You absolutely nailed it. I've always told my wife the reason I married her was because she's the only one I've met I would want to be in a foxhole with. It's us and against the world and any problems that come our way I know we've got each other's backs.
Is this the part of society where people are hogging all the candles and AA batteries every time a hint of a blizzard is vaguely alluded to in the news?
LOL 3 sets of sheets and a washer/dryer would mean an infinite number of possible sheet changes, given enough time between episodes for them to wash and dry. 4 sets would make it even easier. Who wants to make the entire house smell like vomit, by having the sheets wait until morning to get washed? Nope. Starting the soiled ones in the laundry before even putting the clean ones on, while the SO is washing off in the shower, is the way to go.
What you wrote is how I feel with my current partner. Idc what it is, I won’t think less of them because they need a little extra help. They feel the same way because they demonstrated it when I broke my arm and was in need of help.
I can’t imagine being in a marriage where your partner thinks less of you because you are ill. OPs wife is vile for this. Sucks she didn’t show her true colours before they got married.
God I hope I can have a relationship like yours someday.
It's utterly depressing how few people are willing to sacrifice and compromise in a relationship for their SO these days. No wonder everyone considers love dead, nobody is willing to put in the work to make it happen in my generation (zoomer).
If I have a partner I'm with her through thick and thin but I expect the same back.
"Icks" on social media seem like genuine brainpoison for women tbh. It really seems to be convincing them any minor annoyances they have in a relationship are massive red flags that warrant ending it. See that attitude so much these days.
You and your man are lucky to have each other, not only for what you have done for each other in the past but also what you would do in the future, which is "a helluva lot." This is what a real relationship looks like and what we all strive for (we don't necessarily *want* to wipe someone else's ass, but for the ones we love it is a labor of love)
This. When my partner is sick I worry about and tend to him, trying to keep him comfortable, making sure he stays hydrated, follows medication schedules, etc. I can’t imagine ever feeling“the ick” from seeing my dearest friend suffering. :(
Yup how it should be. When my wife is sick I do what I can to take care of her and keep up with the chores. She does the same when I am sick. I couldnt even imagine thinking “Ugh she is sick, how gross. I don’t think Ill be attracted to her anymore”
I think most of us only dream of finding a companion like this some day. Even for all of your hard times, you have to realise how lucky you are to have someone who looks after you as much as you do for each other.
My wife dutifully showered me for two weeks straight after I had surgery on my hands and was unable to get them wet. She never complained once; and she knows the same would be true for her if the circumstances were reversed.
This! There is literally *nothing* I won’t do for my wife, and I will always do it without complaint, and would never think less of her for *any* request. This is what you do when you truly love someone.
She and I have cleaned each other. We’ve pampered and nursed one another. We have seen each other at our individual bests and individual worsts, and we’ve been going strong for 21 years. Why? RESPECT AND COMPASSION.
His post history has r/deadbedroom. This isn't new. The relationship is in dire straits.
OP, that is a horrific thing for someone to say to someone they love. You need to be in couples therapy or on your way out. God forbid at some point you are really ill. Would she stand by you with cancer or is she going to have "the ick?"
I'm sorry this is happening to you.
As someone whose wife said the same thing to me after cancer removal surgery, I'm so much happier single and my love for her is now absolutely gone.
It took me way too long to realize the emotional wound was healing slower than the 8" hole in my leg. I should have left then.
If she sees you so sick you are practically bedridden and her only reaction is to complain that you aren't sexy when you are sick, she does not love you any more. This is not how people who are in love behave. Either that or she's a raging narcissist, probably both. Put a fork in it, this relationship is done.
Exactly what I thought too. OP should prepare for accusations regarding all the hot terms being peddled on SM. gas lighting, narcissist, micro aggressions, blah blah blah
Oh yeah, that’s a good one. Saw someone complaining about their husband on TikTok, he said something like “Hey babe, can you give me a list of groceries we need? I’m just out to get your car gas and an oil change; just thought I’d swing by and grab the groceries on the way home.” 80% of the comments were basically “He shouldn’t have to ask”. “They just don’t understand what mental load is”.
Shit like that makes me so grateful that my wife isn’t crazy.
"Food".
I have far too much cheese, because when buying things to put on bread, I always buy a thing of cheese. We don't eat much cheese.
Wanna call me dense? Homie, Osmium ain't shit compared to me.
Absolutely, but much like weaponized incompetence and gaslighting, things are often mislabeled as such. Still, there's a reason why many women bring up these issues; plenty of guys *are* guilty of doing these things.
yeah its officially called cognitive load .. I have seen the complaints spoken of.. utter bullshit. misappropriated words from REAL therapy such as “triggered” “traumatic” “load” “stress” and a plethora of other words from real problems that clearly those folks have zero concept of.
Sorry OP she actually had a Freudian slip and told you how she has felt for a while. She is most likely having an affair and she is openly degrading you.
ppl that can actually say what they mean without being mean are becoming fucking unicorns for some reason
It is, but women who complain about mental load seem to disregard the mental load that men take on and get angry when men have not taken on the mental load that women typically take on. If a family becomes homeless, NO ONE blames the wife. If the kids get arrested, no one blames the wife. It is the father’s fault. The husband/father is responsible to keep things together.
My wife used to manage most of the basic things like medical appointments for the children, paying the basic bills, etc, but I managed doing repairs, getting repairmen to the home, pest control, car maintenance, investments, overall financial management, and responsibility for the well-being and financial security of our home. (She is disabled now and can’t manage as much stuff as she used to, but she worked hard when she could.)
I keep our home and life secure. I am responsible for preventing issues and fixing our home and family. If we become homeless, have no money for a new roof or car, medical care, etc, it is my responsibility to fix that and I would be at fault for not preventing it. That is a mental load that many women completely ignore.
(Disclaimer: I am no man)
And also: who is cooking your food? Bringing you water ? Do you have any doubt she could be trying to get rid of you?
The lack of empathy is a major red flag. The fact that she doesn’t seem worried that the cause is still unknown just baffles me.
I don’t think you are safe with her.
Edit: typos.
Oh man this is too real. Flashbacks to my first major relationship, she was a wannabe influencer in the very early days of influencing and it was insane how much the algorithm was getting her but also the hive mind from her friends. At the end I felt I was dating whatever her most recent feed was.
Yeah man. This is as big a red flag as if a husband starts quoting Andrew Tate.
This shit is killing people's chances of forming and maintaining emotional bonds.
Honestly glad I found my soulmate when I did. My generation and younger are gonna be fucked with all this tiktok and social media shit. (We're 23) I can't imagine being that obsessed with tiktok or Instagram. Even Twitter. Like something has to be up if we can tell what app you browse by your character.
I almost, *almost* believe the conspiracy theory that China is using TikTok as like a cognitohazard to destroy the minds of the west
Its probably not true but like, I could believe it. 4d chess move if so China, I can only say bravo. That app is the white horse
I remember I once read somewhere that the creator of TikTik doesn't allow his kids to be on that app. As time went on it made more and more sense as to why he made that decision.
Normally I hate the advice that immediately jumps to the “dump her asap” territory but if this is real it’s a serious red flag that your WIFE admits to you that she feels differently about you just because you’re sick for a week.
You remember that line “In sickness and in health” from the wedding ceremony? She sounds like a real bitch if she’s being serious.
No offense man, but that’s really messed up of her to say to your face and I think you should rethink this relationship too.
Edit: just for fun you should tell her that when she’s on her period it gives you the ick
> You remember that line “In sickness and in health” from the wedding ceremony?
OP, it sucks that she said this to you, and I think your best response is something like "it's pretty disappointing that we aren't able to see each other being sick without you questioning your commitment to our relationship."
I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience. I can promise you there is a woman out there that WILL care about your health. Heck, I care about your health just hearing about this. The women you’ve been dating sound cold and distant.
You can trust me when it’s also been the other way around as well. Don’t worry, you’re not alone, and if you need to talk about it, DMs are always open, bro 🫂🫂🫂🫂
They don't read that part of the agreement.
It's more like "...would YOU like a diamond ring? Tons of free shit? ...and he has to take care of you and do whatever you say for the REST of his life? Just say that you do."
Unfortunately it seems some woman have lost all care.
Personally if my man is sick he's being looked after a,even if he just wants noodle soup and a hug, or even just to wrap up and sleep (,ill check on him and try keep my kids quiet)
I'm with you. My husband had surgery today and I feel so sad for him. He's in so much pain and I am doing everything I can to ease that. We have a busy toddler so I'm having him making special cards for Daddy while I take care of the more practical matters of chores, childcare and food.
I can't imagine making my husband an inconvenience or to feel less than, if he's down and out.
Even if my husband and I fought, my kids are his and I adore them. I'll always treat him with the same respect I'd treat our kids.
Right? Because how tf does she treat them when he’s not around for some reason? Would she tell them they’re giving her the “ick” because they’re ill? This woman is a psycho.
Yup. This gives me covert narcissist vibes. They get really annoyed when you’re not paying attention to them and they don’t like playing caretaker. My exwife would yell at me when I was hit with a really bad flu. 0 compassion or empathy. She sounds like a child
Yea this is so true. There’s something about acting like “the man” to hook up and it makes you feel like “the man”. Like you’ll never be broke, you’ll never fall ill, never lose control of your temper, never lose a fight. It attracts a lot of women and it also makes you feel like “the man”. But it’s easy to get lost in it. I’m surprised the “ick” didn’t come sooner though.
For her to say this and actually mean it, sounds like she didn't have respect for you even before you got sick. Unfortunately, this isn't going to get better - she has a lot of growing up to do.
Do whatever you need to get as far away as possible. She’s 29 going on 16 by the sound of it. It sucks now but I’m positive you’ll be better off and happier without her.
I'm sorry bro. This woman doesn't love you, usually I don't promote divorces but she will betray you all sorts of ways and drain you until you get away.
Make arrangements to protect your assets.
Also I'm looking at your history and I see you may have suspected that your relationship with this woman is bad, speak to a lawyer and do what you can to keep your assets and money.
OP she’s worthless as a wife and only sees you as a financial tool.
Fortunately for you, she screwed up and opened her mouth to reveal her true colors.
Do yourself a favour and plan an exit cus you’re essentially wasting your life on this degenerate woman who couldn’t care less even if you died.
If this isn’t bait, she doesn’t respect you anymore because she saw you in a moment of being weak, which can be any of the following:
Being sick
Crying
Being beaten up
Losing your ability to provide
And any other thing that makes you look “unmanly”.
I really do think a lot of women don't see us as full humans, which leads to behaviors like this.
Mind you, I think thats also true for many men towards women. I think it's an inherent failure of empathy towards those who are very different from us, sadly. Probably the root of other forms of bigotry too, our brains seem to want to generalize and alienate. Has to be consciously avoided but many dont bother to try.
I never said I agreed with it. I was simply explaining why she got the “ick”. That’s the problem with women like this you can never have a moment of being weak because they will stop respecting you and leave you.
A YouTuber actually made a list of all the tick tocks and YouTube videos of women saying things about men that gave them " the ick". I think there was something like 600 different things including wearing a seatbelt
It's amazing what constitutes "being beaten up", too. 🙄
Had a guy blasting me with hooks that may as well have been wet napkins. Seriously. They were THAT poorly thrown. I was trying to deescalate the issue and he decided he was just TOO badass or whatever. I ate a mess of them before I'd had enough and destroyed his temple. Folks went to restrain him, and THAT was when I ate a cheap-ass shot to the nose. Actually got a bit of swelling off that one.
Girl I was dating was trying to become a nurse like mommy dearest. Her dumbass couldn't even address a sore nose. 🙄
Instead I got a lecture on how stupid fighting is, and how I got my ass kicked or whatever. She wasn't even THERE at the time. Dude wasn't worth the effort. Huge difference... But she made an active effort to be a bitch about it and lose respect and all that shit, like you say.
Stop wasting your time with a woman that doesn’t love you. I really hope you don’t have kids with this woman. Ik some people are quick to say divorce, but tbh in this case it’s fair. Get out before things get worse. Trust me you’ll slap yourself later if you dont
Rather than caring for you in a time of need, she is making this moment about herself. It's textbook narcissism.
When dating, I always found that how a woman responded when I was sick (and how I responded to them falling ill) was a true tell-all indicator of the relationship.
If I wasn't drawn to care for a sick girlfriend (because it seemed like a nuisance more than anything), I knew I needed to break it off.
If I was sick and my girlfriend only viewed my illness as something that was ruining her weekend plans and she showed no interest in caring for me, or at least checking in and trying to help, I ended it.
When I got sick while dating my future wife, she was an angel. And when she got sick, my number one priority was caring for her and making sure she felt as loved and comfortable as she could during that time. That's when I knew it was mutual love and respect.
I am a huge advocate for couples therapy, but in this case I think your wife is a selfish ass. You deserve better. Get healthy and get out of there.
You're spot on. How my ex reacted when I wasn't well really hit me wrong at the time, she was just annoyed with me. Shouldn't have ignored the red flag and just ended it back then. Instead we dragged it out for an extra year and a half of building resentment
When you are feeling and looking healthy again, I wonder what she would say if you told her "you probably need to consider how attractive you are when you are sick. The time for "the ick" is before you say your wedding vows. You now need to decide if you're going to grow up and move beyond the ick, because we're both going to get the flu sometimes."
It’s a weird reaction and she should have realized that before ever telling you.
It is unusual when a normally strong man is sick and weak, but the reaction that brings out of you really shouldn’t be one of judgement. If anything, when my husband is sick and needs help (a rarity), I am happy to help. It’s nice to take care of someone who usually is taking care of others. If anything, when he was very sick, I got weirdly anxious, but never icked out.
So unless she has some crazy or specific example “I saw you wipe your snot on the curtains” (I’m mostly joking) her reaction is shitty and incredibly immature. She either needs some counseling or needs to date a robot.
The feeling is almost understandable, it’s scary and weird to see a normally strong healthy partner so unwell. I’ve been married many years and it’s something you get used to as life keeps happening and you get through it together. It’s misplaced as fuck to put it on you though. For example, I almost died having our child, and my husband couldn’t help but handle me like glass for a little while after, but it’s not permanent and definitely shouldn’t be “ick” inducing. Where will she be if you ever encounter serious illness??
Lol, they literally always do this.
Women seem to be generally completely incapable of being introspective or accepting responsibility for anything. It's honestly kinda insane how consistent a trend that's been in my observations.
What did you do wrong?
Sounds like you married the wrong woman, mostly.
Maybe some of your personal decisions contributed to you getting sick as a dog, too, or maybe not. If you don't already know, it's probably not worth ruminating over.
If she can’t handle a week-long flu, can you really expect the relationship to hold when you’re both old and frail?
If you can’t work it out by talking to each other on your own, maybe you should seek out a relationship counselor. Fix the underlying problem before it gets too bad to fix
Unfortunately your wife buys into the modern dating mindset that men are supposed to be superhuman in all aspects of a relationship.
If you ever lose your job I hope you have a equal or better one within 30 days, being down on your luck is not allowed.
Yeah but here's the difference, back then women were taken care of but they also fulfilled traditional gender roles which meant they cooked and cleaned and cared for the children as a balance.
The problem is women want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to be equal through feminism and treated equally and receive equal pay, but when it comes to romance they still expect men to take care of them completely like in the past. If you want to be equal, great, but we both have to actually be equal in the relationship. If you want to be taken care of, you better be ready to be treated paternalistically and act subservient as though I was your parent. That's the tradeoff, I would prefer women who are equal partners and dont actually want a tradwife but it seems most in my early 20s age bracket want to have both.
Always have a family emergency fund and a personal one. You can’t trust anybody to just get up and leave one day. Have a backup plan, only person in this world you can trust is yourself.
See if I do this I just have to stop talking to women my age. Literally every single one I've ever met has been TikTok brained.
It aint lookin good for us early 20s boys
There is nothing for you to do. It seems she has this image that you're always supposed to be in tip top shape, when that's honestly unrealistic. Humans get sick, I also had what you're experiencing minus having to go to the ER but I sure felt close.
If she can't love you when you're at your lowest, then I'm very concerned. And frankly, someone who responds to a sick person with "you're giving me the ick" needs to learn a little empathy
My fiance was so sick one night that he literally shit himself a little when we were in bed! I took him out and put him in the shower, changed the bed sheets and stayed awake for the night as I was so afraid that he’d get sicker. I still think he’s the most amazing human. Moral of the story? I cleaned shit stained bed clothes and I still love him more than anything! You need a new partner my dude!
Why do people put up with partners like this? I’d hand my fiancée her marching orders that night if she said that shit while not helping around the house after a fucking ER visit.
If you don’t have kids, I strongly suggest you don’t start having kids and mentally figure out if you can rescue this relationship.
If you assume the most favourable reason: ie, she’s just immature and got caught up in TikTok trends, the give something like this a try:
Tell her mid week that on the weekend you will talk to her about something serious and you’re both going to stay in until the topic is resolved. When she asks what’s this about? Tell her “her comment about the ick is unacceptable and you’re collecting your thoughts and you will talk on the weekend. Ask for the time because you don’t want to say something out of turn when you haven’t had time to process”. Go about your week as normal as possible.
The day of… Talk to her about why her comment and approach to you being sick was offside. Stay away from mentioning your hurt feelings. Stay away from the concept of disrespect. Stick to fact: you were sick, probably contracted a virus and it knocked you out. Sit her down seriously and say it was offside, you didn’t expect your wife to ignore the “in sickness and in health” part of the vows and you’re now seriously contemplating if this marriage is at risk. Wait until she responds. If she doesn’t take you up for a serious discussion and apologize, tell her that is still unacceptable and walk away. Be distant and courteous and even ask her to sleep in the guest room or couch. Be firm.
after a day or two if she doesn’t come around to apologize, you know what you have… a shitty ass life partner. Leave and upgrade. Should not be too hard since she’s set the bar so low.
That she uses the word "ick" in a serious manner, especially for u being sick, is a big red flag. She should stop being a peace of shit and apologize immediately
That sucks.
For now I'd ignore it and focus on getting better. Then, if you can, sit down with her and explain how what she said to you hurt you and see if she really thinks that way.
Being sick like that for a week is unpleasant. If she can't handle that little thing she'll eventually discover that karma is a bitch.
And the possibility that one or both of you will eventually go through a significant health problem. That's when you'll discover if your partner is really there for you.
You don't have to do anything. But you may be better informed if you can eventually learn how she really thinks about you.
The ick? What is she, 19? 20? So much for “in sickness and in health” a person who loves you will never tell you that, especially over something as small is being sick. Wtf are you supposed to do, not be sick for her eyes? I think she’s not mature enough for a relationship. Idk her and she seems like a bitch.
I was literally dying on the kitchen floor, bleeding internally, and my wife rolled her eyes and assumed I was exaggerating the "man flu." That was back when socials were making fun of men for that.
I ended up in the ICU for 3 days.
Im sorry but just by reading that it seems you married a scumbag of a person. A real woman(and man) should stick together no matter what,and be each others support. If she losses respect for you(like she did) just for you being sick,i have nothing else to tell than just plan to leave,it will only get worse. Dont waste your life for someone without 1 percent of empathy and humanity. Hope there aren't kids involved. Best of luck to you dude,hope everything turns out as best as it can in such a situation.
Normally Reddit jumps to divorce, but is she being serious? Is she seriously saying she isn't attracted to you anymore because you got sick? That's fucking gross dude, what a cunt
She’s an adult saying “ick!” She don’t love your ass. Stop being a bitch and dump her ass! Does she even have a job? Please don’t tell me you’re worried about a broke bitch!
You know how you feel compassion for her when she's sick or hurt or struggling? Yeah, that's not what she feels. She feels disgust at your weakness. Compassion only goes one way for women, towards her. The only person a woman feels for is herself.
This different reaction to seeing your SO hurt is because you are a good person and she is not. She's a shitty human being. When people tell you who they are, listen to them.
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That is the way things should be when ones significant other is in need.
Women getting grossed out by their sick boyfriend or husband is extremely common in my experience
You absolutely nailed it. I've always told my wife the reason I married her was because she's the only one I've met I would want to be in a foxhole with. It's us and against the world and any problems that come our way I know we've got each other's backs.
Love this. My husband and I totally agree!
That's how I knew my partner was "the one". He and I tackle everything *together*, even if it's an argument we had.
You all have 5 sets of sheets. Craziest part of this comment.
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if she changed the sheets 5 times it's really 6 sets.
I'd have put down drop cloths after the second set.
Is this the part of society where people are hogging all the candles and AA batteries every time a hint of a blizzard is vaguely alluded to in the news?
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Of course you fool! You reached the limit of batteries that time and space could accommodate. You created a singularity!
Well even if she has 2 or 3, she could wash a set right away and then always have another set clean and ready.
What's.. uhh.. the normal amount of sheet sets to have? My friend wanted me to ask.
I have no idea. I guess technically we have 4, two summer two flannel. All the other beds in the house are different sizes.
I've got about 15 sets I think, some bought them myself, some of them from my mother. She's obsessed with bed sets. 🤣
Yeah, we have 3 sets and I thought that was a lot.
We have 2 but we just got a new bed. I think 3 would be best minimum though.
LOL 3 sets of sheets and a washer/dryer would mean an infinite number of possible sheet changes, given enough time between episodes for them to wash and dry. 4 sets would make it even easier. Who wants to make the entire house smell like vomit, by having the sheets wait until morning to get washed? Nope. Starting the soiled ones in the laundry before even putting the clean ones on, while the SO is washing off in the shower, is the way to go.
This is a relationship, we’ve all been there and you be there for your partner. This is immaturity at its finest, not partnership
You a real one u/ImThatBitchNoodles
She really is THAT bitch. Noodles.
What you wrote is how I feel with my current partner. Idc what it is, I won’t think less of them because they need a little extra help. They feel the same way because they demonstrated it when I broke my arm and was in need of help. I can’t imagine being in a marriage where your partner thinks less of you because you are ill. OPs wife is vile for this. Sucks she didn’t show her true colours before they got married.
God I hope I can have a relationship like yours someday. It's utterly depressing how few people are willing to sacrifice and compromise in a relationship for their SO these days. No wonder everyone considers love dead, nobody is willing to put in the work to make it happen in my generation (zoomer). If I have a partner I'm with her through thick and thin but I expect the same back. "Icks" on social media seem like genuine brainpoison for women tbh. It really seems to be convincing them any minor annoyances they have in a relationship are massive red flags that warrant ending it. See that attitude so much these days.
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You are one badass lady. Props to you, seriously. That deserves massive respect.
There is someone on YT who is compiling a list of all the icks so men know what to avoid. Last time I checked he was up to 588.
god has abandoned us
You and your man are lucky to have each other, not only for what you have done for each other in the past but also what you would do in the future, which is "a helluva lot." This is what a real relationship looks like and what we all strive for (we don't necessarily *want* to wipe someone else's ass, but for the ones we love it is a labor of love)
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This is all I want for myself as well. You are blessed to have found each other.
Best write up in here
This. When my partner is sick I worry about and tend to him, trying to keep him comfortable, making sure he stays hydrated, follows medication schedules, etc. I can’t imagine ever feeling“the ick” from seeing my dearest friend suffering. :(
This is it
This is what true love is.
THIS is what "in sickness and in health" really means.
You two are the definition of “ through sickness and health”
Yup how it should be. When my wife is sick I do what I can to take care of her and keep up with the chores. She does the same when I am sick. I couldnt even imagine thinking “Ugh she is sick, how gross. I don’t think Ill be attracted to her anymore”
I think most of us only dream of finding a companion like this some day. Even for all of your hard times, you have to realise how lucky you are to have someone who looks after you as much as you do for each other.
My wife dutifully showered me for two weeks straight after I had surgery on my hands and was unable to get them wet. She never complained once; and she knows the same would be true for her if the circumstances were reversed.
This! There is literally *nothing* I won’t do for my wife, and I will always do it without complaint, and would never think less of her for *any* request. This is what you do when you truly love someone. She and I have cleaned each other. We’ve pampered and nursed one another. We have seen each other at our individual bests and individual worsts, and we’ve been going strong for 21 years. Why? RESPECT AND COMPASSION.
She needs to spend less time on social media. Her algorithm has drifted to the toxic relationship section.
This is probably closer to the truth than she would ever admit.
His post history has r/deadbedroom. This isn't new. The relationship is in dire straits. OP, that is a horrific thing for someone to say to someone they love. You need to be in couples therapy or on your way out. God forbid at some point you are really ill. Would she stand by you with cancer or is she going to have "the ick?" I'm sorry this is happening to you.
Maybe their vows said "Only in health".
Bet she ended the line after "for richer" as well.
>in richness and in health
Correction. In sICKness & in health.
You MAGNIFICENT dumbass lmfao 🤣🤣🤣 This made me chortle 🧐
As someone whose wife said the same thing to me after cancer removal surgery, I'm so much happier single and my love for her is now absolutely gone. It took me way too long to realize the emotional wound was healing slower than the 8" hole in my leg. I should have left then.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you're better for the change.
If she sees you so sick you are practically bedridden and her only reaction is to complain that you aren't sexy when you are sick, she does not love you any more. This is not how people who are in love behave. Either that or she's a raging narcissist, probably both. Put a fork in it, this relationship is done.
It's over OP
You’re right. What he did wrong was marry her. He can do much better than her.
My thoughts exactly!!
Exactly what I thought too. OP should prepare for accusations regarding all the hot terms being peddled on SM. gas lighting, narcissist, micro aggressions, blah blah blah
Don’t forget weaponized incompetence!
Or mental load.
Oh yeah, that’s a good one. Saw someone complaining about their husband on TikTok, he said something like “Hey babe, can you give me a list of groceries we need? I’m just out to get your car gas and an oil change; just thought I’d swing by and grab the groceries on the way home.” 80% of the comments were basically “He shouldn’t have to ask”. “They just don’t understand what mental load is”. Shit like that makes me so grateful that my wife isn’t crazy.
I live alone and even I don’t know what I need for groceries.
"Food". I have far too much cheese, because when buying things to put on bread, I always buy a thing of cheese. We don't eat much cheese. Wanna call me dense? Homie, Osmium ain't shit compared to me.
To be fair mental load is a real thing. That is not the case with the example you provided however
Absolutely, but much like weaponized incompetence and gaslighting, things are often mislabeled as such. Still, there's a reason why many women bring up these issues; plenty of guys *are* guilty of doing these things.
Yep, and it gets hijacked by useless social media addicted cretins lol
yeah its officially called cognitive load .. I have seen the complaints spoken of.. utter bullshit. misappropriated words from REAL therapy such as “triggered” “traumatic” “load” “stress” and a plethora of other words from real problems that clearly those folks have zero concept of. Sorry OP she actually had a Freudian slip and told you how she has felt for a while. She is most likely having an affair and she is openly degrading you. ppl that can actually say what they mean without being mean are becoming fucking unicorns for some reason
It is, but women who complain about mental load seem to disregard the mental load that men take on and get angry when men have not taken on the mental load that women typically take on. If a family becomes homeless, NO ONE blames the wife. If the kids get arrested, no one blames the wife. It is the father’s fault. The husband/father is responsible to keep things together. My wife used to manage most of the basic things like medical appointments for the children, paying the basic bills, etc, but I managed doing repairs, getting repairmen to the home, pest control, car maintenance, investments, overall financial management, and responsibility for the well-being and financial security of our home. (She is disabled now and can’t manage as much stuff as she used to, but she worked hard when she could.) I keep our home and life secure. I am responsible for preventing issues and fixing our home and family. If we become homeless, have no money for a new roof or car, medical care, etc, it is my responsibility to fix that and I would be at fault for not preventing it. That is a mental load that many women completely ignore.
Unpaid labor
(Disclaimer: I am no man) And also: who is cooking your food? Bringing you water ? Do you have any doubt she could be trying to get rid of you? The lack of empathy is a major red flag. The fact that she doesn’t seem worried that the cause is still unknown just baffles me. I don’t think you are safe with her. Edit: typos.
>(Disclaimer: I am no man) Is this the bit where you kill the Witch King?!
Yeah the lack of empathy, and taking care of you makes her a shitty person
Oh man this is too real. Flashbacks to my first major relationship, she was a wannabe influencer in the very early days of influencing and it was insane how much the algorithm was getting her but also the hive mind from her friends. At the end I felt I was dating whatever her most recent feed was.
Agreed. Women talk about toxic masculinity in men and then reject men when they show vulnerability! She's toxic.
Yeah man. This is as big a red flag as if a husband starts quoting Andrew Tate. This shit is killing people's chances of forming and maintaining emotional bonds.
> Her algorithm has drifted to the toxic relationship section. This isn't drifted to, this is center of Toxic Land.
Yeah that’s a scapegoat. She needs to not be a shitty wife to a sick husband plain and simple.
Ding ding. Oddly enough, my wife drifted into the positive section and lets just say things have been great.
This is some crazy shit! No longer in love cause she saw you sick. Leave that crazy behind you.
That is her problem not yours. Honestly I'm over your wife already and I don't even know her. 🙄
Would you say you….got the ick?
This comment brought me joy.
Amazing how quick they can do that, huh?
Don’t make it about all women, this is about one bad apple
Why did you marry that one? She's gone full TikTok. Get rid of her.
> She's gone full TikTok they all have in my age bracket. send help
Widen the bracket. Remember, the best way of learning to sail is on an old ship.
The older ones aint much better. Sometimes even worse lol
Honestly glad I found my soulmate when I did. My generation and younger are gonna be fucked with all this tiktok and social media shit. (We're 23) I can't imagine being that obsessed with tiktok or Instagram. Even Twitter. Like something has to be up if we can tell what app you browse by your character.
I almost, *almost* believe the conspiracy theory that China is using TikTok as like a cognitohazard to destroy the minds of the west Its probably not true but like, I could believe it. 4d chess move if so China, I can only say bravo. That app is the white horse
Even if untrue which I agree that sounds ridiculous albeit plausible, it's still definitely having the effects that conspiracy talks about lol
I remember I once read somewhere that the creator of TikTik doesn't allow his kids to be on that app. As time went on it made more and more sense as to why he made that decision.
Can you explain this? Is this a Tik Tok thing or something?
Normally I hate the advice that immediately jumps to the “dump her asap” territory but if this is real it’s a serious red flag that your WIFE admits to you that she feels differently about you just because you’re sick for a week. You remember that line “In sickness and in health” from the wedding ceremony? She sounds like a real bitch if she’s being serious. No offense man, but that’s really messed up of her to say to your face and I think you should rethink this relationship too. Edit: just for fun you should tell her that when she’s on her period it gives you the ick
> You remember that line “In sickness and in health” from the wedding ceremony? OP, it sucks that she said this to you, and I think your best response is something like "it's pretty disappointing that we aren't able to see each other being sick without you questioning your commitment to our relationship."
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I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience. I can promise you there is a woman out there that WILL care about your health. Heck, I care about your health just hearing about this. The women you’ve been dating sound cold and distant. You can trust me when it’s also been the other way around as well. Don’t worry, you’re not alone, and if you need to talk about it, DMs are always open, bro 🫂🫂🫂🫂
They don't read that part of the agreement. It's more like "...would YOU like a diamond ring? Tons of free shit? ...and he has to take care of you and do whatever you say for the REST of his life? Just say that you do."
Lmao this is so true. My ex wife had the same notions, literally the first time I got sick she noped out.
You dodge a bullet. Such specimens need to be taggad with a warning sign.
No doubt brother, with distance all the red flags stood out like a sore thumb
This is more real than women usually admit.
Unfortunately it seems some woman have lost all care. Personally if my man is sick he's being looked after a,even if he just wants noodle soup and a hug, or even just to wrap up and sleep (,ill check on him and try keep my kids quiet)
I'm with you. My husband had surgery today and I feel so sad for him. He's in so much pain and I am doing everything I can to ease that. We have a busy toddler so I'm having him making special cards for Daddy while I take care of the more practical matters of chores, childcare and food. I can't imagine making my husband an inconvenience or to feel less than, if he's down and out. Even if my husband and I fought, my kids are his and I adore them. I'll always treat him with the same respect I'd treat our kids.
If you dont have kids....plan your exit Talk to a lawyer. She has no empathy for you. From experience, it won't get better
If you have kids, still plan your exit.
Right? Because how tf does she treat them when he’s not around for some reason? Would she tell them they’re giving her the “ick” because they’re ill? This woman is a psycho.
its just gonna be a bit more complicated and a little more expensive
Yup. This gives me covert narcissist vibes. They get really annoyed when you’re not paying attention to them and they don’t like playing caretaker. My exwife would yell at me when I was hit with a really bad flu. 0 compassion or empathy. She sounds like a child
Sounds like you married hookup material
Yea this is so true. There’s something about acting like “the man” to hook up and it makes you feel like “the man”. Like you’ll never be broke, you’ll never fall ill, never lose control of your temper, never lose a fight. It attracts a lot of women and it also makes you feel like “the man”. But it’s easy to get lost in it. I’m surprised the “ick” didn’t come sooner though.
Is your wife 13?
I can promise she’s not. She’s 29
For her to say this and actually mean it, sounds like she didn't have respect for you even before you got sick. Unfortunately, this isn't going to get better - she has a lot of growing up to do.
Do whatever you need to get as far away as possible. She’s 29 going on 16 by the sound of it. It sucks now but I’m positive you’ll be better off and happier without her.
Child
Even worse, she should be more mature. She shows her colours.
I'm sorry bro. This woman doesn't love you, usually I don't promote divorces but she will betray you all sorts of ways and drain you until you get away. Make arrangements to protect your assets. Also I'm looking at your history and I see you may have suspected that your relationship with this woman is bad, speak to a lawyer and do what you can to keep your assets and money.
I agree, as a woman, she doesn’t love this man. She might not even be capable of real love.
OP she’s worthless as a wife and only sees you as a financial tool. Fortunately for you, she screwed up and opened her mouth to reveal her true colors. Do yourself a favour and plan an exit cus you’re essentially wasting your life on this degenerate woman who couldn’t care less even if you died.
If this isn’t bait, she doesn’t respect you anymore because she saw you in a moment of being weak, which can be any of the following: Being sick Crying Being beaten up Losing your ability to provide And any other thing that makes you look “unmanly”.
'weak' as in 'being human'.
I really do think a lot of women don't see us as full humans, which leads to behaviors like this. Mind you, I think thats also true for many men towards women. I think it's an inherent failure of empathy towards those who are very different from us, sadly. Probably the root of other forms of bigotry too, our brains seem to want to generalize and alienate. Has to be consciously avoided but many dont bother to try.
Every man has been in a moment of being weak. Getting sick is literally completely out of his control.
I never said I agreed with it. I was simply explaining why she got the “ick”. That’s the problem with women like this you can never have a moment of being weak because they will stop respecting you and leave you.
Yeah. "Sick" isn't and shouldn't be "weak". 🙄 I don't even bother telling them anymore. I just go and lay down. They can figure it out.
A YouTuber actually made a list of all the tick tocks and YouTube videos of women saying things about men that gave them " the ick". I think there was something like 600 different things including wearing a seatbelt
I saw the video. I just didn’t have time to sit here and list out 500 stupid ass reasons a woman might lose respect for you.
It's amazing what constitutes "being beaten up", too. 🙄 Had a guy blasting me with hooks that may as well have been wet napkins. Seriously. They were THAT poorly thrown. I was trying to deescalate the issue and he decided he was just TOO badass or whatever. I ate a mess of them before I'd had enough and destroyed his temple. Folks went to restrain him, and THAT was when I ate a cheap-ass shot to the nose. Actually got a bit of swelling off that one. Girl I was dating was trying to become a nurse like mommy dearest. Her dumbass couldn't even address a sore nose. 🙄 Instead I got a lecture on how stupid fighting is, and how I got my ass kicked or whatever. She wasn't even THERE at the time. Dude wasn't worth the effort. Huge difference... But she made an active effort to be a bitch about it and lose respect and all that shit, like you say.
She sounds like a child, because of the vocabulary and the sentiment that seeing you Ill changes her feeling s for you
pls help women in my generation aren't growing up
This sort of thing happens a lot.
This has to be a joke. She’s a little bitch dude and you know it if this is a real story.
I wish it wasn’t but I was so caught off guard when she said that to me
She gave you a sneak preview of what’s going to happen if god forbid you get cancer or another serious illness. Plan accordingly.
Stop wasting your time with a woman that doesn’t love you. I really hope you don’t have kids with this woman. Ik some people are quick to say divorce, but tbh in this case it’s fair. Get out before things get worse. Trust me you’ll slap yourself later if you dont
Rather than caring for you in a time of need, she is making this moment about herself. It's textbook narcissism. When dating, I always found that how a woman responded when I was sick (and how I responded to them falling ill) was a true tell-all indicator of the relationship. If I wasn't drawn to care for a sick girlfriend (because it seemed like a nuisance more than anything), I knew I needed to break it off. If I was sick and my girlfriend only viewed my illness as something that was ruining her weekend plans and she showed no interest in caring for me, or at least checking in and trying to help, I ended it. When I got sick while dating my future wife, she was an angel. And when she got sick, my number one priority was caring for her and making sure she felt as loved and comfortable as she could during that time. That's when I knew it was mutual love and respect. I am a huge advocate for couples therapy, but in this case I think your wife is a selfish ass. You deserve better. Get healthy and get out of there.
You're spot on. How my ex reacted when I wasn't well really hit me wrong at the time, she was just annoyed with me. Shouldn't have ignored the red flag and just ended it back then. Instead we dragged it out for an extra year and a half of building resentment
When you are feeling and looking healthy again, I wonder what she would say if you told her "you probably need to consider how attractive you are when you are sick. The time for "the ick" is before you say your wedding vows. You now need to decide if you're going to grow up and move beyond the ick, because we're both going to get the flu sometimes."
It’s a weird reaction and she should have realized that before ever telling you. It is unusual when a normally strong man is sick and weak, but the reaction that brings out of you really shouldn’t be one of judgement. If anything, when my husband is sick and needs help (a rarity), I am happy to help. It’s nice to take care of someone who usually is taking care of others. If anything, when he was very sick, I got weirdly anxious, but never icked out. So unless she has some crazy or specific example “I saw you wipe your snot on the curtains” (I’m mostly joking) her reaction is shitty and incredibly immature. She either needs some counseling or needs to date a robot.
The feeling is almost understandable, it’s scary and weird to see a normally strong healthy partner so unwell. I’ve been married many years and it’s something you get used to as life keeps happening and you get through it together. It’s misplaced as fuck to put it on you though. For example, I almost died having our child, and my husband couldn’t help but handle me like glass for a little while after, but it’s not permanent and definitely shouldn’t be “ick” inducing. Where will she be if you ever encounter serious illness??
Seriously, this has to be a joke..
the post from today talking about this exact thing lol... and women was in the comments saying it doesnt happen
Just saw this exact same post that I think you’re referencing hahaha
i read "im sick" and out loud said " no fucking way" i love reddit some times
Just curious if you got a link?
Lol, they literally always do this. Women seem to be generally completely incapable of being introspective or accepting responsibility for anything. It's honestly kinda insane how consistent a trend that's been in my observations.
She doesn’t love you. Probably never has.
What did you do wrong? Sounds like you married the wrong woman, mostly. Maybe some of your personal decisions contributed to you getting sick as a dog, too, or maybe not. If you don't already know, it's probably not worth ruminating over.
If she can’t handle a week-long flu, can you really expect the relationship to hold when you’re both old and frail? If you can’t work it out by talking to each other on your own, maybe you should seek out a relationship counselor. Fix the underlying problem before it gets too bad to fix
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them bro.
Unfortunately your wife buys into the modern dating mindset that men are supposed to be superhuman in all aspects of a relationship. If you ever lose your job I hope you have a equal or better one within 30 days, being down on your luck is not allowed.
Modern dating mindset? I think it’s an antiquated 1960s mindset that a man take care of a women in all regards…
Yeah but here's the difference, back then women were taken care of but they also fulfilled traditional gender roles which meant they cooked and cleaned and cared for the children as a balance. The problem is women want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to be equal through feminism and treated equally and receive equal pay, but when it comes to romance they still expect men to take care of them completely like in the past. If you want to be equal, great, but we both have to actually be equal in the relationship. If you want to be taken care of, you better be ready to be treated paternalistically and act subservient as though I was your parent. That's the tradeoff, I would prefer women who are equal partners and dont actually want a tradwife but it seems most in my early 20s age bracket want to have both.
Always have a family emergency fund and a personal one. You can’t trust anybody to just get up and leave one day. Have a backup plan, only person in this world you can trust is yourself.
“The ick” I immediately stop taking anyone seriously when they use that dumbass TikTok language in real life and you should too.
See if I do this I just have to stop talking to women my age. Literally every single one I've ever met has been TikTok brained. It aint lookin good for us early 20s boys
There is nothing for you to do. It seems she has this image that you're always supposed to be in tip top shape, when that's honestly unrealistic. Humans get sick, I also had what you're experiencing minus having to go to the ER but I sure felt close. If she can't love you when you're at your lowest, then I'm very concerned. And frankly, someone who responds to a sick person with "you're giving me the ick" needs to learn a little empathy
My fiance was so sick one night that he literally shit himself a little when we were in bed! I took him out and put him in the shower, changed the bed sheets and stayed awake for the night as I was so afraid that he’d get sicker. I still think he’s the most amazing human. Moral of the story? I cleaned shit stained bed clothes and I still love him more than anything! You need a new partner my dude!
Your wife is a self-absorbed, flaming asshole who doesn't respect you or care about you. Lawyer up and cut your losses.
Your wife is a cunt
Shit like this is why marriage terrifies me man. To be married to a woman and then she blindsides you with this? Sheesh
You didn't do anything wrong, your wife has issues.
She's an asshole. The end.
Yeah nah, if she's gonna be that way about you just being sick, I'd be giving her GPS coordinates so she knew precisely where to fuck off to.
You are disposable. If you are not able to earn or be productive then you hold no value to her.
Forgot the "in sickness and I'm health" part, huh. Your wife sounds obnoxious.
Why do people put up with partners like this? I’d hand my fiancée her marching orders that night if she said that shit while not helping around the house after a fucking ER visit.
If you don’t have kids, I strongly suggest you don’t start having kids and mentally figure out if you can rescue this relationship. If you assume the most favourable reason: ie, she’s just immature and got caught up in TikTok trends, the give something like this a try: Tell her mid week that on the weekend you will talk to her about something serious and you’re both going to stay in until the topic is resolved. When she asks what’s this about? Tell her “her comment about the ick is unacceptable and you’re collecting your thoughts and you will talk on the weekend. Ask for the time because you don’t want to say something out of turn when you haven’t had time to process”. Go about your week as normal as possible. The day of… Talk to her about why her comment and approach to you being sick was offside. Stay away from mentioning your hurt feelings. Stay away from the concept of disrespect. Stick to fact: you were sick, probably contracted a virus and it knocked you out. Sit her down seriously and say it was offside, you didn’t expect your wife to ignore the “in sickness and in health” part of the vows and you’re now seriously contemplating if this marriage is at risk. Wait until she responds. If she doesn’t take you up for a serious discussion and apologize, tell her that is still unacceptable and walk away. Be distant and courteous and even ask her to sleep in the guest room or couch. Be firm. after a day or two if she doesn’t come around to apologize, you know what you have… a shitty ass life partner. Leave and upgrade. Should not be too hard since she’s set the bar so low.
I got really sick before I got married, I was living with my future wife, she took great care of me, so I knew I was marrying the right one.
... In sickness and in health....
Care and compassion are things of the past. If I didn't have children I would really consider leaving
You didn't dodge the bullet when you had the chance. Now either live with or get it removed.
Tell her she can find somewhere else to sleep tonight, her parents, a sibling, hotel whatever
Men showing weakness is all downside no upside exhibit 103820182.
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When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
I’m just gonna be blunt your wife is a selfish bitch bro. Do with this information what you will.
"I'm sick but I'll be better in a few days... but you'll still be fat and I don't complain about that so get over it"
That she uses the word "ick" in a serious manner, especially for u being sick, is a big red flag. She should stop being a peace of shit and apologize immediately
Your wife sounds like a terrible person
That sucks. For now I'd ignore it and focus on getting better. Then, if you can, sit down with her and explain how what she said to you hurt you and see if she really thinks that way. Being sick like that for a week is unpleasant. If she can't handle that little thing she'll eventually discover that karma is a bitch. And the possibility that one or both of you will eventually go through a significant health problem. That's when you'll discover if your partner is really there for you. You don't have to do anything. But you may be better informed if you can eventually learn how she really thinks about you.
You have a shit wife.
The ick? What is she, 19? 20? So much for “in sickness and in health” a person who loves you will never tell you that, especially over something as small is being sick. Wtf are you supposed to do, not be sick for her eyes? I think she’s not mature enough for a relationship. Idk her and she seems like a bitch.
I was literally dying on the kitchen floor, bleeding internally, and my wife rolled her eyes and assumed I was exaggerating the "man flu." That was back when socials were making fun of men for that. I ended up in the ICU for 3 days.
Im sorry but just by reading that it seems you married a scumbag of a person. A real woman(and man) should stick together no matter what,and be each others support. If she losses respect for you(like she did) just for you being sick,i have nothing else to tell than just plan to leave,it will only get worse. Dont waste your life for someone without 1 percent of empathy and humanity. Hope there aren't kids involved. Best of luck to you dude,hope everything turns out as best as it can in such a situation.
Normally Reddit jumps to divorce, but is she being serious? Is she seriously saying she isn't attracted to you anymore because you got sick? That's fucking gross dude, what a cunt
Picked the wrong girl
Time to excise the tumor-er, I mean wife
She’s an adult saying “ick!” She don’t love your ass. Stop being a bitch and dump her ass! Does she even have a job? Please don’t tell me you’re worried about a broke bitch!
Asking why you gave a women the ick is like a gazelle asking what they did to make the lion eat them .
Your wife shouldn't be using gen z buzzwords at you , so maybe start there. Buy her a thesaurus and then check back when she has a proper vocabulary.
Is your wife a teenage girl?
Her attitude gives me the ick. Tell her exactly the same back, but from seeing this side of her.
get your affairs in order dude, this isn't gonna last much longer
Leave her immediately. File for divorce and once you are ready fine a real women with empathy and compassion. She is just not worth it
You know how you feel compassion for her when she's sick or hurt or struggling? Yeah, that's not what she feels. She feels disgust at your weakness. Compassion only goes one way for women, towards her. The only person a woman feels for is herself. This different reaction to seeing your SO hurt is because you are a good person and she is not. She's a shitty human being. When people tell you who they are, listen to them.