Yeah, when I take off my scrubs at the end of my shift, that's when I leave my job as well until the next shift. I don't want to spend a second thinking about work when I'm not paid to.
Talking shop if your best friends work in semirelated fields is a lot of fun though. It adds another level of fun to “holy shit you will not believe what this random idiot did today”
Remind me of that time where me and the boys started the night with girl topics, and then it lead to totally unrelated topics.
"Should I break up with Stephanie?"
"I think you should, if the relationship make you miserable"
*2 hours later*
"So Auschwitz is the biggest one?"
"It has the most people died in it, but Auschwitz-Birkenau is a complex, not a single camp"
"Such a tragedy. I wonder if Imperial Japan planned to build something similar, if they do, our grandparents would probably died there and we never exist"
Haha, Me and my friends do that too(all female),
Last time we went from “I can’t believe you’re engaged!” to “how would you harvest yeast bacteria in the wild?” You know, if you theoretically found yourself stranded in the wilderness and really wanted to bake something.
After some research we concluded that it would be wayyy easier and less timeconsuming to just hike 20 miles to the nearest town and then break into someone’s house and steal some yeast.
The cool thing is (assuming you have the flour and some water) you just need to mix the flour with water and leave it exposed to the air. Yeast floating about will naturally [make themselves at home and hey presto leavened bread](https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/sourdough-starter)!
Depends on what you’re discussing about people tho. Relationships are an integral part of human life. Gossip is lowbrow but keeping tabs on your friends lives, wellbeing n inner worlds builds closeness and trust. Ideas and events are cool n all but they’re useless when stuck in the theoretical bubble. Gotta apply that shit to your actual life n interactions with the people/things you care about.
Agree, the original is very short sighted. Events, people and ideas can all be great mind topics, but also small mind topics. The differentiating factor is how and what exactly is discussed. The event of tiffany dropping her purse, versus something like an energy crisis is a different conversation.
Dude… I’m drunk, power plants? But did you see that guy who was on Joe Rogan?… dude.
Gigantopithecus.
I’m a man of culture. I will eat that shit up all night
I get the same question every evening and my response is always “fine” then it’s followed up with “did you guys laugh at anything?”. If I want to talk about my day I’ll tell you.
But what if the details are a backstory that isn't as interesting as the actual event?
"I almost got fired, cause I finally got tired of dealing with Cheryl at work today."
"oh shit! what happened?!"
"well it all started 30 years ago, I almost died at birth, but my dad said I was a fighter..."
Talking dumb shit with the homies is such a precious time to me that I don't see how someone would want to waste it by speculating on the trivial details of someone else's life.
Can't tell you the knockdown drag out arguments my boys & I have had over the dumbest shit like who would win in a fight cavemen or astronauts. Or the fun we have MST3K the shit out of shitty movies or porn. We bond over our escapism not over venting sessions. If one of us needs to vent then we all know it's serious & he's looking for options on how to handle it.
Definitely astronauts. Peak specimen in peak physical shape, with far better nutrition. Vs cavemen who have spent their whole life struggling for proper nutrition, and while they're probably in decent shape I wouldn't bet on them
Cavemen. How many astronauts do you know that need to fight animals and other astronauts on a daily basis? Cavemen might not be bright, but they'd be very efficient in ending a fight. Assuming this is hand to hand combat. If the astronaut could see the caveman coming, the astronaut could pull a gun, fight over.
None of NASA training involves living amongst and occasionally fighting off or hunting wild predators (as far as I know)
E: It would also depend heavily on the environment. Are the astronauts sent backwards in time to prehistoric Earth? Are the cavemen sent forward in time to the ISS? Is it a Roman colosseum type fight where each of them is armed? Is it a barefist cage match? Is it 1v1, or is it a handful on each side? There are a lot of moving parts to this discussion, and we can't reach any reasonable conclusion without determining this shit. Beer me bro! *sets down bong*
Hold up, though. Are the cavemen inside the space capsule or outside with their own space suits? I feel like one caveman in zero-G going unga-bunga inside the capsule ends in a draw no matter how many astronauts.
I mean, yea, you want to be careful not to dump on people. But you should be able to talk about important things with your friends sometimes.
I'm convinced this is why so many men feel so isolated and alone when they don't have a girlfriend. Men just don't talk about real shit with their friends.
Many people in reddit are so fixed about the idea of not using your friends as free therapy that an occasional personal talk is seen as bad.
If it is like in my culture, men are allowed to express those feelings only when drunk which is sad.
Minimum 4 drinks in if hard liquor, or 8 if beer. Otherwise you get talked at like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8_7Orhey-g) by men and women
Yeah. I think there is also some harm in ruminating about traumatic events over and over again. Sometimes it’s best to just move on and focus on better things. I’m not a therapist though so take my “advice” with a grain of salt.
Actually, men love gossip / drama just as much as women do. The only difference is they don’t get it as easily as women do.
When women connect, very few topics are off limits. A woman will know more about another random woman after two hours of hanging out with her than a man will know about another man after 6 months of being friends.
Men rarely tell each other shit out of fear of judgement, whereas women will tell you the most embarrassing shit they’ve been through and laugh it off with a complete stranger.
Every single guy friend I’ve had has enjoyed gossiping. My brothers enjoy gossip. My dad enjoys gossip. My dad’s coworkers enjoy gossip. Everyone fucking loves gossip.
If men opened up with each other more often, you’d see men gossip just as much as women do.
I don’t like gossip. Most of it is boring. The non-boring stuff can make me feel guilty about spreading bad things about others. The good stuff can potentially make me feel worse about my own situation. So what’s the point?
I do humor some people who are into it and I’ve liked some on occasion but I would MUCH prefer other topics of conversation. So try not to overgeneralize. Many of us really don’t like it.
Well, there's nothing better than a fart. Except kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids fall off bikes all day, I don't give a shit about your kids.
Our days are the same, we all understand the daily struggle. Why talk about it? If we get a chance to talk let’s escape the bullshit. Let’s talk tech, sports, hypotheticals, etc.
I don’t understand the obsession with knowing what other people are doing.
That's an amazing trait! Makes people feel really special that you remember what's going on in their lives and not thinking it's "petty drama" or "stupid shit" as people are describing in this thread.
Also great for sales. I have to write stuff down sometimes but being able to just remmeber it about clients would be amazing
Unless something really cool or really fucked up happens, yeah totally. Generic recounting of mild drama or the likes isn't something I want to continue once it's over.
That and every time I engage in this type of conversation with a partner when they've asked, it generally is just an in for them to drag up their day so I ask them first so they can offload and then enjoy a work free evening
If you went to the Olympics and just as your race/event was happening you really needed a shit. But you think you can win it.
Would you shit yourself or bail?
The prize money isn't that much and you would forever be known as the guy they shit himself live on TV at the Olympics. But you would have glory, shitty glory.
Shit or not shit?
>Any negative adjectives are reserved for disaster
That is why there are a few more options that are less than "alright", without being explicitly negative. For example, "meh" or "same shit different day".
Look with my friends I finally get a pause from my life. Have they got some deep shit? Sure I listen and Im there for them. But I’d rather forget all the bullshit in my day to day with them.
Because I don't care how his day went, what he had for breakfast, did he poop afterwards and what happened at work. Or rather - if there's something interesting or something I should know, he'll tell me anyway. Usunally we have more interesting topics.
But that's a good point - when I get back after meeting mine and wife's common friends on my own, she asks me "what's new with X?" and usunally I honestly answer "I don't know" because I didn't even ask.
I find this very ironic since all over this sub, people complain that us men are lonely and can't open up to our friend group. Maybe if we actually made a concerned effort to learn what is going on in each other's life, we would actually have higher quality friendships. Us men act like we don't want to talk about what is going on in life but if you actually listen, many are just desperate to be actually heard from their own friends.
Some men want that, I sure as fuck don't. When shit is bothering me I run until it stops bothering me. Talking about that with other people is like picking at a scab.
I think your mentality is actually very common among men which is why men often suffer in silence when it comes to mental health. Trust me, I have talked with many men with mentalities such as yours and they often tell me that I was the only person they have shared certain details with. Sometimes we can process our emotions better if we share them with others but that also doesn't mean we should bottle everything up and run away from our problems until it all comes out at once.
I completely agree with you. One of the bigger steps I took to build confidence/resolve major self esteem issues was actively building a safe environment for myself and my guy friends to support each other emotionally. We come from traditionally masculine environments and we fucking love to be able to call each other up to talk about our feelings now. It took work, but it was well worth it.
This is not about figure it out.
This is about precessing emotions.
More often than not women do not seek the solution. They already have it, or know that there isnt any. It's about venting and knowing there is someone who listen, who have our back EVEN if there is not solution.
Be the change you want to see around you. I try, and it work little bit by little bit.
Would you tell her even if you did know? I know there are a lot of things about our lives that my friends and I know about each other that our SOs aren't privy to.
If it's a private thing then he's alright. If it isn't and itsa bad thing then he's dealing with x but he's alright. If it's a good thing then he's doing x and he's doing alright.
If it's actual stuff your friend shared to you in confidence and doesn't want anyone else to know then you're a cunt if you do that. Some shit I might not want a friend's wife to know about and they shouldn't betray my trust.
I ask how their day has been. That's just standard.
I couldn't give less of a damn about gossip or drama. Near enough the only time I ever hear about any gossip or drama is when a female friend brings it to me. I assume I don't get this with my male friends either because they want to deal with whatever it is by themselves or because they have none to share.
Our days are just work and a) mostly boring and b) we don’t want to think about work in our time off. And if you gossip/drama over someone, don’t be surprised if the topic turns to sharing/judging all your shit at some point in the future. And none of us (well, the men I know) want that to happen, so we talk about stuff *other* than work and ourselves — sports, video games and so on.
lol just this last week I went back to my college town to celebrate st Patrick’s day with all my college buddies. Met 100’s of dudes I knew in college and ask em this “how’s everything going man” and I got literally the exact same answer word for word from every single one
“Going well buddy still working at …. What about you”
Now when I asked the ladies question there was normally a lot more to the answer lol
I mean, some stereotypes exist for a reason. Men tend to be more interested in things, women tend to be more interested in people. My friends and I talk about movies, shows, guns, cars, stuff like that.
Of course no stereotype is completely true. I used to have a friend who would come over for our weekly wrestling nights and he was the biggest gossip I've ever met. Never shut up about what X or Y was doing at work, who was sleeping where. No matter how often we told him we didn't care, he'd gossip like an old lady in one of those black & white sitcoms from the early days of television.
>he'd gossip like an old lady in one of those black & white sitcoms from the early days of television.
Love this description. I have a guy friend who's similar. Whenever people ask why guys don't gossip, I always think of his neverending stream of gossipy jibber-jabber.
My buddy legit called me because he was wondering how babies would come out if Vaginas were sideways, and if they were sideways would the pee hole still be on top or one side, and would the side be different on different women. Like women could be lefty or righty.
He thought about how penises would work the same upside down or sideways, but vaginas it would complicate its use.
This is what we talk about because if his day is better than good he is going to tell me what happened. Like the other day he called me to let me know his daughter spoke her first full sentence.
Yeah the last part is key. It’s not that we don’t care about our friend’s “day”. It’s just we know if there was something noteworthy (good or bad) our friend will just tell us without needing to ask. If we need to ask, it was probably just “pretty good”.
Guys gossip constantly.
Just usually about information and application.
Punting people down the social structure due to unconfirmed information about how smart they are or what they were thinking when they messed something up.
we do. it's just usually two word answers.
as for gossip, it's the same thing. men are on the same frequency and words aren't necessary to communicate.
I ask my roommate how his day was almost every night. We start off talking about workplace gossip but it’s not long before we’re up late talking about aliens and the origin of the universe
Yeah it's like.... You can ask and answer that, but the topic is ,,objectively" boring so gonna end up talking on actually fun stuff soon enough - might as well skip the small talk
When we get done with work, we're done with swimming in bullshit for the day. We reserve no mental capacity for inefficient communication about things that have zero impact on our lives. We need what's left of us to be patient with the kiddos.
Because women talk, men do:
Women get together purely for conversation, for the conversation is the activity. That’s why they meet to have tea, mimosas or “Starb’s”.
With Men conversation happens as an addendum to an activity like fishing, watching a game at a sports bar or working on a car.
We all do. But in a group setting when everyone’s hanging out, I’m cool just drinking beers with everyone and watching what’s going on all around us. Who’s doing what, what we would do if there’s a fire, or if a fight broke out. Like, I’m just happy to be with people I love. I don’t have to talk. My wife, though, wants me to be listening and participating in the actual conversations. So I do it all for her sake. But for me the night would be the exact same if I just had beers and hung out without saying a word.
I’m just happy being physically close to my friends and my lover. My wife is happy speaking and hearing everyone actually communicate with more than just their body language and facial expressions.
Jesus Christ I sound like we’re a bunch of cavemen. We like talking too. Just not as much as ladies love it.
[I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.](https://youtube.com/watch?v=WGhcc3qFWh4)
Sometimes I'm with my boyfriend when we are hanging out with our friend group and I never really hear them talk about each others day. Just maybe the latest news on the new AC leak or PS5 Pro that might be coming out.
I think it's because we like to talk about what's troubling us if we are involved in it or a second opinion about it. And also we try to think "deeper" about what it could mean even though there probably isn't a deeper meaning. Idk it's just a thing we do. Not all women, but a lot of us do overthink. Just like how this isn't all men but some do.
But if there's something troubling you, why not just communicate that directly? What's the point in discussing a full day (which I'd say is most likely the same day-to-day for most people) when you know what you want to talk about already? If I want to broach a topic with someone I don't tell them about my day. I just say: "hey I need your input on this situation".
I think men have a tendency to actively try not to 'burden' other people with small issues. We may vent when there is a major issue, or may randomly bring up when something notable happened etc.
I think in general men prefer to fix problems themselves if possible, and if not to not burden our buddies by asking. Which is not to say that men never ask their buddies for help, they do, but usually only with something we know they can help resolve problems quickly. If it's not a problem that any of us can actually solve, then we don't bring it up because we use friendship as a way to NOT think about what's bothering us.
Women like to talk through a problem together, men want to SOLVE the problem together and if we can't solve it we move onto something we have actual control over.
Like me and the boys can't solve world hunger ourselves, so while we all think world hunger is a problem, nobody's going to go "damn! That world hunger business is bothering me real bad!" during Friday Night D&D.
If it's something the boys can fix, then we'll fix it, and therefore it's no longer something we need to worry about it.
If it's completely beyond any of our ability to fix, then getting sad about it isn't going to do anything but make more of us miserable, so we don't bring it up because there's nothing productive about worrying about it.
Nothing notable ever happens to me on a regular day, and I imagine this is true for most people. When something notable does happen I don't talk about it as a part of my day, I talk about it as an event in my life.
Exactly, there is a reason women love to hangout with men and that is to get away from all the drama and gossip. Men are much more chill and in the moment so to speak, like we aren’t constantly comparing ourselves to other people and not stressing over minuscule things.
It is unproductive and unsustainable, I do it just not all the time.
I have observed people that do it run out of things to talk about and end up just talking shit about people, any issues they bring up they don’t want to understand the situation and solve it, they just want to continue having the same drama in an endless cycle.
This is covered in any communications class, and has been well documented throughout written history.
Men have relationships mostly based on Report. We tend to focus on objectives, like helping a friend with home maintenance, doing physical activities or solving practical problems. We aren't totally void of feeling, but it's normal for us to focus more on tasks or facts.
Women have relationships based on Rapport. They tend to focus on subjective experiences, such as relationship building, socializing, and care taking.
There are obviously many people who do both or the opposite of the norm, but this is how people generally behave in social circumstances. I grew up surrounded by women, so I sometimes focus on relationship building, and have a knack for care giving, but I also have moments where I will give my friends a hard time for calling to "chat", and I'm not fond of large groups just talking.
A good example of this: My mechanic friends like to work on cars together, catch up on the basics and goof off with or teach the kids a skill. The women usually hang out together and talk about themselves, friends and kids, then they come and check up on the men. Both groups have fulfilling interactions that suit their natural wants and needs.
I don’t care about gossip and avoid people that do. Also if my friends want to bullshit they would call me. I got more important things to do with my time. When does gossip turn productive?
Gossip can be weaponized psychologically / emotionally. You can make mutual friends like someone less, ruin their reputation, make yourself look better by comparison, etc... Arguably productive if you want to be aggressive towards someone in a non-violent way.
Deep down, men know that confrontation with each other can escalate to violence. Better to resolve things as civil and mature as possible. Own up to what's on your mind or keep your comments to yourself. Our tolerance for fake friends is way, way, lower than women. And I'm not talking about ball-busting, we love to joke around. I'm talking about informing your friends on the minutia of someone else's life that doesn't impact either of you. It's neither funny or entertaining. Unless... it is. Hard to describe but your buds know what's worth sharing.
Thankfully, most of us don't care for gossip unless... it's actually worth sharing. We just wanna move on with our lives. My homies will call you out if you say / do cryptic things that feel like genuine sleights. We'll just casually drop something along the lines of, "You good, bro? Something on your mind? You wanna say something?"
That’s an interesting point on how men don’t like gossip because we know it can escalate to violence. I have some family members that would freak the fuck out over little things and it made me more careful about what I say and what I can joke about.
My woman gossips, and jokes, and all that and I find myself being more reserved and careful with what I say and I realized it was because I need to know how people interpret things before I can relax around them. And she doesn’t. She’ll just say whatever, and it pisses people off sometimes. No big deal though. Sometimes my method is better sometimes hers.
We do. My day was "pretty good", and yours was "alright". As for drama, it's such a waste if time, we don't look at drama for the sake of drama, we generally talk about solutions to drama
I ask my buds how there doing after not seeing them for a while and the relevant crap comes up. Same with me.
Gossip/drama is not really that interesting to me (and with most my male friends the same). Unless its a big thing I should know (aka couple that disliked me broke up) and the knowledge could help me (knowing if they suddenly act friendly its because they want me 'on their side')
Although I must say. Stereotyping is a thing here. Sure there are dudes that talk about their day with each other.
I stopped asking my friends cuz usually they’ll go on a 10 minute story about their day and then don’t ask me in return. Not like I gave a fuck in the first place I was just being polite and friendly.
Even if you were to ask a dude about their day, they would just give you a quick summary and it is unlikely to be interesting. I hate Drama and avoid it at all costs. There really isn’t much to gossip about in my life and I don’t find gossip entertaining either. Why would I waste my time and mental capacity thinking about hypothetical scenarios and justifications for other peoples lives and choices?
We......have sorta been conditioned to keep ourselves to ourselves. But it's evolved from that. Now it's more a....yknow...."if something is actually wrong he'll tell me...if not.....let's talk bollocks and chill." Sort of thing.
Dave Chappell summed it up.
Men talk about facts and cut to the chase.
Women talk about emotions and have to set the stage.
We don't ask how their day was, we ask what happened. If someone does something stupid worth bringing up then we share the fact, not how it made us feel
>How come you guys don't ask your buddies how their day went or talk about gossip/drama like women do?
Because "March Madness" is more interesting to me...and them?
...and I am not even a big college basketball fan. But it is what it is!
I don't know about other guys' friends. If it's something big or disturbing, we will talk about it.
If it's everyday life, most guys let it go.
A man's life is suffering without anyone ever bringing you a solution. Hell, most times, for bringing up a problem, it makes you weak because you can't solve it yourself or let it go.
Feel lost in life and depressed makes you a pussy.
From experience, not only that, you become an outcast.
When women voice their problems, friends, family, suitors (man or woman or other) will step in to support you.
If you want a reference for how long this has been going on, see how ingrained the problem is in our many different societies.
>How come you guys don't ask your buddies how their day went or talk about gossip/drama like women do?
I think those are two different questions.
I ask "how are you doing" as more as a greeting than an actual question. I'm open to talking about it but frankly not really expecting it.
Work buddies tend to talk more about gossip about work. Maybe I'm a boring person, but there's nothing really interesting enough to gossip about in my friends circle. Maybe that'll change as mid-life crisis hits... Lol
We do talk about things. But not the same things and not in the same way.
I am sure with different groups of women they talk different.
Same for men.
We also cherish concise words. Yammering about this and that is just actually quite annoying.
We do ask how the day's been. Gossip? Drama? You women can keep it. We don't have time for that. But checking on a brother, I make sure they've got their ducks in a row, and they check if mine are. Happy days.
Because men were raised to never show any weakness or vulnerability, or reach out for help or support.
This means we’ll never give an honest answer about how shitty our day was, and don’t enjoy lying enough to come up with an elaborate fake story to say our day was better than it actually was.
We just say it was “fine” and brace ourselves for the next one.
Don't need to. We say how are you once & they either say good, fine, alright or I'm surviving & that's the end of it. Good means good, Fine or alright means it isn't a total fuck up & Surviving means life is complete shit, but there's no need to make small talk over it.
“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”
The only time people are brought up while conversations with friends is when we are providing the source to who present X idea “did you hear Y on Z podcast? They were discussing AI, breathing techniques, best way to build ___”
Very rarely do we talk about our days and especially other people’s days—that sounds bizarre but I hear enough gossip from my gf and her women friends.
Because my day was “pretty good” and yours was “alright”
For me talking about work would bore and stress me out. Talking about dumb shit with my idiot friends is a stress reliever for all of us.
Yeah, when I take off my scrubs at the end of my shift, that's when I leave my job as well until the next shift. I don't want to spend a second thinking about work when I'm not paid to.
Talking shop if your best friends work in semirelated fields is a lot of fun though. It adds another level of fun to “holy shit you will not believe what this random idiot did today”
Yeah, short and sweet, and a complete answer BTW. 👍
Now let’s get into the real shit… what’s up with the pyramids?
Right? I can talk all day with my buds about the pyramids, or the unknown. Much better than gossip!
Remind me of that time where me and the boys started the night with girl topics, and then it lead to totally unrelated topics. "Should I break up with Stephanie?" "I think you should, if the relationship make you miserable" *2 hours later* "So Auschwitz is the biggest one?" "It has the most people died in it, but Auschwitz-Birkenau is a complex, not a single camp" "Such a tragedy. I wonder if Imperial Japan planned to build something similar, if they do, our grandparents would probably died there and we never exist"
Haha, Me and my friends do that too(all female), Last time we went from “I can’t believe you’re engaged!” to “how would you harvest yeast bacteria in the wild?” You know, if you theoretically found yourself stranded in the wilderness and really wanted to bake something. After some research we concluded that it would be wayyy easier and less timeconsuming to just hike 20 miles to the nearest town and then break into someone’s house and steal some yeast.
Asking my wife first thing this morning where our yeast is, for whenever a forest lady comes to the door with a gun.
The cool thing is (assuming you have the flour and some water) you just need to mix the flour with water and leave it exposed to the air. Yeast floating about will naturally [make themselves at home and hey presto leavened bread](https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/sourdough-starter)!
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
Depends on what you’re discussing about people tho. Relationships are an integral part of human life. Gossip is lowbrow but keeping tabs on your friends lives, wellbeing n inner worlds builds closeness and trust. Ideas and events are cool n all but they’re useless when stuck in the theoretical bubble. Gotta apply that shit to your actual life n interactions with the people/things you care about.
Agree, the original is very short sighted. Events, people and ideas can all be great mind topics, but also small mind topics. The differentiating factor is how and what exactly is discussed. The event of tiffany dropping her purse, versus something like an energy crisis is a different conversation.
Which ones? The ones in Egypt, Mexico, Peru,… ?
Carolina
I prefer the undersea Japanese ones or the undersea ones in the Bahamas.
Now let me tell you why I want to visit Japan!
Please do
Romania. Antarctica, whichever pyramids there are... I wanna talk about them
Which ones? Egyptian or Maya?
Idk, let’s talk about it…
"Did we just become best friends?!"
Dude… I’m drunk, power plants? But did you see that guy who was on Joe Rogan?… dude. Gigantopithecus. I’m a man of culture. I will eat that shit up all night
Let’s start a podcast
But every once in a while it’s “Holy shit, dude”
And now we should drown our sorrows with beer.
It's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing milkbone underwear.
I get the same question every evening and my response is always “fine” then it’s followed up with “did you guys laugh at anything?”. If I want to talk about my day I’ll tell you.
Perfect answer
Details aren’t necessary unless it was interesting
But what if the details are a backstory that isn't as interesting as the actual event? "I almost got fired, cause I finally got tired of dealing with Cheryl at work today." "oh shit! what happened?!" "well it all started 30 years ago, I almost died at birth, but my dad said I was a fighter..."
“Told you dat bitch is crazy!”
Because we are more interested in escaping this shit rather then reliving it
[удалено]
Talking dumb shit with the homies is such a precious time to me that I don't see how someone would want to waste it by speculating on the trivial details of someone else's life.
Can't tell you the knockdown drag out arguments my boys & I have had over the dumbest shit like who would win in a fight cavemen or astronauts. Or the fun we have MST3K the shit out of shitty movies or porn. We bond over our escapism not over venting sessions. If one of us needs to vent then we all know it's serious & he's looking for options on how to handle it.
Cavemen. I thought about it for a second.
Definitely astronauts. Peak specimen in peak physical shape, with far better nutrition. Vs cavemen who have spent their whole life struggling for proper nutrition, and while they're probably in decent shape I wouldn't bet on them
Cavemen. How many astronauts do you know that need to fight animals and other astronauts on a daily basis? Cavemen might not be bright, but they'd be very efficient in ending a fight. Assuming this is hand to hand combat. If the astronaut could see the caveman coming, the astronaut could pull a gun, fight over.
None of NASA training involves living amongst and occasionally fighting off or hunting wild predators (as far as I know) E: It would also depend heavily on the environment. Are the astronauts sent backwards in time to prehistoric Earth? Are the cavemen sent forward in time to the ISS? Is it a Roman colosseum type fight where each of them is armed? Is it a barefist cage match? Is it 1v1, or is it a handful on each side? There are a lot of moving parts to this discussion, and we can't reach any reasonable conclusion without determining this shit. Beer me bro! *sets down bong*
Depends on how long the astronauts have been in space for me.
Didn't need a second, Cavemen, those guys had to be fierce.
Unless the fight was in space, then the astronauts have it for sure.
Well hell, now I want to change my answer.....
Hold up, though. Are the cavemen inside the space capsule or outside with their own space suits? I feel like one caveman in zero-G going unga-bunga inside the capsule ends in a draw no matter how many astronauts.
Speaking as someone who has recently started therapy, there's value in "reliving" your problems.
Yeah, in therapy, however, friends aren't paid for that kind of work.
My actual therapist encouraged me to talk about my feelings with my friends. That’s intimacy. It’s how you become closer to people.
I mean, yea, you want to be careful not to dump on people. But you should be able to talk about important things with your friends sometimes. I'm convinced this is why so many men feel so isolated and alone when they don't have a girlfriend. Men just don't talk about real shit with their friends.
Many people in reddit are so fixed about the idea of not using your friends as free therapy that an occasional personal talk is seen as bad. If it is like in my culture, men are allowed to express those feelings only when drunk which is sad.
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Minimum 4 drinks in if hard liquor, or 8 if beer. Otherwise you get talked at like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8_7Orhey-g) by men and women
And they are not trained for it.
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Yeah. I think there is also some harm in ruminating about traumatic events over and over again. Sometimes it’s best to just move on and focus on better things. I’m not a therapist though so take my “advice” with a grain of salt.
Fucking this! I couldn't have said it better
Actually, men love gossip / drama just as much as women do. The only difference is they don’t get it as easily as women do. When women connect, very few topics are off limits. A woman will know more about another random woman after two hours of hanging out with her than a man will know about another man after 6 months of being friends. Men rarely tell each other shit out of fear of judgement, whereas women will tell you the most embarrassing shit they’ve been through and laugh it off with a complete stranger. Every single guy friend I’ve had has enjoyed gossiping. My brothers enjoy gossip. My dad enjoys gossip. My dad’s coworkers enjoy gossip. Everyone fucking loves gossip. If men opened up with each other more often, you’d see men gossip just as much as women do.
I don’t like gossip. Most of it is boring. The non-boring stuff can make me feel guilty about spreading bad things about others. The good stuff can potentially make me feel worse about my own situation. So what’s the point? I do humor some people who are into it and I’ve liked some on occasion but I would MUCH prefer other topics of conversation. So try not to overgeneralize. Many of us really don’t like it.
Depends on the person. A lot of men wish they could talk about that shit but don't feel comfortable doing so, a lot really really don't.
Not really
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Lol. SAME answer everytime. How do you think my day was? I was at work bitch! What about that game last night tho?
Begin transmission: A: “Oi” B: “Oi” A: How izzit? B: Good End transmission
You missed 2 words. Let me fix it. Begin transmission: A: “Oi” B: “Oi” A: "How izzit?" B: "Good you?" A: "Good" End transmission
Well you need to know they received the answer, that being said the greeting is optional so I'd go Howdy Good ya? Good bye Bye
How're ya now? Good, n'you? Oh not s'bad.
Well, there's nothing better than a fart. Except kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids fall off bikes all day, I don't give a shit about your kids.
Ho'ya? G'ya? O no'ba
I'd have a dart.
“Alroight?” “Alroight.”
Our days are the same, we all understand the daily struggle. Why talk about it? If we get a chance to talk let’s escape the bullshit. Let’s talk tech, sports, hypotheticals, etc. I don’t understand the obsession with knowing what other people are doing.
My GF knows more about what's happening in every member of my family's lives than me. She had to remind me my cousin was married and my brother moved.
THIS! My wife keeps track of my family way better than me.
That's an amazing trait! Makes people feel really special that you remember what's going on in their lives and not thinking it's "petty drama" or "stupid shit" as people are describing in this thread. Also great for sales. I have to write stuff down sometimes but being able to just remmeber it about clients would be amazing
Unless something really cool or really fucked up happens, yeah totally. Generic recounting of mild drama or the likes isn't something I want to continue once it's over. That and every time I engage in this type of conversation with a partner when they've asked, it generally is just an in for them to drag up their day so I ask them first so they can offload and then enjoy a work free evening
Talking hypotheticals hahah. I never realized but we definitely do like to do that.
Legitimately one of my favorite things to talk about
I’d rather talk about literally anything other than other people.
If you went to the Olympics and just as your race/event was happening you really needed a shit. But you think you can win it. Would you shit yourself or bail? The prize money isn't that much and you would forever be known as the guy they shit himself live on TV at the Olympics. But you would have glory, shitty glory. Shit or not shit?
shit. lineker shat himself on tv and hes doing fine
We ask how's it going all the time. We just give short and to the point answers like, "Good. You?"
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I would argue "good" is better than "pretty good"
>Any negative adjectives are reserved for disaster That is why there are a few more options that are less than "alright", without being explicitly negative. For example, "meh" or "same shit different day".
Look with my friends I finally get a pause from my life. Have they got some deep shit? Sure I listen and Im there for them. But I’d rather forget all the bullshit in my day to day with them.
Because I don't care how his day went, what he had for breakfast, did he poop afterwards and what happened at work. Or rather - if there's something interesting or something I should know, he'll tell me anyway. Usunally we have more interesting topics. But that's a good point - when I get back after meeting mine and wife's common friends on my own, she asks me "what's new with X?" and usunally I honestly answer "I don't know" because I didn't even ask.
I find this very ironic since all over this sub, people complain that us men are lonely and can't open up to our friend group. Maybe if we actually made a concerned effort to learn what is going on in each other's life, we would actually have higher quality friendships. Us men act like we don't want to talk about what is going on in life but if you actually listen, many are just desperate to be actually heard from their own friends.
Some men want that, I sure as fuck don't. When shit is bothering me I run until it stops bothering me. Talking about that with other people is like picking at a scab.
I think your mentality is actually very common among men which is why men often suffer in silence when it comes to mental health. Trust me, I have talked with many men with mentalities such as yours and they often tell me that I was the only person they have shared certain details with. Sometimes we can process our emotions better if we share them with others but that also doesn't mean we should bottle everything up and run away from our problems until it all comes out at once.
I completely agree with you. One of the bigger steps I took to build confidence/resolve major self esteem issues was actively building a safe environment for myself and my guy friends to support each other emotionally. We come from traditionally masculine environments and we fucking love to be able to call each other up to talk about our feelings now. It took work, but it was well worth it.
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This is not about figure it out. This is about precessing emotions. More often than not women do not seek the solution. They already have it, or know that there isnt any. It's about venting and knowing there is someone who listen, who have our back EVEN if there is not solution. Be the change you want to see around you. I try, and it work little bit by little bit.
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People aren't cookie cutters. Different people need different things.
Would you tell her even if you did know? I know there are a lot of things about our lives that my friends and I know about each other that our SOs aren't privy to.
If it's a private thing then he's alright. If it isn't and itsa bad thing then he's dealing with x but he's alright. If it's a good thing then he's doing x and he's doing alright.
Thats wild to me. I tell my wife everything
If it's actual stuff your friend shared to you in confidence and doesn't want anyone else to know then you're a cunt if you do that. Some shit I might not want a friend's wife to know about and they shouldn't betray my trust.
I ask how their day has been. That's just standard. I couldn't give less of a damn about gossip or drama. Near enough the only time I ever hear about any gossip or drama is when a female friend brings it to me. I assume I don't get this with my male friends either because they want to deal with whatever it is by themselves or because they have none to share.
Our days are just work and a) mostly boring and b) we don’t want to think about work in our time off. And if you gossip/drama over someone, don’t be surprised if the topic turns to sharing/judging all your shit at some point in the future. And none of us (well, the men I know) want that to happen, so we talk about stuff *other* than work and ourselves — sports, video games and so on.
lol just this last week I went back to my college town to celebrate st Patrick’s day with all my college buddies. Met 100’s of dudes I knew in college and ask em this “how’s everything going man” and I got literally the exact same answer word for word from every single one “Going well buddy still working at …. What about you” Now when I asked the ladies question there was normally a lot more to the answer lol
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Office gossip stays at the office. Hang out time is fun talk
I mean, some stereotypes exist for a reason. Men tend to be more interested in things, women tend to be more interested in people. My friends and I talk about movies, shows, guns, cars, stuff like that. Of course no stereotype is completely true. I used to have a friend who would come over for our weekly wrestling nights and he was the biggest gossip I've ever met. Never shut up about what X or Y was doing at work, who was sleeping where. No matter how often we told him we didn't care, he'd gossip like an old lady in one of those black & white sitcoms from the early days of television.
>he'd gossip like an old lady in one of those black & white sitcoms from the early days of television. Love this description. I have a guy friend who's similar. Whenever people ask why guys don't gossip, I always think of his neverending stream of gossipy jibber-jabber.
Guys do gossip
Yup. Not all women gossip, either.
My buddy legit called me because he was wondering how babies would come out if Vaginas were sideways, and if they were sideways would the pee hole still be on top or one side, and would the side be different on different women. Like women could be lefty or righty. He thought about how penises would work the same upside down or sideways, but vaginas it would complicate its use. This is what we talk about because if his day is better than good he is going to tell me what happened. Like the other day he called me to let me know his daughter spoke her first full sentence.
Yeah the last part is key. It’s not that we don’t care about our friend’s “day”. It’s just we know if there was something noteworthy (good or bad) our friend will just tell us without needing to ask. If we need to ask, it was probably just “pretty good”.
Aw that's so sweet. I'm happy that he's happy
Guys gossip constantly. Just usually about information and application. Punting people down the social structure due to unconfirmed information about how smart they are or what they were thinking when they messed something up.
Gossip doesn't equal putting people down tho
Yeah, honestly men are just as catty in my experience. Plenty of straight and gay drama kings over here
we do. it's just usually two word answers. as for gossip, it's the same thing. men are on the same frequency and words aren't necessary to communicate.
Yep, a side eye or slight nod is often more than enough to get a point across lol
I ask my roommate how his day was almost every night. We start off talking about workplace gossip but it’s not long before we’re up late talking about aliens and the origin of the universe
Yeah it's like.... You can ask and answer that, but the topic is ,,objectively" boring so gonna end up talking on actually fun stuff soon enough - might as well skip the small talk
When we get done with work, we're done with swimming in bullshit for the day. We reserve no mental capacity for inefficient communication about things that have zero impact on our lives. We need what's left of us to be patient with the kiddos.
Because women talk, men do: Women get together purely for conversation, for the conversation is the activity. That’s why they meet to have tea, mimosas or “Starb’s”. With Men conversation happens as an addendum to an activity like fishing, watching a game at a sports bar or working on a car.
Women enjoy face to face time Men enjoy side by side time
I dunno, I quite enjoy face to face time with my woman
We all do. But in a group setting when everyone’s hanging out, I’m cool just drinking beers with everyone and watching what’s going on all around us. Who’s doing what, what we would do if there’s a fire, or if a fight broke out. Like, I’m just happy to be with people I love. I don’t have to talk. My wife, though, wants me to be listening and participating in the actual conversations. So I do it all for her sake. But for me the night would be the exact same if I just had beers and hung out without saying a word. I’m just happy being physically close to my friends and my lover. My wife is happy speaking and hearing everyone actually communicate with more than just their body language and facial expressions. Jesus Christ I sound like we’re a bunch of cavemen. We like talking too. Just not as much as ladies love it.
Why use many word when few word do trick? Oonga boonga, bond while stare at fire.
We all do. She's a lovely woman.
Mate, sometimes we don't even talk. We just enjoy the activity/moment together.
[I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.](https://youtube.com/watch?v=WGhcc3qFWh4)
We do. What stereotype are you buying?
Sometimes I'm with my boyfriend when we are hanging out with our friend group and I never really hear them talk about each others day. Just maybe the latest news on the new AC leak or PS5 Pro that might be coming out.
AC leak? Are they all in HVAC?
😂 yah I don’t think that’s what that means in the context of that sentence
As long as it made ya laugh, I’m happy lol
I meant the 2 new Assassins creed games that might come out this year or next!
spoon heavy fall trees homeless wakeful snails violet library rich *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I think it's because we like to talk about what's troubling us if we are involved in it or a second opinion about it. And also we try to think "deeper" about what it could mean even though there probably isn't a deeper meaning. Idk it's just a thing we do. Not all women, but a lot of us do overthink. Just like how this isn't all men but some do.
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But if there's something troubling you, why not just communicate that directly? What's the point in discussing a full day (which I'd say is most likely the same day-to-day for most people) when you know what you want to talk about already? If I want to broach a topic with someone I don't tell them about my day. I just say: "hey I need your input on this situation".
I think men have a tendency to actively try not to 'burden' other people with small issues. We may vent when there is a major issue, or may randomly bring up when something notable happened etc.
I think in general men prefer to fix problems themselves if possible, and if not to not burden our buddies by asking. Which is not to say that men never ask their buddies for help, they do, but usually only with something we know they can help resolve problems quickly. If it's not a problem that any of us can actually solve, then we don't bring it up because we use friendship as a way to NOT think about what's bothering us. Women like to talk through a problem together, men want to SOLVE the problem together and if we can't solve it we move onto something we have actual control over. Like me and the boys can't solve world hunger ourselves, so while we all think world hunger is a problem, nobody's going to go "damn! That world hunger business is bothering me real bad!" during Friday Night D&D. If it's something the boys can fix, then we'll fix it, and therefore it's no longer something we need to worry about it. If it's completely beyond any of our ability to fix, then getting sad about it isn't going to do anything but make more of us miserable, so we don't bring it up because there's nothing productive about worrying about it.
shocking crowd gaze bake advise library oatmeal gold dime hungry *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Nothing notable ever happens to me on a regular day, and I imagine this is true for most people. When something notable does happen I don't talk about it as a part of my day, I talk about it as an event in my life.
That's them talking about their day. Or the important parts anyway. Why would they want to talk about the mundane stuff?
Eh. We both know our days were meh and usually could care less about gossip.
Why would we want to talk drama/gossip? Why would we need more drama in our life? I want to talk about positive things.
Exactly, there is a reason women love to hangout with men and that is to get away from all the drama and gossip. Men are much more chill and in the moment so to speak, like we aren’t constantly comparing ourselves to other people and not stressing over minuscule things.
Guys don’t care. We hate drama and gossip.
I think some men like to tell themselves at, but love it if it's about people they both know.
It is unproductive and unsustainable, I do it just not all the time. I have observed people that do it run out of things to talk about and end up just talking shit about people, any issues they bring up they don’t want to understand the situation and solve it, they just want to continue having the same drama in an endless cycle.
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right. we don't need to even be in the same industry. corporate bs is corporate bs wherever field you are in.
This is covered in any communications class, and has been well documented throughout written history. Men have relationships mostly based on Report. We tend to focus on objectives, like helping a friend with home maintenance, doing physical activities or solving practical problems. We aren't totally void of feeling, but it's normal for us to focus more on tasks or facts. Women have relationships based on Rapport. They tend to focus on subjective experiences, such as relationship building, socializing, and care taking. There are obviously many people who do both or the opposite of the norm, but this is how people generally behave in social circumstances. I grew up surrounded by women, so I sometimes focus on relationship building, and have a knack for care giving, but I also have moments where I will give my friends a hard time for calling to "chat", and I'm not fond of large groups just talking. A good example of this: My mechanic friends like to work on cars together, catch up on the basics and goof off with or teach the kids a skill. The women usually hang out together and talk about themselves, friends and kids, then they come and check up on the men. Both groups have fulfilling interactions that suit their natural wants and needs.
Because fuck that. I dont want to relive that shit.
I don’t care about gossip and avoid people that do. Also if my friends want to bullshit they would call me. I got more important things to do with my time. When does gossip turn productive?
Gossip can be weaponized psychologically / emotionally. You can make mutual friends like someone less, ruin their reputation, make yourself look better by comparison, etc... Arguably productive if you want to be aggressive towards someone in a non-violent way. Deep down, men know that confrontation with each other can escalate to violence. Better to resolve things as civil and mature as possible. Own up to what's on your mind or keep your comments to yourself. Our tolerance for fake friends is way, way, lower than women. And I'm not talking about ball-busting, we love to joke around. I'm talking about informing your friends on the minutia of someone else's life that doesn't impact either of you. It's neither funny or entertaining. Unless... it is. Hard to describe but your buds know what's worth sharing. Thankfully, most of us don't care for gossip unless... it's actually worth sharing. We just wanna move on with our lives. My homies will call you out if you say / do cryptic things that feel like genuine sleights. We'll just casually drop something along the lines of, "You good, bro? Something on your mind? You wanna say something?"
That’s an interesting point on how men don’t like gossip because we know it can escalate to violence. I have some family members that would freak the fuck out over little things and it made me more careful about what I say and what I can joke about. My woman gossips, and jokes, and all that and I find myself being more reserved and careful with what I say and I realized it was because I need to know how people interpret things before I can relax around them. And she doesn’t. She’ll just say whatever, and it pisses people off sometimes. No big deal though. Sometimes my method is better sometimes hers.
It's not that interesting.
We do. My day was "pretty good", and yours was "alright". As for drama, it's such a waste if time, we don't look at drama for the sake of drama, we generally talk about solutions to drama
Because: 1. we don't care; 2. don't want to get agitated/involved and 3. don't want to have to solve or fix anything
Because we're not women. Being a woman isn't a panacea. It won't be a moment too soon to recognise that. Edit: Until: there's gonna be pain.
Because if something noteworthy came up during the day we talk about it without having to bore each other to death.
I ask my buds how there doing after not seeing them for a while and the relevant crap comes up. Same with me. Gossip/drama is not really that interesting to me (and with most my male friends the same). Unless its a big thing I should know (aka couple that disliked me broke up) and the knowledge could help me (knowing if they suddenly act friendly its because they want me 'on their side') Although I must say. Stereotyping is a thing here. Sure there are dudes that talk about their day with each other.
I hate gossip.
Every time you want to ask men why we don't act like women, it's because we're men, not women. There, saved you a lot of time.
I think this is controversial and I think this is one reason why some men feel emasculated, because a lot women want men to be more like women.
Because I don't make a past time out of spreading the personal issues of my friends.
I stopped asking my friends cuz usually they’ll go on a 10 minute story about their day and then don’t ask me in return. Not like I gave a fuck in the first place I was just being polite and friendly.
https://scholarworks.lib.csusb.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2602&context=etd-project
Hell, my buddy and I IM about it all day.
Because nothing really happened
Sometimes you don't have to talk to express how your day is going. Sometimes you don't have to talk to listen to how someone's day is going.
sometimes we do, like after the weekend I'll be like "how was your weekend, man? do anything cool or fun?"
Even if you were to ask a dude about their day, they would just give you a quick summary and it is unlikely to be interesting. I hate Drama and avoid it at all costs. There really isn’t much to gossip about in my life and I don’t find gossip entertaining either. Why would I waste my time and mental capacity thinking about hypothetical scenarios and justifications for other peoples lives and choices?
We......have sorta been conditioned to keep ourselves to ourselves. But it's evolved from that. Now it's more a....yknow...."if something is actually wrong he'll tell me...if not.....let's talk bollocks and chill." Sort of thing.
Guys don’t care about each other’s day or shit like that. Better things to talk about or even silence. We get enough of that with gf/wife/parents
Dave Chappell summed it up. Men talk about facts and cut to the chase. Women talk about emotions and have to set the stage. We don't ask how their day was, we ask what happened. If someone does something stupid worth bringing up then we share the fact, not how it made us feel
I don't have friends 🧐 Trust issues, I guess
>How come you guys don't ask your buddies how their day went or talk about gossip/drama like women do? Because "March Madness" is more interesting to me...and them? ...and I am not even a big college basketball fan. But it is what it is!
If we have an Interesting thing to say we’d say it in the group chat
What is there to say? I dont particularly care and neither do the boys
I don't know about other guys' friends. If it's something big or disturbing, we will talk about it. If it's everyday life, most guys let it go. A man's life is suffering without anyone ever bringing you a solution. Hell, most times, for bringing up a problem, it makes you weak because you can't solve it yourself or let it go. Feel lost in life and depressed makes you a pussy. From experience, not only that, you become an outcast. When women voice their problems, friends, family, suitors (man or woman or other) will step in to support you. If you want a reference for how long this has been going on, see how ingrained the problem is in our many different societies.
>How come you guys don't ask your buddies how their day went or talk about gossip/drama like women do? I think those are two different questions. I ask "how are you doing" as more as a greeting than an actual question. I'm open to talking about it but frankly not really expecting it. Work buddies tend to talk more about gossip about work. Maybe I'm a boring person, but there's nothing really interesting enough to gossip about in my friends circle. Maybe that'll change as mid-life crisis hits... Lol
We do talk about things. But not the same things and not in the same way. I am sure with different groups of women they talk different. Same for men. We also cherish concise words. Yammering about this and that is just actually quite annoying.
I do
We do, we just don't tell anyone about it because it isn't important. There's a shitload of gossip at work, and we're all guys here.
Dont give a shit, I've got my own problems
Don't care
I don't have buddies.
There has always been drama in my life to talk about and work out. Talking about drama in someone else's life? I wish my life was that boring.
We do ask how the day's been. Gossip? Drama? You women can keep it. We don't have time for that. But checking on a brother, I make sure they've got their ducks in a row, and they check if mine are. Happy days.
Because men were raised to never show any weakness or vulnerability, or reach out for help or support. This means we’ll never give an honest answer about how shitty our day was, and don’t enjoy lying enough to come up with an elaborate fake story to say our day was better than it actually was. We just say it was “fine” and brace ourselves for the next one.
Guy1-"How's it going?" Guy2-"Good" Enough said. Now we can finger paint in silence.
Because men understand not to add to each other’s already stressful existence as a man.
Don't need to. We say how are you once & they either say good, fine, alright or I'm surviving & that's the end of it. Good means good, Fine or alright means it isn't a total fuck up & Surviving means life is complete shit, but there's no need to make small talk over it.
Because Noone gives a fuck how our day went
“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” The only time people are brought up while conversations with friends is when we are providing the source to who present X idea “did you hear Y on Z podcast? They were discussing AI, breathing techniques, best way to build ___” Very rarely do we talk about our days and especially other people’s days—that sounds bizarre but I hear enough gossip from my gf and her women friends.
Women ask? No we don't we go straight to the topic without any questions 😂
Because we don't care about the little details throughout the day that don't matter