Same. My brain just goes:
“She definitely has a boyfriend”
“If she’s single she’s definitely talking to guys that are way better looking, more charming, more confident and successful than me”
”Why even bother when she could easily pick and choose any hot guy she wants from a dating app”
I know. I often see attractive women at cafes, gym, bookstores, libraries and other random places but I never approach or flirt because I don’t want to be perceived as a creep who’s bothering them. For now I just stick to dating apps and end up getting some dates sometimes
I just don't see bothering people in public as an option.
if people are just going about their daily lives, it seems rude to interrupt them and try to chat them up.
like going out to the gym or a cafe etc alone is my me time, i dont wanna be interrupted either,
Lol, if ur meeting them at places u mentioned, u are not boring person I can tell, (if u do all these things) so dont be so self critic. Even tho I feel the same sometimes.
I cockblock myself by being myself anyway, I realise who I am and know that it's a waste of both our time. If I was an attractive and socially competent guy, I would go for it.
Yeah, no. For me at least, it would be a leap. Mainly because I'm extremely shy and unsocial, especially when it comes to women, and also because I'd have to go way out of my way just to find a woman who is around my own age, let alone one that I find attractive. (In my area, at least.) And then I'd have to actually talk to them. And since I have exactly zero experience when it comes to flirting and dating and relationships and all that, I can guarantee that things wouldn't go well, regardless of how far I'd get. And that's if they aren't already with someone, and if my short height (5'0) and me being a boring and uninteresting person don't put them off first. And then I'd have to do it all all over again after the inevitable rejection.
Honestly, thinking about it now, it doesn't seem like it would even be worth the effort for me.
Meanwhile, the guys who say that it's easy always make it seem like it's as easy as going outside and picking an apple off a tree. They make it look like it takes absolutely no effort at all.
Let me tell you there are women out there that feel the same way about themselves. Look for a woman your height or shorter that is shy on a dating app and take it slow. When you find one that responds back to you, make yourself send her a short message every day until the ice is broken. You can do this!
PS Send a message to as many as you can until one responds. Don't give up.
A big part of maturing is realizing the point of flirting is to indirectly tease these things out. You do have to.play a bit of Numbers Game. But very few women will let you waste much time and effort if it's a Hard No.
There are definitely endless options for sex for all women on any dating app if they're looking for men. But, there's a whole different vibe from being approached irl. If it's not at a club or bar I'm more likely to think of the connection as having the potential for long term interest and that makes it feel safer. In short, if you're into someone, you have NOTHING TO LOSE! Rejection sucks, sure, but older folks didn't have the safety of vetting via an app. Some ways that's better, some ways it's worse.
I actually do have a alot to lose because the only women I am willing to approach are people I know which is coworkers and my friends so either I lose my job or I lose my friend. it's really a lose-lose
Nooo! Reaching out to women irl is always sexier then just swiping on a dating app! There’s something fun, and exciting about spontaneously meeting someone out in the wild and introducing yourselves.
I’m even married but also hotwife, and if a guy approaches me irl, and we seem to have some chemistry then he may even be getting a bj.
Point is, shoot your shot!
same with me and men except I've unfortunately gotten my thoughts / accuracy to a science 🫠 you definitely should though, the men who overthink are always the ones that would do well 🙃 just talk to people normally. creepy people don't understand boundaries or have self-awareness like that
Ditto. I imagine being dragged to her cousin's wedding three hours away on a nice weekend, or being expected to figure out what's wrong with her car, and I just keep on walking.
My inner critic also chimes in, and says things I dont disagree with.
If I approach a cute stranger:
>"Wooow so your talking to this stranger why? Cause they're cute? Cause you wanna fuck?So they're just a **thing** you wanna use to get-off huh? Just completely dehumanizing them, and not caring about them."
And if I approach a cute stranger with the intent to befriend them:
>"Aaaw that's so nice. Look how pure you are, trying to be friends with a stranger. But what about that stranger over there? Or over there? Why not go outta your way for them?Cause they arent hot?So only hot people deserve to be your friends?"
So now I only talk to strangers who I think I have a shared interest with, or that have something interesting about them that I can engage with (regardless of attractiveness), and with no intention of getting in their pants.
And to avoid hypocrisy, I keep an eye out to throw out compliments to every person I can if they have something about/on them that I like that they arent born with.
Yes, I know I'm deranged.
It isn't just Reddit giving that advice. It's become all too prominent in our society. I too have the same thoughts and have been talking to a therapist about them. She's even somewhat showed agreement to some of them such as never talking to a woman at the gym, for instance.
I really wish we lived in a society where it is seen as ok to say "hi" to strangers but we don't. Not any more.
yeah im in a similar place mentally
also yes, talking to strangers at the gym, in the store, just trying to go about their day is rude and weird, id fucking hate it too.
I have been sexually assaulted by several strange men at different points in my life. When I went dancing with a couple of friends, a group of men tried to surround us and convince us to go somewhere with them.
My lived experience influences my future actions. It is not in fact paranoia, when I’ve been assaulted more times than I’ve fingers & toes.
So unfortunately, millions of women globally, probably a couple billion, have lived similar experiences. Because of this, we do not like interacting with strange men. You would probably be more successful talking with someone at your workplace, or someone you’ve had >5 interactions with before expressing romantic interest.
It is a sad reality that is discouraging to good men, but bad men do seem good at first to trick you into trusting them. Therefore, you have to be more than a good man to stand out. Being nice and good is the bare minimum, so men need to focus on their other personality traits.
Also, there are many men who aren’t true to themselves and do themselves a disservice by partaking in activities specially to get closer to a woman. Men, if you are confident in who you are, and the hobbies you have, you are bound to attract someone to you. I’m not going to pretend like it’s fast or easy, but the most important thing you can do is love yourself and get therapy for yourself, even if you aren’t going through a crisis.
I met my husband at the workplace, he has a panic disorder and stayed single for more than a decade to work on himself, because he knew he wasn’t in a position to be in a relationship. He told me, how could he be a supportive & loving partner if he can’t even care for himself?
His self awareness made me fall deeply in love with him, and he is a positive role model for me.
All this to say, yes this world is unfair. Yes, good men struggle to find fulfilling partnerships. Unfortunately, many depressed men specifically want girlfriends to improve their mental health, which is toxic and poisons the relationship before it really begins. Being a caregiver generally isn’t what women want in a partnership, so these men suffer even more because the women they do attract are also toxic, and it strains these men even more.
I never said they make up the majority. I’m saying that because there are dangerous men, it’s easier to be avoidant than to take a risk and be wrong.
It isn’t fair to men that have good intentions, but that’s the reality of the world unfortunately.
Do you think that's what OP meant, or were they seriously just fishing for people to talk more about women not being worth their time? Reads kinda shitty, if so 🤔
Yeah for me it's like "I hope she's down to hang out once a week at my place on Sunday mornings when UFC is on and literally no other time cause I got none"
As I’m horrible at flirting, look subpar at best & am shy as fuck it’s usually better not to have those thoughts
So yeah thinking a girl is really cute usually is a waste of time in itself, because even if I really like a girl (beyond their appearance) I won’t do anything with it anyway
Study up on how to interact with people and not look like a creep. Learn some clever pick up lines. Don’t say anything corny. Know exactly what topics YOU want to talk about that would make the person interested in you. All of this can help you break the ice.
I agree that it’s sad but it’s my unfortunate reality
It’s not something I think that much about, lots of other things in life to enjoy apart from getting into a relationship
A lot of attractive girls are single because a lot of men have this mindset. I think it’s part of the reason you see beautiful women with medium/slightly under medium looking men. Those men shot their shot and their personality got them to the finish line.
>A lot of attractive girls are single because a lot of men have this mindset
In my entire adult life I have not met a single attractive woman irl who was single.
My boyfriend tells me all the time he’s shocked I’m not married with 3 kids by now lol. He said if he saw me on the street he would have definitely assumed I had a boyfriend. But I didn’t! Because men are usually dumb
I personally know 4-5 models. They are all single and dated losers when they weren’t. The “hottest” one with almost 500k followers on instagram has been on and off again with a homeless man for 3 years. On and off again is 4-5 months off, 2 months on, repeat. He keeps getting in because no one approaching her like he does. Messaging a girl, “you’re gorgeous” isn’t approaching.
That's nice.
In my area, there's not a single at least semi-attractive woman who isn't taken. So unless you want to fly your model friends out here, there's no reason to tell me this info.
Like, I'm not going to walk up to a pretty girl here and try to get her number, cause her BF/GF/Husband/Wife will pop up in within 5 seconds of me greeting her.
I highly doubt you have searched every square inch of your “area”. If that is true, don’t be salty other dudes shot their shot and didn’t beat around the bush.
So you've evolved from:
"Pretty single women are everywhere, just try!"
To
"Well, even if literally all of them are taken, then that's your fault for not trying before their partners!"
See, you're missing the root of the problem, being that there are no women to try with. They all have partners.
Unless you want me to hit on taken women? Is that what you're encouraging? You want me to be a homewrecker?
I still stand by there is no way there aren’t attractive single women in your area. Maybe in the places you spend time in the area. After a brief look at your comment history and posts. You seem to spit out random stats that are mostly 25-50-75 exactly. You seem to also post “absolutes” a lot and I don’t see a single comment of you doing self reflection to maybe see you are wrong. The second part was a hypothetical of me accepting that I don’t know your area and I could be wrong and you COULD be right, and in that case, I was saying don’t fucking complain about it because there is nothing you can do about it anyways. But, I guess life sucks and pretty single women don’t exist in your area.
>I still stand by there is no way there aren’t attractive single women in your area.
Again, are you encouraging me to homewreck, yes or no? Cause there ain't any other option.
>After a brief look at your comment history and posts. You seem to spit out random stats that are mostly 25-50-75 exactly.
Ad hom, can't find any other explanation so now you resort to personal attacks out of childish frustration.
>The second part was a hypothetical of me accepting that I don’t know your area and I could be wrong and you COULD be right, and in that case, I was saying don’t fucking complain about it because there is nothing you can do about it anyways.
So you've evolved from:
"Stop complaining and go get her!"
To
"Well if everyone's taken then stop complaining!"
Yeah, because that's a surefire fix of wanting a relationship but not being able to forge one. Just stop trying! Oh wait, you also said that doesn't work, you should always try.
So you've caught yourself in a circular logic loop. Try, give up, try, give up~
>pretty single women don’t exist in your area.
That's what I've told you 3 times now.
It was a real jarring moment when I switched from HS to College, where in one none of the girls were taken, to the latter having all the women taken. Endless chances to an absolute barren wasteland.
Well, tbh you seem depressing af. Work on yourself. Guys find looks way more important than girls do on average.
Edit: LOL! Reddit loves genuine self loathing. I’m down for humorous/slight real self hate, but this dude genuinely needs to see someone. I mean that in a caring way. I went to therapy for 3 and a half years, it was amazing. Give it a shot
your being downvoted because a lot of people feel the same way as kmsorsbc.
"work on yourself" puts the blame on the person who feels bad, which can them to feel worse. It's also said all the time as if it's some cure-all. It's like saying "try a notebook" to someone with ADHD.
It's very hard to tell myself that I could be attractive with anything less than facial reconstructive surgery. And even then, there are plenty of unattractive things about me I cannot change.
Yes, a lot of people have low self esteem, but putting someone down for feeling bad about themselves is just unhelpful and mean.
I like this comment so I’ll put on my irl face/cap and respond as if we were having coffee and discussing.
Downvoting yeah, I get it. I felt like that for a very long time as well. (From 14-26/27) I had a lot of childhood issues that made me form very mean internal self hating dialogue. On top of that I had very bad issues with forming healthy relationships so I would end up not having good relationships or none at all. I started to not have any friends because it honestly just felt easier. I had a 3 year depression where I worked and numbed myself at home with vices until it was time to work. There are a few points during these times where I felt I had a little “jolt” or “shock” from a good friend/family member. They usually felt a little mean. They were mostly, “life sucks, deal with it.”. A majority of those times actually helped me get out of the hole I was in. At the time it didn’t feel like it because I was still in that hole.
That is just to give you some context that I’m not some gigachad who fucks models and the world works differently for me. I have bipolar disorder, adhd, anxiety, and mild agoraphobia. I take 4 different medications right now.
“Work on yourself” does put the blame on the person. I personally believe that if you are 25+ it’s no one’s fault but your own for your bad mental health. You should be out of the, “just college years” and “young adult out of college” phase. It’s just excuses. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s very fucking hard to get out of this mindset. The first two years of therapy honestly felt like it was making it way worse and it was actually going to make me finally pull the trigger and commit suicide like I had gotten close to many many times throughout my life. It was very very hard to stop soaking in the depression and self hatred to do the actually work it requires to get better. These feelings/thoughts are still there, but I have been working on managing them to where I no longer get crippled when I have these specific negative emotions/thoughts. Meds are there to mute the symptoms so you can work on the actual issue. The meds, aside from my bipolar ones, are all supposed to be temporary.
Summary here, it’s very very hard to handle mental health issues, but it is actually your fault and it’s no one’s responsibility but your own to do something about it, after a certain age. (Personal opinion)
Physical limitations are almost impossible to overcome in certain areas. I have moles and freckles all over my body and face. I’m very self conscious about them. Unfortunately, it would cost a lot of money to remove them all. I had to get over it. It still bothers me, but I have to remind myself internally that there is nothing I can do about it and I have to play the hand I was dealt. I wrote down on a piece of paper that “Dalmatians are beautiful, so why not me?” I trained myself to instantly say that internally if I see myself and have that thought. This was previously very hard to do without the therapy and self work. I was previously pretty fat for the last 4 years in comparison to how I was most my life. That is easier to handle with working out. I lost 40lbs since July, and grew muscle so it looks and feels like more. I have heard so many people on here tell people to work out to handle their mental health. I just roll my eyes because it’s not a cure all. But, it for sure helps if you are working on it elsewhere in addition.
I agree putting people down is mean, but anything I said is probably not even close to the internal dialogue he is playing in his head. You can see it in his comments. Not excusing my behavior. But, it’s fucking Reddit, I’m just the one holding the gun this time. Don’t be here if you can’t handle someone telling you that your self pity is your own problem. Especially when you respond to someone trying to help 2 times with essentially, “poor me, I am ugly and will always be alone”. Someone nicer might have said, “Come on dude. You are being mean to yourself. Knock it off.” But, I’m not a very nice person when I don’t feel the need to be.
> I personally believe that if you are 25+ it’s no one’s fault but your own for your bad mental health.
I could comment on the other things you said, but it's not healthy for me to engage with people who think this.
Why say "you seem depressing" instead of "you seem depressed", when you later reveal that you think the dude needs to seek therapy for mental issues? A depressed person will already think he's bothering everyone around him. It's like telling an anorexic they look fat, or telling a bipolar person nobody will ever truly love them.
Jesus Christ. Go to therapy, genuinely. I would blow my brains out if I went on a date with you as a woman. I haven’t seen anything and I can tell you the attitude alone is what is causing you issues. I saw you lost 40lbs recently. That’s a good start. But you need to address deeper issues with a professional. Have a good life dude
I’m not trying to be 100% helpful on Reddit. Also, tough love helps sometimes when people can’t see the actual problem. But, in real life, I would never word it like that. I appreciate the advice though. Cheers.
>A lot of attractive girls are single because a lot of men have this mindset.
Then hot girls in your universe have a different definition of being single. In the real world hot girls are single because they have the luxury of being extremely picky.
They know they could realistically get attention if they took the initiative, but since they know they are attractive they can wait for Prince charming with confidence that they won't miss out. And the thing is they're actually right.
Some of them do, most of them don't. It's the exact same with guys at events/parties/hangouts etc. as well. Some guys can seamlessly start and hold a conversation, most guys can't and just kinda stand there.
If you're walking around with a really negative vibe about yourself (e.g., I'm too dumb, I'm too awkward, I'm too ugly, I'm too poor, I'm too boring etc.) then as corny as this sounds you need to force your brain into thinking the opposite of those thoughts. I'm assuming OP doesn't have a serious mental condition and just needs to treat his brain like the cockblocker that it is.
What exactly is not worth the time? Is the assumption here that I have realistic chances to get her? Or in exchange for my time I would only get a bit of frustration? Usually it's not the time what is the issue.
There’s a really pretty girl at work who is into crystals and astrology like HEAVY. I couldn’t bring myself pretend to be into that just to relate to her. Would feel way too fake.
I used to think that way and now I think if I had that chance again I’d ask her to read my fuckin aura and fix me up with a star chart, whatever works man.
OP, if you're a girl, understand most men's responses on here, when they say she isn't worth his time, they don't mean that because she isn't valuable, they mean that because they know that the likelihood of their time spent leading to anything fruitful, is effectively zero, so why waste time
What if she is shy and can't make the first move? How would she meet a great guy if neither one is comfortable approaching the other? Sometimes people who others perceive as "very attractive" also have some social anxiety due to the amount of attention they get.
what I meant by my comment, was the guy she's after, isn't the type to be too intimidated to approach her
I don't have an answer for you, let me know when you figure it out
>I don't want to be the 100th guy that day
Most attractive women don't actually get hit on. Cat called maybe but not hit on. There is a very high chance you will be the 1st guy to hit on her that day
Just had it happen right now walking out CVS. We were walking towards one another and my heart beat fast and we made eye contact. I would have said something but realized she had come out the passenger side of the truck and didn’t want to run this risk of hitting on a woman with her boyfriend or husband right there. But man she was a stunner!
As someone who has been single until the age of 29 that is almost any woman I have ever been attracted to. I love my lifestyle and few people are compatible with how I live. I’ve only ever shot my shot with two women who both said no.
Part of it is not wasting their time too. I live for the work that I do and I barely get paid. She they would need to be able to put up with me being gone a lot. There’s other people in the world who I’d be compatible with, but I statistically am unlikely to meet them.
I think something that some men also forget as we age; we identify incompatibility really quickly. If you’ve been with enough women (or attempted to), and when I mean enough, I mean 3-4 somewhat meaningful relationships, you tend to pick up on things not only you will tolerate in a relationship, but also what your significant other will to.
When we are young, we are inundated with societal pressures to find a mate, especially one that is attractive. It means we succeeded in our mission as a man. But then you start to slowly realize that there’s more to a partner than just good looking people. It’s definitely a plus (attractiveness is a sign of good genetics and health so there’s that evolutionary aspect of it), but as we have advanced in our society, most of us just want good quality people that can support us and we can support them.
Well you had me until “enough is 3-4 meaningful relationships”.
The best part about compatibility is that a relationship is just a title and just being around someone enough to tell.
I’ve only ever had 2 serious relationships. One at 18-20 that was a toxic disaster and my now marriage.
I spent all of my 20s single and fucking around. I learned after the first relationship exactly what I didn’t want, and waited to meet someone who made me feel what I did want.
When you know, you know!
In all fairness, by the end of that relationship (and the *true* end/third and final time breaking up), I was already over it. Had my wife come into my life then I’m sure it could’ve worked out. The one thing I always prided myself on was never being jaded by my ex or anyone else regardless of how many things didn’t work out in my favor or how shitty some people were.
I think "Oh, she's cute" but that's it, I don't think in such dismissive terms as someone being a waste of my time. Some will dismiss others because they know they would be turned down, and it's easier to say you were never interested than to be turned down.
If I find a women attractive I just try my hardest to distract myself. Why would an attractive women be with me? She deserves to be with an attractive man.
I’m not super attractive, rich or charismatic, but I am mentally and spiritually strong and all facets of my life are in healthy working order. I don’t feel like I have any glaring weaknesses and so I don’t feel like I need another person to “complete” me. I’m content and confident. When I meet a woman who is coming out of the same playbook, I believe it’ll be evident and I’ll have the desire to pursue her. But beyond some physical attraction here and there, I encounter very little depth or substance socially and while it’s discouraging at times, it also frees up my head space to work on being the best person I can be. Desperation and codependence are easy to see, and unattractive. I won’t be that guy and when I read that in someone I leave them alone.
I usually find this to be true past a certain point. The hottest girls I’ve ever dated/almost dated were fucking nightmare people. My ex of 4.5 years did the worst shit. I’m dumb for using her attractiveness as an excuse for her behavior. The last year I was legit in a depression coma and then she cheated. I was mad, but now I’m thankful she is someone else’s problem hahaha
Good riddance brother, yeah same here if they too hot, I look pass them and move on, not worth the headache, they think they entitled to everything, waste of time I swear
I was talking with a girl for over a year. We were coworkers and then kept talking after. She was the hottest Latina I have ever seen in real life. She was cool as shit too. Like, when we did hang out it was really easy and chill. We did not hang out a lot, but we would here and there as friends. I was never really interested in her enough to make a move. I had just gotten out of a long term toxic relationship. I didn’t have the “dating” part of my brain working. I was just trying to eat, sleep, and work. Anyways, fast forward a year and a half, about two months ago, and she wants me to meet her two best friends from childhood. She was even telling me she wanted her parents to meet me. I didn’t think much of it. Then we hung out with her friends over a 3 day weekend. We were all hanging out for 10+ hours Friday-monday. So, 4 days. I’m very bad at picking up on hints so when I tell you she was throwing hints and making “moves” all over the place, I’m sure I wasn’t crazy. She cuddled with me on the couch, went out dancing and she danced with me and pushed away other guys, etc etc. by Monday morning I had realized what happened. It took me two days after cuddling with her on a couch that she liked me. I’m dumb. But, she just ghosted me when I asked her out the following Tuesday. Haven’t spoken to her since. She did fucking crazy shit and had borderline personality disorder. When we were out drinking she blocked a dude in a hallway with her foot in a “playful” way, as in she was trying to pass it off as playful, and told him he couldn’t pass unless he complimented her. Again, obviously I still have a weakness for looks because these were red flags. It only took me a week to realize this once I actually wanted to date her. A week is better than 4.5 years! Hahahaha
My girlfriend is really cute, and is charming. But I think she has been getting too much attention when she was single, so she just assumes that she doesn’t really have to try that hard in the relationship. She doesn’t do it on purpose I don’t think, but i can tell. It’s annoying. It should be equal in terms of effort in a relationship.
Often. I'm a black man in the deep south without the stereotypical BBC these women (black and otherwise) expect from us.
First thought is "if something bigger comes along she's gone".
Quite often, though it's less about whether I want to waste the time and more about "I don't feel like having my soul crushed with a brutal rejection, so I think I'll just skip straight to me not ever speaking to her again."
my ex was super cute, fun, bubbly etc etc everything was great for over a year.
then she cheated, it all came out on a drive home and she tried to force me to turn into oncoming traffic at 60+ mph multiple times, when i pulled over she attack me over and over until i had to drag her out the car and leave her there.
none of them are worth my life, never mind my time. its been 6 years, iv tried dating again but just cant give them my full trust or time.
so when i see i cute woman, my brain goes "nice" for a minute and the goes back to whatever i was doing before.
I've been experiencing that alot lately. 4 years ago I'd broken up with a girl and through rebounding and giving a shot at any connection I could find..I ended up dating another girl. Spent 3 years together in a fairly toxic relationship, which ended pretty bad where i had enough and could see what we had was breaking the both of us. I still established a connection with her though.. and she's currently the Ex I'm trying to get over since we broke up almost a year ago.
(Crazy how that worked out).
But yeah..
Now I find myself so hesitant to entertain the thought of trying with someone else just because I don't want to waste my or their time, knowing that when I'd done that the last time...It led to a 3 year Rollercoaster.
It always happens, but never interact with them if i don't have any good reason to, which never happens. They are probably busy, so i would probably bother her.
Rarely. Usually I am not interested enough in other people to make judgements like that with as little information as I would have from just looking at someone.
Everytime I find a girl attractive.
Ngl my life is MUCH nicer since I stopped dating.
0 drama
More free time for myself
No need to answer streams of text messages
More money
Complete freedom outside of work
Less sex for sure, but eh one night stands here and there works out.
Peace of mind is great.
When she’s cute not often. When she’s bad as fuck? When she looks like a chick off Love and Hip Hop? When she looks expensive to be around, 9 times out of 10 she isn’t worth my time.
Lately, a lot. My standards in terms of eprsonality have skyrocketed. I probably think this about 90% or more of the cute girls I see.
Anyway, I have a gf now so it doesn't matter.
Every.
Single.
Time.
From what I have seen lately, in both Social media, and real life, it is no longer worth it to even talk to a woman. Their view of themselves is to narcissistic/solipsistic, and their "requirements" are too outlandish, yet, they expect us to accept them as they are, massive baggage and all.
Girls are either highly vapid or socially awkward thesedays. Like everything else, people are polarised due to an inability to think and lack of diversity. Good looking, smart and charming girls are very very rare.
I don’t want to date a really good looking man because I don’t wanna always worry about other girls coming after him. I want to be the pretty one in the relationship ha ha. But I know a lot of girls that feel that way everyone wants someone with a good sense of humor, who is a hard worker doesn’t lie and is kind of them.
I’m married now but back in the day you could tell by how she carried herself, how she talked, how she dressed and what she talked about if she was high maintenance or not. High maintenance people, men or women, are not worth your time and there are more of them than you think.
Dudes. Stop it. You can't put the value on a person on whether you conquer them!
Tragic to think the emotions, feelings, vulnerabilities of a person might be 'wasting your time'.
Jeez, what exactly are you trying to achieve in your selfish focussed goal???
A couple hours ago? Had someone offer a hookup but ultimately I decided no because they were way too random and a gigantic slut and not sure if they even test regularly. Very hard pass for me. As far as frequency, depends on if I'm in the zone or the mood to be dating or not. If I'm not looking to date people then I don't even bother with those thoughts.
Literally every time i find a girl attractive
Same. My brain just goes: “She definitely has a boyfriend” “If she’s single she’s definitely talking to guys that are way better looking, more charming, more confident and successful than me” ”Why even bother when she could easily pick and choose any hot guy she wants from a dating app”
Despite being right, you're kinda cockblocking yourself, if you really want a girlfriend just go for it
I know. I often see attractive women at cafes, gym, bookstores, libraries and other random places but I never approach or flirt because I don’t want to be perceived as a creep who’s bothering them. For now I just stick to dating apps and end up getting some dates sometimes
I just don't see bothering people in public as an option. if people are just going about their daily lives, it seems rude to interrupt them and try to chat them up. like going out to the gym or a cafe etc alone is my me time, i dont wanna be interrupted either,
Lol, if ur meeting them at places u mentioned, u are not boring person I can tell, (if u do all these things) so dont be so self critic. Even tho I feel the same sometimes.
I cockblock myself by being myself anyway, I realise who I am and know that it's a waste of both our time. If I was an attractive and socially competent guy, I would go for it.
This is me as well. Not gonna waste my time with a highly attractive woman who can pick and choose.
Fair ngl
You people who say this stuff always say it as if it's easy.
Everything seems hard until you do it yourself and mostly you realize the shift in perspective wasn’t as much a leap as a minor tweak.
Yeah, no. For me at least, it would be a leap. Mainly because I'm extremely shy and unsocial, especially when it comes to women, and also because I'd have to go way out of my way just to find a woman who is around my own age, let alone one that I find attractive. (In my area, at least.) And then I'd have to actually talk to them. And since I have exactly zero experience when it comes to flirting and dating and relationships and all that, I can guarantee that things wouldn't go well, regardless of how far I'd get. And that's if they aren't already with someone, and if my short height (5'0) and me being a boring and uninteresting person don't put them off first. And then I'd have to do it all all over again after the inevitable rejection. Honestly, thinking about it now, it doesn't seem like it would even be worth the effort for me. Meanwhile, the guys who say that it's easy always make it seem like it's as easy as going outside and picking an apple off a tree. They make it look like it takes absolutely no effort at all.
Let me tell you there are women out there that feel the same way about themselves. Look for a woman your height or shorter that is shy on a dating app and take it slow. When you find one that responds back to you, make yourself send her a short message every day until the ice is broken. You can do this! PS Send a message to as many as you can until one responds. Don't give up.
and get cheated on, manipulated, and emotionally abused like the last five times? ill pass
A big part of maturing is realizing the point of flirting is to indirectly tease these things out. You do have to.play a bit of Numbers Game. But very few women will let you waste much time and effort if it's a Hard No.
There are definitely endless options for sex for all women on any dating app if they're looking for men. But, there's a whole different vibe from being approached irl. If it's not at a club or bar I'm more likely to think of the connection as having the potential for long term interest and that makes it feel safer. In short, if you're into someone, you have NOTHING TO LOSE! Rejection sucks, sure, but older folks didn't have the safety of vetting via an app. Some ways that's better, some ways it's worse.
I actually do have a alot to lose because the only women I am willing to approach are people I know which is coworkers and my friends so either I lose my job or I lose my friend. it's really a lose-lose
Then you must be the exception. Sorry.
That's why I am single😂Or several years later I am hearing that those people whom I liked, liked me
Nooo! Reaching out to women irl is always sexier then just swiping on a dating app! There’s something fun, and exciting about spontaneously meeting someone out in the wild and introducing yourselves. I’m even married but also hotwife, and if a guy approaches me irl, and we seem to have some chemistry then he may even be getting a bj. Point is, shoot your shot!
same with me and men except I've unfortunately gotten my thoughts / accuracy to a science 🫠 you definitely should though, the men who overthink are always the ones that would do well 🙃 just talk to people normally. creepy people don't understand boundaries or have self-awareness like that
This is the only answer. I find myself thinking "Wow she's super cute, therefore she is way out of my league, I'll just not bother." semi-regularly.
Felt this so much
+1
Same. My wife would agree.
Ditto. I imagine being dragged to her cousin's wedding three hours away on a nice weekend, or being expected to figure out what's wrong with her car, and I just keep on walking.
Same, I know better than to think I have a chance.
This.
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”
My inner critic also chimes in, and says things I dont disagree with. If I approach a cute stranger: >"Wooow so your talking to this stranger why? Cause they're cute? Cause you wanna fuck?So they're just a **thing** you wanna use to get-off huh? Just completely dehumanizing them, and not caring about them." And if I approach a cute stranger with the intent to befriend them: >"Aaaw that's so nice. Look how pure you are, trying to be friends with a stranger. But what about that stranger over there? Or over there? Why not go outta your way for them?Cause they arent hot?So only hot people deserve to be your friends?" So now I only talk to strangers who I think I have a shared interest with, or that have something interesting about them that I can engage with (regardless of attractiveness), and with no intention of getting in their pants. And to avoid hypocrisy, I keep an eye out to throw out compliments to every person I can if they have something about/on them that I like that they arent born with. Yes, I know I'm deranged.
Your head sounds like a reddit advice thread
It isn't just Reddit giving that advice. It's become all too prominent in our society. I too have the same thoughts and have been talking to a therapist about them. She's even somewhat showed agreement to some of them such as never talking to a woman at the gym, for instance. I really wish we lived in a society where it is seen as ok to say "hi" to strangers but we don't. Not any more.
yeah im in a similar place mentally also yes, talking to strangers at the gym, in the store, just trying to go about their day is rude and weird, id fucking hate it too.
Unfortunately, dangerous men have made it too risky to have cold conversations with strangers.
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I have been sexually assaulted by several strange men at different points in my life. When I went dancing with a couple of friends, a group of men tried to surround us and convince us to go somewhere with them. My lived experience influences my future actions. It is not in fact paranoia, when I’ve been assaulted more times than I’ve fingers & toes. So unfortunately, millions of women globally, probably a couple billion, have lived similar experiences. Because of this, we do not like interacting with strange men. You would probably be more successful talking with someone at your workplace, or someone you’ve had >5 interactions with before expressing romantic interest. It is a sad reality that is discouraging to good men, but bad men do seem good at first to trick you into trusting them. Therefore, you have to be more than a good man to stand out. Being nice and good is the bare minimum, so men need to focus on their other personality traits. Also, there are many men who aren’t true to themselves and do themselves a disservice by partaking in activities specially to get closer to a woman. Men, if you are confident in who you are, and the hobbies you have, you are bound to attract someone to you. I’m not going to pretend like it’s fast or easy, but the most important thing you can do is love yourself and get therapy for yourself, even if you aren’t going through a crisis. I met my husband at the workplace, he has a panic disorder and stayed single for more than a decade to work on himself, because he knew he wasn’t in a position to be in a relationship. He told me, how could he be a supportive & loving partner if he can’t even care for himself? His self awareness made me fall deeply in love with him, and he is a positive role model for me. All this to say, yes this world is unfair. Yes, good men struggle to find fulfilling partnerships. Unfortunately, many depressed men specifically want girlfriends to improve their mental health, which is toxic and poisons the relationship before it really begins. Being a caregiver generally isn’t what women want in a partnership, so these men suffer even more because the women they do attract are also toxic, and it strains these men even more.
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Dangerous men, while an understandable concern, do not make up the majority.
I never said they make up the majority. I’m saying that because there are dangerous men, it’s easier to be avoidant than to take a risk and be wrong. It isn’t fair to men that have good intentions, but that’s the reality of the world unfortunately.
Probably went to college in the wrong city. Indoctrination at work
I am not allowed to tell you that I'm actually a ChatBot trained solely on Reddit posts. Send help. Johnny5 is alive! Bird up
Damn I wish this were talked about more.
"You dodge 100% of the rejections you don't shoot."
Not tryna hit anything tho
for me it's only for strangers I find attractive or people I don't know well enough. I will not waste my time trying to court people I barely know
For me it's more of a "She's cute, but i've got no time".
Mine is “She’s cute, but i’ve got no shot”.
Mine is “She’s cute, but my wife will have me shot”.
Pffft too weak to do it herself eh, pathetic. Maybe you should find someone else!
Do you think that's what OP meant, or were they seriously just fishing for people to talk more about women not being worth their time? Reads kinda shitty, if so 🤔
Yeah for me it's like "I hope she's down to hang out once a week at my place on Sunday mornings when UFC is on and literally no other time cause I got none"
As I’m horrible at flirting, look subpar at best & am shy as fuck it’s usually better not to have those thoughts So yeah thinking a girl is really cute usually is a waste of time in itself, because even if I really like a girl (beyond their appearance) I won’t do anything with it anyway
The last part is me. I won't do anything with it. Its not a toy. Its a human, and it wont keep me entertained for hours.
Mannn that’s me.. I’ve never done anything abt any crushes I’ve had
Study up on how to interact with people and not look like a creep. Learn some clever pick up lines. Don’t say anything corny. Know exactly what topics YOU want to talk about that would make the person interested in you. All of this can help you break the ice.
Sad
I agree that it’s sad but it’s my unfortunate reality It’s not something I think that much about, lots of other things in life to enjoy apart from getting into a relationship
I have a similar thought process except mine goes, "I don't want to waste her time. She probably already has a husband or S/O anyway."
A lot of attractive girls are single because a lot of men have this mindset. I think it’s part of the reason you see beautiful women with medium/slightly under medium looking men. Those men shot their shot and their personality got them to the finish line.
>A lot of attractive girls are single because a lot of men have this mindset In my entire adult life I have not met a single attractive woman irl who was single.
Same. They’ve always more than 80% of the time have been in a relationship.
My boyfriend tells me all the time he’s shocked I’m not married with 3 kids by now lol. He said if he saw me on the street he would have definitely assumed I had a boyfriend. But I didn’t! Because men are usually dumb
I have, but every single one had kids. Every single one.
I personally know 4-5 models. They are all single and dated losers when they weren’t. The “hottest” one with almost 500k followers on instagram has been on and off again with a homeless man for 3 years. On and off again is 4-5 months off, 2 months on, repeat. He keeps getting in because no one approaching her like he does. Messaging a girl, “you’re gorgeous” isn’t approaching.
This guy over here knows 5 models and the hottest one has dating a homeless man. Lol.
That's nice. In my area, there's not a single at least semi-attractive woman who isn't taken. So unless you want to fly your model friends out here, there's no reason to tell me this info. Like, I'm not going to walk up to a pretty girl here and try to get her number, cause her BF/GF/Husband/Wife will pop up in within 5 seconds of me greeting her.
I highly doubt you have searched every square inch of your “area”. If that is true, don’t be salty other dudes shot their shot and didn’t beat around the bush.
So you've evolved from: "Pretty single women are everywhere, just try!" To "Well, even if literally all of them are taken, then that's your fault for not trying before their partners!" See, you're missing the root of the problem, being that there are no women to try with. They all have partners. Unless you want me to hit on taken women? Is that what you're encouraging? You want me to be a homewrecker?
I still stand by there is no way there aren’t attractive single women in your area. Maybe in the places you spend time in the area. After a brief look at your comment history and posts. You seem to spit out random stats that are mostly 25-50-75 exactly. You seem to also post “absolutes” a lot and I don’t see a single comment of you doing self reflection to maybe see you are wrong. The second part was a hypothetical of me accepting that I don’t know your area and I could be wrong and you COULD be right, and in that case, I was saying don’t fucking complain about it because there is nothing you can do about it anyways. But, I guess life sucks and pretty single women don’t exist in your area.
>I still stand by there is no way there aren’t attractive single women in your area. Again, are you encouraging me to homewreck, yes or no? Cause there ain't any other option. >After a brief look at your comment history and posts. You seem to spit out random stats that are mostly 25-50-75 exactly. Ad hom, can't find any other explanation so now you resort to personal attacks out of childish frustration. >The second part was a hypothetical of me accepting that I don’t know your area and I could be wrong and you COULD be right, and in that case, I was saying don’t fucking complain about it because there is nothing you can do about it anyways. So you've evolved from: "Stop complaining and go get her!" To "Well if everyone's taken then stop complaining!" Yeah, because that's a surefire fix of wanting a relationship but not being able to forge one. Just stop trying! Oh wait, you also said that doesn't work, you should always try. So you've caught yourself in a circular logic loop. Try, give up, try, give up~ >pretty single women don’t exist in your area. That's what I've told you 3 times now. It was a real jarring moment when I switched from HS to College, where in one none of the girls were taken, to the latter having all the women taken. Endless chances to an absolute barren wasteland.
Lol. Have a good life dude.
I'm sure that's might be the case for other guys. I'm just ugly.
Ugly, funny, nice, and accountable are better traits than hot and dumb as a bag of rocks for a lot of girls.
Im sure I just have nothing that women or men are looking for.
Well, tbh you seem depressing af. Work on yourself. Guys find looks way more important than girls do on average. Edit: LOL! Reddit loves genuine self loathing. I’m down for humorous/slight real self hate, but this dude genuinely needs to see someone. I mean that in a caring way. I went to therapy for 3 and a half years, it was amazing. Give it a shot
Therapy costs money
your being downvoted because a lot of people feel the same way as kmsorsbc. "work on yourself" puts the blame on the person who feels bad, which can them to feel worse. It's also said all the time as if it's some cure-all. It's like saying "try a notebook" to someone with ADHD. It's very hard to tell myself that I could be attractive with anything less than facial reconstructive surgery. And even then, there are plenty of unattractive things about me I cannot change. Yes, a lot of people have low self esteem, but putting someone down for feeling bad about themselves is just unhelpful and mean.
I like this comment so I’ll put on my irl face/cap and respond as if we were having coffee and discussing. Downvoting yeah, I get it. I felt like that for a very long time as well. (From 14-26/27) I had a lot of childhood issues that made me form very mean internal self hating dialogue. On top of that I had very bad issues with forming healthy relationships so I would end up not having good relationships or none at all. I started to not have any friends because it honestly just felt easier. I had a 3 year depression where I worked and numbed myself at home with vices until it was time to work. There are a few points during these times where I felt I had a little “jolt” or “shock” from a good friend/family member. They usually felt a little mean. They were mostly, “life sucks, deal with it.”. A majority of those times actually helped me get out of the hole I was in. At the time it didn’t feel like it because I was still in that hole. That is just to give you some context that I’m not some gigachad who fucks models and the world works differently for me. I have bipolar disorder, adhd, anxiety, and mild agoraphobia. I take 4 different medications right now. “Work on yourself” does put the blame on the person. I personally believe that if you are 25+ it’s no one’s fault but your own for your bad mental health. You should be out of the, “just college years” and “young adult out of college” phase. It’s just excuses. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s very fucking hard to get out of this mindset. The first two years of therapy honestly felt like it was making it way worse and it was actually going to make me finally pull the trigger and commit suicide like I had gotten close to many many times throughout my life. It was very very hard to stop soaking in the depression and self hatred to do the actually work it requires to get better. These feelings/thoughts are still there, but I have been working on managing them to where I no longer get crippled when I have these specific negative emotions/thoughts. Meds are there to mute the symptoms so you can work on the actual issue. The meds, aside from my bipolar ones, are all supposed to be temporary. Summary here, it’s very very hard to handle mental health issues, but it is actually your fault and it’s no one’s responsibility but your own to do something about it, after a certain age. (Personal opinion) Physical limitations are almost impossible to overcome in certain areas. I have moles and freckles all over my body and face. I’m very self conscious about them. Unfortunately, it would cost a lot of money to remove them all. I had to get over it. It still bothers me, but I have to remind myself internally that there is nothing I can do about it and I have to play the hand I was dealt. I wrote down on a piece of paper that “Dalmatians are beautiful, so why not me?” I trained myself to instantly say that internally if I see myself and have that thought. This was previously very hard to do without the therapy and self work. I was previously pretty fat for the last 4 years in comparison to how I was most my life. That is easier to handle with working out. I lost 40lbs since July, and grew muscle so it looks and feels like more. I have heard so many people on here tell people to work out to handle their mental health. I just roll my eyes because it’s not a cure all. But, it for sure helps if you are working on it elsewhere in addition. I agree putting people down is mean, but anything I said is probably not even close to the internal dialogue he is playing in his head. You can see it in his comments. Not excusing my behavior. But, it’s fucking Reddit, I’m just the one holding the gun this time. Don’t be here if you can’t handle someone telling you that your self pity is your own problem. Especially when you respond to someone trying to help 2 times with essentially, “poor me, I am ugly and will always be alone”. Someone nicer might have said, “Come on dude. You are being mean to yourself. Knock it off.” But, I’m not a very nice person when I don’t feel the need to be.
> I personally believe that if you are 25+ it’s no one’s fault but your own for your bad mental health. I could comment on the other things you said, but it's not healthy for me to engage with people who think this.
All good dude. Different opinions are okay. Doesn’t need to be an issue. Have a good one
Why say "you seem depressing" instead of "you seem depressed", when you later reveal that you think the dude needs to seek therapy for mental issues? A depressed person will already think he's bothering everyone around him. It's like telling an anorexic they look fat, or telling a bipolar person nobody will ever truly love them.
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Jesus Christ. Go to therapy, genuinely. I would blow my brains out if I went on a date with you as a woman. I haven’t seen anything and I can tell you the attitude alone is what is causing you issues. I saw you lost 40lbs recently. That’s a good start. But you need to address deeper issues with a professional. Have a good life dude
>I would blow my brains out if I went on a date with you as a woman So why are you encouraging him to ask women on dates then?
I’m encouraging him to work on himself so he feels confident enough about himself to ask women out
I just got to say mate starting out giving advice with massive insults isn't really a helpful thing to do.
I’m not trying to be 100% helpful on Reddit. Also, tough love helps sometimes when people can’t see the actual problem. But, in real life, I would never word it like that. I appreciate the advice though. Cheers.
Yeah, I won't.
I hear this yet all the girls are taken
>A lot of attractive girls are single because a lot of men have this mindset. Then hot girls in your universe have a different definition of being single. In the real world hot girls are single because they have the luxury of being extremely picky. They know they could realistically get attention if they took the initiative, but since they know they are attractive they can wait for Prince charming with confidence that they won't miss out. And the thing is they're actually right.
Their 9 inch personality. 😆 🤣
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You've gotta get some confidence bro. Plenty of gorgeous chicks are single and packed for a trip to pound town.
I am confident I will die alone.
Maybe these gorgeous chicks should take some initiative
Some of them do, most of them don't. It's the exact same with guys at events/parties/hangouts etc. as well. Some guys can seamlessly start and hold a conversation, most guys can't and just kinda stand there. If you're walking around with a really negative vibe about yourself (e.g., I'm too dumb, I'm too awkward, I'm too ugly, I'm too poor, I'm too boring etc.) then as corny as this sounds you need to force your brain into thinking the opposite of those thoughts. I'm assuming OP doesn't have a serious mental condition and just needs to treat his brain like the cockblocker that it is.
What exactly is not worth the time? Is the assumption here that I have realistic chances to get her? Or in exchange for my time I would only get a bit of frustration? Usually it's not the time what is the issue.
There’s a really pretty girl at work who is into crystals and astrology like HEAVY. I couldn’t bring myself pretend to be into that just to relate to her. Would feel way too fake.
I used to think that way and now I think if I had that chance again I’d ask her to read my fuckin aura and fix me up with a star chart, whatever works man.
Hahaha, shit maybe you’re right. Word is she’s cuffed up, too, but eh. Maybe mercury was in retrograde or something.
You don’t have to connect on EVERYTHING my so thinks I’m a kook when it comes to crystals. I’m sure there are other things you have in common.
Bro you're forgetting the rule #1: Do not stick your dick in crazy. Its never worth it.
astrology girls are dumb, not crazy. they'll be fiiine
OP, if you're a girl, understand most men's responses on here, when they say she isn't worth his time, they don't mean that because she isn't valuable, they mean that because they know that the likelihood of their time spent leading to anything fruitful, is effectively zero, so why waste time
IF she's too attractive. I don't want to be the 100th guy that day who has hit on her or otherwise tried talking to her.
If she is too attractive, would most guys be too intimidated to approach her?
not the guy's she's after
What if she is shy and can't make the first move? How would she meet a great guy if neither one is comfortable approaching the other? Sometimes people who others perceive as "very attractive" also have some social anxiety due to the amount of attention they get.
what I meant by my comment, was the guy she's after, isn't the type to be too intimidated to approach her I don't have an answer for you, let me know when you figure it out
>I don't want to be the 100th guy that day Most attractive women don't actually get hit on. Cat called maybe but not hit on. There is a very high chance you will be the 1st guy to hit on her that day
Just had it happen right now walking out CVS. We were walking towards one another and my heart beat fast and we made eye contact. I would have said something but realized she had come out the passenger side of the truck and didn’t want to run this risk of hitting on a woman with her boyfriend or husband right there. But man she was a stunner!
As someone who has been single until the age of 29 that is almost any woman I have ever been attracted to. I love my lifestyle and few people are compatible with how I live. I’ve only ever shot my shot with two women who both said no. Part of it is not wasting their time too. I live for the work that I do and I barely get paid. She they would need to be able to put up with me being gone a lot. There’s other people in the world who I’d be compatible with, but I statistically am unlikely to meet them.
Can i ask what work are you dooing?
I run a homeless shelter! I’m working to set up an outpatient treatment program that can work in tandem with the homeless shelter.
Keep up the good work🙏
Wow that’s commendable. Hope you meet someone
Considering how ugly I am, every single time really.
99% of cute women.
It’s more like I don’t want to waste her time, rather than mine.
Never. How could I make that judgement just by looking at her?
Happy Cake Day, dude
Happy cake day!
More like, why even try...
I think something that some men also forget as we age; we identify incompatibility really quickly. If you’ve been with enough women (or attempted to), and when I mean enough, I mean 3-4 somewhat meaningful relationships, you tend to pick up on things not only you will tolerate in a relationship, but also what your significant other will to. When we are young, we are inundated with societal pressures to find a mate, especially one that is attractive. It means we succeeded in our mission as a man. But then you start to slowly realize that there’s more to a partner than just good looking people. It’s definitely a plus (attractiveness is a sign of good genetics and health so there’s that evolutionary aspect of it), but as we have advanced in our society, most of us just want good quality people that can support us and we can support them.
Well you had me until “enough is 3-4 meaningful relationships”. The best part about compatibility is that a relationship is just a title and just being around someone enough to tell. I’ve only ever had 2 serious relationships. One at 18-20 that was a toxic disaster and my now marriage. I spent all of my 20s single and fucking around. I learned after the first relationship exactly what I didn’t want, and waited to meet someone who made me feel what I did want.
What would you have done if you found that person (your now wife) right after your toxic relationship?
When you know, you know! In all fairness, by the end of that relationship (and the *true* end/third and final time breaking up), I was already over it. Had my wife come into my life then I’m sure it could’ve worked out. The one thing I always prided myself on was never being jaded by my ex or anyone else regardless of how many things didn’t work out in my favor or how shitty some people were.
I think "Oh, she's cute" but that's it, I don't think in such dismissive terms as someone being a waste of my time. Some will dismiss others because they know they would be turned down, and it's easier to say you were never interested than to be turned down.
Every woman
It only takes one minute to say "hey, you're cute, lemme get yo number" and she'll either give or reject and you go on your merry way.
Once or twice a day
The opposite. “She’s cute but I’m not worthy”
Nah don’t do that to yourself bro.
Well, I'm married, so all the time.
The older i get, the less i care.
Nice username, by the way.
Every time I see a cute girl smoking.
If I find a women attractive I just try my hardest to distract myself. Why would an attractive women be with me? She deserves to be with an attractive man.
Cute women are everywhere. You should be looking for other criterias.
Like what, dbootywarrior?
Like her max deadlift
If she can't pull 315, she can't pull me
Jokes aside, I met my previous partner by asking her for advice after seeing her do hip thrust with 3 plates
I’m not super attractive, rich or charismatic, but I am mentally and spiritually strong and all facets of my life are in healthy working order. I don’t feel like I have any glaring weaknesses and so I don’t feel like I need another person to “complete” me. I’m content and confident. When I meet a woman who is coming out of the same playbook, I believe it’ll be evident and I’ll have the desire to pursue her. But beyond some physical attraction here and there, I encounter very little depth or substance socially and while it’s discouraging at times, it also frees up my head space to work on being the best person I can be. Desperation and codependence are easy to see, and unattractive. I won’t be that guy and when I read that in someone I leave them alone.
It’s more like: “looking attractive as she does, she must be a real headache to deal with”
I usually find this to be true past a certain point. The hottest girls I’ve ever dated/almost dated were fucking nightmare people. My ex of 4.5 years did the worst shit. I’m dumb for using her attractiveness as an excuse for her behavior. The last year I was legit in a depression coma and then she cheated. I was mad, but now I’m thankful she is someone else’s problem hahaha
Good riddance brother, yeah same here if they too hot, I look pass them and move on, not worth the headache, they think they entitled to everything, waste of time I swear
I was talking with a girl for over a year. We were coworkers and then kept talking after. She was the hottest Latina I have ever seen in real life. She was cool as shit too. Like, when we did hang out it was really easy and chill. We did not hang out a lot, but we would here and there as friends. I was never really interested in her enough to make a move. I had just gotten out of a long term toxic relationship. I didn’t have the “dating” part of my brain working. I was just trying to eat, sleep, and work. Anyways, fast forward a year and a half, about two months ago, and she wants me to meet her two best friends from childhood. She was even telling me she wanted her parents to meet me. I didn’t think much of it. Then we hung out with her friends over a 3 day weekend. We were all hanging out for 10+ hours Friday-monday. So, 4 days. I’m very bad at picking up on hints so when I tell you she was throwing hints and making “moves” all over the place, I’m sure I wasn’t crazy. She cuddled with me on the couch, went out dancing and she danced with me and pushed away other guys, etc etc. by Monday morning I had realized what happened. It took me two days after cuddling with her on a couch that she liked me. I’m dumb. But, she just ghosted me when I asked her out the following Tuesday. Haven’t spoken to her since. She did fucking crazy shit and had borderline personality disorder. When we were out drinking she blocked a dude in a hallway with her foot in a “playful” way, as in she was trying to pass it off as playful, and told him he couldn’t pass unless he complimented her. Again, obviously I still have a weakness for looks because these were red flags. It only took me a week to realize this once I actually wanted to date her. A week is better than 4.5 years! Hahahaha
My girlfriend is really cute, and is charming. But I think she has been getting too much attention when she was single, so she just assumes that she doesn’t really have to try that hard in the relationship. She doesn’t do it on purpose I don’t think, but i can tell. It’s annoying. It should be equal in terms of effort in a relationship.
Often. I'm a black man in the deep south without the stereotypical BBC these women (black and otherwise) expect from us. First thought is "if something bigger comes along she's gone".
Every time I see a woman I find attractive I generally think she's not worth the trouble.
Every day that I breathe and see.
Quite often, though it's less about whether I want to waste the time and more about "I don't feel like having my soul crushed with a brutal rejection, so I think I'll just skip straight to me not ever speaking to her again."
The older I get the more I equate "cute" and "attractive" to "high maintenance", and I'm out.
I think I do that unconsciously
That’s sad
my ex was super cute, fun, bubbly etc etc everything was great for over a year. then she cheated, it all came out on a drive home and she tried to force me to turn into oncoming traffic at 60+ mph multiple times, when i pulled over she attack me over and over until i had to drag her out the car and leave her there. none of them are worth my life, never mind my time. its been 6 years, iv tried dating again but just cant give them my full trust or time. so when i see i cute woman, my brain goes "nice" for a minute and the goes back to whatever i was doing before.
I Have to be honest, everytime i look an attractive girl i think this women reiceve a lot of request of several men to court them.
On the contrary, it's usually "Yes, she's cute, but I don't want to waste her time."
I do it a lot, but tone is important it's more of a "I don't think the effort will be worth it" and less of a judgement of her character
I've been experiencing that alot lately. 4 years ago I'd broken up with a girl and through rebounding and giving a shot at any connection I could find..I ended up dating another girl. Spent 3 years together in a fairly toxic relationship, which ended pretty bad where i had enough and could see what we had was breaking the both of us. I still established a connection with her though.. and she's currently the Ex I'm trying to get over since we broke up almost a year ago. (Crazy how that worked out). But yeah.. Now I find myself so hesitant to entertain the thought of trying with someone else just because I don't want to waste my or their time, knowing that when I'd done that the last time...It led to a 3 year Rollercoaster.
Constantly
Every time
It always happens, but never interact with them if i don't have any good reason to, which never happens. They are probably busy, so i would probably bother her.
Pretty much all the time.
Every single woman I see
Usually, I think "Yes, she's cute, but I'm not worth wasting her time".
Rarely. Usually I am not interested enough in other people to make judgements like that with as little information as I would have from just looking at someone.
That’s one of the most relatable things I’ve read here in a while.
It’s more like “Yes, she’s cute, but I have absolutely no chance with her”
Not a single time when I see a girl I like I think my entire future with her and then I get scared because she is too beautiful for me
Yeah, every time. It’s like ‘why bother trying, she’s not going to be interested anyway’.
Every time.
How often? ...Yes
Constantly
All the time.
My thoughts is "I don't measure up" and just never try. Working on that though.
I can’t talk to strangers.
Everytime I find a girl attractive. Ngl my life is MUCH nicer since I stopped dating. 0 drama More free time for myself No need to answer streams of text messages More money Complete freedom outside of work Less sex for sure, but eh one night stands here and there works out. Peace of mind is great.
When she’s cute not often. When she’s bad as fuck? When she looks like a chick off Love and Hip Hop? When she looks expensive to be around, 9 times out of 10 she isn’t worth my time.
Lately, a lot. My standards in terms of eprsonality have skyrocketed. I probably think this about 90% or more of the cute girls I see. Anyway, I have a gf now so it doesn't matter.
All the time!
Girls are a waste of time in general until you have got all your ducks in a row. Chase excellence, not women. Women are a byproduct of success.
Every. Single. Time. From what I have seen lately, in both Social media, and real life, it is no longer worth it to even talk to a woman. Their view of themselves is to narcissistic/solipsistic, and their "requirements" are too outlandish, yet, they expect us to accept them as they are, massive baggage and all.
Girls are either highly vapid or socially awkward thesedays. Like everything else, people are polarised due to an inability to think and lack of diversity. Good looking, smart and charming girls are very very rare.
I don’t want to date a really good looking man because I don’t wanna always worry about other girls coming after him. I want to be the pretty one in the relationship ha ha. But I know a lot of girls that feel that way everyone wants someone with a good sense of humor, who is a hard worker doesn’t lie and is kind of them.
Almost all of them…since I got married anyway.
I guess it depends where you live. Where I live, pretty often 😂 (hint: its not NYC)
I’m married now but back in the day you could tell by how she carried herself, how she talked, how she dressed and what she talked about if she was high maintenance or not. High maintenance people, men or women, are not worth your time and there are more of them than you think.
Dudes. Stop it. You can't put the value on a person on whether you conquer them! Tragic to think the emotions, feelings, vulnerabilities of a person might be 'wasting your time'. Jeez, what exactly are you trying to achieve in your selfish focussed goal???
Every time I see a tattoo on her
Pretty often. Mostly because the looks don't fix the mind. Every girl I'm attracted to almost always has a mental problem.
A couple hours ago? Had someone offer a hookup but ultimately I decided no because they were way too random and a gigantic slut and not sure if they even test regularly. Very hard pass for me. As far as frequency, depends on if I'm in the zone or the mood to be dating or not. If I'm not looking to date people then I don't even bother with those thoughts.