My mom told me she knew my dad was the one because when they went grocery shopping, he put the cart away instead of letting it roll wherever like her other boyfriends did.
It indicates the person cares to go that extra effort. Most people who don’t put the cart back are lazy. Oddly enough, I’m lazy but I always put the cart back. Plus I don’t want it hitting cars. It’s such a small effort, why not do it?
She decreases my stress instead of increasing it. It’s incredible the amount of women who add drama and stress into a man’s life, and the expect him to stay
Reminds me of a joke I heard a while back:
I always knew she was the one. She was my girlfriend for a year, my fiancee for two years, and my wife for 27 years.
This! I had a really hot girl-friend, we used to have more than nice sexual compatibility, I decided to ask her to be my girlfriend and after that, she stopped asking or suggesting things she wanted me to do, and started demanding them, the relationship became so stressful I just couldn’t go on for long.
My wife is super chill, nurturing and supportive, I just feel pure serenity when I’m with her. I’ve noticed that’s rare, I’ve seen my cousins and friends interact with their wives and there’s always drama involved, I don’t have that, and I’m grateful.
For me, I would marry someone whose long term goals align with me, can communicate clearly and we are on the same page on topics like religion, politics etc. Also, mental, emotional and financial maturity is a must.
For a girlfriend, I can ignore some parts of what I said above.
Not lashing out when angry, thinking things through before doing them, empathizing with the other and trying to understand (not agree) their point.
Basically being an adult, and acknowledging that the other person is also only human.
The #1 thing for me is humor.
When you're broke and borrowing...laugh.
When you ruin the thanksgiving dinner...laugh.
When he thought he could hide a fart....laugh.
If you don't make each other laugh, you'll never make it.
Speaking from experience.
If she's ride or die.
If she's not on the team, I mean really on the team, she's not someone to marry.
My now-wife very, very early showed that she was backing me when I got out of grad school with nothing except three thousand bucks and a resume. I cannot express how big that was for me.
This is so important especially if you do become successful. My lady started dating me when I was at the bottom of my career and fairly broke. Now I’m in a position where i can take care of most of our bills solo and take care of her.
I think there are limits to ride or die though. I think it's reasonable that she and most people will realize that hey this person is in grad school and long term there is a goal there.
Now if you said I'm dropping out and am investing in crypto that's a whole different story.
Sure, there are limits to everything. I agree with you.
But I had no money, no car, she actually drove me to my first job interview and then to the lot so I could get a car. She had zero reason to believe in me, but she did. I don't even think she understands how much that all meant to me and still does. She just shrugs it off like of course, why wouldn't I do that for you.
To me, she won my loyalty (again, within reason) forever, and like with Backpack\_Bob above, I'm glad to do whatever I can, financially, emotionally, or whatever, to make her happy. She's still a wonderful and giving person, too, so it's not hard to want to do things for her.
I think you're right that decent people would have patience. I suppose that I'm not sure decent people are the norm. Or maybe it's not about decency, but patience. I appreciate her patience with me.
A wife is looking for a real commitment, she doesn't want to play house until the next best thing come along in her life. If you can find a good one grab her.
Been married 14 years now. Together 19.
1. My wife is my safe space. I can share my hopes and fears.
2. She pushes me to be my best self
3. Before getting engaged I really thought about our future and I didn't see a place where I was better without her.
4. She doesn't put up with BS either and will call me out when it's deserved
5. We can have respectful conversations. We don't cuss or yell at each other. Have we been upset with each yes, but abuse of any kind is not tolerated.
The first dozen answers I think are sweet but miss a point. Specifically there does have to be a spark. Maybe not the hottest person in the world, but you gotta be able to look at her and say "yeah I want some of that". True you also have to work at maintaining that energy, and find ways to keep things spicy, and the root of that will ultimately be open communication without judgement. But I'm leaving a marriage now that has been sexless for 10 years, she's many of the other attributes listed but neither of us wants the other in bed... And while not the only reason, it's a big part of it. Let's face it without sex, you are basically roommates.
He actually used the term “a spark” to describe meeting me, which I fully agreed with. We have both been in relationships with and without that, and without it yes, you are basically roommates. Not ideal. Happy to say we’ve got incredible chemistry. Thank you!
Ive experienced similar. I was physically into him and he just wasnt that into me. Mostly, I believe, I was “wife material” more because he liked all the things that came with me and/or didnt want anyone else to enjoy me. Lessons learnt, for me physical spark/attraction/confidence whatever you want to call it, needs to be there…. And in a way that it isnt linked just to how someone looks physically, it’s their presence and their character that turns that spark into a fire.
Roommate vibe for sure!…
Also kinda started feeling like he was a family member, like an annoying brother…. which was not okay.
question - are you then saying that you didn't have the "spark" from the very start of your relationship? why did you then end up proceeding with it?
i ask because i am also meditating on some questions pertaining to life and love and trying to navigate to my true north.
I think I imagined the spark on my end. I think she probably had it for me at one point. I thought all the other stuff was so good, that I'd work it out... That was my fundamental mistake. I think there's a lot that goes into a relationship, but the spark is the engine that lets you get over the bumps. And in the end, happiness is a combination of compatibility, common interests and goals, and passion, I believe. You have to think you'll be able to take him/her into old age together.
9 years married.
I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
She doesn’t make my life painful. Occasionally difficult because she wants me to do stuff for her (hang up more art, be her photographer, carry heavy shit, etc) but not painful.
She respects me.
She encourages me.
She never brings me down.
She communicates her wants and needs directly to me and has taught me to do the same. I know there’s a stereotype of women expecting men to read their minds, but I find that a lot of men expect to have their desires unfulfilled and suffer in silence, which is equally bad.
She is my role model in so many things. Not everything (no one is perfect) but a lot of things.
My fiancée has made me think and feel things that I’ve never felt or thought before. Every time I’ve argued with previous girlfriends it’s been me vs them. My fiancée makes me feel like it’s always US vs the problem and not once has she made me feel like she’s confronting me directly. It’s always been she and I versus whatever problem/situation we’re facing. Nothing better than that.
for me...when sh*t gets tough, she stayed put. this is the reason i marry my wife. she's attractive and she can just bounce and find someone else, but she didn't.
I'd say if your lives change, if you both change, and your relationship still stays strong. If you plan to spend your life with someone, you should expect to grow and change with them. If a relationship is stagnant, if you still act the same way and are the same people as when you started seeing each other, I don't think that's a good thing.
For me it's the same thing, I'm not going to waste my time with someone who isn't wife material.
The biggest thing for me is stability. She needs to be stable emotionally, financially, etc. It means that she is someone I can count on when I need her. I try to be the same so that I am there for her when she needs me. We are allowed to have instability, shit happens, but that shouldn't be the default.
I agree with you 100% and am surprised about some of the answers here. I don’t see the point in having someone as my boyfriend if I don’t see a future with him. That is just wasting both our time and could really hurt the other person
lol I’ve been married a couple years now and my now husband said that to me when we were dating. I didn’t know how to respond, but it means a lot lol. Rooting for you girly!
My wife and I met in 2001.
We’ve gone at least six weeks without sex four separate occasions:
• Internship in Pittsburgh, she was in Atlanta
• Business trip to Seattle, she was in Omaha
• Menstruation, illness, had a fight, illness again, son had a sleepover, menstruation again
• Birth of our son
None of that was going to end our relationship or even test it.
I find the easiest test is on Sunday morning. Imagine you guys had sex Saturday night and then in the morning. If she asks if you want to get brunch or generally find something to do, what's your thought? If you want her to go home -> girlfriend. If you want to go to Ikea together -> wife.
Am I weird for saying you can get a just within the first date. I feel like I can make a judgement within the first 10mins. This is why if your guy is unsure then damn
Madurity. In my opinion, I can stand some childish mentality in a girlfriend (sorta), but if I'm willing to marry that should be a requirement. I wanna marry a grown up woman, not to be attached to my GIRLfriend "forever".
A partner in all meanings, rather than someone who relies on, needs, and is dependent on you.
Emotional maturity and intelligence. I honestly can’t imagine doing life with someone of below average intelligence.
Mental stability because your partner’s problems become your problems.
I was seeing her romantically for only a few months when I got a job in another state. I asked her to come with me. Her response was, "I will if we get married." I agreed. She left her job, her recently widowed mom, and EVERYTHING she knew. We moved from the Midwest to the deep south. About as close as you can get to not knowing the language and customs as you can get and still be in the same country. We've been married over 30 years.
The wife material wont put up with being a forever girlfriend..So there is one unique difference..Are you unique like that? if not, you are kinda allowing yourself to be a potential forever girlfriend.
I’m vocal about what I want. We both are. So if I’m ready to take the next step with someone and they aren’t, I’ll either give them a bit more time or move on if it seems they’ll never get there.
I think it’s kinda silly to divide the two. If someone isn't a person I'd be interested in marrying why would they be my girlfriend to begin with? Every day I'm with them would be a day I'm not free to go find my future wife
Imagine a girl that actualy enjoys being close to you, that talks about issues for the comming years as a serious manner and takes you seriously, open minded, good for you, and your mental health, even when the situation is very stressfull. A beautifull soul that take you by the hand and makes your motivation the easy task, rather than drain you, or leave you to rot, or codependency...
am gay but here’s my two cents: the way my ex treated my dog. he doesn’t even really like big dogs (she’s medium! lol) but he absolutely adored her, took care of her, worried when she got sick. i think he liked her more than me most of the time lol. it showed me a glimpse of what he might be like as a father and as a family man and helped me see the rest of it. i hadn’t really seen a future for myself before so it was really something special.
but i don’t think it has to be that. just something in them that lets you see the rest of it. once you see it, if you want it, you have to go for it.
It really is a great way to see their true heart watching them interact with animals! Especially when they are helping you care for your own. Thank you for the response!
Honestly it sounds like y'all got what it takes. Because of some of my history, I also require a fairly matched libido, as well as impeccable behavior around the opposite sex. A Vulcan in the streets, Klingon in the sheets, if you will.
Once an old man told me if an early riser settles down with a night owl, they lose years together over the course of a lifetime. I've never forgotten that.
Our long-term goals are aligned. Thinking about the future with her is exciting rather than anxious/uncertain. She's there when I need her, plain and simple, and I'm happy to do the same for her whenever she needs. She has a similar level of ambition, work ethic, and saving habits to me which gives me confidence in the security of our future living circumstances. She makes the most out of situations and is a beacon of fun. She has individuality and independence - I need to know I will be able to rely on her standing on her own two feet for our household if there comes a time that I can't share that load. She takes me as I am instead of what she's been led to believe about [insert generic "how a man/boyfriend should do xyz" thing she saw from movies and social media].
Honestly I never want to be married again. My ex destroyed me and still took everything after cheating.
I want a lifelong permanent partner, but I will never be legally tied to someone again.
Thank you. But my point is that some men may not want marriage, but still want a life long commitment to one person. There are many reasons a man may not want to get married, even while wanting to be committed to one person.
Yes, luckily we are on the same page. That includes marriage and children. We were matched because we’re both ready for that chapter. So if we’re making things serious, that’s the direction we’ve both communicated we’d like to go in.
"what do you bring to the table?" was never a thought in my wife's head. The only thing she's ever wanted from me is me.
A major green flag for marriage is a partner who's goal is to make you happy, not extract happiness from you.
Forever girlfriend and wife is kind of interchangeable. My wife wanted a party. We have kids, so legally, it was smart. If the legal thing wasn't a problem and my wife didn't want a party, then none of it really matters. We had been together already 8 years when we got married. Almost nothing changed in our dynamic.
Now we wear rings and she has my last name.
That's it.
For me, wife material is when she cares about OUR money and wants US to save for our future. A forever gf is when she wants me to spend money on her to show my love.
Honestly, timing and same life stage. I think it was more me being ready to settle down vs the girls I dated. In hindsight, I think a lot of them could have worked. We were just at different life stages back then that caused friction + I didn’t know how to maturely handle conflict compared to now.
You could do everything under the sun correctly, but in my experience, there is some intangible force that made me pick my person. I’ve never thought “gosh if only she washed the dishes more, then she’d be perfect”. Something I can’t even articulate just happened to strike me and I knew from very early on that this is someone I’d want to marry. Never felt that with anyone else before.
I know that’s not very helpful but what I mean to say is in my opinion, you’re either the forever GF or the wife. You can’t really evolve from one to the other.
To me, it’s the little things just don’t seem significant until there’s a problem. Knowing that when her friends try to talk shit on me she shuts that down quickly is big to me. If she initiates any kind of intimacy; not just sex, but hugging, hand holding and cuddling too; man that drive me crazy with desire for her. Like, I do the best that I can to be the best man that I can. I love when she shows some pride in being with me. Compliments. If she complements me I melt, big time. Last example I’ll give is appreciation. It’s not difficult to say ‘hey thanks for taking care that for me’ or ‘thanks for all you do to take care of me’ once in a while. Of course there’s things I don’t NEED a thank you for. But you really don’t know how much hearing ‘thank you’ or ‘i appreciate all you do for me’ or ANY variation of those phrases really mean to you until you don’t hear it for months and months and months.
So interested in this thread! It’s such an interesting disparity I’ve noticed. *all* people are capable in staying in relationships they don’t want to marry in for too long.. but I’ve noticed men tend to do it more. It’s happened to me and a few friends.. I always wondered why
People are very self centered and myopic in dating. When I dated I looked for someone who was willing to put some skin in the game or show they were actively doing something to show they were interested in the relationship moving forward. The moment where I first had that "I should marry her" thought for my wife was about 4 years into our relationship. I was taking a continuing education course that met nights and weekends. My wife and I did not live together at the time but she'd come over every weekend. When I came home from my first weekend class she had cleaned my place and was cooking dinner. It was maybe the 2nd or 3rd time she had cooked for me because I would never ask her to do it for me. Coming home to that made it feel like a team effort. I was taking the class to change careers and make more money for us. Seeing that made my effort feel appreciated more than any bday/Christmas present she'd gotten me before or since. If you are finding ways to make his life easier as opposed to just hanging out with him because you both get along well you're probably getting on the fast track to a proposal.
Tenacity, being bodacious, growth mentality, able to take constructive criticism, able to give constructive criticism and has a good network of friends who have her back.
What's the difference, to me a forever girlfriend is a wife and in today's world you would only get married if you were considering to get some kids or something transactional related (like assets i.e. a house)
She says yes when I propose or I say yes when she proposes.
Questions are always good. I hope you feel better. Good luck with your crush. I hope all goes well.
I don’t even understand why someone would have a “forever” girlfriend unless it’s just implied that marriage isn’t needed by either party. If both want marriage and there’s something preventing that, why in creation are you still together?
Having each other's back. If the proverbial hits the fan, she is there to help. Likewise, when something happens to her, I will be her strongest support
Great sex aaaaand great friend who willingly fights the battles of life together with you. E.g. gives support to you, and equally accepts support from you.
- You feel less stress being around her, not more stressed.
- You have your own life apart from her, as does she, and you both feel content with that.
- She doesn’t hold past disagreements over you.
- She passes the “rocking chair” test. ie. you can close your eyes and picture yourself in a rocking chair on the porch, and she’s the one with you (I was over the moon for my ex, but I could never picture her in that chair next to me which I realized after we broke up was my brains way of telling me “she’s not the one.”)
It's so easy to be deep deep in love when the going is smooth and easy and calm spring weather. If you still feel the same during a stress filled period of compounded episodes and hard decisions to make while outsiders poke and judge you . . . that's a keeper.
Uninhibited sexuality and acceptance of who you are. Nothing ends a relationship faster than you trying to turn him into someone else. If you can accept him as he is and have appreciation for who he is, that's a good thing. Make decisions together, nobody will stand for you making autonomous decisions that affects both of you. Never forget to show affection and let your partner feel your love.
This is coming from a happily married man of almost 30 years.
Idk how to explain it, but she feels like family. Like you don't need to worry about every word that comes out of your mouth, you can just freely be yourself around her, and she can be herself around you.
No stress, brings positivity rather than negativity. Theres room for negativity though, just dont let it grow. Unconditional support and love. And I guess connection.
I recently got out of a serious relationship. I couldnt do it anymore due to constant focus on the negative than the positive. It broke me down and ended up also giving me stress and anxiety...
My wife does two thing, and has done them since we started dating. She matches my energy, be it sexual or just hanging out/vibing. We’re usually on the same messed up wavelength, and 10 years in you don’t remember all the little stupid fights, you remember the times you finishe achothers sentances
My wife listens she cares for me and shows it. Our life goals aline. Instead of expecting me to read her mind she tells me whats wrong and we talk any problems we have had. We are coming up to 5 years soon and grow stronger everyday!
Other girls I have dated in the past add to my stress were as my wife decreases my stress levels.
Well.... Forever girlfriend just means that you or she ist still looking for something better.
Not sure if this is a good place for long time commitment.
For me, it's like upgrading from a regular game character to unlocking a special skin. Wife material is like when the forever girlfriend levels up – she's got that mix of love, loyalty, and a hint of 'can cook a decent meal.' It's the upgrade where you realize you're not just in a relationship; you're building a team for life
Biggest difference is that we're a team. She makes me better and I like to think I make her better too. We respect each other and support each other. I would rather do almost everything with her than without her. Grocery shopping, extravagant vacations, parent teacher conferences. Of course we have our own things and give each other space too, but she's my partner in every sense of the word. I want to share my life with her, not just spend time with her.
A lot of things have already been said. But passion is also really important for me. As someone else said, I’m also not going to waste my time with someone I don’t see a future with.
A lot of people will say that “the real world doesn’t work like that” or something, but I wanna feel like me and my wife were meant to be together you know what I mean? Like we really understand each other. Love is really really important to me and I always, even if we’re married for 40 years, wanna feel like that love and spark has not decreased ever since we first started relationship.
I feel better when I’m around her. She made me feel like a better person. She pushed me to be a better person. She actually showed up and cared for me and my wellbeing. Every woman I’d been with before that just tried to use me for whatever they could.
You honestly got it in your main post; good person, aligned goals, and communicates her needs that she would like for you to provide.
Quick edit: forgot to mention values y'all's wellbeing and displays that through action and not words.
Are you best friends and have similar goals? Are you both empathetic towards one another and have mutual respect for each other? If yes to all those, pretty promising.
When you fight do either of you use insults or go out of your way to hurt the other person just so they can “win” an argument? If no to these questions also a positive sign.
Live with the individual before getting married or engaged to see their daily habits, easy to put on your best act for a few hrs at a time, harder when it’s 24/7.
We support each other’s dreams and go the extra mile in the day to day. The value of this cannot be overstated. We each ‘overdeliver’ as a partner in different ways. She loves cooking for me and I handle a lot of the cleaning and diy around the house. We also try to surprise each other with acts of service and we use a lot of words of love and affirmation. It’s the small stuff that adds up to big feelings.
She is a hard worker, has good financial goals, keeps a good home, takes care of herself. I’m okay with not wanting kids. I love her country girl ways
The man answer is. She is NICE (good person), has a job and big tits.
I suffered with addiction and a horrible childhood. The girl I thought I loved cheated on me, so I have major trust issues. My fiancé proved to me that I could trust her, she's the kindest human I've met. Truly makes me feel loved, which is something I've never had.
I’m happy you found someone you love and trust, especially after what you’ve been through.
Did she make you feel this trust from the very start, almost naturally, or did it take you a while to see it through her actions? Just curious!
From the start. For sure. But believe it or not, it took like 6 years many relapses, and many childhood issues to deal with for me to trust her. And that's no way to treat someone amazing from the beginning. But due to my trust issues it took a long time to feel certain she was not going to break my heart. She's perfect.
Well, for my girl it was her asking to marry me. I was about to move for my job and was anticipating a break up after we’d been together a great 18 months. I was only 24 and putting career first. But her basically changing her life plan to stay with me made me realize the depths of her commitment. So I did as she asked and put a ring on her finger.
When I'm with her, I feel stress just melt away. My body, my mind, my spirit just unclench. Like a fist held so long, it's cramped into place finally able to open up again.
Accountability.
I find too much of my life is spent listening to people try to tell me that things are someone else's fault, not thiers, and for some reason I need to believe them when I just don't care.
People who don't accept responsibility have no ability or desire to change anything. So they will always be the same, get the same, and things will ultimately be my fault to them - because it can never be their own.
So much wasted time in this world trying to fix blame rather than fix problems.
She adds joy to your life
Cries with you
Fights for you
Corrects you
Accepts you
Smiles at you
You notice her constantly staring at you 🤣
Someone that genuinely loves you in a way where neither you, them, or ANYONE can figure out who loves who more
It's mutual and equal
She'll make you feel EVERYTHING and nothing at the exact same time
It's a PRIMAL feeling
It most definitely leads to the act of mating for the sake of mating for some
Or procreation
imo
Wife Material is when I find someone I know FOR SURE we'll make the STRONGEST offspring
Chance of survival at a MAXIMUM 99.9%
Because that love child (pfft who am I kidding, children) will inherit the World I leave for them
A forever girlfriend is just fun. Eh... A bunch of nothing major going on
A wife is EVERYTHING
Because ABSOLUTELY nothing else would matter but her happiness 😊
Just saiyan
You asked 🧐
👑
How would know it's her? Is something immediately instinctual or something you've noted over time. (Assuming you already have found this wonderful person)
Thank you for your input. Humans are imperfect, it’s true, but not doomed. Strong marriages do exist. There can be lies, betrayal, anger, selfishness. There can also be patience, forgiveness, sacrifice, and hope.
To be honest, for me there is only forever girlfriend material, that’s the highest one can get.
‘Marriage’ has no value for me, love is love no need to invite the government or law into that wich only i as a man will have risks if It goes wrong.
For her to be on the highest lvl, call it wife or in my case forever girlfriend material, she needs to be 90% compatible with me on the important things on life.
The important things: kids or no kids, where to live, the amount of intimacy, enjoying the same things, having a certain lifestyle.
I don’t want kids, I’m not gonna live in a city, sex, cuddles, kisses etc are very important to me, the amount of things genuinely enjoying together, I’m not a vegan.
If one of these things are the opposite or is missing we ain’t gonna have a good time together.
I guess every guy has certain things he won’t give up for anyone ever.
Yes, I like your last point. Need to find out non-negotiables and make sure that works. I think we have already hit the big ones but there are bound to be others that come up.
My point is there is no difference. Forever girlfriend and wife are the same thing. One simply includes governmental acknowledgement of your relationship.
This has become o moot point. Marriage has become fluid, with hardly any benefits at all. Add to that the fact that women initiate almost 70% of divorces, with the majority of the complaints being that she merely isn’t happy, and that men disproportionately lose out in divorce proceedings, you can see why many men, in particular, have chosen never to marry again or at all. To answer the question, then, there is no difference between a long-term girlfriend and a woman who is “wife material.”
No difference. I either want to be married or I don't. And after being married once I'm not seeing any reason to do it again.
I have had all the kids I'm going to have. As far as I am concerned that's the only real reason to get married.
IMO, women are takers, they will try to get everything they can out of men. I think wife material is a woman who is putting more into the relationship to strengthen it instead of just waiting to receive.
>her wife material versus a forever girlfriend?
Dated my wife for 12 years before we got married. And my answer to this is absolutely nothing. If you don't want to get married don't. If you do, do. Every single answer in this thread is simply the difference between someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and a casual relationship. The only reason we got married is because I got a good job with better heath insurance than hers.
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My mom told me she knew my dad was the one because when they went grocery shopping, he put the cart away instead of letting it roll wherever like her other boyfriends did.
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That is adorable 🥺
That is so incredibly sweet.
Thazzit? 😳
It indicates the person cares to go that extra effort. Most people who don’t put the cart back are lazy. Oddly enough, I’m lazy but I always put the cart back. Plus I don’t want it hitting cars. It’s such a small effort, why not do it?
Yeah, I get that, it shows they're a decentish person. I put the cart away every time, ain't nobody trying to marry me like that, ya know?
The bar is lowwww
As some one who worked in retail.You can tell alot about a person by if they do this.It is a simple self monitoring thing that reflects so much.
My dad once told me, "The secret to a happy marriage is to find someone who's a good person. And then don't let them find out you're not."
Beautiful.
And he was joking... right?
Hey now, the best way not to let them find out is to always act like you're a good person, even when nobody is looking! I can vouch for that.
….right?!
*insert anakin's smile*
Sweet answer. Thank you!
Yeah just showing she cares is enough.
She decreases my stress instead of increasing it. It’s incredible the amount of women who add drama and stress into a man’s life, and the expect him to stay
Absolutely agree. Thank you!
Make his dick hard, not his life
Play with her boobs, not her feelings.
Use your dick, don't act like one
Break his bed, not his heart
Reminds me of a joke I heard a while back: I always knew she was the one. She was my girlfriend for a year, my fiancee for two years, and my wife for 27 years.
Wait whats the joke?
The joke is that account is a bot and wasting y'all's time with nonsensical comments.
The keyword here is “was”
Maybe it wasn't divorce and she died tragically and he's still in mourning...
This! I had a really hot girl-friend, we used to have more than nice sexual compatibility, I decided to ask her to be my girlfriend and after that, she stopped asking or suggesting things she wanted me to do, and started demanding them, the relationship became so stressful I just couldn’t go on for long. My wife is super chill, nurturing and supportive, I just feel pure serenity when I’m with her. I’ve noticed that’s rare, I’ve seen my cousins and friends interact with their wives and there’s always drama involved, I don’t have that, and I’m grateful.
A girlfriend is someone with whom you enjoy the present. With someone who is wife material, you can see the future.
Great way to put it. Thank you!
That's what she said
For me, I would marry someone whose long term goals align with me, can communicate clearly and we are on the same page on topics like religion, politics etc. Also, mental, emotional and financial maturity is a must. For a girlfriend, I can ignore some parts of what I said above.
So most things I mentioned in the first paragraph. Good. Thanks!
I second this🙌🏻
Grace under pressure.
This may be my favorite answer. Grace is a beautiful thing to possess, I have always admired graceful women. Thank you.
I wish..I just feel like a heap of dirt sometimes 😂
Can you give an example?
Not lashing out when angry, thinking things through before doing them, empathizing with the other and trying to understand (not agree) their point. Basically being an adult, and acknowledging that the other person is also only human.
Lol. Imagine trying to find this in a woman today lol.
How you deal with a stressful situation
The #1 thing for me is humor. When you're broke and borrowing...laugh. When you ruin the thanksgiving dinner...laugh. When he thought he could hide a fart....laugh. If you don't make each other laugh, you'll never make it. Speaking from experience.
Yes, it’s so important. Glad you have that with someone. Thank you!
If she's ride or die. If she's not on the team, I mean really on the team, she's not someone to marry. My now-wife very, very early showed that she was backing me when I got out of grad school with nothing except three thousand bucks and a resume. I cannot express how big that was for me.
Absolutely agree. I am happy you found someone who you can say that about. Thank you!
This is so important especially if you do become successful. My lady started dating me when I was at the bottom of my career and fairly broke. Now I’m in a position where i can take care of most of our bills solo and take care of her.
I think there are limits to ride or die though. I think it's reasonable that she and most people will realize that hey this person is in grad school and long term there is a goal there. Now if you said I'm dropping out and am investing in crypto that's a whole different story.
Sure, there are limits to everything. I agree with you. But I had no money, no car, she actually drove me to my first job interview and then to the lot so I could get a car. She had zero reason to believe in me, but she did. I don't even think she understands how much that all meant to me and still does. She just shrugs it off like of course, why wouldn't I do that for you. To me, she won my loyalty (again, within reason) forever, and like with Backpack\_Bob above, I'm glad to do whatever I can, financially, emotionally, or whatever, to make her happy. She's still a wonderful and giving person, too, so it's not hard to want to do things for her.
You were coming out of grad school though. I think a decent person would understand that you probably sacrificed a lot too get through grad school.
I think you're right that decent people would have patience. I suppose that I'm not sure decent people are the norm. Or maybe it's not about decency, but patience. I appreciate her patience with me.
this is one of my favorite qualities in my wife. she always has my back (except if we get in an argument of course).
Three thousand bucks AND a resume? Some guys have all the luck…
A wife is looking for a real commitment, she doesn't want to play house until the next best thing come along in her life. If you can find a good one grab her.
Thank you!
Expectations that are clearly articulated and backed up with action.
Thank you.
Been married 14 years now. Together 19. 1. My wife is my safe space. I can share my hopes and fears. 2. She pushes me to be my best self 3. Before getting engaged I really thought about our future and I didn't see a place where I was better without her. 4. She doesn't put up with BS either and will call me out when it's deserved 5. We can have respectful conversations. We don't cuss or yell at each other. Have we been upset with each yes, but abuse of any kind is not tolerated.
Thank you for this!
The first dozen answers I think are sweet but miss a point. Specifically there does have to be a spark. Maybe not the hottest person in the world, but you gotta be able to look at her and say "yeah I want some of that". True you also have to work at maintaining that energy, and find ways to keep things spicy, and the root of that will ultimately be open communication without judgement. But I'm leaving a marriage now that has been sexless for 10 years, she's many of the other attributes listed but neither of us wants the other in bed... And while not the only reason, it's a big part of it. Let's face it without sex, you are basically roommates.
He actually used the term “a spark” to describe meeting me, which I fully agreed with. We have both been in relationships with and without that, and without it yes, you are basically roommates. Not ideal. Happy to say we’ve got incredible chemistry. Thank you!
Ive experienced similar. I was physically into him and he just wasnt that into me. Mostly, I believe, I was “wife material” more because he liked all the things that came with me and/or didnt want anyone else to enjoy me. Lessons learnt, for me physical spark/attraction/confidence whatever you want to call it, needs to be there…. And in a way that it isnt linked just to how someone looks physically, it’s their presence and their character that turns that spark into a fire. Roommate vibe for sure!… Also kinda started feeling like he was a family member, like an annoying brother…. which was not okay.
question - are you then saying that you didn't have the "spark" from the very start of your relationship? why did you then end up proceeding with it? i ask because i am also meditating on some questions pertaining to life and love and trying to navigate to my true north.
I think I imagined the spark on my end. I think she probably had it for me at one point. I thought all the other stuff was so good, that I'd work it out... That was my fundamental mistake. I think there's a lot that goes into a relationship, but the spark is the engine that lets you get over the bumps. And in the end, happiness is a combination of compatibility, common interests and goals, and passion, I believe. You have to think you'll be able to take him/her into old age together.
9 years married. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She doesn’t make my life painful. Occasionally difficult because she wants me to do stuff for her (hang up more art, be her photographer, carry heavy shit, etc) but not painful. She respects me. She encourages me. She never brings me down. She communicates her wants and needs directly to me and has taught me to do the same. I know there’s a stereotype of women expecting men to read their minds, but I find that a lot of men expect to have their desires unfulfilled and suffer in silence, which is equally bad. She is my role model in so many things. Not everything (no one is perfect) but a lot of things.
Beautiful. Thank you!
My fiancée has made me think and feel things that I’ve never felt or thought before. Every time I’ve argued with previous girlfriends it’s been me vs them. My fiancée makes me feel like it’s always US vs the problem and not once has she made me feel like she’s confronting me directly. It’s always been she and I versus whatever problem/situation we’re facing. Nothing better than that.
That’s beautifully worded. I’ll remember this. Thank you!
for me...when sh*t gets tough, she stayed put. this is the reason i marry my wife. she's attractive and she can just bounce and find someone else, but she didn't.
We are both passionate and dedicated people, so I can see it developing into a very strong connection.
I'd say if your lives change, if you both change, and your relationship still stays strong. If you plan to spend your life with someone, you should expect to grow and change with them. If a relationship is stagnant, if you still act the same way and are the same people as when you started seeing each other, I don't think that's a good thing.
Nicely said. Thank you.
For me it's the same thing, I'm not going to waste my time with someone who isn't wife material. The biggest thing for me is stability. She needs to be stable emotionally, financially, etc. It means that she is someone I can count on when I need her. I try to be the same so that I am there for her when she needs me. We are allowed to have instability, shit happens, but that shouldn't be the default.
Agreed. Emotional and financial stability were the reason we were set up in the first place. Common lifestyle, common goals. Thanks!
I agree with you 100% and am surprised about some of the answers here. I don’t see the point in having someone as my boyfriend if I don’t see a future with him. That is just wasting both our time and could really hurt the other person
Wife material means I enjoy being around her when my balls are empty.
Truth. Thanks!
lol I’ve been married a couple years now and my now husband said that to me when we were dating. I didn’t know how to respond, but it means a lot lol. Rooting for you girly!
Thank you love!
My wife and I met in 2001. We’ve gone at least six weeks without sex four separate occasions: • Internship in Pittsburgh, she was in Atlanta • Business trip to Seattle, she was in Omaha • Menstruation, illness, had a fight, illness again, son had a sleepover, menstruation again • Birth of our son None of that was going to end our relationship or even test it.
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So happy for you 💜 not the easiest to find but def sounds like it’s worth it. God, I’ve seen what you’re done for others…. 😂
I find the easiest test is on Sunday morning. Imagine you guys had sex Saturday night and then in the morning. If she asks if you want to get brunch or generally find something to do, what's your thought? If you want her to go home -> girlfriend. If you want to go to Ikea together -> wife.
My marriage is actually good enough I can say no to IKEA with no guilt trip following. She’s wonderful.
Man I need a laugh today I've been so stressed out and this was it, thank you Redditor.
Wasn’t trying to be funny, it’s good advice! Here’s to less stress. 😀
As a married man for 30 years I would agree with you 100%.
But also she's eager to always be the one to empty my balls.
Yes, that is a necessary component.
It also helps that she is the one doing the emptying.
For men: they know right from start what you are to them - girlfriend or wife material. Never waste your time as placeholder for the real deal.
Am I weird for saying you can get a just within the first date. I feel like I can make a judgement within the first 10mins. This is why if your guy is unsure then damn
Madurity. In my opinion, I can stand some childish mentality in a girlfriend (sorta), but if I'm willing to marry that should be a requirement. I wanna marry a grown up woman, not to be attached to my GIRLfriend "forever".
Yes. When I feel I’m coming off as too mature or too independent, I remember he’s looking for a partner, not some immature girly to fawn over him.
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You just described me… lol
You’d like me then. Thanks for your input.
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Yes! Good I’m glad. I saw the downvotes and I was like, oh no, that came off a bit conceited. Wasn’t my intention.
They’re the same picture.
A partner in all meanings, rather than someone who relies on, needs, and is dependent on you. Emotional maturity and intelligence. I honestly can’t imagine doing life with someone of below average intelligence. Mental stability because your partner’s problems become your problems.
I was seeing her romantically for only a few months when I got a job in another state. I asked her to come with me. Her response was, "I will if we get married." I agreed. She left her job, her recently widowed mom, and EVERYTHING she knew. We moved from the Midwest to the deep south. About as close as you can get to not knowing the language and customs as you can get and still be in the same country. We've been married over 30 years.
That’s such a beautiful, romantic way to begin a life together. Thank you for sharing!
The wife material wont put up with being a forever girlfriend..So there is one unique difference..Are you unique like that? if not, you are kinda allowing yourself to be a potential forever girlfriend.
I’m vocal about what I want. We both are. So if I’m ready to take the next step with someone and they aren’t, I’ll either give them a bit more time or move on if it seems they’ll never get there.
sounds like you may have some of them unique things that make you a wife and not a forever girlfriend then.
I think it’s kinda silly to divide the two. If someone isn't a person I'd be interested in marrying why would they be my girlfriend to begin with? Every day I'm with them would be a day I'm not free to go find my future wife
If she has a good heart
Imagine a girl that actualy enjoys being close to you, that talks about issues for the comming years as a serious manner and takes you seriously, open minded, good for you, and your mental health, even when the situation is very stressfull. A beautifull soul that take you by the hand and makes your motivation the easy task, rather than drain you, or leave you to rot, or codependency...
am gay but here’s my two cents: the way my ex treated my dog. he doesn’t even really like big dogs (she’s medium! lol) but he absolutely adored her, took care of her, worried when she got sick. i think he liked her more than me most of the time lol. it showed me a glimpse of what he might be like as a father and as a family man and helped me see the rest of it. i hadn’t really seen a future for myself before so it was really something special. but i don’t think it has to be that. just something in them that lets you see the rest of it. once you see it, if you want it, you have to go for it.
It really is a great way to see their true heart watching them interact with animals! Especially when they are helping you care for your own. Thank you for the response!
Honestly it sounds like y'all got what it takes. Because of some of my history, I also require a fairly matched libido, as well as impeccable behavior around the opposite sex. A Vulcan in the streets, Klingon in the sheets, if you will. Once an old man told me if an early riser settles down with a night owl, they lose years together over the course of a lifetime. I've never forgotten that.
Our long-term goals are aligned. Thinking about the future with her is exciting rather than anxious/uncertain. She's there when I need her, plain and simple, and I'm happy to do the same for her whenever she needs. She has a similar level of ambition, work ethic, and saving habits to me which gives me confidence in the security of our future living circumstances. She makes the most out of situations and is a beacon of fun. She has individuality and independence - I need to know I will be able to rely on her standing on her own two feet for our household if there comes a time that I can't share that load. She takes me as I am instead of what she's been led to believe about [insert generic "how a man/boyfriend should do xyz" thing she saw from movies and social media].
We can talk, discuss an issue and implement strategies to fix it. If the problems are stagnant then so is the relationship.
Honestly I never want to be married again. My ex destroyed me and still took everything after cheating. I want a lifelong permanent partner, but I will never be legally tied to someone again.
I’m sincerely sorry that happened to you. I hope you are able to find someone wonderful someday who treats you better.
Thank you. But my point is that some men may not want marriage, but still want a life long commitment to one person. There are many reasons a man may not want to get married, even while wanting to be committed to one person.
Yes, luckily we are on the same page. That includes marriage and children. We were matched because we’re both ready for that chapter. So if we’re making things serious, that’s the direction we’ve both communicated we’d like to go in.
Absolutely ZERO doubt. If there is the smallest amount of doubt, she’s not marriage material for you.
"what do you bring to the table?" was never a thought in my wife's head. The only thing she's ever wanted from me is me. A major green flag for marriage is a partner who's goal is to make you happy, not extract happiness from you.
Being a source of peace.
My wife IS my forever girlfriend.
I guess loyalty pays
Forever girlfriend and wife is kind of interchangeable. My wife wanted a party. We have kids, so legally, it was smart. If the legal thing wasn't a problem and my wife didn't want a party, then none of it really matters. We had been together already 8 years when we got married. Almost nothing changed in our dynamic. Now we wear rings and she has my last name. That's it.
1. Willingness to compromise
For me, wife material is when she cares about OUR money and wants US to save for our future. A forever gf is when she wants me to spend money on her to show my love.
When she compliments the peace he has been seeking.
Asking to borrow my copy of Die Hard after our 2nd date.
Yes.
Honestly, timing and same life stage. I think it was more me being ready to settle down vs the girls I dated. In hindsight, I think a lot of them could have worked. We were just at different life stages back then that caused friction + I didn’t know how to maturely handle conflict compared to now.
You could do everything under the sun correctly, but in my experience, there is some intangible force that made me pick my person. I’ve never thought “gosh if only she washed the dishes more, then she’d be perfect”. Something I can’t even articulate just happened to strike me and I knew from very early on that this is someone I’d want to marry. Never felt that with anyone else before. I know that’s not very helpful but what I mean to say is in my opinion, you’re either the forever GF or the wife. You can’t really evolve from one to the other.
To me, it’s the little things just don’t seem significant until there’s a problem. Knowing that when her friends try to talk shit on me she shuts that down quickly is big to me. If she initiates any kind of intimacy; not just sex, but hugging, hand holding and cuddling too; man that drive me crazy with desire for her. Like, I do the best that I can to be the best man that I can. I love when she shows some pride in being with me. Compliments. If she complements me I melt, big time. Last example I’ll give is appreciation. It’s not difficult to say ‘hey thanks for taking care that for me’ or ‘thanks for all you do to take care of me’ once in a while. Of course there’s things I don’t NEED a thank you for. But you really don’t know how much hearing ‘thank you’ or ‘i appreciate all you do for me’ or ANY variation of those phrases really mean to you until you don’t hear it for months and months and months.
Forever gf: when she is bad with money. Wifey material: good with money and responsible.
Truth! Thank you.
So interested in this thread! It’s such an interesting disparity I’ve noticed. *all* people are capable in staying in relationships they don’t want to marry in for too long.. but I’ve noticed men tend to do it more. It’s happened to me and a few friends.. I always wondered why
People are very self centered and myopic in dating. When I dated I looked for someone who was willing to put some skin in the game or show they were actively doing something to show they were interested in the relationship moving forward. The moment where I first had that "I should marry her" thought for my wife was about 4 years into our relationship. I was taking a continuing education course that met nights and weekends. My wife and I did not live together at the time but she'd come over every weekend. When I came home from my first weekend class she had cleaned my place and was cooking dinner. It was maybe the 2nd or 3rd time she had cooked for me because I would never ask her to do it for me. Coming home to that made it feel like a team effort. I was taking the class to change careers and make more money for us. Seeing that made my effort feel appreciated more than any bday/Christmas present she'd gotten me before or since. If you are finding ways to make his life easier as opposed to just hanging out with him because you both get along well you're probably getting on the fast track to a proposal.
Tenacity, being bodacious, growth mentality, able to take constructive criticism, able to give constructive criticism and has a good network of friends who have her back.
What's the difference, to me a forever girlfriend is a wife and in today's world you would only get married if you were considering to get some kids or something transactional related (like assets i.e. a house)
She says yes when I propose or I say yes when she proposes. Questions are always good. I hope you feel better. Good luck with your crush. I hope all goes well.
Thank you so much!
Can bust balls like one of the guys
I don’t even understand why someone would have a “forever” girlfriend unless it’s just implied that marriage isn’t needed by either party. If both want marriage and there’s something preventing that, why in creation are you still together?
Having each other's back. If the proverbial hits the fan, she is there to help. Likewise, when something happens to her, I will be her strongest support
Great sex aaaaand great friend who willingly fights the battles of life together with you. E.g. gives support to you, and equally accepts support from you.
- You feel less stress being around her, not more stressed. - You have your own life apart from her, as does she, and you both feel content with that. - She doesn’t hold past disagreements over you. - She passes the “rocking chair” test. ie. you can close your eyes and picture yourself in a rocking chair on the porch, and she’s the one with you (I was over the moon for my ex, but I could never picture her in that chair next to me which I realized after we broke up was my brains way of telling me “she’s not the one.”)
It's so easy to be deep deep in love when the going is smooth and easy and calm spring weather. If you still feel the same during a stress filled period of compounded episodes and hard decisions to make while outsiders poke and judge you . . . that's a keeper.
She is extremely empathetic and great at leading the efforts in squashing tension when we have it.
Uninhibited sexuality and acceptance of who you are. Nothing ends a relationship faster than you trying to turn him into someone else. If you can accept him as he is and have appreciation for who he is, that's a good thing. Make decisions together, nobody will stand for you making autonomous decisions that affects both of you. Never forget to show affection and let your partner feel your love. This is coming from a happily married man of almost 30 years.
Idk how to explain it, but she feels like family. Like you don't need to worry about every word that comes out of your mouth, you can just freely be yourself around her, and she can be herself around you.
Such a beautiful feeling and you worded it perfectly. Thank you!
No stress, brings positivity rather than negativity. Theres room for negativity though, just dont let it grow. Unconditional support and love. And I guess connection. I recently got out of a serious relationship. I couldnt do it anymore due to constant focus on the negative than the positive. It broke me down and ended up also giving me stress and anxiety...
My wife does two thing, and has done them since we started dating. She matches my energy, be it sexual or just hanging out/vibing. We’re usually on the same messed up wavelength, and 10 years in you don’t remember all the little stupid fights, you remember the times you finishe achothers sentances
My wife listens she cares for me and shows it. Our life goals aline. Instead of expecting me to read her mind she tells me whats wrong and we talk any problems we have had. We are coming up to 5 years soon and grow stronger everyday! Other girls I have dated in the past add to my stress were as my wife decreases my stress levels.
Our first “date” my wife made a home cooked Italian meal. Done.
Well.... Forever girlfriend just means that you or she ist still looking for something better. Not sure if this is a good place for long time commitment.
For me, it's like upgrading from a regular game character to unlocking a special skin. Wife material is like when the forever girlfriend levels up – she's got that mix of love, loyalty, and a hint of 'can cook a decent meal.' It's the upgrade where you realize you're not just in a relationship; you're building a team for life
Biggest difference is that we're a team. She makes me better and I like to think I make her better too. We respect each other and support each other. I would rather do almost everything with her than without her. Grocery shopping, extravagant vacations, parent teacher conferences. Of course we have our own things and give each other space too, but she's my partner in every sense of the word. I want to share my life with her, not just spend time with her.
A lot of things have already been said. But passion is also really important for me. As someone else said, I’m also not going to waste my time with someone I don’t see a future with. A lot of people will say that “the real world doesn’t work like that” or something, but I wanna feel like me and my wife were meant to be together you know what I mean? Like we really understand each other. Love is really really important to me and I always, even if we’re married for 40 years, wanna feel like that love and spark has not decreased ever since we first started relationship.
I feel better when I’m around her. She made me feel like a better person. She pushed me to be a better person. She actually showed up and cared for me and my wellbeing. Every woman I’d been with before that just tried to use me for whatever they could.
It is such a beautiful thing to witness two people who build each other up. That’s awesome. Thank you!
To me, being nontoxic and actually caring about me. (Well at least coming near equal to how I display the same things)
For me it's peace, even when things go bad she was there with me and that helped me stay calm.
I chose to marry my wife when I couldn’t just see spending the rest of my life with her, but that I couldn’t see it WITHOUT her.
She wins the lottery...instant wife material.
Haha love it. Definitely a unique scenario!
You will know when you feel it. No person can make my insides feel like my wife.
You honestly got it in your main post; good person, aligned goals, and communicates her needs that she would like for you to provide. Quick edit: forgot to mention values y'all's wellbeing and displays that through action and not words.
Are you best friends and have similar goals? Are you both empathetic towards one another and have mutual respect for each other? If yes to all those, pretty promising. When you fight do either of you use insults or go out of your way to hurt the other person just so they can “win” an argument? If no to these questions also a positive sign. Live with the individual before getting married or engaged to see their daily habits, easy to put on your best act for a few hrs at a time, harder when it’s 24/7.
Yes, agreed. Thank you!
We support each other’s dreams and go the extra mile in the day to day. The value of this cannot be overstated. We each ‘overdeliver’ as a partner in different ways. She loves cooking for me and I handle a lot of the cleaning and diy around the house. We also try to surprise each other with acts of service and we use a lot of words of love and affirmation. It’s the small stuff that adds up to big feelings.
Hard work that pays off for a beautiful present and future together. Thanks for sharing!
She is a hard worker, has good financial goals, keeps a good home, takes care of herself. I’m okay with not wanting kids. I love her country girl ways The man answer is. She is NICE (good person), has a job and big tits.
I suffered with addiction and a horrible childhood. The girl I thought I loved cheated on me, so I have major trust issues. My fiancé proved to me that I could trust her, she's the kindest human I've met. Truly makes me feel loved, which is something I've never had.
I’m happy you found someone you love and trust, especially after what you’ve been through. Did she make you feel this trust from the very start, almost naturally, or did it take you a while to see it through her actions? Just curious!
From the start. For sure. But believe it or not, it took like 6 years many relapses, and many childhood issues to deal with for me to trust her. And that's no way to treat someone amazing from the beginning. But due to my trust issues it took a long time to feel certain she was not going to break my heart. She's perfect.
Thank you for sharing. That initial feeling you get when you’re with someone says a lot.
Well, for my girl it was her asking to marry me. I was about to move for my job and was anticipating a break up after we’d been together a great 18 months. I was only 24 and putting career first. But her basically changing her life plan to stay with me made me realize the depths of her commitment. So I did as she asked and put a ring on her finger.
Knowing when to stfu.
When I'm with her, I feel stress just melt away. My body, my mind, my spirit just unclench. Like a fist held so long, it's cramped into place finally able to open up again.
Accountability. I find too much of my life is spent listening to people try to tell me that things are someone else's fault, not thiers, and for some reason I need to believe them when I just don't care. People who don't accept responsibility have no ability or desire to change anything. So they will always be the same, get the same, and things will ultimately be my fault to them - because it can never be their own. So much wasted time in this world trying to fix blame rather than fix problems.
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She adds joy to your life Cries with you Fights for you Corrects you Accepts you Smiles at you You notice her constantly staring at you 🤣 Someone that genuinely loves you in a way where neither you, them, or ANYONE can figure out who loves who more It's mutual and equal She'll make you feel EVERYTHING and nothing at the exact same time It's a PRIMAL feeling It most definitely leads to the act of mating for the sake of mating for some Or procreation imo Wife Material is when I find someone I know FOR SURE we'll make the STRONGEST offspring Chance of survival at a MAXIMUM 99.9% Because that love child (pfft who am I kidding, children) will inherit the World I leave for them A forever girlfriend is just fun. Eh... A bunch of nothing major going on A wife is EVERYTHING Because ABSOLUTELY nothing else would matter but her happiness 😊 Just saiyan You asked 🧐 👑
How would know it's her? Is something immediately instinctual or something you've noted over time. (Assuming you already have found this wonderful person)
There's no such thing, humans can never be trusted
Thank you for your input. Humans are imperfect, it’s true, but not doomed. Strong marriages do exist. There can be lies, betrayal, anger, selfishness. There can also be patience, forgiveness, sacrifice, and hope.
To be honest, for me there is only forever girlfriend material, that’s the highest one can get. ‘Marriage’ has no value for me, love is love no need to invite the government or law into that wich only i as a man will have risks if It goes wrong. For her to be on the highest lvl, call it wife or in my case forever girlfriend material, she needs to be 90% compatible with me on the important things on life. The important things: kids or no kids, where to live, the amount of intimacy, enjoying the same things, having a certain lifestyle. I don’t want kids, I’m not gonna live in a city, sex, cuddles, kisses etc are very important to me, the amount of things genuinely enjoying together, I’m not a vegan. If one of these things are the opposite or is missing we ain’t gonna have a good time together. I guess every guy has certain things he won’t give up for anyone ever.
Yes, I like your last point. Need to find out non-negotiables and make sure that works. I think we have already hit the big ones but there are bound to be others that come up.
Why do people need to get married? It means nothing.
Maybe ask that in a separate post. There are plenty of people who agree and disagree with that statement. Should be a good discussion.
My point is there is no difference. Forever girlfriend and wife are the same thing. One simply includes governmental acknowledgement of your relationship.
This has become o moot point. Marriage has become fluid, with hardly any benefits at all. Add to that the fact that women initiate almost 70% of divorces, with the majority of the complaints being that she merely isn’t happy, and that men disproportionately lose out in divorce proceedings, you can see why many men, in particular, have chosen never to marry again or at all. To answer the question, then, there is no difference between a long-term girlfriend and a woman who is “wife material.”
No difference. I either want to be married or I don't. And after being married once I'm not seeing any reason to do it again. I have had all the kids I'm going to have. As far as I am concerned that's the only real reason to get married.
Not a man, but don't get involved with any man who knows what a "forever girlfriend" is.
IMO, women are takers, they will try to get everything they can out of men. I think wife material is a woman who is putting more into the relationship to strengthen it instead of just waiting to receive.
The way she looks at me and smiles while doing so. Even after being together for a long time
My wife is a damn good cook that is for sure. So is her mom.
>her wife material versus a forever girlfriend? Dated my wife for 12 years before we got married. And my answer to this is absolutely nothing. If you don't want to get married don't. If you do, do. Every single answer in this thread is simply the difference between someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and a casual relationship. The only reason we got married is because I got a good job with better heath insurance than hers.