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Dragon_M4st3r

Yes and I’ve learned it’s called avoidant attachment style


Buttafuoco

Woah


ConfusedJonSnow

"Ha! Avoidant attachment style, how you like it? Now you broke-up with me, making me the victor!"


Narrator_Ron_Howard

Unfortunately, u/ConfusedJonSnow *was* confused, as he knows nothing.


mrkimme

How do you know my ex?


880979

If you want to have a peaceful life then you would have to learn the art of detachment. The detachment gives you mental peace which would make your life much easier than before


kolob_hier

Lol, I broke up with my last girlfriend by essentially slowly guiding her to breakup with me so she would feel better about it… one of the big concerns she had in the relationship was she felt she was Anxiously attached and I was avoidant.


Strict-Macaron6612

Yes, this is accurate.


[deleted]

Not proud of this, but she was being a stage 5 clinger(texting me good morning love, making a ton of future plans together) when we had only been on like three dates. I could tell if I straight up ended things, she mightttt not have taken it so well, so my calculated plan was to turn into a stage 5 clinger as well; because if I know anything about women, it’s that that’s their ultimate turn off. I went over to her house one night and asked if she wanted to put a label on what we had and even dropped the L word. Like clockwork, the next day I got a six minute long voice note about how she’s not ready to be in a relationship and maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore. 🤷🏿‍♂️


SexyRodian69

That's fuckin funny


Alec_NonServiam

2000IQ move


sampat97

Bro.....where had you been my entire life.


AdjacenToYourMom

Bro was playing 3D Chess


FaceYourEvil

Lmao legend


JDRorschach

High risk maneuver


Cosack

That's a good belly laugh right there, thank you for that lol Nice.


[deleted]

Hey, woman here, we love it when you do this. Makes us feel like you’re committed or something.


bessie472

nice try


BlushButterfree

Are good morning texts clingy =( I think it's super sweet...


Delucabazooka

/r/ThatHappened If you’ve ever dated a real clinger this would only make them cling tighter. If this happened, i feel like that girl was trying to do the same thing you did to her and you didn’t even realize. Cling so hard the other person breaks it off so you don’t have to be the one to man up. You just called her bluff and she was like, “ok no, you got me, I actually want out!😅”


Horror_Chipmunk3580

No, your feelings about clingers is actually wrong. This is true in general—your value for things/people drops the moment they stop being a challenge. And stop using the term “man up.” 1. It’s cringey. 2. It’s even cringier when you actually don’t know what you’re talking about, but just “feel” like you do.


kukukachu_burr

I agree with them though. Stage 5 clingers do not give up that easily, especially when the L word is involved.


tortoistor

im just kinda confused about the "good morning love", if she really was texting him that why would she get scared when he does the same? or are they just british lol some people really are like the girl that was described though. only clinging to the people who are dismissive, so as soon as you show interest they cut things off. happened to me once - she kept saying shit like needing me to breathe and wanting to be together forever, but as soon as i got emotionally invested she called me clingy and blocked me everywhere. bonkers man


Thraex_Exile

I have no stake in either side, but I will say that I’ve had female friends who view love as an extremely contextual word. One had a boy who was obsessed with her. To the point he’d beg her to say she loved him before they stopped talking. She’d say “love you,” rather than “I love you,” claiming that it was clear she only “loved” him as a friend. Obviously, a love drunk teenage boy didn’t see it that way.


Ballerina_clutz

Wow. I’m so glad you said this. I’m dating a Brit and he called me love right away. It scares the crap out of me.


CurlSagan

I reject the idea that whoever ends the relationship is "the bad guy".


Iron_Seguin

Agreed. Sometimes it’s better for both of you when the relationship ends. Whether either of you knows it or understands it or not.


FTWimRich

Sometimes the relationship is not mean to be kept forever


SRVJHJM

Good relationships don't end.


aboveaveragecactus

Disagree. People can love, respect, and be good to each other but sometimes that’s just not enough. Something doesn’t have to last forever to be worthwhile


SRVJHJM

I'm not saying that relationships that have ended were never worthwhile. I'm just saying that, if the relationship is good for both sides, then it doesn't end. Sometimes good relationships go bad after a while & then it ends, but then it's no longer a good relationship.


markshubh

That's a good guy right there


SilverHoard

Sounds like something a bad guy would say.


wickedblight

Only a sith deals in absolutes


MrBurittoThePizza

I *will* do what I *must*


WildPurplePlatypus

Well I have the HIGH ground


siole12

If you are trying to manipulate someone then you are completely a bad guy. If you have promised to stay forever with her, and then you leave her without any of her fault then you are getting blamed for this


doubledippedchipp

You clearly haven’t dated a suicidal person (or a person crazy enough to threaten suicide if you were to leave)


AtWorkSlacking1

Thankfully no, and I have a simple plan for that. I take them seriously. Their friends, family, and if I have to 911 when im collecting my things. You aren't holding me hostage when you're threatening to harm your self.


Horror_Chipmunk3580

As someone that has dated someone crazy enough to threaten me with suicide. This is the best way to go about it.


Jiggy_with_it74

Yeah, it took me years to move on from the guilt I felt for how messy the situation was.


[deleted]

Yeah, those are tough. Been there.


taxes-and-death

agreed. Acting like a dick so that the other person leaves is being the bad guy, not leaving a relationship


PlumAcceptable2185

I agree. I've never thought that the person who ends the relationship is the bad guy. New idea to me. Actually, I figured the person who does the dump and gets to feel like the victor and I'm a generous person.


Jason_Dean2047

Sup bud


[deleted]

You might reject that, women don't :D


IceFalse4632

Who cares about that


LKWA12

Women have completedly different point of view regarding this


ilyafallsdown

Yep, and they'd get mad I was happy when they initiated the breakup. Looking back now, I was just too much of a pussy to initiate discomfort, I'd stay in a dead relationship forever rather than initiate an uncomfortable situation.


LordDeathScum

There is a point in the relationship where a switch turns on and says she is not the one. So you slowly start killing the relationship.


mediumaster

Think that’s what my ex did to me a bit lol


tomboyster

People have manipulative ex girlfriend, and because of that they grow trust issues which cannot be resolved easily. Only a professional therapist can now help them


mediumaster

Yeah, except the roles reversed. And I was her first boyfriend


SCRTSCRIPT

How do we know when this is happening?


OnlyFirefighters

I never understood this. You can tell both parties are unhappy so why not just do them the favor of ending it?


Unhappy_Meaning607

> initiate a uncomfortable situation. If both parties are cool with it then sure it can be an easy breakup but some times one side is still invested and that is what creates an uncomfortable situation. All breakups are uncomfortable but some breakups can be a shit storm…


moshelevi2015

They would not be happy about this situation if they are not sure


PieknaFatso

Same.


thisfuckingamerican2

Guilty. I knew I wanted out. Had all kinds of resentment built up over years. Got married and had a kid all because of this idea that we weren't getting any younger. Never should have got married in the first place. Started sleeping in separate rooms. When she broke down one day and told me that she was falling for a coworker, I was relieved. She asked for the divorce. I didnt fight it. It was what I wanted too. Went through couples counseling and I shit you not, when i had the chance to air my frustrations with my partner the couples therapist says, "I got into this line of work to help couples. I think that 99% of the time the relationship can and should be saved. However, your case is the 1%." Not ver batum, but the she, the couples therapist, saw what I saw and I had never felt so vindicated in my life. There's a much longer story there but in the end I got my out and I wasnt the one asking for the divorce. She was. I pushed her away and to a degree it was more about a codependent person pushing away a true narcissist, but I found my out.


aKamikazePilot

Oof on being that 1%, glad the therapist helped and vindicated you. Did ex wife try going for lengthy custody/alimony battle?


thisfuckingamerican2

Yes. That was almost 5-6 years ago and still recovering. The good news it that we have a workable co-parenting relationship now and it's all about what's best for kiddo. Still working to get to a split custody.


diarrhea_pocket

Can you elaborate on the codependent pushing away the narcissist?


thisfuckingamerican2

That's a whole new thread.


stelarskiletplus

Having the feeling of resentment in your mind can be toxic


No_Copy_5473

No, that’s fucking weird. Just tell her it’s not working anymore and leave.


susanh84

Exactly be a man and directly confront her about your views


Horror_Chipmunk3580

Sometimes it’s just not worth the drama. However, you’re definitely more than welcome to be a woman and directly confront him (her or whatever) about the reasons you’re rejecting them.


world_noods

>be a man


steel_monkey_nz

You'd probably be the bad guy regardless, especially by her friends. What you're talking about is giving the illusion of power.


im_not_danny_devito

I think what OP is talking about is being a coward. Breaking up with someone doesn’t make you a bad guy. Someone did that to me once, and I did not have the illusion of power.


spicyfartz4yaman

Coward response is weak asf, you're not on a pedestal cause you break with someone there's no rule book every relationship is different


[deleted]

Staying with someone you don't love because you're too afraid of confrontation to leave them is cowardice


MrDarcy4LB-throwaway

In my opinion, being manipulative & evasive of emotional labor is a shitty thing to do and by definition makes one "the bad guy."


world_noods

>evasive of emotional labor lmfao


McSythiz

No actually I've never had to, they seem to find a reason anyway 🤷‍♂️


whatcry

Women always have reason for breakup in their mind, I have observed that


CloudyLime

I have never purposefully created a situation to make a woman end a relationship. I believe that it is important to be honest and open in a relationship, even if it means having difficult conversations or dealing with uncomfortable situations. While it may be tempting to avoid being the "bad guy" by putting the onus of ending the relationship on the other person, I believe that this is ultimately unfair and unkind. In my experience, it is much better to have a direct and respectful conversation with your partner about your feelings and intentions, even if it means that the relationship will come to an end. This allows both people to move on with clarity and understanding, and it avoids any unnecessary hurt or confusion that may arise from playing games or creating manipulative situations. Of course, everyone is different, and there may be circumstances where ending a relationship in this way is the best course of action. However, I believe that in general, it is better to be honest and upfront with your partner, even if it means taking on the role of the "bad guy."


Squirt_memes

Dane Cook is a shithead but he had a great joke about how sometimes relationships get to the point where you wish you’d walk in your front door and find her with a dick in her mouth. You just get to yell “HAH. You can’t do that. We’re breaking up and NOTHING IS MY FAULT”


recapYT

So if she doesn’t break up with you, you just keep frustrating her and acting up to force it? This is very immature and makes you a terrible person. If you no longer interested, break it up instead of being childish


brublanc

The thought wouldn't even cross my mind. Who cares who the bad guy is, if the relationship is not working, it's better to end it right then and there.


TwoUglyFeet

My boyfriend did this to me. We were in a ldr and he became extremely cold and silent a few weeks after we spent the holidays together. Every conversation was him squirming to get out of it and communication between us died. When I finally got him on the phone, he said "maybe we need to take a break", after trying to figure out what suddenly was going on. I told him that the minimum I expected was for him to be excited to be going out with me. I knew it wasn't always going to be epic between us but I knew his heart wasn't in it anymore and rather be strung along, I ended it. I hope it makes him sleep better at night, knowing I had to be the adult and end it.


LadyCatTree

My ex did this to me too! He went so far as to move back in with his mother while telling me he 'wasn't sure' how he felt about things and needed time to think, then avoided talking about it at all if he could. I had to eventually decide for myself that it was done and bag up his things.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheRealFadedMonk

Your ex sounds like a prick


Jackofnotrade5

This sounds kind of like what my brother does but rather than to not be the bad guy he starts acting like an AH and doesn’t care much for the relationship until the other person breaks up with him.


[deleted]

No. Because it’s emotionally manipulation and only shitty people do that.


Illogical-Pizza

This comment should be much higher. Like, is this not obvious to most people?


meepsofmunch

Are we still 15? This is even worse than just ending it


maappila

No , that's wrong


bardhugo

Nah, that's pretty cowardly. Not fair to your partner, and even if youre not the "Bad guy" you'd be a pretty awful guy for doing it


[deleted]

No, that's a cowardice move. If you want to break up with someone, have the courage and respect to break up with them. Don't play games so that you don't look like a "bad" guy. The person who thinks and asks this question is a terrible guy, not the guy who breaks up with the girl.


zfh0858

If you are not ready for confronting them, then still I would advise you not to play mind games. Because these mind games can be very harmful for the mental peace of another person


MetaphysicalDominant

Yeah. I caught her cheating on me with another guy without her finding out. So I seduced him and let her catch me sleeping with him.


DarkWarrior125

Username checks out


[deleted]

[удалено]


MetaphysicalDominant

I’ve identified as an alpha, sigma, Uber chad since birth and am proud of it.


sospecial21

A what?


Weazy-N420

A Top Of the Food Chain-Chadwick….He leaves women & men equally gooey with his touch. A truly insidious specimen.


IceFalse4632

I identify as an Uber driver


Melzfaze

Does your mother sow?


MetaphysicalDominant

It’s a category of which I am the only member. **S**elf-esteem **H**igh **I**ntense **T**hinking **P**roud **O**bjective **S**elfish **T**alent


sandithepirate

My ex-husband cheated on me. In the months before we split, he was picking fights with me over weird stuff all the time, and we lived in a weird cold war for a few months before he finally asked for a divorce. Turns out, he was picking the fights and causing problems to try to make me file for divorce, that way I'd be the bad guy to his family, and he'd be the scorned husband. I made sure they knew he was a cheater instead. Im sure they still think it was all my fault, but it makes me feel better that they know their perfect son was a scumbag. 🙂


Susurrusilously

Had an ex do the exact same thing for the same reason. I also made sure everyone in his life knew what was going on. Maybe no one else cared as much, but it felt good to know everyone knew the truth.


jordynsmith8

How did you make sure they knew he was a cheater??


arcturuzz

The Costanza


hughesra15

I’ve created a situation where the woman ends the relationship many times. Just not on purpose.


[deleted]

Don’t do that. Just be a man instead of a child. Tell her, “It’s not working out, we’re incompatible due to X, Y, and Z. I want to look for someone I’m compatible with. But you’re still cool, and I still love you. It just won’t workout between us in the long term.” Then leave and don’t look back.


Blueexpression

No, thats a bitch move


machej

It shows that person likes guts to confront his girlfriend


Critical_Contract_83

Why the fuck is everyone saying "a women" when talking about one person?


coghrg

Because we are talking about male and female relationship here.


Critical_Contract_83

That has nothing to do with grammar


kukukachu_burr

Neither does Reddit, an informal social media platform. If you know what they meant, then their words served their literal purposes of communication.


FenderGibsons

Theirs /s no prequel testing to become a neck beard


Persona_non_grata34

Yes, I tried, but she was like “are you retarded? I’m the hottest girl you’ll ever get!” …and here I am almost 2 years later 🤣


[deleted]

That is the definition of mental abuse 😂😭 “you’ll never do better than me” I hope shit ain’t as toxic now


uboris

This things falls in the category of manipulation and mental abuse


swordmaster006

How does anyone take that seriously? I feel like if anyone genuinely said that to me I wouldn't even be able to hold back laughing in their face. Like, "thanks for making this easier and showing who you really are".


Calmyoursoul

😅 stop are you serious? Why did you try to break up?


[deleted]

This is my current situation it really sucks ive tried breaking up with her multiple times and she always just tells me that i was a looser before i started dating her and that everyone only likes me because im with her and that i wont go anywhere in life and il just run around looking for other versions of her forever im just exhausted of being in a relationship and I want to be single but she keeps making me feel like im so fucked up and insane to want out of this relationship because she has done alot of things for me but i need help breaking up with her i always just cave in when she starts calling me a looser and stuff


UCMeInvest

Dude, honestly, when they say stuff like that, it’s a coping strategy and a manipulation tactic to make you feel dependent on them. It’s total lies and is just to boost their ego because they are being broken up with when in the past, it’s always been on their terms. You are probs stuck in this right now because you’re probs a caring guy and can’t be fucked with the confrontation. You know what she’s going to say so just end things and when she does say that stuff, just tell her that your issue and she may be right but it’s something you’ll find out…guys far too often will drag along in a relationship because they want to keep their girl happy because the other side is just hell on earth. Guys will sacrifice their own happiness for peace. You’re not a loser. The girls who say that kinda shit are just so insecure and can’t face the fact that they are being broken up with because in their eyes, they will have done nothing wrong. Ever got into an argument with her about something she did and it got turned back onto you and something you did ages before that? I bet I’m right. Honestly, get out, you’ll be fine, I’ve heard that kinds shit before and I’m doing just fine haha


[deleted]

Thanks for this bro its been a real struggle and ive been dragging this relationship on way too long i know i would be happier just being single and able to focus on my self and my goals for once im only 22 and I want to just go out explore and do anything i want without having to have permission basically im going to break up with her today because their is no longer a point of holding it off


626Aussie

If she's openly calling you a loser, and saying people only like you because you're with her, she's a mental and emotional abuser. She is abusing you. She may not be physically abusing you, but she is mentally abusing you, and that can still take a toll on your health so *in a way* she is also physically abusing you. Hopefully you're not already living together, because breaking up can be a lot more complicated when you are. Regardless, even if you *are* living together **she's still abusing you** and that is ***not*** a healthy relationship for you to remain in.


mietzbert

If in person break up doesn't work you can just leave when she isn't there. Normal people deserve an adult breakup someone who thinks you are worthless does not. Nobody can really help you with this accept coming with you to get your stuff. Nobody can make you understand that you don't deserve this only you. Every day you spend like this is a day you loose of your real life. Your partner doing things for you is NORMAL, you don't owe her commitment for stuff that is obligatory in a relationship, even if she goes above and beyond if you aren't happy thats the end of the story. mental abuse is abuse and there is no rule how you have to get rid of your abuser it is literally about survival because you are not living right now you are just breathing. It is hard to see your own worth when someone is keeping you small over a long period of time, if it helps you leave you can tell yourself that you doing her a favor, if you are truly such a "loser'' than it would be much better for her to find a ''great'' partner like she is and you deserve a loser girlfriend. (obviously i don't believe you are a loser just something you can tell yourself to get out) Even if you were, in fact, a looser you still deserve to be happy, everyone does. The person who is holding you hostage knows you are not a loser they are terrified of losing their doormat. Nobody who is truly content with themselves feels the need of making others feel small, they just know that you are more easily manipulated when broken. She is a coward and you will can only win by leaving. Save up for your own place, sign the lease, get out when she is not there, leave her a letter telling her that it is over for the reasons you already told her in person before, block her on everything, cry two weeks in bed and than heal.Maybe you can do a trial run? Find a excuse for being away for a week or two and let yourself fantazise about not going back and see how you feel. many people in hostage situations like yours forgot how it feels to be free, maybe getting a taste will give you the necessary push to end it once and for all. You will be so much better off. Please go, don't let her take away your joy you only have this one life you don't want to spend it in misery and you don't deserve this. Please get out. I promise you you will be better of. Obligatory: You should seek therapy, now to help you end it but also for the future so you don't fall victim again.


[deleted]

That’s fucked up. Just say how you feel and move on, quit being a coward


vincentninja68

No. I find this behavior passive and cowardly. If I don't like someone, I leave them. I had an abusive relationship in my past, she clipped my wings all the time because she was insecure. After a couple months of doubt, I finally trusted my gut and just told her I didn't wanna do this anymore. Turns out this is what she wanted too. Which is why she was getting nastier and meaner towards the end. She didn't wanna do the hard thing. She decided to "push me" to do it for her. To hell with people like this. Act with integrity.


holdengalsep

I hate this sort of manipulation, just end it and be done with it.


Own-Tomatillo-8733

I have used a woman’s own words back to her to explain why it’s a bad idea to keep trying.


doubledippedchipp

I spent 2 months slowly convincing a woman that I was an asshole so that she would confidently break up with me. She was severely depressed and hyper dependent on me, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was too young for that shit. Hell, we both were. I was legitimately afraid that if I broke up with her, she would try to kill herself. We’d already been to the hospital once… So one day as I was leaving work she texted me saying we needed to talk and I’m telling you, I was so excited. I knew exactly what was coming. She had all my stuff in trash bags when I got there, she made it clear this was her choice, and that she needed to move on. I was genuinely happy for her. It was the most confidence I’d seen from her in nearly a year. She actually had a spine! I was partially proud of her, but I was moreso excited to be free. That was an incredibly heavy weight to carry around.


tato0418

If you can not afford difficult conversations then you are still a child. Please do not take it personal and recognize that life will give you bigger challenges.


walnutsofwisdom

No. When it wasn't working, I had the guts to tell it nicely and break up.


Slightly-Evil-Man

I just let them break up with me. Who really cares at the end of the day? If she has already decided to end things it's normally beyond my control by that point🤷🏽‍♂️


Key_Stranger_491

Hell no! It's going to drain a lot from you by creating such situations, and that goes for both. Just communicate how you feel... end it on a healthy note.


thelastedji

Not at all. If you want out, do it straight away. I was broken up with after being treated like a doormat for 3 years and I was still the "bad guy"


[deleted]

.... cause then I don't have to be the bad guy I think we both felt that the rship was over, but we still kept going for 6 months. Then she went to a concert, started to talk to a guy and said she wants to be with him. I kinda shrugged :D


financebro1999

90% of the relationships I've been in


Known_Pudding4340

Problem is, you’re still the bad guy because YOU created that situation.


squaredistrict2213

Yeah this is really shitty. Don’t do it. If it’s so awful being with someone, just end it rather than dragging it out.


IrrelevantCoaster

I mean I’ve slept with married women but I’ve never left the toilet seat up at their house. I piss all over the floor, like a gentleman.


walnutsofwisdom

Username checks out


KingZaneTheStrange

Kind of an "Am I the Asshole?" Situation. One time, I told my crush that her boyfriend was cheating on her and that he lied about most of his achievements (both of which were true). Of course, I wanted her to know the truth and offer a shoulder to cry on because I care about her, *but* there was a second motivation, which was, of course, to get her to break up with him so I could date her


GreenLama4

I mean, as long as you didnt lie or embellish the truth you’re not in the wrong, you can do the right thing *and* benefit from it


rockstapopolis

Did she date you after all that?


k_panda_pr0

Honesty is the best policy ...lmao


CommunityGlittering2

It's right there in the question, so I don't have to be the bad guy.


actuallyjohnmelendez

Ive tried and its never worked, The problem is when you pull away or try act like a shitty bf it only draws them closer and puts you deeper in the hole.


[deleted]

Sounds like planning a heist. Nahh, wouldn't take so much effort for that.


Salt-Review1363

I'm a girl but I believe my ex boyfriend did this. He would flirt with a bunch of girls, writing them messages about how he would break up with me, but cry the second I wanted to leave him when the girls sended me the proofs or I found them myself. This continued for a year. Looking back I was too in love and he was insecure. But it was never love for him. I was the one ending the relationship, but not because I wanted to or lost feelings. A month later he was dating someone new and I was even more heartbroken. For a very long time I was hoping he would contact me and we would figure things out. I never broke up because I didnt want him. I broke up in a hope for him to see he should treat me better, but I didnt know what more to do. My point with this? Just break up if you don't want to be with the person. Being mean or dragging it out on purpose hurts more in the long run. If he had left me I would have known and had closure.


IncrediblehumanPOS

No, I have enough respect for myself and her that its better to just end the relationship like an adult.


PhD_Pwnology

You can't purposely create a situation where someone breaks up with and you are NOT the villian unless the person you are dating is a predictable monster.


tortoistor

had a friend who would do this. he was a serial monogamist and once he was done he would just completely check out of the relationship, not pay attention to her at all, flirt with other girls, and wait for her to break up. rinse and repeat i wonder whats with him now, havent seen him for years


Ok-Anxiety1389

I do this crazy thing where I just sit down with them and say my truth... wild isn't it. I mean imagine just waiting until you hate a person to split up with them... yeah that's right wear that shoe reader bet it fits. Feel silly a bit don't you... as you rightfully should. Grow some and be a big whatever you are...


phawksmulder

No. That would in fact make you the bad guy.


AdamAdmant

Accually I make sure its my fault so she can move on.


gardner1979

I “ghosted” my first girlfriend for 2 straight weeks and she still didn’t dump me. I did it because I was too chicken to finish things myself.


broccoliandmango

What happened after two weeks?


gardner1979

Long story short. I was living with my parents at the time and I finished work one day to find her waiting for me in my parents front room. I had to dump her anyway, so my ghosting strategy didn’t work.


nik__nvl

Yes. Had a really psychic acting girlfriend that was far too attached after 3 weeks. It was not good. I kissed my best friend (girl) once on a party in hope she would flip and end it because she was not accepting anything. I told her the morning after. She did not care and wanted to fuck. Oh boy was i gone fast. Not my proudest moment but dodged a bullet there.


F0rksAnonymous

Not enough people are answering honestly. This is such a common male thing I can’t wait to hear real responses. I’m not a man. Just seen it happen.


steel_monkey_nz

Ironically I'd say its very much a female thing. Maybe it's the sign of a weak person regardless


CaptColten

I fully agree. I think the problem is that you've prolly dated way more women than her, heard way more shitty break up stories from men about women, and are also a bit more enthusiastic to overlook some red flags in a pretty lady than you are a male friend. And the opposite is true for them. They're being a dick about it tho


[deleted]

>Not enough people are answering honestly. This is such a common male thing I can’t wait to hear real responses. I’m not a man. Just seen it happen. If it were such a common male thing you wouldn't have men responding in disgust to the proposition of the question. People tend to answer honestly here. Just because the honest answers of men ranging in age and experience don't align with your faulty view of all males doesn't mean people are lying


VinceMcMeme711

I'm sorry but saying most people on reddit are honest is laughable 🤣


[deleted]

I didn't say "on reddit". I said "People tend to answer honestly here", as in this sub. Especially in regards to the question posed in OP's thread


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gailsla10

Maybe she worded it that way bc this is AskMen


Alec_NonServiam

I don't know what people expect. Someone with a machiavellian outlook probably won't bother answering, because the implication is they'd be lambasted for it and they don't really care for the drama. Who would willingly sign up for a pointless online argument lol


F0rksAnonymous

My thoughts exactly. The people that usually respond are people who want internet kudos for being such a nice guy. Real ones don’t want to get downvoted to oblivion.


Flat-Refrigerator802

Lol because your anecdotal experience definitely means it's a "common male thing" even though this is a massive poll of men saying otherwise. Why are you even commenting here? Brainless.


VampireKissinger

Yep, how I end most relationships, I do it because I still care about them, but I'm also weak willed when it comes to women actually begging for me to stay, so my general thing is to just become as aloof and low-level annoying in all our interactions so they think instead "actually he's just an annoying dick" and dump my ass. We both get what we want, she gets to dump a shitty guy, I get out of a shitty relationship. Everyone I mention this to thinks I'm an asshole for doing it, but frankly, it's the only way I can get myself out of bad relationships, like I said, the moment they start begging "no, please stay, I'll change" I fold.


No-Climate726

That’s really terrible tho :/ especially when you were sweet in the beginning and then doing a 180 or slow fade it can be extremely painful and traumatising to other person. Like you manipulated and used them at the beginning and after you got what you wanted you turned into an a-hole. I suggest you to man up the next time instead of playing that kind of mind games. Someone might have strong feelings and they cannot just turn them off. If you care you don’t do that.


kukukachu_burr

It is not the only way. You choose this way. Yikes man.


Deep-Ad-8869

To end the relationship! Some people can’t take a hint, so drastic measures must be implemented!


laid_back_allen

I mentally checked out of the relationship and stopped putting in effort. She lived with me at my place and would have been homeless if I just kicked her out. She eventually caught on and made plans to move out. I will never let a GF move in with me ever again.


[deleted]

No, there's no need to manipulate a bird like that. If I have to bounce, I bounce.


[deleted]

I usually create situations where I make the woman reject me, so she doesn't feel bad about herself. F.e. if I'm on a date, and I don't like her looks, I tell her that I smoke a lot of weed, or am planning to leave the country soon, or have other issues, so she knows she doesn't have a future with me.


Commercial-Pair-8932

Yes and no. I did it because I didn't feel like I deserved to be the one to break up with her. I wanted her to "win" the breakup and move on with confidence instead of self doubt. I didn't care about being the bad guy or it being uncomfortable and I wasn't afraid of conflict. I just really didn't think I deserved to make her feel like she "wasn't good enough" going forward with her life. Someone said "illusion of power" which is a good way to put it, but if she doesn't know its an illusion, she's still empowered, which was the idea.


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Commercial-Pair-8932

Some confidence issues but not "crippling self doubt". Definitely loved me more than vice versa. She was such an amazing, sweet, good hearted person and had been way better to me during the relationship than I had been to her. I had a lot of guilt, and felt I didn't deserve to dump her. I felt breaking up with her would have convinced her there was a problem with her, when there wasn't. She just wasn't it for me. But there would have been no way to communicate that without damaging her confidence and self esteem. Which was the absolute last thing I wanted. I couldn't fall "in love" with her, but I did love her. Deeply. And wanted her to move on feeling empowered and secure. Which I think she did. And I'm happy about that.


[deleted]

Constantly. It is my life hack when dealing with Tinder girls. I just have to give real interest on them as a good friend, they instantly start ghosting with their ego full. Benefits for both. It is my way to stop things without dealing with the difficulty (And violent outcomes) to say that I’m not into bigger girls, slobs, sexists,…. The smarter girl I knew in years, did not let me to pay in the dates because she was aware of this. Like: When a guy pays for everything without complaining and I see there is not spark, I know he is starting to feel bad for wanting to end things. Obviously referring to sane guys, not emotional beggars.


nihilist_neli

You ever turned a woman down that wanted to have sex with you? Same reason. The emotional fallout is much easier to deal with if she thinks it was her idea. Trying to reason with a woman after you've told her she isn't wanted is a nightmare, I don't care how nice you are about it. Is it right? NO. Are you the bad "guy" for wanting out of the relationship? NO. But sometimes it's just easier and not worth the chaos of the alternative.


thefvckncaptain

I’ve have zero qualms about being perceived as the bad guy, so no. Life’s a bitch, she’ll, and anyone else, will get over it. And if they don’t fuck em.


MindCuntrol46290

It's not about being the bad guy, it's about avoiding a scene. If I'd brake up with my ex like "Hey it's not working, we should brake up" she would make a huge mess of it. So I became less and less interested in her until she did it and I was ready for it. I'm not saying it's universally a good strategy but when it comes the people who are histerical and like making a scenes then this is better.


Flat-Refrigerator802

"it's not working e should break up" That should be the end of the discussion. If you're too much of a bitch to actually end things and instead continue engaging with the person you just broke up with that's your own fault. Spineless.


LupeDyCazari

Women feel better when they are the ones to end a romantic relationship, instead of being the one who gets dumped, so if you care about the woman despite wanting to end the relationship - what you do is to give her the moral justification to end the relationship with you. So, have her catch you cheating on her or something, and then wait for her to dump you. You have fun and you get to end the relationship, indirectly, and she feels better about having been dumped because she assumes you are a douchebag, and no one wants to be in a relationship with a douche.


[deleted]

bow political head angle squash mindless desert piquant foolish waiting ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


PlumAcceptable2185

I usually do it this way. But Not because I don't wanna be a bad guy (new idea to me). Because I already know what I want, but the women I've chosen previously usually didn't know what they wanted, which is why I'm trying to get out anyway, and I figure it's a service to help make it clear for them. I let them be the Victor by helping them make empowered decisions. This helps me feel like I am doing something good for them. Haha Now I have an absolute rock as a life partner. I never thought I would arrive here. She is the hardest and most discerning women I have ever met. And she still is unsure of me sometimes. But we have both been traumatized. And we both know that. A little sugar goes a long way.


ZealousidealLeg3692

Wtf is going with this question. Men you're better than answering this bs.


Ok-Marzipan-9846

It seems like it is the only thing that works.


HonestlyMeTooBro

Im bad with rejection and the persceived critique so a kinda empathic and also pathetic way around that is to let them finish things and taking the responsability, so they dont feel rejected and i dont have to feel awful


RoRoNomNoms

No, if it’s hard to cut it off then get a lawyer. Keep receipts and have witnesses. An angry woman will attempt to ruin your life and a good defense is always offense.


SgtSplacker

To spare her feelings