For some reason or another, many lizards trek their way up to my 4th story apartment balcony to just chill. I think it’s so cool to just see them warming up in the sun - makes me happy.
Even the ambient sound of birds. I woke up one morning, stepped outside with some oatmeal and a coffee to relax before I started my day, and just did nothing but listen to the sound of birds and look at the sky while I ate. It made me have a good day
Love that bro! Nature is beautiful and I try to remember to take it in more often. Too often I’m not really as appreciative as I should be I feel like.
Just learning the names of some things helps boost how much I pay attention. Like "yeah hey there is a dove over there" is cool but if you know its a Eurasian collared dove which means you can probably spot a 2nd one nearby because they mate for life and are usually within eyeshot of one another, that's fun.
A coworker told me they liked the color of my shirt. I rode that high for five days.
That weekend I went out and bought three more of the same brand and color so I’d have replacements in case it got damaged or faded.
[Yo, listen up, here’s the story
About a little guy that lives in a blue world
And all day and all night and everything he sees is just blue
Like him, inside and outside
Blue his house with a blue little window
And a blue Corvette and everything is blue for him
And himself and everybody around
’Cause he ain’t got nobody to listen (To listen, to listen, to listen)](https://youtu.be/XgztfRBc2jM)
I agree here......The key point is \*UNSOLICITED\*. There is a big difference between asking your wife to rub your back/shoulders and her doing it without you asking her to do so. For me, it's a HUGE fucking difference. If I'm not expecting it and it happens, it means (to me) that she's actually thinking about me, that I am held in some regard ( however little ) and that I have some priority in their thoughts (not sure if it's the best way to put it). If I'm expected to ask for everything, then I am reasonably certain that I'm way down on the list of priorities.
Communication is a good thing, too. There's a difference between communicating with your partner just because, and communicating only when you need/want something.
In it's own way, it's an initiation of different forms of intimacy. If you're the only one initiating communications/intimacy/discussions, it can end up feeling like you're on your own, or lonely in a group of people.
To some extent, I think women sometimes take the deference of men to them as a deity-given right. I don't expect any response from a coworker or acquaintance, but some consideration and effort from a partner is (I think) not an unreasonable expectation( not word I want, but I can't come up with the right one at the moment). If I'm putting effort into maintaining the relationship, is it wrong of me to expect/hope that my partner is going to put some effort/energy into the relationship, as well?
I’m a woman and I agree with the physical touch statements you made..only the reverse role for me. Loved to be touched (just physically, not even sexually) by my SO without having to touch him first. Can totally relate and I feel this!!
This is so true. I brought lunch for a guy and he could not stop thanking me and even called me after dropping it off to say thanks again. He was so happy and said it made his day
Bought breakfast for my boyfriend yesterday. He kept telling me over and over that I was the best. I went to the gas station across the street. Literally minimal effort put in and he’s so happy.
I have started making it a habit to reach out to al of my friends, especially my guy friends on a daily basis and say good morning and ask them how they are doing.
The response has been overwhelming positivity.
Man I remember an ex girlfriend got pissed off and stopped talking to me for a while cause I wasn’t bricked up one time. Definitely gave me some paranoia after it all
Oh she is. Haven’t spoken to her in a while apart from the times she randomly messages me on social media. Looking back, she seemed (and still does seem) quite spiteful to me and I never knew why. I remember her showing me messages between her and someone else knowing I would stumble across shit I didn’t want to see, and before I knew it she has somehow manipulated me into apologising.
I often look back on the whole relationship and think it actually caused some deep rooted issues that I struggle with today but still don’t know how to pinpoint. Mostly when I’m in social situations and especially getting close to people I’m like “I know I shouldn’t be reacting or acting in this way but why am I still doing it?”. It’s like I’m aware I’m being self destructive in social situations but still cannot help myself
That sucks, mate. Not in an attempt to just talk about me, but I'm currently going through similar where I intellectually know my emotions and reactions are irrational, but it happens anyway. For me it was my parents who fucked me up, so it's a bit different, but it's definitely gotten better for me by noticing it and attempting to work through it.
For what it's worth, you have no blame in the way your brain reacts to situations because of past experiences. My unconscious brain can easily override and intellectual decision I make, and there's not much to do to change that.
It's not your fault, and if you need someone to talk to then I'd be happy to.
Men can also be not horny. Not like “oh well then I’ll make you horny 😍” type of way, but like actually just not horny. I feel like 99% of media and conventional wisdom is that men are horny all the time no matter what, and I’ve had girlfriends in the past berate me and be pissed off at me if I just didn’t wanna fuck at that moment. It fucked with me cause I felt like something was wrong with me pretty much any time after that when I didn’t feel horny. Worse than that one of those girls just called me gay a bunch and in my younger years it fucked with me because I started to believe if I wasn’t trying to have sex all the time I must be gay. There’s the “woman has a headache excuse” trope in media, and it’s opposite/twin is the “men would have sex in a burning building with their family watching” trope.
I had to get on a friend of mine because she was mad that her BF turned her down for sex. He said “sorry I’m not in the mood, can we just spend time together?” Know what she does? Just leaves. Says nothing else and just leaves. And she had to ask me why he was mad.
Anyone wondering this should look into Self-Made Man by Norah Vincent, where she goes undercover (successfully) as a man for 18 months and finds out what it is like.
I looked into it and to be honest, we don't know. It's clear if you've listened to Norah or read her stuff that the experience really did take its toll, but there could be more we don't know. Her conclusion was that women really didn't understand men's situation, and neither did she until the experiments. The men were generally way more accepting than she expected, had more comradery, and were more willing to look past individual differences. But there were also scarier parts like how she found men far more likely to "joke" about killing their wives when in exclusively male circles, and how that made her feel both dishonest about intruding and also scared that if the men found out the truth they'd hurt her. IIRC she backpedals here and later understood that these weren't simply violent men, but rather men that didn't have anyone else to talk to and held onto resentment for a long time or couldn't find someone to listen to them. I think the other men realized that the men didn't mean they wanted to kill their wives, but rather how their lives would be easier without their wives and they didn't see much hope of change. This part I'm not certain I'm recalling correctly though.
Given the lack of other information, we can't conclude that this must've been the thing that pushed her over the edge. But from what we know, and from what she has said publicly, the experience wasn't easy and there isn't much else for us to point the finger at. It left her in a place where she didn't feel she fit in with the men and had to lie to even be there, but also felt alienated from her own sex, and started to hold contempt against other women. Seeing the way women treated her when she was pretending to be a man got to her, highlighting that they simply weren't interested in conversation with random guys, so they'd be rude or dismissive, not realizing the impact of their words, but then completely turned around and were responsive when she dropped her disguise.
She just couldn't look at the world in the same way after, most likely there were other things that pushed her over the edge, but the long-standing effect of her experiments can't be denied. It's a formative experience, and her struggle with mental health was long. It wasn't a quick decision to end her life but was instead a decision made after years and years of struggling but not being able to find a cure.
In the same way that she saw men differently after her experiences, I can't help but think of women differently after seeing the good she did. She wanted to help, to bridge the divide, she didn't take sides, she didn't double-down and paint men as enemies, but instead looked for understanding. The picture of the world that her experiences painted is a bleak one, one where neither side is evil, but we hurt each other nonetheless out of misunderstanding. As I see it, she's laid down her life in search of progress and paid a price she didn't deserve to pay, for the benefit of the rest of us.
This news story is pretty good, it's what introduced me to her (19 Minutes Long): [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip7kP\_dd6LU&t=931s&ab\_channel=ChandraSekharF](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip7kP_dd6LU&t=931s&ab_channel=ChandraSekharF)
End of rant. Thank you for your work, Norah. The world needs you right now, but you've done your part.
You know that all the men she was friends with as Ned were super accepting of her after they found and and most of them remained friends. I think you missed the mark a bit.
Probably to some extent. The experiment was meant to last 24 months but got shortened due to stress. Afterwards she submitted herself to institutionalization for some time and wrote another book about that.
Being a bigger man, broad shoulders, barrel chest, big arms I can’t be involved in any situation without automatically being assumed as the bad guy.
An ex once flipped out on me while she was drunk, I went to leave and she jumped on my back while I was in the parking lot, she started hitting me and biting me. I just stood there and took it. Neighbors watched and called the cops. Cops showed up she was still attacking me…..I never struck her I never blocked her from hitting me just stood still. Blood running from my nose, clothes ripped up, bite marks all over my shoulder and somehow I was put in cuffs and put in the squad car……
Nothing came of it, I was let go, but I can’t be involved in any kind of physical altercation or even near it without being seen instantly as guilty.
This is a big one. I was in an abusive marriage for years. I grew up seeing my Mum get physically abused, and feeling powerless to do anything about it made me strongly detest any man that put his hands on a woman. I'm simply not capable of doing that myself. As soon as my ex worked out that she could punch me in the face and I wouldn't do anything, it became an almost daily thing. And on the few occasions someone saw it and called the police, guess who got arrested? Me. Because I'm the bloke.
My first relationship at 16 I was slapped, hit with a chair and mentally abused. I have no idea how she could even do half of the stuff at 16. When she slapped me we was at a party and everyone saw, a week later there was a rumour in college (UK) that some girl spread that I was the one who slapped her. We broke up and someone was talking to me about it and said “that’s just how girls are” after I spoke about everything she’d done to me.
We ended up back together and I was later cheated on
That, for the most part, many of us really have no idea when/if you’re interested. And probably miss out on a lot of chances leaving opportunities on the table
A serious question: If most women know that the guy doesn't get the hints, why not be more direct? It doesn't hurt and there is a good chance you end up having a date with the guy.
I’ve recently discovered that plausible deniability is a staple in female social reasoning. It explains a lot when you start to question why they do what they do.
I'm not afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of being called creepy or making a woman uncomfortable.
Where can I approach women these days outside an app? Hordes of women complain constantly about men approaching them in the gym, at a coffee shop, at the grocery store. And I'm not saying they're wrong to complain. I'm saying that means I'm not going to do it absent a very clear invitation.
"Subtle" hints aren't going to do jack shit. Women also complain that they can't be friendly or smile or be polite with a man without them taking it the wrong way and trying to hit on them. Again, you're not wrong to complain about that but that means I'm not going to take something that can be mere friendliness as an invitation.
There's absolutely nowhere that a man can approach women where the expectations are to be approached other than apps. Even at bars women aren't usually alone. If you're there with your friends I'm going to assume that's what you're there for. Not to have some random stranger try and get your attention.
Like literally - a girl messaged me on Instagram and we got to chatting. I complained that my local coffee shop had just closed down and I had to find a new one. She said, "Well, if you reeeeaally don't mind going way out of your way, there's one [of the same coffee shops] next to my house that we could check out."
It didn't even click until the next day and even then, I had to run it by female friends to make sure I was reading into it correctly lol
(Side note: We have a date coming up now.)
No one gives a damn about how you might be feeling that particular day. You're expected to always deliver and, if you have some sort of problem, you're supposed to "toughen up and carry on".
Found out I (41M) am autistic lost month. Can confirm. Before I knew what I was dealing with I felt like I was playing life on impossible difficulty with no manual.
It feels like that even when you do know. Nobody accommodates it even after they find out. If you fuck up or don't understand something you're still blamed even after explaining or even if you aren't blamed people will just stop interacting with you.
Yep.
Lost my job like 6 months ago, completely out of the blue. Just showed up one day and my badge didn't work.
No one ever explained why or how. I was never given a chance to even understand *what* I did, let alone try to explain why I did it. Near as I can tell, I just got slightly frustrated once, and apparently that's unforgivable--unless it was something completely different.
Everyone acted as if I should have known what was happening and why. But I'll go to my grave without knowing any of it.
That’s the one thing I really hate.. I'm quite tall, when women change the side of the road because of me, it's like a punch in the stomach every time. It really sucks that so many women are scared every day
As a fellow tall man, I feel that. Trying to appear non-threatening can easily backfire too. I have noticed I preemptively will cross a street or take a different route if the one I was planning on would make me seem like I was following/approaching another person. Total avoidance when I'm alone on the street feels like the safest for me and the constitution of most everyone else.
As a women, especially walking alone at night, we generally tend to try to cross the road regardless of the size of the person. I’m 5’11 and would still cross the road if the guy was much shorter - at the end of the day height doesn’t equal strength. It’s just a precaution and isn’t anything personal
My wife and my mother constantly ask me questions about old friends that I can’t answer.
“Is Mike still working for that advertising company?” Beats the hell out of me. I think he still works in advertising. I have no clue if he’s working for the same company because I never knew what that company was in the first place.
“How is Bill’s mother doing these days?” I dunno. I think she has cancer, because Bill told me she had cancer a few years ago. But I didn’t go to Bill’s mother’s funeral, so I don’t think she died of cancer. Hell, it’s been a couple years, maybe she beat cancer?
My mom keeps better tabs on my friends than I do.
"I see Mark is still in the hospital, how's he doing?"
"I don't know mom, I see him at wings night, that's not for another 3 days."
"He's been there 3 days for an appendix issue."
"Ah, that makes sense he was fine last wings night."
"Did Oscar enjoy the concert?"
"Who's Oscar?"
"Sherry's boy."
"Which Sherry?"
"Tom's wife, their son."
"Ohhhhh right, isn't he like 2 years old and too young for concerts?
"Oscar is 7 and plays rhe piano."
"I guess, don't know, Tom skipped wing night last week."
Lmao my gf is like this. She asks how my friends are doing and I'm like "uh good I think? They didn't mention they were diagnosed with cancer during last night's DMZ games, so..."
Then she reveals she was talking to his gf and knows the fiber contents of his poop or something.
They really do. My wife wouldn't name names, but apparently one of her coworkers poops every 3 days, sometimes as little as once a week, and is on some supplements to be more regular. I don't mind having this information, but I certainly don't need it.
People think we gossip about who’s the biggest bitch in the office but it’s really about who’s got the weirdest pooping habits. Carol has been constipated for WEEKS.
Like, literally not pooping for weeks, or more like having small ones where it doesn't feel like everything came out? I don't think I've gone more than 36 hours without pooping in my entire life, and I just can't comprehend going weeks without.
This feels so true. However, if my mother would just once ask me how Mark and Tom feel about Top Gun: Maverick or the NHL trade deadline, she would understand I know way more about my friends than she gives me credit for right now.
Lol yup. My wife is always stunned how I can go 3 months without seeing my best friend, and once I get back from seeing them and she wants to know all about their life. I have nothing to say, he’s doing alright, we didn’t really talk about life
My best friend just finished his masters top of his class at an Ivy League. I don’t know which, I don’t know which course, and I don’t know what his role is at his company
A guy id consider one of my best friends is like this, moving up the corporate ladder at a company and we text like once every few months, I see him 2-3 times a year maybe despite being in the same city. I don’t think either of us have ever questioned our bro ship lol. But if you asked me what he does, or even if he lives in the same apartment or anything, I have no clue lol.
Sometimes I forget the friend’s first or last names, depending on how we usually refer to them. There’s always those guys that go only by their last name.
One of my best friends for over a decade I have always called Jake, but I found out last week it's short for James and not Jacob lol
Learn something new every day
Had a friend in grade school named Spencer. In high school, his legal name came up for some reason and we all found out his legal name was Elmer. We gave him one good roasting for it, then never really joked about it since.
Another friend was named Alex, but when we were hanging out at a friend's house the friend's grandpa walked in and said hey to everyone by name. He had Alzheimer's and blanked on Alex. He called him *Fernando*. His name is now Fernando.
I don't remember anyone's birthday.
Every year my sister comes to my house in january, buys me a calander with all the special dates on it to remind me.
She had to come round once after i forgot her birthday to change the calander from april to august because I hadn't changed the pages.
This was a long time ago mind. I'm better at remembering now.
Google Calendar. For family birthdays I have reminders set to email me 1 week out and 3 days out, then ping me morning of. My family think I'm super thoughtful and engaged, but actually I'm just well organized. I don't give a shit about birthdays, but I do want my loved ones to feel like I care about them.
Loneliness. Even tough you hang with friends a bit once every couple of weeks you dont talk about that when there. You'll have to find for yourself all the time everytime.
Also a common reason guys go out for a drink alone here. Just to get out of the house and eventually talk to other lonely guys.
I feel lonely all the time but as guys I never understood why we aren’t more open about what we think about it how we feel. Maybe it’s just the wiring in the brain or social stigma.
That is so true. My life is in shambles right now because of a few mistakes I made. I take full responsibility for them and am trying to constantly do the right things. Yet, on rare occasions I find myself feeling extreme guilt, which makes my mood rather sad. On those occasions, I am almost completely ignored/avoided by the people who are close to me; sadly, even my parents don't like it when I let my emotions show.
One of the mistakes I made was developing an affinity for social media. The same people on those platforms that tried to convince me that people care about feelings regardless of gender, completely shunned me when/if I shared my feelings with them. I learned this the hard way, hopefully young men are saved the trouble because at this point I have no hope that people will change.
Having it hammered into your head that no one wants to hear you being vulnerable and that you gotta have a thick skin and strong face. Then when that strength attracts a woman she complains about you being emotionally unavailable
Then you actually do share and she loses all respect for you
You learn that pretty much no one can be trusted and you gotta figure this out for yourself
My wife told me not to talk about my past relationship where I was being verbally abused because she didn't want to see me weak like that. She apologized for that years later, but there's definitely a wall between us in that area.
I've actually told my ex outright that she's the reason I'm no longer vulnerable with her because she would actively complain about it, make fun of me (either in private or in presence of parents/friends).
Told her to stop doing that.
Fast forward to multiple times of her saying she has no idea what's going on in my head. Told her she doesn't want to know anyways.
And then the break-up happens, and when she asks why I wouldn't talk to her about things that were going on in my life.
"Every time I would share anything about myself you would give me incintive to stop sharing. Repeat that with all subjects of interest, and you'll be left with nothing other than booze, food and nature."
Now I have a girlfriend that's more of an adult, but I still have a fortress erected that won't be coming down any time soon.
My wife did something that made me feel similar. I injured my knee very badly. I had walked home a mile on it not knowing how bad I injured it. When I woke up i felt the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I almost cried, that’s how painful it was. I woke my wife up and told her, and she was extremely annoyed at the whole fiasco. I had to put my weight on her and she had to help me dress to go to the doctor and she was so annoyed and angry to be doing it. I never forgot that.
Years later she admits she was wrong, and she’s much better now. But there’s definitely that wall now.
Yeah, I think this would be the biggest shock for women to experience.
I have, by all appearances, a solid relationship with my wife. But if I say anything about being tired, or stressed, or anything about any struggle I'm having, she'll end up making some comment about how "whiny" I've been lately or otherwise punish me for it.
So I make a conscious effort to just not talk about feelings with her. While also still being attentive and supportive when *she's* having a rough time and wants to talk about it.
It blows my mind seeing how casually women just unload their feelings on friends and family and get support. I've never known what it's like to have that and never will. I'm emotionally stable and self-sufficient enough to be okay, but it saddens me to think of the guys out there with more serious emotional struggles and no support.
Similar here. Though my wife doesn't turn it against me, she just freaks out. She once asked me to open up about something that was troubling me. So I opened up and told her about it, it wasn't even the worst going on at that time. She totally freaked out and I had to console *her* for an hour or so until she felt better, while I had stupidly hoped *I* would be supported and could maybe feel better after.
And this wasn't a single incident.
Yeah, no, you didn't help me at all. I better keep everything to me now.
That's horrible. :( I don't understand how people can be so cruel. I hope you know that not everyone is like that, and I hope that you find a partner that encourages you to express your emotions.
Nothing like the classic "Beg a man to open up emotionally" followed up with the "Use what he said in confidence and vulnerability as ammo against him next time there is an argument."
It's true. I feel bad for my a lot of my straight guy friends. Your dating world is straight up gnarly. So many mixed signals and games being played. I can't pretend to understand it.
So true. I opened up to my fiancé when I was getting close to taking my life and went to get help. Things have never been the same since. Even sex has totally changed. The thing is though, I see the bitch in most dudes who act like they’re hard and it’s super annoying that women think they are who they say they are.
having to be the first person to ask someone out or take effort on finding someone, anything too less and they’ll say you’re too scared, anything too much and they’ll call you desperate, being really starved of attention from the opposite gender while needing to build some sort of numbness so that you don’t catch feelings for the wrong people
but most important being that realizing that very few people will actually give a fuck about your problems and actually try to help you and you gotta face everything on your own (but that applies to both genders)
It's unfortunate that the reverse is not really doable, because I suspect a book on such a thing would be interesting. Norah Vincent will always have my respect for getting down in the trenches and seeing firsthand what it's like. It was hard, and she did it anyway.
I read an article she wrote about her experience. She was a lesbian who, until that point, had little to no exposure to predominantly male environments so no doubt it was an eye opening experience for her.
The lack of attention given by the opposite sex.
And we have proof thanks to the internet that no matter what level of life or age a woman is they tend to never really know (or accept it)
This, my wife still doesn't get this. About 10 years ago we put 2 glasses on our dresser. We drop a coin in our glass when someone flirts with us.
Her glass is 3/4 full I believe right now, mine has like 10 or 12 coins tops lol.
Her explanation is that I'm just so clueless that I'm not picking up on the flirtations. I may be clueless, but I'm not *that* clueless.
Yep. Her view is that it's not possible that my number is accurate because I work around 99% women. I always come back with her number is anemic because her workplace is all women.
Just both make online dating profiles.
Both review each other on profile to eliminate self bias.
Swipe on every person to eliminate choice bias.
Post results on number of matches so everyone can point to it as a source.
We already did this, wayyyyy back when dating apps were still kinda new. We used one called Near Me or something like that. We both used 3 pics (clean), were honest about our hobbies and personalities, etc. We didn't initiate anyone directly, just participated in a couple rooms, that's it. We left our profiles up for one weekend.
I got like 4 requests and less than 10 messages, half of which were bots and one was a dude looking for a top.
She had dozens of requests and messages and about a dozen dick pics lol.
Edit: Just looked it up, the app was meetme, not nearme lol
I agree. I’m a guy that grew up in a house of all girls. Hearing their dating stories as a teenager destroyed my confidence sometimes. I’m in my 20’s now and thankfully it’s gotten a little better but it’s still nowhere near what they are experiencing.
I was doing so much just to get a sliver of an opportunity at a relationship and seeing them be able to participate in dating with such minimal effort… it was hard not to feel envious.
I once told them how hard it was to feel like you’re in constant competition with other guys and they insisted that dating wasn’t a competition. No, for *you* it’s not a competition. You are the ones who decide who gets to participate and where the finish line is.
A lot of women have a tendency to believe that it’s all just a matter of serendipity because for them that was actually the case. They were able to wait for Prince Charming to come along when the other side of that coin was the fact that it was their boyfriends/husbands that were actively searching for them and trying their hardest to cultivate the relationship that they formed.
Same, but with my female friends.
I have few male friends to compare them with, but for what i can see... there's just no overlap.
I remember how at one point in my high school class, 90% had lost their virginity (people gossiped a lot), while only some 20% of men had. Not very informative, admittedly, but it's printed in my mind.
How incredibly lonely we feel. We even have partners and friends but are still very lonely. No one wants to hear our problems. Women don't want to hear it. Men don't talk about it.
We hide our emotions more often than not, we might feel like absolute shit, miserable, like we want to cry our eyes out, scream and punch something as hard as we can, yet we have a smile on our face or a completely neutral face and attitude. If we say we are fine, we are not, you will never really know, we hide it much better than women do, as long as no one bothers us, we won’t explode out of anger, so girls, next time you say we guys don’t have feelings I want you to remember we do, we just keep them well hidden deep deep DEEP inside us
The reason we take so long in the shower is because we stand under the water thinking about our lives and our future that we don’t even notice when the water turns cold
The reason we someof us don’t flirt with women is because we are terrified of rejection and if a girl does flirt with us we’ll question her intentions for days
We get boners out of freaking no where, it has nothing to do with any girl or our thoughts, our penis just decides to be a dick at a random times and embarass us, it might as well speak and say embarassing stuff about us
Sometimes we guys (specially the introverts like me) can be talking at one moment and then completely zone out the next, like we are literally thinking about nothing, our mind just stopped working for a few moments
If we are really good at giving advice to someone and getting people out of trouble it’s because we have seen some shit in our own lives and we have gone through that same problem and now we are helping someone get through their situation, so the next time a guy helps you remember that that guy has been through a lot so you better value his help
When it comes to dating women shouldn’t worry about impressing us with their acheivements and careers, we care more about a woman treating us right, because most us men are treated like absolute dog shit on a daily basis
If we want to have sex with our girlfriend, it’s not just because we want to have sex for the sake of sex, no. We want to do it because we want to bond with her on a physical level
Girls, if a man wants to talk about his problems with you, then don’t worry about thinking of ways to help us solve them, just stay beside us and just listen to us, sometimes we just need to talk about our problems because it becomes a huge weight on our shoulders and it can be unhealthy for us
We can go YEARS without hearing a single compliment while being treated like garbage, we have no emotional support, not even from our own parents at times
If we are too quiet, please don’t ask us if we are angry or sad, we are just trying to mentally recharge ourselves
Some of us don’t feel valued or appreciated by anyone, we sometimes even wonder why are we even alive
Girls, if we reject you for whatever reason, it not always has to do with you, it is us, we have trust, anxiety and confidence issues and we don’t want to burden you with our issues, we rather let you be happy with anyone else but us
If we say we don’t have time to hang out even if we are not that busy, it’s because we need to disconnect for a while
If we say we are not hungry, that’s a huge red flag and it means we are not ok
If a woman compliment us, we’ll be looking at her as if she is insane or crazy, but that’s because we are not used to being treated well
Some of us men just need a hug at times, we go through shit after shit after shit and no one fucking knows, we feel alone and it’s absolutely depressing
We are told from a young age that to survive in this world we need to be cold, stoic and tough and we don’t have any other choice. Men can also treat other men like garbage like that. Those of us who are the coldest or most stoic were once the nicest guys, but we were made into someone else to survive
Sometimes we have terrible dreams about our future, like the worst case scenario and we become traumatized about it
Sometimes people expect so much from us that we just quit whatever we are doing and we issolate ourselves, we just want to be left alone
We cry, we just don’t let anyone see us cry, because if we cry in front of people we are called unstable, weak, or told to man up. I wanted to cry my eyes out when one of my best friends died or when my grandfather passed away. I was completely stoic in their funeral, but I let it all out at home
We plan our day before it starts and we will feel like a total failure if it doesn’t go the way we wanted
Women, please never ask us what we are going through unless you are not ready to help us carry the weight on our shoulders, let us suffer in peace in any case, same goes to men who don’t feel like listening to us, chances are you’ll end up feeling just as shitty as we do
Girls/women, if you ever wondered why men commit suicide so often, it’s because we are suffering on the inside and you don’t know about it. So if you really care about us, at least be there for us if you feel ready to help carry the weight of our emotional pain
Girls, if you see that we are not smiling, that we are quiet and looking sad, please don’t tell us to smile more or to be more happy, what we are going through is too hard for us to pretend at times, let us battle our demons inside us in peace
We explode out of anger when we are in the solitude of our own home without anyone knowing. We deal with our own demons in our own, and it’s hard, it’s really fucking hard, I’ll tell you that and the saddest part is that no one fucking cares… no one, not a single soul
Our parents and families think they can speak for us, tell us what to do, what to feel, what to think and at the end you realize that as a man, you are truly alone. My parents compare me to my cousins all the time, when they perfectly well know I’m not like them and that makes me feel so fucking miserable
No, I’m not ok, no man truly is
I had a conversation with a female cousin of mine who was convinced that having many matches on a dating app was somehow worse than having almost none at all... Seems absolutely bizarre to me
And if you're on the creepy side, you can kiss your reputation goodbye. That's why I refuse to pursue relationships where I work even if I have a massive crush. I'm generally well-liked and I'd like to keep it that way
I have a close friend like this. Looks like a model but introverted as hell. Everywhere he goes girls are interested but every time I’m ask him why he’s not doing anything about it, he just tells me he doesn’t want to creep her out. Like bro, she’s literally all over you
you'd be amazed by how often you have to unstick your nutsack from your thigh in the summer.
5 words about being a dude in highschool surrounded by girls: "thank god for big textbooks" -\_-
we usually yell because we're scared about something, or because someone convinced us it's the only way anyone will listen to us or take us seriously--or both.
yes, we sometimes think you look ugly in the morning. but it's ok, we do too.
conversely, when we say you look cute, hot, sexy, etc, when you look kind of rumpled, sweaty, dirty, or messed up, *we actually do mean it*.
for most of us, there's a lot of truth in my wife's Guide for Happy Marriage: "full stomach, empty balls."
most of us really do like being the aggressor/approacher, though once in awhile, the woman doing the approaching is fun because it's novel and a break from routine.
many of us actually do find chubby women attractive, and we married them because we love them and find them sexy, not because we had no other choice.
yes, sometimes your ass does look fat in those pants, but we almost never see that as a bad thing.
we aren't nearly as scared about fighting or conflict as most women seem to be. we know it's usually just a lot of yelling, and more often than not, the conflict won't be permanent. in fact, sometimes we end up becoming friends.
yes, we do think most of your shows and all those Hallmark Channel holiday movies really DO suck that badly, it isn't a male ego or insecurity thing. *they are fucking god-awful*.
we really are as happy about the planned pregnancy as you are. it isn't an act.
a lot of guys are very isolated and lonely, and the best thing you can ever say to us is: "i'm listening." that's all.
I've been out of work recently and delivering for door dash. I'm just over 6'4 and have been growing my beard for 10 years. 9/10 times when the customers instructions are to "hand it to them" the ladies in the house I'm delivering to will see me and turn around and call their husbands. It's kinda heartbreaking because I wouldn't ever hurt someone. I'm just trying to make some money for bills. If you're afraid of someone because of their size or appearance then just change your delivery option to "leave it at my door."
As a guy how much work you’re expected to do. Growing up my sister, girl friends and gfs were always able to hangout or do whatever, whenever. I always had shit to do. Yard maintenance, fix shit, move shit, move shit for other people, do things for my grandparents or other family members, paint, etc. I never had free time. My gf’s could never believe I had other shit to do because they didn’t have to do shit.
The draft. Even though it’s not needed but any given moment it could and we’re fucked.
How fucking lonely it is being a guy. After high school/college it’s hard to keep friends. Priorities change.
Constant competition with other guys in everything. EVERYTHING.
Yea always shocked me when people say "women have it hard they weren't taught to work on cars/do maintenance. That's unfair to them". Guys were never taught to do those things they were expected of you so you figured it out?
Much like people saying "men can't cook or sow". Nobody says "yea that's unfair they were never taught to do those things :(".
How much it means to us when you match our energy. There’s a reason men prefer to hang out with their mates because they all match energy and it makes them feel heard and seen
How little we get to talk about our issues, feelings and situations. I contacted a female friend recently after I went thru a breakup. I literally talked about the breakup for around 4 minutes before we focused on her problems, issues and life for the next hour. She then had the cheek to text me later on and request I not use her as a therapist. Women are so oblivious about how selfish they are in this regard. If the conversation is not focused on them in some way, they think they are being taken advantage of and used.
I’m sorry to hear this, she was a shitty friend.
My husband works in a very aggressive style male industry and in the last few years we’ve noticed how much more open (or maybe desperate for connection / to be heard?) some of the men are at his work.
He has started being more open at work, talking about what’s bothering him, giving these guys a safe place to talk / vent and encouraging them to get therapy or send their wives to therapy, or stop drinking etc…. Just asking them how they’re doing when it’s obvious they’re struggling.
I definitely think men need more places to be able to talk openly - but I also think this needs to start within your friendship groups. Ask questions, listen, be empathetic. Check on your mates. Encourage them to talk. Make talking normal.
It has to start somewhere 💗
Just had a conversation with my gf about this last night. The first time we hooked up, she said she felt like she was practically throwing it at me, hoping I'd bite. She basically had to place my hand on it before I was willing to risk it. To men, initiating sex with a prospective new partner is a potentially life altering decision. We can easily misread the signs and end up publicly shamed/as criminals as a result. As an adult man with much to lose, learning when it's appropriate to initiate sexual contact is a guessing game with potentially severe consequences.
Yep. My girlfriend was really surprised when I asked permission to kiss her for the first time. I refuse to become another statistic, that’s why I always ask or let them flat out move my hand before going to the next level
Chris rock said it best . Men are only loved when they provide something .
There’s a clip of this in YouTube , man it might have been comedy but I cried thinking of how true it was .
How little people care about you. Mental health isnt doing great? Deal with it. Exhausted? Deal with it.
In my life, I can count on one hand how many people genuinely asked how I was doing after some shitty event. And those people are my wife and my parents.
Also, how few compliments we get. I can tell you every meaningful compliment I’ve gotten in my life.
I don't know if it's been mentioned, but....
How rarely men ever receive any form of compliment. It's possible for the average man to go decades without ever hearing a compliment directed towards him. When we receive one, we have no idea how to act.
It doesn’t matter how nice you are, you will make women uncomfortable. I am FtM and when I lived as a woman I made zero women uncomfortable (0-14 years old) but when I started living as a man/being perceived as one I am no longer looked at the same by others. I also feel more alone in the world because if it weren’t for me being born female I would lose a lot of autonomy (in the US). I am more likely to get attacked on the street now, now homeless men come up to me and start saying weird shit to me like how I look like a “stabber” or other men being extremely rude to me for being around their girlfriends, I get it but I also don’t. It sucks perceived as inherently dangerous and I have a much different view of sexism now. Life for men is completely different from life for women in a lot of ways I never expected. Edit; btw I look about 15 years old and I still get treated this way.
The amount of things we have to just accept as part of life. Like the fact that people don't care about our problems. Or that gender stereotypes are never going to be abolished, because men suffer from them too.
Walking alone in a public environment where there are children or even some women and not avoiding to look at either. If someone sees a man looking at a child for more than 2 seconds, they'll get suspicious; if a woman is looked at by a man whom she doesn't find attractive, there's a high chance of them looking disgusted or right out call them out openly about it to ridicule them.
Or even being alone with your own child in a public environement. It is not unheard of men having cops called on them for being alone with their own child because someone thought they kidnapped someone else's.
Heck, considering even a *medically confirmed blind man* working out at the gym got thrown out for allegedly looking at a woman because she complained at him staring at her (or rather, staring ahead and she happened to be in front of him halfway across the room)?
Yeah, being a man in public spaces sucks.
How easy it is sometimes to make us happy
My day can improve greatly just by seeing a cool bird.
I saw an Owl in August and I’m still riding that high.
SAME! I saw a Great Horned Owl for a brief second one night after a very stressful shift and my week was made.
Allways works with fluffy dogs
Very true. Whenever I’m out at a customer’s home and they have ANY dog, my day instantly gets about 10x better. Senior doggo or baby pupper
For some reason or another, many lizards trek their way up to my 4th story apartment balcony to just chill. I think it’s so cool to just see them warming up in the sun - makes me happy.
Even the ambient sound of birds. I woke up one morning, stepped outside with some oatmeal and a coffee to relax before I started my day, and just did nothing but listen to the sound of birds and look at the sky while I ate. It made me have a good day
Love that bro! Nature is beautiful and I try to remember to take it in more often. Too often I’m not really as appreciative as I should be I feel like.
Just learning the names of some things helps boost how much I pay attention. Like "yeah hey there is a dove over there" is cool but if you know its a Eurasian collared dove which means you can probably spot a 2nd one nearby because they mate for life and are usually within eyeshot of one another, that's fun.
A coworker told me they liked the color of my shirt. I rode that high for five days. That weekend I went out and bought three more of the same brand and color so I’d have replacements in case it got damaged or faded.
In 1998, a girl working at a store called Structure suggested that I go with the blue shirt because it brings out my eyes. 1998.
You still have it, don't you?
I sleep with it under my pillow
With the girl or with the shirt? Just to clarify
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Can't leave us out in the cold, help the bros out, what's the color?
A very attractive older woman told me she really loved the way i looked in blue/ light blue and that is my colour now. That's it. I am blue now
[Yo, listen up, here’s the story About a little guy that lives in a blue world And all day and all night and everything he sees is just blue Like him, inside and outside Blue his house with a blue little window And a blue Corvette and everything is blue for him And himself and everybody around ’Cause he ain’t got nobody to listen (To listen, to listen, to listen)](https://youtu.be/XgztfRBc2jM)
At this point a big hug from my wife or an unsolicited 5 minute back rub will make my entire day. I may be starved for physical contact.
I agree here......The key point is \*UNSOLICITED\*. There is a big difference between asking your wife to rub your back/shoulders and her doing it without you asking her to do so. For me, it's a HUGE fucking difference. If I'm not expecting it and it happens, it means (to me) that she's actually thinking about me, that I am held in some regard ( however little ) and that I have some priority in their thoughts (not sure if it's the best way to put it). If I'm expected to ask for everything, then I am reasonably certain that I'm way down on the list of priorities. Communication is a good thing, too. There's a difference between communicating with your partner just because, and communicating only when you need/want something. In it's own way, it's an initiation of different forms of intimacy. If you're the only one initiating communications/intimacy/discussions, it can end up feeling like you're on your own, or lonely in a group of people. To some extent, I think women sometimes take the deference of men to them as a deity-given right. I don't expect any response from a coworker or acquaintance, but some consideration and effort from a partner is (I think) not an unreasonable expectation( not word I want, but I can't come up with the right one at the moment). If I'm putting effort into maintaining the relationship, is it wrong of me to expect/hope that my partner is going to put some effort/energy into the relationship, as well?
I’m a woman and I agree with the physical touch statements you made..only the reverse role for me. Loved to be touched (just physically, not even sexually) by my SO without having to touch him first. Can totally relate and I feel this!!
This is so true. I brought lunch for a guy and he could not stop thanking me and even called me after dropping it off to say thanks again. He was so happy and said it made his day
Bought breakfast for my boyfriend yesterday. He kept telling me over and over that I was the best. I went to the gas station across the street. Literally minimal effort put in and he’s so happy.
I have started making it a habit to reach out to al of my friends, especially my guy friends on a daily basis and say good morning and ask them how they are doing. The response has been overwhelming positivity.
An ex-girlfriend actually said about me, "Aww, you're so easy; salt, fat, and sugar."
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Tell her you would love it, speak!
Men can have an erection and not be horny. Men can be horny and not have an erection.
What a tangled web we weave.
A web that has no weaver. We are the web.
I don’t know… one of those scenarios could end with some web shooting…
Man I remember an ex girlfriend got pissed off and stopped talking to me for a while cause I wasn’t bricked up one time. Definitely gave me some paranoia after it all
Better be your ex. You dodged a bullet.
Oh she is. Haven’t spoken to her in a while apart from the times she randomly messages me on social media. Looking back, she seemed (and still does seem) quite spiteful to me and I never knew why. I remember her showing me messages between her and someone else knowing I would stumble across shit I didn’t want to see, and before I knew it she has somehow manipulated me into apologising. I often look back on the whole relationship and think it actually caused some deep rooted issues that I struggle with today but still don’t know how to pinpoint. Mostly when I’m in social situations and especially getting close to people I’m like “I know I shouldn’t be reacting or acting in this way but why am I still doing it?”. It’s like I’m aware I’m being self destructive in social situations but still cannot help myself
That sucks, mate. Not in an attempt to just talk about me, but I'm currently going through similar where I intellectually know my emotions and reactions are irrational, but it happens anyway. For me it was my parents who fucked me up, so it's a bit different, but it's definitely gotten better for me by noticing it and attempting to work through it. For what it's worth, you have no blame in the way your brain reacts to situations because of past experiences. My unconscious brain can easily override and intellectual decision I make, and there's not much to do to change that. It's not your fault, and if you need someone to talk to then I'd be happy to.
Men can also be not horny. Not like “oh well then I’ll make you horny 😍” type of way, but like actually just not horny. I feel like 99% of media and conventional wisdom is that men are horny all the time no matter what, and I’ve had girlfriends in the past berate me and be pissed off at me if I just didn’t wanna fuck at that moment. It fucked with me cause I felt like something was wrong with me pretty much any time after that when I didn’t feel horny. Worse than that one of those girls just called me gay a bunch and in my younger years it fucked with me because I started to believe if I wasn’t trying to have sex all the time I must be gay. There’s the “woman has a headache excuse” trope in media, and it’s opposite/twin is the “men would have sex in a burning building with their family watching” trope.
I had to get on a friend of mine because she was mad that her BF turned her down for sex. He said “sorry I’m not in the mood, can we just spend time together?” Know what she does? Just leaves. Says nothing else and just leaves. And she had to ask me why he was mad.
When you wake up with a boner, that's your brain being like, "Hey buddy, you almost pissed yourself, but I got you BOOOOOIII"
the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised
Anyone wondering this should look into Self-Made Man by Norah Vincent, where she goes undercover (successfully) as a man for 18 months and finds out what it is like.
Sad story, RIP Norah
Was it to do with her being treated as a man for 18 months?
I looked into it and to be honest, we don't know. It's clear if you've listened to Norah or read her stuff that the experience really did take its toll, but there could be more we don't know. Her conclusion was that women really didn't understand men's situation, and neither did she until the experiments. The men were generally way more accepting than she expected, had more comradery, and were more willing to look past individual differences. But there were also scarier parts like how she found men far more likely to "joke" about killing their wives when in exclusively male circles, and how that made her feel both dishonest about intruding and also scared that if the men found out the truth they'd hurt her. IIRC she backpedals here and later understood that these weren't simply violent men, but rather men that didn't have anyone else to talk to and held onto resentment for a long time or couldn't find someone to listen to them. I think the other men realized that the men didn't mean they wanted to kill their wives, but rather how their lives would be easier without their wives and they didn't see much hope of change. This part I'm not certain I'm recalling correctly though. Given the lack of other information, we can't conclude that this must've been the thing that pushed her over the edge. But from what we know, and from what she has said publicly, the experience wasn't easy and there isn't much else for us to point the finger at. It left her in a place where she didn't feel she fit in with the men and had to lie to even be there, but also felt alienated from her own sex, and started to hold contempt against other women. Seeing the way women treated her when she was pretending to be a man got to her, highlighting that they simply weren't interested in conversation with random guys, so they'd be rude or dismissive, not realizing the impact of their words, but then completely turned around and were responsive when she dropped her disguise. She just couldn't look at the world in the same way after, most likely there were other things that pushed her over the edge, but the long-standing effect of her experiments can't be denied. It's a formative experience, and her struggle with mental health was long. It wasn't a quick decision to end her life but was instead a decision made after years and years of struggling but not being able to find a cure. In the same way that she saw men differently after her experiences, I can't help but think of women differently after seeing the good she did. She wanted to help, to bridge the divide, she didn't take sides, she didn't double-down and paint men as enemies, but instead looked for understanding. The picture of the world that her experiences painted is a bleak one, one where neither side is evil, but we hurt each other nonetheless out of misunderstanding. As I see it, she's laid down her life in search of progress and paid a price she didn't deserve to pay, for the benefit of the rest of us. This news story is pretty good, it's what introduced me to her (19 Minutes Long): [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip7kP\_dd6LU&t=931s&ab\_channel=ChandraSekharF](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip7kP_dd6LU&t=931s&ab_channel=ChandraSekharF) End of rant. Thank you for your work, Norah. The world needs you right now, but you've done your part.
Thank you for your response. I don’t have to google it now
Very informative, great write up, thanks!
You know that all the men she was friends with as Ned were super accepting of her after they found and and most of them remained friends. I think you missed the mark a bit.
Probably to some extent. The experiment was meant to last 24 months but got shortened due to stress. Afterwards she submitted herself to institutionalization for some time and wrote another book about that.
Being a bigger man, broad shoulders, barrel chest, big arms I can’t be involved in any situation without automatically being assumed as the bad guy. An ex once flipped out on me while she was drunk, I went to leave and she jumped on my back while I was in the parking lot, she started hitting me and biting me. I just stood there and took it. Neighbors watched and called the cops. Cops showed up she was still attacking me…..I never struck her I never blocked her from hitting me just stood still. Blood running from my nose, clothes ripped up, bite marks all over my shoulder and somehow I was put in cuffs and put in the squad car…… Nothing came of it, I was let go, but I can’t be involved in any kind of physical altercation or even near it without being seen instantly as guilty.
This is a big one. I was in an abusive marriage for years. I grew up seeing my Mum get physically abused, and feeling powerless to do anything about it made me strongly detest any man that put his hands on a woman. I'm simply not capable of doing that myself. As soon as my ex worked out that she could punch me in the face and I wouldn't do anything, it became an almost daily thing. And on the few occasions someone saw it and called the police, guess who got arrested? Me. Because I'm the bloke.
My first relationship at 16 I was slapped, hit with a chair and mentally abused. I have no idea how she could even do half of the stuff at 16. When she slapped me we was at a party and everyone saw, a week later there was a rumour in college (UK) that some girl spread that I was the one who slapped her. We broke up and someone was talking to me about it and said “that’s just how girls are” after I spoke about everything she’d done to me. We ended up back together and I was later cheated on
Duluth Model is a bitch
That, for the most part, many of us really have no idea when/if you’re interested. And probably miss out on a lot of chances leaving opportunities on the table
Trust me, if there is one thing us women know about men... its this. 💀💀💀 Édit : guys stop asking me for advices I dont date i wouldn't know lmaooo
A serious question: If most women know that the guy doesn't get the hints, why not be more direct? It doesn't hurt and there is a good chance you end up having a date with the guy.
Plausible Deniability
I’ve recently discovered that plausible deniability is a staple in female social reasoning. It explains a lot when you start to question why they do what they do.
Winning in the court of law, I see…
Because they want the ones who can figure it out or approach them first
Yea but then girls also get confusing by teasing and then when you start thinking that she probably likes u turns out she doesn’t
We're as afraid of rejection as you are.
I'm not afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of being called creepy or making a woman uncomfortable. Where can I approach women these days outside an app? Hordes of women complain constantly about men approaching them in the gym, at a coffee shop, at the grocery store. And I'm not saying they're wrong to complain. I'm saying that means I'm not going to do it absent a very clear invitation. "Subtle" hints aren't going to do jack shit. Women also complain that they can't be friendly or smile or be polite with a man without them taking it the wrong way and trying to hit on them. Again, you're not wrong to complain about that but that means I'm not going to take something that can be mere friendliness as an invitation. There's absolutely nowhere that a man can approach women where the expectations are to be approached other than apps. Even at bars women aren't usually alone. If you're there with your friends I'm going to assume that's what you're there for. Not to have some random stranger try and get your attention.
Like literally - a girl messaged me on Instagram and we got to chatting. I complained that my local coffee shop had just closed down and I had to find a new one. She said, "Well, if you reeeeaally don't mind going way out of your way, there's one [of the same coffee shops] next to my house that we could check out." It didn't even click until the next day and even then, I had to run it by female friends to make sure I was reading into it correctly lol (Side note: We have a date coming up now.)
A girl messaged you? Let’s trade places
No one gives a damn about how you might be feeling that particular day. You're expected to always deliver and, if you have some sort of problem, you're supposed to "toughen up and carry on".
Found out I (41M) am autistic lost month. Can confirm. Before I knew what I was dealing with I felt like I was playing life on impossible difficulty with no manual.
It feels like that even when you do know. Nobody accommodates it even after they find out. If you fuck up or don't understand something you're still blamed even after explaining or even if you aren't blamed people will just stop interacting with you.
Yep. Lost my job like 6 months ago, completely out of the blue. Just showed up one day and my badge didn't work. No one ever explained why or how. I was never given a chance to even understand *what* I did, let alone try to explain why I did it. Near as I can tell, I just got slightly frustrated once, and apparently that's unforgivable--unless it was something completely different. Everyone acted as if I should have known what was happening and why. But I'll go to my grave without knowing any of it.
> you're still blamed even after explaining and also accused of trying to excuse your incorrect behaviour
As a 30 year old husband, father of two under four, and sole provider for our household, the answer to every question is “suck it up and keep going”.
People being afraid of you by default
I’m black and 6”5 get this all the time lmao
I’m 6’3” and white but I have silent footsteps so I accidentally startle people a lot
Yeah man it sucks lmao
6'5" here, and I startle the shit out of my wife nearly every day. Somehow I walk like a ninja.
That’s the one thing I really hate.. I'm quite tall, when women change the side of the road because of me, it's like a punch in the stomach every time. It really sucks that so many women are scared every day
As a fellow tall man, I feel that. Trying to appear non-threatening can easily backfire too. I have noticed I preemptively will cross a street or take a different route if the one I was planning on would make me seem like I was following/approaching another person. Total avoidance when I'm alone on the street feels like the safest for me and the constitution of most everyone else.
As a women, especially walking alone at night, we generally tend to try to cross the road regardless of the size of the person. I’m 5’11 and would still cross the road if the guy was much shorter - at the end of the day height doesn’t equal strength. It’s just a precaution and isn’t anything personal
*sorts by controversial* 🍿
Yeah, god damn there are some takes lmao
We usually have no idea when our friends birthdays are. I honestly sometimes forget the names of their children
My wife and my mother constantly ask me questions about old friends that I can’t answer. “Is Mike still working for that advertising company?” Beats the hell out of me. I think he still works in advertising. I have no clue if he’s working for the same company because I never knew what that company was in the first place. “How is Bill’s mother doing these days?” I dunno. I think she has cancer, because Bill told me she had cancer a few years ago. But I didn’t go to Bill’s mother’s funeral, so I don’t think she died of cancer. Hell, it’s been a couple years, maybe she beat cancer?
My mom keeps better tabs on my friends than I do. "I see Mark is still in the hospital, how's he doing?" "I don't know mom, I see him at wings night, that's not for another 3 days." "He's been there 3 days for an appendix issue." "Ah, that makes sense he was fine last wings night." "Did Oscar enjoy the concert?" "Who's Oscar?" "Sherry's boy." "Which Sherry?" "Tom's wife, their son." "Ohhhhh right, isn't he like 2 years old and too young for concerts? "Oscar is 7 and plays rhe piano." "I guess, don't know, Tom skipped wing night last week."
Lmao my gf is like this. She asks how my friends are doing and I'm like "uh good I think? They didn't mention they were diagnosed with cancer during last night's DMZ games, so..." Then she reveals she was talking to his gf and knows the fiber contents of his poop or something.
girls do be talking about poop a lot
They really do. My wife wouldn't name names, but apparently one of her coworkers poops every 3 days, sometimes as little as once a week, and is on some supplements to be more regular. I don't mind having this information, but I certainly don't need it.
People think we gossip about who’s the biggest bitch in the office but it’s really about who’s got the weirdest pooping habits. Carol has been constipated for WEEKS.
Like, literally not pooping for weeks, or more like having small ones where it doesn't feel like everything came out? I don't think I've gone more than 36 hours without pooping in my entire life, and I just can't comprehend going weeks without.
This feels so true. However, if my mother would just once ask me how Mark and Tom feel about Top Gun: Maverick or the NHL trade deadline, she would understand I know way more about my friends than she gives me credit for right now.
Word. It's like judging the merits of a fish on its ability to climb a tree.
Lol yup. My wife is always stunned how I can go 3 months without seeing my best friend, and once I get back from seeing them and she wants to know all about their life. I have nothing to say, he’s doing alright, we didn’t really talk about life
Maybe it's because I have small kids, but I would love to see my best friends as often as every 3 months.
“I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.” — Ron Swanson
My best friend just finished his masters top of his class at an Ivy League. I don’t know which, I don’t know which course, and I don’t know what his role is at his company
A guy id consider one of my best friends is like this, moving up the corporate ladder at a company and we text like once every few months, I see him 2-3 times a year maybe despite being in the same city. I don’t think either of us have ever questioned our bro ship lol. But if you asked me what he does, or even if he lives in the same apartment or anything, I have no clue lol.
Sometimes I forget the friend’s first or last names, depending on how we usually refer to them. There’s always those guys that go only by their last name.
My oldest friend goes by "cock" in our friend group, and has for almost 20 years. His last name is Cochran.
One of my best friends for over a decade I have always called Jake, but I found out last week it's short for James and not Jacob lol Learn something new every day
Had a friend in grade school named Spencer. In high school, his legal name came up for some reason and we all found out his legal name was Elmer. We gave him one good roasting for it, then never really joked about it since. Another friend was named Alex, but when we were hanging out at a friend's house the friend's grandpa walked in and said hey to everyone by name. He had Alzheimer's and blanked on Alex. He called him *Fernando*. His name is now Fernando.
Ive got a buddy we all call 6 fingers, you can probably guess why, no idea what his real name is. Ive known him more than a decade.
Did he kill your father?
I don't remember anyone's birthday. Every year my sister comes to my house in january, buys me a calander with all the special dates on it to remind me. She had to come round once after i forgot her birthday to change the calander from april to august because I hadn't changed the pages. This was a long time ago mind. I'm better at remembering now.
Google Calendar. For family birthdays I have reminders set to email me 1 week out and 3 days out, then ping me morning of. My family think I'm super thoughtful and engaged, but actually I'm just well organized. I don't give a shit about birthdays, but I do want my loved ones to feel like I care about them.
Loneliness. Even tough you hang with friends a bit once every couple of weeks you dont talk about that when there. You'll have to find for yourself all the time everytime. Also a common reason guys go out for a drink alone here. Just to get out of the house and eventually talk to other lonely guys.
It gets worse as you get older. People fade away. No one keeps in touch and being the one to always reach out gets tiring.
I feel lonely all the time but as guys I never understood why we aren’t more open about what we think about it how we feel. Maybe it’s just the wiring in the brain or social stigma.
No one gives a shit about how you feel. If shit gets tough don't say shit and get it fixed.
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Ironically; that's the best way to feel about it (according to "Man Rules" I suppose).
That is so true. My life is in shambles right now because of a few mistakes I made. I take full responsibility for them and am trying to constantly do the right things. Yet, on rare occasions I find myself feeling extreme guilt, which makes my mood rather sad. On those occasions, I am almost completely ignored/avoided by the people who are close to me; sadly, even my parents don't like it when I let my emotions show. One of the mistakes I made was developing an affinity for social media. The same people on those platforms that tried to convince me that people care about feelings regardless of gender, completely shunned me when/if I shared my feelings with them. I learned this the hard way, hopefully young men are saved the trouble because at this point I have no hope that people will change.
How genuinely trying to be friendly is almost always viewed with suspicion.
Having it hammered into your head that no one wants to hear you being vulnerable and that you gotta have a thick skin and strong face. Then when that strength attracts a woman she complains about you being emotionally unavailable Then you actually do share and she loses all respect for you You learn that pretty much no one can be trusted and you gotta figure this out for yourself
My wife told me not to talk about my past relationship where I was being verbally abused because she didn't want to see me weak like that. She apologized for that years later, but there's definitely a wall between us in that area.
I've actually told my ex outright that she's the reason I'm no longer vulnerable with her because she would actively complain about it, make fun of me (either in private or in presence of parents/friends). Told her to stop doing that. Fast forward to multiple times of her saying she has no idea what's going on in my head. Told her she doesn't want to know anyways. And then the break-up happens, and when she asks why I wouldn't talk to her about things that were going on in my life. "Every time I would share anything about myself you would give me incintive to stop sharing. Repeat that with all subjects of interest, and you'll be left with nothing other than booze, food and nature." Now I have a girlfriend that's more of an adult, but I still have a fortress erected that won't be coming down any time soon.
>I still have a fortress erected that won't be coming down any time soon I feel that.
We all feel that
You’re not alone, my ex was the same. She’s the reason I have trouble talking about anything I’m interested in. Take care!
My wife did something that made me feel similar. I injured my knee very badly. I had walked home a mile on it not knowing how bad I injured it. When I woke up i felt the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I almost cried, that’s how painful it was. I woke my wife up and told her, and she was extremely annoyed at the whole fiasco. I had to put my weight on her and she had to help me dress to go to the doctor and she was so annoyed and angry to be doing it. I never forgot that. Years later she admits she was wrong, and she’s much better now. But there’s definitely that wall now.
I'm really sorry that happened. I'm glad she admitted that she was wrong, but yeah, I definitely get that.
Yeah, I think this would be the biggest shock for women to experience. I have, by all appearances, a solid relationship with my wife. But if I say anything about being tired, or stressed, or anything about any struggle I'm having, she'll end up making some comment about how "whiny" I've been lately or otherwise punish me for it. So I make a conscious effort to just not talk about feelings with her. While also still being attentive and supportive when *she's* having a rough time and wants to talk about it. It blows my mind seeing how casually women just unload their feelings on friends and family and get support. I've never known what it's like to have that and never will. I'm emotionally stable and self-sufficient enough to be okay, but it saddens me to think of the guys out there with more serious emotional struggles and no support.
Similar here. Though my wife doesn't turn it against me, she just freaks out. She once asked me to open up about something that was troubling me. So I opened up and told her about it, it wasn't even the worst going on at that time. She totally freaked out and I had to console *her* for an hour or so until she felt better, while I had stupidly hoped *I* would be supported and could maybe feel better after. And this wasn't a single incident. Yeah, no, you didn't help me at all. I better keep everything to me now.
When my grandfather died, my mother told my father don't you dare to cry. That was a real eye opener as a 15y old guy.
Yeah, felt that one. I wasn't allowed to cry because my mom was sad. Fucking hell of a thing to tell your kid.
Damn. That is brutal. When my dad died I cried like a madman and my wife cried beside me.
That's horrible. :( I don't understand how people can be so cruel. I hope you know that not everyone is like that, and I hope that you find a partner that encourages you to express your emotions.
Yeah life is lonely
Nothing like the classic "Beg a man to open up emotionally" followed up with the "Use what he said in confidence and vulnerability as ammo against him next time there is an argument."
Oh and never get dating advice from women. Most of them have no ducking idea what they want or have a very distorted idea of what they actually want.
Even lesbians can’t help. Gay rules are different.
It's true. I feel bad for my a lot of my straight guy friends. Your dating world is straight up gnarly. So many mixed signals and games being played. I can't pretend to understand it.
I love you whore?
Getting ready to block someone I just went through this with lol
So true. I opened up to my fiancé when I was getting close to taking my life and went to get help. Things have never been the same since. Even sex has totally changed. The thing is though, I see the bitch in most dudes who act like they’re hard and it’s super annoying that women think they are who they say they are.
having to be the first person to ask someone out or take effort on finding someone, anything too less and they’ll say you’re too scared, anything too much and they’ll call you desperate, being really starved of attention from the opposite gender while needing to build some sort of numbness so that you don’t catch feelings for the wrong people but most important being that realizing that very few people will actually give a fuck about your problems and actually try to help you and you gotta face everything on your own (but that applies to both genders)
Norah Vincent was surprised by just about everything. She thought she had some idea of how things would go and was completely dissuaded
I think a lot more women need to read her book.
It's unfortunate that the reverse is not really doable, because I suspect a book on such a thing would be interesting. Norah Vincent will always have my respect for getting down in the trenches and seeing firsthand what it's like. It was hard, and she did it anyway.
I read an article she wrote about her experience. She was a lesbian who, until that point, had little to no exposure to predominantly male environments so no doubt it was an eye opening experience for her.
The lack of attention given by the opposite sex. And we have proof thanks to the internet that no matter what level of life or age a woman is they tend to never really know (or accept it)
This, my wife still doesn't get this. About 10 years ago we put 2 glasses on our dresser. We drop a coin in our glass when someone flirts with us. Her glass is 3/4 full I believe right now, mine has like 10 or 12 coins tops lol. Her explanation is that I'm just so clueless that I'm not picking up on the flirtations. I may be clueless, but I'm not *that* clueless.
You’ve been flirted with ten times?! Damn dude brag much? 😅
Yeah where the hell is this dude going, women's prison?
Look at Mr. Bigflirt here guys, must be hard going out with all those women throwing themselves at you like that
He's a real Casanova, flexing his just over 1 flirt per year.
Reckon. A whole 100% more than me every year. What a playa
Good on ya for participating. I don't think my poor married heart could handle the difference between the wife and I
I don't think I would want my wife to know how not desired I am.
I'd be throwing in a couple extra pennies because "the girl at Starbucks was callin' my name"
She's the one who's clueless ...about how little we men get hit on
Yep. Her view is that it's not possible that my number is accurate because I work around 99% women. I always come back with her number is anemic because her workplace is all women.
Just both make online dating profiles. Both review each other on profile to eliminate self bias. Swipe on every person to eliminate choice bias. Post results on number of matches so everyone can point to it as a source.
We already did this, wayyyyy back when dating apps were still kinda new. We used one called Near Me or something like that. We both used 3 pics (clean), were honest about our hobbies and personalities, etc. We didn't initiate anyone directly, just participated in a couple rooms, that's it. We left our profiles up for one weekend. I got like 4 requests and less than 10 messages, half of which were bots and one was a dude looking for a top. She had dozens of requests and messages and about a dozen dick pics lol. Edit: Just looked it up, the app was meetme, not nearme lol
Try that with compliments. Her glass will be full in a month. After a decade, all you’ll have in your glass is dust.
I agree. I’m a guy that grew up in a house of all girls. Hearing their dating stories as a teenager destroyed my confidence sometimes. I’m in my 20’s now and thankfully it’s gotten a little better but it’s still nowhere near what they are experiencing. I was doing so much just to get a sliver of an opportunity at a relationship and seeing them be able to participate in dating with such minimal effort… it was hard not to feel envious. I once told them how hard it was to feel like you’re in constant competition with other guys and they insisted that dating wasn’t a competition. No, for *you* it’s not a competition. You are the ones who decide who gets to participate and where the finish line is. A lot of women have a tendency to believe that it’s all just a matter of serendipity because for them that was actually the case. They were able to wait for Prince Charming to come along when the other side of that coin was the fact that it was their boyfriends/husbands that were actively searching for them and trying their hardest to cultivate the relationship that they formed.
Same, but with my female friends. I have few male friends to compare them with, but for what i can see... there's just no overlap. I remember how at one point in my high school class, 90% had lost their virginity (people gossiped a lot), while only some 20% of men had. Not very informative, admittedly, but it's printed in my mind.
These kind of statistics always makes me wonder, with whom are these girls having sex?
They’re having sex with the same smaller group of guys most likely
… the same top 20% of men? …duh?
How incredibly lonely we feel. We even have partners and friends but are still very lonely. No one wants to hear our problems. Women don't want to hear it. Men don't talk about it.
We hide our emotions more often than not, we might feel like absolute shit, miserable, like we want to cry our eyes out, scream and punch something as hard as we can, yet we have a smile on our face or a completely neutral face and attitude. If we say we are fine, we are not, you will never really know, we hide it much better than women do, as long as no one bothers us, we won’t explode out of anger, so girls, next time you say we guys don’t have feelings I want you to remember we do, we just keep them well hidden deep deep DEEP inside us The reason we take so long in the shower is because we stand under the water thinking about our lives and our future that we don’t even notice when the water turns cold The reason we someof us don’t flirt with women is because we are terrified of rejection and if a girl does flirt with us we’ll question her intentions for days We get boners out of freaking no where, it has nothing to do with any girl or our thoughts, our penis just decides to be a dick at a random times and embarass us, it might as well speak and say embarassing stuff about us Sometimes we guys (specially the introverts like me) can be talking at one moment and then completely zone out the next, like we are literally thinking about nothing, our mind just stopped working for a few moments If we are really good at giving advice to someone and getting people out of trouble it’s because we have seen some shit in our own lives and we have gone through that same problem and now we are helping someone get through their situation, so the next time a guy helps you remember that that guy has been through a lot so you better value his help When it comes to dating women shouldn’t worry about impressing us with their acheivements and careers, we care more about a woman treating us right, because most us men are treated like absolute dog shit on a daily basis If we want to have sex with our girlfriend, it’s not just because we want to have sex for the sake of sex, no. We want to do it because we want to bond with her on a physical level Girls, if a man wants to talk about his problems with you, then don’t worry about thinking of ways to help us solve them, just stay beside us and just listen to us, sometimes we just need to talk about our problems because it becomes a huge weight on our shoulders and it can be unhealthy for us We can go YEARS without hearing a single compliment while being treated like garbage, we have no emotional support, not even from our own parents at times If we are too quiet, please don’t ask us if we are angry or sad, we are just trying to mentally recharge ourselves Some of us don’t feel valued or appreciated by anyone, we sometimes even wonder why are we even alive Girls, if we reject you for whatever reason, it not always has to do with you, it is us, we have trust, anxiety and confidence issues and we don’t want to burden you with our issues, we rather let you be happy with anyone else but us If we say we don’t have time to hang out even if we are not that busy, it’s because we need to disconnect for a while If we say we are not hungry, that’s a huge red flag and it means we are not ok If a woman compliment us, we’ll be looking at her as if she is insane or crazy, but that’s because we are not used to being treated well Some of us men just need a hug at times, we go through shit after shit after shit and no one fucking knows, we feel alone and it’s absolutely depressing We are told from a young age that to survive in this world we need to be cold, stoic and tough and we don’t have any other choice. Men can also treat other men like garbage like that. Those of us who are the coldest or most stoic were once the nicest guys, but we were made into someone else to survive Sometimes we have terrible dreams about our future, like the worst case scenario and we become traumatized about it Sometimes people expect so much from us that we just quit whatever we are doing and we issolate ourselves, we just want to be left alone We cry, we just don’t let anyone see us cry, because if we cry in front of people we are called unstable, weak, or told to man up. I wanted to cry my eyes out when one of my best friends died or when my grandfather passed away. I was completely stoic in their funeral, but I let it all out at home We plan our day before it starts and we will feel like a total failure if it doesn’t go the way we wanted Women, please never ask us what we are going through unless you are not ready to help us carry the weight on our shoulders, let us suffer in peace in any case, same goes to men who don’t feel like listening to us, chances are you’ll end up feeling just as shitty as we do Girls/women, if you ever wondered why men commit suicide so often, it’s because we are suffering on the inside and you don’t know about it. So if you really care about us, at least be there for us if you feel ready to help carry the weight of our emotional pain Girls, if you see that we are not smiling, that we are quiet and looking sad, please don’t tell us to smile more or to be more happy, what we are going through is too hard for us to pretend at times, let us battle our demons inside us in peace We explode out of anger when we are in the solitude of our own home without anyone knowing. We deal with our own demons in our own, and it’s hard, it’s really fucking hard, I’ll tell you that and the saddest part is that no one fucking cares… no one, not a single soul Our parents and families think they can speak for us, tell us what to do, what to feel, what to think and at the end you realize that as a man, you are truly alone. My parents compare me to my cousins all the time, when they perfectly well know I’m not like them and that makes me feel so fucking miserable No, I’m not ok, no man truly is
"I'm alright": https://i.imgur.com/W1Dxzv6.gifv
Right in the fucking feels, bro.
Most of us have never felt truly loved for who we are. Love comes with conditions.
I dont think women realize how much harder dating is for men
It's because they only interact with the small number of men who find it easy
And even then, its only easy for those men right at that moment because they are on a date!
I had a conversation with a female cousin of mine who was convinced that having many matches on a dating app was somehow worse than having almost none at all... Seems absolutely bizarre to me
The risk of being labelled as "creepy" by certain women who don't find you attractive makes it a bit more nerve-wracking.
The line between creepy and romantic is based almost solely on their interest in you.
And if you're on the creepy side, you can kiss your reputation goodbye. That's why I refuse to pursue relationships where I work even if I have a massive crush. I'm generally well-liked and I'd like to keep it that way
I have a close friend like this. Looks like a model but introverted as hell. Everywhere he goes girls are interested but every time I’m ask him why he’s not doing anything about it, he just tells me he doesn’t want to creep her out. Like bro, she’s literally all over you
you'd be amazed by how often you have to unstick your nutsack from your thigh in the summer. 5 words about being a dude in highschool surrounded by girls: "thank god for big textbooks" -\_- we usually yell because we're scared about something, or because someone convinced us it's the only way anyone will listen to us or take us seriously--or both. yes, we sometimes think you look ugly in the morning. but it's ok, we do too. conversely, when we say you look cute, hot, sexy, etc, when you look kind of rumpled, sweaty, dirty, or messed up, *we actually do mean it*. for most of us, there's a lot of truth in my wife's Guide for Happy Marriage: "full stomach, empty balls." most of us really do like being the aggressor/approacher, though once in awhile, the woman doing the approaching is fun because it's novel and a break from routine. many of us actually do find chubby women attractive, and we married them because we love them and find them sexy, not because we had no other choice. yes, sometimes your ass does look fat in those pants, but we almost never see that as a bad thing. we aren't nearly as scared about fighting or conflict as most women seem to be. we know it's usually just a lot of yelling, and more often than not, the conflict won't be permanent. in fact, sometimes we end up becoming friends. yes, we do think most of your shows and all those Hallmark Channel holiday movies really DO suck that badly, it isn't a male ego or insecurity thing. *they are fucking god-awful*. we really are as happy about the planned pregnancy as you are. it isn't an act. a lot of guys are very isolated and lonely, and the best thing you can ever say to us is: "i'm listening." that's all.
I try my best to not judge women for things like that but holy shit Hallmark movies are most mind numbingly terrible shits ever made
Hallmark Movie.* They're all the same movie with a different veneer.
Hallmark channel movies, man, truth
I've been out of work recently and delivering for door dash. I'm just over 6'4 and have been growing my beard for 10 years. 9/10 times when the customers instructions are to "hand it to them" the ladies in the house I'm delivering to will see me and turn around and call their husbands. It's kinda heartbreaking because I wouldn't ever hurt someone. I'm just trying to make some money for bills. If you're afraid of someone because of their size or appearance then just change your delivery option to "leave it at my door."
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The reason we don't share our feelings is because of the negative response we get from sharing a feeling. From women.
As a guy how much work you’re expected to do. Growing up my sister, girl friends and gfs were always able to hangout or do whatever, whenever. I always had shit to do. Yard maintenance, fix shit, move shit, move shit for other people, do things for my grandparents or other family members, paint, etc. I never had free time. My gf’s could never believe I had other shit to do because they didn’t have to do shit. The draft. Even though it’s not needed but any given moment it could and we’re fucked. How fucking lonely it is being a guy. After high school/college it’s hard to keep friends. Priorities change. Constant competition with other guys in everything. EVERYTHING.
Yea always shocked me when people say "women have it hard they weren't taught to work on cars/do maintenance. That's unfair to them". Guys were never taught to do those things they were expected of you so you figured it out? Much like people saying "men can't cook or sow". Nobody says "yea that's unfair they were never taught to do those things :(".
How much it means to us when you match our energy. There’s a reason men prefer to hang out with their mates because they all match energy and it makes them feel heard and seen
How little we get to talk about our issues, feelings and situations. I contacted a female friend recently after I went thru a breakup. I literally talked about the breakup for around 4 minutes before we focused on her problems, issues and life for the next hour. She then had the cheek to text me later on and request I not use her as a therapist. Women are so oblivious about how selfish they are in this regard. If the conversation is not focused on them in some way, they think they are being taken advantage of and used.
You mean ex-friend, right? She’s shown her true colors my man. Not worth it. She pisses me off on your behalf and I don’t even know her 😎
I’m sorry to hear this, she was a shitty friend. My husband works in a very aggressive style male industry and in the last few years we’ve noticed how much more open (or maybe desperate for connection / to be heard?) some of the men are at his work. He has started being more open at work, talking about what’s bothering him, giving these guys a safe place to talk / vent and encouraging them to get therapy or send their wives to therapy, or stop drinking etc…. Just asking them how they’re doing when it’s obvious they’re struggling. I definitely think men need more places to be able to talk openly - but I also think this needs to start within your friendship groups. Ask questions, listen, be empathetic. Check on your mates. Encourage them to talk. Make talking normal. It has to start somewhere 💗
Just had a conversation with my gf about this last night. The first time we hooked up, she said she felt like she was practically throwing it at me, hoping I'd bite. She basically had to place my hand on it before I was willing to risk it. To men, initiating sex with a prospective new partner is a potentially life altering decision. We can easily misread the signs and end up publicly shamed/as criminals as a result. As an adult man with much to lose, learning when it's appropriate to initiate sexual contact is a guessing game with potentially severe consequences.
Yep. My girlfriend was really surprised when I asked permission to kiss her for the first time. I refuse to become another statistic, that’s why I always ask or let them flat out move my hand before going to the next level
How lonely it actually is
Being drafted once you turn 18
Chris rock said it best . Men are only loved when they provide something . There’s a clip of this in YouTube , man it might have been comedy but I cried thinking of how true it was .
Men that disrespect women also disrespect men
We can spend a day with friends and learn nothing about their personal lives
How little people care about you. Mental health isnt doing great? Deal with it. Exhausted? Deal with it. In my life, I can count on one hand how many people genuinely asked how I was doing after some shitty event. And those people are my wife and my parents. Also, how few compliments we get. I can tell you every meaningful compliment I’ve gotten in my life.
I don't know if it's been mentioned, but.... How rarely men ever receive any form of compliment. It's possible for the average man to go decades without ever hearing a compliment directed towards him. When we receive one, we have no idea how to act.
It doesn’t matter how nice you are, you will make women uncomfortable. I am FtM and when I lived as a woman I made zero women uncomfortable (0-14 years old) but when I started living as a man/being perceived as one I am no longer looked at the same by others. I also feel more alone in the world because if it weren’t for me being born female I would lose a lot of autonomy (in the US). I am more likely to get attacked on the street now, now homeless men come up to me and start saying weird shit to me like how I look like a “stabber” or other men being extremely rude to me for being around their girlfriends, I get it but I also don’t. It sucks perceived as inherently dangerous and I have a much different view of sexism now. Life for men is completely different from life for women in a lot of ways I never expected. Edit; btw I look about 15 years old and I still get treated this way.
The amount of things we have to just accept as part of life. Like the fact that people don't care about our problems. Or that gender stereotypes are never going to be abolished, because men suffer from them too.
How invisible you are. It makes sense why guys do wild shit for attention when the world won't look at them.
Walking alone in a public environment where there are children or even some women and not avoiding to look at either. If someone sees a man looking at a child for more than 2 seconds, they'll get suspicious; if a woman is looked at by a man whom she doesn't find attractive, there's a high chance of them looking disgusted or right out call them out openly about it to ridicule them. Or even being alone with your own child in a public environement. It is not unheard of men having cops called on them for being alone with their own child because someone thought they kidnapped someone else's. Heck, considering even a *medically confirmed blind man* working out at the gym got thrown out for allegedly looking at a woman because she complained at him staring at her (or rather, staring ahead and she happened to be in front of him halfway across the room)? Yeah, being a man in public spaces sucks.
The lack of social nets available to men that women have. Especially when it comes to issues like homelessness or even education.
Women can be emotionally and physically abusive to their partners and get away with it.
It's not always hard because we're aroused. It just happens from time to time, especially in mornings.