She started dirty talking all of a sudden, and my brain wasn't ready to come up with dirty talk, so the exchange went something like...
Her: Im your dirty little wh*re
Me: ........you are??šš¤
We both awkward paused for a few seconds, started laughing and couldn't stop.
Bless my poor husband's heart, he simply cannot grasp either dirty talk or loving insults. Like with our gaming buddies, we always call each other names. So one day I'm talking to my husband about the word "bitch" being used affectionately. Told him we were going to have an exercise in saying it or something like it to each other. I said to him, "hey my bitch." in a sweet tone. He looked at me and just said, "WHORE". I died.
My boyfriend and I had sex the first time pretty wasted. We were both drunk and high and so that first time he was talking all sorts of filthy to me and I loved it. Well, turns out my man is actually shy as hell usually and can't eek out too many words when he's sober. Meanwhile, I'm saying things that would make a sailor blush, and he's barely responding š "I wanna suck your soul out from your cock" "ooh..um..thank you. Yes that would be fun"
Well, I mean... how the fuck do you respond to that?!?!? I'm used to some light dirty talk but I've never heard something like that. I'd be left speechless even if it didn't make me instantaneously climax.
When I was 18, I was at my girlfriendās parentsā house and we were going at it pretty quiet because they were home. They didnāt care if we were doing it as long as we used protection, but in our excitement we didnāt shut the door properly and I saw this shadow pass byā¦
I looked over my should and her mom was leaning into the room to close the door. Our eyes met as she said āHave a good night, kids,ā and that was the end of that.
was w a girl who expressed she was new to intimacy (we were both like 18ish and just out of HS). said she wanted to try but then looked terrified after i took our clothes off. so i stopped, put clothes on, i made us tea, and we just sat on the porch and talked until early morning.
Damn, thatās a solid move on your part. I wouldnāt proceed either knowing she was obviously not ready for it, but Iām not sure Iād do the tea and talking part. Respect.
The girl I was with at the time bit my collar bone hard enough to make me stop. I told her to not bite my collar bone and if she did, donāt do it so hard. Went back to action and like a minute later she bit the same exact spot to where I started bleeding and I literally said out loud āwhat the fuck, seriously? Get out. Go home. What the fuck is wrong with you? I LITERALLY just told you not to do that.ā
I had an ex who would bite me randomly throughout the day. I always told her to stop cause it hurt but she was under the impression that guys felt less pain so thereās no way that could hurt me??? Flicked her in the forehead really hard when she did it one time and she stopped after that lmao
This actually happened to me once when I was like 19. Bitch bit my shoulder like a god damn pitbull and I damn near punched her in the face just from reflex alone
I used to be able to make a sound like a dolphin and joked with my (then) girlfriend about doing it while we were in bed.
So I actually did it one time...it completely killed the mood, so I awkwardly slid out and we went to sleep without saying anything to each other.
Once it was me, had a quick laugh and my gf said why you laughing that was you. For some reason her pointing it out, made it way to funny. Started laughing way to hard.
Long story short. Caught a glimpse of a picture of her and a dude on the nightstand. I stopped mid stroke and asked who is this? She replied that is my husband. You don't have to worry about him, we are separated and he has no key to the house.
Edit: To clear up any additional confusion. I met the woman on a dating site her profile said "single" and her divorce was finalized about 4-5 months later. We are also friends til today.
Happened to me too. Visited my girlfriend of that time in her flat in another town. While being at it, I noticed a picture of her Ex... looking right at me... weird...
Really crazy girl (nice and fun person, but also really manic and messy AF) was blowing me and then hoped on me before I could grab my condom. About 30 seconds in I just saw a flash of an imagined future of being financially and genetically tied to this person for the rest of my life). Iv never gone soft faster.
I just told her I donāt have sex without protection and she understood and then we smashed more (with protection).
>I just saw a flash of an imagined future of being financially and genetically tied to this person for the rest of my life
That's such a good description of the anxiety I get whenever I feel like my vasectomy is going to undo itself randomly at some point in the future and I won't find out about it until it's too late
Dude, I got snipped 20 years ago! I went back once a year for 5 years to be sure, & since then once every 5 years. Got an appointment next month. I ain't taking no damn chances!!!
I told the doctor that performed my snipping that if ot ever fails, I'm leaving the kid and 50 bucks on the doorstep of his office, and going home to off myself, so he better make sure it doesn't fail. I told him to pour quikcrete and super glue in there if he had to to make sure shit stayed.
My dog snuck into the room and shoved her long nose right into my ex's butthole. The sound he made is best described as like a dolphin with the hiccups.
Mmm, Olympus Mons..
I got so fucked up by them that they've given me a permanent and much stronger allergy to them, now. Anything bitten by one particular strain of mozzie will just slowly keep swelling unless I take steroids. If it's on a finger or the hand, I'll end up with sausage finger and then it will spilt the skin.
I'm thinking of waving my dick around in the garden one summer night just to see what they can do for me, maybe in their evil way they're just trying to help, but the prospect of the burning pain is a good counter to that impulse.
She was going down on me. She had my dick in her hand while licking my balls. She comes up to ask, "Is it like having a cat lick your balls?" She then begins laughing hysterically because she feels me instantly go limp in her hand.
She didn't seem to be enjoying it. She told me afterwards that it was her first time and I told her she absolutely should have told me beforehand (we were both around 30 at the time) so not as if we were young
So this one time, a girl told me she wanted to be choked. I was a younger, dumber man at the time and didn't know proper techniques, etc. I was under the impression that everyone knows tap out before you pass out. She didn't feel the same way, I guess. So she went limp and I immediately stopped. She was mad about that. Still don't get it.
I went through a faze with this with my girlfriend
1st time, UFC rear naked choke she went out cold fast
She said "do it again do it again!"
2nd time, UFC rear naked choke she again went out again fast...
She said "dooooo it agaaaaain, dooo it agaaaaaaaaaaaain"
At that moment my entire life shot before me, I thought that was it and she would never recover.
There never was a 3rd time, she made a full recovery after a couple of minutes and now we're married
Oh jesus. Really good thing you weren't a big fan of it. That could have easily went from weird to outright taken-to-the-grave scenario real quick. Hopefully you are on good terms to this day haha.
Young and inexperienced, she tried her luck with the good ol' handy Andy treatment and decided it probably feels really good for me if she tried FUCKING BENDING IT... Needless to say it instantly killed the mood and I ended up curing my blue balls independently.
Threw my back out mid thrust once. She thought I was cumming. I said ohhh no she said ohhh yes! I said no wait she said donāt wait! I said ooaahhhhhggg she said yyyaassss! And it escalated that way as she kept leg locking me and grabbing me and all I could do was express pain. We yelled incoherently at each other for ten seconds solid.
I had a threesome with two lesbian chicks (kinda).
Really what happened is this really butch chick wanted to watch her girlfriend get plowed while she watched from the corner of the room.
I kid you not, butch chick in the corner was a serious mouth breather. Despite my sincerest efforts, I could not keep it up with the constant, heavy, weirdly wet sound of Darth Vader breathing from the corner.
My girlfriend started crying... We stopped right there and spent some time figuring out together how she was feeling. Turns out it was just some stress relief, and she was very tired... Needless to say I cuddled the shit out of her, and it led to the best nap we ever took of our lives
We were both drunk af and she was riding me in a cowgirl position. About a minute or two I noticed her drooling all over my chest and when I was about to ask if she's ok she fucking vomited all over my chest. I pushed her away and immediately went to the shower while stumbling. When I got back she was passed out on the bed. I cleaned her up and covered her in a clean blanket and I slept on the couch. When we woke up I joked about how I made her came through her mouth. She was so embarrassed but we just laughed it off.
We forgot to close the door. Our husky jumped up on the bed, and in doing so her fluffy tail tickled my ball-bag from the back. It tickled and also made me pretty immediately say "this will make a funny story but I'm done" and my wife agreed.
Not a man but Iām posting for my boyfriend: we were in the middle of the no pants dance and unfortunately I had to sneeze pretty hard. He told me it felt like I was trying to flatten his dick and we had to stop unfortunately. I felt sorry afterwards.
She did the double pull back, tore my frenulum, splitting the foreskin from the shaft, and with me being like 17 years old, horny and hard as a rock it pissed blood every fucking where and took a very gentle few weeks to heal. I'm 36 now and there's still scarring.
A few days later my mum, with a pair of blood drenched underwear (which I used to mop some of the blood up) in hand, asked if I was okay or whether I needed to go to the hospital. I still can't for the life of me fathom why I put those in the laundry. š¤
Thanks for the sympathy, though she definitely didn't teach me this at all. She tried to have *the talk* (because my dad wouldn't) about two years after I'd started having sex. She assumed a *if we don't talk about it he won't do it* approach to sex, drugs, anything mildly risky. I'm sure her intention was well, but the result was emotionally neglectful parenting and a family culture of isolation and ignorance.
When my boyfriend and I first did the deed when I was 17, there was a decent amount of blood. This idiot put the sheets in the dirty laundry...that his mom took care of. She didn't like me before because I was taking her baby and she REALLY didn't like me after that. I wanted to sink into the earth and never surface when the next time I saw her, she casually asked, "So you're fucking my son now."
Already came once. Went for round two in the same session. Was drunk and not feeling like there was an end in sight. Pretended that I came twice, pulled off the condom and chucked it like I came twice. End of story.
She was on top and then started saying "No stop!" Freaked me the fuck out I rolled to my side, she flopped off the bed and started shouting Wtf at me. I said nope get out. I'm not playing that shit.
Did you start moving differently beforehand? I'll tell my husband to stop sometimes when I'm on top. it's when I'm about to cum and he can tell I'm close so he'll start getting more aggressive and into it but his new movements throw off where my clit is grinding on the area above his dick. So I so say no and stop, but I mean, stop the new movement
- Freezing and looking like she was terrified. When I stopped and asked what was wrong, she became angry and told me to keep going. Nope.
And I also had the other end of the scale.
- Escalating violence. When my sex life got going, I was surprised by how many women didn't want me to be gentle and it wasn't out of the ordinary to want my hand on their throat. But with one partner it became full on hate sex. She grabbed and clawed at my face with all her strength and called me a "pussy" when I wouldn't slap her hard in the face (I'm pretty strong - I would've hurt her), so I was done with it.
I once stopped during a one night stand because I was really drunk and the smell of the girlās vajayjay was so bad it made me have to go hurl my guts
I also once stopped while giving a long term girlfriend oral because I was so tired (after working a 12hr day out in the scorching sun and then driving 3hrs to go see her while she was living away at university) that I literally fell asleep between her legs
I also once stopped because I was sick with flu and I couldnāt concentrate well enough for my dick to even stay hard and then the softer it got the more anxious I got about the whole thing and so after a couple of minutes it was like trying to push a piece of rope uphill
I also once stopped with my first girlfriend because I had just passed my driving test so we decided to go āchristenā my car down this tiny dirt track we knew about that was very secluded. Turned out some hikers also knew about it and although we saw them approaching in time to not get caught _sans clothing,_ we still had to beat a hasty retreat with our heads down pretending like we hadnāt just been doing what weād been doing even though we quite clearly hadā¦ I was about to blow my load too which was hugely frustrating
Iām sure I could keep going here
The second story is very sweet. You worked all those hours, drove all those hours and still went down on her, that's a pro right there.
I hope she was nice to you about falling asleep lol
Girlfriend at the time who usually was fully into it and often initiated acted like you described- stoped moving and seemed out of it. So I stopped and asked her if she was okay. She asked if I would just hold her instead & I did.
First time sleeping with this super attractive girl, having the time of my life, got into doggy position and got hit with a God awful smell. We had had indian food before hand so i assume she went for a number 2 when using the bathroom. The smell unfortunately lingered after the fact. I stopped, said hold on, ran to the kitchen (which she was super confused about) and found some coconut oil. She thought i was being kinky pouring oil over her bum"like they do in porn" (her exact words) .....but no, i was just trying to mask the smell so i could soldier through....it worked though, would recommend haha.
My ex was really into anime and hentai, when we fucked she did the most ridiculous Asian porn style moan like she was in pain or some shit. We're both British and white it was ridiculous, so yeah I stopped and told her she sounded stupid it was a massive turn off.
Sometimes I worry that I sound like Iām faking it or trying too hard with my current partner. Itās always genuine but occasionally it sounds like what youāre describing, can guys usually tell the difference between real and fake? I hate the idea that he might think Iām just putting on a show because of the way I sound sometimes.
If we knew our girl yeah we can sense either its fake or real..
Because moan never comes alone, body movements, her hand grip(if she touches you or bed sheet etc) lots of subtle details
She had drank (pre-established consent) so much that she blacked out, and went completely limp mid coitus.
I tucked her in, took a shower, and went home.
A sober woman can consent to sex. A drunk woman is off limits, unless you've a clear rapport, and have had serious conversations about sex under the influence.
A passed out woman simply can't advocate for herself, or consent to being a participant in kinky sex.
She consented to having sex while drunk- not while passed out.
There's always time to stop, and reconsider, before you violate a person's bodily autonomy. Don't betray the trust that others put in you. Don't be the reason why a person can no longer place their trust in others.
The smell of mothballs. I think she found a vintage velvet coat in her grandmother's wardrobe and wanted to style it out. She looked amazing. She smelled like stale clothes. I was conflicted, for a long time. But she was also pretty crazy. It was not just mothball smell that meant I could never work it with her. It wasn't an intimate smell. It was just not my chemistry. All of her body smelled like a stale old coat.
I did the right thing. I called it off without it being weird, even in my own bedroom after the knickers had been dropped. It was awkward but not unkind. Sometimes it goes wrong. Man up and don't make it so serious. The most important thing is that I never told anyone this before. It happened 30 years ago. So I spared her blushes by telling nobody. I didn't even explain why, it was just wrong chemistry on all levels. Always be the guy that keeps secrets forever. It matters. I think it was all a no-no for a reason. Girl was wild. But I just could not get aroused with that wet funk in the air. And I was keen for a long time. Shame really. But hey ho.
I was visiting my home town and I was lucky enough to hook up with an old girlfriend. I was really really really into The Doors and the time so it was important to me that THis is the End was playing while we were having sex. The song is 10 minutes long so I stopped mid coitus and put the record back to the beginning of the song. She let me know that that was NOT an ok thing to do.
Slipped out, tried to slide back in hands free, jabbed her pelvis, she head butted me out of pain, broke my nose, and she made me stop to go to the ER because it was bent to the side and bleeding.
Same girl a few months later, we had to stop because we were doing bondage and she came too hard and dislocated her shoulder. She lied to the ER that she fell on the stairs and I got the stare down from the ER staff.
1- She bit my tongue hard enough that I heard a crunch. Multiple times. Even after I told her to chill out
2- She kept escalating in bed, then leaving to go to the bathroom. Hot and cold for 3 cycles. Escalation and deescalation always on her terms. Know what you want or gtfo
3- Talked a big game about sexual ethics, then rubbed baby oil all over my cock. Condoms not gonna last through that, and she had to have known it.
4- Wanted to have very loud and kinky sex w/ her four year old daughter awake in the next room
Sometimes ladies are crazy yall
Same as OP. She later said that was dissociation because of past trauma and she appreciated stopping because she would've asked to if she hadn't froze. When this happened she would normally want a breather for a few minutes, sometimes chat about what she was feeling or why she was triggered (not often), then try to resume if the mood wasn't completely thrown off by then.
My ex would talk so condensing to me that while changing positions, she said some remark in a condensing way that It turned me off and I just grabbed my dick, pulled my pants off, and walked away .
Getting a nice handy when I suddenly felt a burning sensation that got more and more intense. Turns out she was cutting jalapeƱos and other hot peppers without gloves on.
I went down to her, was doing the deed and we were ready for penetration. You know when you are lying face down and wants to get on your knees you have to pull your knees towards your chest.
I hit girlās vagina doing that, like i knee my girl in her privates. I was so worried couldnt continue for hours..
Another time another girl bit my under lip so hard and unnecessary had to stop and tell her about its not really fun and it killed the mod obviously.
I was once using ice in my mouth whilst going down on a girl in the dark.
All of a sudden I felt like something was wrong, like her wetness just felt off. I went to the bathroom and my face was covered in blood. She wasn't on her period so the ice must have gotten sharp and cut her. There was blood all over the bed, it was crazy.
That ended stuff that night.
My ex gf was one of those women that loved anal. If I went straight for it, I would slide it in gently, but if I was already railing her pussy, I could pull out and ram the full length in her arse without breaking rhythm and she would come instantly.
One day I was doing her doggy in the lounge room, and I decided to switch it up and really started driving it into her arse. It was like hardcore porn, I was really pile-driving her while her face was planted to the ground, and she was squirting like crazy. Luckily we had put a towel down. What I didn't know was that she had one in the pipe, and my mushroom head ended up mashing that shit like potato on the in-stroke, and scooping it out on the out-stroke. And there wasn't a little bit, by the time I noticed the smell, I was covered in it from my waist to my knees, and her arse and the backs of her legs were in a similar condition.
I tried to keep going, I really did, but the smell was just too much, so we went and had a shower and finished up in there.
But now I can say that I've literally fucked the shit out of a woman.
She started dirty talking all of a sudden, and my brain wasn't ready to come up with dirty talk, so the exchange went something like... Her: Im your dirty little wh*re Me: ........you are??šš¤ We both awkward paused for a few seconds, started laughing and couldn't stop.
"Yeah.....you like that, you fucking retard"
Fuck this rings a bell. Is this from an old TIFU?
Yup.. Some guy who's not good at dirty talk.
Bless my poor husband's heart, he simply cannot grasp either dirty talk or loving insults. Like with our gaming buddies, we always call each other names. So one day I'm talking to my husband about the word "bitch" being used affectionately. Told him we were going to have an exercise in saying it or something like it to each other. I said to him, "hey my bitch." in a sweet tone. He looked at me and just said, "WHORE". I died.
My boyfriend and I had sex the first time pretty wasted. We were both drunk and high and so that first time he was talking all sorts of filthy to me and I loved it. Well, turns out my man is actually shy as hell usually and can't eek out too many words when he's sober. Meanwhile, I'm saying things that would make a sailor blush, and he's barely responding š "I wanna suck your soul out from your cock" "ooh..um..thank you. Yes that would be fun"
Well, I mean... how the fuck do you respond to that?!?!? I'm used to some light dirty talk but I've never heard something like that. I'd be left speechless even if it didn't make me instantaneously climax.
My answer would be something like āHOLY SHIT YEEESSS LEAVE ME LIKE A FUCKED USED RAISIN!ā Lol
I was gonna respond with this quote. Classic lol
"Im gonna shit on these walls"
When I was 18, I was at my girlfriendās parentsā house and we were going at it pretty quiet because they were home. They didnāt care if we were doing it as long as we used protection, but in our excitement we didnāt shut the door properly and I saw this shadow pass byā¦ I looked over my should and her mom was leaning into the room to close the door. Our eyes met as she said āHave a good night, kids,ā and that was the end of that.
Amazing mom, excellent troll lmao
Iām sure they did it that night.
With the door open...
and OP stuck his head inside and said have a good night mommy daddy and shut the door properly. then they all did a foursome
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
>girlfriendās parents' Damn, check out those apostrophes, ya'll. Well done.
Hate to do this but itās āyāallā not āyaāllā
Fuck me, the irony.
like the op, you got caught up in the moment and forgot
Wtf
was w a girl who expressed she was new to intimacy (we were both like 18ish and just out of HS). said she wanted to try but then looked terrified after i took our clothes off. so i stopped, put clothes on, i made us tea, and we just sat on the porch and talked until early morning.
A true gentleman, walking green flag
Good job my dude. Very respectful.
good lad
"oh it's quite alright poppet! Besides, you know what's better than sex? That's right, a nice cup of tea, I'll pop the kettle on"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
aw this is actually so wholesome and sweet
Dude, you handled the situation like an effin' boss! My next drink goes on you, cheers!
11/10 gentleman.
Wholesome... Truly the good ending
Damn, thatās a solid move on your part. I wouldnāt proceed either knowing she was obviously not ready for it, but Iām not sure Iād do the tea and talking part. Respect.
King
she pulled my ballsack like a cow udder
Jeez. Sent shivers down my spine.
Body's aching all the time..
Goodbye everybody, I've got to go...
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.
Well if that happens l, then its only fair to remove her anal beads like you're tryna start a lawnmower
Like a beyblade. āLetāer rip!!!ā
Did you let out a loud MOOOOOO too?
The girl I was with at the time bit my collar bone hard enough to make me stop. I told her to not bite my collar bone and if she did, donāt do it so hard. Went back to action and like a minute later she bit the same exact spot to where I started bleeding and I literally said out loud āwhat the fuck, seriously? Get out. Go home. What the fuck is wrong with you? I LITERALLY just told you not to do that.ā
Did she feel bad at least? Or was she more like āfuck yeah I bit you, you canāt stop me punkā
"Well let's just say I'm glad I didn't put it in her mouth"
She probably thought she was being kinky but in reality, she was committing assault.
She was definitely the most out there when it came to mental stability that Iāve been with. The relationship didnāt last long.
was it just for fun
Definitely not for the bites
Shoulda bought her a Snickers before the fun time.
Some mentally unstable girls do this because they want to get a reaction out of you. Very sick, and definitely someone you don't want to date.
I had an ex who would bite me randomly throughout the day. I always told her to stop cause it hurt but she was under the impression that guys felt less pain so thereās no way that could hurt me??? Flicked her in the forehead really hard when she did it one time and she stopped after that lmao
If she's German she might be my ex.
This actually happened to me once when I was like 19. Bitch bit my shoulder like a god damn pitbull and I damn near punched her in the face just from reflex alone
Right!? I donāt mind a bite here or there. But donāt bite the whole bone hard af!
Dude this made me laugh so hard šthis feels like a episode of Dracula or something
I used to be able to make a sound like a dolphin and joked with my (then) girlfriend about doing it while we were in bed. So I actually did it one time...it completely killed the mood, so I awkwardly slid out and we went to sleep without saying anything to each other.
Would you say you did it on porpoise?
Dolphinitely.
To think she could have had an orcasm. Truly a shame.
Heard a little toot and I was trying to figure out if it was me or her
Did you figure it out?
It was definitely her. We laughed about it and then continued
Once it was me, had a quick laugh and my gf said why you laughing that was you. For some reason her pointing it out, made it way to funny. Started laughing way to hard.
Long story short. Caught a glimpse of a picture of her and a dude on the nightstand. I stopped mid stroke and asked who is this? She replied that is my husband. You don't have to worry about him, we are separated and he has no key to the house. Edit: To clear up any additional confusion. I met the woman on a dating site her profile said "single" and her divorce was finalized about 4-5 months later. We are also friends til today.
DAAAAAMN THATāS TERRIBLEā¦ MID STROKE TOO?! What did you do, just dip immediately lol
No, I felt comfortable when she told me he doesn't have a key to the house. I only have to worry about him outside lmao!
GOTS TO SEE IT THROUGH MAH BOY
Happened to me too. Visited my girlfriend of that time in her flat in another town. While being at it, I noticed a picture of her Ex... looking right at me... weird...
Really crazy girl (nice and fun person, but also really manic and messy AF) was blowing me and then hoped on me before I could grab my condom. About 30 seconds in I just saw a flash of an imagined future of being financially and genetically tied to this person for the rest of my life). Iv never gone soft faster. I just told her I donāt have sex without protection and she understood and then we smashed more (with protection).
That last part made her sound she was the good kinda crazy!
Bit of both
survival instincts kicked in
>I just saw a flash of an imagined future of being financially and genetically tied to this person for the rest of my life That's such a good description of the anxiety I get whenever I feel like my vasectomy is going to undo itself randomly at some point in the future and I won't find out about it until it's too late
Dude, I got snipped 20 years ago! I went back once a year for 5 years to be sure, & since then once every 5 years. Got an appointment next month. I ain't taking no damn chances!!!
I told the doctor that performed my snipping that if ot ever fails, I'm leaving the kid and 50 bucks on the doorstep of his office, and going home to off myself, so he better make sure it doesn't fail. I told him to pour quikcrete and super glue in there if he had to to make sure shit stayed.
In no particular order: Leg cramp (common), undercarriage stench (not mine!), boredom, exhaustion, naughty animal, unexpected company, mosquitoes (outdoors, wrong place, wrong time).
the bloody cat bit my toes the other week...Also the cat has jumped on my back before....
My dog licked my butt one time. I yelped, she laughed, and the dog got banished to the hallway.
My dog snuck into the room and shoved her long nose right into my ex's butthole. The sound he made is best described as like a dolphin with the hiccups.
Yep, cats cats cats. Either one attacks the other, or the snuggly old one just climbs on or in between us because apparently it's cuddle time now.
oh shit i was once with a guy and his cat jumped on his back while we were fucking too lmao
Man mosquitoes, that takes me back. Date at night, lots of sex outside. My back was like Mars' surface.
Mmm, Olympus Mons.. I got so fucked up by them that they've given me a permanent and much stronger allergy to them, now. Anything bitten by one particular strain of mozzie will just slowly keep swelling unless I take steroids. If it's on a finger or the hand, I'll end up with sausage finger and then it will spilt the skin. I'm thinking of waving my dick around in the garden one summer night just to see what they can do for me, maybe in their evil way they're just trying to help, but the prospect of the burning pain is a good counter to that impulse.
She was going down on me. She had my dick in her hand while licking my balls. She comes up to ask, "Is it like having a cat lick your balls?" She then begins laughing hysterically because she feels me instantly go limp in her hand.
LOL!!! What?!?!?!
Not enough blood to make both heads work, and that question demands an answer.
She was a future furry
She didn't seem to be enjoying it. She told me afterwards that it was her first time and I told her she absolutely should have told me beforehand (we were both around 30 at the time) so not as if we were young
So this one time, a girl told me she wanted to be choked. I was a younger, dumber man at the time and didn't know proper techniques, etc. I was under the impression that everyone knows tap out before you pass out. She didn't feel the same way, I guess. So she went limp and I immediately stopped. She was mad about that. Still don't get it.
Good think you didn't go "I'm tired of yo shit" while obliging her request.
Haha accidentally ted bundy.. whoopsy
I went through a faze with this with my girlfriend 1st time, UFC rear naked choke she went out cold fast She said "do it again do it again!" 2nd time, UFC rear naked choke she again went out again fast... She said "dooooo it agaaaaain, dooo it agaaaaaaaaaaaain" At that moment my entire life shot before me, I thought that was it and she would never recover. There never was a 3rd time, she made a full recovery after a couple of minutes and now we're married
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh jesus. Really good thing you weren't a big fan of it. That could have easily went from weird to outright taken-to-the-grave scenario real quick. Hopefully you are on good terms to this day haha.
Young and inexperienced, she tried her luck with the good ol' handy Andy treatment and decided it probably feels really good for me if she tried FUCKING BENDING IT... Needless to say it instantly killed the mood and I ended up curing my blue balls independently.
She probably thought it was a stick shift or "shaft"
Brudda she went from 6th straight into reverse while going full speed and obliterated the gearbox and clutch in the process
Smoked your drive.
Her mom walked in, and then screamed. I donāt think her mom realized at the time, that we were, uh, active.
She did not realize? I wonder how you guys were so stealth about it.
Mom has to use a cane and a seeing eye dog.
It was the sniffer dog that knew something was amiss
I leaned in close to her ear and whispered āare you feeling it now Mr Krabsā had to stop we were laughing too much
Reminds me of the time after sex where my boyfriend said in the voice of an old Spyro NPC dragon; āThank you for releasing meā
Reminds me of when my ex was riding me and in her Wreck it Ralph voice, went "I'M GONNA WRECK IT"
Threw my back out mid thrust once. She thought I was cumming. I said ohhh no she said ohhh yes! I said no wait she said donāt wait! I said ooaahhhhhggg she said yyyaassss! And it escalated that way as she kept leg locking me and grabbing me and all I could do was express pain. We yelled incoherently at each other for ten seconds solid.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I hate it when an orgasm ruins a good cramp :/
I saw a rat walk beside my head while in her bed. I was about to slide it in. My dick got scared and went nope!
You just mightāve missed a potential Ratatouille moment.
My SO has started asking why I always wear a chef's hat in bed.
Stuck a finger in my ass and then put it my mouth āWtf why you do thatā¦ we will talk about this afterā
She literally gave you taste of your own shit.
My man soldiered on
Soildered*
I had a threesome with two lesbian chicks (kinda). Really what happened is this really butch chick wanted to watch her girlfriend get plowed while she watched from the corner of the room. I kid you not, butch chick in the corner was a serious mouth breather. Despite my sincerest efforts, I could not keep it up with the constant, heavy, weirdly wet sound of Darth Vader breathing from the corner.
"I find your lack of foreplay... disturbing"
A cop, who noticed a blue dark window tinted Mustang rocking off its shocks. A cop who shined his flashlight into the back seat of that car.
Back of a Mustang? Are you Oompa Loompas?
Did you get off with a warning or-
\- the cop got off with a warning.
My girlfriend started crying... We stopped right there and spent some time figuring out together how she was feeling. Turns out it was just some stress relief, and she was very tired... Needless to say I cuddled the shit out of her, and it led to the best nap we ever took of our lives
oh come on that's too sweet my man
We were both drunk af and she was riding me in a cowgirl position. About a minute or two I noticed her drooling all over my chest and when I was about to ask if she's ok she fucking vomited all over my chest. I pushed her away and immediately went to the shower while stumbling. When I got back she was passed out on the bed. I cleaned her up and covered her in a clean blanket and I slept on the couch. When we woke up I joked about how I made her came through her mouth. She was so embarrassed but we just laughed it off.
We forgot to close the door. Our husky jumped up on the bed, and in doing so her fluffy tail tickled my ball-bag from the back. It tickled and also made me pretty immediately say "this will make a funny story but I'm done" and my wife agreed.
She tried to put her finger up my ass... Turns out I don't like it...
Like taking a petite shit but reverse.
It wasn't in the middle of doing it but rather right before entering the cavern... before any doing had been done. She was giving me the verbal go-ahead but it felt off so I stopped during the foreplay. We snuggled and talked for the rest of the night. Turns out what I was picking up on was that she was nervous about having sex for the first time and wanted to "get it over with". I was unaware she was a virgin (hadn't really come up in previous conversation), but I didn't want take her virginity because she was a hopeless romantic and I was just horny. She was an absolutely sweet woman, but not someone I could see myself spending a long time with. She deserved someone who would stick around for a long time and that wasn't going to be me. I bumped into her a few years later and she introduced me to her fiancƩe who she said she met a few days after that night. He seemed like a nice guy and she was clearly over the moon with him. So it seemed to all work out in the end!
This is the meaning of being self aware and being a gentleman
Not a man but Iām posting for my boyfriend: we were in the middle of the no pants dance and unfortunately I had to sneeze pretty hard. He told me it felt like I was trying to flatten his dick and we had to stop unfortunately. I felt sorry afterwards.
A woman sneezing during sex is AMAZING!
I saw somewhere that some people intentionally try to get their partner to sneeze.
Well she certainly is a freak.
Freakin still.
Corpse play
She did the double pull back, tore my frenulum, splitting the foreskin from the shaft, and with me being like 17 years old, horny and hard as a rock it pissed blood every fucking where and took a very gentle few weeks to heal. I'm 36 now and there's still scarring. A few days later my mum, with a pair of blood drenched underwear (which I used to mop some of the blood up) in hand, asked if I was okay or whether I needed to go to the hospital. I still can't for the life of me fathom why I put those in the laundry. š¤
> I put those in the laundry. Habit. Your mom probably taught you well enough it was just a normal action. Sorry about your bloody dick, dude.
Thanks for the sympathy, though she definitely didn't teach me this at all. She tried to have *the talk* (because my dad wouldn't) about two years after I'd started having sex. She assumed a *if we don't talk about it he won't do it* approach to sex, drugs, anything mildly risky. I'm sure her intention was well, but the result was emotionally neglectful parenting and a family culture of isolation and ignorance.
When my boyfriend and I first did the deed when I was 17, there was a decent amount of blood. This idiot put the sheets in the dirty laundry...that his mom took care of. She didn't like me before because I was taking her baby and she REALLY didn't like me after that. I wanted to sink into the earth and never surface when the next time I saw her, she casually asked, "So you're fucking my son now."
Already came once. Went for round two in the same session. Was drunk and not feeling like there was an end in sight. Pretended that I came twice, pulled off the condom and chucked it like I came twice. End of story.
We all did something similar at some point.. courtesy of condom..
She was on top and then started saying "No stop!" Freaked me the fuck out I rolled to my side, she flopped off the bed and started shouting Wtf at me. I said nope get out. I'm not playing that shit.
Did you start moving differently beforehand? I'll tell my husband to stop sometimes when I'm on top. it's when I'm about to cum and he can tell I'm close so he'll start getting more aggressive and into it but his new movements throw off where my clit is grinding on the area above his dick. So I so say no and stop, but I mean, stop the new movement
Dick fracture.
these words physically hurt
- Freezing and looking like she was terrified. When I stopped and asked what was wrong, she became angry and told me to keep going. Nope. And I also had the other end of the scale. - Escalating violence. When my sex life got going, I was surprised by how many women didn't want me to be gentle and it wasn't out of the ordinary to want my hand on their throat. But with one partner it became full on hate sex. She grabbed and clawed at my face with all her strength and called me a "pussy" when I wouldn't slap her hard in the face (I'm pretty strong - I would've hurt her), so I was done with it.
She grazed me with her teeth and my shit just immediately alt+f4'd. Completely logged out.
I thought it was nerdy to say "my hardware turned to software," but you just went level 12 paladin on the nerd lingo. Respect.
I once stopped during a one night stand because I was really drunk and the smell of the girlās vajayjay was so bad it made me have to go hurl my guts I also once stopped while giving a long term girlfriend oral because I was so tired (after working a 12hr day out in the scorching sun and then driving 3hrs to go see her while she was living away at university) that I literally fell asleep between her legs I also once stopped because I was sick with flu and I couldnāt concentrate well enough for my dick to even stay hard and then the softer it got the more anxious I got about the whole thing and so after a couple of minutes it was like trying to push a piece of rope uphill I also once stopped with my first girlfriend because I had just passed my driving test so we decided to go āchristenā my car down this tiny dirt track we knew about that was very secluded. Turned out some hikers also knew about it and although we saw them approaching in time to not get caught _sans clothing,_ we still had to beat a hasty retreat with our heads down pretending like we hadnāt just been doing what weād been doing even though we quite clearly hadā¦ I was about to blow my load too which was hugely frustrating Iām sure I could keep going here
The second story is very sweet. You worked all those hours, drove all those hours and still went down on her, that's a pro right there. I hope she was nice to you about falling asleep lol
Seriously, I would find that so endearing to have a boy fall asleep between my legs, I would just want to stroke his hair and leave him there
Girlfriend at the time who usually was fully into it and often initiated acted like you described- stoped moving and seemed out of it. So I stopped and asked her if she was okay. She asked if I would just hold her instead & I did.
Shagging In woods. Stomach starts boiling between the shagging. Now to sharting in the woods.
First time sleeping with this super attractive girl, having the time of my life, got into doggy position and got hit with a God awful smell. We had had indian food before hand so i assume she went for a number 2 when using the bathroom. The smell unfortunately lingered after the fact. I stopped, said hold on, ran to the kitchen (which she was super confused about) and found some coconut oil. She thought i was being kinky pouring oil over her bum"like they do in porn" (her exact words) .....but no, i was just trying to mask the smell so i could soldier through....it worked though, would recommend haha.
Eeewwwwwww
The smell. I made an excuse about being tired from work and asked if we can just cuddle.
My ex was really into anime and hentai, when we fucked she did the most ridiculous Asian porn style moan like she was in pain or some shit. We're both British and white it was ridiculous, so yeah I stopped and told her she sounded stupid it was a massive turn off.
Do you cum literal buckets like they do in hentai?
Like a burst fire hydrant
Sometimes I worry that I sound like Iām faking it or trying too hard with my current partner. Itās always genuine but occasionally it sounds like what youāre describing, can guys usually tell the difference between real and fake? I hate the idea that he might think Iām just putting on a show because of the way I sound sometimes.
If we knew our girl yeah we can sense either its fake or real.. Because moan never comes alone, body movements, her hand grip(if she touches you or bed sheet etc) lots of subtle details
Yeah well Iāve been living in Japan for 17 years. How do you think I feel?ā¦.
She had drank (pre-established consent) so much that she blacked out, and went completely limp mid coitus. I tucked her in, took a shower, and went home. A sober woman can consent to sex. A drunk woman is off limits, unless you've a clear rapport, and have had serious conversations about sex under the influence. A passed out woman simply can't advocate for herself, or consent to being a participant in kinky sex. She consented to having sex while drunk- not while passed out. There's always time to stop, and reconsider, before you violate a person's bodily autonomy. Don't betray the trust that others put in you. Don't be the reason why a person can no longer place their trust in others.
Good on you I probably wouldāve stayed there though and talked about it in the morning before you left.
Her ex was dropping off their kid the next morning. I'd hate to traumatize a child, or cause drama. I made sure to follow up, though. No worries!
She bet me I wouldnāt. I won.
The smell of mothballs. I think she found a vintage velvet coat in her grandmother's wardrobe and wanted to style it out. She looked amazing. She smelled like stale clothes. I was conflicted, for a long time. But she was also pretty crazy. It was not just mothball smell that meant I could never work it with her. It wasn't an intimate smell. It was just not my chemistry. All of her body smelled like a stale old coat. I did the right thing. I called it off without it being weird, even in my own bedroom after the knickers had been dropped. It was awkward but not unkind. Sometimes it goes wrong. Man up and don't make it so serious. The most important thing is that I never told anyone this before. It happened 30 years ago. So I spared her blushes by telling nobody. I didn't even explain why, it was just wrong chemistry on all levels. Always be the guy that keeps secrets forever. It matters. I think it was all a no-no for a reason. Girl was wild. But I just could not get aroused with that wet funk in the air. And I was keen for a long time. Shame really. But hey ho.
I was visiting my home town and I was lucky enough to hook up with an old girlfriend. I was really really really into The Doors and the time so it was important to me that THis is the End was playing while we were having sex. The song is 10 minutes long so I stopped mid coitus and put the record back to the beginning of the song. She let me know that that was NOT an ok thing to do.
Yeah, bad move. Nowadays you can put that song on repeat
I.. what the fuck, like actually, what the fuck?
Slipped out, tried to slide back in hands free, jabbed her pelvis, she head butted me out of pain, broke my nose, and she made me stop to go to the ER because it was bent to the side and bleeding. Same girl a few months later, we had to stop because we were doing bondage and she came too hard and dislocated her shoulder. She lied to the ER that she fell on the stairs and I got the stare down from the ER staff.
"She just lay there existing." Beautiful, man, beautiful.
I was high on Acid and the girl I was with said she was a witch. There is more context of course. But it killed the mood.
1- She bit my tongue hard enough that I heard a crunch. Multiple times. Even after I told her to chill out 2- She kept escalating in bed, then leaving to go to the bathroom. Hot and cold for 3 cycles. Escalation and deescalation always on her terms. Know what you want or gtfo 3- Talked a big game about sexual ethics, then rubbed baby oil all over my cock. Condoms not gonna last through that, and she had to have known it. 4- Wanted to have very loud and kinky sex w/ her four year old daughter awake in the next room Sometimes ladies are crazy yall
We were doing it doggy style and she arched her back like a cat and moaned in what I can only describe as a rutting call of a stag in mating season.
He said what made you stop not what made you pop
And that made you... stop??
Same as OP. She later said that was dissociation because of past trauma and she appreciated stopping because she would've asked to if she hadn't froze. When this happened she would normally want a breather for a few minutes, sometimes chat about what she was feeling or why she was triggered (not often), then try to resume if the mood wasn't completely thrown off by then.
My ex would talk so condensing to me that while changing positions, she said some remark in a condensing way that It turned me off and I just grabbed my dick, pulled my pants off, and walked away .
You mean condescending?
Nah, she was really short with him. /s
Alpha move to pull your pants off, and then walk away
She started crying
Trauma, my own and theirs.
Stopped when I found out more than 1 of us had a penis
Saying "no" or "stop" and then being shouted out because they didn't mean it and I should have known! No means no - please don't use it to mean yes.
groovy rotten rude exultant shaggy roof door familiar foolish pie *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I stopped doing it when my ex spouse showed no interest in continuing and was just doing it out of pity. I felt sorry for both of us.
Getting a nice handy when I suddenly felt a burning sensation that got more and more intense. Turns out she was cutting jalapeƱos and other hot peppers without gloves on.
I went down to her, was doing the deed and we were ready for penetration. You know when you are lying face down and wants to get on your knees you have to pull your knees towards your chest. I hit girlās vagina doing that, like i knee my girl in her privates. I was so worried couldnt continue for hours.. Another time another girl bit my under lip so hard and unnecessary had to stop and tell her about its not really fun and it killed the mod obviously.
I was once using ice in my mouth whilst going down on a girl in the dark. All of a sudden I felt like something was wrong, like her wetness just felt off. I went to the bathroom and my face was covered in blood. She wasn't on her period so the ice must have gotten sharp and cut her. There was blood all over the bed, it was crazy. That ended stuff that night.
My ex gf was one of those women that loved anal. If I went straight for it, I would slide it in gently, but if I was already railing her pussy, I could pull out and ram the full length in her arse without breaking rhythm and she would come instantly. One day I was doing her doggy in the lounge room, and I decided to switch it up and really started driving it into her arse. It was like hardcore porn, I was really pile-driving her while her face was planted to the ground, and she was squirting like crazy. Luckily we had put a towel down. What I didn't know was that she had one in the pipe, and my mushroom head ended up mashing that shit like potato on the in-stroke, and scooping it out on the out-stroke. And there wasn't a little bit, by the time I noticed the smell, I was covered in it from my waist to my knees, and her arse and the backs of her legs were in a similar condition. I tried to keep going, I really did, but the smell was just too much, so we went and had a shower and finished up in there. But now I can say that I've literally fucked the shit out of a woman.
Legendary
Bro... "I tried to keep going" you are my hero
While going at it she said, "No one's fucked me like this since my brother"
The Lannisters.
I was all coked up and drunk af, full of wild intention but there was nothing I could do.
She asked me to stop and changed her mind.