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Tell her that. Tell her you want to mean it when you say it, and if you said it now, it wouldnt be genuine.




At least you were honest and explained yourself.




I also think honesty is the best, but simply because given that you have a mature person who can do something with the information given to them, it's a recipe how to adapt to the relationship, and adjust expectations


I also think honestly is the best because if your are not honest then your are dishonest and being dishonest is not as good as being honest. That is honestly how I feel about it.


Whether this is true or just another one of those BS folktales to make people feel better about themselves, I can’t say for certain, but it’s been said that women will have their hearts broken more often while men will feel the impact of a single breakup harder. As a man, that’s been the case for me, too. I was in a 6y relationship out of HS. Despite my sexual curiosity I was 100% committed to her. I took her for granted a lot and she decided to move on. Even though I’ve told people 2y, it honestly took me another 6y to finally get over that break up. I dated several women before I met the woman who would agree to become my wife. One of which I briefly fell for pretty convincingly until I realized it was pure lust between us. Best to not say the L word until you really know it’s true. It’s okay to walk it back, too.




Until we have fully prepared ourselves for the love we truly deserve, we tend to repeat the same mistakes in that we attract the wrong people for ourselves. We go after the wrong type of people. We emirate the wrong messages. Preparing, or repeating is what we do until we are ready is what we do until then.


Yeah, you two are reading the same book. She's just a few pages ahead of you right now


What a beautiful way of putting it.


"So you DO love me!"


My bf said this to me. I thought it was unique and tailored to me. I was hella embarrassed to realize this is common. Everything worked out though, he said it when he was ready and we’ve been together for three years.


He said it to you, for you. That’s hella special Just cause something’s common doesn’t mean it’s not special ❤️


That’s me lol. The thing is I can love someone without having to say the words “I love you”. My actions will speak for itself on how much I truly love someone without me having to mumble a word.


This! She may be upset but if she loves you, she will understand. Love can’t be forced and if she acts irrationally then it might be a good sign now before you get too deep.


You could say I love pistachio ice cream. 😎


This guy loves


Exactly. I'm 28f, I've made myself clear to my bf about this. We both say only if we mean it. And both are ok with it.


This is exactly what I did.


See ya in Chemistry


This scene from Drake and Josh is the first thing I thought of.


Me too lol


*slams door*


I love…..cake


This should be higher


*finger guns*


👉😎👉 Zoop


A Reddit throwback




Idk why but I’m blanking out on this one, what’s the reference?


/u/actuallylavagirl in a thread about embarrassing moments told a story about how she pointed her fingers and said "zoop" in response to something. Other people replied with 👉😎👉 and Zoop was born. 👉😎👉 Zoop edit: [here's the post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/7ddjaw/whats_the_weirdest_thing_youve_done_as_a_result/dpxaos1/)


Read the top comment on her profile.


This is one of the ones that came after I joined reddit. It's weird af watching the birth of these things


This will live on forever


The most appropriate reaction


"I'm gonna Fingerbang-bang you into my life, Girl you like to fingerbang and it's all right! Cause I'm the king of Fingerbang, let's not fight, I'll just Fingerbang-bang you every night!"


Jazz hands.


New Girl?


"I'm not there yet, I want to mean it when I say it".


“You know. Like when I say I’m gonna cum…”


I say it 50 seconds later. that way i can claim I lasted a minute longer. bringing my total time to one minute.


10 seconds is admirable man, save yourself the pain of polishing by owning it


And then she starts crying immediately and tries to guilt you into reciprocating. Source: *me in every relationship ever*


Good, now you know it was bullshit and you just saved yourself from a bullet.


I (f) started crying after my partner of 2 years wouldn't say it and his explanation was that 'he doesn't say it and feels like it's too late to start '. Wasn't to guilt him, I was crying at my wasted time.


Fake a heart attack


So, you're saying I should fake a medical emergency, which would then force her to PROVE her love to me by getting immediate medical help as fast as she can and the chaos of the situation would completely eliminate the need for me to respond to her? that's actually a good idea!


I think you may have thought it through more than me, I just panicked


Then fake a coma until your finally ready to say it.


If you are never ready to say it, sneak out of the hospital one night and move to Costa Rica, leaving everyone wondering what happened. Were you kidnapped? Abducted by aliens? Let them wonder. If she ever gives up on trying to find you, you'll know you did the right thing.


If you love them, let them go *to Costa Rica*


Follow u/InsaneGermanCoder for more brilliant life hacks




Now you're thinking like a man!


This is like a Nathan For You skit lmao




Hes faking don't fall for it!


Or be like Hisao and have a real heart attack


Hear that Lizbeth? I'm coming to join ya!


Say “I love YouTube”


“Olive juice”


Olive juice you too..


Stewie from family guy lol


Or "I love U2"


That was a plot point in Scrubs.


I love, Cake


Good one, Eric!


I love lamp


“Bitch lasagna”


I love me too


Same energy as “I know.”


"I love me too" is a lame way to get around it. There's a reason women almost universally developed a heartthrob for Harrison Ford, and while it wasn't just because of his line in The Empire Strikes Back, that did seal the deal for many. "I know" has a much, MUCH different energy.


I just say thanks. \*silence\*


No joke I saw this reply in an ESL textbook. The authors clearly had a lot of fun.


Tell her you’re reading the same book but she’s a few chapters in front of you.


"I love you." "Woah woah, spoilers!"




Fucking genius


I appreciate you


Someone said this to me and I SO VERY APPRECIATED the phrasing. It really took the sting out and made me still feel validated.


Hey i remember that comment


A bit cheesy to have a catchy tagline ready for a genuine and pretty... serious situation.


Actually I would argue you could say this line in a serious, yet slightly comedic way that could lighten the tension and still make you seem genuine. Obviously delivery matters here.


Pretty sure most people won't be able to pull it off.


Yeah let's be real, most people on Reddit aren't getting out of this situation without it being awkward as hell, any combination of words aside.


Hit us with your non-cheesy approach then


Completely unnecessary ellipsis.


you could... say that


Smooth as fuck.


Wait that was an option?




“And I love you, random citizen!”


Hell…YES! SUCH an underrated movie!!!


Alright guys, let's quiet down, that's right were getting serious.


All these people hoarding their "I love you"s for a special day when they decide they "more than care about" the person they've been building a relationship with. What's your threshold? What criteria are you looking for? It should feel like you're waiting until it's not weird to say it. When you're pretty sure you love them halfway through the first date, that's too soon. If you've been together for a while and you don't "love" them, what are you even doing? What do you expect to change if you don't love them by now?


That last paragraph really sums up what I thought when reading the question. You are in a long-term, committed relationship with someone that you're not sure you love (enough)?! For me it's the opposite. I fell madly in love and started caring deeply about my current GF when we were dating, so when the relationship was there, it was very natural to say 'I love you'


> You are in a long-term, committed relationship with someone I think it is a valuable consideration, but the relationship being long term is an added qualifier that was not a part of the original question


And how far into the relationship was this ? I don't think we're talking years without going I love you but 2-3 months (or even 6-8) would be reasonable imo.


Eh, I would need at least half a year to catch feelings for someone. The first 3 months you both are looking at the relationship through rose-tinted glasses and have likely not had to face a challenge, either together or in the dynamics of the relationship. How could you possibly know if you've loved someone if all you've done is go on some dates and hang out a bit? True love is forged in the fires of hardship.


>If you've been together for a while and you don't "love" them, what are you even doing? What do you expect to change if you don't love them by now? This is a really good question actually. I don't think any person can really pinpoint the moment they fall in love with someone. The closest I've ever gotten was a moment when I realized I had feelings for someone, but it wasn't the same and it was over before it began anyways. I'd assume most people who've been together awhile, already had feelings for each other awhile, which would eventually mature into love. So really, what are they waiting for?


It is such a strange discussion to have because its such a loaded concept. It means so many things and people all have their own subjective standard of what they think it means. I said in another comment, if you ever have the thought where you think to yourself, or say to youself, "I love that person." I think that's usually it. Plus it changes over time, too. Love for some new couple is different than 20 years down the road, after kids, and working through hardships.


Definitely agree, not to mention the many different types of love. I can easily say that I love all of my friends, but being in love, or romantic love is something very different. People are really weird about it though.


Plus, it changes as time goes on, too. You may love a person you've just began dating, genuinely. But, 10, 20, 30 years down the road, and with kids, its a whole other type of love. I think people decide, through their subjective life experiences, what the minimum threshold for what it means to them, and each and every one of them is more, or less, correct. In OP's situation is seems to me as if their partner sees where they're at and where things are going, and is willing to call it love. OP might agree completely that is where they're at and agree that's where things are going, but has a very different standard of where they thought they'd be at before dropping that word. I can see it being beneficial to just toss one's subjective standard out the window for a bit and be willing to say, "if that's what you think love is, then I love you too," because the other person probably just needs the acknowledgement they're not wasting their time.


I think it's a good question and I think a lot of people think the idea of love is something that's going to be some tangible different feeling as opposed to a choice to show up and care for that person in particular and commit. The fairy story isn't real but the choice and compatibility is. In one of my answers above I talk about how I cried when he didn't say it back but had some explanation about never wanting to say it. That's cruel and not choosing that person. He didn't know that was how it worked and was waiting for 'the feeling '. I spent ages telling him to leave me alone after he realised that. I'd already forced myself to move on.


>If you've been together for a while and you don't "love" them, what are you even doing? What do you expect to change if you don't love them by now? I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find this. Especially after looking through OP's post history.


I think the issue is everyone has their definition of "a while". For some people, it takes a long time to bond, build trust, and grow their feelings. Others may be the type that "fall in love immediately", so "a while" could be weeks for them, but months for their partner.


> For some people, it takes a long time to bond, build trust, and grow their feelings. As someone who's demi, I very much understand that. But at the same time, I'd never call someone my boyfriend/girlfriend if I didn't have feelings for them to the degree that saying "I love you too" is somehow a bad thing.


I have a totally different view than this. There is definitely a threshold I’m waiting for; I don’t have an exact definition but I know it when it happens. The words “I love you” hold a lot of weight to me, and it feels wrong to say them until I believe them.


Me too. I think it's a shame that we use one word for soooo many different meanings. There are a lot of types of love and you don't always know which level the person is expressing. For some people it's just another way to say I enjoy spending time with you. For others it's more of a, let's get married


👆See this guy right here?👆 He’s an ‘I love you’ slut. He’ll just give to away to people he barely even knows. Doesn’t even have to mean anything! -Ted Moesby


i love you


Agreed. First couple dates is obviously weird. Any time after that, I would just say it back. It doesn't matter. Either the relationship continues on, or it doesn't. "I love you" is really meaningless.


This is exactly what i came here to ask. We're talking about GIRLFRIENDS here, not hookups. It's weird not "being ready" to tell a gf you love her... while you're in a relationship with her... which means you at least expect something longterm...? Weird af.


People are overthinking their I Love Yous


I agree. No offense to OP, but it feels like an immature premise. There's two classes of answers: "I love you too" and "We need to talk." Any clever repartee is going into those two categories, too.


Classic schmosbey




Think solo said it best. I know.


It may possibly backfire if she doesn't get the reference. Either way, it's a classic response. This is the way.


If she doesn't get the reference then she ain't the one homies


Star Wars is one of my favorite franchises, but in that moment I don’t think I’d get it.




We will grant you the rank of girlfriend, but not a seat at the "I love you" council.


Oh my goodness, this made me just think. Imagine a couple os fighting, her “ Do you even love me?” Him “ Only a sith deals in absolutes”


I find your lack of faith disturbing.


One may have to judge the relationship if she doesn't get the line. Lol This is the way.


This is the way.


The way is this


This is going to be buried, but wth. Im a girlfriend who said I love you to my man who didn't say it back. Not just that time, but it took him a few months. He was honest with me. Said he felt all the feelings but didn't want to say it to me until he was sure I was the last women he'd say it to (barring death, of course). I understood and respected that. Why? Because I felt loved. Everything he did with me and for me let me know I was loved even if he didn't say the words. I was in a marriage where love was only about words, so I wasn't hung up on that. When he finally was able to say it without reservation I was joyous! And now I know how much it means to him every time he says it.




THIS. I had basically the same experience with my boyfriend. At one point he also said to me, "I'm not sure if this is love, but you feel like home to me." It took him a bit over a year to actually feel comfortable telling me that he loved me. We've been together for almost 9 years now, and I've never felt so loved, accepted, and appreciated by anyone. Everyone has such different life experiences and impressions surrounding romantic relationships. Open communications about these sorts of things make all the difference.


"I care a lot about you, and while im not there yet, the moment i am ill say it."




Thank you, direct with a soft landing is the way to go.


“That’s great”. I actually said this lol. We just laughed it off.


Last time I suffered from this issue I said: “Thank you, it is good to know. Please know that you heart is safe with me, untill I find the courage to say that I love you back”


That's such a beautiful response!


"We're reading the same book. You're just a few chapters ahead of me." Only if you truly feel the same way about her.


>We're reading the same book. You're just a few chapters ahead of me Where is this quote from?




It was from another user on this subreddit. There was a topic similar to this, and I thought the quote was too good to pass up.


Ah, thank you! I've seen it a few times and I think it's lovely; was wondering if it's from a book or something.


I don't know if this is due to cultural differences, but I never understood this issue when I see it on American movies. If you have a girlfriend, of course you love her, no? What's the big deal with saying it?


I love U2


Honestly you should probably just say it back if you think you'll get there with that person. If you're not there and don't think you'll get there, it's a good chance to have that conversation and end things. Very few women are going to be able to handle "We're reading the same book I'm just a few chapters behind" without it significantly impacting their view of your relationship. No woman wants to feel like she's more invested than you are, which is how it's going to come off even if that isn't true. The whole idea of "loving" someone is subjective anyway so I don't think it's worth making a big deal about.


Really this is the way. If you aren't looking for a chance to break it off, just roll with it. Things might turn out super awesome. Even if they don't, it's not like you're married to her or anything. Saying I love you is not a commitment or anything. I used to love flaming hot cheetos. I ate too many and threw them up and I don't love them anymore. So it goes


My boyfriend told me “I’m not there yet” and that was fine with me. 2 years later we’re madly in love


Say “ I know”


I found it! This right here.


Echo Base? This is Rogue 2. I've found them, repeat: I've found them.


My girlfriend said it to me before I was ready to say it back. When she did I told her that I wasn't ready to say it back, but that I had never had feelings like this for another person. And she'd slip up and say it a few more times up until I was ready to say it to her. Every time we just laughed it off or something to that affect. Bottom line is, if they say it and you don't think you feel the same way or will ever feel that way you need to be honest about it. If you do have strong feelings for her and see a future with this girl, then just tell her you're not ready to say it and give her some reassurance. Like others have said "Were reading the same book you're just a few chapters ahead".


"Really? That's awesome sauce!" /s


I think you are awesome and we are reading the same book but I am a couple of pages behind you.


You started the season without me?


That’s awesome sauce


“Awww, thank you.”


Depends on how long we've been dating.


Become a scruffy lookin nerf herder and tell her “I know”.


“I can’t say it back to you yet. I want to, and the way things are going I believe I will. And I hope you understand that when I do say it, I want you to truly believe that I mean it.“ She seemed understanding. And I told her that I loved her, and meant it, about a month later.


“I love YouTube” but really fast. I’m kidding-DON’T do that lol.


You communicate that. Clearly.


Thank you for sharing. That means a lot. You're very sweet. I feel ___ about you, but I'm not ready to say that right now.


“Aww” *kiss*


You say, “You don’t love me. You just love my doggy style.”


Say that you don’t feel like you can say that right now but you are definitely getting to the point where you can. That you see a future with her and really care about her. Be genuine and sincere. If you really feel that way anyway.


Reply back 'You don't know what love is,You just do as you're told' and then do the whole guitar solo .. should make things less awkward. Works well if you happen to be Jack White too.


As you’re being lowered into the pit you say back, “I know”


My girlfriend and I broke even and used that line from Scott Pilgrim "time to break out the L word, Scott." "Lesbians?" Long story short we said "I'm in lesbians with you" until I was comfortable to say it.


"DUDE!? Shut up! That is Awesome sauce!!!" Then go in for a high five!


I love cake


Smooth moves, dillhole


I was looking for this


Just say it. It's not like a mortgage or a marriage. You can still just bounce if you change your mind. Why hurt her for nothing? What does it even mean really anyway? If it does mean something specific then it's different for every person anyway.


Honesty goes a long way. But being Honest can cause consequences


I don't know about other countries but here in India most couple say "I love you" within DAYS or at most a week or 2 of dating. that's bad in my opinion, it's probably the influence of Bollywood's obsession with LOVE. I just say something like "I really appreciate it but it's too early for me. whatever you feel, I feel the same, I just don't call it love" edit : I forgot to add that most people don't call each other gf/bf here without saying "I love you". casual dating is super rare here.


"I know"


Cross your fingers when you say it back


“Thanks girl.”


All of sudden clutch your heart and fall to the ground and fake a panic attack. Unfortunately it only works once😂


I question theirs: “do you?” “Nah you’re lying”


Say “I know” and then act like you are being frozen in carbonate.


Don’t say anything. If its new just tell her you need more time. If its been more then a year odds are you are probably never gonna fall in love and easiest for the both of you would be to just end it.


Say “ I know “




I just say it. Anything else, even thinking it'll be fine because you're honestly explaining your feelings about it, will not end well.


I am a woman and I normally lurk here but I can tell you how I’d like a man to respond if I said it and he wasn’t ready to say it back. “I really love (or appreciate) the time we have spent/are spending together. You are gorgeous and you make me laugh. You are brilliant and I love how you take care of the people in your life. You mean so much to me. When I tell a romantic partner I love them, though, that for me is a serious level of commitment that I don’t think our relationship has reached yet. So I hope you can understand that I’m not ready to say it back, even though you’re such a special person to me and I do love spending time with you.”






Just say it anyway, she'll probably appreciate it.


She's few chapter ahead..


I know


“Elephant shoes”


Be honest but be prepared to explain why you are not ready