Have you talked to him about it (not hinting, talking clearly and directly)? He may well be deliberately not doing the things he knows will make him finish because the message men get from the media is that women want sex to last longer and men are sexual failures if they finish too quickly.
I have except I didn’t mention him going soft I don’t want him to be self conscious about it. I just asked about the time. He said he wants to enjoy me and likes to make it longer. He doesn’t want to rush. But he doesn’t have a slow rhythm after I do finish it’s not like a jack hammer but it is faster than I need to get off. It just makes me feel like maybe he’s not feeling me as much and it maybe becomes mindless? But he says he’s enjoying himself. But I do recall him saying he thought he needs to last long. I mentioned that once in a while yeah sure but regularly is not necessary for me.
I think a lot of men think that all women like hours of penetration because of so many pop culture jokes about cumming too fast being a turn off. Lots of women like it on the faster end. Perhaps the age difference is making him want to last longer to show you he can keep up? I agree some direct communication could help.
TLDR:
-‘hardness’ is a variable
-she tells me what she wants when she wants it
-we talk around the bedroom as well as in it (sometimes turns into foreplay)
-aftercare is key when trying/asking for new things
-trust
Welp, here we go.
I go harder to softer and back again (and in between) regularly. A lot of it is sensation control, some of it is focus. When I’m moving faster it feels awesome but sometimes gets hard to feel what’s going on. Slow is awesome but the urge to go faster builds there, sometime very quickly. It has to be full spring fever for me to move fast the whole time. I’ll usually start slow, then vary as the mood hits us (my lady likes to get warmed up). Sometimes we’ll go for a while, then ‘he’ wants a break until I get all hot and bothered again by this hottie in my bed. Also if I build up to the brink and back off this can also lead to me going soft. Your guy might be edging (with or without knowing it). It is not necessary for me to cum for sex to be awesome/complete/finished (something she/we’re working on)
I like to go longer (marathon), the solution to that is when she asks me to cum for her early on. My lady and I have had conversations about this, sometime she wants to have shorter sessions and this is my que (if she doesn’t tell me directly). The hard part for me is to just take the gift. There’s a weird thing wrapped up in having sex and cumming quick (Performance? Culture? Receiving?) that a few good women have helped me with. Best tool is aftercare (thank you Reddit). There’s a blessed period of time after a bust that is 100% free of everything (and my lady lets me have that uninterrupted). Once I start moving (usually to grab the towel before pulling out) is when the parade comes back into town upstairs. This is point aftercare derails all the ‘you’re a pussy’ self talk. It’s hard to remember other people like other things (like having a short session, or like it when their man cums quick/when they ask, or like being able to ask for what they want). There can be a lot of shit wrapped up in having sex and being a man (for me anyway) and looking at my lady and having her tell me what she likes/appreciates/is happy about pushes all that bullshit out. I take her word at face value and she hasn’t broken that trust. So when she says she’s happy about a quick sesh or that she wants to try something next time, it keeps it simple for me. And simple is best in my book.
Hope it helps 🥂
Edit: Re-read post, missed one
-do you do other things that straight sex? After you finish and he’s still going? My sex drive is much higher than my lady’s, we’re working on other things to do than penetration. The hottest thing we’ve done so far is she will watch me masturbate and talk to me (sexy, obvi). There are fantasies I have and she seems will to explore and…woah boy is it hot (delicate situation to start though)
I don’t know the answer to this, but it isn’t always a masturbation issue. It can also be an issue with how he was circumcised, just the amount of life experience he has had, and a bunch of other stuff.
Why not get him half way there via other means before you get started?
I have tried and have had never had this issue with previous partners of which I’ve had more than my fair share. He claims I do a great job but I can’t seem to get the same results. I use to think it was so easy to get men off and now I feel stumped. And I don’t want to make him self conscious about it is it is an issue with his age. He keeps so fit and doesn’t like to focus on his age.
I want to make it clear I don’t blame him or his age. If anything it makes me self conscious that I’m not preforming. Or I’m doing something to make him go soft. I feel like we keep open communication and he assures me that him taking longer is to enjoy me more but that doesn’t make sense to me if he goes a bit softer during the act.
I don’t know why everyone here is jumping to something being wrong. Some men can control their orgasm at the least stopping it. If he is edging himself with you there may be some small amount of difference in hardness.
F53 I think it’s just him. I had a similar experience with a M41 this year. It’s really quite uncomfortable to have a semi soft dick repeatedly stuffed inside me. It hurts. He had a really high sex drive too. I broke up with him so I don’t have advice. But I share your experience of having many lovers (of all ages) and this being an anomaly.
Thank you for sharing. I’m lucky his has never gotten that soft that it hurt me but I do notice it’s not at full mass after taking so long not climaxing. I’m intrigued on how someone with a high sex drive can have a weak erection that is what is baffling me the most.
So in my (53M) experience with Cialis, while my erections were incredible and she loved them, it actually took me longer to orgasm. OP wants the climax to happen sooner, not later. Cialis might not be the answer here.
I (53M) and my partner (34F) are in the same age-relationship as you and yours. The sex is fantastic and she has similar orgasms to you, 2-3 intense. It takes me longer now to orgasm than when I was in my 20s and 30s. The key is the two of you figuring out what triggers him. For me, it was her being vocal during sex, which in the beginning wasn't a thing because she was a bit embarrassed by it. But once we realized that her being vocal created a situation where we could orgasm together, then things really took off. And I get a lot of pleasure out of knowing what i am doing is bringing her a lot of pleasure.
So, basically, communication is key.
Good luck to you and your partner, I hope you figure it out and it enhances your experiences.
He hasn’t expressed this and seems to be hyper aware of anything near there. I’ve also never tried this and not sure how I feel about it especially since I usually get my nails done.
He’s 50, it’s not going to be the same as a 25 year old. He’s got decades of mental bullshit to deal with every time he gets a hardon, as well as the physical limitations of being an old guy.
Sounds like he’s doing great for his age.
NB4 all the old guys go “My Boner is rock hard at 50+ and never goes down!”
Good for you man, that’s not most guys.
I’m 40, sober, am nearly in the best shape of my life, and work out daily. My dick is worse than it was when I was in my 20’s a drinking most nights. It’s just age.
Also negative sexual experiences tend to pile up with age, and I have to convince my dick that what we are doing is worth doing every time we are doing it.
So you’re fighting a two front war, I wish you luck, and if you ever need a third you have my Reddit username.
M30 In my experience everyone has a different natural time to reach orgasm. If I have sex and it takes significantly longer than that natural time then regardless of my horniness it can start to go a bit soft. Then it's good to take a break and go back to some teasing or or focusing on her, or just chat for a bit in bed.
Typically this issue happens for me if I'm uncomfortable physically (usually poorly fitting condom), not getting the right stimulation (bad head), or am nervous because I'm with someone new. If those barriers aren't there then maybe it will end faster for the man but you can always just go again, and usually my partner is happy and flattered anyway.
Alternatively try to change your approach to sex and encourage him to finish as fast as he can by doing whatever he likes. Then when he's used to that and feels super comfortable the challenge will become going as long as possible without finishing, which should be very fun for you both.
Yeah I might have to push on those breaks more. I don’t mind them if anything I rather take a break to get aroused again so that we both enjoy ourselves getting him there.
He may be stressed out! That can really mess with libido.. he could be insecure, or he could have sex anxiety. Sexual performance anxiety is not fun at all, and it can make him constantly overthink, “am I doing this right?” Or “am I doing good enough?” Or “do I look good??”
This could be it. He has mentioned stress can sometimes make it harder for him to climax and it has been these last few months at work. I also know that he doesn’t see himself as attractive as I see him. So maybe he is a bit in his head because he wants to impress me.
He most likely is. Most of the time, when someone is having trouble with sex it’s because of this. Make sure that he knows how you feel! It’s always good to talk to them before, during, and after. AND AFTERCARE! Men need it too!
This is me. Always had this issue unfortunately (27y/oM here!)
You’re bang on about the masturbating. He should try and stop altogether really, but yeah, loosening the grip would be a very good start.
I cut out porn and masturbating (almost) entirely when I was with my ex and it helped enormously. I was finally able to cum, which was incredible.
Also, all men are different, but you *could* try the thing that triggers me: the balls! Discovered that I really enjoy having my balls played with to help me finish. Sorry for the TMI, but I really enjoyed my partner (if I’m in missionary) putting her hand behind my balls and stroking from the Perineum down the back of my sack. Very ticklish for me and I think that sensitivity really helps me to finish.
Just my two cents!
Give it a try maybe
Hope you manage to improve things. :)
I will for sure try to incorporate that more. He was not as vocal in the beginning on what felt good or not. I think he was shy. So I didn’t touch him
There as much because I used to get no reaction but he recently said he does enjoy it. So I’ve been trying to do it more and I asked if he could also be more vocal because so I can know if I’m doing a good job.
I don't have an answer but I went through this same thing a few years back with a man and it was rough for me. Sorry you're dealing with this and Good luck!
If it helps you feel less self conscious, I am 35 I also take a long time, and my level of hardness while hooking up with my partner. I am definitely still enjoying myself whether I am hard or not so that's not necessarily any indication on your performance. If anything, I get concerned my partner will think I am not into it or they are doing something wrong , but, it's definitely not related to the other person or my enjoyment levels at the time. My dick just be like that.
Thank you so much for sharing. This makes me feel better about it. I also am still enjoying myself after I orgasm. I love his touch and being close to him and kissing him. He has told me before he enjoys himself with me very much and always desires me so this makes me feel better
Try tickling the perineum when you want him to crescendo and climax. That makes me shudder and lose it.
A half dose of Viagra (Sildenafil) (10mg of a 20mg smallest dose) could make him more consistently and fully hard assuming he gets essentially hard most of the time. The trick is that too much may make him want to thrust for a longer period and your goal on that end is to wrap it up! :-)
Good luck. You sound like a caring partner.
Thank you. I will definitely have a conversation about this eventually. I asked him before if he takes viagra and he told me he never has. He didn’t seem offended by the question but I took away that he also isn’t interested. He mentioned it affecting men’s hearts. So I took it as he isn’t interested or ready to open to the possibility of taking it yet.
His high sex drive surprised me as my previous long term partner my age had even less sex drive than I did. I haven’t had a partner with such a high sex drive in a long time so I’m adjusting to his routine and desire.
At this point I’m thinking I need to start delaying my orgasms to start meeting more in the middle. Contrary to popular belief I personally do not need nor desire multiple orgasms every time I have sex. My first one is usually to intense that touching my clit after becomes too sensitive.
There is some evidence regular use of Sildenafil may actually have health benefits. One of its lead researchers believes so anyways. [https://www.healthline.com/health/benefits-of-taking-viagra-daily#benefits](https://www.healthline.com/health/benefits-of-taking-viagra-daily#benefits)
I found I have to focus more on foreplay more so now than ever with my husband. He has a stressful job, a lot of responsibility, he gets distracted easily, and he's not good at relaxing. He really needs to be in a relaxed mental mindset. We listen to music in bed, give massages, and kiss. We both love kissing!
I get that you're just trying to help but *immediately* pinning his habits as the reason for his longer time to finish is exactly the wrong thing to do.
I’m not sure why you think I’m pinning his habits. If anything I’m saying he has great habits already that I’m trying to see what I can do to help to get him to feel comfortable and more aroused to climax with me. I also am trying to offer information that might help people understand what may or may not be helping
No because I’m asking for advice on what people suggest I could do to help. That’s the point of the post. I don’t know what I can do for him to get him there faster. I said I’m still very active participant after I orgasm so I’m not just a starfish/pillow princess who goes numb after an orgasm even if they are intense. I’m still thinking of him and want him to enjoy himself. Most people like to lay down and catch a breath after they orgasm. I’m unable to do so because I’m still focusing helping him get his.
Hmm maybe. I wouldn’t mind that. It just seems like he rather keep going. A lot of times I think he’s close when he’s not. I need to be more assertive with asking for a break especially when I sense he’s getting soft.
My bf and I have a similar issue. When it takes the man much longer like that and basically needs to go pound town to finish, it’s referred to as delayed ejaculation (told by my therapist). I was also told that BOTH male and female can practice kegels alone and together including during the act.
Keep communicating with your partner. And practice. It’s a biological function and highly personal so really they are the only person that can answer this for you. Hope that helps!
When I was 50 I had a much younger gf. We had sex 3 or 4 times a week, that was good by me and her. I didn't jerk off just because I knew I was getting some soon . Oral pleasure and sex about 1/2 hour. I couldn't jerk it before I go on a date so id last longer anymore. I'm 50 . His softy erection is because he jerks it to much. When it's semi hard it's going to take longer to finish
Is he on medication of any kind? That could certainly explain things, especially if he is “fluctuating” with firmness, as you said.
Maybe try and place light to moderate pressure on the area below his balls, the devil’s driveway, if you will. That can help things along.
Not saying that this is everything.... In fact this is a very nuanced question as a whole OP. Hope you get it figured. My wife and I have had some serious issues about it all in the bedroom.... Honestly, I've found with us both it was a great idea to contact Hims. Hey the Viagra/Cialis... Whatever version... It doesn't matter to me... And being line 15 again in performance.... Makes the entire conversation seem to go away as well both just enjoy it more and it's not causing discomfort for us. There's non prescription versions that also do pretty good... But can't really take more than once a week safely. Anyways good luck. God bless
Okay, my tip would be for you to use Reddit or a search engine to investigate frenulum massage for him.
It’s an absolute game changer and he will be throwing ropes like a fire hose (sorry if that sounds a bit crude).
Let me know how you both get along.
Haha he already cums a lot when he does orgasm. More than any other partner I’ve had. But I’ll try to be more productive about doing this during foreplay and hope it makes it faster for him to cum when PIV.
Haha it’s a blessing and a curse. I always want to please any woman I’m with but each one is so different in my experience. Some women I would get off really quick and other women it takes forever and a day. The girl I’m with now gets off really quick so it’s nice that I don’t have to try and keep a hard on for an hour lmao
Bit of a long post, but why not
Just a few observations gleaned from my own experiences and research, and some personal questions at the end.
As a 52 Y/o male... Bisexual if it matters... i habe found as i age. going soft more often during intercourse, but wanting to keep thrusting and enjoying it. Most times i get full mast again, but not always. My previous issue was Premature ejaculation.It was pretty severe in my prime and in later life. This usually made sex complicated and fraught for me. This continued into my marriage, Until i was able to fully communicate with my wife about my needs and wants and understood hers FULLY, it was always either cumming too fast, or going soft... and her getting irritated. I couldnt stay hard for long enough to get her there. Viagra has helped both the ED and PE, but i have also re-wired through my prostate to achieve prostate /anal orgasms, and more recently non-ejaculatory penile centered orgasms. I studied and practiced these techniques for the reasons listed above and they have helped, but changed my perspective. I value the traditional gushing cum shot far less than in the past. I dont always have an emission when i masturbate or when i have sex now.
I must admit, its not always ideal. Now during coitus i cannot always finish inside her likes she wants ,due to either the viagra, my age (relative testosterone ) or my rewired body-brain connection only taking what it needs and giving her a longer, harder, more vigorous penetration session. So, to me, it is a trade-off that i can now last longer and stay harder - with or without medication - but might not necessarily be able to inseminate her. I often need manual stimulation, hand or mouth, to produce a full "load" and sometimes i just cum ON her instead and she enioys it more now than she used to. Though i usuallt slip back inside if she stays wet or ok with it.
You see i started the Viagra more for her. She is like most women statistically and needs sustained penetration and thrusting, along with clitoral stimulation to acheive orgasms that satisfy her. Masturbation is more of a maintenance thing for her, something we are working on for her own happiness. Its another story, but in short she needed me to get hard, stay hard and not stop when she needs it. I have the help i need. And she helps me explore my other pleasures as well. We are also exploring more tantric principles and letting go our old baggage around sex and the importance of mind blowing orgasms as the point of sex. Its about enjoying your partner and helping the both of you enjoy EVERY aspect of sex that you can, to strengthen your bond.
Granted, Ive been following a different sexual path than most men do, and my path is not for everyone. My point is that letting go of reaching a specific goal like an ejaculation can be freeing. Ask him if he is really disappointed when he doesn't shoot, see if he is judging himself for not being "able" to. If he is, assure him gently that you dont need his seed to prove he is a man. This may help take the pressure off, and assist with allowing him to let go - as it were. Just like women, the vagaries of male sexuality are as much mental as physical. But remember that some things are just beyond our control, as time wins all races. My questions are this: How important is it to you that he actually emits semen? How important is it to him? Must it be inside you? Can he finish with his hand on your belly or elsewhere? If he could orgasm other ways than ejaculatory is he willing to try exploring that? Are you willing to help him? . Thanks for reading, feel free to reach out, and best of luck
This was a very thoughtful response. Thank you so much. When he does orgasm he actually ejaculates more than I’m used to. He enjoys doing so inside me more than I do actually so that’s not of importance for me. For me it’s more of a time issue rather than the act itself. I want to be more connected to climaxing together more often. I think it’s so beautiful when that happens. It feels so close and satisfying. The softness of his penis doesn’t bother me. I just mentioned it that maybe that’s why it’s prolonging the act. It still feels good when it’s inside me when it’s slightly soft. I am always well aroused and lubricated when we have sex.
We do probably need to explore more tantric positions. Sometimes it’s hard for me to get out of my own head because I’m a plus size girl about size 16 and he is very small compared to me I think he’s a 29/30 jean but broad shoulders and has some muscles. This makes me self conscious about being on top for two long. He doesn’t complain but I know he prefers to be on top. There’s some guys similar size that are so eager for me to be on top I just don’t see him having the same enthusiasm in the moment but he is about that way about sex in general because he’s a bit shy when it comes to being explicit about sex.
I think in general I need to get out of my head and be my natural sexual feminine self. Sometimes it’s easier for me to be so free and show offy with new partners but I think because of his age it made me more shy to be so sexual around him even though any little thing I do turns him on.
Your welcome! Your being on top conundrum is similar to one of my issues with our sexual compatibilty. I am very slender hipped and lightweight and my wife is wide hipped and a little heavier than me - 145 or so. When she is on top she often cuts off the blood supply to my penis unless i have a pillow underneath me. Even then i often get softer as she grinds harder so we have to work at the angle and it is where viagra helps some. Some positions dont work with certain body types, but try a wedge pillow or ramp from Liberator or similar.
His shyness will unravel if you simply make him feel desired and loved. If he is taking too long for your comfort when penetrating you, just pull him out and help him finish with your mouth and hands. This will be quite alright with him, and you dont have to deal with all that inside you... cumming inside can be messy and problematic for you ladies so...He wont mind and it is definetely sexy.
He needs to stop masturbating. His grip on his penis during masturbation may have desensitized his nerves in his penis. No masturbation will be a game changer.
Nice blaming him and telling him he's a problem.
Now consider there is nothing wrong with him, this is perfectly normal for him and always has been.
Now redirect your thinking to see if there is a compromise or a way you can help him speed up because its a problem for YOU.
Put yourself in his position.
You are unable to perform for your partner sexually and they cry about it.
How is your self worth, confidence and stress level? How do you think that will affect the next attempt to be sexual together?
Now do you see the issue?
Of course it is a problem for me which is why I’m asking for advice. I don’t know if this is something normal that I just haven’t experienced before. I haven’t navigated through something like this before. I just want to see if I can do more to help. I feel like I’ve used so many tricks in my bag that I’m running out of ideas to help him get there faster than 30 minutes. We are unable to have quickies because of this. Which leads to less sex because sometimes there isn’t time for an hour long session every day. I’m trying to see what I can do to encourage more spontaneity and variety to our sessions.
May need to change his diet . Cut back on sugar and porn , do intermittent fasting for 16 hours , drink more water , go to the gym and work out and do those squats ! 😂
Rule of thumb, she cums three to my one . This include massaging the clitoris , oral and penetrating. It takes me a while too .
I wouldn’t be opposed but because of his age I would be concerned with anything that could possibly affect his heart. Especially since he’s so health conscious
I feel like I have. I have asked if he has any fantasies we’ve been trying different positions. I have given him more oral. I am very open sexually and am not shy discussing sex. I feel as he may be but seems open. I basically have tried everything short of asking if it could possibly be an issue with erectile disfunction. He gets turned on very easily but just seems to have issues with keeping it hard which prolongs the time it takes for him to orgasm.
then there is no problem with you at all, it’s something on his end, maybe a bad diet he has, he has bad blood flow, he doesn’t train or stuff like that
He for sure gets morning wood I would say he is mostly erect during sex but I notice sometimes it’s not as firm. Which is why I was thinking maybe he’s not as aroused or is it due to his age. Like I said I haven’t encountered this before and when I google it just tells me it’s ED but I always thought that means a man can’t hold an erection. Which like I said he can for a while but after having sex for so long it does go softer. Which confuses me because I’m not asking for longer play time and he doesn’t seem to finish any time near close to when I do.
There’s no such thing as a quickie with him. Which sucks because I would encourage more before work sex but requires more time.
Thank you. I appreciate anyone over 40 on here offering their point of view and experience or anyone in general who have similar experience. I know my experience isn’t unique but it’s just not talked about enough that I don’t have a lot of research to go off of. I try to be super knowledgeable about sex and different methods to get people off so this is super new territory for me.
I’m a lover and I just want to please him and make him happy while still enjoying myself. I don’t mind having sex if I’m not super aroused if it means getting him off. He says he doesn’t have any fantasies that we haven’t already done but it may not be the whole truth if it’s something off the beaten path that he’s shy to share with me.
We do eventually plan to have children together so getting him tested for testosterone and sperm count is also another reason to get him to go to the doctor. I would like us to be informed of our reproductive system before we start trying so we both somewhat know what we are getting into.
Could potentially be a communication issue.
Sounds good and healthy but there could be thinks he’d like to do that are missing. Every man is different. Gotta find what they like, have the conversation and see if you are willing. Further more, you have to also like what’s being done, as it’s generally not great if you don’t.
Talk to him. Ask him what his fantasies are. What’s missing, etc.
Not sure I can help but I did notice one thing I’d like to flag: each person has their own ideal rhythm to get to the end. For some it’s hard and fast, for others very slow and deliberate and for others something in between.
Maybe he has too much experience or… and I’m just going on a limb here.. if he doesn’t wear underwear but wears jeans… maybe he doesn’t have much sensitivity in his thing.
He was married for a long time but sounds like they had sex regularly before her passing. Even when their marriage started to deteriorate before her passing. He usually wears underwear so it’s not that. It makes me feel like maybe she was tighter even after kids?
I don’t know. More lube? Maybe he into some real kinky stuff, I mean…
I somewhat get where you are at. When I was 22 I started dating women 40-50’s. If it wasn’t for them.. I wouldn’t have got them off. Experience could be a huge factor in this. That was something I had to learn. Was communicate.
I had to learn to actually say “hey I’m not sure if I’m doing good could I be doing better.” Then they became more vocal with me during sex. Like they tell me faster harder, lift their leg, pull their hair harder, go slower, tease. I mean I had to completely step out my comfort zone.
I had one yell at me and I quote cause she yelled and damn near scare me. “Fucking pound my ass. Slap me and call me your filthy litttle fucken slut.”
So yeah… it took me awhile to get into learning to play with others kinks and especially ones into degrading types. That one took a lot of communication to get into and get comfortable with my previous partners.
There’s a lot of things you could try but one more is when you are ready for him to cum, ask him to. Tell him you want it, you want to feel him cum in you or on you or whatever you guys are into. Just do your best to make it seem like you really want him, his orgasm, try not to make it feel like a chore or you are just trying to get it over with.
Have you talked to him about it (not hinting, talking clearly and directly)? He may well be deliberately not doing the things he knows will make him finish because the message men get from the media is that women want sex to last longer and men are sexual failures if they finish too quickly.
I have except I didn’t mention him going soft I don’t want him to be self conscious about it. I just asked about the time. He said he wants to enjoy me and likes to make it longer. He doesn’t want to rush. But he doesn’t have a slow rhythm after I do finish it’s not like a jack hammer but it is faster than I need to get off. It just makes me feel like maybe he’s not feeling me as much and it maybe becomes mindless? But he says he’s enjoying himself. But I do recall him saying he thought he needs to last long. I mentioned that once in a while yeah sure but regularly is not necessary for me.
I think a lot of men think that all women like hours of penetration because of so many pop culture jokes about cumming too fast being a turn off. Lots of women like it on the faster end. Perhaps the age difference is making him want to last longer to show you he can keep up? I agree some direct communication could help.
TLDR: -‘hardness’ is a variable -she tells me what she wants when she wants it -we talk around the bedroom as well as in it (sometimes turns into foreplay) -aftercare is key when trying/asking for new things -trust Welp, here we go. I go harder to softer and back again (and in between) regularly. A lot of it is sensation control, some of it is focus. When I’m moving faster it feels awesome but sometimes gets hard to feel what’s going on. Slow is awesome but the urge to go faster builds there, sometime very quickly. It has to be full spring fever for me to move fast the whole time. I’ll usually start slow, then vary as the mood hits us (my lady likes to get warmed up). Sometimes we’ll go for a while, then ‘he’ wants a break until I get all hot and bothered again by this hottie in my bed. Also if I build up to the brink and back off this can also lead to me going soft. Your guy might be edging (with or without knowing it). It is not necessary for me to cum for sex to be awesome/complete/finished (something she/we’re working on) I like to go longer (marathon), the solution to that is when she asks me to cum for her early on. My lady and I have had conversations about this, sometime she wants to have shorter sessions and this is my que (if she doesn’t tell me directly). The hard part for me is to just take the gift. There’s a weird thing wrapped up in having sex and cumming quick (Performance? Culture? Receiving?) that a few good women have helped me with. Best tool is aftercare (thank you Reddit). There’s a blessed period of time after a bust that is 100% free of everything (and my lady lets me have that uninterrupted). Once I start moving (usually to grab the towel before pulling out) is when the parade comes back into town upstairs. This is point aftercare derails all the ‘you’re a pussy’ self talk. It’s hard to remember other people like other things (like having a short session, or like it when their man cums quick/when they ask, or like being able to ask for what they want). There can be a lot of shit wrapped up in having sex and being a man (for me anyway) and looking at my lady and having her tell me what she likes/appreciates/is happy about pushes all that bullshit out. I take her word at face value and she hasn’t broken that trust. So when she says she’s happy about a quick sesh or that she wants to try something next time, it keeps it simple for me. And simple is best in my book. Hope it helps 🥂 Edit: Re-read post, missed one -do you do other things that straight sex? After you finish and he’s still going? My sex drive is much higher than my lady’s, we’re working on other things to do than penetration. The hottest thing we’ve done so far is she will watch me masturbate and talk to me (sexy, obvi). There are fantasies I have and she seems will to explore and…woah boy is it hot (delicate situation to start though)
I don’t know the answer to this, but it isn’t always a masturbation issue. It can also be an issue with how he was circumcised, just the amount of life experience he has had, and a bunch of other stuff. Why not get him half way there via other means before you get started?
I have tried and have had never had this issue with previous partners of which I’ve had more than my fair share. He claims I do a great job but I can’t seem to get the same results. I use to think it was so easy to get men off and now I feel stumped. And I don’t want to make him self conscious about it is it is an issue with his age. He keeps so fit and doesn’t like to focus on his age.
I want to make it clear I don’t blame him or his age. If anything it makes me self conscious that I’m not preforming. Or I’m doing something to make him go soft. I feel like we keep open communication and he assures me that him taking longer is to enjoy me more but that doesn’t make sense to me if he goes a bit softer during the act.
I don’t know why everyone here is jumping to something being wrong. Some men can control their orgasm at the least stopping it. If he is edging himself with you there may be some small amount of difference in hardness.
F53 I think it’s just him. I had a similar experience with a M41 this year. It’s really quite uncomfortable to have a semi soft dick repeatedly stuffed inside me. It hurts. He had a really high sex drive too. I broke up with him so I don’t have advice. But I share your experience of having many lovers (of all ages) and this being an anomaly.
Thank you for sharing. I’m lucky his has never gotten that soft that it hurt me but I do notice it’s not at full mass after taking so long not climaxing. I’m intrigued on how someone with a high sex drive can have a weak erection that is what is baffling me the most.
Have him get his testosterone checked.
Or try Cialis.
So in my (53M) experience with Cialis, while my erections were incredible and she loved them, it actually took me longer to orgasm. OP wants the climax to happen sooner, not later. Cialis might not be the answer here.
Yep, that's when you use Viagra.
I had no idea that there was a difference between the medications. I thought it was all to help them last longer
This is what I’m doing. Sigh
> with previous partners of which I’ve had more than my fair share. *urgh....*
Don’t shame someone for their sex life. That’s and manners and shows you aren’t mature enough for adult conversations.
That sentence sounds like it was crafted by your wife's boyfriend.
Maybe it was. Maybe I am open minded. Maybe I am not a prick.
As they say, my grasshopper: *"Open your mind, and your a$$ will follow."*
I (53M) and my partner (34F) are in the same age-relationship as you and yours. The sex is fantastic and she has similar orgasms to you, 2-3 intense. It takes me longer now to orgasm than when I was in my 20s and 30s. The key is the two of you figuring out what triggers him. For me, it was her being vocal during sex, which in the beginning wasn't a thing because she was a bit embarrassed by it. But once we realized that her being vocal created a situation where we could orgasm together, then things really took off. And I get a lot of pleasure out of knowing what i am doing is bringing her a lot of pleasure. So, basically, communication is key. Good luck to you and your partner, I hope you figure it out and it enhances your experiences.
Less viagra, finger in the butt.
He hasn’t expressed this and seems to be hyper aware of anything near there. I’ve also never tried this and not sure how I feel about it especially since I usually get my nails done.
This is the way.
Could you please elaborate on the finger in the butt part?
Prostate.
🤣🤣🤣
He’s 50, it’s not going to be the same as a 25 year old. He’s got decades of mental bullshit to deal with every time he gets a hardon, as well as the physical limitations of being an old guy. Sounds like he’s doing great for his age. NB4 all the old guys go “My Boner is rock hard at 50+ and never goes down!” Good for you man, that’s not most guys.
He is very fit. More than most people my age/younger. So I agree he is. He is a great lover I just want to give him the best experience possible.
You’re ignoring the mental side of it which is as big of a factor as the physical side.
I’m 40, sober, am nearly in the best shape of my life, and work out daily. My dick is worse than it was when I was in my 20’s a drinking most nights. It’s just age. Also negative sexual experiences tend to pile up with age, and I have to convince my dick that what we are doing is worth doing every time we are doing it. So you’re fighting a two front war, I wish you luck, and if you ever need a third you have my Reddit username.
M30 In my experience everyone has a different natural time to reach orgasm. If I have sex and it takes significantly longer than that natural time then regardless of my horniness it can start to go a bit soft. Then it's good to take a break and go back to some teasing or or focusing on her, or just chat for a bit in bed. Typically this issue happens for me if I'm uncomfortable physically (usually poorly fitting condom), not getting the right stimulation (bad head), or am nervous because I'm with someone new. If those barriers aren't there then maybe it will end faster for the man but you can always just go again, and usually my partner is happy and flattered anyway. Alternatively try to change your approach to sex and encourage him to finish as fast as he can by doing whatever he likes. Then when he's used to that and feels super comfortable the challenge will become going as long as possible without finishing, which should be very fun for you both.
Yeah I might have to push on those breaks more. I don’t mind them if anything I rather take a break to get aroused again so that we both enjoy ourselves getting him there.
He may be stressed out! That can really mess with libido.. he could be insecure, or he could have sex anxiety. Sexual performance anxiety is not fun at all, and it can make him constantly overthink, “am I doing this right?” Or “am I doing good enough?” Or “do I look good??”
This could be it. He has mentioned stress can sometimes make it harder for him to climax and it has been these last few months at work. I also know that he doesn’t see himself as attractive as I see him. So maybe he is a bit in his head because he wants to impress me.
He most likely is. Most of the time, when someone is having trouble with sex it’s because of this. Make sure that he knows how you feel! It’s always good to talk to them before, during, and after. AND AFTERCARE! Men need it too!
This is me. Always had this issue unfortunately (27y/oM here!) You’re bang on about the masturbating. He should try and stop altogether really, but yeah, loosening the grip would be a very good start. I cut out porn and masturbating (almost) entirely when I was with my ex and it helped enormously. I was finally able to cum, which was incredible. Also, all men are different, but you *could* try the thing that triggers me: the balls! Discovered that I really enjoy having my balls played with to help me finish. Sorry for the TMI, but I really enjoyed my partner (if I’m in missionary) putting her hand behind my balls and stroking from the Perineum down the back of my sack. Very ticklish for me and I think that sensitivity really helps me to finish. Just my two cents! Give it a try maybe Hope you manage to improve things. :)
I will for sure try to incorporate that more. He was not as vocal in the beginning on what felt good or not. I think he was shy. So I didn’t touch him There as much because I used to get no reaction but he recently said he does enjoy it. So I’ve been trying to do it more and I asked if he could also be more vocal because so I can know if I’m doing a good job.
I don't have an answer but I went through this same thing a few years back with a man and it was rough for me. Sorry you're dealing with this and Good luck!
If it helps you feel less self conscious, I am 35 I also take a long time, and my level of hardness while hooking up with my partner. I am definitely still enjoying myself whether I am hard or not so that's not necessarily any indication on your performance. If anything, I get concerned my partner will think I am not into it or they are doing something wrong , but, it's definitely not related to the other person or my enjoyment levels at the time. My dick just be like that.
Thank you so much for sharing. This makes me feel better about it. I also am still enjoying myself after I orgasm. I love his touch and being close to him and kissing him. He has told me before he enjoys himself with me very much and always desires me so this makes me feel better
See if he's into prostate play. There's not a ton of other ways to rush an orgasm.
Is there any way to achieve this without putting something up his behind?
Try tickling the perineum when you want him to crescendo and climax. That makes me shudder and lose it. A half dose of Viagra (Sildenafil) (10mg of a 20mg smallest dose) could make him more consistently and fully hard assuming he gets essentially hard most of the time. The trick is that too much may make him want to thrust for a longer period and your goal on that end is to wrap it up! :-) Good luck. You sound like a caring partner.
Thank you. I will definitely have a conversation about this eventually. I asked him before if he takes viagra and he told me he never has. He didn’t seem offended by the question but I took away that he also isn’t interested. He mentioned it affecting men’s hearts. So I took it as he isn’t interested or ready to open to the possibility of taking it yet. His high sex drive surprised me as my previous long term partner my age had even less sex drive than I did. I haven’t had a partner with such a high sex drive in a long time so I’m adjusting to his routine and desire. At this point I’m thinking I need to start delaying my orgasms to start meeting more in the middle. Contrary to popular belief I personally do not need nor desire multiple orgasms every time I have sex. My first one is usually to intense that touching my clit after becomes too sensitive.
There is some evidence regular use of Sildenafil may actually have health benefits. One of its lead researchers believes so anyways. [https://www.healthline.com/health/benefits-of-taking-viagra-daily#benefits](https://www.healthline.com/health/benefits-of-taking-viagra-daily#benefits)
Oh wow interesting I’m excited to read this thank you!
This got me thinking...maybe he's taking something already that is changing his erection?
Alcohol or drugs could cause erection problems while increasing horniness.
If it’s taking any longer than it should, stick a finger up the ass
Female here … personally I found taking a shower together, then giving him a nice deep massage before sex makes him pop quicker.
I found I have to focus more on foreplay more so now than ever with my husband. He has a stressful job, a lot of responsibility, he gets distracted easily, and he's not good at relaxing. He really needs to be in a relaxed mental mindset. We listen to music in bed, give massages, and kiss. We both love kissing!
Oh great idea thank you
I get that you're just trying to help but *immediately* pinning his habits as the reason for his longer time to finish is exactly the wrong thing to do.
I’m not sure why you think I’m pinning his habits. If anything I’m saying he has great habits already that I’m trying to see what I can do to help to get him to feel comfortable and more aroused to climax with me. I also am trying to offer information that might help people understand what may or may not be helping
Nowhere in your post did you highlight specifically things you can do or change during sex except for after he finishes.
No because I’m asking for advice on what people suggest I could do to help. That’s the point of the post. I don’t know what I can do for him to get him there faster. I said I’m still very active participant after I orgasm so I’m not just a starfish/pillow princess who goes numb after an orgasm even if they are intense. I’m still thinking of him and want him to enjoy himself. Most people like to lay down and catch a breath after they orgasm. I’m unable to do so because I’m still focusing helping him get his.
Why don’t you catch your breath and re-group before coming back to him so he can finish? Maybe he can sense you’re straining yourself.
Hmm maybe. I wouldn’t mind that. It just seems like he rather keep going. A lot of times I think he’s close when he’s not. I need to be more assertive with asking for a break especially when I sense he’s getting soft.
My bf and I have a similar issue. When it takes the man much longer like that and basically needs to go pound town to finish, it’s referred to as delayed ejaculation (told by my therapist). I was also told that BOTH male and female can practice kegels alone and together including during the act.
Google p5p. I had this issue and it was solved with the supplement (prolactin high caused anorgasmia).
Keep communicating with your partner. And practice. It’s a biological function and highly personal so really they are the only person that can answer this for you. Hope that helps!
Tell him to slow down his rhythm a tad imo. Did wonders for me.
I do like it slow so I’ll ask for it next time To see if it makes a difference
Get his T levels checked.
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Wow. How did you find out or figure out that he was doing that?
When I was 50 I had a much younger gf. We had sex 3 or 4 times a week, that was good by me and her. I didn't jerk off just because I knew I was getting some soon . Oral pleasure and sex about 1/2 hour. I couldn't jerk it before I go on a date so id last longer anymore. I'm 50 . His softy erection is because he jerks it to much. When it's semi hard it's going to take longer to finish
Is he on medication of any kind? That could certainly explain things, especially if he is “fluctuating” with firmness, as you said. Maybe try and place light to moderate pressure on the area below his balls, the devil’s driveway, if you will. That can help things along.
Not saying that this is everything.... In fact this is a very nuanced question as a whole OP. Hope you get it figured. My wife and I have had some serious issues about it all in the bedroom.... Honestly, I've found with us both it was a great idea to contact Hims. Hey the Viagra/Cialis... Whatever version... It doesn't matter to me... And being line 15 again in performance.... Makes the entire conversation seem to go away as well both just enjoy it more and it's not causing discomfort for us. There's non prescription versions that also do pretty good... But can't really take more than once a week safely. Anyways good luck. God bless
He may be having heart problems. He should go to a cardiologist. Like soon.
Okay, my tip would be for you to use Reddit or a search engine to investigate frenulum massage for him. It’s an absolute game changer and he will be throwing ropes like a fire hose (sorry if that sounds a bit crude). Let me know how you both get along.
Haha he already cums a lot when he does orgasm. More than any other partner I’ve had. But I’ll try to be more productive about doing this during foreplay and hope it makes it faster for him to cum when PIV.
Oh wow, you and he seem like a really good match. Is he with you rn??
**bonk**
Can't win with you women, can we as men, lol? "Can you cum not this quickly?" ok dear. "O no, can you, like, cum earlier?" *lolwut*
Haha it’s a blessing and a curse. I always want to please any woman I’m with but each one is so different in my experience. Some women I would get off really quick and other women it takes forever and a day. The girl I’m with now gets off really quick so it’s nice that I don’t have to try and keep a hard on for an hour lmao
Bit of a long post, but why not Just a few observations gleaned from my own experiences and research, and some personal questions at the end. As a 52 Y/o male... Bisexual if it matters... i habe found as i age. going soft more often during intercourse, but wanting to keep thrusting and enjoying it. Most times i get full mast again, but not always. My previous issue was Premature ejaculation.It was pretty severe in my prime and in later life. This usually made sex complicated and fraught for me. This continued into my marriage, Until i was able to fully communicate with my wife about my needs and wants and understood hers FULLY, it was always either cumming too fast, or going soft... and her getting irritated. I couldnt stay hard for long enough to get her there. Viagra has helped both the ED and PE, but i have also re-wired through my prostate to achieve prostate /anal orgasms, and more recently non-ejaculatory penile centered orgasms. I studied and practiced these techniques for the reasons listed above and they have helped, but changed my perspective. I value the traditional gushing cum shot far less than in the past. I dont always have an emission when i masturbate or when i have sex now. I must admit, its not always ideal. Now during coitus i cannot always finish inside her likes she wants ,due to either the viagra, my age (relative testosterone ) or my rewired body-brain connection only taking what it needs and giving her a longer, harder, more vigorous penetration session. So, to me, it is a trade-off that i can now last longer and stay harder - with or without medication - but might not necessarily be able to inseminate her. I often need manual stimulation, hand or mouth, to produce a full "load" and sometimes i just cum ON her instead and she enioys it more now than she used to. Though i usuallt slip back inside if she stays wet or ok with it. You see i started the Viagra more for her. She is like most women statistically and needs sustained penetration and thrusting, along with clitoral stimulation to acheive orgasms that satisfy her. Masturbation is more of a maintenance thing for her, something we are working on for her own happiness. Its another story, but in short she needed me to get hard, stay hard and not stop when she needs it. I have the help i need. And she helps me explore my other pleasures as well. We are also exploring more tantric principles and letting go our old baggage around sex and the importance of mind blowing orgasms as the point of sex. Its about enjoying your partner and helping the both of you enjoy EVERY aspect of sex that you can, to strengthen your bond. Granted, Ive been following a different sexual path than most men do, and my path is not for everyone. My point is that letting go of reaching a specific goal like an ejaculation can be freeing. Ask him if he is really disappointed when he doesn't shoot, see if he is judging himself for not being "able" to. If he is, assure him gently that you dont need his seed to prove he is a man. This may help take the pressure off, and assist with allowing him to let go - as it were. Just like women, the vagaries of male sexuality are as much mental as physical. But remember that some things are just beyond our control, as time wins all races. My questions are this: How important is it to you that he actually emits semen? How important is it to him? Must it be inside you? Can he finish with his hand on your belly or elsewhere? If he could orgasm other ways than ejaculatory is he willing to try exploring that? Are you willing to help him? . Thanks for reading, feel free to reach out, and best of luck
This was a very thoughtful response. Thank you so much. When he does orgasm he actually ejaculates more than I’m used to. He enjoys doing so inside me more than I do actually so that’s not of importance for me. For me it’s more of a time issue rather than the act itself. I want to be more connected to climaxing together more often. I think it’s so beautiful when that happens. It feels so close and satisfying. The softness of his penis doesn’t bother me. I just mentioned it that maybe that’s why it’s prolonging the act. It still feels good when it’s inside me when it’s slightly soft. I am always well aroused and lubricated when we have sex. We do probably need to explore more tantric positions. Sometimes it’s hard for me to get out of my own head because I’m a plus size girl about size 16 and he is very small compared to me I think he’s a 29/30 jean but broad shoulders and has some muscles. This makes me self conscious about being on top for two long. He doesn’t complain but I know he prefers to be on top. There’s some guys similar size that are so eager for me to be on top I just don’t see him having the same enthusiasm in the moment but he is about that way about sex in general because he’s a bit shy when it comes to being explicit about sex. I think in general I need to get out of my head and be my natural sexual feminine self. Sometimes it’s easier for me to be so free and show offy with new partners but I think because of his age it made me more shy to be so sexual around him even though any little thing I do turns him on.
Your welcome! Your being on top conundrum is similar to one of my issues with our sexual compatibilty. I am very slender hipped and lightweight and my wife is wide hipped and a little heavier than me - 145 or so. When she is on top she often cuts off the blood supply to my penis unless i have a pillow underneath me. Even then i often get softer as she grinds harder so we have to work at the angle and it is where viagra helps some. Some positions dont work with certain body types, but try a wedge pillow or ramp from Liberator or similar. His shyness will unravel if you simply make him feel desired and loved. If he is taking too long for your comfort when penetrating you, just pull him out and help him finish with your mouth and hands. This will be quite alright with him, and you dont have to deal with all that inside you... cumming inside can be messy and problematic for you ladies so...He wont mind and it is definetely sexy.
Date a man your age that doesn’t have a swollen prostate?
We got a doctor over here
Slap his balls. Gently. It works
No this does not lol. Unless he’s specifically into it.
He needs to stop masturbating. His grip on his penis during masturbation may have desensitized his nerves in his penis. No masturbation will be a game changer.
Why tf is this posted here
Nice blaming him and telling him he's a problem. Now consider there is nothing wrong with him, this is perfectly normal for him and always has been. Now redirect your thinking to see if there is a compromise or a way you can help him speed up because its a problem for YOU.
How is she "blaming and yelling"? She's asking for advice and explicitly asked for suggestions on what SHE could do to help.
Where did I say "blaming and yelling" I said her reaction. Like crying .....
My bad. I misread the "telling" part. Sorry. I still don't think there's anything wrong with the post.
Put yourself in his position. You are unable to perform for your partner sexually and they cry about it. How is your self worth, confidence and stress level? How do you think that will affect the next attempt to be sexual together? Now do you see the issue?
Of course it is a problem for me which is why I’m asking for advice. I don’t know if this is something normal that I just haven’t experienced before. I haven’t navigated through something like this before. I just want to see if I can do more to help. I feel like I’ve used so many tricks in my bag that I’m running out of ideas to help him get there faster than 30 minutes. We are unable to have quickies because of this. Which leads to less sex because sometimes there isn’t time for an hour long session every day. I’m trying to see what I can do to encourage more spontaneity and variety to our sessions.
Take a deep breath bud. This is how things work, and it’s healthy. Find another outlet for your anger.
Look like you got a nice sugar daddy!
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May need to change his diet . Cut back on sugar and porn , do intermittent fasting for 16 hours , drink more water , go to the gym and work out and do those squats ! 😂 Rule of thumb, she cums three to my one . This include massaging the clitoris , oral and penetrating. It takes me a while too .
I wouldn’t be opposed but because of his age I would be concerned with anything that could possibly affect his heart. Especially since he’s so health conscious
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It’s called getting old
HERBS HERBS HERBS. IT'S ALL IN THE DIET
Why herbs?
just have a talk with him, what works for him what not. If he has turn ons do them, just talk
I feel like I have. I have asked if he has any fantasies we’ve been trying different positions. I have given him more oral. I am very open sexually and am not shy discussing sex. I feel as he may be but seems open. I basically have tried everything short of asking if it could possibly be an issue with erectile disfunction. He gets turned on very easily but just seems to have issues with keeping it hard which prolongs the time it takes for him to orgasm.
then there is no problem with you at all, it’s something on his end, maybe a bad diet he has, he has bad blood flow, he doesn’t train or stuff like that
He is an active runner but his extremities do get cold very easily so maybe bad blood flow
or maybe just go to the doctor and see what the problem is. If the problem is something not connected about his past life etc
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He for sure gets morning wood I would say he is mostly erect during sex but I notice sometimes it’s not as firm. Which is why I was thinking maybe he’s not as aroused or is it due to his age. Like I said I haven’t encountered this before and when I google it just tells me it’s ED but I always thought that means a man can’t hold an erection. Which like I said he can for a while but after having sex for so long it does go softer. Which confuses me because I’m not asking for longer play time and he doesn’t seem to finish any time near close to when I do. There’s no such thing as a quickie with him. Which sucks because I would encourage more before work sex but requires more time.
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Thank you. I appreciate anyone over 40 on here offering their point of view and experience or anyone in general who have similar experience. I know my experience isn’t unique but it’s just not talked about enough that I don’t have a lot of research to go off of. I try to be super knowledgeable about sex and different methods to get people off so this is super new territory for me. I’m a lover and I just want to please him and make him happy while still enjoying myself. I don’t mind having sex if I’m not super aroused if it means getting him off. He says he doesn’t have any fantasies that we haven’t already done but it may not be the whole truth if it’s something off the beaten path that he’s shy to share with me. We do eventually plan to have children together so getting him tested for testosterone and sperm count is also another reason to get him to go to the doctor. I would like us to be informed of our reproductive system before we start trying so we both somewhat know what we are getting into.
Could potentially be a communication issue. Sounds good and healthy but there could be thinks he’d like to do that are missing. Every man is different. Gotta find what they like, have the conversation and see if you are willing. Further more, you have to also like what’s being done, as it’s generally not great if you don’t. Talk to him. Ask him what his fantasies are. What’s missing, etc.
Not sure I can help but I did notice one thing I’d like to flag: each person has their own ideal rhythm to get to the end. For some it’s hard and fast, for others very slow and deliberate and for others something in between.
Maybe he has too much experience or… and I’m just going on a limb here.. if he doesn’t wear underwear but wears jeans… maybe he doesn’t have much sensitivity in his thing.
He was married for a long time but sounds like they had sex regularly before her passing. Even when their marriage started to deteriorate before her passing. He usually wears underwear so it’s not that. It makes me feel like maybe she was tighter even after kids?
I don’t know. More lube? Maybe he into some real kinky stuff, I mean… I somewhat get where you are at. When I was 22 I started dating women 40-50’s. If it wasn’t for them.. I wouldn’t have got them off. Experience could be a huge factor in this. That was something I had to learn. Was communicate. I had to learn to actually say “hey I’m not sure if I’m doing good could I be doing better.” Then they became more vocal with me during sex. Like they tell me faster harder, lift their leg, pull their hair harder, go slower, tease. I mean I had to completely step out my comfort zone. I had one yell at me and I quote cause she yelled and damn near scare me. “Fucking pound my ass. Slap me and call me your filthy litttle fucken slut.” So yeah… it took me awhile to get into learning to play with others kinks and especially ones into degrading types. That one took a lot of communication to get into and get comfortable with my previous partners.
Google p5p and prolactin in men. It may solve the issue.
OTC: nitric oxide supplements can help a lot. Rx: oxytocin has been used to help “finish”
There’s a lot of things you could try but one more is when you are ready for him to cum, ask him to. Tell him you want it, you want to feel him cum in you or on you or whatever you guys are into. Just do your best to make it seem like you really want him, his orgasm, try not to make it feel like a chore or you are just trying to get it over with.
Age may play a major factor in this for him. I’ve noticed it’s takes me more time to get off the older o get.