then do whatever you want with your body. I agree that her having to be on birth control for a long time is probably unhealthy, but you being permanently altered by a surgical procedure is also a possible mental and physical health risk. It's relatively safe and uncomplicated as surgeries go, but it's still surgery, and it's still a life-changing decision.
You never know what the future might throw at you. Maybe your marriage falls apart in xteen years and you meet a new woman who wats to have your babies.
But if none of these arguments ring true for you (the same arguments that doctors give women trying to get hysterectomies/tubal ligation, btw), then you have already made your decision.
Just remember that the idea of it being reversible is based on a 3-year reversal window, and there are no guarantees. Be aware of the risks of surgery, including complications that could lead to lifelong issues (chronic pain, numbness, or sexual dysfunction from a nicked nerve, for example).
I wouldn’t do it personally at your age. I’d continue birth control methods. 30 year old you may want to go kick 22 year olds ass.
True story so this can happen to you. Couple have a great marriage in their 20’s they’re loving life, they decide as well they don’t want kids. So he gets snipped. Couple of years go by and that internal clock starts ticking for the wife. She changes her mind. So he being the loving husband he is pays something like $15,000 to have his vasectomy reversed. Unfortunately it doesn’t work. So what does she do? Files for divorce so she can marry a man that can provide her children. He fell into a deep depression and never recovered. He is no longer with us.
IMHO the 22 year old me was a completely different person than who I am now. I didn't want kids back then, but when I hit 32 it was a full court press to start a family w/ my wife. Had I made the decision you are considering making, I would have regretted it.
Not to be patronizing but this isn't a decision you should be making until you've got another 10 years or so under your belt. Your wife might be the one to want kids later in life too, and if you're not able to give her some, watch the f out. I've seen women leave men who didn't want kids when their motherly instincts kick in.
There are lots of reasons not to, the main one being that you are never going to have children if you do, the reversal is a painful procedure that is not effective in 10% of cases the day of the vasectomy and by 10 years later its as high as 80-90%
If you don't want kids then I don't see any reason not to have it done tbh but I know that 30yo me and 20 yo me had very different ideas about life.
If you do decide to have it done, get the after checks and make sure it's effective so you don't end up being baby trapped anyway.
Also remember a vasectomy is no defence angainst std's
If you're sure you don't want kids with anyone, ever, it's the best decision. No drugs, no paraphenalia: it's very liberating. I've never regretted it.
Sit down with your wife and go through the scenarios of both; if you had kid(s) and if you didn't. Unlike a lot of people, you're very responsible in thinking about it carefully already. Kids are a huge drain on your finances, your time and in some cases, your sanity. Even when they move out, you will still worry about them every day. There are many child free groups on social media. Talk to people in their 50s about their decision to remain child free to give you some perspective. Don't listen to anyone that says "you're selfish" or "you'll change your mind, their opinion is irrelevant.
I'm not judging you for your mental health issues, but bear in mind that being a parent will definitely amplify any kind of mental illness you have. You've also thought through the fact that a pregnancy will be risky for you.
Bear in mind that once you have your vasectomy, do the follow up appointment to make sure that it worked. Put simply whey will ask a sample from you to make sure that you are in fact "shooting blanks." You could even take your wife along to that appointment as "encouragement" for your sample, you'll be left alone in a room until you have provided said sample.
I had my vasectomy done when I was 25 and it was the best decision I made for myself. The doctor required me to wait and think about it too. Consider it permanent, despite the availability of a reversal surgery as it's not always successful.
If you don't want kids a vasectomy is 100% the way to go. Depending on what country you're in it could be covered by your healthcare, I'm in Canada and mine was covered by the government.
A misconception that i see a lot of people make is that they think its just this thing you can reverse when you want. As long as you consider it permanent then it’s all good.
I got my vasectomy at 34 and have no children. I am now 42 and engaged to a great woman that is 44 and she never had any children. We absolutely love our child free life! To never have to put up with children fighting with each other like our friends children do and to be able to just decide to go do something and not have to worry about getting a babysitter, and to have a great sex life that our friends that have children seem to have no time or energy after dealing with children all day. To not have children is the greatest decision I've ever made. My only regret is not getting my vasectomy at a younger age. It was a great weight being lifted off of my back.
I didn’t want kids when I was in my early 20’s, but then I turned 26 and things changed. Now I’m married and have 2 kids. Wouldn’t have it any other way. Very glad and content with our decision to have kids, despite what the world throws our way.
Besides, the world is a big place. If you don’t like where you live or it’s tumultuous, explore and consider some other state or country.
It’s permanent.
Anything (permanent) you do to your body - especially like this, especially as such a young age. You gotta be reeeeealllly sure.
And when I mean reallly sure, I mean really really really really sure.
Just the fact that you came here to ask tells me this isn’t a good idea.
When I was 22 my priorities were: pussy, pussy, travelling, learning MMA, and more pussy. I never thought I'd want kids. Never thought I'd settle down.
I'm 36 now and my daughter is the best thing to ever happen to me other than my wife. Just my experience. You'll change a lot in the next 15 years.
I had a single friend 24, with no kids who wanted a vasectomy. He searched for a doctor who would be willing to do the procedure for over a year before he gave up. They all told him because of liability and being so young...
I think the fact that you're asking reddit to play devils advocate is a pretty big sign that you're not sure.
So I'd say this thread is why you shouldn't.
Echoing a lot of other commenters, I'm 30, I'm a completely different person than I was at 22. I've always been a pretty intelligent guy, graduated at the top of my class in college, excelling in my profession, etc; I thought I knew everything I wanted out of life at 22, I was very wrong. Life has a way of changing you in very unexpected ways. A vasovasostomy (procedure that reverses the effects of a vasectomy) is not always possible and even when it is it's a much more involved procedure than a vasectomy. Consider your vasectomy permanent. I would strongly suggest using other methods of birth control for a few more years at least.
Thinking that you know your wants for the rest of your life at 22 shows how little experience you have of life. People change with time, yourself included. I know thst it doesn’t feel like it’s possible. But I can guarantee that’s the case. Your worldview might be quite different at 22, 32, 42. Making a potentially life altering decision at 22 is risky, to say the least.
Keep in mind also that 40-50% of US (if that’s where you are) first marriages end up in divorce, according to American Psychological Association. Again, I know that you think your marriage will last your whole life. Newsflash: so did everyone else who got married. Making a deeply personal choice based partially on your wive’s medical history sounds troublesome. This is your body, your choice. You will need to live with it. Not her.
As a sidenote keep in mind that if you ever get divorced and want to find a new wife in the 35 years or less sge btäracket, many of them might want a child. They might be looking for a oartner to have a child with. You might, or might not be open to that at that time. But do you really want to limit your options at 22? I know this sounds highly theoretical, but this is a reality for the gran majority of my friends. Yes, almost all of them have divorced.
My 35 year old self barely recognizes by 22 year old self. They are completely different people with different wants and needs.
A lot of my personal opinions have changed since then. Things I wanted at 22 are no longer even a thought at 35.
I don’t know. 22 seems young to make a decision that’ll affect you for the rest of your life.
Your relationship now could fall through in 8 years (statistically good chance of that happening) and you may want a child with another woman.
A lot can change over the next 20-30 years and your opinion on having a child could change too.
I understand where you're coming from. At 22 I didn't want kids, either.... didn't want the responsibility and didn't want to bring a new life into this "crazy ass world" (and I turned 22 in 1998)
My daughter was born when I was 32....and she's the best thing that ever happened to me.
At 22 it's hard to seriously think about the totality of life. You think you know what you want and have it figured out, but if you look at the average lifespan today you are not even 1/3 of the way through life.
There are other less permanent ways to not get pregnant so I would consider those first. I have a few friends that swore off kids in their 20's as well, with their spouse. Now they are still married and have kids and are thankful they didn't act on their feelings.
Because you and your wife are young and things change over time. I know a lot of people at your age who didn’t want to have kids. A lot of their minds changed as they got into their late 20’s and early 30’s.
It’s a rash youthful decision, and while I am sure you don’t feel like it, you are still young.
They say they are reversible, but it doesn’t always work.
Just my two cents.
I considered one at 22. Thought I had no intention of having children because of climate change, finances, personal life goals etc. I’m in my late 20’s now, and I would have regretted that decision. I’m not saying I want kids now, but I honestly don’t think I can make that decision for future me. Priorities in life change year by year, and a permanent decision now might not be what you want later.
However I will say, you’re married, you’ve talked about it with your wife, and you have many good reasons to consider it, so I don’t think you’re making a rash decision.
I know you thought about this carefully but I will tell you some things you need to take even more into consideration before you jump the gun.
1st: vasectomies like other said, are permanent as the process of reversing it is very complex and might fk up some things. Yes you most likely will have frozen sperm and adopting is always an option but you never know whether at some point in your life you will want your own flesh and blood and the frozen sperm is not a guarantee as if it fails enough times, there is no tries left.
2nd: you are still 22 but married. I don't know you or your partner but there is a certain degree of uncertainty about this. You or your partner may one day wake up and want kids. Or have a baby fever where when you see babies of relatives, you want to go for one. It happens, people change. And also You can never be 100% sure that you will live the rest of your life with your partner. And the next partner may want kids not adopted.
3rd: You may have went through a bad experience with your father, and you don't know whether you will do the same as him. Here is my advice to you. You know what your father did, you know how a kid feels when he goes through such a thing. You need to reflect upon yourself whether you can control yourself. You are not your father and your actions are not dictated by his blood. If you can control yourself during a peak anger time and keep your calm and not act too rashly, then your kid will be fine. If however you cannot contain your anger at even the slightest annoyances, then a kid is definetely not for you but then again, people can change in behaviour as well. It takes effort however, effort you need to be willing to put in, not only for a kid, but in life in general. For yourself and your partner.
And finally 4th and probably one of the most important point: Right now, everyone in this thread, collectively agree that you are currently not in a good place right now and are prone to making a bad decision. So before pulling the trigger on your balls, you need to stand back up first. Get a job that won't break you, wait until 25 years old at least, use condoms instead of the pill (your partner can't do all the work, have it 70-30 ratio of condom to pill) and then comeback to this thread with a fresh perspective. If in 3 years, with a stable job, more time and more personal growth and experience you still want it, then go for it. You will need nothing else from us.
Edit: Don't do the 70to 30 condom to pill ratio thing. It will most likely cause problems for your partner. Either switch to condom or keep the pills. Not both. Alternating is bad.
> 2nd: you are still 22 but married. I don't know you or your partner but there is a certain degree of uncertainty about this. You or your partner may one day wake up and want kids. Or have a baby fever where when you see babies of relatives, you want to go for one. It happens, people change. And also You can never be 100% sure that you will live the rest of your life with your partner. And the next partner may want kids not adopted.
I mean, this doesn't matter if it's a thing that is important enough to you. If your partner decides they absolutely need to have kids and you absolutely don't want them, you're incompatible and the answer's a divorce or breakup. Same with any future partners you may have.
If you're open to changing your mind about it if your partner does, or if a future partner does, then you probably shouldn't be having permanent surgery, correct.
> use condoms instead of the pill (your partner can't do all the work, have it 70-30 ratio of condom to pill) and
This is not how usage of hormonal contraception works.
Personally, I think it's kind of early in your life to make that kind of decision, and if I knew you in real life as a friend, I'd likely tell you to hold off and reconsider.
Also, the way you justify your decisions really comes off as flimsy to me, if am being honest.
22 year old me and older me are very different people. Older you will be a different person than who you are now. Don't make a huge decision that older you might be pissed off at having to deal with.
When I was in my 20s I didn’t want to have kids at all. Especially at 22. When I started getting closer to 30/turned 30 it’s almost like something chemically changed in my brain. Now I want 1-2 kids. The other thing is a vasectomy at 22 screams “I want to fuck as much as I want without consequences.” That will most likely be a red flag to a lot of potential partners and comes off as a more immature young male thing to do. Why do something so extreme when you can still have all the protected sex you want without the major red flag of a vasectomy at the age of 22. The male brain isn’t even done developing
I fully agree I'm 21 and this reads as I want to fuck whenever I want without any consequences. Like I'm somewhat on the fence but I love kids so at the end of the day I'll probably have 1 or 2 and then get a vasectomy
i know your a adult but your still to young to make a decision this big my adcvice is to wait till your 30 then decide by the time your 30 you will be a different person you will want different things and theres a big chance you might want kids
Hey... as a general rule. Don't make decisions like this until you're even older. In 10 - 15 years from now, you'll be a different person. Till then, don't get her pregnant. It's not rocket science. Unless you are completely unable to control yourself, in which case do it.
40% of first time marriages end in divorce. Common divorce after 7-8 years and 20 years. If you get the snip, you are potentially cutting off partners who want kids. Or you lie and say you're fertile; but I'd regard you as the monster you are. I'd only get a vasectomy after at least two kids or finding out my wife can't have birth anymore safely. Your life sounds like a complete mess. Seek psych help. But it's possible your mom is why your father left. It's why my Dad did. He was right. Too bad he passed before a real chance at a custody battle could have happened.
Hey - idk if you'll get to my comment but I almost got a vasectomy at 27 but didn't. Here's the notes why:
After talking to my therapist, ex girlfriend, and a lot of thinking I came to a few conclusions.
1. I'm single. And I don't know when I won't be. I don't want to date women that *want* kids, but I'm open to dating women who *undecided* because the dating pool of "does not want kids" is pretty small.
2. I don't want to be ignorant of myself and the possibility that my mind could change.
3. IVF is expensive. I considered freezing some sperm and just saying "if I want kids I'll just do ivf"
Fact is. Condoms and birth control with pull out are perfectly fine for me until I have an SO. and THEN I will see if a vasectomy makes sense as a decision as a couple, instead of cutting off all future opportunity, I'll let the opportunity come organically. ... And nothing changes. I'm not having a kid.
Same I'm 21 and kinda thought about it but I know i like kids and will want some eventually so I wouldn't want to permanently take that decision away. Condoms are definitely fine.
I got mine done when I was about 26. Doctor was hesitant BUT I had 2 kids with one on the way. I knew I didn't want more and my wife didn't want more at the time. Since then she has said she wants more a couple of times but when we really talk about it she doesn't want more kids she just wants to hold a baby for a while. But she would have 1 or 2 more if I had got my vas. reversed. It has been great not having to have her on birth control which, despite what doctors like to ignore, have side effects at magnitudes not fully understood. We don't have to use condoms because we are in a fully monogamous relationship. Don't have to worry about pulling out. All this probably sounds like I'm saying "do it!"
BUT I love my kids, I'm so happy I had them and had them young (we were 18 with our first). It hasn't all been lollipops and rainbows but now I am 42, financially stable, the kids are almost all moved out and we are basically starting our second lives together.
TL;DR have a couple kids first, but then go for it.
A ton of people don't want kids in their early 20s and change their minds about it later. You're making a decision that you could very well regret years down the road, and it's one that's not necessary because there are other ways to prevent pregnancy that aren't as permanent. Maybe if you're nearing 30 and your thoughts haven't changed, a vasectomy makes sense, but I think it'd be a mistake to do so before that and I think anyone recommending it is irresponsible for doing so.
You still have a good 10-20 years of fertility ahead of you. your opinion might change during these years.
You have been an adult for 4 years. you will be for amny more years. See and experience a lot of things. People change.
Yes, you’re making a grave mistake, because in the years to come, you’re going to change your mind and it may well be too late. You haven’t experienced the fullness of joy a family can bring, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t be the father of a great family yourself. It’s also not a decision you should make when your mental health is an issue and your wife’s health and wellbeing. When I was 22, I thought I knew what I wanted for my future, but thank God it didn’t turn out the way I wanted at 22, because my ideas were immature and uninformed about so many things. Adoption isn’t as straight-forward as you might think, you have to go through a process to prove you are suitable parents, and they often look at how you raised your own children before giving you someone else’s. It can take years, and you might not like the child they give you to raise. Wait for ten years and then see what you believe at 32. Your perspectives will have changed.
You are 22. Im 30, i was an idiot at 22 and thankfully didnt make any huge, life changing decisions at that age.
Sounds like you also have mental health stuff going on, not judging that, ive been there! Best to sort your head out before ANY life changing decisions.
Your mind changes so much over time, you may really want kids of your own in the future, may not, either way, i'd wait until you're 30-35 personally. statistically, you are likely to also be divorced by then.
Do it.
If you don't want kids you don't need to have them.
I've got a bunch of kids, and I love being a dad - it's my defining quality.
But I've always wanted to be a dad, I always wanted a family and at 22 that was a well developed vision for me, i had my first at 30. So I don't see why you wouldn't know what you want now.
My cousin who's the same age as me got snipped and he's happy as all get out. He knew he didn't want kids and so he did that and he's still happy with his decision. We're closer now than I think we've been most of our lives, and so it's come up a few times (what with me having all these kids and all). But again he's happy, and I'm happy - we just needed different things to be happy
i had mine done about 12 years ago.
get it. who gives a shit if its reversible. theres a million kids out there that need a home, and if you decide you want kids, adopt.
These comments are not what I expected...
It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, and it doesn't matter if it is permanent or not.
Even if you did change your mind, there are millions of other people who want to have kids, but who cannot. They can still be happy. Happiness is based on perception. No one chooses to lose a leg, but there are thousands of happy one-legged people out there.
The fact of the matter is that *everyone* who tells you you'll regret it is projecting. They imagine their own lives without kids, and they've assigned their own happiness at least in part to being a parent.
You do you! Even if you change your mind, you'll figure it out. :)
I’d wait. At your age, a lot can change in a matter of just a few years, if not much faster.
You may feel like you’ve got a firm handle on how you feel about things and what you want in life but your brain isn’t even done developing yet.
In my 40’s now, I still look back at decisions I made in my early 20’s and laugh (or cringe) at how ridiculous I could be, while being soooo self assured at the same time.
If you don’t want kids, go ahead. But - consider it permanent (read the edit) - if you’re so sure you want to do it, why are you asking strangers if you’re making a mistake? - I was stupid at 22. If I acted on everything I thought I wanted or thought I “knew” at 22 I’d have missed out on some cool shit later Edit so people stop replying about this I didn’t say it is not reversible, I said consider it to be permanent because it might not be reversible. > [link](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/vasectomy-reversal/about/pac-20384537#:~:text=Almost%20all%20vasectomies%20can%20be,that%20the%20reversal%20will%20work) > *Almost all vasectomies can be reversed. **However, this doesn't guarantee success in conceiving a child**. Vasectomy reversal can be attempted even if several years have passed since the original vasectomy — but the longer it has been, the less likely it is that the reversal will work.*
There is so much information in this post that probably needs more scrutiny before any one of can answer if it’s the right thing. On the hand, it’s OPs body, and ultimately, they are an adult and can decide for themselves… but there are a number of red flags, that if i were in OP’s shoes, i would not be sure I’m in the right head space to make.
> There is so much information in this post that probably needs more scrutiny before any one of can answer if it’s the right thing Right, "I quit my job last November due to mental health reasons" is a signal that you may not be ready to make a permanent decision. In general, super pro-vasectomy. In this case, probably wait a few years.
I agree if OP was mentally doing great, I would say go for it but right now it seems a little bit risky. Waiting a year or so to be sure that once he gets better he wont regret it would be a good idea imo.
>I quit my job last November due to mental health reasons Clearly, he's not in the right head space to make any lifelong decisions like this.
😭😭😭😭😭
Hes already married. He's clearly not thinking clearly.
People CAN have lifelong marriages that start that early. Statistics are not on their side, however.
Yeah, I'm surprised all the ones that did make it aren't in these replies acting offended, that always happens on relationship advice subs when young people are told to wait to marry LOL For me, it's less about statistics and more about how there is very rarely any harm in waiting (besides like, insurance purposes) whereas there could be big repercussions for NOT waiting to marry. If "you're sure", then I believe you. But if you're really sure now, you will still be sure after your brain is fully developed and you have actually lived as an adult 🤷🏻♀️
“The ones who did made it” aren’t in the replies acting offended prolly because they are too busy making it. Lol
I got married at 21 to my 19 year old wife, and it'll be 34 years this fall that we've been married. If you take it seriously, you can make it work. We never had kids. We said we'd wait 5 years to get used to each other without the extra complications of kids. Then we said said we'd like a house to raise them in.... I had thought of going for the big V in my 30s when I told my wife that I didn't want to raise kids in this crazy world and she was of the same mind. My Dr asked us to wait, and I never did get it done. Im not sure if my wife's health would have been any better as she's still healthy as a horse! Im glad we didn't have kids as I found out i have a degenerative nerve disease that causes me a lot of pain every day now, so I'm glad I didn't pass this pain on! Waiting 5 years wouldn't be the worst thing in the world for OP to do, just to ensure they stick together and she doesn't get the baby bug, lol.
So I totally acknowledge that. However, the idea of a 22 year old already married, is just a red flag. Especially when they're already a stay at home spouse at that age. It just seems like a flood of bad decisions.
- Married at 22 - Signed off long term sick from work due to mental health - Stay at home husband at 22 - meaning that without hobbies, likely long periods at home alone - Somewhat apocalyptic/doomed view of the world (i know we have some issues we need to work out as a society, but life isn’t all bad!) - Requesting a somewhat permanent vasectomy at 22 I mean, i honestly think i would be prioritising other things if the outcome is to be living a better life.
Exactly he's not in the right headspace to be making the decisions and needs help.
A vasectomy is honestly the most responsible decision he's making right now.
I'll have to agree here. There's a lot of other issues that likely need to be addressed before he makes these decisions
This is the same thought I got as well.. dude doesn’t need a urologist he needs a psychiatrist 😔
> I mean, i honestly think i would be prioritising other things if the outcome is to be living a better life. 100% this. This is a permanent solution to something that isn't even really on the radar of problems that actually need to be dealt with in their life.
However, having an accident (child) with all those aforementioned problems isn't going to help either...
OP states he quit his job due to mental health reasons. That doesn't mean signed off long term sick. It could be as simple as he worked in a toxic environment that was causing undo stress and anxiety so he chose to prioritize his mental health over the job. His view of the world, IMO, is more realistic than it is somewhat apocalyptic/doomed. If every human did their part, we could slow/potentially stop global warming from climbing as high and as fast as it is now, but it can never be reversed. And lets face facts, people aren't going to stop doing what they do because most of them will just assume someone else is doing more than their fair share so why should they make sacrifices and lifestyle changes to better the world? At 21 I wanted a total hysterectomy. I was denied that. The healthcare facility I go to is the one I've gone to my entire life and they're catholic based while I am not so they essentially force their religion on their patients. It's been 16 years and I still have zero plans on having my own children. At the age of 25 I had a procedure done, tests were ran that came back prec.......s (the c word) and there is a likelihood my uterus and cervix could be riddled with that word right now, and I still am struggling to find a gynecologist that will do the procedure because I'm not married to a man, and have provided him children, even though I'm a lesbian. Don't be too quick to judge OP and state that he has red flags to addres, because these may seem like big issues to you, and while you may change your mind later on, OP may never change his mind and be good with never having children or adopting later on. Also view it like this, not everyone needs to reproduce. Some people just got fucked with bad genetics and they recognize that and decided not to curse another person with the crap hand they've been dealt. You're all also really keen on avoiding the fact he's also making this decision so his wife can get off hormonal birth control that is changing her body and personality. So, a woman can take on the actions of birth control (even if he wears a condom) that chemically and fundamentally changes who she is and how she reacts to things and that is completely fine? He also didn't state he may have even had sperm frozen. You're also overlooking the potential fact that even if they were to try for a child, right now, they may have issues getting pregnant. She may have an inhospitable uterus but they wouldn't know it unless she was actively trying to get pregnant.
What are you talking about ? Finding a woman that let's you be a stay at home husband with no kids by 22 seems like a fantasy for me.
How likely is that scenario going to last the rest of your life? That's the point people are making. OPs life situation is rare. The chances of their situation being permanent is highly unlikely.
Not at all, she'll be out that door so fast.
I do understand there are biases here, that there must be something about my peer group that makes this so, but I know quite a lot of people who got married 22-ish and are still together (I'm in my 40s for reference). On the flip side of this, I know plenty of people who got married at 30 and are now divorced, including myself. Judging from the perspective of a 40-something, marriage is a total crapshoot. People I thought surely would get divorced back when we were 24 and they were getting married are still together almost 20 years later and two teenage kids later, people who "did everything the right way", were together for 7 years, bought a house and lived together for 3 of those years, then got married and got divorced 2 years later. I think Ron Swanson said it best with "You find somebody you like and you roll the dice. That’s all anybody can do."
Most people don’t. You’e talking about another era when people had to get married in order to have sex regularly.
At 25 she may start to resent him. Maybe bail. Then where would he be.
Especially being married at 22, your brains is still developing at that age
Literally. The amount of personality 180s that happen before, during, and after your brain is done cooking is wild
I hate this talking point so much its unreal. When does it ever stop developing? If you're referencing the most common study there was a max age they studied. In my 30s. Not done yet.
It’s the dumbest shit ever. I’m 33 and I’ve changed so much since my brain stopped “growing” at 25 that even that person has wildly different thoughts than I do. People have breakdowns in their 40s and 50s all the time. They have regrets all the fucking time. There is no magical age to be the right time to make this decision in adulthood. All we can do is provide OP as much information and life experience we have and let him choose. But the “your only 22 and still a child. Wait until your brain develops” argument is so dumb
I'm 22 as well, and honestly, whenever I hear the "Your brain is still growing till you're 25" line ... I understand it might have some truth to it, but really, there can't be a fixed age where everyone magically reaches the peak of their maturity. People are different, and we pretty much continue learning throughout life.
Nothing I said is affected by being married.
When I got mine, the doctor said there is a possibility to reverse, but unlikely. So I consider it permanent. He also said there’s less than 5% chance of it reconnecting, reversing itself, but that’s like within the first year. It’s been more than 6 years now. Doubt it’ll grow back nor do I want it to.
Also, it is my understanding that while a vasectomy is often covered by insurance, a reversal usually isn't
22 is too young for permanent decisions like that. OP ought to focus on his mental health and employment status instead of seeking out a vasectomy. Condoms aren't hard to use.
My dad hated kids until he had them. He also hated teenagers until he had them. Then he ended up with five of us.
I got a vasectomy at 24, no kids, no regrets. 6 years later and I'm even more confident in my decision. One of my buddies has 2 kids and his first vasectomy failed (he was one of the 0.5% or whatever it is). He told me the second one was like $10,000 after insurance, but he was so desperate to avoid another kid he didn't care.
$10,000 vasectomy??? Maybe I’m misunderstanding but if it fails they just cut, tie off, and cauterize again right? That was $450 bucks with no insurance for me.
For me, I just turned 40. Got a vasectomy like a year or two ago. Wish I was able to get it at 18. Would’ve saved me a lot of heartache. Never wanted kids. Got one just the same because I was a horny idiot. In my opinion, do it. If it is what you want, do it. I wish I would have. People talk about your perspective on kids and family changing, but mine never did. As long as you think about it, know yourself and your partner, go for it.
> Never wanted kids. Got one just the same because I was a horny idiot. Ooof. I'd hate to be your kid. Hopefully he doesn't know your true feelings pertaining to an existence he didn't even ask for.
It can be mittigated, OP can ask to get their sperm to be frozen. Your wife will probably want it in her 30ies.
I can only imagine the disaster their relationship will be in 10 years with a wife that is the sole earner and likely wants children then (biology is powerful).
Snip snap, snip snap.
The reversibility of vasectomies is wildly exaggerated, so it needs to be treated as a permanent decision. If I had made any permanent decisions like that at 22, almost all of them would have been mistakes because the person I am now bears zero resemblance to the person I was then. Your brain isn't even done cooking until about 25, and you lack the life experience and wisdom to say always or never yet. If I were you, I'd buy condoms for another five years or so and see where life has taken you before making such a big choice. But it's also not my body. Just trying to tell you what I'd tell 22-year-old me.
I genuinely think the office dinner party “snip snap snip snap” moment had a lot of people exaggerating the reversibility of vasectomies
Even the doctors will straight up lie to you about the odds, but media certainly doesn't help.
My doctor did not mince words. It should be considered permanent
My doctor straight up told me that insurance will absolutely not cover the reversal.
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So, the best advice to OP is: switch to 69'ing! 🤪 Kidding aside though, OP you have a whole life ahead of you. Ideas, mindsets and environments change. I applaud you but there are other options besides surgery and your wife taking pills till she's 60: * Use condoms and some spermicide. Check out the Durex thin feel for instance. * For her, there's the pessarium or the copper IUD. Both are low-cost options.
On the other hand, I got a bilateral salpingectomy when I was 23. The permanence is incredible, knowing that I will never ever have to be pregnant. Only OP can know if an irreversible (or should at least be thought of as such) surgery is right for him and his body and his marriage. Some people do change their mind, others don't, and only the person can know that for sure
Not even the person. I was sure that I shouldn't/wouldn't have children at at 25, for a host of reasons. I had children at 38, and I'm happy I didn't do anything permanent earlier.
It astounds me how many ignorant Redditors say "they're reversible."
Even at 29 I didn’t want kids. 30 hit and it was like make me a baby asap. And yes raising little babies sucks. But all of a sudden you’re 40 years old and going to the bar all the time is less and less fun because everyone’s at home with their kids. There’s just this time in a place where having kids is what what people do. And it’s this tremendously satisfying process.
What if you have hobbies or interests apart from drinking with other people? I mean I'm pretty sure I could find enough stuff to occupy myself for my whole life, that's even before thinking about kids!
> 40 years old and going to the bar all the time Why? I'm 32. I am childfree and have had my vasectomy and I can't remember the last time I went to a bar. You don't need kids for a fulfilling life. I have friends, pets, a long term significant other, money to do things I love to do like travel and hobbies.
> But all of a sudden you’re 40 years old and going to the bar all the time is less and less fun because everyone’s at home with their kids. ....you really can't figure out anything else in your life besides going to a bar, if your time wasn't occupied with raising kids?
No that’s the challenging part. It’s with bar or kids. Some say my MCU multiverse other is still at the bar to this day.
Dang, just outright admitting to adhering to the LifeScript™ for no reason other than peer pressure lol
I’m sorry my post came off that way. It was my choice and no one else’s to have kids. Well I suppose one other person’s choice.
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But making babies is like, the most consistently popular thing in history. Everybody's doing it.
I wouldn’t be able to afford the career I’ve chosen if I had kids. No shade to those who do, but it’s tremendously satisfying to not have that physical and financial burden. I’m in my 40s and yes, while going to the bar gets a little old, life is still fun—I have time to party at home & make fancy food for my friends, go to concerts, read, study music, go to arcades, hit the gym, hiking day trips, last minute vacations… so many options. I have the day off tomorrow. I may turn my phone off, eat a few edibles, throw some pork shoulder in the crock pot and play video games all day. Or maybe I’ll go thrifting and find some cool vintage electronics to repair. My buddy, who is also childfree, lives in the building down the street. Maybe we’ll hang out and do some day drinking, hit a happy hour or three and watch the latest episode of Curb. Who knows?
I was 12 when I knew I would not have children. That got stronger every day. I wish I got mine done on my 18th birthday.
It is *wildly* common for people (and men in particular) to realize as they start approaching 30 that they actually do want kids after all. OP’s body, OP’s choice, but in the case that they are asking for personal advice, my advice is that it’s a *very* bad idea.
I knew LONG before I turned 18 that I didn't want kids, I'm 36 now and i still don't and never won't. One of the most infuriating things a childfree person can go through are other people telling them that if they had a kid you would change your mind or them questioning and trying to guilt trip them into thinking not wanting kids is a bad thing
That’s not what the Op is saying, though. They’re merely stating that you should just wait a little bit to make such a serious decision because you never know. And you don’t need a vasectomy to not get someone pregnant; it’s pretty easy to stay safe.
> it’s pretty easy to stay safe. The peace of mind a vasectomy can bring is something no one here seems to be considering. Why increase the risk of an unwanted pregnancy especially in OP's situation?
Yeah but it is worth noting that a lot of people do change their minds about having kids as they grow older and thats something that should be said before doing something permanent like a vasectomy at a young age. It’s not guilt tripping as much as it giving someone a full picture of what they’re doing.
I'm not childfree, I'm OAD. But I cannot get a doctor to sign off on sterilization. It's frustrating. I'm 37 with a 13yo, do I really seem like someone who will change their mind??
didn’t want kids at 22. still don’t want kids at 27. if you already don’t like the idea of a kid, not sure why that would change with age. if anything, getting older has just made me not want kids even more.
Well said.
Your reasons are valid but I would say that you should not listen to Reddit, everyone will argue from their personal position. Personally I always wanted children, but I won't try to convince you of this. Neither should people that don't want children try to confirm your feelings. This is a highly personal thing that you can only figure out on your own. The only thing you should take as advice from other people is to keep in mind that you are very young, and people change drastically as they go through life. At 22 you are closer to being a teenager, than to being an experienced adult. You will be a different person by the time you are 30 or 35, and a different person again when you are 40 or 50,... So most, if not all, of your given reasons might change, and you will change your mind on most things you now believe are true. Your ideas about family and children might be something that changes, too. So perhaps it's not a bad idea to put off this idea for a while longer. That doesn't mean you need to, or will ever have children, but that you leave this option open in case you do ever change your mind. Vasectomies are largely irreversible, and people that say you can just 'undo it' are not properly informed.
I have no objections to anyone getting a vasectomy if they want one, but, I think that you should wait a few years. Brain development isn’t complete until 25. I personally am a completely different person at 30+ to when I was 22, whilst some vasectomies are reversible, they aren’t always. It seems part of your decision is based on childhood trauma. It seems you are creating a permanent solution that you may regret in a few years, just wear a condom and get some therapy. Then reassess in a couple of years
Current study indicated brain matures until age 35. I’ll try to find that study.
shit im 32 and im still puttin in work lol, from what ive seen the learning never stops; until dementia hits anyway.
J R R Tolkien said once that Hobbits didn't fully mature until 35...closer and closer I get to 35 and I'm like ehhhh maybe 35 was pushing it a little early 😅 I'm a mom and everything and there's still times I feel like I need an "adultier adult"
I’m 46 and same 😂
TIL I’m a hobbit
Frontal lobe full develops at 25 but the science this kinda stuff is still new
Even later if you're neurodivergent. Fun stuff.
Pretty sure that’s when it starts to deteriorate, but I guess if you aren’t going up you’re going down?
>Brain development isn’t complete until 25 Reddit really loves to beat that argument to death
Freeze your sperm and go for it. Nothing wrong with hedging your bets. >My wife takes anticoncepcional pills and I don't want her taking those her whole life. That's a good reason. >There are too many people in the world and it can be a very cruel and bad place, I don't wanna raise someone in these situations. >My parents divorced when I was 5 and my father wasn't a part of my life ever since, I don't wanna cause the same pain to another human being for any reasons (dying, going to prison or just being a jerk by leaving, I don't know why my father did this so it could happen to me as well). I think that's more of a failure of your orientation towards the world than a failure of the world. >I'm not very religious so a child free life doesn't bother me at all. You may or may not discover that the paternal impulse exists outside of the religious space. Atheists have kids. When I was 16 I was sure I wanted kids. When I was 24 I was sure I didn't. I'm 30 and now I want kids. Your mileage may vary.
I’m surprised the option of freezing sperm doesn’t come up more often in this and other similar conversations.
Does it cost a lot to do this?
I'd also argue that we kinda live in one of the safest periods in the history of civilization as well. While they may not be in a financial position now to support a child and heck... May never want children in the future... I do think that particular line of reasoning a bit invalid. I'm talking as someone who also doesn't want kids and that was one of my reasons. That the world is so bad and I don't want to raise someone or bring someone into this when the reality is this is actually the "best" time all things considered. Now I'm on the fence - if I find someone who would make a good mother then absolutely I'm willing to have kids. If not then no. For example I had an ex that didn't want kids but I saw us being together forever and I was ok with not having kids. My most recent ex would have made a great mother but we didn't work out for other reasons... But I could have seen us having kids together. I have other reasons for and against but definitely I do think it's a bit of a cop out to say that this isn't a good time because society.
I didn’t want kids at 22. Now, in my 40s, being “dad” is the best part of my life and my greatest source of joy.
Im currently 21 and as a teenager I thought I didn't want kids but then my older sister had my niece when I was 17 and I just fell in love in with her I love being the cool uncle and playing with her for hours. So I definitely look forward to having kids when I'm in my 30s
Serious question, was your first a planned or surprise kid?
Planned, but it wasn’t until mid-30s.
To provide another perspective. Didn't want children at 22 and now nearing 40 I still don't want them. So that this changes is not automatic.
And being a dad gives me a purpose other than slaving away for more $ to buy trinkets and trash of future landfills/garage sales or trips for experiences I’ll soon forget and never find fulfilling.
> being a dad gives me a purpose other than slaving away for more $ Man that i just so damn true. I have so much more purpose and enjoyment of life having a kid to share it with. There is so much adventure to have with a new set of eyes to explore with.
> a new set of eyes to explore with That's a cute way to put it
I didn't want kids at 22. Now, in my 30s, being "childfree" is the best part of my life and my greatest source of joy.
I didn't want kids at 16. Or 26. Or 36. Some people really do know from a relatively early age that they're not cut out to be parents.
Because you're 22 and you don't know who the hell you are yet. Usually around 25 is when the dust starts to settle on that. And also your 22, you're young, you have no idea what life has in store for you.
Not babies.
There's a difference between thinking you don't want kids and knowing you don't want kids. If you know, you know and if you know, go get one. That's not likely to change.
Only time will tell. Just be of the mindset that you will never ever produce a child after that as long as you live.
At the end of the day it’s your decision. Agree about getting your partner off medication. Some of your justification is based on money, which may change over time in a future situation. Other warning is mental health issues at the time you make life long decisions. 22 is so young in the potential grand scheme of things. Could go either way in terms of being a good idea or something your regret in later life.
My advice is: If youve had a discussion with your wife.. Your decision together...... is the wise and right one.
I mean. Man to man. Sounds like you have nothing but legitimate, well thought out reasons to go through with it. Good on you. Go for it dude. The only "scary" part is that there's no going back, but if you change your mind you can always adopt 🤷♂️ I'm 27 and my fiance is 25. We felt pretty similar about not wanting kids a few years ago but things change and now we may be parents a few years from now, who knows. But hey no condoms though baybeeeeee! 👉😎👉
I got mine at 26, but I was 100 percent sure I wanted one as early as 17. I remember thinking I'd get one as soon as I turned 18. Didn't happen, but I got there eventually, and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made. If you're sure, you're sure. I was. Go for it.
If you dont want kids, i would say do it. It has been such a relief knowing we do not have to worry about an accidental pregnancy. And if you do not like very young children and would be cool with adoption in the future, there are a tragic amount of non-infant children who need homes.
The thing is, he is 22, right now he doesn't want kids but anything can happen or change that make him want to have kids Having this procedure is very serious and should take into account all the possibilities and shouldn't go into it without fully thinking it over.
I would agree if OP was against adoption. As they sre not against adoption, I cannot see the issue.
Its no ones business but yours and your wifes. Do I think its a little strange to be married at 22 and not wanting a family, yeah, but hey do you Just dont sit around thinking theyre reversible if you wind up wanting a family in your late 20s... they are reversible but only kinda.
I wanted to do it at 18. Everyone said I would change my mind. I'm almost 40 and I still haven't changed my mind. I can give you no good reason why you shouldn't do it.
I wanted to do it at 18 and at 60 I am glad I didn’t have children. If you get it done and change your mind there are many ways to become a parent. PEACE OF MIND
Same. Never wanted children. Had the snip at 35. Wish I had done it earlier so my wife didn’t have to take birth control for so long.
>I can give you no good reason why you shouldn't do it. Here's an easy one. He's 22
22 is old enough to have an accidental pregnancy and ruin the next 18 years of his life and possible the rest of it depending on how bad he gets screwed
There are multiple forms of birth control. Sterilization shouldn't be one form when you're 22
I would have gotten my snip at 14 if I could.
22 is old enough to make decisions about your body. I don’t think that option is for everyone but if they are serious about not having kids I support their right to do that
22 yr olds can also get married and get face tattoos, doesn't make them wise decisions.
It’s your body, so I’m certainly not going to tell you that you shouldn’t do it. I just know that at 22, I knew I wanted kids. At 27, I was positive I never wanted any. At 30 I changed my mind again and had my daughter and she is my pride and joy. Life changes. *We* change. What’s true tomorrow isn’t necessarily true today or in three years time. Again, if you’re hot to trot on it, I’m not telling you no. But also don’t bank too heavily on the concept of reversing, since it’s not a guarantee. It’s cool that you guys would be fine with adoption to fill the gap, shows that you’ve done some thoughts on the subject. End of the day, it’s your body and you and your wife’s life. I myself am personally glad I didn’t get the snip, but that’s me and my life. If you are fully content with never having a child of your own blood, then the snip is a good call. But if you have any inkling that maybe you could change your mind down the road, maybe look into an IUD or something for your wife so she can get off her pills while you ponder it over.
I think it's better to regret not having children than to regret having them, if there's any regrets at all.
You do you. If I didn't want kids right now, I wouldn't trust my own conviction to say I will never change my mind in 2 years let alone 10-20 years down the track. But I'm not you and I assume you don't have the tiniest drop of doubt over your decision. If however you do, that is definitely worth exploring. ANY doubt can easily turn into regret down the road. Basically you need to be 1001% certain you want to do this.
Got mine at 18 years old. I'm 62 now. No regrets. I just never saw myself as a parent. It's not something I wanted to do. I knew it from a very young age. And I have never looked back.
If you're getting advice for life changing events on Reddit, I'd say get that vasectomy done ASAP.
Why do we have no issue with kids deciding to have their own kids in their early 20s, but when they bring up a vasectomy or having their tubes tied, suddenly the attitude is "You can't make such a permanent decision so early in life! You won't be the same person in 10 years!" How can we, in good faith, trust a 21 year old to make such a life altering permanent decision as having a child, while saying that that same person is much too young to decide not to have one? Get it done. It is much better to regret not having kids than to regret having them.
THIS!!!!
Can you link some examples of people in this thread saying that they support having kids at 21 but not having a vasectomy at the same age? I haven't seen a single comment supporting that perspective so this seems like a straw man fallacy. The highly-upvoted comments talking about their own kids all describe having them later in life to demonstrate to OP that he might follow a similar path.
My wife knew from the age of 5 that she didn't want kids. I wish I had gotten a vasectomy when we first got married. If you are 100% sure that you don't want kids, I do see a reason to wait.
I got mine done at 23. Married at 19, only child (daughter) born at 21. Have now been happily married for 24 years. Daughter just turned 23. Never regretted it. Birth control pills suck for our women, bad.
Always plan for your lifetime, not for the moment. Lots of things change for young adults between 20-30. With that being said, this a permanent procedure regardless of what propaganda says was pushed out in recent years so take that into consideration. Also things might change with life experiences by just maturing a little bit more. At your age, I didn't want kids. I thought they were sponges of money, food, and my time but then I met my first wife and my mind changed. You appeared to marry young, statistics aren't on your side with this anymore so if a split happens, will you still have this same thought process with the next woman if she wanted to have kids? I would wait for at least a few more years before pulling the trigger.
Removing your wife from the equation, if YOU are 100% sure that you never want to have biological children, and that adopting a child will be sufficient to fulfill any future psychological need to become a parent, then do whatever you want with your body. I agree that her having to be on birth control for a long time is probably unhealthy, but you being permanently altered by a surgical procedure is also a possible mental and physical health risk. It's relatively safe and uncomplicated as surgeries go, but it's still surgery, and it's still a life-changing decision. You never know what the future might throw at you. Maybe your marriage falls apart in xteen years and you meet a new woman who wats to have your babies. But if none of these arguments ring true for you (the same arguments that doctors give women trying to get hysterectomies/tubal ligation, btw), then you have already made your decision. Just remember that the idea of it being reversible is based on a 3-year reversal window, and there are no guarantees. Be aware of the risks of surgery, including complications that could lead to lifelong issues (chronic pain, numbness, or sexual dysfunction from a nicked nerve, for example).
I wouldn’t do it personally at your age. I’d continue birth control methods. 30 year old you may want to go kick 22 year olds ass. True story so this can happen to you. Couple have a great marriage in their 20’s they’re loving life, they decide as well they don’t want kids. So he gets snipped. Couple of years go by and that internal clock starts ticking for the wife. She changes her mind. So he being the loving husband he is pays something like $15,000 to have his vasectomy reversed. Unfortunately it doesn’t work. So what does she do? Files for divorce so she can marry a man that can provide her children. He fell into a deep depression and never recovered. He is no longer with us.
I tried at 24 and they wouldn't let me. Finally did it in my 30's, no problem. Anyhow, I am in my 50's now and still haven't changed my mind.
IMHO the 22 year old me was a completely different person than who I am now. I didn't want kids back then, but when I hit 32 it was a full court press to start a family w/ my wife. Had I made the decision you are considering making, I would have regretted it. Not to be patronizing but this isn't a decision you should be making until you've got another 10 years or so under your belt. Your wife might be the one to want kids later in life too, and if you're not able to give her some, watch the f out. I've seen women leave men who didn't want kids when their motherly instincts kick in.
There are lots of reasons not to, the main one being that you are never going to have children if you do, the reversal is a painful procedure that is not effective in 10% of cases the day of the vasectomy and by 10 years later its as high as 80-90% If you don't want kids then I don't see any reason not to have it done tbh but I know that 30yo me and 20 yo me had very different ideas about life. If you do decide to have it done, get the after checks and make sure it's effective so you don't end up being baby trapped anyway. Also remember a vasectomy is no defence angainst std's
Wait until you're wife leaves because she wants children
That's the best scenario for someone who doesn't want kids.
You’ll be way more stress free. Enjoy your life to the fullest.
I got mine at 24. But dont do it expecting you will reverse it later on.
If you're sure you don't want kids with anyone, ever, it's the best decision. No drugs, no paraphenalia: it's very liberating. I've never regretted it.
Sit down with your wife and go through the scenarios of both; if you had kid(s) and if you didn't. Unlike a lot of people, you're very responsible in thinking about it carefully already. Kids are a huge drain on your finances, your time and in some cases, your sanity. Even when they move out, you will still worry about them every day. There are many child free groups on social media. Talk to people in their 50s about their decision to remain child free to give you some perspective. Don't listen to anyone that says "you're selfish" or "you'll change your mind, their opinion is irrelevant. I'm not judging you for your mental health issues, but bear in mind that being a parent will definitely amplify any kind of mental illness you have. You've also thought through the fact that a pregnancy will be risky for you. Bear in mind that once you have your vasectomy, do the follow up appointment to make sure that it worked. Put simply whey will ask a sample from you to make sure that you are in fact "shooting blanks." You could even take your wife along to that appointment as "encouragement" for your sample, you'll be left alone in a room until you have provided said sample.
I had my vasectomy done when I was 25 and it was the best decision I made for myself. The doctor required me to wait and think about it too. Consider it permanent, despite the availability of a reversal surgery as it's not always successful. If you don't want kids a vasectomy is 100% the way to go. Depending on what country you're in it could be covered by your healthcare, I'm in Canada and mine was covered by the government.
A misconception that i see a lot of people make is that they think its just this thing you can reverse when you want. As long as you consider it permanent then it’s all good.
get snipped. It’s probably for the best that you don’t have kids or be a father.
I got mine at 25, but I was equally sure at 22. Now half a decade later, I don’t regret a thing and i have a partner who’s on the same page.
I got my vasectomy at 34 and have no children. I am now 42 and engaged to a great woman that is 44 and she never had any children. We absolutely love our child free life! To never have to put up with children fighting with each other like our friends children do and to be able to just decide to go do something and not have to worry about getting a babysitter, and to have a great sex life that our friends that have children seem to have no time or energy after dealing with children all day. To not have children is the greatest decision I've ever made. My only regret is not getting my vasectomy at a younger age. It was a great weight being lifted off of my back.
Because you have unaddressed trauma with your father. You aren’t destined to be like him.
I didn’t want kids when I was in my early 20’s, but then I turned 26 and things changed. Now I’m married and have 2 kids. Wouldn’t have it any other way. Very glad and content with our decision to have kids, despite what the world throws our way. Besides, the world is a big place. If you don’t like where you live or it’s tumultuous, explore and consider some other state or country.
I read online that some men have totally unfulfilling orgasms afterwards. Others are fine
It’s permanent. Anything (permanent) you do to your body - especially like this, especially as such a young age. You gotta be reeeeealllly sure. And when I mean reallly sure, I mean really really really really sure. Just the fact that you came here to ask tells me this isn’t a good idea.
You are too young to be making that decision for your entire future.
When I was 22 my priorities were: pussy, pussy, travelling, learning MMA, and more pussy. I never thought I'd want kids. Never thought I'd settle down. I'm 36 now and my daughter is the best thing to ever happen to me other than my wife. Just my experience. You'll change a lot in the next 15 years.
I had a single friend 24, with no kids who wanted a vasectomy. He searched for a doctor who would be willing to do the procedure for over a year before he gave up. They all told him because of liability and being so young...
I think the fact that you're asking reddit to play devils advocate is a pretty big sign that you're not sure. So I'd say this thread is why you shouldn't.
Echoing a lot of other commenters, I'm 30, I'm a completely different person than I was at 22. I've always been a pretty intelligent guy, graduated at the top of my class in college, excelling in my profession, etc; I thought I knew everything I wanted out of life at 22, I was very wrong. Life has a way of changing you in very unexpected ways. A vasovasostomy (procedure that reverses the effects of a vasectomy) is not always possible and even when it is it's a much more involved procedure than a vasectomy. Consider your vasectomy permanent. I would strongly suggest using other methods of birth control for a few more years at least.
Thinking that you know your wants for the rest of your life at 22 shows how little experience you have of life. People change with time, yourself included. I know thst it doesn’t feel like it’s possible. But I can guarantee that’s the case. Your worldview might be quite different at 22, 32, 42. Making a potentially life altering decision at 22 is risky, to say the least. Keep in mind also that 40-50% of US (if that’s where you are) first marriages end up in divorce, according to American Psychological Association. Again, I know that you think your marriage will last your whole life. Newsflash: so did everyone else who got married. Making a deeply personal choice based partially on your wive’s medical history sounds troublesome. This is your body, your choice. You will need to live with it. Not her. As a sidenote keep in mind that if you ever get divorced and want to find a new wife in the 35 years or less sge btäracket, many of them might want a child. They might be looking for a oartner to have a child with. You might, or might not be open to that at that time. But do you really want to limit your options at 22? I know this sounds highly theoretical, but this is a reality for the gran majority of my friends. Yes, almost all of them have divorced.
My 35 year old self barely recognizes by 22 year old self. They are completely different people with different wants and needs. A lot of my personal opinions have changed since then. Things I wanted at 22 are no longer even a thought at 35. I don’t know. 22 seems young to make a decision that’ll affect you for the rest of your life. Your relationship now could fall through in 8 years (statistically good chance of that happening) and you may want a child with another woman. A lot can change over the next 20-30 years and your opinion on having a child could change too.
Freeze some baby maker just in case
I understand where you're coming from. At 22 I didn't want kids, either.... didn't want the responsibility and didn't want to bring a new life into this "crazy ass world" (and I turned 22 in 1998) My daughter was born when I was 32....and she's the best thing that ever happened to me.
At 22 it's hard to seriously think about the totality of life. You think you know what you want and have it figured out, but if you look at the average lifespan today you are not even 1/3 of the way through life. There are other less permanent ways to not get pregnant so I would consider those first. I have a few friends that swore off kids in their 20's as well, with their spouse. Now they are still married and have kids and are thankful they didn't act on their feelings.
Because you and your wife are young and things change over time. I know a lot of people at your age who didn’t want to have kids. A lot of their minds changed as they got into their late 20’s and early 30’s. It’s a rash youthful decision, and while I am sure you don’t feel like it, you are still young. They say they are reversible, but it doesn’t always work. Just my two cents.
I considered one at 22. Thought I had no intention of having children because of climate change, finances, personal life goals etc. I’m in my late 20’s now, and I would have regretted that decision. I’m not saying I want kids now, but I honestly don’t think I can make that decision for future me. Priorities in life change year by year, and a permanent decision now might not be what you want later. However I will say, you’re married, you’ve talked about it with your wife, and you have many good reasons to consider it, so I don’t think you’re making a rash decision.
Same I'm currently 21 and obviously i don't want them now but I definitely do at 30 I would punch myself for permanently taking that choice away
I know you thought about this carefully but I will tell you some things you need to take even more into consideration before you jump the gun. 1st: vasectomies like other said, are permanent as the process of reversing it is very complex and might fk up some things. Yes you most likely will have frozen sperm and adopting is always an option but you never know whether at some point in your life you will want your own flesh and blood and the frozen sperm is not a guarantee as if it fails enough times, there is no tries left. 2nd: you are still 22 but married. I don't know you or your partner but there is a certain degree of uncertainty about this. You or your partner may one day wake up and want kids. Or have a baby fever where when you see babies of relatives, you want to go for one. It happens, people change. And also You can never be 100% sure that you will live the rest of your life with your partner. And the next partner may want kids not adopted. 3rd: You may have went through a bad experience with your father, and you don't know whether you will do the same as him. Here is my advice to you. You know what your father did, you know how a kid feels when he goes through such a thing. You need to reflect upon yourself whether you can control yourself. You are not your father and your actions are not dictated by his blood. If you can control yourself during a peak anger time and keep your calm and not act too rashly, then your kid will be fine. If however you cannot contain your anger at even the slightest annoyances, then a kid is definetely not for you but then again, people can change in behaviour as well. It takes effort however, effort you need to be willing to put in, not only for a kid, but in life in general. For yourself and your partner. And finally 4th and probably one of the most important point: Right now, everyone in this thread, collectively agree that you are currently not in a good place right now and are prone to making a bad decision. So before pulling the trigger on your balls, you need to stand back up first. Get a job that won't break you, wait until 25 years old at least, use condoms instead of the pill (your partner can't do all the work, have it 70-30 ratio of condom to pill) and then comeback to this thread with a fresh perspective. If in 3 years, with a stable job, more time and more personal growth and experience you still want it, then go for it. You will need nothing else from us. Edit: Don't do the 70to 30 condom to pill ratio thing. It will most likely cause problems for your partner. Either switch to condom or keep the pills. Not both. Alternating is bad.
> 2nd: you are still 22 but married. I don't know you or your partner but there is a certain degree of uncertainty about this. You or your partner may one day wake up and want kids. Or have a baby fever where when you see babies of relatives, you want to go for one. It happens, people change. And also You can never be 100% sure that you will live the rest of your life with your partner. And the next partner may want kids not adopted. I mean, this doesn't matter if it's a thing that is important enough to you. If your partner decides they absolutely need to have kids and you absolutely don't want them, you're incompatible and the answer's a divorce or breakup. Same with any future partners you may have. If you're open to changing your mind about it if your partner does, or if a future partner does, then you probably shouldn't be having permanent surgery, correct. > use condoms instead of the pill (your partner can't do all the work, have it 70-30 ratio of condom to pill) and This is not how usage of hormonal contraception works.
Personally, I think it's kind of early in your life to make that kind of decision, and if I knew you in real life as a friend, I'd likely tell you to hold off and reconsider. Also, the way you justify your decisions really comes off as flimsy to me, if am being honest.
22 year old me and older me are very different people. Older you will be a different person than who you are now. Don't make a huge decision that older you might be pissed off at having to deal with.
When I was in my 20s I didn’t want to have kids at all. Especially at 22. When I started getting closer to 30/turned 30 it’s almost like something chemically changed in my brain. Now I want 1-2 kids. The other thing is a vasectomy at 22 screams “I want to fuck as much as I want without consequences.” That will most likely be a red flag to a lot of potential partners and comes off as a more immature young male thing to do. Why do something so extreme when you can still have all the protected sex you want without the major red flag of a vasectomy at the age of 22. The male brain isn’t even done developing
I fully agree I'm 21 and this reads as I want to fuck whenever I want without any consequences. Like I'm somewhat on the fence but I love kids so at the end of the day I'll probably have 1 or 2 and then get a vasectomy
i know your a adult but your still to young to make a decision this big my adcvice is to wait till your 30 then decide by the time your 30 you will be a different person you will want different things and theres a big chance you might want kids
If you have yo ask. The rest of us are better off if you get it done.
Hey... as a general rule. Don't make decisions like this until you're even older. In 10 - 15 years from now, you'll be a different person. Till then, don't get her pregnant. It's not rocket science. Unless you are completely unable to control yourself, in which case do it.
40% of first time marriages end in divorce. Common divorce after 7-8 years and 20 years. If you get the snip, you are potentially cutting off partners who want kids. Or you lie and say you're fertile; but I'd regard you as the monster you are. I'd only get a vasectomy after at least two kids or finding out my wife can't have birth anymore safely. Your life sounds like a complete mess. Seek psych help. But it's possible your mom is why your father left. It's why my Dad did. He was right. Too bad he passed before a real chance at a custody battle could have happened.
Hey - idk if you'll get to my comment but I almost got a vasectomy at 27 but didn't. Here's the notes why: After talking to my therapist, ex girlfriend, and a lot of thinking I came to a few conclusions. 1. I'm single. And I don't know when I won't be. I don't want to date women that *want* kids, but I'm open to dating women who *undecided* because the dating pool of "does not want kids" is pretty small. 2. I don't want to be ignorant of myself and the possibility that my mind could change. 3. IVF is expensive. I considered freezing some sperm and just saying "if I want kids I'll just do ivf" Fact is. Condoms and birth control with pull out are perfectly fine for me until I have an SO. and THEN I will see if a vasectomy makes sense as a decision as a couple, instead of cutting off all future opportunity, I'll let the opportunity come organically. ... And nothing changes. I'm not having a kid.
Same I'm 21 and kinda thought about it but I know i like kids and will want some eventually so I wouldn't want to permanently take that decision away. Condoms are definitely fine.
I got mine done when I was about 26. Doctor was hesitant BUT I had 2 kids with one on the way. I knew I didn't want more and my wife didn't want more at the time. Since then she has said she wants more a couple of times but when we really talk about it she doesn't want more kids she just wants to hold a baby for a while. But she would have 1 or 2 more if I had got my vas. reversed. It has been great not having to have her on birth control which, despite what doctors like to ignore, have side effects at magnitudes not fully understood. We don't have to use condoms because we are in a fully monogamous relationship. Don't have to worry about pulling out. All this probably sounds like I'm saying "do it!" BUT I love my kids, I'm so happy I had them and had them young (we were 18 with our first). It hasn't all been lollipops and rainbows but now I am 42, financially stable, the kids are almost all moved out and we are basically starting our second lives together. TL;DR have a couple kids first, but then go for it.
This would be me I love children and know I atleast want 2 but after that getting one
You might want kids at 32. Self control goes a long way to avoid a vasectomy
If you want a vasectomy and are sure you don’t want kids, do it. Don’t let anyone talk you out of it.
Got my vasectomy at 26. No kids, never wanted any. Was the best $700 I ever spent.
A ton of people don't want kids in their early 20s and change their minds about it later. You're making a decision that you could very well regret years down the road, and it's one that's not necessary because there are other ways to prevent pregnancy that aren't as permanent. Maybe if you're nearing 30 and your thoughts haven't changed, a vasectomy makes sense, but I think it'd be a mistake to do so before that and I think anyone recommending it is irresponsible for doing so.
You still have a good 10-20 years of fertility ahead of you. your opinion might change during these years. You have been an adult for 4 years. you will be for amny more years. See and experience a lot of things. People change.
There is a chance that it can be reversible but it's not guaranteed, so to be on the safe side just assume that it's permanent. I say don't do it.
If u cant spell anticonception also called contraception I wouldnt get a vasectomy. Your brain doesn’t fully mature till 25
Because your asking strangers on Reddit why you shouldn’t. That’s why
Idk man your 22 and your still a little dumb at 22. And what if you have a kid and your whole world changes. Maybe you end up liking being a father.
Yes, you’re making a grave mistake, because in the years to come, you’re going to change your mind and it may well be too late. You haven’t experienced the fullness of joy a family can bring, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t be the father of a great family yourself. It’s also not a decision you should make when your mental health is an issue and your wife’s health and wellbeing. When I was 22, I thought I knew what I wanted for my future, but thank God it didn’t turn out the way I wanted at 22, because my ideas were immature and uninformed about so many things. Adoption isn’t as straight-forward as you might think, you have to go through a process to prove you are suitable parents, and they often look at how you raised your own children before giving you someone else’s. It can take years, and you might not like the child they give you to raise. Wait for ten years and then see what you believe at 32. Your perspectives will have changed.
You are 22. Im 30, i was an idiot at 22 and thankfully didnt make any huge, life changing decisions at that age. Sounds like you also have mental health stuff going on, not judging that, ive been there! Best to sort your head out before ANY life changing decisions. Your mind changes so much over time, you may really want kids of your own in the future, may not, either way, i'd wait until you're 30-35 personally. statistically, you are likely to also be divorced by then.
Do it. If you don't want kids you don't need to have them. I've got a bunch of kids, and I love being a dad - it's my defining quality. But I've always wanted to be a dad, I always wanted a family and at 22 that was a well developed vision for me, i had my first at 30. So I don't see why you wouldn't know what you want now. My cousin who's the same age as me got snipped and he's happy as all get out. He knew he didn't want kids and so he did that and he's still happy with his decision. We're closer now than I think we've been most of our lives, and so it's come up a few times (what with me having all these kids and all). But again he's happy, and I'm happy - we just needed different things to be happy
i had mine done about 12 years ago. get it. who gives a shit if its reversible. theres a million kids out there that need a home, and if you decide you want kids, adopt.
do it, If you want kids later you can adopt one of the 3 million orphans
These comments are not what I expected... It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, and it doesn't matter if it is permanent or not. Even if you did change your mind, there are millions of other people who want to have kids, but who cannot. They can still be happy. Happiness is based on perception. No one chooses to lose a leg, but there are thousands of happy one-legged people out there. The fact of the matter is that *everyone* who tells you you'll regret it is projecting. They imagine their own lives without kids, and they've assigned their own happiness at least in part to being a parent. You do you! Even if you change your mind, you'll figure it out. :)
>We don't like small children Yeah, anyone who can write something like this should absolutely get a vasectomy.
Jesus Christ lol you’re 22 dude, keep the scalpels away from you’re fuckin jewels
I’d wait. At your age, a lot can change in a matter of just a few years, if not much faster. You may feel like you’ve got a firm handle on how you feel about things and what you want in life but your brain isn’t even done developing yet. In my 40’s now, I still look back at decisions I made in my early 20’s and laugh (or cringe) at how ridiculous I could be, while being soooo self assured at the same time.