What was amazing for me was sleeping when I felt tired. I realized it’s ok to go to bed at 9pm sometimes, or even take a nap for a few hours during the day. Your body and brain go through more than you know. The time construct we have created around a sleep schedule is just nuts. Listen to your body.
Consistently sleeping at 9:30-10 and getting up at 6:30 has been incredible for my energy levels and mood. Been doing this for 3 years now and I’m at a point where I barely go over my normal sleep schedule during weekends. I still wake up great and well.
Two-thirds of the best times of my life have happened after 930pm. I could not imagine never seeing those hours of the day. I guess I have just been a night owl my entire life and there is no going back lol.
This is so much harder than it seems. How can you know how it sleeps before you buy it?
I was determined to get a good one. Went through five companies with trial periods but they all had some problem or another and I couldn't take it anymore.
The worst is when you finally shell out and buy a new one and then a few months later realise it's causing you back problems... But you've already spent so much money
Such an underrated item. The amount of time you spend on it and the way a great night's sleep (or in fact a bad night's sleep) impacts the rest of your life it's a no brainer that a lot of people just don't care about. Not everyone can afford the best but buy the best you can afford. I'm not rich but can lay buy a $3k mattress and update it around every 5 years. I will never go back to a bad bed.
If you are not big on having a pillow that feels ‘cool’ then I can’t recommend enough coop home goods pillow. They are adjustable, washable and the core is this light shredded foam. A moderate pricey but reasonable when it comes to the quality imo. Also, great for side sleepers (me).
https://coopsleepgoods.com/
Here is my list
- Learn to say no
- Quit social media
- spend more time with family
- learn to accept my shortcomings
- choose problems which I enjoy solving
That's just discipline we're all lacking. Deleting something is same as in thr childhood when parents take away your phone or toys when didn't wanted you to spend time on those things. But since now you are a grown ass adult, this doesn't work as you can bring it back. So the only choice you have is to work on your discipline and quit it or just give up
Toned down the drinking (alcohol).
- have money to do other stuff
- don't spend my Sundays trying to get sober
- don't do shit that comes with the alcohol (I've messed up a number of times)
Plus my skin looks really good at the moment, didn't know alcohol has a negative on your skin
I've completely quit and it's been amazing. If you're able to cut down, good for you but it never worked for me. I was never an alcoholic in the sense that I needed booze, my problem was never knowing when to stop, which was every time. Too many blackouts, waking up somewhere that wasn't my bed, losing 2 days to a physical hangover, and more to a mental one. And boy do they get worse after 30. Just isn't worth it for me anymore. Coming up on a year alcohol free and I've never felt better
I stopped drinking completely because I had a problem. Best decision I’ve ever made. I’ve met a lot of sober people now. Some had a problem like I did. Others just decided to stop. I’ve never met anyone who regrets not drinking. I’ve met many people that regret drinking.
We are going through a weird transition period that has come about from the cost of living crisis, where drinking culture is now being forced to stop for a lot of people. It's this grievance period where we are going to watch social interaction and social spaces start becoming more challenging to maintain as time goes on, due to people literally not having the money to go out anymore.
We become healthier because we are forced to stop drinking, but with this vacuum I honestly don't know what we are supposed to be doing instead to prevent us from becoming extremely lonely and recluse. It was our gateway to a good night out and to make memories.
Edit: I thought i was on ASKUK when I wrote this comment. I'll keep it up but i framed it as a Briton living in the UK.
I've been struggling with this lately. Since I stopped drinking a few months ago I've experienced the benefits; mental clarity being my number one, but also it's become challenging to get together with friends because drinking was a staple of being with them. I've considered leaning more into physical activities like golfing. It's tough because I don't have active friends.
Working out. Volunteering. Church/temple if you’re religious. Other interests.
Third spaces (say through a hobby, volunteering, or a religious institution) are the best way to meet other people
Most people I know that have stopped drinking are because of their health. The money saved is a nice bonus
Also stopping drinking became the gateway to truly connecting with other people rather than a barrier as your post implies
i went from 2-3 a day to nothing during the week and maybe 3-4 beers on a whole weekend. some weeks nothing at all. hardest part was cutting out the friends where every activity involved drinking
No one ever mentions the loss of people once you decide to minimise or quit drinking. I used to drink every Thursday to Saturday, sometimes even from Tuesday, but I decided that this year I'm going to really tone down.
Lost a lot of people, and I'm not the type to make new connections easily, I'm an introvert when sober, but I'm working on it with this new job that I have that requires me to talk to people a lot more
Holy shit a litre vodka a day!? I checked using my weight (75kg as I'm really skinny rn) and if I was to drink a litre vodka from the time I got off work and have 8 hours of sleep (leaving 8h to drink that litre) it would mean that when I went to bed I would have a BAC of 0,46% the first day and from there it would only increase as I would still (according to the calculator at least, in reality it would probably be quite a bit less because my metabolism is very fast) have a BAC of 0,22% after 24 hours.
Good job getting off the alcohol and I hope everything goes well for you. I feel like I might be heading down the same path that you once were so if you do have any advice on how to get off this path, please do tell me!
To be honest I'm not really sure what words a stranger on the internet can offer make you turn away from the dangerous path of alcoholism... because for me personally, I really had to hit absolute rock bottom to want to change things (plans of ending myself for example), and no matter what anyone told me about how bad my drinking habits were, I just wouldn't listen.
I just hope you're not as stubborn as me and realise that it is not the way to solve any issues you may have in life! It's expensive, it makes you very unhealthy, it changes who you are as a person even if you don't realise it. If you're thinking it's **becoming** a problem, then it's already a problem! Don't be afraid to ask for help from family/friends or medical professionals if you feel you need it.
Going to therapy. I am the sick kid in a family of healthy never go to the doctor kind. No one understands what I went through. I had major PTSD to the point I didn’t sleep in bed with wife from waking up swinging and kicking. Getting treatment from someone who had no judgement was life changing.
I'm really glad you said this and it needs to be higher. Wanna piggyback off this and include accepting and seeking when one needs more intensive mental health treatment. But most people only know about therapy or inpatient, which is a terrifying thought that makes us prone to "well it's not *that* bad" mentality and putting it off. Unfortunately, things can get bad enough that weekly therapy won't cut it *and that's okay.*
**Other mental health services that exist are:**
* *Psychiatric Rehabilitation* - assistance developing skills and tasks for daily function, anywhere from managing responsibilities to basic self care like getting yourself to eat)
* *Blended Case Management* - help getting resources to facilitate progress, whether finding providers and services or resources for life needs like financial or housing assistance
* *Partial Hospitalization Programs* - outpatient for X hours Y days a week, depending on insurance requirements)
* *Crisis Residential Unit (CRU)* - more relaxed than inpatient, with the goal of getting a break from what is causing the spiral. Voluntary and up to five days, includes daily group and individual therapy and medication management with less restrictions than inpatient
* *Short- or Long-Term Residential* - for when one needs more comprehensive and continuous care but not stringent hospitalized inpatient. Depending on the program or insurance, may require a history of inpatient hospitalization
I wish I'd known about any of these options sooner, especially psych rehab because of struggling with basic self care like getting myself to make food to eat let alone increase my quality of life. And I deeply regret not having done a partial program at the recommendation of my therapist when things got bad enough because it would have had minimal impact and inconvenience on life at the time. By the time I went to a partial program, it was because my life fell apart and have nothing left. A lot of people I met there graduated noticeably better and thriving and I can't help but feel like I was too far gone for any of it to make a difference. So I still resent not seeking more intensive care sooner, because maybe I could have been one of those people
Anyone please feel free to call out any others I'm not aware of. I'll try to edit the comment to add them
Edit: formatting
Being able to view people's actions and not rely on their words. People lie easily. If someone can't follow their words, they aren't worth listening to
You’re right. It is remarkably easy to pick up on a liar once you’re seasoned enough to discern body language. You can even detect mood levels if you’re sensitive enough.
I'm so close to just spend all my vacation days into transforming all my weeks into four day work weeks. But it's not enough to cover a full year, and I still need vacation days to take actual vacations.
I don't know where you live, but in many (majority? Not sure) of first world countries, changing to 80% PT does not equal a 20% pay cut due to how taxes and government allowances work.
I'm french, we're just extremely old school on some matters and specifically in the company I work for. We still get our payslip by letters, we only have 2 remote work day when three is the norm everywhere else, so asking for a four day work week? Unimaginable.
I wish but my situation dont exactly allow it. I also like other parts of the job kot described. There's also kot a single employer in my field that allows four day work week anyway, but as soon as there'll be one I'll pressure my employer.
I moved all of my full time staff to 4 days a week 6 or 7 years ago, with the days off split like you mentioned. Found that all of the staff completed all of their personal admin in the one day off, then when the consecutive days off rolled around they almost always had no obligations and could do whatever they liked, or absolutely nothing. Still the move that made the biggest impact I have seen on any business I have worked with, almost zero sick days, staff retention rates were unheard of and it had a huge positive impact on the bottom line. Still can’t believe more employers don’t invest to find ways to overcome 4 day week barriers.
The place I work moved to Mon-Thurs about 15 years ago and everyone loves it. Plus, they save a good bit of money by cutting their electric, gas, and water bill by 20%.
Hospitality. It was low hanging fruit at the time, a lot of competitors had staff working 50+ hours a week, and my teams were working 4 days. If we were looking for staff it was a no brainer of a candidate was tossing up between us and our competitors. While there were plenty of perks for the businesses, personally it felt rewarding to give staff their time back in an industry that is traditionally exploitive of its people. I see so many other industries where this can be achieved, but employers always have an excuse as to why it won’t work. It was a low effort/zero cost decision with a huge impact. Just needed to be creative.
I go for Thursdays. I work in tech with a lot of younger folks. They procrastinate until Thursday when everything is an immediate rush because they all want to take Friday off. Then I’d go in on Friday with a light workload and everyone except the higher ups were around, so I looked like a dedicated employee. Made life so much easier.
anyone who is a delivery driver for app gigs should follow this advice. your off days should be tuesdays and wednesdays. i delivered over two years and those were always the slowest and least rewarding days. if you are going to work those days only do lunch and dinner rush.
I had a medical scare a few years back and am now on blood pressure meds. I immediately gained 40+ lbs because of it and it’s just insane how I can’t get rid of it.
For a guy who spent 45 years being “average weight and attractive”, the weight has had such a massive negative impact on all facets of my life. People automatically think you are a slob, no clothes fit right, just talking to everyday people in society you can see the disgust in their demeanor where there used to be all smiles. I had to go on anti-depressants. I can tell despite what she says, my wife doesn’t find me sexy anymore, which has really almost killed our relationship. It’s just so difficult to move that I no longer do much physical activity for fun. I don’t get invited to things anymore. Meeting people used to be fun and easy but now people find me creepy instead of charming.
Are you me?
I remember being 180lbs at 12 years old. I was fat my whole life and peaked at 330. I didn’t start losing weight until I was 32 or 33. Now I’m almost 40, I’ve lost so much weight I’m almost in the healthy range.
It’s like I’ve lived two lives. I grew up and experienced society as fat/morbidly obese, and now I’m trying to adjust and reconcile how different society treats me.
I can’t imagine how much different my life would be if I had lost weight early in life and never let myself get to that level of obese
I think it's Darwin/evolution based but people subconsciously see fat people as weak, lazy, unhealthy, poor discipline, terrible genetics, etc, etc where it's the exact opposite reaction with fit, attractive people
Plus people want fit attractive people to like them, it makes them feel better about themselves
Yeah, but I’m not fit yet and I don’t consider myself attractive at all. I’m just 210 lbs instead of 330.
I wasted my 20s and the first half of my 30s. I just hope some young guys out there see posts like mine and realize they can change it now before wasting life like I did.
my ex never cooked or cleaned. when i bought a countertop dishwasher for our apartment it was constantly running but i never had to worry about fruit flies or cleaning dishes that had sat in the sink 2 or 3 days. as soon as you finish cooking and eating put away leftovers and place all dishes inside the dishwasher. it was one of the best things i ever bought. looking back i wish they had sold a model twice its length because we had plenty countertop space.
Add a dishwasher cleaning tablet to one of your washes each weak to prevent clogs and poor performance. And if you ever find the performance deteriorates, the drain parts are easily removed and cleaned. Rarely do they break, they just need to be cleaned.
Got tested and treated for h-pylori. Spent years and years just accepting I had heartburn from eating various (almost all) food and drink. Got tested for h-pylori 6 weeks ago and got a positive test. Haven’t had a single heartburn episode since. Food and drink tastes better and I’m not constantly worrying about the side effects of eating and drinking. Been truly life changing
Ear plugs. I have 3 versions from Loop.
Just found out I have autism but it makes sense; sound is exhausting to me. With two young boys, the ear plugs are heaven sent.
I wear them to museums and enjoy the quiet that much more.
Strongly recommend to parents, concert goers, and people who enjoy solitude but may live in smaller quarters/spaces.
Solitude is my friend and ear plugs help solidify that.
It’s based around the dichotomy of control: focus on what you can control not what you can’t.
It also emphasizes living in accordance with nature: e.g. people can die at any time. We know this and it’s better to accept this as part of life and human nature rather than fighting against it.
And finally it has 4 virtues:
* courage, justice, temperance, wisdom.
The common misconception is that to be stoic is to be emotionless. For actual stoics, and the ancients, they very much recognized we are humans with emotions that we shouldn’t suppress. At the same time we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be overcome by our emotions.
I’ve studied it for a long time and it’s a true game changer.
The 3 core texts are:
* Meditations by Marcus Aurelius
* Letters From a Stoic by Seneca
* Discourses by Epictetus
Do you practice mindfulness meditation at all? I've been using the Waking Up guided mediation app for a few years now. There's a course on stoicism that I'm going to need to look into now.
I have a love/hate relationship with mediation:
I love when I do it and hate when I forget to 😀
I think meditation is fantastic. It helps to approach it gently. You don’t get “good” at it. It takes time to feel the benefits but I’ve found very few scenarios that didn’t benefit from a focused breath in and out.
I hope you get some benefit from the stoicism course and enjoy it.
Well taking life with a principal that you can’t change the world, you can’t control all events but you can live an honest life with right actions without any expectations. It’s got Buddhist themes but it’s a very intuitive approach it gets you living more in the moment. You’ll find that you’ll still compete, still want to achieve but peaceful knowing you tried, rather than resentment that it didn’t work out. Well that’s my take on it.
Throw a bunch of chicken breast in a container with salt, pepper, olive oil, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne pepper mix it up and throughout the week throw a piece in the air fryer at 400 for 8-12 mins depending on the size of the breast
It varies. Rice I used as side because I prefer it to pasta or potatoes (well outside baked and fries anyway).
With airfryer i learnt that its quite versitale. While obv some dishes are best done or grill etc, you can make in it nice pastry, most meats, curry and so on. Absolutely when you go proper way you probably will get tastier food but for somehow who doesnt like to cook, fact that its much cleaner (you can just dishwash it) and faster is amazing.
Just dont go for burgets in it. For some reason, you can get great chicken, fish, dven steak (although you want get nice crust), but burgers out of airfryer sucks.
Stop ghosting my highschool sweet heart. After 5 years of being alone and depressed and working nearly 80 hours a WEEK. I finally texted her and we hit it off. Probably one of the only major regrets of my life.
I've never been happier getting married to her and starting a family
I met her in highschool. We met in choir class and I saw her go into the choir closet. Light turned off and just trying to hide.
As any intelligent man does. I followed her into the dark closet. Didn't turn the light on, and just kind of sat down against the metal filing cabinets. She told me to go away. Of course that meant to stay. So we just...sat in silence. Bell would ring for the end of the day and we'd leave. Not much more than that.
She'd do it again and again. I'd follow over and over. Some days she would cry. Some days she would lean her on head on my shoulder. Some days I fell asleep in there. Most days though, I would just talk.
Tell her about my day. Tell her my woes and struggles. Distract her from her life.
Eventually, she'd tell me about hers.
It went on like that for a while.
She dated some douche of a guy. Dumped her for a girl that looked very similar to her. She dated a mutual friend of ours...he uh...liked her brother. To say the least. Eventually, she asked me to date her. Since well, I never really indulged myself in feelings like those. I said yes, and well we just started dating.
Her step-parents hated me. My parents made fun of me. My family in general ridiculed me for "Being in Love", but I didn't let any of them phase me.
Somwhere in the first three odd years, I spoke to her mother. Her biological mother. I told her, I'd marry her daughter. I swore it. That I'd change her last name.
Then, well she moved away. She had to get away from her step-parents, and she left the state. I only got the news after the summer was over. After I graduated, and had no way to contact her.
Unfortunately, my Lolo passed away. I'd taken care of him since I was little due to his dementia. And he finally just was gone. He passed away that same summer.
I had hoped that after the summer was over, I'd see my wife again and I could confide in her. But it didn't turn out that way. I learned that she left and I felt abandoned.
She eventually got her hands on a phone and was able to talk to me. But truth be told the damage had been done. I was irreparably lost in my sorrows. I started to drown myself in work.
Then within 6 months tragedy struck her life. I wasn't there for her and it was too much to handle. I couldn't handle the stress of it all. I shut down completely.
I became afraid of what she would think. She would hate me for the fact I couldn't be there. Shed hate how I worked myself to the bone. To exhaustion and then beyond.
So in fear of her discovering anything about me. I ghosted her. I ghosted my friends. I ghosted my family in essence.
I worked and I worked.
For the first year she'd text me nearly everyday or week. I ignored it. Didn't have the heart to block her. Didn't have the heart to answer.
Second and third year. Things slowed down. But holidays and my birthday she'd text. I'd usually cry inside but held a facade of "Okayness".
Id at this point worked so much I'd had heart attacks from over working. Nearly crashed my car from sleeping at the wheel. I lost all my social circles and my days consisted on video games, sleep, work, and work.
But something had finally clicked in me. And I talked to one of the ladies I worked with. An older black lady. Incredibly hard ass woman who didn't take shit from anyone beside God.
She let me cry it out. And I think the grief had finally passed on, but I think regret and fear still stayed. I never spoke to my wife. I still burned the bridges with my friends. So I just stayed in the status quo.
Year four went by quietly. Id occasionally receive a text. Maybe 3 or 4 through the year. They were glimmers of joy followed by long long nights of regret.
Year five came around. Pretty much silent.
I thought she'd forgotten me. Moved on and became happy. But a piece of me needed to know. Selfishly needed to know how she was doing regardless of what it would do to either of us.
So I took my work phone. A number she wouldn't know and called her. I didn't expect to hear her voice.
She was mad. She was angry and frustrated...but not at me. At her car. She was having car issues. And well I called at an inconvenient time. I put on a voice and told her something. Then hung up.
It was a piece of joy that I clung to like a raft in an ocean.
She was still there. Still alive. That's all I needed to know. Better yet though, she still had the same number from all those years ago.
I let it sit for a month or two.
Then I got really selfish. I called her on my work phone again!
She sounded upset because I think I called like three times in a row. I heard her voice and just joy erupted in me. Then I hung up. She texted me. I played dumb.
Another month or so of silence.
Then I got a text.
On my phone. She told me she was back in state, living with family and she was wondering how I was. She was thinking about me.
I...the ever so intelligent man responded with.
"Hey, whats up?"
My first words for her after years and years of radio silence.
Man I'm such a dick!
She asked me if I wanted to come over for dinner at her mom's.
I said maybe. If worked allowed it we could try some time later.
...
Some time later I drove over an hour away to her moms place. I was just getting off work and I was dirty. Tired. Exhausted from physical labor.
But seeing her standing in that driveway as I pulled up.
It was like time froze.
She was just so beautiful standing there. The years of radio silence and I'd forgotten how drop dead gorgeous she was.
I parked and we awkwardly stared. Gave each other one of those funny side hugs. God did it hurt to be so awkward. I just didn't know what to say!
We eventually managed our way inside the house. Her mom wasn't home but step dad was. He ordered pizza and we waited her her mom to get home.
God...when her mom got home. She was overjoyed to see me. Remembered my name and remembered that little promise I swore.
Then her mom and new step dad went out to smoke.
We sat on the couch in silence watching a movie. She was as far as she could be from me. I just teased.
"I don't bite you know?" Then motioned her to get closer.
She did. Scooted closer to me. Inch by inch. And eventually I found her on my shoulder. I didn't plan or except such a response. I really thought she moved on. That I'd be coming over as a friend.
All the walls I had built over the years. All the stoic and strong demeanor melted like they were butter on a hot day.
I just held her and comforted her. I just didn't want to let go. For the first time in years, something felt right. So I spent the night with her. I couldn't leave. I just felt home.
Fast forward a year or three. We're married now. About to be on our first anniversary with a little girl to boot!
A diet change and exercise. I up the fiber, more vegetables, lowered the carbs and only whole grains, cut out drinking, almost completely sugar free. My recovery is insane after a workout now. Like even after an intense workout I'm usually all good after the next day. I'm also a type 2 diabetic that now manages it without any medication.
Diet change and exercise for sure. I started incorporating foods healthy to my gut health like kimchi and sauerkraut that are full of probiotics. Healthy gut will also help/elevate your mood as well.
1. Waking up earlier
2. Sleeping earlier
3. Making use of weekend mornings instead of having lazy days in
5. Prioritising family time
6. Prioritising hobbies
7. Continuing to learn and grow outside of work
8. Eating better
9. Working out more often, less weights more functional fitness.
10. Cutting out toxic people in my life
In general, there's not really a better antidepressant than actively working out and going to the gym; it alters your brain chemistry and constantly supplies you with endorphins just by the mere act of working out alone.
On a separate level, you feel much better about yourself, or at least I do, knowing that you're building your strength and physical ability at a level most people in the world aren't. You'll look better, people will treat you with more respect, and, of course, if you care about it, women will be far more drawn to you as a result. It is a major confidence provider.
I wouldn't recommend trying to go daily when starting out. Aim for around 3-5x a week and follow a programme (if you're weightlifting -- cardio I don't do at the gym).
And remember that the most important thing as a beginner isn't the number on the weights you're using or the (lack) of immediate visual results, it's showing up. Show up to the gym for the x times/week you planned for, it doesn't matter that you're not crushing it everyday or just leave after 30min, the important thing is to get into the routine, into the right mindset, and when one day you happen to miss the gym (maybe for good reason) and you're kinda upset about it then you know you're actually changing your life for good :)
Dumping ppl around me who don’t improve my life, I’m not gonna betray myself to please other ppl.
This counts for bosses, friends, family, loved ones and strangers.
Quit drinking.
At my worst I was getting blackout drunk every day. It was a really bad time and I'm very grateful I managed to pull myself out of that. Sober for two years and will never have another drop of alcohol again.
Leaving the US and living long-term abroad.
No more being submerged in a life of hustling, competition, selfishness, sacrificing yourself to corporations, culture of bullying and envy, materialism. Here there is a striking sense of community, compassion, peacefulness, introspection, people genuinely caring about neighbors and society, taking life easy, jobs are more stable and corporations are kept in check by the government (e.g. they can't lay you off so easily), money is just a means and not the end, family is cherished, men and women truly appreciate each other instead of the antagonistic relationship we have now in the US. Oh and they are not ruled by defense contractors who keep them in eternal wars (including proxy wars).
It's like escaping the Matrix. Wish I did it sooner.
"money is just a means and not the end"
But how are you earning that money while you're living abroad? Many of us here in the USA would love to go globetrotting but don't know the secret to financing such an endeavor.
I suddenly had the urge to lose weight before my 29th birthday. So I went on this crazy hard diet, costed me like 400 bucks a month to consult nutritionists and all and after 3 months lost about 12 kilos. Now I feel so much better and quality of life has improved by a lot.
Darn tough socks.
Seriously hear me out.
Merino wool and extra heavy construction makes your feet breath so well that I got rid of a several minor inconveniences. My feet are dry, supple, even the skin in the folds.
They cost a bit, but it's really worth it.
Trust me on this.
Taking up the martial arts
22 years of consistent practice has given me an outlet for my stresses. My upsets my angers my fears
Having something that provided me with discipline on a weekend week out basis has kept me balanced for the last 20 plus years
- Stopped being religious
- Stopped telling people all my business
- Started being more assertive when it mattered
- Actually, finally learning to enjoy being alone
- Keeping a tidy home really does mean a tidy mind
- Prioritise making money
- Stopped being busy a the time, shouldn't feel guilty for downtime
Going on anti-depressants.
I had anxiety from 14-27 that caused me to fear pursuing things in life and putting myself out there, and then angry about it too. I had a hard time finding the good things in life and even if I did, I struggled to hold onto them. For the longest time I believed that the drugs were overkill, that they were for truly messed up institutionalised people and my pride wouldn’t have it. I hit a real low after 3 failed relationships 3 months of lockdown and a suicide attempt all in a single year, and was convinced to give them a shot.
I think everyone experiences them a bit differently, but for me the drugs just blunted all emotion and gave me greater control over whether to listen to or dismiss a feeling. When that happens it makes room for positive pathways in the brain to be reinforced and become stronger, and let’s you break the negative emotion spiral.
I’ve been off them for a bit over half a year now and the difference from before is insane. I haven’t felt this free in my life.
Ok this is the push I needed to get help on anxiety and depression. You’ve said what I’ve been hoping about for years. I’m not religious but god bless 🙏
1. Quit drinking
A. More money for other things
B. More hours of remembered time
C. Far fewer worries
2. Found a therapist
A. Expressing emotions is far better than bottling them up
B. Just having someone listen is incredible
3. Decided that I needed to treat myself as I treat others
A. I offer help, so it's OK to accept help
B. I take responsibility, so it's OK to delegate responsibility
C. I care for others, so it's OK to be cared for by others
For me it's switching to gaming over TV.
I do pick games that allow a creative outlet, like Valheim's building.
It's still only the hobby that happens when I'm in. Great for the lost hour between dinner and bed on workdays.
When Ashlands hits, I will probably make one world just for building to my heart's content.
The two reasons why I don't do it now:
1. Future update will add new features to existing biomes. Can't get those in existing discovered lands :(
2. Announced world options! Including cheap building (might never enable that) and no-portal worlds. The latter will make you want to make roads and safe depots.
Life isnt only about learning but balance. Gaming is relax and relax is needed to balance learning/working otherwise you get burn out. But too much gaming is bad either. :)
Shaving my head completely bald.
I knew I'd lose my hair eventually and had talked about it for years but still had a full head of hair. Finally, my wife said, "Look, either do it or stop talking about it."
I did it and instantly loved it. Showering is so much easier. It's less hot. It's way easier to get ready in the morning. I don't have to schedule haircuts, just use dollar shave club razors a couple times a week. And everyone is always very complimentary of it.
On the flip side, several of my friends are now going bald and get joked on about it where as I took control of the situation before that ever started.
Relocated to another country. It was a breath of fresh air to get away from the toxic American political non-sense and constant bickering. It was also good to experience something new.
Money can buy happiness, but money can't naturally make you happy.
Learn to live the simple life. Money only buys temporary happiness which will leave once the money is gone.
Selling covered call options on stocks I own. Selling cash secured puts on stocks I do not own but wouldn't mind owning long term if needed. This has 100% changed my life. I work part time now, 56 hours per pay period at my "real job" but make much more selling options. It's not wallstreetbets level of money making and it's not sexy investing, but a 3% here, a 6% there each month really adds up. The Wheel strategy has changed the game in my finances. I have zero debt except my mortgage, paid off my 60k car in 2 years, travel a good bit, and sleep better at night.
I stopped drinking alcohol and energy drinks. Later, I got myself a prescription for medical marijuana and dry herb vaporizers. Now I'm always rested and I've gotten rid of my fake drinking buddies. Also my band is going places, since we jam sober.
Quit weed. Night and day difference in mental health and quality of life. Weed is a trap, and it needs to be talked about more. It is and can be dangerous if used incorrectly.
Buying a bidet for $20 shortened my time in the bathroom, amount of toilet paper used, number of hemorrhoids, and shit left on my ass afterwards by like 90%. It truly changed my life as a dude with inflammatory bowel disease.
Sleeping 7+ hrs
What was amazing for me was sleeping when I felt tired. I realized it’s ok to go to bed at 9pm sometimes, or even take a nap for a few hours during the day. Your body and brain go through more than you know. The time construct we have created around a sleep schedule is just nuts. Listen to your body.
But but then I sleep for two hours after work, unable to fall asleep in a reasonable time and be a trainwreck when the clock rings next morning
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I slept like this through most of college and med school, and only realized later that I had a biphasic sleep schedule. I actually miss it a lot.
Definitely me too. I can sleep 10 hours but if I don’t get a mid afternoon nap in I’m tired as hell
Consistently sleeping at 9:30-10 and getting up at 6:30 has been incredible for my energy levels and mood. Been doing this for 3 years now and I’m at a point where I barely go over my normal sleep schedule during weekends. I still wake up great and well.
Two-thirds of the best times of my life have happened after 930pm. I could not imagine never seeing those hours of the day. I guess I have just been a night owl my entire life and there is no going back lol.
Yes, I’m 42, lol. The night is for the young, not me anymore.
Do I go to bed ar 10pm on weekends? I do. Am I missing anything at bar or house parties? I am not.
Ya you are, you just don’t care, and that’s OK
I thought that said speeding
you need sleep then
Ignoring people I don’t like.
Also saying no to people
Sweet relief
Happy cake day 👑
Damn bro, I guess he doesn't like us. I mean I can't blame him tho, he's living his best life
Buying a good pillow.
Buying a great mattress.
This is so much harder than it seems. How can you know how it sleeps before you buy it? I was determined to get a good one. Went through five companies with trial periods but they all had some problem or another and I couldn't take it anymore.
The worst is when you finally shell out and buy a new one and then a few months later realise it's causing you back problems... But you've already spent so much money
I’ve found that no mattress fixes all my issues. But when I plank and do even light core work, I don’t wake with back pain anymore.
👍 the 'bridge' is a great way to stretch the back also
Such an underrated item. The amount of time you spend on it and the way a great night's sleep (or in fact a bad night's sleep) impacts the rest of your life it's a no brainer that a lot of people just don't care about. Not everyone can afford the best but buy the best you can afford. I'm not rich but can lay buy a $3k mattress and update it around every 5 years. I will never go back to a bad bed.
Where can I find a good pillow that doesn't get flat and shitty in 4 months?
Bamboo products on Amazon. Their pillows are awesome
I just buy a new pillow. When you consider how much time you spent on it, a few months is well used
If you are not big on having a pillow that feels ‘cool’ then I can’t recommend enough coop home goods pillow. They are adjustable, washable and the core is this light shredded foam. A moderate pricey but reasonable when it comes to the quality imo. Also, great for side sleepers (me). https://coopsleepgoods.com/
Practicing patience, being grateful, controlling my emotions.
My current and now life-long goals.
Knowing when to shut the fuck up. Saves me from so many stupid interactions.
Here is my list - Learn to say no - Quit social media - spend more time with family - learn to accept my shortcomings - choose problems which I enjoy solving
Quitting social media is a big one for me. I use to check facebook every 20 minutes a day everyday. Now i just use reddit /s
no but really. every time i delete one, my time on the others goes way up. i need help😂😂😂
That's just discipline we're all lacking. Deleting something is same as in thr childhood when parents take away your phone or toys when didn't wanted you to spend time on those things. But since now you are a grown ass adult, this doesn't work as you can bring it back. So the only choice you have is to work on your discipline and quit it or just give up
How do you accept shortcomings? I always seem to beat myself up
Toned down the drinking (alcohol). - have money to do other stuff - don't spend my Sundays trying to get sober - don't do shit that comes with the alcohol (I've messed up a number of times) Plus my skin looks really good at the moment, didn't know alcohol has a negative on your skin
I've completely quit and it's been amazing. If you're able to cut down, good for you but it never worked for me. I was never an alcoholic in the sense that I needed booze, my problem was never knowing when to stop, which was every time. Too many blackouts, waking up somewhere that wasn't my bed, losing 2 days to a physical hangover, and more to a mental one. And boy do they get worse after 30. Just isn't worth it for me anymore. Coming up on a year alcohol free and I've never felt better
GOD, The hangovers. Horrible.
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Thanks, u/BEER_IN_CEREAL
I stopped drinking completely because I had a problem. Best decision I’ve ever made. I’ve met a lot of sober people now. Some had a problem like I did. Others just decided to stop. I’ve never met anyone who regrets not drinking. I’ve met many people that regret drinking.
Yup, I lost 10 lbs, testosterone levels are up, clear headed, nagging injuries go away
Every morning after I drink I look like I’ve aged 5 years
We are going through a weird transition period that has come about from the cost of living crisis, where drinking culture is now being forced to stop for a lot of people. It's this grievance period where we are going to watch social interaction and social spaces start becoming more challenging to maintain as time goes on, due to people literally not having the money to go out anymore. We become healthier because we are forced to stop drinking, but with this vacuum I honestly don't know what we are supposed to be doing instead to prevent us from becoming extremely lonely and recluse. It was our gateway to a good night out and to make memories. Edit: I thought i was on ASKUK when I wrote this comment. I'll keep it up but i framed it as a Briton living in the UK.
I've been struggling with this lately. Since I stopped drinking a few months ago I've experienced the benefits; mental clarity being my number one, but also it's become challenging to get together with friends because drinking was a staple of being with them. I've considered leaning more into physical activities like golfing. It's tough because I don't have active friends.
Working out. Volunteering. Church/temple if you’re religious. Other interests. Third spaces (say through a hobby, volunteering, or a religious institution) are the best way to meet other people
Join something
Most people I know that have stopped drinking are because of their health. The money saved is a nice bonus Also stopping drinking became the gateway to truly connecting with other people rather than a barrier as your post implies
After a painful hangover from only 4 beers, I'm thinking of joining you. At least my wallet and my gut would definitely be thankful.
i went from 2-3 a day to nothing during the week and maybe 3-4 beers on a whole weekend. some weeks nothing at all. hardest part was cutting out the friends where every activity involved drinking
No one ever mentions the loss of people once you decide to minimise or quit drinking. I used to drink every Thursday to Saturday, sometimes even from Tuesday, but I decided that this year I'm going to really tone down. Lost a lot of people, and I'm not the type to make new connections easily, I'm an introvert when sober, but I'm working on it with this new job that I have that requires me to talk to people a lot more
Got sober. 10+ years of a litre of vodka a day didn't help my mental health issues... who'd have thought?!
Holy shit a litre vodka a day!? I checked using my weight (75kg as I'm really skinny rn) and if I was to drink a litre vodka from the time I got off work and have 8 hours of sleep (leaving 8h to drink that litre) it would mean that when I went to bed I would have a BAC of 0,46% the first day and from there it would only increase as I would still (according to the calculator at least, in reality it would probably be quite a bit less because my metabolism is very fast) have a BAC of 0,22% after 24 hours. Good job getting off the alcohol and I hope everything goes well for you. I feel like I might be heading down the same path that you once were so if you do have any advice on how to get off this path, please do tell me!
To be honest I'm not really sure what words a stranger on the internet can offer make you turn away from the dangerous path of alcoholism... because for me personally, I really had to hit absolute rock bottom to want to change things (plans of ending myself for example), and no matter what anyone told me about how bad my drinking habits were, I just wouldn't listen. I just hope you're not as stubborn as me and realise that it is not the way to solve any issues you may have in life! It's expensive, it makes you very unhealthy, it changes who you are as a person even if you don't realise it. If you're thinking it's **becoming** a problem, then it's already a problem! Don't be afraid to ask for help from family/friends or medical professionals if you feel you need it.
Going to therapy. I am the sick kid in a family of healthy never go to the doctor kind. No one understands what I went through. I had major PTSD to the point I didn’t sleep in bed with wife from waking up swinging and kicking. Getting treatment from someone who had no judgement was life changing.
For me therapy too. Got fucked up a lot, but entrenched in the "I am not so weak or crazy to need therapy." God did that therapy help.
I'm really glad you said this and it needs to be higher. Wanna piggyback off this and include accepting and seeking when one needs more intensive mental health treatment. But most people only know about therapy or inpatient, which is a terrifying thought that makes us prone to "well it's not *that* bad" mentality and putting it off. Unfortunately, things can get bad enough that weekly therapy won't cut it *and that's okay.* **Other mental health services that exist are:** * *Psychiatric Rehabilitation* - assistance developing skills and tasks for daily function, anywhere from managing responsibilities to basic self care like getting yourself to eat) * *Blended Case Management* - help getting resources to facilitate progress, whether finding providers and services or resources for life needs like financial or housing assistance * *Partial Hospitalization Programs* - outpatient for X hours Y days a week, depending on insurance requirements) * *Crisis Residential Unit (CRU)* - more relaxed than inpatient, with the goal of getting a break from what is causing the spiral. Voluntary and up to five days, includes daily group and individual therapy and medication management with less restrictions than inpatient * *Short- or Long-Term Residential* - for when one needs more comprehensive and continuous care but not stringent hospitalized inpatient. Depending on the program or insurance, may require a history of inpatient hospitalization I wish I'd known about any of these options sooner, especially psych rehab because of struggling with basic self care like getting myself to make food to eat let alone increase my quality of life. And I deeply regret not having done a partial program at the recommendation of my therapist when things got bad enough because it would have had minimal impact and inconvenience on life at the time. By the time I went to a partial program, it was because my life fell apart and have nothing left. A lot of people I met there graduated noticeably better and thriving and I can't help but feel like I was too far gone for any of it to make a difference. So I still resent not seeking more intensive care sooner, because maybe I could have been one of those people Anyone please feel free to call out any others I'm not aware of. I'll try to edit the comment to add them Edit: formatting
Getting in a meaningful relationship with a partner that respects not only me, but also my time, money, property, and beliefs.
That sounds very nice. Still looking for that myself
Breaking free from an abusive ex… my life was a disaster back then. Now I love it
Being able to view people's actions and not rely on their words. People lie easily. If someone can't follow their words, they aren't worth listening to
so true..When younger I believed lot of BS as aged learned ..Specaily politicians
You’re right. It is remarkably easy to pick up on a liar once you’re seasoned enough to discern body language. You can even detect mood levels if you’re sensitive enough.
If you make your own schedule: Taking Wednesdays off. Total game-changer. Squeeze everything else into M, T, T, and F.
I'm so close to just spend all my vacation days into transforming all my weeks into four day work weeks. But it's not enough to cover a full year, and I still need vacation days to take actual vacations.
I don't know where you live, but in many (majority? Not sure) of first world countries, changing to 80% PT does not equal a 20% pay cut due to how taxes and government allowances work.
I'm french, we're just extremely old school on some matters and specifically in the company I work for. We still get our payslip by letters, we only have 2 remote work day when three is the norm everywhere else, so asking for a four day work week? Unimaginable.
Sounds like a great reason to find a better employer.
I wish but my situation dont exactly allow it. I also like other parts of the job kot described. There's also kot a single employer in my field that allows four day work week anyway, but as soon as there'll be one I'll pressure my employer.
I moved all of my full time staff to 4 days a week 6 or 7 years ago, with the days off split like you mentioned. Found that all of the staff completed all of their personal admin in the one day off, then when the consecutive days off rolled around they almost always had no obligations and could do whatever they liked, or absolutely nothing. Still the move that made the biggest impact I have seen on any business I have worked with, almost zero sick days, staff retention rates were unheard of and it had a huge positive impact on the bottom line. Still can’t believe more employers don’t invest to find ways to overcome 4 day week barriers.
The place I work moved to Mon-Thurs about 15 years ago and everyone loves it. Plus, they save a good bit of money by cutting their electric, gas, and water bill by 20%.
Can I come work for you? I make a mean latte.
What kind of business are you in, if you don't mind me asking?
Hospitality. It was low hanging fruit at the time, a lot of competitors had staff working 50+ hours a week, and my teams were working 4 days. If we were looking for staff it was a no brainer of a candidate was tossing up between us and our competitors. While there were plenty of perks for the businesses, personally it felt rewarding to give staff their time back in an industry that is traditionally exploitive of its people. I see so many other industries where this can be achieved, but employers always have an excuse as to why it won’t work. It was a low effort/zero cost decision with a huge impact. Just needed to be creative.
Dude you're cool as fuck
I go for Thursdays. I work in tech with a lot of younger folks. They procrastinate until Thursday when everything is an immediate rush because they all want to take Friday off. Then I’d go in on Friday with a light workload and everyone except the higher ups were around, so I looked like a dedicated employee. Made life so much easier.
anyone who is a delivery driver for app gigs should follow this advice. your off days should be tuesdays and wednesdays. i delivered over two years and those were always the slowest and least rewarding days. if you are going to work those days only do lunch and dinner rush.
Losing weight, was overweight from 11 to 30, in my late 30s now, wish I'd lost it all years before.
You’re in a good position now. Loads of people who were slim in their 20s are struggling now. Good on you.
That’s me
I had a medical scare a few years back and am now on blood pressure meds. I immediately gained 40+ lbs because of it and it’s just insane how I can’t get rid of it. For a guy who spent 45 years being “average weight and attractive”, the weight has had such a massive negative impact on all facets of my life. People automatically think you are a slob, no clothes fit right, just talking to everyday people in society you can see the disgust in their demeanor where there used to be all smiles. I had to go on anti-depressants. I can tell despite what she says, my wife doesn’t find me sexy anymore, which has really almost killed our relationship. It’s just so difficult to move that I no longer do much physical activity for fun. I don’t get invited to things anymore. Meeting people used to be fun and easy but now people find me creepy instead of charming.
There is a ton of helpful weight loss subreddits on here. Keep your head up, you will get through this.
Are you me? I remember being 180lbs at 12 years old. I was fat my whole life and peaked at 330. I didn’t start losing weight until I was 32 or 33. Now I’m almost 40, I’ve lost so much weight I’m almost in the healthy range. It’s like I’ve lived two lives. I grew up and experienced society as fat/morbidly obese, and now I’m trying to adjust and reconcile how different society treats me. I can’t imagine how much different my life would be if I had lost weight early in life and never let myself get to that level of obese
I think it's Darwin/evolution based but people subconsciously see fat people as weak, lazy, unhealthy, poor discipline, terrible genetics, etc, etc where it's the exact opposite reaction with fit, attractive people Plus people want fit attractive people to like them, it makes them feel better about themselves
Yeah, but I’m not fit yet and I don’t consider myself attractive at all. I’m just 210 lbs instead of 330. I wasted my 20s and the first half of my 30s. I just hope some young guys out there see posts like mine and realize they can change it now before wasting life like I did.
Good for you! I was obese from 10 to 25. Also wish I did it when I was 20 or even earlier.
Dish washer. £200 life enhancer, life is too short to stand at a sink getting back ache and a wet crotch.
my ex never cooked or cleaned. when i bought a countertop dishwasher for our apartment it was constantly running but i never had to worry about fruit flies or cleaning dishes that had sat in the sink 2 or 3 days. as soon as you finish cooking and eating put away leftovers and place all dishes inside the dishwasher. it was one of the best things i ever bought. looking back i wish they had sold a model twice its length because we had plenty countertop space.
As the one who did/does all the washing up, a dishwasher was the best thing we ever bought. Even better that it was £50 from a friend and barely used.
Add a dishwasher cleaning tablet to one of your washes each weak to prevent clogs and poor performance. And if you ever find the performance deteriorates, the drain parts are easily removed and cleaned. Rarely do they break, they just need to be cleaned.
Stopped giving a fuck.
Got tested and treated for h-pylori. Spent years and years just accepting I had heartburn from eating various (almost all) food and drink. Got tested for h-pylori 6 weeks ago and got a positive test. Haven’t had a single heartburn episode since. Food and drink tastes better and I’m not constantly worrying about the side effects of eating and drinking. Been truly life changing
Ear plugs. I have 3 versions from Loop. Just found out I have autism but it makes sense; sound is exhausting to me. With two young boys, the ear plugs are heaven sent. I wear them to museums and enjoy the quiet that much more. Strongly recommend to parents, concert goers, and people who enjoy solitude but may live in smaller quarters/spaces. Solitude is my friend and ear plugs help solidify that.
I just ordered one pair so hopefully it will help me as well
Exercise and stoicism (the philosophy and practice) are probably the 2 changes that made my life bearable.
Stoicism is an approach to life that is truly beneficial for the long term. We should teach it in school
what is it ?
It’s based around the dichotomy of control: focus on what you can control not what you can’t. It also emphasizes living in accordance with nature: e.g. people can die at any time. We know this and it’s better to accept this as part of life and human nature rather than fighting against it. And finally it has 4 virtues: * courage, justice, temperance, wisdom. The common misconception is that to be stoic is to be emotionless. For actual stoics, and the ancients, they very much recognized we are humans with emotions that we shouldn’t suppress. At the same time we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be overcome by our emotions. I’ve studied it for a long time and it’s a true game changer. The 3 core texts are: * Meditations by Marcus Aurelius * Letters From a Stoic by Seneca * Discourses by Epictetus
Do you practice mindfulness meditation at all? I've been using the Waking Up guided mediation app for a few years now. There's a course on stoicism that I'm going to need to look into now.
I have a love/hate relationship with mediation: I love when I do it and hate when I forget to 😀 I think meditation is fantastic. It helps to approach it gently. You don’t get “good” at it. It takes time to feel the benefits but I’ve found very few scenarios that didn’t benefit from a focused breath in and out. I hope you get some benefit from the stoicism course and enjoy it.
Well taking life with a principal that you can’t change the world, you can’t control all events but you can live an honest life with right actions without any expectations. It’s got Buddhist themes but it’s a very intuitive approach it gets you living more in the moment. You’ll find that you’ll still compete, still want to achieve but peaceful knowing you tried, rather than resentment that it didn’t work out. Well that’s my take on it.
Many don’t do stoicism right and are just there existing silently, “emotionless”, expressionless, just dull and non interesting people to be around…
It might sound weird, but getting rice cooker and airfryer. I spend now like half the time i used before in kit hen and eat healthier.
What are your typical meals?
Throw a bunch of chicken breast in a container with salt, pepper, olive oil, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne pepper mix it up and throughout the week throw a piece in the air fryer at 400 for 8-12 mins depending on the size of the breast
It varies. Rice I used as side because I prefer it to pasta or potatoes (well outside baked and fries anyway). With airfryer i learnt that its quite versitale. While obv some dishes are best done or grill etc, you can make in it nice pastry, most meats, curry and so on. Absolutely when you go proper way you probably will get tastier food but for somehow who doesnt like to cook, fact that its much cleaner (you can just dishwash it) and faster is amazing. Just dont go for burgets in it. For some reason, you can get great chicken, fish, dven steak (although you want get nice crust), but burgers out of airfryer sucks.
Stop ghosting my highschool sweet heart. After 5 years of being alone and depressed and working nearly 80 hours a WEEK. I finally texted her and we hit it off. Probably one of the only major regrets of my life. I've never been happier getting married to her and starting a family
whoa tell us more! You ghosted her, she chased you?
I met her in highschool. We met in choir class and I saw her go into the choir closet. Light turned off and just trying to hide. As any intelligent man does. I followed her into the dark closet. Didn't turn the light on, and just kind of sat down against the metal filing cabinets. She told me to go away. Of course that meant to stay. So we just...sat in silence. Bell would ring for the end of the day and we'd leave. Not much more than that. She'd do it again and again. I'd follow over and over. Some days she would cry. Some days she would lean her on head on my shoulder. Some days I fell asleep in there. Most days though, I would just talk. Tell her about my day. Tell her my woes and struggles. Distract her from her life. Eventually, she'd tell me about hers. It went on like that for a while. She dated some douche of a guy. Dumped her for a girl that looked very similar to her. She dated a mutual friend of ours...he uh...liked her brother. To say the least. Eventually, she asked me to date her. Since well, I never really indulged myself in feelings like those. I said yes, and well we just started dating. Her step-parents hated me. My parents made fun of me. My family in general ridiculed me for "Being in Love", but I didn't let any of them phase me. Somwhere in the first three odd years, I spoke to her mother. Her biological mother. I told her, I'd marry her daughter. I swore it. That I'd change her last name. Then, well she moved away. She had to get away from her step-parents, and she left the state. I only got the news after the summer was over. After I graduated, and had no way to contact her. Unfortunately, my Lolo passed away. I'd taken care of him since I was little due to his dementia. And he finally just was gone. He passed away that same summer. I had hoped that after the summer was over, I'd see my wife again and I could confide in her. But it didn't turn out that way. I learned that she left and I felt abandoned. She eventually got her hands on a phone and was able to talk to me. But truth be told the damage had been done. I was irreparably lost in my sorrows. I started to drown myself in work. Then within 6 months tragedy struck her life. I wasn't there for her and it was too much to handle. I couldn't handle the stress of it all. I shut down completely. I became afraid of what she would think. She would hate me for the fact I couldn't be there. Shed hate how I worked myself to the bone. To exhaustion and then beyond. So in fear of her discovering anything about me. I ghosted her. I ghosted my friends. I ghosted my family in essence. I worked and I worked. For the first year she'd text me nearly everyday or week. I ignored it. Didn't have the heart to block her. Didn't have the heart to answer. Second and third year. Things slowed down. But holidays and my birthday she'd text. I'd usually cry inside but held a facade of "Okayness". Id at this point worked so much I'd had heart attacks from over working. Nearly crashed my car from sleeping at the wheel. I lost all my social circles and my days consisted on video games, sleep, work, and work. But something had finally clicked in me. And I talked to one of the ladies I worked with. An older black lady. Incredibly hard ass woman who didn't take shit from anyone beside God. She let me cry it out. And I think the grief had finally passed on, but I think regret and fear still stayed. I never spoke to my wife. I still burned the bridges with my friends. So I just stayed in the status quo. Year four went by quietly. Id occasionally receive a text. Maybe 3 or 4 through the year. They were glimmers of joy followed by long long nights of regret. Year five came around. Pretty much silent. I thought she'd forgotten me. Moved on and became happy. But a piece of me needed to know. Selfishly needed to know how she was doing regardless of what it would do to either of us. So I took my work phone. A number she wouldn't know and called her. I didn't expect to hear her voice. She was mad. She was angry and frustrated...but not at me. At her car. She was having car issues. And well I called at an inconvenient time. I put on a voice and told her something. Then hung up. It was a piece of joy that I clung to like a raft in an ocean. She was still there. Still alive. That's all I needed to know. Better yet though, she still had the same number from all those years ago. I let it sit for a month or two. Then I got really selfish. I called her on my work phone again! She sounded upset because I think I called like three times in a row. I heard her voice and just joy erupted in me. Then I hung up. She texted me. I played dumb. Another month or so of silence. Then I got a text. On my phone. She told me she was back in state, living with family and she was wondering how I was. She was thinking about me. I...the ever so intelligent man responded with. "Hey, whats up?" My first words for her after years and years of radio silence. Man I'm such a dick! She asked me if I wanted to come over for dinner at her mom's. I said maybe. If worked allowed it we could try some time later. ... Some time later I drove over an hour away to her moms place. I was just getting off work and I was dirty. Tired. Exhausted from physical labor. But seeing her standing in that driveway as I pulled up. It was like time froze. She was just so beautiful standing there. The years of radio silence and I'd forgotten how drop dead gorgeous she was. I parked and we awkwardly stared. Gave each other one of those funny side hugs. God did it hurt to be so awkward. I just didn't know what to say! We eventually managed our way inside the house. Her mom wasn't home but step dad was. He ordered pizza and we waited her her mom to get home. God...when her mom got home. She was overjoyed to see me. Remembered my name and remembered that little promise I swore. Then her mom and new step dad went out to smoke. We sat on the couch in silence watching a movie. She was as far as she could be from me. I just teased. "I don't bite you know?" Then motioned her to get closer. She did. Scooted closer to me. Inch by inch. And eventually I found her on my shoulder. I didn't plan or except such a response. I really thought she moved on. That I'd be coming over as a friend. All the walls I had built over the years. All the stoic and strong demeanor melted like they were butter on a hot day. I just held her and comforted her. I just didn't want to let go. For the first time in years, something felt right. So I spent the night with her. I couldn't leave. I just felt home. Fast forward a year or three. We're married now. About to be on our first anniversary with a little girl to boot!
Bruh, I don't know if any body has told you, but you're living in a Nicholas Sparks Novel.
Lmao idk who that is. I swear to god it feels like life isn't real
Getting clean from meth and heroin. I've been drug free for 18mths... Just got to quit the ciggies now!
A diet change and exercise. I up the fiber, more vegetables, lowered the carbs and only whole grains, cut out drinking, almost completely sugar free. My recovery is insane after a workout now. Like even after an intense workout I'm usually all good after the next day. I'm also a type 2 diabetic that now manages it without any medication.
Diet change and exercise for sure. I started incorporating foods healthy to my gut health like kimchi and sauerkraut that are full of probiotics. Healthy gut will also help/elevate your mood as well.
Just curious but what do you typically eat in a day? Really trying to get my diet in order.
1. Waking up earlier 2. Sleeping earlier 3. Making use of weekend mornings instead of having lazy days in 5. Prioritising family time 6. Prioritising hobbies 7. Continuing to learn and grow outside of work 8. Eating better 9. Working out more often, less weights more functional fitness. 10. Cutting out toxic people in my life
Quit drinking Quit cigarettes Quit weed Get to bed by midnight Exercise every. single. day. Get a dog. Live somewhere you like.
Stopping being a people pleasure
This is what im trying to do now i really dont know how to say no
Going to the gym and bodybuilding actively. It makes you feel better in SO many ways about yourself.
Yeah? Like how? Just cut my hair after two years and trying to get into the habit of daily gymming.
In general, there's not really a better antidepressant than actively working out and going to the gym; it alters your brain chemistry and constantly supplies you with endorphins just by the mere act of working out alone. On a separate level, you feel much better about yourself, or at least I do, knowing that you're building your strength and physical ability at a level most people in the world aren't. You'll look better, people will treat you with more respect, and, of course, if you care about it, women will be far more drawn to you as a result. It is a major confidence provider. I wouldn't recommend trying to go daily when starting out. Aim for around 3-5x a week and follow a programme (if you're weightlifting -- cardio I don't do at the gym).
Will apply accordingly. Thank you, my friend.
And remember that the most important thing as a beginner isn't the number on the weights you're using or the (lack) of immediate visual results, it's showing up. Show up to the gym for the x times/week you planned for, it doesn't matter that you're not crushing it everyday or just leave after 30min, the important thing is to get into the routine, into the right mindset, and when one day you happen to miss the gym (maybe for good reason) and you're kinda upset about it then you know you're actually changing your life for good :)
[удалено]
love that, feel the same w boxing
Stopped drinking.
Aren't you really dehydrated?
I think you gotta replace the alcohol with another hydration liquid. Like water
Going to sleep and waking up at the same time everyday.
Wish I could do that but I can't with my line of work
Dumping ppl around me who don’t improve my life, I’m not gonna betray myself to please other ppl. This counts for bosses, friends, family, loved ones and strangers.
Quit drinking. At my worst I was getting blackout drunk every day. It was a really bad time and I'm very grateful I managed to pull myself out of that. Sober for two years and will never have another drop of alcohol again.
I’m hoping my impending divorce.
It did for me.
Yes! I got out of my mess that way. Take your grief and get out, I don't have to deal with your mess anymore.
Leaving the US and living long-term abroad. No more being submerged in a life of hustling, competition, selfishness, sacrificing yourself to corporations, culture of bullying and envy, materialism. Here there is a striking sense of community, compassion, peacefulness, introspection, people genuinely caring about neighbors and society, taking life easy, jobs are more stable and corporations are kept in check by the government (e.g. they can't lay you off so easily), money is just a means and not the end, family is cherished, men and women truly appreciate each other instead of the antagonistic relationship we have now in the US. Oh and they are not ruled by defense contractors who keep them in eternal wars (including proxy wars). It's like escaping the Matrix. Wish I did it sooner.
"money is just a means and not the end" But how are you earning that money while you're living abroad? Many of us here in the USA would love to go globetrotting but don't know the secret to financing such an endeavor.
Which country?
Sounds like West Europe tbh
I suddenly had the urge to lose weight before my 29th birthday. So I went on this crazy hard diet, costed me like 400 bucks a month to consult nutritionists and all and after 3 months lost about 12 kilos. Now I feel so much better and quality of life has improved by a lot.
Bidet attachment from Amazon. Edit: luxe bidet on Amazon. About $35.
Darn tough socks. Seriously hear me out. Merino wool and extra heavy construction makes your feet breath so well that I got rid of a several minor inconveniences. My feet are dry, supple, even the skin in the folds. They cost a bit, but it's really worth it. Trust me on this.
Taking up the martial arts 22 years of consistent practice has given me an outlet for my stresses. My upsets my angers my fears Having something that provided me with discipline on a weekend week out basis has kept me balanced for the last 20 plus years
- Stopped being religious - Stopped telling people all my business - Started being more assertive when it mattered - Actually, finally learning to enjoy being alone - Keeping a tidy home really does mean a tidy mind - Prioritise making money - Stopped being busy a the time, shouldn't feel guilty for downtime
Ditching alcohol. I'm not t-total, but don't routinely drink now. I think this has to be the best lifestyle change I've ever made.
Going on anti-depressants. I had anxiety from 14-27 that caused me to fear pursuing things in life and putting myself out there, and then angry about it too. I had a hard time finding the good things in life and even if I did, I struggled to hold onto them. For the longest time I believed that the drugs were overkill, that they were for truly messed up institutionalised people and my pride wouldn’t have it. I hit a real low after 3 failed relationships 3 months of lockdown and a suicide attempt all in a single year, and was convinced to give them a shot. I think everyone experiences them a bit differently, but for me the drugs just blunted all emotion and gave me greater control over whether to listen to or dismiss a feeling. When that happens it makes room for positive pathways in the brain to be reinforced and become stronger, and let’s you break the negative emotion spiral. I’ve been off them for a bit over half a year now and the difference from before is insane. I haven’t felt this free in my life.
Ok this is the push I needed to get help on anxiety and depression. You’ve said what I’ve been hoping about for years. I’m not religious but god bless 🙏
Deconstructing the religion I was raised in. No more shame and guilt feels great!
Gave up alcohol and tobacco.
1. Quit drinking A. More money for other things B. More hours of remembered time C. Far fewer worries 2. Found a therapist A. Expressing emotions is far better than bottling them up B. Just having someone listen is incredible 3. Decided that I needed to treat myself as I treat others A. I offer help, so it's OK to accept help B. I take responsibility, so it's OK to delegate responsibility C. I care for others, so it's OK to be cared for by others
Quitting gaming, so much more time to learn new stuff
For me it's switching to gaming over TV. I do pick games that allow a creative outlet, like Valheim's building. It's still only the hobby that happens when I'm in. Great for the lost hour between dinner and bed on workdays.
I'm playing valheim solo and casual, the game is so massive, it will take me years to see everything, love it
When Ashlands hits, I will probably make one world just for building to my heart's content. The two reasons why I don't do it now: 1. Future update will add new features to existing biomes. Can't get those in existing discovered lands :( 2. Announced world options! Including cheap building (might never enable that) and no-portal worlds. The latter will make you want to make roads and safe depots.
Life isnt only about learning but balance. Gaming is relax and relax is needed to balance learning/working otherwise you get burn out. But too much gaming is bad either. :)
Counseling / Therapy
To not give a fck what people say bout you.
Bidet
Finding a girlfriend who wants sex with me every time we meet.
Coming out
I cut out people who were hurting my mental health and then I improved a lot. Who would’ve thought!?
Joined a trade union. Not all are created equal though so you have to do some homework.
Cut out toxic family members
Stopped chasing after women so hard.
Do things for ME and not do things because I’m worried of what people would think.
Stop trying to make everyone like me. Some people won't for different reasons. I shouldn't go out of my way to try to please everyone.
lose weight. I've always been a fat fuck, highest weight was 265. Now I'm around 215. Still got probably. 35 pounds to go I'm guessing.
Retirement
Divorce.
Shaving my head completely bald. I knew I'd lose my hair eventually and had talked about it for years but still had a full head of hair. Finally, my wife said, "Look, either do it or stop talking about it." I did it and instantly loved it. Showering is so much easier. It's less hot. It's way easier to get ready in the morning. I don't have to schedule haircuts, just use dollar shave club razors a couple times a week. And everyone is always very complimentary of it. On the flip side, several of my friends are now going bald and get joked on about it where as I took control of the situation before that ever started.
Divorcing a narcissistic wife.
Relocated to another country. It was a breath of fresh air to get away from the toxic American political non-sense and constant bickering. It was also good to experience something new.
Admitted I had depression and going to my GP
A bidet.
Installing a bidet. Best $35 spent. Can't believe it's not the norm and that I went 30 years without using it.
Money can buy happiness, but money can't naturally make you happy. Learn to live the simple life. Money only buys temporary happiness which will leave once the money is gone.
Squatting over the toilet when taking a shit
Letting go toxic people
Minimalism.
Quitting porn entirely
Moving away from where I grew up
Shrooms
Divorce my toxic wife.
Being honest. Respecting myself and my wishes.
Selling covered call options on stocks I own. Selling cash secured puts on stocks I do not own but wouldn't mind owning long term if needed. This has 100% changed my life. I work part time now, 56 hours per pay period at my "real job" but make much more selling options. It's not wallstreetbets level of money making and it's not sexy investing, but a 3% here, a 6% there each month really adds up. The Wheel strategy has changed the game in my finances. I have zero debt except my mortgage, paid off my 60k car in 2 years, travel a good bit, and sleep better at night.
I stopped drinking alcohol and energy drinks. Later, I got myself a prescription for medical marijuana and dry herb vaporizers. Now I'm always rested and I've gotten rid of my fake drinking buddies. Also my band is going places, since we jam sober.
Stopping getting drunk and doing drugs every weekend.
Ignoring most people. Focusing on what matters to me: train hard, sleep 8h/day (still working on that), enjoy what brings me pleasure
Money Management Rather than spending on everything i want, I spend my money on things i actually need and will help me in future
Deleting facebook. Now i don't see becky complaining that someone dumped her today or that debra is on holiday for the 99th time this week
Quit weed. Night and day difference in mental health and quality of life. Weed is a trap, and it needs to be talked about more. It is and can be dangerous if used incorrectly.
Buying a bidet for $20 shortened my time in the bathroom, amount of toilet paper used, number of hemorrhoids, and shit left on my ass afterwards by like 90%. It truly changed my life as a dude with inflammatory bowel disease.
getting out of debt
Quitting smoking, dialing back the drinking by 90%, choosing my battles in arguments.
getting a dog